170: #170 Utah ft. Alex Velluto
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who trust Progressive, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National average 12-month savings of $744 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations. Hello, folks, and hey, Bear. I am Abigail Bargetzi. I'm Nate's sister. I'm here with Brian Bates.

Aaron Weber and Dusty Slick. All right. All right. We're doing stuff a little bit different today. All right. All right. So y'all have no idea, which is exciting. Nate's not going to be here for, he's supposed to be here next week. He's not going to be here now. Oh. So there's a- He quit? He quit. He wants me to take over. No. Well, I'm so excited. We can't wait.

So what do y'all think it would be? Like if you had to guess why Nate would not be here next week. Having another kid. Yeah.

Laura's hit it that well. She's due next week. Yeah, I don't know. Let me think. Let me think. It could be something good or something bad. I think he's. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. I was going to say he's either got canceled for something. Okay. This will be a weird way to address that. Yeah. Well, I think it's got to be Jerry Seinfeld related, right? Wasn't he just people were talking about? He was hanging out with Jerry Seinfeld.

Yeah. And they were having lunch or whatever. People were talking about it. And now he's suddenly too good for us. You know what I mean? So he's like, listen, guys, I'm moving on. You can keep the house. I'm trying to think what's happening next week. So it's...

Hmm. It's October 23rd. It would be day recording. Yep. Is there an award show? I'll give you a hint. So he'll be gone all week. Be gone all week. Okay. He's having plastic surgery of some sort. Yeah. Pictorial implants. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what it is. All right. Y'all ready for it? Yeah. Nate is hosting SNL. All right. Whoa.

It's unbelievable. That is unbelievable. Amazing. That is crazy. It is crazy. When is it happening? So the announcement's getting announced tomorrow. Of course, this will air Wednesday. So the announcement will already be out. But Nate wanted me to tell y'all like on air. Whoa. To get your... Very excited. It is crazy. It's very exciting. I would never guess that. Yeah. That's awesome. We were like...

So he does have to cancel some shows, that part he's pretty sick about. Right. But I didn't know how SNL even worked. I mean, I watch it. I see the clips and stuff like that. But you have to be there the whole week. Yeah. I didn't know.

I guess you got to rehearse some sketches. Well, it's different for when you're a comic. So you're going to write the sketches. Because I was like, Kim Kardashian didn't write those sketches. There's no way that she did that. But yeah, so he'll be there all week. Just for the Kardashian fans that may be out there. You said that, not me. Hey, later. But they're going to reschedule all the shows. Nate's pretty sick about that.

part of just having to cancel shows. But we think, like, obviously he has great fans. They're going to get rescheduled. Wait, I'm on a show with him next week. Are you really? In St. Louis. It is. Come on. He's like, let Brian know on air, okay? I don't want him to make a scene. It is. It's in Ottawa, Iowa, Davenport, Iowa. There's, I think, three St. Louis shows.

I know. And then Indianapolis. Oh, man. They're going to have series. I heard that's why he was offered SNL because they knew you and him were doing shows together. Yeah. I was just on the Tuesday night show, but...

Good for Nate. Yeah. It's pretty exciting. Yeah. So that was kind of it. That's why I just went on today. That is crazy. Yeah. That's going to be crazy. It's going to be crazy. When he called, we were just like, you're going to be on it? Do you know who the musical guest is with him? I honestly don't. I was told to. Aaron's just going to tune in for the band. Wow. At the very end. I'm curious who he's going to be hanging out with. Yeah. So-

It'll be this coming Saturday? No. So he'll go from like October 23rd and then 28th is Saturday Night Live. Okay. October 28th. All right. Yeah. Oh, I think I'm off that weekend.

I guess I am now. I'll be able to walk. No, I was just with him that Tuesday, but that's so awesome. Yeah. I think they meet on Monday morning. Right. And do kind of like a pitch meeting and you get to meet the host and all that. We got the schedule and it's like, it's meetings. I mean, from 12 to like, I mean, one or two in the morning every night. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. Man. Super exciting. We're excited. It's crazy. Yeah.

We can't believe it. When he told us, we were like, oh, you're just going to be on it? Like they're going to do like a skit with you? Yeah. He was like. You're going to be in the audience? Yeah, we were like, you got invited? That's cool. And he was like, no, I'm hosting. So he's going to do a monologue at the beginning? Yeah.

I mean, I would, whatever the host does. That's exciting. Yeah. I'm just asking questions. I hope he wears the same shit. You've never seen Saturday Night Live. I don't watch a lot. So they do it. It's live television. It's live. Yeah. Oh, I thought you were serious. It's on Saturday? Yeah. At nighttime? It's at night, Saturday. I hope he wears Kim Kardashian's same outfit. Just that pink.

That's exciting stuff. Well, that's awesome. That's awesome. Congratulations, Nate. I hope we get to see you again at some point. Yeah. Big relief to us. We thought we were being fired. It didn't feel that way. It's a little rude to roll the cameras for this. We wanted your reaction. No one's ever saw me and that's when I pop in. Yeah. All right. Well, that's great. Good work. Thank you, Abigail. Thank you. What's up, dude? Welcome aboard.

Dusty just called you fat, so I'm sorry about that. What? I didn't. I said that I like to switch seats when I can. I'm not a big fan of that angle. And Aaron was like, I like the coverage.

And I said, well, Alex is bigger than me. Oh, there you go. I didn't say, you know, fat. I didn't say you're a brick wall. He wants to spread out that Vietnam War jacket on his gut. I'm glad you said that. You know what? I wear this and I always say that I think I look like a Vietnam vet and nobody ever seems to get the joke. Oh, yeah, you do. Thank you for your service. You definitely look like it. You took some patches off of that before you put it on. Well, no one ever brings it up. And I actually had...

I made the joke enough and people didn't seem to get it to where I finally stopped being self-conscious about it. And if you had like a Vietnam veterans, which kind of looks like the hat, you would definitely look like. Yeah. So if I, yeah. I mean, if I were wearing a uniform. Are we rolling? Is this the podcast? All right. Oh, great. Now I'm in trouble for making fun of Vietnam vets. Well, let's just, why don't we just start it right now? No, I'm fine with it. Oh.

Yeah, I'm fine with it. I'm not making fun of them. No, I don't think you were. Yeah. All right. So where we been? Where are we going? Well, we talk about who's here. Oh, yeah. Hey, big boy. Yeah.

It takes a wide person to cover up Aaron from this camera angle. I don't know, I caught a stray in all this. I'm just trying to deflect it, but I'm happy to be here. It hit me. Yeah, Alex Valuto, longtime friend of the Nate Land podcast, finally had a...

Happy to finally have him on. It's taking me a second to get my bearings here, but I'm excited to have you here, Alex. One of the stars of the Nate Land Showcase. That's right. Yeah, that was way fun. The Nate Land Showcase is out now on YouTube. I think three episodes are out now by the time this episode airs. So check out Alex's set. A lot of people say that I've been bombing those sets, but I thought they were very good. Now, there was one comment that said, man, Dusty bombed. And then they commented underneath their own comment and said,

Now that I'm watching it, I'm kind of like what he's doing. I like what's happening. People got to get into it. They got to understand. I have a special comedy. Yeah. It heats up. Yeah. Crockpot comedy. Yeah. But you killed it. I thought you did great. Thank you. You did too. Oh, thanks. You've done my show a couple of times. People always like you. I appreciate it. They're always very excited. Yeah. It's always been way fun. Yeah. I don't... I'm going to stand up for you in those comments. I haven't really weighed in on there, but...

Yeah. I don't agree with that. Get in there. I like to get in there. Yeah. I like to go at it with them. I love to do it. That's one of my favorite things. Yeah. Because I don't think people expect it. And then I come in with some heat. Yeah. I love it. It was kind of hard pulling comments this week because most of them Dusty had already replied. Yeah.

I'm like, oh, this is a good one. And then I say, well, who commented on? Oh, I do want to address it a little bit because a lot of people thought that I was somehow making fun of people in wheelchairs. And I think you took out a clip and I don't think in the clip it said we were talking about Southwest Airlines. I mean, that's my complaint is that.

You pay extra money with Southwest to get an A boarding area. I'm like A1, A2. I've paid all this money. And then suddenly tons of wheelchairs come in with people with them. And I said, sometimes I think people don't need them. And then people went at me about it. And then you know what?

I'd like to read a comment if you don't mind. Yeah, let's get into it. You know, just address it. Alex, you have joined a very special episode of the eight land podcast. This is a, we're addressing some controversy here. Well, this is petty dusty can be. I love it. Yeah, that's true. Sorry. I was waiting. All right, here we go. Let's see if I can find it. I,

This is like your podcast now. I'd like to read a comment and then you listen for five minutes in silence while he looks it up. Yeah, I'm sorry. I have done that at an amusement park when I broke my toe. I had one of those scooter things. Yeah. And I got to jump to the front of the line. Oh, yeah. It was the best. All right. So that's one. So that's one documented case of faking wheelchairism. Here's one.

Real terrorism. True story. This is from a guy who commented. True story. I once got caught in traffic on the way to the airport and then TSA looked to be at least one hour. This was a morning flight to a business meeting I couldn't miss. So I fake limped.

over to a TSA employee with a wheelchair and said, I was recovering from a broken ankle. He said, hop in. And we proceeded to bypass TSA in five minutes. And I made my flight. I'm not proud of this, but I kind of am. So if there's two cases of faking, there's got to be more. He didn't fake his.

Well, I don't know if this full on scooter was warranted, but I did rent the scooter myself. It wasn't given to me by a doctor. So if two people have done it, more people are doing it. And a lot of people have commented that they have people in their family that have, you know, you know,

disabilities that you can't necessarily see and they feel uncomfortable because they feel like people think they're faking it. The reason that people think they're faking it is because other people have been faking it. It's not my fault. And I also want people to be able to board early if they're flying. They should be able to board early. So we need somebody to prove it. Right. But if it's Southwest, I think

You get five wheelchairs, and then every person after that, you give the eight customers $10. Not the wheelchair people, Southwest. It's like, don't have me book an early flight to spend all this money, and then you're letting tons of people board in front of me. That's my complaint. It's about Southwest, not people in wheelchairs. You'd like the person who scans your ticket to have a hammer and hit each leg as they come through to make sure that –

I don't want anybody to be embarrassed, and it's clear that I now can't joke around about it. If you pay for that A boarding group, though, they should escort you in a wheelchair. That's what I'm saying. It's expensive. And if I'm boarding American Airlines, it doesn't matter how many people board before me. My seat's secured. Right. But with Southwest, I've paid money to get on the flight early, and now I've been called ableist and a jerk and all kinds of names now because-

you know, I feel like Southwest is ripping me off. Well, I love to read your comments because yeah, people were saying these things like, come on guys, we're just, I'm just joking. Just making jokes. And then they said, I loved it when you tell men to get it. And you're like, well, I'm serious about that part. That is true. And then I kept on eating. And then you do whatever celebrity does when they get busted, they turn it around on the media and,

It was taken out of context. The guy who did the clips talking about me, you know, the way it was edited. I just feel like it was left out that that I was talking specifically about Southwest, because if you're American or Delta or United, you don't have an assigned seat. So it would be weird for me to complain about wheelchairs getting on. Right.

You can go in early with that Vietnam shirt though. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. You know what I mean? Thank you for your service. So next week we'll be apologizing for all this. We're like Dwight Schrute when he had to keep apologizing. Yeah, but I want people that need wheelchairs to get them and I want them to board early and I want no one to harass them and think they're faking it. Mm-hmm.

