#47 US Presidents
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Hello folks, welcome to Nate Land. I'm Nate Barghetti, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber. Thank you guys for being here, as always, for listening. This is, we just recorded this, if you're watching this, just a week before I'm gone right now. Probably just did ridiculousness. How'd it go? It went, you know, not good. Hopefully it was good. And, uh...

I'm out in California. That's where I'm at. Right now. Right now. I might be on a flight to Miami. Yeah. Actually. Nice. Yeah. Depends on when they're watching it. If they watch it, you know, are the wonderful folks that get up early and watch it. I'm probably still at home. I'm still in LA. Yeah. Yeah.

I'll be heading to O'Fallon, Missouri, where Brian and I are headlining the same club back-to-back weekends. Yeah. Oh, wow. Brian and I. That works out. Well, if you can only make one, please come to mine. Yeah. Well, I don't know. Try to come to both. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah. Oh, wow. Where is it at? It's O'Fallon, Missouri, Backdoor Comedy Club. Just outside St. Louis. Yeah. Just outside St. Louis. Yeah.

O'Fallon. All right. Back-to-back weekends. I'm there this weekend. Brian's the next weekend. Man. I'm there his wedding weekend. Yeah. Oh, yeah? But I'm driving back just in time for the wedding. There you go. Yeah. Good deal. I think I'm somewhere, too. I forget where I'm at. I'll be going to Miami.

Yeah, go get – Miami's almost sold out. I want to say, as of now doing this, it might be by the time you've seen this be sold out. Hopefully be sold out. That's a tough city, isn't it, for tickets? Yeah, yeah, it's been tough. They get that in Naples, Naples, Florida, and they're moving along. They're plugging along. But, yeah, Florida's always a tough market, especially down there in Miami.

And then Naples, a little bit older, you know. I have some friends from Nashville who are going to Naples to see you. Oh, yeah? Yeah. That's cool. Need a few more of them to come. All right, let's start as always with you guys' comments. Cody Irwin. Hello, I teach middle school robotics and computer science. Because of state testing, we have a modified schedule this week, which gives us really short classes. To fill the time, I gave the students a list of podcasts curated for middle school audiences.

The list consists of your video games episode, a podcast about animal farts, and a short stories podcast. Most of the students chose your podcast from the list. I told them Nate Land was a podcast I enjoy and asked if that was why they chose it. The kids said no. I just wanted to see what old people think about video games. That's it. I'll tell you what.

That's pretty good. I mean, podcast about animal farts. With kids? Middle school? Yeah. I mean, that's tough. Yeah. I would have probably chosen that one. Yeah. Yeah, me too. Yeah, that's a... Well, I'm glad that they chose us. Except you wanted to show... I mean, the short stories podcast, I mean, who could have chose that? Yeah.

I don't know who is taking that one. Yeah, that's a tough one to beat. It is a good to see the old folk. You're old. I know. I was just thinking it's crazy to think about. In my head, like your bit, I'm like, I think I'm like them. Nah, they're 15 years younger than me. Yeah. 15, 16 years. Yeah. Pretty crazy. And you're young to us. Yeah.

I mean, and I'm young to him. Barely. No. To me, you're not. But to me, to you, I'm an old man. Yeah. I feel like I'm a good age, though. I can identify to some degree with your... Right. Like why you would go out on a Monday night at midnight. I can get that. But I definitely identify now with old people, like why they don't drive at night. Because, you know, I identify with both groups. Yeah. Yeah. The fun and not fun. Yeah. You get both worlds. I get it.

I was trying to think. I have a new joke now where I say that. Something about like you start seeing stuff. I forget what it is. I don't know if I want to say it.

Hey, I couldn't remember it. But it's like you do get stuff. Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, FLF. Personality-wise, Aaron is most like Pam from The Office. Started out timid, growing into his own, and slowly becoming one of the favorites. That's pretty good. I like that they specified personality-wise as if I think you meant physically. Yeah. Yeah, you're much hotter than Pam. Yeah.

Now, with all your weight, you're losing. Hey, dude. They might, you know, you might be. You're getting, that's a pretty good one. I like that you're one of the favorites. One of the three favorites. Yeah. F-Off, I'd like to remind you, it is called Nate Land.

Chad Kirk. Hello, folks. I love the idea of the CPAP tour featuring breakfast and the gout. Some alternative names could be the whistle and the wheeze. I like that one a lot. Or worried in the wasteland. Waistline. I'm sorry. Or worried in the waistline. Or the aged and the articulate. Hmm.

I love the podcast. All three of you make my day each time I watch, and I haven't missed an episode. Keep it up. I really like those. Those are all funny. Yeah, those are all good. CPAP tour featuring Breakfast in the Gout. Yeah. The Whistle and the Wheeze. The Whistle and the Wheeze. The Whistle and the Wheeze is... I like that one. Worried in the Wasteline. Worried in the Wasteline. That's pretty good, too. Yeah. Because, I mean, if I said... The Wasteline. Yeah. Just to be called that is very funny. Well, I mean, I can see why, yeah, it's tough for you to hear that, but...

It's worried in the waist. Man, those are really good. They are. Joshua Tensher. I'm just here to ask Nate to tell the basketball story with Nick Novicki. I will continue to ask every week until Nate finally graces us with the funniest story I've heard in a long time. Keep up the good works. So I guess I've not told this story. No. They told it on Legion of Skanks.

We heard it from another perspective. Yeah. Joe List's perspective. He's the one that usually tells me. There's a few. It was Dave Smith that told it, I think. Yes, Dave was there. So obviously, everybody knows Nick, our buddy Nick Novicki. He's a little person. They just had a baby, a very healthy baby. And so Nick...

we were, we played basketball. So I brought Nick, we'd always, so there was, there was a basketball league, uh, that we ran in New York and we'd always play in, uh, Queens in Astoria, the Astoria basketball league, I think is what, you know, and, uh, it was just, it was just comics. And, uh, so there was, it was, I mean, Joe list, uh, Ted Alexandro. I mean, a lot of people, I'm a little miss J would always play in it. Big J, uh,

I played in it. My buddy Dan Shacky came. Keith Alberstadt blew his knee up at it. Right behind me tore something. Something popped and we had to back a car up on the basketball court and put him in the back. He had to go to the hospital. Gary Goldman came out there. Kurt Metzger. Kurt Metzger never played basketball. One of the funniest things I've ever heard him say. We would shoot...

free throws for teams, right? So whoever makes it is on one team, whoever misses it on the other team. And so we'd always tell Kurt, like, we'd like shoot it. And then one time we'd ask him, like, do you know why you're shooting it? And he goes, oh, I've never known. And so he was just always just like, he just did whatever you told him. And I mean, when Kurt would get the ball, we were just like, ball, like give it, he'd be like, ball, ball, ball, ball, ball, ball. Like he just wanted it out of his hands. Kurt was like a big guy and could get rebounds.

And so a bunch of us played. We played... I mean, this went on for a while. It was very fun. We played every Wednesday, and we played outdoors. You'd always have kids come try to, like, join and, like, all this. You'd play with some of the local kids. Usually they were in school. And so I bring Nick, right? And so Nick...

Nick's playing with us. And, you know, no one wants to block Nick. No one wants to – no one's defending him super hard. And Nick, I mean, now he's beat up more than he was. But Nick could play. Nick, you know, played basketball and they'd have little people leagues and stuff. And, like, Nick is a good little ball player. Yeah. And so Nick's, like, dribbling around and, like, making everything. Yeah.

And no one really knows what to do, but I brought Nick out. And it's just getting to a point that they're winning. I mean, he's making every shot. So I finally had to put a stop to it. Nick shot one, and I launched it. I mean, just...

just boom, just out of the, like, I don't know. No, everybody's just sitting there and just come out of nowhere. Just block it. And everybody's like, all right. Was he like getting more confident every time he shot it? I mean, he was just dribbling in and like, you know, and everybody, you'd guard him, uh,

But it's, you know, I mean, it's all, I mean, the games would get very competitive. John Fish would play out there. Like, this guy, like, the games would get super competitive. And we had Dan Allen, this one guy, but he's 6'11", and he'd always just, he's a typical 6'11 guy, shoot threes. Like, you're like, we're like, Dan, go down there. Dan was not bad. But, yeah.

We, uh, we, yeah, we would do it. And Nick was just getting like, he was just making some baskets too. And we, and like started making a bunch of them. And, uh,

And then I just finally, when you did that, did everyone laugh immediately? It was like a shock. Cause it was like, clearly it was almost like we were getting bullied by Nick. And I finally stood up to him cause he was, he was just knowing everybody was like, just kind of like, well, what are we supposed to do? Yeah. And so then, so I handled it. And I, I mean, oh,

I launched it. Yes. And then after that, his game was shut. After that, he was shut down. Yeah. And then, uh, I remember we had one kid that he would, every basket he'd make, he'd be like, yes, yes. Every shot. And you're like, all right, dude, like that's, let's calm it down a little bit. Like, uh, but the games would get heated. We almost get some, some arguments. Yeah. Uh, yeah, that's great. Uh,

So Christy ATX, this podcast has been one of my favorite things to come out of quarantine, but it's a very difficult podcast to hype up. What is a tagline listeners can use to persuade our friends to listen to this podcast? You know, we've mentioned that. And like we say, what is it? What was the one? It's answer to a question that no one ever asked. Answer to a question that no one ever asked.

is a pretty good one yeah it's just yeah it's just through it's a i think it's a podcast trying to be funny we we try to get a topic we talk about in the live one we just pick a topic it'll make you feel better about yourself yeah as far as your intelligence you will be shocked of the stuff that we discover on this podcast yeah like you get to watch two people like oh wow i didn't know that and you're like how do you not know that there's a lot of stuff like that it's uh

A lot of three different educations, no education, a very old education, and then the young and new education, the fancy, flashy Notre Dame, the big deal one. Yeah. Yours, they might not even teach them that stuff.

