#28 Calendars
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Trace for yourself with 25% off at ritual.com slash podcast. What's up, everybody? Or hello, folks. I started saying what's up, everybody. Hello, folks. Welcome to Nate Land. Sitting here today, I'm Nate, Aaron, Brian, as usual. Happy New Year. This is the first episode of the rest of our lives. 2021. We did it. Everybody's glad that we're done with 2020. People seem to be.

And we made it. We're doing the new year. Did you party it up New Year's Eve? No, we went in eight, and then that was it. So came back, and we did the Eastern time zone New Year's for the kids. The ball dropping. Yeah.

Yeah, 11 o'clock, did it, told them it was, and they were just like, but it says, they keep figuring it out. But why does your phone say 1059? I go, my phone's not correct.

My, you know, my time that gets from the satellite that's precisely perfect is a whole hour. Yeah. Must be something, something's up with it. You know, technology. I remember going with you guys to a New Year's Eve party when Harper was two and she stayed up to past midnight. Yeah. Harper's Harper's like me. She just, Harper just doesn't nod off. She doesn't, she's not a, like Laura. Well, we watch a movie. We can't start a movie past nine or Lars will never make it. Uh,

Harper will stay up. And so we always tell her she can try to stay up as late as she wants. I think Harper could stay up 24 hours. And I would like to try that one day. But we made her go to sleep. I mean, she gets a, obviously she's tired. She gets delirious. And like, you know, it's like kids, they get, it's pretty funny. You see like kids get drunk.

Because they're just so tired and they're just being silly and they're very funny. And they just, and when you try to make them go to bed, it's like a meltdown. Yeah. And so we made it that night. She went to bed, you know, it was around midnight, I guess, 1130 midnight. And then she's, you know, never going to get to stay up ever late again. And you said, you promised me one night. And I was like, all right, we'll stay up one night. I was like, we'll do it. We were having a big day the next day with my family. So I was like, we can't do it tonight.

And then the next night we stayed, they ended up staying up till two. So I was like, this is your night. Wow. Like, this is it. This is the dinner. Like in the Seinfeld, the soup. This is the meal. This is the meal. All right, we're doing it. So we got it, but it was good. It was a, it was a fun, you know, we did it.

We have fun. You know, 2021 feels like the same. So we're going to start off as usual. First comments of the new year. These are from YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, Apple Podcast Reviews. And you can always email nateland at natebargetzi.com. First up, Lori Crawford. Lori Crawford or Lori Crawford. I just want to let you guys know how great you are. Sadly, extremely sad. My son succumbed to his PST. Man.

This is like a sad one. I'm already messing up. Succumbed? Uh-huh. All right. Succumbed to his PTSD struggle last week before Christmas. And needless to say, as his mother, I was beyond devastated. I had not smiled or laughed or felt any happiness in days. Then I had to go somewhere one day when I got in my car to drive. Your podcast came on and it made me smile, even laugh.

I was so grateful at that moment for you and what you do. So thank you so much. Keep it up. I'm going to need you a lot in the future. Wow. Well, thank you, Lori. That's super nice. We'll keep your son in our thoughts and prayers. And yeah, that's tough, man. And I corresponded with her. She said she wanted to really thank you for doing shows for the troops. Oh, yeah. It meant a lot to her family. Yeah. Well, I mean, they, you know, I'm the loser. Those guys are the...

She said that too. Yeah, wow. She really got into it. She dreamed of all that, yeah. Tell him, don't let him think, he's not better than us. I don't want him to get too hit. David Banner. Thanks to you kind folks, I have a connection with my son who is on the autism spectrum. I drive him to a special school that has a 30-minute commute each way. For a long time, we just drove in silence because he doesn't want to talk or listen to music.

I'd love to now. I might want to ride with your son. I love that. We just don't have to talk, listen to music for 30 minutes. I'll take him to school. I love the Netflix special for the unbelievable level of comedy and the clean humor. I turned on your podcast one morning. I expected him to protest. He didn't say anything for about 10 minutes and then he started laughing at everything. We love the banter, the teasing back and forth and the sarcasm. Sarcasm is a rare thing for a person with autism to fully grasp.

but he loves it all. Now we listen every day and talk about the stuff that you guys are stumbling through. I can't thank you enough for giving us this opportunity to share. Well, thank you, David. That's cool. Yeah, that's very cool. Thanks for your son too. I'm glad he loves it. And yeah, I'll ride with him. 30 minutes, no talking, no music. I'm on board. And he wants to just listen to talk radio. I mean, this is the greatest car ride of all time.

John Brocato. Brocato. I love everything about this podcast, including the fact that Nate and Aaron blazed right past the cleverest statement uttered so far on the show. Nate thinks a pronoun is a noun that gets paid to be in a sentence.

This is next level brilliant and easily bracelets shining moment. That's what you said. Yeah. When you're talking about, you didn't know what an adverb was. I said, thanks for pronouns. And now it gets paid to be in a Senate. Oh, wow. That is, I don't think I called it. That's very funny. We talked right past it. I'm sorry. Wow. Wow. Bracelet. Bracelets are good. It's a funny word. Bracelets are funny word. Yeah. Uh, look at that. At least he got it. Huh?

You wrote that, but John Bricotta is your fake name? And I was like, if I call myself by my real name. They're going to get it. They'll get it. Let me call myself Bracelet.

Jeff Fox, the fact that a man who thinks we can use et cetera in places of numbers is wildly successful is all the proof we need that this is the best time to be alive. That's a good point. That is. The fact that a man who thinks we can use et cetera in place of numbers is wildly successful. Pi is 3.14, et cetera, et cetera. Et cetera, et cetera. Are we going to go through them all? Who's going to go through them all? No one's going to go through them all. Yeah. Just keep them rolling, dude.

And the fact that I am successful is, is it is proof. That's what I mean. Yeah. I think there's a lot of dumb people doing a lot of big things right now. More than ever. You think cavemen, you couldn't have had just a dumb, they died immediately. They would just be gone.

You couldn't survive, you know? Especially the dumb ones. I mean, the dumb ones. I mean, some of them would survive out of pure just... Luck. Yeah. Yeah, luck. And they're not scared of anything, so they're fighting animals. Yeah. Like, they just go into it, fighting a lion. They're like, whatever, man. You know? You need some of that. But nowadays, I mean, yeah. I think that's our main problem. We got too many dumb people that have too many bigger platforms. Yeah.

Christopher Stanley. Nate tries to hum a few bars of Downtown by Petula Clark to see if he can get Aaron to recognize it. Aaron begins singing lyrics from Fall Out Boy.

I almost choked to death taking a sip of water as that happened. Aaron wins Millennial of the Year. I'll take it, man. Congrats, buddy. That's a title, dude. Millennial of the Year. You're thick in the millennials. Yeah, I'm right in the, I'm what you think of when you hear millennial. I'm like right in the sweet spot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The worst of the worst. Yeah. Or the best of the best. Depends. Depends on who you're talking to. We're doing good stuff.

I think. I think millennials do a lot of good stuff. Yeah. They do a lot of crazy stuff too. You know, a lot of people commented on the downtown. Like, how did you guys miss the Seinfeld reference? You did say it. You said it really fast. And you said Seinfeld reference. But we'd already talked about it before the show.

Yes. And it was, yeah, a lot of our funniest stuff would get out of the way. And it's, yeah, like, well, that was a reference that downtown, I think we, you know, sometimes we make these Seinfeld references. They're so quick and they're as if we're just sitting in the room alone and we say it and it's like, yeah. And so, yeah, we don't, it's not as always pointed out. But yeah, that was a great down, downtown. They break down the entire song. Yep.

Pete leaners, lean here's L E E N H E E R S lean here's Len airs, maybe Len airs, Pete Len airs. What do you think he says?

lean here's you think that's what there's no way you said lanier's lanier's sounds okay if i'm interviewing odd way to spell it well if i'm interviewing a guy and he comes in i go what's your name he goes my name's pete lean here's you're gonna wait pete why don't you walk on back out of here you think i'm gonna pronounce that name like that lean here's he goes pete lanier's that's what he says lanier's and you go all right pete i'll talk to you that's fair

The odds of him winning an Emmy with two of four nominations, assuming random selection is in fact 83%, not 50 or 75. He had a 17% chance of not winning an Emmy. That's a great, that's exactly right. 83 is still a lot.

It is. A few people did that math for us. And, you know, I asked my buddy, Ben Hall, who listens to the podcast about what he was thinking. He's the one that lost out that night. Yeah. And I was like, what were you thinking? He said, I took a date. That's how confident I was that I'm going to win something. And then when they announced, we've got a tie. He's like, I've won twice. Yeah. He thought he was going to win twice. And then he's won both of them.

And then he had to call his parents and say, I didn't win. They're like, well, who did win? He said, everyone but me. Yeah. Everyone else. Three people. He's two of them. That, that, that almost like someone did that on purpose. Someone had it out for him. I would, I would believe that someone had it out for him. I mean, how do you not, you know, how do you not, how do you not have it out for him? What's the, is this clock counting down? We got a new clock in. It's going up. 10 minutes, 52 seconds. Oh.

Okay, I get it now. Man, that confuses me. Well, we got a new clock to go that 11. One of the things is in blue. Can you show it? Can it see it? And so...

the 11 is in blue. So we always have a clock there to kind of see where we're at. And so that 11, this is new. I just saw it running. I go, what's the blue number? And everybody goes, I don't know. Yeah. And then I'm seeing the other thing and I'm like, what is happening? It was a quick, I didn't figure it out. All right. All right. We figured it out now. Now we got it. Yeah. We got what it is. Uh,

So everybody calm down. We'll do an episode on time sometimes. Yeah. How did time get invented? Yeah. What is time? Or is it invented? Is it? Yeah. Is there some people that don't believe it? Is it a human construct or is it just, you know, we can dive into it later, but. Like, did we make it up? Does it even matter what it is? Yeah. I mean, the sun sets and stuff. So you're going to say what time, how long is the sun up? So wouldn't it just be.

There's still time, whether it's a number or not, right? Right. Okay. All right. I don't know. I'll have to wait until Brian does all the research, and then we'll learn more about it. We're going to talk about some of that today. Yeah. Oh. Teaser. A little teaser. Stick around, folks. Or say goodbye. Yeah. I'll be like, ah, man. These guys are going to do...

