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Hi, I'm Katie Lowe's and I'm Guillermo Diaz. And we're the hosts of Unpacking the Toolbox, the Scandal Rewatch podcast where we're talking about all the best moments of the show. Mesmerizing. But also we get to hang out with all of our old scandal friends like Bellamy Young, Scott Foley, Tony Goldwyn, Debbie Allen, Kerry Washington. Well, suit up, gladiators. Grab your big old glass of wine and prepare yourselves for even more behind the scenes stories with Unpacking the Toolbox podcast.
Listen to Unpacking the Toolbox on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life in marriage. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years.
Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez, and on my podcast, I like to talk to everyone from Hall of Fame athletes to iconic musicians about getting real on some of the complications and challenges of real life.
I had the best dad and I had the best memories and the greatest experience. And that's all I want for my kids as long as they can have that. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you. I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. And on Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators, and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business. Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hello everybody and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology.
Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world, it is so great to have you here back for another episode as we of course break down the psychology of our 20s.
This decade is filled with a lot of big, vulnerable, sometimes unanswerable questions that leave us feeling, if I'm honest, a bit stranded, a bit panicked as well. Questions, of course, to do with the love and friendship and our careers and everything in between. But perhaps one of the biggest ones that we grapple with during our 20s is what in the world is my calling?
What was I put on this earth to do? And is it even something that I'll enjoy? How can I find direction in my life? How can I find my compass when it comes to what jobs I'll do? My five-year plan where I'll live, who I'm becoming, what I actually want from my life. And that is exactly what we are going to discuss today when we have so many options, but also equally so much confusion about who we want to be, what we want to do, what we're even good at.
when it feels like this kind of constant battle between passion and practicality, how do we find our calling amongst that?
I think this concept of a calling is a beautiful one. It obviously has very spiritual undertones, this kind of sense that each of us is born gifted and each of us has this purpose instilled in us by some higher power. But I think it also reflects our very human need for meaning in our lives. There have been so many articles and studies written on this very idea that without a purpose, we suffer and we don't thrive at the level that we could. And
And there are some known psychological benefits of having this purpose in life. And let's be clear, that doesn't need to be work. It could be a hobby. It could be a broader goal. It could be family. But having something that you love doing, that you care about doing, makes us less vulnerable to boredom, makes us feel less stuck or stagnant. There is often this very fundamental sense of unease that we experience when our attention isn't occupied by external things and
And having a so-called calling can mean that we are always striving towards something below the surface. And that stops us from being anxious and depressed and feeling a bit cooped up.
Another important factor here is that aligning ourselves to a purpose often makes us less self-centered. We feel a part of something bigger. We feel that we are contributing to something outside of ourselves and that has been shown to actually perhaps make us less focused on our own worries and our own anxieties, perhaps making us better, happier people. Purpose has also been shown to
improve our self-esteem. It just makes life a bit more exciting. We all want to feel fulfilled and motivated and like we are contributing something important to the world and those around us. And we are also super lucky these days that we don't just have to see work as a paycheck and a paycheck only. There are just so many opportunities for getting paid to do something that you love or to turn your passion into an income, to make it our main focus. And
But all of that does actually raise the stakes quite a bit, which is why I wanted to mention it first, because I think it's something that we are all pretty much already aware of, especially in our 20s. Something I really hear quite a bit from people is, I know I want to do something meaningful. You know, I don't want to waste my time in a job that I'm really unhappy with. I want to do something that is aligned to my
a bigger meaning that doesn't help me in discovering what that is. Sometimes the mentality behind needing a calling, wanting a purpose is what causes us to get even more stuck. It's the choice overload, the sense that every decision needs to be the right one this early on. It's like suddenly it's not just about having a roof over our head or a well-paying job, but also having a well-paying job that feeds our soul and
Because who wouldn't want that? It doesn't necessarily help, though. It just creates a lot more pressure on us and a lot more areas in which we feel the need to be as satisfied as possible. I've also found that sometimes the idea of a singular calling, that there is one thing out there that you will do best and the world will applaud you for and nothing else.
is rather restrictive. We change and so does what gives us meaning. But also your calling can be a number of things. It doesn't have to be something that, yeah, you're necessarily getting paid for or that you can make a career out of, but it also doesn't have to be one thing. It can be a combination of many things. It doesn't have to be massive and loud. It can still be small and purposeful.