You know? You ever think about that? There's no reason anymore? Cursive? Yeah. What was your degree? It was communications? Yeah. What'd y'all do in college? Write checks? Y'all were communicating pretty different back then, right? Yeah. I mean, right when I was getting out of college, I heard about the concept of the internet. Yeah. And I took a computer class my last semester and the

Guy talked about how he did email and emailed his brother. Yeah. I was like, that's crazy, but I'm not going to do that. That's like for computer nerds. Like, who cares? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And now you do a podcast. It's all looking up Wikipedia. That's all the... So she also, Christy's like, they're like, where do they get their facts from? Like, just Wikipedia. They're probably wrong facts, but...

A few people suggested to make it seem more authentic, go to the bottom of Wikipedia where they do the sources. Yeah. And then just take those. But I don't want that much work. Yeah. I don't want to scroll all the way down to the bottom. People know we're just winging it.

Yeah. The whole theory of this is, look, maybe you do learn. Or maybe you hear some stuff that you're like, oh, yeah. It's very easy, kind of easy. You want it to be easy listening, easy things to be like, oh, I don't know if I knew that. Maybe we just did an episode on pro wrestling. A lot of people are probably not going to care about pro wrestling, but we've had plenty of episodes where people are like, well, I thought I never cared about this, and then I do. So we try to...

realize that not everything's gonna be your cup of tea not everything's my cup of tea that we talk about I don't care for a lot of the things yeah that's for sure uh but yeah we try to be funny but uh it's yeah the question yeah it's like uh

What was it? An answer to a question no one ever asked. Yeah. Right now, I think that could be in the lead of what describes this show. Yeah. Christy's like, I think I'm out. She's like, I don't know. I wanted to help you guys, but you're not helping me. She goes, you know what? I'm fine just listening to it on my own. I don't need to bring any people into this mess. We're also that. Don't drag people into this car wreck that's going on. You're like, let it happen. But if you need to, if you want to have people to talk about it with, there's a...

Good little Nate Land subreddit popping off now. Oh, really? Is that a scene where people are posting about, talking about the episodes and stuff? Oh, there you go. Yeah, it's cool. All right, a subreddit. So check it out on there. A subreddit is... It's like a Reddit page. Old Galvier Reddit page. Yeah. Yeah. So it's the... I think there's a Nate Land fan Facebook page. There is. Yeah, there is one. Oh, there you go. You can be in the mix. Yeah, yeah. Connect with some folks. There's an Air Land page.

There is some guy made an Aaron Land Instagram. It's blowing up. Yeah, that is tough to describe. How do you describe that? When Christy goes, she goes, well, there's another podcast, Aaron Land. And they go, wow. Okay, so one of the co-hosts started his own podcast. You go, well, not really. He did. And they go, when does it air? It airs during this one. And they go, okay.

And can I listen to it? You go, I can't because it's not real. So there's a lot of that. There's a lot of like, there's no explanation for some of it. But yeah, we're going to, we have, which you've been putting together a best of, and we've even thought about trying to, we ought to put something, we could maybe try to get a clip together to be like, here's something to give

You know, we're trying to make it to be like, here's how you give to someone to go. If you want someone to watch this podcast, we think if we do, if we could find like a 10 minute. Like a cheat sheet almost of all the terms. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be cool. Yeah. Jose Venta. It's been a while, but when Aaron talked about canceling memberships at the gym, it reminded me that I tried once to do it over their phone by saying my mom had died.

And I had to go back home to Puerto Rico. I was fake, choking up. I was faking it, choking up a bit, and then asked if there was any possibility I would be coming back. And they asked if there was any possibility I would be coming back to St. Louis. And I said probably to move because I was permanently moving back home. And they said, well...

Okay, when you come get your stuff before you move back home, just come in and cancel. Let's just say luckily my mom is still alive and I've yet to cancel that membership. This was five years ago. I love you guys. You found your soulmate. There should be a Reddit for people that can't cancel that membership. That's so good. Would you come back, I guess, to get my stuff? Oh, perfect. Just swing in.

We'll need a desk shift kit. They know. That's how good Planet Fitness is. They just know you're not – all you got to do is make them come in and cancel. They could be like, we're not even going to be weird about it. We're going to go okay. You'd be good at that job, like spinning and reading through people's excuses, I feel like. I feel like if they were like, I can't come by, you'd be like, yeah, but you can.

I don't know. I feel like you would talk me into it. And like three questions like that. To go from fake crying to being like, all right, I'll commit that quick. And he's paid $600 or so. It cost him $600. Just the annoyance of having to go down there and do it. It's a pretty good business they got. They're not saying don't cancel. They're going like, look, cancel anytime. We're not even making you go to hoops. I signed up.

I was in the New York Times crossword. I was an answer on the New York Times crossword puzzle, which is one of the craziest things I think I've ever got to be a part of. Out of all the things,

It is pretty mind-blowing to be that answer. So obviously, I don't read the New York Times. And so I signed up for it. And then I was going to go to the subscriptions to like, you know, I mean, they're so nice. I should subscribe to them because it was very nice to be included in that. Yeah.

And so I've subscribed to it. And then I went to go to my subscription on my phone to then just go ahead and cancel it because I wanted to just do this one. Yeah. I didn't even do it just to see mine. Yeah. And you got to call someone to cancel. Oh, man. So they got me. Yeah. I'll never. I need to cancel a crossword puzzle. That's weird. Yeah. So. Yeah, you're in for life, dude. But they gave me an answer.

It may be an answer, so I'll take it. That's cool. Jason Williams. This podcast is the real-life version of Billy Madison where Nate learns basic things he should have learned K through 12 from Aaron and Bebop. I went to high school with Jason Williams. That's him. Did you? Yeah. He drives a... Might have been the basketball player. Could be the basketball player. Seems like... I mean, I would love it to be the best...

Jason Williams doesn't feel like that's how he talks. Hey guys, Jason Williams here. You know, the... Is it white chocolate? White chocolate. AKA white chocolate. Hello folks, white chocolate here. Tracy Fifi.

I am a tenured professor and a stand-up comedy super fan. I have to say I've been surprised by how much reference there has been to the academics, survey, data collection, and the peer review process. This is the world that I live in. You might be surprised to know that I love the way Nate thinks about research. He comes in skeptical and is looking for the bias. Nate, you asked an excellent question about how does the general population know where to get accurate information from studies. With permission,

I would like to use this clip from Aliens episode in my class to teach my students the importance of communicating fighting to the general public. Do we have the clip? No, she didn't say. That's all it was. But it was like, I think we talked about the Aliens episode about how you talk about how you got to be skeptical because you don't know.

What they're trying to make you do out there. Yeah. So that's good. Well, that's so funny that they're in a class. They're like, well, we've got to communicate to the general public. I mean, look what we're dealing with here. These are the people we're informing. All right? So I'm giving you the people's perspective, like the people's elbow. I'm giving the people's perspective of going, yo, where is this information coming from? I don't believe it.

Yeah. You can absolutely use it. Yeah, that's awesome. I would love for you to use it. We've been a source in a paper, and now you're getting played in college classes, man? College classes. Tenured professor, which is a big deal. Yeah. She wants you to know I'm not an adjunct professor. I'm the real McCoy. What does tenured mean? You've been doing it for the longest. You have tenure, yeah. You have tenure. I think you have a lot more experience.

Right? I mean, it's not as easy to fire you? She can vote now? Wow. That's her right. Listen to her. I wonder if your parking gets better. Maybe. I bet. The tenured lot? They got to get a better lot. I don't know if they have their own lot. They might have a sign or two.

How many are there? Is it hard to get it? I think there's a fair amount. I mean, it takes years. You have to be on a 10-year track, it's called, and then you eventually get there. Wow. Yeah. So it's like you have to, because most people quit. Is it like Planet Fitness? Is it basically like they know it's there? You can get out, but if you stick through it,

Which is Planet Fitness' kind of goal. Yeah. You will be better for it. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. That doesn't make sense. That analogy's not that good. I ought to try to find a quicker way to get to tenure, and then I would not have it. Yeah. Don't do my route. Stephen Mitchell. I had my sister in town a few weeks ago, and I had to show her one of the funniest dudes I've ever seen. The big dumb eyes reference got me again so hard, I literally passed out of my chair, and they had to call the pair of Maddox. Hmm.

I'm all good, but I've been banned from watching Nate on my own for fear of repeating the laughing episode in ER visit. Thanks for clean comedy. Yeah, I appreciate that. Almost killed him. Literally killed him. Yeah. He might have some...

underlying conditions no i think he's doing fine he gets he gets good comedy i'll tell you that it's a great taste i'll say that somebody gets thin all of a sudden they're judging others yeah whoa mr fitness wow p90x you want to do your fitness part of your podcast you got a fitness cast go with fitness downloads aaron wap aaron's new app uh it's how to lose weight

How to Lose Weight in Eight Episodes. Eddie Riley Jr., my son Jaden and me are absolutely enamored with this show. We never miss an episode, and we actually have bonded over the show by making Thursdays at our house all about Nate Land. My son has begged me to see you in person, so we made a deal that if he maintained straight A's all year, I would take him to the show the moment he started touring again, no matter the distance. Well, folks, he did it, and I

And I was extremely lucky to have a friend who had tickets to your sold-out show and is willing to sell them to me so I can hold up my end of the bargain. So, Nate, we will see you August 7th in Sacramento. All right. Straight A's. Way to go, Jayden. Way to go. I'm going to be honest with you. Oh, man. What did that show? I was about to say, you're like, that show has been canceled. Yeah. I don't know. I got to see.

California's not opening up like we thought. We will see. Sorry, Jaden. Yes, Jaden. Next year, buddy. You can do it again next year. We're going to get you. Just work hard. If that doesn't happen, I don't know. I don't know for sure yet.

