The Best-Of Episode
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What's up, everybody? This is Nate Bargetze. This is the first episode of the Nateland podcast. I, you know, I did a podcast a long time ago. A very, very long time ago. Right when podcasts were getting big, and then we stopped it. It was basically like if you, like, got a tip about Google, and then you were like, ah, let's get out of it. I mean, it was like 2010 or something. I don't know.

But now we're doing it again. COVID has forced me into a podcast because I can't do anything. So we're doing it here. We're in Nashville, Tennessee. This is the first one. I'm excited to do a show. I don't know exactly what this show is going to end up being.

It's just us hanging out, a couple comics. Let me introduce you to the comics that are in here. I got Brian Bates, who's on the road with me a lot, and Aaron Webber's been on the road with me once, and that will be the last time. He really blew it. Yeah.

But so I just figured, you know, we're here. We're all stuck in Nashville. So let's do a podcast. You know, let's get it. Let's get it going. So Brian. All right. So we'll start with the beginning of grocery stores. A little fun fact here. The first self-service grocery store. This felt like doing a school, you know, when you let they go. All right, everybody. Yeah.

Brian Bring Brian Bates and then it sounded exactly yeah you don't like the way I start stuff I don't think like your stand-up like jokes well that's this I've read like three times on the show and twice you've called me out on the way I start it so I don't think I'm good at starting but you know you go okay uh here we go but yeah now I'm thinking about my jokes

How do you start your joke? You say, hello, folks. You say folks? Yeah. I'm pretty sure you say folks. For every joke? No. When you come out.

When you come out, hello, folks. And you might say when you leave, you don't think you say, do you say folks? I don't think so. I think you do. Okay. Every joke. Yeah, every joke. That's his thing. That's what people like. And he sells T-shirts in the lobby to say, hey, hello, folks. And it's just a picture of him. That's his image. Hello. It's just seven hands that go like that.

Hello, folks. And then he does his act. And then every joke, I start with it again. Yeah. Hello, folks. Then good night, folks. How good did that be, man? That was so good. I mean, that's just like...

That would be like if you're a stand-up comic, you just got pulled out of Lebanon and you didn't know Nashville exists. And then you're like, I've been doing comedy in Lebanon for 15 years. All right, sorry. Nicole's Butcher. And these all sound like stores. Do they not? Here at Nicole's Butcher, we exclusively use Reynolds Seal. I mean, it's all just high.

I'm Nicole and Nicole's butcher. And is it Nicole's? I don't know. Is it not Nicole? You're emphasizing the butcher part. Like, like Nicole didn't write it. She got her butcher to comment for. Yeah.

Hi. Oh, yeah. Hi. I'm Nicole's Butcher. And I know you might be thinking, why did she send me out to give her answers? But Nicole's busy right now, and she can't be bothered. Who's Nicole? Is it Nicole's? It might be Nicholas. Nicholas Butcher? Oh, man. Nicole's Butcher. How you doing? I'm Nicole's Butcher. Sore Sogorb.

S-O-R-E-S-O-G-O-R-B. Sigorb. Soar Sigorb. Is that a real name? Soar Sigorb? You think that is his real name? Poor guy. Soar? Yeah. Soar Sigorb. I hope it is his name. Oh, man. Soar. Get in here.

You have to say the last name or you just go sore. And he goes here. Every time. I don't think you need to be here. Sore. He just sits there and the teacher's like, which one? So Gorb. Oh, I thought it was the other sore. Miriam Gregory.

I've been a fan of the podcast since day one. Is that, you think that's right? These names all feel made up. Yeah. Miriam Gregory. Sorcegor. It feels like almost we were short on comments and then. So Brian went in. And Boat Ramp went in and then just said, just took. Sorcegor. Sorcegor. Miriam Gregory. Oh, it's the worst name I've ever heard. Oh, man. Oh, man.

Yeah, yeah. That's a real name. I don't think he's going to turn around, by the way. Yeah. Sore is different. Maybe Sore? Next one's Soda. He's French. Seven. These are all just George Costanza names that he came up with. Sore. Sore's the goal. Oh, it's beautiful. It is, yeah. Sore. I got a good idea what that guy looks like.

I feel like you can picture a Soar. You can picture him in your head. I feel like I've never, I don't know what they look like, but I think I could pick one. Oh, right. If you said there's 100 people standing in the crowd, one of them's named Soar, I'd be like, I feel pretty good. I could figure out who he is. If you lined up Dr. Khan, Soar Sikor, and me, Miriam Gregory, I could tell you which one was Soar. I'll tell you that much. Would you Soar male or female?

Sora feels like SoRae. It's gender neutral, man. If it's SoRae. Yeah. SoRae would be a lovely lady. You know, you don't think SoRae's a... These are all... I don't know. These names are... These are our fans, Aaron, that you're laughing at.

sorry that's the worst thing i've ever heard sorry well it's not if it's so race so gore so race so gore like a ukrainian ballet dancer or something well that they could be big so race so gore doesn't sound as bad that's what i'm saying that sounds like a ballet dancer from the eastern europe so ray so race so gore that actually sorry

It's a beautiful name now. And I'm going to name my next daughter that. We don't have another daughter. Soray Bargetzi? Yeah, Soray Bargetzi. I feel like if I find some little girl sitting out on the side of the road and she lives with us, I feel like that's how you get a Soray in your family. They're not born into that family. You find them and they're put with that family. Turler. Turler.

That's the guy's name. T-U-R-R-L-E-R. Turler. Think that's his real name? I don't know. I don't. You don't? How do you not think that? I know we have a history of colorful names on the podcast, but Turler.

The Turler family? I bet its name is... The Ler family? The Ler family? I think his name is Tyler, and he's being funny. Turler. Ooh, Tyler. Tyler Ler. That's what I think. All right, you're going with Tyler. I go with his name is actually Turler, and he has to live with it. This podcast is officially too dumb for me. Goodbye, folks.

I had a good run. I guess we'll never know. I guess we'll never know. He's never even going to hear his comment being read. Yeah. Turler, he's out. Too dumb. What does he want it to be? I don't know, right? Yeah, go get the TED Talks podcast. Yeah, I mean, there's other podcasts. That would be like if you're watching the Titans play and you go, it's just too much football.

Why do you not watch the Titans? It's a lot of football. Why don't they throw in some other stuff? You're like, you know what? They should. They should throw in other stuff. I was talking to Brian. We had a clip on your Facebook go kind of viral from the second episode of the podcast about talking millions, billions, trillions of dollars. It has like 2 million views, and a lot of them have no idea what the podcast is. Most of the comments are just like, these guys are morons. Yeah.

They think it's like a math podcast. Well, I mean, Turler knows what the podcast is and he thinks we're morons. Turler made it 23 episodes before he's like... He gave us a fair shot. Yeah, he goes, this is... I always love the idea of someone... It's like they're resigning. Like leaving a comment. He didn't give us a two-week notice. I'm out. He just goes... Like, it's so funny to think like...

You think he's at home and he's talking to his wife, his roommate, and he just goes, I can't listen to this podcast anymore. And they're like, oh, it's cool. So you go stop listening to it. I'll probably let them know. And then I'm going to stop listening to it like that.