Basically, there is not a single thing in the world each of us is born to do. There are many things. There are many things that guide us. And when we get clear on what they are and when we really drill down into, okay, what are the particulars about the life that I want? We learn so much more about life.
our next steps and about our calling. So strap in, get ready, get excited. We're going to be discussing the Japanese concept of ikigai, concepts like aptitude and flow, balancing the passion versus the practicality issue, the myth of the dream job, and why you might be able to learn your calling from listening to your body of all things.
So much more on top of that. It's going to be a big episode today, guys. Without further ado, let's get into it.
One of my favorite concepts to discuss when we're talking about finding our calling is that Japanese term that I just mentioned, ikigai. You may have already heard of this. There is a pretty well-known book going around right now of the same name. It has a blue cover, some nice cherry blossoms on the front. But this concept essentially refers to our reason for being or a motivating force, something or someone that gives us a purpose, a
a feeling of fulfillment, and hopefully from that, pleasure and enjoyment. It is essentially referring to that really deep sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that we get from doing something we truly care about and which we feel successful in doing. To find our calling, we kind of need to be guided by that feeling.
Actually, fun fact for you all, this concept of ikigai has been suggested as one of the reasons the life expectancy in Japan is so high, especially in one area in particular called Okinawa, which is not by coincidence also known as one of the five blue zones, one of the five areas in the world where life expectancy and life satisfaction is significantly higher than anywhere else. And why might that be? Well,
We know that living a long, healthy life isn't just about physical wellness, but also about mental health and having a reason to want to stay healthy, to want to take care of yourself. Having community around you, of course, but also feeling firm in your reason for being, in your drive, in your purpose. And this is Ikigai.
Ikigai actually seems to be made up of four distinct components or questions and answering those questions is what's going to get us a lot closer to knowing our calling. So if you want to know what's going to make you happiest, what you need to do in your life,
what you want to do in your life, I guess is a better question. You first need to know what are you truly good at? What is the secret or not so secret talent or skill that you're always excelling on? You're always getting complimented on that is unique to you. What do you love doing? What do you love experiencing? What do you love participating in, in general? What does the world need and what can you get paid for?
That is basically the crux of what your calling is. When something fulfills those four things, you've pretty much got a bullseye.
It's a bit more complicated than that. And I really wish that I could show you a picture of this, but essentially there are different levels of fulfillment on your way to finding Ikigai. Like for example, you know, the dream is to fulfill all four categories. If you love talking to people, if people always say you have such a talent for connecting with others and there is a demand for more therapists, you could get paid to discuss people's problems and, and,
you know, have empathy towards them, you have basically fulfilled all the criteria for Ikigai. That would be your purpose. You should become a psychologist or a counselor and that would fill all those buckets quite equally. But you can do something that you love that the world needs and not be good and not be paid for that and still feel happy doing that thing on the side whilst working a full-time job.
That is what we might call your mission. So volunteering is an example of that. Or you can do something you love that you're good at but can never make a career from because the world just might not need it right now. That's your passion, like hiking or making interesting art projects.
You still feel fulfilled, but maybe your calling isn't finding a way to do that all the time. Maybe finding a way to get paid for that would mean losing the love for it. And so you continue to do it as a hobby and, you know, use your job as a way to just, you know, fund that exercise.