In August, California is not opening up. So no matter what. His buddy sold him tickets because he knows. Yeah, man, I'll do it for little J. Yeah, dude. I'll sell you all of them. Straight A's. Way to go. Well, Eddie, I'll get whatever. We're going to figure out what show.

And you don't have to, we, and I'll, you know, you know what, Eddie, you and Jayden, you don't have to buy tickets. We'll figure out, get email, email the, uh, podcast. They land a neighbor gets you.com. But let me, let me know when the email gets there. Email the podcast. We're going to get you. We're getting y'all to show you get straight A's. Did you get a reward that you can't, you can't, I mean, yeah, he's going to go and we'll get him and he'll come backstage. We'll meet him afterwards. Uh,

And if so, if that show doesn't happen, I mean, another one will. Could you drive to Boise? Eddie, Jayden, are you, have you ever heard of Des Moines? Just trying to get him to go. Miami's not selling well. Come down to Miami. No matter, you said no matter the distance. It's like the trip cost him seven grand. Yeah.

He just comes back to the group, eats the food in the back. He's like, we just love some of that. Drive it for 12 days. Like on Seinfeld when they give them, do you mind if we have those oranges? Those Japanese businessmen. And he brings them oranges. He goes, can we have these oranges? And then they're eating the oranges because they're out of money. We're going to get them to the show. It's all going to come together. John Zittmeyer. Zietmeyer.

Is there anything you have to double check with your wife before you use it as material? If so, what are those conversations like? I can't remember. I think I've asked, but it's not as... She... You know, I'm very lucky. She gets it. She's very, very good about it. And so...

It is funny. I mean, if we get in a real fight, the thing is you want to ride a balance, too. I don't want everyone hurt thinking like if we're – I mean, when you're in the moment, though, it's like you're in the moment. I don't completely come out of going like I'll make this a joke. But when it does happen, you know. Windfell Sweep happened pretty quick. Yeah. You called me. Yeah. Whatever had happened, and you were like, this could be a joke, right? Yeah. Yeah.

marriage is falling apart but that might be my clothes on this i'll be honest with you i might close i mean especially if it's a closing yeah that's a little different than just something in the middle you're like you're closing on it yeah come on uh it's uh yeah i don't i don't know i don't think there's anything that she's been pretty good about it and i'll tell her and uh

You know, you got to find the right moment to tell her, like to, like you don't just, you're not in it going, I'm going to use this as a joke. Whenever the fight's over. But One Fell Swoop was probably the quickest where I was like, oh, that could be something. Yeah. Because there was time in between it happened. It's like the One Fell Swoop happened. So that's kind of where the whole joke came from is on the phone, her saying One Fell Swoop. And then it was me driving home to then be in that other fight. So-

Then I'm just thinking about the joke aspect of it on the way home. So I already kind of got the beginning, and I just finished it off. Looking for a button on this. You swayed in a certain direction. I walked into the tuxedo because I needed something. I wanted to be different. He'd just come in. So I went and bought another dog without telling her. I was like, let me see her reaction to that.

I look at her as like a science project. Like, come in. Yeah, I don't know. Does your wife get mad? No, she's been good. I mean, I've only been married a little over a year, but so far she's been great about everything. Yeah. I don't talk about her very much. Yeah, that's a good sign. I've just been on stage. Yeah.

He tries not to tell anyone he's engaged. I try to... I like to let the audience keep guessing. You know? You will. Yeah. I'm sure. I don't think I... Well, I mean, I've been married basically so long, but I didn't... I don't think I ever had my girlfriend joke. I don't think... I really don't. That's crazy. I think about it. I mean, we got married. I was...

2006. So I was, I started in 03. So I was three, three and a half years into comedy. And I don't think I ever had a fiance or a girlfriend joke. Pretty, it's pretty funny. I never thought about that. I never, I just was just wife. Man. Cause we, I goes, we didn't,

We lived separate until we got married. So I guess that's why. I'm still doing girlfriend and fiance jokes. I've been married for a year and a half. Yeah. You never had like dating jokes then? No. I had a joke saying I don't have any dating jokes. Oh, really? Yeah. I think one of my favorite jokes, I went from my mom to her. So I've never had an hour without some lady being like, I don't know if I would do that. That's a joke that's a great one to bring back.

Cause sometimes people don't know it. Cause it was, I don't remember when I did it, but it was on something that was on the comedy central. And then, uh, so it's like fun to bring back, uh, in like corporates or sometimes even like that to do some old stuff. Cause it's like, people don't remember it, but that that's one of my, I mean, out of my jokes, but that's one of my favorite jokes. Cause I think, did you have Harper when you first told it?

I think so. Maybe not. Maybe not. Because then I added Harper. Now we have a daughter, so I'll never know. Yeah. He's rooting for a girl. Just throw a tag on that joke. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't remember if I had that joke before. Yeah, I just need it. Please let it be a girl. Yeah. Jensen Melville. Melville. Every time Nate reads the comments, it reminds me of Michael getting mad at his roast on The Office. The whole thing was his idea, and now he's upset that they're making fun of him.

That's a great episode. Were you supposed to say something nice? Yeah, none of y'all say anything nice about me afterwards. Really went after my intelligence there. This week... I've got to get it together. This week we... We, as you know because you've seen the title, we're talking about the presidents. Just the U.S. ones.

Is anybody else called president? Well, like presidents of companies or... Yeah, there's other countries that are presidents. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Prime minister, that kind of... Yeah. Yeah, it's like, what would you want? You know, would you rather be a president, chancellor? I mean, a king. There's still kings, right? But there are kings that are...

Queen Elizabeth and all that kind of stuff. Are they running that? They're just figureheads. They have a prime minister. It's all a joke. Oh, is it? Yeah. I think it's so silly. I mean, it's more just pop and circumstance. Like when Margaret Thatcher was prime minister of England, or Winston Churchill back in World War II, they were calling the shots. Yeah.

So they just, when did it switch? I don't know. A long time ago, I think. Yeah. Yeah, we can do an episode on that. The royal family? Royal family. That'd be fun. My mom loves it. Oh, really? Moms are way into it, dude. Yeah? That is an enormous mom thing. She watched the weddings and everything? Oh. Oh. Like 2 a.m.? Oh, dude.

Dude, I mean, every single wedding, funeral, she knows all about it. She knows all that's going on. The Meghan Markle kind of thing. I mean, dude, it is a real life soap opera. And now I'm sure there's a lot of people that like, I almost actually started watching a documentary about them. I tried to last night.

or Star 1 because I was just kind of like, I'm kind of curious about, like Princess Di. Princess Di, like, I think changed it. Like, everybody just became in love with her. Yeah. And then so, the obsession of like, you know, I think it is. I think it's like, you know. Maybe you should watch The Crown. She did. I mean, you, if you're. I don't know.

We watched season one. I mean, you see her. That's when she became queen and her relationship with Winston Churchill. And he consults her, obviously, and she's in on all the stuff. But ultimately, it's the prime minister's decision. Yeah, so they're electing the prime minister. But what would there be a comparison to be here? Is there even a comparison? The Kardashians. Is it? It's like that.

I mean, it's just... They say long live the queen. You know, it's funny. They say all that queen stuff. The Prime Minister is like, hey, can I get... I'm actually running this show. Did all the work. Yeah. Maybe that's not a good comparison then because we're not going to say long live the Kardashians. They do, obviously...

Like a humanitarian stuff. Like, yeah. A what? Humanitarian. Is that where you put your lizards? Yeah. Humanit... What's the human... What's like a... Humanitarian? Yeah. Okay. Tarian. Who? Yeah. Which one? No, isn't that the, like, doing things for people? Like, that's what they do. The human fun? The human fun. Humanitarian. Humanitarian.

Heritarian. Yeah. Oh, humanitarian. Humanitarian. Yeah. What about him? Was I not saying that right? We got there eventually. Yeah. And then you went back and then we got back. Humanitarian. Okay. Yes. When you just. Is it an M or an N at the end? An N. Humanitarian. Yeah. I think I was saying it and then you questioned it like. I thought you were putting, I thought you were saying humanitarian, like where you keep. A lizard. Yeah. Yeah. Are they like that? No, they're, uh.

Yeah, like they do those kind of things. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Okay. All right. So I'm exactly right. I mean, I said enough of the word that I think most people at home are like, yeah, did we get? Yeah. I've said so many words wrong that they go, in the context of what he's talking about, I know he's not talking about lizard cages. People love jimbership, by the way. Jimbership? Yeah. Oh, yeah? Yeah. They're like, there should be more words like that put together. Yeah. Jimbership. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it is a good. That's what a company. Planet Fitness should have done it. Yeah. We have a gymbership. Yeah. We have a gymbership. Yeah. Yeah. It works out. Yeah. It works. It's cool. Save a little time. Yeah. Get to the point. Yeah. Okay. Membership to what? That's why I said gymbership. You just saved me a couple questions. Yeah. Yeah. No one wants to work out. Now I'm trying to get to these questions quicker. Yeah.

It's good for the lazy. Yeah. Jimbership. All right. All right. Well, so this is about U.S. presidents. The royal family. That would be a good one. Yeah. Yeah, it would be. It'll all be the crown stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to do that a future episode? Yeah. All right. Have your mom on as a consultant? My mom would know everything. She knows everything. Yeah. Yeah.

So I was shocked at how many just crazy things happened in the early days of U.S. presidents. I mean, it was just a different world back then as far as the person. Let's start it off. What is a U.S. president? Do you know the three qualifications to be a U.S. president? You have to be over. Like the current ones? No, I think the old ones.

Well, this... They've added some qualifications since it started. Oh, this says the... Yeah, like not at the beginning. Okay. I would think... Let me see. Okay, go ahead. But I was going to say, this says it's remained the same since Washington. Okay. But maybe the stuff you read is different. I didn't scroll down Wikipedia. Maybe it changed at the bottom. Maybe it's changed. Yeah, Notre Dame's doing its own kind of thing. I mean, you may be right.