What are you going to do for that? You're going to just unsubscribe? I'm probably going to somehow let these guys know that I don't think they're good, and then I'm going to back out. You know what I mean? But I think they should know that the Lur is out. The Lur family. Parting shot. The Lur family is out. We met a fan yesterday. You met a fan? We did. We did. Remember when we were at lunch and the guy said, hey, listen to the podcast. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Where was it? Oh, yes. The guy we met yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I'm not a big, I don't like talking to the fans out in the public now. Yeah. Very nice guy. Yeah. Didn't know my name, but. Yeah. He called him Matt. Called Brian Matt. So Nate and Matt? Yeah. Wasn't sure and went with Matt. And so I don't feel like he looked like a Matt.

I was going to say, that's a pretty good guess. He said, I don't know why I thought your name was Matt. And he said, well, we got an Aaron. He said, oh, yeah, I know Aaron. I love Aaron. Yeah. But his name was Ben. I know him. But then when he left, he's like, what was your name one more time? Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. I should have said Worf. He was very nice. Worf.

See if he's a real fan of the... Does he dive deep? Like, did you go back to episode one? Are you one of those real fans? Are you just a new guy that showed up at episode two? I mean, I stole a bass once and thought that somehow the guy fouled the ball back. And I ran back to first. And it confused him so much. I was on second.

thought I only found it back so I started running back for about halfway there he was like throw it throw it the first and I had to slide head first into first base back to the base and I'm back right where I was with the first base coach he's like what are you doing man you were there I was like I thought they found it I thought they found it I didn't know so in a way I stole two bases that's never happened before you're the only one that never did

He stole a base that he stole into the back. The look on my first base coach's face when he saw me coming back there. Wow. Oh, dude. I mean, just to be – just to have to dive in. Just to like have to – you have to slide to fix a problem that shouldn't be a problem. Like you're getting back to the original. You could be like, dude, you could have just stayed here, man, and we wouldn't be going through this. And for you to get all the way to second. Yeah.

That's amazing. That's like, I feel like with you, you end up, anybody else, it's like maybe you make it back to first, but you just go back to first, and you're like, well, that was a stupid move. And you're the only one that gets in a battle situation just trying to get back to the original spot. I mean, it's a full-on real play. I mean, I went in head first. The ump had to call safe. Oh, dude, that's unbelievable. That's awesome. All right. All right.

Letter rip. Love the show, boys. I absolutely disagree with Nate's stance on asking for a source. You should always ask for a source because reporters, broadcasters, journalists, and writers can literally report, write anything. And claim it as fact without posting a source. How would you ever know if it was fact, opinion, or pure speculation without being provided a source to where they get the information that is being reported to you? Yeah, I mean, I get the idea, but I'm saying...

We shouldn't be to a point that a guy has to ask a professional newspaper for a source.

Like, you should be asking. They should be presenting. That's the point. They should be presenting the source. Oh, okay. They should be like, here's the sources. I do get it. That's... The system is what's messed up. Okay. And then seeing a comment that says, hey, what's your source? It's crazy. I think there's a mix of like, the newspaper should be giving sources, and then that guy... I bet that guy just goes around and asks people for sources. You know what? We should all just ask everybody for sources. Yeah.

Just start doing that. It's actually pretty fun to do. Just go and ask. Someone says anything, are the weathers going to be bad today? Yeah, what's your source about that? I'd like to see your sources on the weather today. You challenged the weather man about it? I'm saying at home, just start. Oh, family. Everybody, family, friends. Everybody just start doing that.

Hey, is this 20? If you had Target, you know, is this 20% off? I don't think it is today. Well, what's your source that says that? Just ask everybody. Let's start asking everybody for sources. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in, right? Yeah. I've done that with you before. Yeah. You'll say, they say something. I was like, who's they? It's they. It's always they. Yeah. I do. That's all I ask. But I mean, get the dumber and dumber. Try to go and see how dumb you can ask someone for a source that confuses them. What can you do that can go?

I got Outback last steak. I ordered Outback last night. And I ordered whatever I ordered the steak, they didn't have. You know, filet or something. Or prime rib they didn't have. And I was really coming to some money, so I ordered the prime rib at Outback.

And they go, we don't have that. We're out of prime rib. And I could ask that guy, well, what's your sources? Yeah, the chef in the kitchen? Yeah. What's his source? Yeah. Well, what's your source on this? Because it was just the manager that called me. And then I want to hear him go, yeah, the chef in the kitchen. And I go, all right. Thank you. Thank you. And then I move on. I go, all right. Then I'll take a ribeye. What if we were a heist?

You know, us three. Three of us? Three of us. It wouldn't go well. I mean. Yeah. What would we be? Well, who would be the mastermind? I think I'd be the mastermind. Yeah, I would be the diversion guy. I would like block security cameras.

You know, I could be... You could take out two at the same time? Yeah, he would be a little more technical guy. I'd be the... Look, I'd dress up as a UPS guy and just like, I don't know, hold a balloon in front of a security camera, that kind of stuff. Yeah. I'm not... I, you know...

I don't think I'd want to take the lead of a heist, but I think with us, I would have to take the lead of a heist. I would think with our best, I would prefer to get a crew that I could maybe rely on someone else just because I'm such new to this. But if this is the only crew I got, I think I'm taking control of it. I think you would – somebody would be standing too close to you at the back of the line. You'd blow it before you even started. You'd start yelling at them. I don't think so. I don't think – I definitely don't think you would be at the scene of the crime. No, I'd be the getaway driver.

I'm a good driver. No. Are you a good driver? No. Yeah. I'm safe 10 and 2. You'd be yelling at people. I would. Get out of the way. No, but we would run out. Yeah. And then you would be like, I got to let the car warm up. And then we would sit. You have no sense of urgency. So you would be a lot of, I'm getting over when I can. And it's like.

But you don't make a scene. You got to make a scene to get out to leave. You got to make the scene. I would be driving to get us out. And then I would be like, now you take over and drive, you know, so you're, you're now we look, we blend in more, but you would, we, you would get us caught. Cause you would, you'd be like, I got to follow the laws. Yeah. There's a, there's a red light. And I'm like, I know. So who's the getaway drivers?

You? I think I'm doing a lot. I'll be honest with you. I was going to say, if you're the getaway driver, then Brian is like the George Clooney of our organization. I think he's back at the – I can't be me either. I think you're back at the house. Cleaning? Cleaning it. Getting snacks ready for us when we get back because I think we'll be hungry. Getting water for everyone. And I want some cookies. I think we should do some cake. I think we should celebrate.

And I want the same house. That's all I get to do? Yeah, I think I want you back there and get the rents. I want to make sure that no one's poking around while we are gone. And you could be like, well, I talked to this old lady for quite a while while driving the heist was going on. I think you're there. I don't think I can have you. You come home, the door's locked. Just open it up.

Yeah, I don't think I can risk having you. No. You can't be there. I would be the only reason you guys wouldn't get caught. No, you'd be the absolute reason. It's something you'd get in the way. It would be, I can't have you driving. I can't have you in there trying to jam money in, and you're fumbling it, and you drop the bag, and you grab the wrong bag. Yeah.

I mean, I'm doing the whole thing, man. Yeah. I think it's me and Aaron. What's Aaron doing? Carrying a balloon? Something. Because people die from balloons? I could set a diversion. I'll do something. I just... Yeah. We don't want a diversion. Hey, there's nothing wrong with having the house...

We got to fuck to the safe house to be in order. There's nothing that's not crazy. That's a job that has to be done. Someone's got to do it. Be the guy that does the job where it keeps the house in order. Are we splitting the money equally?

