#8 Marriage
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What's up, everybody? This is Nate Bargetzi with the Nateland podcast, sitting here with Aaron Weber and Brian Bates, both former comedians of Nashville, Tennessee. And they're... All right, that's a fun... We're all former comedians, technically, right now. Yeah. Because no one's working. No one's doing anything. We won't do comedy for long. Comedy's dead. You think you could ever die? Comedy could ever die? Yeah.

I think it could. It could. Yeah. Just goes away. Hopefully not in my lifetime. Some people said you might kill it. I'm just reading. Just reading stuff off the top. That's the first comment. Yeah. That's just hitting, you know, just as a quick one. Welcome. Thanks again for everybody listening. Everybody, you're subscribing, you know, the comments, the rating. It's a big deal. I know when you rate on iTunes, you know, everybody always asks you to rate on iTunes. Yeah.

and stuff, but that does matter. And so we've had, we have a ton of, it's like 800 or 900 ratings or something. It's awesome. And, uh, all very nice. And that's none of that's lost on us. That is a, that's hugely important for us and for what we do. So thank you from the bottom of our hearts that you guys are doing that. And we mean that sincerely, sincerely already started one word. I don't know. Uh, so,

So, all right, we're going to get in real fast. We're going to do the comments again. If you don't like this part, fast forward, maybe skip the whole episode. You know, I don't know. You do whatever you want to go do. But we love you guys commenting and we love reading them and love having you involved. First comment, Michael Birdwell.

Birdwell. My favorite part was when you broke some sort of copyright law in an episode focusing on crime. Very funny. I didn't even think about that. Yeah, I didn't think about it either. Wow. Yeah. So last week's episode, if you watched on YouTube, I think podcast was fine. I think you heard the two thumbs joke. But if you watched it on YouTube, I played a Tonight Show clip.

of my material and you can't play it tonight just should clip even though it's my own material it's kind of crazy yeah i mean i don't think i have recorded anywhere else that's the problem yeah i mean i have it on netflix but i don't know if that you can do netflix

You know, you don't ever have audio of recordings of your material because sometimes people are like, oh, do you have like any of my former CDs? The joke we're playing today is on YouTube. I can even do the joke if it's recorded in some other setting. I do own the material that I have created. Just not that exact clip. Not that exact clip. And it gets flagged and it gets knocked down immediately. And, you know...

I'm going to go back and see what I have in my archives. Sometimes people don't know, but when you tape a special, when you submit to say you're going to tape a special, especially when you're doing maybe your first special, you have to record your entire set on your own audio. And then you give that to like my first one, the comedy central, I gave it to comedy central and then they have to listen to it to be like, would we approve? Do we want this special? And that's how you're kind of like trying to sell your,

you know, your own special, which was funny that when I did do that for a full-time magic, my comics, I was living in LA. I go record a, uh, set at that comedy club. What's it's farther out. It's not me magic. No, no, no, no. Come at your crib. Uh, ice house. Wow. I got an ice house. And so we, I'm doing a night there. I'm recording doing 55 minutes or something. All this stuff I'm recording for a special. I get it.

I'd leave the next day. I'm doing an audition, weirdly enough, for John Krasinski. He was producing some commercial. And he was in the room. We were doing it for him. I didn't get it. But I don't get any of these. But it went really well. He laughed a lot. I actually saw him later. And he remembered. He was like, oh, yeah. That's cool. It was very cool. Yeah. But so I get done with that audition. I was like, man, that went really good. Yeah.

And go to my car, window smash, backpack gone. I mean, and the recording, and I had my recording. Was my phone in there? No, you know what? I'm sorry. I messed up. I was about to go record the audio, and it had my set list that I'd written out to then go record audio.

So it had all my jokes written on. So all that set list was gone, which I mean, I kind of remembered it, but I was worried about some little things. But yeah, the whole, I mean, they just took my whole backpack. Computer, I think, was in there. I don't care about, you know, if I lose my computer or phone, I don't, I don't, I'm not attached to stuff. I don't really have many things that you could not take that I wouldn't care.

Yeah, but your act is... Yeah, the act was... That part was frustrating just to have that kind of be gone. But I don't have any sentimental values...

You know, you take the dog and the wife and daughter and we're good. Grab them and just be like, let's roll. Nothing in your car. That's good. No, if I lost my computer tomorrow, I don't care. I'll just get a new one and move on with my life. I look at, like, sometimes if you lose something like that, computer, phone, you lose something. It just is like, yeah, you got to start over. And it's like, all right, that stuff's gone. Whatever memories that was out, move on to the next. But now you get, you know.

I get a new daughter. She comes in. I'm playing the role of Harper. Nice to meet you. All right. That was very funny, though, focusing on crime. Amber Lotus. Patricia Hearst is Chris Hardwick's mother-in-law. Did you know that? I did not, and I just did Chris Hardwick's podcast promoting this podcast.

You know, this is not all the work you guys see. I have to do a lot of other work really promoting podcast all day long.

and trying to sell YouTube guys to the mainstream media. I go, they're both really funny guys. But yeah, I did not know that. That's crazy. Patricia Hearst is Chris Hardwick's mother-in-law. Wow, I would have asked him. I didn't know we were going to be doing that. That's pretty fun. Yeah. Something fun. Karen Barker, heard you guys talking about the last Blockbuster. It's actually in Bend, Oregon, and is available as an Airbnb. How crazy. Anyway, keep it up.

That's awesome. That is crazy. That's good. What a smart idea. I wonder who did it. Did Blockbuster, are they even a company? Yeah, I read a little bit about it. I think it's just a promotional thing. It's like three days in September. You have to live in Bend, Oregon or that county because of COVID to qualify. And they're charging you like $3.99 a night.

Wow. And you get... $3.99. Yeah, just like the rentals. No, no, I'm serious. It's just like a promotional thing. Oh, it's really $3.99? Yes. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you got to live in Oregon. Are they going to do it and just shut it down? I mean, I feel like it was just a one weekend thing just for fun. Oh, okay. They should do it more. Yeah. I mean, I don't know where it's at, if it's not in a weird... You know, blockbusters are not in like the most...

touristy areas. Yeah. It's not like you're... I would ever like, you know what I'd love to move? Next to that Hollywood video. Right next to that. That's a great idea, though. Imagine going, staying at a blockbuster and you're like, you get DVD player, VHS probably, you just have your run every...

All day, you can just go. I would do 24 hours a week. You can just watch movies all day. Is that the idea? It's like a nostalgia thing? You show up with some friends? Yeah, it's like 90s decor they've got. Okay. I think you just sit back and watch movies all weekend. Do they have a TV not from the 90s? That's a good question. That might be a deal breaker. If they have some old, huge... I think they go now. Yeah. Okay. They maybe give you the choice. Maybe you have the choice. Who?

uh if someone's like i really want i think people go in there break a bottle wine beers and just drink it up and popcorn soda like a sour patch kids come out yeah i'd eat so much but the candies there oh man the boxes the candies from yeah the 90s it's like a seinfeld kramer and he takes over that movie theater that hot dog i'll take this hot dog

Are you crazy? That looks like a very normal thing to eat. Lloyd Braun, it's not crazy. Lloyd Braun is not crazy. I'll take one hot dog, please. All right, sound full. Anyway, Aaron Weber. Oh, this is Paul M.E. Mueller. Aaron Weber, the son of a chess prodigy, superstar educator, graduate of the prestigious Notre Dame.

Able to drop words like zeitgeist, I noticed that. And player of every instrument in the glockenspiel and marimba family. Did not know Charles Lindbergh as the famous aviator of the spirit of St. Louis. Finally, there is a chink in the armor of the donut champion of all Nate land. Thank you for calling it. Well, donut champions still. By the way, we get a ton of stuff about people still. I know. People are still on about that.

But that's not... Look, I'm always up for eating donuts. Someone's weak at this table. And you figure out who it is. Yeah. Did you...

what's your son of a chess prodigy? Is that the joke? I was talking about how my dad played competitive chess. This guy knows my bio better than me. He spelled Lindbergh wrong, though. Brian pointed that out. He's trying to call me out for not knowing him. He can't even spell the guy's name. It's like the comment on every social media is always like, spelled it wrong. It's like, alright. You get the point. He's very complimentary. I appreciate that.

I don't know. Was he? It seems like it. I would take it as he was a fan and now he's switched. And now he's more of a Bates guy. If you straight up had to ask him, I think he's more of a Bates guy. Okay. Well, I can't wait to see how you disappoint him, Brian. And we'll find out next episode. Well, I think they know what they're getting out of Brian out the gate. And, you know, Brian...

The outside is exactly what you sell. He's a 90s blockbuster, but Brian is. I mean, you don't walk in and you don't walk in the blockbuster and go, what is this, Domino's Pete? No, this is what it is. Yeah. $399. $399? No, $3.99. I feel like he was questioning if you really did all that stuff now.

Well, we need to hear his tone. I think he dropped zeitgeist. I think he makes great sense. Clearly, you went to Notre Dame. You got a good vocabulary. I mean, look at me speaking. If I say I don't know Charles Lindbergh, if I say I don't know him, I've already messed up four words, and we're just starting. Okay. No one's going to – no one's like – they're like, yeah, that's the ride that I am. Yeah. I'm the ride –

When you ride this ride, you're like, some of the ride doesn't work. You're like, yeah, that's why you ride it, because it breaks a little bit. You're Notre Dame. You're the real deal. You're the educator of this group. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. Don't know who Charles Lindbergh is. Lindy. Oh, man. Lindy Wee Hulf. H-L-O-P-H-E. Is that right? That's how it was spelled. All right.

Okay, so we have been with you guys since week one and it's one of two podcast highlights of our week. The intro song is great. It makes me feel at home when it starts. These are a few things we have come to know will be true in each episode. Nate will have one rant.

I don't know if I've had it yet, but I could. I've almost had it. I feel one coming. I feel one coming. Nate will answer a question by starting six different sentences at least once. This is dead on. Yep. This sounds like a bio of the show. Brian will get insulted by Nate, obviously. It's already happened. Already happened. Yeah. Aaron will sincerely think he knows nothing while actually being pretty good at lots of stuff he doesn't talk about. I think that's true. If you guys did a heist, I feel like Aaron would nonchalantly throw out ideas and then gamely be supportive as Nate hooked into them. Or

warmed up on the theme and rounded them out as his plans. So you would come up with it. This person nailed it. Yeah. You would come up with the plans and then let me think I did it. Basically what you're saying, right? I think they're thinking like, don't fear the reefer or NASA. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I could see that. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Well, the part you wouldn't see is when I shoot Aaron in the head when it's all over. Cause I need, I wanted all the money. Yeah.

And then Brian just comes in with his tray and drops it. Oh, gosh. He comes in and goes, what? Am I next? And I go, no, I need you still. I need you to mail some letters first. BJ Maxwell, Brian's baseball story pretends portrait. No, port tens pretends. Right. I think the same.

I never know, man. P-O-R-T-N-D-S. I looked that word up. That's a real word. Is it? Yeah. No. It is. He got it right. What? Yep. If Bron's baseball story pretends his bank heist abilities, he will likely break back into the bank to return the money.

That's pretty good. That's really good. That's really good. What does portends mean? I mean, I think it just means like follows. So this is how you would use portends? Yeah. What kind of fan base? I feel like a monkey in a zoo. And you got really like humans are just going to look at me. Yeah.

I think they're rubbing it in at this point. I mean, come on. Do you think BJ Maxwell is dropping that word in conversation very often? I don't think so. That's poor tens. I thought it was a fake word. That's how much I didn't know that word. Did you know the word? It's one of those words I've seen in writing, but I've never heard. I never said it out loud because people don't speak like that. Yeah. So I didn't know how it was pronounced. I'm from the streets. That's where my language comes from.

That's pretty funny. That's very funny. Yeah. That's a good point. I still feel like you're going to need a getaway driver, and that's still me. That doesn't, no. Like I said before, you have no sense of urgency. When do you ever hurry? Well, first of all, if it's done right, mastermind, I'm still back on this. We won't have to hurry. You have to, but you have to move quickly. This guy, you're going to use him?