Did you fall asleep when your professor goes, that's what I think they should be doing? You don't hear that part of the sentence? And that's what I think they should honestly be doing. You're like, what's that? I thought the age thing had changed, but I guess not. 35. Yeah, you have to be at least 35. Born in America. Right. Yeah, natural born citizen. Natural born citizen. Meaning if your parents were U.S. citizens and you were born abroad, you could still. Yes.

The third one I did not know. To be a male? Six foot tall. Yeah. It used to be the white, but I guess that's different now. Still got to be a dude. It used to be white male, and that's changed everything. Is that what you were talking about? Yeah. They changed? Yeah. That's what you need to find out. Right about 2008, that changed. Yeah. When y'all...

They see Obama, they go, I guess they updated them. That guy pulls out some papers, he goes, I guess I didn't see. Where was that changed? When was that made? I don't know. What is the other? Hold on. Okay, we still got some. Six feet tall. At least six feet. So, born here, 35 years old. Yeah, I don't know if I know. You have to be a resident for a minimum of 14 years.

So you couldn't be born here and then immediately move away your whole life and come back. And then at age 40, you want to run for president. Wow. I always think they should do that for mayors and stuff. You can't just move to the town and immediately run? Yeah, like you think there's mayors that... You're like, are you from there? Like that town? Right. Is our mayor, John Cooper, the mayor in Nashville, is he from Nashville? I think so. Okay. That worked out. Yeah. But it's like some of us, everybody from a mayor...

No, I don't know. I mean, probably every city has different. Like New York. Are they all New Yorkers? Are they all, do they all move up there? Like, you know, is it like, it's like a status, like to be New York mayor is bigger than being, you know, Nashville's mayor. Yeah. So like, do you want to go like, no, I'm trying to be New York mayors. I don't know about Bill de Blasio. Cooper was raised in Shelbyville. Yeah. Born in Nashville. Yeah.

Raised in Shelbyville, moved back to Nashville in his adult life. To me, maybe most mayors are from the town. Probably most are. I'm sure there's some that moved there. But I don't know.

The other thing I, well, one thing is the security back then. It's crazy how lax it was. Like it was almost to the equivalent of maybe a celebrity now where if you go places, you got maybe a couple people with you. You got a guy who makes sure nobody gets too close. But that's about it.

The White House was still open just to walk in, even during the Civil War. Wow. This country is literally fighting against each other, and people could just enter the White House every day. They just left the Pennsylvania Avenue door open all day long, sometimes even to the evening, they said. And it didn't change until the late 1800s when they had to have a door policy for people coming in. Wow.

So you could just, you could, people would just take trips there and you would go walk in. Would you see the president? You could. Yeah. Yeah. Very much so. You could walk up to the president. It wouldn't be out of the question. Yeah. Yeah. It would not, it wouldn't probably be easy, but it wouldn't be that hard either. Yeah. They got him in the back at least. Yeah. But you could, you know, maybe like a mayor or something where you just, you might just run into him somewhere. Yeah.

Yeah, but I don't think you get to a mayor. Not easily. I mean, I guess it depends on what town you're talking about. But yeah, it's probably something like that. Yeah. It's like Andy Griffith. The mayor of Mayberry? Well, yeah. I mean, he's the sheriff. He could just walk in there and talk to us. It's just super casual. Yeah, it's very casual. Yeah. It's just hard to think about. Well, the White House, I wonder if it was...

You know, I think then, I mean, was there like a celebrities? There wasn't really celebrities back then. Not like, no, not really. People didn't, I mean, it's crazy. Celebrities, like even the word is like you're celebrating. It's kind of celebrating a person. Yeah. And so look up who was the first celebrity. I wonder if people. Like who's considered the first celebrity? Probably, if not Eve, probably Adam.

um but i mean who's the but the idea of it like back then you you clearly garibaldi uh the modern for the modern age you were going all time i just in general what the word means now like uh yeah cleopatra cleopatra hmm do what makes someone a celebrity what does it even mean my guess is people the early presidents

People certainly probably didn't know what they look like. Right. And might've been a lot of people that couldn't even tell you who the president was. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. I don't even know. I read, I was going to get to that later, but John Wilkes Booth killed Lincoln. His, he was an actor.

John Wilkes Booth was. His brother was the most successful actor of 1800. He was like the Tom Hanks of that time. Oh, wow. And of course, they didn't have movies, but they had plays. And he was a huge star. And John Wilkes Booth's brother saved Abraham Lincoln's son from falling off a train track. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Wow. And then his other brother one-upped him. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So that story is pretty crazy about talking about security. Yeah. He, Abraham Lincoln goes to this play and, um, the secret service, well, it didn't have secret service, but his bodyguard Lincoln told him just, just I'm cool, man, according to him. And so the guy went across the street with the valet hung out at a bar and

And so he had no security when they shot and killed him. And no one stopped him coming up. Yeah. Ulysses S. Grant, the Union General, was supposed to go with him to the play. And he said he always regretted it because he thinks he could have stopped the guy. Yeah. But he never did. But the guy who was the bodyguard that let it happen did not get fired. Really? He got reprimanded, but kept his job, ended up bodyguarding Lincoln's wife.

Really? What was her name? Mary Todd. Yeah, Mary Todd. But what are you going to say if Lincoln tells you to go?

Like, if he tells you to go, like, what are you going to say? Well, she called him a murderer. Mary Todd did? Yeah. Now, she obviously had some mental issues, but... Yeah. Did she? Yeah, she did. She did. I shouldn't say obviously, like, everybody knows that. Like, they know Mary. Yeah. Obviously, Mary's just a help. Obviously. You know Mary. She's a little different. Yeah. Yeah.

But I don't think he was supposed to be gone the whole time. I think he was supposed to just hang out in the back. Don't go across the street to a bar and you hear a gunshot. You're like, uh-oh, that didn't sound good. And run over there. What if he hears it? He goes, what are the odds it's Lincoln? You go, I mean, they are, your odds are, I'll be honest with you, they are high. Because I just don't know who it could be. Mm-hmm.

But may, like that's what someone's, as he doesn't run out and he's, I can just picture him. He's talking and he's a, all that commotion going on. And he goes, what are the odds that it was the president? He goes,

I mean, look, maybe it's the guy that was trying to do it and they got him. And then he's like, yeah, right? He goes, yeah, dude, it could have, it's probably that. And he goes, right? It's probably they got the guy that, yeah. All right, I'm going to go over there. Who was shot? A-Ram Lincoln. The one guy I didn't want it to be. I was afraid of that. That's the only guy.

Mary Todd get hit? He just asked. He knows she doesn't like it. Murder! Here we go. You know she's not right. Obviously she's mentally ill. She's not right.

This is just a crazy stat. So John Adams was the second president of the United States. Thomas Jefferson was the third. They both died on the same day, July 4th, 1826, on the 50-year anniversary of the Declaration of Independence. Yeah.

Oh, you knew that? I was trying to impress you. There's a show on HBO called John Adams, which is awesome, about that. I think Adam's last words were, Jefferson lives. Yes, even though Jefferson had already died. He just didn't know it. Is that true? Yeah, he just didn't know it. Why was it Jefferson lives? They had a really complicated and long relationship, and they just really respected each other. I don't know. Jefferson survives, I think you said. Oh, they loved each other. They hated each other for a while. Yeah. And then...

But then they really got together. When do you talk about this stuff in school? That wasn't school. That was me just watching the show. Is that Paul Giamatti? Paul Giamatti plays John Adams. It's unbelievable. I thought you liked it. No, this is the show. I was like, when does people get into this stuff, man? I'm sure if you take history classes, American history. Yeah.

And then five years after that, James Monroe, the fifth president, died on July 4th. Really? So three of the first five presidents died on July 4th. Patriotic. Yep. And what significance did July 4th have? Tell me like you're telling a five-year-old. What's the surplus? Thomas Jefferson claimed to be an accomplished architect.

He designed his famous home at Monticello. You say claim to be, like we don't have... I said that because George Costanza always claimed to be an architect. Oh, okay. He was an architect. You know the, what is it? The Gutenberg? The Gutenberg. Is that it? The Gutenheim? The Gutenheim down there, yeah. Didn't take that. He goes, you did that? Yeah. Didn't take that long either. Yeah. Yeah. James Madison, the fourth president, was the shortest, smallest president ever. He was 5'4 and weighed 100 pounds.

That's crazy. 100 pounds. Harper weighs 60 pounds. Well, how much is Laura? Huh? Yeah, probably like 100. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Maybe 110. She's getting a little, you know. Yeah. Trying to get her back down. Yikes. She walks in there. Wow. So I got that door refinished, you know. Yeah.

She's going to be joining Mike Awesome on that wrestling thing. What was it? The something thriller? The big chick thriller? Yeah, brings in the fat chicks. Fat chicks thriller. Yeah, fat chicks thriller. That's how Laura has to come in through the door. She has to come in through the window. Now you're straining. I'm coming out of here. Walk up. Hit that garage door button. She's coming in the back, folks.

Let her through. Let her through. Here comes Miss 110. Well, he was 100 pounds. He was very small. John Quincy Adams was a huge fan of skinny dipping every day. He did it every morning in the Potomac River. Finally, a female reporter knew it and sat on his clothes until he granted her an interview. First female reporter to get an interview with the president.

While he was president, he would go out alone in skinny dip. I don't know if he's alone, but apparently, because she got his clothes. Wow. She could get to him. Yeah. And then, yeah. It's pretty amazing to me how when America was founded, we were like, we're going to form a democracy, get away from this oppressive monarchy.

And then we have a father-son presidency that quickly with John Quincy Adams and John Adams. We're already double dipping on these families. We don't have enough. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like it's just so new of a thing. Yeah. I think people want to just vote for like, well, they are in it. You just want someone that's up there. Yeah. Like you're almost...