Yeah, I think we will. Yes, look, I'm a very generous guy, so I do want to always split everything equally. But I think me and Aaron would eventually be upset about that. Yeah. I think it would grow. It would grow to resent you for it. It would grow to be like, I mean, he made the bands. You think he really, and I don't know who says it first. I think maybe Aaron says it to me first. It's kind of crazy. I mean, look, he ordered pizza. Pizza was there. It was hot.

I had my soda that I like. I like, I get it, dude. I get, I'm not saying we don't need the guy. I get why the guy's there. Do I think he deserves? He has zero risk. Say we get caught. He's just a guy living in a house.

And he fits the, you know, it's going to be like, oh, you live alone, sir? Everybody thinks obviously he lives alone. He fits the description of when the cops go knock on the door. You live alone? They go, so you live alone? They say it first to him. So you live alone here, sir? You're like, well, I didn't say that. And you go, oh, I'm just saying what you're wearing. I thought you lived alone. All right, you're making some good points.

CJ, Brian has resting confused face. That is true. Well, let me say, first of all, when Nate's talking, it's not resting. But I've had this before. When I was a senior in high school, we went on our senior trip to Panama City. It was my first time away from my parents. I was so excited. My friends down there. And we met these girls. I was trying to be so cool just hanging out. And out of nowhere, one of these girls just goes...

this guy looks worried. And they all start dying laughing. And they're like, look, he's worried. And the rest of the trip, they called me worried. That was my nickname was worried. Worried is such a good word to use. Like if they would have said, this guy looks confused, worried. I mean, they labeled me that. Worried is such a good word. Yeah.

For that situation. Yeah, women know how to cut to your heart, don't they? She could have said confused. She could have said... That would have ruined the whole trip for me. I mean, I still remember it to this day. You're just trying to hang out. I was trying to be so cool by not talking. This guy looks worried. Yeah. And then she... I mean, I hadn't said a word. And his bum over here looks worried. Who's he with? You two? And then for them just to call you worried. God, that's so funny, dude. I still remember it. How... I mean...

That's like professional stand-up. That's a great put-down. You would try different words. Right. You would be scared. You would try everything. Yeah. And worried. If anybody's like, think about comedy. Worried is just a very funny word, and it's just such a description that it's not a strong person. I mean, it hurts. You don't say worried about...

He-Man is not worried. No. Soldiers are not worried. They can be scared. Scared is okay. Worried is... Also, not worried about anything in particular. Just worried in general. That's a general look. And it's coming from... Guys, you maybe could say that, but from a girl...

And they all laughed. I mean, I was mortified. Got more worried. Self-fulfilling. Yeah, it is self-fulfilling. Peter Bridge. When Bruce told the story about the woman, I like how it's now just, I mean, it's not even... I can't even find one that calls me by my real name. Yeah. I looked. And it's what's so... It's just how quickly it goes in. You know what I mean? Like, it's not like where it's an obvious, we're making fun of a joke.

When Bruce told the story about the woman labeling him, I mean, it's just like a breeze. When Bruce told the story about the woman labeling him as worried, it quite literally made me pee. Those chicks just totally nailed it. He still gives off the worried vibe. No offense, Bryce. Yeah, worried is, I mean, that's unbelievable. That'd be the name of your album, Worried.

It's the name of my life. Yeah. You really should. Your next album should be Worried. My next album? It's just you being... Well, you're going to have to do one now. The people are going to want to hear it. Yeah. You know, everybody go buy his first album. It's still out there. But Worried is a great name for it. I thought about that story all week. Yeah. Ace here, Bilbo's PBS pick is underrated. That's a pretty good choice for one channel. Thank you. Bilbo.

I don't know if I should thank them or be insulted. That Bilbo's a, I mean, that's a crazy name.

Aaron pointed out someone called me breakfast. Breakfast is unbelievable. Breakfast is as good as worried. I don't think it's on here, but it was in the comments. I mean, breakfast is unreal. That's amazing. That's the best one I've heard. Just to call him, I don't know, is breakfast coming up? It's got the same amount of syllables as Brian. It's got the BR. Yeah. It's perfect. And it's so ridiculous. Man.

Yeah, breakfast is good. I like how Brickles and Aaron are finding their niche roles in this production. Aaron, the reluctant genius, and Brisket is the self-deprecating setup man. Brigade even smiled and laughed out loud a few times on this one. Wow, we got some life out of Brigade. Breakfast is moving around. Colin Lippert.

Brad looks like the substitute teacher that desperately wants the approval of the full-time teachers. That's a great... That's like a real comment. You look like a substitute teacher that you walk in the teacher's lounge just like, hey guys, and it's like, hey, and then the real teacher's like, you don't work here full-time, man. I know you're here for a while because Miss, you know, whatever, Miss Smith is...

maternity leave. She's got, because Miss Johnson's going through a divorce and she can't be bothered by teaching. So, but you don't work here. Matt Kaczynski, Nate Rance today had me wanting to run through a brick wall. Great advice for anyone to better themselves. Love the podcast a lot. Bon Bon and Aaron are amazing and can't wait to see them both grow like you.

Bon Bon. What name do you think you're going to make it as? Because it's not going to be Brian. It's going to be something else. Bon Bon, I like. You like them all. That's why this keeps happening, because you encourage it. I know. But I love, I mean, Bon Bon. Welcome to the stage. Bon Bon. You say, I mean, you could be.

dancing somewhere named Bon Bon. I imagine the disappoint. Everybody, please welcome to the stage Bon Bon. And then you walk out on stage and like, Oh God. And then some guys like, just wait. He has to just wait. I've been to some bad, some sad zoos. I haven't been to any really good ones. What's a sad one? Yeah. I went to one in Arkansas. That was just, there's just trash and every, a lot of trash. Yeah. And, um,

And the saddest part was there's like a penguin exhibit, but it's Arkansas in the summer. So it was just these penguins all huddled up standing in front of a fan in this exhibit. It was just, I was like, why are they here? How do you say it? Yeah, what was the exhibit? It was penguin. Yeah, it was different. Penguin. I say penguin. Penguin? Penguin. I mean, that sounds like the guy that would run that.

penguin exhibit. Hey, what do you got going on here? I'm just penguin. I got a couple of penguins and we got bought, put a couple of penguins downtown. But the other day, the other night I bought a couple of penguins. I've never, you would seem like a guy that someone that says like that sells penguins to zoos.

That are kind of under the radar. How are you supposed to say it? Penguin. Penguin? Yeah. I mean, that's what I say. It's an E. P-E-N-G-U-I-N. Penguin. You're saying it like an A. You're saying it like an I. But I and E can sound the same. Yours should be P-A-N-G. I mean, can you look this up? Can you look up the pronunciation? I mean, this might be, nobody's interested in this, but now I feel...

You may be right. I don't think so. March of the Penguins. I mean, I would like to say if two people in this room... How does Morgan Freeman say it in March of the Penguins? Penguin books. Penguin. Penguin. Hey, you got some...

Well, you sell them not. I got a couple of penguins in the back of the truck. They're in the icebox. That's how. They're in the icebox. They're in the icebox. I thought usually Wikipedia shows you like the pronunciation. Yeah, you can do it. Usually if you just type in penguin pronunciation on Google, you should be able to. Just hear someone say penguins.

Oh, yeah. Whoa, you have to go. I want to hear somebody who, I want to hear the legit. One of those said penguin prostitution. Now you're going to not say that? Penguin. There it is. Well, yeah, well, click that button right to the right of it. Let's hear it. No, the. That's to the right. No, no, directly to the right of. I don't. Click it. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin.

