‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High’ With Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan, and Mallory Rubin
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If you're a fan of the inner workings of Hollywood, then check out my podcast, The Town, on the Ringer Podcast Network. My name's Matt Bellany. I'm founding partner at Puck and the writer of the What I'm Hearing newsletter. And with my show, The Town, I bring you the inside conversation about money and power in Hollywood. Every week, we've got three short episodes featuring real Hollywood insiders to tell you what people in town are actually talking about. We'll cover everything from why your favorite show was canceled overnight, which streamer is on the brink of collapse, and which executive is on the hot seat.

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On August 16th, the scariest movie of the summer, Alien Romulus is coming to theaters everywhere, including IMAX. This movie looks terrifying, and I cannot wait to see it. Alien Romulus comes from Fede Alvarez, the director of intense horror movies like Evil Dead and Don't Breathe, and it is produced by the legendary Ridley Scott, the mastermind behind iconic films like Blade Runner and the original Alien,

Can't wait for this one. Alien Romulus, rated R, in theaters everywhere, August 16th. Get your tickets now. The Rewatchables is brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network, where you can find our YouTube channel, Ringer Movies, that has The Rewatchables, The Big Picture, and some other stuff. You can also find Mallory Rubin on House of R. That's the name they gave me. Chris Ryan.

The crank master himself, Mr. Crank. And daddy. There's something about being called crank master with this movie that I'm not comfortable with. The Watch. My name is Bill Simmons. We are doing Fast Times at Ridgemont High. We got the bug when we were talking about Jerry Maguire recently. So now, Fast Times, finally. Here we go. Is this necessary? That was my skull. I'm so weird.

Is this proper? What is it that gets inside your head? Is this educational? No, but it sure is fun. Hey, bud, let's party. See Fast Times at Ridgemont High, where only the rules get busted. Rated R. Starts Friday, August 20th at theaters in your area. Check newspapers for short times. All right, Chris Ryan, Fast Times.

Yeah. Yeah. Mallory. Yeah. It's been a while for you in the rewatchables since you brought the house down and Forrest Gump, right? War of the Roses. Yeah. War of the Roses. That's right. Yeah.

The raunchy teen movie era. Era near and dear to my heart since I was a teenager as these movies were coming out. I'm older than you, Chris Ryan. I don't know if I've ever mentioned that on the podcast. Just a hair. I wanted you to paint a picture of Bill Simmons 1982 with Porky's in this. Just wanting these movies to come out every week? Yeah. Early cable. Super early VHS. You might have a birthday party where you went to somebody's house and...

maybe they would have fast times and be like oh my god they have fast times um but this was i consider caddyshack to start this okay so animal house 78 caddyshack which i don't think is considered a teen movie but it really is if you look at it but then we get to 82 and it's this recipe of comedy boobs people trying to get laid yeah and that's your three favorite that's it

And bank robberies. If they would ever just put a bank robbery in four feet. And heists.

But that was it. And that was just the way it went for years. And then at some point, it kind of morphed into the John Hughes type of teen comedy. But this is like, it's the most inappropriate era. It's also obviously near and dear to my heart. And a lot of good music, too. What's your relationship? This was the darker, older sibling to Breakfast Club. So I think I probably was introduced more to the John Hughes stuff, like Ferris Bueller and Breakfast Club and 16 Candles. But it was like,

Fast Times was the tape, like you said, it's like the tape somebody's older brother had, you know? And it kind of reminded me, watching it now, it made me feel like I did. So in 82, I was like really young, but like, it's like that feeling of being in middle school and like kids in high school seem impossibly older, like so much older than they actually were. But you're like,

These guys are like in their late 20s. They party and have sex like and drive and I'm just like such a child. And that's what it felt like the first time you watched Fast Times because it was like so it was so real and so dark and there's stuff there was stuff that happening in Fast Times. I was like, I don't know what that is. Like, I don't know what an abortion is. I don't know what oral sex is like when I when I first saw the movie.

I exactly felt that way. There were like three things in this movie I didn't even know how to process or understand them. There was also a danger with this movie, Mal. Mm-hmm.

where kids, I was in eighth grade when this came out. Like, some kids weren't allowed to see it. Yeah. So it was like, okay, I'm not allowed to see it. Let's go to the movies and see this other movie and then immediately sneak into Fast Time. Right. So everybody saw it. And I don't think they knew it was going to be as big as it was. I think it did fine in box office, but it was the tale of it, I think, that mattered. Yeah. What do you remember about it? Cult classic to this day. So this movie came out four years before I was born. Fair. So it's...

Actually, for me, something that I saw

after the high school sex movies or coming of age romance stories that were like the defining movies of my time like we just did the 99 draft and we talked about a bunch of them american pie 10 things i hate about you cruel intentions those were the movies that i was watching in middle school and then those are the son and daughters exactly and then you start catching up on the coaching tree and realizing what came before so i saw fast times i saw days and confused i saw a

obviously much more like Chase, but America Graffiti, all those movies for me came after the movies that were like releasing contemporaneously to when I was growing up, which I think in a, maybe it's not then quite the like, oh my God, this like taught me what a blowjob is, which it sounds like was your personal and very meaningful relationship to the film. Changed my relationship to carrots, that's for sure. I bet. I've got some notes on the carrots that will, I'm sure, come up throughout the pod today. Some thoughts and questions. I thought about bringing carrots, but then I was like, it's probably an HR violation. I was going to do that too. I was like, maybe

Like maybe if we were filming at home on Zoom, you know? This era, Porky's was the sixth biggest movie of 1982. Yeah. Following E.T., Raiders of the Lost Ark, Rocky III, On Golden Pond, An Officer and a Gentleman. Porky's was sixth. What a year for you. Oh my God. I mean, this is, your Poltergeist came out, First Blood.

you know, there's a bunch of them and, and taps with a Sean Penn. But so I think of this era, it's Caddyshack, it's fast times, it's Porky's last American virgin is a huge piece of this that just kind of died, but it's same kind of recipe of somebody who wanted to fall in love and had their heart broken with, with really good, well-placed music. That one had James Ingram at the end just once.

as he realized his buddy had cock-blocked him and stolen the girl he loved. And he's just driving away crying and it's like, I gave my best, but I guess my best wasn't good enough. Cause here we are back where we were before. Like, you're just not thinking about it. Losing it with Tom Cruise. Uh-huh.

school with Matthew Modine and ironically Phoebe Cates. Yeah. Betsy Russell on the horse. Important teenage scene class with Rob Lowe, Andrew McCarthy. That's right. And,

And Andrew McCarthy starts dating Rob Lowe's mom. That's one of the most absurd movies ever made. But they're just cranking these out left and right. And then all of a sudden, John Hughes is like, I will take your coin. And then when's Meatballs? Meatballs is earlier. Meatballs is 80, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Meatballs is, it's like Animal House, Meatballs, Caddyshack leading to all the ripoff movies. It's really interesting to see what Hollywood generally, Hughes specifically, probably saw in Fast Times.

And we're like, let's take this, this, and this, and we'll see that other shit out of this. You know what I mean? So like, there's stuff in Breakfast Club that,

It's transgressive or is a little bit edgy and stuff like that, but it's nowhere close to what's going on in Fast Times. And concerning the amount of movies it must have influenced, it's crazy how rare it is to see a movie get as... Push things as far as Fast Times did. But those impermissible qualities, like, that's the meta aspect of it. Like, the things that the kids in high school at the mall are doing in the movie, and you're like, do they have...

okay, I saw one goodnight hug between Mama Hamilton and Stacey, and then the parents are just MIA. Curtis mentions Papa Spicoli to Jeff once, but the parents are not present. Damone's working with his dad in the garage where he's supposed to be taking... And so the kids, the teens, the high schoolers, are getting up to all of the things that they can do outside of the view of supervision. And when you're watching Fast Times, it feels...

feels like that. Like, consuming it is for you what doing all the things But that's also what childhood kind of felt like that back then, right? Like, your parents were just not around as much as they are, I think, in kids' lives today. It is a...

a dominant theme in these 80s movies and I always wonder like where are the parents because it's always like oh yeah mom and dad are away for a week Brad and I are watching the house for the week what about all the other times like I don't want to leave my house with Ben for like four hours like Ben will be like when are you guys coming back I'm like 45 minutes from now even if it's three hours later you come back there's an octagon that's been built totally

I already have some stories on this. But yeah, back then, it was a lot of kids just not being anywhere where their parents were. Partly because they didn't have the internet.

So if you were home, you're either in your room listening to music or you're in the living room watching TV with your parents. Nobody wanted to do that. So they just get the fuck out. That's why malls became so important. Yeah, man. And this is one of the big themes of this movie. This is like the rise of mall culture, which then leads to some of the movies we had in the 90s celebrating this era of mall culture, like Mallrats, a Chris Ryan favorite. Yeah. And it's also like...

like really brought back the era of like kind of having a job that you just did to keep busy more than anything else. And that that was something parents were just like, you gotta get out of the house. Like, I don't really care what you do, but like,

You better come home with like 50 bucks at the end of the week or whatever those kids were getting paid. And you wound up working at pizza places and ice cream shops and taking tickets at movie theaters. And if it was all at the mall and it was basically a big hangout. But that's one of the things that's so great about the movie is like at no point does it feel like any of them had to get a job because their parents made them. It's like their pursuit of

of freedom. Yeah. Right? Financial independence, like social independence, whatever the case may be. And they're the ones convincing each other. Right. Fast Times came out in 82.

There's a whole story behind this movie with Cameron Crowe, our guy. We just did Jerry Maguire, but he goes undercover. He's writing for Rolling Stone, goes undercover at Claremont High School in San Diego, even though he was an adult and redoes a year of high school and writes a book about it. Unbelievable. And they decided to turn it into a movie. So he writes the script. But one of the things about this movie and some of the other ones, we've talked about this in the past, which is like the crazy talent pool of actors. Oh my God.

in the early eighties. We talked about this with risky business. Yeah. This movie, it doesn't launch Sean Penn cause he's in taps the year before, but Nick cage is in it. Eric Stoltz, Forrest Whitaker, Phoebe Cade, Cynthia Edwards, Jennifer, Jason Lee. Um, but then Valley girl is happening separately and that has Nick cage and, um, the risky business is happening with cruise. The outsiders is happening with Swayze and it's just this talent boom, um,

Uh, the brat pack is forming and I don't know what it is. It's like when you, when you look at the NBA or whatever, NFL with quarterbacks, like why are there so many quarterbacks for this three year stretch? This makes no sense. I wonder whether there's something connecting it to the kids of that eighties America being on upwardly mobile or like having purchasing power and, and Hollywood recognizing that like, Oh, kids want to see themselves on screen. Yeah. Let's pump these out.

like all year long, but especially over the summer when they're out of school. And like, and thank God. Yeah. And then that, but that's like, you know, in the seventies, I don't think you have as many like high school movies because people, I think, I don't think that that was a demographic that was getting marketed to as much. There was this era that Sierra and I have talked about. You missed it. I was old enough to be babysat by some of these kids, but it's from like 76, probably to 83. Yeah.