Delve into that. No, guys, it's much boring than time. Save some time. Yeah, you wish we were going to get into time. That's what's going to happen when you get done with this podcast. Why don't y'all do time? Good night. How long was that? That podcast took a lot of time. Zachary Zurn. ZZ. Zachary Zurn. Sewer systems and access to clean water greatly increased around 1900. Infection and disease decreased dramatically.

dramatically as soon as we were able to efficiently get rid of sewage. Next time you flush, remember how good you have it, folks. This toilet is the most underrated invention of all time, the toilet is. It's pretty true. Something you don't think about. Everybody says slice of bread. It's great as a slice of bread. Isn't that the same? Yes, and sliced bread. And sliced bread. But the toilet, I would think, anytime you're going to say a saying like that, it's probably a little grosser.

Oh, it's the best thing since toilet. This is the best thing since the toilet. If you're at a party, everybody's like, all right. And then you go, let's just say slice of bread. That's a little bit, you know, it's a little, we can keep, we can roll with it. Everybody's like, Oh, it's a good point. Yeah. And toilet seems okay. I go with AC. Cause he doesn't just stop. He goes, what do you mean the toilet? He goes, you know, cause you're pooping it. And everybody's like, all right. Yeah. Whoa, back up. Hold on. Uh,

Yeah, AC. Well, the toilet, though, I think I agree with him. The toilets, that's a world of problems. Yeah, I agree, but I feel like I've been giving it the credit it deserves my whole life. I didn't know if you guys have been walking around taking it for granted. Y'all probably talk about it at your dinner table. Do y'all do that?

Y'all talk about it. Y'all debate it and go, all right, Webber's. Yeah. What's the best invention that you've seen? And then you go, Ooh, Oh dad. Y'all eat. All I know is. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I've never really without a toilet, but when I'm without AC, that changes my life.

Yeah. For a while. But I mean, if you could go with one or the other. I'd take the toilet probably. Yeah, you're right. So, I mean, that's the air condition. You can figure it out. You know, fall's coming. Get a fan. You're right. Or just wait for the colder temperatures. It's going to come. Just start walking north. Do opposite of the birds. That's what you do. You do opposite of the birds. Start heading north. You want to be in that good, you know. This person's making the point.

That that's when lifespan started increasing greatly. We showed that graph last week. It's just when, Oh, so it wasn't Walmart that was invented. It was toilets. Well, you might be right. Might be Walmart. Who was selling these toilets? Yeah. So that's a catch 22. Yeah. I think it's a little bit of both. I think a little Walmart and toilet had a lot to do with it. Someone went into Walmart and used the toilet and he goes, we can buy these for our house.

Morgan Smith. I love when Aaron just gives up and tells Nate that's fair. Even when Nate is arguing for something utterly atrocious. Aaron senses when it's time to move on and says that's fair so Bad Post can move the show along. Love the podcast. Morgan sees right through us. That is fair, Morgan. You know, she gets it. Yeah, I think I have that already today.

Yeah. You go, that's fair. You give up. You don't want to talk about it. Well, that's just where you get to the point where you're like, all right, we've died. Fair enough. Yeah. You know? Yeah, you don't want to talk about it much anymore. You're kind of over it. Well, you can pin people into a corner. Yeah.

You can't. Who, me? Yeah, you can't. Yeah. And then you just, when you're in the corner, you just go, all right. Yeah. Yeah. That's throwing the towel in is what it is. Yeah. That's what I like to do. I like to back you down in a corner where you can't get out. And then you have to go, that's fair. Then I go, all right. All right, bed post. The door's right there. The bed post goes, all right. And then next round, he rings the bell. Yeah. Next round.

Lori, Lori Renshaw, a couple of Lori's. Lori Renshaw, I hate to be this person, but as a pharmacist, I have to clarify the aspirin situation. It's actually 325 milligrams per tablet. So just under 100 tablets a day. I guess they kept the news of the truckloads of aspirin being delivered daily to the corner pharmacy out of the headlines too. Whoever had the patent was making a killing in more ways than one.

So we were saying 150. So. And it's only 100. Just under 100. Still a significant amount of aspirin. Still a lot. I mean, just the sheer volume of the pills is going to be a problem in your stomach. Yeah. I mean, it's a meal. 100. Yeah. Did you eat breakfast? Yeah, kind of. Did we ever do that joke? Kind of might have done that. Yeah. I mean, still 100. Yeah.

and then but it's not as bad if you went to a town and they go we do 100 and the other town is 150 you'd go i'm glad to be here i still i'm still not thrilled but if you just went to this you go a town over and they go we do 100 we're not crazy and you go you're not you're definitely not as crazy because they're doing 150 right over there yeah and you are at 100 but i mean i think i still y'all still need to calm it down

I always think aspirin, I always take it. I never think it's this magical thing that I feel better. You don't, you don't feel it working? I don't think so. Are you talking about like Tylenol or anything? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'll take it. I guess maybe you have a severe headache. I don't think, I don't like to take stuff.

That's probably a good mentality. Yeah. I've never been a big where I want to take a million things. I mean, I have to take some stuff. And now I'm taking Zyrtec. I'm supposed to. I don't take it all the time. I'm supposed to. Allergies. Just like allergies. I never had allergies, but I have them more than I ever have now. And so I took one today. You're supposed to take it every day. But I don't. But I'm not a big fan of...

I try to take stuff to sleep. That's my, that's the only thing that I do, but that's, that's we've narrowed down to, I've narrowed down and it has to be a Sour Patch Kids late at night. That's what I think. You just looked at me like, how many do you take, Brian? I was going to ask, what's your pill regimen? Well, it's one for, it's got a day. It's got a marker Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Do you have a marker? Yeah. I've said that on here before. I have a pill box now. Oh man.

Do you do Saturday, Sunday together or is the S's separate? Separate. Separate S's. Yeah. That's good. What age did you have to get it? Just recent? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This year. Last year, I guess. Because it just started becoming a handful. The amount of pills you got to take, it starts to get. Yeah. How many pills are in the thing? Just two. Just two. I could just never remember if I... If you've taken it already. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's tough. That's not an age thing. I think everybody would probably have trouble remembering it. But so you just set them out every morning and then you just grow and take your two? Yep.

All right. One's for acid reflux. Oh. One's just a daily vitamin. One's just your face. What? I don't know. I just felt like that was fun. And one's just for my general, my face in general. And they had a...

a pill for like down salting that would be the doctor and this one's just for your overall here's one for your face you're pretty rough looking guy and you're like good night dude and he goes yeah it's just a good pill for you what does it do because I don't honestly don't know it gives you worse vision so straight up roast so you don't see it I'm not saying you I just now we're going along with it okay I like the idea of a pill they should make a pill that does that for people's face it's for your face

And a doctor just says that straight up your face. I always, when I get questions from doctors, they, I feel like I never know how to answer any of their questions when they ask. I went and had a physical and you know, it's like I've had my shoulder hurt.

And which I've been golfing an obnoxious amount. And then I started working out a little bit. So I was like, oh, it's probably working out. I blame it on working out. By the way, I swing club. I swing a club every day. It's probably that. And then they go and she was like, I bet you've had that the whole time.

So it's a good, you know, weird. Some of their, like it's, you get to an age where it's just like, yeah, you just sounds like she didn't know how to answer you. I think so. But I don't ever know how to tell them exactly the problem. I would think doctors have a big problem with that is that they don't know how to get the information from the patient and they go describe what it is. And you go, I don't know if I can.

I've thought about that. If there should be some device that the doctor puts it on and then they can feel whatever pain you're feeling. That would be unbelievable. And they're like, oh, I know exactly what that is. Yeah, and you go, yeah. I mean, that's why you need a doctor that has a ton of experience because he's going to go, I've heard this before. Mm-hmm.

whatever example, because this is back to my point. Like we're all, this is why jokes and kind of all of those, but this is why I think jokes work so much when jokes can be relatable. Like when you write a joke and it's very relatable to a group of people, because we're all the same. None of us are doing anything that's really different. We have the same kind of fights with our families and same kind of stuff. So a doctor can, you know, when you go describe a pain, the way you describe it, unless you're like a weirdo that describes it some weird way, um,

The doctor's probably heard that and is going to know what it is. But you need him to have that experience to be like, I've looked at thousands of people and I've heard a thousand people be like, it's just like in my back of my tricep or something. And then they go, I get the idea of what it probably is. But yeah, it is hard to tell them. I remember I went to the doctor once with sinus problems and the doctor goes, does it feel like somebody's blowing up a balloon inside your head?

I was like, that is perfect. Yeah. I was so impressed with the analogy. I was like, God, you nailed it. Yeah. I didn't even think of it. But yeah, exactly. And then you go, yeah. And then he goes, take this. This is for your face. Yes. That was a pill for your face. That is a face pill. That was a face pill. For sure. Yeah, absolutely. I bet doctors get frustrated now with all the self-diagnosis from the internet. Yeah. Because whenever I go in, I always tell the doc what I think it is. And he always just stares at me, lets me finish. And then he tells me what it is. Yeah.

But I always look it up. You know, I feel like I feel like I need to tell him what I think it is. Yeah. Well, you want to lead him down? Well, I guess you're worried they don't care. That's what you that you have a fear that they you know, it's the way I look at it. It's why I don't trust in anything or I'm always skeptical of stuff is because everybody's still a person.

So whatever person, you know, that'd be like if people, when you have to take your clothes off to a doctor, it's hard for you to rationalize. Like, you don't like just, you're like, you're not gonna make fun of me when I leave the room or something. And you're like, well, I'm a doctor. I don't look at it that way. And you're like, but you're like, I don't know how to not, you're still a person. Yeah, exactly. And you can't tell me that there's not, you don't go, well, we do, you know, you don't bring it up. And when you have your doctor party, sit next to a proctologist. You sit next to a proctologist at a party, you stay there.

Yeah. That's a Seinfeld reference. Have I talked about... A million to one, Doc. A million to one. I went to the ER like a few months ago. Since we've done this podcast? Yeah, I can't... Yeah. No, you haven't. It was during COVID. I just... My foot just started hurting.

middle of the night. I couldn't sleep. This is before Krispy Kreme. I want that on the record. Yeah. It's another do the Krispy Kreme. And it wasn't, it wasn't like I looked up like diabetic nerve pain. I was like, what is this? Couldn't figure it out. And I couldn't describe it better than just my foot hurt real bad, the whole foot. And I just couldn't sleep. I called my mom. She goes, just go to the ER. It could be a blood clot or something. I don't know. So I go to the ER. I'm the only one there.