The cops are chasing him and you're like, what's going on? He's watching West Wing on his phone? Yeah. No, that's why he's not driving. Exactly. Somebody's got to drive. Steve Schreck, I went to get my car inspected shortly after the mechanic came into the waiting room and said, your brake pads are pretty rusted and need to be replaced. I responded, what are your sources? With a grin, he stared at me blingling after a pause that felt like three hours. He said, yeah.

So I can have this, them replaced by tomorrow. That's very funny. That's the source. Get out there. Ask people what their sources are. That guy felt, that's what, if that guy, that pause that felt like three hours, that's what it feels like when you tell a joke that doesn't work. That guy, that's how we could put you through comedy camp. If you're like, what does that feel like? Tell something to a stranger that the guy doesn't get it and as he stares at you. And that's what bombing feels like. Yeah.

I feel like I'm reading pretty good today. Yeah, you're nailing it. You're crushing it so far, dude. And I just read these. I was thinking, I joke about myself, but I think I read as if you just told me reading was a thing and you go, here's reading. I'm going to give it to you and let you try it. And I go, all right, I can try to do it. And then you give it to me and then I try it. That's how I think I read. Like it's the first time I just learned about it. There you go. This is reading. And then you hand me the papers and I go.

No, maybe, maybe something. I thought of it as a joke, wrote it down for a joke idea. We'll see. I'll sneak it in the act somehow.

Brody Nelson, my teacher this week asked to write a three-page essay on where the future of this country is going. I wrote it and forgot the source. She asked for my source, and I said, Nate Bargetze. She believed me, and now I got a 94% on my paper. Thanks, Nate. Man, I hope that's exactly true. How great is that? That's pretty awesome. That's pretty awesome. Because I think that's what you can do is you can just give sources. You could just say, no one's going to know what that means. Yeah.

And they go, all right, that's good. People just want to hear that you have a source. Yeah, you maybe want more than one source on a three-page essay. No, dude, he went straight to the whole essay. He went to the real deal. He went to Nate Bargetzi. That guy knows everything. What if she then goes and looks up Nate Bargetzi and is like, that turns to a 49% because she's like, this is your source? I don't believe him as a source. Thank you, bro.

Damien Schaefer, somebody may want to check my source on this, but from one guy in his 40s with sensitive skin to another, Brian may want to consider cutting out dairy and gluten from his diet. I used to get the same kind of rashes around my nose and sometimes in the middle of my eyebrows. I changed my diet and they went away. Source, Damien, man in his 40s, looks like Brian.

Love the podcast, guys. I added it. It looks like Brian. Yeah. Yeah, last week I had a red face and a few people commented on it. It's one of those where you're like, I feel insecure about it. I'm sure telling myself no one else will notice, but they did. Well, we are going to, the same way...

My stand-up video got cropped out. We're going to crop out Brian's face until he gets that fixed on his nose. What's better this week? Copy-writ. I was going to say, yeah, it looks good this week, man. You'll see it on a future episode because we recorded two last week, so it'll be back. Did you stop dairy and gluten? No, I think it's – I mean, he might be on to something. Somebody else suggested something else. I got a lot of medical advice this week.

I think when I wear my CPAP a lot and it, it, uh, right. You know what I'm talking about, Aaron? Yeah, I got you. Yeah. I'm with you on this one, man. Oh man, we have some, uh, yeah. Talk about just a boy band group. What a fun. We're going to get just girls. Can't even get to the van. There's the boy with the CPAP. I mean, just a t-shirt with a CPAP machine on it.

Did I tell that story with the bus? We talked about that one. I don't remember. I don't know if we talked about it on here. On the tour bus, when we took... One of the buses I took when I first was taking it, I took the drummer from 21 Pilots, his bus. It was unbelievable.

And I end up, I know his old tour manager, and he's my neighbor. And it was very nice. And we were trying to get a bus. We couldn't get a bus. This is when I first was trying to take a bus out. And so he had it, and they weren't on the road. So the guy, he was like, he kind of, it was just, I got very lucky. So the bus is unreal. It's blacked out. It's crazy. I mean, very cool.

And so we're, we get done with the show, sold out show in Cincinnati at some theater. I mean like 2000, at this point, one of the biggest places I've played, the crowd was unreal. My dad's on the show, Bates murders. My dad gets a standing ovation when he walks out and when he gets done, I, the show goes unreal. Then we go to sleep and I, and we stayed on the street and I was like, people are going to go by this bus and be like, dude, this, these, this is a rock stars. I mean, cause it's a rock star bus and on the bus,

It's me, my dad, my mom, my aunt, and Brian. And three seatbelt machines rocking and rolling. I mean, just the opposite of what you think is happening. Like, these guys must be partying it up in that bus. Who knows who's going to come out of that bus? Who knows? And I got three people looking for outlets. Just trying to, like, are you... Can I get... I need to get...

Good times. We're all in bed by at least 10, 15. I mean, early shows. I was barely off stage. My mom's asleep. Alex Hutchins. Does Nate realize that his hit man theory is actually how Tim Allen became Santa in the Santa Claus. I'm surprised Aaron or Bryce didn't notice. I love that. That's become my favorite running joke is just calling Brian different names. Oh, that's so good. Uh,

What is the... You know, I looked that up. I don't remember what you said about hitmen, but the Santa Claus, I guess the plot is Santa gets injured, Tim Allen gets the suit, and the clause is he has to do Santa's duties while he's wearing that suit. Was that something similar to... I remember your hitman theory is if you kill a hitman who's coming for you, then you have to become... You have to, yes. But Santa got injured. Yeah. Tim Allen didn't go after Santa.

I may have. But it's the same idea. It's the same idea. I want to say the original plot for the Santa Claus was that Tim Allen kills Santa Claus. Oh. You want to say that or that's real? I remember reading that.

A long time ago. Don't know if it's true. Look up the original plot. What did the plot end up being? Santa Claus. I thought he fell off the roof or something. Tim Allen surprised him and he fell off the roof. Why did... Oh, so he was at Tim Allen's house? Yes. I think it was Christmas night. Yeah, it was Christmas. No, I think it was Thursday before Christmas. Yeah. Check. Okay. No, it was Christmas night. I want to say it was the week before he was doing a dry run real fast. I'm 90% sure that the original plot of that movie was that Tim Allen kills Santa Claus.

I think he does by accidentally, does it accidentally, doesn't do it on purpose. Okay. Divorced dad Scott, played by Tim Allen, has custody of his son on Christmas Eve after he accidentally kills a man in a Santa suit. They are magically transported to the North Pole where an elf explains that Scott must take Santa's place before the next Christmas arrives. Okay, so that's what it ended up being? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what it ended up being, were you in the writer's room? Well, that's what I was saying. I was, I'd read that the original plot was that he murdered him and then they softened it because it's the children's movie. Oh,

Oh, you read that like just online. So he becomes Santa Claus. I think so. Sounds like a guy that's making stuff up. That's what yours sounds like. Like a guy that goes, I'm pretty sure that was the original, but you're like, I don't, like a guy that thrived before the internet, like that would be. Oh, would just kill it in every argument. I'm pretty sure that he goes, not in your life.

uh okay and you can't before you can look anything up and he's like yeah that's exactly what i would have done so well back oh just been dustin hoffman was originally supposed to be tim allen you're like all right is it it was sydney poitier yeah it was supposed to be the original the original santa claus you know obvious reasons that they did it and then you're like obvious what they don't uh yeah so that was right yeah well

Yeah, that's what you do with him. And Derek Harper had a quick question. Have y'all ever considered maybe putting Bates in the back room like he still participates? But just in the back room where we can only hear him. Just a thought. I think this goes with the red nose thing. You know, what do you think, Rudolph? I got it fixed. I think I'm okay this week. Somebody suggested working Aaron just completely out of the show, which I'm all on board with. I'm totally on board with that. I like it.

I like all this stuff. Guys, bear with me. I'll eventually be by myself. I'm just making sure I can talk for a long time. They don't even explain why we would do that. Excuse me, where are the cameras? Y'all going to show up one day. Where are the cameras at? They're all over on me. Yeah, exactly. I think he just, I don't know. I think Nate's probably right about the red nose thing. It was a distraction to him. I think it's a lot. It's a lot for people to take in. You know, everybody's got big TVs now. Uh,

I don't know what to say. But can't ignore the people. So I love the only good channel. I love how Nate wants all bank robbers to have names like Bill Smith when his last name is Bargetzi. Very true. That's a good point. Good point. That is true. Sounds like that was written by a bank robber who was offended by my comments.

Brandon Benson, Nate better work on that reading before masterminding a bank heist. Source your reading names in this episode. Amen. Thank you, Brandon. You reading names in...

I know. Reading has nothing to do... I would imagine most bank robbers could have nearly... They never made it out of the high school. I was going to say, and if you were the mastermind, why would you create a plan that revolved around you having to read out loud? You ever see a note they pass to the bank? It's never... It's not going, poor Tim's... Like, they're not using gigantic words. It's, I want cash. That person didn't call himself a mastermind, though, when they're doing that. I don't need...

I don't need to read in the mastermind. I can mastermind. I can't imagine a scenario that it would hinge on. Who's going to know better? A nerd from Notre Dame or a kid from the streets? Who do you want masterminding? I just think Brandon makes a good point. If you can't read, you're probably not going to be masterminding anything. I think if you can't read, you're robbing banks. That's the business that you're in. Right. If you can't read, I'm going to be way closer to friends that will lead down that path.

Then a bunch of friends that can read and you're out having a great life. Not reading is the one number one. 75% of people that don't read Rob Banks. Sources are Brandon Benson. Brandon Benson's our source on that. Last one, the reselling teacher.

I'm trying to guess what each of you are drinking. My guess is Nate is drinking hot tea. Aaron is drinking Mountain Dew or bourbon. And Brian is drinking Ensure. What's Ensure? Is that for women? No, it's for old people. Oh, same thing. So it's all water. Nothing's done. PediaSure is for kids, right? For dogs. I don't think it is. You sure? Yeah.

I'm pretty sure. It's a mastermind over here. I just did a sure joke of it in sure. That was well done. Pretty good, dude. That's pretty masterminded it up. Thank you again for the comments. Hey, and everybody, we read some nice ones too because I noticed people think, and this is what's wrong with everything.

It was my little rant. Here comes the rant. Here comes the rant. I did think of it last night because someone said, oh, you're only reading mean comments, so I guess I need to write a mean comment. And I don't like that. Right. I think that's actually what's wrong with the media. The media just shows they don't want to show good stuff.

The news wants to show just mean stuff. So only the mean people get the publicity. Instead of the good, that John Krasinski, when he had the good show, whatever he did on YouTube that was amazing, of just people doing nice things, that was wonderful. So we do read the nice comments. And yes, a lot of times when it's just, hey guys, you're doing great, whatever, we're going to try to start reading a few more of those and give you shout outs. But yes, I don't think in a weird way we can't all just sit and listen to

you're doing great. But we see those and those mean the world to us and those are the most important ones to us. Instead of this garbage these people have to start trashing all these people. But they're all very funny when you're... We don't like... Obviously, I don't want to just read super mean stuff, but

A lot of these are very funny, and they're doing stuff, and so that's a good balance. But if you want to just give a shout-out, like thanks, thumbs up, we see that, and that means the world to us, and you will get acknowledged because that is true. You should. You shouldn't be just forced into making fun of Brian's nose. Right on. What do we got to do? What are we doing? Nose stuff in the comments? It's the only way they're going to read something? We got to do...

Brian's ears are weird. Does that make you happy? And then we start reading that stuff. I will only read Brian's complaints. You do look great today. You came in. I feel like you... I came in. All right. Well, you came in. You do look... You look like you got makeup on. Vibrant. You look great, Brian. You showed up. I do have makeup on. Good. You got a nice shirt. Shirt looks better. All right. Let's move on. Yeah. All right.