Where people just left the house and they drove around. Yeah. And that movie, this movie captures that too. Like when Spicoli and Jefferson's brother. Yeah. And they're just driving and they're just fucking getting loaded in the car. Like that's what people did in 1981. You're just like, I'm just going to go from point A to point B in the town I live in and we'll drive and we'll play music and we'll get fucked up. Maybe we'll end up in a parking lot.

And that's how you killed like a Saturday night. Yeah, but that was like, you can't get into a bar. So what do you do to go hang out? And it was like, but even when I was growing up, we would drive to Cherry Hill, New Jersey and go to the mall or we would go to mini golf somewhere in New Jersey. And we were just, but it wasn't like we were mini golf aficionados. Just passing the time. Yeah, we're just trying to kill a night. But you could also get fucked up in your car and it was okay. It was like, oh, CR crashed his car and he was fucked up. Like, oh man. He's going to pick up.

gonna pin it on the rival school but like you have a scene when when rat and damone show up at at stacy's to to hang out in the pool right it's like yeah hot day came to help you with your math homework the idea now of two people who are sort of tangentially kind of in your life

showing up at your home to spend the day with you without announcement or invitation is inconceivable. I was thinking about it. I'm going to start doing that to Sean. I'm just going to drop by.

It's like I'm screening a movie. Hey, Craig, did your generation ever just get in the car and drive around and kill a Friday night? Or is that era just over? I think we did that. We used to go to like parks, 7-Elevens, stuff like that. People's garages. And yeah, we would definitely sit in cars. But it could never be like, oh, Johnny's had 20 beers. He's going to have to take us home. This is hilarious. Mm.

No, not really. That's kind of what 1981 was like. Yeah, but that was before Mothers Against Drunk Driving. I feel like a lot of that stuff got hammered on us pretty hard. Not in the era of this movie. Spicoli, basically, they crash a car, a bunch of shit happens, he sideswipes other cars, he's like, whoa! And then somehow gets the car somewhere else the next day and it's fine. The movie doesn't judge the behavior at all. Caddyshack was like that too. Um...

So, 1982, Sean Penn. I know him at this point from Taps in this movie and then Bad Boys. And after that threesome, I would just bet he's going to be the biggest star in the world. Because there are three completely different parts. He's so good in this movie, it does not seem like Sean Penn. Yeah, I mean... It has no correlation to any other character he's played in his entire career. It's also hilarious to watch somebody doing a method...

method version of acting for Spicoli. I mean, like, because usually you're just like, oh, yeah, you would do, like, My Left Foot or, you know, Robert De Niro in Raging Bull. This guy's like a stoner. He's basically like Wooderson or like a bunch of other, like, iconic kind of rebel kids. And he's fucking treating it like he's playing Henry V. Yeah.

It has the same lasting impact on our shared history, though. Yeah. Honestly. Yeah. Like Spicoli walking in to Mr. Hand's U.S. history class with a bagel in the waistband of his jeans. That is cinema. Yeah. Yeah. It is. This is just an iconic performance. Spicoli getting the pizza delivered to the classroom. Unbelievable. The other thing that's worth mentioning about Spicoli, which is really fascinating to go back and watch, is like,

You know, there was still like regionalism in American culture. And this was a West Coast movie. That was a West Coast character. Like we did not know. Oh, I had no idea who that person was. Yeah. East Coast. Having a guy wear a Baja and a turtleneck and checkered vans. I was like, this guy might as well be wearing like, you know, like a clown suit. I've never seen this before. I almost put this in What's Aged to Worst. Spicoli, not the character, but just.

He's been ripped off so many times since 1982 that it's like, oh yeah, Spicoli. I've seen that character, but you can't overstate that this character did not exist in movies or television until Spicoli. The original authentic article. Also, the checker pants are timeless. Yeah, well, he made them timeless. Yeah. I don't, I can't think of any other character before this because I tried to rack my brain. I'm like, oh, there had to be somebody and I just, you know, not like this where it's funny, but also like this wholly distinct character. Yeah. He's just,

He's great. The soundtrack is unbelievable in this movie too. Incredible. Can we do Amy Heckerling for a second?

Yeah. Yeah. Can I do the soundtrack? Sure, man. Jesus. I thought you were going to say like, we'll do that needle drop. I have, I have Hackerling. No, I just, this movie starts with, we got the beat. Yeah. Yep. It goes to American girl, American girl drop. And then it comes right into Jackson Brown. Somebody's baby. It's just, those are the first three songs of the movie. We, uh, I think a boy goes in here, the moving in stereo, one of the best car songs, one of the best early eighties songs.

Led Zepp is in here Jingle Bell Rock it's it's way up there for soundtracks unfortunately for the actual soundtrack like five of the best songs don't exist on the soundtrack yeah they couldn't get the rights yeah because America is American Girl on it yeah it's not American Girl's not not on Moving in Stair is not on We Got the Beat's not on

Kashmir is obviously not on. So yeah, it's, but that was a big part of this movie. Cause it was like that eight early eighties, like the soundtrack Valley girl, that was what sold Valley girl. But there's still like little remnants of the seventies. So it's like, Damone's like, you got to listen to Led Zeppelin for, you know, like, it's like, they're still talking about classic rock, which I guess would have just been rock back then. This was a really, one of my favorite areas of music from like 78 to 82. Like,

Like the beginning, punk, new wave. It's not. New Order and The The and those bands aren't, they're not even close. Depeche Mode, The Cure. Yeah. They're not quite there yet. But it's not classic rock either.

So you have like the Stones have like that. That's when the Stones have some of my favorite songs. Yeah, Damone has like a Some Girls or Emotional Rescue poster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Elvis Costello's in there and it's just getting weird and there's some punk mixed in and blondies at their peak. I enjoy that music. All right, do your Amy Hekler thing. I just, watching it this time, I was just struck by like

This is such a different movie if a different director does it. And what an amazing touch she has. Like David Lynch. Like David Lynch. And, you know, she's basically done this twice in her career, which is amazing, where she's made like a perfect high school movie because another one she does is Clueless. Clueless.

But the similarities with Clueless still, like, this is a movie that's, like, a lot about manners and a lot about, like, miscommunication. And I just think she has such a great touch with, honestly, some of the most controversial scenes of this movie. Yeah. Could go so fucking haywire. Yeah. If you're not, like...

Hey, they're, they both have to be naked or like, we have to like shoot this from like an even handed perspective. If it was more exploitative, I don't think we would even be doing this on the pod. You know, it would be porkies basically. One thing I was struck watching it. I've, I don't know how many times I've seen this movie, but watching it from the prism of like just knowing teenage girls. Cause I went through it with my daughter and a lot of her friends just, just have a different perspective.

This movie is so good with the two girls, the relationships with them, and then the Jennifer Jason Leigh character. Because when I was growing up, this was like a Spicoli movie to me. And I didn't really care about the relationships as much. It's Stacey's movie. And then as you get older, you're like, oh, this is Stacey's movie. And then when you actually become a parent, you're like, this is an amazing movie about Stacey. So I went through all the journey. Give us your Stacey thoughts.

I have lots of Linda thoughts coming up later. But yeah, I agree. To me, Spicoli is the comedy gold and the highly memeable quality and obviously this iconic performance that is just genuinely exceptional. But it's always been Stacey's movie to me. And maybe that's because when I watched it for the first time, I was a teenage girl. And so it's always felt like she was the primary protagonist. And Spicoli and Brad are...

sort of alternate point of view characters, even though Sean Penn is like the lead billing in the movie and like the poster, etc. The Clueless comp and the fact that Amy Heckerling was able to pull this off twice to Chris's point, like I think I have seen, I haven't seen Clueless in a while, but I think over the course of my life, I've probably seen that movie more than any other movie because when I was a kid, I would watch it

every other weekend. Like for years on end because it just felt like indelible and essential to that time in my life. And I think for people who are a little older than me, that's probably what Fast Times was for them. And so to be able to give that to multiple generations of young people watching a movie is like unbelievable. Yeah. I mean, she and Cameron Crowe are not that much older than these kids when they make this movie. Right. Which is

Pretty rare. People in their 20s don't usually get an opportunity to make a movie. But when they do it right, like Linklater or Spike Lee or Cameron Crowe and Amy Heckerling here, they really nail it because they feel connected to those kids. I think that point about where they are in their lives, because am I right that Amy Heckerling was maybe 27, 28 when they were making the movie? Yeah.

To your point about how the film doesn't feel judgmental, you were both saying a version of this, like, you're close enough to that experience that it feels like...

the formative, defining years of your life. Well, and they make Damone the bad guy. But barely. But you're not far enough away that you're looking back and saying, how could we do these things? Or, like, how dare people behave this way? You understand how it shapes the course of your life, but still kind of with, like, a little bit of longing. Like, there's a mythology to high school from the people who made it. Yeah, the fact that they don't judge the characters at all is...

I think, like what CR said, in the wrong hands, this movie goes sideways in a bunch of bad ways. Yeah. It's funny because she made Loser, which is a movie I really wanted to like. And my wife actually loves it. But it's a really frustrating, weird movie with a great soundtrack. And it has a lot of the same beats of Clueless. And it just didn't totally work. And part of it is because of the character. Mina Sabari is the lead. Yeah. And it just...

The recipe's there and she just can't land the plane, but it makes you realize how hard it is to do clueless in this movie. Yeah. Like it's just not going to pull it off. Jennifer Jason Leigh is a really special actress too. Oh my God. Unbelievable performance. I was trying to think of like the best, and it's weird because it's like basically every seven years or six, seven years, because you have this movie, Say Anything Ioni Sky in that movie is kind of the late 80s version of...

Where this character is in a lot of different ways. She's older. Then you get to Clueless. Mean Girls, I think, is a good one. That feels very 2004. When you just think of movies that feel like they're in the exact year when you watch it. Yeah. You know? Mean Girls, to me, feels like such a 2004 movie. Then you go to EZA with Emma Stone in, like, 2010. It's another one. But every six, seven years, you get a really special performance where you're like, oh, that girl is definitely going to be famous. And now it's probably Euphoria.

Yeah. Right? Yeah, it's kind of depressing, but true. Great performances. It is probably the sort of definitional high school thing, even though those people are not high schoolers anymore. Like,

Obviously. But I liked... I thought Edge of Seventeen was really good. Yeah. I love that movie. Adventureland we did on the rewatchables. There's been a lot of these. And when it's in the right hands, you usually need to have the actress to help pull it off. And sometimes the movie just doesn't have the right actress. Yeah. Well, it's the performers, but it's also how the characters are written and conveyed. Because to your Stacey question, part of what I love about the movie is that the...

the girls are just as horny as the guys. Like, they have agency and they're active drivers of the things they want, which becomes more normal over time, but is not always what you would necessarily expect to find in a movie about, like, sex-crazed dudes who just want to, like, watch girls suck on carrots at the cafeteria table. But... Stacey's like... Sorry. You need a minute? Hold on. Let me think about that one longingly again. Yeah. Um...

I think that's the key part of this movie is that they flipped it. Yeah.

