#15 Pirates
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What's up, everybody? This is Nate Bargetzi. Welcome to the Nateland Podcast. Hello, folks! That's our new... That gets me in a good mood. If I'm ever in a bad mood, I think I can say, Hello, folks! And I immediately get in a good mood. We are sitting here this week, Aaron Weber, Brian Bates. And we have a guest that's going to be with us the rest of this month, staying at my house. Nick Novicki, stand-up comedian. He...

Nick, this is the rest of the tour for the...

So the one night only tour is us right here. You will see this is the show you will see. We had Justin Smith, part of the first ones. Unbelievable. Justin did awesome. If you don't know Justin, check out Justin Smith comedy on all social medias. I think we've posted stuff with him and we can post it on the Nate Land too, just so you guys know. Very funny and did great. Justin will be back out with us probably back on the regular tour, hopefully.

We had a good rotation. I felt like it was a good, this was telling Justin with us, felt like it was a good group, good mix. We had a fun time, fun hang. We performed it in Chicago, the Now Arena. First show at the Now Arena. We were in the parking lot. Wow. What is the Now Arena? First show near the Now Arena. It's in Hoffman Estates. There's a G League basketball team plays in that arena.

We played basketball. It's the biggest arena that G League has ever had. It's like 10,000 seats. Yeah, it's huge. It's big. And then, so we could go in the arena and shower and stuff. And then we did the parking lot in the show in the parking lot. And it was one of the best shows I've ever done. All these shows have been, they're way more fun than you think. Yeah. And than you expect. And it's...

It just feels, we're doing these. So if you don't know, we're on the drive, our drive-in, uh, movie theater tour one night only tickets are on my website. Uh, we got a few cities coming up this week. We go to Cleveland and then Charlotte and a little bunch of places. Uh,

Texas. I mean, a whole little final run. And so it's, we're doing it because of COVID and it's, you know, we didn't know what to expect doing these shows, but they were unbelievable. I think it's, you feel like,

The love and the fact that people just want to do something. You know, it's like doing these shows. We've done shows at Zany's now since COVID would be half capacity. And you can feel the crowd. It just feels better than normal. Because, I mean, people appreciate the fact that we're even out. Yeah. And it feels like that. In Chicago, 500 cars. I mean, you couldn't even see the last row.

And you couldn't see any of... I mean, the back half, you couldn't see. It was also raining. Raining, 40, like 45 degrees. And they would honk for laughs. So instead of laughing, they honk. And it sounds... This is... Here we go. Sorry. Sorry, this story is boring. It's Lucy. She's going, is you almost done? We just started. So we...

They would honk instead of laughing. And at first, if you had told me they're going to honk for laughs, I would have probably said, I don't even want to go do this tour. And it's...

You know what? It's great. Now, they could make it at night if they honked, but no one's unreasonable. If you're, you know, it's like when you laugh. Not yet. Not yet. You're throwing it out there. Well, I'm sure someone could get crazy, but it's, they flash the lights and they honk. It actually helps with the timing. You know, didn't you think so? Yeah, absolutely. It was crazy because it would be like at first, you know, because when we started, it was

you know, two weeks ago, it was still hot out. So most people were just out of their cars and it was like a tailgate. Now it's like everyone's starting to just be in the cars. And it was that timing where it'd be like, honk, honk, light, light. And you're like, whoa, whoa. But it was like a fun rhythm where it felt like it was laughs. Yeah, you just learn to, you know, you get some random honks here and there. You kind of just talk over them. You kind of learn to, you can't acknowledge every honk. And you shouldn't. And the fact is, just for your timing wise,

And so it was, uh, when I walked out, man, I mean, it was like, it's 500 cars flashing lights and honking at you. I mean, it's, it's something else, you know, it's pretty special. Uh, so, and I, everybody's doing it. Everybody, I feel like everybody is, I've seen a lot of social media stuff and post, and it's that same way. The reason I wanted to do this tour is the reason they're at these shows going, we just want to,

do something in this weird time and we're gonna look back on this hopefully and you know be back to normal and then just be like man remember we went to a drive-in show and be like I went to you know I think you look at it in 20 years if you're telling somebody like we had drive-in movie theater comedy shows and someone's like oh I would have liked to see that I was there I went to it you know that's the reason you're doing it because you're gonna be later on going I was there it was you know it was not that good uh

So we thank you for everybody that's come out. It's been awesome and we've enjoyed it. And this is it. You see this group now. Go follow Justin Smith and then move on to this. Justin Smith, I slap him on the last day. Oh, we made a nice video. That's funny. I slap him and then we're like, all right, bye now. Yeah, the last contact with him was Nick's hand.

And how did your special go? You taped a special? It went well, man. Yeah, thanks. All right. Is it a video special and everything? It's mostly just audio. I've got a little bit of video, but we won't be putting that out. That's how you do your specials? That's how you do? A little bit of video. Hey, take Aaron Webber's special. How is it? It's not that much video. It's a little bit. Not much. Amongst all audio. It's like a Ken Burns documentary. Yeah, just slideshow. Yeah, it's just an album. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's great. It was great.

Brian was there. Yeah. Yeah. It was great. Yep. Felt packed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Too packed. Contact tracing. Uh, we're going to be contacting everybody that was at albums tape, uh, Aaron's taping. And the good thing is we'll all be on a bus together. So yeah, that's fine. Aaron's got it. Probably pretty sure. Uh, no, he doesn't. Nick. That's why I put, we, we put you next to him.

All right. So, yes, and we know. Thank you guys for listening. Last week was the filler episode. A lot of people liked it. Yeah. Yeah. Apparently we shine in the fillers, not the real ones. But so we got it. We got a bunch of comments today.

All right, we're going to start off. Comments to YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, Apple Podcast Reviews, and nateland at natebargetzi.com if you want to send something in. First one up, Kent Scroggins. My wife just gave birth to our son earlier this afternoon. We are sitting in the hospital room. Mom and baby are sleeping, and I'm generally trying to hold back the laughs.

Anytime our son wakes up, I say, hello, folks, and wave his hand like baits. Thank you guys for what you do. This sleepless night is so much better by listening to y'all. Hello, folks. That's what's weird, which reminds me, I'll show you, we got Kevin Best, our buddy Kevin, came down to my show in Nashville, saw him. He came up with, hello, folks, got a great shirt.

Yeah, I got it on. You're wearing it? Oh, yeah, I'm already. That was the unveil right there. I like the other, the version of Nate showing it where you're covering the hello folks and then you're like, boom, hello folks. He also made us some jerseys, which was cool. I meant to show these last week. Nate Land Podcast 41. I didn't realize that. It's how old I am.

So this is for our softball team when we get together. Oh, those are so cool. And then Aaron, secret genius. So Nick's not a fan of the podcast. This is his first time listening. It's him on it. But Aaron, we're convinced, is like an Albert Einstein type. And then he just plays down. And then, you know who this is? I mean, that's...

Breakfast number 99 cents. That's so funny. That's amazing. Kevin Best. He mailed those shirts to my house yesterday and I came home and my wife said, you have a package here for Burger King Bates? Oh, that's so, yeah. I was like, I bet I know what it is. Yeah. Oh, I wonder what this is. Uh,

All right, Alex Kamek. Kamek. Alex Kamek. I have watched the episode three times now. I'm physically weak from cackling. The debates of the pronunciations of penguin and penguin and woolly and woolly. What's woolly? Woolly mammoth. Or what do you say? Woolly mammoth? Woolly. Woolly. Woolly. Woolly. I say cooler, too. Hey, go get the cooler. I do say cooler.

uh height from which a squirrel can survive a fall the correct way to introduce your family dog and why animals should or should not be extinct are infinitely more informative and coherent than the duster fire televised last night just a tremendous episode tremendous uh i guess you're talking about the debates because that came out yeah uh or the nba finals like it could have been either one are the playoffs uh a lot of stuff uh

Isaac, that was very nice, Alex. Thank you. Isaac Chastman, three middle-aged men getting together and talking about animals for an hour and a half. This conversation should not have been recorded or filmed. Fair argument. Isaac could say the same thing to you for listening. Yeah. What was he doing?

I might be at my middle age, but I don't think I'm middle-aged. Yeah, I actually like this comment. I appreciate that. Thank you, Isaac. Thank you, Isaac. I would think you would be offended by that. Me? You're not middle-aged. He's not middle-aged. I don't think I am. Middle-aged, what has it been? 40, 50? 40, probably. I think probably over 40. Life expectancy is capacity. Is that it? Life capacity. Yeah.

Your life capacity is what? 78. And so half of that is, you know, something. You're over the hill now. 34. No, 44. No, 34. Right? Is it? 68. That's 10 off. 39. 39. That's right. I'm not bad at math. I just was on the spot.

39. We got to bring in Harper. So 39. Yeah. Harper just comes in with like a map table. Boom, boom, boom. 34. I've never talked about my daughter on this podcast. Thanks, Nick. I have a photo if you want to see it.

Kimono Dragon. Love the podcast. Nate is the comedic relief. Butterscotch always looks like he is unsure of what's going on and Aaron is the brains. I'm falling harder and harder for Aaron with every episode. Give me a break. They like it. Aaron's going to come out of this looking real nice. Bates will be down. Like in the polls, they're going to have

I'll just say, I'm like Seinfeld, I'm even Steven. See, I have one good friend that's up and one good friend that's down. It's going to be down. All right, Bates is falling. That's all right. You're doing good. I mean, you're about to retire anyway. I think I am retiring.

Hamlin, Hamlin Kaplan. Listen each week from the UK. Love the show. I admire the fact that in a world of fake news, this show avoids being fact-checked by having no worthwhile information discussed. That's pretty great. Yeah. That is, we talk about nothing that they go, do y'all want to fact-check this? And they go, I do. We, does it matter? I had this morning and I was talking and, uh, someone was like, I love, cause I was telling him, I'm gonna talk about, or we're, we're, we're going to talk about today pirates. And, uh,

He goes, I love that, like, after all that's going on, and you're going to talk about pirates. But I said, I think it's...

Look, there's part of you that you do think, oh, we're supposed to get some real opinion. You know, we need to talk about some real life stuff. But I think it's actually pretty hard not to. It's hard to stick this course. But I think this way is important. That's why I stick with it because I think it's important. There's just too much. What do you need my opinion for? Right.

My philosophy is either tell you go vote or don't go vote. Do whatever you want. Write it in. Don't write it in. Who cares? You're an adult. You're smarter than me. Figure it out. And that's the message of this podcast is figure it out.

