#1 The First Episode
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Hey, what's up everybody? This is Nate Bargetzi, the host of the Nateland podcast. And this episode is titled the first episode because it is, it is our first episode that we are doing. So I hope you listened to it the whole way through being the first episode and then you come back for more. What's up everybody? Uh, this is Nate Bargetzi. This is the first episode of the Nateland podcast. I, uh,

You know, I did a podcast a long time ago. A very, very long time ago. Right when podcasts were getting big, and then we stopped it. It was basically like if you got a tip about Google, and then you were like, ah, let's get out of it. I mean, it was like 2010 or something. I don't know. But now we're doing it again. COVID has forced me into a podcast because I can't do anything. So...

We're doing it here. We're in Nashville, Tennessee. This is the first one. I'm excited to do a show. I don't know exactly what this show is going to end up being. It's just us hanging out, a couple comics. Let me introduce you to the comics that are in here. I got Brian Bates, who's on the road with me a lot, and Aaron Weber's been on the road with me once, and that will be the last time. He really blew it. Yeah.

But, so, I just figured, you know, we're here, we're all stuck in Nashville, so let's do a podcast, you know, let's get it going. We did all the proper stuff, we took people's head temperatures. Yeah. That's what you're supposed to do, right? Yeah.

Yeah, the gun that you point at your head. We did the gun to point at their head. Mine was lower than what it should be. Yeah. Is that good? What was it? I don't know, it was like 96 or something. That's what I was. Yeah, I run a little cold. Do you? I think so. Is that good to be 96? I mean, it's further away from a fever, right? So that's got to be good.

I mean, will there be bragging of like, my temperature's... Some guy gets mad when they do it. He's like, mine's 93, so maybe chill out. He's a guy... I just watched Contagion.

Yeah.

It's pretty crazy. Yeah. It's exactly this. And the stuff that they talk about and the stuff that they say in that movie is all exactly what's happening in the world. And he is, Matt Damon's immune to it. And I mean, this one, I mean, they were, but people were just dying immediately. Yeah.

From that, whatever they had there. But it's all the stuff that's happening. Matt Damon's immune to it. And so he does a lot of that yelling. They're like, you get back, sir. And he's like, no, I'm immune to it. It's fine. People are like, oh, okay, man. Sorry, man. We didn't, you know. That's essentially what I'm saying this would be if you go in. You're like, my temperature's at 92. So maybe I'm not the one you need to be yelling at. Like if it's really low, you know. Uh-huh.

I think 93 is your... What's the lowest... That's a problem. Look up what the lowest temperature... I think anything lower than 95. That's a concern. I think you got to be right around it. I don't think you can go that low. 95 to... Record for the lowest body temperature which an adult has been known to survive is 56.7. I mean, that guy can't get COVID.

56, he was submerged in cold, icy water for quite some time. So that wasn't just his natural body temperature. That's something happened to him. Oh, he was in cold water. That's like taking a cold shower. He's not walking around everyday life running 56 degrees. Look, hypothermia is if your body temperature falls below 95. I mean, you wish you had a little more wiggle room.

And you don't. Yeah, we're pretty close to hypothermia at all times. At all times. I mean, we, at any point, you just jump in there. 95 degrees. A low body temperature may occur with an infection, so. I might already have. You guys may have it right now. Okay, you were 0.1 degrees hotter than I was. I don't know if you're much safer than I am, dude. I don't know. That's, yeah. All right, 95 degrees is hypothermia. I thought it'd be, you know, what do I know?

That's the point of this show too. We know nothing. And so that is what I do want this show to be. Like I, you know, I know there's a lot of stuff that like people want to use. I was like a lot of celebrities are using a platform in very good ways where they want to, you know, you should all go live a good life, be a nice person.

But that's that's not what I want to do this. I'm not a big platform guy. I don't like using a platform I think it's embarrassing to say I need to use my platform like it's insane to me to use it for stuff I look at this show is like just try what I want to do this podcast for us to be just funny and People can watch this and then if you are fighting the good fight, I do think you need a break you know those you can't just argue all day long and

And we should be the, the, the, our platform should be used in a way that you can come here and like, just laugh and not feel, you know, we don't know what body temperatures were supposed to be. I was going to say, we made a pretty good case from the get go. And so we should never say anything. I didn't, I'm a, I'd never say anything about anything because I, I mean, I went to high school.

And that's it. And I had a rough time getting out of high school. It wasn't like just a breeze. It wasn't like I just flew out and colleges were knocking on the door. It was crazy. I went to a community college. I mean, I have a joke about it, but it's all true. I had no credits when I went to this community college. I took speech classes.

I did. I got an A in speech, though. Okay. I did a speech on Vandy's 96 football season, and I had a highlight reel. Vandy, by the way, I had a highlight reel. I'm a big Vanderbilt fan.

And Vanderbilt had a highlight reel that I got, and they went five and six that year. And it was a year from, I think we played Notre Dame, which Aaron's a big Notre Dame guy. That's the year you were doing a speech about? Yeah. When you went five and six? Yeah. That was all we had, dude. I watched it. I mean, I watched this. Dude, it was a VHS tape. My parents got it for me for Christmas. My mom worked at Vanderbilt.

And she was in like the ticket office. And so they gave it to her and it was five and six. That was the year we lost to LSU. We had two delay game penalties.

On an extra point. Yeah, on an extra point, Vandy, instead of they were going to go for two because we were beating LSU. LSU is ranked seventh, I think, in the country. And we score with maybe, I think, 13 seconds left. And we're up six to seven. It's very exciting. We're going to go for two. Might as well. It didn't really matter. If we beat this team, it's going to be unbelievable. We get a delay game penalty trying to decide on the play. Yeah.

And then so we're like, all right, fine. We're still going to go for two. It's only five yards. Another delay game penalty. They still couldn't decide. And then now we kick the extra point, gets blocked, and then we lose. And that's what this podcast is going to be like that. It's like that play. Like it's just where it's like, yeah, we tried it, and it was terrible. So I don't know. But that's what I think this show is and this, you know,

We just need to be fun and hope we're funny. I don't know. We might not be. We're all, you know, because we've got to get back in the groove of being funny. I think that's a big thing for comics is you've got to be, you know, it's like hanging out with comedians. That's why, too, I did, I've always thought about doing a podcast and the fact that you, like, you should, being funny is a muscle that you need to work. And when you're not, you know, when you're just watching, like, sad movies

It's Cotasian all day long. It gets down, you know. You're not fun. Yeah. Just talking to yourself in your house. What was your major in college? I don't think I had it. What did you think you were going to major in?

I think I said communication. Do you major in something in community college? Yeah, you majored in a lot of things. That's what sent you to community college. You had some wrong majors. I think I said communication was what my major was going to be. I think I wanted to be in sports. Yeah, I was about to say, what do you think you're going to do with that? Yeah, this podcast one day.

I was going to do, like on Seinfeld, I could be a sports announcer. I like sports. You always talk about the funny things I say. I say good comments. Yeah, well, they give those to guys that typically are in sports. I think that's what I was going to try to be. But, I mean, there was no concept of what I was going to get out of college. I went there, and then I went to Western Kentucky for a semester. Again, all remedial classes. I felt bowling at Western Kentucky.

How'd you do that? Huh? I don't even know. It was more impressive. They told me it was more impressive than getting an A, was to fail it.

