Hoda is Out, Lana Del Dufrene is In: Friday, September 27th, 2024
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Good morning, Millennials. Welcome back to the toast. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, to be remote on a Friday with our butt pillows. Okay, literally on my way to work, not me being so excited like, oh my God, I'm finally going to be reunited with my butt pillow. I need more. I got one for the car, one for my studio. Like the places I sit most, you know where I need one now?

Your purse? Literally. No, I need one in my makeup chair. Like I sit there for hours, like touching my face and stuff. No, my jaunt to New York was so bad for whatever issue I have, which I think is sciatica. Like the plane rides, painful. The recording of two episodes back to back, like genuinely, I couldn't, I could not function. Sitting at a dinner, like it was the most painful bout of life.

What is it called? When I say sciatica. Psoriasis. I've ever had. And people have told me like what I should do for what I have, which is like pelvic floor stretches. No, that's what they say to me, Jax. What's the one like position four or something? I don't know. They tell me to do pelvic floor for my coccididia. They told me like actual stretches I should do. And the one time I like went to do it, I was like, oh, I could see how that would help. And I'm going to get serious about remedying this because it was...

unbearable and it was hindering like just my life and that's when things become an issue. Isn't it crazy that we both are having this these totally separate unrelated tushy issues? We are so simpatico. I feel like you're having like sympathy pains for my coccydynia. No it's not my coccyx. It's not like that's how I know. I know but the general regions are the same. Like what are the odds? I think it's because probably we sit for a living. Like we're experiencing a

- Right. We need workers comp. - We don't have workers comp. We don't have it. - But what we do have is a live show. December 8th in Hollywood, Florida. Tickets went on sale mere minutes ago. Go get them. If you go to thetoastpodcast.com/tour, the link is right there. Jackie and I decided to do one more live show this year. And the date that was offered to us was December 8th. And we said, yes, we're gonna do it.

We're going to do it as a holiday extravaganza. So there'll be lots of fun things in store if you haven't been to a live show and you live in the general area. We can't wait to see you. Also, if you live in the general area, I hope you're okay. Yeah, well, if you live in the general area of Hollywood, Florida, like we're on the east coast of Florida, so we are okay. It's really the west coast of Florida that's getting hit. And so sending love to the Floridian Toasters. Literally.

thinking of like it's really wild I was very grateful to make it home yesterday on time it's it's a big hurricane coming through so just everyone who's hunkered down like stay hunkered stay safe I thought for sure you would be on your way back to my apartment when you left I'm like she's being so chill like she's obviously not gonna land they're not even gonna take off then she takes off I'm like oh you know that bitch is getting divine diverted I thought I might get diverted too and then she texted landed

We landed grateful, but yeah, crazy week for Florida plus the jizz, no news. Also, we chose to do a show in December because December is really the best month down here. Like the weather is fantastic, right? When it's getting bad everywhere else. So like make a trip of it.

Text your friends, make a plan, grab a snack, get your tickets, bring an umbrella. And I was ideating about things we could do, you know, to commemorate the holidays during the show, to commemorate the fact that it's, you know, your hometown show and it's Florida. And I thought of a segment and I need to reach out to our friends over at State Farm because they need to sponsor the segment. Ready? The segment is... Like a Good Neighbor. Correct. And I invite your group of neighbors onto the stage and I sort of just like yell at them the whole time and I tell them to scram.

Like a good neighbor, your neighbor's sister is here to yell at you. Like a good neighbor, you're never going to be able to talk to my sister ever again after the show. What do you think about that? And obviously, that doesn't include Randy. Like a live roasting of my neighbors? I don't think so. I love thy neighbor. I want to protect thy neighbor. Yeah, from the big bad. From my irate sister. Just an idea. We have to start brainstorming new ideas, and we'll make a doc and put all of our good ideas. And that's sort of what I'm bringing to the table for the brainstorming sesh.

No, I've definitely taken State Farm's slogan to heart. And it's made me think about being neighborly. And that's why it's such a great partner for us. And by the way, they are not a sponsor of today's show. This is not like a sponsored segment. Just me ideating.

We love ideation. Honestly, we could ideate for days about the Gizmo Holiday Spectacular. There's so much to be done on that stage. Like it might be a 12 hour show. I know. I think I need to get like tap shoes. Oh yeah. I was literally just thinking tap shoes. We have to tap. Like I can't explain why. It's giving tap shoes. I can't explain why, but just the vibes are tap shoes. That is the vibe, period. Correct.

I'm glad we're on the same page about vibes. I'm glad to be here with you and our pillows. We have a great show today. There are actually like a lot of stories. There are a lot of tear-tooth stories. Like, you know, a lot that could have made the cut, a lot that didn't, a lot that did. And I know we have this sort of like, not policy, but preference when it comes to speaking about celebrity deaths. Especially ones that like aren't surprising. You know, old people pass and it's...

It's, you know, a part of life. However, some celebrities like mean more to us than other celebrities. So Dame Maggie Smith has passed away. Now it's not a story because like there's not that much to say other than like,

Rest in peace, absolute queen, literal queen. Dowager. Dowager, countess, we love you. But I did hope that we would mention it at the top of the show. And of course, for the Harry Potter fans, she means a lot to them. However, for the Downton Swirleys, she means a lot to us. That's why I brought it up. I figured maybe you didn't choose it as a story because it does go against everything we believe in. Even though she is the exception, she's not the rule. If there had been a lack of stories, I would have chose it because I...

I do feel like she could have snuck her way in, but there was plenty of stories. So I was like, we'll bring her up at a later date. And like when we're talking about celebrity jets, like we're not talking about Maggie Smith, but I wasn't sure if you had chosen it. So I just, I'm glad we're bringing it up because I have one thing to say. First of all, I'm devastated. And like, there really isn't like anything to say, but rip, you know? Yeah. Actually for this one, I would give it a rest in peace. Like truly. As would I. All capital letters. So.

At peace, please. After all the good work. And it's so funny how everyone's connection to the dame is so different. I think a lot of people... Who does she even play in Harry Potter? Like one of the teachers, right? I think so. She's Dowager through and through. And I do... You know, the third movie...

was in production. Like, there's a chance she's in it. They definitely, at the end of the second movie, like, they don't... They said goodbye. They say goodbye. She doesn't die. That's not like a spoiler. But it sets the scene so that if she doesn't return for the third, it makes complete sense. Yeah. But I do remember a couple of months ago reading that it was in production. I'm sure we could look at the credits. And if the fucking writer's strike delayed it and we, like... Missed Maggie Smith because of them? Sagafsha? Well, more so because of the studios. Like, disgraceful.

sag astra it's just what like i'm thinking about i'm gonna put out positive vibes me too love you maggie smith queen for life yeah countess for life but you know i'm sure she played the queen in something some queen at some time of something why wasn't maggie smith in the crown like that's literally like what she should have been in i feel like she was like too close to downton

You know, and they were like airing around the same time. And it's like, it's a little bit confusing. Not only that, actually, that was like a dumb thing for me to say. She's was made like she was given her Dame is like a title, right? She was like low key friends with Lilibet, you know, like she couldn't be playing her. That's her friend. And by the time they got to older Queen Elizabeth, I think she was retiring. Yeah. You know, that was when they hit us with this. The farewell to Dowager. You know, tell me if you feel this call.

