Shownotes Transcript
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I am Hannah and she is Lamorne. And together we make Hannah and Lamorne. Yeah, so last week was a continuation episode from the finale of the week prior. And there's a lot of themes that are carrying over from these episodes. One of which...
is Schmidt doing the whole juggle situation and, you know, Nick and Jess are new, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So we're going to dive right into episode three Oh two nerd. If, if you'll have us written by, uh, cake cannon. Oh, and directed by Fred Goss. Love them both. Love Fred Goss. That's what we used to call him. Hot gas. That's right. Uh,
Okay. So in this episode, Jess is having a hard time fitting in with the cool teachers at school. So she wrongly turns to Nick for advice. What a dummy. Shocker. His plan involves booze. Now Schmidt finds himself in a chaotic love triangle when CC and Elizabeth both show up for his office work party. Oh my gosh. What a dork. I mean,
Meanwhile, back at the loft, Winston is plotting how to kill Ferguson the cat after learning Daisy has been cheating on him. Great episode. Great episode. And as we said before, Fred Goss, director, writer, Kay Cannon. So let us dive right into it. So they're at the breakfast table. Schmidt asks Cece if he can start calling her shouty in public. Then he invites her to his work party.
Have you ever legitimately called a girl shouty? Hell no. Boothang? No, I have not. I have not. Have you ever been called that before? No. Even when you dated Kanye? No. All right. I'm going to let that one go. We have to pick a new person that we can have a low-key prank rumor about. I think I told you once.
Oh, yeah. I already talked about this on the pod, but it still makes me laugh every time that I ran late once to something and I sat with an agent and they were like, oh, you know, what's going on? And I was like, oh, sorry. You know, I was just like on a date with Lenny Kravitz, but like I'm here. Assuming that they would like bust out and fall down laughing. And they were just like, oh, cool. Like, like, how's Lenny? He's like so cool. And I was like, what? I can never date Lenny Kravitz. And they looked at me like.
No, like for sure. And it changed my brain. I was like, wait, what? Are you serious? This is a possibility. Yeah, Kanye's not on the list. So we got to come up with someone else for the joke for season three. I got a few ideas. Guillermo del Toro.
Great. Guillermo del Toro. We could say Bo Jackson, former baseball and football player. We can say... I'll tell you something real funny. And then we have to dive in because it's, this is a great episode. I'll tell you real funny. Once I got a call and someone said, would you like, we've got a, I don't know what the word is, but...
Matt Kemp would like to take you out on a date. That's funny. And he had just broken up with, or been broken up with, I don't know how it went, with Rihanna. And I said, no! And they're like, you don't want to go on a date with Matt Kemp? I was like, yeah, man. The last person he was with was Rihanna. No thank you. No thank you. I don't want that to be on.
compared to, have you seen Rihanna? No. I was like, but if Rihanna wants to go on a date,
All right. Okay. So Schmidt's phone rings. I know Matt Campbell. I'm going to text him. See if it's true. I mean, I remember it came through someone else. See if that story is true on his end, because that was how it came through on my end. Phone rings. He gets a call from Elizabeth and Schmidt says it's Dr. Dr. Cover. Cover. Dr. Cover. Dr. Wylan Cover. So funny. Wylan Cover. Dr. Cover.
Oh, gosh. And then Winston does another trait that he steals straight out of the Hannah Simone handbook. Okay. Yes. Let's talk about it. And offers to cat sit. By the way, my dream. I'll cat sit anybody's cat. Love it. Bring him over. Meow, meow. Let's go. That's disgusting. Why? Well, because cats are violent. Like you said, they took a chunk out of your leg.
I knew I was going to regret telling that story. I'm just saying. And the cat's done the same thing to me. So out of my chest, actually. This episode does not show video footage of cats being an animal that you would willingly want in your home with the flashbacks of Schmidt. Oh, yeah. He actually shot that.
I know. With cats licking his nipples. I know. So what did they put on his nipples? I think it was like... They can't put catnip. They would chew them right off. I think it was like peanut butter. No, I forget what it was. That's a dog. That's a dog? I don't know. We got to... Maybe it was tuna. Some sort of like fish juice. But they would start chewing on his nipples. Oh, gosh. Maybe they gave him the teethless cats.
The ones that look all cute with no teeth. You're talking about the hairless cats? Hairless and teethless. The elderly, elderly teethless cats. Just the geriatric. They're kittens. The whole point was they were kittens. Geriatric kittens. It's a special breed for TV of geriatric kittens. Oh, man. Okay. So Winston asks if they know anything about cats because he's going to watch Daisy's cat to score some points. Yep.
And Schmidt hates cats because they're obsessed with him and his nipples. And then nothing comes out. Then they had to show it. Yes. Now, Nick is in the bathroom right now. He's helping Jess with her bangs. By the way, I love that moment because every morning I'm always like that. And I talk to my bangs because if they don't cooperate, it's very frustrating. And there was this moment where she's like, come on, bangs. And I was like, oh, this is...