That's Nate's butt and it's like, get out and vote or don't. Don't. I did say I would love to do a comedy. You know they did that celebrity video with Imagine and all the celebrities did all that. Just have a bunch of comedians go and vote or don't vote. Vote for whoever wants to. Do whatever. Because everything's like, they're mad if you're not doing stuff. You don't vote for this. Your vote doesn't count and stuff. And you're like, do whatever you want, man. Just do whatever, man. Do whatever you want. Vote, don't vote. Don't tell anybody. Tell everybody.

You're allowed to do all that stuff. You're an adult. Everybody's smart. Tyler Johnson. My wife and I were able to catch a tour in Louisville before the pandemic shut down. When the podcast debuted, I told her about it and that the other guy who opened for Nate that night is also a host on the show. Host is a little loose.

She said, oh, that precious old guy, he tried so hard that night. And I said, Nate's dad was on the last episode about magic, but he's not a regular host. Then she said, no, I know his dad. He was great. The other guy that introduced his dad, and it was then I realized she was talking about barometric pressure. Love the podcast. Keep up the awesome work. Is barometric the right way? No. Barometric. Barometric. God. God.

That's so funny. It would have been. Oh, that precious old guy tried so hard that night, man. That's your comedy? I thought I had a good set that night. I think you had a really good set that night. Apparently not. Tyler Johnson's wife doesn't feel that way.

I would bet. I would be curious to see when they were coming in, where they're coming in, where you're on stage, how they were introduced to you, going, oh, that guy's trying up there. I like the word precious, though. Yeah. It's a lovable. It's like precious. Oh, he's precious. Out of all the compliments you like to get for your set...

He tried so hard. He really made it look difficult up there. He was really sweating. God, that guy, he tried. He didn't phone it in. He tried. It ain't for lack of trying.

David Leonard, when Nate said Horror House, I could hear braces sweating through my podcast because we all heard what he heard too. Horror House. Oh, I get what you heard. Braces might be up there as my new favorite. It's easy for me to say. Braces is a very funny name. You know, they call them different names, Nick. We have started a podcast. This is episode 12.

I like the worried face. I'm, I'm. Oh yeah. The worried face is the greatest thing. Michael Breed. I wonder if this is the Michael Breed. He does a golf professional golf coach. His name is Michael Breed. I would love it if it's, it's either way. I'll take lessons from whoever this guy is in regards to the pronunciation of penguin.

Aaron absolutely had it wrong. I heard that and was so glad you called him out. Finally, he's finally standing up to the bully of Aaron. I was starting to think maybe I'd been pronouncing it wrong all this time, but it turns out

Aaron, you're wrong. And they're happy to hear us stand up against you. Okay. No one needs your propaganda machine of Penguin coming around here because you're not as smart as you thought you were. Well, we've got some comments saying the exact opposite. Well, we got rid of those comments. I'll defer to those. Well, we deleted them. So how do you say it? Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. I also can't pronounce the word dwarf correctly, so I'm not the right dwarf. Dwarf.

Nick is a little person, and so you can't say what you are. I can't say what I am. So you talk to kids about it. You're on a dwarf, and they go, dork. I have been on several TV shows where I had to go into ADR booth, paid after the episode, because they're like, you cannot pronounce dwarf correctly. And then they make you say it. And they say dwarf. Dwarf. It's like an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Oh, because there's a W. Yeah. Dwarf. And you actually say the W. But I just wouldn't say it a lot. You know? Yeah, yeah. You just don't say it. You don't say dwarf.

what you are. There are only four words in the English language that start with D-W. Wow. Can you name them? I can't name dwarf. We've already established that one. There you go, dwindle. Dwayne. Come on! That's a proper noun. Proper nouns aren't words, apparently. Dwarf and dwindle.

Dweckula. Yeah. You just start making up. I don't know what's the last name. Dwingo. Dwell. Dwell. Dwell. Dwell. He forgot the fourth one. I don't remember the last one. I've already gave you Dwayne. Dwayne. There we go. There's four. Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Oh, that's crazy. Four. All right. Misguiding son. Aaron definitely got that pronunciation right. Nate and Buford have old man ears.

I've never heard someone say penguin in my whole life. That's how I said it. You won't make fun of me when I say penguin boy. Everybody said it. That guy is misguided. His name is misguided son. Adam Miller, you all pronounced it incorrectly. First syllable is pin, like the writing tool. The second is Gwyn. Pronounce Gwyn. Pin Gwyn.

Penguin. I think we were putting the G on the first syllable when it's supposed to be on the second syllable. Penguin. Penguin. That's what they say. A penguin. Penguin. I don't like the way that sounds. That sounds crazy. Yeah, I don't like that.

Welcome to the penguins. That sounds like at the zoo. They would go, welcome to the penguins. And you're going, and it's the guy going, you're all saying it wrong. I say it right. And then everybody's annoyed at that guy. And that guy gets fired eventually because people don't care for it. We just went to the Columbus Zoo. It was great. Columbus, Ohio, one of the best zoos in the world. Thank you, Brandon. I've met some friends of mine out there that we've met through Jason Day's golf tournament.

And we so we got it. They got a little behind the scenes tour at Columbus and it was unbelievable. Well, what did the girl get mad? One girl was like, that's what was the animal that she was like? That's not right. Oh, awesome. Oh, awesome. So it's not possum. Everyone. She's like she was literally ready to punch somebody in the face. She's like, it is not possum. It is. Oh, possum. Oh, possum.

It's not possum. It's opossum. Because it's a big debate. And they can't hang from the tails. Really? Yeah. Everybody thinks they hang from the tails. Are they two different animals, an opossum and a possum? No, there is no possum. It's just an opossum. It's an opossum. Like the possum that I see in my backyard. That is an opossum. Opossum. Opossum. Actually, I think she said in Australia there's possums. Yeah.

Yeah. Or something. But the crazy thing is they can do some stuff with their tail, but they can't hang. They can maybe hang for a second. They can like wrap it around it, but everyone's like, you know, thinking, oh, I could just hang upside down and they can't. Yeah, they can't. That opossum is the one that told us that. Yeah.

He said. We also saw, they had this amazing animal that, I can't even remember what it, some kind of bird. Yeah. But it throws, like, it takes its food and it throws it against a rock. Like a lizard. Yeah. But they said that sometimes they would paint the rock like Michigan. So it'd be like an Ohio State, like, ah, just throw the rock in Michigan. Yeah, it's funny. Yeah, it's a bird. It's how...

it would kill a lizard. It grabs it and then throws it on the rock and then kills it. Pretty, it was actually very fun. Yeah. Very fun animal. We just kept like, like one more time. It was just, they were like, usually this is just a one time thing. And we're like, one more, one more. Go, go, go. He just kept going. Yeah. It was a awesome, awesome day. Justin Smith rode a camel, which was fun. Uh,

Kate Westa. Hi, my boyfriend and I are huge fans of the podcast. We look forward to Wednesdays now. I'm a teacher's aide and we were talking about Houdini with the class and they asked how he died and because of your magic episode, I knew it on the spot. Keep doing what you're doing. That's awesome. See? We learn stuff also.

It's very kind of useless information. That's what I think I want people to learn. It's like dumb, the DW thing. You know, that's a good one. We didn't give them all of them, but, you know, just make it three, everybody. If you're listening at home, go...

You know there's only three words in the... Three words and one name. Yeah. Sam H., rehome and fees are generally to make sure someone is willing to spend money on the dog to ensure they would be willing to part with money down the road to properly care for them.

i.e. proper food, vet costs, medicines, toys, etc. If someone does not have the $100 to buy the dog, they generally will not have the money for the upkeep of the dog. Even animal shelters require a rehoming fee unless they are over capacity and waive the fee to help clear the shelters out quickly.

So they're just saying, that's like charging a dollar for a show or five, you know. When we do comedy shows, you'd be like, charge at least five bucks just to keep a homeless person from yelling at you during the show. Like, you know, and that's what they're doing to dogs. Or honking too much during the, you're like. If I remember correctly, I think what we objected to was just the word rehoming. Yes. Yeah. What Nate objected to. Yeah. Calling it rehoming. Yeah. Yeah. Rehoming fees.

But I like that too is like unless they're over capacity, then it's like then we don't care. I think that's like some masks, like wearing masks stuff where you're like that seems, you know, it's like wear your mask to the table, then just eat at the table and do whatever you want. Like it's all like a rule. It's like, well, we do we try to do it. I like that. So everything everything's like you try to be right and normal and do things correct. And then you just do whatever you got to do. Jordan Chamberlain.

Wilt Chamberlain. There you go. Yeah, Jordan Chamberlain. I think the Jordan threw me off. Regarding the use of the term rehoming, it might not be a bad idea to keep the concept in the back of your mind should you ever need to get rid of Brick and Stock. Burkenstock. Saying we relived him sounds much nicer than we fired him. All jokes aside...

You guys are all great in this show as I'm unbelievable. Uh, yeah. Relieved him. We relieved him. Relived him. Uh, yeah, we relieved him. That's what we're going to eventually say when Bates is gone. And maybe you're in Nick. You're doing a little bit more than you think you're doing. You're audition. I'm like, all right, next week, Nick, why don't you sit at a computer? Mark McCray. Well, Nate or Aaron loan bean dip, a hat.

If anyone needs to be wearing a hat, it's him. Why is that necessary? Just to give Bean Dip some credit for everybody at home, Bean Dip picks these comments. So...

A little good sense. Maybe you're at home and you're like, ah, we're having fun. He's got a good sense of humor in the fact that he's picking some comments that he could easily not pick. I put the good in the bad. He puts the good in the bad. He's unbiased. You can make fun of whoever you want. It goes in. Unless it's me, then I make sure it's out. I don't see these comments until now. Clearly. Yeah.

As you can tell. At least I'm not going, I read all these multiple times last night. Brent Chandler. It's great when Nate gets into some reading trouble, then turns to bridal shower as his linguist ventriloquist dummy, but never lets him finish reading a sentence. That's my, yeah. Linguistic. Linguistic. Linguist. That's what I said.

That's a lot. He did that on purpose. Oh, look who's here. Nicholas Butcher. Nicole's Butcher here. I don't condone what she said. I'm only a butcher, and I thought it was weird she wanted me to post on YouTube. Is this how you heckle in a pandemic? You know what? I missed. Yeah. Now we get to the bottom of it. What happened?

I know what happened because I saw this name. You put E instead of A. Yes. So that's partially on me.

