#26 Christmas
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Howdy folks. Welcome to Nate land. I thought of that this weekend. I don't know if I like hello. I don't think I say hello. Something good. You say howdy more. Howdy folks. No, it's not good. You invented hello folks. Yeah. Hello folks. Hello folks. Welcome to Nate land. Maybe hello folks. Yeah.

I think about it a lot. So I like it. I remember, I know I forgot to say it a couple times and I'm, you know, I was thinking about that. I was like, no, I need to, we need to say it. Like, that's fun. Welcome to Nate Lane. That all kind of works out. Yeah. I heard someone say, hello folks, welcome to the store. And I'm like, that's what we're doing. James Brown on CBS sports this week started NFL today with hello folks. Hello folks. People say folks a lot, you know, it'll be like, I have it with a joke that I'll have in,

The special whenever it comes out is One Fell Swoop. I've been hearing One Fell Swoop a ton. It's like I've never, I don't think I've ever heard anybody say it. And then I've just heard it a bunch now. You just hear that One Fell Swoop, you know, you're like, oh, all right, it's happened. Welcome. Thanks for listening. As always, we love that you're here and we appreciate you. Everything, you know, we're getting close to the end of the year.

20 is the 25th episode 26 I think 26 halfway Wow through halfway through until we're done we're just doing 50 and tapping out that's it I said we get 27 no no I'm joking there is no halfway I guess I just meant 26 is half a year oh yeah from a full year yeah yeah we're starting to grind it out now

Starting to figure it out. As always, we're going to read, start it off with some of you guys' comments. You can comment on YouTube, Instagram, Twitter. Apple Podcast Reviews, nateland, and natebargetzi.com. Always, we appreciate the reviews you're leaving us. When you click the five stars, it's like we like to force you. If you ain't going to click five stars, then don't go click it. Tell me what we're doing wrong. And guess what? Y'all do. Austin Thrift says,

This is the funniest episode yet. Surprisingly topped weather. I love how Bridge tried to convince Nate that there's civilian stations on Mars. Meanwhile, Aaron is over there busting blood vessels laughing. I laughed so hard at this one. I laughed so hard at this, I saw stars. And I did not think that's how the sentence was going to end. In my head, we were going down a different road. I laughed so hard at this, I saw stars. It makes sense now.

But when I started, I don't know what I thought it was going to be. I was going to say, what were you thinking? Yeah. I don't know what it was going to be.

Adam Rothman, Nate Aaron, and Bo Staff always surprise me with how they find the funny in some of these comments. I'll read them every episode and be like, there's no way these are helpful to the program. Then they come out and crack me up talking nonsense. Too dumb for me, though, so I'll no longer be watching. Goodbye, folks. Is Adam out, too? He's joking. We're losing him every episode. I feel sorry for Turler.

Because you know people are like, dude, they talked about you the entire podcast. Yeah. But he's already said I'm out. He goes, I can't go back. Right. He's a man of principle. We know that much. Well, he probably watches, but he's like, I can't say anything. Yeah. Or don't know, I know. Turler can't comment back. Yeah. I had my friend said he wanted to fight him. And I said, well, let me get eyes on him because Turler could be gigantic. There's a chance. Yeah.

With Turler. It's a name like that, probably. Name like that. Man or woman. They said, you're about to go fight Turler. And we're not going to tell you if it's a man or a woman. You might be like, I don't know if I want to go in there. Yeah. Either way. Yeah, I don't know if it matters. I don't know if it matters. It's going to be. If somebody wanted to fight him?

They wanted to fight him because he left us? Because he left us. Wow, that's a good friend. Yeah, well, we get some kind of folks we got listed, man. We're like the gang. Is there a gang called folks? Somebody said there was. I'm not too up on that, so I don't know. Maybe we're a startup. We have a nice, lovely gang. I mean, just a very easy. Easy going. No, no, no. They're like, you trying to fight? No, no, no, not at all.

We will just write clever comments about your gang. That's what we would do as a gang, to attack other gangs, is we all write clever comments. Just pick a few to read, if you don't mind. And then we hurt you in your heart. Jeffrey McClevey, watching the show with my wife and about 30 minutes in, she asked me if the guy in the middle was special. Without missing a beat, I told her no, breakfast just always looks worried. Thanks, guys. Love the show.

Well, I am special. My mom told me. You are. He's worried. You don't got to worry about that comment. You are going to now. Walk around. Hey, buddy. Do people hold the door for you when you go into a lot of places? Do you notice that more than usual? I notice there's a lot of guys telling their wife stuff about me. A lot of wives are just saying, last week it was somebody thought I was your dad. Yeah. A lot of wives are worried for you because you have a worried face. Right.

I mean, for that person to comment that so young. About me being your dad? No, about you being looking worried. The girl in high school. Oh, yeah. Senior trip. I mean, talk about, is she going to be president or something? I mean, that just, she's on it. Yeah, that's the word. You have to find out what she's doing. I know. I think I told you she went to McGavock High School. Yeah. They all did. Yeah. But unfortunately, I don't know her name. Do you remember her name? No, I don't know her name.

I'd be curious. I mean, something like that. She should be doing good in life. She's just picking up on stuff. Maybe she's a detective. Yeah. Okay. A big detective. Yeah, doing what? Just insulting? No, I'm saying she picks up on stuff.

She solves crimes. Oh, right. Okay. Or like, yeah. She walks in a room and she's like, I know what happened here. She just reads. She's very aware. She knew the exact word that would cut Brian the most. You're that, you know, on top of it. That's what all good detectives do. That's right. Yeah. They know the right cutdowns. Well, don't they have to solve a crime? Well, apparently every one of our listeners can solve that crime as well. I know. They all let us know. But I'm saying if you have to solve a crime...

If she was so aware and noticed that you're worried, like she picks up on stuff. Like really good. Saying to him, I don't know if I would have said you look worried, but that's perfect. Now that's all I see. And then, so for her to pick up on what I'm saying, like if she goes into a crime scene and they're like, what do you see? She goes, why is the kitchen knife drawer open? Right. She picks it up immediately. Right. Right.

You know? Yeah. I mean, the funny thing is I was trying to look so cool and it just definitely backfired on me. Atticus Hauser. Hauser. Hauser. Atticus Hauser. It's a lot. Atticus. I just don't believe that's a real name. No, Atticus is in the book, right? Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird. Maybe they're related. Harper Lee. From Harper Lee, your favorite author. Yep.

maybe Atticus is related to Atticus Finch. Yeah, that's how it works. Well, back then it did. It wasn't last name, it was first name. Do you know that? Back then? Do you mean when did... A while back ago. The fact that you said, Die Land, right after somebody said the show was too dumb is just amazing. Yeah, people were texting me. My buddy Justin, our tour manager, was texting, like the Spitting Hot Fire

the chapelle's sketch die die land was he dying in the spell sketch dylan i don't remember the rapper yeah he was stayed in the house i spit hot fire it's very funny from the spell show yeah i don't know die land i don't know what yeah you know you spelled a little just a little different and then i mean i i get i get down i go down the wrong exit you know

It's like if a stop sign was just a little crooked, I'd be like, I guess we don't stop. You know? If that makes sense. Emma Skinner. I love when Aaron or Brian ask a question that is kind of out there. Nate completely rips them apart. But he also gets so upset when he asks an even more ridiculous question like, do we have people on Mars? And Aaron and Brian try to calmly teach him something. Love listening to y'all. Uh...

Yeah, well, I think their questions are ridiculous. And a lot of talk about Mars. Not insane. Am I hearing? You're not insane if someone's super busy as I am. Yeah. I'm just slammed. Okay. All day.

And I'm just hearing Mars talk. And you just happen to have missed what would have been the greatest human achievement of all time. I get it. I mean, there's aliens and no one cares. So I don't know if anybody's going to care that we're on Mars. I bet no one cares as much as we want to hear about it. Yeah. I think it would trend on Twitter for at least a few hours. If we landed on Mars, not saying it's not going to trend on Twitter. I think big news is like us being shocked about anything is, you know,

There's some truth to that, but I think that's, you would have found out about that. Yeah, which we will talk about in another episode. But they are straight up talking about aliens. Yeah. And no one's really, no one's really like, eh. Yeah, you're right. We got a lot going on. Yeah. Would you be more surprised that a man on Mars are aliens? Right now, a man on Mars. Than aliens? Because I'm pretty sure there's not a man on Mars. I know, but if they showed you an alien, I feel like you're not wrapping your head around an alien.

Like you're, you're, you're, you're just going, all right, so there's aliens. But I mean, they straight up, we watched an alien talk like it's a movie and you're going to see an alien. That's crazier than a man on Mars. I don't know what, what, I mean, you think we can do anything as humans where we keep going, like we're going to get a man on Mars.

That's not going to not happen. Yeah. Probably will happen in our lifetime. I thought you were asking right now if you found out there was a man on Mars. Yeah, that would surprise me. But even if they said, even so they said, hey, by the way, we've been keeping it a secret, but we have a man on Mars. And to tell you about it is this alien. You know what? That actually just did happen. They got an alien doing a press conference about it? And he comes out. Hello. Hello.

I'm an alien. And we're like, y'all say it like that? He goes, yeah. We just say alien. That just happened, actually. What? I was going to say it for the next episode, but there's an Israeli, former Israeli defense guy, top guy there. And he just said that we've had contact with aliens. Yeah. And there's a galactic federation. Yeah. And the US and aliens have underground base on Mars. Yeah.

All right. Yeah. Well, we were talking about that. We're recording an extra episode today, so we're going to talk about that after that. I don't want to get too much into it. If y'all want to stay tuned to that breaking news. Get broken here. The news gets broken here. I wish someone would come here for just the news. And they go, this is what I get. I hear about it pretty late, but...

Emma Skinner. I already said that one, right? Yeah. She's the one that... Nick Bubak. Bubak. Bubak. Maybe Bubak. B-U-B-A-K? How would you say that? I wouldn't. I would say Nick B. That's what I'd do. I mean, these names are all ridiculous. Nick Bubak. That's his family name, man. Yeah, the Bubak family. He came over on the Mayflower. And you're going to sit here and...

They're one of America's founding families. Yeah, the Bubak family. The Bubak family. Here's what we do. Bubaks, welcome. Hello, my name is John Bubak. Got a son named Nick. Welcome to America. A.A. Ron says...