This is real. The real struggle. That's one hairstyle I've never had was the bangs. So shocking. I know. I know. A lot of people have commented on that in the past, but I think I'm going to make it happen. I'm going to make it happen soon. Wow. Next episode, I'll have bangs. You're going to show up with bangs? Yeah. I'd love to see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just got to let my doctor in Turkey know.
Can I get nine vials? Just right here in my eyebrows. Oh, man. I hear looking like Drake today.
Okay. She's trying to put herself together because she's been at her new school for a week. She hasn't made any friends because there's like this cool clique of teachers and they do this cutaway. And it's like all of our sweet, lovely friends that we love so much is in this group. Yeah. My beloved Angela Kinsey, who I love so much, who, by the way, fun fact, is
is one of the reasons we even have this podcast. That's true. Yeah, because I remember calling her and talking to her because she has office ladies, of course, and she so generously gave us some great advice on how to do a great rewatch podcast. So shout out, Angela. Yeah, nice little crossover a couple times now between the new girl and the office world. Oh, yeah, 100%. The only thing they're missing is putting one of us on the office.
they never did wasn't that wasn't that a thing with zoe she got off for a new girl she got offered the office that's right like a recurring role on the office and she also got offered this pilot
True sliding doors moment in life between The Office and New Girl. And this is another one. And to have Angela on the show was pretty cool because obviously The Office is amazing and Angela's amazing. Dreamer, part of that gang. So many amazing actors pop up in this episode. Season three is strong. Game on strong. I love when they go back to these school episodes so we could see whatever fun characters are going to pop up. Because they're usually...
home run hitters so she also is one of the nicest people Angela but she also has as an actor one of the best like resting bitch faces ever which is so funny if you know her in person because she's the kindest person yeah which I also have I think a pretty strong resting bitch face and so I was so happy to see her sitting on the couch being like nobody's taking your resting bitch face seriously yeah
What? People all the time are just like, Hannah looks so annoyed she was so quiet. I'm like, oh no, that's just my face. No, Hannah, you're very Canadian. Your resting bitch face is very apologetic. Very... I'm so sorry, face. I'm so sorry. Eager and apologetic. Oh, wow. Sorry. I'll take that. I haven't heard that before, but I'll take it. That's a nice switch from what I usually hear. You don't scare me. Um...
So there's this great elevator scene. No, I think what happens is he walked in the front room earlier when he asked. Now he's in the bathroom asking. Now he's asking Jess and Nick. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Yeah, he's flailing. Winston is flailing, right? Because he knows nothing about cats. Kind of like you. So he's just like asking everybody at every point, help me. Help me. Help me with these cats.
And I remember I love when Jess goes, oh, Schmidt has the cutest cat story. And then we start the flashback and we both stop it immediately because we heard it already. And then Schmidt goes by, he goes, nothing came out.
Grow up. Nothing came out. The idea of male lactation being introduced into a comedy made me laugh so hard. I was like, what a bit. My other favorite bit was...
um nick talking how he is um 15 and a half dollars because he's got a torn one dollar bill one of the funniest things too about how he operates like a little kid yeah oh my gosh so funny like someone will it's half i got half of it what world are you living in such a great nickism loved it
So you have to read this part because it's so funny. Winston tells the boys he's going to ask Daisy to be his girlfriend. And he says, my heart is a two man bike and I want you in the rear. I can't. I genuinely can't. Winston will be workshopping some stuff. He don't workshop. He, I think he would workshop that, you know, unless, unless, you know, because remember even Schmidt at one point when he's describing his relationship with Elizabeth says,
He's like a socket. Sometimes he gets entered and sometimes she gets entered. Oh, my God. I'm saying maybe Winston's trying to tell you guys something in this moment. Something. I don't know. But it was one of the funniest things where you're just like, you need to say it.
