A Ballot Worth Casting: Wednesday, November 6th, 2024
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- Good morning millennials. Welcome back to the toast and happy Wednesday, a big Wednesday after the big Tuesday, a big Tuesday because of obvious reasons and a big Wednesday because our girl Jacqueline Follet is celebrating her 19th birthday. Happy birthday, Jax. Guys, make sure to send off in the comments wishing Jacqueline Follet a happy birthday. How are you doing, Jacqueline? - I'm doing good. Yes, that's why it's a big day today because it's my birthday. - Yeah.

It's been a really nice day so far just like a nice birthday at home I don't have like major crazy plans like I'm not going to the club even though in the club we all fam. You tell them okay Gen Z she really is 19. Let me tell you that's one of my favorite sounds like it cracks me up and I use it a lot in my everyday life. In the club we all fam. It's hilarious I can't believe you know that sound like you're so young.

Really enjoy it. So yes, in the club, we are all a fam. I'm just enjoying like a nice birthday at home so far. It's been like a quiet morning and then I'll just have a nice day. That's, you know, kind of birthdays as you grow up. You're just hopeful for like a peaceful, loving, joyous day. And I think as you grow up, you hope that, of course, your best friend slash partner in crime slash business partner slash sister would sing you a happy birthday with her beautiful voice. Is that something you hope for, you think?

Yes, because I think there's been a lot of fanfare for your voice. Yeah, I mean. And I'm always your number one fan. That's so true. As a nation, we've truly never been more divided. And you would never know it if you went to the comments section of our Instagram. Like, people were just kind of fawning over my vocals. I feel like I reminded these bitches, like, yeah, I sing on the podcast, but, like, I'm usually not giving it 100%. Like, I'm not really trying. And I gave the God Bless America rendition yesterday my entire pussy. And people were really receptive to that pussy. So, I'm thrilled about that. So, do you want to sing me Happy Birthday? Oh.

Because I'll never stop you. I mean, you're like begging me to at this point. I think you have to. Well, guys, please join me in wishing our beautiful, talented, stunning, and smart Swirly a happy birthday. Stevie Wonder's version or royalty version? No, regular. Make it soulful. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, Jacqueline Follet. Rhyme. Stunning. I did too much. Sorry, let me just undo. Guys, forget. She made it about her. You didn't hear that. You didn't hear that. She made it about her. Happy birthday to you. Me. Me.

The end. That was beautiful, Turdy. Thank you so much for that. Thank you so much. I know it's like, it's definitely annoying and you're not like a self-centered, like center of attention person, even on your birthday. But like, it definitely is annoying. Like everybody's talking about the election and not your birthday, right?

No, I'm used to it, honestly, as having a November 6th birthday. Like this always comes with the territory. It's not always like the day after. I feel like sometimes it's like November 2nd. It has never in my conscious life. I'm sure, you know, when I was a toddler, but in my conscious life, been the day after a presidential election. But sometimes it's been the day of the election. That happened one time. I remember that. I don't know what's.

- I think day of the election is actually fun to have a birthday on. There's a lot of excitement. There's something really beautiful about the process, right? And we're all, everybody, no matter what side you're on, you have hope. And it's kind of beautiful. And even yesterday, we were all making our chilis. This morning, half of us are upset and half of us are cool. The day before, the actual day is actually exciting.

Yes, I would agree with that. But I feel like it's like people who have their birthday at Christmas, like you really do just get used to it. Yeah. And so I am used to it. However, I didn't expect that like we would know the results today just because of like last year it took a few days. So I didn't expect like that. I thought we would be in this like limbo and everyone would just be like, oh, well, let's just focus on Jackie's birthday. Right, right. Instead of like, let's distract ourselves from the impending results, like with the celebration of Miss Jacqueline Foley's birthday. Right.

Right. But no, the results are here. My birthday is here. We have our new president elect as an old president. Well, let's say this is the weird thing. And I'm sure there's a reason for it. Like there's a lot of things in like the country. I don't understand. I'm sure like you guys will comment like, Claudia, this is why they do it. I'll be like, OK. But at this present moment, I don't know. Like it is really crazy that like you get elected and then like the old president like

for like three more months. Well, no, like November, December. Yeah, like three months. - Two and change. - And it's just like, I feel like that's a bad call, you know? 'Cause if I was Biden, and Biden didn't run, so it's different, but like, let's say Biden ran and lost. Like, you're like low key mad. Like, if I would be mad, like, you know? - Yeah. - I don't know, I just feel like it's a flaw in the system. - Well, it takes time to transition. - Yeah, and then actually I was watching the news and they were explaining why, now I remember actually. There's like a lot of things that need to be done between like the, you know, the polling,

crew of America. You know, they're still counting and shit. - Oh yeah, but also just like, that's just how it is. I think it would be weird if it was overnight change. - No, I just feel like we're like dragging it out at this point, you know?

Yeah. Well, congrats to the winners and true condolences to the losers. Like, that's the thing about the elections. Like, it's 50-50. You win some, you lose some. And it's tough when you lose and it's great when you win. And to everyone who got what they wanted, that's great. To everybody who didn't, like, that sucks. Like, I feel that. So, onward and upward. United we stand.

And God bless America. No, I won't. I don't want to actually, like, I don't want to do it again because, like, the other one was so parjory. Yeah, just, like, leave perfection as it is. Leave well enough alone. When do you think you're going to open your birthday presents? Like, are you going to FaceTime me when you open mine? Of course I will. Maybe this afternoon. Okay. I don't want to wait too long, but I don't.

I feel like you have to be well into the day. You can't open them in the morning. Like, what are you, a kid at Christmas? Stop. Which, by the way, so true. Get some chill, bruv. There's so much pressure, too. Because, like, you know how many gifts you have. So there's, like, you know, six people, like, Zach, whatever. And you don't want to do them all, like, at once. You don't want to do them all in the morning. You really have to, like, spread them out throughout the day. And, like, you know who's getting you, like, the better ones. No, I'm not going to do them throughout the day like a scavenger hunt. Why? That's so fun. I'm going to be sat with my presents and I'm going to open them. That's...

I'm not going to like open one two hours later. It's okay to make the day special. Like it's okay to act like a two year old. My day is special. I'm not a two year old. But it's okay if you are. No, I'm not. And we've never done that. I sometimes, yeah. I like wait for Ben's gift like later in the day. Like I don't want to do all my gifts at once. Then it's like, I have no more gifts. We literally always do our gifts at once. Like we do it. We all are sat. No, I feel like when we're with the family, like Ben's gift, it will be separate. Like either in the morning and then I get everybody else's at dinner that night. Like it's nice to spread it out. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm also getting a haircut today. Major national news. Why? Because I'm not doing anything crazy. It was just like on the Cal. You know, I try and go quarterly to my girl Mahogany. This is going to be a trim. Like, don't be looking for a transition video from me. It's a trim. Thank you. My front, my slut strands are like down to my nipples. You know, I got to get them back to my chin. It's just. That's called growth. Maintenance. Because back in the day, you would have like called this a major chop. No, I'm thinking two inch trim. Get me my layers and my angles and put me, you know, Rachel Green and I'm good.

That's good. I have that coming up in a few weeks. I'm excited. Yeah, just consider it maintenance. Maintenance. And today is kind of a long-awaited day for the DTQ, the Deer Toasters community. Deer Toasters has returned. And the submissions that I selected last week that I accidentally, well, not accidentally, it was just kind of an unfortunate series of events that never got to get read, are getting their shine today. So Deer Toasters, Deer Toasters.