And the whole time I was like, they're just going to think that this is like not a real thing. So I was just so nervous about trying to articulate how bad it hurt. So I'm sitting in the chair thing and the person comes in and they're like, did you hurt it? Did you bump it into something? I was like, no.

you know, did you twist it? I got, I was just sitting down and it just started hurting. So she goes, okay. And I see her walk out in the hallway and like a group of them. And they kind of all look at me at once and then look back. And I was like, they're just talking trash out there, dude. They're like, we'll give you an x-ray. Maybe. I mean, this is not a, anyway, they just gave him, sent me home. Yeah. And it got fine after a while. I don't know. It never hurt you again? No, it hurts so bad though. And,

I had no idea what it was. Could you walk on it? No, I couldn't walk on it. And then no medicine or anything. It just went away. They said, just take some ibuprofen.

I was like, can I get a prescription? They're like, look, you don't need a prescription. I was like, oh my gosh. Took some aspirin. I didn't even take 100. I just took three or four. And it went away and you're fine now. Yeah, I'm fine. It hasn't hurt since. You did a Lambo leap this weekend. I did do a Lambo leap, yeah. He went to Green Bay. All right. Well, maybe someone will write in and be like, yeah, dude, you need to go back. You're going to lose that foot. I might need to. It feels great now, though. If anybody has a...

Heavy diabetes, listen to this. Let us know if you go, I remember that day. If you're listening to what Aaron just said, you go, I remember that day. And it was 20 years before it all went down. Just give us a heads up. Brian Keegan. Hello, folks. I enjoyed watching the donut challenge episode very much. It reminded me of a challenge we did with a guy at work.

We dared him to eat one of everything from the company vending machine. The machine had small packages of chips, cookies, candy bars, etc. It sounds easy. I even considered trying it myself.

I'm glad I did it because not even halfway through my coworker was thrown up in a garbage can. We think it may have been the breath mints that put them over the top. He was miserable, but he made a boring day at work, more entertaining for all of us. It was all, it was a well day. Love you, Nate, Aaron, especially Brutus beefcake. Keep up the good work. Uh, I love that. Like, uh,

That's a pretty good one. Yeah, I like that. You think you could eat all the vending machines? I was thinking, oh, I could do that. And then he mentioned Breathman. So I was like, God, you'd have to eat a whole pack. All the row of gum down there. And you got to just swallow the gum? Yeah. No, I'm sure you can spit it out, the gum. You just chew it? I think you just have to chew it. But I would definitely go gum last.

Okay. You start at the bottom with the heaviness. You start at the top of me and maybe work your way down. No, I'd start at the bottom. I always think the gum's at the bottom. Well, I guess it is. I guess it depends on where you're vending machine. But wherever the gum's at, you want to start opposite of that. Yeah. And then you want to go from there. How long have you got to chew each piece?

I would just throw all, it's probably Juicy Fruit 5, just dump them all in there, you know? The Juicy Fruit 5. They fought for equality in the 60s. It's a Netflix documentary, the Juicy Fruit 5. No, was it seriously? It wasn't. It was normal. It was really fighting over nothing. They wanted the same rights as Big Red. Yeah.

You're going to put us on the same shelf? Look how far back we are. We always have one little metal bar that's empty in front of us. What is that doing to us? No one ever buys us. All right, everybody. We had a big, yeah, like we said earlier, we had a great New Year's and all that stuff. We also got something sent to us from a listener. Apparently, the dead Burt Reynolds...

is a big fan of the show. The Burt Reynolds. The Burt Reynolds. Dear Nate, Aaron, and Brillo Pat. Hello, folks. It's me, America's favorite dead actor, 1970s sex symbol, Mr. Burt Reynolds. Aaron might be too young to know who I am, but I'm sure Nate has heard of me, and I think I went to high school with belly button sun.

I won't, I'm a, we're, we're post the whole thing so you can read it. It's very funny. Uh, it's, uh, what is this from is, uh, we have a mutual friend, the dad, Burt Reynolds and, uh, me are friends with Greg Garcia and he's got a TV show. The guest book is going to be available on Hulu soon. And he actually sent us, uh, episodes of, uh, the guest book to, to watch. I don't know if anybody saw the guest book when it was on. Uh, not a lot of people watched it. And,

No, but it was a great show, and it's going to be on Hulu soon. Greg Garcia, he listens to the podcast. I've got to be lucky to become very good friends with Greg. He also created My Name is Earl, The Millers, Guest Book, Raising Hope. I might even miss him one more. He's done a lot. Honestly, one of the best writers I've ever...

met, I've never seen... He's a... would be a phenom in my eyes of the dude can write a script just and it's so good and writes it so fast and he's just on another planet. And when we wrote... So he came and helped us when we were writing our show. Our show didn't go anywhere and it's probably Greg's fault that it didn't. But when we were writing that show, Greg came in to help and it was unreal how...

good he was, how much he would like come in and write. And it was just

unbelievable like he would he he just would come in and like he'd throw out i have this idea and you're like all right first time when i first met him i didn't really i didn't know him and so they're like he's helping us and i was like you know i gotta listen to this idiot talk and so then he tells us he's like what about if you do this for your ideas and i was like well that's maybe the greatest idea i've ever heard and then we just immediately changed and i was like we should do all those ideas and we basically rewrote the script because of him

So he's unbelievable. So check out, we'll post the letter because it's very funny. And then check out the guest book. It'll be on Hulu. And he's one of the folks. He's one of us folks. Nice. So let's go watch it. All right. This week we have, we kind of teased that we were talking about time. We're not doing time.

Well, kind of. Kind of time. We're talking about calendars. I mean, talk about just a school. If this was a school, imagine being a student and they go, hello, everybody. We are going to talk about calendars today. And you're like, oh my God. Are we kidding me? Just Zoom. Do you mind if I take my Zoom camera off?

Yeah. I have a lot of faith in the topic. I really do. But this sounds like a comment that someone would leave. Like, what are you guys going to talk about next? Calendars? We're like, yeah, actually, that's a good idea. Or we might do two parts of it. I got a lot here, folks. Do you know how we come up with the year 365 days, like that length of time? No, of course not.

I've never... Do you know? Well, that's how long it takes the Earth to rotate around the sun, right? Yes. That's an easy answer. One trip around the sun. That was a pretty simple answer right there. You know, I don't know when they teach you that. I mean, I thought...

You just thought everyone knew it? Yeah. You just think you didn't know? That's fair. Yeah. Did you know it? Yeah. Everybody knew it? I'm going to... Do you know how long a day is? How long a day is? 24 hours. Yeah, but why is it 24 hours? Because the moon. What do you want me to say? Is it the moon? It's a rotation of the Earth. Go around the moon. The moon flies around. I look at the moon every night, dude. Don't talk to me like I don't know the moon.

I know the moon when I see a moon. Last night, I looked at the moon. It was huge last night. It was huge last night. Some of it was missing somehow. Yeah. So for a day, that's the Earth spinning on its axis one time around. The Earth spins at 1,000 miles per hour. Right now, we're traveling 1,000 miles an hour. Feels like it. Feels like it. I'll double down one more. Do you know how we come up with months? This is the toughest one.

I wish I knew this one. That'd be great. Is it cycles of the moon? Yep. Oh, wow. Yep. One cycle of the moon's 29 and a half days. The word month came from the word moon. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Don't know everything, do we? Well, I got it right. Notre Dame doesn't. Well, y'all good at guessing. Notre Dame. I didn't go to college, dude. I'm not smart at this kind of stuff, but I'll, you know, I can talk my way into a lot of the more stuff. There's.

So ancient calendars used to be lunar calendars. They go off the moon. And so the moon goes through a full cycle about every 29 and a half days and

But it would start to mess things up because the sun and the moon don't cooperate with each other. Have you heard Rory Scovel's got a great joke about that? What? With the sun, you ever go outside and see the moon? You know when you see the moon during the day and the sun's like, what are you doing? And he's like, what? I'm not... He goes, I thought I wanted to come out. It's like everybody can...

And the moon's like, all right, I'll go back. Don't go back now. Everybody's already seen you. Might as well stay out here. Why are you out here? So the moon came out too early. That's funny. So the Romans had the first calendar kind of like ours, but theirs was only 10 months long. They didn't have January, February. New Year started March 1st. Which have been the coldest months. I don't think we should have them either. Well, that's their reasoning. They just called it a dead period. We don't need it. Are you serious? Yeah. They lived through it.

Yeah, I mean, they just didn't call it anything. They weren't doing anything. It was just a dead period. So they would just, they're just like, what if you have to do something during this time? Well, there wasn't much doing back then. So, but if you go, we got to go, you want to meet? And you go, we'll need to meet in the dead period. And you go, well, how do we know when to do that?

That's a good question. And then they go, well, just count it because people probably had dead period calendars. Yeah, secret. Their own secret. That's why like October, the word octo is eight, like octopus has eight legs, but October is the 10th month. The reason is before this, it used to be the eighth month. Oh. Because there was no January, February. Because they were being ridiculous. Yes. It's going to get a lot worse. I mean, that's ridiculous to go, we just have a dead period and you go, we're just not going to acknowledge it.

let's just all tap out for a little bit. Yeah. I mean, who just came up with this? Me. That's what I would have came up with back then. Like, well, we just don't do it. That's the easiest thing. So it wasn't working for a lot of reasons. We just named. So in 45 BC, Julius Caesar said, we got to do a better calendar guys. Come on. So that's like if a president ran on, uh,

right now running on daylight savings time. That's like Julius Caesar. A president should run on that to go like, I'm going to just change it. Guys, come on. What are we doing? And that's what Julius Caesar did. He's like, all right, this calendar is ridiculous. He goes, look, I'm here. Who are we kidding ourselves? Who are we kidding ourselves? You're doing something during that time, right? We're not in hibernation. Yeah, we're not bears. We wake up and come out. I went grocery shopping during the dead period.

And I went on a day that it was sunny and then I slept when it wasn't and then woke back up when it was sunny. So Julius Caesar's astronomer, this is amazing they could figure this out that far back. Yeah. I can't figure it out now. I know. Even with all the information. I couldn't either. But the astronomers figured out that the Earth goes around the sun 365 days. So they made a 365-day calendar just like we have. Starts January 1st. Has a leap year every four years.

Do you guys know how we come up with Leap Year? Just because something's off. Yeah, so... I don't think there's like... I think it's just stop asking, just start telling. No, I love it. It's a good call. I mean, that is right, right? Something's a little bit off. Something's a little bit off and then they go... They messed up though.

They said a day was 365 days and six hours, but a day is actually 365 days, five hours, 48 minutes, and 46 seconds. That's the who's they. My brother just said something this weekend. He's like, they are the smartest people I've ever met. It's always, well, they are the dumbest people. It's one or the other. Or who's they? You're like, well, they know who they are. They somebody, and they are a problem.