You need to say it out loud. I'll tell you a really quick story. I remember being in London with my best friend who's from North London. His name is Elia. And we were on the train, on the underground, and we're reading the paper. And there's a story about Thailand, right? And we're quiet. We're all just sitting there. We're sitting next to each other, pack train, reading the paper together, right? This little travel section, Thailand. And all of a sudden, Elia, who's from North London, so they speak in a specific way, goes,
Okay. I want to go Bangkok. And I said, what? And he goes, I want to go Bangkok. And I go, Elia, Elia. He goes, Oh, what Hannah? He goes, we're not all as well traveled as you. Okay. You're not going to shame me because I want to go Bangkok. Okay. I've always dreamed of it. And that's where I want to go. And I said, no, no, no, no. And he goes, you're laughing at me. And I said, no, no,
no, no, no. I said, please stop. Please stop. Cause everyone's watching us fight on the train now. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Let me say it. I'm going to say it. I'm going to say in my voice, hear what you're saying, hear what you're saying. And he goes, whoa. And I went, I want to go bang cock. He went, Ooh. And he goes, he goes, that's not what I meant. I meant, I want to go suck a penis. It was one of the,
moments ever in my life and it's exactly like this moment oh my gosh this winston moment i want you in the rear no let me now i'm gonna say it to you listen to me say it hear it hear it don't say it hear it so funny such a funny moment that that follows through through this episode so funny
Oh, man. And then meanwhile, we're back in the lounge. So Jess comes in and she's trying to fit in, remember? And prior to this, she got advice from Nick. Oh, yeah, at the school lounge. She's in the teacher's lounge. So now she's in the teacher's lounge and she's like, I got laid this morning from my boyfriend. And then Nick walks in. And honestly, it's a pretty genius move. He comes in and he offers them
free school supplies free school supplies so smart he's got one notebook and like i'm not sure if you noticed he has one notebook and like a couple pencils or something that's right which i feel like he probably just like took off a desk on his way in like i don't think he spent any of his own money um but that's not what like sways the teachers no what sways the teachers is genius move
Yes. Free drinks at his bar. Teachers drink for free, which is awesome. And then just, you know, lets him know that that was an amazing move, sex partner. And we'll see where that goes a little bit later. Now, meanwhile, Schmidt is back at his office and he's showing a picture.
Showing Elizabeth his office, which is an exact two thirds replica of Don Draper's office from Mad Men. And the door won't close all the way, which I think is really funny and fitting. Now, Bethany, his co-worker, is always giving him a hard time. She's always being a little asshole. It's Ava Murray. Yeah. And she crushes it.
And so she asked if he invited Elizabeth to the office party. And he's like, oh, yeah, I was just I was just about to ask. But prior to that, he had already he'd already asked Cece. Bethany is stirring the pot.
Stirring the pot. Now here we go again. Now this one right here, before it starts, if you watch enough television, you know where this is headed, right? Sure. But you don't, but it's always interesting to see how the writers figure out a way to get a person out of something. You know what I mean? Like if they're at the same office, what's he gonna do? And we'll talk about it, but he does some of the most ridiculous things. And it works. And it works. Yeah.
And we'll talk about that a little bit later. So now he's in a conundrum. He's got both of them coming, thanks to Bethany. So now we go back to Daisy's apartment. Yeah. This is also the funniest thing. Oh, my God. And I remember the name of those shoes, too. Those are massive size 15 shoes. And they were a brand called Creative Rec. Wow.
I'm not sure if they still make shoes, but back in the day I used to wear them like crazy. Even in the previous episode when my shoes were brown or they were green, but I thought they were brown. Those are also creative recreation. Yeah. Still love those shoes. I still have a few pair here, actually. I haven't worn them in years, but yeah. Anyway, he goes there and he's going to go pick the cat up, but he hears the shower running and he asks, you know, is that your shower running? She's like, yep.
I'm about to take a shower. Oh, okay. And then he looks down and there are these size 15 shoes on the ground. And she's like, oh yeah, those are mine. And then the shower turns off. Then the toilet flushes. Oh gosh. Someone in there? Nope. Nope. Unbelievable. And the fact that Winston still was like, yeah, I'll still help you out. I'll still babysit your cat while you get...
You know, 15. Like, that's like that's crazy that he would do that. And it's even what I found to be even more crazy is that she was just like, like, it was so she didn't meet him in the hallway. She didn't do anything. She was like, come on in. And and her face was very much so like, I don't see what the problem is.
What's so crazy to me is that I think what she thought was like, I'm going to just give you this cat and you're going to be gone. She has no respect for him. She doesn't care. Take the cat. Got to go. And then he is trying to do this big speech of like, we're going to be exclusive. This is, you know, this big meaningful moment. And she doesn't really have time for it. She didn't plan for it. She didn't adjust for him to have some big emotional thing. Just take the cat and go, please. Bye bye. Leave.
I think that's where that like a disconnect happened. Sometimes you're just so excited about what's about to happen to you. You know, that's probably what she was thinking. It's like, hurry up and go. I don't care. Winston, I got, I got Shaq, Shaq in the shower, you know? Okay. So now back in the bar, back in the bar, back in the bar. And Nick clocks what's really going on and why Jess is not gelling. It's because she's,
The nerd. She's the nerd. And then she's like, I was never a nerd. And then the two greatest flashbacks. So funny. Her singing in a medieval wardrobe. Yes. Talent show. The spring sing annual talent show. Oh man. And then Nick, they flashed back to Nick in college and tie dye. Sack pack. Fun fact. That was not a real hacky sack. You guys, that was all visual effects.
What are you talking about? No, he wasn't really hacky sacky hacky sacking. You don't think so? I know it wasn't. I feel like Jake has those skills. I feel like he had a hacky sack background. No, no, no. Who think about that? Who came up with that as a thing? Somebody who couldn't play soccer. Somebody who couldn't make the team. They're like, well, whatever.