All right. There we go. That's all I just wanted to say. Yeah. But I do have some documented cases of people faking it. I am compiling evidence here. And speaking of like military stuff, you know, there are people that they get the whole military uniform and they go out to events and they pretend to be veterans. Stolen valor. And there are people that go out just to bust them on it.

So people are faking things for benefits out here. And it only hurts the people that really like, like someone faking being disabled hurts disabled people. Sure. Not me calling out the fakers. Right. You know what I mean? Come on guys. I'm here for everyone. I'm here for everyone. All right. Well, we cleared that up. Yeah. Now you want to tell us where you are?

Yeah, I was in Columbus, Ohio, a city that I love. I go there a lot and there were hot shows. I loved it. My old friend that I started comedy with, Derek Humphrey, did the shows with me. It was fun. We started doing comedy years ago when I was a big drinker and it's fun to do comedy with my old friend. And we had a great time. Zach Wyckoff out of Cincinnati was the host. He's great. Just a nice, sweet guy. Yeah.

And we had a good time. Funny too, but we had a great time. And a guy that hosted for me and Aaron one time –

has been now banned from the club and the whole mall. Oh, who's that? I can't say. I'm not going to get into it, but can you tell why he was banned? Uh, I, I don't know really, but, uh, I just saw it on the wall and nobody at the club really wanted to get into it. I think he would just do too well on the shows. Yeah. So they banned him from the club. Yeah. They were like, we're doing you a favor to not hold you back.

anymore. Right. Right. Theaters are calling. Hmm. So his photo is on the wall. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Dang. Like in the green room? Uh, in the kitchen. Uh, not the green room. Okay. I think if he's made it to the green room, they've already dropped the ball. Oh, okay. Don't let this guy in. The whole mall. Oh, the whole mall. Yeah. Not just the club. Okay. All right. Uh, uh,

Are you really going to say something? Yeah, I was just going to say, whatever you have to do to get banned from a whole mall, but not get arrested. That fine line, whatever that fine line is. I would like to learn more. Yeah. Well, you're like, you're not allowed to come to this mall at all, but no charges. Sure. He stole a hot dog on a stick uniform, was posing as an employee. Yeah, I think so. I think so.

That's the most likely theory. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. I was home. That's what you were waiting to say so much.

I was going to say a couple of things, but now it's kind of defeated the purpose. No, no, no. You were home. All right. Eleanor to the Nashville Zoo. Okay. Komodo dragons. I was a little disappointed in. Oh, me too. The signs say the dragons have arrived. Yeah. If you're not in the Nashville area, you should know that they've been hyping this up for a while now. There are billboards everywhere. They're talking about it. We have Komodo dragons at the Nashville Zoo. I've been meaning to go check them out.

You went and saw him and you were disappointed. Why? How many did you see? I only saw the one. Yeah. And it was right when it opened. Yeah. And he was pretty lazy. He seemed tired from the trip that he had just taken or something.

Well, I saw, I guess, one and a half because there was a glass encasement where there was like a baby one in there. And then I'm like, this can't be yet. And then in the main area, there was one Komodo dragon. He just passed out sleeping, taking it easy. I'm like, we kind of walked a long distance up here to...

See one. When you bang on the glass a little bit, yell at it, do something. Well, the one that was sleeping, he's, it's not glass. He's just out there in the grass. Oh, so you can, you could get to him if you want it. I mean, he's down like any animal that's, there's nothing between you, but. Just, just another animal in prison. Not entertaining enough. It did not though. You think dragons existed, right? Yeah. And I thought maybe I'll see these things. They'll be so impressive. I'm like, yeah, that's what they were talking about.

But this guy didn't really do anything. When you went, was there the guy that was asking if anyone wanted to know about Komodo Dragons? No. Oh, there was a...

It had just opened. He was really trying to get traffic. He's been fired since then. Because everybody's like, nah, we just want to see. Did he work for the zoo or is he just a guy excited to talk about it? Yeah, he worked for the zoo. Because imagine if I were just like a retired man and I knew a lot about Komodo dragons. This would kind of be my Super Bowl.

Like a fish expert. Exactly. Like a fish expert at the aquarium. I would go down to the zoo. I would stand there. I'd make my own name tag. This guy was an employee of the zoo. Yeah. It wasn't a stolen valor situation. Okay. There you go. That we're aware of. Right. I didn't check the uniform. Yeah. I really should have quizzed him. You should have. Yeah. He did say that if a Komodo dragon bites you, there's a bacteria in the Komodo dragon's saliva that will just coagulate all of your blood.

Wow. Yeah. Seems like a bad way to go. Did he say what coagulate means? Yeah. Yeah. It's a scabs up your blood on the inside. Oh, that's not what you want. I was thinking thicken up. Yeah. Yeah. Like a serum. I apologize for that. That's okay. In 15 years, you're going to have some blood clots. Yeah. Did you get bit? No. Well, he's like, this is what's going to happen. Okay.

I was trying to egg it on. Are there people out there wrangling them? Or are they kind of left to their own devices down there? No, they were just... It was the laziest lizard I've ever seen. But alligators and stuff. Sometimes there's people down there poking them, getting them to do stuff. Who? Like zoo employees? Yeah. Not just random guys. Come on, do something. Well, they're herding them like sheep. Is there a...

I mean, is there something that's happened to the Komodo dragon? The reason that we have them at the zoo? Like, were they injured and we rehabbing them? No, I think they just bought some, right? I don't think you buy them. I think you just get them on loan, don't you? From time to time. They have a booker, I think, that you have to go through. The agent. Yeah.

But I just wonder, like, why do we have them in captivity? Have we just captured them and locked them up? Or like, because, you know, if you're at a zoo and you're like a bird and your wing was broken and now the zoo's rehabbing you and you're in the exhibit, but one day you will have freedom again. Would this Komodo dragon be furry at some point? Well, there are now fewer than 3,500 dragons. Left in the park. Oh, geez. This isn't even the right.

They're endangered. So we're trying to protect them a little bit. So bring them to Nashville. Okay. 1,400 in the wild. You would think that we would just try to restore their habitats. Well, yeah, that would be one way of doing it. Where do they live? The desert? I thought they lived off some remote island. Yeah, I think they're close to the water. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think they're rattlesnakes. Okay.

You know? Okay. Anyway. All right. That's what I was doing. Yeah. What about you? Oh, I was at home. I went to the zoo.

I was on the road with Kathleen Madigan this weekend, Des Moines, Iowa and Kansas City, Missouri. Two great cities. Amazing. Yeah. Two great theaters that I did with her. A lot of folks in the crowd just by chance, which is pretty fun. They didn't know I was going to be on those shows to get a hay bear at the show. I got a couple of go jackets. All right.

See, I missed the Go Jackets thing, so I don't know what that means. Oh, you weren't on that episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been seeing a lot of Go Jackets and I don't get it. But I had a lot of people after the shows come up and say, you know, we listened to the podcast. We didn't know you were going to be here. That was a fun surprise. That's awesome. So I'm going to be back in those cities soon. So I want you to put your money where your mouth is and come see me do my own show at a considerably smaller venue. I'll be in Des Moines this weekend. Oh, that's what people are telling me. Yeah. I'm there in February. So warm them up for me. It's going to be great.

It was hot shells. You had a hot, hot shells with Kathleen. Yeah. Kathleen's awesome. She's the best. She's awesome. Her crowds are great. They get it. They're a little, uh, yeah, they're great. Anyway, Alex, I was just in, uh, Charlotte, uh,

And Atlanta, North Carolina. Yeah. Not one of the offshoot Charlotte. Yeah. You gotta be specific. Charlotte, Idaho. Yeah. And I was with Gary Goldman opening for him. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's got a new book out. Yeah. And it's amazing. And he's doing material based off of the book. So he's not doing...

from the book. It's material based off of the book. But is it like a book tour or is it stand up? It is a book tour, but he's doing stand up. Oh, interesting. Gary Goldman's great. He had a joke about grapes. Grapefruit. Grapes and grapefruit. Yeah. The grapefruits of wrath, I think he called it. I love that joke. Yeah.

Gosh, it's so good. He's really, really funny. Yeah. He spoke highly of you. Oh, good. Yeah. I told him I moved to Nashville and he said he really likes you a lot. Oh, yeah. Did he really say that? Yeah. Okay. He didn't mention you guys, but. That's okay. There's no reason he should. Yeah.

Yeah, do move here. I hope Gary listens to this. You do have a tone of voice where I can't tell if you're serious or not. I'm sorry. I need to ham it up a little more, I guess. See what I'm saying? It's like you could do the Home Depot commercials, too. Oh, really? Oh, that's nice. What about his voice makes you think Home Depot?

You don't think he sounds like the voice from the Home Depot commercial? I'm trying to. We've been talking about the commercials where it's, what's their motto? Dusty, you used to work there. Well, it used to be, you can do it, we can help. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, I think now they're like, get it done or something like that. Get it. Get it.

That's what you have to tell, man. Get it. I'll be honest, Brian. I like Alex's voice, but I don't think of home repair when I hear it. I don't think of DIY projects. I don't think of lumber or renting a pressure washer or anything like that, really. So I don't know if that would be the best voice. All right. That'd be an interesting direction for them to go. I mean, I'm open for it. I'm thinking more like a Keurig commercial or something like that. Or even the plant department. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Indoor plates. Right, right. Indoor plates. Could you voice maybe something for us right now? Yeah. We got those little pink cactus that are totally fake. Yeah. Yeah. Pink cactus, not where the Komodo dragon lives. All right. Fine. All right. Where are we getting the comments? Let's get into it. Where were you at in Atlanta?

I forget. There's a big theater. Oh, cool. Yeah. Buckhead Theater. Yeah. There you go. You know, it's a good spot. Get that. Yeah. It's right near the punchline. Okay.

Nice. Fantastic. Well, we got some comments here. Who's going to read them? Alex, you read them? I'll read the comments. Yeah, get into it. Let's get into it. Kate Smith. Whoa. Thank you, Kate. I don't know why I'm thanking her yet. Okay, because it doesn't sound like it's starting well. This was the most unhinged episode to date, and dare I say my favorite. Okay. Thank you, Kate. Needed some more time on Miracle, though.

Yeah, we did. That is an underrated sports movie. Well, this week's comments were a little frustrating for me because it was basically just everyone listing any sports movie that we did not mention. And saying we should have talked about that. How could you not? I made a list here. It's pretty long. I thought I'd just maybe rattle off a few here. Okay. Yeah.

The Air Up There, Blades of Glory, Blue Chips, Brian Song, Brink, Coach Carter, Cool Runnings, The Cutting Edge, Dodgeball, Draft Day, He Been Out, 80s Million Dollar Cook-Off. That was a Disney movie. Ford vs. Ferrari. Are we just on the Fs so far? Glory Road, High School Musical, The Hurricane. Brian, this list is so long, dude. We're at G right now. Well, it's long because you keep stopping me. You get to get all the way to Z? Well.

Well, there's no Z, but I would have already been there if you had to stop me. All right, I'll jump to T. Teen Wolf, 13th year, We Are Marshalls. Teen Wolf, you know, people mention that. I didn't know how long that list was. Well, I told you it was pretty long. You should read off 100 different movies. You shut us down last week and did an episode two. Teen Wolf's not a basketball movie. I agree. It's a movie about a werewolf family, and the guy's real good at basketball. But that's not the...