The UK is to Maggie Smith. No, no. Maggie Smith is to the UK what June Squibb is to the States. I don't know who June Squibb is. Oh my God. You don't know who June Squibb is? Google a picture. You know who June Squibb is. Like she's the cutest little old lady. She's like our Maggie Smith. National treasure. Must be protected at all costs. Like in iconic things. Doesn't take herself too seriously. She's so adorable. You don't know June?

I recognize her face. She's really cute. And I don't think it's the same. Like, I think Betty White was to the U.S. Oh, yeah. But Maggie Smith was to the U.K. Yeah, that's true. And potentially Ireland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a better comparison. Okay. Yeah. Maggie Squibb is like in kind of like random movies. Maggie Squibb? Maggie Squibb. Oh, my God. She was in our favorite movie, Who Be Halloween? Yeah.

I've literally never heard of that movie. It's that Adam Sandler Halloween movie. It's like truly horrible on Netflix. So it's not our favorite movie. You were using it as like a joke. Our favorite, least favorite movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was in that movie Table 19 with Anna Kendrick. Your favorite movie. You reference that movie once a quarter. Not once a quarter. Maybe once a year because it was like a bad movie, but a really good concept. Yeah, yeah. Like they almost had it. Yeah.

Yeah, it was about like the table of losers at a wedding. Like one's the ex, one is like they're all just like random. They're put together and they go through this journey together. I love that. Yeah. Maggie Squibb. Maggie Squibb. We also have obviously great stories. We have Queenie and Weenie of the Week. Also, let's talk about that kind of a scandal going on within our community. The lack of deer toasters this week. And let me just say scandal has struck. Scandal has struck.

We were like, I didn't do Wednesday because me and Ben had so much catching up to do. And like, I love just like a regular Ben episode. And when I'm doing episodes with guest co-hosts, I have to do the ads. I have to do the stories. It's like a lot on my iPad. And I was like, you know what? I'll save it. And then Jax and I were podcasting for Thursday's episode. It just didn't feel right. So for the first time, I think literally ever, we just skipped Deer Toasters this week. And you know what? I appreciate everyone's patience. And the Deer Toasters community has been really respectful. And we'll be back next week. Just keep that in mind. So I hope like whatever news you're waiting on, like end today.

it can wait. You know, it's not a pressing situation. Hopefully none of the situations were urgent. They're urgent. Yeah. Praying. So I feel like with that said, we can jump in. Like there's so much to discuss.

Yeah, there is a lot to discuss. So now without further ado, here are the Fast Five stories that you need to know. And the Fast Five stories that you need to know are brought to you by ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. You know that our pets, Romeo and Bruno, like literally mean the world to us. They are everything. They're the cornerstone of our families, of our businesses. Like we would be, you know, nothing without them.

And when you have a pet, you love taking care of them because in their own way, they take care of you. But even the best pet, best parent, even the best pets, oh my God. Even if you are the best pet parent in the world, unpredictable things can happen. And fortunately, you can always give your care a boost with ASPCA Pet Health Insurance.

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It's really simple. Use their app to submit a claim. You'll receive a reimbursement for eligible vet bills directly into your bank account. Also, let me just say, Theo, the love of my life, I did not have pet health insurance, which was kind of crazy. And then things turned out the way that they did, sadly. And that was really unfortunate to not have insurance. And the first thing I did, I think actually before I even picked Romeo up from the breeder, was get him pet health insurance. It's super important, especially if you're kind of an overbearing pet mom like I am. So...

Yeah, that's right.

It's a perfect time to get started with a new fitness routine or go back to an old one that may have fallen by the wayside in the last few months. But just because the lazy days of summer are gone, that doesn't mean that our busy schedules have slowed us down enough that we can't make it to the gym, that we can make it to the gym. Excuse me. That's why we love Alamoves. I'm such a big fan of virtual fitness. And there was a time in my life where like, if you said to me like in two years time, you will love virtual fitness. I would seriously be like, what are you talking about?

Let me tell you, as like a business owner, a pet mom, a wife, a sister, like I am busy. The ability to work out in your home is amazing. Also, if you have like a gym in your building, which I do, sometimes you can walk into a gym and you're like, what the hell am I supposed to do here? Having the Alla Moves app is so helpful. So Alla Moves is the health and wellness app that keeps us updated with our wellness routine wherever we are.

So whether you've got a full hour to work out, just five minutes, Outlaw Moves has a class to fit your schedule. There's yoga, Pilates, strength workouts, from beginning to advanced, starting a guided program or trying a new type of workout, or just to stay on track with what you're already doing from wherever you are. It's more than just fitness. There are also meditations, sound baths, nutrition tips, self-care tutorials, and so much more. It's no surprise that Outlaw Moves is such an award-winning app. It goes with you wherever you are. If you travel a lot for work and like you're in a hotel gym, sometimes it's just like, what do I do here? I have 30 minutes.

I love Allo Moves. I also love that they have all different types of classes because like I'm not really a Pilates girl, but they have so many different types of classes. You're going to find something you like. Also, they have a bunch of different length classes, which is good. So go to allomoves.com. Use our code TOAST for an exclusive 30-day free trial plus 20% off an annual membership. That's allomoves.com slash toast.

Code TOAST for a 30-day free trial and 20% off an annual membership. Allomooves.com, code TOAST. Today's episode is also brought to you by Dr. Teal's, a cornerstone of Toastyhood, if you will. Now, let me say this. I'm so glad Dr. Teal's has been a sponsor recently. I literally use them last night. Every time I use them, I feel so authentic because I'm on here just nonstop talking about Dr. Teal's, how they've changed the game. I'm a Dr. Teal's user back in the day. So if you don't know what Dr. Teal's is, it is the, in my opinion, the best...

brand when it comes to bath time. I'm a bath connoisseur. I've been taking baths for years. I like the best of the best. And Dr. Teal's is different. If you want to relax, if you want to use your bath to recover, Dr. Teal's is perfect for you and they definitely have a product for you. So they have amazing Epsom salts, foaming bath, body wash, and they come in amazing flavors, scents, and they also, um,

are made with magnesium, essential oils, and that's just so... There's so many good benefits. I love magnesium. We take it every night before bed. So many good benefits. And so it's different. You're like, why is it... You'll feel the difference. You really will. The ingredients are so high quality and so supreme. The scents are amazing. I love the lavender one. It's meant to unwind you before sleep. So I take baths like...

Pretty much every day. Usually after a workout, I'll take a hot bath to recover, and I really don't like being sore. If I can't sleep, I'll take a bath, and so that lavender scent just sends me right to bed. You will truly love it from first bath, and you can find Dr. Teal's at Walmart or any major retailer near you. Dr. T-E-A-L apostrophe S at Walmart or any retailer near you. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you, Tert Taylor near me.