I'm just going to put some beans in a tiny ball and we can only use like our ankles and chests. Go and stand in a circle. And in Nick's case, also your elbow you can use because he catches elbows. That's true. Any of your pointy bits. Yeah. Don't. Oh boy. I didn't say moving along. Okay. I went ahead.
We're back in the bar. She's like, okay, fine. Watch me. I'm not a nerd. Wait, wait, wait. Before we go forward, this is something that we never capitalized on. And I've seen a lot of fan merch out there on Etsy and all these different places. The Miller Sack Pack. It says they made shirts. I haven't seen a single fan make Miller Sack Pack shirts.
I mean, it's a fun one. I'd wear a Miller sack pack. That's so funny. It'd be a deep cut. I wonder if for the fans out there, go ahead and make these shirts. Make these shirts. I will buy one. I will wear one. Do your thing. The Buy Our Merch First. Miller sack pack. Yeah.
So Nick tells her not to follow her instincts, do not sing, instead make fun of her principle and drink a lot. - Like a lot, a lot. - A lot, a lot, a lot. And then that's kind of what happens, right? They, Jess, she passes out. - She gets hammered. - As one does when they drink too much. Drink responsibly, folks, drink responsibly.
They show the flashback was funny though. And the flashback was also disgusting where she's in the toilet just splashing around. Like stomping grapes style. Like just smashing it in. But even when you look at the bathroom, this is how great set design is. That's all paint and like set deck when they make the bathroom look that seedy and dirty. That's probably a brand new, it's a brand new toilet.
Sure. It's super never been touched before. And they add like dingy paint around and make it look. Now, for me personally, even even knowing that it's set deck, I can't I can't I can't touch it. I can't be around it. You know, it's funny. I'm not dead yet. Gina and I had to do a scene in a really gross dive bar.
And they put like skid marks in the toilet, toilet paper crumpled on the floor. Like the wash basin, like we wash your hands was all like scuffed and gross. And I know, and there's drinks everywhere, like half drinks that had like, like lipsticks, like they really went for it on not dead yet. And I, and I had to go shoot the scene and I had to be hiding in the toilet stall. Right. And then she was like out and then I hear her and then we have our scene in the bathroom and,
And I was standing in this toilet stall and I was getting so grossed out because you're just like in a dirty toilet. And it was so gross, even though I know, like you're saying it's all new and it's paint and markers, but somehow it does. It turns your stomach. Yeah. 100%. Incredible teams of people who do that. Yes. 100%. And so Nick, so, so now, you know, Jess is sitting there. She's, she's, she's,
She's on the bed. The next morning. Yeah. The next morning. Next morning. Now, I also love a responsible Nick Miller. Always makes me laugh when he's got to be the responsible one. Does not come naturally. Not at all. Not at all. But meanwhile, you know, this is a group setting. So obviously Schmidt comes in and tells Nick that he has a problem. Winston also comes in the room crying and is acting like he's not crying, but he's very visibly crying.
And Jess has passed out. So they both are curious if Nick killed her. So they all jump on the bed in order to get her up. And then more R. Kelly. More R. Kelly. That's right. R. Kelly got paid from this job. I don't know the exact amount, but I'm sure it was a lot of money in order to sing that song. Good Lord. I believe I could fly. Which I'm shocked. We should have just sang a bunch of Zoe songs and got it for a discount. Yeah.
That would have been nice. Or one of her exes who was in the band. We could have just been like, let's get one of their songs. Can we just have one, please? Or one of your exes. Or one of your exes. We're learning things. Season three, we're learning things. Yeah. And, yeah, so which is – and I do love this advice. And it was actually – I'm not sure if this was on brand for a spin when he says to Nick –
You know, you're supposed to protect Jess, not encourage her. Also, the irony while you're sitting there dating and lying to two women. So I think you could take your little soapbox, you know, push it to the side today of all days. Hypocrisy is what's happening. Oh, yeah. Hypocrisy. Hypocrisy.
So let's and then and then, you know, finally, before we go to break, Winston finally confesses that Daisy is cheating on him. Thankfully, thankfully, by the way. Right. Because it felt like he was a little slow on the uptake. Yeah. Like that's a man in that breath. That's a whole man in there.
A home man or just a real tall woman with big feet. It's one of the two. Either way, she ain't with you. That's right. So let's go to a break. And then when we come back, there is a segment in this show in which we will skip.
Yeah, we have come up with a plan for Where's the Bear? You guys, we're going to do a standalone episode where I make my point, but I cannot do this tit-for-tat battle with you week to week. It's so hard to say goodbye to Smokey the Bear. See you after the break.