Main thing. Well, basketball is how he expresses his humanity. So I'd say it is a basketball. Do you know Teen Wolf? The wolf is Jesus. Our friend Court McCown is in it. Yeah, he is. Yeah. Tom McKeer in Nashville was on that basketball team in the movie. Pretty crazy. It's a great movie. Yeah. Well, thank you. And I've never seen Miracle. I would like to see it, though.

All right. Jay Garrett. Oh, these comments are from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple podcast reviews and Nate land at Nate Bargatze dot com. Jay Garrett Ball, Aaron Dusty and buttermilk killed it this episode. We already knew we already knew Dusty isn't sure about the moon landing or the curvature of the earth. That's your words, not mine. But now we find out he thinks silent G's are a hoax as well.

Well, one guy wrote a comment with a lot of silent Gs amongst the other letters, you know, in other words, like though. And that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about I don't start with a silent G. So really just the word Euro. So that's pretty much it. And gnat. Yeah, I was going to say gnat. And gnomes. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's it. It's really just three words. Yeah. That you don't mess with. Yeah. Yeah. But gnat would be pronounced the same way, whether the G's there. I say gnat. No, you don't. Every time. I just don't believe that you say gnat. I just refer to them as flying insects or no-see-ums.

No, no, no. See, I'm in Charleston. That's what we have. No, see, they're flying gnats that. Oh, man. That's true. All right. Gnarly. Ram, Ram, Huther. Ram, Huther.

Graham Huther. I spilled my morning coffee when Dusty said- You didn't say the G there. You said Ram. I know. Yeah, yeah. Well, I said that first. Just me. Oh, okay. Keep up, Alex. This is a smart podcast. I'm sorry. I thought you were going to say-

I thought I really nailed it with coagulate earlier. You're right. I spilled my morning coffee when Dusty said, get it, in regard to de-borning a plane. Totally worth it. Except cleaning up this mess is taking more time than it should because I'm still crying slash laughing. All right. All right. Well. That's nice. It is. And it's like, you know what I was getting? I was going through security in Columbus, Ohio, going home.

And there was a pilot in front of me and the line was taking a really long time. And I was just complaining out loud about it. I kept going on and on. And then we finally get through and the pilot in front of me goes, he goes, hey, are you Dusty Slay? I was like, yeah. He goes, I was at your show last night. Are you serious? And I was like, oh, I'm sorry about all that complaining I was doing. He goes, oh, I thought it was hilarious. Oh, okay. That's good. So I'm crushing it in the TSA line. Yeah.

Ashley Yoder, as someone who was born in the 90s and is a female who doesn't watch sports. I think it's supposed to say watch sports. Doesn't watch sports. I loved Aaron's references to the Disney Channel original movies.

I could relate to every category of sports movie because I had at least seen the Disney movie. Oh, there you go. I'm glad I could bring that to the podcast. I don't know that this is not watch. I think she doesn't want them to exist. Well, I was going to say, if you're like a girl who doesn't like sports, Erin's the person for you to identify with. Yeah, well, those Disney Channel original movies, they really explored a lot of these alternative fringe movies.

ESPN, the Ocho type sports, you know, and I think that's good. Now there's one called luck of the Irish. Look at the Irish is kind of loosely a basketball movie too. So that could have been mentioned. I was going to read it, but you shut me down before we got the L's, but, but a lot of people called you out on that one for not mentioning that one. I'm sorry. It's really not that good of a movie to be honest with you, but it was kind of fun. We just didn't have enough time. Yeah. That's all it was. Yeah. This is, you know, we'd already spent two hours talking about stuff. Yeah.

Rant Morgan. All right. Grant Morgan. Aaron pointed out that Remember the Titans and Sandlot were not historically accurate. Is he aware that Joe Montana, who was on the team at that time, says that Rudy is completely made up and almost nothing is true other than Rudy got in the game?

We all both took a sip of coffee at the same time. Like, this is some kind of scandalous moment. I didn't know that it was addressed to me. So I guess I should have just started talking right away. No, I was not aware that Joe Montana had commented about it. Rudy's not completely made up. I don't know what that means. I think he's meaning a lot of what's in the movie is sort of they took some artistic license with it. I think he was a real person. Obviously, it's a real guy. Daniel Rudiger, who was he friends with the janitor?

I think a lot of the characters in the movie, like we would do it if we wrote a movie about our lives. They're an amalgam of different people or they're like exaggerated in some way. We would write a true movie and then a network exec would be like, well, they would ask us to put things in.

They would go, oh, but who are some of, what was his love interest? And you're like, this guy was not getting women at all. This is a movie about me. A Brian song. They take out your actual marriage because it's not believable. You're telling me this guy was married here? This isn't science fiction.

I think Joe Montana, based on something I think you said on this podcast, said that Rudy, they weren't a big fan of his. Like three kind of people joking around at the end of the game, put him on their shoulders. I thought you said that on this podcast. Oh, yeah. I talked about it. He was probably super annoying for the real players on the team. I get that. But completely made up sounds like it's.

Like, there's some conspiracy. There was never a Rudy. Like, Montana's a Rudy truther. But, like, he's a real person. He got in the game. Yeah, yeah. So that's all fine. I'd like to know more about it. Let's get Joe Montana on the podcast. There's video of the actual play. Just to talk about this. Yeah. Have you seen video of the actual play? Mm-hmm. Pretty grainy. It's kind of... It's kind of a co-tackle. Yeah, yeah. He's not... In the movie, he's the main guy making the hit. He brings him down. But it's... You know, he was kind of... He was in the mix. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

the real clip. All right. Tony Motts, Aaron said, James Earl Jones character told the boys that he played with Babe Ruth, which Aaron said could not have been possible in real life because the color barrier wasn't yet broken. True. Babe Luke, Babe Ruth would not have been able to play against black players in the majors. However, he would go barnstorming

in the offseason where he would compete against black players. That is true. In the movie, though, he's presented as if he played against him on the Yankees. There's a picture of them in a major league ballpark, and it's talked about in a way that he...

They're suggesting he played with him in the MLB. I watched. Take that, Tony. You watched the clip of it? I watched it last night. The whole movie? No, just the clip of that scene. Because a few people called you out for saying, no, he could have played in the Negro League and stuff like that. Yeah. And I agree. The way it says, it certainly makes you think that they, he said, I could have broken all the records if I had to got hit with the ball or whatever. Yeah. And then I read where the writers, I guess, was the sunlight a book before it was a movie? I don't know.

The writer said that that character. I just love that idea that we would be reading the Sandlot. I might if it was a book. Sounds like a good kid's book. Mr. Myrtle, I think was his name. Yes. He said didn't have color. Like he wasn't identified as black or white in, I guess, the book. Right. And then they got James Earl Jones to play the character. I can't believe we got James Earl Jones. So then they're like, we got to rewrite it a little bit.

to make it not so obvious that he, but it's like they were, they were kind of aware that that wouldn't make total sense. They wrote the character before they casted a black actor for it. Yeah. And then they kind of rewrote it. It's like the Shawshank redemption. I hate to bring it back around to Shawshank. Like I always do, but Morgan Freeman's character is not a black guy in the book.

He's an Irish guy named Red. Yeah. And then they cast Morgan Freeman into the movie. There's a line. They go, why do you call you red? And he goes, maybe it's because I'm Irish. And it's funny in the movie because he's obviously not Irish. But in the book, it's just an Irish character. Yeah, that's great. I love that. Yeah.

Grant Warstall. Grant. I took theology class in high school that was based around watching movies like E.T. and The Green Mile and discussing how certain characters were metaphors for Jesus and what lessons we could learn from them.

I think Aaron would have really enjoyed it. That sounds like a lazy teacher, doesn't it? Sounds like a substitute comes in, puts on a movie and goes, how does this relate to Jesus? Who was Jesus in this movie? E.T.? Nailed it. Yeah. Because he was healing people with a finger. Yeah. You guys seen E.T.? Yeah. I never have, no. I think he healed that kid's cut or something. Really? You never have? No, I never have. Have you read that part in the Bible where Jesus makes the bike fly? Mm-hmm.

He does ascend. Yeah. Oh, that's true. Not on a bike. Didn't need it. I mean, I always felt that way about... E.T. was weak. Star Wars. Mm-hmm. Good versus evil. Sure. And...

Luke would kind of be the metaphor for may the force be with you kind of thing. That's the Holy spirit. What is the force? The force is the Holy spirit. So some people have access to the Holy spirit and some people don't. Well, yeah, that's true. Well, it's because they're, they've crossed over to the dark side. And once you're on the dark side, there is no, it's no coming back. Okay. All this is very accurate. Yeah. Princess Summerland.

Part of what made Rocky so great was the music. Think about it. Bill Conti's score and the songs like Gonna Fly Now just pulled every emotion through the movie. Fantastic. That is true. You know, I always think about that scene in Rocky where he's arguing with his not-yet-manager,

In his apartment. Mickey, yeah. And then they get into the fight and then he basically kicks Mickey out and then he runs and then Rocky runs to get, or he walks away and then Rocky runs to get him. And then I think a real soft piano starts to play. It's so emotional. It's so good. When Michael McKeown was on, I said that was my favorite scene in Rocky. It's so good. It's so good. Yeah.

It is. I tried to show that movie to my nephew when he visited one time. You know what he did? Fell asleep. What time of night was it? He's five. Was it a night? It was nighttime. Okay. Yeah. How late?

Not that late. Okay. Not, not, I mean, I was still awake. Well, how old is he? Seriously? He's 10 years younger than me. Oh, okay. He's not a little kid. I thought it was like a 12 year old. No, he's a grown man. He started moving at 11 PM. He's a grown man with a child of his own. And it's like, he fell asleep. I wanted to, he had never seen it. Oh, he's a father. He's probably exhausted. You can't blame it on him. He wasn't a father at that point. Oh, okay. Yeah.

He just I was so bummed because I was like, I really want to share this movie with you that you've never seen. And he fell asleep. And you can't be like, hey, wake up. Watch this. He's about to lose. I want to experience this with you. Yeah. I don't think that's too much to ask. You know, I'm showing you a movie I like mean something to me. Yeah. And it would mean something to me if you participated in this.

You know? Yeah. That's a big risk. What do you mean? Because you're asking, hey, take two hours of your life. Watch this with me. And then if he still doesn't like it, then he's like, this guy's an idiot. Yeah. Then it hurts your feelings more. Yeah. Yeah. Julian turns switch turns with. You've read Julian's comment before, haven't we? I believe so. I remember that last name. Yeah. Turn which turn which I don't know why I said switch, but.

That witch, if you scramble those letters up, you can get switch there. That's true. Yeah, you move that S around. Yeah.

I generally get my useless information from this podcast, but on the question, why do they call pants a pair of pants? I already knew the useless info. Originally, pants were not one piece of clothing, but two separate legs put on individually like socks and fastened at the waist, kind of like chaps. Well, that is unbelievable. Yeah, it makes sense.

No, it doesn't. What do you mean? It's a bad design right off the bat.

Well, listen, I'm not saying there hasn't been progress, but I'm saying that at least answers the question. I've never seen a drawing or anything or any depiction of any time in history where I guess tights maybe. I don't want to Google any of this stuff. That one might be a risky one. Old chaps. See what pops up. Yeah. You might get certain ads for two separate legs. Yeah. I don't want that. I don't need that at all. I

I want it to be one thing. Chat pop-ups. Doug Robinson, what are your thoughts on this? A sport is any competition that you can directly affect the outcome. Everything else is a game. So bowling, golf, chess are sports. Gymnastics, figure skating, snowboarding, halfpipe are games. UFC and boxing are sports since you can knock them out or

or in the fight before it goes to judges. Thanks, and I'll hang up and listen. I think sports has to be – you have to really be doing something physical. That's why I think chess is out. Everything else I think is a sport in this category, my opinion. But we talked about the mental stress of an intense game of chess.

