#14 Animals
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What's up, everybody? It's Nate Barguzzi, the Nateland podcast. And if you are watching this video, Aaron is dead. I thought of that joke a while ago. This is an episode that we are recording just as kind of a backup episode. Honestly, in case Aaron dies or Brian dies or COVID or other reasons, maybe you guys get sick. I assume I'll always be here.

healthy as a horse but if you die the podcast stops we don't keep going this episode gets aired over and over again yeah and it never gets past this episode and it's me maybe we're imposed me and so then whatever you are talking about I'm always talking about just whatever's on this episode okay uh like a hologram so we recorded this episode you notice there's no comments at the top of it because we had none and

We don't know when this episode will come out, but it will be in there for in case there's a filler. I guess then we put something in, you know, get to the bottom of it. Aaron Weber, Brian Bates, both are local comedians, stand-up comedians.

That's so mean. I know. I didn't mean to be like that. I was kind of thinking of a funny joke, but then I said, that is very funny to say. Very local. Local comics. You can see them all over Nashville, sometimes other counties. And always just a drive away from this. Just a hot...

Yeah, so, all right. So this episode, we're going to start with the joke that we pulled to kind of get us started, to push us in the right direction, is my story from the Cape Fear Cemetery. It was on Netflix and the stand-up, so here it is. They have a thing there called Cape Fear Cemetery, and it's just a guy's house, and he has a bunch of snakes, lizards, and a crocodile just in his house.

He has the world record for being bitten by a viper snake. It's seven times, which is like, it's a record no one is trying to get. It's not, it's so many times. He was bitten three times and then four more times after that. That's how many times he was bitten. Three's a ton and then four more afters is just too many.

But I was like, I got to go see this. This is going to be amazing. So I go, I walk over, I walk in. Right when you walk in, he's got a lobby set up. And in the lobby, he has two parrots and then a bunch of anti-government posters. That's like real. He just has those things. It's like two parrots and like a lot of stuff on chemtrails. You know, he's basically just like, this is what I would love to talk to you about.

And you're like, I just want to see some snakes. And he's like, all right, but maybe later can I corner you and talk to you about it? And you're like, I don't know, let's see how the snakes go. Uh...

So I went and I paid. It was nine bucks. Obviously cash only in a place like that. And so I give them my nine bucks. I go up. First snake I see is a Gaboon Viper. It's a crazy venomous snake. And there's a story written out about how venomous it is. And the story was that these two kids broke into the Washington National Zoo in the early 1980s to steal a Gaboon Viper for whatever reason. So they get it. They put it in a trash bag. When they're walking out, they have the trash bag over their shoulders as if they forgot what they just did.

The snake bites through the trash bag because it's a 1980s trash bag. It's not like a glad one now. This was like when trash bags were not doing good. So it bit the kid. The kid went into a coma for four days. And then it was like, that's all we know. We don't know what happened. And you're like, that's the whole reason we're even reading this. To see what... Did he die? Is he stronger? Are you him? Like, what's the rest of the story?

So if you ever go, and you should go, if you ever go, 3 p.m. Saturday and Sunday, he feeds these things. So I looked at my watch. It was like 3 p.m. I was like, all right, we'll go watch these things eat. So the first snake they go to feed is a black mob. It's another crazy venomous snake that should not be in America outside of a zoo, especially not at a guy's house that hates America.

So we're like, all right, we got to go see this. So we get down there. He puts a chicken-wired fence around him so if a snake gets out, he'll just get on that fence pretty quick. The fence has holes in it that I would describe as a little bit bigger than a black mamba. And, I mean, we're leaning on it. We're getting kids up against it. We're like, no, you get up here. Their kids' faces are against it.

So we all stand around, he's a bucket of dead mice, he grabs a mouse, he throws it in there, he eats it, we all cheer, and then we move on. Next one we go to is 12-foot anaconda. This snake is huge. Props open like the glass cage with a two-by-four, that's how big it is. No chicken-wired fence, it's non-venomous. Worst case scenario, we're all gonna wrestle this snake.

So we're all standing there around. He gets his bucket back out, but this time it's got dead rabbits in it. And they're the biggest rabbits I've ever seen. I would have paid $9 to see what that rabbit's life was like, you know, just to see that rabbit drive up that day. He gets these giant, like, two-handed tongs. They look like they're for this.

So he grabs a rabbit, he kind of steps back, he's gonna make the snake come out and get it like he's hunting. So it's the rabbit, it's him, children, and then us. I mean, he's the only employee there. So we're staying there. Luckily, the snake comes out, he gets the rabbit. He constricts it, it falls to the ground, he lifts it, he puts it back in. He goes, "Well, Easter Bunny's dead." Makes that joke for the kids.

And we waited for him to say he was joking. He did not. Yeah, he stared at the kids harder, almost to assure it. That's what it is. Then he goes, all right, you have permission to touch the snake? No one's asking. We're walking away. No one was like, I bet this is the way we can pet him. They're leaving. And he makes the kids pet him. Most don't want to touch the snake. Most are petting the rabbit he was eating. It was like the 30s. There's no rules in this place.

It's like riding a ski lift. Like, you ever been on a ski lift and, like, halfway up, you're like, hey, my bar didn't lock. Should it have locked? I don't do this ever. So the last one is the crocodile. We go to the crocodile. It's a 10-foot crocodile. This crocodile has been staring out at his cage at everybody. Like, he's trying to remember you for supporting this guy. Like, he's like, I'll find you one day. I mean, if he was in here right now with a hat on, I wouldn't be surprised. That's how nervous I am when I go out.

So we all stand around. The crocodile's there. He unlocks the door. Door's unlocked. He gets his rabbit bucket, and he grabs the rabbit, and he's going to just open the door and, like, throw it in there and eat it. Watch. He grabs the rabbit. He gets it right here. The crocodile sees the rabbit and comes forward, hitting the door, which is unlocked and, we learn, also broken.

Hits the door. The crocodile's momentum just takes him out into the carpet. Like they were staying with us. The kids. There's a 10-foot crocodile just on the floor. So everybody just starts losing it. It's like a Godzilla movie. People are just running. Everybody's crying. People are crying real hard. Like just bawling. Everybody's dead behind you. You just assume it. You don't even look. Some lady was like, my husband. I was like, your husband's gone, lady. He's gone.

We shouldn't be here. There's so many signs that say we shouldn't be here. And we just leave because the cobra was next. You're like, I don't know if the cobra's in a cage. Who knows where this cobra's at? He might have been watching this with us. This is a real story. And here's my proof. I have proof to this story. Is there's a TripAdvisor review from that day. It's not my review. I'm not a review guy.

But someone reviewed it. And you can look at it. Go to TripAdvisor. Type in Wilmington, North Carolina, Cape Fear Serpentarium. When you get there, go to the reviews. They have four stars to one stars. If you want to see what I'm talking about, I would start at the one stars. They're all pretty fun to read, though. You know, four stars love it. They think the place is great. Three and two stars, they're usually pretty hung up on the propaganda in the lobby. They can't get past that.

And then just go to the one star that says crocodile got out of the cage. It's the best one star review I've ever heard in my life. Like just the most, oh, did that poster hurt your feelings? Did a crocodile get out when you were there? Because he got out with us and we didn't think he should have been out with us. So one star. All right. There it is. I tell you what, I look back at that and I look like I was.

storing up for the winter i mean my face and my stomach sticks out so far i'm not fake it looks like i'm like a healthy bear going into hibernation like you got i'm good you good for the winter nate i'm good i'm good and i'll be fine i'm fine i felt real i had a great summer i feel like i had a great summer much different now dude i mean i like i don't want to go back

Did you feel that way? My stomach still sticks out. But I mean, even when we watched the other ones in the past of these, like I had lots of night shows, man. You just see these videos. My stomach just, it sticks out farther than you think. You know? Button down shirts are brutal. Yeah. But what's the alternative?

Can't tuck anything in. And let me tell you, I love tucking stuff in. Really? I would tuck everything in if I could. Why? I'm a big fan. I think it looks nice. I like seeing the belt. I like a belt.

I tuck everything in. I would love to tuck everything in. I love golfing when you tuck your shirt in. I'm not saying I don't like some blues. I tucked in one thing on a Tonight Show. And I wore a sports jacket and I got a tucked in shirt. And I always say I look like a guy that told you I had a boat. And you were like, oh, yeah, I'll come see it. And I didn't expect you to say you'd want to see it. And then I walk you down to the dock going, it's right over. You sure you want to go keep going? And you're like, yeah, why not? And I don't have a boat.

But I tuck my shirt in there. But yeah, I would tuck in. No, I would love. I mean, honestly, that opens my shirt wearing abilities up. What does? Tucking a shirt in. To me. If you can tuck in. If you can tuck in. The platform. I mean, there's a lot more stuff open to me. I don't feel you're as like. When you drape, I think untucked.

It gets very drapey and then it just kind of shows everything. Sometimes you got to drape, dude. I know, but sometimes you tuck in and you feel a little bunched and you feel just a little more compact, protected. I would always try to find, I mean, that's why I wore jackets on a lot of stuff. I wear jackets now. I think jackets look good though on stage. I would love a suit.

You would be a suit guy? I would. I like a uniform. Yeah. And I like not thinking. I try to get everything down to not thinking. So I want to, when I go on the road, I would want everything to be put, you know, everything, like, I don't have to worry about it.

And I would love to wear a suit, especially start doing theaters and just feels like a suit. I don't think maybe where I'm at now, does it feel like these theaters, but if I get to some, you're performing at TPAC more and these 3000 seat places, um,

that fits for a suit very well. And, you know, people dress up to those shows and people dress up to the shows now. Some of those theaters we play, they're super older. Yeah. I remember you telling me this on the road because you, what was that documentary about Jay-Z and

Oh, Dr. Dre? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wearing the same clothes. Dr. Dre, yeah. You said Dr. Dre wears the same clothes. I want to get to that. That's why he wears the black on black white sneakers. Never spends any brain power on what he's going to wear. And not that I spend a ton. I mean, I wear golf stuff every day. But on shows, I have somewhat a uniform. I wear the same shoes every day.