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This election season, the stakes are higher than ever. I think the choice is clear in this election. Join me, Charlemagne Tha God, for We The People, an audio town hall with Vice President Kamala Harris and you, live from Detroit, Michigan, exclusively on iHeartRadio. They'll tackle the tough questions, depressing issues, and the future of our nation. We may not see eye to eye on every issue, but America, we are not going back.
Don't miss this powerful conversation with Vice President Kamala Harris. Today at 5 p.m. Eastern, 2 p.m. Pacific on the free iHeartRadio app's Hip Hop Beat Station. And we are back. We're back. We're back. And we are right in the CeCe photo shoot. Another weird photo shoot for CeCe. This time it's they cover in honey and then release the bees. Bees. Release the bees. I think that's what's happening. Yeah.
But Schmidt comes there too, like in person too. I love how he didn't call her. He just like, I'm going to show up to her job. It's a good way to, it's a good way to show how ridiculous your job is. Also season three reference kind of what happened with France. So you know what I'm saying? Some people just show up at your job. Some people show up at your job. So he shows up and says one of, I remember Max, Max saying Sigurds.
And I was like, wait, what? What is this word? The fact that he shortened significant others. He's trying to uninvite her to the work party, but he calls it there's no siguds. And she, by the way, is super cool. Yeah. She's real cool about it. She's like, no worries. It's fine. I'm cool. He then calls her.
- Shouty. - Shouty. - And then leaves her at the photo shoot. And so he's like, "All right, problem solved. I crushed it.
I got out of it again. I've dodged it again. Thinks he's in the clear, this old D-bag. Now, meanwhile, back at the loft, Winston, he's having the discussion now, finally. He's airing it out with Nick that Daisy is cheating on him. Nick is confused because she also agreed to be exclusive with Winston while there's a guy she is sleeping with that's currently in a shower with
With his size 15 ding dong. Nick is like, bruh, you got to break up with her. But Winston, he's a genius. Winston was thinking instead that he just kill Ferguson. He's just wants to send a message. He's so broken hearted. He's like, what can I do to hurt her? That because I'm so hurt, I'm going to kill her.
Your cat, which I would like to say is like, you know, it's like the first marker of a serial killer. I would just like to say, yeah, that the fact that it was his first thought, which also now pushes our very responsible Nick Miller into now having to be responsible for two people that are acting way out of line, which I love.
So funny. He's doing double duty outside of his comfort zone. That's right. Advice, et cetera, when it's usually the other way around.
Now, Jess, she walks into the teacher's room with sunglasses on. Hung all the way over. Smacked. She is smacked. This is why they shouldn't be like, look, I'm all for teachers having a good time, but man, you're going to go hard. You've got to show up to work and teach little children. Go hard on Friday or Saturday. That's right. You can't. You can't be hung over at the school. You can't rock sunglasses all day.
The teachers have given her a nickname now, Toilet Pants. Toilet Pants. That's a pretty good one. That's a pretty good one. But they unlock the Holy Grail for her, which is the cabinet of fun mugs. Fun mugs. You have any fun mugs? Yeah. I got a bunch of weird little fun mugs. I got a few. I got quite a few. You do? Yeah. I have a bunch of BMO mugs if you want one.
Bank of Montreal. Shout out to BMO. BMO mug. I feel like anytime you do like a late night talk show, they always give you like a good mug. Oh yeah. Those are the best mugs. I know. I got some Kimmel mugs. I got a Conan. I got a Queen Latifah mug. Arsenio mug. Yeah. I got some, I got some, some cool mugs. I have a mug that my, my niece gave me for a birthday present and it is a toilet bowl. Yeah.
I couldn't do it. So imagine drinking coffee out of that thing. I could not do it. The brown water? The brown water. You're like, why would she do this? Then you got to make it frothy with the milk. Yeah. Anissa, I love you. That's a good gift to give a family member and then watch them drink out of it being like, I love it. Gross. Look at your coffee. That's amazing. Chunky. Okay. So let's see. Where are we right now?
Oh, oh my gosh. So back at the loft, Nick walks in on Winston, who's made up his mind. He's now fully going. It wasn't just talk. He's trying to straight up noose.
He had a noose. He had all kinds of devices trying to let Ferguson choose his path. It was very dark. You guys, it was when I say dark, even I was like, whoa, this is no, it was very like silence of the lambs. Kind of like, I'm going to kill you. You get to choose which horrifying, painful way you'd like to go. I was like, what are we learning about Winston? Like, what are you, what is he watching? What is he reading? Somebody help this man.
Yeah, he's whatever. He just was like, I'll kill the cat. He was just like, I'm going to make this long and drawn out and you're going to choose it. I was like, but really, I think deep down what that was for Winston. He's just a delay tactic, right? He doesn't want to kill the cat. So he's just like sitting here trying to figure out how to delay the situation. Right. One hundred percent. He was right. Winston is a sweetheart. And I think it's these moments in which he can't even pretend to be this way. He can't.