What a loyal fan base we have when it comes to the DTQ. And I love and respect. I know people were upset, but like it meant so much to me how upset people were. I agree. Like on Friday, to the point that they were dragging Queenie and Weenie. They were like, I can't believe you did Queenie and Weenie. They said you guys didn't skip Queenie and Weenie, but you skipped Deer Toasters. Like we'd rather have had Deer Toasters. Like it's okay. Like drag us through the meds. Like I love how much you love it. But don't bring Queenie and Weenie into this. Like seriously, Queenie and Weenie means a lot to me, first of all. And second of all, I agree, Jackie. Even though like it's, you know, obviously I was upset that we didn't, you know, get

the people what we wanted. It was nice to know like how valued the segment is. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I really feel like we need to do our toasters today. One, because like we're still in the election cycle where like celebrities aren't really like doing anything. Nothing. So crazy. And two, I think the toasters will unite the nation. I think your toasters will unite the nation. Although, you know, sometimes we really divide the country on like our advice. Like some people are like, no, she definitely should say something. And some people are like, no, she definitely shouldn't. So maybe we will further the chasm

What's that word? Perhaps. But I think also we can agree to disagree and that's also healthy. It's beautiful. What's the word? Chasm? Schism? Those are two different words. Like a divide. Yeah.

I think. Schasm. But I actually think that they both could apply. Let's Google it. Like I said, there's not really a lot going on today. Actually remember, this is actually a fun fact about me. My bat mitzvah parsha. So basically when you get bat mitzvah. Schism is a split. Keep going. Okay, so schism is the word. So when I was becoming bat mitzvahed, basically the weekend that you choose to get bat mitzvahed, every week in Judaism, you read the next chapter of the Torah, which is like the Bible. Yeah.

Chasm is a deep fissure. No, it's schism. I know it's an essay. The word I was looking for is schism. Thank you. No, no, no. The word I was looking for is schism. Thank you. Claudia, I think it's a synonym. No, no. But the word I'm about to tell a story about is schism. Okay. So every week you read a new chapter of the Torah and then like the one that you get for the date you chose for your Bible. So like it just kind of is like this cosmic thing, you know, it's like.

You don't choose the date for that chapter, but then that chapter ends up following you your whole life. And my chapter was Korach, which was actually, we didn't choose it on Perfect, but it was kind of reflective of my life. Korach was this guy, and he was just kind of rebellious. He really rejected authority, and what ended up happening is the earth split and swallowed him up because God was like, you're nuts. So it was a schism in the earth? It might have been a chasm because it said, deep fissure in the earth. Oh, okay.

Whatever. They're also synonyms. Maybe it depends on the translation. I remember when I was like with the rabbi learning, I saw this word, whether it was chasm or chasm. And I was like, what does that mean? And he explained it to me like in such a good way. I always remembered what the word meant. I just can't remember what word it was. I just can't. I remember what it means, just not what word it was. I think they're the same word. I just remember it being like S-C. Schism. The chasm also has a C and an S.

No, no, no. I feel like it's dark. I guess we could go look at Korach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Kuf, Resh, Chet. Like, and, you know, a lot of people were making comparisons to me and Korach because I was definitely like, you know, a bit of a rebellious teen. Didn't really embrace authority. Just sort of beat to the, you know, marched to the beat of my own drum. And actually I spoke about that in my speech. Everybody was really moved at the facility. That's, yeah. They were really moved. They're kind of like still talking about it.

- No, they're actually not still talking about it. I'm not gonna say that anymore 'cause I don't want you guys to think I was exaggerating. - You don't wanna take away from your real truths. - When they are still talking about it and they are still talking about my solo from 13: The Musical, yeah. - Right. And we're talking about it again because it was posted on Toastgram and it kind of took the internet by storm. - Yeah, yeah, just like fun fact about me, I'm a star.

Yeah, Olivia is cooking me dinner tonight for my birthday. I thought you were going to say Olivia. I heard what we said about her on the toast and I was mad. Oh, so far, no. I was actually, like, wondering. I know she, like, hates when we bring up 25 packs of gum. We, like, never let her live it down. Like, if we were reopening the case on it. Yeah. There are a couple things that's, like, the case has gone cold on, like, what the truth is of something that happened when we were kids. Of course, you know the other one. Brian. Brian, yeah.

I don't know if we told that. I'm not going to tell that story because it's like, it seriously will cause a chasm schism. Please tell it, Jackie. No. It's funnier. She hates it so much. We have, I don't give a fuck. Like, sorry, Olivia's going to need to suffer for the entertainment value of this podcast. Should I just like, we're texting. Should I just text her? Can I tell Brian's story? Yeah. It's like an OG family story that Jackie and Olivia like will to their graves disagree on like, Jackie claims that Olivia said something like really corny and cringy ones. And Jackie's,

Jackie to her grave, like, well, seriously, she believes in her soul that Olivia said it. Olivia's like, I have no idea what you're talking about. Stop slandering my good name. It's mine alone to disgrace. And never the twain shall agree or even meet in the middle. And then we like, obviously, like we talk about it every year. Like, so it comes up all the time. It comes up all the time. She will not admit. Yeah. I just, I know she knows. Should we just say it? And if she says no, we'll cut it out. Cause she won't say no.

No. You don't understand, like, this story runs so deep. It is like, it could break us. Jackie, please. It could break us. Like, we literally don't disagree on anything, like, as sisters, except for this. Yeah, like, just who is accurately remembering that night. And who's known for their accurate memory? The thing is, and... And who's known for telling a tall tale? I'm not just saying this because, like, I want to blow smoke up your ass and, like, get you to say the story. But, like, I definitely believe you.

Thank you. Like, cause you know what? It's kind of my, it's Olivia's version of stepping off into a new land. Jackie basically will remind you of something corny you said, cause she never fucking forgets anything. And like you deny it till you die. Cause you don't want that sort of stain on your record.

But in the end, she was right. But are you denying it? Like, are you knowing that you're lying? Or are you really just, like, didn't think that you said it? When I first denied the airplane thing, I was not being a liar. Like, I was genuinely, she's fucking lying about me, this bitch. And then maybe I, like, got on a plane. And I think I would, like, as I was stepping on, I was like, wait, I totally said it. Because I had the thought, like, you know? Yeah.

So in that sense, like maybe Olivia really doesn't believe that she said it. Maybe something will happen to her in her life in the next 10, 20, 30 years that will remind her of the time she said that thing. Got it. Well, speaking also of our sisters, dear Satch is here. I know. It's so nice that she came down to celebrate your birthday with you. She did. It's been such a pleasure having here, like uninterrupted counselor time. That's huge. It's huge. The campers are thriving. How many times has she read The Camper, The Counselor to your family? Zero. Zero.

She did arrive like just at bedtime last night. And so she had to read whatever they had already chosen because like they weren't going to stand for that. So of course she got roped into Sandman. I have such a hate for this book that Jackie's boys are obsessed with. Seriously, when they ask me to read it, I will turn the page and unbeknownst to them, I will turn about six pages. Like anything to get through this book. It's so long and boring and bad.

So we love the little golden books. They come, like there's a million of them on a million subjects. And so they have some Spider-Man ones and they also have like just every subject. And like, some of them are like really cute, concise, like good stories. By the way, I don't hate the whole series. Some of them are like really bad and dreadful. So like, obviously the Sandman one isn't good. And then there are a

There are a couple that I think are too advanced, like a little scary, like not right for kids yet. - "Sandman" is so bad and boring. Like I seriously, I could get through that book in 10 seconds the way I read it. - Yeah, that's not a good one. Honestly, the Spidey storylines for "Study and His Amazing Friends", like the gross incompetence of the three,

Like, I guess they are, like, eight-year-olds. No, it's so true. But it's just kind of, like, it's not believable. You're literally Martha Stewart. Incompetence. No, like, they're seriously incompetent. Like, they swing their webs and they, like, crash into each other because they're not communicating properly. Well, kids do need to learn the value of communication, so maybe that's the message of the book. Yeah, I don't know. They just, like, don't carry them. They're not the elk of superheroes sometimes. Did Olivia answer you about Brian? She...