I got a haircut yesterday. You got a haircut? That shirt is nice, though. Thank you. You usually have like a regular one. Like the one that you grab off the floor at TJ Maxx. You're like, is this one my size? Is that your size on the floor? You know, my first jacket I wore on Live at Gotham, one of the first TV credits I had, I got it off the floor at Macy's. It was on the floor.

And I wore it on TV. Wow. I just was, this is when you're- Were you picking it up to put it back on the rack? No, no. I was looking for a jacket. And I mean, you know, at this point, what's always kind of funny to me, I don't know if people realize, is when you first start and you're making, doing Live at Gotham, you make $1,200. That's all. I think that you get $1,200 is what you get, just in case I didn't spend it.

$1,200. That is $1,000 plus two $100 bills. You get $1,200. So you don't, it's not like you just roll into it. And then you end up having to pay some like SAG. I mean, some people can't even pay. I remember people would like, I'm getting this $1,200. Let's go pay my rent. But then they have to pay a fee to be a member because now they're on TV. So they have to pay this union fee. And that costs basically $1,200. So someone's like, I can't.

I need this $1,200 and you're just taking it from me because I did this TV thing. So, yeah, when you're first like getting on TV and doing stand-up, I mean, yeah, you're making... And you're taxed. Yeah. Yeah. You're making eight grand a year. Like, I mean, maybe if you're lucky. And so you're making no money. All right. Speaking of which, we're going to talk about marriage. And I was married, so my wife had a job. My wife told me if when...

She goes, if you can make $1,000 a month, we'll be good. That's a good wife. Yeah. That's all she wanted out of me, $1,000 a month. And one day, we'll get there. So this episode, we're going to talk about marriage. Marriage is kind of a thing rising in this country. A lot of people are doing it. And we think a lot of people want to hear about it. So...

The joke we are going to play, which we right now currently pretty sure we own all the rights to, and it's because I look horrendous in this video because it's from 1975 and wearing rubber bands and never fixed my hair. You know, you don't think about stuff when you're young. How old were you in this clip?

I mean, it had to be probably late 20s, if not 30, 31. It all kind of starts blending in. You look 56. I know. Well, I have a baby face. I just look, you know, just not good. Not good. Look better now. You know, what are you going to do? I should have grown a beard. I don't think I could have grown a beard then. So this set, the joke we're going to play is a joke about marriage. Mosh pit joke. Everybody, please listen. Everybody, Nate Bargettsy to the stage.

I'm married, and that is whatever, but you do it. You know what marriage is like? Marriage is like, you ever go to a concert and you see a mosh pit, and you're like, you know what, I'm going to go get in that mosh pit. But then once you get in it, you're like, I do not want to be in this mosh pit. At all. I'm going to leave and go get some beer, and then the mosh pit's like, hey, you drank last night. You're like, all right, mosh pit, why don't you get off my back? Something's been going on.

ComedyTime.tv. Now we're going to not be able to play that yet. So look, as of right now, you're going to get to see that clip or hear it. And if not... Copyright 2010. Copyright, yeah. I'm sure something will tag it. Can't do anything anymore. Yeah, mosh pit joke. That's a good joke. One of my first really good marriage jokes. If not the first one, actually. Might be the first one.

That I came up with that was the first, like, this joke really worked. Did you start trying to write marriage stuff, like, from the get-go? Because when you started, you were already married, right? Yes. Okay. Yeah, I don't think I ever talked about, like, I'm engaged now. I've been with my wife since I was 21. And it was before I started comedy. So I don't think I ever talked about it. We were dating the whole time, and then I got into comedy. So I never got...

I never had a changed experience in doing comedy until I was married. And then that was the changed experience. We got engaged, but we were still living apart long distance because I was in New York and she was back here. And then we got married and the married was the first changed experience. And I think that's what you write from.

So like y'all had, you know, you had jokes about getting engaged. Mm-hmm.

Because that was a changed experience. I was already with her before I started, so that was just like, that stuff's normal. I don't know. You just don't think of it. Sure. And then you have a jolt, and the jolt was, we're married now. And then it's having a kid. And then it's having a kid. Yeah. And then you move on to a dog. Yeah, it is like you need extra. You need different stuff to happen. That's true. I might just, yeah. Yeah.

So I think that's the part when you get to do. Now, we have three different stages of marriage in this room. I've been married 2006. So what is it? What is it? 14 years. 14 years in October. October 13th, got married on Friday the 13th. Friday the 13th. And I did it because we got married at Old Hickory Country Club. Very blue collar country club. Like it's not, you know, it's not Bel Air. It's...

a wonderful club though I grew up in Old Hickory and uh Old Hickory Country Club got married there not a big not a not a big wedding I always say I think I owe my wife another wedding I we had no money at the time and so uh got married and then which I told that joke on stage uh but Friday 13th and I did it because Vandy I didn't want to mess with college football I didn't want to

I didn't want to like, you know, guys get married on Super Bowls, guys get married on all these crazy dates. And it was in the thick of college football. So I was trying to avoid Saturday. So I said, let's do Friday. And it just happened to be Friday the 13th, October 13th. But Vandy beat Georgia the next day. And I think they did that for me. They did it as like, we appreciate it. And Vandy beat Georgia on our 10 year wedding anniversary too. Yeah. How long were you engaged?

I don't even know. I don't even know. Months or years? A year. Laura. I don't know. She's still here. Is she right there? Ask her how long we were engaged. How long were you engaged? I think it was like a year. A year. A year? A year. But you didn't think about just not getting married in college football season? I don't know, man. Your lease was up. My lease was up. Oh, my lease was up in my apartment.

Yes. There you go. Yeah. So that's why we got married. I don't remember anything. Well, it was 14 years ago, man. But this woman that lives with this house does. So yeah, my lease was up. And so yeah, that's why we picked. You know, real marriage stuff, man. Real romantic. Kind of takes the fun out of it once you realize it was a business decision. Yeah.

I was out of money, so this woman that I knew had some money, and I locked her in. No. It's a fairy tale. It's a fairy, you know? It's a Disney book. It's a princess story of man, no money, no hope. She was like, I want to get married sooner. You're like, I can't break this lease. I won't get my deposit back. Yes. My lease was up, so that's why we chose October.

You know, kind of timed out right. My wife is very, she thinks of timing stuff out like that. But what was I going to do? Lock into another lease? Didn't make sense. Get married. We got married, went to New York. The apartment we rented, Big Jay Augustine lived across the street from us. And we were on our honeymoon. And we're on our honeymoon. And so Jay, Big Jay...

The apartment across from him comes up, and we're in Mexico. This is when you couldn't have your cell phone work in Mexico. It would have cost you $1,000, so you just didn't have a phone. 2006. We go, and Jay, somehow he calls my mom. He looked my mom up on Facebook or something. Their number was on there. He just calls my mom randomly.

And my mom's like, hello? And Jay goes, is this Nate Bargetti's mom? And we're in Mexico. So, I mean, my mom's just like, they're dead. You don't ever. And she's like, oh, God. And then Jay's like, oh, no. This is Big Jay, comedian. He's like, there's an apartment across the street. We're going to tell them that they should go, whatever. And then we flew up to go see it right after Mexico. Laura was super sick. We flew up for 24 hours.

And she was like sick. And I remember she just didn't, she didn't care at all. She's like, this is fine. You know, just where you're sick and you can't. And we lived in that apartment for six years. And yeah, so that's our, that's our fairytale. But our meeting was a good meeting. We worked at Applebee's together. I was a host. She was waiting tables.

And my first thing that I loved about her that made me like her, she was riding, she was sweeping up into her section, as you do. And she sat on the broom like a witch and then went, like, clicked it like she was starting a motorcycle, like she was a witch. And, like, she was starting the broom. And I thought that was, and she was very funny. I thought it was funny. And I thought she was very pretty. And then, boom, can't get rid of her. No, no. We've been together for...

Yeah. Half your life. Half my life. Wow. We're getting close to being... This is a joke idea that will not be on this next special, but just so you want to... My thought process already going to the next...

I think of the next one is when you switch over into you've been with them more than your parents. I'm close to being with them more than my parents. That idea, I'm not there yet, so I don't want to say it now. I'd rather save it for when I am. I've already thought of that idea of

Because that's pretty interesting to go. There's a point where it switches over that the blame is on the wife more than the mom. I mean, you switch over and the mom's like, I'm out. You've had him longer than me. So everything he does wrong is on you. Because you realize that you're with your mom. I mean, I was with my mom. That joke I did have was I went from a mom to her. And so you are. I was 18, 19, 20.

And then 21, then me and her started dating. And so you just go into... You know, there's going to be parts where Laura's to blame. How I walk around. If I'm a mess, she can't, you know... She can still throw it on my mom right now. Yeah. But they're going to cross over into going, I mean...

Yeah, this is mostly on you. You look at some wives and you can start... People that have been married for a long time, you look at the wife and go, what are you doing? Your husband's a mess. Get him together. And they go, oh, he was raised this way. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. You've had plenty of time. You've had plenty of time to fix that. You didn't fix it. And now he's a train wreck. Yeah. So...

Yeah, and so you've been married now how long? Seven months today. Seven months today, seven-month anniversary. Wow. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's one. When did you give her? I think it's Cole. Have you ever heard to give gifts for something? Yeah, like the golden anniversary. Yeah, and I said that was Cole, the seventh month with the joke. Well, I didn't think y'all heard it. No, we heard it.

There's two people laughing at home. They're like, ha, I heard it. So you've been married seven months? Yep. I got married for the first time at age 48. A little bit different route than you. At 48? Yeah. You're 48? I thought you were 47. No, I'm 48. So you're about to be 49. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, man. I'm just letting the audience know so they know why that red nose is red. They go, oh, I thought he was like 30. Oh, no, that's because you're just 48 and your nose is just red forever. Yeah. I thought you were 47 still. No. 48. We're going to get big 50. Yeah.

50 is going to come. We're having a big celebration. All right. If you're still here. You know all that red nose? You got to cut gluten out of your diet. Yeah, yeah. And notice how we always get made fun of for being cold, and then the guy going through menopause is apparently too hot. What are you talking about? It's the middle of summer.

We keep it colder. I know, but people act like we're not inside and there's not air condition doesn't exist. That's what everybody always says. The thing is look like you're it's, it's 95 degrees. I said, yes. And it's, we keep it super cold. Laura cuts air condition on upstairs before we go to bed and it gets rocking up here and it gets freezing.

And so just so it's because we got, you know, now we got five people in here doing the camera. We got a lot of people like what COVID. We got 75 people in here, guys. Studio audience, a lot of people coming in. You almost want to stop saying anything. We have two people filming. But you almost want to stop saying anything. You can't say anything because of COVID. Like, what do you want us to do, man? 35 people packed in a tight room. We have to get there. Yeah.

What? We got to recirculate this error. What do you want us to... Yeah. Guys sit here and cough and we're trying to cut the fan on so we don't get to listen to that the whole time. Good night. So happy seven months. Thank you. Happy seven months. 48 years old. Got married. Thank you. There you go.

I was thinking like, it's always like, how old was your wife? You know, like there's always the questions. I was like that. That's a funny joke when someone's, you go, you can't ever ask. It's like an old joke. You can't ever ask someone, a woman, how much, how old they are. So how much do you weigh? Right. Like, you know, that's always a, it's a fun like carnival joke. Yeah. A lot of comics. Yeah. Do that. Do it.