The people that have been in space for 18 months and Nate follows up with the, what about the guy that was in space for a year? Like he thinks a year is more than 18 months. I did notice that at the time. It was hilarious. Uh,

Yeah. Well, don't say it like that, dude. Don't be weird. Say year and a half. You're right. You don't have a kid. Don't start talking kid language. It is weird. When do you stop saying months? Well, apparently you start before you have children, but a lot of people would 18 months. You would still say 18 months. I think you go up to two years. Yeah. You go, I think it's like night. She's 20 months old. And then you start, she's almost two. Okay. And then you start going by a year. And then you start going by a year. That's fine.

I don't know why I said 18 months. A year sounds longer than 18 months. I don't think it does, dude. I think... A year? We're going to wait 18 months? No, you're going to wait a whole year. Are you kidding me? All right. It sounds... But did you think a year was longer than 18 months? No. I know that it's not. Okay.

Maybe I'm being funny. Maybe that's something you guys could throw in once in a while. God forbid. If I didn't have to carry this podcast, it feels like it's been 18 months. How many we've done. Asadu Rivarda.

A-C-I-D-E-A-U-X. People are making up names to try to be hard to pronounce. They're logging in. Do you think they're making up fake accounts? Because his name is Acido. Acido Rivarda. They call him Acid for short. Rivardo's family, they greeted the Bubak family. They were already here. A friend of mine had young children who wanted a teacup piglet.

She found a great deal for one costing about $1,200. Not bad. A few months later, it turned out to be a full-sized hog. And she had to get rid of it after it bit one of her kids. That's so great. Yeah. Just a cute little... I mean...

I mean, the few months are just amazing. I mean, just every day you wake up, you're like, look at this thing. You put it in your purse, you know? And then just a hog. It's a straight up boar in your house. Big does get. And they're just not cool. No. And I mean, yeah. And it bit one of her kids. That's great. Because it's a wild animal. And then you're selling a hog.

Just to go to be like, yep, let's get a little piglet to you're in the hog selling business. You got to deal with that. It says she got rid of it. You think she tried to sell it? I mean, you're going to try to spend $1,200. You might want to try to get something back off of it. I'm sure someone's like, I'm trying to buy a hog. Yeah.

And if you don't come up with... How do you find somebody looking for a hog? There's got to be a ton of people looking for hogs, dude. Well, there's auctions. Yeah. And you go, but you don't present the idea of going with the... She lost money on this, though, right?

Well, you don't go, I have to get rid of this because I'm afraid it might eat one of my children. You just go, I got a hog for sale. You're like, oh, that's cool. How'd you get it? You're like, oh, I'm in the hog business. And then they go, yeah, $1,200. It's not that bad. But if she comes out of desperation, she's scared. If you're like, this hog sleeps in my bedroom and I don't get to go in there because the hog...

dominates our house. It just took over the house. It just took over the house. And I need it out. Well, now a guy's going to be like, I'll give you 300 bucks for a hog. And you're in a little tougher situation. Right. So I hope she went in it with, I bought this hog on purpose. Right. You know? I'll tell you, sell something. That's Asado. Asado spelled like how LSU spells all their words. You know, the E-A-U-X. Asado. Like go tigers. Yeah. Yeah.

George, Asadu Riverto is a name I would think would know how to handle a hog and I think would just be fine with it. Yeah. Sounds like the person you'd be selling the hog to. Right. Who'd you sell to? Asadu Riverto? Oh, the Riverto family? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they buy hogs all the time. George is Sheehan. I'm an internationally certified professional animal trainer who deals largely with assistant animals. I'm not saying miniature horses should be on planes.

But people so use them as guide animals for the blind. Just thought this would be a fun thing to share that most people wouldn't know exist. But it is more common than people realize. Wow. Interesting. So miniature horses are, I mean, they're helpful. I wonder what they can do that a dog couldn't do. I mean, why would you want one of those instead of a dog? Other than just, it's a conversation piece. You can't ride a miniature horse, can you? Depends on how big the blind person is.

That's true. I think if me and you were blind, I think it's different. I think I could ride it a couple blocks. Busy intersection. Maybe I don't want to walk because I don't know what's going on. The horse is like, come on. You know? I didn't think about that. Yeah, you just hop on your guide horse. Yeah. Wow. You can't do that with a dog. Yeah, I mean...

Yeah, I guess they're good at it. Can they see better? Do they get it more? Do they get it? Just like understand the world a little bit better. Maybe, man. Than a dog. Maybe they're scared. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe they're calmer. Yeah. They got to be more expensive, though. If a car comes at you, it hits it with its head. You know, it'd be tough if Acido tried to buy a guide horse and it turned out to be a full-size horse. Yeah. That would be upsetting. Bunking Braco. Right.

Yeah, those are the jokes I'm dealing with, guys. See what I'm talking about? Bringing comedy to the table. You do a horse full size, that's ridiculous. Don't be ridiculous, Aaron. Acido knows better than that. She's not going to. I'm guessing it's a she. A friend of mine had young children. Maybe he bought it. Yeah, I thought it was a he.

Oh, interesting. A guide horse is for people that they live much longer than dogs, but people can also be allergic to dogs. So if you're allergic to dogs and you're blind, you can get a horse. All right. That seems like a big, like to bring that up. And he goes, well, I'm allergic to dogs. Go. Okay. Okay. And then just go, what about, what about a baby horse? And then he goes, I don't know, man.

I don't know. That's what I think the conversation, if you're, if you're blind and he goes, okay, all right, he has to listen to you. What about a bait? What about a miniature horse? He goes, what about a horse? He goes, that seems, I don't know how they're going to fit in a lot of doorways. And he goes, no, don't come on, man. That's, that's an insane question. Probably makes the guy blind guy feel bad. Well, that's stupid. And you might, I thought you were just blind. I didn't know you were also stupid. And you go, all right, all right, dude, take it easy. Yeah.

This guy's not, he's looking at a wall. He doesn't even know. He goes, all right. And he goes, you know, you're not even looking at me. He goes, all right, man. What? Are you a doctor or what? He goes, yeah, I'm here. Fill around about waist height. Right. What do you feel? It's your new, it's your new guide, Frankie. And then you walk out of there with that baby horse. Wow. And then you got to deal with that. Just the questions being thrown at you by everybody, everywhere you go. Yeah.

Your horse is pooping on the sidewalk. He's like, all right, man. It's not normal either. It's like, you know, it's horse. That seems crazy. Yeah. They're about as big as the dog, you know.

Well, yeah, last week we talked about some people say they're smaller than big dogs, so why shouldn't they be allowed? Well, some individuals are also concerned that a horse's powerful fight or flight instinct may lead it to have less predictable behavior than that of a guide dog. So this thing might just run if the traffic's too bad or something. Well, so my daughter loves horses, and we take her to this horse camp. She's learned she works there. She goes and...

Helps out and does all the work. She's obsessed with horses. But so she... I was there this weekend to get her and she... They had to correct her because they... She went like low to climb. The horse was in the stable and the road, the little chain that keeps them from walking out, she went under it. And she told her like, you can't go that low because a horse...

has irrational fears so if you go low they think it could be a mouse coyote like they will just start losing their mind they don't realize so you got to kind of be tall you know just teach my daughter that always kind of stand tall the horse because they they get nervous but i mean that horse is so low to the ground that article said that a couple are riding horseback in new york city and they noticed the horse could cross the street on its own and knew the signals so that's how

They figured out horses could be guide dogs or guide horses. So they already, horses just already get the signals. They're just bored and going, there are no streetlights. They get it. Like you said, they just get it. They just get it. I like horses. I like the fact that they have irrational, like it's the idea is like, how are they as a guide animal? And it's like, they're actually perfect, but they can be unreasonable. And if that happens, I mean, it's bad. Right.

If a mouse runs near your horse, it's over. It's over. Like, is it going to try to kill it? No. It's going to run. It's scared. And so it's going to be like a dog could, you know, would just look. I feel a dog looks before it goes. And a horse is just pure chaos. Patrick Branson. Sounds like old money. The Branson family. They started Branson, Missouri.

Could have been, maybe. I had been straight. All right. I do like a lot of false starts. You made it. Two and a half more. Yes. All right, let's back up. I can feel the rhythm. I go into it. Sometimes I'm like, well, that's not, you know, you're like, I'm out of sync. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Reset. It's like trying to do this. All right. And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's regroup. Yeah, I got started.

I caught that ball wrong, and then I was like, this is not good. I had been stranded in JFK Airport for an entire day during a snowstorm and knew I wasn't able to leave. So I was trying to get my bag from the claim office so I could get some things out of it for the night when a bunch of really angry people came storming and asking for their bags immediately.

I actually told one lady she had to wait because I had been there first when she got crazy on me and informed me that they had all been sitting on a plane on the tarmac for 11 hours. This was actually the flight you mentioned at the end of the episode. I spent a total of 27 hours in the terminal, but I can't even imagine being the one stuck on the plane for 11 hours. I think they ended up suing JetBlue.

I do remember them suing JetBlue, which we talked about last week. Yeah, JetBlue was in some... I mean, it looked so bad for them. Their president immediately issued this big statement. I think he still ended up losing his job. Yeah. Because their motto was, we're going to get you there no matter what. Yeah. And so they would not let these people off the plane. Like, no, no, no, no. It'll happen. Yeah. I don't understand why they could... They're on the...

They're still at the airport. Yeah. Why couldn't they just let them out of the plane? I think they literally just kept thinking, we're going to get out of here. We're next. Don't get off. We're going to get out of here. And after 11 hours, they finally had to relent and say, we're not getting out of here. Took them that long to realize, huh? I think they did. Yeah. Wow. I feel like there's something. Maybe if they get them off the plane, it's like now you're out of the line. And so then you're going to get skipped. Yeah.

Yeah. What did they say? Like, what's the max now? Four hours, three hours that you can keep them on a plane? I don't know. Yeah. I mean, it shouldn't be more than three. I mean, really shouldn't be like filled out, you know, use reason. I feel like that's what these airports should just be logical. Yeah. And go, do you feel this is going to happen? You'd be like, I don't know. I doubt it.

You know, but go, if people would just tell people the truth, a lot of stuff would be bad for 11 hours. If you came out and was like, look, I think we can get out. We're probably going to sit here and wait for a little bit, but if you want to get home, if you know, just straight up say, if I take you back and drop you off, we're out of the line, we're not getting out. If I stay here, then we can, we can maybe get out. I can't promise you. If you just said that. What do you think those, those calls from the pilot were like on,

You know, every 30 minutes, we're going to be getting out of here in just a minute. Just hang tight, everybody. Waiting around some paperwork. It's going to be coming in 11 hours of that. That's crazy. Taylor Smith. I was waiting on my flight while listening to this episode. When I got seated, the woman in front of me immediately leaned her seat back. I tapped her on the shoulder and said, excuse me.