She said from the Backstreet Boys? Yes. I like how she asks as if she doesn't know the exact story we're talking about. Okay, I said yes. Can I tell it? I'm telling you she's going to say yes. I feel like we can safely start. I don't know, Turdy. I don't want to start something. She's cooking me dinner for my birthday. Right, she's going to spit in it. Now's not the time to piss her off. Yeah, it's so true. What's she making?

Well, that's what she had texted me asking what I wanted. That's what I was going to say. And I don't even know. Maybe bolognese. She makes such a good bolognese. What would you ask for? Well, the last time I went over, I did ask for bolognese and she made it for me. That's, I think, her best dish. Yeah. So that feels right. TFR.

- Yeah, plus I had my chili last night. How was your chili? - I followed Jackie's chili recipe, except I used ground chicken instead of ground turkey. And let me tell you, I worked so hard on it. I was like, I am not fucking this up. I was so determined. And I think the sheer grit and determination really contributed to the fact that I successfully made your chili. Ben was shocked, literally shocked.

At first, when I got everything in, and yours is for the crock pot. I didn't do the crock pot 'cause I waited too late. - It's for either. - Yeah, so I was just like, damn, did I fuck up? Because once I put everything in and I was leaving, except for the beans, leaving it to stew, it was just really red. And I was like, I feel like chili's more like a brown orange than a red. It was really tomato colored. I'm like, this looks like a tomato soup. And I was like, what did I do wrong?

Then I realized I didn't do any of the spices. And like the cumin is brown, like that's what makes it brown. So after that, I felt much better. - The spices. - It was really good. Like really, it's a great recipe. It's idiot proof.

The worst and hardest part was cutting those two onions. Like, I will never enjoy cutting onions. Like, not me sobbing and wanting to just, like, seriously was crying. But other than that, it was so good. And you're really right about an election day chili, especially election night last night was so many hours. Like, you know, the first poll's closed at 6. And I know every year the first poll's closed at 6 and the last one's closed at 11. But there was, like, you know, counties being held late. We didn't really find out who the president was until, like, 2 a.m. So it was great to have this thing I could just, like,

keep coming back to. Yeah, like round one for the first polls, maybe two hours later. Seven, seven, round two. The structure of the election day chili really is... Parge. Parge-alicious. Mine was really great as well, but the crock pot, like...

I was getting nervous that it wasn't going to be ready in time, so I switched over to the cruise. No, I'm telling you, crock pot is, like, not the vibe for chili. If I had gotten it in before the toast yesterday, would have been amazing, but I didn't. Okay, I'll ask one more time, and then I'll let it go. Did Olivia respond? Wow. You're really, like, I'm really trying to give her grace. No, because we have a show to do. No, I'm trying to give her grace in the sense of, like, of not telling it. I mean, okay, fine. Oh, she's typing. She's going to, like, type and then stop typing, like...

She said, yes, whatever, but just say my statement as well. This is a statement. Well, say the story first. This is her statement. No, I'll say it first. Her statement is, this story is categorically untrue. Okay.

She's so funny. And you know what? That's my girl because like she rides for her truth. Like so, like she, even if like she knew in her soul, like maybe years later, she figured out that she did say it. She's not going to backtrack. Like she is, this is her story and she's sticking to it. And I respect that greatly. Yeah. Yeah.

- So when we were younger, we used to all sleep in Olivia's bed, like the four of us in her twin bed, like every single night. That's just what we did. And we would like talk before we went to bed. We would sleep like Willy Wonka. I even remember like what side of the bed I was on. - Yeah, we would sleep like Willy Wonka. - When this happened. - And Olivia had like, it wasn't a twin size bed, but it was like a,

It was a twin. It was like bigger than a twin, I feel like. No, I think you just felt that way because you were little and now a twin seems small. And it had like a trundle bed too. So me and Margo were always delegated to the trundle. Like the two of us on that bed and Jackie and Olivia on the main bed. But in my memory of this night in particular, the four of us were in the main bed. I'm not going to say that that is 100% accurate. That's just how I remember it right now. Okay, okay. I believe you were at the foot of the bed with me, but that is not important to the story whatsoever. Oh, and it just goes without saying, and I'm sure this will be a surprise to nobody. I have no memory of this night. Like I have no idea what you're talking about.

So everyone knows that I loved Backstreet Boys and Olivia loved NSYNC. And it divided our house. It was literally the Trump v. Kamala of 2005 or however old we were.

It was the 90s. It was the 90s. It was the 90s. However, before Olivia got into NSYNC, there was a short period where she liked the Backstreet Boys. Oh my, a drama. Yeah, people don't know this backstory, but like our older cousins love the Backstreet Boys, so we immediately loved the Backstreet Boys. But then Olivia went off and found NSYNC and then like,

And you stayed loyal. And I stayed loyal to the Backstreet Boys. But there was a period that we both loved the Backstreet Boys. And my favorite was Nick Carter. Like, that really doesn't age well. But her favorite was Brian from the Backstreet Boys. Brian Letourneau. What's his name? Mary Kay's son. Let me also tell you, I don't even know who Brian, like, Brian is a thing we talk about. I know his face. Brian Letourneau.

- Ryan Luttrell. - Oh yeah, I know this guy. He's cute actually. - Yeah, you know him from the poster on Olivia's wall. - So Jackie and Olivia also had two competing posters. They were definitely from like the same exact company. They like rolled out. They were huge. Jackie had the NSYNC, the Backstreet Boys one and Olivia had the NSYNC one. And they both like hung. - But that's not even the poster that I'm talking about. - They both hung above their bed.

In Olivia's room for this brief period, she had like a page ripped out of like a J-14 of just Brian Luttrell's face. It was like hung above her bed on the wall, like parallel to her bed. You know, the way that people like hang a picture of Jesus. Just like a little picture. Yeah, you guys. Now I'm remembering. Okay, go, go, go. Yeah.

remember like we used to talk before we fell asleep always like you know she was always like just saying like older sister stuff like she's smarter than us whatever and one night she said like I don't know we were I don't know what we were talking about I'm not even gonna I'm not even gonna ad lib I'm just gonna say the facts she told us that when she thinks of Brian she can instantly fall asleep

we were like no way that's so we were literally like magic yeah like magic like no way that's like sick and so that night like she was like yeah like i'll do it show us show us show us she like just didn't talk again she just like pretended to be asleep oh my god she's seriously so funny like she's an actress

funny and then like I don't know when I like this has been ongoing for like 20 years so I don't know like how long after that I was like Olivia remember when you said this right I actually feel like it was when we were in college it wasn't like that far no I think it was like early I think it was like high school I don't even know or I don't know when the argument started but I like called her on having said this once and she says like this is categorically untrue

Okay, and also, then of course we had to take it to the next level. We're like, yeah, maybe we were in high school because we were acting so immature where we would literally run around the house with fake finger guns, like loading it up and we would fake shoot each other. We'd be like, Brian! And then the person you would shoot would just fall asleep. Seriously, we tortured her with it. Like, no wonder why she denies it. We're so fucking annoying. We torture her with it. She's so fucking funny. Read her statement one more time. Just, we have to bookend the entire story with her statement. Her statement is...

Quote, this story is categorically untrue. Now it's up to you, the people, to decide what you believe. You dear reader. To interpret that as you, like receive it as you will. And the thing is, it has no consequence. Like whether she said it or not. Right. I just don't know why I would make that up. For Olivia's next birthday, we should get her a cameo from Brian Luttrell. 1,000%. And she'll watch it like this.

She'll miss the whole thing. Oh my God. That is seriously so funny. We would literally like with a Glock. Bright. Oh my God. So fun taking trips down memory lane. It is. We've been taking a lot recently. We're just like feeling nostalgic. Do you also feel like as you get older, like your mind opens up like earlier parts of your life? You know, I'm so bad at my memory, but weirdly like so many things have been coming back to me like the senior play.