Maybe one to two different pairs of jeans, a jacket, and then the shirt, a t-shirt underneath it. Occasionally I can maybe mix the jacket up. You do get tired of it. Yeah. You feel like this show feels like, you know, I wear a hoodie on it. You're like, this town feels like I could wear a hoodie. This show feels like it kind of just fits. Yeah. But I would, you know, what I've wore on specials, I've liked. I like sneakers.

I could see wearing, you know, but, you know, but you start tucking stuff in, you just look a little older. And that's the only thing. Like, Mulaney pulls it off, but it just fits with what he does. Yes. And, but what we wear as comics is a big deal. I think comics can dress too far down, but I think other, you know, I think you gotta, you gotta either look cool, you want to be cool looking, or you want, you know, you

I am in the phase now you kind of want to be cool looking like, you know, but you get like, I turned 50. Hello, suit is coming. I also think suit never matched my act. Yeah. That's what I was going to say. Like a millennia. It feels like it's more, it fits what he's doing. Yeah. Yeah. And my act is I'm dumb.

But somebody commented, Nate, what happened to you? You used to dress like a bum and now you dress so stylish. They want to know the story behind it. Well, now it's – well, you just start doing more things. Yeah. And before when you're first starting, you're doing stuff that you're wearing a hoodie on stage, like then hoodies. Everybody wears a hoodie now and I still wear a hoodie.

You know, especially I go to Zany's here in Nashville. Like you just wear a hoodie, do some clubs just because you feel that now you, cause now I'm doing theater. So you're now looking at like, well, when I go to these comedy clubs, it's, I'm trying to do, I'm doing a, I'm trying to do a good show, but it's like, you're, it's the workout aspect. So you're not going to pop up into a comedy club wearing just a

to the nines. But when you go to a theater and people are spending all this money and they're in the, they're buying popcorn drinks and it's a, it's a thing that you're like, well, you do need to come out and look good and look cool. And I think that aspect, but I don't think it's got to kind of match your act. Yeah. And so I don't know, like, you know, maybe I could be a suit guy with no tie. Maybe I could be, I just like the idea of not thinking about it. I, it just was, you can't, you got to somewhat choose a style and,

And I've been fortunate to have a couple of stylists with things like my Netflix special. You get a stylist. When I shot the pilot, we got a stylist. And so, I mean, you just sit and I wear what they have. I took it. I get in trouble for that. They said I just left. And then it was like, well, the pilot will go. And here we are. You took the clothes from the pilot? Yeah. Oh. I have the shoes on.

I wore these shoes in the pilot. These red shoes. If anybody, oh man, camera crew is like, oh my God, I got to move around. Let them see it. You got it. We got it. I wore those in the pilot. That no one will ever see because they own it. I don't know how you get it back. It was like super, you couldn't show it really to anybody. Because it was because Sony, it wasn't with Sony, but like with that Sony hack happened, that just like made everything a lot tighter. Oh.

I see sometimes pilots get, I mean, I've seen pilots of shows that never got picked up. Do you think there's one day that. I mean, maybe one day, I mean, I, I don't have them out of ask and you know, it's like they own it's 20th century Fox. And so they, they own it. And then if you owned it, would you put it out? Oh yeah. I would love to show it. Yeah. But you know, so, all right. All right. Anyway. So the Cape fear story got us into thinking about animals.

And got us into thinking, you know, one thing was like, that was a unique place to go to. That was going to the Cape Fear place. I always get asked, people always ask me, do you ever go to a reptile place? I went to one in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. And it was, I just were walking down. Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania was awesome. But it was, it felt...

I swear every time you passed a turn, there was like an alley and it looked like a guy that was like looking at you down the alley. Like every, you would just go past it and it just looked like, yo, let's get on out of here. Uh, it just felt, for some reason it was like timing out that there was always someone in an alley and you're like, that guy's, that's not going to be good. Uh, so I were walking down the street and, uh, who was with me? Graham, maybe? Yeah. Graham K. Very funny comment.

He had an album come out recently, Graham K. from Canada. And he... So we're walking down and we see... All I see is a written sign that says Reptiles. And it's printed on just like, you know, they wrote Reptiles on paper and put it on the wall. And so we're like... I'm like, we gotta... This is my thing, dude. I'm like, you know...

dive in and drive in diners of reptile places. I'm the guy. So I go in and it's, I mean, it's just, it's in a bottom of a business. Like it's the bottom of an office building, older building. And then just all these reptiles, turtles. He had a two-headed turtle in there for sale. Could buy a two-headed turtle. I mean, very loose. Like it felt like a guy. A two-headed turtle? Yep.

Yep. Two-edged turtle for sale. Like how much? I don't remember. How much would you, I mean, what's a good price? Probably triple. And you're like, but it's only two heads. And he goes, you're paying for the experience of the two heads. And then, so there was all these like, you know, snakes and he had some alligators and he had all this crazy stuff. And I mean, it felt like he was a guy that knew at any point,

someone that owned the building is going to be like, wait, what are you doing down here? Like he's tricked them into doing this. The craziest part, he had a gun in his back pocket. Not his back pocket, but he had it like the way...

Gangsters put it in a movie, how they put it on their belt loop. Oh, wow. It was loose. If you see someone with a gun in a holster, you're like, that guy, he carries a gun. He's licensed. I'm sure it's real. When you see him bent over and it's in the holster and it's kind of out a little bit, so it's just in his back pocket. I mean, not his back pocket, but his... I mean, you can't tuck a shirt in. Speaking of that, if you have a gun, you got to be...

An untucked guy. Right. You don't even, if someone says, what do you tuck or untuck? You're like, I used to tuck, but started carrying. Yeah.

Started packing heat. And that changed that. But he had that gun. And then he was like, oh, hey, man. And then we were going to film some stuff in there. And it was like, it's just not worth it. And we tried to go back to do stuff. We tried to call him to see if we could. But I mean, a guy that's willy-nilly with a gun like that. In the waistband, usually people that have license for that, I don't think they carry it as loosely. It's in a holster.

It's in, you know, you see it's on the belt clip on the side. Tuck the shirt in because you want everybody to know. Yeah. This guy, untucked shirt, back pocket. This guy doesn't sound very by the book to begin with, right? I mean, it's probably an illegal operation to begin with. I'd imagine they're letting it happen, but they could also not care. Yeah. Yeah. Have you, what's the best zoo you guys, have y'all been to?

I think for me, it was when I was with you in Orlando when we went to Wild Florida. Oh, yes. They were fans of yours. Yeah, Wild Florida. Awesome, awesome people, man. Yeah. Great. The whole family run. It's like airboats, and they have a bunch of alligators. You can go see them on the Everglades and stuff like that. Wild Florida. I got the alligator that you see is from there. Yeah, we took it out, airboats out, saw alligators, and then they brought us back, and we got to feed an alligator. We both got to...

do that yeah yeah it's a very cool it's one of the you know it's obviously the perks of doing stand-up and then they were very nice and uh super super nice family and they run a really good thing down there and we should have found out they're mixing all that tiger king stuff because they were down there in that system uh have you been to anything

I've been to some bad, some sad zoos. I haven't been to any really good ones. What's a sad one? I went to one in Arkansas that was just, there's just trash in every, a lot of trash. Yeah. And, and the saddest part was there's like a penguin exhibit.

but it's Arkansas in the summer. So it was just these penguins all huddled up standing in front of a fan in this exhibit. It was just, I was like, what are, why are they here? How do you say it? Yeah. What was the exhibit? It was a penguin. Yeah. It was different. Penguin. That's a, I say penguin. I say penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Maybe that's, I mean, that sounds like the guy that would run that penguin exhibit. Hey, what do you got going on here? I'm just penguin. I got a couple of penguins.

And we got bought, put a couple of penguins downtown. But the other day, the other night I bought a couple of penguins. I've never, penguins. You would seem like a guy that, someone that says like that, sells penguins to zoos that are kind of under the radar. How are you supposed to say it? Penguin. Penguin? Yeah. I mean, that's what I say. It's an E. P-E-N-G-U-I-N. Penguin. You're saying it like an A. You're saying it like an I. But I and E can sound the same.

Yours should be P-A-N-G. I mean, can you look this up? Can you look up the pronunciation? I mean, this might be, nobody's interested in this, but now I feel. Look, you may be right. I don't think so. March of the Penguins. I mean, I would like to say if two people in this room. How does Morgan Freeman say it in March of the Penguins? Penguin books. Penguin. Penguin. Hey, you got some.

Well, you sell them not. I got a couple of penguins in the back of the truck. They're in the icebox. That's how. They're in the icebox. They're in the icebox. I thought usually Wikipedia shows you like the pronunciation. Yeah, you could do it. Usually if you just type in penguin pronunciation on Google, you should be able to. Just hear someone say penguins.

Oh, yeah. Whoa, you have to go. I want to hear somebody who, I want to hear the legit. One of those said penguin prostitution. Now you're going to not say that? Penguin. There it is. Oh, yeah. Well, click that button right to the right of it. Let's hear it. No, the. That's to the right. No, no. Directly to the right of. I don't. Click it. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin.

She said it just like I said it. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Slow it down. Slow it. Yeah, there you go. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. There you go. Penguin. I think we're both thinking we're saying it right. This is like a Yachty Laurel type thing. You're hearing peng? I'm hearing penguin. Because I'm hearing penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. penguin. penguin. penguin.

What do you got back there? Got a couple of penguins. One of them's all white. Is it? I've never seen one of those. All white. It's all white. One's all white. Doesn't have like that tuxedo jacket on? No, it doesn't have it. I did a pod. How'd you get that one? He goes, where is it at? It's in the front with me. It rode up with me in the front. It doesn't get too cold. It doesn't need...