So I kind of want to spend the rest of this episode talking about each of these components in more detail and how we can kind of fine tune each and truly know what it is that we're great at, what we actually love doing, what the world needs and how to get paid for your dreams. So let's start with kind of working out what you're good at. There are some things that you're just never going to be the best at. Let's be completely upfront. And honestly, that is so liberating when you finally understand that.
When you finally are honest with yourself about what you are actually naturally better at, it stops you from having to be the person that needs to be the best at everything and crumbles when we're not. It stops you from being stretched too thin or from pouring hours into a skill that we actually just struggle with, plain and simple. I remember being in high school, and I'm sure this is such a common experience, but I was just so terrible at anything mathematical. And I would spend...
hours on my homework trying to get these theories, route learning them when that didn't work. And as my final exams were approaching and all of these hours were going towards something that I just wasn't improving at, I just honestly gave up and I spent more time on what I had an aptitude for, which was English and psychology and whatever else I was doing. There's only so much that you can keep pulling the same cart before you ditch it for a lighter one. That's kind of what the
the gist is here. And this concept of aptitude is important here because it basically says, yes, everybody can learn most things. Everybody could be baseline good at most things if they gave it their everything. But for some people, getting really good at that thing is going to be a lot easier and come to them a lot quicker. There is a reason why
That LeBron James is a basketball player and James Corden is not. Or that Steve Jobs was, you know, an inventor and not in HR or not a social worker. Right? It comes down to aptitude. And I know it's simple, but we all have our own talents and
Stop trying to live the life and skills of somebody that you're not. The place I see this a lot is people at university or college who are really struggling and everything seems to just be like 10 times harder for them. They're doing degrees that they, you know, really don't like because someone has told them to do so or they've told themselves that this is what they should be doing. But it's about having a very, I would say, practical and utilitarian mindset and
Where do my natural talents lie such that I'm going to get the most out of an investment in them? So if you aren't quite sure, here's a few questions to seriously consider for just a second. What are people always giving you compliments on? What do your closest friends and family say that you are good at?
Is it getting others to open up? Is it being organized? Is it planning the night out? Is it decorating your space, putting on an amazing meal? Are children like super receptive to you? I don't know. Maybe you don't know either because you're so caught up in just getting through the day and maybe downplaying your own strengths and being self-deprecating that you've just never actually noticed what you're truly talented at. But your friends,
and your family, they do notice and they hold the secret here. Next, take it all the way back. What was your best subject at school? And here's the thing. It's not just what subject did you get the best grades in, but what subject did you get the best grades in relevant to your effort? It's a
What achievements are you most proud of and what skills were involved in those achievements? What were you required to just be naturally quite good at in order to get to that goal? Essentially, what we are looking for here is your aptitude and your skill set and
And something that you are naturally just quite good at. Now, that isn't always going to be the thing that you enjoy most. So here's the tricky part. We have to balance what we are naturally good at with what we actually enjoy. And that is the second component of Ikigai. One of my friends had to do mandatory aptitude testing a few years back for something or other. And after this like three hour long process, she got her results back.
And it said actuarial scientist. And for those of us like me who had no idea what that means, it's essentially like applied statistics to determine how likely bad things are going to happen or to perform like a risk assessment.
And you know what? She took one long, hard look at that and went in the complete opposite direction. And she is a professional athlete now. She plays football for a living, very different to actuarial science. And I think she's a great example of why aptitude only does take you so far. We are not bound by what we would be best at if we tried. That is not our only potential. Passion is still a big part of this equation, right?
If you are like me, you might be pretty content doing a lot of things. That's kind of part of the problem. How do we determine what we really love and what drives us? And the secret is our bodies will tell us. When we feel fulfilled, sustained, passionate, excited, motivated, inspired, all those good feelings, it begins in our brain, but it really manifests in our body and in quite a few physical reactions.
A big one is focus. When you really love doing something, it can be almost hard to pull yourself away from it because we are naturally really engaged. We are invested in the task or activity because we are getting enjoyment out of it. Sounds super basic, right? But a high level of focus and flow is what we really need to pay attention to.