Well, that didn't like, it's not like a repressed memory that you didn't know. No, but I never ever think about it. Same with Korach. Korach, yeah, I guess. But maybe as you experience like different things, then you are reminded of a time when. Yeah.

- That's beautiful. That's beautiful, really. - Maybe when you experience different things, you're reminded of a time when, and the passage of time is significant. - And by the way, I will miss the Kamala-isms. Like I really, really will. Like we had so much fun with her. - We had so much fun. - I will really, really miss her laugh. Like that, it actually brought a lot of joy to me. Of course, existing in the context of all in which you live, do not come. Like I will miss all of that like greatly. Hopefully she's still churning them out, you know? - Yeah.

We do like oddly have a lot to do and we're like dilly-dallying. No, there's a story I really want to talk about. Me too. So now Emmy of Deer Toasters, which is like everyone is sat for that. Yeah.

Without further ado, here are the Fast Five stories that you need to know. And the Fast Five stories that you need to know are brought to you by Sonos, specifically the Sonos Ace. New headphones that Jackie and I have been loving. We're both wearing them today, but I've had them for a while. I work out in them a lot. Kind of like a lot of sermon-draying. Everybody was like, Sonos, the world leader in audio and speakers, came out with their first pair of headphones. And they have really...

just sort of blown everyone's expectations out of the water. Such an improvement in my daily life. So they're Bluetooth headphones. They have great battery. I literally never charge mine.

They really, when you compare them to other headphones that, whether they're Bluetooth or not, like they're just so superior. They're really comfortable around your ears and your head. And while we, you know, we're such audio swirlies, we take audio really seriously too, because we're obviously like world-renowned podcasters. So we have a pretty high bar when it comes to sound quality. And Sonos is really the best in the business. Jackie and I both have like all Sonos speakers in our house. Jackie has it literally built into her walls. I have the Sonos Move. So Sonos is just a brand that I really trust when it comes to sound quality. And as podcasters, we obviously...

you know, we take that stuff seriously. And Sonos and the Sonos Ace headphones have been such fabulous partners for us on our podcasting journey. You can visit Sonos.com/toast to learn more. That's S-O-N-O-S.com/toast. Also having the Sonos app, like being connected to my headphones and my entire house, like it's such a,

Really like user-friendly, easy to navigate system and having it all connected on your phone just makes the control so easy. So head to Sonos.com slash toast to learn more. That's Sonos.com slash toast. Today's episode is also brought to you by iRestore. This holiday season, give yourself or someone you love the gift of glowy skin. If you care about skincare, you know that red light therapy can work wonders, but most at-home options don't deliver real results and they definitely don't feel comfortable.

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- Our first story is like really big crazy news. And that is that Dave Portnoy and Josh Richards have dropped a music video called "Smallest Man" and it is a diss track about Zach Bryan in defense of Brianna La Paglia chicken fry. - So let me say this, I got tagged in this like a hundred times and I'm gonna be honest with our audience. I feel like they owe that. Like I rolled my eyes. I was like, I don't care. I thought it was like a Taylor Swift cover. Like I thought they were just like being cringy.

Then I got tagged in it so many times this morning. I was like, let me just watch it. And I watched a full five minutes. And let me tell you, like, I laughed. First of all, the production quality was actually very good. And I was really surprised by the lyrics. It's five minutes and 20 seconds. So it's like a really long diss track where they talk about a lot of things. And I thought that the, like the rhymes and the actual lyrics were really, really well done. Like that was my first impression. I was shocked.

Yeah, we actually, I want to pull up a transcription of the lyrics because they're not surface lyrics. No, no. And we've been saying this the whole time because anytime Josh or Dave say anything about Zach Bryan, I think a lot of people wonder like if Brianna...

sanctions it and it's my impression I have no proof of this I just assume like everything that gets put out by BFFs like is approved by Brianna so I feel like there's actually a lot like quite a few big revelations in this song that perhaps we didn't know and I know you don't know this but there's like big like lore on TikTok about what happened at Fenway so basically Noah Khan was

sold out Fenway like two nights in a row and it was like the biggest deal and he had like special guests and Zach Bryan was supposed to be there one night and he didn't show up. And there was like a lot of conspiracy theories about what happened at the time. I think Noah, Zach, Brianna, everybody was like, "Oh, scheduling," you know? But everybody sort of knew there was something more. And in the song, they allude to the fact that he was literally too drunk to go to Fenway.

And they accuse him pretty heavily of being an alcoholic. Yeah, they actually said, you don't have a drinking problem. Alcohol has a you problem. He also talked about how he has STDs and that he's giving every girl that he's with STDs, which is very personal and also probably very personal to Brianna. But when I watched this track, I was clutching my pearls. This man is a dirty dog. Like for everything that he did and for them to get to this level of like, they're two huge people.

stars like they have so much influence like they have to spend the time and the energy and the money to write this song and do this in defense of brianna like

What he did to her, there's, and I believe that there's more stuff in terms of like the cheating that we don't know. Like this is an awful person. Oh, a hundred percent. But I also do think that like, this has been very good for the BFFs pod, just in terms of like clicks. And, and as you think they got to a place where like when they first, I remember when they first launched a show, like every episode they would premiere on YouTube, there would be like hundreds of thousands of people waiting and watching. And I feel like they kind of fell off a little bit in the sense that like they all, Josh's West coast, Dave stayed, they were all remote the entire time. And I feel like,

they kind of got to a place where like maybe it just wasn't as popping. So I do think them leaning into this is actually really good for the business of podcasting and people are loving it. So I think it's part, they feel like really defensive of Brianna, but I also think like this is good for business. Yes, but they could have just done like a podcast episode that they were going to do. They said the new episode drops tomorrow at 8 p.m. and like dragged him and that would have been like an... Yeah. Like to do this, like...

is so emblematic of like what he deserves and like how he must have treated her because like this is above and beyond anything, any standing up for anyone that like I've ever seen. Like I was in shock. The STD thing was really crazy because it wasn't something they said one or two times. They said it like 15 times in different ways. Like, so that's just a crazy fucking fun fact. How lucky is Brie to be free of ZB and his STDs.

They also said something really interesting was that his entire band hates him. Yeah. You guys have to watch it for yourself. I can't even remember. There's no, it's not on AZ lyrics yet. So I can't read the transcription for you. But like every line, also who wrote this song? It's one of the better diss tracks I've ever heard. That's what I'm saying. Like it wasn't, I do have to say like, and this is, I don't know Dave Porter personally, the man has no rhythm. Like he was so off.

Josh definitely carried the group. Josh ate. Like, but, and Dave, some people just don't, it's hard for me to even relate because I have perfect pitch and like perfect rhythm, but he has like no sense of rhythm that he was like off the whole time. It was bothering me so much, but I looked past it. It was very well done. Like I, I completely agree. The actual song, I was really surprised at the,

How good it was. Yeah. Like, and they really, and it wasn't short. It was over five minutes long and they just didn't stop. New accusations, new allegations. Like really, they had a lot of material. Yeah. They came for his art. They came for his looks. They came for his height. His DUI. Is he really 5'5"? No way. I think so. And it's like. That's really crazy. Yeah. Yeah. People are kind of bunging up on that.

I mean, it's shockingly short. No, it says he's 5'11 on CelebHeights.com, so they were being dramatic. Really? Yeah. I don't know. It says he stands approximately six feet, so... Maybe he's been, like, lying to everyone, you know? Yeah, to CelebHeight.com? Yeah. Maybe, yeah. Anyways, I think I'm going to tune into that podcast. Oh, I for sure am. The way I've become obsessed with Brianna LaPaglia, like, I...