And I'm an unbelievable, I'm not that bad at bowling either. I bowled a 266 as my high. In that class? No, no. Oh, okay. But like since then, when I got out of college, just on the local bowling circuit, me and my buddy Jeremy, they used to have in Hermitage in Nashville, they do quarter mania bowling. And we used to go...

And we got really good because we'd go every Wednesday and bowl for like four hours. And so we ended up getting pretty good. And now we go back to it and they do, it's like disco, or it's like music bowling where it's like a night, because now we're older. And you go in, just the lights go off. It's like glow in the dark. Cosmic bowling. Cosmic bowling. And so you're just, and music is super loud. And you're like, you know, I'm not a, I want the music down. I'm not a fun car ride.

You don't listen to music in the car? No. No, I can listen to nothing. I like listening to podcasts, radio, sports talk a lot. I like listening to a lot of talk radio. And I've been known to not cut the radio on for quite a bit.

Are you talking? When y'all ride together, are you talking the whole time, or is it just silence in the car? No, we talk. He makes me stay quiet. I make him sit in the back and face back, and face backwards. You're in a station wagon? Yeah, in a station wagon. No, I'm not, and that's the part that's frustrating. It's just a regular car, but he still needs his face backwards. No, I don't cut it on. I'm trying to get more into me. I told my wife that we were...

We were listening. They made me a playlist for Father's Day with just a bunch of father-daughter songs.

Stuff that makes you cry. You start, the older you get, you can cry a lot easier too. You're a young man, right? How old are you? 28. You're a young man and you probably don't have any intentions of crying. You don't feel like crying is in your world. I cry more than I'm proud of. You do? But I do it very privately. I get into movies, TV shows. I'll cry. When was the last time you cried? Oh, dude, probably two nights ago.

Contagion? Not contagion. No, that's a different cry. That's a very different kind of cry. You mean to say they did do good in contagion? So a kid dies at the very beginning. I don't want to make anything away. But again, it's a movie. It's an old movie at this point, right? Yeah, so the kid dies because he gets it, the mom and the kid. Gwyneth Paltrow's in this, and she dies immediately.

which is pretty crazy. She's like, I can do this movie, but not that long. And they're like, all right, we're going to kill you off real fast. And so she dies and the kid dies, but they don't really show it so, so much of the kid dying. It's not this long, drawn-out thing, which I was happy with. So it's not this tear. You're not emotionally like, you know, it's kind of like it happens, and it's about just moving the story along, which I did, you know,

Kudos for that contagion. I like to promote this podcast. People go, when did this podcast come out? Like, 94? Yeah, it's an old one. But you're saying scenes like that affect you a lot more now that you're dead? Yeah, I don't want... No, now that you're dead, yeah, man. I mean, commercials, anything. When you have a...

A kid. I think the older you get. My dad can cry. He cries all the time. So I think once you hit a certain age, I'm 41, so I think you get 40 and above, just the waterworks, it's open, man. You can just cry. I mean, you try to... In public or just at the house? No, I don't... There's no, like, just...

bawling you know what i mean like there's no like it's just like you're not like you don't lose it i don't lose it now it's a very much like a dude trying to keep it together but you can feel yeah more emotions come out than i think normally then then then i did when i was a younger man yeah and i think it just gets worse i mean that's what i think that it's just going to keep going and like it's gonna be a nightmare i've noticed that just with my parents

Just more emotional about stuff over the years. Yeah. You get sentimental about stuff that you were never sentimental about. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah, you just, you can picture stuff and yeah, you start, yeah, I don't know, start bawling. Anyway.

That's what we're trying to do here at the Nate Land podcast. We get a moment of just everybody's crying. If we have one show where all three of us cry, that will be the last episode we do. It will be the end. I can't even predict it. I'm not saying. But I'm saying in the second episode, if all three of us cry, then this show is canceled. I think one of us cries will have to have a discussion.

You know what I mean? I think they might be voted out. Yeah. Like, I don't know if I would like it. Uh-huh. I would be very uncomfortable. Well, that'd probably be me, just for... You would cry. Age. Uh,

Yeah. We got Bates on the computer, the guy that, I mean, we just taught him that he can type in the browser. It was the funniest. We had him looking up something on Google. So we said, just search it. And he goes to, in the browser, he goes to google.com to then type into Google.

The Google Doc, go into the page. You got to search for Google first. You got to search for Google first. And then he went and typed it in. Yeah, where's Google at? Where to find it? Let's search for it. I feel like as you get older, you just get steps like that in your life that you're like, yeah, you don't need that step anymore. You're like, I'll still use this other step. You went into it as if the internet was made yesterday and we were trying it. And you're like, go to Google.com first.

And then I had you go to the private window, too. You just logged in. I'm just going to get your emails now because I'm the regular one. Well, I had to log in on my MySpace. Yeah, I remember. I was the computer guy at my elementary school when I was in first grade, like when the school started using the Internet. And I remember I got called out of class by another teacher, and they brought me into the classroom, and she had typed out a URL,

In Netscape, the browser they were using. And she goes, okay, I got it typed out. How do I make it go? And I just pressed enter and it walked out of the room. I'm reminded of that just watching Bates fly around on the computer here. There you go. Yeah, you press enter. How do you spell Netscape? I remember, you know the thing I was blown away by technology-wise? DVR.

I remember when DV, so I, I, I'm not going to give this joke away, but like, I, cause I talk about it in my new hour, but, uh, I talk about being, I was born in 79. So we're like, I'm a generation gap. So I was in between. So I didn't have computers or nothing growing up, but then I did have them. Uh, when I was in high school, we had AOL and stuff. We got that. So I've seen like, we're in, I'm in a world that like, I kind of, in my formative years, I've grown up with nothing. And then some, and then having stuff.

But I remember DVR, when I first heard about DVR, I could not wrap my head around it. And I mean, I was probably in my 20s, I guess. It's been around for a while now. Has it been 10 years or whatever? So it's been around for a while. But when I first heard it, I just couldn't understand, like, how are you recording live TV? Like, you know, I was like, where is it going? Like, what's... And it was like the first...

technology thing that I just couldn't believe. Like I just didn't, I was just Tevo at that point, right? It was Tevo. Yeah. And I was like, you can rewind it. Like it doesn't make, it didn't make sense to me that that stuff worked. And it took a long time for me to, I'm not saying I even really get it now. I'd like you to explain it to us right now.

I don't know. Does it go into the future? Yeah. I think you think it goes to the future. It goes. I know. I think I can see what's going on tomorrow. That's how I check tomorrow's weather. Fast forward to tomorrow. But you would record stuff with like a VHS tape, right? From TV. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's the same principle, but it's just not a VHS tape. It's just a hard drive. Yeah. But I mean, what's a hard drive? You know? I mean, how is this even working? How are we hearing this? There's a lot of stuff that's crazy. I think there's a lot of stuff that no one knows how it truly works.

Like even these microphones, someone could like kind of tell you. And then I think they would be like, eventually you would, they would get to a point and they go, I mean, you know, it's a thing. Yeah. You put a thing in there. Like they could talk to you a little bit about it and then they would go, then it's like a thing. I would tap out pretty quickly. Yeah. Having to do a microphone. No, if somebody explained it, I mean, I don't know any of the terms dynamoid car, you know what I'm talking about? You know, I heard of those words. Wow.