Retailer near you. You're the turt-tailer near me. Oh, so you were listening. I literally threw to you a couple of times. You were on your phone. Who are you talking to? Your neighbors? On my phone. I'm on my iPad. I was...

the story, we had to reorg because as we said, there were a lot of stories. So I pared it down to the fast five so that we could be true to our name. Oh, I want to say one thing really quick about Dame Maggie Smith. This was the first time, you know, I have this very complicated relationship with People Magazine notifications on my phone. I have a complicated relationship with your complicated relationship with People Magazine. I have to say I have turned them off and somehow I still get them because I liked the idea of like getting breaking news that I found interesting like People Magazine and

the way they just abuse the privilege, they never, if there was anything actually breaking happen, I found out before. And the only time they would like bother me would be like, this vacuum's on sale. Like fuck off. Today I found out about Maggie Smith from a People Magazine notification. And I found out from you, I think. So therefore I found out from People Magazine. So like literally for the first time ever, like three years ago, I turned on my People Magazine notifications. I have now successfully used it.

Has it been worth it? No. Except I feel like I got so much fodder for the podcast. I talk about my People Magazine notifications all the time. It's true. Our first story, major, major morning show news. Hoda Kotb announces she is leaving the Today Show after 17 years to focus on her kids.

So Hoda is bidding farewell to the Today Show after 17 years. She wrote a letter to the staff of NBC that she shared on Thursday saying, as I write this, my heart is all over the map. I know I'm making the right decision, but it's a painful one. And you are all the reason why. They say two things can be right at the same time. Oh my God, is she holding space? She is. She's feeling that so deeply right now. I love you.

And it's time for me to leave the show. She explained her reasoning, adding in part that, quote, my broadcast career has been beyond meaningful. A new decade of my life lies ahead. And now my daughters and my mom need and deserve a bigger slice of my time pie. I miss you all desperately, but I'm ready and excited. She'll stay in her current role until the beginning of 2025. But she won't be absent from the network entirely after the new year. She'll remain on in some capacity writing happily and gratefully. I plan to remain a part of the NBC family, the longest work relationship I've been lucky enough to hold close to my heart.

It's just hard for me to imagine anyone would walk away from this job, right? It's literally the dream job. And nobody gets to be Hoda, right? And when you think about celebrities who are universally beloved, Hoda is up there with the greats, you know? She's a part of people's lives. People love her so much. She's in New York City. Whenever there's a New York City event, she's the most famous person in the city. She goes to everything.

So it's hard for me to even picture someone walking away from this job. Like, what are you doing? It's literally a million girls would dream, a million girls would die for that job. Yeah. When I first heard the news, it was really shocking. She's such a core tenant of the Today Show. It's like, how do you adjust? But now when thinking about it, I'm feeling a lot of things. Like,

One, I feel like she is ready to graduate to icon status. Yeah. Where she does one 10-pull interview every once in a while. She's like the go-to. And I feel like you can't be that legacy person, like that sort of Oprah or whatever, when you're on TV every day and that accessible. I think she's actually graduating, and it does make sense. And I really...

do admire her choice to spend more time with her family. I think that's a really hard choice to make when you've achieved such greatness, but maybe like,

This is what happens when you achieve your, when you accomplish what you want to accomplish professionally. And it's like, well, now I want to do that at home. I know she said like, she's very open about the fact that like she chose to have kids much later in life. And now like what a privilege to have achieved success financially too, to be able to like not work and be able to be at home with your kids at an age where like most people aren't, most people are still like hustling. So that's a really good call. I do like what you said about like icon status, although I do feel like it's a very, it's

Touchy time. Like, it reminds me a lot of Meredith Vieira. Like, Meredith was on her way to icon status. She left that show she was on. She got her own show, Meredith. Flopped. Where in the world is Meredith Vieira? Right, but that's not this. Because it's not like she's starting her own show that if it flops, like, she takes a bunch of steps backwards. Like, she's kind of sitting pretty right now. Right now. Right now. And if she doesn't do something...

next like taking a chance like that just coming back to maybe interview maybe coming back for the Olympics like she'll go on to be like just a very A-list interviewer and host like like Oprah like Oprah it would be weird if Oprah was on TV every day still it's like you're too good for that why are you working so hard no it's true it's kind of I'm trying to think of like NBC like women on NBC who have done something similar almost like Katie Couric

She left, but like is still one of the premier interview icons of our time. Like very Barbara Walters. A thought leader in the space. You want her on your panel. You want her in your commercial. Yep. She's like a business woman, CEO, CEO. But like doing a morning show every day is so much work. And I do think when you are so successful and you have a family, you're like, I want to work less and I can work less. Why am I working this hard right now? Like I'm ready to...

graduate from this program into the working less program. No, and I don't know what, I was like so surprised when I heard this. Although if you just look at it, you're in the same job for 17 years. She's on her second co-host. Like Kathy brought her in and then Kathy left. She brought Jenna in. That's how it works. Like one after the other. So it's like not surprising. It makes total, total sense.

- But I was shocked. - It's still shocking because she was like literally a queen of the week last week. She is so relevant. It didn't feel like this, we were at the end, it felt like we were in the middle.

But that's just our perception. But I do think it also takes a big person to go out on top and not wait until they're kind of pushed out the door. I think that's one of the hardest parts of like one of these jobs is like knowing when to go. And it's always, of course, better to go too early than too late. This does feel early. Like it does. But I also totally get it. Now, of course, who's next? That is a great question. So it's someone who's going to be sat with Jenna Bush Hager. Now, of course, the sister in me is like, grab your sis. I thought the same.

Okay, so that's my choice. There are like, there's a lot of speculation if you're interested. I am because I don't, I'm not familiar with like the NBC talent and interesting that she obviously signed another NBC contract just like in a totally different capacity, right? Yes, yes. So here are some names that People Magazine is floating.

Craig Melvin. Now I do think this job is for the girls. So I'm going to skip that. Oh my God. Can we have one thing? It's literally like the girly hour of GMA. Fuck off. Yeah. They also said Willie Geist again. Oh my God. Fuck off.

Shanille Jones. She joined the program in 2014. I know her. As part of the weekend today before she was named the third co-host, the co-host of the third hour. Yeah, she's Queenie. She's Queenie. I like that. Yeah. Katie Turr. She's a broadcast correspondent for NBC News and MSNBC where she has hosted Katie Turr reports since 2021. The thing is about this GMA third hour program

is that, or whatever hour Hoda and Jenna is, it's like this really special hour. Like it's joyful. It's like local news. It's apolitical. It's celebrity. That's where like a lot of celebrities choose to do their press and interview with Hoda. Like,

So I think somebody with that background, like coming in with like a big background in like political reporting, it's not the vibe. Like this is supposed to be fun. I feel like someone like that also doesn't want to do this job. It's very morning glory. And that's where our expertise comes in because like Harrison Ford doesn't want to be making frittatas on live television. Correct. We need someone who wants to. And using the word frittata.

Fluffy. Correct. We need someone with the desire, with the appreciation for what this hour is and not trying to make it into something it's not. Yeah. So then there's Stephanie Rule. She's a senior business analyst and hosts MSNBC's The 11th Hour with Stephanie Rule. So like could she unbutton? I don't know. I don't know. I feel like the slate of NBC talent that you're listing and like people we know who are associated with NBC and the Today Show, like

No one's to me the obvious choice. Was Jenna Bush an NBC like employee? Did she have a contract or did they just pull her out of thin air? I don't know, but I don't think they pulled her out of thin air. It's too big of a job. And then another name that's solid is Laura Jarrett. She's been a co-anchor for Saturday Today since 2023. So like a weekend energy. That's good. Translate.