Stan. Yeah. And when they first broke up, I was kind of bummed. I mean, I wasn't like I said on the show, like, you know, that's like sad. However, it seems as though she like has really been suffering in this relationship. So I'm glad that she's free. And it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And there's also like a lot of lore. I'm not as familiar with lore. There's like drama between the two co-hosts, like her and her plan Brie co-host Grace. I feel like a lot of that is like exacerbated by the internet. They might be onto something, but I'm not going to make any sort of judgments until they speak for themselves. Yeah, they mentioned it in the music video too. Oh yeah, Zach came between Brie and Grace. Yeah. Well, and I also found out

- I feel like a boyfriend does come between, like sometimes in like a totally healthy, like non-problematic way, like a boyfriend comes in between best friends because like you only have so much time and you now have more time for this person. - Right, and you used to have like sleepovers with your best friend, but now you're just having sleepovers with your boyfriend. - But now this points to like something even more insidious, 'cause we also know that like he tried to keep her away from like her job and Dave, and so maybe he did drive a wedge between her and Grace.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The way I hate this man, and I'm so proud of myself. I never hopped on the train like you guys. Sorry. No, it's not even that I'm proud of myself because I didn't do anything to like, you know, I didn't take any moral stance, but I'm actually just relieved that I don't have to unlike his music because I don't like it or listen to it. We don't have to celebrate? Separate the art from the artist. No, we don't. So that's just like really convenient for us. For us. Considering it came so close, like he's a country singer, like...

As they said in the song, he's got Morgan Wallen vibes. Like, I don't even know why I wasn't listening to his music. I just didn't. Maybe you saw something in him that others didn't. Like an inauthenticity that Dave and Josh are singing about. A thousand percent. Like, I think this is going to be really bad for his career, which is so crazy that, like, these, like, handful of, like, you know, ragtag influencers are going to take down this, like, huge artist. Do you really think so? Like, I feel like they're...

as a rock star a man rock star like there are so many you're not held to the same standards as normal decent human beings like you just because you're a quote rock star like you can get away with like cheating spreading stds it's just like part of the lifestyle bro like who's who's holding you accountable like your male followers no no but it's not even about the cheating because yeah that's like what rock stars do but there was just like so much in this song that like speaks to just like a bad character and like that yeah alcoholism and and the lying I don't know I feel like

This is going to be like a big stain for him that people are always just going to associate him with like this behavior. I don't know. Plus, plus, plus the podcast hasn't even dropped yet. Brianna hasn't even spoken. Yeah, no. And the way I'm sat the fuck down for that. Sat with a bucket of chicken fries. Yeah. Yeah. Bucket of chicken. I'll ask Olivia to make that for me. Yeah, you should. Except it's tomorrow. So like I wish it was today. That's kind of like what we need today.

- Today needs a little something. Like my birthday can't carry the whole country. - It's so true. My God, like do we not do enough? - For our next story,

Kristen Cavallari also wants to carry the country with all the tea that she's spilling on her podcast. You know what? Is this about Britney? No, because like I just don't know how to tell people like Britney. It's just like doesn't interest me. Yeah, well, basically she Britney Spears saw a clip of Kristen Cavallari's podcast and then had her publicist reach out to Kristen Cavallari for her phone number and has been like texting Kristen Cavallari. But yes, there's other parts more interesting.

This other part about her dating life. Like she is talking about what the future holds, what she's looking for in her podcast. Let's be honest. So she is looking for someone who's had a vasectomy. She says, she said that her perfect man is 44 with about two kids who are headed off to college and who's had a vasectomy and not interested in other kids. So all of this is like giving a window into her past relationship. Right. Um,

Kind of like a confirmation that that's what did them in. She said, you want to know what's a deal breaker for me? I want someone who's had a vasectomy. I don't want to have to worry about any of that shit. She said, I'm not on birth control. I was on birth control from fucking 15 until 23. So she said, I think dads are the ones who've obviously had vasectomies. Like no one without kids is going to have a vasectomy. Yeah, yeah. So she...

further explain why she's interested in dating a dad. She said, ideally his kids would be a little bit older so I don't have to deal with the day-to-day because I can't have a Brady bunch. She later confessed her perfect guy would be someone who's 44, successful, has two kids going off to college, vasectomy. Also, she does not want to date a celebrity. She said that people have been in her DMs since the breakup and big names too who even three years ago she might have been like, ooh, I'll go out with them.

But now she wants a businessman beau. She wants the quiet life. She said she's never putting her relationship on social media again like she did in the past and that people will not have access to her next relationship. And then she also said that the next person that she dates will be her husband. She doesn't want to date. She wants to be married. And she wants to get married again? Yeah.

Okay, well, I feel like she's talking about literally someone, like we know. She's being so specific, like 44, two kids headed to college. But if it's not a celebrity or even like a famous business person, then we might not know them. Yeah. She is sort of seeing someone now, she said. Oh, how old is she? She is 37. Okay, so 44 is like super age appropriate. Yeah. I love that for her. I feel like my relationship with Kristen Cavallari is like for so many years, because when I watched that show, like she was the devil.

she was coming for Elsie and like I was fiercely protective of Elsie and I feel like I carried that like image of her into my adult life up until like a couple of years ago where I was like it's literally fake and it's not real and it's a hundred years ago like let it go yeah forgive her attorney no it's so true and I think maybe it was like last year or the year before I watched the first season of Laguna Beach and

And it's just like not at all how you remember it. It's like she was just trying to have fun. Okay. She was just trying to have fun. And like, yeah, she was cool and pretty. And she got to hang out with the older guys. And like the older girls hated her for it. But like you would do it too for a check, you know? Yeah. Not even for a check. Yeah. I like...

I had to let go of a lot. You had to unlearn. I had to unlearn. And I like her so much now. She's so funny, and I like that she has a podcast, and she doesn't take herself so seriously. And she really made a really nice life for herself after that show in terms of having her own business and family. And I really like her. Me too. I find her just interesting. I think she has a really good personality. She's always making news with her podcast. And she is like...

A warm family life. And like, she's always cooking and she just does a lot. And she's someone that I like following. I followed her. I followed her forever. I think she's one of my like earliest follows that like hasn't gone away. Like I really like her. It feels like I'm betraying like an 11 year old. Like I feel, does anybody else like feel that crazy way? Like, like I can't, like it's Elsie for life. Yeah.

Yeah, no. And she was so the devil. Like, I hated her so much. Meanwhile, I rewatched it. Like, she didn't even do anything that crazy. Yeah. No, she was just living her life. She just knew she was that bitch. And, like, she acted like it. And when you are that bitch, like, you're really not supposed to act like it. And honestly, when I rewatched some of these episodes, like, Elsie kind of came off as, like, a big dopey loser. Fabissina. Fabissina pun. I'm like, always woe is me. Like, Steven, Steven, come over to the hot tub. Like, come on.

And honestly, half of what Elsie had going for her was that her parents were so rich. Like, that was, like, kind of it. That house. That house. And in season one, they're, like, building the house, so she keeps bringing Stephen over to, like, the construction site. And did he, like, skate in the pool? Yeah, yeah. It was like a skate park for him. She just rested a lot on that house. I mean...

It's a lot to rest on. I know I would do it too. However, in hindsight, yeah. As 16 year olds, we found that impressive. But now I'm like, no, Kristen was beaming with personality. And the show is like from her point of view, like we're meant to feel sympathetic towards her. But yeah, watching it now, it's like she's kind of an ag.

And like, what did we hate Kristen for so much? Like when they all went to Mexico and it's like, Kristen's like, they're calling her like a slut. And she's like dancing on the table. It's like, she's having fun. Like Lauren and the other girls are like so Ms. In the corner, like judging everyone in their miniskirts. Like stop. Yeah. So it's funny how life changes, you know? It is funny how life changes. So put her at the top of the list per usual. Yeah. Of eligible singles. Of course.