I heard a Google five minutes ago. Let's go on the scene to our tech expert, Aaron Weber. Aaron, how's it going down there with the dymoids? And then you pop in. Hey, everybody. I'm here in the dymoid section. We had a fight breakout. That word is probably so far off from what I've tried. Have you ever heard that word before? Talking about microphones? No. Carthoid? Carthoid? Y'all know what I'm talking about? The sound guy knows what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all in there, dude.

We're not supposed to show the other people in the room because of COVID, but no, go ahead. No, I'm joking. I'm joking. Sorry. You go, I don't know. Guy, come on. We have 50 people in the room. 60 people are in this room. Nobody can tell me what... We're trying to act like we're all Zoom. We're not near each other. A hundred people in this room. You guys all bought tickets to this. Five people have the flu, and you're going to tell me...

The guy in the back coughing, you don't know... What a carphoid is? What a carphoid is. In between the coughs. I mean, we're in a pandemic, man. It's all... We did temperature checking. That works. You had... You actually had a COVID test. I did, man. You did. That was my big adventure. To go do that. Yeah. So, Zany's in Nashville, which you weren't at Zany's, but Zany's in Nashville...

I did a show there a couple weeks ago. They're doing all the proper things. They have the seats spread out. It doesn't look like it when everybody's in there. It does feel, it was less people, but it feels packed. But it's because when everybody would leave and you see the tables, they were properly the way they should be. And then when everybody gets in there, obviously, and no one's been out, so it even feels worse than it is. So we did a show. Then D.L. Hewley was there.

And he did a show and he passed on stage. I'm sure a lot of people saw that video. He just like started like rambling, you know, like something happened. And then he passed out on stage and then tested positive for COVID. So everybody at Zany's had to get tested and,

DL might still be in Nashville. He had a quarantine for 14 days. And then, and he's fine now. He put videos out. And then, as we know, no one's tested positive. It's A&E's from it. So it seems like no one's got it. But everybody had to go do it. Your fiance, she said she works there. She tested negative. You had to get tested too. Yeah. And then, so how was that? Where'd you go? Right.

Right outside of Nissan Stadium. They have a big parking lot. Oh really set up and it's this huge drive-through They got cones. It's just huge. It was like I was actually really impressed with I expected it to just be a nightmare Yeah, but I mean it took about two hours, but you just drive up you don't have to sign up You don't have to pay. Yeah, you just go up and do it. Yeah, you guys go together Yeah, two of us. I think you can have two people in a car. Okay Did it hurt?

It did hurt pretty bad. Do they stick the thing? Yeah, and it's like a little straw, a really thin straw. They shove up your nose, and then they twist it. And they go pretty far. You don't know how far you can go up your nose until somebody does that.

They go up pretty high. Is it like you think it's going to stop two times before it stops? Oh, dude, yeah. You're like, that's got to be, whoa. Yeah, there's more there. There's some more room. It's like you just keep opening doors to a house, and you're like, there's another door, and then you keep going. The whole time, so there's like three checkpoints when you pull up.

It took like two hours total, but like 30 minutes into it, a guy stops you. He takes all your information. Then like 30 minutes later, another guy stops you, verifies all your information. And then like 45 minutes later, you get to where they do the actual test. So I was thinking the whole time,

We're the 900th car maybe to come through that day, and it was noon. So I was thinking the whole time, when I waited tables, I was obsessed with the small talk. There's three jokes that people make at a restaurant. You like making these jokes. Well, I didn't want to be a hack. Yeah.

In the COVID test. You don't make your, yeah, you don't make the guy that it's like, all right. Like how many of these same conversations are they having all day? So I was like, I'm going to try to have like a genuine moment with one of these people. Right. So the first guy stops, he goes, what's your last name? And I said, Weber. And he goes, one B or two. And I was like, one, like the grill, not the basketball player. That was my big joke. Yeah.

And he gave me nothing. He had a mask, so maybe he smiled. I don't think he did. Is it like what we just gave you when we heard it? It was worse than that, actually. He made it worse? I made it stay worse. You heard him go, I hope you have it. And you're like, what's that? And he goes, nothing. And then he's like, I don't think they're supposed to say that. I'm rooting for this guy to have it.

And I hope it's bad. So I bomb real bad. And then you've got to wait 30 minutes before your next checkpoint. So I was thinking, I've got to... Try it again? Double down on that joke? Let's workshop the joke a little bit in the car.

And then the next guy goes, he goes, Weber. It's Weber with one B. And I go, yeah, like the grill. And he goes, no, I got it. He just ended it. Not happening. That guy beeped forward and goes, got a car here. Terrible joke. And he let him go. He's like, no, no, no, no. We were fine. Look, to be fair, it's a pretty dire situation. I mean, it's like we're testing for a...

Yeah. You know, it's a pandemic. Yeah, yeah. Right? It's a tough. Are they all wearing hazmat suits? It's a tough crowd. Yeah, they're, no, not, yeah, kind of hazmat suit or like the white. A starter jacket. Not a full head thing, but they got masks on. And old Titans. Gloves. Titans wear. They all have Titans. They should do that. They all just have Titans. Eddie George jerseys. And you're like, oh, okay. Helmets with the visor. Yeah.

Yeah, so the last guy, he's doing the actual test, right? So we're a little nervous because we've heard that it hurts. So the guy, I roll out the window, and he walks up. He goes, just to let you know, it's going to be a little bit of discomfort. And I go, I heard it feels really good to try to get. He gave me one of these. He was so over it. So I bombed real bad, but that was my big adventure. I think they don't, yeah, it's like, it's...

It's like they just, how many people are they going to talk to? How many people are uncomfortable? I know. And like, so it's like, yeah, it's, I get it. You want to be fun and funny. And then they're just like, I don't care. They got moving along. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, dude, there's everybody's a line. No one cares about your dumb jokes.

Do they... And so it's like, it hurts or is it just... It's very uncomfortable. It's very weird. It's like a shot. It's like a split second of extreme discomfort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then it's over. It doesn't last. And then how long before you find your results? Took me about a week. I found out yesterday that... I don't have it, by the way. Positive. Yeah. You're like, what's happening? Surprise! Maybe I should have lived with that. Yeah. I don't have it. You go, you undo an envelope, so we're going to find out. You're like, what? No, look before you get here. Like...

Yeah, I don't have it. You don't have it. Yeah. That's good. Did they do the antibody test too? No, I don't have it. You got to go. They weren't doing that. They weren't doing that. No, you can go to like a Walgreens or something, and I think they can do those there. Yeah. And see if you've had it. Yeah. That's crazy, man. That's, you know, I wonder if everybody's going to have to get it. It's like the test. Like you think we'll just slip through the cracks and not do a test or...

Does everybody have to go do the test? I think everybody pretty much thinks they've already had it sometime. I feel like everyone I know thinks they had it in February before it even became a thing. That's just a cool time to say you had it. I know. That's what it's all about. I got a cold in February, and I was thinking that for a while. I almost started going, I had it two years ago. You need to be – I want to be that guy that does – I was one of the first ones. I was one of the first ones. I brought it here. I brought it here. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm the guy. Well, Gwyneth Paltrow getting in contagion. That's ruining it. But they narrow it down to her. Like she's, I mean, they're looking at videos and she's straight up like the problem. And then brings it home and then just kills everybody. Well, doesn't it happen like the back of a restaurant somewhere? Yeah, there's like a pig or something. And then, yeah, yeah, pig had it first. You know.