I do think that them picking from like the women of NBC, like makes sense, but they also at today, like test a lot of co-hosts like Justin Sylvester. Is it going to be Justin Sylvester? When I said this was a job for the girls, I wasn't talking like, I wasn't excluding Justin Sylvester. Actually, that's a really good point. He guest hosts a lot. I feel like he's probably one of their top substitutes. I actually think he's probably on the short list for this job. Oh,

Oh my God. That's so exciting. It's his to lose or turn down. I don't know if everybody would want this job. As we said, like it's early mornings, but he's used to that. No, I think Justin, whenever he comes to New York to do Hoda, like I usually have like lunch with him. He loves it. And I know he would love to live in New York. I think if they offered him the job, it would be no question. It's just, will they offer him the job? If it's not going to be the sister, no.

My vote is Justin Sylvester, period. And the thing, because I always, I don't watch Jenna and Hoda, but I follow them on TikTok, so I literally see almost every day what they do. They cry on the show pretty much every single day about something, because they're both, like, they're both mothers. They're both just, like, very, not emotional, that's not the right word, but they feel things, you know, and they're expressive with the emotions. It's actually really sweet. And it's become this, and I hate to use this word, but...

And I mean it in not a corny way. It's like a very safe space, the show. They just talk about like womanly things and like they're not afraid to cry. Like they literally cry every episode. Someone's always crying. And they talk so much about their kids. And so I just need someone who's like, who's okay with that. Someone who's going to embrace. And I don't know, some of these business analysts, I can't see them crying. Sorry. And I don't want to see them crying. No.

Not in the slightest. Tell me if you feel this call. Like, Jenna Bush Hager is Kelly Clarkson. I love it. Like, it's the same energy. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. They are of the same elk. 1,000%. Now, I thought you were going to say Jenna Bush Hager is X because for so long, like, Jenna Bush Hager has reminded me of someone. Now, it's not Kelly Clarkson, but even though I think that's a good call. Like, who is Jenna Bush Hager? Like, she reminds me so much of someone.

I'm on my way. - And it might be someone in my personal life, but I've always felt this like warmth towards her. Like when she sat down in that chair for the first time, I didn't even really know her besides the fact that she was the first daughter, but I immediately liked her because she had that welcoming spirit. Maybe it's just, you know what it is? Oh, I figured it out. She doesn't remind me of anyone.

Like specifically. She just has that same energy that she was like a librarian at my school. You know? She has that. And especially she loves books. She gives librarians. And she loves books. Yeah. She gives librarians. No, she definitely has like a friendly face. Like if someone like her. Like I don't think biology would make someone who looks like her like a bitch. You know what I mean? Watch. She's like a nightmare off camera.

No, although like... Be kind. Let me ask you a question. If they cast her sister, would that, do you feel like, threaten our position in media at all? It would be bad for us because I do think something that we sort of lord over everyone is like, we're the best sister duo to do it. We are. We are.

And then we would have competition. Now, rising tides raise all shies because then say, then say like, oh, we loved, they had the sisters and they loved having sisters and then they quit and they want that sisterly energy. Like then it's us. Right. Even though like we don't, we wouldn't want that job, but. I would. You would? Do you know how much you get paid? Oh no, I don't. A lot. Those NBC contracts? Maybe not the first year, but like.

Okay. So then it's good for us. That's like, what's her, like, Rhoda's retiring. Unless they do terribly and they're like, we would never hire sisters again. Yeah, right, right, right. I also think that Or it's like, they're such a great sister duo that every other network wants a sister duo. That would be really good for us. I think it will never happen. I think Lauren Bush is like, super private.

That Lauren Bush or the other Lauren Bush or the Lauren Lauren? Okay, don't, I actually, I don't know who Jenna Bush. By the way, I don't even know, I don't know who Jenna's sister is. I just know her name is Lauren. Are you telling me it's not Lauren Lauren? It's not Lauren Lauren. Oh, because I was saying that Lauren Lauren is really private. Lauren, Laura Bush's daughter. Oh, Laura.

Let me go back to my Jenna Bush. I should just have a tab on Jenna Bush Hager open at all times. It's so true. I should have it. Barbara is her sister, Jackie. Barbara. Yeah. Barbara is her sister. She is like nonprofit girly. She works for the Global Health Corps. Oh, my God. They're twins. They have Jackie. They have that on us. The twins. They do. But I think that we could we could compete. But that's really beautiful. Twins together in utero. And her man's name is Craig Coyne.

Craig Coyne. She's very. We've done this before. Yeah. She's just very philanthropic. Like Human Rights Council. Global Shmobo. And they have two children. This would be good for her philanthropy if she was on the Today Show. She's extremely beautiful. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, I'm kind of obsessed. I ship. I ship. I also look forward to a swift announcement of who will be replacing. Oh, don't jeopardy us. Don't make a meal out of this. Get us while we're excited. Okay. Don't do like a week of not a week, like six months of like fake co-hosts to the point where we actually don't care anymore. Who did they end up using at Jeopardy?

Ken Jennings. Oh, right. Who they should have used on day one. And they probably did. But he had one old tweet about someone in a wheelchair. And like it was unacceptable. Yeah. Also, don't wait until like the last minute to tell us when we've forgotten about how excited we were. Yeah. And it would be fun to announce the co-host. Maybe have her come a couple of times. Like Kiki with Hoda too. Or him. Justin. Maybe have her or Justin come. Like Justin is the only acceptable man. He's the only choice.

Well, no, if they're going to do a woman, fine. But if they're going to do a man, it has to be Justin. Sorry, he's the only acceptable choice for a man. Like Willie Geist, enough. By the way, I personally have had enough of Willie Geist. Anyone else? Anyone else? I don't get that much of him. Oh my God. When I was an intern, like for this, I was an intern in college and it was like this celebrity interview stop where like a lot of people would stop by and like Willie Geist was always stopping by. And he was so handsome and so nice. But it's just like, I've been like...

- He's too available. - Involved with Willie Geist. - He's too available. - Since 2013, like go away. - Understood. Okay, so we'll keep you posted because you know that is just like our favorite. That's one of our passions. - Casting news in the morning show. - And hosting news.

Are you ready for our next story? I just want to say they should give Diane Keaton the job. Continue. I think they should give Harrison Ford the job and they should have Rachel McAdams produce. That's all I'm saying. And what about Diane Keaton? She's out of a job. She put that show on her back. She's the Hoda in this case. No, because she will never leave. Diane Keaton would actually be really good at that. She has like personality coming out of her pores. Agreed. And celebrities love her. That's the thing. Like, you know who else would be good? June Quibb. Squibb. Are you okay? Maggie Quibb.

I genuinely don't know who that is. I can't believe you host a pop culture show. I'm actually cracking up that like you said it like so matter of factly, like as if you were saying Abraham Lincoln. Everybody knows who this is. The fact that you host a pop culture show and you don't know June Squibb, like it's crazy. Please sound off in the comments like if that was a name I should know. Yeah. Our next story is some news that's taking a corner of the internet by storm.