It's so intense that it actually is a physical endeavor to a certain extent. You burn a lot of calories just with the focus that it takes. That's why we talked about blindfolded chess being banned in certain countries because of the physical effect that it has on you. You don't buy into that at all? I would think it was because they kept knocking the pieces off the board. Yeah.

Yeah, they're really heavy pieces. He's like, take the blindfold off. You're knocking all the pieces. You're like, oh, I didn't see. You don't move the chess pieces. All your blindfolds. Sounded like a great idea. We didn't think this through. That's so funny.

No, that's against the rules. You can't do that. No, I like what you're saying, but I do still think there needs to be a physical aspect. And somebody commented about NASCAR. Did I think NASCAR? And I think you have to be very, it's very physical too. You're driving, but you're driving really fast. And I think it's a lot of intensity. Okay. So I still think NASCAR is a sport. What makes a good NASCAR driver?

I don't really know the answer to that. A great name. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But I think, yeah, I mean, you got to, you know, you got to be able to handle it. It's, you know, of every race and movie we've ever seen, they have a wreck and then they have, you know, mental things to battle back from and fear. They have to overcome the fear to get in that car with a Cougar. You'd be a good race driver then. None of these are. None of these are wrecks and hasn't affected you at all. No.

None of these are physical endeavors that you just described. Oh, yeah. But I mean, you need some upper body strength, too, I think, to turn the wheel. Yeah, I think so. Because you're going very fast. Yeah, that is true. Yeah. All right.

I mean, this is just, you know, these are my opinions. I just think that you're not a chess guy. I like chess. Do you really play chess? I do. I don't play it actively, but I do know how. Okay. And I've played it. I like a speed chess. I don't like... Oh, good. Because I feel like if you play people that are just no time limit...

they'll just think all day. And I'm like, let's just go. We can do another game. We can do it again. And when this one's over, let's go. I like to be precious with it. I like to, I like to just move. Let's get it. Like, you know, we don't need to, it don't have to be so fast, but you know, a minute to think about it. You like to hit that little clock. I'd love to have the clock. Yeah.

We're definitely not putting chess and NASCAR in the same category, though. No. That would be ridiculous. No. I think there's more overlap than you're giving. Can you imagine, though? You're hanging out with a UFC. You're hanging out with Conor McGregor. And you're like, I'm an athlete, too. I play chess. Have you heard of it? Wow. Can you imagine, though? Yeah. I think you'd have more respect for it. You think? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I think you get to a certain point. You disrespect competitors, too. You disrespect competition. I don't disagree that they're not great competitors. And they're not smart people. Yeah. But I just don't call that a sport. If you had to go undercover as an undercover agent, pretend like you're on one sport. I feel like I've already asked this question, but I'll ask it again. No, I like this. What sport could you fake your way through?

At what level? The professional level or collegiate level? Professional. And the other guys on your team, they'll be in and on it with you. Oh, okay. Oh, I could pass off as a long snapper, I think. Do I get any time to get in shape at all or right now? I think pretty quickly you're getting thrown in undercover. And do I have to actually compete? Like, do I actually have to be in the game? Yes. Do I have to play? That's part of it. Okay. Long snapping, I think. I'd be the worst long snapper of all time, but I'm the closest to the build of it, I think.

Where they wouldn't maybe tip off the other- Where it wouldn't be immediately obvious. I mean, you think that guy looks awful, but you wouldn't think this guy is a fan that they just pulled out of the crowd. I think swimming for me. Yeah. I think if I got citizenship in one of those obscure countries-

Like in the Olympics, you sometimes see those really slow swimmers. Yeah. In the Olympics. I used to, when I used to drink, I would hang out at the pool at my apartment complex and I would be, I would be, you know, pretty buzzed up and I would challenge people to race people in better shape than me and then beat them. And it would really upset them. I'm a great swimmer.

But you have the opposite build of every high-level swimmer that there is, dude. Look at Michael Phelps. Tall, slender, double-jointed. I'm not saying I'm ready for the Olympics, but if I get a little time to train, I'm going swimming.

I think it needs to be some type of team competition where they can keep you out of the actual playing as much as possible. Yeah. Like in, you know, in baseball, always put the worst kid out in right field or whatever. Sure. I think for me, it'd be soccer. I went to the national SC match, you know, that's where I'm going to disagree. And,

It's such a big field. I can't believe you would react like that to me about swimming, but Brian's a soccer player? Can I finish my thought? Well, can I just clarify one thing before you finish your thought? The whole point of this is we could blend. You're supposed to blend in and disguise yourself. That's what I'm saying. And you picked the sport. Yeah.

You've picked a sport where it's the most physically obvious that you're not a professional swimmer. You have to take your shirt off in yours. You're 5'3". You're wearing Speedos. You don't have the building. I look all right. I have good shoulders. I'm not saying you're in bad shape, but I'm saying these guys are built like... You look like a Vietnam veteran, and now you're out there swimming. They're like the Winklevoss twins, and then you're standing out there 5'3".

You look like a Saturday Night Live sketch if you're out there doing it. I'm just saying. Hosted by Nate Bargatze. Let's race. Next summer, I'm racing. I know, but you're basing on what you're best at. If you think the gauge you could pass as a professional swimmer is to beat me in a swimming match, I think you're highly mistaken.

I'm not saying I'll win, but could I pass as a swimmer? Like, no one would be like, oh, that guy. At, like, the Olympic level? Like, Ryan Lockton? Not the Olympics. Michael Phelps? Well, that's what we're talking about, the highest level. Oh, the highest level. Could you pass as a guy at the YMCA who likes to swim? I bet you could. Any kind of organized event? No. They'd be like, what is going on out here? I think you got to see me swim. That's true. That's true. We have not seen you swim.

Well, I was going to say soccer because the field's so big and those guys are just out there walking a lot of times. Oh, for the most part. I would just stay off the distance. Nobody kicked the ball to me. I would just fake my way through the whole match. Yeah, I think people... I'm buying it. I think they'd be talking about you in the crowd. That one guy... Look at number 30 over there. He's so winded. He's not moving. Yeah.

What about you, Alex? You thought about this at all? I'm going to go. I think I could do the sweeping and the curling. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. You a skater? No, but sweeping seems pretty easy. You don't have to skate to do curling. Yeah, it's just on your feet. I think it helps. I think just being comfortable on the ice. Yeah. I remember I talked to a kid.

in college who played hockey and he told me, he goes, you're not going to believe this dude, but I feel more comfortable on ice than I do on land. At the time, I was like, cool. And then I thought about it for years. Like, I just don't believe that's true. No, I think you're walking, you're walking around great. Yeah. Right now. He goes, you're not going to believe this. And you're like, you're right about that.

But you would never, I mean, you're an amazing swimmer. You would never say, I'm more comfortable in the water. No. Okay, good. No. Because we're not supposed to be in there. I would never say that. But I do feel pretty good in there. A lot of people compare me to Kevin Costner in Waterworld. Okay. Jake McCleary. I'll admit, I used to also be on the Dump Dusty Bandwagon.

However, one episode he said that the best Applebee's he has ever been to was in Orem, Utah. That's true. It is a good one. That Applebee's is five minutes from my house. So I took that as a sign from up above to give this Dusty guy a chance. And now he is my third favorite person on the podcast. Congrats, Dusty. And thank you all for a wonderful show. How about that? Who's fourth? Probably Nate.

Yeah. Yeah, you think so? No. It's me or Brian. I don't even want to find out who it is. What is so special about this? You knew this Applebee's, too? Yeah, that was my home Applebee's for a while. You're from Orem, Utah? Well, I lived near there for a while. And you traveled. You commute to this Applebee's. Yeah. Well, that's where Utah Valley University is. Oh, UVU. And I went down there, the Wolverines, and I went down there to do a show. And they were like, meet us at the Applebee's.

And there was a bunch of people there. And I was like kind of in my head like, geez, Applebee's, huh? And it was really good. The service was great. It was very friendly. It seemed very clean. I had salmon. It was delicious. Yeah. Just all around a win. And you knew about this. Yeah. Alex, what's special about it? I had my first drink there. Okay. Dusty had his last drink there. Really? No. No.

All right. Yeah, that's where I got it. Yeah, so you knew about this already. You knew about this Applebee's. Yeah. Would you say that's the best Applebee's you've ever been to? Probably. Yeah. Just because of the sentimental value of that. That was a big bombshell I just dropped, by the way. I'm sorry to bring that up. I will say this, though. I had one of my first drinks as a 21-year-old in an Applebee's. It wasn't in Orem, Utah. It was in Opelika, but I had quite a few Long Island iced teas in a

Applebee's in Opelika, Auburn area. And I got real sick.

You think that'll trump Nate's announcement about SNL? That'll be the key takeaway from this episode. My mom's going to be really disappointed, but yeah. Think of how good that'll be for us. You know, Nate's on SNL and then he comes back, the podcast gets even bigger and we're just here. Yeah. Along for the ride. We're just milking it here. Do you think there will be a bit of a Nate Land bump? I think so. After SNL? I think so. Yeah.

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Well, you are famous. You bet you got yourself a dry bar. Multiple dry bars. Multiple dry bars. You're all over the place. More than anyone, maybe. Well, I'm just not famous to Shalane, I guess. Yeah. Maybe she just thought there needed to be multiple. Oh, okay. Or he. I don't know if Shalane is a guy. Maybe she knows you so well, she knew you moved to Nashville, so you don't technically count. Oh, that's true.

But anyway, this week we are talking about Utah. I'm glad we're talking about Utah because I'll be at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City on New Year's this year. Very exciting. So I'm glad we're talking about it. I think we've all really enjoyed Utah.

You just got back from Salt Lake? I was just there a couple weeks ago. Yeah. And you were there recently too, right? At the same club? Yep. Nate was just there and sold 32,000 tickets, I think. So more than me and you combined. A little bit. A little bit. But I always have a great time when I go there. I think I've been to Salt Lake a few times. Provo twice to do two dry bars. It's beautiful. The clubs are great. I don't know why Alex would move to Nashville from there, but...

Well, Nashville's a hot spot. Was this your first time living somewhere other than where you grew up? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So that's a whole thing in and of itself. Yeah. Yeah. And I like Nashville when I've been traveling around. Okay. I thought it'd be good. Well, what didn't you like about Salt Lake? What didn't you like about Utah? Let's get into it. What's bad about it? Wow. We've been sitting here hyping it up. The people are nice. It's beautiful. Let's get into the- I mean, it was really hard moving away from that Applebee's. I'll tell you that.

I get it. It was hard for me to leave. Yeah. Now that you bring it up, I mean, I could go for some Applebee's right now. Yeah. We'll go after this. Salt Lake City is really great. I loved it. When I came back after, I talked about – now, I went one time in 2019 before COVID and walked around the city, and I was just blown away. There were all these –

Mormon people walking around, Mormon women in, in just, they just were dressed real classy, like not like the, you know, just the, uh,

scandalous outfits I'm seeing around the country when I'm traveling. It was just beautiful women in just modest clothing. And I just loved it. I came back and I just talked to my wife about it so much that she started harassing me about how much I loved Utah ladies. But I just was really impressed by it.

And I just, I loved it. I remember when you said you went to Temple Square. I walked around their Vatican. Yeah. I was swept up by it. Oh, yeah. It was beautiful there. I went there too. But it's kind of an understated beauty. It's not like gaudy. Yeah. Gaudy is not the right word because I don't think like the Vatican is gaudy, but it's very like, it's a lot.