He's trying, but it's not. He's trying. Because I got to get him to get out of that Sunday. He's trying to be ruthless, you know, like Daisy's pretty ruthless with him. So I think he's just trying to like match the energy. But of course, in classic Winston fashion, it's just, it's too big. It's too much. It's too much. It's too much, man. Okay. So now. Mm-hmm.
Mm hmm. Just lets Nick know that her the cool teachers are going to break into the principal's house and put their butts in his jacuzzi. What's happening here? Nick is like, that's a crime. You can't do that again. Off brand for Nick. We think, you know, one would think that he would be a butt in a jacuzzi would be like a Nick Miller. Like, oh, yeah. Like this feels like so in his wheelhouse.
Which is why I love a responsible Nick Miller, him having to be like, don't go put your butt in your boss's jacuzzi. It's a straight up Jake Johnson thing. Jake is always in his jacuzzi smoking cigars and drinking scotch every night. That's what he does. Well, it reminded me of the what's that really famous SNL sketch with Will Ferrell.
Where he gets them in the hot tub and it's like super uncomfortable. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The funniest, the funniest sketch ever. I feel like that's where like this all heads to at the end of the episode is like the inspiration from the SNL sketch. One of the best. Probably. You said Kay Cannon wrote this? Uh-huh.
Did she write on SNL or was it 30 Rock? 30 Rock. Okay. 30 Rock. So this part is... I love Jake's performance in this moment where...
Jess is like, no, I'm going. Winston's like, no, I'm killing this cat. He has a shovel in his hand. So he can't quite figure out who to stop. Because he's watching two idiots about to do something very stupid. One runs out the door. One's trying to murder a cat. Only one Nick Miller. He's like, don't walk like that. Don't do that scary walk. Oh, man. And he improvised that.
definitely improvised line. I think you were just running also, by the way, it wasn't like you were doing something crazy, exaggerated. It was also funny. I was like, I think that's just Winston running down the hall, but okay.
I also love when just before she runs out the door and slams it, she's like, cause she's now like, you know, this bad girl character. So she's like, if I don't come home, I'll be at the Appleton suites under the name Suzuki Sinclair. I wonder how many people have used that name. It's a good one. Suzuki Sinclair. I won. I can, I can almost guarantee you we've, cause we've got some pretty, pretty loyal fans.
They are well more versed on this show than even we are. And I can almost guarantee you someone has used Suzuki Sinclair. For sure. If not, they should. Make that your alias. Yeah, I'm going to start using Rear Admiral J. Roger Rue. Is that what it's called? I'm going to start using Theodore K. Mullins as my...
E.K. Mullins. Yeah. Also great names. Didn't they used to say that Berkley Johnson was the guy? A writer on New Girl. He was the guy that always would just come up with like the best names. The best names. So I wonder if Suzuki Sinclair was a Berkley Johnson.
I'm going to go on a limb and say yes. Okay. Suzuki Sinclair. Suzuki Sinclair. So we're at the work party. Schmidt is talking with Elizabeth when all of a sudden Cece appears. So he shoves Elizabeth into the stairwell. Cece says she quit her job, probably because of those bees. And she had to come see Schmidt.
He brings her to his office and tells her to stay there. And Bethany, of course, is delighted. Because finally she's going to watch this man burn to the ground. And I will share a little behind the scenes thing that was happening. So we shot those scenes, that office work party at the New Girl offices. That's where all the writers were, producers were, ASTRAT, Associated Strategies office. ASTRAT.
was the new girl offices. So they all had to kind of clear out. Also the hallway sign in Philadelphia offices too. Right there. Really? Yeah. Oh, on the other side, right? Of the hallway? Yeah. Is that what you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. On that floor. Anyway, it's on the, on the Fox lot. And I'll remember two things.
I remember Ava, Murray, and I were in a makeshift green room waiting. I guess maybe Schmidt was doing his scenes with Elizabeth. And so we were just kicking it for a minute, talking. And she has...
literally the best arms. She has the most toned, gorgeous arms I'd ever seen. And I remember she said she didn't really like to work out. And I was like, how do you, how do these, these are not just like walking around with these things. You did something to make them look like that. And she told me that on YouTube, there is the Tracy Anderson arm workout. It's seven minutes. And she just would do it every day. It was seven minutes long.
And that's like transformed her art. Look at you. You're like, I'm going to do it. So you think seven minutes, right? You think like no big deal. And I have tried it. I challenge you honestly to see if you can get past minute five without being like, I cannot do this anymore. It is so. Yeah, I know. For all the fans out there, you've seen my arms. I can do it. I want you to set up a camera, record seven minute, seven minute videos. See if you can. My cameras don't record that long.