Do you mind not leaning your seat back? I'm tall. She said, oh, sure, I'm sorry. And leaned her seat back up straight away. It is important to know that I stand at 5'9". So you don't actually have to be tall for this to work. Yeah, but 5'9", what are you doing? Why can't they lean the seat back? He doesn't like it. He doesn't like it. Taylor doesn't like it. 5'9". 5'9 is average, right? I mean, that's average height. Yeah, I'm 5'11". Yeah.

And I think me and Taylor could both lean our seats back. I almost started asking people to lean it back. Think about that. How much of a, Hey, you mind? I'm five 11. Do you mind leaning that seat back? That's probably a good way to get them never to do it. Yeah. Yeah. They go, why? I don't know. You see, you have beautiful hair. Yeah. Hey, would you mind leaning your seat back? Man or woman in front of you? Just say you're beautiful here.

I'd love to get a better whiff of it. You mind leaning that seat back a little bit farther? That's what they should do. That's how you get them not. Nah, I mean, I've got to work on this. You can work from laying down, dude. What are you talking about? What's the matter with you, man? Lean your seat back. Come on. Wow, that's hilarious. I'm trying to push mine forward. You lean yours back. Torin Shanta.

I had a buddy one time taking a trip home on a mega bus, super cheap, long distance bus service. About 30 minutes outside of Chicago, a hawk flew through the windshield, shattering it. They pull over and radio dispatch only to find out it'll be two hours before they can send another bus. The driver gets onto the intercom and says, okay, our options are either to wait for another bus or drive without a windshield. We're going to take a vote by a narrow margin.

Drive without a windshield one. Unbelievable. That's what I'm talking about. That's what these pilots don't do. Be like a megabus. Dude, that's great. We're going to take a vote. I'm a confident driver. I don't need a windshield. But if you're uncomfortable driving down the interstate,

Especially, as you know for sure, hawks are flying into the windshield. So it's not like you're going, well, what if a bird hits us? Birds are hitting. That's going to happen. If you can handle a hawk going 100-something miles an hour, 200 miles, they're fast, coming through, nothing's stopping it.

That could happen, but I'll get us there. I love the idea of the Megabus driver calling their supervisor and go, what do you do? And they go, I don't know. Just let the passengers vote.

See what they want to do. We have no protocol for that. Dude, that's why the planes are not doing... Learn something from that. Yeah. You know, it's 11 hours. That bus, he ain't going to be on the side of the interstate for 11 hours. You don't hear that story. I mean, maybe they break down. I mean, look, people also get murdered on buses. There's a lot of stuff that happens. You know what's not going to happen is the passengers aren't going to join together and sue Megabus. They know that's not on the table. You're thankful you have your life after Megabus. Right.

And I mean, that's, oh man, that's so, that's so good. Take a vote. I mean, imagine the people that, you know, there's people that voted no. Right. Yeah. That are just going, I can't believe we're doing this. I think the driver is like, look, I don't care. There's been holes in this windshield. I mean, the driver would just say no if he didn't want to do it. So he's like, I'll do whatever you guys want to do. Yeah.

Just bundles up. But if another one comes through, it's hitting him. Yeah. Man. I mean, that's awesome. They got back. Oh, they tipped that guy. Do you tip the Megabus driver? You do after that. I think so. Yeah, you're right. I mean, that's not... That's like when people ask, do you tip them? And you're like, I don't know. Maybe he drove without a windshield for two hours or whatever. 30 minutes outside of Chicago. I mean, that's unreal, dude. Just...

Be two hours, like, nah, I'll get us back. We're all right. Take a vote. Megabus is a very popular bus service for comics. Yeah. It's so cheap. Yeah. You can get from, like, Nashville to Atlanta for, like, next to nothing. Mm-hmm. Yeah, like $5. Yeah, something crazy like that. Sometimes a dollar. There was a bus in New York that was a dollar from there to Boston. A dollar? A dollar. How did they make any money?

I mean, I think something else is going on. I don't know if they're making money. I don't know. And I'll be honest with you. I don't know if you want to be on a bus for people that are only willing to pay a dollar. There's a lot that goes on. It's like kids. It's either kids or just...

Insane people. Kids are allowed on these buses? Well, like college kids. I was wondering if those children get to vote on whether they get to drive with that windshield. Yeah, I would assume they could. Do the kids vote counts for them? It depends on which way it sways it. I would want to know which way it's swaying it. I would know if I want to go keep driving and then I'm like these four...

dumb kids are going to vote this out. I don't think their votes should count, but if maybe they're voting the way I want them to vote, I would argue for the kids. Yeah. You know, but I get a say. It's an eight year old. They get a say. You don't think they get a say? All right. Thanks for everybody listening. All right. This week we are, you know, it's a big week. This week is, make sure Holly's not behind me.

We have Christmas. That's the big week. It's a big deal. When is it? This Friday? This week, yeah. It's this Friday. A lot's happening. Christmas is a very... I'm a big fan of Christmas. I try to think it's my favorite holiday. I like Halloween a lot, but I do like Christmas. They're both great. Halloween's fun. I like Halloween just until... I'm sure when Harper stops wanting to dress up, I won't care as much about Halloween.

You can enjoy it through your kids. Yeah, I think that's why Thanksgiving becomes, I feel like once your kids get older, you love Thanksgiving because it's more, everybody just gets, the whole family gets together. Yeah. And so you like that. But yeah, it's like favorite holidays really for your kids. And so I would say it's Christmas, Halloween. Christmas is probably a little bit above it, maybe. Halloween's very fun though. Seeing where they're going to dress at, you go walk around the neighborhood, trick-or-treating, it's a good time.

But Christmas is pretty, pretty great. And we got a lot of stuff going on. You got, you know, Sam, we saw, we went and saw Santa Claus yesterday at the mall. Couldn't, he couldn't get close. He wears a mask, you know, Harper. So she just has to shout what she wants at Santa. And he'd make a reservation, but he was there.

Very good saying that. We had an elf. As a lot of parents know, elf on the shelf is a big deal. Do you know anything about elf on the shelf? No, I never had it in my house growing up. I don't think we did as kids. I think elf on the shelf came along later. Did you have it? No. A wood shelf? A wood elf? Did y'all just have a shoe or something? That's the old way, y'all. You have a shoe with hay in it. A candle. A candle.

So we have Alfie is our elf that flies around. And you might notice Alfie made it into the podcast room apparently last night. I thought I shut the door to keep Alfie out. I'm not happy about it. And Alfie has a support animal. What is it? What are they called? Emotional support animals? Emotional support animal. Alfie has one. It's been a tough year for him. What is that?

It's a dog, right? Looks like a dog. It's a little stuffy, alfie.

It's kind of ridiculous. Alfie takes this. I'm not happy with it. I don't think Alfie should be doing that. Is Alfie a pirate? Alfie's in a pirate costume right now. It's a girl. And Alfie's in a pirate costume right now. She has a stuffy. She wakes up every day and we don't know where she's going to be. It's insane that she drinks stuff. I don't tell Harper. I don't care for it. Because Alfie makes messes. A lot of kids elf on the shelves. They make a ton of messes.

and Alfie makes a mess. And right when she comes, the first day she comes, it's always a wreck. She wrote on the window. It's insane. It's just, you just, we need her to get back, you know? And so she made it in here. But it's a fun time. And that's what, like, fun, you know, Harper wakes up every morning and has to find Alfie. And then, so it's an exciting, exciting time. I always loved Christmas.

growing up as a kid. We had some really good Christmases. Our biggest Christmas as a kid, we got a snake. Oh, nice. I always wanted a snake. We had a red-tailed boa.

I don't love snakes. I mean, I've always been kind of obsessed with snakes, and I like snakes. But as older I've gotten, I've become less like I'm going to go catch them, or I'm like, I'm not. I'm kind of over all that. I do like going to see them at the zoo. It's always the exhibit I like to go to. I like to end on it right before we leave. I'm like, let's go check the snakes out. Oh, you end on them. I usually end on them. If I go alone, yeah, I think I still do. I say the best for last.

I've never heard anybody thinking that's the best exhibit. That's usually just like some janitor's shed with a couple of aquariums in there. Yeah, there's some crazy snakes in there, dude. You don't care about the monkeys or the lions? No, I go see. Let's get in that un-air-conditioned shed. The vending machines in there. COVID thrives in those places. I mean, it's like, that's why we can't get rid of COVID, because all the snake aquariums.

Yeah, it's great. I love the snake stuff. I like the lions, tigers, all that stuff. Bears. Yeah. You guys see that? I'm not saying I'm not a fan. Monkeys I enjoy. I'm not going to spend a ton of time. I don't know. How much time do you spend at the monkeys? I mean, they're doing stuff.

I don't know if I've ever seen a snake move at a zoo. It's just like, oh, I guess that's there. But don't you want to say, I mean, it's kind of crazy how big the snake is. I guess if you're not, you don't care about snakes.

I don't. Yeah, go ahead. The Nashville Zoo in the bathrooms. They have snakes above the urinal. Above the urinal. First time I went in there. What? Yeah. Yeah. First time you go in there, it kind of makes you, you don't realize it. You don't go that first time. Yeah. Well, you, I mean, you come out. And so I went in there and I remember the first time and you start peeing and you just look up and I mean, it's just boom, right there. It's in a display. It's not just hanging on the handle. Live snakes or just a real snake. Yeah. In the.

See, that's how little they care. They just toss them in the bathroom now? No, it's kind of cool. Everybody goes in there and wants to see it. Everybody wants to see the snake. Snakes are bigger drawl than you think they are. Okay, I didn't know. That's hilarious. The monkeys, they just throw up in the middle as you keep passing because you're just like...

You know, you're like, I don't want to waste time for the monkeys. Throw the monkeys in the back corner. See if people will make their way back there. You know, I think now these are the main monkeys are in the middle because they're like, no one's going to search out the monkeys. But they're like, I'll walk by them multiple times, but I'm not going to looking for other stuff. Yeah. Walk past them. If we get lost, we'll meet at the monkeys. That's what the monkeys are there for.

He's not talking about the apes, like orangutans or chimpanzees. I think those are big draws. Yeah. Like a gorilla? That's a big draw. Yeah, we went to... Chimps? Where did we go to the zoo? We went to the... You went to the one in Cincinnati, right? The Harambe one? Yes. Is that the one where we went to? No, you went to Columbus. Columbus. The Columbus Zoo. Yes. Yes.