It's 95 degrees in Arkansas right now. Yeah. Got a couple. How much do they go for? 50 bucks. A guy like that wouldn't know how to set. He wouldn't know that he can make money off of it. Here's he go. How much you want for the 50 bucks? Get on that. Are you crazy? $50 for a couple penguins. One of them's not even the right color. Then he said, 25. Yeah. Anyway. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin.

I want some penguins. And then they sell that to the restaurant. That's like two penguins. Two penguin burgers. Go type in. When you were typing that stuff in. Yeah. X out of the. Here. Go penguin P. Now P. I swear. PR. Yeah. Penguin prostitution. I don't know what this. We're not sure what this is. Oh, it's a thing.

Penguin prostitutes. Oh, they want rocks more than sex. Do penguins have... Oh, I wish I'd be talking. This is inappropriate. Yeah. This is... This podcast is off the rails already. I mean, what happened? I mean, that's the best thing you could hope. What did you think it was going to be? The guy in Wilkes-Barre down the alley? I thought it could be something that has nothing to do with penguins. I thought...

I honestly thought it would be like that's what they call some other thing. And then penguins are nothing. It's penguins. But it's straight up penguin. We got penguin problems. How much do you want to? I love a guy selling that. And a couple of penguins in the back. One's all black. It doesn't have any white feet or blue. Is it? Let me see.

Is he kidding me right now? I'm trying to start my own zoo, and I'd love some penguins is the thing that I think set us over the top. I mean, I think that's what the guy says. Because if I get a couple of penguins, I think we'll be just right. I'd charge $8 to give them that place.

Get a couple penguins. I love that. The official pronunciation is how I was saying it. Just let that for the record. All right. So that's your worst? Yeah, I don't even remember. Yeah, that was it. The Arkansas one. That had a penguin exhibit.

It's just trash. I mean, I don't know. It's sad to see trash. The trash wasn't in the cages. Oh, yeah. In the, yeah. Oh, people like threw it in there. I don't know. I didn't see anybody throw it in there when I was there, but it was like the monkey, the monkey exhibits, they were all, they were all like holding trash and like. But how did it get in there? Because you, you, you go through this like a bridge. So you're kind of over it. So you can, you could easily throw stuff in there and there's trash everywhere.

I watched this gorilla chew this cardboard box for like an hour. It was so, it was so sad. It sounds like they had fun. So is the gorilla having a pretty good time? Well, I was just watching it. I was like looking around like, is anybody going to stop this? You think that's like watching the gorilla? He doesn't have cable, you know? I mean, like it's like in prison where you're like, we don't get all the channels. And you're like, I'll just watch this guy hit a watch PBS for five. He's like, I mean, it's at least TV, you know? That's what the gorilla would say. He's like,

Yeah, dude, it's not ideal, but... It's not bamboo. Well, I thought I was seeing something like, this is crazy. I've never seen an animal just like eating trash. And I looked around, I didn't see an employee the whole time I was there. I was like, this is wild. That's a place that lets the animals go. They let like a gorilla go? That's how when you get done with that problem of going, you're in over your head, you bought some penguins early, and you thought that's the thing that's going to send you over in Arkansas. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, we liked the penguin exhibit, but it wasn't unreal. And then you let all the zoo animals go. They just opened the cages, and Arkansas is going to be running with –

All kinds of stuff, man. Yeah. And someone's going to be fishing and go, I swear to you, I saw a pie when I went. And that's what's going to happen. And some guy is going to go, in Arkansas. I don't know. That was a different accent. But is that what you saw? You saw...

What was that? You saw a penguin. That was like a chimney sweep from London. You saw an Arkansas. You tell me in the Arkansas River, you saw a penguin. What is that accent? I don't know. It's a fun one. In the Arkansas River? In the Arkansas River. You tell me you're on a boat in the Arkansas River and you saw... I'm like, this is a guy that's... I moved around. I live in a lot of different places. I got a lot of different... He's not just from... And you...

You saw a penguin out there today? I saw a penguin, boss. It's a guy. I had a guy last night tell us we pronounced our show wrong. Nate Land? They said it should be Nate Land. Nate Land? That's how I would say it if it were a town. Nate Land. You know? And I said, no, it's Nate Land. They're like, no, it's Island. It's not Island. Island. Or Inland. Nate Land. Nate Land podcast. The Nate Land podcasts.

Nate Land. How do you say Cleveland? Do you say Cleveland or Cleveland? Cleveland. Yeah. I think that's maybe what he was thinking of. Yeah. We went to the National Zoo once, and there's a bird exhibit that you go in, and they land on you, and they tell you, you know, the birds will come land on you. And it was with Brad Henderleiter, and one of them started pecking on his neck, and it started... No, his ear. And it started bleeding, and it bled the rest of the time. Wow. He had to go to, like, the...

What is it? Infirmary? Yeah, I was going to say infirmary. Yeah, the medical tent. All we got is a bird vet. And she goes, let me take a look. You went to see where you get your ears pierced? Yeah, that's what it looked like. They go in and they're like, I'm not kind of. I basically do it. The best zoos I've been to.

I've been to a few of these. One zoo that we have in here is the Tisch Family Zoological Gardens in Jerusalem, also known as Jerusalem Biblical Zoo. Highlights a collection of animals featured in the Bible.

which the Ark was all of them, right? So it'd be every, they're like, we're basically a normal zoo. Yeah. What was animals are in the Bible, but not in. These are the animals that were in the Bible. You're like, oh, is it different? You're like, no, I mean, basically the Ark had all the animals. So it's a regular, you know, and you're like, okay. San Diego Zoo I've been to a few times, known around the world for pioneering the concept of cageless open air exhibits that help recreate the animal's natural habitat besides the

train going around uh besides that i like that it's like maybe these animals don't know they're like i don't know man it feels very normal to me looks like the neighborhood i grew up in uh the gw zoo in winwood oklahoma is the zoo that's featured the netflix documentary tiger king the zoo is renamed tiger king park in may of 2020 it's kind of a yeah there's a wild one the best zoo wild documentary i know that's a dive into all that it's been talked about

The best zoo I've been to was in Singapore. Singapore Zoo. I was there with... It was me and my wife and Derek Trucks and Susan Tedeschi. Wow. That's awesome. The Tedeschi Trucks band. And we... I remember talking... So at that point, we hung out with Derek. I didn't really know... I met him... It was kind of like a corporate event kind of thing that we were doing. And this private kind of gig. And so then we would go...

Do all this stuff. This was the Paul Allen cruise I was talking about. I've already mentioned it. I always try to avoid it. Like it's, uh, yeah, we're out to dive into that. But it's the Paul Allen cruise. We go to, we're in, we go to Singapore and we get a stay. We went to the hotel in Singapore. We didn't stay there, but cause we were only there. I think we might've been flying out or something. And, uh, we're at the zoo and they, the, the, they had the pool at the very top.

And so you'd be on the top of the rooftop and you just look all over Singapore. Singapore is super clean. And we went to the zoo. The zoo was unreal. We didn't get to go to all of it because we only had a few hours like that. We had that day and some of the night. So we went to this one part of the zoo. And I mean, there's polar bears. I mean, it's just unreal. But then they had a night zoo.

And that's the coolest zoo I've ever been to. And I wish there was places like that here. It was just, I mean, it's everything's at night. Animals are super active at night. You can either go walk around on your own or you can take a train ride through that part of the zoo. And we walked around on our own. And I mean, dude, you'd go to the tiger exhibit and that tiger is pacing.

And he's looking. I mean, we go and stood at one point and we look at the cage and the tiger is just pacing back and forth, looking at you through the glass. Yeah. Because this tiger is super like what's going on. And then there's a part we could stand and you can almost put your head up and kind of see it.

without and i mean that tiger just saw us and then growled and just like came at us and you couldn't see it i mean it was the scariest just because of the being dark yeah i mean you don't know where i mean everything's i mean dude everything's so active at night every animal lions are roaring like it was it was a wild wild place i mean such a cool idea and i wish they would

I wish there was something like that here. It's such a good idea that they should have that in Nashville. I don't know. Or just in America. Did you freak out with the tiger? Yeah. Did you scream? Yeah, because you just kind of jumped down off the thing. Not that we were climbing the fence, but you could stand on... So the fence went up this high and you could stand on a thing. You could kind of just keep your head right above it. And then you're just looking...

Like Wilson? Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. You look like Wilson, like, Hey, and then he's just going. The funny thing with Derek is we were talking to Derek. We don't know about Derek Trucks. Derek Trucks is, he's already looked at as one of the greatest guitarists in ever. And he's, he's basically my age, maybe a year younger. He's from Jacksonville and his, he was in the Allman brothers at 13. Yeah. And,

So he, because his family, his uncle, I think Butch, I think was in Allman Brothers. And then he played with Eric Clapton forever. And I mean, so he's like a once in a lifetime. He's a prodigy. He's like a child prodigy. And so I'm talking, before I'm like really realizing all this stuff, as we're doing stuff, before I'm like realizing exactly who he is, me and him were just getting along. Because he was from Jacksonville and me Nashville. So we talked about Jags, Titans. We're in Singapore.

Talking about the Jags versus Titans. There's not many people in either of those states talking about that. And we're over there like, yeah, we got a good team. And like, Jacksonville's rebuilding right now. Like, you know. And he has season tickets to the Jaguars and just is an enormous fan. But I remember talking to him about stuff. Before I realized it, I was like, yeah. He's like talking about like, yeah, we just about the grind of everything to do touring. And I'm like,

Yeah, I hear it. I'm talking about the grind of comedy and stuff, almost like we're equals. And then I go look, and he's a child prodigy. And I felt like a moron. I went and I was like, I don't know what I'm even doing, man. So you're like, it's a different thing. I was like, the expectations he has got. I mean, he's 13 in the Allman Brothers.