Let me think. Oh, is it Jeremy Allen White's new girlfriend? It's Jeremy Allen White's new girlfriend. He was spotted house hunting with his bear co-star Molly Gordon before kissing photos. Now, if you don't,

Watch the bear. Like this story. Seriously means nothing to you. No. I don't watch a bear. And it means a lot to me. I'll tell you why. If you are a Rosalia fan. It means something to you. And if you're a bear fan. It means everything to you. Because. Not only were Jeremy Allen White. And his bear co-star. Malin Gordon. Caught kissing. Locking lips. On Wednesday. But. They were also photographed. Last Friday. Like leaving an open house. Together. Yeah. So.

So Molly Gordon, for those who don't know, she came into my view as a part of Ben Platt's crew. I think they went to summer camp together. You know he has that crew of theater people, Jewish kids. That's his crew. I don't know.

And the, I don't really care that Jeremy Allen White is dating her. Like, interesting. Love that for her. To me, it gives me an opportunity to talk about like a rabbit hole. I went down a couple of weeks ago where apparently Ben Platt and Molly Gordon are no longer friends. Like, is anyone else following this? She wasn't at his wedding. What does it mean? I,

I am being introduced to Molly Gordon for the first time today. - And let me tell you my conspiracy theory about-- - Yeah, she was in that movie Theater Camp. - Right, let me tell you my conspiracy theory about her relationship with Ben Platt, 'cause I feel like I know Ben Platt. I feel like he's like an actual nightmare diva. That's just a vibe that I get. I don't have any proof of that. Although people have said that their celebrity interactions with him have not been good. He won't take pictures with you.

And I feel like he had this like sort of ensemble of like, whenever he would do a project, he would like throw in his like theater friends, Molly Gordon. And he was always like the star and he had these like ensemble characters who he would like throw a bone to. And then Molly Gordon starts to like pop off. You know, she had this like crazy glow up. She gets cast in the bear. And I feel like that's not going to work for Ben Platt. Like I'm the diva in this group. He wants to keep his people down. I'm the number one guy in this group. And I feel, and she wasn't at his wedding. Like,

Drama, for sure. For sure. Anybody have any tea on what's actually going on? Because that's just a theory I have. I actually have seen her work in Life of the Party with Melissa McCarthy. Yeah, she was always, she has like a recognizable face, but you probably couldn't tell what she's been in. But now she's really starting to, she obviously like got a publicist, a stylist. Like she looks sick. She's in the bear. She's leveling up. And I feel like that was too much for Ben Platt.

And now she's dating Jeremy Allen White. So it's about to skyrocket. And they seem to be a legit couple. Like they're kissing in public. They're looking at homes together. And I guess that also means he's no longer with Rosalia and he missed her birthday party in Paris. Right, right. They were kissing on Rosalia's birthday, which was a hotspot for the girlies in Paris. Which was also exciting. So it's like, at least if you're not with your mans anymore, like you're having a great party and Kylie came. I like, I actually don't think Rosalia gives a fuck, like not a singular one. Um,

I do, people are now going back, right? Looking at photos, timelines. I do think the timelines, like, I don't know if it's like super clean. I think he's dated like a lot of, a lot of girls like overlapping one another. I think he's just like not used to this attention. But that's also dating. You know, when you're publicly spotted with someone like it is, yeah, technically in the real world, you can go on like four dates at a time. Who cares? Yeah. But once you're like photographed with someone, even though you're not an official couple, it makes it weird. Like Noah Centennial that week.

Correct. Like he did nothing wrong. You've ever been on two dates in one week? It's called dating. Yeah. No, it's called throwing a bunch of shit against the wall. And just literally praying to God something sticks. Right. Right. No, I mean, I guess I have no issue here. And from what you've now told me about Molly, she seems like a swell girl. And Jeremy made a nice speech at the Emmys. So go forth and prosper. Now let me ask you, do they play lovers on the show? I don't watch.

And it was my understanding based on the very limited amount of exposure I've had to this show that Jeremy Allen and Ayo are like OTP in the show. But I don't know. Got it. What the hell do I know? They are. They are. Oh, Molly and Ben Platt do date in the show. Okay, well that's cute. Molly and Ben Platt. Yeah.

Molly and Jeremy Allen do date in the show. Like, I don't know how you... That's good for the show. That's really good for the show. Well, I was thinking that because I was watching Tell Me Lies yesterday and Grace Van Patten is, like, hooking up with another character and, like, how... Thomas Doherty. Thomas Doherty. And, you know, like, it's not just hooking... On Tell Me Lies, like, it's really always, like, very involved sex scenes. And, like, your boyfriend's literally, like...

silently suffocating in the room next door. It's just weird, you know, to be on set with a lover and your lover is not your lover in the show. But he doesn't have to be in the room actually. And I wouldn't be like, of course not. Yeah. So hopefully he, he didn't see it. It's just crazy. It is. But I feel like in their situation, it's not because like they're giving it all to the show. Like that show feels like,

Honestly, like the society, not in the show terms, but in the concept of the society where they're like in this world where no one else is like, that's what they're doing over at Tell Me Why's. So funny. I saw Grace Van Patten in an interview say like when she got the role, she studied up a lot on Vanderpump Rules. She said, I want that. Like, I want it to feel like a scripted version of Vanderpump Rules. And honestly, I thought that was an amazing comparison. Like, that's literally what the show is. Like everybody just fucking each other. Yeah. Like friend groups doing the worst possible things they could possibly do to their best friends.

Yeah. It was a kind of a brilliant, I think she said she like studied Stassi. Oh, that's so funny. Well, don't forget Lucy. It's not too late to transfer. Transfer. Somebody needs to intervene. Somebody in the Tell Me Lies, like fake community, like a guidance counselor needs to intervene and just remind Lucy that transferring is an option in this universe. Like you're, it is possible to move schools. Yeah. And like, you're a beautiful girl. You'll flourish where you go next. Like people want to be your friend. Like you will be okay.

Yeah. But like the amount of guilt that you're living with, like you won't be okay with that. It's going to give you cancer. Like the secrets like that make you sick. Yeah. It's really sickening. Are you ready for our next story? What have you just transferred?

See what happens. Try it out. You can always come back. Yeah. Also, all those schools are kind of the same. Like, because I'm watching this at Baird and I'm like, it's Colgate. It's Colgate, yeah. Come on over. I can tell you it's not NYU. Like, all schools are not the same. No, I said all those schools are the same. Yeah, it might as well. Northeast Liberal Arts Universities. And I want to say, if I could redo my life, which I have no interest in doing, I just want to say, like, zero. Zero.

But I had to, like, do things differently. I would not, even though, like, I'm sitting in this chair right now with, like, the successful show that we have because I went to NYU. Like, I really believe that. But, you know, if that theory didn't exist, like, if I just could have made different decisions in my life and still ended up right here right now, like, same person. We understand. I would not have went to NYU. I would have went to a small Northeastern liberal arts school. Like, something like three to five hour drive away.

Maybe a little bigger than Colgate. Like with like more football-y vibes. Like even though like that's all point in liberal arts. Don't like have football-y vibes. But you know what I mean. But we like did have football. I think like you would have gone to Colgate and we could have been together. Also why would you go to a different liberal arts school like not with your sis? Yeah that's so true. That's so true. Sis.