So a flow state, and we've spoken about this on the podcast before, but it is this mental state, this magical mental state in which we are completely engrossed on a singular task. All of our attention is focused. We can't be distracted.
It's like being in the zone, but more than that, it's feeling equally fulfilled and challenged by what you're doing, energized and buzzing, but also really calm. And the best way to describe it is feeling, I don't know, almost fluid, totally absorbed. There is like an amazing TED talk on this from almost two decades ago. And in it, they kind of explain the way that these psychologists responsible for the concept came to discover it.
And it was by watching and observing some of the most talented but also committed and accomplished people in the world. Chess players, surgeons, ballerinas, mountain bike riders,
business leaders, all people who had seemingly found their calling and they wanted to know what they had in common. And what they had in common was the way that they all described entering a flow state when they did the thing they loved most. It wasn't just discipline or passion or hours and hours of hard work. I'm sure that was part of it, but the sense of trance-like commitment and immersion and
When was the last time you felt that way and what were you doing? See, I remember incredibly vividly doing a podcast assignment back at uni for like an international relations class or something or other. And it was like I had entered this altered state. I was so focused and I remember looking up at the clock after editing this, you know, assignment basically for three hours. And I hadn't even checked the time once.
Those moments are the ones to really look out for. It took, you know, two more years to really start my show, but I remember that so clearly. And I still like can put myself back in that moment of how engaged, but also relaxed I was. And I get to feel that all the time now by doing this. When was the last time that that you felt like that?
The other way that our body leads us to our calling is how we feel at the end of the day. You know those days when you go to bed and you just feel truly fulfilled and satisfied and you are genuinely proud of yourself. You feel accomplished. You sleep easy. There's like this warmth. What was it that you did that day that may have contributed to that state?
This is what I would call an involuntary state of mindfulness. You have in some way created the conditions necessary to be totally present and just happy. And there are so many studies that show us when we practice something we love, our happy hormones, our happy neurotransmitters, they go wild. And those days when your head hits the pillow with a smile, you're experiencing that very biological and psychological reaction, probably closest to inner peace in real time.
Listen to your body. It will seriously guide you to your calling. Okay, we're going to take a short break. But when we return, I want to discuss those final two components of Ikigai and the pursuit of purpose in our 20s and beyond. What does the world need and what can we get paid to do? So stay with us. ♪
Hi, I'm Katie Lowe's. And I'm Guillermo Diaz. And now we're back with another season of our podcast, Unpacking the Toolbox, where Guillermo and I will be rewatching the show. To officially unpack season three of Scandal. Unpredictable. You don't see it coming. It's a wild, wild ride. The twists and turns in season three. Mesmerizing. But also,
Also, we get to hang out with all of our old Scandal friends like Bellamy Young, Scott Foley, Tony Goldwyn, Debbie Allen, Kerry Washington. So many people. Even more shocking assassinations from Papa and Mama Pope. And yes, Katie and I's famous teeth pulling scene that kicks off a romance. And it was peak TV. This is new Scandal KCBQ.
content for your eyes, for your ears, for your hearts, for your minds. Well, suit up gladiators, grab your big old glass of wine and prepare yourselves for even more behind the scenes. Listen to unpacking the toolbox on the I heart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is.
I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa, I said the words.
that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things.
That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly.
Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers. I'm Shadi Diaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City stand-up comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story. So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories. Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
Finding something that we're good at, that we actually enjoy is genuinely like hitting the jackpot. It's sad to say, but a lot of people do go through their life not having that opportunity and never knowing. So if there is even a sliver, a small part of you that has found something that drives you, whether it's, I don't know, music, activism, sport, writing, anything, why not bet on it? Why not give it everything and see what happens?
Well, that is when the need to balance passion versus practicality comes into things. And the third component that makes up our calling and our ikigai is what we can get paid to do.