And what was it called? Temple Square? It's not a lot. You know what I mean? It's not like there's not stained glass windows everywhere, statues and stuff like that. Catholics have had a head start, though. Yeah. Yeah, by a couple thousand years. Yeah, probably. We started with Jesus. So he's kind of got a leg up. You know what I mean?

But man, they had some women out there. Yeah. I'll tell you something about the missionaries at Temple Squares. They put the best looking Mormons there. I could tell. I haven't joked about that.

Oh, really? Yeah. What's the joke? Just about how... Is it in your dry bar special? No. That would have been the place to do it. Well, when you and I were there, we went to Temple Square and we walked around for a little while. And then we're like, is that a mall over there? And then we spent like twice as much time at that mall, I believe. So I told that joke. But I talked about how they put the best looking women...

at the information desk. So you get there and like, this is a bunch of hooey. And then you see these women like, well, I must want to hear them out. Yeah. They're like, let's don't be having any questions. Yeah. All right. I want to be open-minded. Maybe I do want to get into another testimony. I always thought the Bible wasn't long enough.

They know what they're doing. Yeah. I remember you called them succubi, though. That was fun. Yeah. That's what they are. In a way. Yeah. Good looking ones there. I got sent to South America. I don't know what that means. I don't know what a succubus is. It's like an ocean kind of animal. Kind of like a siren.

Okay. You know what I mean? So an ocean thing. I wasn't thinking ocean at all. Okay. I was thinking lake. Oh, yeah. It's a bottle of water. I was thinking salt lake. The temptresses of the lake, yeah.

But yeah, I mean, that mall is great too. I've been to the mall down there. I've been, I walked all over, you know, I did, there's a video on my YouTube about my, my time in Salt Lake City and I loved it. I went to a barbecue place, had beef brisket, delicious. I've been all over a little, you know, a little bit all over. There was one time when after our show, me, you and Alex, we went out to eat and we started

sharing some of the worst jokes that we'd ever told. Oh, dude. That's one of the top five hardest I've ever laughed. You had to get up from the table. You were laughing so hard. Brian told a story and I'm sure you'll tell it, but we're just to preface it, we were telling like the worst joke you've ever told. Okay. Or heard from someone else. Yeah, but Brian's was about his own joke. But,

It's about something you maybe took pride in at the time, but now looking back, it's really cringy or whatever. Now, Brian, set the seed for this. This is so funny. Well, I don't even know if I completely remember the joke, but it was something about when I was single, I would ask, are there any single ladies here?

And then maybe one, whatever. And I say, oh, I meant shingle ladies. We have shingle ladies here with shingles. And I told that joke for a while. Was it closer? Is that the whole joke? Yes. I meant shingles ladies. Oh, and he said the part ladies with shingles. I mean, the disease shingles. I wanted to clarify. Yeah.

yeah that was one of my go-tos when i first started out oh man that's the worst i've ever heard there's no more to it i mean that's the part i remember at this point aaron had got up for the table so i couldn't just imagine a drive doing that oh i mean shingles ladies huh you get it

That's when I first started. There's one of my go-to. Hey, I thought it was honesty time here. Yeah. Sometimes all you need is to set it aside as a comic and then you can revisit it. Yeah, I want you to bring that joke back. Dust it off a bit. I mean, shingles, ladies. I'm married, okay? I'm not looking for the single women. Oh, there you go. It's a different spin on it now. Yeah, tell them why you're looking for ladies with shingles. Because, you know, you're like, I want my daughter to get chicken box. You know what I mean? Come on to the house. Yeah.

Now we've got a great punchline. It's actually a good bit. Fix the joke, Dustin. Brian's going to open his third Drybar special with it. Yeah, I mean, I like that bit. I like it. Yeah. We know the name of my next Drybar special. Shingle Lays? Question mark? All the Shingle Lays. Yeah. If you liked it, you should have put some cream on it. Yeah.

Oh, that's great. You're riding my whole new hour. Oh, man. Boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Let me share some Utah facts here. Let's do it. The name Utah is said to derive from the name of the Ute tribe, meaning people of the mountains. Yeah, I can see that. That makes sense. A lot of mountains there. That's true. We went hiking yesterday.

We did. Yeah. You got a bit out of that too, right? I did. Yeah. That's good stuff. That's when you bought your drone. I think. I just bought a drone, flew it illegally around the mountains of Utah. It's a good time. Yeah. We're just going to share stories from our trip every time. I mean, I keep bringing it up. I've driven through those mountains going out to Wyoming. Beautiful. Yeah. Beautiful. Do you take it? See, every time I'm in Utah. Yeah.

Every day you walk outside and go, geez, that's awesome. There's mountains everywhere. Yeah, you do take it for granted. I'm sure. I was wondering, you probably, by the time you're, I don't even care anymore, that it's an unbelievable view. Yeah, there is a good hiking scene, though. That's great. Yeah. Underrated outdoors. The nature out there. I don't think of nature when I think of Utah. Oh, see, I do. I think there's a decent amount of country songs about Utah and Utah.

Who's the guy? Marty Robbins. He sings a Utah Carol song. And it's like, you just think of Utah, Wyoming, Colorado, Montana. To me, I just think of open range and mountains and big skies. Yeah. Got five national parks. Wow. Do you know the delicate arch? Yeah, I know of it. Yeah. Yeah. Is that a popular? Yeah. It's on your license plate. Yeah. It's on the license plate. Yeah. Millions of years old. What is it like? Oh yeah. I've seen that.

Yeah. Do you believe in erosion?

Yeah. Okay. And I believe things can erode, but I believe that they exaggerate it. They're like, if ever they can't explain something, they go, well, millions of years that eroded and it became this kind of archway. But before that it was, you know, somehow this little part didn't erode where the rest of it did. Yeah. I could maybe get behind that theory. So if you're listening, how would you describe this? This is just a rock formation that looks like an arch. It's a delicate arch. Is it that delicate? Like, could it be pushed over?

Yeah, that left side they say is going to go pretty soon. Just go just by natural causes or people are going to.

Well, yeah, people have been, they deface it every once in a while, which is not nice. It looks like a pair of pants to me. It does look like a pair of pants. Delicate chaps. I think that it was a giant that got caught up, and it used to be a whole stone statue of a man. Oh, okay. But the erosion has gotten worse. He's wearing bell bottoms. Yeah.

Yeah, well, it's up in back there. Are you allowed to touch it? Have you been there before? I haven't been to this national park, no, but I do think you're able to touch it. Get right up on it. Yeah, well, they need a lot of people. The Olympic torch ran through it. Really? Wow. OJ? Was it the year OJ carried the torch? No, I didn't know OJ carried the torch. Oh, yeah, he did. It's probably the biggest thing he's done. That's what he's known for. He did carry the torch. I didn't know that. I would not want to do that.

You have to run with it. It would be an embarrassing short amount of time. Imagine getting winded with a torch. Oh, yeah, dude. I'd have to go. Hey, somebody else want to take this real quick? It's the honor of a lifetime. They're like, where's this guy at? You're walking. Lighting cigarettes off on it.

That'd be the best smoke of a lifetime. You put it down on the ground for a while, just stretch your arm. Let's take a break real quick. It's the smoke. The smoke's getting in my lungs. Well, we already said Utah's called Utahns. Is there any state besides, I was thinking about this, New York, where it's not, it ends in an N, what you call the people? What do you mean? Tennessee? That doesn't end with Hoosiers? But people in Indiana are called

Indianans, right? I think they're called Hoosiers. Okay. Well, that's an unusual case. Like Tennessee, Tennesseans, California, Californians. Alabamians. Yeah. Most states, Indiana, Mississippi, and Floridian. But a Michigander. Okay. Oh, that's an unusual one. Yeah. Right? I guess. Is that right? Washingtonian.

All right. I'm wrong. I was asking. Well, that's why I asked the question. You speak this stuff through before you ask it. I didn't say that was what it was. I asked the question. I know. I'm just kidding. I don't even know if those that are said are correct. Yeah. I didn't know a lot of those. I don't, you know. Yeah. So I don't. Oregonian, right? I don't. Oregonian. Well.

European trappers and fur traders were... I'm sorry, Brian. I feel bad. Just kidding. I didn't mean to. I didn't hear what you said. All right. City of Provo is named after Etienne Provost, one of the first trappers in the area. What's a trapper? Like someone who catches animals. Oh. Traps them.

I didn't know he was a trapper. I know I'm related to the second mayor of Provo. Wow. Yeah. The second. Yeah. It's not a great accomplishment, but. It's better than third. Yeah. What was the name? I don't remember. I just remember it's the second mayor of Provo. If it was my cousin, I think I would try to remember that. Well, in my defense, genealogy wise, if you're from Utah, it gets a little confusing.

Oh, a lot of inbred stuff? Well, almost opposite. Yeah. Polygamy. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Is that the opposite of? I think enough polygamy. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Oh, that's interesting. I haven't thought about that. Yeah.

We got the same dad, different mom. So your family, you have a long history of Utah? Your whole family's from there? Yeah, on my mom's side. Okay. Yeah, my dad's an Italian immigrant. Oh, how about it? Is there polygamy in your family tree? Yeah.

Big time. Like, not your dad? Or is that why your dad moved to Utah? Listen, I'm Italian, but I'd like to spread the Velluto name around a bit. That sounds good.

We need more Voludos, is what he said. That's right. No, it went out. When did it go out? 1819. Yeah, they had to get rid of it to become a state. Yeah, you're killing me here, Alex. You know too much. I'm used to people who know nothing. Well, that's not. I do hate government overreach like that. It's like, come on. We're like our own state here. Let us do our own thing. There's no need for the federal government to get involved in what we're doing here in our state.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Should go back to that. There's a lot of single moms out here. I'm sure that you could have one – if they had a man that had a lot of money and he could really help out with the kids. Yeah. You know what I mean? Wow. Government overreach. Ridiculous. Come on. Do you know the state of Deseret?

Did I say that right? Yeah, that was the original name. Until they, yeah, desert. You know about that one. Yeah, yeah. What's the state of desert? So they wanted to create their own state. Just the Mormon church wanted to create their own state. And it was like a big area. It wasn't just Utah. It was like Arizona and part of Nevada. And. Oh, geez. Look how big this is. Yeah, that's.

All of Nevada, all of Utah, a bunch of Arizona. Is it looking at the same one? Yeah. It was never recognized by the U.S. government, but I guess for two years it existed because that was just all that was those, you know. Oh, wait, I didn't know that was the flag. So I'm running off a hotspot here on my phone. Wi-Fi is down in here. So it is pretty slow. I'm in support of it. I like Deseret. Yeah.

It had something to do with bees, I think. Yeah. So desert means honeybee in the Book of Mormon. And that's why they're the honeybee state. The bee state is Utah. That's why they're Salt Lake bees. Yeah. Whoa. Okay. Everything's starting to connect. Yeah. And a honeybee is like polygamy, but in a different way. It's like the one queen, a lot of husbands. Yeah.

Yeah. I saw that out in public once, a reverse polygamy situation. Really? Yeah. You can always tell the polygamists in public, they kind of look like Little House on the Prairie and Elaine Bennis. Oh, yeah. The Bennis hair. You know what I mean? Elaine Bennis hair. Yeah. And there was one Elaine Bennis lady with two well-dressed dudes in suspenders. I was like, yeah. Wow. I didn't know that was a thing. Yeah. Yeah.