Are you ready for our next story? Someone who did try to make election day about her and she was brutally rebuffed. Who? Miss one Reba McEntire. Oh my God, guys, Reba's getting kind of canceled. Reba McEntire has the entire internet roasting her for sharing a photo of her red hair with folks saying she's focused on the wrong thing today. So apparently yesterday was National Redhead Day and she posted two photos of her hair, one with a long haircut and one with a short haircut.

And she said, longer short, either way, I love being a redhead. Hashtag national redhead day. Now,

This bothered people for two reasons. One, people were like, listen, lady, not the time or place. Two, a lot of people thought it was a subliminal endorsement. Red, people were looking for subliminal endorsements all day from celebrities yesterday, like based on their emoji. So I don't think Reba was doing that. I'm pretty sure Reba has like a six-person content team who at the beginning of the year like schedules out content for like national margarita.

Margarita Day, National Bread Day, National Redhead Day, not realizing like that November 6th would coincide with the election. Like I truly think this post has been in queue for months. I don't think Reba meant anything by it. Reba's my girl. I'll defend her to the death. So obviously I'm biased, but I don't think she had any ill will with this post. I don't think she had any ill will. And I'm actually going to challenge you on that because like,

So there was an election. Why can't we also celebrate National Redheads Day? Like, why can't two things be true? And like, what, we should just skip the day? What else are redheads going to lose? It's true. It's true. As a minority, I could see how that would be upsetting. And it's not like other people weren't posting other things other than the election day yesterday. Yeah, but for some reason, like, people really just took all their frustration. Maybe it was that. I think it's misguided. Right.

And I think it was like one person said like, Reva, it's not the time. And then everyone like jumped on it. Like the word moist. And it's like, maybe it is the time.

Well, the other thing is that, and I've seen like a lot of people having like this discourse online, like influencers being like, you know, I feel so weird about like posting my regular content and like ads and stuff. It's like, well, everybody else has to go back to work. So do you. Like, yeah, I, I, you know, people don't also acknowledge like as a celebrity, part of your job is to maintain those social media pages and constantly feed them with content and mindless,

And she doesn't choose when National Redhead Day is. Right. But like moronic National Blank Day posts are a part of, when you get to a certain level of celebrity, this is what your content strategy is. And so what, Reba shouldn't show up for work because there's elections? Yeah. She's got bills to pay. Not that this tweet is really paying her bills. I don't know. It's moving the needle in the sense we're talking about Reba. It could have gotten her hair cut.

campaign. Correct. Even though with the backlash, I doubt she'll be the face of Garnier for T-Septicus. Yeah. Though her hair does look great. I just want to say it was all in good fun. It was very funny. And like two photos are, and also just like long or short. I love it. It's like so fucking random. So random. And like, so devoid of like, seriously, everything going on in the world. Like it was funny. I actually loved it. But in that way, like it's perfect. I agree. And like, can't,

We just have nice things. And like Reba's Instagram is one of them. Like it's so unoffensive. Like it's unifying. Did we like the short or the long hair better actually? You're so different. I recently rewatched Reba and she goes through a huge hair transition on the show. Like when she starts out, she basically is a buzz cut. And then by the end of the show, her hair is like down to her shoulders. Like it really grew. I think I liked it somewhere in the middle. You know, the short was really short. She really has a pixie cut in the beginning and it's too short. But then by the end, she has like, you know,

Her hair is like too long. I liked it somewhere in the middle. If she's really wanted to know. She should have posted a third picture. She should have posted the poll option. Yeah, she should have. That's a vote. Yeah. That's a ballot worth casting.

Just so funny. I want to thank Reba for the chuckle. I want to thank Reba for the chuckle. Thank you to this Reba. Thank you to this Reba. However, in both pictures, she's like looking down. Like I actually can't see what the hair looks like. Okay. In both pictures, she's looking down. I'm actually glad you brought that up because it looks like one of those commercials for like hair regrowth where they like make you take a picture of your scalp before and after. That's what this looks like. Yeah. I do feel like her hair looks healthier in the short.

Maybe like she's gearing up for like a Nutrafol partnership or something. Cause that's what this feels like. If I were in the marketing team at Nutrafol, like my first call today is Reba. 1000%. And like, I want the ad up today. I'm literally whitelisting this piece of content. And be like, listen, Reba, they want it long. Like you're going to start sharing your Nutrafol journey. Yeah. Just free marketing. Just a couple of ideas. Are you ready for our next story? Yes. Okay.

Adele is genuinely sad about the end of her Las Vegas residency. She said, the show has been my best friend. So after two successful years, Adele is genuinely sad about the nearing of the end of her Las Vegas residency. On Sunday, she looked ahead as she realized there's less than a month until her final shows take place. She said, this really is the beginning of the end. There are no other fucking shows. I feel like she's been winding down for a year. I know, but like now it's the end. She said, I'm not going to- No, now it's a month. She said, I'm not going to be like surprised this is the end. Right. Um,

she is saying that the show has been her best friend. She said, my life is 1,000 times better. My life, not my career, not my music. I'm talking about my actual life. And I really truly think that the show has been my best friend throughout all of that.

Yeah, well not to make everything about me, and I feel like I've told this story before, but when I went, she talked about how she loves doing this residency so much because it provides her with a level of stability as like a mom and a human being that you really don't get as like a touring musician. Like you're never home. And so she lives in LA. She comes to Vegas. She flies private. What is it? 30 minutes.

on like Thursdays and she goes back on Sundays like it's really provided her a level of just kind of normalcy very like nine to five energy that she has loved so much like watching her son grow up and it's actually been really sweet so I really believe her when she says she's gonna be sad although things like this when you're at like she's not retiring like she she the things like this can't go on forever unless you are like Celine Dion like you're in this later season yeah but it could like go on forever she wanted it to so she obviously like loves it so much but like not enough to keep doing it

No, I think it's because she still has like albums to release and like tours to go on. She's not done yet. Yeah. But she said she's like taking 15 years off music. She's like always saying stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I feel like she does take like 15 years off and then time flies. Right. The next album is going to be 47. And I'll be like, okay, I'm sad. I'm older. And I'm older.

I highly recommend if anyone can make it to a show. It's so beautiful. And I do feel like I, as a human being, I have officially moved on from those canceled first shows. Like, I feel like that was something we did not stop talking about, wondering about, questioning, conspiracy theorizing, the pool and the fireworks. And, you know, having went, I still don't understand why she couldn't get it done. But, but,

I feel like she's really made up for it. Like, it's clear, like, she wanted to do it. She kept extending. And I feel like the people who were affected by that cancellation, like, have recovered. Yeah, and if they can forgive, so can I. Yeah. So I just want to say, like, I make an official decree, like, how I officially, like, Kristen Cavallari now. Like, I officially am over the Adele first round of residency cancellations. So much so that, like, we're not going to bring it up again? Because I feel like that's when, like, you, like, when you're really over something, like, you just...

leave it in the past. - Yeah, I feel like I won't bring it up.

I'm down to. Especially if the residency ends, like why would I be bringing it up? Yeah. Well, yeah, because she wouldn't be in the news if she's just like being private. I actually had forgotten about it until we were doing that like toast Patreon about our old titles. I'm like, oh my God, remember when that was the biggest, craziest thing? And it's actually like not that crazy. Like it was just crazy that she did it the night before. Like the concept of canceling and like wanting to push it back is not a big deal. But now I'm talking about it again. But yeah, I said I wouldn't and here I am. We're here to for dropped. Mm-hmm. Are you ready for it? Consider it.

China. Considerate China. She looks well.

There are very few people I am as happy for as I am for Angela. I feel like she doesn't even go by Black Chyna anymore. She goes by her government name. She got all the filler from her body removed. She removed all of her tattoos. She stopped drinking. She's sober. She is like much more of an active mom. She has found Christ. Like I think it's seriously watching her journey. And you could tell you look at her. She looks so healthy. I'm so happy for her. I am rooting for her so hard from the sidelines. I'm not like leaving comments on her Instagram. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Oh no, oh my God, sorry. Is it the fifth and final story that's brought to you by Minted? - Yes.