Went to the Columbus Zoo. It's a big one. Which is, yeah, one of the bigger, one of the more famous ones. And we know some people there, so we got to meet some cheetahs. We got to pet some cheetahs and stuff like that. And the gorilla there, though, would eat its own poop. It's better than what he saw at the Arkansas Zoo. Yeah. I went to find the monkeys. I don't walk into the Little Rock Zoo and go, where are they keeping monkeys?

the ball pythons maybe we go check the bathroom maybe they're above the urinal they might be probably more of a little rock zoo they probably don't even know that they're in the bathroom is it more of a trough than a urinal i i did i remember and then you go in there's a snake in the bathroom he goes yeah he's in here somewhere i don't know they don't ever know really know where it's at what did you see at the little rock zoo

I think we talked about this, just trash all in the exhibits. I saw a gorilla eating a cardboard box. Yeah. And the penguins. This is the king of the jungle. And the penguins. That's where I saw the penguins. The penguins. Yeah. And then, yes. So, well, I mean, the Columbus Zoo, I mean, that's not worse than eating its own poop, a cardboard box.

I think it's worse. I mean, I think it's worse to eat a cardboard box, man. You think seeing that is like you, if you saw me in the car, you're, it's a dumb animal. You don't go, I don't know, dude, they're eating. I mean, Holly, our dog eats dumb stuff. They eat them. I mean, it poops and then right in its mouth. But you just, you go into it knowing that's what, that's what monkeys do. That's part of their, I didn't know that they, I didn't know that they did that.

You knew that they eat it? I figured they might. I mean, things get wild out there, man. You know why they eat it? There's nutritional value in it, right? It's for, so they don't get preyed upon. So they don't want, there is, I guess, some nutritional value. I'm sure there's nutritional value. You drink your own urine and someone's going to be like, well, you know, it's got vitamin F in it. And you're like, ah, it doesn't? Maybe I'll try doing it. Yeah.

But they do it so the animals don't know where... Because if they just pooped everywhere, then lions and tigers could start tracking them down. Cheaters. Okay, why don't they just bury it? They have to eat it, huh? I don't know if we're dealing with complete logic here. Well, if you eat it, then you're going to have to deal with it again pretty soon. I think they've got a pretty good system. I mean, I think if you buried it, they could... It's a whole thing. And I bet you could still...

you know how far down you got to go i think you got to dig pretty deep would you rather just eat it or just would you always constantly want to be burying i'd rather do whatever the other option is i think i think eating is your last resort yeah but if you have to i mean digging like it's a whole you know i gotta go to the bathroom and then you're like i'll see you right back you're like yeah go to the bathroom it'll take five minutes the digging the ditch i gotta dig afterwards is gonna be a nightmare yeah seem like they could just throw it somewhere

And run. Yeah. It would be like, go away. Yeah. And do it. Just throw it off that little island. Yeah. Just throw it out into the. Yeah. Maybe we'll try to ask them one day. Don't we have someone, we have a human talking to them? Didn't we have someone talking to them? Oh, to the monkeys? Yeah. To the gorillas? Jane Goodall? Why don't we ask her that? There's no Jane Goodall for snakes. I'll tell you that much. Because people don't care enough. You don't talk to snakes. Snakes got it all figured out. Yeah.

Snake's not doing any weird stuff. You go to see a snake. If I take my daughter to a snake, I'm like, this is what they are. They do what they do. Yeah. I take her to a gorilla. I'm like, I don't know what's about to happen.

This might be an R-rated show we might walk into. When we go to the grillers, they go, let me go in first. Let me make sure. Everybody's decent. Yeah, everybody's decent. These grillers are being level-headed. I don't know what's happening. Then you go walk out and go, we can't. We'll try it again later. Not today. What's going on? You don't even want to know what's going on. I don't even want to see what I saw.

are they eating their poop i wish they were that's what i wish that's all i could tell you that they're doing the gorillas are the x-rated shouldn't be allowed in the zoo to be honest that's fair man uh so christmas not christmas everybody how did your parents present the snake to you as a gift

They. So I wanted one and it was like a good year for us. Like we made money. My dad, they made some money. I do a joke about it. My parents were 22, 23 when I was born. So they were the poorest human beings alive. And so my dad had a bunch of shows on Christmas that year during December. And I actually made some money. So we got a better Christmas than normal.

And so I wanted a snake and my dad went and bought the snake from a guy, you know, a guy that sells snakes. And he said him and Wayne didn't, our family friend, like the Dentons. And so him and Wayne go to buy this. I found this afterwards. And so they go buy the snake and they said they walk in the house and the dude has snakes just out.

Like snakes are hanging over the door frames and they're just everywhere. And it's basically like, you want one? Like the guys, like he's saying it, like he's selling candy at a counter and just like, here you go. So my dad buys it and they drove back. It was cold. So he had to put it, my dad had to put it in his shirt and like keep it against his body because it was so cold. And so they drove back. My brother was getting a hamster. It's kind of funny that year.

I was probably 12, so Derek was probably 9, 8, 9. And so he's getting a hamster. And so they had a big aquarium set up in our bedroom. And I was very excited. I think I felt I was going to get something that year. And so in the middle of the night, you're barely sleeping because you're so excited. But my dad came and put the hamster in the aquarium. I think he felt I was going to get something.

know what's going to happen and he's trying to just like think oh the hamster is all i was going to get in that and then so then the next day we got up and then we got it and uh there were so we had the red tail boa my dad used to always take it out in the front yard and like let it almost like let it walk

but you just let it play out in the yard. You told us he's played tricks on people. Yeah. He'd walk up and kid walk by. He's like, okay, what kind of snake is that? I mean, it's like a four foot red tail boa. Uh, so you just let it out in the yard and, uh, and then we would, you know, you have to feed it mice and you'd put live mice in there and, uh,

You do frozen or live. We put live. And one got, have I talked about this? Or I've talked about this on here. You talked about some of that. Yeah. One got, one mouse was pretty smart. And there was like a towel in there. And it hid behind the towel so the snake didn't know where it was. Oh, wow. And so my dad had to reach in there and get the towel. And when it did, it just struck my dad's hand. Didn't really bite him. It just hit it. Almost like it could tell that it wasn't the mouse.

But, I mean, they just move like horses. They just move it. Snakes don't have great eyesight, so they just kind of move. I mean, if you moved near the cage or the aquarium, the glass, and the snake was in there hunting, I mean, he would strike at the glass. Wow. Because it just...

you know, it's, it's on edge. Yeah. I feel like you should just let, you should let the mouse live. It's just able to find a way to survive. Yeah. In that scenario. You've kind of earned it, man. Yeah. I don't know what you, what you do with them, but if they outsmart the snake. Yeah. That's impressive. Well, we kill the snake and now it's the mouse. Now the mouse is the vet. Yeah. And then we just keep putting different animals in there and whichever one survives, then we would move the other one out. Yeah.

And that's how we did it for a long time. Yeah. You know? And so that's... Yeah. Yeah, we had it for a while. And it was like, we're going to get to start feeding the rabbits. And we're like, all right. That was like... You're going to go buy like a $40 rabbit for it to eat. And you're... I mean, you're...

Just throwing like, you know, it was like too much. Yeah, that's a lot. And then they sold it. We let it go in the park. I was going to say, how did it get rid of it? We let it go in the park. And it's doing good. No, we either sold it or gave it to someone. Sold it to Acido. Acido. Yeah. Sold it to Acido Rivardo.

But did you have it like for years or months or what? Do you remember? We had it a few years, I think. Oh, wow. Or yeah, a year, a couple of years, maybe something like that. I don't really remember. But had it for a little bit. I mean, they get big quick. Yeah. And so Red Tail Bowler is the ones you always see it. You got a PetSmart. Those are usually for sale there. But that was a big Christmas. Red Tail Bowler.

I like you asked how it was presented. I was just imagining if your dad had just wrapped it. Yeah. Just loose, like not even in a cage. Yeah. Not even in a box. Just wrapped around the actual snake. It's a loose snake. What is this, a garden hose? Y'all want me a garden hose? Yeah, be careful opening that. Yeah. It's a delicate garden hose. No, I think it was just they brought it out and it was, you know.

And then we got it. And yeah, it was crazy. Have a snake. Were y'all a Christmas morning family as far as gifts? Yeah. So you get up and then what we do, what happens here is Santa brings three presents that are unwrapped. And those are all from Santa. Then, you know, Santa brings different, you know,

I had friends that Santa would bring all their stuff. It's kind of, you know, whatever the parents say. And we do it here at our house, three presents unwrapped, and then the rest are from all of us. Is that what y'all do? Yeah, we were Christmas morning as far as gifts. We would get to play with what Santa got us.

On Christmas Eve? No. People open presents on Christmas Eve? I think it used to be a big tradition. That's how my mom's family did it. What? My mom's family, Santa would come Christmas Eve night. So when they heard Santa coming, they'd all go into a bedroom and close the door, and then they'd hear Santa come, and then they'd come out and open all the gifts right then. That's how my mom's family always did it.

That's crazy. I've never even heard of that. Yeah, I think my parents, that's how they did it too growing up. Yeah? So y'all didn't have electricity? Were y'all excited when y'all got electricity for the first time? Is that because you had to get up and feed the horses the next day? What are y'all? I've never heard this at all. I think my grandfather on my mom's side was a first-generation immigrant. I think it might have been how they did it in Eastern Europe. In the old country? In the old country, yeah. I think that might have been how Santa did it.

You're that close to somewhere else, not America? I guess so. I think my grandfather came from Yugoslavia when he was a kid. He came to Omaha, Nebraska. You spiraled off quick. You'd think you'd have a little touch of something. You know what I mean? You acclimated. Yeah, I mean, you dove in. Look, I figured it out real quick. Yeah, dude. I mean, just to be your grandfather came over, and then you're like, yeah. Maybe he came. Maybe he was born here. I don't know.

I think you got to be a little bit farther. I mean, I, my, we're, I'm a little removed and it comes off as that. Yeah. I don't think his family's ever not been here. And then breakfast is his whole family. I mean, they just from the beginning, just the beginning. Right. It was the, with the native Americans and the breakfast family was here. And they just, but I, I, I would, I'd imagine you seem like you're now that look at you, you're,

I got a little Yugoslavian in me. You can see it. You got a little something that you're throwing me off. I do. And then, you know, if I saw you on Christmas Day and you're like, oh, Santa came last night, I'd be like, yeah, he's got something. Something's up with him. All right.