Hey, we're both here. Just like I said, no penguin, penguin, penguin, penguin. Slow it down. Slow it. Yeah. There you go. Penguin, penguin, penguin, penguin. I think we're both thinking we're saying that. Right. All right. Yachty Laurel. Yeah. So you're, you're hearing paying. I'm hearing penguin. Cause I'm hearing penguin. Penguin. Okay. That's how you do it.

What do you got back there? Got a couple of penguins. One of them's all white. Is it? I've never seen one of those. All white. It's all white. One's all white. Doesn't have like that tuxedo jacket on? No, it doesn't have it. I did a pod. How'd you get that one? He goes, where is it at? It's in the front with me. It rode up with me in the front. It doesn't get too cold. It doesn't need...

It's 95 degrees in Arkansas right now. Yeah. Got a couple. How much do they go for? 50 bucks. A guy like that wouldn't know how to set. He wouldn't know that he can make money off of it. Here's he go. How much you want for the 50 bucks? Get on that. Are you crazy? $50 for a couple penguins. One of them's not even the right color. Then he said, 25. Yeah. Anyway. Penguins. Penguins.

I want some penguins. And then they sell that to the restaurant. I'll take two penguins. Two penguin burgers. Go type in. When you were typing that stuff in, X out of the allow. Go penguin P. Now P. I swear P-R. Yeah, penguin prostitution. I don't know what this. We're not sure what this is. Oh, it's a thing.

Penguin prostitutes. Oh, they want rocks more than sex. Do penguins have... Oh, I wish I'd be talking about this. This is inappropriate. Yeah. This is... This podcast is off the rails already. I mean, what happened? I mean, that's the best thing you could hope. What did you think it was going to be? The guy in Wilkes-Barre down the alley? I thought it could be something that has nothing to do with penguins. I thought...

I honestly thought it would be like that's what they call some other thing. And then penguins are nothing. It's penguins. But it's straight up penguin. We got penguin problems. How much do you want to? I love a guy selling that. And a couple of penguins in the back. One's all black. It doesn't have any white feet or blue. Is it? Let me see.

Is he kidding me right now? I'm trying to start my own zoo, and I'd love some penguins is the thing that I think set us over the top. I mean, I think that's what the guy says. Because if I get a couple of penguins, I think we'll be just right. I'd charge $8 to give them that place.

Get a couple penguins. I love that. The official pronunciation is how I was saying it. It was, you know, just let that for the record. All right. So that's your worst? Yeah, I don't even remember. Yeah, that was it. The Arkansas one. That had a penguin exhibit. I want to believe in aliens because it shows that some people

civilization didn't blow themselves up and were able to get out in space and have some fun. Is that a hopeful thing? Yeah. So there should be other civilian stations that the planets blew themselves up. Yes. Is that what they think? Did you say civilian stations? Yeah, civilian. I got a big word up in there. It's one big happy civilian station.

I mean... Are you trying to say civilization? Yeah. Okay. It blew me away. I was like, civilian station. You want people to take that seriously. You all right? I'm all right.

How are they going to take us seriously? I mean, I don't know. I don't think they're... Oh, boy. Maybe they... But I hope something is called civilian station. That's what Earth is called. We are a station for civilians. Yeah, that's a good point. Drop off point. I think I'm ahead of the game. I feel like an alien talking to dumb humans a lot because

Because people make fun of what I say, and I'm like, and I always just go, you're C. You're going to one day use this civilian station. A lot of weeks in the comments, the next week someone will say, Nate was actually right. He's ahead of his time somehow. There's no such thing as civilization. It's a conspiracy. Has there been other civilizations? Sniveling nations.

Is there been other civilian stations? I don't think that's a crazy question. Critical comedy reaction. It's a meltdown. In all seriousness, though, is there's been other civilian stations? That's what we're going to call other planets. Whereas civilians have lived is what they say and they're gone. I would think they're gone. The argument is the reason we've never found in all our vast searching history

I'm sorry. Success. Now we're just having to see some life out of you. That's so funny. The argument is, in all our searching of all the cosmos, one argument is maybe because they've long since destroyed themselves. And they advance like we do with nuclear weapons or some sort, and then they eventually just kill themselves. And so they, all right. Okay.

Aaron's done. Civilian Station. That's what we're going to call this episode. Don't you think that's a good... That's how to describe Earth? Nobody's ever made that mistake before. A dribbling vacation. Civilization.

I just kind of stopped. It was like... Stop saying it! He was at the breaking point and that was just the shove he needed. It was like I was walking down a road and I looked the other way. And then I go, where was I? But I was still in the same word when all that happened. It gets better and better. Wait until you're 60. Things come out of your mouth. You don't even know. It's not my fault. Okay.

I was raised, I was taught by humans. Scientists have suggested permanently dimming the sun to save South Africa from deadly dry spells. I mean, who is it? A drunk homeless guy that just shouts these ideas out. Turn the sun down. You know what we should do? Turn the sun down. The plan involves pumping vast quantities of gas into the atmosphere above Cape Town to preserve local water supplies.

Research subject and subjecting particles. I mean, it's just the gas would form a huge cloud above the city that reflects sunlight, dimming the environment on the ground below. I think that's a great idea. I mean, that's like, you know, you can't yell at us about global warming. And then this is the deal. This is, you're like, well, what's your answer for it? We're going to dim the sun or whatever it is. It doesn't make, I can't imagine.

shooting gases up in the isn't that the main thing the problem we got too many gases in the air and they're like i know but they're not these gases i mean unbelievable can you imagine someone floats that idea to take at a science table

That just came out. That just came out. Yeah. 2020. Yeah. That's not some drunk scientist smoking a cigarette in a lab, you know what I mean? Where they, doctors gave, they, baby was born with a cigarette in his mouth. Like, where there was no rules. Yeah. That's 2020. Wow. That guy's in the middle of a pandemic. Wow.

And this is what he's gotten to. You know what? What if we dim the sun? You're like, hey, why don't you not publicly let that get out that you said that? That's what someone should have said to him immediately. What'd you say? What if we dim the sun? We should just turn the sun down a little bit. Oh, we're just doing knob and just turn it down? Install a dimmer, dude. Johnny, get... Just Dr. Sadad Khan. Johnny Redd. Johnny Redd.

Johnny Redd on it, man. Who do you think did that? Let's say one of the names is Dr. Conn, the other's Johnny Redd. Sounds like Johnny Redd's idea. You're right. Johnny Redd. Actually, Sor Sogbe. Soray Sogabor. Sor Sigor. Sor Sigor. Sor, go ahead, slide your hand up. What if we dim the sun? Sor? Save your work, Sor, and then get out of here.

Say Savior. Unbelievable. Save your word. Soar. Soar, don't ever say something like that ever again. Right when Soar said it. What if we dim the sun? Can everybody leave except Soar? And then everybody just got up and left. And he goes, Soar, what are you doing? What are you, out of your mind? Dim the sun. You went to college. I mean, like, what? They're teaching you stuff. They're teaching stuff.

There's not a dimmer. You know how long it took us to learn to dim lights in a house? Yeah. And you want to dim the sun? It's not like we just figured that out. It wasn't like the light was invented, then we started dimming them. You want us to dim the sun? We don't even know. Do you know how big it is? It's gigantic. Pretty big, man. It's pretty big. So traveling is a big deal. It's a big deal during the holidays. What is it the most? When's the, do you know like the most? Most traveled? Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. Why is Thanksgiving?