In this case, it was the guys Julius Caesar hired to do it. So it was off a little bit. You hire calendar people. I mean, is there a calendar company that you just call? It's astronomers. Oh, yeah. They get work? I think astronomer. Astronomer. Astronomer? Astronomer?

I thought astronomer was the thing in your car that tell you how fast you were going. What's the astronomer show? Yeah. That's, uh, I got an astronomer. That's what he brought. He brought an astronomer. He goes, all right, tell me how fast you can. He's like, I don't do that. You're like, well, I don't, what do you do then? He's like, I do like star stuff. And you go, all right, well, I'd like to do a calendar too. You know, so might as well have you do that. I was bringing you in for something else completely, but yeah.

Yeah, sure. Let's mess with the calendar. This dead period is ridiculous. So he was slightly off by 12 minutes, which over time started causing a problem because he put in a leap year every four years. I learned this. A leap year is not actually every four years. Occasionally, we have to skip it.

Really? Yeah. There's actually a mathematic equation to determine what a leap year is. Leap years fall, they got to be divisible by four, unless the year is also divisible by 100. And if the year is divisible by 400, you keep it. Wow. That's ridiculous. The last time... Well, I liked it. First, he was off, too. It's like, we're going to be off about 12 minutes. 12 minutes is not that bad. You go...

Not now, it's not that bad. I agree. But I mean, in a thousand years, it's going to add up. It is going to be a problem. That's exactly what happened. I think I just lost my... Yeah. You're back. Okay. I can't hear myself, but that's okay. So over time, it became a problem. So by the year 1582, when Pope Gregory was running the Catholic Church, we're off by 10 days. So the season's... Pope Greg.

Isn't Pope's name usually a little more Popey? Gregory is. Yeah. That's Popey for sure. Pope Greg? I don't think he went by Greg. I think he went by. The Gregster. His holiness, probably. I think if you named him Greg growing up, you were like, well, he's never going to be a Pope. So might as well name him Greg. So you change your name when you become Pope.

Huh? You do? When you become Pope, you take on a papal name. They took on Gregory? Yeah. I don't know if that's how they were doing it back then, but like... I would love to know his regular name. Yeah. What if it was better? Yeah. Like Pope Benedict was the last Pope. His name was Joseph.

I mean, both of those are better than Gregory. Yeah. Benny? You think Gregory sounds like a good Pope name? It sounds... I think so. I think it sounds regal, kind of. It sounds like... I feel like you would see him out a lot. Like, that's what it sounds like. Right.

That's Pope Gregory over there. That's just Greg. What's he doing? He's throwing darts. Pope Gregory's out there playing darts every night. That's what I think. I think Pope Gregory would be a problem. It's like, golly, dude, he's out. Where were you at last night? He shows up. Sun's coming up. What are you, Greg? What are you doing? People just call him Greg. And he goes, I'm Pope. Pope Gregory. Pope Greg. That's so funny. I've never heard that. Shortening it.

By 1582, Easter wasn't even following when it's supposed to. So Pope Gregory's like, we got to fix this. So his guy figured out this new equation. Did he drink coffee because he had a wild night? What is it? He's just in November? That doesn't make sense. Something's off. What's off? He's like, well, it's two in the afternoon, Pope Gregory. This is the first we've got a hold of you. Yeah.

Where'd you go last night, buddy? He just went out. Yeah. It's an Applebee's down the street. That's where I think you would see Pope Gregory. Yeah. Just at... Leaves the Vatican, goes to like downtown Rome. Oh, leaves the Vatican. Yeah. The hard rock cafe in Rome. Yeah. Just hangs out there. Yeah. You know, they got a Bruce Willis poster in there. I don't know. All right.

Well, anyway, Pope Gregory's guy figured out we don't need a leap year every time. So last time it was skipped was the year 1900. The next time it's going to be skipped is the year 2100. And that keeps us back on pattern so we don't get ahead of ourselves. But we're still off by 26 seconds, even now. So we're losing time here. By the year 4909, the Gregorian calendar will be a full day ahead than it's supposed to be. And I mean, there's a point, does it even matter?

That's what I'm wondering. Why was there so much concern about keeping it as accurate as possible? Because you don't want Christmas in July. Yeah. The seasons and Easter. You're saying another 2,700 years? Well, we're not worried about it. 2,900 years? We're only off by 26 seconds now, so we've got plenty of time. That's because we took all of these other steps. Yeah. We'd be off, way off if we hadn't done this. Yes. It'd be warm right now.

Yeah, it would. Right now, we'd be dead of summer right now because these buffoons. That's what we would say. All right, so then the Gregorian calendar became the new thing. But some Protestants view the Gregorian calendar as a Catholic plot. I'm one of those, by the way. If Aaron calls me and says the show Sunday, I always double check just to make sure because...

Gregorian calendar. You know what I mean? No, I didn't follow along any of that. A Catholic plot? So countries that weren't Catholic were like, we're not doing this. We're not going to fall for this Catholic nonsense. So countries held out. England held out until 1752. And then when they finally changed over, the citizens got mad because the calendar went from September 2nd to September 14th. And rioters said, give us back our 11 days. They just took 11 days from them.

So they just, it was like September 2nd. They go, by the way, everybody, that's, imagine that. Daylight savings. Daylight savings. Hey, everybody, remember to turn your clock back or forward. They tell everybody that on the news. Can you imagine on the news? Hey guys, quick heads up. Remember that thing you got to do September 14th? Well, it's tomorrow. And move your calendar up 11 days. Wow.

11 days. 11 days. I mean, that's a big leap. There weren't Protestants for another 1,500 years, though, when this calendar came out, right? No, there were Protestants. When was Martin Luther doing his thing? 1,500. That's when this is. But Pope Gregory was... This is 1582 when Pope Gregory did this. Oh, am I looking at the wrong Gregory? This is Pope Gregory VIII.

Oh, I'm looking at Pope Gregory VII. Oh, gosh. We've got an amateur over here. There's a bunch of them. I know. Yeah. We should call him Greg. VII? You didn't do anything. Okay. Yeah. We've got Pope Gregory VIII. How many Pope Gregories were there? I mean, eight at least. That's a popular name. I feel like I'm sitting in the wrong college class. That's what I would go, what is this class called again? You're like, oh, we debate nonsense. Oh, okay.

It took some countries so long to switch over that in 1908, the Russians missed the first 12 days of the Olympics because they were still using the old calendar. Didn't set their alarm clock. Didn't imagine, but their calendar clock. They got, nah, we're fine. You sure? Because if something feels off, then he goes, no, we'll be there. We will be there. Imagine them showing up.

To that? The Olympics? 12 days off? How long is the Olympics? Back then, I think it went for months. Okay. That's ridiculous. I mean, well, because you had to travel by boat and stuff. I think they just combined it all into one. The fact that they even kept trying to do it, it was like it just never ended. No one could watch it. Yeah. I mean, are we even doing the Olympics? Yeah. You get a newspaper, who won? Yeah.

The Americans won. When was the race? Six years ago. Just got the newspaper. Just found out. Yeah, I was thinking about joining the Olympics. Well, you should have already started going there when you were eight. You should have started traveling to the Olympic site four years before you start training for the Olympics. Just start walking there. If someone walks in and goes, I think I want to be in the Olympics, well, go get a boat ticket right now.

Start heading because you're not going to make it. Boat ticket. Go get a boat ticket and you're going to probably be late. And who knows when it's going to start because we've got about 15 calendars going on throughout the world. But could you imagine training for four years and you show up and they're like, it was last Tuesday. Why? What happened? Oh, wrong calendar. I mean, that's crazy. How many calendars? Yeah. Thankfully it was Russia, right? Yeah, it was Russia. And not a...

Good place. A lot of people in Russia listening. I mean, they got to do some of the Olympics. I think we're on Russia's regular TV channels. From what I understand, we are on the CBS of Russia. We're Russia's Tonight Show. From what I get, the information I get handed to me, we are in syndication on Russian television. Okay.

My bad. Russia's awesome, man. Nothing bad ever happens there. That's fair. That's fair.

Some churches, Orthodox churches still don't use today's calendar. Orthodox churches, like if you're Latvian Orthodox, if you convert, Nate, you're Latvian Orthodox. Yeah, I will. Your Christmas, that's a George Costanza. Yeah. Remember George? Converts. Oh, yeah. Christmas. A couple little. Christmas Day is January 7th. So Orthodox churches are celebrating Christmas this week. Oh, Merry Christmas. That sounded sincere. Yeah.

Well, it is. Merry Christmas to them. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, they got to go. Their school starts back up. Are they not in the regular schools? They are. I guess they just, I don't know what they do, but that's a good question. That's actually a good question. I don't know. Maybe they take their kids out of school. They might not believe in school. In Russia? No, I'm talking about Orthodox churches. Yeah. Even here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of Orthodox in Russia. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a lot of different types of Orthodox, Greek Orthodox, things like that. But they celebrate some of the holidays different. China has their own calendar, China calendar. They go by animals, so they don't go by years. So this is the year of the ox. Oh, it's a fun year. Yeah. The year of the ox. So they just say, so they don't, so it's not...

2021. They go by our calendar, the Gregorian calendar. Do they write ox on all their checks? Do they write 1225 ox? Is that what they... And then they go 1, 4, snake. Gosh. That was... Give me another check. What is it, ox? Do you write it or draw it? Do I got to draw it?

That could be a big problem. The counter. Still writing snakes on all my checks. What was last year? You know what last year was? I thought you said snake. I made that up. I don't know what 2012 was. It was a rat. A rat. The year of the rat. That says 2010 though, right? Oh, that is 2020. You're right. The year of the rat. So they're still putting rat on all their checks right now.

A lot of people still are. Year of the rat. It's a good year. And the year of the ox will follow. It's actually still the year of the rat until February 11th. Oh. Yeah, their new year is February 12th. So. Metal rat year. Well, that says metal. Oh, okay. Year of the ox will follow. Oh, yeah. 2021, the year of the ox. So how many, so they have, what's that? So they just keep going around. They have 12 animals that they cycle through. Yeah. Yeah. They keep, yeah. So it's not like they have to. It kind of looks like that graph we looked at last week.

dragon rabbit tiger ox pig dog rooster monkey goat snake there is a year of the state yeah yeah and it yeah 2025 2025 it's gonna be the year of the snake so it's more ceremonial than everyday use yeah they don't write that on their chest very funny to think about that no that'd be so wonderful

January 5th, rooster. What's today's animal? That's a 25-ounce. Today's a penguin. Okay. So October 11th, penguin. It mailed it off. In Afghanistan and Iran, it's currently the year 1399. Oh. Oh.