Now, now we fight your father. My, we opened the presents. Was that what, is that how you got to him? Would your dad then stand in front of the presents and each one of you had to fight him? There's a bear on a unicycle who had handed him the gifts. Yeah. Just some weird Eastern Europe stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. So my mom's family did that, but our family growing up, we got to open one gift the night before we do that. We, but we usually do a game like it's a, and we all would play it. Okay. Yeah.

But would y'all go to midnight mass? When the kids got older, we would go to midnight mass, yeah. But growing up, we were morning of or early Christmas Eve mass. Huh. Yeah. My parents would go to mass. Mass is just Catholic, right? So my parents were raised Catholic, and then we were raised Baptist. And then so my parents go to, I think, they might do some mass now, but we never did that. Yeah. But we would do, Christmas would...

We'd get a play in the morning. We got to play with the three presents that Santa brought that were opened. Then we'd eat breakfast and then we'd open the rest of the presents, you know, like 10, 11, 12. And then so you'd be done. But we did have people that were, I mean, they'd wake up and I mean, it would be 6 a.m. They're already through Christmas, which I thought was early until you guys were done the night before. That seems insane to me. I've never heard that at all. That day people. So what would you do Christmas Day?

I'm not sure. I never did. That was just what my mom's family did. So they'd wake up and go to mass, I'm sure, in the morning. But they'd open all the gifts the night before because that's when Santa came. And every kid listening to this podcast is like, we should be doing that. I know. They're going to be like, let's just do it now. Right. Get everything early. Yeah. Yeah.

That's crazy. Now, how did you guys, I'm curious, how did you guys open gifts? Was it a free-for-all or was there some structure to it? Or how did that go? I think we had structure where you would each kid's turn. You go one by one? And the parents are, maybe the parents are not really, you know, I remember my parents. I mean, I know now, like you don't, you end up, now we, because now we're have, we go to like Laura's family and then my family usually comes and spends the night to,

to one night and then we wake up the next day and open presents and we each the kids go the kids take turns and then the parents always end up having a few you know but by the time we open our stuff no one cares but yeah i think we did it in order so y'all would do it brian i don't remember as a kid uh maybe we did i feel like we just kind of dove in and went for it you had to get it done before sundown the christmas story it always bothered me the christmas story they wake up

Christmas morning, and they're just going at it. And I'm like, man, there's just anarchy in this family. Yeah, should have been doing it the night before. And so, I mean, anarchy. You've come from a family that opens up the night before. I'm sorry we don't open them properly like you guys do three weeks before Christmas. Let's go one by one. Let's examine all the gifts. Let's thank all the appropriate people. It's just chaos in this living room. Come on now.

Yeah, they go nuts. And they... I could... I think... But that's the... Maybe people like the chaos is that you're just, you know, tearing them. But did Santa wrap y'all's... Would Santa wrap your presents? Yeah. Our Santa presents were not wrapped. So there was no... I bet that breakfast wasn't very disciplined. You get a taste of gifts and you gotta stop, eat, and then go back to it. Well, she would... Yeah, she would make...

Yeah, I mean, you want... You're just dying to open those presents. But Santa brings some pretty awesome presents. So you're... It almost makes you play with the... Because you can get a kid anything. And they just want what's next. And then so... Yeah. This Christmas Eve thing is crazy. I've never... I've never even heard that that would be a thing. You had heard of that too? Oh, yeah. Okay. I think it's an older...

but I think they used to be the heard of it as older. I mean, like that's like, what's the point of Christmas day then just to be with your family? I think, yeah, I think maybe it's my, I'm going to Google this in a second, but my thinking is it's, it's Santa Claus comes Christmas Eve and then Christmas is just the religious holiday. It's like, yeah, you know, Christ being born. So maybe Santa just comes the night before to let you have the whole day be about that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I was thinking it was maybe more your family exchange you do at Christmas Eve and then Santa still comes and then Christmas morning. Yeah. Maybe you still do those. What's one of the, like when did all this stuff get started? More recently than I would have thought. 1965? Well, not quite that recent, but I mean, some of the stuff happened

In less than 100 years ago, very much Christmas condition. Even Santa, as we think of him, a lot of it just happened last century. Like store Santas and stuff like that. That was just a – they had to display, and it really took off some store in Philadelphia. And then they're like, oh, what if we had just somebody else? A real Santa. Yeah. Yeah. And then it just took up – this is like the 1940s or something. Yeah. Wow. Wow.

Very recent. So Chris, I didn't even, you guys may not know this, Christmas, the word Christmas, do you know what that, maybe you ever thought about what that means? Christ mass. Yeah, more Christ. Like Spanish? Well, I guess so.

They said it was the... Agree to disagree. Right. Nah, it's just a joke. Yeah. It was the only... Oh, I thought you were serious. I thought you were serious, too. No, no, dude. Yeah. I was like, I guess I missed something. I mean... Yeah. It was better as a serious comment than a joke. Yeah. Let's say I said it seriously. Yeah. Well, get it out. This is the place to try it. Okay. You know? So it used to be celebrated...

Most of these traditions are either, I'll have a religious example or a secular example of how these things started. This is right up my alley. Secular. Oh, that's what we talked about as we opened presents the day after Thanksgiving. Christmas being... Santa came on Black Friday. Yeah. Christmas being celebrated on December 25th didn't happen until...

It didn't happen for a while, but then the reasons, there's two reasons given this. Either some say it's because there were some secular holidays that are already on December 25th, so they wanted to spice it up with some religious holidays. But religious people, some believe that Mary conceived nine months before Christmas on March 25th, and therefore they made December 25th the day they think Jesus was born.

But there's no mention of when Jesus was born in the Bible. Yeah. Isn't it supposed to be... The people just think it's July, right? I've heard some people think spring or summer. But they weren't using a Gregorian calendar back then. No. So who knows what timing? No. Would y'all use a Gregorian calendar too? Would y'all do that a lot? That's the calendar that we all use, the Gregorian calendar, right? But would you... Those words... I mean, I just would love to be that...

Like you bring your girlfriend over like from high school and you go, my family, it's great. Thanks for coming. And then it's, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, hey, how you doing? What's your favorite secular holiday? You know, on the Gregorian calendar, obviously. And then the girl's like, what? That's the word you guys are going to use? You just run her off? And then your Russian grandfather comes barreling in?

chopping on a hat. And she's like, I thought you were from Alabama. It's like, nah, that's my peep-bop that has been chopping wood. Came over about two months ago. Is that what happened? I think so. I'm ballparking what's going on. That's pretty good. That's fair. Poinsettias came from a guy named John R. Poinsett.

Oh. Yeah. Did he invent the flower? He brought it back from Mexico and they'd never seen it before. And so they started calling them poinsettias. I mean, that guy really tricked everybody into it. I mean, he's a flower that's already existing. That's called something else. What are they called? I don't know. Dude, he's taken over.

That's so unbelievable. What should we call him? Just name him after the guy. Yeah, Poinsettias. And he came over. They're something else. They got a different name. He didn't invent plants. Maybe in Mexico, where he brought it back from, they still call it what they used to call it. I know that's what I was saying. John Roberts Poinsett, the first state minister to Mexico, who's credited with introducing the plant to the U.S. in the 1820s.

hey guys, I have this plant I'd like you to meet. And they're like, I don't want to meet any other plants. We have a lot of plants. Yeah, we're good on plants over here, dude. Well, this plant's called the poinsettia. He goes, that's funny. What'd you say your name was? I don't know why that matters. He goes, I don't know, but just say your name. I forgot what you said your name was. Joel Roberts poinsettia. So you're bringing us a plant that's named just like your last name. It's convenient more than

Did you change your last name because of the plant? That's what you could think. He goes, all right. All right. I married the plant while I was over in Mexico. You can do that kind of stuff down there. That's crazy. 70 million poinsettias. Poinsettias. That's a word I got to think about before I dive into it. I can't just breeze over it. Mm-hmm.

Many cultivated varieties are sold in a six-week period. So it's just a seed. Nobody cares about these plants. They're often stated to be highly toxic, but it's not dangerous to pets or children. So gorillas should not eat them. Yeah.

Hold on. Though often stated to be highly toxic, the poinsettia is not dangerous to pets or children. Exposure to the plant, even consumption, most often results in no effect, though it can cause nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea. This is...

Usually nothing happens, but... Nothing happens, you... No, you'll be all right. You can eat it. But it does sometimes. I'm guessing if you're eating a poinsettia plant, you probably got some other dietary problems, you know? So maybe that causes it. That's true. That's why you're having that... He's like, you think the plant did it? I mean...

it's a part of the system that's making where we're at is yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to say if someone goes, what happened? I'm not going to not mention poinsettia, but I'm also going to quietly talk about just your state of mind is the main thing I would talk about. You're eating. Yeah. Diarrhea, least of your concerns right now. Yeah. I just ate poinsettia plants and now I have diarrhea. It's like, that's the plants have nothing to do. Don't,

You know, ruined Joel Roberts' poinsettia. I like that he had the A to it. You think he thought they wouldn't notice? No. It's just a coincidence. No, it's just crazy. That's why I like the plant so much because I was like, what are the odds? What are the odds? So we all know Santa Claus lives at the North Pole. Been there for a while, but he got his start, supposedly, working at a church in modern-day Turkey in the 300s.

Went by St. Nicholas. One night he was walking through town, heard some villagers discussing a family problem. They didn't have enough money and they were in dire need. He wanted to help them out, but knew that they wouldn't take it because they were proud people. So instead, one night he slid down the chimney of this house and they had their stockings drying by the fireplace and he put gold coins in each stocking to help this family out. Hmm.

And then he was just very well known for giving away all his inherited wealth and traveling the countryside, helping out the poor and sick. So Christmas got started from putting money in people's underwear, basically, that they had to dry over a fire. Yeah. Saying a bit of a creep. People don't talk about that, but the way he started. Went down the chimney. Yep. Yep.

Interesting. Snuck in the house. See, that's what I was always taught is that Santa Claus is St. Nick. Yeah. Right? St. Nicholas. Right. St. Nicholas. Right. So Santa Claus. I thought it was the guy from Ireland, though, that got rid of all the snakes on Ireland. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. You thought that was Santa Claus? I know. I know the idea. I thought that was St. Nick, right? That was St. Nick. I didn't know it was a different St. Nick in Turkey. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that one sounds like where we're at today sounds like that story. Right. That does sound more like the Santa we know. Yeah, the Santa we know versus if I have to, you know, how did Santa get started? Well, he's kind of freaked out about snakes and got rid of them on an entire country. And they're like, all right, well, how do we get where we're at now because of that? That's where you thought it all came from?