It can be really scary to realize that the thing you feel destined to do is super different to the path that you're on, especially when the thing you love may not pay the bills. When I started doing this, I made approximately zero dollars for the first two years. But does that mean you give up the dream for something that can pay the bills if it means abandoning your purpose or do you find a way to compromise?
I think the need to compromise is quite obviously the right choice here. And that's not to discourage people from chasing their dreams because yes, if you can do it, run with it, give it all you've got. If you can get paid for it, go. But just because you can't make your calling your full-time job doesn't mean that you are neglecting it.
I think when it comes to identifying your calling and following it, we need to abandon our all or nothing thinking. Either I'm doing what I love and I'm following my dreams or I'm miserable. Maybe that will surprise you to hear me say, but that's reality, isn't it? I think there is this myth around if you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life. And this endless search for the dream job is sometimes incorrect because firstly, when something becomes your job and your way of making income, it's
I'm telling you now, you will lose some of your love for it because it becomes commodified.
That is in every single person I've spoken to is like, I made my, my passion, my dream job. They have said, you know, you have to love it 200, 300% because that love will reduce when it starts to be your income. Secondly, sometimes there just isn't a way to make money from what you love, but that doesn't make it not important. And thirdly, sometimes your job can just be your job. And it's, as we said before, just the thing that funds your calling. A
A calling, you know, it does not need to make money to be sufficiently purposeful. And sometimes in the balance between passion and practicality, practicality has to win. Like working all those extra shifts to spend three months traveling and volunteering or working as someone's assistant to get your dream role in five, 10 years, paying your dues, etc.
Our calling is bigger than the dream job. It can be expressed in so many ways in your afternoons, on your weekends, but also it can be somewhat aligned and not exactly perfect, but 90% there and the remaining 10% is filled up elsewhere.
Again, when we abandon our all or nothing thinking about outcalling and needing to find outcalling through work and through a job, we feel a lot less pressure to get it all right out the gate. Sometimes those dreams also take time and we can return to outcalling later on. If you want a great example of this, I really recommend this article by Psychology Today called It Is Never Too Late To Find Your Calling.
In this article, they talk about this concept of a latent calling, something that might remain hidden or under wraps for a few years or a few decades, but never vanishes. It's not expressed openly, but it can continue to inform your sense of identity. And it's not like once you put your calling on the back burner for a
you've given up forever. And they conducted a study last year on this exact idea. And these two researchers, they examined and observed, I think it was about 30, maybe 40 retired individuals. All of them had played musical instruments earlier in life and they wanted to be musicians, but they'd spent their careers working in other jobs. They were, one of them was a probation officer, an accountant, physician, lawyer, TV producer, etc.
And they all spoke about how there had just been practical barriers to pursuing their calling as a career, but a huge number of them went on to revive their calling in retirement. And even more of them kept doing it in their spare time at a consistent, if not a little bit lower level. And this is the crazy finding from this compared to the control group, the test group, the group that did not do this, who did not pursue their calling even in their free time and
They showed so much greater overall life satisfaction and happiness for finding a way to keep showing up for their calling, even if it wasn't the way that they made money. If you do want to get paid for your calling, though, because obviously that would be a fun route to take.
Think of your dream job at the center of a web and then list a series of jobs that connect to your dream job in some way. So let me use the example of an author because that's a fun one. You might not be able to write novels full time, but you can go into publishing, which means you'll still get to be in touch with writing authors.
or copywriting, or ghostwriting. You know, you could be an accountant who clocks off at five and spends three hours each night working on pottery or your debut novel. There are a web of opportunities that exist around one calling. So don't think about it as this singular thing that you'll be happy doing. Think about it as like a big...
Almost like a big textbook, a big dictionary of different jobs and different professions, some that we might not even know yet, that all connect back to the thing that drives you.