Sis with taking on her wing. I've always felt like going to NYU was like not my best choice, but I didn't like know where else. Like, what am I going to go to Michigan? Like, no. That's how I feel about that teen tour. Right. And now watching Tell Me Lies, I'm like, oh, that's what I should have done. And you know, all the times that I visited you at college, like I had the, some of my best memories ever of my life were like those five or six weekends I came to see you while you were at college. Yeah. Like at least once a year. Yeah.

Yeah, at least. Oh my God. I think this week on Tell Me Lies, I didn't watch this week's episode, but it's Halloween and Stephen's sister is coming and all the siblings come, which was literally us. Claudia visited us on Halloween. The first time I ever visited like on Halloween. Like that's how to a T like perfect it captures. Yeah. That experience. The first time you ever met Ben, we all drove up to college to visit you and like Ben came. Yeah. Obsessed. So much fun. Got to redo life.

Are you ready for our next story, which is number three? And it's a bit of surprising news that Lana Del Rey got married to an alligator tour guide in Louisiana after being first romantically linked to him a month ago. Yeah. Lana Del Rey is a married woman. She has married Jeremy Dufresne after first being romantically linked to the alligator tour guide in late August. Yeah.

The two of them exchanged vows in an intimate ceremony in front of their family and friends in Des Alamandes, Louisiana. She was spotted walking down the aisle in a flowing white gown alongside her father to kick off the nuptials. Daily Mail obtained aerial view photos of the wedding. It seems to be at the same bayou where he operates his popular swamp boat tours. Let me say something about Lana Del Rey, okay? This is so camp of her. Like...

she loves a blue collar man right her last boyfriend was a cop okay but they weren't married because I was like isn't she with that police officer long very long-term relationship like she loves a no-name blue collar worker like that to her is like kryptonite right she sees a man with like you know some dirt under his nails average job sign me up sign me up where do I sign up so this is not surprising um

It's very on brand for her. She's like low key, very just like a middle American girl. You know, she's this mega star. She sells, like she could perform for a room of 100,000 people. She does like the biggest festivals. But at heart, she's just like a girl, you know, from the middle of nowhere, you know? Yeah, but even just a girl like doesn't get married in under a month. Right, right. The marriage part is what's surprising here. Like that she has a new man and he does alligator swamp tours like sick. Yeah.

Um, but they got married so hastily, even if they've been together for longer than when we first knew, like it's obviously very quick. He is a divorced father of three. Oh, wow. As stated, like he's a swamp tour alligator operator. So does that like, does that mean she's moving down to Louisiana? Um, it's just like, have they talked about these things?

I don't know. I don't know what this means for Lana in a, you know, a bigger sense. And of course, like was Taylor there? No, Taylor wasn't there. Her best friend?

Not at her wedding? That's weird. And yes, Lana Del Rey is just a girl and her getting married to someone in under a month is like the only part that makes her not just a girl. But that's where her like celebrity comes in. This is what celebrities do. And like marriage means less. It's her first marriage. And this is how it went down.

I don't know. You're looking for an explanation. Like I don't have one. I don't. I'm just like looking for all of us to really wrap our heads around the shock value of this. Like it's not just Lana being Lana. Like Lana did something that she's never done before, which is like actually get married. So much so that I'm like, were they filming a music video? Like this can't be real. Oh, that's so true.

But like I think Daily Mail would have sussed out if that's what it was. If there's a camera following them around it's the wedding videographer. But like it's her dad's there his family's. Yeah yeah yeah that's like a really like involved music video you could just hire extras. Yeah. So anyways from the aerial view she looked beautiful. Um.

Mazel Tov. Mazel Tov to the happy couple. For the Ray family. Yeah. The Ray family. What's his last name? Dufreen. Lana Ray Dufreen. Gargi Pargi, except her real name is Elizabeth, Elizabeth Woolridge Grant. Sounds like someone from Pride and Prejudice. Dupreen. Dupreen. It works. Wait, Dupree or Dupreen-uh? Dupreen-ee.

What? D-U-P-R-E-N-E. Duprene. Duprene. Okay, yeah. Don't forget the E at the end. Kind of gorgeous. It is gorgeous. Mazels. Mazel. Are you ready for our next story? If it's our next story that's brought to you by TaskRabbit, perchance. Perchance it is. TaskRabbit. TaskRabbit put up the wallpaper behind me. Literally TaskRabbit has done everything. So if you don't know what TaskRabbit is, like, oh my God, you have...

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Our next story, a little Costco news and a bit of a Diddy update because there's a lot swirling in the Diddy case. Hate to use that word even to associate with him, but rumors are swirling. It's so true. He is not swirly. He's not swirly, but rumors are swirling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, Costco was responding. I kind of want to give P. Diddy a swirly. Oh, he would enjoy it too much.

Totally. He's literally sick. He's sick. He's like, do it again, turdy. Do it again. Do it again. Yeah. Film me. Stop. It's actually not funny. Anyways, Costco is kind of clapping back at this. Like they've been smeared by Diddy's team because Diddy's lawyer had offered a potential explanation for why the feds found a large stock of baby oil and lubricant at the rapper's homes.

The lawyer suggested that maybe that he got it at Costco because he likes to buy in bulk. However, before we get to Costco's response, I just I have such an issue with the lawyer saying this because he said it like, you know, comparing Diddy to a regular average American. He's like, you know, average Americans, we buy in bulk. We we are not the same. This is not an us thing. Yeah. Yeah. Everywhere Diddy has homes like there's a Costco. OK, but I didn't see like the Fed saying that there was 100 rolls of toilet paper everywhere.

A thousand granola bars. No, just the baby oil. So anyway, a spokesperson for Costco told TMZ that none of the company's U.S. locations carry baby oil, even though his attorney had told TMZ that the rap mogul might have bought them in bulk at the members-only warehouse retailer. The proof is in the pudding, so to speak, as a quick search of the store's site shows there's nothing akin to baby oil offered at Costco. That's shocking. There is, however...

Hair and cleansing gel sold for babies, but it'd be a stretch to confuse that with baby oil. And nothing pops up when you look for body oil either, which could be mistaken for baby oil. So he didn't get this at Costco. Now, I don't know where I saw this theory, so I can't say whether or not it's credible, but I saw something really disturbing, which was that the bottles of lubricant, they weren't baby oil. They're drugged lubricants.

lotions that like if you put it on someone's body like it makes them like paralyzed and incapacitated and could cause seizures. Well I can't remember I think I saw that maybe on X like it could just be like a total lie but like really what's with the baby oil? Well not that this is like even remotely the most important part of this conversation but do you find it shocking that Costco doesn't sell baby oil?

No, because when I went to Costco recently, like I realized actually they sell like 20 things and they sell like one of each. Like it was actually really shocking. I thought Costco is like Amazon. It's not. They curate. They're really selective about what they offer and then they sell bulk of it. But there's only like one kind of body wash. Yeah, I don't know. Like Johnson and Johnson body baby oil is like a.

Classic products. It's like a bar of soap. No, I was looking for something. I remember I had a short list of things I needed from Costco and they didn't have some of it. They're very selective. It's about quantity of the quality, not quantity for quantity's sake. Okay, well...