Where at? She's getting there. Like a T-Mobile store? Walmart. Walmart. Yeah. I said it was called the Honey Bee State. It's called the Beehive State. Beehive State. Beehive, okay. I just took your word for it. It was chosen in 1848 because bees represent perseverance and industry. So 70,000 settlers moved to Utah from the Mormon church. So they were in Illinois. Then Joseph Smith died. I guess was killed. Then Brigham Young moved. He was killed?

I believe so, right? Mm-hmm. By whom? Do we know? Angry Mob. Oh, Angry Mob. That's the worst kind. Yeah. No. No, they were in Illinois, right? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, I think I mentioned it's the Illinois episode because I said the city wrong. Nuevo? Nauvoo. Nauvoo. I'm so glad you're here. People email me again. Why was he in Utah? Why was he in Illinois?

Gotta start somewhere. Yeah. I thought he started. They started in New York. He never got to Utah? No. He never saw the promised land? Joseph Smith didn't know. Wow. That's pretty crazy. He's the Moses of the. I thought it was the promised land.

Was it? I thought they just moved there because they thought it was... Feels like it to me. It's a great place. It is a great place. Well, if you want more information on this, there's a way to get more. Yeah. Where did you go on your missionary journey? Far from Temple Square. I went to South America. Whoa. Paraguay. Paraguay? Yeah. How long were you there? Two years. Two years. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

Alone or did you have friends with you? You always have a companion with you. What did you do? Prostillating, preaching. That's not from me. I was just trying to get some basic questions. Did you drill wells? You're mad at us for not knowing stuff. Now we're trying to find out stuff. Did you drill wells though? No, it wasn't so much service as preaching. We did some light yard work, I remember.

with machetes. Now, I imagine you get pretty close with that guy who's with you, right? Yeah. Those two years, you still talk to that person? You're still in touch with them? No, it was too much actually. Oh yeah. Well, they're good dudes. I kind of keep up with them on, on Facebook. Okay. Yeah.

Facebook allows you to keep up with people without really having to talk to them. Yeah. You see them and you go, ah, now I know what you've been up to. I see your kids. Happy birthday. Yeah. It's good to see you, but no need to catch up. I get what you've been up to. Yeah. Yeah. Well, tell us about Helix Sleep. I sure do. This, thanks to our friends at Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode.

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Tailored mattresses based on your unique sleep preferences. Others blame these sightings on related cryptids, such as the Salt Lake whales or even the great brine shrimp. I think a Loch Ness-like creature exists. I think so. Some of these lakes are so deep, the oceans, we don't know what's going on down at the bottom of the oceans. And I think some of these big lakes like that, I think there's creatures in there that we don't know about. Yeah.

Could be. Well, local legend maintains that in 1875, an entrepreneur by the name of James Wickham released two whales into Great Salt Lake with the intent of using them as a tourist attraction. They then disappeared. They were never seen again. Scientists now believe they could not have survived due to the high salinity of the lake. Yeah.

So they didn't know this in 1875, but they just killed those two whales immediately. Just immediately died. And that's why the Loch Ness like creature is so upset. He's like, you're just killing things here. And he's like, you're not going to don't be putting no more whales in here. Right. Because I'll take them out. Yeah. Who do you guys think is the most famous person from Utah?

Ludicrous TI. Yeah. Carl Malone. What I was going to say, does it count if they're a professional athlete that came there to play? Does that count? I think it has to be Utah's own. I think that's the point of the question. Okay. Who's the son of Utah, a son or a daughter of the state of Utah? Okay. Because I would have said that too. Yeah. The Osmond? Yeah. The Osmond family's from there? Okay. Yeah.

Well, I don't know if their fame has really stood the test of time. I know who they are. I don't think I could pick them out of a lineup being a 31 year old man. You know, Donnie and Marie. And I think nobody under me. Oh, I met Marie Osmond. I was on the TV show in Nashville squares with Marie Osmond. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, God disproves my point, but I think I know him primarily from a family guy cutaway.

Oh, yeah. You know, there's one. It's kind of... That's what I know. Yeah. I looked him up from that. So I don't know if people...

It's really diminishing the legacy of them. Marie Osmond, you know. What did they do? Were they singers? Yeah. She's had a lot of work done, but she was still pretty attractive. Yeah. What's their big song? Is there one? I don't even know. Oh, okay. A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock and Roll. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm a little bit country. I'm a little bit rock and roll. Yeah. I'm a little bit country. Donny and Marie. Oh, a little back and forth. Yeah. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Whenever I ask this question, I always feel like there's two different types of answers. There's the one where, okay, that is the most famous person, but would you have known they were from that state? Oh, okay. And then there's the one where, oh yeah, I think of that person from that state. You know what I mean? Right.

Because I'll just tell you off the bat, just total transparency. When you say name a person from Utah, I think we're all thinking the same person. Alex Valuto. Oh, Mitt Romney. Yeah, yeah. And he's not even from there, is he? No, he's from Massachusetts. Right. His father was governor of Massachusetts, right? He was governor of Massachusetts, wasn't he? Yeah. Alex Valuto is the most famous person I know. He didn't even grow up there. I don't think so. Wow.

Wow. Why do I think he's a senator for Utah now? Yeah. He ran for president representing Utah. And he brought the Olympics to Utah. He was instrumental in that. But I don't know much else about it. What are some good ones? Here's a wild card that Elizabeth Smart wrote.

I don't know who that is. Oh, that's a fun one. Yeah. I think Nate would approve of that. Who's Elizabeth Smart? She was abducted and she was... She wasn't famous before the kidnapping. She was a kidnapping victim. Yeah. She was a doctor. She was found alive and she's still an advocate for stuff. But she was abducted from... For not getting kidnapped. She's an advocate for not getting kidnapped, I would bet. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be weird if she went the other way. Yeah.

She's like, really? It wasn't that bad, guys. She was not far from where she was abducted from. I think so. Yeah, she was just, I think, a couple miles away or something the whole time. How long was she gone for? Like a year? Gone. Yeah. Gone's not the right word. How old were you when that happened? I think I'm her same age, actually. Was she like 12? Yeah. I don't know how old she was.

Yeah. But she was gone for, I forgot how long she was. I saw her after she was found. She was working at a bank. Really? Yeah. And I wanted to be like, there she is. Well, that's too bad. You get kidnapped for a year and then you're like, well, still got to get a job. But now she's like a celebrity, right? And she on like a talk show or something. She's not Marie Osmond, but I think people know who she is. But I thought she was on like. I had never heard of her. Could you look up and see what she's doing now? I thought she was on like a good morning America or something.

Are you thinking of George Bush's kid? I don't know. Maybe. Sure. Steve Young. Wow. She is a commentator for ABC News. Can I see a picture of her? Yeah. It's just going to take a second to load here because I'm running off a T-Mobile hotspot. Steve Young. Steve Young's got to be up there. Is he from Utah or is he just...

He's the grandson of Brigham Young, right? Or great-great-grandson or something. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, he's got me beat with the mayor of Provo. I was going to say, that's up there, man. Yeah, that's big time. Yeah. Roseanne Barr's from Utah. Oh, that's right. Dang. Yeah. But like you said, I don't think people think Utah when they think of Roseanne. Yeah, I would have said Colorado. They think Applebee's before they think Utah. Yeah. I do. Yeah, I don't. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, maybe I saw her TED Talk.

When you were preparing for your own? Yeah. I was like, I don't have any business doing this. Yeah, she was not having a good time at all. No, no. Hers is called, I wasn't having a good time. Yeah, yeah. A few others. Butch Cassidy.

Um, the Sundance kid. Well, the other one, he was, the movie was Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid. Oh, Robert Redford is technically from there now. He has a home park city. Oh, okay. We claim him. Yeah. Jim McMahon played at BYU post Malone. We're claiming him now. Oh really? Yeah. He should. Yeah. Is he from there now? He is dude. Gary Coleman. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Gary Coleman died. I think in Provo.

But not born in Utah, though. Yeah, so I guess it doesn't count. Yeah. Utah, yeah, it's kind of slum pickets here. Who did it? Who? To Gary Coleman. Angry mob in Illinois. Yeah. Some interesting news.

At the Willis Tower. Yeah. Oh, that was good. There you go. What you talking about? The first ever KFC was in Salt Lake City. That's right. You guys know that? I didn't know that. That doesn't seem to make sense at all. No, it doesn't. The first KFC, the first Kentucky Fried Chicken. I think it was the first franchise. Also the first franchise, but not necessarily the first store. Right. I think it did...

Start in Kentucky. I hope so. He franchised it out in Utah. Okay. That location has like a wax figure of him in there. Oh, yeah. Real fun. Is there a signature food for Utah in the way that there is for- Fry sauce. Yeah, that's right. Fry sauce? It's a condiment. Yeah.

Yeah. It's our signature food. I know what fry sauce is. Yeah. I didn't until recently. I just think of it as ketchup mayonnaise mixed together. Matter of fact, Aaron has quite a story about French fries that I still think about from time to time. Oh yeah. I've told it on this podcast before. When I was in Salt Lake this time, I went to Crown Burger. Is that a, yeah, that's the, that's like the best burger place in Utah. Yeah. And I don't know. I really love it. That,

And they were like, you got to try the fry sauce. And I didn't even know what it was. What is fry sauce? It's ketchup, mayonnaise. Ketchup and mayo. If you want to get crazy with it. Little pickle juice. Okay. Yeah. It's real good. I don't know. I make some of that fry sauce sometimes at home. I like to make my own sauces at home. Put a little Worcestershire in there. Yeah.

You make ketchup from scratch? No, no, no. Like I'll mix some of the other sauces and make my own. You just church it up a bit. Yeah, get my own. All right. Well, we're just saying the famous fry sauce is ketchup and mayonnaise and pickle juice. So you're making mustard from mustard seeds or something? No. One day, though. One day. You're just adding a little liquid smoke to some barbecue sauce? Yeah. This is a dusty sauce now. Well, that's what all sauces are. When I used to work at Jim Bob's back in the day, we would make a special sauce. It was ketchup, mayonnaise. Yeah.

Worcestershire, salt, pepper, you know, those sorts of things. That's like, I watched a video, some guys making barbecue sauce and they're like, well, we start with ketchup. Oh yeah. Well, that's a bit disappointing. Yeah. This is just, you just did stuff to catch up. I watched restaurant impossible a lot. And this guy was your boy, right? What's the guy's name? Robert Irvine. Robert Irvine. Yeah. Irvine improv. We're friends or I'm at least friends with whoever runs his social media.

And he was showing a guy making his special barbecue sauce. And one of the ingredients was barbecue sauce. But he was just...

It was like a store-bought barbecue sauce, and then he was adding different things. I was like, this is not your sauce. You think that's considered hack in the condiment world? Yes. You took my sauce, dude. Yeah. Have you ever been to Tony's Burgers? I haven't. But you are familiar with it? No. Did you go? I did. Yeah. Just because there's a sign up for celebrities who can eat for free, and Nate's one of them. Oh, okay. Oh, that's cool. Yeah.

Did you make the wall? Did they recognize you at all? No, no. He made the wall for a different reason. I was going to make, in my mind, like the guy at the wall. In my mind, I was going to make this funny video. And then I go in there and I totally chicken out. And the girl behind the counter is some teenager. And I'm like, hey, I'm friends with him. And she was like, she could care less. I totally balked. I'm like, just give me the number one.