Finally, let's turn to the most selfless part of what our calling should contain, and that is what is it that the world needs? Maybe instead of focusing on how your calling could make you money, which is a valid concern, of course, you think about the value of your calling as being what it provides to others. This brings me to another huge myth around finding our calling is that our calling needs to be impressive and have a large impact. It needs to
elevate us so that the whole world can see it. That is a really nice vision, but actually I think our calling can be a lot more simpler. It's what we can do for our friends, our family, our community, those who need us. And it comes back to what we spoke about at the very beginning, our aptitude. What can we give the world that others maybe can't? What are the talents that we possess that are rare and unique and
and focus on the small impact that you can make with that. I want to talk about an idea here you've probably heard about before called the butterfly effect. So the butterfly effect is not a psychological theory, but actually a mathematical one. And the premise is small things in one space can have a big impact. A butterfly, you know, flapping its wings in Sydney can push the air just enough that it gets swept up
made bigger and bigger and creates a cyclone in Turkey. Your calling, as small as you may practice it, can have a butterfly effect and can be what the world needs or what just one person needs in a moment. You making art and poetry and cool stuff and posting it on social media is
could inspire someone else to be creative. You talking to your friends about social justice could help educate them enough to speak out themselves, creating a butterfly effect in their own circles or their workplace. You volunteering for just two hours a week could be the thing that makes someone feel seen or feel supported.
I think part of why we find purpose is something is when we see it expanding beyond us. Yes, it makes us happy and fulfilled and we may even enter a flow state and be good at it, but it's when it's shared and when we see it making some small difference or an impact that we truly feel like we have a mission as localized or small as that may be.
Now I want to give you three final exercises to finish off our episode. These exercises are basically designed to reveal what you may already know to be true about your purpose, but you've probably forgotten. There are some exercises that you might typically encounter in like organizational psychology or when you go see like a career therapist. So firstly, think about what life, what kind of life may be possible for you by looking at those that you admire the most.
Those people who you see as heroes or who you idolize, what about their life and their work is so alluring to you? What does it say about your own values? Sometimes the people we admire the most in life give us a clue as to how we might want to contribute to a better world ourselves or what our kind of greater goals or desires are.
And it's a form of positive upward comparison that is really powerful, whereby their existence doesn't make us feel inferior. It actually makes us feel quite inspired because it proves to us that what we dream of, the life that we want for ourselves, the calling that we envision is possible.
This works best when you think about people around you who you admire. Sometimes those larger than life examples can feel very far off and untouchable, but seeing people in our own lives who really inspire us makes us think about our own mission. And we look at them and we think, okay, really, really, I'm not jealous, I'm not envious, but I really admire that part of their life. What does that say about what I might be lacking in mine? And not like how can I be
more like them? How can I copy them? But how can I really emulate what they're bringing to their life to give them this reality? Secondly, let's talk about this exercise that's called the Good Purpose Challenge. And this originated from the University of California in Berkeley.
In this exercise, you are asked to imagine yourself at 40 years old as if everything has gone exactly as you would have wanted it. With that image in mind, really think every single thing you try, you immediately succeed at. You never fail at any of your risks. Everything works out for you. And I want you to answer these three questions. What are you doing?
What is actually important to you at this time in your life in 40 years? What do you really care about and what do you spend your time on and why? This exercise is really valuable because it zooms you out. It stops you worrying about what you're doing right now and needing everything to be perfect in the moment and
It stops us worrying about all the sacrifices and how confused we are. And it puts us some 40 years in the future and lets us work backwards. It removes some of the practicality anxieties that we have about the future that we encounter so much in our 20s. Because what this hypothetical, what this exercise is asking you to do is to really imagine like it's all worked out.