He's a once in a lifetime type of person. That's one of my favorite videos is him, John Mayer and BB King. And Derek Trucks plays a solo and BB King says that's the, that's the best I've ever heard. Yeah. Yeah. Which is like, I mean, yeah. Unbelievable. Yeah. Uh, he's, he's, he's better than anybody. And,

uh truly unbelievable and yeah great great both of them great great people uh all right uh so talking about zoos crazy animals at zoos trying to think if i saw anything crazy animals at zoo uh i mean did you think there's any point do we see a bigfoot in a zoo

Well, that's just jumped right to that, huh? Well, get into it. There's no way around it. If we find a Bigfoot, I mean, is it a, I mean, it's an intelligent creature. Do we page it up in a zoo? The penguin also goes...

I got a big foot. You want to get a Sasquatch? $60. You want a Sasquatch? How much for a Sasquatch? $140. How much do you think they would sell a Sasquatch for? You think they found an actual Sasquatch? But you think the same guy that's selling these penguins, you think he knows to charge $60?

I think you would know to charge a lot for it. I bet he does like $5,000. Or rich. Someone's like, dude, you're going to be getting a million. Because it's illegal. He's got to sell it for less.

But you still could get it more than that. Is it illegal, though? I mean, it's not a species that's regulated by the, you know, it's not an endangered species or anything. Like, you can re-home a dog. Yeah, he's not going to take it to Sotheby's. You can re-what? You can, like, re-home, like, sell a dog. Re-home? That's what they say now. That's, like, the euphemism they use. For selling dogs? Yeah, if you look up dogs on, like, Craigslist, there'll be, like, $100 re-homing fee.

That's what they call it. What? Yeah, it's because you don't want to say, I'm selling my dog for $200. Just say, I'll give you my dog, and there's a $200 rehoming fee. That's insane. Yeah, so if we want to rehome Sasquatch. That's insane that they're saying that. Just say you're selling the dog. That's what you're doing. I know, but that seems so insensitive and cruel. Yeah, yeah. This is how you get down a path, though.

Where you don't, you start changing the name of something. Yeah. And then you end up having a cuter name for a horrific act. Exactly. And you end up being okay with it. Yeah. And so instead of saying, if you're selling a dog, you're maybe if you have some guilt about it, you're like, I'm not just selling this dog. I don't care about her. Whatever.

But you say rehoming, you're like, oh, you're like, okay, well, that makes me feel better. And this, how this tricks down into, you're just killing dogs. And you're like, we were, you know, I mean, what would you say? We're, you know, early. Yeah. Early. We're not euthanizing it. Yeah. We're relifing it. Yeah. Early exiting our dog. And everybody's like, yeah, no, that makes sense. And this dog is getting shot in the head in a garage because everybody did.

Didn't want to say I selling my dog. I honestly think this is how you stuff plows ahead. Slippery slope. Slippery slope. And I know it's just a word, but it trains you into going in 15 years from now. You got, yeah, we, you know, putting, I mean, yeah, I don't know. We sang him a night-night song. We said our dog had 10 puppies and then we,

sang two of them night night songs. Well, that's... And then the kids are like, what is that? They suffocated those puppies. What makes you think they're going to kill them once they get them? What?

I'm saying that I'm just using an example as an extreme example. You're saying that was what it would lead to this. That's insane to not say I'm selling a dog. Yeah. And you're trying to make yourself better. So rehoming sounds better. And then rehoming, I mean, then everybody's like, oh, I'll rehome my dog. That's not even, that word doesn't make you feel bad. If you just didn't want your dog, you say I'm rehoming it. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, so now you're getting, if, if,

The problem can't be the word is what's bad. Can't be. It's impossible for a word to be bad, to be like that bad. The act is what's bad. So you're changing the name of the act.

But you're still doing the act. The act is the problem. I'm not even saying selling dogs is the problem. That's what I'm saying. Selling a dog is not. I don't even think it's a bad thing. I'm not. So there's no reason for saying rehome. You're choosing something. It's the act. The act is the thing that never gets...

The words change, and it's just like a new... You're painting a house, a different horror house, a different color. A haunted house. It's blue now. You're like, oh. A horror house. Is that what you said? Yeah. Okay. I'm just rambling. Yeah, I'm glad you cleared that up, too. Yeah. I said horror, then haunted house. I meant haunted house. I just... Yeah. I don't know. I'm trying to... No, I'm just making sure you didn't say it. Yeah, well, I'm just trying to put some comedy in this podcast, so I was kind of flying off the rails. Jesus.

I'm sorry. Nick me apart. I was doing a podcast with my wife. I'm just trying to shut down some of the comments. Yeah. One of them should be, hey, does Brian and Aaron ever bring the heat? No. Aaron, you've been a wonderful laugh. And that's been helpful. What was it your daughter's friend said? Carter. She said, why is it the...

Guy in the beard never told jokes. That was her comment. And you know what? That's the nicest way I've been described visually.

Yeah, that's what we say. The bearded guy. Well, that's what we say for fat people now. Bearded? We're renaming it to go, God, this bearded guy over here. Rename it. Rename it. We rename it. Doesn't fix the problem. He's still large. He knows it. It's still uncomfortable. The man, don't get near him. He doesn't feel space around him that easy. But the bearded guy...

That is going to be the new way you can do it. Let's do animal. Ten largest animals on Earth are all species of whales. I bet you never would have guessed that. Probably would have. If you're talking all time, that would have surprised me. Is this all time?

Well, the blue whale is the largest animal ever. Yeah. On Earth. It's larger than any known dinosaur. Larger than any dinosaur, yeah. A blue whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant. I mean, that's crazy. Yeah. Do you, I mean, it is interesting to see it's bigger than a dinosaur. Because just to get that context, because you don't ever know what, you know, you think like, I mean, in your head, you think a dinosaur is going to walk and just, you know, I'd love to see a blue whale next to my home.

I wish I could whip one down my cul-de-sac just so I could get a gauge. So when I'm walking around, I know what dinosaurs would knock over. I try to think about that stuff a lot. You ever walk around and just think, what if Godzilla walked down this street? Have you been to that dinosaur exhibit that's on the side of the interstate on I-65 North? Yes. So that's where he's doing. My parents are from Louisville, Kentucky, and we would always meet at that exit.

Okay. My whole life. I stopped there once. Yeah. And it's pretty fun. Yeah. Is it? I honestly don't know if I've been to the dinosaur thing though. They're so big. I mean, you know on paper that they're... It's just a bunch of life-size statues of different dinosaurs and you walk through the woods and they're out there.

And just, you know, you get an appreciation for how huge these things were. And their actual size of it. Yeah. So the ones next to the interstate are the real sizes of it. You see it. But most of them are tucked away in the woods. You can't see them. I mean, it's not like a dinosaur walking down an interstate would just smash the bridge above it, you know, like the bypass. No, but they'd smash the cars if they stepped on it.

They would smash the cars. But I'm saying in your head vision, you could think like, dude, are they going to... How big can they possibly be? You can see them being like, I don't know. But it is a good thing to go see that. Go see that, guys. You're driving down 65 south or north. Yeah, that's right. Right in between... Or if we get to Elizabethtown. It used to be a dry county. I don't think it is now. I went in there once. We were delivering in Elizabethtown. And I go to this bar, O'Charlie's. And there's a bar. Let's go sit up at the bar. And...

I think we tried to ask for a beer and they said it's a dry county. It was a full bar. Taps. They had liquor bottles. And you're like, well, what's all this? It's like, it's non, it's all non-alcoholic. It's just nothing. Wow. Just like O'Doul's on tap and stuff like that? Yeah. So it was like a real bar. And that's how you pronounce it? Elizabethtown? Yeah. Yeah.

I never knew it. I never knew it was that or Elizabethan. I got stranded there for two days. You didn't know it was spelled Elizabeth Town? They all call it E-Town. E-Town is... E-Town is how they all call it, just to avoid that. It's spelled Elizabeth.

Right. But their town's called Elizabethton, right? It's spelled like Elizabeth Town, but yeah, I thought it might be something like that. What? Elizabethton. I know the one in Tennessee, that's how you pronounce it. How do you pronounce it? Elizabethton. Elizabethton? Yeah. Well, they're just being a nightmare. That town is a wreck. That's infuriating. There's no way. Elizabethton? You're like, get out of here, man. No one's saying it like that. I mean, that is...

ah, that's so insane. So you're like, come on, come on. Yeah. Work with me here. Yeah. I mean, who are we? It's spelled like Elizabethtown. Yeah, I think so. That's insane. That's, there's no reason for that. I think so. Elizabeth, Elizabeth and you're, you know, ridiculous.

You know, that's how we wrote the Seinfeld thing. That is the funniest marine biologist Seinfeld episode. When he says, you know, the blue whale, you know, it's the largest mammal on earth. But as George says, they don't have to be. He's looking at trying to make the whales lose weight. The African elephant is the largest land animal. The cheetah is the fastest land animal at, oh, largest land animal. The cheetah is the fastest land animal at 70 miles per hour.

This podcast seems like it's for my daughter. This is like stuff she was... Oh, my God. Just get into facts of just... I'm interested. I know. Elizabethan spelled differently. Okay. And there we go. Yeah, we should... What's your source? There's a W. That's perfect. There's a W missing. That's it. Yeah. A W?

Instead of town, it's... For the listeners, it's spelled E-L-I-Z-A-B-E-T-H. Well, the W is everything. T-O-N. But you would call that Elizabeth Ton. No, Elizabeth... But it's spelled the same. How much weight does Elizabeth weigh to Ton? No, Elizabeth Ton. No, I would say that. There's not a W. You read it wrong. You would say Elizabethton?

No, I would say Elizabethton. That would be wrong. Whatever. I would say it more closer to what you said. Okay. I'm not doing anything wrong. I said Elizabethtown and spelled it. You said it spelled like Elizabethtown. Right. And you're like, what's the big deal, dude? They forgot the W. Well, that's the most gigantic part of the spelling is not having the W. But Elizabeth is spelled the same, but it's pronounced differently.