Just a guy that didn't care. Did you ever do St. Nicholas Day? We did that growing up. It was like December 7th. Did you ever do St. Nicholas Day? No. St. Nick Day. We'd leave our shoes outside of our bedroom and Santa would come and leave candy in our shoes. That was like December 5th or December 7th. I think it's a Catholic thing.

but St. Nick day. I think it's a Weber family. I think it's pretty, there's a lot of Weber family. I think it's pretty common. St. Nick day. They leave candy in your shoes. So he'd come and just kind of, we would celebrate boxing day, but that's about it. And we don't be ridiculous here. I text my buddy, Graham K Canada, happy boxing day. Every boxing day. Yeah. I enjoy it. Yep.

So we haven't seen Santa Claus, of course. So we guessed his look. So a couple of people helped kind of put together the modern day look. The guy who wrote The Night Before Christmas, that poem, he described Santa Claus and that's kind of how a lot of his look came about. And then a cartoon appeared in Harper's Weekly depicting Santa as overweight, cheerful with a full white beard. So that's kind of where we think he looks like. This is where we're at. Yeah. All right. Yep.

We have the guys that look like Santa all year. I mean, there's a bunch of old men that like, they just, they want a beard. I'm sure there's gotta be some guys out there that are like, I'm yeah. I'm a little hefty. My hair's white. I want a beard because I am a little overweight. And, but I, I look like Santa all year. And I have to wear glasses. I mean, yeah, I can't see just naturally the Santa Claus. Like you would, I would think for them, um,

They would hope that Santa would just be a little something different. Because they walk around, yeah, and they just are going... I mean, I'm wearing overalls going to Home Depot in July. And kids are like, are you Santa? And it's like, no, I just look like...

Yeah, I'm not happy about it. Not happy. Right. I would love to not look like Santa, but I'm stuck. Different countries celebrate very different ways, but Santa kind of looks the same in all these countries. Like in Austria, he has an evil accomplice called Krampus. And this guy, St. Nicholas, rewards the good boys and good girls, but Krampus is said to capture the naughtiest children and whisk them away in his sack.

They're dead serious in Austria. Yeah. Look at Krampus. Well, that's Santa Claus. This is what Santa looks like in Austria. Yeah. And he looks terrifying, dude. Yeah. He's already scary. And then what's Krampus? I saw a picture of Krampus. There he is right there in the middle there. Right there. Right there? Oh, yeah. That'll get you in the Christmas spirit. Yeah. Right there. I mean, that's one of the scariest things I've ever seen. Yeah. If you look up Krampus. I mean, that's so... And that's what they say...

You know, that's the naughty list is that comes to you. This is in the first week of December, young men dress up as Krampus. Frightening children. The naughty, you know, oh, did you cheat on your homework? Well, the devil is going to steal you from our family. I mean, talk about the fear. Yeah, man. No wonder where they're at as a country. I mean, just...

I don't even really know where they're at as a country, but I don't think it's... I think they're doing okay. Are they? I think they're all right. I watched Sound of Music last night. That's Australia. It's not Australia. I mean, Austria. The whole world was kind of struggling back then in World War II.

The whole world's in a tough spot. Well, how do you think they got into the spot that they got into? Because of that. If you're going to pick a country that's going to do something like that, I'm not saying they're not doing great now. I'm sure we have people listening in Austria, and I bet it's wonderful now. They've turned things around. But for you to get to a point to where that happens as a country, I would look at Krampus.com.

Klompas or Krompas? Krompas. I would look at Krompas as going, how did we get there? Maybe we made the children too nervous. If they did anything wrong, something that looks worse than what we imagine the devil looks like, steals them from our houses and we never see them again. Yeah. Here's a picture with Krompas with kids in his little backpack. I mean, wow.

I mean, that's just floating around out there. It's out there. Krampus is just, yeah, that's crazy. Here's another European one. In the Netherlands, Sinterklaas, which is the Dutch version of Santa Claus, arrives from Spain instead of the North Pole. He has little helpers, but they're not elves. They're black-faced boys and girls who can steal your kids if they misbehave and bring them back to Spain, which according to the Dutch is a severe punishment. I mean...

I mean, there's all kinds of problems. There's a lot of, yeah. I mean, we're getting into, I mean, this is, we can look into the, we could solve the world. We just really dive into Christmas a little bit. That's what's going on in the Netherlands. I mean, good. That is crazy. All right. We don't have to, that's nuts, dude. In Japan. And the fact that they're just trashing Spain. Your punishment is,

is do you want to go you're gonna go live in spain and spain's like i mean we're doing fine yeah we're doing all right yeah we're doing all right better than austria tell you that much in japan the meal of choice on christmas day is kentucky fried chicken oh it's like us they wanted turkey but they turkeys aren't as prevalent i guess so they started offers a kfc christmas dinner in japan and it took off now it's a christmas tradition

I need to go to Japan. You know what? It's going to be good to know because I'll go to Japan for Christmas. Yeah. How fun is that? Yeah. I love it. Yeah, I like that a lot. All right. Japan's got their – Japan's got it going on. At least being a little level-headed. Back in – You know? Like, oh, we just do KFC. All right. Well, there you go, Japan. I don't even want to tell you what's going on in these other places.

In Norway, people hide their brooms because the Christmas tradition is witches and evil spirits come out on Christmas Eve looking to ride a broom. So even today in Norway, people hide their brooms in the safest place in the house. Where's the safest place to hide a broom? You know, where they're not going to find it? Yeah. Maybe you go broom closet because then you think the witches go, look in the broom closet, they go. Look, they're not going to. Come on. They're not that dumb. This is a pretty big tradition. Don't waste your... That's because I would think the witches go...

The younger witches go, so check every broom closet? They go, come on. Look at this. The whole world knows that this is happening. You think they're going to leave the brooms in the broom closet? No. You don't have a ton of time, so don't even search the broom closet. Right. Go check the shower. They might put them in the shower. Right. You'd be shocked how many people probably put a broom in the shower. I bet that's got to be the shower.

That's a, where, where would you put it? That's a great place to put it. Yeah. I can't think of another spot. Sweeping water is no fun. So you don't want to broom in a shower. Yeah. That's a great. Yeah. I may tuck them behind the fridge.

I'm just thinking something that's vert tall. Yeah, it's got to be a certain height. Yeah. It's going to set the house on fire. Yeah. The electrical thing. I don't think so. Electrical thing with the broom straw, back of the fridge. I mean, how many loose wires do you got behind your fridge, man? When's the last time you looked behind your fridge? I don't think I've ever looked back there, but I don't think it's just... There you go. How do you...

How many wires do you don't know? I don't think it's all just a bunch of exposed wires back there. I think it's probably pretty tucked in. You don't think that, where was it? What country was this? Norway. Hey, that's all they have is exposed wires. That's their, their whole world is exposed wires. They're, yeah, I moved, uh, I think I talked when I delivered refrigerators and moved one, a lady had a dead cat back there. Yep.

So, I mean, that's gross. Not really a fire hazard, but I'm just saying stuff. Something killed that cat. So be safe. Don't put your bruise. I'm not saying you can't. I'm just just saying you've been warned. I like to shower more than behind the fridge. And I hope that a witch finds you is immediately behind a fridge. And then also light your refrigerator on fire just to make a point.

I hope you get there and you go, did the broom did it? And the fireman goes, there was no broom back there. And you go, God, exactly. That's what I would hope the fire department shows up. And Krampus lights a cigarette off the fire and takes your children, Aaron. Takes your Kentucky Fried Chicken. Do they have multiple brooms in these? I'm just thinking, I got one broom. Yeah, it takes them. Oh, it's just one? Yeah. It just takes one for a witch to show up.

Okay. How does the witch get there without a broom? The old fashioned way, a long... On Christmas Eve. A bigger broom, they all ride like a bus. Yeah. It's like a mega bus, but it's a gigantic broom. And so then they all want to ride their own broom so they don't have to be... No windshield, dude. No windshield. Yeah, no windshield. I mean, and talk about hawks are just decking people off these buses. I mean, these brooms. Just... So you want to get your own broom to actually have some fun. Okay. That makes more sense. Yeah. Yeah.

Does Harper track Santa? Yep. She wanted to last night. And if she grew up in Aaron's family, she could have because Santa would already be pretty close to being here. But I don't think Santa's...

I don't know if Santa's got going yet or maybe we didn't, we didn't do it last night, but we're about to. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know it started before Christmas Eve, but it starts a few days before. Yeah. I think. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you can look now and see if you can track him, but yeah, it's, I mean, he's started going cause he starts, he starts going, you know, like other countries. I mean, he's, you know,

So that started by accident. In 1955, a child accidentally dialed an unlisted phone number of the Continental Air Defense Command Operations Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado. I believe she was calling Santa Claus.

The commander saw an opportunity, and since then, NORAD's been tracking Santa Claus for kids to see where he's at. What? It's like the tracker's not live for a couple days. Yeah. Yeah. Not yet. Santa Claus is coming. It starts in two days. Okay. So what number do you have that's close enough to calling Santa Claus?

She was trying to... 5-5-5 film. Filk. Filk. Filk. I mean, what are you... Yeah, is there a number like... Is it like 8-4-7? I don't know. It says she was trying to call a promotion in a local newspaper, but she still called the air defense. Talk about an air defense problem we have. Is that you're close enough to just a local radio ad. Yeah.

Hello. This is air defense. This is one of our main things that protects us. Am I the fifth caller, Bunny? I know the phrase that pays. Yeah. I used to write Santa Claus letters when I was a kid. Just put the North Pole on there. Yeah, yeah. And they figure it out. Yeah. They get it there. Them and Wayne Gretzky.

I always heard that you can write a letter to Wayne Gretzky to Canada and just put Wayne Gretzky Canada and it would get to his house. Really? Because they knew. That's cool. They know where he's at. That's cool. I never heard that. Him and Santa. The only two that you could write their names, North Pole, Canada. They're showing up. That's cool. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a, that's a level of fame. You don't even need an address. You don't even need an address. You could give a mailman. It's going to get through the post office system. Wayne Gretzky. Everybody gets it. Yeah. Good for him. There's another guy, Wayne Gretzky, though, that hates it. That's the problem. That guy, he's like, I've never got letters. If I get them, they're just not, you know, people have a hard time getting letters to me. Yeah.