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They also make things so easy. They have free recipient addressing. So they'll be able to print all your loved ones addresses on envelopes for free, which is like probably the worst part of like having to address and do everything. Like, please, who has the time for that? I think a lot of people don't do holiday cards because of that. So Minted is making the whole process so easy.

I know you're a big stationer, so really, Minted has kind of become a cornerstone for you. It has. I have custom stationery for my whole family for Minted, but then also for the holidays, I just placed an order for two different holiday cards for my family, one that's, like, a bit more general and then one that's a little more personalized, but combing through their website, like, the amount of holiday card options that they have are so, so cute. You could do, like, custom family ones. You can edit every single thing about the design, so if you don't like what the message says, like, you can write your own thing. Like, I could say, like, have a Pargy, a Gargy Pargy holiday, and, like, Minted would make that for me.

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That is something I actually meant to bring up at the top of the episode, that the election season was long and whatever. But it's really been very interesting to watch podcasting, which has been, we know, like an important medium for us. But to see it really be taken so seriously and have such an impact on people, I was very proud to be a podcaster. I was too. And I'm shocked that Trump won, even though he didn't come on the toast.

I mean, it's insane. That was shocking. Because obviously we're so influential. He was able to cinch it. It's true. It's true. Without the toaster constituency.

Oh, man. I'm going to miss these jokes, Turt. I'm going to miss them. To be honest, I'm not. I feel like we are just skirting around landmines these days. Like, I will not miss everyone's sort of tense energy. And, like, I get it. There's a lot at stake. But the tense energy of, like, just trying to, like, make people laugh, like, I will not miss that at all. Yeah. But we've had a good time.

No, we have. We really have. We've made it our own. We've made it about us, which is all you can expect from swirlies like ourselves. And we've really made it our own. Yeah. As best as we could. In only a way that we can. However, Teddy Mellencamp, she is actually the Erica Girardi of this election cycle. It's so true. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and the presidential elections are inextricably linked. It makes you think.

It does make you think. So she is speaking out on her podcast after filing for divorce. Speaking out, I don't know about speaking out, but she's speaking, period. Because Tamara, on their podcast, Two Teas in a Pod, Tamara asked Teddy how she's doing after announcing the divorce.

divorce. She said, I'm doing all right. She said, at this point, I'm obviously only going to share what I shared on social media. And I just am trying, I don't even know how to say this eloquently, but I'm just trying my hardest to make sure that my kid's privacy is protected right now. And that we're able to have all these conversations. I just didn't want it to blow up. And for anybody that's curious why I would have posted it, posted a statement. It's because when your name is recognizable and you file in the court system, it becomes public.

And then Tamara chimed in to discourage people from sending. Literally, that's so something I would say. Like, you guys wanted to know why I brought this up. Well, as a celebrity. But it's true. I mean, her last name, could it be more recognizable? No, it's true. And there are people whose jobs it is at TMZ to like literally look through LA County court talks to see what the celebrities are up to, whether they're being sued, they're getting divorced, they're getting married, somebody died. Like, that's literally how they find out. Yeah. And like a melon camp can't just slip through the cracks.

Oh, I always forget about like the legacy beyond Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. John Cougs. Yeah. So Tamara noted this is a very sensitive subject. And Teddy said, yeah, and I know I'm going to keep working on feeling my best so that I can show up for the best for my kids and my life and my work. I mean, that's the biggest thing for me right now.

Got a little friend from Jack and Diane. Two American kids growing in the hot land. I think that's Tom Petty. Jackie's gonna be, oh my God, are you kidding me, Jackie? Like, seriously, stop. It's not. Are you sure? Jackie's gonna be a football star. Diane sitting in the back of Jackie's car. Jackie, it's John Cougar Mellencamp. Everybody knows that. Jack and Diane. Jack is John. Okay, you're right, you're right, you're right.

Of course I'm right. And I only know that because Luke Combs covered that song. And then one day I was like, maybe I should listen to the original. And the OG slaps. I just want to say, has anyone ever seen John Mellicamp and Tom Petty in the same room? Just saying. I don't think they have because I'm pretty sure Tom Petty's dead. Like, just don't quote me on that. They're the same person. Actually, I don't see that at all. Like, if I were to, like, John Cougar is like. Why you gotta add the Cougar always? That's his name. I know, but like, you could say it without it.

Like I could, but that, oh, you want to know why? Because there's that Keith Urban song, John Deere, John Cougar. John 316. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I say it, because of Keith Urban. John Deere, John Cougar, John 316. That's not the tune. Football star. That song is so good. And then also Jake Owen, the country music star, did like a. He did like a cover of Jack and Diane. He did a cover. He like, he sang.

He sampled the chorus. Extrapolated it. Yeah. And that's actually how I first discovered the song. Of Jack and Diane? Yeah, because it's a million years ago. Somebody showed me that song. Oh yeah, it was on. Long after the thrill of living is gone. See, I knew you would know that one.

What? I know the song in my bones. I just thought it was Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Well, you would be wrong. Oh, Claudia. Let's give it one more shot. Okay. Okay. And I just want to say, based on our results yesterday, like, we actually, like, we're...

so equally off both times. - Yeah, we didn't predict. - Based on our results, you would have thought it was a tie. - We didn't predict the election. - Okay, I'm actually gonna, I'm gonna try and do something different than I did yesterday. - Yeah, you go a little high. I'm staying where I am. Can you bring yours down a little bit? - No, this is it. - You think this is it? Crushed it? - This is what we're sending to the American people today. Is it love or is it heartbreak? We won't know.

- Okay. It's time for Dear Toasters, our weekly advice segment. - Spread love everyone. - Where Jax and I try to give our best, do our best to give advice to the swirlies in need. If you ever wanna write into us, you know,

You can do that. It's two different ways. One, if you head to thetoastpodcast.com, you scroll down, there's a little Dear Toaster submission box, totally anonymous. If you want to send us an email, you can do that. It's deartoasters at gmail.com. Here's what the Swirleys are currently getting into. And Godspeed to the Swirleys. Hello, Jax and Turd. Hello. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. We live together. We're in a very serious relationship. We often talk about getting married. So naturally, like many women, I went on Pinterest to find a ring style that I liked. When

When I showed it to him thinking it would be like a cute moment, he said, I'll get whatever ring I want because I'm the one proposing and you don't get any say. Basically saying like I should just be grateful to get a ring at all. And it really upset me because every girl's dream is her wedding ring. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Should I just be grateful that he's talking about proposing at all? Hell. I just feel like there's a nicer way to say it.

And I mean, it just speaks to a potentially larger. Is this the first out of pocket thing he ever said to you? Well, then there might be something deeper, like maybe as a family heirloom and he's like trying to like make it seem good to you. But there I am. The overall sentiment of like, I want to pick out the ring that I want for you. Like, I don't hate. However, especially if there is an heirloom in the mix. However, like, why did he say it like that?

this is one of those situations where it's really hard not to just jump to pushing the button, break up with your boyfriend. Right. Because he sounds like an ass. Now, maybe you just wrote it that way, like, for brevity's sake, and that's not exactly what he said. Or perhaps you're really used to being spoken to like this. And I'm here to tell you, like, anyone who speaks to you like that, like, is not your man. Like, that is not your husband. So, I...

So let's discuss this as if she did accurately translate what he, like, this is exactly what he said. Well, then, like, he's a piece of work, and he's probably a piece of work in other areas, and he's a problem. Then he's got a problem. I'll get whatever ring I want because I'm the one proposing, and you don't get any say. With a quote. So, I mean, it's a quote. Is there a nice way of saying, I'll get whatever ring I want, and you don't have any say? Yeah.