And I'm glad they're not letting Diddy get away with this. No, and who wants their brand name even remotely associated with this person? The things that I have seen about what he's being charged with and what he did are some of the worst things. Like the details that are coming out about these freak-offs are so upsetting. I hope that justice justices all over him. Did you see...

- The tunnels? - Yes, very Hamas coded. - Like apparently, very Hamas coded. Apparently P. Diddy had like a very complex, sophisticated, like underground tunnel system in his homes, like to, I don't even know what the fuck for. - Like to get to like some grotto, like,

Stay above ground, you know? If it can't be done above ground, it shouldn't be done. It can't be done, period. It shouldn't be done. There's a reason why. And Diddy's lawyer reminds me a lot because every time I hear from him, he's like making a statement. He's like saying dumb things and he also looks like a schlub. Like, put on a suit. You know who he reminds me of? Please, I'm begging you, begging you to read my mind right now.

My mind's not working at full capacity today, so I don't know if I'm capable. I'll give you a little clip. Like someone else's lawyer who's like a slob and is always making... That's what I figured. I don't know. He's always speaking on behalf of his client and I feel like making things worse. Teresa Giudice? Yes! You know his lawyer. He's always on reality TV. He's kind of thirsty. He has an Instagram. And he's like, you're supposed to be helping someone from not getting deported. And you just look like Joe Schmo. I actually feel like he is also her publicist. I feel like...

He's, I don't know. He gives me bad vibes. That is funny. I'm so glad you were able to read my mind. Thank you so much. I just thought of someone who's like got bad counsel. Yeah. And made things worse. Okay. Thank you. Anyways. So that's what's going on with Diddy. We'll see what's next, but there's a lot of like stuff coming out. A lot of old videos. Now all these like old interviews with celebrities. Like I saw one of Ashton Kutcher, like being asked about Diddy's parties and he was like, Diddy's parties.

But like, well, that's just like a there's a crazy unsubstantiated rumor going around that Mila Kunis like has left Ashton. Yeah. She like she found out like he was doing. You heard the rumor. I heard that Mila left the house. Yeah. When she found out like his involvement. I heard that. But like only in one place. And I didn't seem credible, especially because then they were like, look at this hot ones clip. And he was just like, whoa, did these parties?

That to me is not a smoking gun like whatsoever. People are really like taking crumbs right now and it's like calm down okay. And by the way I do think that a lot of celebrities went to Diddy's parties above ground and like got drunk and partied like a normal party and then down in those Hamas tunnels like nefarious things were going on and just because you were at the party does not mean you knew or had any involvement.

And I think there's like three tiers of people, like people who are at the party who had no idea, people who are at the party who like knew that bad stuff was going on but didn't participate. And then people who were all in. Yeah, I completely agree. It's a good system. Yeah, it's a good system. And right now it's really hard to say who's who, except we know Diddy's tier three. We know Diddy's tier three, yeah. Yeah. But like all these pictures being like a picture, it's very Ghislaine Maxwell when you see a celebrity taking a picture. That is not an indictment in my opinion. Yeah, no, I agree.

Our fifth and final story. Are you ready for it? Yeah. Some Danny and Sandra news-ish. Oh my God. Wait. Read it. Okay. Dancing with the Stars is Danny Amendola setting the record straight on the Zandra Pohl dating rumors. Spoiler alert. No, he's not. So...

After the New England Patriots alum was supported by his pal Zandra during a taping of Dancing with the Stars last week, he shut down any brewing romance between the pair. So he told E! News an exclusive interview, quote, Zandra is a great friend of mine. I'm a huge fan and supporter of her and it's good to have a friend like her. He emphasized that Zandra is still a very close friend, adding that his mom loves her.

Okay, like it was a very pointed response. He said the word friend twice. He enunciated it perfectly. Like he did not want any confusion. I do think he was not expecting this interviewer to ask like kind of a bold question, even though it's all obvious, right? Literally not a bold question. He brought her to the taping. Like when someone's in your...

And she could have been in a different section. She's in his cheering section. Like, now this is up for public consumption. It's also, it's not like he's, like, you know, a celebrity whose buttons you don't want to put. Like, he's just on Dancing with the Stars. Like, get ready to be asked some questions. Ask. I was trying to say, like, answer. Yeah. I feel like maybe because...

Because it was such like you're if you're dating like you're lying. Right. It's just in Congress. Like you said. He didn't say I'm not dating her. He said she's a great friend. I would describe my husband as a great friend of mine who I am a supporter of him. And it's good to have a friend like him. OK. I feel like maybe though they like this week or a couple days ago like broke up or just decided to stop seeing each other. And like this is his response because it would be valid too. I hope so.

Yeah, because if they are dating, unless this is like an agreement they both had, it's weird. Then why would she be sitting in the cheering section? I don't know. Like they obviously decided to come out as a couple with her like staying in his apartment, making all those TikToks and then going to the show and being on TV. Like, so I feel like they broke up. I think this is his stab at being coy. You know, like how Donna Kelsey is like. Oh, well, he has that in common with Donna Kelsey. They both tried to be coy and they end up sounding rude. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, but I think... But maybe there's no bad intention. I think when it comes to Zandra and Danny, like, I think he likes her more.

That's just the vibe I get. Wow. That's a bold statement. I think he's happier to have this relationship. Like he needs this relationship more than she does. Well, that's different. And I agree with that. He needs this relationship. And the person does need, not even like public. Like I think like if Zandra left, like he would be home like nursing a broken heart. And if they broke up, like Zandra would be out the next day. Right. Like I think Zandra can actually. And I just need to caveat. I don't know either of these people. I don't follow either of these people. Like I genuinely don't know the first thing about them. Just vibes. Right.

Right, like the vibe is that Zandra can do better than Danny Amendola. Danny Amendola cannot do better than Zandra. And I often feel like in relationships, hetero relationships, like the girl is more invested than the guy. I just feel like that's just men versus women in general. That's biology, yeah. But in this situation, I'm like Zandra's got more options than Daniel. And Zandra's like too cool for school. Like she has her whole life ahead of her. She's so young, so perfect looking. Yeah, yeah.

So I don't even think like this would offend Zandra. I feel like she's wearing the pants in this relationship. I can't explain it. I hope so. And maybe like told him and also told him like, don't tie me down to you. Okay. Hey grandpa.

Maybe he said that because yes, Zandra doesn't want to stop seeing other people. She'll play with you. She's not going all in on you just yet. She's having fun. She'll go on TV. Sure. I am Zandra. It's good for her career to be seen in the audience. But grandpa, keep it in your pants. Okay? I love that. I love that. Yes.

It feels like, you know what it feels like? It feels like Zandra knows her worth. Yeah, 100%. I love the idea of Zandra that I have in my head. I know. I hope she's really like that. Where she's just like bossing Danny around the apartment. It's like, we're together. We're not together. I love you. I hate you. We break up. We're back. I love my grandma. I hate my grandma. Literally. Those were good stories. Let me say that. Oh, okay. Thanks.

And let me say something else. Today's episode is far from over because it's time for Queenie and Weenie of the Week. I feel like there might be one person out there who doesn't know what Queenie and Weenie of the Week is. And let me tell you, it is a weekly game we play here. So every Friday...