It's like me and my Google search of Brian Bates. Yeah. Just everybody but you? Yeah. I mean, I get one of those alerts every day, and it's never once been me. Who is it? There's a few. There's one guy in Oklahoma City who calls himself the video vigilante. Yeah. And he's the most popular Brian Bates. But there's an author. There's a singer. I mean, every morning I just wake up reading about more successful Brian Bates. What is that? I type in Brian Bates, and it comes up. Brian Bates comedian, and then Brian Bates wife. All right. Comes up.

Well, Brian Bates author is what it says up there at the top. What's Brian Bates, the vigilante. He is a guy who goes around and exposes Johns that are pipping out women. And he's been on all the talk shows. I mean, he's got a ton of TV credits. Yeah. Brian Bates born 1944 accurate so far. Yeah. Former chairman of psychology at the university of Sussex. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Uh,

Yeah, I try to have, I actually, I just wanted a Brian Bates on the show and I went through so many of them and I finally, the one guy that's like, I'll do it. And here we are. I called the other one, the video vigilante. I was like, this guy's gonna bring something to the table. He gets it. You just landed on breakfast over here. Yeah. Bates investigates. Yeah. Brian Bates is a private investigator.

serving the investigative needs of individuals and businesses in a professional and discreet way. He's won an Emmy. What? A Heartland Regional Emmy. Well, I've won an Emmy. For his efforts to expose organized drug use. Breakfast has an Emmy. I do. How many Emmys? Just one? Just one. What's the story with your buddy with the Emmy?

Oh, so let me, I want an Emmy for mid South regional news. And he also was on that. And so there was, um, what was your Emmy for the, uh, the 1998 tornado that came through downtown Nashville. And I was producing the news that, uh,

Channel 5. News Channel 5. So I wanted Emmy for that. By the way, the day our weather podcast came out, where you're making fun of my wind video, the weather channel called me and said, can we use this video in a documentary that we're doing about the Nashville tornado? Oh, really? Yeah. The dark, the night wind? Just the night? They didn't describe it like that. Yeah. But yeah. Is that what they wanted? They go, we're doing a video on trains and this sounds like a train. We're just taking weird sounds. Yeah.

Well, the Weather Channel loves it. But my buddy was nominated for an Emmy and they said, and he was nominated twice in the same category. Same category. There were four entries total. He was two of the four entries. They announced, all right, folks, they opened it up. We have a tie.

He's two of the four. Yeah. They announced the first guy. He goes up and makes his acceptance. And then they announced a second person, not him, who goes up and accepts. So he was nominated twice. They had a tie. He still didn't win. He was nominated twice, and he was the only two that didn't win. Yeah, the only two that didn't. Dude, how great is that? That's hilarious. I mean, he's like, all right, his odds are better of winning. When there's a tie, and you're two of the four, you're almost guaranteed. Yeah.

Your percentage of winning one is 99% at that point. And then it's going to sit there. He thinks about that every day, I'm sure. I would think about that every day. It's a great story, though. It's probably the story you could argue is better than just having one of the Emmys. Yeah. We have a guy sitting here that won an Emmy. Oh, yeah. I'm more interested in the guy that didn't win. He has an Emmy.

You just trashed that other Brian. There's two Brian Brates we're talking about that has Emmys and you've made fun of both of them. You're right. I'm sorry. Yeah. Highest grossing Christmas film of all time. Anybody want to guess?

Die Hard? I would imagine. I don't want to get in that argument that Christmas Die Hard. I don't know if they count Die Hard, but it's not on here. It's like an actual Christmas. Highest grossing, Polar Express. That's a good guess. That's a great guess. I think it's on here. So number one, Home Alone. Okay. And then it's followed by How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Dr. Seuss' The Grinch, and The Polar Express. Wow. Wow.

Yeah. The diehard Christmas thing. I'm so tired of that argument. You see that on like, it gets argued every, it feels like it's all the time. Yeah. I remember the first time it was argued. You're like, all right, that's fun. And now it's like, all right, everybody quit it. Right. No one, I don't, I don't know. There's no decision being made.

On it. I don't know. No one's really said anything, yes or no. And so it just kind of gets to nowhere. And you're like, all right, dude, quit. And then you're just like, man, who cares? Yeah. Yeah. According to the National Retail Federation, consumers spend an average of $967 for Christmas. Overall retail last year, $717 billion spent on Christmas. That'd be more than that. No, I don't think so.

That's a fun thing to say. I know. It means nothing to me. It seems like a fun time to say it. I thought it would be way more than that. Wow. It's a recession. It was a tough year last year. Yeah, it was a tough year. I'll tell you, it was $18 billion. This year, spending's down. I don't know how they know this already. $805 on average people are spending on Christmas. Yeah, they're making stuff up. No one knows any of this. There is... I am...

almost positive any stat you hear is really made up it's based on nothing i bet if you went and started looking into the stats you could find out if we found out the guy who's the guy that wrote down 805 who like who wrote who was the final it's 805 yeah and go where did you get this he's like

I mean, I just kind of felt it out. Yeah, he goes, my parents are not spending a lot of money this year. I asked how much they're going to spend. I kind of went through it. I Googled some stuff, and now it's a stat that gets thrown around. And we're like, can you believe it? There's just – how are you figuring that out? I'm guessing you just do surveys like they do any other thing like that. I think you just talk to stores and get –

feeling for now how much the retail is. See, the fact is none of us even really know. Yeah. That's what I mean. You don't think, but you think every stat, I think stats are. But they do and they're the ones writing it off. But they're the ones writing it off. But every stat is, I just, I'm very, stats are. You're going to love this one then. Yeah, here we go. A Christmas card was invented that's so small it's invisible to the human eye. Yeah.

In 2010, nanotechnologists at the University of Glasgow created a Christmas card so small it could fit on the surface of a postage stamp 8,276 times and on a regular-sized Christmas card about a half a million times. But you can't see it.

I mean, this is what they're doing, man. Yeah. I mean, you can't like, this is what's pulling the country apart is stats. Stats are pulling the country apart because they are just saying whatever they want. It's scientists just making stuff up because no one says it. And then, then people that do stats. I got one right here, dude. I got one. You bought me that for, yeah. Oh, wow. How much was it? $1 billion. Um,

Everybody's just making stuff up, dude. That's what's happening. Where it's, there's no, there's, I mean, how do you, you know, I mean, how do you have the nerve? Yeah. The nerve to walk out and go, I made a, there's a Christmas card in this room. Oh yeah. Where is it? Oh, I bet you can't find it. Why? When the room's empty. Do you hide it? Yeah. The room's empty. Now it's right in front of your face. I put it on your nose already.

I put 5,000 on your nose. He goes, there's one on my nose right now. He goes, you remember when I touched your nose when you walked in? Yeah. I put 5,000 cards on there. I put a bunch on there. Yeah. You have them all over you. I scooped up a bunch. And he starts just shaking his face. He goes, are they falling off? He goes, some of them are. Some of them aren't. He goes, I don't know. We're never going to know. You're just smearing them around, dude. Yeah. He goes, now they're everywhere. And you feel something in your eye? Yeah. Yeah.

It's 10,000 Christmas cards. So it opened up like a real Christmas card? I don't know. It doesn't matter.

Yeah, I did. Ask me. I did it. Ask me. Did it make a song when you opened it? Yeah, we did. One did Star Wars. We did the Star Wars theme as a Christmas thing. But it's so quiet, you can't hear it at all? No, obviously no. You can't hear it. I mean, yeah. What colors do you think? Is it red? Red on the outside? Was it scented? Yeah. Yeah, we did a little scented strawberry and poinsettia. Is there a message inside of it? There's an actual poinsettia inside of it. What?

An actual real live poinsettia. But you can eat it. You wouldn't get sick. But it's a real live poinsettia inside the card. Yeah. Yeah. And then I gave it. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah. I gave it all to my family. For Christmas. Yeah. Yeah. The hardest part is you have to give actually a bigger card. To fit it, the card inside. Well, just so they see something. Right. And then they open it and I'll usually give them like a- Oh, you mail it? Yeah, I mail it. I mail an April Fool's Day card.

to throw them off and they're like it's april fool's day i would like a christmas card and i go well look down and they look down they go yeah see a easter bunny with the middle finger up and then i go the christmas card's right on the easter bunny it's so small you can't see it no one can see it there's 10 000 of them i gave you 10 000 of them and you know i'm a scientist right and then they go yeah yeah and he goes yeah and then they go all right all right man i appreciate it you know and

You just go, yeah, it's the smallest coral in the world. I mean, that's, dude, the audacity. The audacity to just do that as a, why is that guy not, you know, hey, John, can we get on cancer, dude? What are you doing? What are you working on these days? Well, I'm trying to actually make it the world's smallest. I wonder if they have a picture of this thing, like microscopic. Yeah, I have an unprovable, I'm kind of working on this unprovable thing. You might have to put in the word like nanotech or something.

Unless that's it. Yeah, I think this is it. This is a picture of an electron microscope. And it's got a picture of... I mean, I don't know what that... It says season's greetings. It says season's greetings on it. Oh, they're politically correct. Yeah. That's good. Didn't want to offend anybody with the world's smallest Christmas card. And no one can see it. Right. It opens!

It does open. I don't know how you open it. You want to go, wow, so no one can see with their eye. So how do you see it? Is it, we'll put a microscope on it. Yeah, so why don't you just make it normal? Because otherwise it doesn't matter, right? You know what I mean? Like, and he's like, I know, but it's fun to be like, well, there's one that you can't see. And they go, I know, but then how do we know it's real? Why put a microscope on it? Again, here's where we're at.

Why don't you just make it the size of the microscope and go, here's the smallest one you can see. Instead of just being like, you know, I invented one that's made of air. And you never know if it's around. It smells like a toot sometimes. Your uncle would say, yeah, I've invented one of those. Oh, is that it on the tip of a pen? Yeah, that's it, man. Yeah, there you go.

Pretty small. You know how hard it was to take that pic? I mean, what a waste of resources. That guy went to college. He went for a long time. A long time to college. Yeah. I mean, guy, yeah, probably got a scholarship. Wasted scholarship. UK scientist. Creates world's smallest Christmas card. Oh, thanks. Yeah, no, it's cool, man. England really paving the way. Yeah. No, I appreciate it, dude. Thanks for, yeah, that's good.