Mine's going to stop at minute two. That's the camera stops that understood, not me. And it's like with, um, like, I don't even know, two pound weights, nothing. You're laughing. You think it's easy. I remember her telling me that. And I was like, all right, seven minutes a day. I can do it. I think I tried it twice. And I was like, this is a joke. This is so hard. Um, yeah. Anyway, I remember being in agreement with Ava and her giving me that little, uh, workout tip. And I was like, um, uh, no, I can't, I'm weak. You're strong. Yeah.
So now, back at the loft, Winston is about to suffocate Ferguson with a pillow and give him what he likes to call the long nap. But he can't bring himself to do it. You know? We realize in this moment who Winston truly is. He's a hero. He just saved that cat's life. That's right. He's a hero. From himself. Yeah, but he still saved the cat's life. Uh...
So we go back to this party. Yeah. And Schmidt is trying to get Elizabeth to leave early by role playing. Yes. What does he say? Her character is the first to leave the party. She's on Hong Kong time. Yes. She's on Hong Kong time. And has to get up early. So what turns him on is if she's the first to leave the party. Sir!
I can't. Oh, God. But she sees Cece because Bethany yanks Cece into the eyeline. And then he does Cece so dirty. She's like, well, you know, modeling's not going great. No, she's the caterer. No, she's the caterer. And he's like, you know, I should go over. She's on hard times. Let me go talk to her.
Then convinces Cece to put on the apron because of the no sig-oths rule. Also made up. And she goes along with it. Wild. Absolutely wild tap dance at this party. Yeah, because remember earlier,
You see an episode like this and you go, I know where this is going. How? How is Kate Cannon going to get us out of this? Right. And shockingly, she makes it happen because it happened. He he even, you know, even to Bethany's surprise. She's like, wow, how did he do that? Because he gets her to leave. He gets Cece and and somehow it works out.
Yeah. Yeah. It works out, which is so strange. Very stupid. But but but it works. Yeah. They're at the principal's house. Right. And the door is locked to the jacuzzi. So Jess is like, oh, you know, I'll go in. She has to go over the gate. Yeah. And can't get the can't get it open. And Nick shows up.
Yeah. She gets boosted over the fence. Then he gets a boost. Apparently she's a little handsy. I think that was the implication as he's getting boosted. Get that tank grabbed. You know what I mean? Like once I want to get your tank grabbed, it hurts a little bit. He gets boosted over to the jacuzzi, which is pretty funny. Yeah. And then, uh, when the principal, when principal Foster, uh,
comes outside automatically i know the the creep is on the creep is on he decides to take his clothes off and he's like come on come on now come on kids jump on in the jacuzzi and which i get which i gotta say is not bad it's like if you're gonna break into someone's house and they're like well you try to break into my home just sit in the jacuzzi with me i'm like i don't
You know what it feels like? Old school advice. I don't know if you've heard this old school advice, but like if you're like walking and someone comes up and is like totally crazy at you, like obviously something is not right. You'd be crazy back. That's right. Be crazy or back. And so if two people break into your backyard, just how crazy? Just be like, no, let's get naked and be together. Yeah.
So maybe it was that he was just like, listen, I don't know what you two are up to right now, but let's go. I'm just going to like one up the energy. It also was right before the principal walks out a really sweet Nick Jess moment, which is really nice because he's not there to like stop her. He's not there to like reprimand her. He's not there to whatever. He's just like, man, if you're going to do something stupid,
I'm going to be right there with you. I'm not going to let you do it alone. And it's really, really sweet. Like, it's wonderful. I was like, oh, that was a really nice little bonding moment where you see these, you know, like all these guys are also crazy on the show sometimes, but like you see this like real, like true line heart of Nick. Yeah.
And it's really sweet. I like that a lot. Oh, 100%. It was cute. 100%. All right, then the bubbles start bubbling. The tiki torches go on. The music starts playing. Sick setup, by the way. Hit one button. One button! That's what I thought, too. And the torches pop up. And the music. Everything. And the bubbles bubble. I need to get my backyard on. I need to get my backyard together. That's what you need. You need to one touch. The whole vibe changes. Oh, my gosh. I got to figure that out. That should be the button. Vibe change. Vibe change.
vibe change bam um uh so Daisy comes to the loft to pick up Ferguson and Winston just straight up asks even though he knows the answer already was there a dude in the shower and she without flinching admits there was a dude that she had sex with both before and after she goes like no
Oh, wait. Yeah. No. Oh, yeah. I did have sex with him. No. And I love it so much because as a viewer, you think, oh, it's going to be like her tall WNBA aunt. Like they're going to do something.
Right. That makes Winston look crazy. And I love that moment. This is I truly feel like this is one of the reasons of the many. But that new girl is so great as they keep that stuff so real. No, I am just sleeping with this huge dude.
End up. That's it. Not much more complicated than that. And I love it. And they make it funny because they do these tiny misdirects, but they don't go deep with it. She like tries to lie and then she can't even be bothered. And it's so funny and so real.