I've told this story before, but I don't think I've told either of y'all. So when Brian and I were in Salt Lake City last year, we were walking around the mall and we had a show that night. So we were just walking around, checking everything out. And this guy stops us and goes, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber. We were like, yeah, let's get out of town, man. I listen to podcasts all the time. We're like, oh, great. Let's kind of get a picture. Like, yeah, of course. So he hands his phone to his girlfriend and he takes a picture of both of us. He's like,

So happy y'all are here, man. It's good to see you out. And we go, you coming to the show tonight? And he goes, nah. That's when the reality of how hard it is to sell a ticket. I mean, this guy knew us well enough.

to go, oh my God, and get a picture with us. He knew we were in town and was like, nah, I'm not going to come to this show. Oh, that's tough. Yeah. A guy likes podcasts, hates comedy. Yeah. I get it, man. I hope he's listening to this episode. He just got to be able to pause it. He doesn't like the live experience. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, some of my shows are small enough where if you just ask me, hey, can you just take a break?

for a second. Let's take a little bit of an intermission here. Why don't everybody get up, get a drink, use the bathroom, come back in five. I'm in favor of bringing back the intermission for movies. I don't know why we don't do that. That would be great. Intermission for movies so you could go pee. That'd be really great. Get a certain age. I get that. I get that. But it's already a pretty... How long intermission are we talking? 10 minutes? 15. 15 minutes. That's pretty long. Let's go 10. I think that would get me out of the movie.

I think that's an argument. But what happens when it's like you have to pee real bad and you're watching the movie and you're like, oh, I'd really like to go to the bathroom, but I don't want to miss part of the movie. So are you really in the movie if you're just in your seat like this going, oh, I got to pee real bad? Are you really in the movie? They should have tickets for people that want to pee. Or catheters. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. Get them at the concession stand. Yeah. Just a little bit. Yeah.

I agree. They're the same amount of ounces that you get of the drink. And you just can kind of cycle through. $12 for a catheter? Do you know what they're selling catheters for anywhere else in the country? Just give me two cups. Yeah. That second cup keeps filling. You're like, oh boy. Uh-oh. You, you, hand me your cup. Quick. It's a good idea. There's a movie theater by my house when I lived in Hendersonville. And we used to go there late.

And the drink machine was around the corner to where you couldn't be seen by the cashier. And so we'd go, they wouldn't give you just a cup, but if you would go, can I get a dip cup?

They would just give you. Oh, yeah. It's Hendersonville. Yeah. So they go, I got a dip. Guys get a cup and they go, yeah, I got you. Then you could just take the fill it up with Coke and they would have no they wouldn't know. Oh, yeah. But they give you one if you were dipping. Huh? Little life hack for just lie and say you're illegally using chewing tobacco in the theater and then put Coke in the cup and then spit in the carpet. Yeah.

Really take advantage of their kindness. Did you know if you go in a wheelchair to the movie theater, you get the catheter for free? Yeah. We talked about, you know, at the original, the Capitol building in Washington, D.C., it used to be a huge problem with people just spitting tobacco on the ground, on the carpet.

Because these guys would be sitting back there. They'd just throw in a huge chaw. And then they'd just spit on the carpet. And it apparently smelled horrific. I bet so. For years and years and years. Because they weren't using spittoons. They were just letting it go on the ground. My stepbrother growing up would tell me that's what they would do at school. They would dip in class and just spit in the carpet. Rub it in with their foot. That's disgusting. My friend's dad was a guzzler.

Meaning he would just drink it. He would just swallow it, which is, it makes me sick to my stomach. Yeah. I had a boss that would do that. He would walk around me in low stores with the dip in and he would like never spit. I was like, Oh dude. Now I don't hope that person dies, but I would like to see their stomach. I would like to see an autopsy of that just to see what that does to your body. It probably tears you up. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Anybody know the state slogan of Utah?

Come and get it. Is that it? Industry. That's a good guess. Is it? Live free or die hard. I think the longest one is The Greatest Snow on Earth. Oh, yeah.

Okay. The greatest snow on earth. Yeah. That's pretty lame. Playing off the greatest show on earth. Oh, that's a weak pun. I don't think it's based on. What is the greatest? You don't? I think. The greatest show on earth, like the St. Louis Rams. Or maybe. That was the greatest show on turf. It's Barnum and Bailey. I think the state was around before the circus, but the slogan wasn't. Yeah, you're right. Because of that. You want to know why? Because.

Because you have good snow. The Great Salt Lake makes it extra powdery. It's like salty, kind of salty snow. Oh. Yeah. That's fun. Good packing snow for snowball fights? No, it's bad packing snow. Oh. But good for skiing. Yeah. It's a big ski state, right? Mm-hmm. Do you ski? No. Sorry. All right.

Into that one. Yeah, that really took it down. Do you guys ski? No. No, I've never even tried. I never would ski. Never will. Just out of principle or are you just scared or what? Well, yeah. I mean, maybe both. It's not that I'm... Would you snowboard? I don't think so. I don't like things moving under my feet like that. I don't want to... Water skiing is a bit of an exception. You love swimming.

But like, because I feel like you can hang on to a thing. Yeah. But skiing seems, I don't know, like skateboarding is too, I don't like that. You don't like a conveyor belt at the airport? You don't like to walk on those? Oh, I do, but I, you know, I like to move. Well, and, but they also got grips. Right, right, right. I'm not alone on it. You don't like a bike?

But I mean, standing. Okay. It's like, it just feels like I'm going to fall off from under me. Yeah. I'm not trying. It's not like a silent G for me. I'm not trying to call it out, but it's like when I'm standing and something's moving under me, I just feel like I can't keep my balance. Well, yeah. You don't like the feeling of losing control. Yes. You like to be in control. Yes. Of everything. I get that.

I think you just get good at skiing. I think that's the goal though. Yeah, for sure. If I, you know, if I grew up in the snow, I mean, but you know, you grew up in Alabama, you see snow once every four years, maybe. And maybe it's weak snow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was always really expensive. Could never afford. Oh yeah. Kind of a rich person. Yeah. Or lady. Now in Johnny Tsunami.

The kind of class division was snowboarders were like the poor, cool kids, and the skiers were the rich kind of...

stick in the mud type kids. Yeah. Do you find that there is there a division like that? Yeah. Skiers are more elitist for sure. Okay. Yeah. Snowboarders are real people. Real snooty. Yeah. Okay. Interesting. Kind of like rollerbladers versus skateboarders. Right. Oh, I don't know. I don't know if that is a good term. Have you seen those land skiers?

Skis that are roller skates. Oh, no. Like really long roller skates with poles. Oh, no. People do that? Yeah. You do that? No. I do that. You're okay with that? Yeah, I support that. All right. You keep us on our toes. Nothing's consistent. No, I would not like to do that either. I used to go to the skating rink a little bit growing up, and I fell a couple of times, and I just didn't like it.

I would do it in a skating rink. It'd stand out. I think that'd be cool. Get on the skis. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sorry, that was my voice again. No, no. I didn't sell it. I like it. All right. Well, guys, our next partner is AG1. Oh, fuck.

All of us are trying to take our AG1 every day. What? That's my admin. You didn't even try. Well, you guys wouldn't shut up about your stupid skateboards. Oh, man. It derailed the whole podcast for the last five minutes. So I thought, let me just try to get back on. Before you go skiing, though, it requires a lot of energy, right? Yes. You'll want your vitamins. I had my AG1 this morning. And minerals. Yeah.

We all gave AG1 a try. Most of us liked it. Some of us didn't because we would want to increase our energy and immune system support for our busy lifestyle. We like to take AG1 in the morning before starting the day and makes us feel like we're doing something good to cover all our nutritional bases. And since we travel so often, we use the single serving travel packs. So we never have to miss a day while we're on the road. You can get free monthly delivery to make it even easier.

Every scoop has 75 vitamins, minerals, and whole food ingredients of the highest quality. Abs. We saw LeBron, of course. Whoa. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. That's a guy I want to see before he retires. Yeah. You think about these generational players. Yep. I'd like to see LeBron in person, just to say that I had, you know, because I was too young to have seen Michael Jordan.

I was too young to have seen. I've seen Shohei Ohtani in person. That was like a big one to check off. I'd like to see LeBron. I saw Michael Jordan play. You did? Yeah. In Atlanta. In maybe the farthest seats away possible. But I was a kid. We drove to Atlanta to see the Bulls. But you were in the same room with him. Yeah. Isn't that cool? It was cool. Did you go to college in Utah? Mm-hmm. University of Utah. So your big rival is BYU? Yeah.

I didn't really get super into it, but I'll side with them. Utah's doing pretty good at football this year, though, huh? Yeah, they are good. Yeah. College football? Mm-hmm. That's not a pro Utah team, huh? No. Just basketball. Yeah, just basketball. MLS. Yeah. Real Salt Lake. That's the only major team in Utah to win a championship. Oh. Yeah. Isn't that a shame? It is. The one nobody cares about.

Sorry. Sorry. No, I don't care. This was a good day though. We loved AMO last year. This day when I, this is when I met Brian and he, he said, Hey fatty, what's up? Who's the chubs taking along with us now? That was a fun weekend. We had a lead or at least I had to leave at halftime to go do the show. Uh-huh. Yeah. You both left and I stayed to watch the game. Yeah.

But I think it was staggered because Nate got to leave a little bit later than I did because I had to go do some time beforehand. Utah made it to the finals, though, of championship in basketball, in college basketball. Oh, yeah, that's right. Andrew Bogut. Yeah.

Who else was on that team? Why did y'all keep the name Jazz? Are you aware of the irony? Yeah, I'm aware of it. I know you're aware. I'm speaking to the state of Utah. Not a lot of jazz in Utah. I know you weren't involved in that. I'm sorry. I personally think that's why nothing good ever happens to the team because we got some of that bad juju from stealing the name. Or some voodoo from the ones. Yeah, exactly. Right. They cursed you. Actual curses. Yeah.

What would you change it to if you could change the name? What do you think embodies Utah in the way that jazz embodies the spirit of New Orleans? What embodies Utah? It's a great question. I was talking to my friend about this and we decided the rock would be good because we could keep the note like the music.

You just changed the genre of music? Yeah. The Utah Rocks? Don't you like it? Yeah. What about mountains? You don't have to hire a graphic designer? No, he's saying you can keep all the same logos if you just call it the Rock and Rolls. Utah Rock and Roll. Is there a lot of Rock and Roll in Utah? No, but there's not any jazz either. What about the Bees? Metal or something like that? I like just keeping a genre of music. That's fun. Yeah.

See, we're all encompassing here. We're just the sounds. Maybe gospel. Gospel. Utah gospel music. That could be fun. That's true. Bluegrass. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. Go for it. Utah polygamist. Go big for it. Go straight up. Just lean in. Yeah. We could have 20 people on the court. Yeah. Yeah. Five dudes, 30 women. Yeah. We got a great zone defense. Uh-huh.

I think, yeah. Captain of the team, married to all the cheerleaders. That's right. What was that TV show a few years ago? Little House on the Prairie? No, the one about the polygamist family. Little people, big family. Big love. Sister Wives. You said it. What was it? Is it Big Love? Big Love, yeah. I wasn't far off. Oh, Sister Wives is a polygamist show too. Yeah, Sister Wives one too, yeah. Hannah watches it all the time.