That's all on you because it was Nicole's. You probably were going to say it wrong anyway. I would have said A. I know a Nicholas. Just to be clear, anybody that saw Nicholas Butcher and thought none of us thought to guess Nicholas, that's why. It's because it was spelled with an E instead of an A. C-O-L-E-S is how it's spelled. N-I-C-O-L-E-S is how it's spelled. I misspelled it. Nicholas is N-I-C-H-O-L-A-S. That's right. That is my name. Now, I love Nicole's Butcher.

Butcher. I love the idea of that. Hello, Nicole's butcher here. That was one of my favorite moments. Yeah. So you got a great moment out of it. Yeah. So that's good. And I like that Nicole's butcher responded back. You know, how you doing? Here I am. I don't condone what she said. I'm only a butcher. I don't know why she's making me post on this YouTube stuff anyway. That's funny. Yeah.

Dib monster. The amount of abuse Beverly takes from Nate is impressive. Every week I'm curious to see if he's had enough and quit the show, but he's always there ready to take more abuse like a champ. Love the podcast. Keep up the great work. He's always here. Yeah. Did you see the Ellen apology? Yeah. I mean, I'm watching. I'm like,

She's apologizing for people behind the scenes that she heard about. I'm like, we're doing it in real time, and it's Ellen that's doing it. Yeah. Well, we show you. Yeah. We don't hide from it. He gets no more abuse off camera than he does on. I was about to say, this is the nicest Nate is to me the entire two hours of the week. We don't talk. I don't let him talk to me until we meet back here. Beverly, by the way, is a wonderful comedy name.

Beverly? Beverly's a great woman's comedy name. Very funny name. Dennis is in my other... I love Dennis. If you're ever writing something you need a good name, Beverly's a great name. Really? It's just very funny. Beverly. Beverly. You can really get on it. Beverly.

Dennis is not bad. It's like a hard consonant. I think also your accent, Dennis sounds like dentist. You're like, Dennis. I want you to Dennis. Dennis is a great, Dennis. You're just mad at Dennis a lot. Dennis Domenes. Beverly, I think is a great, I love the name, the comedy name, Beverly. Have you ever used it?

Uh-uh. You know, I haven't. I haven't really reasoned for it. But I just, as I was sitting there, I was like, as I said, the amount of abuse Beverly takes, it's very funny. It's a great name. All right. Yeah, he takes, you know, Bates gets treated. By the way, Bates gets treated pretty good, too. In what way? I mean, you're working. You go do comedy. You perform all over America in theaters.

Is that not good? Yeah. Yeah. I got a good life. Yeah. Maybe say that to everybody once in a while. You're living, you get to travel on tour bus. You do some pretty unbelievable things. You went to PTI, the taping of PTI, met Kornheiser, your favorite show of all time. I take, we go to that.

But yeah, let them know. Oh, I get yelled at too much. I did not say that. You didn't back it up. You said I'm like Ellen DeGeneres. He's a maniac. Who's like the worst, like her. She just told me not to look at him in the eye, which I'm going to start using now. In fairness, Nate does that. He's like, all right, just stop looking at me. Yeah, I would love. I don't let any. I would love. I try to get my dog not looking in the eye and she only looks at me in the eye. Where's Holly?

I don't know. She didn't care for today. Scared somewhere. She's over the comments. We're almost done with the comments. Intense Spence, right? Intense Spence? I think that's a made-up word. Sounds like a horse we bet on at the... During the comments portion of each episode, Nate is always reacting to what he is reading clearly for the first time, whereas Billy Goat Banks just nods along, seemingly indicating he is the sole prepared participant of this podcast. Yes, he is.

I think we've said that, though. Yeah. Yeah, he does everything. He sets up all the stuff and the format of it all. Yeah, it's all him. I've said that. I think he maybe suggests you should prepare more. The preparation of what I bring to the table is all of this.

He brings that. This is like arguing with my wife. It just doesn't get counted. To go, well, why don't you do a little more? You're like, I mean, we're sitting in a studio. I mean, I was like, what else do you want? Yeah, I'll type some stuff out too. Sorry. I didn't mean to do that. Nate also brings a sweet purple jumper at the table. It's Now Arena. I was trying to, we performed at the Now Arena. Now Arena.

It's enough out of you, Nick. Andrew Harden, Nate's dad was a great guest. I love the making fun of Bosco. Runs in the family. It does run in the family. Him, Nate, and my dad golf together. I mean, Nate and my dad.

Bates and my dad golfed together yesterday. Yeah, that was it. There were some incidents. Yeah. What happened? So my contact was messing up, and I was trying to adjust my contact, and I couldn't see. So I was like, you drive the car. And he's like, okay. And he slid over, and my sunglasses were there, and he just crushed them. They went in a million pieces. And my contact, I couldn't get it back in, so the rest of the day I had to play. I couldn't see, and the sun was just blinding me the whole time in my eyes. And no hat.

No, I had a hat on. Oh, you did? Yeah. Now the entire Bargatze family is going after you. It's not just Nate anymore. Harper, it's three generations of Bargatzes. Yeah. She calls him Bob Ripple Pants, which is a great name. She calls you Fred Ripple Pants. Yeah. She's already got it all lined up because we're all about to get on the bus tomorrow night. I got no nickname. She's just like... It'll come. She'll come. She'll get you. I mean, she'll come up with something.

It's going to be Nolan Widener. I don't care how funny you guys are. Nothing will be more entertaining than a Krispy Kreme donut eating competition. I agree. Aaron backed out. He's too weak. I agree that we should be doing it and we're going to do it. It's going to be a surprise. It would just come out of nowhere. It's going to be a surprise for us, too.

Oh, you think he doesn't care for that? If I just surprise you one day? No, I just gotta, yeah, I gotta be ready for it mentally. You gotta like wrap your head around it? Yeah. Never eat before you come, just a case. I would also need to have a lactate pill ready. Yeah, you were not going to be involved, but I guess you're not. You're not invited to that. All right, get outside. How many Krispy Kreme donuts do you think you could eat?

When I take a lactate pill, it's... Nick... What is a lactate pill? I'm lactose intolerant, so I need a lactate pill. It doesn't always work. Yeah. 80, 20% chance. And we're going on a bus together. Yeah. And we took... We had pizza in Chicago, and he takes the pill, and you just got to hope it's a good one. Because if it's not, it's a wild ride. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like that, like a bottle of wine, you know, in a case they say one's bad. Yeah. In a lactate pill box, you know, one of those could be. Does every box have at least one that's bad? Nah, I don't know. I just made that up, but. Is there dairy in a Krispy Kreme donut? I think so. Yeah, probably. Cream. It says cream in the name, so it's like. Yeah. No dairy in a donut? I don't know. I mean, maybe there's eggs in the dough, but I can't think of it. Eggs not dairy. It's like sugar. It's sugar.

Right? Yeah, I don't know. We're going to find out right now. Maybe we will do it. Now we're going to do it while he's here because he wants to jump in on it. Yeah. We want to see that. We got to see. Are people going to want to sit and watch us eat it? That's the thing. I think it'd have to be its own thing. It couldn't be an episode because it's not going to be... I'm not going to be able to talk during it. Well, we have to do something else. Maybe an IQ test or something. Yeah.

Deering it? Yeah. An IQ test during the... That should be your IQ right there. Look what we're doing. Yeah, we could do it. Yeah, something like that. I mean, we could just have them out here and be eating them. It's just you can get away from the mic. It's like watching someone eat for... Personally, I think it's one of those things where the anticipation of it is better than the actual...

He wants out of it. Yeah. If we do it, just let me know ahead of time. I don't want to show up and see a bunch of boxes. He'll wear different clothes. I said I could eat 36. Oh, wow.

Oh, wow. And then I regretted it pretty quickly. Jeez, that would be... Yeah, it's a lot. What if he just died on the table? He's like, yeah. I mean, it'd be great for us. You'd scoot over one, dude. It'd be great for me and breakfast. We'd be trending number one. We'd go, all right. We'd have to leave him there for the whole week. We're here. Aaron's out.

That one podcast, you're watching this, Aaron is dead. And this is not a filler. This is live. This is live episode. Aaron couldn't do it. He got to 35. We won't even give you the extra one. He only could get to 35. I said he could get to 36. Liar's going to lie. Yeah, we would do it. I think we'd do it and we'd film. We would film us eating downstairs. And then we'd come up and do a podcast afterwards.

You got to do it after. Okay. Yeah. That's what we do. I feel like there's not enough like random questions pointed at people during like a hot dog eating contest where you're like, just tell us about your life, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's what we could do downstairs. Yeah. We could either do it before or after.

Yeah. I might have to do it quick because I mean, I got a special. I'm taping the end of October. I can't be that weak. Great special, Nate. A little bloated. Just feeling the, yeah, throwing in. I think I can get a dozen down. I think so, too. Wow. That's a lot. What were you thinking? You want to jump in on this? What are you, four? Yeah, three or four. I'm like, what do you want me to die? Like, I'm like.

I'm 3'10". Are you going to have me eat 15 donuts? You wanted to jump in and you said I could eat some. You can eat a lot. I get diabetes because I want to participate. I didn't ask you to participate. You were the one that said I want to be a part of it. I just want a couple donuts. I mean, so you want like a day. So basically you're just like, oh, we're going to go have a nice, wonderful breakfast after. No, we're going to eat like animals and we're going to see how many donuts we can eat.

You can sit with Bates because you and Bates are going to be on the sideline. That's a real man coming in. Aaron's just like eating like 86. Like Nate's like, we're, we're still eating, you know, it's just Bates eats a lot. I mean, Nick eats a ton. I eat a lot. We would always, we, we and Nick lived together for 15 years ago. And then we lived together and then we went to, and then when Nick would come back to New York, he'd always stay with us.

And Nick's been on Sopranos. He's been on Boardwalk Empire, Good Place. Good Doctor. Good Doctor. Good Doctor. Drew was the Good Place. Good Doctor. Yeah. Anything coming up or no? No, not much. Just this. I mean, like 50 something TV shows. It's a ton of stuff.

He's been on all his shows. And so he'd always stay at our house. And when he'd come over, and Nick's addicted to Chinese food. And so he'd always get lo mein, lao mein. And then he would, is it lo mein? Lo mein? Lo mein. No, that's not what I mean. And it's lo mein.