Because they're just like, we're doing our own thing. Yeah. So our calendar started, current one started with the birth of Christ. And theirs started with the Prophet Muhammad made his journey from Mecca to Medina in year 622. Man, 1390. So if you go, that's crazy. It's just 13, what is it, 1399? Yeah. So next year is 1400 for them. Yep. That's a big year. Yeah.

The 1400s, dude. I mean, that's a big even one. They're just getting out of the Middle Ages. I bet they're doing all the, like what we did in 1999, 2000. They're going to discover America pretty soon. We were all scared of 1999, 2000. Oh, yeah. Millennium. They got 600 years to get ready for the Y2K. Oh, man. We should give them a heads up that it's not that crazy. Yeah. Just go ahead and start. Yeah, 1399. They're not even on...

It's funny that you would think that at least they'd be at the same number of us. They're going to be 1,400 next year and we're 2021. There's no rhyme or reason to it. I mean, there is. So legal documents, that's the legal year? I think so. I think so. Interesting. I think they really go by. I don't know how many legal documents they have. That's why you don't date any of them because they're so old. Yeah.

Phil. They're old because they're, I mean, what are you going to meet? You introduce them to your parents. When were you born? 1384. She's like, Oh my God, you look unbelievable. I'll be honest with you. You look great. You look great. Wow. That just means someone right now.

Just, I mean, can you drink here yet? I don't know. Were you born in 1360? If you were not born before 1360, you're like, I mean, my daughter can drink over there. Or maybe she can't. No, she's from the future. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. She knows some stuff. In Ethiopia right now, it's the year 2013. Yeah.

Because they calculated their calendar differently when Christ was born. They have him being born in the year 7 BC by our calendar center. So they're eight years behind us. He was actually born in like 4 BC, right? Yes. Now, did that come from it? Was that a miscalculation as well or was it? That was. So that came from a monk, a 6th century monk said, hey, we should start the calendar on when Jesus was born. And he did some... One guy said that.

He's the one that came up with it, I think so, yeah. One guy. Just one dude. I mean, everybody's affected by it. Just one guy just walks in. A 6th century monk. Hey, I was out with Pope Gregory last night, and he said I could say this. And Pope Gregory's like, tell him. Tell him. Go ahead and say it. And he goes, all right, I will say it. A 6th century monk known as Dennis the Small. Dennis. Dennis is a very funny comedy name. I've always loved the name Dennis. He came up with the AD system.

But he miscalculated Christ's birth. So what he said was the year 1 AD, probably Christ was born between 6 to 4 BC. So he was a little off. And they left out zero. There is no zero. It goes from 1 BC to 1 AD. So that's why Newman's Pneumonium Party was off. It was off. Yeah. Because there's no year zero. Yeah, because they didn't. Why didn't they do zero?

uh i think no one wanted to say zero that whole year i don't think they just it was it wasn't in their number system the concept of nothing oh interesting yeah so they wrote calendars did they were they going one one one i don't know how many checks they were writing back then but they had to write a date they didn't write a date they wouldn't write a date on anything i don't know if people were even writing i guess were they right yeah were you paying for stuff

You were trading. Like, oh, it was all barter? They had money back then. They had gold coins. Yeah, I don't know if they had dates on them. And you don't put like when there wasn't a contract? Yeah, there probably was. You have to put a date on the contract. Yeah, that's true. They write 1-1-1, 1-2-1. Yeah. 12-21, you know?

Yeah. You don't think that was 2-2-2 and they got all real excited? Oh, this won't happen again ever. Well, when was this? When did they decide to start counting? This is like 500 years? Yeah, the year 525. Okay. So who knows what they were doing at the actual time, 180? I mean, negative 180. I would say then they were. Were they doing calendars then? Like, I mean, one, you go from 180 to 1801 B.C.,

you know, you're, you're this, the system's running about the same. It's not like there's cars the next year. Yeah. So a guy that's 20 years old at one AD is 21 at one BC. What's he doing? You know, that's actually pretty good point. Yeah. That's fair. That's fair. That's what I would love to talk to about a, maybe a 34 year old.

I'd like to talk to someone that was 33 than 34. Oh, yeah, when it switched from BC to AD. Yeah. I don't need too much, you know, him getting some tiring about how he's probably mad the calendar changed. You get too old. You get a guy that's 60. He's like, this is ridiculous that we're even doing this. He can't even think back. You know, too young doesn't care. He's about a...

Maybe a 40-year-old that goes, what's your opinion on it? He's like, well, I'll tell you. He just wants somebody like you, your age. Yeah. Just there. My age, it goes, yeah. He doesn't want to talk to the you of that time pretty much. Yeah. I tried to figure out what they were calling the years before this monk came up with this. Because this was the year 525. He said, basically, let's start doing this system. So I don't know what year it was before.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, maybe they weren't making big calendar announcements. Yeah. You know, like it wasn't a big deal. You know, the newspaper came out and it's like, today's this day. They were just like many moons ago. Yeah, there's a lot of that. When were you born? A hundred suns ago. And you're like, all right, how old is he? 16 moons old. And you're like, oh, wow, he's a little baby. Yeah.

52 moons. So maybe they were due by moons. It's weird to think about. There might not have been a reason to keep track of time that precisely up until then. You had not a lot going on. It takes a long time to get a letter sent. You don't want to know how long it takes. If you have time, then you're going to know. God, that is slow. The post office is like, listen, we don't need to keep track of how long it is left. We don't even need to worry about it. We need to get here. It felt like he got here pretty quick. I felt like I didn't send it that long ago. And they go, you know what? It is quick.

In the grand scheme of things. In the grand scheme of things, if you don't know, if there's not a number being thrown at you that goes, this is taking a long time, you don't know. I sent you that letter and you're like, I got here fast.

And then once you start throwing time in, we started getting like speed stuff up. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. My ends, the Mayans had a calendar that went from the year 31, 14 BC to December 21st, 2012. And that's as far as it went. So many people thought the world was going to, I shouldn't say many, some people thought the world was going to end in 2012. I did. And I'm a big fan of the Mayans though. I love what they do. Uh,

Yeah, I remember the Mayans calendar. I remember people talking about the Mayans calendar. But they just got tired. 2012, they go, you get it. They should have wrote, et cetera. Yep. That's what they should have wrote. 2012, et cetera, I can't keep.

Did they just stop? Were they like, listen, this is, we're enough in advance. We don't need to do another year. Yeah. Can you imagine if you started 34 BC, then you got it right. You would eventually go, all right, we're not even going to be behind. You're probably just having to chip it away. Chisels killing me. You know, it doesn't hit my thumb. One year, 100, 200. It wasn't brutal.

Run out of rocks. Yeah. And they should have just said, they know it keeps going. By the time we get to 2012, they're going to be like, they're probably going to have. Somebody else will have kept going. You know, nobody stepped up. No one stepped up. Yeah. Yep. So now people are trying to change BC and AD. Yeah.

You guys don't know BC and AD, but people don't like it. It's based on Jesus' life, so they're trying to change it now. They want to call BCE before Common Era, and AD change it to CE, Common Era. I've seen that before. Common Era? What does that mean? It just means the era that we're in now. BCE, they call that post-Post-Era.

Or pre-modern times, I guess. Yeah. But I mean, we didn't make up the BC. They made up the BC, right? Well... Yeah, Catholic monks. Catholic, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But now like modern day historians. If their time caught on, then they should just be like, then we just call it that. They won. And it's been doing pretty good for 2,000 years. So why would you all of a sudden be like, well, we don't want it. You're like, well, because they won. Well, this one scientist came up. How much BC talk is even going on in people's lives that they're so upset about.

And then they just go before comedy. Like if you're going to change it, change it. Don't just write off BC, be like, change it, be like to complete, you know. All right. I got one right here. Yeah. The scientists and historians come up with the human era calendar and it's begins 12,000 years ago. So this would be the year 12,000 and 21. He had 10,000 years to the current calendar because he says all of humanity is basically been during the last 12,000 years.

So he wants this to start from when hunter-gatherer lifestyle went to fixed settlements. And that guy could be solving cancer, and he's being a nightmare. We should be 12,021. So that's what we're going to do, man? We're going to go change all the counters? We got to tweet everybody out and say, hey, everybody, start writing 12,021 on your checks. Do you know how gigantic numbers that is? I would...

I'm glad that I'm the time that I'm at. I don't want to be in that 10,000, 11,000. What is that going to... What do you got to write then? The line, the date line is going to have to become gigantic. Yeah. I was born in 21. When? 10,021. Oh, God. Imagine talking to those people. If you were born in 9,085, you got to talk to...

I was born in 10,021. Here we go. Here we go. Have you ever written check? I have before. Yeah. Yeah. Rent. You know how to do it? Stuff like that. Okay. Yeah. I've never at a store. I've never written a check or anything. So I'm guessing you still write them. Yeah. Oh yeah. He's still. I mean, I have. Yeah. Yeah. I still have a checkbook. I'll say that. Yeah. Yeah.

Occasionally. That's all he'll say. Don't read into... Don't ask any more questions. Because he's not going to talk about all that stuff. He holds a gun to my head. Yeah. He holds a gun to my head. Who's holding these guns to these people's heads? Did I talk about that joke? That was the joke I always would try to do on stage. I've heard you do that joke. Yeah, I've tried it like once or twice. Have I talked about it on this? I don't think you have. The idea of just the saying...

If you have a gun to your head, you think you can do this? Like, who's holding these guns to these people's heads for no reason? It's, you know, it was always like, can you name the starting lineup for the Kansas City Royals? With a gun to my head, you're like, who? What kind of friend do you have that's got a gun to your head going, name the shortstop of the 1989 Kansas City Royals. Name them. And you're like, ah. Who's, who's?

Who's that into sports? Maybe we'll try it again. Bring it back. Kansas City Royals. Try it tonight. That's a good example. Yeah. A Frank Costanza type guy came up with his own calendar. The International Fixed Calendar has 13 months. There's some random days just thrown in there, not attached to it. No Mondays because no one likes Mondays. Right. And Easter always falls the same day. Christmas would always be on a Wednesday.

So, George Eastman of the Kodak company, or Eastman Kodak, he's the only guy that really... I've never heard of it. What is it? Eastman Kodak? No. You've heard of Kodak Photography Company, though? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. George Eastman, the guy who ran the company, he made them use this... His name got left off. That Kodak. Eastman. Yeah. No one knows. Does anybody know about Eastman Kodak? I thought it used to be called Eastman Kodak. Is it not? That's... No. I've only ever known of this Kodak. Okay. Eastman got...