But the way that they're talking about like how much comes out when a guy has an orgasm. A quart. That's how guys talked. It's amazing. That's the same kind of like misunderstanding that guys would have. I got to say though as an eighth grader seeing this movie though, I was like, wait, they talk about this stuff too? Like it was really like a revelation. I didn't know they talked about it. How was I going to know? And they're also like lying to each other. She's like, I thought you said he lasted for 40 minutes. He's like, oh yeah, that's right. 40 minutes. Yeah. And you're like, okay, is Linda like...

embellishing the truth to make Doug sound cooler and superior to like lame high school boys. Does Doug exist? Right. Is Doug fake? Is he a figment of creation? I have that coming up later. There's some evidence. There's some hardcore evidence. Why do you think Phoebe Cates was in a bigger star CR? Uh,

I don't know. I mean, I don't really know what she was. I mean, we really curious to go through and find out like what parts she might've been up for. I snuck into the theater for paradise with Willie Ames a year later, a blue Lagoon ripoff with Phoebe. I think she had a lot of regrets after the fact about that movie, but yeah, I, I just think people really liked her and,

For some reason, it just, she got typecast because she also was in private school. It's pretty impossible. Then you can't get out of it. To go from being like, when you look at like Jennifer Jason Leigh's career, for instance, like that is astonishing that she is still like, she's on Fargo last year or this year or whatever. She's in Fargo. Yeah. To go from that. So she's basically. Mal was out on her after Single Way Female because she killed the dog.

Mal never recovered. Even if it was an actress and it was a fake movie. I thought we might make it through one rewatchables without mentioning some terrible fate befalling an animal. But no. You know, actually, when they're going through the... When Stacey and Rad are going through the photos, we do get the casual, needless mention of the dead family pets. Could have done without it. Nothing made my wife more upset in a movie ever than the puppy getting pushed out the window in Single White Female. And I include...

All other things that have happened in all other movies. It was the most tragic thing that's ever happened. That poor puppy. Anyway, I interrupted you. No, I think we were trying to figure out what happened to Phoebe. Well, she got married to Kevin Kline and then she had kids. Unbelievable. And I think she just... Seems like she's had a chill life. She was in that weird Alan Cumming movie when he's married to Jennifer Jason Leigh, ironically, and they have the party.

Came out in the early 2000s. They have like this party and like all hell breaks loose and people start getting in fights with each other. She was in Gremlins. She was in Drop Dead. Gremlins is a big one. Yeah, so that was her big one. The anniversary party. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. Interesting movie. Her and Kelly Preston want to redo those careers. So when you watch...

Stranger Things, which obviously is set in the 80s. Yeah. And we've got, you know, sequences that are set at a video store and you walk in and it's like there's a cardboard cutout of Phoebe Cates in the bathing suit coming out of the pool in this movie, right? See, I needed Mal to bring this up because we need to talk about it. Okay, great.

I'm prepared. You can do Great Shot Gordo this time. I actually have a few other contenders for Great Shot Gordo, but they also all involve sex. The, really all of Stranger Things Season 3, like the setting at the mall, obviously that's not like, you know, horny and sexed up like this, but the pool sequences with Billy, like the number of nods and allusions to specifically Phoebe Cates in Fast Times and how defining that would be for a generation of young people. Like, this is,

Brad jerking off in the bathroom, fantasizing about Linda, wet, drenched, stepping out of the pool, unbuttoning, unlatching, unfastening her bathing suit top. Her red bikini. This is like one of the most iconic stretches in the history of film, and I would like to ask you both today. Is this the moment, the number one moment in the history of cinema that young men are

getting to know their own bodies and also cinema history have jerked off to over the course of time. Puberty HDH? Is this number one? That's a good question.

I'm so glad you brought this up and I didn't have to, so I didn't seem pervy. I think it's the most important nude scene of all time. Wow. Yeah, I do. Oh my God. I wasn't prepared for this, so I'm trying to think like. That's on you, honestly. In the research, the actual research on the blockbusters and the video stores. Yeah.

They said that this movie got paused so often on the Fibi case. I bet. The tape started to wear on the VHS tapes when you rented it. Yeah. I don't know what would be another one. I mean, there was like famous nude scenes like Lacey Underall and Caddyshack. You can go all the way through. Jamie Lee Curtis in pretty places. This was the famous one. But it's weird because you also have to watch Judge Reinhold jerking off.

So it's a gamut of emotions. Great scene. To watch a guy in a fucking, is he wearing the pirate's hat or did he take it off? Can you guys keep it down? I've got some work to do. Indeed. Yeah, Brad's got some work to do. Linda's sitting on the diving board. Oh my God. Were there not locks on doors in suburban homes in Southern California in 1982? Apparently not. It's

What's going on there? Apparently not. The bathroom? Go to your bedroom, Brad. They just let everything roll right off their back. They're like, you know what? We caught Brad jerking it, but it's okay. We're just like, maybe there are Q-tips elsewhere in this house. Yeah. Yeah, it felt like there was no follow-up scene. It's great that there wasn't social media because Brad would not have lived this down. Yeah. Tough one for Brad. Hashtag pool house jerker. Hashtag.

But it's like we talked about in the past. There just wasn't a lot of porn back then and there wasn't a lot of nudity just in general. Have you seen Spicoli's bedroom? There wasn't a lot of porn. Every inch of his wall was covered in nude women. There was no internet. There wasn't an internet and like tapes were hard to come by. So you hear. Any nude scene in a mainstream movie carried pretty extra weight. Yeah. You know, that's the case. Craig, what are your thoughts?

You want them now or do we want to save this? We'll save it for later. So Cameron Crowe said this movie was not very highly regarded by Universal and they didn't really know what they had and there hadn't been a lot of success with high school movies. Fascinating. A lot of squirming in the seats during the screenings among studio executives. Universal executives Ned Tannen and Sid Sheinberg said they were worried about putting the future of the studio in the hands of movies like this and then

Ned Tannen said, this is what Crowe said, I'm putting the movie up or cutting the theaters down to 200. The movie came out. Everybody loved it. It became this belated little mini hit and then Cable. I mean, part of the problem with this movie was Cable. Some of the funniest lines get leaked out, cut out. You have Brad cleaning the mirror in the bathroom and it just says, eat crap or something. Instead of what it really says. Yeah.

But yeah, this movie, the VHS was the big, it's about mid 80s. Once VHS really became a thing, this went to a lot of people. It was really crazy because it's like they basically released this in the western part of the United States. That was it. Like, because, you know, obviously it's set in San Fernando Valley, but they put it out like in California. Yeah.

With the intention of putting it on TV and putting it on video like immediately after. And it just kind of caught on. So even though it wasn't a huge box office sensation, it definitely made its money back and more. And then it obviously had legs going forward. But there's a really cool Amy Hackerling story about her. It was in Slate where she's like,

I was basically at my apartment and somebody called me and was like, you have to go down to a movie theater right now because it had been out for a couple weeks. And she goes down and everybody is saying the dialogue back to the screen. And these are already people who have seen it like three times or whatever. And it's already becoming a cult classic. Well, people wonder sometimes why we have the rewatchables thing.

Do they? And you know how that saying about how, well, like, why do we care? How do we have so many movies? And there's a saying that you'll never love a movie as much as you love the movies when music, when you were 13. So just this summer, as I'm turning 13, May 28th, 1982, Rocky two, Rocky three poltergeist is after that. E.T. The thing, the best blade runner, um,

World of Card and a Garp, Night Shift, Officer and a Gentleman, Last American Virgin, Friday the 13th Part 3, 3D. Saw that in the theater. I bet. First Blood. You might have heard of it. Yeah. And then we get to The Verdict. 48 hours. And obviously Fast Times. But like, I don't know. There's...

Not an accident. These are most of my favorite movies. I don't know how we haven't done World of Karnagarp yet. Where do you stand on that movie? I'm a fan of the movie and of the book. We haven't done Blade Runner either, by the way. That's worth saving that one. For what? That's like a two-parter. I might not have to be on that one. We're standing ready. Am I sci-fi nerdy enough for that one? No, we should have Replicant Bill do it.

I was thinking the Star Wars number one first would it be weird if I hosted Star Wars with you and Van but I just I just tried to neg the entire movie yes it would be weird we could just battle about it it's like oh we're in the desert for 10 minutes 10 minutes that would be amazing last act of the rewatchables is movies you don't like but you know we have to do so you're like yeah all right I'm

I'm like Draymond on Inside the NBA. Just ragging on players. I like Star Wars. It doesn't seem like he does. It's a rough hang. Chris and I are ready for Blade Runner. We're ready. Fast times. LA is ready for Blade Runner. $5 million budget. It made $27 million. Sherman Oaks Galleria. Roger Ebert. Do you know this, Craig? No. Get ready. Buckle up.

Ladies and gentlemen, put your seatbelts on for Raj. Get into crash positions. Did people use seatbelts in 82? I don't know. No. Definitely not. Raj, you're but one star. Rough. We all make mistakes. We err. Here's what he wrote. How could they do this to Jennifer Jason Leigh? How could they put such a fresh and cheerful person into such a scuzz pit of a movie? Don't they know they have a star in their hands? I didn't even know who she was when I walked into Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and yet I was completely won over by her.

She contains so much life and light that she was a joy to behold. And then she and everybody else in this so-called comedy is invited to plunge into offensive comedy.

I wonder if he ever rethought that. Hold on, CR. Okay. Fuck you, Raj. That is just a wild take. It's an all-time fuck you, Raj. I don't understand it. Well, he walked it back, right? Did he? Yeah. I think he did a later one where he's like, ah, I missed it. I will say that those guys were so prolific and were probably writing like two to three reviews a week and were watching like four or five movies like

I bet I could see sometimes you go in, you're like, fuck this and write a one star review. Like, I'll never have to think about Sean Penn again. But it's like kind of weird to basically write your review from the perspective of Mr. Hand. Are y'all on dope? Yeah. But he Rogers pretty young at this point. That's what's weird. Like Raj doesn't. Raj wrote Valley of the Dolls. Yeah. He caught it. I'm surprised. Yeah, I'm surprised by that.

Really hurt my feelings. We'll get over it. Raj, you know, every once in a while, even the greats can miss one. One star. How many one star movies have we done? It's like the third one. From him, it's like barely any. From him. Yeah. One star is shocking. Yeah. One star is like there is nothing redeemable about this movie. Shoot it straight to hell. Yeah. And on that note, we'll take a break.

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can be true it's like the first time you watch one of the great old shows maybe you're a little younger than me and you're like you know what i'll give i'll give the sopranos a shot and then your your four episodes in you're like oh my god i can't believe that's this good

That's this deal with Mint Mobile. It's this good. To get this new customer offer, just go to mintmobile.com slash rewatch. That is mintmobile.com slash rewatch. $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 a month for a first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 GB on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. All right, most rewatchable scene.

The intro is unbelievable. The credits. Yeah. Sensational. One of the better opening credit scenes. Yeah. And the way it's shot, we just cut and I'm like, oh, Ms. Pac-Man. Oh, and we're just going around pizza. Get all the day. It's the ultimate 80s mall.

I just love being there and we got the beats playing by the Go-Go's. Fantastic music. You establish the setting that this is like the hub, the clubhouse given scale at large. But it's a short movie. This is a 90-minute movie. Yeah. And to be able to, in the span of mere moments at the top, not only establish like this is kind of the flow of the social circle, this is how the kids spend their time, but who everybody is and what they do.