Is that a reality show? Yeah. This was a scripted show, though. Is that like an elimination type show? No, I don't think you're voted out of the same. It's just this guy, I think he's married to four women. Oh, okay. And yeah, it was, I mean... And he's just on the run from the law. Yeah, I think they had to leave. Yeah. I think he's only legally married to one woman. That's what great-grandpappy had to do. He had to go to Mexico. Really? Yeah. So technically...

kind of Mexican. Oh, how about it? Mexican, Italian. Yeah. You're everything, man. Gracias. Were you at Utah when Urban Meyer was there? Uh,

I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You really? Fiesta Bowl. Yeah. Are you a big football fan, Alex? No, I'm sorry. I'm trying to get into it. That's okay. Yeah. I love hoops, though. Okay. Yeah. That's okay if you're not. You were thinking about whether Urban Meyer was there. You would have known that immediately if you're a big football fan. He left for Florida, I know. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that. See? Yeah. Yeah.

Just all around great dude. We love him here. I particularly enjoyed his time in Jacksonville. That was my favorite time of the year.

I like the last handshake he gave the opposing coach before he quit, before he was fired. And that's king of handshakes to me. He didn't even make a whole season, did he? No. And I love it. By the end, it was like, this ain't gonna last. I don't care. Suburban Meyer. Yeah.

I love the picture. Remember the picture of him eating a piece of pizza after he lost when he was at Ohio State and he lost, was it the Big Ten Championship or something? And he's just sitting out there sadly eating a piece of pizza outside. Sad Urban Meyer eats leftover pizza at the stadium. Oh, man. That's me back at the hotel after bombing all weekend. That's exactly what that looks like. And it's Little Caesars it looks like, too. Oh, man.

Oh, that rule. It makes me like him more. He's just a real person, you know? You know, I really did start to like him after Jacksonville. As an Alabama fan, I never enjoyed him because I –

Felt like he was at Florida with Tebow, and then when Tebow was gone, he's like, oh, I got health problems. And then he was like, no, I want to spend time with my family. But then he was a commentator. And then all of a sudden, Ohio State opens up, and he's like, no, I feel better. And who cares about my family? And then he coaches there for a while, and then he goes to Jacksonville and just –

Really bombs it. And I just, I liked him because of it. You know, he was an assistant at Notre Dame. Was he? And said in his book that Notre Dame was his dream job. So there was a little inkling of hope that he would become the Notre Dame head coach. Now I'm glad he didn't.

Yeah, I read something when he went to Florida. Notre Dame had assistants there trying to talk to him, trying to get him to come out. There was a TV helicopter following him around because they thought he was going to Notre Dame. Wow. So you don't think he'll ever coach again? He will maybe at some point. He's old though now.

I think he's in his 70s. Is he? I don't think he's that old. No. I think he's older than you're giving him credit for. I'm going to say he's in his 60s because I think he was in his... Well, he really was the difference between 60s. When you get my age a lot. He's 59. Wow. Yeah. So he's basically my age now. Yeah.

Aaron thinks everyone over 40 is old. He's 120 years old. He's 59. Saban's old. Saban is in his 70s. Yeah, he's in his 70s. Or 70 at least. Okay, I thought they were the same age.

I guess not, huh? You learned something. You and I are closer together in age than he and Saban. Dang. You're getting old. You're getting old, bro. Oh, God. Yeah. That hit me in a weird way. I'm so sorry. I felt that. BYU did win a national championship in football in 1984. Here's how different it is. They won the Holiday Bowl.

It was the only time a national championship was won on non-New Year's. It was played like December 29th. So was it a national championship? Well, back then they just voters decided. Yeah, there wasn't a national championship. So it wasn't a sport. It was a game. It was a chess game. Mentally, it was chess. That's true. It was the last time a national champion was determined by team from a non-Power 5 conference. Yeah.

They've had one Heisman winner. Who was it? Ty Detmer. 1990. Beat out Rocket Ishmael. Oh, man. Good for him.

Alex, do you remember this? March 8th, 2020. This is the week before COVID shut down the world. Utah had a 5.7 magnitude earthquake. Oh, yeah. That was a bad week for us. That COVID, the earthquake. We had a tornado the week before. Oh, really? Yeah. So take that. You had a rough earthquake. What, a picture frame got knocked off? Yeah.

Bad week, guys. We did. That tornado came through here and our power was out when I had to leave and go to Florida to do comedy. So I put my wife in a hotel because we had no power at the house and I didn't want to just leave her with no power. And then I went and did a gig down in Sarasota at, what is that club? McCurdy's. McCurdy's. And then-

I came home and my wife was wearing a mask and gloves to pick me up from the airport. And I made fun of her. And then we didn't leave for two weeks. We didn't leave the house. Gloves even? Yeah. Wow. Wow.

I mean, listen, I abandoned all that stuff pretty quick. But in the beginning, I took it very serious. In the beginning, I was at the Hermitage Home Depot, only person in there with a mask and gloves on. And then two weeks later, I'm like, all right, I'm done. And then all of a sudden, everybody's wearing a mask and I'm walking around without it. You know what I mean? I'm like, let's take it seriously until...

Until it seems silly, and then let's get back to work. Two weeks was the cutoff. Two weeks to stop the spread. They said it, and I took it. I took them at their word. Utah's the second driest state in the U.S. after Nevada. Alcohol-wise are like rain. That's what I thought you meant. Really? Yeah. No, I meant like sunshine.

But I bet it's the driest state in the country. Probably. Yeah. In that sense. Most Diet Coke drink of any state? I think so. Has to be, right? Yeah. There's a big trend in Utah where you go to a soda shop and they put syrups in it. We call it Dirty Diet Coke. Yeah. That's how we get after it. I like that. Yeah. That's a night in Utah. If you can't make it to the Applebee's, I mean, get yourself a dirty soda. That's right.

It's also one of the leading states for dinosaurs. The largest raptor ever was found in Utah. I'm sorry. The Utah raptor. Do you know this? Yeah. The raptor from Utah. Are you familiar with it? Yeah. He faced religious persecution and he had to go to Utah to settle down. Oh, okay. I thought you were serious. Like, where is this going? Yeah.

Yeah, I've seen the fossils of it. Where's it at? In Vernal, Utah, there's a lot of dinosaur fossils.

Yeah. A lot of plaster. Yeah. We got religion and dinosaurs. This is a hot podcast. Yeah. How about this? Skinwalker Ranch, which I know we've talked about before, but you're into that, right? Man, I started watching a YouTube video on Skinwalker Ranch and I had to cut it off. I was like, this is freaking me out, actually.

You know Skinwalker Ranch? I've heard a little bit about it, that there's shapeshifters. There's all kinds of things. Yeah. I know the big real estate mogul bought the whole thing, and he's running experiments on it and stuff. It freaked me out. I was like, I can't do it. Uh-huh.

What else goes on there? Well, this guy was talking about like a giant – he's talking about a giant wolf. He said he bought the property and that like there was chains all around the house and there was bars on the windows. Mutilated cattle? At night, they saw a giant wolf out there and then they saw these like tall, slender like –

humanoid looking people come and I'm like nah I can't do it yeah and I can't get into the demon world out here just get that off before it comes to your toes yeah they're out there burying dinosaurs is what I heard yeah plaster molds out there digging yeah that's right it's bones hey

I have listened to the podcast and I know your theory of how they put, they just take bones and put them together like a jigsaw puzzle. Yeah, they're like, we found all these bones. Yeah, this one's a rib. Uh-huh. Nah, it's just a little piece, but we know that that was from the rib. Right. We can tell that this one. But do you think they put them in the order and then dig them up?

Like they arrange them to look like a. Dusty's just saying there's a lot of conjecture made when they're rebuilding. Yeah. These things. I can see that. Educated leaps. That's what I think. Yeah. Mm hmm.

Salt Lake City Airport is ranked first in on-time departures and has the fewest cancellations among U.S. airports. It is a good airport. I've always had a great time there. Yeah. Great time there. I always have, yeah. No wheelchairs allowed. Yeah. Well, I'm in support of wheelchairs. Oh, yeah. I know. I don't want you to. I know. It's a weird thing to take a stance on either way. I want everyone to know. I want everyone to have a wheelchair. Yeah. Yeah.

Did you feel the earthquake? Yeah, I felt it. I lived next to a train track at the time, so I just kind of thought it wasn't too bad. I'm sorry that the tornado happened. That's okay. I said it was a rough week, and then you guys really jumped down my throat about that. You think you know hardship? We had a tornado. Yeah.

Did you go to the... For the record, they attacked you though. They said, what did a picture frame fall off the wall? They did that to you. But in Utah, the picture frames are bigger. It's the family.

Families are bigger. Because of the dinosaurs. Oh, yeah. So you could kill somebody. Yeah, that's good. The family portraits are larger. A picture frame falling could cause an earthquake. Totally. Yeah. That's what happens. They're all panoramic photos. Yeah. It's tough to get a nail to hold that thing.

Totally. That's got to go into the stone. They can't just go into the sheetrock. Tear up the drywall. Yeah, you lose your security deposit if you hang up family photos in Utah. Yeah, for sure. That's very funny. That's probably a good place to stop. All right.

Thanks for having me, guys. Absolutely. Thank you, Alex. Everyone go check out Alex Valuto on the Nate Land Presents the Showcase. It's on the Nate Land YouTube. There's a lot of funny comics on there. More episodes to come out. Alex had a great set on there. Go check him out. Check out all his other stuff, too. Thanks. Yeah, that was a fun show. Yeah, and I'll be at Des Moines, Iowa this weekend at the Funny Bone in West Des Moines, Iowa.

It's a great time. Been there many times. Pumped to be there. October 27th, 28th. I'll be at Hyena's Comedy Club with Alex. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. How about it? Hyena's 27th in Dallas, 28th in Fort Worth. November 8th. I'll be at Zaney's here in Nashville, November 10th and 11th.

comedy off-roadway in lexington kentucky how about that november 3rd and 4th i'm in albany new york at the albany funny bone then november 10th and 11th i'm at the stress factory in bridgeport connecticut then finally last thing i'll plug i'm going up the next weekend november 16th through the 18th to edmonton alberta in canada all right yeah rick bronson's the comic strip up there in edmonton if you're in canada

I know it's a big country, but this is the only place I'm coming. You know, I had some great brisket over there. Oh, I'll check it out. Yeah. Yeah.

October 26th, I'm opening for Henry Cho in Arlington. Oh, nice. Yeah. The Arlington Music Hall. Beautiful. And I'll be in town. And I weaseled my way onto Brian Bates' show. How about that? Small world. I asked the club owner, can I do some time? And he said, you got to get me Henry Cho tickets. And that's really what happened. Oh, really? Yeah. And then October 28th, I'm in San Antonio with Henry Cho. Since this was a year and a half. 29th.

October 29th. Since this was a Utah episode, I'd just like to say again, I'll be at Salt Lake City at Wise Guys downtown for New Year's. It's going to be great shows, really a lot of fun. I haven't been there in years. So come see me. Don't make the book or regret it.

This is a Utah episode. Go watch my Dry Bar special. Hello, folks. It's out now. I was there for the standing ovation incident. I was there for the aftermath. He caused it. Yeah. That was really great. He was like, sit down. It wasn't that good. He was like, enough. Enough. Yeah. That's great. Thank you all. We love you.

Nate, I was going to say Nate will be back next week, but now he won't. Yeah. How about that? Nate hosts on Saturday Night Live. That's great. That's pretty amazing. When we started this podcast, the guy could not sell a ticket. Now, look at him. It is. I mean, look, obviously he was big when we started, but it does feel like hosting Saturday Night Live feels like a different echelon. It's incredible. Of fame and career success. And I can't wait for us to. Pretty amazing. I can't wait for us to ride his coattails. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Keep it going. All right. We're having a good time. All right. Thanks. Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetze, and my wife, Laura, on the Audioboom platform. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast. eBay Motors is here for the ride. Remember when you first saw the potential?

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