They at least, you know, it's like, I mean, some people do want, you want new and you want something crazy. But I think most people, you're just like, yeah, I just want like, you know, a lot of Bush's, a lot of Clinton's. Because you're like, yeah, they know. You know, it's like, I don't need to get into it. And you're just like, just get it. So it's probably pretty easy to be like.

You know, you're like, oh, yeah, I liked his dad. You know, whatever. John's boy. Yeah. Yeah. Let him do it.

Now we're up to Andrew Jackson. Boy, you could do a whole podcast just on him. He fought in so many duels. Yeah. I mean, killed a guy, didn't even hurt his presidential candidacy. Yeah. They were just into it. It did. Back then it said many American men, especially in the South, viewed duel as a time-honored tradition. Dueling. So dueling was, was it on its way out probably? Yeah.

He brought it back? Well, I mean, was it still, you know, when was Andrew Jackson? Early 1800s. There was one time while he was president, a guy tried to assassinate him. It was the first attempt on a president. The gun misfired. He pulled out a second pistol. It also misfired. Andrew Jackson, now furious, this guy's tried to shoot him twice, took his cane and beat the guy to a pulp.

And killed him. No, Davy Crockett had to pull him off of him before the guy got killed. Oh, dude, how funny is that? That's the guy in the room. Well, who calmed it down? Are we going to tell me Davy Crockett was in the room? Actually, Davy Crockett was in the room. That's a who's who. I know. It was a crazy party that was going on. Yeah.

He got in so many duels. He got tangled up twice with the governor of Tennessee. Really? John Sevier. He was the governor. They traded shots in a crowd, and the only person that got hit was a woman standing close by.

And then they met a second time in Knoxville for a duel, and they got so heated that John Sevier's horse ran away with the pistols, and so they had to cancel the duel. Oh, I mean, just the frustration of that. But he's the governor of Tennessee, and he's just meeting people. Yeah, I love it. I love it. Well, the fact that Andrew Jackson loves it. Yeah. Like, bring it on. Let's go. Yeah. I mean, that's what's so...

Yeah, that's so crazy, dude. Yeah. Just to be in a crowd and then be like, how did he do? You know what he did? He shot somebody? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, people had it in their newspapers. They just read it and was like...

Because I guess all the newspapers, how are they getting around? I have pictures trying to read a newspaper and the news back then was just... Well, it's got to be so delayed. Yeah, isn't that what the Tom Hanks movie is? News of the World, something like that? Yeah. Did you watch it? People go around and read it to people because people couldn't read. Yeah, so you'd be so... So all this stuff could even get missed because by the time...

Yeah, they said Andrew Jackson could have fought 12 duels, could have fought 100. They're not sure. Yeah. They have no idea. He was out there, dude. He liked to go at it. Usually because they insulted his wife. Oh, yeah? Oh, wow. His wife, I think, maybe married him before her last marriage was annulled. Oh, okay. So people accused her of being an adulterer. And Rachel Donaldson, who Donaldson's named after, and he would fight for his wife.

um oh good for him yeah defending his family's honor dude he trained his pet parrot how to curse and it got so bad at jackson's funeral they had to remove the parrot from the funeral because it was cussing so much that's crazy it's crazy that's awesome i think joe zimmerman has a funny joke about that uh yeah joe zimmerman has a very funny joke about andy jackson yeah i forget what exactly what it was but it was like uh what what are the duels so when would they go do duels

The duels are usually about a matter of honor. The goal of a duel is not usually to kill the opponent, but to restore the honor of the man who declared the duel. There are legal exceptions for murder and assault. It's like consider this thing. You declare a duel and all bets are off. You can do whatever you want in the duel. I think there are some countries now where there are still...

kind of exceptions for duels, but people don't do them anymore. You could? They're still in the law, technically. Yeah. So you could declare when the rules of it. Yeah. The person who... No, you just have to agree on the rules beforehand so everyone could do it a little differently. When you think about a duel like the Wild West where you walk 10 steps and then turn around and then it's like quick draw. Yeah.

That's just they've agreed on those rules. But I don't know if, like, Andrew Jackson's duels went like that. Probably not. You can do it with a knife, too, if you want. A knife or a sword. Yeah, I mean, when do you know when to draw and when not to draw? Like, you know, just be really quick with it. Yeah. What if you were just every time I do a duel, I shoot you immediately? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, that's not honoring and you're like honorable. Yeah, that defeats the whole purpose, I guess. And then you're like, but I'm not. But I won. Yeah, but I won and he's not. The other guy's dead, I'm not. Yeah. So I, what's the problem? You know, what's the problem? I don't understand. Yeah.

Would you like to duel? Ask him who won the duel. So do you want to? No, no, no, no. You have to cut him off so quick. Because you know once, he's like, would you like to duel? Boom. He just shoots you. So you've got to, he's like, do you want to duel? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no. You have to like, you're like, dude, he'll just shoot you out of nowhere. That's so crazy with, I mean, just to think, when was he president? Early 1800s, like 1830s.

Just to be actively, I mean, golly. I mean, you know, you're coming up on 200 years ago. Yeah. So it's just, I mean, just a wild. I mean, just to think about where, how long did he live? He lived pretty old by those standards. He was 78 when he died. Oh, yeah. Died here in Nashville. Yeah. 78, crazy. Yeah. And then fought in so many duels, and then he lived a long life. He kept a...

1,400-pound block of cheddar cheese in the White House for anyone to come have some of. Yeah. You knew that? This is a great plot point in the West Wing. It is? Yeah, where the Bartlett administration has a big block of cheese day to honor the spirit with that block of cheese, where they take meetings with organizations that would typically be dismissed. Yeah.

like weird fringe groups they meet with him it's called big block of cheese day that's how i know about that i think someone just gave it to him as a gift he's like what i'm gonna do with this so he just put it out for anybody to come the people come have some spirit that's why he was loved as like a common man like this is the people's house yeah people come in get some cheese hang out he'd have parties right or i'm sure he did i think i heard that yeah but if he's like no i don't think he did that

I don't think he was that rowdy. Come on. He didn't get too rowdy. Let him in. Yeah, dude, he would just get... Everyone hated him. Well, I mean, people loved him. The politicians hated him because he was so uncouth. The institution, or like the insiders hated them, right? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I mean, if you had a guy that's dueling, it's like, yeah, you know, like, there's going to be a group that's going to be way on board. I bet your debate speeches, you keep it a little toned down. What's that? What'd you say? What'd you say?

You're right. Gas president is too high. He has to agree with him. I think he's good. I would vote. Say it. I would vote for Andrew Jackson. Thank you. You have to say it. Martin Van Buren. Van Buren boys. He was the eighth president. He was from Kinderhook, New York. And they called him Old Kinderhook. And then they shortened it to OK. And that's where the phrase OK comes from.

Oh, wow. Like, if you said, you're okay, that means you're with Martin Van Buren. Really? They weren't saying okay before that? Well, what does it mean? You didn't know. It means you're okay. Like, you can come in. Yeah. They just said, I'm good? Yeah. That's what they said back then? Yeah. According to this. Yeah. So...

That was a tough one to come off of Andrew Jackson. Just to dive into. It's one of the facts you learn. And you know what's fun right after Andrew Jackson?

Van Buren, you're okay. You're doing okay. Came from that. Andrew Jackson. What president is Andrew Jackson? He was... He was number seven. He was number seven. Van Buren was eight? Yeah. Oh, I bet people listening are like, oh my God, you're going to go through every one of these. Here we go, dude. We got a lot more. Yeah, a lot. Number nine, William Henry Harrison. He gave the longest inauguration speech ever, hour 45 minutes.

Unfortunately, he did it out in the cold with no coat or hat, developed pneumonia, and died 30 days later. Yeah, but he was the oldest president at that point, right? I think he did the speech super long to prove that he had the stamina as an old man, and then he caught pneumonia and died. That's pretty crazy, though. Yeah. Yeah. A little backfire. Your inauguration. John Tyler had 15 children. One of his grandsons is still alive today.

Really? Yeah. One of them died last year. He lived in Franklin. Yeah. There's another one that's still alive. Who is it? John Tyler, the 10th president of the United States. He was president in the 1840s, and his grandson is still alive. John Tyler. It's funny. Is there some presidents you don't know that you're like... There was a few that I was like, I think I've heard of this guy, but you were telling me to list all of them. John Tyler has a grandson that's still alive. A grandson. Yeah. So did he ever even...

meet this grandson or no i think he had when how old is yeah when did he die so he died the he has a 91 year old grandson that's still alive right now and he lived john tyler did he was the president 1841 to 1845 oh he died in 1862 so no i mean

He died before the Civil War was over. Yeah. And then his dad, I guess he had, I mean, his son, excuse me, lived a very long life and had a kid. And then this is pretty late. Yeah. Yeah. That is wild. Yeah. That's crazy. Who's your grandfather? That's crazy to be like, it's John Tyler. And they're going to obviously go, well, who is that? Yeah. There's no way everybody goes, wow. I think if you go, who's your grandfather? John Tyler.

Okay. Why are you saying that like I should know who that is? He's the 10th president. Of what? Of what? Of HOA? No. No, of America. All right, dude. Who's after him? The 12th president, Zachary Taylor, was munching on cherries and ice milk, and bacteria either in the cherries or the milk led to his death a few days later.

I mean, we had a run here where it's just... Who are these people? They exhumed his body in 1991 to test to see if he was poisoned, but the results showed he did not have enough arsenic levels in his body to be poisoned. So they think it was just bacteria that killed him. You think this guy, when he took this picture, knew that he would die from eating Jerry's? I mean, because he just looks like a pretty...

Hard-nosed dude. He died from bad cherries, huh? Or ice milk. All right, yeah. Yeah, there's a list of these presidents where you're going through and you're like, I don't know who these people are. John Tyler, I think, you know, I mean, it is where you're like, I guess I've heard his name. Zachary Taylor is one I've barely heard of. Yeah. Most of these guys. Proceeded by James K. Polk, who's a... He's a Tennessee guy. We talked about him. Yeah, yeah.