I do it every night. I've done it many times. And Aaron Weber, you're engaged, right? Engaged, yeah. How long have you been engaged? Since February. And we're looking at

next memorial day to get married so we're going to be engaged about a year spring first day of spring all that stuff clouds blooming is that what memorial day is first no it's not that's just when george he wants to push it and he goes we should do it in spring right first day of spring flowers blooming flowers blooming all that crap okay uh so yours is memorial day is may may end of may end of may so you'd be a year from yeah

End of May. We don't have to go, right? If you don't want to. I just wanted to throw that out now. I'm probably going to be slammed. Nah, we'll be there. Just assume you're going to be invited. Huh? Just assume you're going to be invited. I hope I'm not. That's where you're going. I would love it if I don't get invited. Anyway. Anywho. No, I didn't go to yours. I could have went to yours, but you had a very small...

intimate, you know, 48, you're lucky the priest shows up. It's, no, I just made that, that was a good joke though. That was funny. It was pretty funny. Not bad. That's why I didn't invite you. I didn't want you to insult me through my wedding day. I never would. I wouldn't do that. I would have sat there and enjoyed it. Plenty of room. I'd have pew to myself. You had your immediate family and her immediate family. Yeah. We did a big thing for you here. Right.

We had a big, right? Super Bowl party. Yes. No, it was for your... Nate hosted a big wedding party for Brian. Yeah, so he had a small wedding, but we did a big thing here. You can't push off that I'm just this cold-hearted, I don't care. Yeah. We had a gigantic party for you. I catered the thing. Nate threw a Super Bowl party. No. His buddy catered it. You...

We threw a party for him. We did it on the Super Bowl because we were trying to pick when most comics, because it was kind of a comics party. Yeah. And we were doing what day is the comics not going to, the most comics not going to be working. It was Super Bowl. So we did it on Super Bowl. Kenny, you're friends with Kenny as well. I grew up with Kenny. We had Kenny cook a big, he loves grilling out and he cooked brisket. We catered it. Yeah. You know, cost a lot of money. I mean, still in the...

Still can't get out of that hole. And then I immediately went out of work and we're still...

We're just paying off Brian's engagement, his wedding party. That's so funny. We did it because comics, one time they weren't working, and then immediately after that, nobody's. I mean, we could have had it every day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we had a big party. It was fun. Yeah, we're coming to your wedding, dude. We'll have you a big party. Yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah. Thanks, man. I guess we have to now. I'm going to read comments at your party. Aaron Weber. What is the...

What's the... Let's talk about general marriage. You know. Yeah. Read the U.S. marriage rate, like this kind of stuff. How many people were married? All right. So I did some research. This is from 2018. It reached historic lows. They didn't have a 2019? I couldn't find it. So 2018...

I mean, this is, you know. This thing is worthless. He comes home to a new car, brings a brand new car home. It's brand new. It's two years old. They didn't have a new one. He goes, I didn't walk all the way back. It maybe takes two years to get a real. Yeah. Only about half of Americans are married now, down from 72% in 1960, according to census data. That's a pretty big drop there. Only about half of Americans are married now, down from 72%.

Yeah. I assume that's... What's the sources on this? Census? Is that your sources? Census data? Yeah. That would be the source. Yeah. Who's the source of the census? That's how I want to keep going. Okay. Well, I'd like to speak who exactly did this. Yeah. Can you connect me with some of your census takers, please? Yeah. I'd like to talk to them. There's a lot of them. It's going on now. They're doing the census right now. Oh, really? Yeah. They do it every 10 years. Oh. So they... You probably got something in the mail about it.

Usually they go door to door, but I don't know if they're doing that with COVID going on. I think they still are. I would do it. I'm saying is next year we'll have more. You would do it. We'll have more data. I would do the census data. Well, everyone's supposed to do it. Oh, really? Yeah. Did we do it? Did we get mail? I mean, I did mine back in March. Yeah. I haven't done it yet. Laura, did we get it? We did it. All right. All right. Good for you. All right. We did it.

See, I'm oblivious. My wife could walk out. If she ever wants to, she won't because we love each other. She could take everything. I could show up at this house and be empty one day. I wouldn't have no clue. That's what she could be gunning for. She watches a lot of crime stuff. A lot of marriage, a lot of husband killing people. A husband and wife or wife's killing husband. I think she's scheming. One day,

So half Americans are married. Now, the age of which one first gets married is risen by six years, 1960. And now only 20% of Americans get married before the age of 30. Wow. I don't think that's a bad thing. People need to get, I think getting married later is good. 30, you know, that's a, go get your career started, you know? Yeah. Go dive all in. I think that will make the workforce better and people can actually get a good run.

But that will affect probably kids and stuff, you know, because you get married at 30 and by the time you want to have kids, you know, it can catch up quick. You know, we have one kid. We had a kid. We were late to the game. And so we had one daughter, beautiful daughter, and they – but that's all we could really have. So –

you'll be 29 when you get married? I'll be 29. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you'll be, you're having, you gotta, you really think of it. I mean, you have a law, I mean, for a guy, you can get married. You can have a baby whenever as a guy, right? Yeah. An 80 year old. Yeah. Uh,

So there's people having babies at 50, though. Now, someone just had a baby at 50. Really? Someone told me about it. Somebody you know? Yeah, some of my friends. She had a kid at 50 and then mid-40s. Yeah, I know someone who had a baby on her 50th birthday. So me and my wife are still thinking about it. Getting married late. I got married. I was 26, right?

When I got married. That's good. People get married young in the South. It's just people get married 20. My parents were married at 21, maybe. My parents have been dating since they started dating since seventh grade. Really? Mm-hmm. Well, 26 is a little bit older than... I mean, people might have thought back then, man, you guys waited a little while, huh? Yes, in the South...

At home, people would have been like, you guys waited, and that's old. And New York is like, are you crazy? Are you a bait? Like, that's what they think. Yeah. You know. I remember thinking when I was in college, like 28's when I think I want to get married because by then I'll have a career going, a little established. Yeah.

This is like Michael Scott. When he's a bunch of kids. No, the video when he's a kid. He goes, I want to one day be married and have 100 kids and I can't wait for my dreams to come true. And you're like, ah. Everybody's having to watch that video. He says, I got 100 kids so I can have 100 friends. All right.

Everybody get back together. Everybody's crying. It all worked out in the end. What are you crying at? The red-nosed guy said something. His nose is great now. The Pew Research Center recently found that about 40% of unmarried adults believe that marriage is becoming obsolete.

They're not sure it even necessarily as a result, less couples than ever before are married and marriage rates will continue to decline into the future. There is no longer a motivation to marry. Couples no longer need to marry to have children to pass on their property or to have sex in 100 years. Marriage may not even exist. Wow. Huffington Post. I mean, I don't know, man. I think people still like it. I think you still want to get married and

you know, I guess if you had to pass on the property, I think people still, I think marriage is still, yeah, I guess maybe in a hundred years. Yeah. You got to get that out of the system and you're going to need to have, you know, people removed. But I think marriage is still very, it's a wonderful, wonderful tradition that is, I mean, it's awesome. It's, it's a way of life. It's, you know,

I think if you're not married and then you're just, you're going to enter in, it gets too loose. You know, I'm a big fan of, marriage is an awesome, beautiful thing. So, but apparently it's gone. So, I don't know. I wonder if it's come in waves, you know? Yeah, I don't think so. I think it's just going down. I think more and more people are just like, yeah, we can just live together and, you know.

So I don't know. I don't know. But it's weird to say when you meet someone, they're like, oh, this is my girlfriend. And they're like 50, 60 years old. And it's like, we've never got married. You have to find the two people that want that. And there are people that are both fine with that.

But I find it always when I meet a couple that's like that and like, oh, he never wanted to get married, but we were married. I think if he got on his knee and asked that woman to marry him, her heart would melt and she would love it. So that to me shows me that they want that.

And it's, and I usually, this is complete, I have no idea, but I think if someone's in that situation, they are doing, it's one person that's being super stubborn and the other one would be like, we, I think I would like to, you know, weddings are very nice. It's a celebration of you. It's a very fun thing. It's fun for your, your parents and your grandparents and your family gets together and it's a family reunion. I mean, it's, you know, and it's a, it's an awesome thing. And so like, you know,

What about divorce? Can you get, if you get divorced, will you get half the, is that a thing? You know, it's like half their property, but you know, if someone gets divorced, Jeff Bezos and his wife, he gets to give her billions of dollars. What if they're not married? I don't think you do. But how, so, but how's the property matter then? Why does it say like, if you don't need to pass on their property? Um,

Maybe that's for people that don't have any. So the loophole... Assets. Yeah, I always love someone saying, get off my property. There was... I remember someone... I tried to do a joke about it once, but someone else had a joke about it. It's a very Southern... People are very... I think the less...

the poorer you are, the more prouder of your property you are. Yeah. And so the more you don't want anybody on your property and you don't have a lot of property, but it's your property. Yeah. And I, I absolutely love someone going, you better get off my property, right? I mean, that's a very, you watch cops like on, you know, all it is.

is people saying he stepped foot on my property and he shouldn't have been on my property. I've never been on his property. I don't know where his property, you know, and it's all about just how many times can you say the word property? Private property sign. Oh, no trespass. Who's, you know, his property that is don't ever get on my property. Uh, but like, so it's like the benefits. So if, if you can pass on property and all this kind of stuff, but if you get divorced, uh,

You don't have to give half the money. Yeah, I think maybe they're saying there was a time where women didn't work. They didn't have equal rights. So therefore, the only way they would have anything if their husband died is if they were actually married. And so now women can provide for themselves. Yeah. But I mean, is this a loophole? Say you don't sign a prenuptial agreement. You just go, I don't believe in marriage. And then if you break up, you don't get divorced.

You know? And so no one's involved. So you don't have to give any money. So it's a good thing. I'm saying for that person. I mean, it's... Yeah. You know, I think... It's a good thing for the person who has more. If you're that worried about it, why not just sign a prenup? Because you want to avoid an awkward conversation with your partner?

No, I'm just... Yeah, they could sign a prenup, but yeah, the partner might be like, yeah, I'm not signing a prenup. That's insane. We didn't have a prenup. It was like, George said, I'll sign your stupid prenup. I make more money than you. Right.

That's one of my favorite Seinfeld ideas of the show is him. George is saying that saying he wants to sign a prenup and she's worth millions. And he's like, she just laughs because y'all sign your prenup. Like, you know, just what do I care? Yeah. I would love it. I would love to sign it. Give it to me. Yeah. Like with my wife, I would never dream. Obviously my wife's earned every, every penny that I have. She's earned. She's been here from the beginning and we, we,

nothing's separate. I honestly, she does not deserve. Now my next wife, you're going to have big problems with. But so you would see, there's no reason for us to sign. I, in my situation, it would never do it. Yeah. So no one's going to, but I'm just saying these guys, like if, if you get in, say you'd never sign,

Say you have dreams. You guys, you have dreams. You're young men. And now you cannot be making any money. And then say you and your fiance, you just never, none of this is true, but just as an example. You just keep it engaged. Like, let's just not get married. Yeah. Then you go on, you become a huge comedian. You're making $10 million a year, $20 million a year.

And you never got married because you're just, we're just, there's no reason for it. Yeah. It doesn't work out. Break up. The law's not involved. She does not get half of that. Sounds pretty good so far. So you get married.

Now you don't sign a prenup because you wouldn't. It seems insane to sign a prenup now. Yeah. Same way. Most people when they're married, there's no reason to sign a prenup. It would be insane because no one has money. But then you come into it and now you'd be into the money. So I'm saying is this the loophole that if some rich guy is just like, I don't want to get married again, but we can date. Yeah. Does the woman ever get anything? Or the man, whatever. I don't think so. Yeah.

So there is a reason for marriage. If you're the poorer person, yeah. Or to be combined with one. That's like if people don't have, do you have the same bank accounts, you and Ruth? We will. We haven't combined them yet. Yeah, I know some people, someone said that once. I remember reading, should you have separate bank accounts?