Got the raw deal. He got pushed out. What's those old airlines that they used to... There's some old airlines. My wife's dad would always mention some airline.

And he like, it's, it's like Southeast airs. It's something that you're like, I've never, and he's like, I flew it all the time. It was like a main airline. It just went away. Yeah. It just goes away. I mean, you know, you, uh, what was the, golly, there was one on continental. Yeah. Remember that? I've heard of it. Yeah. Continental. I used to fly continental and they switched to United and then they're all gone.

Oh, United is Continental? Yeah. Yeah. They combined them. Oh, they combined them. It didn't just change names. I was like, Continental was the first airline that I actually had some status on because I was starting to fly a lot and I would fly them a lot. And then United was joining and then they joined them and then they kind of weaned me off of them and then it's just all United. Well, my bank is changing names. SunTrust is changing to like Truist or something. Yeah. And they keep...

keeps like sliding it in yeah it's a very slow rollout first i just noticed it like what is that written on the bottom of the website and it's getting bigger and bigger and they're trying to implement i think it's uh union planners yeah i remember union planners yeah oh yeah yeah that's old school yeah yeah but i think the brave stadium is gonna have to change names to truest park truest park i think it's truest something like that

But the reason Eastman probably didn't get mentioned is because he tried this dumb calendar idea. He was the only one doing it. That's why. That's the great definition of what it is. From 1928 to 1989, he used this international fixed calendar at his company.

And he was like the only one that kept doing it. Nobody else would try it. He even opened an office for headquarters for the International Fixed Calendar League, but it just never took off. Cause of death, suicide by gunshot. Yeah, well, don't start a calendar. Is that true? Yeah, that's what it says in Wikipedia. Got ridiculed. I mean, look, I'm sorry that he died that way. But...

He looked like he had, let me know, to a friend's work. My work is done while wait. Oh, in his final two years, he was in intense pain caused by a disorder affecting his spine.

So he was in a ton of pain. That's why he did it. But why he would not be listed with the Kodak, you've never heard of that, is because that shows you. If you got something going that's good, as they did, Eastman and Kodak, they got a good thing going, and he goes, I kind of want to do this calendar. That's like someone that gets too rich. Yeah. They go in too much power. Yeah.

I'm going, I have no idea by the way, any of this is true, but this is just what I'm imagining. So if you're listening to this and you're part of the Eastman family, you might be like, that's not true at all. And you could be right. And I bet the Kodak family loves hearing it to be honest. But they, if you, but that, that shows you right there that that hurts you. Like that, I would imagine that someone that gets so much power that they, and they get so crazy, they go, you know what? I'm gonna start my own counter. And then Kodak's like, you can't, that's going to just, just do the camera stuff, dude. That's what we're doing. That's what we're really good at.

You're not good at a calendar thing. Just because you're rich doesn't mean you're smart, you know? And then he goes, tries to do a new calendar and look, names off of it. I've never bought Eastman and Kodak film. Yeah.

Never. Never seen it. This was like his Festivus. And he thought it was going to take off, and it didn't. Couldn't keep it quiet, try to make them start using it. Yeah, all the supplies. Yeah, like force the company to use it. It's like one thing if you're doing it on your own, like, hey, I made this new calendar. But you start making everybody doing something like that, and now your name's off. No one knows who you are. He's going to the doctor for that spinal injury. He's filling out all the paperwork, and he's like, it's the...

He needs to come back in two weeks. Oh, sorry. And he needs to come back in seven Wednesdays from now. He just uses Wednesday. His calendar says that there's no longer a July 4th. Independence Day will now be Sol 16.

Soul is a month that he added. He created. This is a 13-month calendar. I mean, come on, man. You can't tell me that plays into why his name is not on. He's like a guy that came so rich and famous. I don't know if they were famous, but you just got a lot of money. Back then, too, he was born 1917, like all that stuff. So this dude's got just –

just gigantic wealth. And he's, he was the equivalent of a billionaire now, but he was worth 85 million when he died in 1930. Yeah. And then his name's off. Just use Kodak films. I mean, that's, I bet Kodak is like, listen, he did. I mean, he was important, but he was a nightmare. Nightmare. He always had these big ideas. Oh God. Let's do it. Let's do a 13 month. You don't even know. You don't even know what I had to deal with. Yeah.

It's, yeah. But don't you think some of these brilliant... You always wonder why our shipping was off? You know, you ever, I don't use Kodak. I don't know. This stuff takes forever to get to you. Oh, let me tell you why. Because it's dated soul 92. Yeah. And no one knows what that is. Because we're off on soul month and that's when you asked for it. But that's the month we have to be off. We're closed.

Um, the Soviet union tried that their own calendar where you each get a date, like your day is blue day and your day is green day, stuff like that. And, and it just didn't work. Like people were working different hours and it, there's been a lot of crazy. Like your day is blue day. Like, uh, they would assign families. They thought it would pick up productivity. Did a five day week. Yeah. And then they're like, your day's blue. So those are the days you work. And then your day's green. Um,

So you just looked at the calendar, and if it was blue... You got to go to work. It's like, you know, hit nail wall. Like, that's just like caveman. When your day, when you see the color yellow, eat your food. They didn't want people celebrating, like, it was partially to get rid of Christianity, because they didn't want people taking the day off on the weekend to worship. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, just come up with a better, I know that's what, but we try to keep getting off the system and then it's like, it all kind of comes back. It does. Well, we got a pretty good thing going. Uh, some guy came up with an invention called the positivist calendar. Every day, every day is 20, every month, 28 days. There's a standalone day at the end of the year for the dead, donder the dead. And every leap year, they have an extra day dedicated to women, women's day. Each day will be named after a historic person. Um,

It didn't take off either. So you have Women's Day, and then one day of every month is a day for the dad? No, it's a standalone, monthless day at the end of every year. So one day a year, it's dedicated to the dad. Are people working that day, or do you have to do stuff that day? I think these people, when they make these new counters, they don't go in, so what do you do on that day? It's like, well, we all stay at home, and you stare at the...

ground or something. You know, like, I don't, you know, it's like they don't think, all right, but everybody's got to live a regular life. Like, they don't introduce holidays. Right. Holidays would be, is the idea that these people think of.

You know what's interesting is there's a lot of these older kind of revisions. It's like they don't care about cooperating with the rest of the world, right? It's like clearly we need to all be working on the same. We need to all agree on what day and time it is to do any kind of international commerce. But I guess if this is, you know,

If the 500s or whatever, you don't have to worry about that at all. See, it's the Catholic over here. Won't stick with the Gregory calendar. I mean, in Afghanistan, they invented phones in 1384. They're killing it. I mean, they're doing a little bit better than us.

And in the grand scheme of things, when people look back on it, we are going to look like just zoo animals compared to these other countries that are like. So in 1200, they had the same technology as they did in 2000. How stupid were they? So they might actually be on to something unbelievable. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. Like so smart now, are you?

This George Eastman idea, I mean, Christmas was a different day. Every time it would be. It would just be the Wednesday. Yeah, it was on a Wednesday, so you couldn't celebrate with the rest of it if you worked there. How do you even present something like this? Like, where do you go? Where do you go? He probably runs it by his wife first, right? I mean, you throw the idea out, and then you start doing it, and then I guess you can start with your company. But, I mean, how do you get it? If I want to start a new calendar right now,

Yeah. I mean, this is how it starts. Yeah. We want to do just our own calendar. Yep. I don't know what. The Nathan. I mean, I'm kind of good with everything that's going on right now. You know what I would change? What? A new day starts at midnight. And I always thought it should start like around sunrise.

So I would change the new day. 5 a.m.? Yeah, something like that. But sunrise is different times. I know it varies, but it's, I don't know, it's just always been weird to me. The middle of the night, it changes to a new day. Because it still feels like the first day. Yeah. Yeah. Because if you're, I was out partying last night until 3 a.m., you don't say, you just kind of count it as that previous day. Like 1 a.m. would be like, well, it's technically tomorrow. So you want to get rid of like technically tomorrow. Yeah. But I think you got to pick a time.

Well, I would say 5 a.m. 5 a.m. 6 a.m. Yeah. Yeah. 6 a.m. I could get on board with that. That wouldn't change much. Maybe we should just start doing it. Yeah. Maybe we'll start one. I don't know. You're not on board with this?

I would see like 2 a.m., 3 a.m., I don't know. Midnight, it starts over the next, it's technically part of the next morning. That's what we're saying. We're saying, but it just. But it's like when you wake up, doesn't it be like, well, now you start on the first part of the day. Yeah, well, that started when people are going to bed at like 5 p.m. because you had to do everything by candlelight. It's like, dude, we're basically nocturnal animals now.

You know? You were just talking about your daughter stays up until 2 or 3 in the morning. She did once. She doesn't normally do it. It seems like lunatic parents that are like, we let her go to bed when she tells us to go to bed. She tells us to go to bed, and then we go to bed and she stays up. She gives us a bedtime. Yeah. That's how it works. Yeah. They're...

What would you change? I don't know. I think I would say I like everything. I would say I would like to change it. They go, great. I go, what do you want to do? I go, I think it's pretty good, actually. And let's keep it the same. And then people would cheer. I would change daylight savings. That would be done.

keep it i would just do that you get rid of it yeah get rid of it now keep it oh keep yeah yeah whatever you do to make it a better one yeah yeah not have to worry about it don't worry about it okay that's what i was in the press conferences so you want to keep it or say i go i don't whatever makes it not a problem yeah we're due that way it doesn't no one ever knows what's going on anyway yeah but that's the way we're going to do it yeah and then i wouldn't i didn't but i don't know what else you would change

Go ahead. I'd make the season start on the first days of months. Stop worrying about the summer solstice and all that. So winter starts January 1st or maybe December 1st. You've got a lot of problems with these calendars. Y'all are real upset about the calendar. I would be like to be able to know when stuff is without looking it up. It's March 21st, right? Is the first day of spring season. Is it always the March 21st? Yeah. I think so, yeah. Oh.

But if you want it March 1st I'd like it maybe April 1st So you can wrap that around your big dumb head I'd like to know this whole month is this season Instead of going okay When's fall? September 21st I think is when it starts Alright

I thought it was just this year. I didn't know it doesn't change. You thought this year was what? Oh, you thought it changed every time? Yeah, I thought it was just whenever. I didn't know the solstice changed. Feels like summer now. That's what people say. And then they just go to summer. We kind of do.