I guess Santa. Yes. Santa Claus travels. So Santa's got to come to your home. So that's, you know. Yeah. People with kids, they want to stay home and do that. But Thanksgiving's more of a go see the. It's also a secular holiday. So everybody, all Americans celebrate it, I feel like. Yeah. It's a big word, man.

But I thought you were going to argue that's why Thanksgiving is more travel. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's why Thanksgiving is more travel. Would you say that word just at your dinner table with your family? Secular? Yeah. I mean, it depends on the conversation. Would that be the conversation that comes up? Maybe, man. And you go, it's my favorite secular holiday. And your family would just – you come from a smart family, though, right?

So you guys probably use... I guess I remember using that because my parents would make us go to mass on Thanksgiving sometimes. And I remember being like, come on, this is a secular holiday, dude. This isn't even... You would say that in an argument to your parents. Oh, yeah. Come on, this is a secular holiday. What are we doing here? Yeah. Church and state. Come on. I mean, wow, dude. Wow. Did you have a lab coat on? Did... I mean, that's...

You use it in, I mean, I don't, you know. Yeah. We just, my family, we just clap at each other. We make noises. Like monkeys. Yeah. We're just, you know. They throw things, call each other idiots. Yeah. We're the idiot family, and we just, you know, just stomp on the ground when you want something. You know, it's like how horses talk to each other. That's how, that's how we...

That's what goes on in our family. You just walk in, you just hear noises. You listen to the whale sounds. You're like, no, my mom's cooking some. Uh...

We're not using secular, I can tell you that right now. If I threw that around my family, we'd all be like, oh, all right. Whoa, someone's taking some online classes somewhere, aren't we? Oh, wow. Must be nice. Religious people, some believe that Mary conceived nine months before Christmas on March 25th, and therefore they made December 25th the day they think Jesus was born.

But there's no mention of when Jesus was born in the Bible. Yeah. Isn't it supposed to be... The people just think it's July, right? I've heard some people think spring or summer. But they weren't using a Gregorian calendar back then. No. So who knows what time it is. No. Would y'all use a Gregorian calendar too? Would y'all do that a lot? That's the calendar that we all use, the Gregorian calendar, right? But would you... With those words, I mean, I just would love to be that...

Like you bring your girlfriend over like from high school and you go, my family, it's great. Thanks for coming. And then it's, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, hey, how you doing? What's your favorite secular holiday? You know, on the Gregorian calendar, obviously. And then the girl's like, what? That's the word you guys are going to use? You just run her off? And then your Russian grandfather comes barreling in?

chopping on a hat and she's like i thought you were like from alabama it's like it's like nah it's my that's my peep off that comes has been chopping wood came over about two months ago yeah is that what happened i think so my ballparking what's going on that's that's pretty good that's fair what would you guys guess it was the first invention ever

The wheel. Oh, you know what? No. I looked up inventions once trying to write a joke about them. Is it the... I don't think it's the wheel. It wouldn't be fire. I mean, I would almost say a lever. A lever? Like a pulley or a lever maybe. Like a fulcrum. What? What's a fulcrum? You know, like a seesaw thing. Oh, yeah. That kind of... Is that what they say? Is that what you said? Fulcrum would be the thing in the middle. Is that what you're saying? When you go ride as a kid?

You're just a fun kid. You guys want to go fulcrum? And everybody's like, oh, God. Do you remember riding the fulcrum a lot alone? Is it because that's how you described a lot of stuff? Hey, you guys want to go ride the fulcrum? And they go, I don't, you know. Anybody want a fulcrum? We're going to just swing. I mean, that is what it is, right? Anyway. So what do you think he's going to do? I think I can get through a dozen shockwaves.

Which I guess is, it's like two dozen, it's 228.80 calories is a dozen chocolate. What was that? I don't know, man. That's 28.80. You just said a number that didn't exist. 28.80? 2,880? Okay. You don't think that's 28.80? I mean 28.80 calories. So Bates ate. Do we have a time limit?

No, but it's like just... Being reasonable? We don't film it all day. Yeah. Okay. You try to just go down there and eat. Bates ate. Laura, what do you think? I said ate originally. Ate. So Bates and Laura ate. So who could basically beat ate?

I say a dozen chocolate, and I honestly think I can get some glazed in there after that. You're still hungry after that? If we can drink and stuff, right? I think it'd be fun. I think a dozen, two dozen, so it's over under. Can you get to two dozen is the answer. I think two dozen is the thing. Can I get through a dozen chocolate, and do I add some glazed on? I don't know. I think those are the highlights. Eight.

Two dozen, one dozen chocolates. It's so funny, the difference. We're going to do eight? 24. 24? Yeah. Well, that's what I'm doing. 12, I'm trying to meet you halfway. I know, I know. It's just we're... I got chocolate. You guys are professionals. Yeah, this is what we do, man. Think we're it? I think I might be about done. Okay. I'm feeling it. Where do you stand? All right, hold on. So, yeah, I mean, I think, look, I mean, I feel I'm at...

and i i was a letdown i think we all read laura was the biggest letdown three and a half three and a half i uh we wouldn't you know my our numbers are not excited lara did three and a half i was i thought i could do a dozen uh i did chocolate start i think i did four chocolate four chocolate and then uh two and a half of original glaze switched it up so i'm at six and a half

Before being chocolate, so that's something. Chocolate's a little... It's different. It's a different animal for sure. It's a different... Yeah, it's a lot. It goes down different. The texture's different. It's hard. There's a lot going on. Brian, breakfast. He should succeed at this, as we call him, breakfast. And he did. He did better than expected. We said eight was the over-under. He did nine. Yep. Nine. Pretty easy.

Pretty easy. Aaron, Mr. 36, Mr. Iraq. I had 12 glazed and one chocolate. 13. 12 glazed, one chocolate. 13 to the third. Yeah. I'll give you that, the chocolate, or I'll give you the dozen chocolate.

It's definitely tough, man. Yeah. It's not an easy thing. You saying 36 is unbelievable. Yeah, that's true. Kyle M. Dear Nathaniel, I am a teacher in China and I can't go one more day without you using the word good as an adverb. The correct word is well. I've heard five-year-old Chinese kids speak better than you. One of them even has a guided horse. Perhaps bridle path should be catching these.

Where, Kyle? Well, Kyle, how about I tell you, I'm not really sure what an adverb is. So how does that make you feel? He gave an example here. I didn't even pick up on it. Where was it? Underneath it, where it says, here's an example. Oh, I've read. Oh, here's an example. Incorrect, he plays golf good. Correct, he plays golf well. Look, I'm not an adverb guy.

And I don't talk about adverbs. I don't think I've ever talked about them. He thinks of pronouns, a noun that gets paid to be a sentence. I say good a lot. But I will say, I do know that when I'm saying good, that a lot of times it's not good. But I do it, it's saying it different, which sticks out. I'm in a job of words. So he plays golf well. I'm not going to talk like that. That doesn't fit me.

it's funnier when I say it's good. Good is what's funny. Yeah. That's what's funny. If it gets under your skin, that means it's probably a better way of being funnier. All your Chinese kids, you're not going to make it in comedy. You'll talk to them a little bit. I'm sure they speak better than me, you know, but we're, we're not competing for the same job. Good on them. He spoke well. Yeah.

Lucas Vicroy, there's almost 14 minutes on court gestures and less than 90 seconds on the Crusades. If that tells you anything about this pod, that tells you a lot about this pod. I mean, that is exactly right. You guys have learned about the Crusades long enough. Right. Court gestures. Yeah, we spent 15 minutes on rolling the farter, and then we were just like, and the Crusades happened. Oh, well, that seemed like a tough time. Court what? Court gestures. How do you say it?