I know because it's T-O-N at the end. I wouldn't pronounce T-O-N and T-O-W-N the same. But you would spell, you pronounce Elizabeth differently even though it's spelled the same. Elizabethtown. Elizabethtown, right? No. How do you say it? Elizabethan. Elizabethan. Elizabethan. Yeah.

But I can get that at least because that W's not there. If it was town, Elizabeth Tennant. You're less angry about it now. That's already different. Okay. That's already one word. You're pretty riled up. He's clearly less angry now. I know, but you're... Now it's you. You're actually like, well, so they forgot the W. You act like that's not a big deal. It's like, same thing, dude. They forgot the W.

Not a big deal. Falcon. It's Faken. Well, I forgot the L, dude. Why are you being weird about you pronounce it the same way? We covered that. Fake. You didn't know how to pronounce that. Huh? You said, is it spelled? I mean, I could say you. You thought Elizabethtown. You're like, oh, is it pronounced Elizabethton? Yeah. That's wrong. That's why I asked the question. Yeah. And you thought it was crazy. Then Aaron pointed out that it's called E-Town because people don't know.

Because it's spelled Elizabeth Town. Right. Which is the gigantic thing in that. It's T-O-W-N. A W is a big deal. So I apologize for getting mad at their town. I think they pronounce it the way they want to pronounce it. How do they pronounce it? Elizabethan. Elizabethan. What is it? Yeah. Yeah, you got it. What is it? Elizabethan? Yeah. Yeah. But I get it. All right.

The peregrine falcon is the fastest driver. I don't even care to this point. I'm just trying to get through this. The peregrine falcon is the fastest bird to speeds of 240 miles per hour. That's pretty crazy, right? 240? Oh, wow. So nuts. That is wild. So crazy. How fast do you get through Elizabethton? How long would it take him to drive through? I don't know.

What? Do we use some weird animal facts? A squirrel can survive a fall at its terminal velocity. In other words, you could throw a squirrel out of an airplane, it will land perfectly fine on the ground. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, that's... I don't know how much that's... What do you mean? That's from Aaron. There's zero chance that's true. It's... You know, everything has a terminal velocity. A squirrel is designed such that it can survive a fall at its terminal velocity. I...

Not even positive with terminal velocity. I don't even know what that means. But I don't think. So when something's falling, everything eventually is going to reach a certain speed and not get any faster because the speed at which it's falling and the drag moving up are going to, you know, competing forces. A squirrel's terminal velocity, which I don't know off the top of my head, but he can survive a fall at that speed.

So theoretically, I don't know if it's been done. Yeah, how did they figure that out? Check Aaron's sources. Look something up. I want to see Aaron's sources. Theoretically, you could be on an airplane and throw a squirrel out the window, and it'll land perfectly fine on its feet. I mean, I don't know if it'll land on its feet, but it'll be. Theoretically is a little different than in other words. I mean, that's way different. Theoretically. Just saying. Theoretically. Oh, they slow it down.

What do you mean? It says squirrels, the only mammal that can slow the... No, see, 14 meters per second. That's the terminal velocity of a squirrel. So no matter what height you drop a squirrel at, that's the speed it's going to get. No, it's not. That's the max speed. But below it says they can slow down their terminal velocity to survive the fall. They can do it slowly enough to survive. Like they could almost spread themselves out. Can... How long does it take for a squirrel to... No, not stop. Do squirrels die from falling? Do squirrels die from falling?

Look at that. Squirrels can survive impacts at their terminal velocity, which means no matter what height you drop a squirrel from, it'll probably survive. They put probably there. Do from an airplane. Well, it just says no matter what height. I want to see the word airplane. Oh, you're going to type that in? That was my editorialization. In other words. Yeah. Theoretically, or in other words, those are two big different. This is what we were talking about. Basically. Previous episodes, just about, you know.

I would love for somebody to test this. Well, if the squirrel can survive. It's right. I mean, if you really believe this as a scientist, let's put it, let's toss it out the window. How high of a fall can a squirrel survive? 100 feet. Squirrel's tail can also serve as a parachute to East Falls. They can fall up to 100 feet. But how is it 100 feet? I mean, how tall is a building? They're saying tall building. Yeah, 100 feet's not really. 100 feet's not that tall. You know, a nine or 10 story building. Yeah. That's a pretty tall building.

Yeah. What is it? 10 feet? That's much shorter than a plane flies. Well, I mean, you could doubt what plane you're flying. Because, well, I'm not saying American Airlines. I'm saying your buddy's got a plane. He takes it up. I'm talking Charles Lindbergh. I'm talking a little. I'm talking about the Wright Brothers plane. Is that not an impressive fact, though? I mean, come on. Yeah, I didn't even know what terminal velocity was. Give it up for squirrels. I mean, yeah. It's the airplane, you know. You went for it.

It's 100 feet, but airplane sounds better. I mean, a tall building would have been...

An airplane. I think everybody's mind goes to, I'm flying on Delta across the Grand Canyon. Yeah, what I said was not inaccurate, though. It doesn't matter. That's the whole point. It doesn't matter. It's not accurate, but if you sit in front of a squirrel, a squirrel would go, well, that's all right. He's being a little kind of crazy. Don't throw me out of a plane, please. That's what the squirrel would come in and go. All right. No, Aaron, thank you. I appreciate it. Aaron's kind of right, wherever.

pretty awesome but like don't let's not get crazy Aaron gets a little excited and wants to throw me out of an airplane if you had a squirrel buddy uh that you're trying to get thrown you're like just do it man like your roommates with a squirrel and you're like why don't you ever just do it you know is it like swimming where you just throw the kid in the pool to teach them to score yeah I don't see nobody has the guts to do this you go you show up with a Bermuda tickets to your with your squirrel

Hey, buddy. Got a little trip we're taking. Oh, that's fun. Some squid have donut-shaped brains, and their throats pass through it. So if they eat something too big, they can get brain damage. Wow. That's interesting. That's another Aaron Webber one. Is that yours? Yeah. All these are. These are mine. I'm the source here. Yeah. I would love it if these were just completely made up. Yeah.

That's yeah. All right. They have the throats passed through it. So they eat something too big. They get brain damage. I mean, can you, uh, how stupid do you have to be? That's what they say. He's like, what do you, you thought you could eat the blue whale?

And your stupid can't wrap your brain around how much food that is. And literally, that's a real thing. He can't. The squid cannot wrap it. That's where the saying comes from. That's where the saying comes from. That's right. Can you not wrap your head around how big a horse is? You can't wrap your brain around it? You're like, no, you physically can't because it's bigger than your throat. Octopus can escape from a jar by unscoring. Yeah, we got video of this. I don't believe it. Oh, man. Well, what's your source? Yeah, the source is a video of it.

It unscrews the lid with its tentacles and escapes ajar. I don't like this. I don't like what it means. You know, the crazy thing is I've seen this video. He doesn't even escape, get out when he takes it off. He just hangs out there. I still don't think he can get out. Well, he knows what he's doing. That's, I mean, that's the creepy part of this. What moves. And then, I mean, yeah, I don't know. I mean, you got to get.

He's struggling. Getting him in the, yeah, the 40-minute video. Oh, oh, oh. There it goes. Yeah, look. It's out.

Yeah, he made it out. Well, he gets out. No, he doesn't. He's just, you're so unimpressed with this. No, I mean, it's, you know, it's, these facts are terrible. It's great. No, they can get it. Yeah. I mean, I would, they have suction cups. I would think that they could do it, but the idea is that they're so they're smart enough to understand how a lid of a jar works.

I think you just start trying stuff out. You ever not touch something that you maybe don't know how it works? You're like, oh, okay, I get it. Yeah, but we're human beings. I tell you what, you put most animals in a jar and they're not going to be able to get out. Yeah. I mean, that's true. I mean, that's, I've never, I'm thinking of it like that. I like, I like the idea of that, that if you, if you have most animals that

You would, you could be like, yeah, well, you think you could get in a jar and get out? And the animal would be like, no, I don't. Put a dog in a jar. It's never getting out. Yeah. And he goes, but I'm too big for a jar. And then he goes, and the octopus is blank. That's his smart point. He doesn't even make a strong point, octopus. I'm too big for a jar.

And then octopus. Make a bigger jar. Yeah. He goes, well, we can make jars as big as possible. Bigger pants. That's a debate between animals. Say a dog and an octopus are both running for office. And what's the argument? I don't know. Just taking shots.

your your your person can't what do they say you're kick it out of a jar your guy that you want to elect can't get himself out of a jar and the dog goes well what were you doing in the jar anyway and then everyone's like that's the comeback he goes uh what are the smartest animals in the world

Oh, octopus number nine. Just a little heads up. Yeah, I know. Kind of fell down. So let's go through. All right. So basically, octopus is number nine. Top eight animals that can get out of jars, apparently, because that's not even on there. They're not even worried about it. Does anybody want to take a guess? I'll let the listeners at home, if you're watching, if you want to take a, what do you think the smartest animal in the world? I wouldn't have got this. I would have thought number two was number one.

And let me just say, I looked up every list I saw was a little bit different. Yeah. Yeah. But most of them, most of them had number one as number one. Okay. I will say we eat four out of the top 10 smartest animals in the world. Let me go through them. Pigeon, squirrel, crow, and elephant. Right. You got two of those.

Let me think. What do you eat? Octopus. Octopus. Should you just say what the list is? Number one, it's my number one smartest animal in the world, chimpanzee. Two dolphin, orangutan, elephant, crow, pig, squirrel, pigeon, octopus, rat. Yeah. Pig, squirrel, pigeon, and octopus. People eat all four of those. Squirrel, pigeon. No, but what we would have eaten is- Pig. A pig and octopus. Right. Right.