We don't. I mean, again, I don't know. I asked my wife if we have money. So sometimes I just, I'm good for maybe four times a year to be like, Hey, we have money. Right. Like I just don't, you know, to make sure I'm not going to walk in one day and she's like, you spend it all, you know, cause I'm an idiot. And so I just want to make sure that we're still good. But like, should people have money when we, when I first got married,

uh you know my wife is the saver she's the one that saves it my wife's the only reason you know i'm not doing this podcast in a helicopter and i'm bankrupt you know like i just could buy whatever like i don't i would definitely do fun stuff and not not be a normal person so she did all that but so my parents would i still had a bank my bank card from my parents and

And so my parents would always put, they would put money in my bank. So when I'd go on the road and I don't have money, so I didn't have to ask my wife for our money because I'm making zero money at this point. Right. I would just tell my dad, like I went in San Francisco, I wanted to go see the Alcatraz. And so I'd call my parents and I'm like, I don't want to go see Alcatraz. I don't have any money. And my mom would just put $200 in there. And so that, that went on. I mean, for, I was good six years. I mean,

Harper might have been born and I still had their bank card. I don't have it now, but it was... My mom is still on my bank account. Yeah. Because she set it up with me when I was like 15 when I wanted to get a savings account. And I just... You have to go into the bank to take her off. I'm just so late. She's still on it. Yeah. But she could get into... She hasn't given me money in a while, but yeah, she could. She could. I don't think it's bad.

To have her, hey, it's not bad to have your mom on. Just what if you're gone and you do need something? Then she can go in there and do that. It doesn't matter. She did call me a couple years ago and was like, hey, could you stop getting in the negative because it's messing up my... It was like messing up her credit. Oh, yeah. Because she was like, you can't go below zero. Oh, yeah. She should go to the bank and take it off. Yeah, she should. I think I can. I used to cash a check.

At Walmart, you would go to Walmart and overwrite a check and they would give you, you know, you buy gum and write it for $20 more and they give you $20 cash. But you could do that and they wouldn't when you needed $20 and I didn't have $20 at the bank. You could always do it and they would give you the $20 cash.

Because they didn't know that the check wasn't going to work until later. And then you would just go into the red later and you deal with those consequences. But on that Friday, you're like, well, I need $20 right now. And $20 was a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was in high school, like, if you got $20, it would be the equivalent if someone gave me $100. I feel like we talked about what it means, you know, equivalent today. What are $20 is worth today? From where? Yeah. From when I was in high school, $97.

Can you look at... Yeah, you can do a conversion. Really? Yeah, you can do a conversion. So $20 in 1997, I'm going to guess $34. Yeah. I'm guessing that's what it's worth now. What do I... You say $20 in 1997 to... Yeah. Would that work? Yeah. There you go. 1997 inflation.

So there's a cumulative price change of 61.43%. $32. Yeah. You said 34. Yeah. Wow. That's impressive. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. So it's like giving me $32. You know, it's like when you have cash, you think about like what cash you like to have. But it's like $32. I feel like you just feel like you could buy so much. Yeah. Something mentally about $20 that...

I feel like you just feel like it's a little bit more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's nice. It feels good, dude. I admit it. I like cash. At 48 and just having my own money the whole time, it's a little still strange now where we just moved and I sold all my furniture. She sold it and then she just kept it, the money for it.

And which of course is fine, but I do, I think about it like it's just getting used to like. So, but she's put it in y'all's. Well, Brett. Yeah. It's all our money, obviously, but I'm just saying the mindset I'm still adjusting to. She didn't go over to you and go, here's your cash from the.

And here's my percentage. Right. For selling it. Like something like. Yeah. Yeah. But you do have the cash. It's just, yes. Why would she put it, give it to you? Of course. Yeah. Of course. It's just, I'm just saying it's, it's an adjustment. I get it. I get it. Like you're, yeah. I don't have that. I don't, I've never really, I mean, I'm kind of a rare case in that we've been together so long. I never was single. I never, that's why I never had dating jokes. I never, I never, you know, I never did any of this stuff. So I, to me,

Besides my mom getting my bank account, it's to give me money so I can go do fun stuff. I'd never thought about it. It's always just our money. Everything is we. It's all just been in a big pot. I don't even know where the money's at. I still have to ask. But I get it. I get the idea of...

Of like, yeah, that you're like, oh, how much? It just crosses your mind for a split second. Yeah. Like she's keeping it. Yeah. She's taking the money. Yeah. Like I took her car to get the oil changed and they had found some major problems and we talked about it on the phone and we're like, she's like, all right, let's just go ahead and do it. So it's a lot of money. And of course I paid for it. Yeah. But again, it just, for a second you're like, wait a second. Why am I paying for this? Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah, I'm married. I forgot. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's our money. Yeah. So y'all will eventually merge everything together. Yeah. I think it's probably not healthy if you're in a relationship where you figure out what percentage of the household income you account for, and then you only pay for that percent. Like that would be, that sounds like a nightmare. Oh yeah. Someone, there's like an article about like, I think people like maybe you paid bills and you just, you did everything because they're saying that money is the number one, you know,

The rate for divorce and stuff, money's like the main thing, the main problem. So they were like, keep your money separate. You pay like your roommates. Yeah.

And then, so that way you're not going, why are you spending all that money on that? Like, you know, it's, it's that kind of nagging of just the other ones going, you know, some husbands like, why are you buying all these clothes or whatever? And then it's like, why are you going golfing all the time? And they're all yelling at each other. And so just keep your money separate and pay your part of your rent. And then that way you don't have that argument, but that's,

That's a married couple that to me doesn't get married. That's the group on here that either doesn't have kids for some reason, doesn't get married. They're not normal. That's not a normal way of living that someone's going to agree to do that. Everybody's still normal. That's what I think. I think the entire country is normal people.

They live the normal way. There's not all these kind of weird new kind of things, like new ways that they're trying to sit. I just don't think people are doing that. No one's going to not. I don't think marriage, you know, I don't know. It's not like, well, we don't have to live together. It's like people want to get married. We have our nieces on Laura's side of the family. They all got married in their 20s. They have three kids. They did what they do with it.

South is what church does. Christianity is still a big thing. Church, people raised in church, you have families, you get married. If Christianity is going away, then maybe your stat of people wanting to get married goes away. I will say, I said I could see myself getting married at 28. In the 20s and 30s, I had a lot of frustrations. But by my 40s,

I was content. If I never got married, I was fine. Yeah. You know, some people aren't made for marriage. And I was fine. I was in a good place. But then I did get married. Yeah. And then, yeah, I mean, you would have been, so you just were like, look, it's just not going to happen. Yeah, but I was happy in my life. And it just doesn't work out for some people. Yeah. Some people don't want to. I mean, I wanted to, obviously. Yeah. But I was fine with it.

Yes, I could see someone who's like, I don't want to get married. It's, you know, the idea of like having kids and stuff like that. There's a, there's a mix because you, it feels selfish if someone's like, I don't want kids. Like to me, it's, you know, we only had one. And then it's obviously not selfish, but it does feel, you're like, I want to live my best life.

I don't want to like that to me is the only thing that I think if you go into it thinking I want to do everything I want to do as fun and I want to live my life and I don't I want to have a great time in my life and I don't want anybody to ruin my time. If I think when people say they don't have kids, that's the vibe. That's why you think.

You know, they could say the environment or something. I was going to say, that's really interesting because I've heard it said the other way. I have too. What? Where just the idea of wanting to bring another person into this world is selfish with all the people, you know, orphanages. Well, that makes me feel, who do you think you are?

I'm you're the king of the, I'm not going to bring another person in this world. This world doesn't deserve. That's insanity. That's it. That makes me, this is the, by the way, the world we have is there's not another world. There's no other world. This is the world that we have. And when someone says that, that makes me furious to go. Don't just say you don't want to have kids.

Don't throw it into this like, well, I'm saving the world, but I don't want to do it because I'm not, I'm saving. I'm not bringing a child into this mess. By the way, this is the greatest time in the history of earth to be alive. The greatest, no matter what you think about what's going on, it's much better to be alive now than it would have been in the 1800s. Much better. Yeah. Not even close.

Food, water, how much the population of the world has food and able to get food. Everything's way, way up. So to be like, I'm not going to bring... I don't like the... It's pompous.

To be like, I'm the one that decides. I'm the king of my castle and I will... I'm not bringing a kid into this world that doesn't... Just say you don't want kids. Don't make it to be, I'm so great. I'm fine with someone not having kids. I don't like it when they say it in that way to go, I'm... Let me tell you how... Maybe I take it back. Maybe someone should be like...

I shouldn't, don't take it that way. But I don't see how you don't take it that way. That's what the person's saying, right? That's what Aaron's saying. But don't you agree that that's what they mean when they say, they say, I don't think you should bring, and I did bring that kid into this world. So what am I wrong? I think some people would be like, who do you think you are that you think the world needs your child because you're so important? I don't think the world needs, but they need children. The world needs children to thrive.

It's going to stop. What do you want? Less people? I get the idea of like we're overpopulated. All this kind of crazy stuff that's like, go to Montana. We're not overpopulated. No one's there. No one's near anywhere. Go drive 15 minutes outside of Nashville. It's empty. There's just land. People are living in popular areas. Once we spread out, it's gone.

If everybody just leaves New York and California and then just spreads out across the state, the country that we have, a gigantic country, if everybody spread out, we would have plenty of room. No one has to live next to each other. People want to live next to each other. Yeah.

Yeah. But don't say, I don't want to have kids, and you're like, I'm not bringing a child into this world. This world doesn't deserve my child. You're the worst person alive. I wonder how many people genuinely believe that, and how many people, that's just how they rationalize. They're just not ready to have kids or whatever, and they're like, that's how they say it. I just want... Look, I get...

I get it. I get the idea of it. I don't like people saying that because I just take everything as like, I don't think you should ever say anything that makes someone else feel bad. You shouldn't ever say anything that's put down to someone. I mean, I know we make jokes here, but I'm talking about you should never say... I think it's putting down to... When most people have kids and you're putting down to go like, well, I'm a little...

a little brighter, a little smarter. And I, it's not, this is not, I, we don't need more children right now. We have too many children.

I'm, I'm, I'm this, like, that's how I take it. Yeah. Like, that's how. It's like telling a pregnant woman, congratulations. I would never do that. I would never do it because I, you don't, we don't need, the last thing we need is more people in this. Like it's, it's, it's, it's, you know, having a family and children are, I mean, children are the greatest thing on earth. It's the greatest, the truly most awesome dude. How innocent kids are, how like,

I mean, you know, our daughter sleeps in her bed. I look at her every night. Just can't believe it's awesome. It's unbelievable that, you know, and you cannot have kids. Please don't have kids. But don't say it. Don't act like you're better than everybody else. Yeah. That's what I think. Anyway. Do you think you'll have kids? I think so. Someday.

For sure. Yeah. You don't think you should bring them into this? That's what you should have said. I don't – you know what? I just think – With today's climate, I don't know. I just don't know. And I mean by both politically and just the climate in general. It just can't be. It's all bad. Emissions. No, I can't – I'd love to coach my kids' little league team and all that. Yeah. That would be great. Having a family is great. Big family, right? Yeah. Yeah, I'm one of four. Yeah. And –

I wish we could have had more kids. That being said, it's one. Look, if someone's like, one kid's great. One kid, it's not as overwhelming. I think two's a nice sweet spot. When you see someone have twins, I know someone that had twins and a boy and a girl, twins at the same time, knock it out of the park, two kids great.

Done. You get a little bit of both. It's like that's, you know, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. Do you think it's insensitive when I hear a lot of parents say, we had a boy or a girl and then we were trying for the opposite and it didn't happen. So we kept going. Is it insensitive to that middle child that you're like, oh, we were trying to have a girl, but we had another boy. So we had to do another one. No, I mean...

Because I don't think you ever – you never call them in and go, hey, just a heads up. We did not want you. Maybe you're feeling the tension every time you walk in a room. It's because we are furious you're here. That's never going to be there. When you have a kid, no matter the love that you have, it's not –

Laura's brother. And when they had... He had two girls and I think they had a third and it was kind of like they were hoping it was going to be a boy. And her brother didn't want to know because he didn't want... He actually... The same way... It was like if it was going to be another girl, he didn't want to be angry that it was going to... Like you have those... He was like, because I know no matter what, when I see whether it's the boy or girl, I'm going to... And then they'd be thrilled and he had a boy. But he didn't want to know. But it was...