Some of these guys look like they wouldn't even be let on TV, did they? No. You know what I mean? It didn't matter. It's probably a good thing. It didn't matter what you look like. I think everybody looked rough back then. I mean, even if you're the boy, there's no air conditioning. Some of you weren't like handsome dudes walking around back then? I think you were a dude, man. I think you were a straight up. You're just a dude. I think the men looked like men. Yeah. Dude, if you don't have.

I mean, I guess, do they have electricity in them? No, I'll get to that later. You don't have electricity, dude? You don't, like, there's mirrors? Yeah, there's mirrors. But you're not looking...

You're not like checking yourself like you are now. I don't have hot water. I mean, there's probably, I mean, the Gettysburg Address could have been with spinach in his mouth for all day. No one even knows. I mean, no one ever brings that up that he's just sitting there talking. You're like, is this something that's front toothed?

And no one can tell because they're outside and there's no cameras and no one's, you know. I think there are actually photos from the Gettysburg Address. That would have been hilarious if you're like, well, these people are ugly. They didn't have mirrors back then. Oh, man. Why don't they look at them? No.

like crazy. Yeah. Yeah, it's just a different look back then. I think you were out, yeah, you're out in the wild, dude. Like you're, like look at when you go, go camping, which is easier to do than what they had to live with. Yes. It's easier to go camping, uh,

near like here yeah then it would be to live in the White House as a president at that time when you come back from camping you're not you're not just you know on your best yeah yeah it's fair and then you're and then for 40 years of camping yeah

And then you have the nerve to go, you guys are not that together that well. Yeah, dude. I wouldn't. One of them, Andrew Jackson, is literally murdering people in the yard of the White House. They've all fought in wars. That's what he's having to deal with on the regular. Assassinations. He's like, come on. Look at Martin Van Buren. Martin Van Buren looks insane. He looks like a crazy person. Yeah.

And that's where okay came from. He looks okay. And he looks okay. How's the president look today? He looks okay. Yeah, I don't know. He looks like someone just told him, hey, you're president. Go take this picture. And he goes, what?

and he goes I need to comb my hair like he's having that I need to which is how a president would look I don't know it doesn't matter you gotta get out there we gotta do this picture right now it's got you know the crow's about to fly away I don't know however they took pictures back then I don't know there's wind picking up and we're the flash of the candle's gonna be gone and so we're not gonna get it so just hurry it's one it's one shot and that's what all the pictures look like back then like they just got told yeah

That's great. Who's over to the left? Yeah, that guy. Franklin Pierce. He looks all right. He's the next one. He was an alcoholic. Okay. There you go. There you go. That's why. His own party did not want to re-nominate him for re-election. So he said, well, there's nothing left to do but get drunk. Yeah. And he, while serving as president, got arrested for running down an old woman while on horseback. Oh, my. While president? Yeah. Oh, my God.

He was never convicted because there's insufficient evidence, but he was charged. Yeah, I mean, how are you going to prove it? You know, I could just sweep up the tracks and it's over. And it's a wrap. You can't do anything. He hops off the horses, just brush away, like how you fix a sand trap with no rake. Just kind of brush your hands, brush your feet. A couple tracks, not even much. And then you're like, I never did it. And you're like, all right.

You know, probably one guy asked the horse just to see. You might as well try it. He goes, I don't do. What if one of these horses can talk? Like, it might as well. It doesn't hurt to try it. Imagine being that guy. Can I speak to your horse for a second? The last guy had a parrot. So let's just see. We don't know. You guys had the parrot. The parrot talked. Yeah.

Let me pull the horse. Let me just ask. I mean, dude, let me just ask the horse. There's someone asking that. Let me just ask him. Did he do this? Abraham Lincoln was our tallest president, 6'4". Still the tallest? Lyndon B. Johnson was also 6'4". Okay. How about that hat? Because that's why. Yeah. He kept letters and documents in his hat. Dude. I explained. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I was so tall. Mm-hmm.

You know, he had a, is this true? I don't know if you've heard this, but I remember hearing, you know, he didn't have a beard the first part of his political career. And a little girl wrote into him and said, like, you have an unconventional face. You should probably try growing a beard. And he did, and he kept it. It did make him look better. If you see him without a beard. Yeah, it looks weird. I'll pull, yeah, I mean, part of it's because you're used to seeing him with a beard. But, I mean, he was not a handsome guy. He's in the, yeah.

He's in the Wrestling Hall of Fame. Really? He had 300 matches and only lost once. Wow. Because he was so ugly? I don't think he looks terrible. He looks better with a beard, though, don't you think? Probably because we know him like that. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't think it's insane. He's got big ears. I guess it helped with his ears and stuff like that. Yeah, I'm not saying he'd be a circus attraction. I'm just saying. I mean. I agree with you. Yeah.

He looks regal almost with this beard. Yeah. Where you're like, I want to hear what that guy has to say. Yeah. If I see this dude walking, I'd be like, somebody get this guy a sandwich or something. Nerd. You start pushing your glasses up. I'm Abraham Lincoln. Oh, but you are. Loser. They just started mocking him. I'm growing the beard back.

Is this your wife? You don't think something's wrong with that guy? Look at it. Did you talk to his wife? Obviously something's... James Garfield was shot a few months into his presidency by an assassin and died 11 weeks later. Doctors tried using a newly invented metal detector to locate the bullet, but the metal bed springs kept messing up the results, leading doctors to cut in the wrong places.

On top of this, the doctors kept introducing bacteria into his body with their unsterilized prying fingers. So they led to his death. He was like just brutally died. Like it would have been like, just let me lie here. Yeah. Got another one. How much do you get hit? They don't ever feel... When is that when they go, bed springs? Someone just says that. Just because... God, I think I know what it is. Just quietly, they go, oh, we couldn't save him. And just someone...

Just out of nowhere, just some quietly just bed springs. Bed springs.

That's what it is. That's what it was. Yeah. You know what's crazy? It was probably all the smartest people available that were looking at this, but something so dumb and simple now is not wearing gloves or even knowing that that's a... You wonder how many things... Well, I don't think there's even gloves. They're going to have to wear a winter mitt to get into you. Well, yeah, what I'm saying, they didn't even think of that as being a problem. You wonder how many things we do now are going to be looked at that way.

years from now our smartest people we just don't know you know yeah next week on air yeah we'll get into it about eating meat or something like that like that could be something they they they always think meat will be weird eating other animals eating other animals yeah i could see that but for now i'm enjoying it we'll see how that holds up yeah i don't live then you know what i mean i live now

Chester Arthur wanted to redecorate the White House and they didn't have the funds for it so he had an auction and sold all the old stuff including Lincoln's pants and one of John Quincy Adams hats got Lincoln's pants right here alright how much he's just asking the current president how much 20 nickels get out of here buffalo nickels I think of it like a yard sale where it's like 50 cents for like a box of stuff yeah yeah

I had never heard of this president. I'll be honest. Chester? Chester Arthur? Yeah. Never heard of him. Well, apparently the one that he's known for is... Chester Drawers? Is that what it is? Maybe. It might have been... Chester Drawers? Yeah, Chester Drawers. That's what we were...

Grover Cleveland was the 22nd and 24th president. He personally answered the White House phone. That's so great. Like the main number? Hello? Hello? Over there. This is Steve speaking. Sarah? Is this Sarah? Sarah, give me... That's when they had operators. Like you would be... I found a baby. I didn't know they had phone... They probably had the first phone. Yeah. Yeah, I mean...

I would probably answer that phone too. Like it's such a new invention. That's like, that's like you're like that. That would be like now if they go, you know, the president used to fly himself in the flying car and like insane, like a hundred years. You're like, well, it's as stupid as that. But like to them. Yeah. I mean a phone. You're like, yeah, dude, I'm going to answer it. That's crazy. Yeah. Six other people have phones. So I'll, I'll answer it. Hello. Hello.

He became the legal guardian of his friend's 11-year-old daughter, and 10 years later, he married her at the White House. All right. Different time back then. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody thought anything bad about it. Yeah. Yeah. I bet some people talked. I mean, they, well, I don't know. I mean, I think, yeah, back then it was like your purpose, you're like animals. 21's old. Yeah. Hell, he got married at 21. Well, it's weird that he raised her.

Yeah. Like that's the, you know. Yeah, that's what I was stuck on for sure. Yeah. Yeah. He had mouth cancer and they tried to keep it secret. So they rented his buddy's yacht and they went out in the water and did emergency surgery. So nobody would know about it. It's kind of tough to.

He comes back with a scar on his cheek, and he goes, what happened to that? We hit some waves. I'll be honest with you. You should have just went into the open field where no one could get to. You should have just locked the door. Yeah. I don't know. We could do it in the White House and lock. Maybe we do it in another room. There you go. I don't know where I got to go. Is the White House where the White House was? Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Like you're, you know, to bumpy waters to do a very loose surgery. Like it wasn't like they were just killing it. Did they, and everything was fine? Yeah. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. They said he had a huge depression in his mouth, so they didn't, didn't completely do it well, but he survived.

So now we got electricity in the White House. This is late 1800s. Benjamin Harrison was the first president to have electricity, but he once got shocked. So he and his entire family were too scared to touch the light switches and would leave the lights on throughout the night. I would just leave them on. Yeah. They were just too scared to touch it. But who knows? Back then, you probably would get electrocuted. Yeah. I don't think you would have someone that would do that for you. And just think, you don't know how not to...