We are secure. We are stable in this situation. And when that is taken care of, where does your mind turn to? It's kind of like that question of what would you do if money is no object, but a little bit different and I think a little bit more detailed. Finally, I want to give you five final questions for getting through this maze. It's
If you are someone who really benefits from like writing things down, these are amazing journal prompts as well for doing like the intense deep work to find your calling. And here's the thing, I'm going to make this final argument. Very rarely do we actually do this. Very rarely in our lives are we, do we step out of that passive role and actually have a look around and be intentional. And
Not just make a plan for a future, but make a vision for the future and do some of that self-reflection and some of that self-focus that, you know, might feel like a bit boring right now, might feel a bit tedious, but which I would say the majority of people never get the opportunity to do.
And so it's not that there is this competition, but you really are putting yourself ahead in terms of your self-awareness, your self-knowledge. And when it comes to making decisions, when it comes to facing crossroads, you are better equipped to do what you think is right and to do the best thing for your future. These are the five questions that I think are important for getting us to that point of clarity.
If you could not fail, what would you do? A very basic one, an important one though. Really think about it. If you had to teach someone something about a topic or a skill, what would you choose and what would you feel most passionately about? In which situations do you feel most empowered and excited in? If you could sum up your ideal work in five descriptive words, what would you choose?
Are you living your life in a way that if your calling was to come to you tomorrow, would you be able to follow it? Would you have the belief in yourself to be able to do it?
I think that last question really lets us reflect on whether we actually are open to the things that might present themselves to us and that we might not know of yet that may be a surprise, but actually end up being our destiny in a way. Are you actually letting yourself be inspired or are you flexible enough to fit into your dream life?
Or are you continuing to, again, pull a heavy cart that might not be for you? I want to say if you haven't found your calling yet, it's actually totally okay. And, you know, I've made this whole episode being like, this is your instruction manual to doing it. But you actually do have time. You do have time to experiment. You do have time to
just exist without feeling like you need to be doing something that is bigger and greater and higher than you. I will say I talk to so many people in their 20s. I am someone in their 20s. My friends are people in their 20s.
I feel like only the small minority of us have any clue about what we're doing. And it's likely that in the next 20 years that will change again. So if you're feeling lost, if you're feeling a bit confused, chaotic, panicked, panicked about not knowing what you want to do with your life,
That's actually a really normal experience. And maybe everything you're experiencing is actually preparing you to be ready for what is coming. Maybe your calling doesn't exist yet. And maybe you need to explore first. Maybe your calling is bigger, maybe smaller than you've been thinking. That is where I think a whole...
part of this is actually just being open to possibility and opening yourself up to things that you may not have expected. Not feeling like there was one thing that you needed to do, you had a blueprint, you had a plan and that's what you need to follow. Let yourself be changed, let yourself change, let yourself adapt to
to these new things that you're discovering about yourself and it will work out, I promise you. And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't mean that you're going to be unhappy. You know, a calling does seem to have this very like golden feel about it. It does seem to be quite mythical and spiritual and,
But there are so many people who would say, I didn't find a calling, but I found a good life. And that meant a lot to me as well. So regardless of that, I just hope that you did learn something. I hope that this has been a time for you to just think about yourself and spend some time in your thoughts, you know, working through the maze. I hope that you enjoyed this episode. And if you did share it with somebody who you think might also gain something from it, follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever you are listening right now.
Make sure that you leave a five-star review wherever you are listening right now. It helps the show to grow and meet new people. And if you want to follow up to this episode, if there is something that I spoke about in here that you're like, maybe I want to hear more about that or just some other 20-something experience that you want to know the psychology behind, I would love to hear from you. And until next time, stay safe, stay kind, be gentle to yourself, and we will talk soon.
Hi, I'm Katie Lowes. And I'm Guillermo Diaz. And we're the hosts of Unpacking the Toolbox, the Scandal Rewatch podcast where we're talking about all the best moments of the show. Mesmerizing. But also, we get to hang out with all of our old Scandal friends like Bellamy Young, Scott Foley, Tony Goldwyn, Debbie Allen, Kerry Washington. Well, suit up, gladiators. Grab your big old glass of wine and prepare yourselves for an even more behind-the-scenes Scandal.
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