You know, it's like, so I, it's not going to matter. I mean, you could want, you know, you, it doesn't matter what you, I think I wanted a girl. I kind of liked the daddy daughter relation. I think you have a, the relationship's a little bit different, you know, and it's not just, you know, his son would have been amazing too. Like, so I get both, but you know, you're just happy with it's, you know, you got your kid and it's, it's fun. Yeah. All right. So I did some research on the history of marriage. Uh,

They found one dated back to 4,350 years ago. When was it? 4,350 years ago. It wasn't the first marriage. Well, it's the oldest evidence that they found. It says, "...for a thousand years before that, most anthropologists believe families just consisted of loosely organized groups of as many as 30 people with several male leaders, multiple women shared by them, and children."

As hunter-gatherers settled down, society had a need for more stable arrangements. The first recorded evidence of a marriage ceremony uniting one woman and one man dates from about 2350 BC in Mesopotamia. And then over the next several hundred years, marriage evolved into a widespread institution embraced by the ancient Hebrews, Greeks, and Romans. But back then, marriage had little to do with love or with religion. It was like a job. You did it for...

Yeah. Like procreation. Yep. It's like animals. To a lot of degree, and safety. I mean, even farmers 100 years ago, maybe even now, having kids to tend the farm is an important thing. Yeah. Yeah, you would generate your own help. And then religion eventually came and got involved. And, of course, it was mentioned in the Bible. But then when the Roman Catholic Church spread throughout Europe,

The blessing of a priest became a necessary step for a marriage to be legally recognized. By the 8th century, marriage was widely accepted in the Catholic Church as a sacrament or a ceremony to bestow God's grace.

Go read the next one. So then, so love's still not in the picture. Yeah, that's how funny is that? That's what I wanted to read. Like, so, all right, this all makes sense. Now, when did love come into it? Like, I mean, it is a straight up job at this point. Right, right. You are hiring someone. At that point, it is what two employees work best together. Love is not even remotely important.

And I mean, you're like, do you love her? They'd be like, what? I mean, back then, is love even a thing? Yeah, I don't think it was. I mean, I bet it was for your child. Yeah. But I mean, you ever see like when you watch movies with, you know, I don't know. I feel like death didn't mean anything to people. You know, you watch any like war. I'm thinking of Game of Thrones. I didn't watch Game of Thrones, but that kind of era of, you know, they have children. Like it's like they're proud of their boy.

But if their kid got killed at battle, it's like, it is what it is. It's just such a part of it. Yeah. Yeah. It's part of like the wife. I mean, that's where they get multiple wives, like cheating on your wife. I don't think me meant anything. Like,

Because there was no, I guess there was really no. Yeah. If someone was like, take love out of your marriage, you're like, oh, it's going to be chaos. Yeah. And then. Well, a big part of that is there's no choice involved at this point, right? It's still. Certainly not for the women. Yeah. I'm guessing a lot of these marriages are just, you know, arranged and set up by their families or whoever else. Yeah. Yeah.

So it said, for much of human history, couples were brought together for practical reasons, not because they fell in love. In time, of course, many marriage partners came to feel deep mutual love and devotion. But the idea of romantic love as a motivating force for marriage only goes as far back as the Middle Ages.

I had to look up the middle ages. Middle aged man. So you. So Brian is. This is when love enters the picture right here. Back then, everybody was getting married at 48. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. But that romantic love is a motivating force to marriage. Only goes back as far as middle. What is middle ages? I looked that up. It was roughly from like 500 to 1500. Yeah.

And what was the, I bet the average life span back then was probably, I mean, if you made it to your 40s, that was impressive. Yeah. You know? Yeah. They, yeah, like you would be a king back then. Yeah. I mean, you would. Be respected. Yeah. Oh, the times, tables, times have changed. They sure have. They sure have. So what's going on in middle age? What do you have? Like 500, 1500? Like what, if I'm trying to picture-

They get a clay house or something. Their house is built out of clay. They had stones. They had stones? That's the age of castles. Okay. So there's been a castle. You have a village, a wagon. You had a surf. You have like live in a village, a wagon. Shops are selling sheep eyes. I think like the Roman Empire was ruling the world up until then. Yeah. And now it's kind of crumbled. So everybody's doing their own thing.

Starting to, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. I'm just trying to picture the... Okay. Right? Think like a Renaissance fair. Yeah. That's what's going on. Yeah. Yeah. Walk around with turkey legs and... Yeah.

Having a good time. Yeah. But also loads of death and suffering and disease and everything else. The Black Plague was around then, wasn't it? Yeah. But like 1500. So that's 500 years ago. And thanks how things would probably look differently. But in my head, if you told me, what would things look like in 500 to 1500? It's all kind of the same to me. That's a big... Yeah, I guess. Yeah, there weren't many advancements. Not that I know of. Uh-huh. Maybe like an art, you know? Yeah.

But in terms of technology and stuff like that, I mean, what's the difference between 500 and 1500? I don't know. I don't know. Marriage was changing. Marriage, yeah. Love. Love. Love. When was the gun invented? Can we take a guess? Later than that. They didn't have guns by 1500? I would say 1377. Oh, you think that far? I guess not now. That's so specific. 1377. 742. 742.

Whoa. The Chinese had guns in the 10th century. Wow. Cannons appeared nearly around 1320. So you were thinking of cannons. Yeah, clearly. Yeah, that's right. But you tell you what, no one ever thinks of the 1300s.

No one talks about the 1300s. Oh, the Gatling gun. Wait, that said 1364. Yeah. No one, I mean, how crazy, like no one ever speaks of the, you never hear 1370s. No one ever does. 1200? You go 1492 because Columbus. But what's going on in 1300 now?

Not much. Not much. Yeah. Not much. I would love to. We're going to get into that. That'd be a good episode. What, the 1300s? Just what it looked like back then. You know, what happened, man? What was going on? We'll get someone in from that era. Brian, you probably know a guy. I'm not saying you're that old, but I think you definitely know someone that grew up around him. I know a guy who knows a guy. Yeah. You're like Pawn Stars. I think you're closest to who we could get someone to talk to. Yeah.

So, oh, go ahead. I'll just go read into it. When wedding rings started. Yeah. I do not wear my wedding ring, but go ahead. Well, I was going to say 100 years ago today, women got the right to vote. And that said that. It's a great Orny Adams joke. He goes, well, how did they win that vote? Yeah.

Because it was all men voting? Because it was all men voting. Yeah, yeah. Well, how did they win that? And they go... Yeah, yeah. So that said, it said within the last 40 years, marriage has changed more than the last 5,000 because women are now not treated as property. They got a voice. Yeah. That would change the dynamic a little bit. Boy, they got a big voice. Oh, boy. Did they? They got...

I mean, right when they got the right to vote. Oh, here we go. That's when it all started crumbling down. I mean, can you imagine? Congratulations, dear. You can vote now. Let me tell you something. If you don't put your pants up every single night, I mean, just what?

Overnight. Overnight. If you don't put the toilet seat down, I swear to you, you go, where do you get off? We have the right to vote. And you're going to do everything. I'm a great keep the toilet seat down guy. Always put it down. Always. I've never understood that. Why? Why should you do that?

Why should you put it down? Yeah. I do get that because you're thinking, well, I have to touch it to lift it up. You need it up. Yeah. So we should both be taking the turns. Yeah. I'll put it up. You put it down. Yeah. Right. I think it's being a gentleman. It's a courtesy thing. It's a courtesy thing. I guess. I'm going to have a urinal.

You have a urinal in your house? I want to get a urinal in my house, and I want to put it right next to the toilet. Would you get a urinal in your house? So my wife has to sit down. That urinal is right next to her face. Would you get a urinal in your house? I would love to get a urinal. I would love to get one, too. Howard Stern has a urinal. Really? Because he says it's one of his favorite things. I would love that. Yeah, I would love a urinal. Some bars, you ever been to a bar where they have like a...

an armrest above the year. Yeah. You can lean up against it. That's the dream, man. I, there's nothing better than I, when you go in a bar, you see a guy really that has had some drinks and he just see him like he has to put his hand up. I mean, you're like this guy work tonight. You know what I mean? Like he is drinking was a job. Right. And he's like, Oh, and just, I mean the relief of just all of it. Like,

It's a show out there. He just feels like he finally gets a moment to himself. I'm not a fan. You know what? This is another kind of gross but random. Guys passing gas in the bathroom.

And they just go in and just let, like, they almost like we have a code. In your own? You mean in a public bathroom? No, no, in a public bathroom. Okay. Like you just see men walk in and they just like. Let it rip? And I guess it's this idea of like, we're all cool, right? I don't want to do it in front of my chick out there, you know, like something. And, but to me, it's like,

I mean, look, I'm just saying, if it happens, it happens. Guys go in like we're all friends. And they just let it rip. And you're like, hey, we're not horses. Do you think they should at least go in a stall and do it? I mean, yeah, just try to not. At least hit the dryer so there's some noise. That was a great point.

Todd Glass joke. He's like, he goes, I don't, he's something about not getting credit for everything. And he's like, he goes, there's somebody go to the bathroom right before I walk out. I hit the air dryer. I don't know. You're welcome. And I say, you're welcome. You know, cause you know, everybody's just in there, but yeah, I mean, I get old men. Yeah. Old men are just, they just, it just happens. Noises are coming out. They don't even know what's happening. So I get the idea of that. But yeah, like when you see there is like,

You know, there's not too, you know, I like being a guy, but you're not like, you know, it's just burp. You know, you walk in the bathroom, you're like, I don't know, just do it in your corner. I don't know. At least put the effort up there. You're not, you just barrel in there like a gorilla, just like. But maybe that happens to women. I don't know. Women just go nuts. Hey, Laura. Laura. I don't want to know. Yeah.

When did the wedding ring, though? Yeah, so it's said that that's pretty universal since marriage has been around. Custom can be dated back to the ancient Romans. It's believed that the roundness of the ring represents eternity. Thus, the wedding ring symbolizes a union that is to last forever.

And it was once thought that a vein or nerve ran directly from the ring finger of the left hand to the heart, which I've heard that. I've never heard that. I thought it was just like an annoying reminder that you can't have as much fun as you want. Is that true? Brian, is that true? Let me giggle that. The point of the wedding ring is just to kind of always be...

Like, you know, you're always like you just you can feel it. Right. You know, like a rubber band around your wrist, like rubber band. Yes. It's just there to constantly be like, I wouldn't.

When you don't have rings, you're like, I'm not worried about anything. When you have a ring, you got to be. This is interesting. Brian's wearing his wedding ring. You're not wearing yours. Why don't you? You just don't like the way it feels? I don't like rings. I wear it on stage, and that's the only time I wear it. I need to find a ring. I lost my ring in Kuwait, actually.

I was doing a USO tour right after we got married and I took it off. I mean, I just never wore, I like watches, but I've never wore rings and I don't like rings. And I took it off and I'd like in one of the rooms we were staying, I left, lost the ring. I mean, immediately, immediately gone.

Now, my ring's not, again, not being attached to stuff and luckily my wife is not, you know, it was like, whatever. It was fine. And then I bought, I went, I was doing a carnival cruise performing on a cruise ship and I went to Mexico and walked around while the thing stopped at one of the places. And,

I bought a ring there for $40 and cannot lose that ring. Still got it. And so I kind of like that story. Yeah. So I kind of don't mind that. I like the ring for the idea. It's almost getting a little too big now. And then, but so that's why I had that ring. I would like to wear a ring. I don't like wearing...

I just don't love rings. I've said I would almost do a tattoo around this finger. I'd almost rather do that, but I'm not a big fan of tattoos. I don't like tattoos. Do people ever do that? Oh, yeah. I've never heard of that. Yeah, you do a tattoo around it, and then you're like, I don't have to worry about it. Wow. I would almost rather do that if I did it instead of wearing a ring. I wear the ring on stage. I don't mind wearing the ring on stage.