But people eat squirrel. Yeah. And people eat pigeons. That sell penguins out of the truck of their car. Pigeons. Well, you got there. Isn't that what squab is? You can get squab at like a fancy restaurant. And I think it's baby pigeon. I've never heard that. I've never heard that.

How is Gorilla not on this? It's better not knowing that. The Gorillas? Don't you think Gorillas? I would have thought a bunch of types of apes would be on here. What if the Gorilla doesn't want to be on it? I don't think you're the smartest animal in the world. You're so smart that you go, I don't need to be listed. I don't want to be on your dumb list. You don't want to be...

They dumb it down for their own safety. I'll eat this cardboard box and I won't get a top 10. Did you go look at the penguins? And you're like, I didn't know there was penguins here. And then...

And then you go and the penguins are in the trees because they don't know what penguins do. They go, it's a bird. I put it up in the tree. Can't come down. Stupid bird can't fly. That is penguin. Can't can't get off the ground. Scared of heights. Can you believe it? That's what they do. Chimpanzee. Do they have better short term memory than humans?

You said this was a fun video. Yeah, this is a... They have less to remember, that's for sure. How long are these videos? We're not playing the whole thing, right? It's a 13-minute video. We're not, just play what you want. But look, look how quickly they put it up there. That's pretty amazing. Yeah. Then he gets a peanut. I mean, they put it up there for a split second. So it's a chimp with a touchscreen, and they're putting up all these little squares, and the chimp is... One through nine. Wow. They put it up for a second, and then they go away. And then he touches the squares. Yes. Wow.

I mean, it would be like, it would say it's a TV screen with a bunch of squares. Yep. And then, yeah. I almost don't believe this is real. The thing that's the craziest is how much, a couple of times he doesn't even really look like he's watching. Where's the humans trying to do it? You know, since you didn't get it.

I'd like to see her face. What if you just see her and go, well, of course she can't get it. That looked like one of our biggest doofuses. You put her up against that champion. One of the dumbest people versus one of the smartest champions. How funny that they go. And this human can't get it. And they show him. He's like, he's just sitting there. I don't know. I can't figure it out. And you're like, are you kidding me? That's what we had going against it.

It means he'd be furious. Yeah. You're like, put someone else up there that's better, man. Let me feel it. I want to feel that they have a chance. It's crazy that they don't really watch. I would also believe... He's getting fed a peanut every time he gets it right. Oh, is he really? Yeah. So look, he'll reach for the peanut.

That's the end of it. Very good. Did the human have the same incentive? No, that's the difference. Your incentive is if you can't, then you're dumber. Then we're going to hire this chimpanzee and you are fired.

That's crazy. Yeah. You ever see Robin Williams make that gorilla laugh? Have you ever seen that? I've seen a picture of him with a gorilla. Coco the gorilla? The did sign language? Yeah, the did sign language. And Robin Williams hung out with him and was killing. Coco the monkey? He was doing comedy to the gorilla. But how would he get it? Go, go, go, go. I mean, it was the most primal form of comedy ever. He was like...

tickling it and like doing funny facial expressions. And he was just killing the gorilla was just having a blast. I would say as a standup, that wouldn't make you feel good. I mean, I think honestly, if you get out and you're like that gorilla, like got me too much, that, that couldn't be, he wasn't doing his act. He was doing his full act. No. How funny would that be? That you're like, I don't, I didn't remember doing a show. Uh,

I never remember if I've told these stories, but doing that show at a, in New Jersey at a firehouse. I've told this fire. And so we do these fire gigs or these firehouse, you know, like, and they'd be like raising money for like a fire company and, you know, for whatever the fire truck.

For a fire truck place. You know, a place where they keep fire trucks. I mean, I don't know if I'd beat a chimpanzee. He'd already got through this story. The gorilla's not even the top 10. Yeah. I mean, chimpanzee would have already been done with the story. And he's like, and I wasn't even there. Can you believe? So my material is below the gorilla. That's terrible.

So we do this show and where it's set up and I had to, I used to do this joke about Shakespeare. I forget the joke, but it was just whatever it was. It wasn't anything profound. It was like a dumb Shakespeare joke.

And I remember that I get done. I'm doing to do it in the, where they kept the actual, usually you would do it in like one of the smaller rooms. Cause it was an American fire department and you're doing a smaller room inside, but they didn't, we couldn't for some reason. And so we had to do it in the garage. Well, the garage where they keep trucks is enormous. The sound just disappears. And so they're setting up all this stuff and I'm doing it to, for this guy to look at me and see me so I can hopefully get some more of these gigs. Cause you know, they'd pay like 200 bucks. Like you just drive to Jersey.

And so I'm doing them and I go up, I do the Shakespeare joke. I mean, I was bomb. Like it's terrible. And then the guy that booked it comes over after the section, but he goes, that Shakespeare joke works in the city. And I was like, yeah. And he was like,

And he walked away, never got booked. But then my other buddy that did it with me, that brought me, he would play the trumpet. And so he does plays the trumpet, plays funny songs on the trumpet. And of course, and murders, murders, because that's what you needed to do in that situation. And we're driving back. And I was like, man, you killed dude. I was like, I don't think I'll ever get booked there. I was like, they, they loved you. You did really good. And he's like,

I don't think you should be doing good in that room. Like it was the most honest, real moment to see someone put together that like, yeah, I don't, I don't think that's a good place to be good at, you know, to be in like a carnival bar. You don't want to, you don't make, I'm really good when it's outdoor and it's chaos. Yeah. Yeah. That's where I shine like that. That's not the place you want to be. So do you'd rather bomb with a gorilla?

No, I mean, it's just very funny. It's funny to think. I think if I did bomb, I would go, well, of course. I'm doing some highbrow stuff over here. I'm not tickling the gorilla. Opening act. I didn't know he was going to do crowd work like that. He goes, that's me.

Hey, man. Good set. Would have loved to know you were going to tickle the gorilla. Are you kidding me? I got 30 minutes on bananas. You kind of stepped on my tickling. Yeah. How about humans? We opened bananas wrong, right? What are the most venomous animals on earth? I wouldn't have guessed the number one animal. No.

CNET.com. CNET.com is also where... That sounds like I'm doing an ad and we're not. But it's also where I go to check phone reviews. It's funny that they do everything. Really? CNET does everything? They're ranking animals too. Phone reviews. Well, if you ever look up a phone or they have great... Consumer reports. Consumer. It's great reviews. And that's funny too that you're like, but you don't do snakes or nothing. They go, what? Dude.

Are you serious right now? That's actually what got us started. That's actually our passion. That's actually our favorite thing. Phone reviews pays the bills, but we are all about animal reviews. How high can you drop a phone review? Also, higher than a squirrel can fall? Find out on this next video where we drop a squirrel and the iPhone 11 off a 100-foot building. How tall is a 100-foot building?

None of us really knew either. That's where an airplane flies. Box jellyfish is the number one most venomous animal on Earth. You don't think of a jellyfish as being venomous. Like, they have venom. I thought they'd just sting you. Are they close? Are they, like, way out there? Yeah, they're far away. Let me look up where I found that. You know, you always see my dad got bit by, what is it, the marora? Yeah.

such as an M that's like a jellyfish. Man of War? Man of War. Really? Man of War. Yep. Those are the scariest looking things. Yeah, my dad got bit by a man or got stung by a man of war when he was, I want to say he was in his 20s or something. Where was he? You know what? Tennessee. No, I don't know. I was saying somewhere. You know what? The mall. It's very random. Yeah.

A little surprising, but that's what made him touch it because he thought, well, it can't be. This man of war can't be shopping in the same place I'm shopping. When the flood happened here in Nashville in 2010, Opry Mills got flooded, Opry Mills Mall, and there was a rumor that piranha got loose from the aquarium and were swimming around in the mall. So there's still... Maybe they still are. So when you go to that mall and you sit in that movie theater seat and you feel someone behind you going, shh.

Then you'd look back. Number two. Well, there's the box jellyfish, by the way. Yeah, I don't like that. Does it say where they're at? That's what I wanted. What do you mean where they're at? Are they in the middle of the ocean? Are they the ones that come close to the shore? Oh. It is probably the most deadly. It is large in size, yet almost transparent in the water. Yeah, that's what's scary. Tentacles can sting you with its millions of...

NEMA something injecting a hefty amount of venom while holding its victim in place. It holds you. The jellyfish has enough venom to kill 60 adults. And you think that's it? You think it's out then? Or is there saying one sting would kill 60 people? No, I think that means total. Yeah.

So it's like, I think it has a finite amount of 60 toxins, 60 in one sitting. Yeah. You know, give it a night to refresh. It's like, dude, last night was tough. They told, they're doing like virtual learning, you know, at school. And they said, I don't know. I think the zoom and all the kids are on zoom and stuff. So the, some of the kids got kicked off of zoom. And so I think one of the teachers said, well, you know, and I think the internet just gets tired.

And I was like, I don't think that's, I mean, you're, it was just, and I, she was saying it. I think she was, you know, I mean, you're saying it to kids to do it, but there's some logic that she's, I think she believes it almost like, well, we've been on the internet all day. It's probably a lot for the internet. And it got a little tired. I mean, but maybe she's talking to, he's talking to kids, but also I think beneath that, she doesn't understand how the internet works at all, which who does, who does anymore? Yeah.

Blue ringed octopus. Octopus. Octopus. Man, there's been a lot of words.

Confusing. Elizabetone. Elizabetone. It can cause respiratory failure within 10 minutes and death within 30. It's the size of a golf ball. I don't like that, dude. I don't like anything in this ocean. Does it say that? Yeah. Only the size of a golf ball. The size of a golf ball, dude. That's so small. Yeah. But that thing's got to be at the bottom. That's got to be...

You ain't going to see that snorkeling when you go to Mexico. One bite can kill 26 men. I know, but I don't. And there's no antidote because we don't need one because it's not in the Gulf of Mexico. It's in the Pacific. What's that Seinfeld? It made me think of, you know, there's a lot of when they're deciding on where to go. They're going to go to France. And then they say somewhere because there's a lot of hills there.