And Nick would eat it. I'd get up in the morning, and he'd just eat it for breakfast from the night before. I love it. I'd eat Chinese food right now. Anytime. Anytime someone's like, let's eat Chinese food. All right, Chinese food. How much can you eat? Chinese food and donuts. I could eat a lot. You could eat a lot. I just love Chinese food. Chinese donuts, though. Chinese donuts are good. Could you eat those? I've never even seen that.

It's the little sugary, it's like a donut hole. I don't like that. You don't even know what it is. If I want a donut, I want a regular donut. Yeah. It's like, you know, I want to eat Chinese food.

Well, you want to be in this Krispy Kreme challenge. You don't want to be a part of it. I want to have a couple. I want to be like, I'm in the competition. You think I'm going to eat four? What are you crazy? The four was crazy to you. We're trying to eat 36. I would love to see that. You might just hang out after. How do you feel? It's everything, you know, it feels great on camera. And then, then you're done and you're like,

I'll be fine. I don't think it would feel great on camera. I think I'll be struggling. You don't think you're going to be fine? I think I'll be fine. I'll live. No, it's not about living. It's just going to be fine, dude. I'll bet I could golf after. I remember hanging with you during your Krispy Kreme phase. I bet I could eat more than 12 and I could go eat.

and I could do whatever I want after. I just eat. I think I eat so bad my body's trained. Yeah. You were in that cycle. I don't think we're eating good food. I don't eat good food, dude. So we're not eating good food. And then, I mean, are you on some healthy kick right now that you're eating only like really good food? No. Then your body's going to be fine with it. It's the problem is like- I'm talking about eating 36, dude. It's still just- The sheer weight alone of that. It's full. You're going to feel- Just the volume. Yeah. Yeah.

We're better. We're prepared for it. He would be more in danger of like his body's not used to at least our bodies. Our bodies always kind of in the realm of like I could eat 36 donuts like that opportunity might show up. Right. Because it's already eating bad so much that it's always just like it.

36 donuts doesn't just jump out of our body and they're like, I didn't know you were here. They're like, I've always expected you to. My body will not be surprised by anything. Yes. It's like we're at any given time, we're ready. Yeah. Let's go. How many would you eat? He said like four the first time. Four? So maybe there's like two levels. There's two competitions. There's like the 36, one of us may end up dying a couple years earlier. Professional and amateurs. Yeah. And then y'all got to see. But y'all got to eat.

More than you think. I don't want y'all eating two and then going, oh, it's too much. Maybe I'd surprise myself. Yeah. Go crazy. Yeah. He just starts catching up. He tries to leave our competition. I'm throwing in some chocolate. Which... You what? I'm throwing in some chocolate. It's a whole different ballgame. I mean, should I just do chocolate and then do 12? How many chocolate do you think you could do? I don't know. I need a lactate pill first. I got him. He got him. It's like ammunition. I'm like...

Close it out just in case. Is there cheese in this? Is there cheese in this? Hey, is there cheese in this? We ate one day and after Nick gets done, we're sitting there for a while. He goes, I think there could have been cheese in that pasta. And we're like, I just hope not. And then we think there was. We only got about eight hours till the next like stop.

Yeah. Were you okay? Yeah, I was fine. Yeah, well. I don't know. Do you have to hot bag? Yeah. Oh, gosh. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. If you don't run a tour bus, you can't go. You can pee. You can't go to the bathroom is a problem with a tour bus. And you don't. It ruins the trip. So if something happens, you got to just stop the bus and go out in the field. I mean, you go from a rock star to just a homeless person.

crazy person in two seconds like it's just like that's the you know like everything's great to side of interesting

All right. Speaking of that kind of living, crazy living, today we are going to talk about pirates. We went to a pirate museum over Cape, and we were in Cape Cod. Awesome, awesome show again in Cape Cod near the water. Nick asked, Nick went to the ocean. He asked the lady behind the counter at the pirate thing, excuse me, where's the ocean at? That's what he said. He goes, I want to see the ocean. Excuse me, where's the ocean? Yeah.

She's like everywhere. Yeah. I was like, but where's the, you know, because literally we're Cape Cod. So there is an ocean everywhere. Or it's a. But there was like little, you know, just inlets where it's like just a little bit like a canal. And I want to see like the crazy ocean. Yeah. But it's funny because she's literally working the gift shop and everyone's like, how much? And I was like, excuse me, where's the ocean? Yeah. I just came in like a psycho. Like, yeah. And she's already got to deal with you and then Justin. Oh, yeah.

And Justin had to go to the bathroom there and their bathroom was out of order. And Justin, and she asked him, and he goes, he goes, hey, your bathroom's out of order. Can I go in the women's bathroom? And she goes, no. No.

She goes, no. And then she goes, you can go to that restaurant and see if they're crazy enough to let you do it. And I mean, it was just like kind of was just not like it was kind of rude to him. It was just not having it. And then Justin was just gone. And we didn't see Justin till later.

And that was pretty great. Way later. Way later. It was like, there was like a two hour gap where we're like, where did you go? And he was like, you know, I said, I don't know. It was just like kind of trails off and pirate like. It was pretty fun though, just for him to be gone. And that's what happens out there on the road. All right. So we went to the pirate museum, a lot of interesting stuff. So I thought, let's do an episode about pirates.

Though pirates have existed since ancient times, the golden age of piracy was in the 17th and early 18th century. During this time, more than 5,000 pirates were said to be at sea. Throughout history, there have been people willing to rob other transporting goods on the water. So I read a thing about that. It was early, like 1700s, you know, like was their heyday. And so 5,000 pirates.

And so you might think, how could 5,000 pirates really affect America? Because right now they couldn't. But back then, New York had 18,000 people. South Carolina had 5,000 people. That's it. So they'd go to these towns. And this was worldwide pirates. Yeah, worldwide pirates, but 5,000. But I mean like... But they all went to South Carolina. It was like, we're all gone. Yeah, but there's got to be a big group. And then you've got a group that comes in that just doesn't care. Right.

You know, it's like, that's what they were saying. It's a, if you're in South Carolina, you only got 5,000 people. If 500, if,

dominant people come, they will control 5,000 people. Because what are you going to do? So they're going to come just wreck your town. And they would get drunk. They get crazy. I mean, they don't care. They're living a pirate life and they're willing to, I guess, kill you. I mean, there's no rules. They drink. I think it was a very much...

It was like robbing still just to get to the next, you know, and then spend that money and then robbing still again. And it was like that kind of life. It's how I eat. I like that every pirate ship had a doctor.

Yeah. It's like they had like a surgeon on board. Yeah. Do you imagine being in like a, well, you know, I kind of have a headache. You're like, ah, it's got the foot off. You know, like I just like, no matter what, like a crazy Monty Python, like. Yeah. Very, very loose, loose doctor. Yeah. Some famous hearts. His name is going to Bartholomew. Is that right? Yeah. Man, I used to have so much trouble with Bartholomew. That's how you say it. Bartholomew.

Bartholomew Roberts was a Welsh pirate who raided ships off the Americas and West Africa between 1719 and 1722. He was the most successful pirate of the golden age of piracy as measured by vessels captured, taking over 400 prizes in his career. He's also known as Black Bart, but this name was never used in his lifetime.

Yeah, that black bar would have been so much easier. I feel like there's like two barts. Yeah. And they're like, well, which one? The black one. Yeah. Because he was a Welsh pirate? Was he black? I don't know, actually. Should we be talking about this? Yeah. 400 ships is pretty crazy. Crazy. So that was their big thing. They would take over these ships. And that was only three years. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that guy got after it. That seems like a pirate that took it, was like, oh, we're going to be a pirate. That's a guy that probably could be anything. He could be the president if he wanted to, but he chose pirate. And so he becomes dominant because he takes it serious and goes and do it. For the love of the game. For the love of the game. I always talk about that. I don't know if I've talked about this, but that Netflix, the crime thing on Netflix,

everything's a crime thing on Netflix, but where they talk, they, warlords or crime lords or whoever they talked about, they do like a series. They did Pablo. They did, you know, a lot of stuff like that. But this one girl they did, she ran this drug thing in Compton.

And she ended up, they just sold drugs. And then she got with like, the Black Widow was like a famous cartel lady. And she got in there and she became this huge drug lord. And she was this woman. Was it called Drug Lords? Yes. It was called Drug Lords. Yes, that's it. Okay. And so she became this huge drug lord. And

did all this stuff and eventually it all went down and now she talks like she's a speaker now. But she was like a track star. Like, it was a person that if she wanted to be in the Olympics, she could have done that. Yeah. She could have done, she's so good that you're like, she can technically do whatever she wants. She put this stuff to drug lords and she became the best at it. And it seems like that guy could be like that. Yeah. You know, there's guys that are just really good and they're like, they can do whatever they want. You just hope they pick the right field. If they don't,

They're going to be really good at the bad ones. I feel like for that kind of like TED talk conference, you know, like that's got to be really hard talk to follow. Or if you're like talking about like, you know, your life as whatever, a dentist, and you got to follow that where she's like, I literally took over an empire in Compton. Like, here's this story. Here's that story. You know, people are getting shot. I had cocaine in my shoe. Yeah.

That's a tough... It's like a comic you don't want to follow. Yeah. Yeah, that's... I mean, they got to let her go last. Yeah. Yeah, because I mean, that's... I mean, to be a woman too back in the 80s and... I mean, it had to be... I mean, it probably still is a men-dominated field, but that's a field that you got to gain...

Respect? I mean, they're going to, you know, it's not a normal, it's not like, well, we should have a woman because women should be allowed to, like, you know, it's like, you got to be crazy. Wait, that's like Miss Pat? Yeah. I mean, that's basically, I had to follow Miss Pat once and that's basically what it was. I mean, she's been shot. She's been, she's just had the craziest thing. You had to follow Miss Pat? I've never heard this. So Miss Pat's a comedian. You were a,

A very funny comedian. And you're doing a show and you're saying you had to go on after her. Yes. I was at the Laughing Skull Lounge in Atlanta and nobody wanted to follow her. But I was the guy visiting from out of town. So last minute they said, hey, Miss Pat, she wants to go ahead and go on up now. I'm going to say, of course. And she just destroyed with some of the funniest, raunchiest jokes.

craziest stories I've ever heard. I kept there after like, dating's hard. It was tough. Long John Silver is a fictional character in the novel Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson. So he's not real. No, but I added him because a lot of the images of pirates we have come from the wooden, the peg leg, the parrot on your shoulder. His missing leg and parrot.