I mean, obviously, I love wearing it. I mean, that's the thing, too. It's like you're supposed to show that you're married. I mean, my career is based off me being married. So, like, if not everybody knows I'm married, I mean, they – I always think people –

if I don't do it like sometimes I'll forget to wear it if I do like shows like regular shows like when we were to go to Huntsville if you go to Zany's and I've kind of I'm at home and I forgot to put my ring on but my joke is always I don't like wearing a ring because I like to keep my options open it's a fun fun joke wife hates no no but yeah that's but I my wife would love to get if we did the tattoo thing she would love it but I'm not a big fan of tattoos she had a tattoo on her ankle

And I was one of that. I, I, I, I can't stand them. I don't know why. She got rid of it? Everybody's doing it. Yeah. Wow. Because I made her, I mean, but it was, you know, she did it at 18 and,

I just don't. Yeah. I don't know why tattoos. You have tattoos? No. My fiance has one, but I don't have one. Yeah. Get rid of it. I got married in January and then we went on the road immediately afterwards the following weekend. And we were on our way to the

On the tour bus, I was going to bed in the bunk. I took my ring off because it seems I don't like to sleep in it. Put it in my shorts pocket. Wake up the next morning. First thing I do, reach in my shorts pocket. It's gone. It's not there. And I'm like, all right, somehow the pockets had kind of bunched up or something had fell out. So I start feeling around. And at first you're just feeling around in the dark. Can't find it. Then I eventually turn some lights on, get up.

Can't find it. Finally, I have to get like the bus driver. We have to tear the bus apart. Still can't find it. And now I'm freaking out. Like I'm in tears. I'm like, I cannot believe I lost my wedding ring a week into marriage. And like, I was just freaking out. And eventually I'm like, all right, let me just try one more time. And I had a hole in my pocket and it had fallen all the way down the lining of the shorts. And it was down at the very bottom. I could finally feel it down there. Wow. And I was so relieved.

as the bus driver to put the bus back together yeah I was like Ricky get to this I'm gonna go eat yeah we were at Green Bay right yep when stuff like that happens I woke up late I woke up by the time I woke up I just like did you help him look for it no no I was asleep uh I was we slept on the bus we didn't drive we slept on the bus that night we spent the night on the bus we stopped in Green Bay and uh

I love when you wake up and then someone's just already had a whole – I like when I have a whole thing, and I love when someone else does. I love just when you wake up and you're like, so what are you doing? You're like, oh, my day is rolling, dude. Like we're – I mean, I am – you know, if someone works out at like 6 a.m. and you wake up, they're like, I've already ran five miles. Then you're like, oh, that guy's already done stuff. I've already lived more than you're going to live all day. All day. So I love like waking up and just being like –

So what's going on? You're going to go eat? And he's just like, dude, I've already had four drinks. Yeah, I FaceTimed her while I was to tell her. I didn't wait. I told her. And she's like, oh, I thought I married a man. So you're relieved that you found it. But as part of you, like, man, I wish...

I wish it was somewhere hard to find because now I feel dumb that it was in my pocket the whole time. I was just so relieved. It was in the bottom of the shorts. It's tricky. It's like a puzzle. But how did you not feel it? I mean, it was metal, right? It was way down the lining. They're very thin and it was kind of just in the lining of it. Come on.

Okay. What are you doing? Have you not been listening to the podcast at all? And you want to be in charge? You want to be my heist driver? And you want to be my heist driver? You want to be LA Tech salesman? I was relieved. It was almost like worth it because I felt so happy. What's some other fun? Let's do some of these. All right. Longest marriage ever. All right. So let's get this. Where is that? Page three. I got it. All right.

Okay. Karam and Kartari. Yeah, you got it. Chan tied the knot in India in 1925. Their marriage was arranged according to Sikhi tradition. Is it Sikhi? I don't know. Sikh. Sikh? Sikh, yeah. It's not that bad. According to Sikh tradition. When Karam passed away in 2016, the couple had been married for 90 years. They are believed to have been in the world's longest marriage.

Karam Chan, age 110, died on Friday in hospitals of Nashville. She just died? This was a quote in the newspaper. Miss Chan, who is 103, is said to be a bit shocked by her husband's death, but will be okay, her son Paul said. It's just very funny. Her husband was 110 and she was in shock. I couldn't believe it. Oh, in 2016. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be a bit shocked every day you wake up, but he's still there. Yeah. Yeah.

What are you shocked by? She goes, just all of it. I mean, just that he died, that I'm still alive, that we're both still alive, that we're talking to you, that we're the longest marriage ever. I mean, at that point, 90 years, I mean, you don't even know. In a range marriage, too. I mean, so they started from scratch. So popular to disbelief. Those range marriages work. Shortest marriage ever. A couple in Kuwait reportedly got divorced after just three minutes in 2019.

And what is believed to be the shortest marriage on record, Britney Spears' close second. The couple hadn't even left the courthouse where the...

where the nuptials had taken place. That was like, I mean, I felt like that word. I felt like I was like, all right, I'm going to lift the box. Just give me a second. Like that's how I, that's how I looked at that word. That's what prenup is. Prenup nuptials. Prenuptial. Yeah. Where the nuptials had taken place when the woman's tripped over and fell instead of helping her up. Her new husband called her stupid. So she marched straight back and demanded a divorce from the judge who had just married them. I,

I think if you're that judge, you love that. Like you're like, he's not even trying to fix it. He's like, yes. Cause you, why would you not want to be like, yeah, dude, I want to be a short, I want to give you. It's hard to believe. Even if you're trying, you could do all that in three minutes. Well, that's, I mean, but I mean,

I don't know. Calling somebody stupid for tripping is hilarious to me. Yeah. That's nothing to do with intelligence. You idiot. You fell down. Well, how did you trip though? What if we see it and you go, that is stupid. Yeah. I'd like to see the footage. I don't want to see the trip to be like, who's, who's fault is who? I mean, that's, you're getting married. There is, it's insane. You're, you know, you're, uh, you're in Vegas. These people are drunk. They probably don't even know each other. You know, that was in Kuwait though. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh. It does sound like a Vegas thing. That sounds like a Vegas thing. Yeah. I don't think they would allow that in Kuwait. A $40 ring? Yeah, probably using your ring. Yeah. Yeah. A couple in Kuwait. Yeah. I don't know if I believe that. I'd love the sources on that. Biggest age gap between married couple in what is thought to be the biggest age difference in the world. A Somalian man married his teenage bride despite a 95-year gap. Ahmad Muhamdur, age 112. He's just...

Married Safiya Abdullah when she was just 17 years old. The wedding in October 2009 sparked mixed reactions. Mixed? Not everybody was on board. Some people were. From locals as the man's bride was young enough to be his great-granddaughter. Wow. I mean, that is...

She's young enough to be your granddaughter. Granddaughter. She's too old for that. Yeah. Great granddaughter. So she's 112 and he was 112. She was 17. So I always heard, if you want to know if someone's too young to date, half your age plus seven. That's what I've heard too. Yeah. Half your age plus seven.

And it works until you maybe get in your 40s, I think. It works pretty good. Well, because by then, I think it's... Yeah, the gap's too big. The gap's too big. But the gap also matters less as you get older, I feel like. It's true. Half your age. So I'm 41. So 22, 29 would be okay. Yeah, I think that's pushing a little bit. But in his case... I think that's just fine. It'd be 21. 21-year-old. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, but if you're 21, oh, it's 18. So it always works out? Kind of. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, when you're young, it does. 22, 11, 7, 18. 21 is 17 and a half. Yep. Yeah. But for me, it'd be 31. That's a little bit of a stretch. And for this guy... For you or for her? Yeah.

It would be a stretch that a 31-year-old would be interested. For him, half his age, what was he, 112? 112, yeah. So that would be 56 plus 7. Yeah. Well, he just heard the 7 part. 63. He heard just plus 7. Yeah. What's the longest engagement?

Longest engagement record was between Octavio Gillian and Adriana Martinez. They finally took the plunge after 67 years in June of 1969 in Mexico City. They were both 15 years old when they were engaged and 82 years old on the wedding day. That's what I was talking about earlier. I think that meant a lot to one of them, probably the woman I'm assuming. But I bet it meant a lot to...

They think, they go along with it because they're like, it's fine. Life gets busy. People think that you could be like, you know, it's like, well, why are you not getting married? You know, you didn't think about it every day. You're like, I don't know. We have kids. We got, people get busy, man. You get, your life gets busy. 10 years is like that. Yeah. And before you know it, but I've bet a million dollars that that meant the world.

To her or him, whichever one. She finally wore him down. Yeah. I bet that meant the way. And that's what I mean. That that person, they're doing that for them because they're like, it means a lot to them for some reason. And then they finally do it. You don't think there's any chance both of them are like, this is not important to either of us?

And then they changed their minds later. I mean, they were so young when they got engaged. But I mean, so they got married at a plunge of six, seven years in 1969. So when they got engaged, I mean, it was 60, I mean, it was like 1900 or something. Yeah, I couldn't find a lot on it. But I think when they got engaged, she was still living with her parents, of course. Her parents were like, no, we're moving. Yeah, yeah. And then they just finally connected many years later.

But you know what? Oh. Yeah. So they weren't together the whole time? Did I not read that right? No, you read it right, but I think it's misleading now that I think about it. It's extremely misleading. Yeah, I think they weren't even, no, yeah. So they went and lived separate lives. I think so, yeah, at least for part of that. That's ridiculous. That's dumb. That doesn't even count, man. These people don't deserve each other.

uh okay going attacking them but i hope the divorce was quick uh and that seems insane you know like well we got engaged at 15 yeah oh yeah okay and then you moved away yeah we moved right and had families yeah and then those didn't work out and then we came back

I mean, that's essentially what there's. It is. These people are a nightmare. These people are absolutely. You turned on these people so quickly. They turned on Octavia. They are a wreck. You were like, man, this is what I'm talking about. This is what it's all about. That is what. These two. Yeah. That was what I'm talking about, right? The way it reads. It is. Yeah. But you were, I feel like you were on board with it at first. Way on board. And now, wow. They're the worst. They're the worst. Yeah.

This is the people. These are the annoying people that don't have kids because of the climate. Yeah. In fairness to them, they're not claiming, I think, probably just the Guinness World Records.

They had to claim it. Ginsburg doesn't just track them down. Yeah. I mean, how do they know they were engaged at 15? You don't put that in the law. Yeah. You don't write it down. That's true. There's no legal status. They're saying they got to get it. They're going, well, we got engaged at 15, then we went separate. Yeah. And then that was it.

And then we saw each other and someone goes, and then people probably go like, that is so sweet. And they haven't had anybody to their face go, y'all are both the most ridiculous human beings alive. Why would you say it like that? Why would you phrase it that way? The office when Meredith. Meredith is no longer with us. No longer with us. She's at the hospital. She's at the hospital. Why would you phrase it like that? That's what should be said to them. That's ridiculous.

All right. Fun note, are we married in heaven? In the Bible, Jesus said that life in the world to come won't include marriage as we know it here on earth. When questioned about marriage, he said we are neither married nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.

So we get a break. There's a comic, he's got a very, I forgot his name, but he's got a very funny joke about, you often hear about these couples have been married for 65 years. And then as soon as one of them dies, the other one will die right after him. He's like, just match that guy. He's finally got a break. And then he gets up there and like two days later, he's like, Marge, are you killing me? You kidding me here? Yeah. Like I just wanted to hang out with my buddies for a while. Yeah. It's very funny. Yeah. The idea is.

That is very funny just to be, imagine you're waiting in line at the pearly gates and you just feel a tap and it's just your wife and you're like, I'm here. And she's like, do you mind if I jump? I'm with him. She's having to ask, there's like seven people in between. I'm with him. Can he get, and he's just like, can I not wait in this line? Like, can I get, and then she goes, I died right after.

I was waiting. I mean, that's so funny to picture them in line too. Yeah. And there's a typical wife. He's saving my spot. He was saving my place. And then she comes and eats some of your clouds, whatever you're eating. You're eating cloud. And then she's like, I didn't grab. I was like, well, you're supposed to grab it when you get in. You grab all the cloud you want. And she's like, I know, but I just figured I'd grab some. I'd find you. I'd eat some of yours. And you're like.