And Jackie, even if like he does, you know, really want to surprise her and yada yada, someone coming to you with like a picture like, okay, say like, okay, cool. What if he already bought the ring and this was him like being defensive and nervous? So I would have to know the person, right? Like, so you need to read the situation. Like, is this a frequent way of him communicating? Because then that's an issue. It was just totally out of the blue. Yeah, then maybe like you like made him nervous and he has the thing in his pocket. Like,

That's possible. And I just want to say the idea that a man would buy a ring without input from his own fiance and it's his, it's like he's going to take the lead on it. It's not my preferred method, but I don't hate it. Yeah. I mean, it's, I don't have a preference either way. I just, my concern is like how you're being spoken to by your man. Like. Yeah. And then the concept in general, if she doesn't get say over her ring and it's something every girl dreams of her wedding ring,

I don't think that that has to be that way is what I'm saying about just that. I guess if I had a preference, like, you know, you, I mean, some people really genuinely want to be completely surprised. So if you want that, like you can't have say in your ring.

- No, but she wants to have say in her ring, but what do you think about a man who's like, "I wanna get you, I'm picking this out for you, it's my token of my love for you." - What are you, a girl? It's our thing, fuck off. - Is it our thing? I feel like that's kind of new thing. Men used to surprise propose to women all the time. - No, back in the day, they didn't surprise propose. It was all heirlooms. Now rings are so customizable, right? Everybody has a shape that they like and a band that they like and they like halos. No, you can't compare it to back in the day because most jewelry was passed down. You didn't have a choice.

Now it's such an industry and everybody like, it's a thing. You're like kind of raised to like have a dream ring and a dream wedding. Like I think a man who's insisting on him designing and choosing it, like, okay, why? I don't like that. Especially like, it should be up to the girl. Like if she wants to have a say, then she gets a say. If she doesn't want to have a say and she wants to be genuinely surprised, like he can go ask her mom or her friends, you know? Mm-hmm.

I think this I think like the real issue here is the communication not the ring. And so I feel like maybe you needed someone to tell you that like that's a really like gross way to be spoken to especially about something so joyful. Yeah. So I would look into that honestly before anything else.

All right, hey. Hey, Gargi Bargi girls. I need some help with an awkward situation I experienced this week. I go to bed quite early because of my work schedule and my boyfriend, whom I live with, goes to bed much later than me. The other night, I was trying to sleep and I kept hearing a strange noise. I tracked it to our garage and when I opened the door, I found my boyfriend sitting there singing extremely loud.

Obviously, I startled him, but he got so weird about it. I kept asking what he was doing, and he finally told me that sometimes he just feels like singing, and he doesn't want to wake me up, so he does it in the garage. Is this strange behavior, or am I the one being weird about it? I also like to sing, and he has a great voice, but singing in the garage at night is weird, right? Thanks, girlies. Love you. It's weird and cute, and it could either just be like... By the way, it's not weird. Marry this man. It could be the cutest, most pure hobby, or like...

you could you know it could be not not good no I'm sorry this is really sweet like he's obviously embarrassed that like singing is something he like has a passion for because like that you know in this day and age we're like what are you Troy Bolton you know it's like what are you gay like that's what you say about boys who sing like so he's been a man he has been you know beaten down by the patriarchy and he has to hide his feelings and I'm sorry this man is so sweet if you don't marry him I will like I love him sweet

It is sweet. And by the way, it's also considerate. Like going into the garage, you're asleep. And you know what? If I had a partner who went to bed at like six o'clock and I didn't go to bed till like 10, like I'll be so bored. Yeah, I might start singing in the garage too. That's really cute. No, I love it. As long as he's not like covering up for something else, you know? Yeah, but she caught him. Like if he was covering up, if he was, you know, burying a body, he would be, he was singing. So it's so cute. I actually could cry. It's so cute. I love him.

I have for the first time, I have nothing bad to say about your man. Like marry him. Yeah. And marry this man to come out of the garage. Like why can't he sing during the day? Why doesn't he? Yeah. Encourage him to sing in the light. Yeah. Let him know it's okay. And you love to hear his voice. I love that. That's, that's actually really good. Like he has to sing in the garage. Yeah. You should like sign him up for an open mic.

Yeah, this is his dream. What's his dream? To sing in the garage? No, to like sing. So sign him up for like an open mic at a local pub. Yeah. Help him. No, I love him so much. Like we need to, like whenever a man has like a sweet hobby, like we need to like harness and protect that. Yeah. Except for that guy last week who wrote it about his husband, like who does stand-up comedy and he stings. Don't harness. Don't protect. Yeah, don't protect.

All right, our third and final. Hey, girly, swirly, whirly pops. I'm in a dilemma and I need your help. I always go to bed before my boyfriend. He doesn't come up to bed until hours later and I'm already asleep. The other night he came to bed and I was still awake. Yeah. The other night he came to bed, I was still awake just laying there so he thought I was asleep.

He went on my side of the bed, crouched down, and got on my phone. I had nothing to hide, so I let him go through it. It had been over five minutes, so I finally said, what are you doing on my phone? He replied, I'm just checking to make sure you set your alarm. I let it go and went to bed, but the next morning I checked my screen time and it showed he was on my messages and my call app for over two minutes each. I confronted him. He said it must have been a mistake. Now I'm wondering how often he's checking my alarm. Should I keep pushing it or let it go? Dirty dog. Dirty dog. Good thought checking your screen time. That is so icky.

yeah checking your alarm like a boyfriend or a husband boyfriend goodbye yeah if you don't have trust you have nothing he doesn't trust you he doesn't trust you and now you can't trust him because he boldface lied to you he's gotta go and you know i'm not the one to push push the eject button that is so scary he doesn't trust you which is like half of the red flag but the other half is the fact that you confronted him and he straight up lied like you have proof you've got you don't got it sis

Sometimes I'll wake up and Ben is on my phone, like in the middle of the night standing above me and he's...

always putting the sound machine on. Ben can't have enough. We have the hatch on, Ben's phone sound machine. And then when it's not enough for him, sometimes he puts mine on. That is crazy. And that's what wakes me up. Like the sudden addition of a new sound machine. Sorry, that's not crazy that he puts the sound machine on. I'm back at the- The girl, yeah. Crouching on your phone for five minutes. And he's also just like in the business. He's in the business of like sneaking around, lying, snooping. Like all of it is bad. All of it. All of it.

How dumb does he think you are? Unless like he's like maybe accidentally sending you a text. Leaving you love notes. Maybe he accidentally sent you a text that was like a big surprise about your engagement. So he went on your phone to delete it. And then, you know, maybe got a little interested. I would go back like a couple of weeks and see if your phone gets screen time while you're asleep any other nights. Was this the first time or the last time? Yeah. Because he won't do it now that he knows you're on to him. So see if...

Your phone saves your screen time data for weeks. See if he- - Unless there's a good reason for this, like he's planning a surprise party, he accidentally texted you something. If he's really snooping in the middle of the night on your phone, that's when your relationship is gone, if you can't trust your partner. - It's so true. And you're whispering in dark alleys, no. - Yeah. - It's bad. I'm giving this a terminal diagnosis. - Yeah, I'm sorry. - This relationship is cooked. - It's just a boyfriend. - Yeah, it's one of many.

In your life. Don't worry about it. That's our show. That's your Toasters. If you guys want to write in, please. We would love to hear from you. Thank you so much for listening to the Toast and Money Morning Show. We deal with the fast five stories you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe, leave this video a thumbs up. We're also available as a podcast anywhere. Literally anywhere podcasts can be found. So that's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Media, I already cast box all the places where you listen to podcasts. Find us at Toast and Money. Five star view. Beautiful setting. And we'll get laid down. Love ya. Bye.