You might be like, get the metal pole. Yeah. You might, you know, like you don't know. Hand me that metal pole over there. I ain't touching it with my hands. Give me that semiconductor. Yeah. And just get lit up. Lights are always on at the White House. Can we sleep with the lights off? Will you turn them off? Yeah. Yeah.

uh william sleep with a hay pillow over your eyes they even had i mean i don't know yeah i don't know what was a pillow yeah oh what was in it yeah probably feathers yeah but i mean not like i mean it was like sleeping on feathers yeah they didn't have memory foam yeah i'll look into this i'll get back to you all right looking up the history of pillows

William McKinley wore a carnation as a good luck charm, but one day he gave a little girl his carnation from his lapel and was shot by an assassin a short time later. I mean, assassins back then were just through the roof. Yeah, just a good chance. It was, I mean, you know, just think it's so hard now, like when you just don't, you just don't hear about it like,

I mean, honestly, you thought if anybody was going to get shot, it was going to be Trump. And it's just so hard to be, I think, to do now. And I mean, just to hear back then was just... All the time. I mean, you had to do... Andrew Jackson had to handle it. You don't have bodyguards. Secret Service is not even invented yet. And so you're just...

That's so crazy. Yeah. Yeah, I think it was almost expected. Theodore Roosevelt got shot during a campaign speech and finished the speech. Yeah.

I mean, that's... No, no, I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. He got shot in the chest, but his metal glasses slowed the bullet, and his days of hunting realized if he's not coughing up blood, he's probably okay. So he finished his 90-minute speech. Told the folks, folks, I've been shot, but I don't care. Still did the speech. He was awesome. I mean, dude, everybody was shot. You just got shot. I mean, right there, every... I mean, like, what is it, like...

10 of them. Yeah, at least. Yeah. I've skipped some. That have been shot. Yeah. Was every president shot? No, but there was a lot of attempts and a few that succeeded. Jesus.

every president I didn't know Thomas Jefferson was shot did you know that did I say that is that who you just said no Theodore Roosevelt if I said Thomas Jefferson I meant Theodore Roosevelt no no you might have said Theodore Roosevelt but Theodore Roosevelt I didn't know he was shot I don't I didn't either

I mean, like, going through this, it seems like every... Yeah, it's a lot more than I remember. I mean, honestly, dude, every president up to this point, maybe they're... They might all have, like, someone truly tried to get them. They've been around gunfire, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think you could...

Anybody could do it. It seems like they were kind of regular people back then. I think most of them were war veterans. Like a war hero. He was the youngest president. He took over because McKinley was assassinated at age 42. There you go. Then he immediately gets shot. He was 42, so he was your age. President. John F. Kennedy was the youngest to be inaugurated at age 43.

but was shot. Did, uh, uh, his Theodore Roosevelt, you said that's, is that the way people say is the best president? You might be thinking about Franklin to yours, Roosevelt. No, man. One of the, yeah. Teddy Roosevelt was awesome. Yeah. Yeah. The bull moose party. He set up all the national parks and stuff. He's the guy that speaks softly and carry a big stick. Yeah. You heard that saying? Yeah. Yeah. That was him. And that was his philosophy. He was awesome, dude. Yeah. The, uh, teddy bear comes from him.

There was a story about him refusing to shoot a bear on a bear cub on a hunting trip. And toy makers thought, oh, we should make a toy. So they call it the teddy bear. That's such a big honor. Yeah. Like just to be a teddy bear is everybody says it. I don't think I've ever thought about it. So then the next guy that came along, William Howard Taft, he wanted to do the Billy Possum.

But it did not have the same effect because his story was how he ate an entire possum during one meal. There's Billy. And kids just did not get on board. That's amazing. Taft was the largest president at 350 pounds. Yeah.

Oh, look at that. Look, I mean. It's so big. 350. William Taft. Was he the one that couldn't walk or something? There was a rumor that he got stuck in his bathtub and they had to pull him out, but they think that's probably not true. Yeah.

I mean, dude, that's so funny for him to like that Billy possum. You're like, yeah, who came up with that? Him. And you're like, yeah, yeah, that's exactly who came up because they did a teddy bear, dude. That's let's do a Billy possum. And the, you know, what's the backstory? You go, all right. But like, why do we want to do that? He goes, I mean, dude, I've one time I ate an entire possum. What does one meal? I ate a, you know, a whole possum myself. And you're like,

All right. That's a little different. I mean, do you know the story with Ted Briggs? I don't know. I've heard things, but I don't know what it is. Well, I'm saying it's different. It's different. Do you think people love possums? Do you love them? Do you want to snuggle with a possum? He goes, I do. Of course you do. Billy Possum.

Wow. That's so... I've eaten a whole pound of them before. I've eaten a whole...

What would be a good animal? Do you hunt? I like possum. I ate a whole possum once. Okay. Okay. William possum. Oh, do they eat possums normally where you're from? No, not really. No. I didn't even know you could eat them. But the fact that you ate a whole, that's something. He didn't shoot a cub bear, but...

You ate a whole possum. And you think that's the same. You think you guys are the same. Here's Taff. Picture of Taff playing golf, dude. He was the first president to throw out the first pitch at a baseball game. Really? Yeah. I'm guessing it didn't go well. He could probably do that.

The next president, Woodrow Wilson, was the first golf-loving president. He loved it so much that he would even play in the wintertime in the snow and use black golf balls. Is that not typically done? Golf in the snow? No. I mean, I've played in the 40s before, maybe even in the 30s. They do it in Michigan and stuff like that. They're guys that will play in the snow. But, yeah, it's not. It's just too cold.

Warren G. Harding played poker at the White House and he lost a bet one time and had to give up an entire set of official White House China.

In a poker game. Yeah. And that's pretty good, though. You're playing with not your stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'll be right back, guys. Right back. All in. Every time. It's Mary Lincoln Todd. You're going to win their money, or you're going to... All right. Here's... Yeah. Mary Lincoln's Todd. This is her blouse that she wore. No. No.

The day before. Yeah, not that day. He goes, no, I'm not crazy. He goes, you throw in a little bit more, I'll get you Lincoln's at. You know what I mean? I mean, you're just getting stuff that doesn't, whatever Garfield didn't sell in the garage show we had. Who does the president play poker with? That's a good question. I don't know. Who do you think?

you know, a bunch of, I don't know who they were probably around. The arm, they were probably around the military. Basically. I'm guessing if you're president, don't you every now and then want to be around people that don't care. You're the president.

I mean, it sounds like you are. Yeah. I mean, everybody's trying to kill you. I mean, you're actively being shot and then... I mean, it doesn't sound like anything happens to these people that shoot at you. Yeah. And then you have to finish doing what you are doing. Yeah. Like, I think... I mean, I don't know who cares. Yeah. I don't know. I mean...

We haven't had many stories of respect shown. No, none. Teddy bear was the first sign of respect. I mean, someone wrote in, a little girl, A. Rand Lincoln, said your face is stupid. And so he grew a beard. Like, I don't, there hasn't been an ounce of...

Love thrown one president's way. I think you would want to play with it. Actually, maybe respect you. Here's what I forgot. Grover Cleveland with his 21 year old wife. They had a baby and they named Ruth and the candy bar company, baby Ruth. Oh yeah. That's pretty. I thought that was named after Babe Ruth. Most people do. Wow. Most people are dumb. Most people are dumb like you Aaron. Most people are dumb like you Aaron. Oh, oh.

You are dumb. I felt embarrassed even telling it because I know Nate knows it. I thought it was after Mickey Mantle. His favorite baseball player was Babe Ruth. That's how they got Baby Ruth.

Calvin Coolidge made someone rub Vaseline on his head every morning while he ate breakfast. Supposed to help the skin. This is when it made the turn. Yeah. Yeah. Well, not yet. Herbert Hoover's son had two pet alligators who ran around the White House. Oh, that's awesome. There's pictures of them, I think. Really? Yeah. There's...

There's a great story about Calvin Coolidge. He was a very, I don't know why I know this. He was a real introvert and wouldn't talk much at parties and stuff. People, he just like wouldn't talk. And there's this story of a woman who walks up to him and goes, I have a bet with everybody at my table that I can get you to say at least three words tonight. And he just looked up at her and goes...

You lose. It goes back to his meal. That's pretty awesome. That's great. It's weird to think about a president like that now, because now they have to be the exact opposite. Yeah. You know? Now they have to be charming. Yeah, to just be like a low-key, no charisma, any of that.

That's fair. Yeah. He said you can look up Hoover's alligators. Yeah. My bad. You got that Coolidge story. My bad. Hey, that's a cool story. No, that's a good story. That's a cool story. It sounds so good. I don't know if I believe it. I don't know if I believe it at all either. But yeah, I'm sure it happened. No, that's a drawing. That's like when they picked alligator...

That's a lion. What am I looking for? I thought that first one was it. Pretty basic thing. The first one? Hoover's alligators. No, no, no, no. That says alligator, princess, Hoover. This? Yeah. The one that Nate immediately dismissed? I thought that was... Because it looks... The leash... Because he's got them on leashes. It does look fake. And the leashes look fake. Well, they're green and there's a black and white photo, so I'm not sure...

Yeah, all right. All right. That's my bad. Let's go back to Calvin Coolidge. Franklin D. Roosevelt was the first Coolidge story. Franklin D. Roosevelt was the first president to appear on TV during the 1939 World's Fair. Oh, in Knoxville? No, it was in New York. It was in the sphere. The sun sphere. The sun sphere. He married his fifth cousin, Eleanor Roosevelt. She didn't have to change her name. That's convenient. Yeah.

Fifth, that's far enough down. Fifth's plenty far. Plenty, yeah. I mean, I think they were probably all fifth cousins. You could almost argue. It's like, so, all right. They're like, well, that's a bit much. All right, you may do my sixth cousin because that's all I know. Yeah. You're not too far. I think that's as far as it went. Yeah. Theodore Roosevelt was his fifth cousin also. Really? Yeah. Oh. Had a thing for him too. Yeah.

He's my first thought. Oh, I skipped one. James Buchanan was the only president who never married. He and Alabama Senator William Rufus King lived together for more than 10 years, despite being rich enough to have their own homes. Andrew Jackson called them Miss Nancy and Aunt Fancy. I mean, that's unbelievable, dude.