How are we on smallpox? And he goes, I don't know. I mean, I'm still doing that stuff. But I thought I'd make this. So this says it's 200 million times smaller than the stamp. It smashes the previous world record. And it's 10 times smaller than the previous attempt. So people are, I mean, this is like an arms race to make the smallest Christmas card. Well, I mean, we're just asking for the guy, you know what? I did it.

well can we see it mine's so small microscope won't pick it up and then they go is that true and he goes yeah all you need is a guy that has a science degree yeah to go yeah it's so small no one can a microscope can't even pick it up oh do you have a picture of it i would love to have a picture of it but it's not as big as the y'all gotta get to work on these cameras yeah i would take a picture of it if it was gigantic like the other ones were

But mine's so small that you can't even get a picture of it. Oh, you got a picture of theirs? They're giant cards that they made? It's bigger than Adam. Yeah. Oh, what's that over there? Is that Billy's card he invented? This loser? Mine's out there. They're everywhere. So the opposite of something that small, the Christmas star from the Bible, the wise men followed,

There's speculation on what that might have been. Some say a supernova, a comet. Some say it was Jupiter and Saturn lining up

which happens today. Oh, really? Yep. Today. Today, today, December 21st, the day we're taping. It's the first time in 800 years that it's visible. You can see this. Oh, wow. I see Jupiter and Saturn every night. Yeah. I brought my telescope. Oh, really? So they're lined up. Oh, so you can see them right now? Right now. Well, not once the sun goes down. Yeah. Yeah. So they're lined. So it's just one big...

Yeah. So every night lately, they've been getting closer, closer, closer. And then today, they're supposed to be ducks one. Jupiter and Saturn. Yeah, in line. I see Mars every night. Yep. Yeah. If I can see it, why couldn't a human be on it? Do all... Mars is... I can see Mars. Right. I can't see this idiot's Christmas card that's on Earth.

Where I know humans are walking around. But I can see Mars, a place we apparently are not good enough to get to. We'll get there, man. Not with your attitude. You're right. What was your question? I was going to ask if they ever all line up. Every planet? Yeah. I don't think a few of them care for each other. And there's just one.

Who do you think doesn't like each other among the planets? I think Pluto doesn't know what's going on. Yeah. Pluto's always the one that's the funnest to... I joke about Pluto. But it's back a planet now, right? It always goes back and forth. I can't keep up. Which is the joke. Which is my point of science. Yeah. Is that we're just... It's all just kind of make-believe. It can be whatever you want. If a guy's charismatic... I would like to hire a scientist that's just really charming. Yeah. And I think he could...

If he sounds convinced the world of anything, anything, anything. Yeah. And you're like, can we see your work? We don't even understand the work, but he's like, can we see how'd you get to this? And he's like, no one, no one cares.

I think if you, well, how did you figure that out? He's like, you know, figured it out. Got to, you know, he just has a bunch of scratch marks. I don't want to bog you down with the details. And you're like, yeah, dude, I don't want to be bogged down with details. I went into the lab and I performed science. There's a couple of Christmas songs that have just crushed records. White Christmas by Bing Crosby is the world's best-selling single of all time. Over 50 million copies sold worldwide.

It ranked number two in the Greatest Songs of the 20th Century list behind Judy Garland's Over the Rainbow. And then a much more recent one, Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas is You is just crushing it. It's number one again this year. It came out 25 years ago, and it hits number one on the charts. I think last year was the first time in over 20 years it hit there, but now it's there again. Every Christmas, she makes between $600,000 to $1 million in royalties alone from the song. Wow.

That's how you do it. I wonder why. Was that song in a movie? Was it in... It's Mariah Carey. I understand that, but I'm saying why did that particular... I know it was in Love Actually. Dude, I know who Mariah Carey is. She's as big as a movie.

But I'm saying, why did that? She has other Christmas songs. Why don't people care about those? That's a good point. You know more about music than I do. But from what I read, they think it's, music experts think it's a really good song. Yeah? I don't know. I mean, it's not a bad song. I'm just wondering why that one in particular. It was in Love Actually or something like that? No, I think it was in Air Buds 2. Oh.

It broke the single day record for most Spotify streams. But Christmas Buds. You know Air Buds, the movie? But it was in the Christmas Buds one. There was a Christmas Air Buds. Yeah, and they couldn't believe they got that song. That's what was so crazy. They go, are you serious? She asked to be put in that. She's a big fan of the franchise. Loves what they're doing. Big Animal fan. A few other holidays that fall at the same time. Hanukkah.

which I just learned Jesus attended Hanukkah. Do you know that? Oh, were they celebrating Hanukkah back then? Yeah. Oh, okay. Hanukkah happened in between the Old Testament and the New Testament. And so, yeah, Jesus went to Hanukkah. Feast of dedication. Kwanzaa, the guy who invented Kwanzaa is still alive. That's kind of crazy, right? Oh, I didn't know it was that recent. Yeah. In the 60s.

It's like my dad invented it. I mean, what is Kwanzaa? That's the celebration of African-American culture. That's funny. Yeah. Just still imagine that guy comes over. What were you celebrating? Kwanzaa? My neighbor is the one that made it. Y'all want to meet him? You're like, I get we're celebrating. Might as well have him come over. That's crazy. Boxing day, which you've already covered.

It's become a big sports watching day in Europe and Canada. It's kind of like our football on Thanksgiving. Yeah. It's what everybody does. They watch sports. Festivus. Yeah. Follows December 23rd, the day this podcast comes out. Did you know that was a real thing? No, but I love it. If it is, it makes so great. Festivus for the rest of us. One of the writers of Seinfeld's dad invented Festivus. And he just did crazy stuff around the house. Yeah.

And they didn't have a metal pole, but he said the real symbol of the holiday was a clock that my dad put in a bag and held it to the wall every year. I don't know why. I asked him once and he would never tell me. He just always say, that's not for you to know. But since Seinfeld came out, Festivus is now celebrated. That's not for you to know. Isn't that funny? That's such a good answer. It's a very Frank Costanza. Yeah.

So now there's the Arian of Grievances, Festivus Mill, Feats of Strength. I got a lot of problems with you people. I'm going to start with you, Kruger. You can sew a silk sheet on a hot date. I lost my train of thought. Festivus Miracles, which Kramer had. So it's become a big thing now. She must have been some doll. Oh, she was. No, what is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It must have been some doll. Oh, she was.

That episode is actually not called Festivus. It's called The Strike. Yeah. And they said years later, they're like, we wish we'd have called it Festivus. We just had no idea. Because that's when Kramer's striking at H&H Bagel. Yeah, yeah. He strikes at H&H Bagel. Puts his jacket in where they sell the bagels. Yeah. Which is one of my favorite, kind of like something no one notices, but when he goes to work.

The fact that he's been out of work, he's like, I didn't know you were out of work. He's like, it's embarrassing. And he goes, the minimum wage is $15. Well, you know who to thank for that. And then he takes his jacket off and he goes in the store and in the window display that they would put bagels in, that's how people choose which bagels they want. He just jams his jacket in the window display. And it's always so funny to me to be like,

There's counters, there's a hook, there's a million things. And he's like, ah, let's get to work. It's the last place to put it. The last place to put the jacket is the window display. Bryan Cranston's in that episode. Yeah. That's a great episode. Is that the? The two-face and he meets, Jerry meets the girl at Tim Watley's party. Yeah. Yeah. It's a great episode. Yeah. Wow. Is that it? Is there? It's probably a good place to stop. Yeah. It's a good place to stop.

Is there not one more fun one? Let's see. 12 Days of Christmas, the song 12 Days of Christmas. Yeah. If you added up all the gifts you would get, you'd end up with 364 presents. Wow. That's fun. Yeah. It's a little much. Yeah. Well, one of them is a live bird. Most of them are birds. Oh, I mean. Dude, how many birds is that going to be? The majority are birds. So you have 200 birds in the house. Turtle doves, French hens.

I don't remember. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, so people to drummers drumming, some geese, I think AIDS didn't on the office. Didn't the goose attack Aaron? Yeah, that's right. Cause you have live animals and human trafficking. It's actually very illegal and just unethical. I mean, if you did what the 12 days of Christmas did, you would be arrested for,

And I mean, they talk about you on 60 Minutes. Yeah. That's what we're getting at. So it's the only day of Christmas this year. Yeah. That's crazy. So we did get y'all a little Christmas present. The listeners of the folks of Nateland, you've been asking for it. You've been wanting it.

We finally did the Krispy Kreme donut challenge. It is done. It's a little video of it. We did it. We're going to make it. It's going to be posted with this so you can see it.

And that's a thank you for you guys. I know we kind of jumped out the gate talking about it. Never thought it'd ever matter and catch on. Apparently, it did catch on. I think we're going to lose a lot of people. Right. Because people are only here for the community. They're just waiting for that. They were just waiting for that. But we finally did it. We hope we keep you after that. Maybe that's what Drew Turler to finally... That's what he came for. And he's like...

So we did it. Me, Aaron, Breakfast, Laura, all did it. I don't know what to think. I don't ever know what I want you to, what's the proper way to, you know. I don't, you know, it definitely was harder than we thought. Right.

I think the results will surprise people. I think they will. I mean, I don't, yeah. I don't think you go into, yeah, well, don't point at them and let the people guess who the results would be surprising to. Okay. I think the results will surprise people. I'm going to read them out for you. Here they are exactly. That's not really a spoiler, dude. I'm just saying you'll be shocked. You'll be shocked that we're going to edit that out. Some of us know ourselves better than others. Some of us...

Some of us, I think some were let down and some was surprising. And yeah, so that's the thing. But it's definitely 36 Donuts is not in the picture. So don't worry about that. I mean, yeah. Don't expect 36. They're sweet. It's a lot.

Very rich. Very rich. Very rich. Very rich. And I tried to do just chocolate donuts, and that was... A mistake. That was a mistake. It was a tactical error. It was a tactical error from out the gate. So maybe I need to try it again. Don't put this in the universe, dude. We did it. When you see this, you're going to realize that Aaron throws a lot of numbers. Aaron lives in an imaginary world that, you know, we need someone just following him around. And he's like, you know, I fought a...

five bears once with my fist and someone's like he wrestled his uncle and then walks behind him and just says you know that corrects and goes he didn't do any of that stuff he goes I could swim underwater for six minutes he's like he barely he dumped in went under came up freaked out uh it was 60 seconds at most because he forgot which way was up or down wow wow no one that's surprising um

So the secret genius is some other secrets. So they, yes, but then we, we did the video. We did it for you. I know we talked about it forever and we wanted to give it to you guys. Uh, we can't really give you a gift. Uh, so that is our gift that we, uh, did that. We were all in pain. Uh,

So, and then, yeah, me and you did a show that night for Feeding the Homeless. So, yeah, so check it out. And again, I hope you guys have an awesome, awesome Christmas. We do. We love every one of you. And we can't thank you enough for listening. And we'll see you right back after Christmas. So, all right. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land Podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or a comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation's Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land Podcast.