Right. Like we get to see the Perry's pizza parlor pleasure den crew. We get to see Damone scalping the tickets. We get to see how like Rat looks across the mall and longs to be there. There's so much that we understand about the characters and their dynamics and the things they crave. Immediately. It's incredible. Between this and the next scene, which is everybody arriving at the first day of school. It's like there's more in those two scenes than a lot of movies have in the entire runtime. I really well, I have this coming up later.

First day of Mr. Hand's class is the next rewatch. We'll see. Sorry I'm late. It's just like this new schedule is totally confusing. I know that, dude. Mr. Spicoli. That's the name they gave me. You're ripping my car. Yeah. Hey, bud, what's your problem? No problem at all. I think you know where the front office is. You dick!

Unbelievable. Yeah, I know that, dude. Mr. Hand, where are you staying at Mr. Hand's CR? I'll get to him later. Oh, intriguing. Spicoli versus Mr. Hand is obviously the most important relationship in this movie. The Gobert Jokic. Yeah, it really is. The blowjob carrot scene I wrote down. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Slowly, in and out. You got it. Okay. Okay.

Can I ask you something? You promise not to laugh? Sure. Okay. When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out? A quarter cell. No, I'm just kidding. Just practice. Really, really funny payoff. Really, really funny scene. And we've seen a lot of scenes like this in Cafeteria's. This is probably the best pulled off scene.

Start to finish comedy scene. When you say best pulled off. Best pulled off. I like that a lot of the stuff that happens in this movie feels very easygoing. It's obviously very important to the characters, but even when...

Stacey and Linda get caught by like the rest of the cafeteria of what they're doing they're just kind of like laughing along with it too yeah everyone's on the same team yeah they're a little embarrassed it wouldn't be like being taped on a cell phone now and be like oh I'm putting this on Instagram uh it's like my fake Instagram oh on his cell phone Brad breaking up with Lisa with the mayor that says big hairy pussy on it iconic arguing with a customer about a refund getting fired laughing

Incredible. Awesome four minutes. Oh, my God. I thought Brad was right. About the... The guy ate like 97% of the breakfast. Oh, that guy's like the original... I want to speak to the manager. Yeah. He's obviously running a con on Brad. Definitely. Which is like, I just was a little undercooked.

Ridiculous. Yeah. Do people still do the best thing you've ever had guaranteed or your money back? I think this movie ruined it. Yeah. I love the exit from Brad, like banging on the door. Arnold, you know, hope you had a hope you had a great piss.

You know what, though? I will say there was an era, because I remember Wendy's had an all-you-can-eat buffet, and it was competitive to be like, fuck you, all-you-can-eat. I'll be here for six hours. Just eat. This is literally a curb plot. No, I know. But even in the 80s, so the idea of it being like, if you don't like it or if you don't think it's the best breakfast you've ever had, return it. I could definitely see some of my friends and I being like, yeah, yeah, I didn't think it was the best I ever had, so I'll take my two dollars. Like...

Papagino's used to have an all-you-can-eat pasta night. And we used to take house. Oh, my God. And there was like chemicals in the tomato sauce. So you're kind of high after like the six plate. Was he like mixing and matching sauces and legal types? They would have dad like little meatballs. No, it was just basically like $6.99 all-you-can-eat. And then we would all have like two plates. Yeah. And then we'd stay another hour and a half as house just kept eating.

And they don't do that anymore, right? They started a pizza night, but I think we ruined that because we ate all the pizza. Olive Garden had that, but I think they stopped. I think it's just all... I think Olive Garden still has the breadsticks. Yeah, right? Bottomless breadsticks? Olive Garden should bring it back.

Was there anything that made you nostalgic about the fast food restaurants in this movie compared to what we have now? Of course. And I don't really know what's different about them. Well, the mall food court was amazing. Yeah, I mean, less so Captain Hook's.

The fish place? Yeah, that seemed not great based on Brad taking one bite and having to throw it out his window. I used to say my dad and I would go to the McDonald's in the 30th Street train station in Philadelphia as like special treat. Like we're going to go to get McDonald's tonight for dinner. Yeah. The All-American Burger, definitely. And that also feels like so...

Very like American graffiti, right? So central to like a high school experience. You go, you get your burgers, you get your fries. Spicoli gets kicked out or yelled at because he's not wearing a shirt, et cetera. Wonderful. Next scene I have. Damone's five-point plan. I have that. First of all, Rad, you never let on how much you like a girl. Oh, Dabby. Hi. Strong start, actually. I actually agree with that advice. Two, you always call the shots. Kiss me. You won't regret it.

They're starting to get a little dicey. Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. Isn't this great? He's kind of like mining, is it? Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. A lady will have the linguine and white clam sauce and a Coke with no ice.

No. Strong. Out. That's... We're now in a Harrison Bucker territory. Yeah. Now we're like, I know you're going to get a degree. Mike DeVos' five-point plan, co-written with Harrison Bucker. And five. Now this is most important, Rat. It comes down to making out. Whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin 4. That's where it really falls apart. That's incredible. And then the cut. He was doing so well.

Has there ever been, in the movies or in real life, a guy who's like, I have a five-point plan and it doesn't sound like the work of Hannibal Lecter? Like, this is basically the early version of the dentist system from Sonny's. And it's like, no guy who's ever like, here's my foolproof plan. The game, this. That guy's never hooked up with a girl. Yeah, he's always going to get arrested for scalping Ozzy Osbourne tickets. I agree.

I agree, but also like the alternate read on it is like from a certain point of view, you look at this and you're like, is this just Tony Stark right down to the left? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. There is like a billionaire playboy energy to it. Tony Scalp.

Spicoli crashes Jefferson's car right into the football scene. Yeah. The football scene was a really important scene. Yeah. I don't know if it's gained or it's lost impact over the years, but it made me so happy for the entire eighties. And I remember using it as a pop culture joke for columns for years about like, he was like Jefferson after he,

After his car got totaled. After his car got totaled. He's just like annihilating. And they're clearly filming these poor stuntmen. We're just like, okay, action. And he's just killing the next guy. Wild. It's really fun to watch. It's also the first time where you're like, is Spicoli a genius? Yeah. Not the last time, though. Yeah. Not the last time. Next scene. Uh-oh. Wow. Oh my God, Chris. She's getting up from the pool.

The pool scene. I agree with Mal's take that it is refreshing to watch two guys just show up at somebody's house and it wasn't like a misdemeanor. Yeah. It's like, hey guys, what are you doing?

This entire sequence. When did the hey guys, what are you doing era end? I think as soon as you had to text. Social media? I think texting. Yeah, there's no excuse to like show up without knowing if someone wants to see you. Like back when kids were just riding their bikes to each other's houses in the neighborhood before you're driving. You're still doing that all the time. But now it's like, are you around? Up through like Blackberries and starting to text better.

I still would just be like at five o'clock, there would be like an email thread that was like, hey, we're going to go to this bar at eight in New York. And it was just assumed you'll be at that bar until two. Yeah. And people will come and go and go get pizza or come back or go to the movies and come back. But like this bar will be the central location. Right. So just come and go as you please. And texting made it a lot more like I'm 15 minutes late. Actually, it's busy here. Do you guys want to meet somewhere else? Like all that sort of stuff. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

The pull sequence, like even before the guys show up and before Brad gets there and before the iconic Phoebe Cates stretch, the Rate Your Mate magazine quiz part of it is really underrated part of this wonderful stretch of the movie. Like, do you always climax with Doug? Do you always climax with Doug? Yes, I think so. He's no high school boy.

do you always climax with Doug? Yeah. So. That's just the best. I also like the house. It's like such a classic valley house. The pool is like almost inside the house. It's so close to the thing and it, and it's just sunny and just felt valley-ish to me. This is a weird thing to write my rewatchables notes, but, uh, the abortion day scene is really good. Yeah. It's just well handled. The Stevie Nicks song is good. Um,

It's Brad showing up there. It's like Brad's first redeemable act in the movie. It's like, ah, what a good brother. Yeah. Glad he's looking out for her. That's also like the... I don't have any siblings, but that is like a really awesome like...

sibling moment where it's like yeah you guys aren't like friends but like at a point you'll look out for the person and there's a few of those like hiding the flowers right etc like the fact that this is a big brother who's again not judgmental he's not preachy but he's like you can kind of come to me if you need to make sure that mom and dad don't like know about Ron Johnson sending you flowers I like that she's like please don't tell mom and dad and he's like obviously like there is still that like hey we are siblings he's more like I want to pound like I want to kick whoever did this his ass yeah yeah

In the deleted scenes, there's a couple more with them. There's where the relationship's a little deeper. Yeah. They cut it out because, you know, this was 90-minute movie era. In and out, just like Damone. Mr. Hand shows up at Spicoli's house. You wasted a total of eight hours of my time this year. And rest assured, that is a kind estimate. Now I have the unique pleasure of squaring our account.

Tonight, you and I are going to talk in great detail about the Davis Agreement, all the associated treaties, and the American Revolution in particular. It's just really funny. Like, oh my God, what's going to happen with this? You took eight hours of my time. Wild. The robbery. Yeah. Come on, shithead, let's go! Get out of my case, motherfucker! Hey, no towels, man. I got you, you son of a bitch! Don't you ride home! Awesome!

Totally awesome! All right, Hamilton. Right into the closing credits. Fantastic. I like the movies, and I don't know if this movie didn't start it. I don't know if Stripes started it or who started it, but where they have the cards at the end of what happened to everybody and they're making fun of it. Animal House maybe started it. It takes away the Z1Nay award, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just funny. You can't speculate as much, but the closing montage is fantastic. What do you have for most rewatchable, Mal? Well, I can't believe you don't have Mike and Stacey fuck in the changing room on here.

Makes me feel uncomfortable. It's not rewatchable. What? Yeah, I don't like it. What? The camera hovering over Damone's quivering lilac socks as he comes in .2 seconds? Like, I really gotta go, Stace. I really gotta go. Didn't you feel it? That's like maybe the best line of the movie. I think I came, didn't you feel it? It's like, you can't have the movie without that moment. It's unbelievable. Didn't you feel it? She's like...

That's your most rewatchable scene? I can't believe we went through the category without mentioning it. I had it in a later spot, but that's fine. My most rewatchable scene is the pool scene. Okay. Absolutely. Yeah, it's the pool scene. The only one I have that you didn't have is Rat's date with Stacy. Yeah, the knock horse date. I have that too. And sitting in the big chairs. Can we just get two more Cokes? Yeah, they keep ordering because he doesn't have his wallet. I always love that. Great stuff. What saved the best? 90-minute movies.

Wild. 90-minute movies set over the course of a school year. School year is... Craig, were you just in disbelief? I need to go back to a different time. The 80s, man. Every movie was like an hour 40. It's just so awesome. It's amazing. They do... First day of orientation, it's fucking Christmas, like 15 minutes later. It's like 90 minutes with credits. Yeah. Yeah. Mall movies... Yes.

Also. Yeah. We should have had like five, six, eight more mall movies. And I don't know what everybody was doing. The mall is a setting. It's just absolute perfection.