This pig got it. I don't remember his name, but he... That was a joke. Calling the guy pig. All right. Stuff like that, guys, that you will see at the Nate Land podcast where we get stuff out of the way. Jokes out. Do you think you'd do a joke about it? About what? On stage, like COVID. I mean, based on how that story did...

Just now, probably not. You've got to punch it up a little bit. Yeah, I mean, you've got the bad jokes out there. So maybe if something new comes along, you know? Do they lean over you? I feel like what if they don't walk to the other side? So both of you are in the car, and they have to lean over one of you and go, nah, I've got to do it. And you're like, why are you coming to this? They come around to each side. What if your window didn't work? You know, like you ever go to a drive-thru, like you have an old car, and your window's weird, and then you can't. You can't.

Should I go through the crack? You got to go, yeah. Yeah, and then it makes it way worse. He's like, I've never done it like this. Like, you don't want them to say, like, that's the thing they say before they do it. I've never tried it like this. What if you pulled up and you hear the guy just go, I'm going to try this one with my left hand. Okay.

And then you just see, like, and he's just like, I don't know. He's nervous with it. Because, you know, you're much more confident. Like, I'm, you know. But then if a guy's like, I did something to my finger, so I'm going to do my left hand on you. And you're like, no, I'll just wait, man. Would you? I'd walk away. I'd be like, I'm good. You drive? You just drive away? Yeah.

If the guy was like, I'm going to try my left hand, and I'm going to go, what hand do you normally use? He goes, right hand, but I want to try left hand with you. Switch it up. But if he wants to try, he wants to change it up. Dude, he's bored. Dude, you've sunken two hours into this already. Like, you were in line waiting. And you would let him do your left hand? Hold a pen with your left hand. Are you like, do you not feel a little sketchy with this? Yeah, I'm not comfortable right now. Yeah, and if you had a, like, you don't think you would be...

You don't think you would be like, no, no, no, now do your right hand. I mean, I prefer to use his right hand. Yeah, I feel amazing. Yeah. I think I could give you the test with my right hand. With your right hand? Left hand, I feel uncomfortable. Yeah. You were out of town when all that happened. Did you consider just not getting around your fiance until she was tested? If she was having symptoms, I would have found, you know, I would have stayed away from her. But I had a few days in between.

By the time I got back into town, from everything I read, she would have started to have symptoms by then. Plus, I was just lazy. So I was like, you know what? I'd just rather go do the test. This is maybe the best way to get it. We can have a shared experience. We can suffer together. Yeah, exactly. You know, I've never had chicken pox. Really? Yeah. We tried to get it when I was growing up. My brother had it. And so like as most parents do, my brother, they would make us sleep in the same bed. They were trying to make me get it.

Because they want you just to get it to get over with, and I never got it, and I still haven't had it. And I think we even did it to see if I, like, maybe I did have it and didn't know. And I was like, oh, maybe I'm immune to it. I just told people that, and I don't think that's true. Are chickenpox still happening? I think they're still around. Let me get on it. We're going to do a commercial break as Brian looks up this for 40 minutes.

He's still typing in the Google. Yeah. Chickenpox. Yeah, it's still around. There it is. Well, we don't know. That's... How many? Scroll down on the right. Let's see how many cases per year this is. Fewer than 200,000. So now it's preventable by vaccine. So now you shouldn't get it, right? There... Yeah. You shouldn't get it now. All right. That's good. That's something. That's the positive news today, guys. Chickenpox is out of the way.

On to the next. Like a news person that goes, turns out, guys, chicken pox is on the decline. Anyway, up next, Aaron Weber, as in not the basketball player, the grill. Next, we're going to talk to Aaron Weber, like the grill, not the basketball player, about his COVID test. There's something there. Yeah. At the Houston Oilers drive-in, it's a real...

That would be like a sports, like they get someone non-sports to go cover it, and they're like, I'm at the Houston Oilers facilities, and everybody's like, what? Speaking of one, pronouncing a name, first of all, I saw a,

I feel like my name has been pronounced many different ways. And it's something I do get asked a lot, and by a lot, maybe six people. But they ask me how to say it. So Jimmy Fallon would always say Bargatze. And that's how he said it. And I honestly think we say it wrong as our family.

I think we pronounced it. I think our accent just made us trail off and we pronounced it wrong. And we say Bar-get-see. Bar-get-see instead of Bar-got-see. But I accept all sayings. I've never been, you know, whatever anybody's going to say, which we... I did...

little fun fact. I did a, the ancestry.com thing, right? So we're, we're what I've always been told. We're Italian. Our family comes from like Northern Italy, I guess near Switzerland. That's when I learned those two places touch and they, uh, and I think it's Northern. I don't even know. It could be, uh,

But they... So we're Italian. That's what we've always said my whole life. We're Italian. All that stuff. I used to have a joke about I'm Italian, but we're not good Italian. All that. So then I do Ancestry.com. Get it back. Zero percent Italian. Zero. None of it. I mean...

My whole life, I thought I was Italian. And I told someone in my family who's older, I said, it said 0% Italian. And he's like, well, that's not right. So he is against the science of it, which I love that he's like, he's old enough to be like, I'm not. It's not. Who are they to know? Which is true. You're just spitting in a... He just discounted the whole test. The whole Ancestry.com.

Which I... You know, good. I mean, you do just spit in a thing. So you're like, I don't know. Who knows where this thing goes? But it said zero. It wasn't a little. It wasn't a hint. It was... I mean, it was like they drove to my house and said...

You're out of your mind. You've been telling people. They were upset about it. So that changed everything. So I actually was looking up some stuff. If you type my name in Google, I saw pronunciation came up. And you can listen to how people pronounce it and to see which one's right. Do that one again. That's good. Yeah, he's got a little bit of an accent. Go to the third one. I think the third one is...

Nate Bargatze. That's about right. Now let's go to Hong Kong. How are they? I'm doing pretty good in Hong Kong. This podcast has been out for two years in Hong Kong. One more time. Nate Bargatze. By the way, people have said my name like this that are all just American. It's like a different... That was Nate Bargatze? Go to Dutch. Let's see what Dutch is.

Nate Barhatse. Oh, yeah, dude. I've had that. As you're brought on stage and just some guy is like, oh, gosh. He just has no idea. And he just says, please welcome to the stage, Nate. Barhatse. Nate Barhatse. Yeah. Turn that G into an H, dude. Yeah.

So another thing, so I have a Google Alert set up on my name. And I'd imagine, I hope a lot of comics do, and I don't seem like I'm just a nightmare. But it's usually nothing that you get Google Alerts about. It's like your album's been downloaded illegally. It's all just that kind of stuff. But sometimes I'll get like a net worth thing. And my net worth is, it's always like kind of ridiculous, you know, because I'm not...

famous enough that like they haven't like scoured you know like you go look at other people's stuff it's like all like very scoured i'm on the fringe where maybe someone's kind of trying but they're not really trying and uh i mean one of them said my net worth was 80 million dollars and i showed my wife that i was like we we're getting a pool we have a lot of money uh there's uh my favorite one has been this one that uh i i looked up and uh

I don't know. I get this a lot, too. It says my birthday is June 30th, 1976, which is the, you know, I mean, that would be today. Yeah. Happy birthday, buddy. Today, happy birthday. That's wrong. My birthday is March 25th. I was born in 1979, but it says June 30th, 1976. So right off the bat. Dude, I think I just got a happy birthday from someone. It used to be that when you, if you, my Wikipedia or something, something said June 30th.