Don't you? Like, you don't look at the calendar and say, if you're playing, because summer starts June 21st. If you're playing golf on June 6th, it's 90 degrees. Yeah. I mean, it's like, oh, it's springtime. But you feel like you get summer earlier. I feel like you get it earlier than you always get it earlier. You never go with the climate change guy. But you always get it earlier. Like, you know, you're never like, today's the day. Yeah. Like in March sometimes, you know. Yeah.

I would do Groundhog Day more serious. I would take it more serious in my calendar. Yeah, that's what I would do. That would be an official holiday? I would, yeah, I'd really give it a go and really look at that groundhog, see what he has to say. Would we get a day off?

Yeah, because I'd want his opinion on things. So it would be not just a funny holiday. It would be something we'd take seriously. Would you add a week on to February or would you just... And make the... Instead of it being 28. Yeah, if it sees a shadow, we're going to make February 2. Or would that complicate things? It can't be. That's complicated.

I think you work in the boundaries that you have. Okay. I would change Easter to be the same day every year. Yeah. I can see that. I looked up what... I don't even know how Easter fell. The rule of Easter is the Sunday after the full moon that is next after the March equinox on the Gregorian calendar. So, obviously...

That's the place where it makes the most sense to put it. I feel like at first they said the full moon and they go, okay. And then they tried that and they go, oh no, it's actually, that's a guy that keeps, no, no, no. Full moon after he keeps the full moon part. You're like, okay, I guess that's fine. And then it didn't work out once. And then he's like, well, okay. Okay.

Listen, listen. Yeah. I remember one time Easter being like at the end of February or something. It's crazy. Well, I think I just read that's impossible, didn't I? After the March equinox. Yeah. Yeah. But it does range. Maybe early March. I remember it being insanely early. Yeah, it can range from late March to all the way through April. Okay. But you remember in February. Yeah. Yeah. Well, now I don't think I do. Maybe you're Orthodox. I remember because I used to come during. What year do you think this is?

Well, he still has to raise Christmas on December 6th. 5,000. Yeah. I go by the Jewish calendar. Yeah. 5,287. Yeah. I just remember it conflicting with playing. We're always playing baseball growing up. Right. Right around Easter time. Right. And I remember it always falling like during Holy Week and all that stuff. We'd be playing games. And I remember it came super early one year.

I would have bet a lot of money that it was February. I think that was Toyota-thon again. I think you're again confusing Toyota-thon. You guys love Toyota-thon.

You guys celebrate that more than you let on, don't you? We had a Toyota minivan with the one-to-one sliding door. Yeah. And it was actually at a baseball game in the parking lot. My older brother, that door just slid right off the car into the parking lot. We had to bungee cable it to the car and drive home with this door just hanging out. Yeah, it was pretty embarrassing. Yeah. I didn't know I'd just leave with it open.

Just leave the car door at the parking lot? No, just throw it in the back of the van. I don't think we had room, man. We had six of us in there. It was packed in there. And we wanted to put the door back on. Did you get it back on? Yeah, we ended up getting it put back on, for sure. You could have been just a pretty awesome van. Just like a Jeep. Just open air. Get out, get out. You could still do that with your minivan now. I could. Cool.

Do you guys know how we came up with a week being seven days? I don't know why I keep asking this. Yeah, I do. Okay. I'd like to hear us continue to take stabs at it. Give it a stab. So why we came... And I've read two to three different answers. Two to three different ideas. Why we have seven days in a week? Yeah, like how did we come up with that? Just felt right, you know? Is it because of the moon?

That's one of them. Moon cycles? Yeah. Is it biblical at all? That's what I always heard growing up. God created the earth in six days, rest on the seventh day. Oh, yeah. So that's why I always thought of it. That's what I would have known. Yeah. Yeah. The moon has four main phases, so some people say per month. So some people say that's what a week was based on. Yeah. And the other thing I read, the Babylonians, they gave it the number seven for the weeks because there were seven objects they could see in the sky. The sun.

the moon, Monday, then some gods that didn't match up, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturday, Saturn. Interesting. Tuesday was like, well, what's Tuesday? Like, tops of those trees. Oh, wow. Tuesday.

tree top yeah Wednesday is wind you know wind it's always windy in there but you can't see wind but you know it's there alright alright I'll give it to you Wednesday I remember Thursday was Thor oh okay that's where that came from they could see Thor I'm talking like constellations no they're Greek gods they're gods they named it after what was Friday

Thor's mom or something. I mean, I can't remember. It was like Freyja. Yeah. It was something like that. Oh, okay. Yeah. That actually makes a ton of sense. Freyja. Friday. I'll give them that one. I'll give them that. That actually, yeah. Days are actually getting slightly longer because the Earth's rotation is slowing down. Atomic clocks show that the modern day is longer by 1.7 milliseconds than it was a century ago. Yeah.

And it's creasing by 2.3 milliseconds every century. I feel it today. I'll be honest with you. Oh, what a day. Some days I can feel it. Some days I can't. This is one of those days I can. You know what I mean?

Do you want to segue into... I mean, I got more here, but we can segue into New Year's resolutions if you want. Do a couple more. What do we got? I'll do one more here. We got... So the Julian calendar, named after Julius Caesar, he was the first one to make it January 1st is the New Year day. But during the Middle Ages, which we've covered, we don't know much about, but during the Middle Ages, Christians...

that weren't Catholic, they got mad about it. And they're like, we ain't doing that. So they started changing their own new year. Did they say, we ain't doing that? Is that what, is that the actual, they said, we ain't doing that. The actual. Hey, Julius Caesar. I mean, I'd like a word with you. We, let me tell you something. We ain't doing that. We the Lutherans ain't doing that. We ain't doing it. We and the Calvinists. We ain't going to do it. Or are you guys from Lebanon, Tennessee? And we ain't doing that.

What county are you from? Wilson. Wilson. And we ain't doing that. In the year 567, the Council of Tours, that's T-O-U-R-S, abolished January 1st as the beginning of the year. And it went, for a while, it was December 25th. Then they changed it to March 1st. Then they changed it to March 25th. Because it's my birthday. March 25th? Mm-hmm.

Well, we covered a couple weeks on the Christmas episode. That's nine months before Christmas, and they think that's when the angel Gabriel came to Mary and said, you'll be with child. So nine months later, December 25th, is how we came up with Christmas. So there you go. The Council of Tours right there. 567 or 461? There's two of them. Oh, 567. They did two tours. Anyway. They did two tours of Council. All right. So maybe I found that more interesting than you guys did. No, I liked it.

I think it's good. I don't know. What do you think would happen if the earth just stopped rotating? It'd be bad quick. Yeah? Yeah. Real quick? I mean, you said we're going 1,000 miles an hour, so. If we stopped at zero. We'd die for sure. We'd have whiplash for sure. Fall over. I mean, yeah, I'd say we'd fall over. I mean. My pen would start rolling. I'm like, oh, no. I don't know if any buildings would stay up.

if everything put on the brakes all of a sudden if it all just went i mean yeah if a quick stop or a slow slow down a sudden stop like we're we're just we would all just die right we'd all die for sure i don't think we'd even know what happened you'd be like just you wouldn't even see the room shaking the inertia of going a thousand miles an hour and then just stopping yeah we'd all be dead

Sorry I brought that up. I was just, I've been thinking about that all episode. Yeah. Talked about the earth spinning. Yeah. It was like your insides would feel normal. Then it's just, yeah, it'd be, it'd be ugly. I don't think we'd ever know. I don't think you'd realize. You think we'd just die instantly? Yeah. I would hope so. Yeah. I guess you're right. I'd rather die than live in a world. I mean, you might have to like, you'll wake up and.

You know, China's over here, like in the, you know, cause that map, everything just flips, goes with it. Well, if it's nighttime, it's going to stay nighttime. That's true. And you're stuck with whatever time of day it is. But hey, if it's daytime, you can play golf around the clock all day. Does this season stay the same? You kind of stuck on one season?

Not necessarily. Because the earth's still rotating the sun. Still going around the sun. In this hypothetical scenario. It's just no longer spinning on its axis. So it's moving still. It's still moving. But not spinning. This might work out for you. Yeah. Maybe we should look into this. Maybe make it happen. Just kind of brace yourself for impact. Maybe strap yourself. I'm starting to get Eastman a little bit more. You could be the George Eastman of our time. Huh.

And I'm going to make everybody walk around with seatbelts. And they're going to go, why? Because I'm going to make the earth stop at one point. January 7th. And Superman did that at one point, right? He stopped it and sent it back the other way. So just don't do the last part. Just stop it. But then is everything going to reverse? And then we all start walking around backwards. Everywhere you go, you have to walk backwards because you're going to reverse.

Never know where you're going. Where are you going? I don't know. But it already knows. Because you've already been there. So you would just always go, I'm just going where I'm going. And you can never tell someone to meet you somewhere. Because they go, but I would like to go. Well, if you wanted to go, then you're going to be there. If you don't, then you go where you're going to go. Because we're already going somewhere. And I have no choice. It's the idea of your life's already planned out for you.

Where are you going, man? I don't know. But I'm going. You'd be a lot of going like, you want to go eat later? We'll see. I guess we'll see if I go eat later. Yeah, I would love to go eat later, but it's not up to me. And I would be jogging backwards. I'll say this, me and two guys jogging backwards. I'm like, I'm surprised I was jogging this much.

Would you rather go backwards or forward in your life? I'd rather keep it how it is, dude. Yeah. But would you? I enjoy going forward. Are you going back in time or are you just walking backwards? I think you're just retracing every step you've already taken. So you'll know when you'll eat, right? You're not going to remember, but you're going to say, are we going to eat? Are you hungry? You're like, I'm starving right now, so I hope I eat. Go eat. Yeah. And then you're just along for it. I think you're along for the ride. Yeah. I don't think you can ever. You probably remember that first meal when it first happens.

Yeah. You'd be like, well, I'm not hungry right now. And you're like, and then you would get, I guess you would go from hungry to, you'd go from full to not hungry or to hunger. Yeah. Backwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But if you ate at Applebee's six hours ago when it reversed, you'll remember in six hours I'm back at Applebee's. I'd drop something when I was there. I'll just grab it. Pick it up. I'll pick it up. And then you just, you know, because, yeah. You know what? I lost my home. I left my wallet there. Oh, don't worry. I'll get it. I'll get it again. And you just start backing out. That's how it would be.