So then the third thing I have is 90-minute mall movies. What do you have, CR? Oh, man. Judge Reinhold doing a monologue into a mirror with a graffiti that says, Big Hairy Pussy. That's my great shot, Gordo. I gotta say, the record store in the mall, Licorice Pizza. Yeah. That's where we hear the five-point plan.

plan. Yeah, and Linda and Stacy's older, younger sister dynamic is great. Like, their friendship is... You don't like it. No, I do. You think Linda was leading her astray. I really like it. I've got some...

thoughts coming up in the What's Aged the Worst on some of the specific council. What did you have for What's Aged the Best? We had a lot of them. The soundtrack, the genre, the girls being just as horny as the guys, the mall as the setting, the cast, Spicoli. Oh, the notebook. Getting glimpses of like kids who have notebooks that they're writing in by hand. And Damone actually has abortion written on the notebook page. Do you remember what's right below it?

Rod abortion, $75 right below it. Next line, Rod Stewart, $60. Like to get to glimpse that. And then we get to see Stacy's notebook elsewhere. And she's, you know, writing out all the different versions of like Mrs. Stacy, Damone and the pro con list for Damone under converging question mark. Just wonderful stuff. Absolutely wonderful stuff. The end credits, the runtime. Yeah, we've hit it all.

I have some more. Mike's room, the posters. Take a second here. Devo, Elvis Costello, the tattoo you posters. Incredible. So for the entirety of like my, my life,

teenagers' rooms never look real. Because you watch like a Law & Order episode and they go into some guy's room and he's got like a helmet poster up or whatever, or like a tool poster. And it's like, this kid didn't listen to Tool. Like, what are you talking about? Or it's just one poster and that's it. And it's like, Damone's room may be the most realistic teenager room I've ever seen. Right down to the minibar stocked with Kahlua. This is...

This would have been a good list. But you know what? That Kahlua was the key drink because it tasted sweet. Yeah, absolutely. Almost famous. The kid, William's Room is good too with all the music posters. Mike DeMone, I had for what stage? The best, just the Hall of Fame sleaze. Yeah. Where you kind of like him, but he's like, ah, fucking asshole. I hate this guy. But you're kind of like, you can see why other people. Did you have a bookie in your high school?

I have no comment. Is that where you learned about the 14-boy spread? No comment. You think they're going to revoke your fucking diploma? No comment at all. Wait, I have a lot more Damone questions for this, though. Okay. What's aged the best? Those VW Vans? Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. The guy code? Not in enough movies? Where...

Damone, it's like you just know he's a scumbag because of how he handled the whole thing. Yeah. And they mentioned the guy code. I don't remember if the guy code had been in a lot of movies before that, but this was a very important guy code movie. But he violated it. That was the point, though. He violated it, and then he also lets him off scot-free at the end. This is a picking nit for me. I don't think Rat forgives Damone that quickly. No. Rat's got everything going for him, you know? I don't think it is either. Yeah.

I love when the kid says about Jefferson, wow, does he really live here? I thought he just flew in for games. That's amazing. I love also the little Damone thing is Damone insisting him and Jefferson are tight. It's like, that's my man. My God, I hope to pick out that car. And then the Damone says...

If this girl can't smell your qualifications, then who needs her? Which was advice Cameron Crowe got from Glenn Frey. Is it really? And put it right in the movie. Right down to member of the honor roll. Like listing member of the honor roll as one of his qualifications is so funny to me. I love that. What's aged the best? You're not going to be surprised. Sean Penn and Stoltz and Anthony Edwards were actually smoking pot in the van as they exited for the prom. Yeah, method acting. They method acted the shit out of that. And then... Oh, man.

Spicoli's surfing title fantasy, which ends up with Stu Nahan of the Rocky movies adding to his legendary IMDb.

but was supposed to be Johnny Carson, which is a what's age the best that Johnny Carson said, I am turning that down. And Ed was like, yes, sir. Turn it down. Uh, Spicoli's room. I also like, but then the last one I have for what's age the best is they all sniff the Xerox copies, which is the thing we did in the eighties. I had a certain smell and it made you like a tiny bit high. Yeah. Cause it was from the ditto machine. Yeah. Yeah. It did. Like it was like doing a whip it, but probably, probably safer. Um,

Great chat Gordo who Jeff? You know what I had I thought that was the pause that Gordo Rewind that Gordo

Den of Thieves, Benihana Award. Did you disagree with that? Great Chakordo. I mean, that's the... Big Hairy Pussy's pretty good, too. Big Hairy Pussy was one of my nominees. And I think also the... From Stacey's perspective, shot of stereo guy Ron Johnson, like... Right. Like, transforming into a basilisk as he arches his neck and head at the point is genuinely, genuinely wonderful. Den of Thieves, Benihana Award, scene still in location, obviously the mall. Has to be.

Kid Cudi pursuit of happiness to where best need no job. American girl. I got American girl. I think it's American girl. Yeah. It's so sick when he's pulling into the parking lot. Yeah. Big Kahuna burger where best use of food and drink. The pizza delivery. Because we get to see the pizza. The pizza looks good. Taylor Negron. Oh, yeah. Our guy Taylor. The pizza is nice and greasy and it's like, looks good. Double cheese and sausage. Butch's girlfriend or word weak link in the movie. What do you got, CR?

I actually don't have a weak link for this movie. I think that... I have one to carry it for all three of us. Okay. What do you got? What do you have? I'm afraid to say it. I think you're going to be mad at me. No, go.

You've already mentioned that the Jefferson football sequence is an important part of the Bill Simmons canon. I didn't say it was a good football sequence. It's not even that. That part I actually really like, right? You're trying to track the tackles and the sacks. Like watching the opposing Lincoln players twitch on the ground, it reminds me now of like the murder football sequence in Bottoms. Yeah. I actually love that scene. I love the spirit bunnies mentioned, but there's not been enough sports in the movie to have that vibe.

sports presence it's like it feels to me very like high school the jocks the sports we've got to check that box to like flesh out what the complete high school experience is and i would i actually think the sports stuff that is in there is so great i want a little bit more of it like seeing spicoli in the bleachers at the football game is an unbelievable moment yeah i just want more of that yeah so you wanted that guy you wanted like a friday night pep rally before the game and just like a

couple other moments where yeah they're at they're at games they're only 90 minutes now I don't rip through this thing we have to get nine months of school well you should the sequel prequel answer should be like Friday Night Lights but at Ridgemont with these characters Jefferson just yeah yeah like I want to see them in the gym shooting hoops for a few minutes before the rat Damone locker room fight you know

My weak link. Two Pump, Mike Damone. Like, what the fuck, dude? You're a ticket scalper. You're a cool kid on campus. But this is why it's genius. What the hell? Two Pump. So I have my premature ejaculator, Mount Rushmore. Can we make a pyramid? Yes, we do. Can we make a pyramid? No, it's a Mount Rushmore. It's a Mount I Came Too Fast More. Forrest Gump, obviously, which we broke down in detail. Damone Mountain. Mike Damone.

Jim Carver and Ice Storm and the Key Party. Oh, yeah. Hopping on Joe and Alan there for about four pumps and that was it. And then Jim Levenstein, American Pie. That's right.

That's it. I think Forrest is George Washington. Number one. Forrest is MJ. Yeah. Number one. I think Mike Damone is probably Kareem because he was kind of a little bit villainy. Jim Levenson, American Pie, definitely LeBron, and then Jim Carver and Ice Storm. I don't know who he is. What do you think would happen just to you, to this company, if we took what you just said and put it at the top of your Jokic pod tonight? Yeah.

And we're going to get to game six in a minute. But first, the all-time Mount Rushmore premature ejaculators. So I was trying to think. Those were the four in my head. And I tried to Google it to see if there was more. And just some horrible things came up. What was the exact search term you used? I used premature ejaculator movies. And then that was a mistake.

Jesus Christ, Phil. You gotta have Ben or somebody else. That was a mistake. Yeah. Listen, there's some porn fetish sites that came up that frankly I was surprised by. Oh my God. Did you do this on your work computer? I added Forrest Gump. I used my iPad. Forrest Gump. Not much longer. I put Forrest Gump, Mike Damone, premature ejaculator movies. Oh my God. It still didn't work. Yeah. There's really, there wasn't, I was disappointed. Well, if anybody's listening or watching on YouTube, they can leave in the comments some of the great videos.

premature guys how was how did Bleacher Report not do this during the Bleacher Report list era they couldn't have done a top 20 a slideshow different photos it's possible that it exists it's just a very competitive SEO field so who lasted longer Forrest Gump or Mike Damone oh Forrest yeah Damone yeah definitely like basically makes a nipple yeah yeah you're right and that's it

Forrest was like under a second? Yeah. Forrest is just like... There's no penetration for Forrest. I don't even think Forrest understands what's happening. That's what is a problematic situation in and of itself. But Damone, at least, is like... Damone makes it onto the court. You know, he throws the powder up in the air like LeBron, walks out on the court. Two-pump Mike Damone. Is it two pumps? I don't know. You think it's like one? Yeah, I think we're at like just the tip. You should Google how many pumps for Mike Damone. Yeah.

I'm going to do that later. I knew Matt would enjoy it. Oh my God. Oh no!

It was a mistake. I should have been more specific. I was moving fast and it just was a mistake. Some things came up that I cannot see. Why is there so much Russian on my computer now? I'm going to Google stuff on Twitch for the next hour if you guys want to watch. I was like George C. Scott in Hardcore. I was like, oh no. Unbelievable. What's age to where? Going back to high school undercover as an adult? Yeah. I'm pretty sure you can't do that anymore. Yeah. That's of a moment in time. Yeah. For sure.

So this might just be me personally, but Jennifer Jason Leigh, post-single-wave female, she's so traumatic in that movie as a character that when I see her in other movies, I can't unwind the character. You could probably say the idea of having a 19-year-old be nude multiple times in a major Hollywood movie probably wouldn't happen anymore. Is a what's-age the worst? Pretending to be a 15-year-old? There's a real, like, are these...

Game of Thrones characters. Yeah. Quality to all of that. Yeah. 1982 abortion, $75 and a ride. That was one of the themes of this movie. I don't know if it's aged that great. I feel like we've had more dialogue about the concept sense. I would say that this movie just like takes abortion at face value. Like in a way that lots of movies afterwards are like really dancing around or can't say it out loud. Like, like knocked up. It's not like knocked up, like gets into it the way that this movie does. Yeah, definitely.

smokings upstairs to the left in a movie theater. CR was like, I love 1982. Can you imagine? CR was like, let's go to the movies up and to the left. The CR section. What do you have for what's aged the worst, Mal? My first what's aged the worst is Bill Googling guys who came to quickly movies. No, that was premature ejaculation movies. And for some reason, I didn't add stuff. You didn't go to movie characterists?

I just fucked up. Oh, my God. I did it too fast and bad things happened. Movie characters who are bad at sex. Meta, I did it too fast and bad things happened. Yeah. Next thing you knew. I premature Googled. Okay. Here's my first what's aged the worst. Yeah. I agree. I think the Linda-Stacey relationship and friendship is really nice. They empower each other. They support each other. I think that some of the actual counsel...

that Linda imparts to Stacey is lacking, right? And some of it is like, if he says anything remotely funny, just laugh like that stuff, right? Or Stacey, what are you waiting for? You're 15 years old. Okay. We would be derelict in our duty if we made it through this podcast without saying out loud that Linda's blowjob advice is lacking.