Gestures? You got called out a lot for people. Oh. Jesters. Jesters. Yeah. Gestures. You can say gestures. I say like Chester. Like Chester drawers. No, like... Do you think that's who invented them? Court Jester and then Chester drawers and he goes, I'll just change it to CH and then didn't even notice. We're going to sell Chester drawers on our website.

What do you mean? That's jester. It's not like I'm putting an H in there. Yeah. You're saying it like, oh, that was a nice gesture. Gesture. But it's jester. Jest her. Like jest her. Jest her. Jest her. Who's in there? Jest her. She's in there alone. That's closer. Court jester. Jest her. So I should say jest her. That's closer than gesture. Court jester. That's better. Jest her in court. Uh...

Chris, I mean, those words I have trouble. Like when there's, you know, there's a collision of sounds right in the middle of them. I have a tough time, you know? When there's a car wreck of noise in the middle of a word, I have a bit of a trouble, a bit of a trouble with it. My dog met story in 2006 in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. Me, my brother, and two friends were walking in the back of an unfinished neighborhood in the black man community.

Blackman. That sounds much better than that, man. I mean, that sounds... You're like, where's this going? Yeah, I was like, oh my God. That's crazy. Unfinished neighborhood and the black man community. Oh, what is this podcast? That's... How you say that is...

Super important. That's a very important... I should have got some heads up. I should have been briefed before we got to that one. Maria Alvarez, shout out from a stenographer.

It's when the words like come around the corner and surprise me. You know what I mean? It's, I don't know they're there. And it's, it's like, I just get the, you know, stenographer. There you go. I know, but it's, it's honestly, it's the word just is like, I don't know. That's a word you don't see written very often. Oh, Aaron. No, it's whole job is writing it, but they just say it. Uh, yeah, it kind of surprised me. That's how I look at it. I don't know a word. That's what, just understand that's what it is.

Onomatopoeia is actually not that hard of a word to say. But if you look at it, you'd be like, oh, no, I don't know. Onomatopoeia. It kind of just finishes itself. You start on and you're like, well, I'm going to go ahead and get on. Might as well do monopoeia. Yeah, we're already down there. Matt Oregon, my 10th grade English teacher, taught us that onomatopoeia. Onomatopoeia. Onomatopoeia.

is the second most rhyme-ical, rhythmical, rhythm. What is that word? Golly. Rhythmical. Rhythmical. Onomatopoeia is the second most rhythmical. That felt like I was trying to jump over and not fall in the water during that word. Rhythmical. Rhythmical. Like I just go, like trying to cross a creek and not get my feet wet. You got to kind of, the last one's a little bit farther. I'm like, I'll get there. Dim, oh man. Demelza.

D-E-M-E-L-Z-A? I think that's right. Demelza. Demelza. Demelza. Let's get started again. It's like, that way you describe the use of the knife and fork is how everyone in Commonwealth countries generally operate their culture, cut, cut, recovery, cut, cut,

The Larry. Cut the Larry. Cut Larry. Larry! Cut it out. Cut it out, Larry. How do you say it? Cutlery. Cutlery. I generally operate their cutlery. I feel like you're making fun of someone that's got a problem. You know? No, it's very nice. During COVID, my foot just started hurting.

middle of the night. I couldn't sleep. This is before Krispy Kreme. I want that on the record. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't do the Krispy Kreme. And it wasn't like I looked up like diabetic nerve pain. I was like, what is this? Couldn't figure it out. And I couldn't describe it better than just my foot hurt real bad. The whole foot. And I just couldn't sleep. I called my mom. She goes, just go to the ER. It could be a blood clot or something. I don't know. So I go to the ER. I'm the only one there.

And the whole time I was like, they're just going to think that this is like not a real thing. So I was just so nervous about trying to articulate how bad it hurt. So I'm sitting in the chair thing and the person comes in and they're like, did you hurt it? Did you bump it into something? I was like, no.

Did you twist it? I was just sitting down and it just started hurting. So she goes, okay. And I see her walk out in the hallway and like a group of them. And they kind of all look at me at once and then look back. And I was like, they're just talking trash out there, dude. They're like, we'll give you an x-ray. Maybe. I mean, this is not a, anyway, they just gave him, sent me home and it got fine after a while. I don't know. It never hurt you again? No, it hurts so bad though. And,

I had no idea what it was. Could you walk on it? No, I couldn't walk on it. And then no medicine or anything. He just went away. They said, just take some ibuprofen.

I was like, can I get a prescription? They're like, look, you don't need a prescription. I was like, oh my gosh, took some aspirin. I didn't even take 100. I just took three or four. And it went away and you're fine now. Yeah, I'm fine. Danny Pritchard, Aaron, your foot pain sounds like gout. I'm 66 years old and just started experiencing gout in my foot. And it is an identical feeling to what you described.

I'm much older than you. You're a big boy. And obesity is something that can cause gout. I'm sorry, dude. That is like, I mean, Danny Pritchard just said, Aaron, can I talk to you privately for a second? And sat you down and goes, I don't know how to tell you this, man. I will say, if you sent me a message or a DM or an email about the fact that I might have gout,

I'm sorry I haven't responded. I got dozens. Yeah. Dozens of messages. Yeah. People say I need to get my uric acid level checked. Yeah. When I get a doctor, I'll be sure to do that. But I need to get a doctor first. Yeah, you'll be all right. Yeah, I'll be all right. But thank you. Thank you, everybody. Go to Walgreens.

And just go up to the front and go, how you doing? I think you can ask the cashier. Hey... Not even the pharmacy, just the cashier on the front? Can you test my uric acid? Hey, my left foot hurt. You think it's gout? Hey, I'm not even 30 yet, and I might have gout. So can you take a look at that, please? She's going to go, that makes sense. I think you got your answer there. You don't need a doctor. You just mention it here. We got doctors on here. Yeah, we do. So you just say what your problems are, and then they...

I think this is, if gout feels like the higher percentage. Yeah. Was there any other fun? Yeah, there was, there was, um, diabetes and yeah, just nerve damage in general. I think a few others. I mean, this is worse than looking up online. It's just, I mean, just everybody's, everybody gets the, but everyone wants to make sure you're fine. Yeah. What, what is gout? Um,

Yeah, gout's a tough one. That's tough to say. All I know about gout is that it's in the Adam Sandler Lunch Lady song. He says that the lunch lady has gout. Yeah. And that put kind of a stigma on it for me, personally. Yeah, you don't want it. So I hope I don't have it. You don't have it, but... But I'll get it checked out, just for everybody's peace of mind. Yeah, because I mean, I don't see how you don't have it, to be honest. Did you cancel your gym membership? Oh, no, but somebody commented that I could do that with a letter. Mail him a letter. Oh, that's nice. Which is...

I'm not sure if that's easier. Hello, folks at Planet Fitness. My name is Aaron Weber, as in the grill. And I would like to cancel my fitness plan with you, as you might have noticed. I can't really remember even which building I signed up at. Never been. Also found out I have gout. So having trouble standing on my foot. You have the number? Yeah, I got it when you're ready. Okay.

We're ready. So this is... What's my plan of attack here? I just go straight in? You have COVID. You have gout. No, I don't... You can't go... Huh? You're high risk. I mean, that's all true. I don't know. You stop me when I keep spitting truth at you. All right? Listen, I got COVID. I have gout. I can't come in. You got your hat today? Yeah. You're a mess. Why don't you just first see if you can cancel without any questions?