I don't know where that came from, but today, that's pretty funny. Today's my... Yeah, happy birthday. Yeah, man. It's a big day. 1976. How old am I? 44. 44 years old. Yeah. I'm 41, March 25th. I want to make sure. I'm like, how does that stuff get out? I'm the only one saying it. You're like, well, you're saying it. That's how.

So it says I'm from Old Hickory, Tennessee, and he was also raised there. I was born in Old Hickory and also raised there. I was born in downtown Nashville, Baptist Hospital. And my parents, Stephen Bargetzi, that is my dad, he's a magician, and my mom, Dorica Bargetzi.

D-O-R-I-C-A. I don't know if it's Dorica or Dorisa. My mom's name is Carol, but my real parents, Stephen and Dorisa, had me. I was born in Old Hickory. I had three siblings. This is what I've learned of. I thought I only had two, but it turns out I have three siblings.

One brother, Worf Bargetzi. W-O-R-F. Worf. Worf Bargetzi. My other sister, Paige. And my other sister, Hardy. Hardy Bargetzi. And that's a girl? It's a girl. Worf, Paige, and Hardy.

They're all my siblings. Worf? Worf. Star Trek? Yeah. I mean, dude, the first time I read it, I mean, I couldn't. I was uncontrollable. Like, I was laughing so hard. This sounds like somebody trying to get every fact wrong so far. I mean, it's just like, just put stuff in, you know? I am married. My wife, Nate Bargetzi, is married to his wife named Shadi Bargetzi. S-H-A-T-T-Y.

Bargetzi, that's my wife. Shaddy, which fits in. I mean, you would think his wife's name is Shaddy. You're like, well, that's a weird name. You're like, well, he grew up with a Worf and Hardy. Do you think it's that weird that he married a Shaddy? That would fit with what you're attracted to. A Hardy like a breakfast? Like a breakfast. Hardy, she's a big girl. She's big. And Worf, we've lost contact with Worf. We haven't talked to him in a while.

We don't know where he's at, but he got into some deep. He's on the dark web. I have two kids as well. It says I'm 5'8", too, which I'm like 5'10", 5'11". I like to say 5'11". I think I'm pushing 5'11", but probably 5'10". I have two kids named Dutch and Oliver. Oliver.

O-L-I-V-I-E-R. How would you pronounce that? Olivier. Olivier? Right. What is it? O-L-I-V-I-E-R. Oliver with an extra I in there. Yeah. So you think that was like when we named Oliver. Yeah, because it's a girl.

So it's not Oliver. It's Olivier? Olivier. Yeah, that's how I'd say it. So maybe that's the Olivia joke. Maybe that's where that... And then they went Olivier. Yeah. Because then someone said, I bet his daughter's name is Olivia. He talks about that on...

on Netflix and they go, he's not going to use their real name. I bet it's Olivier. So you and Shaddy just wanted to have a French name for a kid. I had a couple girls, Dutch and Olivier. Dutch is a solid, could go boy or girl name. That might be it. I've been linked to no controversy rumors and legal issues.

So that's wrong. I mean, is there one thing about this that's right? Yeah. I went to McGavock High School and Tennessee State University. Could not probably get into either one of those things. I think that's it. That's so random. It's pretty great. I mean, I just love Hardy. Hardy.

Wolf. Wolf. Wolf. Wolf would have been a better name. Well, a lot of people call him Wolf, and he gets upset about it. That's why he ran off, because everybody's like, this is my brother. This is my brother, Wolf. Wolf. Wolf. He gets real, and we're like, calm down, Wolf. We had to tell him to calm down. He starts growling. He growls, and you're like, Wolf. Wolf.

Calm down. Can you pull up a picture of Worf from Star Trek? Oh, there's a real Worf on Star Trek? I can't remember if it's a species or a person, but he's got a weird... W-O-R-F. Wait, what? W-O-R-F. I think it might be W-A-R-F, but it's W-O-R-F. Oh, yeah, Worf from Star Trek. Yeah, there you go. Let's see what this guy looks like. Oh, yeah. That guy looks like a Worf.

That's what your brother looks like. Yeah, that is my brother. No, it's his son, right?

No, Worf's brother. His son is Olivier. Olivier and Dutch. Dutch, yeah. No, it's two daughters. You don't have a kid's son. That is a Worf that if you saw him and you were like, his name's Worf, you'd be like, all right, yeah. You know what I mean? If that guy showed up, just say that guy in real life walks up and just goes, hey, my name's Worf, you would be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You would not be like, what's that? Yeah.

You would almost be able to guess it. I think you would almost be like, what do you think his name is? You're like, Worf? For some reason, I'm feeling Worf. It feels like it. If a kid comes out with that forehead, you almost have to call him Worf. That's like the opposite. You can't just call him Tom. I know. Billy. That's like the opposite of...

When a baby sleeps on their head and their head gets flat. Oh, the cone head thing? The cone head. That's like if he slept face forward too long and the parents never gave him a helmet to straighten him back out. They never did it. Which, speaking of, go to sleeping head first like an owl. I posted a picture of that yesterday. This is how owls sleep, apparently. Baby owls sleep face down because their heads are too heavy to hold up.

And I'm apparently... I know. Well, he's asleep. Oh. That's how mice sleep, too. Don't presume. This podcast is not about presuming. We don't know what the motive of that owl was, if he killed that mouse or not. But they... I get sent animals lying down, like how they sleep. That's my thing now. I just get...

I get coffee stuff all day long. Oh, sure. And then I get any animals. But this one was a good one. I mean, an owl sleeping like that is just... It looks like he had a night. I mean, he went out and just lived it up and then didn't even make it all the way back into his house. He...

Look at this. Face down. Do you think you would dread going to bed if that's how you had to sleep? And you want to be my latex salesman. Yeah, just couldn't make it. I mean, he's like, oh, just wakes up the next morning just like, just like what happened, you know, has no idea what happened. That's the only bird that could lay down like that, right? Don't owls have flat faces? Yeah, I mean, they look like wharf. I think they do. Yeah. Yeah.

It says his head's too heavy to hold up. That doesn't explain why it's face down in the dirt.

What if you could talk to owls and go, have you ever thought about laying on your back, though? And then they go, you know, I don't know if I have. And then one of them tries it, and he's like, are you kidding me? He goes, why didn't we ever think about it? This is so much better. You're like, yeah, dude, all our heads are heavy. I agree. Our heads are too heavy. Hold on. Can't owls rotate their head all the way around to begin with? That's false. No, I don't know if that's false. That sounds like something you would say to an owl. That's true. That's true.

I think they can do it all the way, like the exorcist. See if owls can get chicken pox. Even if the owl is face down, it could just turn its head around before it

passes out. Oh, yeah, like he just does a... Right? There's literally... The more I think about it, the more I think that that owl is dead in that picture. The barred, bared, or barred owl can turn its head, it said, 270 degrees in each direction, which means they can look to the left by rotating all the way to the right or vice versa. So they can basically go... Look up an owl x-ray. Someone posted that. They said, look that up.

Because their legs are real... Something's real weird. Oh, I don't like that at all. What is that? Is this what they... Oh, dude. That owl's getting a COVID test. Those don't look like owls. Huh? Those don't look like... Well, that's the point, right? Yeah, I think that's because they're... They're all feathers? Yeah, there are a lot of feathers. It's a big part of an owl is the feathers. It's one of those gigantic factor...