I read where there's a group of scientists studying right now why time always goes forward and never backwards. It seems like... Because you can only time travel forwards because of that, right? I mean, I can't get my head around even why you would have to think about that. I would think backwards would be tougher to do than forward because everything's got to go back. Everything's already existed. Forward is like nothing exists there, so you could... Or forward is theoretically, if you travel faster than the speed of light, then you can...

speed up time right you can jump ahead but you can never go backwards you can't go negative you know but i know what nate's saying going forward you're going to stuff that hasn't happened to us yet in theory going back yeah you go back do that if i could go back in time would i maybe not choose calendars maybe you know who knows that's what you do that's what i'll do let's do something i think we know let's do something different than calendars

You know? I like this one. I know. I'm joking. I didn't mind it too. That's fair. Yeah. That's fair. You want to get in some resolutions? Let's do a couple of those. Yep. All right. All right. Well, do you set any resolutions? I did and apparently didn't follow through because it was to stop this podcast. So I'm already out. No. I...

No, I'm going to. I'm going to try to eat better. This year is like I've been working out. I'm trying to get a lot better at golf. I practice a lot of golf, especially this downtime. So for me, mine's done comedy related. I mean, I'm hoping once comedy gets going, I plan on being back at the road. But that's career stuff. I don't think it's really resolution. I'm just going to trust. I'm hoping that I'm going to write better material, tour a ton, and get better as a stand-up. Yeah.

And then for like, I want to get really good at golf. I'm at like a four handicap. I'd love to get down. You are already really good. I know, but I know how good good is. And so I know how far off I am. And so I would love to get, I want to get to a scratch at some point in my life would be great, which is a ton of work. And then I want to work out and I've got to eat better. I know that. Cause I, I'm actually working out now and I'm not seeing, I feel stronger and stuff's getting stronger, but I don't see results. And it's because I eat, you know, I've had,

Krispy Kreme twice since the Krispy Kreme challenge, then you can't do that. You can't do stuff like that. You can't do it as a joke and then basically eat the same amount again as a regular day, you know? So that's my, yeah. So it's not, yeah, I guess it's New Year's. You feel like I start here, but I won't keep a, you know, journal or something. Do you?

I gave up fast food this year. I made it four hours into my trip home from Wisconsin. Did you really? This weekend. And already bugged it? I ate Panera. I was like, is that really fast food? It felt like a healthy option. Yeah, it's healthy. I think if you go to Panera, it's way better. I look at stuff. It's like if you go do – if I just stopped eating – like for me, if I stopped eating fast food, we would be off to a great start. Yeah. Because you just naturally can't.

You're not going to eat as bad. But yeah, that's good. Yeah. All right. Sorry to do it. Yeah. All right. I'll do it. Yeah. Cause you don't, I don't, I think Panera, you can let that slide. Yeah. It says the Pew Research Center says. Did you do one? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've, I've definitely gained weight during the pandemic, so I'm hoping to get back from largest to medium shirts. Oh man. To be a large.

To be a large shirt? Just the freedom shopping as a large. I don't have it with, I get it. I don't have it because there's my old joke. I want you to not be able to see my nipples through my shirt. And I have a big problem with that. And so I would love to get that. I would love, I know my buddy Graham K.

comic from canada still funny but from canada and i'm not joking that's i just always like to i text him every boxing day yeah yeah i tell you that yeah i love i text him happy boxing day it's always it's fun uh

but Graham's got a great body. And I remember we went shopping once and I was like, he can just put on stuff like you can put on a mannequin where it's just, you know, it's just do this. He's like, I'll wear that. I don't care. They don't care. I mean, you see kids, kids just wear, they can wear whatever. Yeah. And it all just looks fine. And then the way ours drapes. Yeah. It's pretty interesting. Drapes off some weird spots. So the most popular resolutions, number one, getting rid of debt.

Number two, eating healthier. Number three, exercising more. Number four, losing weight. So the three of the top four are all kind of the same thing. But according to U.S. News and World Report, the failure rate for New Year's resolutions is said to be about 80%, and most lose their break it by mid-February. And research shows that on average, it takes approximately 66 days for a habit to become automatic. Wow. 66 days. Wow.

That's, you know, depends on the counter you're using, but that's, yeah, it should be four years to two months. Two and a half moon cycles. I joined Planet Fitness the day after Ralphie May died. I joined Planet Fitness and I have never been. And you have to go into Planet Fitness to cancel it. So I don't know if I'll ever cancel it. I've been paying $10 a month for

Three, four years. Is that typical? Like y'all's new year's resolution. One of other fat, one of you dies. Then you, that's when you, is that like y'all's new year's resolutions? I was working that night. My boss comes in. He goes, Hey, I heard about that. Uh, that Ralphie may guy that died. I go, yes. Yeah. He's a really nice guy. He goes,

Kind of lets you know where I go. Oh, my God. That's so, yeah. Yeah, because in my head, we're like two different worlds, right? And then I'm like, oh, man. So I got on, I joined Planet Fitness. I was like, I'm going tomorrow, and I've never been. And I called when the pandemic started, and I was like, okay, now you got to let me cancel over the phone. Yeah. Because I'm not allowed to be there. And they're like, we'll put a freeze on your account, and then it'll start back up, and we open back up. And I'm like, oh, gosh.

Still can't get out. Because I just think if you got to come in to do it, you won't do it. Oh, that's their business model. If they, if, if a hundred percent of the people that subscribed and went there, there'd be no room. Yeah. They're, they're banking on a big percentage, never going. And just keep paying. I had one for a while and I've,

I canceled it. I think we, I forget why. Maybe Laura did. Yeah. You get Laura to do it. She'll do it. She'll go down there for me and cancel. That's my new year's resolution is to cancel my gym. There's an episode of friends where Chandler and Ross go down, do it together. They both go to cancel it. Yeah.

And whether it's the guy talks to him. There's a hot woman behind the counter and she talks them both in together. I don't think there's anybody like that at this Planet Fitness. You would go, but I never think you're not big like Ralphie was. Thank you. Yeah, that's what I know. But still, that's what I... He's a lot younger than Ralphie though. That's true. That's true. You got to get a head start on him. Ralphie, I think, was a lot skinnier than you at your age. So anyway...

From the stuff that I've read about, I think Ralphie weighed about maybe a deuce, deuce and a half at 27. How old are you, Gary? I'm going to do some math on here. No, you're just a big guy.

If you worked out, you would be. Oh, right. I wouldn't look at you as like, I always say, I don't think if I saw you, I would never think of you as like, oh, this fat guy. I would be like, he's a big dude. Yeah. Big guys. Guys are big. I guess my question was, if you could cancel online, it'd be 100% cancellation. Oh, they would do it all the time. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The fact that you got to go in is, I mean, it's brilliant. Yeah, it is brilliant. It's like, I kind of respect them for it.

how well it works. You just got to go in and be like, I want to just go in and you should go do it now and tell us what happens. Okay. I'll go in. You get this motivation. And you have to do it at the exact one that you, so I have to drive to Madison, Tennessee to that. I'll do it. I'll do it this week. I love that you're canceling on January 4th. Yeah. Yeah. You're the, are you coming in to sign up? This is a good time to cancel because, because everybody there, they don't even need you right now. There's so many people signing up. Right. So they're, they'd be happy to lose you.

But you're going to be standing in line with people signing up. You're going to get up there. I want to cancel, please. This is the first day of the rest of my life. And then you're going to go up there. And this is also still the first day of the rest of my life of just the opposite of not having this. They're like, well, do you have your ID card? I'm like, look, this is as far as I've made it. So no, I don't have an ID card.

You never just want to go once. Just immediately, you're like, I'm good. Could you work out alone? Do you know how to work out? Yeah, I did in high school for football and stuff. And I worked out a little bit. First couple years of college, I tried.

Well, you played football in college, right? Yeah, I played full pad intramural. So that kind of kept me in shape. It's a little loose saying that. You played football in college, right? You went to Notre Dame. I mean, everybody's like, God, did he play at Notre Dame? I played football at Notre Dame, not for Notre Dame. That's what I like to say. Yeah. Yeah.

y'all played, my dad played full pad. In college? My picture up there with, is my, where I'm under his leg, he's like hiking the ball to me. Oh, yeah. That was, they went to Trevecca and they played full pad. And one thing I remember from that was, I mean, I'm five years old and I would always go there and I'm wearing, watching my dad play, so I'm wearing all the football stuff, my little plastic football stuff and I'd play on the sideline. And I remember this guy got hit in the face and he comes over, his whole face was just covered in blood. And,

And I remember just, I'll never forget it. I was five, just like, and he's just like, I don't know. He's just kind of wiping it off. And I mean, it's just pouring down his face. And I remember, I just staring at it. Traumatized. Yeah. That was 1487. We had a different calendar back then. Our parents did a different calendar for a little, for a couple. The Bargatze calendar. Yeah, we had a Bargatze calendar for about two years. And then our two, you know.

Whatever. I was trying to think. Five sunsets, I think. We kept it. We counted one year as a sunset. I don't know.

All right. We're running out of stuff. We're good? Yeah. One final update on a previous story. I meant to mention this last week. The Balloon Boy parents got a pardon from Colorado's governor. Oh, really? Wow. Yeah. They were already out of jail, but now they're working records. Were they in jail? The dad had to go for a while, yeah. A while? Like maybe 30 days or something. Wow. Yeah. And his records expunged, so he's no longer a felon.

Imagine telling the other guys in jail, what are you in for? I put my son in a balloon. I told everybody. I told everybody I did. I put my son in a balloon. Did you? No. My wife wouldn't let me. Just mad about it. Yeah. I tried. Yeah. My dumb wife wouldn't let me do it. She's like, I get it, man. What'd you do? I killed my wife. You're like, oh. That's it. You're like, oh. All right. All right.

Can I plug a show? No. A week from today, January 13th, do an Aaron Webber and Friends at Zany's in Nashville. All right. That could be a lot of fun. Zany's. Yeah. Go to Zany's, everybody. January 13th. Yeah. Get your tickets. Limited seating. So get your tickets while you can. Yeah. Because it's going to be... I bet it's already doing pretty good. I don't know. Maybe not. How's that mural doing?

We got a new picture. And so I did a different picture. And so we sent it to him. And then so hopefully we used a picture from a newest picture. So hopefully that'll be up. I don't know. So we'll see. Go watch. I have a completely...

what is it? The guest book. I don't know why. The work, the mural, all the works. Go watch the guest book. About to come out on Hulu. If you haven't seen it, it's a great show, Gregor. See ya. As always, thank you guys for listening. We truly appreciate it. Your comments are awesome and we love reading them every time. Make sure you do all the stuff. What are you supposed to do? Do all the stuff you're supposed to do. Yeah. And we can't thank you enough for listening. We'll talk to you next week. See ya.

Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetti, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land podcast.