It's lacking, right? Here's what she says. I wasn't prepared for this. Space! There's nothing to it. It's so easy. Relax your throat muscles. Don't bite. I mean, okay. And slide it in. Push it slowly in and out. You got it. Now she's using the skinny little carrot, this feeble little carrot, right?

What are you preparing Stacey for? Poor Doug. Like, Doug must be a pencil dick. If Doug is real, which I'm not so sure, then we've learned something. Something troubling here about Doug. And so has the entire cafeteria. Poor Doug, right? Go get a cucumber or something, right?

No, no. You don't have to make eye contact with me. It's okay. No commentary on like tongue technique or varying pressure or pace. It's just like you're supposed to be a friend and a guide on the journey of life. And this is just simply not sufficient counsel. I'm sorry. I just want to say I'm so glad Van isn't here because this could have been the final rewatch of his episode.

Yeah, she doesn't offer any advice on the balls. It's not sufficient. It was a rudimentary lesson. Terrible. Do you know what my next, what's usually the worst one was? This moment right here? Switching to Senka. Oh, yeah. I had that down too. What does switching to Senka mean? Was that T? Or D? Decaf. The crystals. The decaf, yeah. It's

I can't remember what Senka was. Senka is like the sob of beverages. I think Senka respectfully probably tastes like old barbecue coals. Yeah. I don't ever remember having Senka. What else did you have, Mal? You have more Linda stuff? Jesus Christ. I'm good. You sure? I feel like you have one more in there. No, no. No, I'm good.

The Pat Benatar look has aged the worst. Yeah. Even though in the moment it was tremendous. But I don't know if anyone, like there's no way Craig knew what that meant. I knew what that meant. Okay. Scalpers? Mm-hmm. We're not really scalpers anymore. Yeah, scalpers and cookies. The internet really wiped those guys out. Why does Perry's pizza look so gross and awful? The pizza looks terrible. It's like Detroit-style square pizza.

and it looks like there's no cheese on it. It just looks gross. Yeah. But Perry's isn't what Spicoli gets delivered, is it? No, Perry's Pizza is where the girls work. Yeah. So he's going to a rival shop. Yeah, of course. That's for probably the better pizza. He knows what to order. I don't get pizza tonight. Just all this talk of pizza. How about, what's aged the worst? Teenage girls named Linda? Oh, I love all the names. When was the last Linda? Lisa, Stacy, Lisa.

It's a great call. There's no Lindas. There's no Lindas. If you're born named Linda, you're just immediately 40. Yeah. Yeah. I knew a Linda once in my life, but it was an adult. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. My Aunt Linda is my godmother. She's 78. Yeah. See, there you go. Everybody's got an old Aunt Linda.

There's a Nancy Wilson cameo in this movie that they kind of zoom by. She's the girl, the woman in the car who sees that Judge Reinhold is driving by when he's like... She's got an unusual, not like her typical hard hairdo, so it's hard to recognize it. When he has somehow forgotten that he's wearing a pirate hat. Yeah. And then this is a big one. He often does. Maybe we should just have a rewatchables category called I'm older than you. And then I do something like this, but...

Damone has these circle pins with band pictures on his jacket. Okay. He had two, and it was like, I don't know who the bands were. This was a big thing specifically in 1982 and 1983. Did you see that I have pins? They're not bands. Yeah, but they were bigger though. Oh, like bigger ones? A little bigger. But I remember I had a U2 one and I had Men at Work.

But this was like a thing. And then it just went away and it never happened again. But for two years, this was the thing. People used to put band pins on their courier bags, jackets. They still do. The fashion in general is great. Yeah. Great. What's aged the worst? There was a 1986 television series titled Fast Times. Yeah. And they got Ray Walston and Vincent Schiavelli to play Hand and Vargas. And then Patrick Dempsey was Mike DeMille. Did not last.

Oh, this is the research. I'm sure you guys saw this, that for his masturbation scene, Judge Reinhold brought a large dildo to work with, unbeknownst to the rest of the cast. And that's why Phoebe Cates' look of horror and disgust is so real. I don't know if I believe this. When you were researching this, did you Google large dildo movies? I did. Judge Reinhold dildo. I just did large dildo pool scene and nothing came up.

That's because your computer's been taken over. Oh my God. And then there's a way worse pool house sex scene where she shows everybody naked, including him, and she was really wanted and they gave it an X rating and they had to cut some. Should have kept it in. They weren't ready for cocks in 1982, apparently. Any other What's Aged Worse or we're moving on? We can move on. Okay.

What do you got for the Ruffalo, Hannah, Rubinick, Partridge over acting award? They knew and they let it happen. Don't you call me lady. I come in here. I give these things to you. Give me all you got. Give me all you got. I treated you like a son. You fucking stabbed me in the heart. Fuck you. Fuck you. I got Kelly Maroney, who's the cheerleader, who's like, we're going to kill Lincoln next week. All right. But the runner up would be James Russo.

Oh, yeah. Interesting. I had Mark Ratner getting mad at Damone in the locker room. Oh, you thought he was dialing up? He tries to dial it up a little bit. I don't know if he added it in. We weren't dealing with Pacino on this one. Interesting. You're a bad friend. Was there a better title for this movie? No. Can you dig it a word for most memorable quote? Relax your throat muscles. It's no huge thing. It's just sex.

Kind of semi-theme of this movie. I had what Jefferson was saying is, hey, you know, we left this England place because it was bogus. So if we don't come, if we don't get some cool rules ourselves pronto, we'll just be bogus too. Pearls of wisdom from Spicoli always. All I need are some tasty waves of cool buzz and I'm fine. The CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford hottest take award. Mr. Hand's a pretty good teacher.

What? Yeah, I mean, Spicoli, by the end of the night, is spitting out stuff about Jefferson. I feel like he was, for U.S. history in high school, is getting pretty deep into some legislation that I frankly didn't know about. And I think that maybe we got away from what worked in American education. And we should have more Mr. Hands, less Montessori.

I don't have kids. What do you have? I don't really know if mine is the hottest take, but it does pair. Interestingly, it's like a foil take to yours, which is just that I think Spicoli is a genius and a scholar. Like he's presented as adult. But when he says, isn't it like our time? Right.

isn't it? He has a philosophy on life that is keen and astute and like he is able to identify something essential about the human experience. And to your point about him rattling off true facts about history, I don't know. I was watching what they were all filling in on their multiple choice bubbles on whatever those forms used to be called. And he was writing Jeff and then doodling circles around it and lines. So I don't know that he was absorbing that insight necessarily from Mr. Hand. I think he just understands life. People on Loods

should not drive, right? You already noted that he's able to pull off the car scam flawlessly. If we don't get some cool rules ourselves pronto, we would be bogus too, is like his view on the world.

And his view on history has nothing to do with Mr. Hand. Mr. Hand didn't teach him shit. Yeah, but he thought of who Jefferson was. He knew what truancy meant. When Mr. Hand said truancy, Spicoli knew what that meant, which I think tells us... So your thing is, your hottest take is Jeff Spicoli is secretly smart. Genius. I think I'm going to win hottest take this round. We should have Craig decide who had the best hottest take every episode.

Ron Johnson. Audio salesman? Child predator. Yeah. Is that a hottest take or just a fact? 26-year-old guy. That's a fact. Eating meatball subs by himself in a mall. Yeah. Kidding on teenagers. He's prowling. How old are you? Oh, I'm 19. Are you sure you're 19? Also. He's like, let's go to my high school baseball dugout. Yes, that. He doesn't have his own apartment? He goes to the point, which is where it's established because like Brad asked Lisa about it. That's where the high school kids go to hook up. Yeah.

Yeah. Ron Johnson, not just a stare salesman, deserves to go to jail, then sends flowers, memories of you, Ron Johnson. It's like she's not dead. You can just call her. Also, this is a pick and nip, but how did he know where she lived if she didn't tell him where she lived? Yellow Pages? And met him at a secret location so she wasn't in front of her house. Ron Johnson.

casting what ifs you mentioned the david lynch thing that was who universal recommended and they decided it's hard to even comprehend yeah it would have been a much darker movie astonishing alternate history that i can't wrap my mind you can just see like a quart of jizz flying around in this one if david lynch got his like migs yeah i see i thought this was a crazy one justine bateman was offered linda barrett and turned it down because she had family ties yeah wow yeah

Because she was another iconic 80s girl that we're all in love with. Yeah, Mallory. Think about that. Maybe you're not Mallory. That would be great. Perhaps my parents would never have seen Mallory on Family Ties and would have picked a different name. That would have been great. Maybe it would have been Linda. I think she would have been a good Linda, though. Me too. Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Two other massive ones. I always wanted to see her in a thing like that. Yeah, two massive ones. Nick Cage was supposed to be Brad Hamilton. Auditioned for it. They decided he was too young. And then...

So there's a Matthew Broderick piece of this. Yeah. That the correct version of it is that they really want him in the movie and couldn't figure out a part. But then as the years pass, it morphed into they wanted him as Spicoli. Yeah. And I don't think that part's true. I think they really liked him and they couldn't figure out where to put him. And then pen read for Brad and Spicoli, I think.

which is funny. What if, like if he plays Brad, the big one for me was Jodie Foster as Stacy. Yeah. Did you believe that though? Well, I believe that she was like, it was offered to her and she decided she was going to stay at college. It would definitely be a weird role. She's obviously also not afraid of doing pretty like, yeah. Boundary pushing stuff. So like in an L. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, other people auditioned, Ally Sheedy, Meg Tilly, and Ralph Macchio.

And then they offered Fred Gwynn the role of Mr. Hand, but he thought the movie was too nasty. Fred Gwynn, Herman Munster back in the day, eventually was in My Cousin Vinny. And that's it. Best that guy award, would you go with Taylor the Pizza Guy or Vincent Schiavelli? Vincent Schiavelli. Mr. Vargas, yeah. Who then just continues to play this role from that point on.

Dion Waiters Award. Is Mr. Hand eligible? I think he's in too much of it. I got him on. Whitaker. Yeah, I have Jefferson. Russo or Stoltz. I have Stoltz. Stoltz! Quietly great. He's so awesome. Quietly great. I vote for Jefferson. And another Clint Howard. Stoltz is just in another Cameron Crowe thing here. Right. Yeah. Well, I think that's why he's a Cameron Crowe. I think that's how it started because he was in it. Recasting Couch.

I don't love Brad's girlfriend and she's been in a bunch of movies from the eighties and I never got it. It was one of those. It was like, you know, Derek Carr. It's like, ah, so who do you think is the, she's wanting to go nine and eight. Why don't we get a real quarterback here? Kelly Preston's right there, guys. It's a bunch of, a bunch of good ones. We could have had, I don't know. I just never, I never got it with her. She's in, she has some big roles in the eighties. Okay.