It wasn't as fun. Do X-ray legs. Someone said look up something. Just click on an image. There you go. I mean, you click on the one thing that's not an X-ray. Let's take a closer look at the spine. Yeah. Let's do that. Yeah, just do the legs. I don't think it's anything. This? I mean...

No, go to the one that shows the two legs. I mean, my goodness. What are you talking about? I don't even know what we're talking about anymore. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get my grandmother to come in here and work on the lookup stuff. It doesn't matter. Hold on. Go back to the tweet of the picture. Now, have you verified that this is a sleeping owl? Of course not. With anybody else? No, I did not verify.

Has anybody called you out about it in the comments? Probably. I think someone – well, I don't know. I've been called out before. I had a guy message me because I posted a dead horse, but not a dead horse, the horse laying down. I have a joke about that. And a guy sent me a DM and said he wants to punch me in the face for –

for posting dead animal pictures. Like, that's my thing. Which, to be fair to him, after this owl one, it might be my thing. But he did this whole big thing. Who do you think? I mean, he was like real mean. And I never really comment to DMs, especially like mean ones. I have a rule. It's a good rule that I think everybody could use in real life. If you get something, if someone's mean to you on the internet or they do something, you give yourself 24 hours.

And if you want to comment after 24 hours, then you're more than welcome to comment. But you will never want to comment after 24 hours. You're over it. You don't care. But in the heat of the moment, you want to engage. So you've got to give yourself 24 hours. This guy I engaged with just because he was yelling at me about pointing these things. And so I think he just saw it some other way. So I very much enjoyed going, hey, man –

Just a heads up, I'm a comedian. I have a joke about, I thought a horse was dead, but they can just lay down. And I just explained it. He never responded back. He did a...

I saw it said seen, so he saw it. Oh, he saw it. And that was enough. So it's a guy who's unfamiliar with your comedy. But just thinks like I'm a guy. He sees your profiles, just all these animals that look like they're dead. Who does this guy... What world are we living in that this guy can just post dead animals? And he's amassed quite a following just posting dead animals on his Instagram. It's disgusting, the people that like it, that like that kind of stuff. Yeah.

I'll get some mean ones sometimes where they tell me my comedy stinks. But you can always look at the time, and it's always like 4.30 a.m. You're like, that guy is about to go to sleep like that owl. He is loaded. And those are kind of fun to sometimes...

uh, sometimes you're like, ah, I'm sorry, man. Yeah. I wish I, you liked me or whatever, but I hope you have a good night. I just say something like that because the next day they're like, I'm so embarrassed about me. Like they just feel so bad. Like, cause they, cause they were like, I got tore up last night and said some stuff. So, all right, there's the owl. That was the owl picture. Uh, another, uh, so stuff we're doing in the COVID thing that, uh,

We were doing it before COVID, but trying to get through. I was showing my daughter the Star Wars movies. And so I can end up looking up a bunch of stuff. I look on how you're supposed to watch things. I like looking stuff up. And the route that we chose was the machete order, which if you don't know the machete order, what's the explanation? Or you know it.

I had not heard of this until Nate told me about it, and I was going to be pretty skeptical. I was at first, but then I read about it. I was like, all right, it makes sense. Like most things, he's mostly skeptical, and then I make sense probably 95% of the time. Well, it's because he wasn't explaining it. The guy who wrote it explained it, and then it made sense. So it's basically saying if you're watching Star Wars, all the Star Wars movies for the first time, if you go in –

The order they were released... No, I'm sorry. If you go in chronological order and start with the Phantom Menace, the prequels, then the big reveal of Darth Vader being Luke's father, there's not going to be a big reveal because you're going to know it from watching the prequels. You know what I mean? You're going to see him and it can become Darth Vader. So if you want to keep that big surprise, then... We're giving a lot of stuff away today. Contagion, Star Wars. Right. Yeah.

So if you want to keep that big surprise, you can't watch it like that. So then someone said, well, just watch them in order they were released. But the problem with that is once the prequels came out with Hayden Christensen, George Lucas went into the Return of the Jedi and at the end when Luke sees the ghost, Hayden Christensen's been placed in there.

Do you guys remember this? Yeah, I just watched it. They went in after the fact and added him in. Went in after the fact and did it. So if you're watching it that way, you're like, who's this guy? I don't even know who this is. Wow. Yeah. So that can be confusing as well. So this guy, who's just some software engineer in Colorado, came up with the Machete Order, which is basically you watch A New Hope first, Empire Strikes Back, and so you see Luke...

as he starts out as a young man and starts learning the Force and then finds out that Darth Vader's his father. Then you go, you skip Phantom Menace altogether. Yeah, they said no one likes it. Jar Jar Binks, there's no real purpose in it, so he said to skip it altogether. So the third one you watch is Attack of the Clones. That's where you see Anakin as a young man, much like Luke was in A New Hope. And you see his rise to become Darth Vader. And that's when Luke and...

Leia, Princess Leia, are born, right? Right. In Revenge of the Sith. That's the fourth one you watch. So go New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, then you go to the prequels, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith. Then once you see Darth become, Anakin become Darth, you go back to Return of the Jedi and kind of see how it finishes out. And then this was written before the last three came out. Then it says just watch those last three in order. Yeah. Yeah.

Does that make sense? It makes sense. It's preserving the Luke storyline is what the guy says. What's funny is I don't even really care. Like, I'm not even... I like Star Wars, but I'm not a huge Star Wars guy. Or like, I'm not...

You know, like Marvel. My dad and my brother are way into this kind of stuff. I was never Harry Potter. I'm just not into a ton of fantasy. I like Superman. I like all this. I like them. But I'm just... This is a very intense way to do it. But I was just looking for some way to show her. And so that's how I stumbled upon this. The only thing is she was like... Luke being...

Her big surprises, I think for her, when we did this order, a, when the death star blows up was one of the funnest moments I got to see as I won't cry. No, I'm joking. I guess I would start crying the first episode. I didn't make it out of the first episode. I'm going to start crying. The, uh, is her death star blowing up just her face of just like, wow. Like, you know, and cause you want it. She was invested in the movie and then, uh,

When we actually watched Jar Jar Binks, at first we started, I was going to just watch them all in order. But then she sees Luke, the father. But Princess Leia being his sister was a big surprise, too, for her to figure that out. Did you do this machete order? I did, but we watched one. Did you tell her that they were, like, did you just tell her, oh, this is all in order? Or did you let her know we're watching these out of order? No.

I mean, she's seven, so I don't know if she was diving into it. I mean, watching a couple were pretty easy. Then after that, it was kind of making her watch them. Like, I mean, she got kind of like, she teased me with it. She said, we can watch Star Wars. Like, if you let me stay up, we'll watch Star Wars. Like, that's how she gets to watch it. Yeah.

But so she did that. And so, yeah, I mean, I kind of told her, but like, you know, I don't know how much she... It's interesting to me that the special effects hold up for a kid that young. I think they're better than the older ones. I think it's easier to watch. It's not as scary as the newer ones. And so it's easier for them to watch. It's, you know, not as bad. The thing about Harry Potter Next is...

the plan I don't think I've ever watched I've watched maybe a couple Harry Potter's yeah have you read the books no I did every you know who you're talking to yeah did I read I've read some books yeah they what have I read I read what's the Hunger Games Hunger Games I read the Hunger Games okay all the Hunger Games I loved it I went to a nice book phase and

Kind of out of it right now. He thought it was a food book. I thought, yeah. He's like this. I read Hunger Games I loved. The book was awesome. I remember my dad wanted me to read Hobbit, and I just was like, no. And I thought, he wants me to read it just to read it, but I just don't care. And then...