George says there's a lot of... In the finale? Yeah. Where they're trying to just follow the fly? And Elaine goes, I don't think you're going to walk up these hills. And he goes, if you get to the bottom, we'll drive down and pick you up. And they're just making fun of him. That's when I felt like you're scared of that octopus. It's not like you're going to go swim in the Gulf of Mexico, dude. You're never going to go see a real ocean. You're all right. Jellyfish all up there. Cone snail.

That's everywhere. All oceans. Is it really? Yeah. The box jellyfish is in Australia. Australians, wow. Yeah. Most of these are in Australia. That's crazy. It may move slowly, but that's impressive whether their venom is extra potent. I mean, they always talk like that's what they got. It's like, you know, they went and bought stuff. They're like, you're going to move slow. He's like, well, can I have extra venom then? And he goes, okay.

And he's like, fine. And he leaves. That's how I think animals get the stuff that they get. I'm not that fast. Well, I should deserve more than other snails that can get out of the way. That guy's flying. It's going like slower than, you know, this guy's humming all over the place. That peregrine falcon is going 240 miles an hour. They can't even wrap their head around. I mean, a snail can't even, doesn't even understand the logic.

Of how fast 240 miles per hour. He can't even do it. His first inland Taipan snake is Australia. That was the number two. I mean, that's crazy for that thing to be two. Then the other Taipan snake, sea snake. I knew a sea snake was boom slaying snake. I don't know.

And then ours, number 21 on the list is Black Widow. That's our first one. Yeah. And then Diamondback Rattlesnake is 23. Brown Recluse is 25. And is the Misty the Boom Slang Snake. I love snakes. We had a snake growing up. Yeah. I had a snake and we had a red-tailed boa.

And my dad, I got it for Christmas when I was 12. And they, and my dad went and bought it. He said the guys, he goes in the guy's house and there was just snakes out everywhere. Like a dude that sells snakes. I mean, hanging on the door frames and just everywhere. And he just had snakes. And my dad had to bring it home and they had to put it in. He had to put it in his shirt.

And keep it up against his body because it was cold. Wow. Oh, I thought you meant to hide it from me so you didn't see it. No, no. Just because when they drove back and then they had a thing, they had an aquarium set up where I was hoping, I was like, I think I'm getting a snake. But then they put a

my brother got a hamster and so at first they put a hamster in there because to make me think that that's what it was and then i woke up and it was a snake and then we used to it's funny i don't really touch i don't grab save i see one now i won't catch it back then i was a little more willy-nilly and we would uh my dad would put it in front yard and someone walked by he's like oh man look at that snake that's um it's like a three foot red tail bow do you remember how he found the guy

No. Because back then, I don't even know. I guess you just knew somebody. Yeah. You would have known someone, I guess, that had it. Yeah. I don't remember how. Someone in the clown community? Santa. How are you going to bring it home? Do you bring something to put in it? No. What, you're going to have to put it underneath your shirt? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the guy told him like it was nothing. You got to tuck in. You got to tuck in there. You got to tuck in there. That's another tuck in situation that you get into. Have you ever owned a snake? No.

Yeah, I think I've told you this. My brother had a ball python. Yeah. And I had a hamster named Skunky. And one day I came over from school and my mom was like, Skunky died. And I found out like 10 years later that my mom fed Skunky to my brother's snake. Yeah. Because she was like, it's nearing the end of its life. Saved me a trip to the pet store. Two for one. Yeah. The snake, about a week later, the snake died.

got out of its cage and the family dog ate the snake whoa yeah your dog or the family dog yeah so i know but so your family's dog that's right yeah so we would just say the dog well yeah i wasn't i mean yeah but i'll say it was my hamster and my brother's snake and everyone's done everybody owned the dog that's true well yeah you lived under a house with all of your family y'all didn't live separately

And the way that was just worded was wild, dude. Like it was, I mean, and then the, you know, Holly that's running in and out. I don't go, Oh, here's our family dog. That's running. You're like, just so everybody's clear. It's the family, my immediate family dog. Would you call it my dog? Our dog, our dog, the family's dog. I would say our dog. I mean, I'm just a little more formal than you. I like to let people know that it's like, that's. And then just so you know,

We had two dogs, but the family dog. We had another dog that just ran around. None of us really knew. It was my uncle's dog, but he was there. The family lived in that home. Okay, I'll defend this. And so then I'm going like, what's your family lives in the home? And you're like, okay, my brother. You with me? Mother? Father? Look, a snake and a hamster, they can live in a room. They're in a cage in a room. Yeah.

So if I had a hamster in my bedroom, it would feel dumb to think of it as the family's pet. Yeah. A dog is all over the place. Yeah. So it's like our, the family dog, right? But a hamster and a snake are so unique.

That you could just say it's, I had a snake. I just told you I had a snake. That's right. And I said my brother had a hamster. But it wasn't my snake. Same situation. That's what I'm saying. I had a hamster. My brother had a snake. Yeah. We're on the same page. We're on the same page. Exactly. The difference is. Okay. That I don't announce anything.

I don't just go the family dog. Well, did all your pets eat each other? That's the difference. Well, y'all were going through some stuff. Maybe it was a tough time in our family. All right. Yeah. I mean, yeah. It's a tough week. The dog ate it all or just killed it? Ate it and kind of left. I mean, we guess it got outside and it, yeah, we know it because the dog threw it up everywhere. Yeah. So we saw that. Yeah. It was, we could saw the snake skin and the throw up. What kind of dog do you have? A tiger? A beagle. A beagle.

Oh, man. We had a beagle and it snapped at my sister. And so it was not a family dog for long. Did you... Beagles can be a little snappy. That's right. Did you de-home it? We de-homed it. We de-homed. We shot it in the back of the head. No, we de-homed it. I had an alligator. What? Came in...

Alligator, is that Crocodile? No, Cayman Alligator. Me and John Paul, my buddy John Paul, and he, we, like, when we were, you know, in between, college was done, maybe I started working, right before I started comedy, and we'd go to this place in Antioch, like Little Critters, maybe, or something like that, and it was, and you could go in there, I remember going in there once,

And he would sell caiman alligators in there. Make sure it's caiman alligators. I'm pretty sure it is. I think that might be their own separate species, right? Yeah, it's caiman. Like the islands? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're just... Is it caiman also? Caiman or caiman? Yeah, it's related to alligators. All right.

Is it a crocodile? No, I think it's just in the family. So we got a caiman. And they, we, so we had it and we put it in our, we had it in our apartment and in an aquarium. And I mean, you'd hold and stuff. It was, I mean, it just, you know. You take it out and hold it? Yeah. You just can never, you know, how much you think you become your buddy. They just don't. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's the hard part. They can't bond with you like a mammal can. Yeah. How did it end? I think he sold it. I think I might have moved out before, and then I think he just sold it to someone else. Rehelmed it. No, it's a... You just moved out. This is your problem now. Familiar with Percy Priest Lake? It should be about 10 feet tall now. All right, we'll be wrapping this up. We're trelling off at this point.

One of the black bears migrating to middle Tennessee. That is true. They're coming here. They haven't been one here in a hundred years. And last year, a black bear was spotted in Jolton. Well, then one even closer. Today's weather is Nashville, Tennessee is 85 degrees. A black bear was spotted in Jolton County. It's Northwest of Davis again. It hasn't been here for a hundred years. Oh, wow.

Well, that was the, the Jolton was the first signing. And then another one was Hunter's Lane off Dickerson Pike. I almost went to Hunter's Lane. 10 miles north of Nashville. That's why we didn't go. Bears were going to my parents and were like, we can't do that. One last, the last, oh, I want to do these last two. If different animals had a one-on-one, well, let me do this. Should animals be brought back from extinction? That's pretty interesting. Scientists are close to bringing back animals from extinction. The Wooloo mammoth and a passenger pigeon. Oh, gee.

Are two of the animals being discussed? What animals would you like to see brought back from exegete? I feel, not to be insulting, that you would be the one that goes, what about a passenger pigeon? Like, I... Is that insulting to say? That if he goes, I could see we're scientists. I'm like, dude, woolly mammoth? You're like, what about a passenger pigeon? I'm like... And now I have to be like...

And then it's like, does it look any different than a regular pigeon? Yeah. You know, and then you're like, you can't bring an animal back from extinction just for someone to go, oh, is that a pigeon? And you're like, no, it's kind of a big deal, man. This pigeon hasn't been around for a thousand... You can't... A woolly mammoth. What? A woolly? Is it woolly? It's woolly. A woolly. A woolly mammoth. A woolly mammoth.

I mean, if anybody ever comments corrections to us, that's kind of crazy that they don't get that we don't know what we're doing. Like, how much stuff is said wrong? I know. They should be like, yeah, dude, that's the thing. They're morons. Penguin. Hi. You think they bring back penguins? Hey, I'd like to bring back a penguin. Well, sir, penguins are around, and they're not extinct. I know, but just bring some back so I can say these are brought back from the dead penguins.

I'll give you $45 for it. Is that a sling blade? Yeah. Penguin and biscuits. I need to get two of these penguins. If I get two penguins, I think my zoo will be all took off. Hey.

If I get two. How much you want for them? I'll tell you. It was in Arkansas, right? Was it Arkansas? Didn't he say that the penguins? The penguins? Yeah, that was in Arkansas. Well, Sling Blade was. Was Sling Blade in Arkansas? Yeah. Didn't know that. I feel like the guy would think, this guy's an idiot. No, don't bring any of these animals back. You know, you had your chance. You don't think so? You don't want to see a woolly mammoth? I don't. You know? We got enough.

What else would be brought? What else? Dodo birds. Dodo birds? Dude, come on. That was the best. That's the thing. When did dodo birds? I feel like I saw some. I think like the 50s. Yeah. I think I saw them. I don't think. I think they went extinct in the 50s. I'm pretty sure. No, I think it was early 1900s. You might be thinking about flamingo. No, I'm pretty positive I have been around some dodo birds. I mean, I'll tell you what, the name dodo, they didn't stand a chance.