Oh, that's a good call. Yeah. And then only give them a reason if that. All right. And they go, well, COVID and then they. Planet Fitness. They probably won't even answer. And then if they say, all right, there it is. It's ringing. I wonder if they have a. Hey, I'm calling Planet Fitness. This is Allison. How can I help you today? Hey, Allison. My name is Aaron. I am a member of this particular Planet Fitness. I was hoping to cancel my membership over the phone.

Okay, so unfortunately I don't think we'll be able to do it over the phone, but we do have other options available for you if I can go through those with you. Okay, that'd be great. So we do have our facilities open, so you are able to come in person anytime. We're 24/7 and you can cancel in person at one of our terminals with a team member. If you're unable to do that with work or schedules or just not comfortable coming into the facility, you can always send us a letter in the mail.

We would just need to see you or that letter in Cog by the 10th of any month to avoid any further monthly billing.

If you happen to have moved out of state and you're no longer near our particular location, you may be eligible to transfer your account to a location that is closer to you. And then you would have the option to also go in person or send that location a letter. Tell me you have a account. Okay. So the only way I can cancel, I can't do it over the phone. I got to either send a letter or come in, send a picture of your account. Correct.

If I was a letter, if it's like if it's just covid concerns will keep me from coming in, then the only way is the letter, huh?

That is correct. Yes, sir. Okay. Are you getting a lot of people calling to try to do this or am I the first one? No, we definitely have a lot of people. Unfortunately, whenever we first reopened back in June of 2020, for the first maybe 60 days, we were accepting things over the phone, but things were getting very murky as far as people making sure that things were going through the proper way and it was just becoming a

Got a bit of a talker on there, huh? I mean, yikes. Okay, thanks Allison. I'll send a letter. I appreciate it. Thank you. Write them a handwritten letter. A handwritten one? Yeah. I'll do that. Handwritten is pretty, I mean, for them to see the handwritten letter,

They'll go think something's wrong with you. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They might give you more money back because they're like, this guy, this guy doesn't even have a computer. There's a good chance they would give you more money back. What day would you do it? I'd do it later today, probably when we're done. Oh, you'd put some time in tonight. So your calendar reminder will say 8 p.m. And it'll go, write letter to Planet Fitness. And then you will go and lick your pen and...

My dearest Planet Fitness, I hope things worked out better than they did.

Dip a little more. Oh, yeah. But I never saw you. The only day I've seen you is the day I walked in to sign up, and I did not work out that day. Did you work out that one day? I signed up online. Dude, sign it up. They're like, yeah, you can send us a text message. I mean, we'll do SOS. We'll do whatever you want. You give us any form of credit card. You can pound tables. I mean, yeah, we'll let you sign up easy.

To get out, write a letter. That's how they got you. The first iPhone came out in 2007. Steve Jobs made a prank call order of 4,000 lattes to a nearby Starbucks. That was the first call? Yeah. I remember that. I watched that live.

Really? That keynote. Yeah. He called... Oh, he was doing a keynote and then... He showed... It was the first time I remember being amazed by a piece of technology. When he scrolled on the iPhone for the first time, just on the screen, I remember gasping. Not air conditioning? I was watching it with my sister. I grew up with air conditioning. You probably remember getting it, but I grew up with it. So when you saw that, you go...

I did. You gasped. I mean, it was unlike anything you'd ever seen. This guy's touching a screen and flipping it up. I'm gasping like you've seen it. I mean, like you're watching. What, just nothing impresses you? You just go. I don't know if I'm going to be sitting. You're watching on a television at home. You're not watching Houdini in a town square in the 1800s. You tell me as a 10-year-old Aaron Webber in your living room, you go. Yeah.

He just, he scrolled on the screen and then, and your family came running in. If you watch the, you can watch the video of that. The crowd gasps as, as it happened. I mean, maybe in the room and like, I get that you're saying in the living, in your living room on your television. How old were you? When did this happen? 2007. 16? Yeah. When they, 15, 16. Yeah. Yeah.

What's the matter? What's the matter with you gasping? Another grown man on TV scrolling? I'm not saying I'm not wowed by things, but I don't know if I'm gasping. I don't know if I've gasped at anything. You've never gasped? I don't think so. I mean, it wasn't like, I wasn't, it wasn't embarrassing. What was that? I was just like, oh, wow. Mama. Mama.

You said they ain't going to do it, but they did it, mama. He's swapping on his... Did you start swapping on your TV and just go, is it going to move? That's how you change the channel on your TV. You just started like rubbing on the screen. The first reported case, though, this guy in Brazil, he's a farmer. He said that they came down. He tried to run on his tractor, but they stopped it. They were wearing gray coveralls and a helmet and

They didn't speak. They made noises like barks or yelps. And then when he put them on the spaceship, he was stripped of his clothes. And then a very beautiful humanoid came into the room. She was very attractive. And she had small pointed chin and large blue cat-like eyes. Hair on her head was long and white, although her underarm hair was red. And they were forced to have sex together.

And then she rubbed her belly. She didn't kiss him. She nipped his chin. Then she rubbed her belly and pointed up, which he says means she was going to raise their child in space. His wife claims to not have seen anything weird that night. I mean,

I mean, so she, she, she pointed it up and he goes, Oh, you're going to raise our kid. Yeah. He goes, that makes sense. I mean, you're the mother and, uh, you know, I mean, that same laws down here, you know what I mean? Like just straight up. He's just level headed. I hope he's a level headed guy. He goes, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Wouldn't even, I'd love, I mean, do you think I'd ever get a, you know, he just points down. Do you think I'll ever, and she goes, I don't know, maybe in the, you know, middle we can meet, but, uh,

He goes, but I just, he goes, it's just going to be so hard to just be, you know, it's just, I don't know. It's like, it's not going to be like your normal weekend every other weekend. Right. And he's like, she's like, we don't even have weekends. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, I get it.

How long is that kid going to live? She's like, thousands of years. And then he's like, why can't I keep him for my 100? That's about 80 years, 50 years left. I can't see him, see my boy. They're having this whole conversation. I can't see my boy. They're yelping at each other. Yeah.

He just starts... You already know? She's like, all of it was just, you know, immediately afterwards, she's just like, I'm late. I'm raising the kid up there. This is all in one second. It's like months after. And she's like, they get done. I'm like, raising him upstairs. Don't tell my father. And you're like, what?

how can we do it down here? It just, it just happened. And you already know, he just died. He's dead. I love, you know, all these movies, they have some super smart scientist that has to figure out a way to communicate with the aliens because no one knows their language. This was just yelping and making it sound like they call him the Bargatze family. We can't figure out. Yeah. And y'all just crack it. We just get it.

Start laughing. You're like, nah, I'm not going to say what he said. But he's...

That's funny to be like, that guy just cheated on his wife. But it's pretty good coverage right there to go, just make something up like that. If he believes it that much, she just pointed up. What'd she look like? She had white hair. I found a red hair on your shirt. She had red. Her armpit hair was red. They don't shave like you loser women down here do. Hair doesn't matter to us. He started saying us. Hair doesn't matter to us.

in another place she's like us us now you're one of them now i am one of them my blood is in their blood yeah my boy is my boy my boy's up there yeah look at these dumb idiots down here he's pointing his own children look at these idiots have been raised out here

These kids are down here. These kids are down here. My kids. My kids. He talks to her only. Not even his wife. You don't talk about my boy. He goes...