I've never seen Lord of the Rings. Never really watched those. Yeah. I read... But I read a lot of military, like some of those Lone Survivor, like that book, they made that movie. Yeah. You know, so I don't know. Start trailing off. I don't know, man. I've read some stuff. I read. I read. Books, Jerry. A lot of Seinfeld references. I read his, the unautomated...

authorized biography. Yeah. You ever read those? Like, it's kind of crazy. Someone writes a... Just like a fan writing about? I mean, it's a guy that writes these books. And so they... Like, they did one on Jordan. That was a big one. Yeah. It was doing Michael Jordan. And you read his. Like, the Jordan rules was all just a guy that was not, like, a part of the group. They talked about it at the last dance. Like...

So it was, you know, that's a big thing. But they had one on Seinfeld I read a long time ago. And they're all pretty good. I mean, sometimes those are the ones, you know, it's hard to tell if you feel bad because it's like getting written by some dude or

But those are the ones I think that you get more out of it than you would from a guy that's not going to be open to talk about stuff. Like, you know, I mean, Jordan's not going to talk about being mean to B.J. Armstrong in his book. Yeah. But that guy did, and they fought, and all the stuff that kind of came out in Last Dance that he did. So, I don't know. I read, I like that kind of stuff. I haven't read a book in a while, though. It actually has been a while. And I enjoy it. Mm-hmm.

I enjoy reading. I would read at night. I don't know, or in bed. I should do that. Did you read the Dan Brown books? I did. Oh, yeah. What's that movie? Da Vinci Code? Da Vinci Code. I read Da Vinci Code. Mm-hmm. And then, yeah. I forget stuff, man. I have a problem reading a book, and then I'll just be like, what is going on? And I'll just forget the whole beginning. Yeah.

I'll read a book and I'll realize I haven't been paying attention the last five pages. Yeah. Like I've been reading it. Yeah. But you're thinking about something else. But I haven't processed the words at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do that a lot. Yeah. I do it in watching movies too. I can not get... There's... I...

I'm trying to think if there's any movies I've watched twice. I think there's probably, you know, sometimes where you think, you're like, wait, have I seen this movie before? You think that, but I think I've watched movies twice and I don't even have that thought. Like, I'm just like, and they go, no, we haven't. I haven't seen it. Yeah. Yeah, I can do that where your mind kind of wanders and then you, you know, you don't know where you're at.

I've read a lot of books where I don't get a bookmark, and I just, for the life of me, can't find where I left off, so I just give up. Yeah. I've done that a bunch. You don't fold it? Fold the page, Aaron. Oh, you're right. I mean, yeah. I could do that. That's old school, guys. I don't like doing that. You mess the book up. There you go. Yeah, you ruin the book. And then you have a bunch of folded parts, and then you get too many, and you're like, well, which one was the one? Exactly. Exactly.

But, you know, you can get a bookmark, note card works, just regular paper at your house. I mean, there's a lot of things. You can put a lot of stuff in the book. A pen. You can just throw a pen in the middle of the book and...

You could just open it up and lay it down opened up. I could do all these things. I could do it Baby Al style. Just put it face down. Face down in the dirt. Yeah. Yeah, why don't you just do that? Mm-hmm. Do you go back and try to read it? Oh, no. Yeah. No. You're just done. When I read the Harry Potter books, I would read those whole books in one sitting. Oh, yeah? I would sit down and read it in like seven, eight hours. Wow. And just be done with it. Was it during your COVID test? Yeah.

You can probably knock something out of the COVID test. Did y'all watch anything while you waited in line? We just listened to music, I think. Oh, y'all do? Yeah. Do you turn your music very loud? I do when it's just me. Yeah. Yeah, I'll crank it up. Do you ever get in a car when someone has their music super loud? Mm-hmm. And when they're driving, there's like four of you?

Like, have you ever done that? Where it's preventing conversation from happening in the car? And you're just like driving, and you're like, what are we doing? That's the part that I never understood. Well, I'd rather people do that than get in the car and the music is so low, it's like, why even, can't even enjoy this. Yeah. You know what I mean? You know those people? No. Turning up like the two. Yeah. I mean, I can barely tell what song this is.

I turn it to when I'm by myself just to tell I enjoy music. You know what I don't listen to? I don't listen to words in music. I'm not a good, like... Oh, okay. I don't take the words in. Like, you know, I know a song is about the story. And I think there's songs that I like that are, I mean, just brute. Like, that could be about someone dying. And I'll be like, just like, you know, fun listening to it because I like the beat. I'm not a good...

I was thinking, I listen to music the way like a dog would. So you don't listen to instrumentals, you just ignore the words? I ignore the words. Okay. He's all about the beat. I'm about the beat. I don't think about the words. I don't think, like, I'm never listening to it going, what's this song about? I don't know what any songs are about. He's going to go like, don't fear the reaper. That's a great song. Yes. That's what I would do. I would love that song. Yeah.

And I do love that song. I don't know what that song's about. It was about not dying or something? That song is like encouraging suicide. Oh, really? Yeah, 40,000 people every day, Romeo and Juliet. They're making a strong case. Oh, for? Yeah, don't fear the Reaper. Don't fear the Grim Reaper. Oh, yeah. See? Yeah, that makes sense. Nate's listening to Taylor Swift over here. I know. And were people mad about that?

I don't know if they were mad. They didn't take to the streets or anything, but I think people are... They're encouraged. That is... Is that like a thing that people talk about, or is that just you saying that? Is that like something that... I think it's just known that that's kind of a dark song. It's about the... I thought it was a fun song.

Because I don't know what the word is. Because of the cowbell and everything? Yeah. Saturday Night Live. They really changed that song, I feel like. If that sketch hadn't come out, maybe people would feel differently about it now. Yeah, yeah. That is true. Don't Fear the Reaper, Romeo and Juliet. Everything's suicide. Yeah. 40,000 people every day. Die of suicide. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if that number's accurate now. It just sounded good. It rhymed. I'm sure. Rhythmically, it fit. Yeah, you're like, nah, it's like 100, but...

40,000, the rhythm of that was just so good. I couldn't do it. Maybe it is. We're doing good. We've got to be close. Are we at an hour? We're right at an hour. Felt it. It's pretty good. That's what we're going to see. I don't know how long these are going to be. I think this thing could go...

I think we could quit this after one episode. I don't, I'm not feeling it. So I'm probably not going to do, I'm not going to be here for the next one, but that's just me. I think these guys should do it still. Like, no, I, I think we will do these. I mean, I have ideas of just doing this. We could, uh, how long this goes an hour more. I don't know. You know, it's about being fun and funny and,

One thing I do want to try, and I want to try it for the next one. We brought Krispy Kreme donuts. We had them today for everybody. I get them every day, but I thought I would use it today. They go, oh, yeah, I'll go by there. Are they still open? I always act like that every time I go. Are they still? Or is it the one that's over the... You ask a few times. So we had Krispy Kreme donuts for people coming today. And Aaron...

I mean, he said he could, you said you could eat 36, but I mean, how many do you honestly think you could eat? I think I can eat a lot too. I don't, uh, if I was starving, but I would get like, I can eat a lot, dude. I eat them almost, I can eat them almost every day. Yeah. And, uh, I mean, I could probably, I could maybe do a dozen. I could maybe not, but I mean, how many do you honestly think you could do?