Yeah, the image of the pirate in popular culture. Perhaps the most famous pirate of all time, Edward Teach, better known as Blackbeard, definitely lived up to his fearsome reputation. He was said to enter into every battle with knives, pistols, and two swords. At his most powerful, he had four ships in his fleet and 300 loyal pirates to man them. So, I mean, they would travel in these big groups.

He seized more than 40 merchant ships in the Caribbean and ruthlessly killed several of his prisoners. While he had an impressive run, his luck ran out when he was captured by the Royal Navy and beheaded with his severed head raised near Virginia's Hampton River to warn other pirates to stay away. That's what they would do a lot. What's crazy is he seized 40 ships. That other guy did take over 400 prizes. Does it mean ships?

I wonder if prizes mean ships. I think it was vessels captured. So who knows how big those ships are. But maybe that's why Bartholomew Roberts wasn't called Black Bart. Because he already had a black beard. Yeah. Was he before him? I don't know. I don't know. I feel like it's so crazy, though, to think about you're in the open ocean. Yeah. And you have to get off your ship. Like walk from one ship to another. Jump in the ocean. Yeah. It's like your swim to that fight joke. Yeah.

And you see it coming. Yeah, it's slow. I feel like a quarter of the pirates. I mean, that's why you would think if you're getting attacked by another ship,

You think you could be like, well, I can just make them never get us. Yeah. Like, back up. It's like you should be able to... They should at all times be able to be like this. He's like... And you're just... If the guy's good, you're like, they can never get to us. See, that's why I feel like you need like a Cirque du Soleil pirate fleet where you're like, these guys are jumpers. Well, I think... I bet pirates did stuff like that. Because that was the thing, though, is...

Pirates would do stuff like that, especially if they had four ships, then they could just surround you, and then they're going to come in. So that's probably why they had to have four ships, because otherwise I think you would just be like... Would they travel in fleets like that? Yeah, I mean, he just said four. I don't know if it's mentioned in this, but one guy that we looked at... So they would...

Like they said, they hung his head at the river, right? Had the pirates stay away. I mean, I think the 1700s, this is a problem. This is not... You know what I mean? Like we talk about pirates now and there is still pirates, but it's like not a problem. This is a... They're hanging the head on the... You know, so the pirates can see it just on the shore. And they would put them in...

these cages that their whole body would hang and they would just leave it sitting there just so they know. I mean, they, you know, this is when they're cutting everybody's heads off in public and they're doing all that kind of stuff. Uh, one guy went and go, went and tried to get a ship. And so he's got all the, he's got a bunch of ships, right? And, uh, he sees a ship and he's like, let's, let's go get that ship.

And so he goes, you go get it. So one of the ships go over there and it's a Navy warship. And so he gets over there. I guess they get far enough away that no one can see. And then that warship takes them, overtakes them, takes them in, rest them all. They're gone. And the warship now knows where that ship says, he's like, I'm gonna go back out there. So they go back out there and they said the pirate, he's like so drunk.

And he's like, let's go get that ship. He goes, I want that. He doesn't realize it's the one that he just saw. He's like, maybe we should get that one. And then it came and just killed all of them because the Navy one did because they didn't know. But I was like, you're led by drunks unless you're Bartholomew Roberts who

Who is like a guy that's like, what if he was sober? And you're like, well, that guy's going to dominate. Because you're either probably not really drink or you're a raging alcoholic. What kind of alcohol did they have back then? I think it was called grog. There was one drink that they all drank. They just called it drink. Just drink. Yeah, drink. Grog. Never heard of that.

Yeah. Alcoholic drink, especially beer. Oh, I'm now just catching on that you're seeing what he's typing in. You're just realizing that. I'm just realizing that now. I'm like, he just keeps looking over there. Yeah. It's a drink made with... Nate just keeps looking at the ceiling like, is anybody up there? Grog is a drink made with rum and water. Because I always think Pirates of the Caribbean, there's that famous scene where he's drinking a bunch of rum. Click on the Wooded Pirates drink. Yeah.

I did a movie, a pirate movie. And I'll tell you what, there's nothing more fun than just talking about this thing. Just getting into that. It's just so silly. You played it hard. Yeah, what was that? It was called Pirate Camp.

And we were like teaching these kids like how to be pirates. And I just was this like, and we just would talk in this kind of thing. And me and like, I had like a, I was like a sidekick, like the two of us. Just keep talking like this kind of pirate talk. And we would make ourselves laugh. It was just, it's so fun to talk in that kind of, it just, you could just get in that, like just trail off, like what kind of food we got there today. Yeah.

I wonder where that came from. Pirate Cramp trailer. Can we see you in this? I'm in it. Are you in this trailer? You're in the trailer? Yeah, and I don't think so. I'm not in the trailer, but there is... You can look up... I have an old reel where I'm like some of my... I'm falling off like... There I am. Yeah, I am in that. That was you? There I was. Yeah, yeah.

We had like a great bit where like I'm falling off a bed. It's like, where were you? We, where did we film this?

right there oh yeah yeah yeah yeah the great pirate like i had like you know i'm in like uh it was fun you walk around the sword and you get to be like pirate talk you're like lady all right today is chicken again for lunch are you playing actual pirates in this movie yeah did you color your hair or is that a wig or uh i don't even know i

I think we had a skull cap. It was fun. You dress up like a lady for the day in pirate gear. We're going to be watching Pirate Camp. I know what we're doing while we're eating the donuts. Watching Pirate Camp. That would be fun. Director's cut. That's awesome. You barely remember this movie. You're the closest we have to an expert on this episode. I know nothing. All I was good at was just going...

just complaining in pirate talk. Were just pirates talking like that? Or is that how everybody talked back then? Or I'd imagine pirates. I feel like it's kind of, I bet it's some of that's extremely uneducated and you know, it's like, yeah, I are drunk and you're just, and being just a bunch of dudes. There was also, did you, I don't know if you have near, uh, uh, two women, uh,

That we read a story in the Pirate Museum. There's two women that wanted to be pirates. So they dressed up as men. And no one ever knew, right? That they were just... Everybody thought they were men. And then as women, they fell in love with the other person thinking it was a man. So the two women...

Naturally, they're going to be attracted to a man. So the one woman falls for that man. That woman falls for that man, not knowing that they're both women. They then finally reveal to each other. And then the other one tells on the other one and they kill her. Wow. Women still can't be trusted. You're in love. And then they were both mad that they were betrayed. And that one turned on it. Yeah, it's pretty crazy.

Anne Bonny got a new start by moving with her family from Ireland and Nassau. She ended up in an unhappy marriage that led Bonny to look for excitement in other places. She certainly found it when she met Calico Jack Rackman, who happened to be the captain of a pirate ship. Because women were generally unwelcome as part of the crew, she dressed and behaved like a man to fit in and kept up fighting and drinking with the boys. She encouraged violence and bloodshed.

It was eventually captured and sentenced to death, but escaped by claiming she was pregnant. It is unknown where her life took. So that's not the same woman. So she got on because she got hooked up with that other guy. Yeah. I feel like Monty Python have like stolen a lot of these kind of like bits, you know, it's like, I'm not dead yet. You know? Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Also, it's like Calico Jack's is also a restaurant too, right? I don't know. John Silver's. Calico Jack. I feel like I've heard a lot of these. Yeah. Who's Captain Morgan? Okay. Quietly backed by England, Captain Morgan made a name for himself by successfully leading a Jamaican fleet that disrupted Spain's power in the Caribbean.

While it's rumored that he might have terrorized as many as 400 ships during his career, his most impressive accomplishment was raiding affluent Panama City with 30 ships and 1,200 men yielding vast riches. Although he was arrested and taken to England after his great plunder, he was knighted by the king and released to hold the title of deputy governor in Jamaica, where he lived out the rest of his life as a plantation owner. So he turned it into, Captain Morgan turned it into a real job. Yeah. Yeah.

He did pretty well. It's not Panama City, Florida, by the way. Well, it's rumored that he might have terrorized me. Would have made sense. Panama City Beach? Yeah, he didn't go to Club Flamingo or whatever. It is crazy. I mean, there's no international, there's no police for the international waters. I mean, once you're out there, it's just chaos. It's chaos. I mean, he did, yeah, that's pretty crazy. So he was the title of deputy governor in Jamaica.

So that's the problem. They would come in and he had 1,200 men. And so they're going to take over your town. They take over your country. I mean, like...

And I think a lot of pirates were backed sometimes by countries, by governments. If you were at war with another country, they wanted pirates just to mess with them. So sometimes I think countries would do it, and then you might be in good favor with them when you need some help. You're used as mercenaries, kind of? Yeah, kind of. They wanted you to mess with other countries. Yeah, I can see that. That's pretty good. That's funny. They're like, we hate them. Yeah. We love you. We love you.

By Captain James Hook. All right. Captain Hook. He's not real. He's from Peter Pan, but I put him on there because again, a lot of people with the hook hand, the patch of the eye, I feel like there's a lot of images of a hook hand maybe being a real person, but... Yeah. But... It's not. But he wasn't. It's from Peter Pan. Yes. Um...

Did pirates bury treasure? In reality, pirates burying treasure was rare. The only pirate known to have actually buried treasure was William Kidd, who's believed to have buried some of his wealth near Long Island before selling it to New York City. He'd hoped that the treasure could serve as a bargaining chip in negotiation to avoid punishment. He was wrong. He was hanged as a pirate himself.

And over the years, many people have claimed to have found maps and other clues that led to the pirate treasure or claim historical maps were actually treasure maps. But these claims are not supported by scholars. So there's like no reason to go look for pirate treasure. I don't think so. Basically not there. I guess you could get this William Kidd's treasure. That's by where I grew up. Oh, yeah? Have you heard of this before? Yeah. There's like all kinds of crazy legends. You know, as a kid, you're like, if you just go to this little area...

Because the Long Island sound is like, it's not huge. It's Long Island to Connecticut where I grew up. It's like, it's a small little area and there's all these little mini islands and people would be like, they're still, they're taking boats out and trying to find it. Man. Well, yes, that's what you heard as a kid. Just like you could get treasure. Yeah. And so you'd be like, like, yeah, that's my mission. You would go out as a kid. Like the Goonies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I thought buried treasure was like a common thing. I thought pirate ships found were a common thing. I thought, so pirate ships are not found either. The ship, the YDAR, YDAR is one we saw, sank off Cape Cod in 1717. They have stuff from that ship

At your museum you went to? At the museum we went to. We went in the museum too, and there's like a, you know, paper mache kind of like ship. And at first I thought that was the actual ship. When we went in, I was like, wow, this is a nice looking, they really kept it up pretty nicely. It had, it was carrying tens of thousands of gold coins, basically worth more than a hundred million dollars. That ship was. The ship is the only, but they had that ship.