When did? Yeah. Dodo bird. If you're wondering what it looks like, it looks like just a penguin that's a mess. It literally is. I mean, that's just... 1690. 1690. I'm pretty sure. That's a ruse. Where's the source on that? I...

Let me see a picture of it. You saw one? I'm sure I've seen one. They expired in the 1950s. Let me see a real picture, not just a drawing. A dodo bird. Honestly, I was wrong. It looks like a crazy turkey is what it looks like. It honestly looks like a turkey that just is out there, man. Like you're...

Like if you're a regular turkey family walking and you're like, you get your kids closer to you when you see a dodo bird. Where are y'all going? He doesn't know how to fly with just one wing going. Never figured out to do two. I mean, look, this is old. Dodo birds have been made fun of for years. Maybe it's like back off.

All right. If you told me 90s, I would have easily said 1990s. I did see one. I don't know why I saw the 50s. Well, I thought it was early 1900s. Yeah. Yeah. A little bit farther than you think. All right. Let's do this last one. No, it's Tasmanian Devil is the one I... Are they extinct? No. Are there still a lot? They're still around, right? I think they're kind of a problem over there. Oh, okay. They're like awesomes. All right. Yeah. They're varmints over there, dude. Yeah. It's...

We're way off. Dodo Bird's been gone for a while. You know that UFC fighter whose name is the Tas-Mexican Devil? Oh, yeah. That's his nickname. But it's Tasmania. It doesn't make any sense. It went extinct in 1933. Wow. You meant the Tasmanian Devil. I said Tasmanian Devil, but I knew it was an animal in Tasmania. Tasmanian Tiger. Wow. When did it go out? 1933. I get it. Why they...

I think you bring some back. What would you want to bring back? None of them. A woolly mammoth would be, that's a big deal. Where do you put them? You put them in the wild? Yeah, the article said that it helps the ecosystem because they had a purpose and they need to bring them back to help the environment. I mean, we're doing fine now, right? I'll tell you what. I'll tell you some animals that would not want them back.

I don't know. I just feel like there's some other animals that are going like, oh, look who's back. There's a woolly mammoth comes in with all his hair hanging down. It's the penguins. The penguins are the woolly mammoths. The elephants are just like, oh, look who's showed up. Hey, where you been? You been lost? He's like, I've been dead.

I went extinct. We don't even know what that means. He goes, you wouldn't. You're going to find out. Yeah. It was interesting the ways they had for bringing them back. Some of them are DNA stuff. One of them was just breeding two hairy elephants again and again and again. Oh, and like recreating them that way. Yeah. Interesting. I mean, that's loose. Come on. Come on. Either bring it back or don't. Don't be like...

You know, just it's like, well, it's got a lot of hair on it. So you have the woolly mammoth DNA. What gives birth to it? I don't know. You know, chicken. Do you build an artificial wound? Or the hen? What? So the hen has sex with the chicken. That's perverse. Yeah, that's perverse. Something's missing. Something's missing. All right. Let's go through these real fast. All right. We got to be done.

This is too much. This is the episode that never is coming out. I think it should. It's been fun. Ah, well, you would. Taking shots. That was a joke. I feel like we've had a good time. That was a good guess. Yeah, well, you would think it was fun. All right. Is that? That's all. I'm done with that joke. Thank you.

Keeps pressing the penguin button like we're on radio. No one can even hear that from morning radio. His timing is, I mean, it shows. I thought that was a little off. I thought it was good. Thank you, Aaron. Thank you. I had forgotten about, just when I forget about it. Thank you. It's perfect timing. This guy over here. That being said, we're probably done. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. One of them was, I'll give you two.

The folks in Elizabeth Tun love it. So your biggest fan base is a population of 1,500, it says. Great white shark versus salt wild crocodile. Let's give you, this is like running a rundown of just highlights. All right, last night we saw the great white shark versus salt wild. Salt water crocodile, great white shark. Shark was looking for food. Who wasn't? The crocodile bit the tail and then bit off the great white shark's fin and later clamped onto its nose.

The crocodile turned into a death row, but began to sink too. The saltwater crocodile broke off the attack to get air. Then the shark returned and bit the croc's belly, ending the fight. I don't even... Come on. So this was a virtual simulation? Yeah, this was from the Discovery Channel where they just did this. The crocodile bit the tail, then bit off the great white's fin. So his tail and fin are gone. But then the shark came back and got him in the belly. And then he needed air? Can they breathe underwater for a long time? I was going to say, a crocodile...

He could just leave. He could go on land. I mean, is that not a tremendous advantage? Well, they wanted to fight. So why do they have to fight in the shark's territory? Well, because the shark goes, you know where I am. If you want me, you know where to find me. I can't go anywhere. That's where they ran into each other. It just happened. Why not? I don't do that. Lion versus tiger, just a...

This is the big brawl. This is the one everybody's like, what's going to happen? Tiger tried to, the lion tackles the tiger with a surprise charge. Typical lion. Didn't even tell him that. He said, I don't want to fight. It was the last thing the tiger heard. And then he comes back and fights him just out of nowhere. Just, do you want to fight? No, I'm good. I can handle not fighting. And then he comes back. The tiger tried to bite the lion's throat, but the lion shook off the attack. The big cat scratched.

Neither could lay a blow. The tiger tried to end the fight, but the lion's mane deflects his aim. The lion is more skilled at fighting, and he managed to get a throat bite and killed the tiger. These could all go either way. They all seem pretty close. They all seem close. That's good seeding. Hippopotamus versus bull shark. That's kind of interesting.

Hippopotamus had a wound, and the smell of the blood attracted the bull shark. I mean, how can you say that they're fighting? When you're starting out, yeah. You go, all right, hippopotamus, hand behind his back, missing an eye. The stomach and leg were too thick for the bull shark to bite, but the bull shark ripped his tail off and made the hippo angry. The hippopotamus bit down on the bull shark's head. Hippopotamus are wild, man. It is nuts how much they...

It's, I mean, it's just, you've seen that one, the way it runs in the water. They kill a ton of people. A ton of people. Huge threat. Yeah. Yeah. It's just there. It's funny. It's like, you know, you just hungry, hungry hippo. It's fun game. And it's just this, I mean, brutal animal. If I had to be an animal, I almost a hippo is a pretty solid animal to go to. Wow. You really have no threat. I mean, no threat. Nothing can get you. You're stronger than everything.

And you're so big, an alligator's not going to come at you. Elephant. But, I mean, a hippo could, you know, you just never going to be put in a situation where you're going to probably have to fight an elephant. But a hippo would. A hippo could. I mean, they just, I don't know, man. It's crazy. They're super mean. Polar bears versus walruses.

I'm kind of getting... The polar bear attempts to flee, but the walrus finishes the battle by driving its tusk into the... I mean, so the walrus wins? That's kind of crazy. Wow. He tried to bite and scratch. Skin was too thick. Walrus left. The polar bear gets dragged into the water. As the walrus flees, the polar bear gets dragged into the water, and the walrus goes... Gored the polar bear by sinking its tusk into it. As the walrus flees, the polar bear gets dragged into the water. I mean, these are...

Lion versus crocodile. The croc erupted onto his neck. Death robed the crocodile. Ended the fight. Good. I mean, I'm just flying through these now. Anaconda versus jaguar. Everybody's wondering. Snake attempted to flee. All these animals flee. None of them just walk away. They flee, but the jaguar fishes the anaconda out of the water. Anaconda then bit the jaguar's skull, wraps around it, killing it this time.

So the anaconda seems like it was up. It was winning. It tried to leave. The jaguar wouldn't end up, wouldn't just let things go. Gorilla versus leopard. Gorilla tries to avoid a fight. Typical gorilla. But the leopard wouldn't back off. The gorilla's going, no, I don't.

I don't know. And the leopard's like, what if I'm over here now? Do you remember where I was? And the gorilla's like, yeah, you were just right there. He always remembers where. Yeah, dude, you were there, there, and there. I've been watching you the whole time. Every time you move, I know all your moves. You were in that tree, down to that tree, down to that tree, down, down to that tree. Yeah, I get it. I got a great short-term memory. I was the champ.

And he goes, dude, it's a joke. Oh my God. I have to handle the comments. So I'm just clarifying folks. I knew. No, that's. Oh man. Fun. Fun. Police showed up. Good night, dude. I mean, that's unbelievable. He's a professional comedian. I like to. I mean, that's like honestly getting a fun joke going and then just going, Hey, could we get back to the list? I mean, that's like unreal, dude. Unbelievable.

Honestly, who cares now? We had a good thing going. I like accuracy in my jokes. I know, but it's... We got one more. Let's bring it out. American alligator versus American black bear. The alligator bit the bear, leaving a wound once again. However, it only bit fur, fat, and muscle.

which I would think are pretty gigantic things to get bit. I was going to say. I mean, it's like, don't worry, just bit through the leg, and he still has another leg. The black bear fought back. The gator tried to do a tail swipe, but the bear dodged it,

Running out of energy, the alligator tried to retreat into the water, but the bear stopped it. It rolled over, and the black bear scratched the gator's belly, ending the fight. Wow. With just a scratch. The belly seems to be a real vulnerable spot for a lot of these animals. For a lot of these animals, yeah. A lot of these animals. Turns out, belly. If you're ever in one of these fighting with these animals, just go through the belly and

You know, and it's over. All right. Well, that was the episode where someone dies, someone gets fired, and we need to pop one in there.

that's when we will do. It's pretty good episode though. That was fun. That was fun. It was a fun one. So, all right. Well, thank you guys for listening. Uh, remember always subscribe comments. Uh, you've all been super nice to us and we truly appreciate it. None of that's lost on us and, uh, we can't thank you enough. So see you next time.

Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetti, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land podcast.