Are you looking up the world record? Well, yeah. Well, the one... Could we set a world record in this next podcast? No. No, 257? Well, don't. Well, those are hostess donuts. They're very, very different. Well, how many of those could you eat? Do Krispy Kreme. See if there's a record for Krispy Kreme. How many of those could I eat? I don't know. Not a lot. Those are pretty heavy. There you go. That's a cake donut. A Krispy Kreme glazed donut is probably 80% air.

He said he ate 12 first in 34 seconds. Matt Stoney, that guy's great, by the way. Do you know him for real? He's a YouTube. He does eating challenges on YouTube. Oh, God. No, he's just impressive. He's a competitive eater. You like eating so much that you are into the athletes that do it. You know, I had a fun joke about the hot dog eating contest a long time ago. Yeah.

about that there's no fat people. You would think the guy that eats the most hot dogs should weigh 400 pounds. But the guy that Joey Chips is in terrific shape. So fat people are not even good at what they're good at. That they get beat out by just tiny skinny. It's so crazy to me that you have to be ripped out

and like muscular to eat all of these hot dogs. You would think, I mean, don't you think you would just have a dude just plops up there, weighs just enormous and just, just yay, just pounds all these hot dogs. If, well, not if the, if it's about speed, uh,

Right, the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Championship, that's about speed. If you're talking just like endurance. What are we going to walk? How long is this show going to be? They're going to just show you all on 4th of July and you're just like all day. You're just watching you. Well, I understand. I understand. I'm saying that that type of competition probably lends itself to a guy who's in shape.

But if, but if it's, if it's a mayor, if talking like a marathon, let's say we have, that's when the fatties come out. Huh? No, we're talking, I know we're getting, we're talking about the pocket. We'll do it. But so you're saying that they had a show and it's like, let's do a Thanksgiving dinner show where it never stops getting served. It's like an Italian mom that keeps bringing food out. As I know as a, as full-blooded Italian. Uh,

And it just never stops. That would almost be pretty good. And who could keep going? That's actually a pretty good show. Yeah. We do it where you just keep getting served, and who has to end up leaving the table? Who can stay? How long can you stay? That's when you'd see the fat guys come out. They would start to show up. They'd start to show up. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. They have to sit there and then, I mean, but you got to be eating the whole time and they keep bringing... Because I think when you're speed eating...

When you're speed eating, you're working all kinds of muscles, and there's a real physical process to that. If it's just for the love of the game, like endurance, just who can last the longest. Yeah. And even the hot dog eating championship, they're never placing. They're not doing well, but there are some fat guys up there that are like the world ramen eating champion. They just enjoy themselves. Yeah, they're up there. Yeah, exactly. You hear them go, what's that? This is a competition? Yeah.

I thought this was the line for hot dogs. I just thought. Mark and Knudsen's got that joke. What is it? Does he? He won a hot dog eating contest. He didn't even know who he was in. Oh. Yeah. So you think, how many, honestly, during this length of this podcast, how many Chris Burgundos did you eat? Oh, an hour? I could eat

I could eat a dozen without even thinking about it. Yeah. You said 36 downstairs. No, listen, listen. I'm just walking you through. I could eat a dozen like no problem. Dozens not even. Not even. Don't even have to wait. It would affect me later. I mean, it would compound over time. But like a dozen, no problem. Yeah. I could add two dozen. It's going to start to. Yeah. I'm going to start to feel it a little bit. Yeah.

And then, I mean, it remains, I mean, I don't know how much I get of that third dozen. We'll find out. I think we should find out. Would you try it if we bring them in next time? We just put them in here. Yeah, I would try it. It's like, you know, I would try it for the science of it. Yeah. Whatever you got to tell yourself, man. It's for the science of it.

That's what this is going to be in some Harvard lab in 15 years. They're just looking at you. They're studying this eating. As long as it's in service of some greater good, and it's not just me living a dream. Yeah. I mean, I like them. I mean, I just wanted to just like, could you really get through? I mean, I would be impressed with two dozen. Really? In an hour? Yeah, just the length of this podcast. Yeah.

Now, can we set some rules? I mean... Can I leave in the middle of this, or is it in one sitting? It's in one sitting. Okay, so I can't get up to... Go to the bathroom? Yeah.

You shouldn't be doing it if you have to do it. Do we need a doctor? I'm covering my bases here. I can't leave. I can have water. We have a bathroom in this room. If you go in there during this... I would use a different bathroom. You would drive home and come back. I've done that, by the way. If you've got a hotel room, go get a hotel room. There was a Ray Romano and something he shot...

about doing comedy. They did that somewhere. They actually got a hotel room. Wow. Because they, like, you know, they had to go to the bathroom and something they couldn't do so they just, they found some hotels like 50 bucks and they're like, it is what it is. I went to Thanksgiving at a friend's house and I,

I snuck out and drove to a gas station. Drove back. Nobody knew. I'm not about to do this to this nice family. He just let me in. Make the rule he can go to the bathroom. You and I are just talking. If the only bathroom I could use is right there, I would not use it. I think you got to sit. It's what you think you can do here.

So you think, yeah, 24, we'll get 24? I would get at least 24. If I got less than 24, I would be upset with myself. Yeah. Because I talked a big game earlier. Should I get 36? We got to have it. We'll have 36. I'll have 36 here. Okay. And we'll see what you can do. Okay. And I think me and...

Bates could do... By the way, I'm not against... I'm not being like, you're a big dude, let's try to see how much you need. You say you could eat 36 to a breeze. You're right. I was talking to Big Gabe earlier, but I didn't think I would be asked to do it publicly. To put my money where my mouth is. That's the problem with this world.

People don't put their money where their mouth is, and that's what this podcast is about, is putting your money where... No, I don't know. I'll never suggest anything. I'm never going to say anything. Yeah. Huh? I want a counter, and it dings every time you finish one. It just tallies up. We'll let everybody know. Would you chocolate glazed? Oh, just glazed. You can't introduce other stuff. You can't mix it up. Yeah. Right, just glazed.

I might get some chocolate for myself. I really regret doing this. We don't have to do it. No, I wouldn't. I think it's fun. We don't have to do it. Now I feel like we have to, but I would do it. I'd just be curious to see what you can do. I mean, we had people, I think you could eat 12. I'll sit here with you. I'll try to see what I can get through. Yeah. I could probably get through a dozen. See, a dozen's not that much, dude. I feel like you could. Maybe I can. It's more than you're supposed to have. I'll see if I can do a dozen. Okay. I'll see what I can get through. Okay.

That would make me feel better about it. All right. You want to get in on this action, Brian? I'll do chocolate. Oh, man. Yeah, I could do three. Well, he's out. He's out. I don't want to get the computer dirty. He's going to take his medicine. Brian's going to have laid out his pills that say Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. I have that. Do you? I do. We'll crush up some pills, put them in the glaze for you. All right.

So next week, we're going to get it. I'll see what I can get through. You see what you get through. He'll do it. And we'll just be doing that as we do the podcast. Sure. All right. Well, that was it. This is the first episode. I think we did it. It's something. This is something. We have something going on. Hand sanitizer. Everybody's temperature was below what they're supposed to be, which is good. All right. I think that's it. So we'll see you next week.

Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land Podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or a comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation's Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land Podcast. ♪