So it's not even out there anymore. The ship is the only authenticated pirate ship ever to be found. Who has it? I mean, they had parts of it at that museum. Yeah, I think they loan it to different museums. You see different... Like the Frist in Nashville brings in certain things sometimes. But the guy that found it got all that money. It's like a finder's keeper situation. They sort of didn't talk about that. They were like, this guy found it, but they weren't like, he's the richest guy in Cape Cod history. Yeah.

They did, you know, like burying stuff is like, the people who do that now is like the Apollo Escobar. Like that, if you ever go dig for stuff, that's where you're going to go dig for stuff. That guy has buried a ton of money because they had so much money. I bet money's buried because they just get, I mean, they have billions, they have more money than they can even do. But their money goes bad too because the money will, can't just live forever. Yeah. It disintegrates. It's cash. It's cash.

Yeah, if it's cash, yeah. That's why I thought pirates would be burying stuff a lot more often. If they can't use banks, they can't.

if it's all you know illegitimate money from what I read it was a lot like what Nate said they weren't stacking up riches they were just going from town to town stealing some supplies hooking up with women drinking paycheck to paycheck they really yeah oh yeah yeah I mean I don't think they even had you know yeah it's no one was you know I bet there was one pirate that's like I got some money saved and I'm

want to one day uh get off this boat it sounds like captain morgan did a pretty good job yeah i think captain morgan is about your best it probably seems like your best case scenario like if you could find a guy like that and that's like hey we're gonna turn this into owning you know a country basically yeah it's like crazy captain morgan you mean the guy that sells wheat now yeah that's just because that's old times man i used to do that stuff but not anymore

Did pirates really have parrots? The most likely origin of parrots on pirate ships was centered on the trade of parrots as an exotic animal. During the golden age of piracy, there was well-established business and trade of exotic animals, including parrots as royalty in Europe. Marveled in the parrot's ability to speak and imitate human voices.

It was basically just like a status symbol. So they probably did have some just because they would steal exotic animals. Monkeys too. Monkeys was a big thing. Yeah.

um parrots and monkeys they had a parrot at uh the columbus zoo they could say you know a couple things yeah hello and yeah and kramer his name was kramer so you could say kramer yeah so we kept like asking what's your favorite seinfeld character and he'd be like hello he wouldn't he wouldn't say it when you wanted then later on he'd go kramer they uh they like black cats they thought it brought good luck on the ship yeah

And it took care of the mice. I used to always try to do the black cat thing. You know, how are mice getting on these? But I guess they get when they dock and then it's a problem. Like, I mean, they, I would always stay with black cats. I would always try to be like, where, you know, if you see one and you're like, don't, but then you're like, I was in New York and you're like, I mean, there's 5,000 black cats. You just can't. And the New York is Queens was just cats.

They're just running around. They're outside. In the bodegas. They're in the bodegas, but they're in the streets. You just see them everywhere. And so it was like, well, I can't live by this. This is insane. I can't control these. Yeah. Five times a day is a black cat running out in front of you. Did the pirates wear eye patches?

Um, this is pretty interesting. Some assume pirates wore eye patches to cover a missing eye or eye that was wounded in battle, which I would have thought, but in fact, an eye patch was more likely to be used in condition to condition the eye. So the pirate could fight in the dark. If a pirate was fighting on deck in the sunlight, then he had to continue the fight under the deck while it was usually pretty dark, where it's usually pretty dark. It could take too long for their eye to adjust and for the pirate to be able to see. Um,

The eye patch could be used to prepare one eye to see in the dark. So when they go below deck, they could swap the eye patch from one eye to the other and see with the eye that already adjusted to the low light conditions. This would allow them to instantly see in the dark. That's pretty good. That's pretty crazy. That's so wild. Yeah. That's divine.

devoted to constantly wear that. That's so nuts that they're like, look. Well, they're probably wearing it when a fight is happening. I bet the fight's about to happen. How common are fights and then how common are fights that transition to a different level of the ship? I'd be like, can we just stay up here? Yeah, right. Or when you see them coming from a mile away, then put it on. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'd have them come down.

what do you mean well once they get there they get there then be like i'm gonna stay down here when some guy probably did that because i'm gonna stay down here like why you're like i don't like the patch this is easier i'll let him come down here he goes but i'm gonna do really good when they come down you bring them down what if also like that's not true they just make that up like no no i'm really good in the dark i've been doing this with the patch go down there and there's

Can't see anything. It's like, what's the effort of being like, I'm going to fight with one eye. You're always going to be fighting with one eye. I mean, how much of that time... That's what I would want to talk about. If I was with these pirates, I would be, how much are we saving? You know what I mean? Because when you go down there and your eye's got to adjust, is it five seconds? You can't...

Just, you know, for that moment, like I said, are we going back up and down all the time? You know, it's like, that's a great idea. And then the guy that came up with that idea is furious. He's like, it was my idea. You think my idea is great? I think your idea is great, but I think it's insane for us to 90% of the fight

with this light eye, we're fighting one-eyed for the chance. For the chance that we're going to go down below deck. How about we open windows below deck when the fight happens? And then there's sun down there. I just would like to be that pirate that's trying to negotiate. He goes, I'm not saying that, you know. Because the guy would be mad. That guy, he'd be like, that's my idea to do the, you know.

Just everybody has one guy that's like, look, this is a multi-patch guy. This is the way we do it. And he's like, I just, it doesn't make sense though. You know, it's for five seconds. Your eyes adjust. You're not down there for 40 minutes blind. Yeah. And so I'm not going to fight. And then this guy's just killing everybody because he's got, I don't know, use both eyes. Yeah. Did they make him walk the plank? No.

There's no proof that pirates ever made their enemies and victims walk the plank. Instead, real pirates during the 17th and 18th centuries were fonder of equally unpleasant punishments such as flogging and marooning. If they ever did want to drown somebody, they probably just threw them over the side of the ship. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, they're just tossing them. Marooning is just leaving somebody. Yeah, that was a real thing. They just leave you on an island or something. I'm afraid to ask what flogging is. It's just like beating you. I feel like there's been present day flogging that still happens. Yeah. Singapore. Yeah, they would take you

Day of flogging? They had a kid. Remember there was a great Simpsons episode. That's what I remember. I don't remember the actual thing, but there was like an episode in The Simpsons where they reenacted what happened in Singapore where there was a kid that was like

chewed gum or spit gum out or something yeah and he was like yeah publicly like flogged or was the whole thing and we tried to stop it i think i don't even remember if it was u.s or or england did it flogging do you get killed from it or is it it's like a spanking a hardcore spank yeah well it can be a lot worse like jesus was flogged before he was crucified yeah yeah is that funny to you it's just funny to hear flight instead of scourging it's flogging yeah

It's funny to me. Let's move on. I know. I'm like, I'm not going with you there. I'm like, you can survive being marooned on an island. Yeah. I mean, you just, if you, if you have food, I think I can, I think I can make stuff happen if I have to. I think if I put my mind to it, I know no one thinks I can't do, I know I can't do anything. There's a lot of stuff I can do, but if I have to, I think I can.

Like cast away. Yeah. Like I think I could figure, I think, I think a lot of people can't, it's going to be in you. You're going to die. Yeah. So something's, something's going to, those instincts would kick in. Yeah. I mean, it's not going to be good. I mean, some people are going to do better than others.

But you got to figure it out. It depends on the island. I mean, if they throw you on an island, there's nothing. You're in big trouble. It's also like in your head, you think of being on this great tropical island. But what if you end up off the coast of Maine and you're on this island and it's freezing cold? That's true. Oh, yeah. You're done. I mean, then you're... Yeah. You have to try to hope you find a bear so you can lay in a bear. Or just some island like a far side cartoon. Just one little palm tree. That's in my head. That's what I'm thinking. Nothing. I'm sure there's islands that are nothing.

And then where, you know, you're just, that's going to be brutal. I think Pirates of the Caribbean movies touched on a lot of these things. And one of the things they do in there, he would say parlay. Yeah. And that's like, that was a real thing, apparently. Like if you're about to be killed, I guess, or executed, and you could say that, and it would earn you a chance to,

meet with the ship's captain or something. Plead your case. Plead your case, I guess. So apparently that was a real thing that people would do. That's fun. You could just yell parlay? In Pirates of the Caribbean, he would. I don't know if it was quite that, but they had a pirate code that was one of the things. You could yell it every time? Parlay! And he's like, off with his head. Parlay! God, we gotta do this again. Alright, bring him back. You guys are like to hear your case. Hey, how you doing? Uh...

And he just never gets killed. Just keep saying it. Parley. And they go, this rule is ridiculous. The pirate code. This was, I thought was, we read this in the, is a code of conduct for governing pirates. A group of sellers on a group of sellers on turning pirate would draw up their own code.

It's, you know, every man has a vote in affairs of a moment. If they defrauded the company to the value of a dollar in plate jewels or money, marooning was their punishment. If the robbery was only betwixt one another,

They continue themselves to slitting the ears and nose of him that was guilty and set him on shore, not in an uninhabited place, but somewhere where he was sure to encounter hardships. So basically, if you got caught robbing, you would get your ears and nose slit and then they'd maroon you. So you shouldn't do that. Well, no, I was saying if they defrauded the company, they were marooned. If the robbery was only betwixt one another...

The rules are so confusing. They're like, what do we do again? Oh, he set him on shore. Not in an uninhabited place, but somewhere where he was sure to encounter hardships. So if it was between two pirates, you get your ears and nose slit, which seems insane. And then...

You're put in a place where it's going to be a problem. It's like basically we're throwing you in a bad neighborhood. No person to game at cards or dice for money. I'm not saying this weird. No person to game at cards or dice for money. This is how they wrote it back then. What if I just spoke perfect pirate? That one surprises me.

They don't let pirates gamble? Well, this was just Black Bart's house rules. So Black Bart, pretty strict. I think he knew it was trouble. I wonder if it was like the NBA. You could get traded pirate ships. You could be like, I'm going to go to this. You're a free agent. You could leave. Lights and candles to be put out at 8 o'clock at night. If the crew wanted a drink, they have to go on the open deck. Teether piece, pistols, and cutlass...

clean and fit for service. That basically meant you got to be ready to fight at any time. Oh, yeah. No boy or woman to be allowed amongst them if any men were to be found with seducing any of the latter sex and carried her to see disguised he was to suffer death.