Oh my God, dude. That's, I mean, I'm from Old Hickory. It's the town I'm named after, our town's named after that guy. I mean, just, he sounds like he was ahead of his time, to be honest. Yeah. That's crazy, dude. Dwight Eisenhower put a golfing putting green in the White House. Oh, nice. Okay. Now we're getting somewhere. Yeah.

We're almost done. Yeah. Did you just look up F-Fact from every president? Yeah. Oh, okay. I didn't think that's what we were going to do for you as president. I don't know what I thought. Yeah. So maybe talk about what we would do? Well, I mean, like when was Secret Service invented? Yeah. When was all that stuff? 1865, after...

I looked it up earlier. I mean, I looked up... There's some other stuff we might have to do another episode. I looked up the qualifications for president, obviously how tight security was. But these facts are so crazy, I wanted to share them. Yeah, I like them. Lyndon B. Johnson fought in World War II. He was on a plane that was about to take off. Got off to go use the bathroom. His plane took off. He got on another plane, but that first plane crashed and everyone died. Oh, wow. In World War II?

Well, he became president much later, but he was fighting in World War II. He wasn't. Yeah. He played golf a lot and he was terrible. And one historian said he would take up to 400 swings during an 18 hole round. He just hit another one until he found what he liked.

Wow. So 400 strokes is a pretty bad day on the course, right? I mean, typical people want to break 100. But I don't. I mean, 400 is clearly he's just taking a lot of bullets. Just hitting a bunch of balls. So, I mean, he probably shoots, you know, in his 70s. Yeah. Well, if you take the best shot and you just hit until you're happy. Yeah. And if you're the president, you kind of do whatever you want, right? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, and they fought and war. Like, that's what's so crazy. These guys... Because we're going to eventually have presidents that are...

You're like, they didn't do anything. They went to school. That's it. Like, I mean, these are like, these presidents all had to like, they were like crazy. I mean. Who was the last president? Even George H.W. Bush fought in a war. He's probably the last one. Yeah. Which I'm not saying that should qualify them, but it's like, that's how many wars were going on. That's how much stuff they had to fight. Like presidents are eventually now just going to be like, that's a smart dude. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Gerald Ford had two different assassins try to take his life within a span of 17 days. Both were women. It's kind of crazy. My earliest memory is that I can... Voting for Gerald Ford? That I can put a... You're close. That I can put a date on...

I remember going with my mom to the voting booth when she voted the 1976 election. Yeah. Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter. Yeah. I was five. Yeah. He was never elected, right? He was never elected president? Because Nixon resigned. Yeah. And then he lost re-election. Gerald Ford? Yeah. I've been to his presidential museum in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Yeah.

And it's pretty – he wasn't president very long. So they stretched some stuff out. Yeah, there's like a whole wing of just like – he played college football in Michigan. Yeah, he was a great athlete. He was a great athlete and all this weird – but the actual like what he did as president is like –

Did he not do? Because he's a pretty famous name of president. I think we're just now getting to names, the recent history that we know. Yeah. I looked up the presidents when you guys were born. Do you know who the president was when you were born?

Jimmy Carter. Yeah. Yeah. Who's still alive. Yeah. That's pretty crazy. Yeah. The president, when you were born, is dead. Yeah. HW. Yeah. Yeah. 20 years later. Yeah. Or not 20, 15. Yeah. Something like that. And so, and who was the president? John Tyler. You're friends with his grandson. Yeah. No, it was Nixon. Richard Nixon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And who was your first, like, when you voted? The first time I could have voted? Yeah. I guess the 92 election? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Was that Bush, Gore? Or no? No, it was Clinton. Clinton Bush. Clinton Bush Sr. Yeah. Bush Sr. Yeah. Yeah, because I want to say mine might have been, when are you, 98? Or when was it, 2000? 96 and 2000. I might have been Bush Jr.

Gore, I guess maybe it could have been my first. Oh, in 2000? Yeah. Yeah, because I graduated high school in 97. So maybe I, yeah, that would have had to been, right? Because 96. 96 was Clinton and Dole, but you would have been too young. Yeah, I'd have been, maybe I was, my birthday's in March.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't feel like figuring it out. I know I didn't, but I think the first thing I could have voted was, yeah. I'll do a couple more. Jimmy Carter, he's the longest living president of all time. He's 96. And he and his wife have been married almost 75 years. Wow. The longest couple to ever be married.

And he saw a UFO before he was president. Did he really? Did he talk about that on the campaign? I don't know if he talked about it on the campaign, but he's talked about it. Yeah, you maybe wait until you've already been elected before you start talking about that. Yeah, thanks, you guys, for electing me. By the way, I saw a UFO. Here's why I'm really here. I'm trying to get to the bottom of this. I bet he got to. People always say, he's like the president that you hear that most people have met him.

Uh-huh. Well, he, up until recently, maybe still does, teaches Sunday school class in Georgia. Yeah. Yeah. And Habitat for Humanity. He's done so much humanitarian work since he's been president. Humanitarian work. Yeah. Kind of comes back. Yeah. Comes back around. Uh,

But they're, yeah, like he's, I think Hannibal has a joke about him, like where he would always shake everybody's hands. Yeah. Like when he met, yeah, they seem just like nice. I mean, it's crazy that this picture looks not real. No, it doesn't. But yeah. The last one, Ronald Reagan, he played a round of golf at Augusta National in 1983. An armed gunman drove his truck through an entrance gate and took five hostages in the pro shop demanding to speak to Reagan.

Two hours later, they negotiate with him. The man was arrested. No one was hurt, but he served three years in prison, which seems short to me. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty crazy. Yeah. Two hours later means he goes, we're going to finish the round. Yes. Like, we're not. I'm playing great today. We better wrap this up. Does he have a gun? Does he not have a gun? You're like, eh. He's got like a big sword. And they go, what?

All right, dude. One might let it. It's Augusta. Yeah, it's Augusta. It's Augusta. Augusta's the one you go, dude, it's Augusta. Yeah. The nerve of that guy, he should have got more years for the Augusta part than even the actual hostage part. The main thing we're doing is just you not being a dude enough to respect in a day at Augusta. That's the problem. We're not, you know, if we're at Winged Foot, I get it.

I get it, dude. We're at Pebble Beach. I understand. You bring a boat up, you start shooting people. I get it. Augusta, you leave that day alone. Yeah. Even if you're Ronald Reagan, you leave that day alone. All right. That's it? Yeah, I was going to ask. I mean, obviously, none of us are qualified to be president. Our wives are more qualified. So if we were the first gentleman, what would be our cause? Like, everyone has a cause. Oh. Yeah. Why can't we be president? Well, I was just... All right, we can, I guess. I just thought...

It would be easier to have a cause. Literacy? Gout? Gout awareness? Mine would be ageism. Yeah, ageism. Because other countries respect elderly. So Melania's was cyberbullying. Michelle Obama's was childhood obesity. Laura Bush's was childhood literacy, right? I think so. I think. So then yours would be...

Mine would be age discrimination. Yes, that's the one discrimination everybody's fine with. Everything else has been shut down. Yeah, gout awareness. Rabies. Scurvy. I'm like, let's figure that out. Yeah, I don't know what I would call it. Literacy? Illiteracy. Like not being able to read? Yeah, but helping people read.

Yeah. Well, I don't even know if I have dyslexia. No, I know. We don't know if he has gout, but I think you should be fighting for it. I bet he's, we could, yeah. Who has more signs for which? I think we both have a pretty good game. Yeah.

I think we're both going in the doctor's office. We're both going to have a talking to. We got enough of the signs that it's worth seeing somebody. He turned around. If he heard you describing your gout and then heard me reading, the doctor would look around and go, we could, yeah, tell him I got an appointment available. I'd love to talk to him.

I don't know. I don't know what my call is. I don't like it being literacy. Well, I'll just bring that on. You could be president and we'll be first gentlemen. Aunt Nancy and Miss Fancy. Yeah.

I like that. That'll be us. Oh, I got a fun one. You know, if you're the president, you can decorate the Oval Office. You can put whatever you want in there. Any item from any museum ever, you just go get it. Yeah. So what would be a cool thing that you would want in your office? I mean, it could be literally anything. That T-Rex and...

Don't they have the big T-Rex? Oh, the big one from the Smithsonian? Yeah, you can get that. The Chicago Film Museum? Yeah. I don't know if it fit in the Oval Office, but I guess if you broke it all down, put it in a box. So I can't get whatever I want. I would do it for that. Okay, so just to be clear, so I can't. So not everything. So not everything. And they go, well, I guess we thought that'd be obvious. You go, did we? This whole thing is kind of ridiculous. Yeah.

So I thought I would ask. Right. Yeah. I put the sun sphere. I get that and move that to the White House lawn. Football sign for the 1997 Vanderbilt football team. Yeah, I would. But it's crazy. You think like any painting, you're like. Well, what's some examples that they've done it?

You're like, if some president would be like, I want George Washington's portrait right here to remind me of a trait that I find admirable in him. But that was already in the White House, right? Yeah, well, maybe, maybe not. Does anybody bring in Jordan sneakers? You could, theoretically, yeah. I don't know if any of this is true. If the president's like, I want this in my office.

This is from the West Wing, so it's got to be. That's where Calvin Coolidge's story came to. It's got to be. You can get whatever you want. A 1,400-pound block of cheese. Yeah. Big block of cheese day. The couch from All in the Family. I want my world leaders to be sitting on that couch, and I laugh at them, and they go, what's so funny? You go, you're never...

I don't think you're going to get it, but that couch thing. Yeah, dude. It's so funny that you're sitting on it. That'd be awesome. Yeah. I don't know if I believe that at all. Me either. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's true. Sometimes I'll think something's true, I talk about it on the podcast, and I lose a lot of confidence in it. And I got to go back and do it. I think that's a good thing. And...

That's it, everybody. All right, we'll see you next week. Thank you. Bye. Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land Podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or a comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetti, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media.

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