You're just can't. You're eating clouds. I don't know. Maybe. This just in, bank robbery couple. I don't know. What's with this bank robbery couple? All right, so this couple in Tampa, Florida. I think people need a break from me reading. I think I'm good.

To go for a little bit, and then I think there's time. You just looked ahead and saw some of these names in this story. We jumped in. I think people at home are just going, like, I can't. I'll do some of it. I enjoy some of it. Okay. You know, I'm like your cheat day, you know? Well, there was this couple in Tampa in 2012. They couldn't pay their bills. They had a gambling problem, so they decided to start robbing banks. He worked at the post office. She worked at a bank.

And they had a baby on the way. And so... They wanted to wait for the baby. They're having kids for the crime. Their first heist occurred just 10 days before she gave birth. And altogether, they robbed 15 banks across Florida and Alabama. And then when she went back to work, the robbery slowed. Though two more happened on days she called in sick. And he did the bulk of the work, they said.

He put on a wig, hat, sunglass disguise, and she was responsible for helping stake out potential targets, writing the demand notes, and driving the getaway car. While their crime was seemingly driven for financial needs, the couple also embraced the romance of it. They found a note that she wrote to her husband, which referred to them as Bonnie and Clyde.

It's kind of sweet. It's kind of sweet. I checked out that whole time. I mean, I barely know what's going on in this. Honestly, it started zoning out, and then I started thinking of something else the next thing, and I know someone was pregnant 10 days before. Married couple. They robbed banks together. Now, Aaron, we'll just do it. Aaron, read that. In late 2012. Couple robbed 15 banks across Florida and Alabama. They got caught? They did get caught. I think she's out. Yeah. She's good. She's good.

Why did he still in? Yeah, I think he's still in and I think she served her time. It's so interesting. Why don't they have the same sentence? Because I think he's the one that was actually going in and doing it. Yeah, but she wrote the notes. That's so funny that she wrote the notes. He couldn't write his own note. Yeah.

To give to him. Couldn't write and read. Yeah. Probably. Yeah. That's what that leads to. I mean, that's, you know. I'm always fascinated by this. Couples that commit crimes together. It's like, who brings it up first? That's real love right there, man.

Yeah. I think, you know, I don't think you're just both going, Oh, you're into crime too. You know, nothing's ever truly mutual. It's like somebody has to bring it up first. And then you're saying you just know deep down she would be down. I think you fall in love doing that crime. Wow. I don't think you're just get lucky.

that you're into robbing banks and then you married this. Oh, so you think they were doing this even before they got married? I think they're on the path of doing that. I don't think it was a surprise when they talked about robbing a bank. I don't think it was like, I don't know. It was a real left turn in their marriage. I think it's, if you got to know them, I think you're talking to their friends. They're going, yeah, I mean, you know, we're not, yeah, we obviously always surprised when, when you see it on the news, but I'm not surprised, you know,

And I think these people have the strongest marriages than anybody. I bet they divorce a hundred times. I bet they break up a hundred times. I mean, you know, my parents have a redneck marriage. Just redneck marriage is great. Like, it's just, I mean, the fights are bananas. Are your aunt and uncle still together? Oh, that fall, I don't know. There, I think he died. Great aunt, great uncle in the wedding. But I mean, yeah, a nice redneck. I mean, it's just...

I mean, just screaming in the yard on the property, get off my property again. Like, you know, just throwing TV out. Like, that's great, dude. Like, that's just, and those people, I don't think ever get divorced. Like a lot of those marriages that are brutal. It's a mix of both. Yeah. You think, why doesn't she leave? She's in it just as, I mean, she's hitting him just as much as he's probably hitting her. Like, it's a mess, dude.

It's a true, I mean, unreal mess. I bet that's what these people, I bet they fought. I bet they broke up a hundred times. I bet those car rides after the bank robberies were brutal. I bet they had, yeah, I bet there was day, I bet they had more love at some point than anybody could ever dream of having and then the most hate. You know what I mean? Like to have that much,

You probably, you gotta, you gotta have both. Yeah. To have a ton of hate, there's gotta be a lot of love and like there's a mix and it's just. And just the adrenaline and the shared experience of robbing a bank together. Probably. I mean. Just doing it. Yeah. I always thought me and my wife, we, she used to watch amazing race. I mean, we couldn't do that. I think we could do, I think we could do it more now than we could, but at the end for being, I mean, I, it would be, we would never made it.

Off the plane. Let's end with this. This episode is probably too long. Just like some marriages. Famous couples who've stayed together, Beyonce and Jay-Z, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. But Tom Hanks was married before. Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. David and Victoria Beckham. That one's surprising. Yeah. Was she famous? I mean, I don't know. Yeah, she's a Spice Girl. Oh, yeah.

So that's one that you're happy for because there's zero chance for that to be. He's like the soccer player that's the best looking man alive. And then she's a singer, just, you know, beautiful singer. There's no reason they should still be married. I mean, no one would expect people, you know, and that's wonderful. Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman also.

Still alive. There's some people that have been married for a long, long time. Yeah, couples have been together a long time, like Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn. They never married, but they've been partners for 30-something years. Yeah. Why don't you type that story in the longest engagement? Do you think it's easier in a marriage for both people to be famous or for only one? I could see both sides. I don't think. I think it's only one. The only one. Really? Yeah.

You get two careers like that that are too similar that's not good. I mean, these people are doing it, so it doesn't matter. I think if they're both super good in their own career and there's no –

I mean, I know Jason Sudeikis and Olivia Wilde. They're married. And so seeing them with their kids and stuff. But they both have very – their own sustainable careers. They're both – so, I mean, if you're a career, you can't have one below the other. That's where I think stuff can get weird. But if you both are just gigantic doing your – like there's no jealousy of each other's careers, I think you're good to go. Yeah.

I was going to say, you get to a certain point, like Beyonce, where, I mean, Beyonce couldn't date a normal person. There'd be no shared life experience at all. It'd be impossible. Oprah has... Stedman. Stedman. Oprah's got more money than Beyonce does and more powerful. Beyonce's up there and probably will. Yeah. But Oprah's a billionaire. Right. Most famous person alive. And who's Oprah's... Exactly. Stedman. Stedman. It's her longtime partner. Yeah.

When did they get together? Before she... They've been together a long time. A long time. Yeah. Maybe not before, but a long, long time. Yeah. I bet Oprah's life is much different now than it was when they started being together. Yeah, but I'm saying that to your point, though, is to not have someone be famous is... There's no jealousy in that. I wasn't clear. Are you saying, though, it's harder for when they're both celebrities? Yeah.

I think it's just a mix. It depends on your level that you're at. If they're competing egos in the same industry or whatever. Yeah. Two comedians would be hard, but if one's an actress and one's a comedian, that probably helps. Yeah. One's a musician, one's this, probably helps. But they're so busy that it obviously can work. It's working. I don't think it's a bad thing, but I also think I like having a wife that's not in...

that world. Cause then she's in my world. And so it's, you know, it's, we talk about like, it's not both. It's like, I think it'd be hard if you're struggling, you hit points where you're frustrated and then she's your wife's in points where she's,

becoming a huge star and then you kind of become like oh you're just oh you're someone's wife or you're oh you're what's his face his husband yeah your husband like that those kind of comments are gonna be tough yeah that's gonna be hard to handle now if you're tom hanks and reed wilson i mean but look if you're tom hanks reed wilson you're uh which we've met them i've met them tom makes super but tom makes so famous yeah yeah that reed wilson i think when he when she married him he was tom hanks he was who he was

And they've been together for a long time. And she sings and he goes, she does, she's a big, she's a singer, but she's obviously not nowhere near where he's at. But I think they work good together, you know? And David and Victoria Beckham work good together, but that is, that's unreal. So Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep, that would be a tough marriage. I don't know. I mean, they're so, they're, you know, they're,

There's got to be a famous marriage that we're missing. But they're so... If they... Meryl Streep and...

I mean, they're so good at what they do. That's what I'm saying. But I think they're both confident in their careers. I mean, that's the thing. The drive at the beginning is when jealousy and bitter and all that stuff comes into play. I mean, that's when you're really – when you're not – you don't feel good in your career. You still feel like you're trying to find your career. And that's when competitiveness can come into play. And I think that's when it gets – and two, that's when you've got to work the most.

And so if you're in a new marriage, you're both working nonstop. I mean, you're not going to be near each other. You're going to have kind of a distant marriage. But I think when people can feel secure, then they're good. I could see some pros of like they at least get some of the frustrations they have. They get the frustrations. They get the lifestyle. Yeah. All that stuff. Yeah. There's plenty of that. You're not, you know.

that kind of stuff would be huge. But the other one will too. I mean, you know, when I complain about stuff to Laura, I mean, she gets it more than she did, you know, but then you just kind of explain like, well, you know, I mean, not like there's, I don't think there's,

It's completely as crazy, but it almost could be good because then sometimes you don't go too far. If you have someone else that gets it, you can both get each other going. If I talk to another comic, they get it, and then you're both. You can get real down negative. I think it's good for your art, whatever art that you're creating, to have a tie to a regular life, though, as well. Yeah, it's okay to compartmentalize like that.

you know? Yeah. I'll do stand up over here and then I go back and live a life that's not revolving around stand up. And whatever your art is that you're creating, it needs to be relatable. Our most does, I believe, for mine. So I need to have a regular life attached to whatever other life I have. And I mean, she's been with me. Mine doesn't matter because we've been together before.

But you need to go live a regular life so you can talk about regular things that people are doing instead of becoming... I mean, sometimes I'd imagine these guys...

They're still married, which they got to be still very normal. But is there any reality? Jay-Z and Beyonce, they can't be in a reality. The real world is gone. They're not even... They're four steps from removed because they're not only super rich, but also super famous. So, I mean, there's no...

There's nothing that's normal. It's impossible. You know what? The biggest example of that, I saw when they just gave birth to their last kid, they had to buy out a whole floor of the hospital to give birth to the... I mean, that's just...

Different stratosphere. Well, and that's the price they have to pay, I mean, being that famous because you can't have anyone near it. Yeah, that's crazy. I didn't know that. Yeah. Why would they have a kid at home? That means you bring a hospital to you. I know. I don't know why. You talking about Jay-Z and Beyonce? Yeah, Jay-Z and Beyonce. What if they're like, you know what? We didn't think about that. You're right. I'm like, why didn't you just do it? Could have saved a lot of money and time. Yeah, why didn't you just do it at home? They're like... Yeah, we got a pretty big place. Why didn't we do that? You know? Yeah.

I wanted to ask, so your future wife is in the commie industry. Is there any conflict there? She's on another side of it. Right. Do you guys ever disagree about stuff because you see it from one way, she sees it another? Yeah, we have different tastes.

In comedy in a lot of ways. Thankfully, she's not a comic and we aren't competing. Yeah, I think that's what's good. That would be... Too much. I thank God every day that she doesn't do comedy. But she's in comedy, so... I thank God every day. That's nothing to do with her specifically. Just, you know... No. But since she is in comedy and knows about it, we can...

talk about it and yeah and she's okay with me traveling and being gone nights and stuff yeah she gets it yeah for sure you gotta have someone that gets it you gotta have that's what i always tell have a have a wife that that her husband you gotta have someone that gets it someone's got to get what you do you both got to get each other you can't be scared of each other you can't be you know you're you're gonna be together forever so

Possibly 190 years. Possibly three minutes. You never know. All right. I think that's it. I mean, this is a long one. That was enough. This is too long. So most comments will say. But yeah. Hope all you guys. Happy marriage to all you guys. Thanks for listening. Again, leave your comments. Subscribe. Whatever. All the stuff. Ratings. We truly appreciate it. And we love you all. Everybody, please. We'll see you next week. Thank you. Bye. Bye.

Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating on comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetti, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land podcast.