To desert the ship or the quarters in battle was punished with death or marooning. Here, you can read. All right. If you looked at them. No striking one another on board, but every man's quarrels to be ended on shore at sword and pistol. So basically, no fighting. Until you got to the... Yeah. Let's take it outside. Yeah, exactly. Let's take it outside. No man to talk of breaking up their way of living till each had shared 1,000 pounds.

If in order to this, any man should lose a limb or become a cripple in their service, he was to have $800 out of the public stock. So basically every ship needs to have a thousand pounds on it. And then from there on you split the money. I think that's right. Yeah. If you lose a limb, I think you get a little bit more. Yeah. So they had a healthcare plan. Now remember, this is Bartholomew Roberts. This is his code. Yeah. This guy is like the Michael Jordan of pirates, right? Yeah. He's one of them. This clearly worked. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, it was like real deal. The lights got to be out. You know, like it's very, we're not, if you want to drink, go up there and drink. Go drink. I'm not, you know, I'm not your mom. We're pirates, but we're professional. Right. He has a lot of rules. He's got a job to do. Yeah, he had a lot of rules. That's why he's successful. I mean, how do you know what time it is out there? How do they know? The sun. Nighttime's harder. Nighttime's harder. Yeah.

The captain and quartermaster received two shares of a prize. The master, Boatswain and Gunner, one share and a half. And other officers, one and a quarter. So I guess that's just basic rules on how much you're getting paid. And the last one, the musicians to have rest on the Sabbath day, but the other six days and nights, none without special favor. So the musicians had to play the whole time except Sunday, right?

Sounds like it. There's just music constantly going on. I bet it's all day and you got to do it. The flute player is also like a stand-up and they're like, I just want to open up. You just got to do the same set. I would bet that it could probably get pretty awkward on them.

A ship. You know, I mean, how big is this ship? You know, it's not like it's a cruise ship. Yeah. So, I mean, I bet you need music to be like, you gotta have something going on. Right. You can't gamble. Yeah. You know? That's crazy that they couldn't gamble. For money. I think some could. For money. I bet, I think some, I mean, other ships were, it would probably be who do you want to be with? Right. Like, Black Bart would be, it's like going to the Patriots. Yeah.

You know where you're like, yeah, it's kind of a nightmare to deal with Belichick, but you're going to win some championships. Yeah, or Saban. Yeah, Saban. And then you're, you know, Les Miles is the other guy that you're like, he's a fun time, man. You do it every once. Yeah, there's some victories, but it's definitely you don't have to live. We're not winning all the time, but I mean, we're having way more fun. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what you want. Mike Leach. You just go through. You want some guys that are kind of crazier. Who's Mike Leach? The Mississippi State coach. Yeah, the guy that's kind of crazy. Elaine Kiffin, Ole Miss. So, pirates today. There's still pirates today. The Mexican cartels have pirates. A turf war between rival drug cartels for control of Falcon Lake began in March 2010. It has led to a series of armed robberies and shootings.

The lake is near the Mexico-Texas border near the Rio Grande River. All attacks were credited to the Los Zetas cartel and occur primarily on the Mexican side of the reservoir. Within sight of the Texas coast, so-called pirates operate fleets of small boats designed to seize fishermen and smuggle drugs. So a turf war between rival drug cartels for control of Falcon Lake began in March 2010.

Sounds kind of crazy. The lake would be like a... They say it was about a 60 mile wide lake. So it's a big lake. It's a big lake. It's like on a... You're like, I'm going to get you at some point. It's hard to... Is this still going on or is it over? No, it's still going on. Yeah. Falcon Lake. So you could go to Falcon Lake right now and you'd be a problem. Maybe. Yeah.

Somalia is the one that I think most of us think about now, because Captain Phillips. We needed Tom Hanks' movie to bring us back into anything. I know. The island. Castaway, yeah. In the early 2000s, Somalia pirates began hijacking commercial vessels. They were badly affected by poverty and government corruption, so there was little political motivation to deal with the crisis. Large numbers of unemployed Somali youth began to see it as a means of supporting their families.

However, by 2013, the U.S. Office of Naval Intelligence reported that only nine vessels had been attacked during the year by the pirates with no successful hijackings. They attributed the 90% decline in pirate activity to armed private security on board, a significant naval presence, and the development of onshore security forces. I think a big part of it, too, is, I mean, just how high the ship goes up now, too. You know what I mean? If you've got a big enough ship, it's a little...

They don't have a big ship. They got a little thing that goes up to it. And then it's like just 50 feet in the air. You can't just climb on a cruise ship. Yeah. If it goes straight up. Is that not true? I don't know that they've gotten that much bigger that quickly.

if you look at a naval ship, where are you getting on the ship? But they're not attacking naval ships. But I've been saying that that's a, the decline is just straight up bigger ship. Get a boat. They can't get on. You're saying the Somalia pirates are on like little fishing, little fishing boats. Yeah. Yeah. And captain Phillips, the first time they didn't, they didn't catch them. Remember they released all that water. I never watched. Oh, it's a great movie. It's great. Uh,

But they had ways to kind of like stop them, but they eventually just got around them and got on. Yeah. They would still get on. Yeah. Yeah. And so they're, yeah, they're doing it though. I mean, there's so, imagine if you're just a pirate. I mean, there's a pirate out there right now. Right now. Right. Yeah. Yeah. There's gotta be not bunch, not a lot of them. Just, I mean, there's maybe he's listening to Nate Lane and he's just out there. He hasn't seen a boat in three days. Yeah.

Every time I get close, they just go the other way. They can't make ground. I feel like, too, when Pirates of the Caribbean was the biggest thing in the world, was that motivating more people to be like, I want to be a pirate? Maybe I should be a pirate. Not in Somalia, I think. I think it's just really poor young men. Yeah. So Somalia is where it's at. If you're going to be a pirate, they're the ones that... Especially early 2000s. Yeah. So it's...

2009 vessels have been attacked. Nine. I mean, how are they making any money? How much is being transported on boats these days? I mean, obviously back in the 1700s, that's how almost everything was being transported. Now it's all air. Long Beach is crazy.

Yeah, Long Beach is. Yeah. When you go there, it's like you just see these massive boats, which I agree with Nate's like they're so high up. If you're on a little boat or even just like a pretty big boat. Yeah. You still have to basically have 15 boats on top of each other. Just be able to walk on like you used to be able to a pirate in the 1700s. Yeah.

Yeah, you know why they're shipping by shore? It's actually everything. Actually, the shore places, you know how much more you can ship on a ship? You know what I mean? Like, you can load those... Yeah, those huge cargo... Those huge cargo things, but you have 400 of them. A plane can only take...

I mean, not even one. Like a car. If you're bringing cars on a plane. Yeah, a car. Yeah, you can ship a thousand cars. Yeah. So it's actually probably... I'm actually... Now there's a ton. Actually, pirates should be... It should be way more common. Well, but then what are they going to steal? Like, you're going to be like, let's get this car, back it up. And then you just... Huh? I'm always amazed by trains. Like, what are they transporting and where are they going? I think, but it is, it's the amount, the...

quantity that you can move is... It's more than a plane. A plane's gonna have to go back and forth and you just... Train just goes right through. There's gonna be more train robbers. Maybe there are. You know? I mean, I don't know. But they... It's so... I think it's... I think it's now the security of this stuff. Yeah. They're...

I think robbing in this kind of crime is, it's all going to go. You got the cartels. So that's, that's thriving. Yeah. That's going to still keep going. But other ways you got it. It's all like digital now. You got to, if you're going to get into it, you got to be piracy through like dinner. Oh, well, it's like, it's way less sexy now. It's like we're taking Bitcoin. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Well, pirates of the future.

What was the Caribbean? Oh, well, there's a political crisis going on in Venezuela, so piracy's kind of picked back up. Is it Caribbean or Caribbean?

Caribbean. I never know. We're looking at you, Penguin. I think both are right. And they're good. Kirby. In 2016, former fishermen became pirates with attacks happening almost daily and multiple killings occurring. By 2018, as Venezuelans became more desperate, Venezuelan pirates spread throughout the Caribbean waters. That's crazy. So, yeah. Yeah. That's still going on. All right. Sorry. Pirates of the Future.

If anyone was wondering. Yeah. By 2050, cargo ships are likely to be fully automated without human crews. Shut such ships are already being built and will likely be standard in 30 years. Stealing without killing will certainly be more romantic than taking hostages or killing crews. Pirates weapons should not be aimed at hurting people, but rather at hacking AI and disabling automated defense systems, including armed drones.

So it's basically Elon Musk is going to be the, somebody steal my Teslas. Yeah, basically. Electrical weapons make more sense than guns or cutting or bludgeoning weapons. A major issue may be avoiding capture or destruction by supersonic drones directed to sites of pirate attacks. Yeah, so that's what's going to happen. They're going to just be stealing and hopefully stealing stuff and then you're selling it.

On the black market or something. What if one of these new age pirates still just wants to go back to like the old way with like the patch? I mean, there has to be. He's like, I'm better at hacking kind of in the dark. That's what I mean. There has to be a guy that's just kind of still out there, you know, and he's like, I think we're doing great. Like, I mean, he honestly might be in...

the water right now. Yeah. And just, and one of the other pirates is going, it's over, man. He goes, it's not over. We're the only ones left. Yeah.

we have he's like i know but it just doesn't work like this anymore he's like but no one's doing how great would that be if there's like a generation of marooned family like from there's like a little island and they just keep like you know yeah no one knows about generations from like blackbeard's boat and they're just like they're growing up and you know and they're gonna come out and go crazy

That'd be crazy. I mean, they'd be like, yeah, it's like bank robbers and now you'd be into crime. It's interesting. How do you get into crime? Like, you know, how would you ever just go, I'm going to get into crime? I'm going to, you know. I think you ease into it.

you know you start to commit little small small crimes and that's what i said about somalia at first they were just holding very small uh boats for ransom and then they started seeing how much money they can make and then they went for the big vessels it gets easier and that's where it becomes a problem everybody when you go for more yeah you're trying to go for a bigger vessel that's like well we got to protect yourself more yeah i mean who i mean they would how much money could they be getting though it's like

I don't know. Depends what's in the boat. Ransom is big for the cartel kind of stuff. They're real big into ransom. Because I bet there's so many cases of the ransom that you're like, yeah, they probably do get the money. Because it's like some family's like, okay,

And I mean, do they let the guy go? Does it work? Is the system in place? I don't, I mean, it didn't work for captain Phillips. Cause that was the one American one that they captured and they held them. But it's such a great moment in that we're in the movie, at least, I don't know if it was, but you know, he's talking about, he's like, we're going to get away. And Tom Hanks is like, you're not getting away. There's the U S Navy going after you. There's like a plane. Yeah. It's not going to end good. Yeah. Yeah.