It feels like she's just getting put in the Dana Wheeler Nicholson category with you. What did you have? For recasting couch? I mean, I just was obsessed with the Lynch part. So I was just thinking about that. Tony Romo or Chris Collinsworth or director's commentary. I'll do the Romo and then you're going to do Collinsworth. Yeah. Go ahead. I can't wait for this. Brad's going to the bathroom. He doesn't want peace and quiet for no reason.

That window looks right out of the pool, Jim. What'd you have, Mal? Roma or Collinsworth? Jim! She said Doug lasts 20 to 30 minutes, Jim, but she previously said 30 to 40 minutes, Jim. Is Doug real, Jim? Is he a one-bumper, Jim?

I'm going to hear your Romo in my fucking nightmares. It's Tony Romo of the day. Oh, Mike, you got to pay for your half of the abortion. Stacey's being reasonable. She just needs a ride. She just needs a ride. $75, Mike. That's a deal.

Half-assed internet research. Mall scenes filmed at Sherman Oaks Galleria. Yeah. Oh, my God. After hours. Poor Collinsworth. The high school scenes took place at Van Nuys High School. Oh. So Crowe based Mark Ratner on this student that he hung out with, Andy Rathbone, who then wrote a lot of the Four Dummies books, which I thought was interesting. Jennifer Jason Leigh

She worked at the Sherman Oaks Gallery Perry's Pizza restaurant for three weeks to get ready. So apparently Perry's Pizza existed. Not there anymore. Not sure what happened to Perry. Phoebe Cates was a teen model who appeared on the cover of Seventeen Magazine four times and then went into acting. And then Lana Clarkson is in this movie as Vincent Schiavelli's wife. She's the lady that...

Phil Spector murdered. Sorry. 21 years. It's not funny. Please cut back. I honestly didn't know that that was who it was. And I was like, I thought she was going to be in like porn or something. We have to keep it. But yeah, she murdered by Phil Spector. When is this pod running? And did you know when you scheduled it, that it would be the last episode? Maybe we'll save it for the last one.

Oh my God. She's in the credits, courtesy of Phil Spector International, which is weird. That's dark. Yeah. Let's take a break and regroup. Kickstart the school year with Apple Gift Card. You can send it via email or send a physical card to your loved ones. Inspire their curiosity with a world of apps. Boost their productivity with Apple products like iPhone and iPad.

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Whether you're brewing over an open fire at the top of a mountain or blasting it in the microwave for a quick reheat, Coffee Mate has unconditional love for all coffee lifestyles. We keep Coffee Mate in the fridge here at the office. Let's give it a try. That one that you just heard me take down, that's Italian sweet cream. It makes me feel like I'm sitting in an outdoor cafe watching life go by in Florence or Rome or somewhere.

Coffee Mate can make any cup of coffee into anything you want. If you want an Italian kind of pastry feel, if you want a hazelnut, if you want the French vanilla, it doesn't matter how you do it. You do you. Coffee Mate, for the love of coffee. All right. Apex Mountain. I'm not giving you Sean Penn, but what about young Sean Penn? So what would this be? Where's the taps divide? Like 81-85 Sean Penn. Oh.

Yeah. Would you go here or Bad Boys? Is At Close Range in? It's too late. After. I go this. I think this is bigger than Bad Boys. Phoebe Cates? Yes. Probably, yeah. Jennifer Jason Leigh? No, but what is it? She's a hard one for Apex Mountain. I'd probably say, did she win an Oscar ever? I don't know the answer. It feels like she's been in our lives for like 100 years. Single Way Female was a big movie.

What about that Jason Patrick movie, Rush? Rush is awesome. She was in Backdraft. Early 90s, I felt like, was her moment. So it's somewhere in there. Masturbation scenes? We've probably done better. Van Halen tickets? I'm not Googling it, I'll tell you that. Van Halen tickets? Scalping in movies? Scalping in movies I have. Yeah. Mall movies? It's this Mallrats movie.

I think it's this for mall movies. I think so. Valley movies? So this or Boogie Nights? Boogie Nights. Yeah. Boogie Nights ones. How about the 1973 AMC Gremlin? Yeah. That was Mike DeMone's car. Jefferson's car. 1979 Chevrolet Camaro Z28. Yeah. Yeah. Tom Petty songs in a movie? Free Fallin' and Jerry Maguire. Free Fallin' wins that. It has to be Free Fallin'. All right, it's time. Cruiser Hanks. Well, Hanks.

Wasn't it offered to Hanks? Yeah. Wasn't Hanks in the mix for Brad? And then he winds up doing Bachelor Party? It's a tough one. We've never had a Cruise or Hanks where there's no star of the movie. So it's almost like you gotta go with Brad. I like to think about like Cruise playing Spicoli because Cruise and Penn were like neck and neck right around here.

I think, I don't know if he could have done it. I almost think Cruz as Ratner would have been more interesting. He just could have gone Joel Goodson-ish. Yeah, I mean, Cruz as Damone would have been amazing. That would have been incredible. Oh my God. He wouldn't have done the two-pump mic though. It's Hanks as Brett. He saw that part of the script. He's like, I'm out. Tom Cruise has to last. Until Stanley Kubrick was like, let's revisit that. Yeah. Yeah, it's Hanks. I think it's Hanks as Brett. Yeah. Score is five to five. Great.

Racehorse, Rock Band, Wrestler, Fantasy Team Name, All-American Burgers. I got Ron Johnson, Audio Consultant, as my racehorse. My racehorse is The Attitude. The way that's most... The Attitude. Picky Knits. Why didn't Rat go for it with Stacey after the first date? What happened there? I assume he creamed his pants and had to run out of there. They didn't do the Forrest Gump...

Like he didn't do any convulsion though. I rewound it to see. It seemed like he was trying to play cool, but I just didn't understand his motivation. I think he's just very nervous.

Right. Like he liked her too much. He was not expecting that sex would be on offer. Right. She's immediately like in the bathrobe there in her bed and he's just simply not prepared. So he has to whip out, if not his penis, then the story about his sister needing the car. No comment when the tape deck was stolen about how mad his sister would be. So, yeah, he just seems to be panicking.

What was the age difference between Linda and Stacey? And would Linda actually hang out with Stacey? I think Stacey's supposed to be a sophomore and Stacey's supposed to be a junior or senior. Stacey's 15 and a sophomore. Yeah, Linda's a couple years older. Linda's in Brad's year, right?

So Brad's his last year, so he's a senior. Brad's a senior. But she's talking about her fiancé, Doug, so why is she engaged? But she's got to be a senior because she's the letter, right, about how Doug is not coming to her graduation, right? Right, because she's a senior and she's a sophomore. The age gap and the... It's not that I think they wouldn't be friends, but, like, they seem to only be together. Like, they're the other girls they're hanging out with at Perry's, but they're sitting together at lunch. It does, yeah, like,

I feel like she would have her own friend of like really hot girls in her class that would just hang out at the cafeteria. What do you have, CR? I just think Damone's got to have more of a cash backstop. You know, like he's operating on a lot of credit for a kid in high school and he's got like all these chits out with these kids where he's just like, hey man, remember Van Halen? And it's like, you guys

You've got to have $75 if you're Mike Damone, right? Yeah, you have $700 under your pillow. Yeah. I mean, who knows? Maybe he's propping up his dad's garage with it. And then just Rat's not getting over Damone getting Stacey pregnant. That's the big one. Just Rat forgiving him way too quickly. Way too quickly. We already talked about why would Ron Johnson go to the point specifically. This one is a little bit more serious, but I do think Stacey seems quite

quite calm about being pregnant at 15. A little too matter of fact. You're absolutely right. But watching it, it's kind of refreshing to see people kind of take life as it comes. That part, absolutely. I feel like we're missing a scene where she is a little bit more... So I think they have the scene. I think it was one of the deleted ones. Okay. With her and Linda. Okay. Would Employee of the Month...

Brad Hamilton be fired for that interaction with the customer. And who did he beat out as employee of the month? They had like three people there. I know. And half of them he's brought on. Like it's like, it was like how Lamar won AFC North player of the month, like 19 times out of here, two and five in the playoffs. Uh,

Adam did ask me to mention as a Blue Oyster Cult enthusiast, he was offended by the notion that Damone would not have been able to move the Blue Oyster Cult tickets because of their popularity. I do feel like in the early 80s, they were moving it away from Blue Oyster Cult, though, a little bit. But I obviously respect Adam's picking it. There's some...

Some picky nets with the Led Zeppelin song because it's not on Led Zeppelin for some physical graffiti. Yeah, and Cameron Crowe said there's a publishing snafu So they had to get that other song instead but then people who are diehard Led Zeppelin fans Took it as a joke that he thought Led Zeppelin for was that he just basically the wrong album. I

Here's my biggest one. I can't believe you guys didn't mention this. I'm just going to give it to either of you. You both missed it. Why does Linda have enough carrots for a family of 12? Did you say you feel like we would have had it five years ago? Five years ago when we were all at our peaks? We have Christmas scenes. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah.

And then we have the big football game. Yeah. The fucking football season ends in like early November in California. There's a lot of like season. We're not even close. We're in the 80s. There was like that. We're like three months after the football season ends at Thanksgiving, basically. Right.

Here, it's like, yeah, mid-November. They play Thanksgiving football on the East Coast, so I'm just saying. This is October, November for football. All the football stuff should have happened in the first part of the movie, and they just missed it. Annoying. It's been annoying me for like really since the early 90s. They also have like the hot summer swim day right after. Should we quit now? Just you and I, since we missed that? Listen, I missed it too for years.

I'd like to make sure that I give you all the money I was scheduled to make, though. I don't want to take anything else from this company. You didn't notice that, though? It didn't occur to me. Because this movie isn't conventionally structured where it has a second act. There's something about the way it's sequenced where it's like... You know, the...

The rat, Stacey, date. We know that they're going to the pool. They're crashing her house to go to the pool after the date, right? If you mess up a date, try again. So we know that that's actually happening in the right order. It's not like the scenes have been flipped, but it's like,

100 degrees and swimming weather like well it's the valley but a minute after Christmas I think there's like a Spicoli part of the movie that they kind of rearranged to go earlier and later in the movie but it takes place earlier I was too distracted by Linda and Stacy slicing the giant salami at Perry's with the with the rapper while they're talking about how long guys can last yeah yeah

Art Linton, who was one of the producers of this movie and wrote that book that's really fun, which I have, and I looked through it last night all excited for the Fast Times chapter, and he didn't have it. But he did have one page on it, and he said how

On the set, it was clear Sean Penn was stealing the movie and they were like putting in more scenes with him. Yeah. So that made me wonder like the football stuff. Maybe they moved that stuff up because they wanted more Sean Penn. I like reading that in movies because we watch these movies and we watch them and we're like, oh man, so well crafted. And then Art Linson's like, yeah, we fucking, we told Cameron like write three more Spicoli scenes. That kid's great. Sequel, prequel, prestige, TV, all black cast or untouchable. Um,

Universal wanted a Spicoli goes to college follow-up immediately and Sean Penn said no. Man of integrity. That would have been an amazing movie. Wow. Like an important, important 80s movie. But it's also like, you guys think Spicoli could have gotten into college? Yes, I do. I do. Well, now. Yeah, I do. You think he's good while hunting. Spicoli's like... He's like a Rhodes Scholar. He owns Facebook now.

Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Danny Trejo, Sam Jackson, JT Walsh, Byron Mayo, Harling Mays, evil laughing Ramon Raymond, who just can't seem to win this category, or Philip Baker Hall? Even laughing Ramon Raymond is just laughing, right? Right. But it's evil laughing, though. Oh, Spicoli! I had...

I'll try this. I thought Wayne Jenkins, if he had been working at All-American Burger, God damn, Brad! Hey, you know I was working with Bobby Flay and the motherfucking secret sauce? You better lock down Lisa pretty soon or you're going to be flipping burgers a long fucking time, big boy! It had been a while, so I was just like, try to dial it up. Incredible. Fantastic. I love it every time. God damn, Brad. My man.

Just want to ask her who gets it. Pen. Easy. No Jennifer Jason Leigh? No, it's pen. Probably unanswerable questions. Let's do it. Did Doug exist? No. I think no. I don't think so either. I think you're right. I think it was a boyfriend from camp situation. So why did she fake up? Why did she fake having a boyfriend? To Mal's point and to your point about like why doesn't Linda have any friends her age? Take a step outside of it and it's like Linda's this weirdo.

who's a fabulist, who's made up this college boyfriend and has no friends her age and her grade because they're all like, Linda's fucking crazy. But she's gotten Stacey into her spider's web and is like, yeah, this is how you do blowjobs and this is how long guys last and how much they come and it's all bullshit. All of it. Yeah.

I don't know. There's a deleted scene early on in the movie when another girl comes up to her in a mall and asks Linda for advice on sex, and she gives her the advice. So I think they were trying to establish that she was this kind of guru. Also, she was freaking hot. Like, how are the guys not after her the whole year? Like, the football quarterback wasn't going after Linda? I do think that's possibly part of why Doug could exist as a figure. It's like, keep everyone at bay.

Right. Oh, yeah. That's why, like, nobody goes. The veil of Doug. Right. Veil of Doug. Right.

I like that. Maybe. That's great. Maybe. I had a possibly unanswerable question specifically for you. Yeah. Do kids still sneak out of the house after bedtime or is like find my iPhone killed that? Great question. Do they just negotiate like, look, I want to go to this party? Right out the window in the front yard. Yeah. Yeah. If you have life 360 or any of the find my iPhones, you kind of know where your kids are at all times, which is non-negotiable if you're even decent parent.

Unlike the Hamiltons. Well, I'm just saying in 2024, I think it'll be hard. Yeah. Do you think kids still should be able to sneak out? Do you think it's good for them? I mean, I'm in the micromanaging parent era, so we just have fear of all this. I think the worst case scenario is about as bad as it can get. Right. Obviously, yes. But you know what I mean? But I think what kids can do is just leave their phone.

sneak out jack's nodding jack's like yes that's what we fucking do um the uh you leave the phone behind they think you're asleep and meanwhile you're out you're phoneless you're basically like you're raw dogging it no no kid is leaving their phone you're hailing cabs for cats or you get the second phone yeah oh the burner that's that's interesting all right uh my only other possibly probably answer a question was uh what was jefferson's final stat line against lincoln yeah

Yeah. So I had a... Did he play college ball? Oh, there's... He was... Did he play in the NFL? He's going to Miami. Yeah. USC. I think... Early 80s? No, it's like Miami or Nebraska. What was the guy's name who coached Miami? It was Miami or Nebraska. Nebraska? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Tom Osborne? Yeah. I had a football question based off that. They say the line was 14 points. Yeah. This was the game of the year.

So Ridgemont was favored by 14. I think Damone threw that on at the end as like a little fine print for Arnold. And it was 5-1 odds with a 14-point spread, which is weird. It's like an adjusted line. Yeah, the gambling in this movie was really weak. It turns out Damone might not be. No wonder he didn't have any money. Best double feature choice.

I had either Valley Girl or Last American Virgin. You want to stay in this year with that kind of theme would be one of my picks. American Graffiti just because it's she heckling acknowledged that that was a huge touchstone for her. Yeah, I would either do American Graffiti or like Dazed and Confused for the high school stoner tie. Not Clueless? Do the Fast Times Clueless combo? Oh, that's nice. I mean, maybe, you know, on the heckling front, that would be nice. But they feel they feel distinct. Yeah.

The Indian Reds won an award for what happened the next day, they told us. What piece of memorabilia would you want from this movie, other than my Google history from last night? Your iPad? Yeah. I really like the Kill Lincoln t-shirt. Me too. And all the Kill Lincoln, like, Assassinate Lincoln merch. It's really good. Yeah, tasteful. I would want, I think, Spicoli's checkerboard pants. Oh. Yeah, I think so. Do you have those?

I don't have the checkerboard ones. I over the years have had van slip-ons though. You know, I had that in Half-Assed. He got the vans going basically. They credited this movie as like launching vans, which I didn't realize. I would have Jefferson's varsity jacket with the 33 on it, obviously, because I love the number 33. Birdmaster. Yeah. But I thought the jacket was cool too. That would be a good thing to have in the closet.

The Coach Finstock Award for Best Life Lesson. I have one, but what do you guys have? Do you ever relax your throat muscles? You go first. Lock your door. Lock your door. You know, Brad taught us that. Yeah. Doesn't anyone knock anymore? Spicoli taught us that, right? He's like, Curtis, I don't hear you unless you knock. There's a lot of like invasion of personal space across the movie that could be easily avoided by simply locking the door.

Oh, I was just going to reiterate Spicoli's point about Jefferson. We need our own rules, dude. Or otherwise.

My best life lesson, which I actually took from this movie, was how to cheat during exams. This is a... Oh. We didn't hit this in the what's age the best. We did this especially in college where if you wore shorts, you could tape a cheat sheet to your leg. You could also do, like, the sunglasses. The glasses. Yeah. The glasses is so funny. The sleeves, having it like this, but then having, like, the quarterback roll up. Yeah. The fucking Tom Brady play sheet. Yeah. I even graduated to hiding the notebooks in the bathroom.

And then can I go to the bathroom and go in and the notebooks were hidden in there. You were allowed to go to the bathroom in the middle of an exam? Well, this was, yeah, it was a different era. I think I did that once or twice with French. But the cheat sheet on your body, I feel like this movie invented that and it was a great life lesson. Did you say the cheating was rampant in your school or were you

like cheating was rampant in the 80s yeah interesting that bill is willing to reveal the exact methods by which he would cheat throughout high school but not comment on the active bookie yeah what's up with that fascinating it was more college i don't think we could have cheated in high school this way college was a little looser okay but um listen i you gotta do what you gotta do college is a fun time don't you don't have time to study the entire time you're trying to get through it who won the movie yeah ch craig man what do you got

Loved this movie. Fascinated me in many ways. I still think high school is just my... High school will forever be my favorite canvas for a movie. Mm-hmm.

What I loved about this movie was how they depicted like men and women, their maturity levels. I thought it hit really well on how, if you think about it, this whole movie, the women are constantly opening up and talking about sex. The men do not talk about sex. They just imagine it. Yeah. Which is like- They're like, I have a five point plan. Yeah. It's all posturing. Yeah. Every like 16 year old woman in this movie is three years more mature. And every 16 year old man in this movie is like three years under mature. Yeah.

And I just, I thought that was so perfect how every time it was like Spicoli imagining himself with like beautiful women after a great surfing day, Brad, you know, imagining Phoebe Cates coming out of the pool and the women were just like, no, we're going to do it in real life. Like we're going to actually talk to these guys. And every time a guy was talked to, he's like, I gotta go, which is just like such a great way. It's honestly very accurate. And then the one, the other thing this movie made me think of is that

Man, we really, my era did not have movies explain sex to us, like at all. I can't even think of one. Like, I guess we had Superbad. But Superbad, it's like those guys are talking like in a way that's not actually practical at all. And it's about the two of them being friends more than it is anything else. There's no nudity. There's no sex in that movie like at all. There's nothing. It's like easy A, I guess, but that movie's like borderline PG in the way it's kind of filmed. We didn't have anything. Yeah. Even movies like Breakfast Club still deal with like interesting themes. Yeah.

And I just feel like my specific spot from, I don't know, I was 13, I think, when Superbad came out. That whole era of late 2000s, just we had nothing. Yeah. I wonder if the internet spooked people where they're afraid to put stuff like that in a movie in the same way. We had like John Tucker Must Die, which was kind of a movie about sex a little bit. But we didn't have anything. Jeez, tragic. Did you like Sean Penn? Yeah. To be honest, I was kind of like, this is a lot.

But you kind of, you warm up to it. It's like, it's also one of those things where it's like, this has been, I've known about this my whole life and it's hard to watch anything and have it live up to the expectations. To his point, I think it's something where it did feel like on the day they were just like, this guy is out of his mind cooking. We have to just add, because like all of his scenes, most of them are not connected to the rest of the movie. Yeah. Right. Interesting. So Craig, in on female empowerment, sexual empowerment,

agency out on one of the greatest performances in the history of cinema. Fascinating. 80s movies, I love that it's like blowjobs and weed and now Euphoria is like human trafficking and scalping. I was thinking about Euphoria in the locker room fight scene. It's like if this were Euphoria, literally there would be 31 visible dicks. Yeah. And then these guys would like beat the shit out of each other and sleep with each other. Yeah. Did you guys think the ending was kind of weird?

I don't know. I don't know why, but just like the movie ending on Brad preventing a robbery in a convenience store. That felt very 80s. Like, the movie's over now. It's like they did because there's no story to this movie. But I kind of like, like these movies are very like raw and kind of awkward. They're not like slapstick at all. They're situationally funny. Like Dazed and Confused. There's like no plot to these movies which I really like.

But yeah, this movie just kind of was like a guy tries to rob Brad and he saves the day and then Spicoli's like, nice one. And then it ends. Thematically very rich, Craig. It should have been. The movie should have ended with Brad and Brad and Stacey's parents coming home from their vacation. We took the school year off. Yeah. Wait, there's what happened in the pool house, Stacey? How about the couch in the changing room? You guys, I wish I wanted you to do on Apex Mountain just like high school movies.

Oh, man. I mean, there are too many. It's impossible. I think Dazed is still my apex mount for high school movies. I don't think it's the apex mount for high school movies, but I think it's probably the most influential of all of them. Yeah. Yeah. So it's basically like Dr. J. Yeah. Right. It set the tone. Yeah. And Dazed is Jordan. Yeah. So Dazed is number one in all of your books? To me. I'd have to think about it. I think Breakfast Club is really important. Dazed and Ferris Bueller, but Ferris Bueller is not really set in high school for the most part.

Breakfast Club did the best job of hitting five specific types of people in high school and all of the ways life was affecting them in the mid-80s. I think the characters are a lot stronger in Breakfast Club. It goes deeper. Just bare your head to sand and wait for your fucking prom! That's it for the rewatchables. Thanks to Craig Orbeck. Thanks to Jack and Gahow as well. And don't forget about Ringer Movies' YouTube channel, which is humming these days. We're all working hard on it, and we'll see you next week.