Sort of a way to top off the week, recap it, tie it up in a nice bow. Jackie and I will each nominate one person for Queenie of the Week and Weenie of the Week. Now it's just as it sounds. Who acted like a queenie this week? Who acted like a weenie this week? It's not that serious. Obviously, P. Diddy's not going to be our weenie. He's a criminal, not a weenie. So just that goes without saying. It's light. It's fun. It's a seven-day title. You can find yourself Queenie one week, Weenie the other. It's yet to happen, but who knows? Great. Let's start with Queenie. My Queenie of the Week is an actual queen, Maggie Smith.

She lived a lifetime of queeniness and her presence will be missed from the screen and in our lives. And she contributed greatly to the arts. Agreed. She was definitely like a runner up for me. I thought just to sort of cap off this week, we've never given, oh, you actually gave it to her last week, Hoda. Well, she's mine this week. You know, I think it's a tough decision. I respect the decision. I also am now like kind of realizing like I'm a big Hoda fan.

She is kind of unique in the sense where she's genuinely like universally liked. Nobody dislikes Hoda. She's kind of America's sweetheart. So I love her. I'm wishing her the best. And I like that she's making news for the morning show girls. That's huge for us. Yeah, it is. Wiener of the week. I have mine.

My weenie of the week, and we didn't even get to talk about this, and so that's really why I chose it, because I spoke about it with Ben, but not you. My weenie of the week is Ellen DeGeneres. She was the weenie last week, too, by the way. Was she? Yeah, at least for me. That was when I redid my notes, yeah. Why? Why was she your weenie? Because the teaser for her show came out where she started making it about women growing up, wanting to feel self-conscious, some shit. Yeah.

So that was really clairvoyant of you because it turned out like her special was even worse than one could imagine. I think that you're queenie and weenie are mine of last week. Oh my God. That's so, by the way, if that ain't the truth, like that's so me late to the party. But you know, I was actually, like we needed to give Ellen space, like to see what she was going to do. The special was even closer.

Claudia, I watched it, but I wasn't on the episode with you that day. How much did you watch? I watched 10 minutes and I could not watch anymore. Like it was so painful. The windshield wipers. The windshield, the parking. And also like I would love a little driving comedy because that's the era that I'm the most, I have imposter syndrome on the road.

When she starts talking about, like, where are the windshields? It's like, we all have one car. Like, we're not that confused where our windshields are. No, and, like, that's the type of comedy, like, jokes that get written when you're, like, starting comedy. You know? It's, like, so entry level. You're Ellen. You have a team of writers. Oh, and we're here to hear you talk about getting canceled, not your fucking windshield wipers. Well, I was in shock at the things that she was talking about in the 10 minutes that were just, like—

So boring. The first time she brought up the cancellation, I checked, was 18 minutes in. And she didn't even start talking about it. She just brought it up. Then she goes into shtick about how she has chickens. Like, terrible. Like, the jokes were bad. And even when she started talking... And I can't even tell you what her net thesis was from her cancellation. Like...

It was horrible. It was such a good opportunity. I loved the idea. When we announced it, I was so here for it. She may have even been Queenie that week. What a squandered opportunity. Because if you're going to do it,

Do it. Say, yeah, I was a bitch. Fuck you all. Or say, no, I wasn't. You're all assholes and you're sensitive. Like say something. She didn't even say anything. So like, what was the point? Stay in retirement. We forgot about you. Nobody's talking about your cancellation anymore. The windshield wipers. And when I kept hoping that joke about parallel parking, like was going to end, she's like, and then you reverse again.

And then you pull out again. And then you burst. Weenie! Weenie! Like, those jokes, you're not going to find someone more sympathetic to like being an insecure driver. It's so true. Target demo reached. My jaw was on the floor. At how bad? At how bad. I only watched 10 minutes and then I took my night back and I took my power back.

Me too. And Ben was like, like begging me to turn it off. I'm like, well, you're coming on the toast tomorrow. And so we should have like, this is good fodder. So it's like homework and like, maybe we'll enjoy it. And then I was like at 35 minutes, I said, okay, I'm a reasonable woman. We can stop. Like this is pure torture. It's like being waterboarded. Wow. 35 minutes. It's big of you.

What about you? Who's your weenie? My weenie of the week was just kind of like a, it was a big week for them as weenies. And that's the UN General Assembly. Like it threatened to ruin my trip to New York. However, find out if it did on my vlog that I just dropped on the Patreon. I vlogged my day in New York and like the 12 hours before 12, like just the whole getting there. It was really fun. So queenie award for me for that. I love a weenie that allows for self promo. Right? Yeah.

um so the UN like our weenies stay weenies they take up all the space and time in New York for this one like resources weekend in week in September and it's like even if they weren't causing traffic like do your fucking job like save the world and stop being anti-semitic arseholes but you can't and I just will truly never understand like why and I know you guys are sick of hearing me talk about it because unless you live like in New York you don't fucking care but I'm sorry it's like taking over my whole week um

I will truly never understand like where was the time and place where this decision was made that the United Nations, like HQ, would be in New York City? Like one of the most densely populated, like poorly run cities. Like put it in a farm, like on a field. No one will come. No security threats. It's so dumb. And by the way, it's an international organization. So it could be in any country, not even in America. It could be in any participating country, like over 100 countries. And you had to choose this city. It's so crazy. Yeah.

It makes no sense. It makes no sense. Put it in D.C.? I don't know. No, like, there's a lot. They have traffic in D.C. too. Like, why a city? Right, but like, at least it's all political traffic. Just stay there. Right, that's true. Like, if you live in D.C., you kind of sign up for it. Put it in Idaho. Yeah. No, but they didn't sign up. The Idahoans did not sign up for it. Okay, how about this? Put it in Paris. Like, somewhere else. There's a million countries. Yeah. Leave us alone. Yeah, get out.

Get out, leave right now. I feel like we didn't sing a lot today. I know, no toast tunes today. Womp, womp, womp. Also womp, womp, womp for this being the last episode today, like of the week. It's kind of not cool. It's pretty cool.

Well, here's what you can do. You can head over to thetoastpodcast.com slash tour, get tickets for our final live show of the year. It's a holiday spectacular in Hollywood, Florida. You can go to patreon.com slash thetoast and watch our vlogs, watch old episodes. There's a lot for you to listen to. Yeah, the new vlog, it's jumping. I got my own spinoff.

Next week is going to be an even major week at the Toast because we have an amazing guest coming on and that'll be up next week. So there's a lot to look forward to and it's the weekend. So if by the time you're done listening to this episode, it's probably lunchtime. Go have lunch. I'm going to go have lunch. The day's pretty much over once you have lunch. So there's that. Take a short Friday. Make it a shorty. Yeah.

Love ya. Oh wait. No, no, sorry. I fucked it up. I keep doing that. We're really like the outro has gotten really. Yeah, let's reel it back in. Maybe it's ready for an evolution. No, but like everything evolves. Thank you so much for listening to the Toast and London Morning Show where we deliver the fast-paced stories you need to know. Remember to hit the friend on YouTube if you're watching us on YouTube. Please remember to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up. We're also available as a podcast and where podcasts can be found. So it's Spotify, TuneIn, Stitcher, Public Way, Radiocast, Fox, all the places where you can visit a podcast. Find us at Toast and London Morning Show. We are. Love ya. Bye.