That moment where you're like, oh yeah, this is probably going to be bad. Yeah. And the movie kind of shows like what these young men's lives were like before they did this. Yeah. You know, they're not just terrible people that just want to get rich. We all just watch the movie right after this and there's the donut competition. Yeah. I've never seen the movie, so. It's great. I didn't watch it either. Yeah. I didn't watch it. I am the captain now. That's all. Yeah. That's the greatest line. I am the captain now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Did you guys know about this? They celebrate it every year. It just happened. In the 1990s, International Talk Like a Pirate Day was invented as a parody holiday celebrated on September 19th. This holiday allows people to let out their inner pirate and to dress and speak as pirates are stereotypically portrayed to have dressed and spoken.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day has gained popularity throughout the internet since its founder set up a website which instructs visitors in pirate speak. This is basically like halfway to St. Patrick's Day. We want you to just get hammered. This is a drinking holiday that we're having.

Well, I mean, I don't think it's taken off. This is the first time I'm hearing about it. You're in the different circle. I knew about this. You knew about Pirates Day? I didn't know about anything but this. I knew about this holiday, and I know people that dress up and get crazy. There's Catalina Island off of Los Angeles has like a Pirate Day where it's like they charge people like different rates to get onto the island because it's so crazy. There's so many boats there.

And people just get nuts. Why do they charge them different rates? I think that like you can't get a hotel. It's like there's just so many people. So they're charging who different rate? Like different... Like everybody on the island is dressed like a pirate and hammered. Yeah. I mean, you're not even remotely answering the question of why are they charging...

Different rates. Did you mean like more money? I'm not into it. They charge like a crazy... You're talking about different rates than normal rates. Yeah. Higher rates. Higher rates. Okay. And there's like no docking because all these boats from all over, they turn their boats into like pirate ships. Yeah. People are just...

you know, from like seven in the morning, just crazy. I mean, just think about it. You're, you're traveling to get hammered as a pirate and dressed up and everyone's in this and people talk about it. It's like people travel from far to go. Yeah.

I think there's a big one in Tampa, too. I was in Tampa. They have like a Mardi Gras for pirates. I feel like that would be a good place. What are buccaneers? That's just another word for pirate. Okay. Isn't it? Yeah. Probably a much more...

Would you want to be a Buccaneer or a Pirate? I would think the guy at the beginning, Bartholomew, he would be like, we're Buccaneers because we do things right. And then he's like, well, I'm a Pirate because you're way stupid. It's the difference between the Raiders and the Bucs. Oh, the Raiders, that's Pirates too. Fan base. Oh, Raiders too. I think so.

Isn't their logo a pirate? Yeah, their logo is a pirate. With the patch, fighting in the dark. Buccaneer is a pirate originally of the Spanish-American coast. Okay. We didn't talk about the Jolly Roger. That's the skull and crossbones. Yeah. And pirates did fly those, you know, I don't know why it's called the Jolly Roger, but that's what that flag's called. Blackbeard did not. He had his own.

What was his? It was also pretty scary, but it wasn't the... So they did the... The Skull and Bone was about the only thing that was real. Yeah. Blackbeard was... He was real. Blackbeard, they had the long black beard and he would put hemp in his beards and set it on fire to scare people.

pulled up Blackbeard Barbershop in Lebanon. Is that where you go? Don't worry about it, Aaron. I feel like there was probably also like sort of like the comedy scene, like the alternative scene of pirates where there's like one pirate ship was like, look, we don't do anything in black. There's no skulls. There's no patches. Yeah. They just go everything. Calling yourself a buccaneer was like calling yourself a humorist. Yeah.

Yeah. Come on, we're pirates. Yeah. The progressive woke pirate ship. This is, so this is Blackbeard's, the Jolly Roger flag. Yeah. Mine. That's a crazy flag. Man. Yeah. This is like, all right, when you get- It depicts a devil piercing their heart. Yeah. While toasting the devil. That's the ship you don't want to get taken over by, where they're like, they're also going to eat us when this ship comes here. Yeah. Yeah, well, and that's why he was, Blackbeard was so good.

He's so good. Head of his time. Edward Teach. That name wouldn't have lasted. That's why I'm about Blackbeard. Hey, dude, my name's Edward Teach. I'll be your pirate, the main pirate today. Oh, God.

What if we were pirates? Like what kind of job do you think you would have as a pirate? Oh, this is fun. Yeah. What's the... I think you'd already be thrown off, Nick. I feel like I would be the good like dinner's ready pirate, you know, like the hype man, you know, just come out like, God.

You've already been typecast in a movie. I've played this role. I know I could do it. I've done it on screen. What were you like? I was basically like, you know, my name was like trim right back. I was like the sidekick. I would throw like a line. Basically, it's basically like you just reiterate everything when you're like dinner's ready. Dinner's ready. You know,

You'd be good with that. I was good at repeating stuff. But I feel like how many jobs... Maybe the accountant, Brian. It could be the captain. Yeah, you'd be the...

I don't know, cook or... I would be the captain and I would feel like he's trying to take over. Yeah. I'd probably have him killed pretty quickly. Yeah. Because I would just feel the threat of it. That Yara would wake up one morning and I would just be like, Aaron's dead. I feel like... And then what happened? You're like, I killed him. I just could feel... Because I think Aaron would always be like, I don't think we should be doing this. I don't think we should be going this way. And I think he would be that. I don't think they were going west. And his face would be just...

worried that Aaron's dead. What else could you be besides the captain? I feel like on this, you're the captain of the ship. If you were going to be another kind of pirate role. If I'm not on this. If you're not, if this is not the bait land, if this is the baits land podcast. Now we're talking. You're about to. You're what kind of pirate? What other kind of pirate thing could you be?

I mean, I think I'd just be, you know, I could be one of the crazy ones. I don't know what we talk about. I don't even know. Yeah, Aaron would be one of the musicians, maybe. Yeah, that's right. I guess a Sabbath day off. Yeah. Because how many roles are there? I'd just be like a maniac. I think I would just be a maniac. Yeah, get your sword, everybody. Like, that's it. There's a cook. There's maybe the guy that's in charge of the money. Well, then you got guys in charge of other ships, right?

You'd be good at moving supplies and stuff. Yeah. Like you could bounce the tires. Oh yeah. Yeah. I know how to move stuff. Yeah. I think I'd be a good planner. I'd be a good planner. I could be, you know, I could like, what's the, what are we trying to do? Or what's the, you want to work in the corporate office. You don't want to be on the ship is what it sounds like. You'll be, no, no. I mean, you got to have someone on the, this is all on the ship. Oh,

Oh, okay. There's no... Not on land. I think everything's on the ship. I don't think you have an office back. I think it's... I think you're on the ship and this is the ship. I think I'd be gunning for... To eventually hopefully get one of my own ships because if there's multiple ships, you know, you'd have a crew. You get your crew. But basically, the tour bus is your ship and you have your own rules. Yeah. Yeah, I do have my own rules. That's what's funny. They did have rules. Yeah. Everybody that breaks... That is a lawbreaker immediately has rules.

you can't have it which is always so funny yeah to be like the guys that don't like the rules go we're gonna make our own thing but there's gonna be some rules yeah which is unbelievable like you know it's like i mean it's just so funny to go we gotta because you gotta have rules and then the main thing you're breaking the rules from you're going is like yeah yeah that's what we're doing man and he goes i know but i don't i don't like your rules yeah i built my own thing it is it

But there's rules over here, my other thing. It is so just great, though. It's like, guys, welcome to chaos. Everyone, you have to tuck in your shirts. Lights out by 8. 8 o'clock. No lights on. That's crazy. That's insane. We've got a long day of killing and robbing people tomorrow. Lights out. Do you want to be doing this forever? They're like, I mean, I guess. I feel like they would all be like, yeah. I mean, the Pirates not like a... You don't retire from it. I don't think these guys have families.

Well, there's not a lot of mobility in the pirate life, too. It's either you're going to jump off the boat with a sword. There's got to be literally going back to one guy steering, one guy is making sure that the gold is like he's, you know, and then everybody else is like running, jumping off the boat to another boat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. One guy's driving it. Yeah. Yeah. But everybody, you got to keep people back because you got to protect. What do they do? How many people are on a boat?

I don't think there was a time. I don't think these boats were as big as they make them out to be. 300 loyal pirates to man them.

So this one guy had four ships and 300 pirates. Blackbeard did. And it wasn't like a gang that you initiated and you're in it for life. A lot of these pirates would do it, maybe one journey, and then they'd move on to something else. Yeah, they'd kind of go... But also, it's like the 300 pirates, the majority of them are just there for the audience, for the band. Like, we just want people to like... Yeah. So they'd have roughly 75 people, you know,

Something like that. Do you think he would honor COVID rules? Everybody wash your hands. Six feet apart. I mean, Blackbeard was... Yeah, I mean, he was doing what he... You know, he was doing it as a professional. Black Bart's the one that had the rules. Oh, Black Bart. Yeah, Black Bart had the rules. Yeah. And then Captain Morgan... I mean, Captain Morgan has crushed it. Yeah, man. I mean, he's quietly backed by England. I mean, yeah. Captain Morgan just did...

He just did everything. I mean, and now he's still doing it today. I mean, he's an icon. Yeah. I mean, you could never imagine. That guy is pretty crazy. Just killed...

Just families were terrorized by this guy. And now we're like, it's a commercial. And it didn't take that long. I mean, it's only a couple hundred years. It's kind of like the hip hop artists from like the nineties that would be like gangster rappers. And now they're like in family movies and you know, it's like, yeah. Ice cube. Yeah. Uh, specifically ice cubes. That's exactly what I was thinking. But I couldn't, I couldn't remember the name. So I'm like, you know, artists as a, you know, that one guy. Yeah.

All right. That's it, right? Yeah, I think so. It's all pirate stuff. All right. Thank you guys for listening. As always, do all the stuff you do. Rate, like, all that. I can't remember all the stuff that it's on. We can't thank you enough for all that. One night only tour. This is it. Starting, we're going to Cleveland. This will come out in Cleveland tomorrow. Yeah. Check it out. Come see us. They're fun shows to do. All right. See y'all next week.

Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or a comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetti, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land podcast.