It's my heart. My heart is my boy up there, and I'm going to go see him every... That's how the touchdown celebration started. That's what it is. My boy. And he goes, oh, is that God? You're like, no, my son lives with an alien. His alien mom went up there, and he didn't even have to break it down just regularly. Oh, you're talking about praying to God or something? He goes, nah, my baby mom is an alien, and she...

He lives up in there, wherever that is. Like the clouds? Keep going. I see him on the clouds on the weekends. I wonder if they make as much, though, as a professor. For that one class? Yeah, you get paid class by class. Like a celebrity, they might get paid more, right?

Yeah. Who are you talking to? No, he was nodding no answer your question. I mean, Aaron's Aaron started his own podcast within the podcast. He's I mean, he's over here. What is going on? He's just my goodness. Everybody, please welcome to listen to Aaron land. When is it air? Airs during Nate land.

Sorry. I didn't know you guys were going to do something together. You should give me a heads up. He's answered the question. I'm sorry about that, man. I just don't trust a lot. I'm a very – I've started becoming – I just don't trust – I don't know. I get nervous. I don't trust stuff. I don't know where stuff's coming from. Bigfoot shows you trust. I trust that guy. Yeah. Yeah. I believe a lot of stuff. I believe it.

You know, I think it's fun when it's not. Yeah. Those are our peers. Those kind of guys. Yeah. Yeah. I know everybody's like, I do about show about Bigfoot. It's not harming anybody. Right. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, I'm talking about, it gets into like serious stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Aristotle, Aristotle said the mark of an educated person is being able to entertain a thought without accepting it. Yeah. I think that's a big comic. Oh boy. It's like, let's go down this rabbit hole. I'm not going to,

fully commit to this, but let's have fun exploring it. Ted Lasso, which I finished last night. Ted Lasso. He goes every style. You count him a Ted Lasso. Ted Lasso. Point, counterpoint.

He said, I don't even remember what he said now. Something about being curious. He said, you never be, you always be curious. He said, just do it. The great mind. Two great philosophers. So you, T-Pain, Chris Brown, do you think that's a different vibe on the tour bus than the three of us? You think a little bit different? I think it's very similar. Who do you think to? Yeah.

I'd love to play this game. Who's Chris Brown? Who's Chris Brown? Who's T-Pain? Who's Jay Mooney? Who's me? I'd say Brian. You'd have to be me, I'd say. Yeah, that's probably Chris Brown. Yeah, that's what you think. Does Chris Brown have a CPAP? I don't know who would be funnier as Chris Brown. I don't know if you'd be funnier as T-Pain. CPAP opens up for Chris Brown. Yeah.

It's just... That's my rap name. That's his rap name. CPAP. C-PAP, dude. Yeah. First line, can I get a plug? Can I get a plug? See if I have an outlet. CPAP. CPAP. Low battery. Low battery. Get the flow going. Yeah, yeah. Turn my airflow up real quick. Turn my airflow up real fast. Get the humidity down a little bit. You're right. Here we go. He goes, see you.

You know the CPAP. I know all the terms. You got one. You got one. Is the air conditioning on too low? Who's throat-titchy, everybody? Who's throat-titchy? So there's a lot of crazy theme parks that, you know, there's a lot of Bible-based. I'm not saying that's crazy, but just unique different theme parks. Dollywood obviously has one. If there was a Nate Land. Oh, a Nate Land theme park. Theme park. I think you'd go to McDonald's and your burger's already got a bite out of it. Yeah. Yeah. That would be, yeah, that'd be good. Ice coffee and milk. Ice coffee and milk. Oh, man. Yeah.

The wheeze and the worry. The wheeze and the worry. To be a ride. The clocks would be 10 minutes fast, so you're always worried that you're late. That's the...

Is that something you do? No, you're worried. I'm saying... Oh, that's the worried ride. Not the worried ride. The whole podcast is just... You're kind of like, oh my God, we're going to miss a reservation. Everything just makes you... You're just kind of worried the whole day. Oh, I see. Because you always kind of forget about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah. It could be a Nate Land. It could be a Nate Land. Yeah, that'd be good. Yeah. I mean, a gout foot.

We just check people out for their gout. It's not even a ride. It's just a medical stand. It's like how they do vaccines at a drive-thru. We're going to just the gout tent. And you're like, oh, is this like a fun ride? You go, no, literally we're

We think gout's a bigger problem than people realize. And we're just, we just gotta, you guys stick your, you just pull up and your foot's just out the window. And a guy just starts poking it with a pen. And he's like, I think you're good. A little hangnail there, but besides that, I'd get on. And he goes, thank you.

We check you for gout before you come in. That's your ticket. If you got gout and can prove it, 20% off. You get that negative gout test to get in. You get a negative gout test to get in. We said let's go when we announced because of the social media. And they posted my special date. They put let's go. Yeah. And I was like, I was so mad. And it was on my thing. But someone else posted it. And I was like, don't. I can't stand it.

I don't know. Everybody says it. I just don't like when everybody... It's not like I don't like the saying. I like the saying. It's now everybody is saying it. They're at their grocery store just going, let's go. Save $20 today. It's like, all right, dude. Tom Brady says it when he wins a Super Bowl. Yeah, like an NBA player dunk. It's like a guttural, let's go. That's what it's built for. It's not built for regular people just doing nothing.

you know, just going, got enough gas to get to the gas station. Let's go. You know, like that's not what it's for. It's, you know, oh,

We have so many squirrels. That thing's not really working. It is not. Well, it's in the back, but... Why would you not put it in the front where the main problem is? Well, they were getting on our roof. It's a major problem. I mean, dude. Golly, this is like the bird movie by Alfred Hitchcock about squirrels. Where they don't attack you, they're just like... And you can't kill them.

Well, it's against the law to purposely, in city limits, to kill them. You can throw them from an airplane, but they'll still live. Yeah, they're going to land that. No problem. But you can kill a squirrel, right? If it's destroying your property. How would I kill it? You'd set up a trap or something. Shoot it. I don't think you can just be shooting. Like BB guns. People, you know, something like that. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, by the time you're... I think by the time your brain would tell you to pull that trigger, that squirrel's going to be fine. I don't think you're going to hit it. Brian out there, the BB gun, the Air Force hat, shooting squirrels from the porch. And that balance just looks like something's wrong with him. The neighbors are like... They see our parents come out, and they just think, like, oh, he still lives with his parents? Like, they don't know that.

He's got that hat on, that camouflage hat with a BB gun. He's just out there looking at all these squirrels. And her parents come out, did you get them? And they're like, oh, I guess he still lives with his parents. They think that I think they can't see me. Sniper. I mean, they would lay his wet backpack on, it's dripping water, and they just...

People just coming up asking if he's okay. He goes, yeah, I'm doing real good. You know, I live on my own now. I think that's the tops. Yeah, I think that's the top. Thank you. This podcast is like an answer to a question that's never been asked. We might put that in the bio. That's a terrific summary. I mean, wow. That is our mission statement. Yeah. That's what's great is, you know, they always ask questions.

uh, people, someone's like, what's your pie? I'll do all these interviews promoting this podcast. And they're like, so what's your podcast? I'm like, I don't know. It's like, it doesn't matter. None of it matters. You know, and I might say that it's like an answer to a question that's never been asked. Thanks everybody for listening to Nate land podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcast. And please remember to leave us a rating or comment.

Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetti, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land Podcast.