Oh, yeah. And then she's come to get her cat back. She comes to get her cat back. She admits to cheating. Yes. And Winston's like, I can do better. And then he says, so does Ferguson and proceeds to steal her cat and slams the door in her face. Best moment for Winston Bishop. Worst, worst moment for Lamorne Morris, because now he has to act often. Yeah.
You know, I got, I got, I'll say I got used to Ferguson over, over time, but in the beginning he was, he was very handsy. He would scratch a lot. And I was also allergic. Yes, they picked a very unique cat. Yeah. And people think I hate cats. I don't hate cats. I hate their abilities. You know, I hate, they leap so effortlessly across any room. I once saw a cat leap across the ocean.
I saw it with my own eyes, just flew off of a boat onto the shore. And I was like, interesting. How come we can't do that as humans? And it pissed me off. You're jealous.
Feline jealousy, man. There's a support group for that. I got to tap into my feline energy. And when I do that, when I do that, I'm going to be unstoppable. Okay. So back at the office, you know, Bethany, she admits that Schmidt won and that both girls really love him. At school,
The cool teachers, they thank Jess for taking the bullet for them. And they want to go and do some liquid ecstasy and great papers. And, you know, and I'm proud of her because she said, you know what? Nay, nay. I'm going to go hang out with my old man. Good old Nick Miller. And they really did like a little James Dean, like shot of him through the window on the convertible, you know,
looking at his hacky sack like it was a baseball. You know what I mean? It was a real sweet way they framed that shot and did that. Shout out to Fred Gass again for, I guess, having that little vantage point on it. It was real sweet. It made them look like an old school cool couple. But I'll tell you, that Nick in that moment with the hacky sack is the real Nick. That's the real Jake. That's the real Jake. I told you, he can't really hacky sack. The flashback is CGI. Yeah.
- All right. - Those are our visual effects. Yeah. - Okay. - Yeah, and that's why we have to stop AI from taking over our business or people like Jake Johnson will look like he knows how to hacky sack.
Instead of casting an actor who really knows how to hacky sack. Got it. Okay. There's so many unemployed hacky sack artists out there. That's what they're coming for. They want to make sure everybody looks pro hacky sack. We got to get ahead of it. You're right. Okay. Now, in conclusion. In conclusion. Nick tells Jess when they're at the car that he would have noticed her. Yeah. They kiss. He then asks if she wants to go and do it in the teacher's lounge.
Meanwhile, back at the loft, Winston, Jess and Nick, they watch along as Ferguson is now licking Schmidt's nipples as he sleeps. And something is definitely coming out. This doubling down on the lactation for Schmidt is wild. So funny. Yeah, it's nuts. We'll be right back. Mm hmm.
This election season, the stakes are higher than ever. I think the choice is clear in this election. Join me, Charlemagne Tha God, for We The People, an audio town hall with Vice President Kamala Harris and you, live from Detroit, Michigan, exclusively on iHeartRadio. They'll tackle the tough questions, depressing issues, and the future of our nation. We may not see eye to eye on every issue, but America, we are not going back.
Don't miss this powerful conversation with Vice President Kamala Harris. Today at 5 p.m. Eastern, 2 p.m. Pacific on the free iHeartRadio app's Hip Hop Beat Station. And here we go. Hey, Hannah. I think it's time for a little mess around. A little mess around. I realize I said there was two behind the scenes moments that happened in the
One of them was me getting this tip to how to tone my arms, which seven minutes was too hard for me. But the other one was, and I was rewatching the episode and my eyes look really like glassy in those office scenes a lot. And it wasn't like, why would Cece be crying? But my eyes look really glassy. And I remembered that.
I won't go too far into it, but I remembered my mom was sick and my mom wasn't well. And she lives on the other side of the world. And I was doing everything to try to get her help and in with the best doctors. And it was a bit of a scramble for our family. And I was working. And so I kept working.
running off into an office, anyone's office that we weren't using, you know, wasn't being used to shoot, closing the door and like calling, you know, hospitals and London and doctors and trying to figure it out and then racing back out there to like shoot this, you know, these bits of these scenes as they were putting it together. And
I remembered it when I was watching it. I was like, oh, I was, that's why I was like really like overwhelmed and emotional in my real life. And it's that thing with acting where, um,
You know, there's a lot of downtime between setups, relighting, moving things around. And we have real lives, you know, we have real lives that are happening. It doesn't just like stop when we, because the work days are so long. You could be a 17 hour day. So you still have to manage your real life things. Yeah. You know, and you have to somehow be able to just like turn it off.
turn it back on. That's one of like these, these skills that they don't really teach you in acting school, right? They teach you how to turn it on and get into character, but then you got to go take a call, you know, and my character isn't upset in the scene, but in real life, there were some things that couldn't wait for one more day. And so I saw that I could see it in my own eyes. I was like, wow. I was like, I remember that day really clearly. And then I remember, um,
intentionally not telling anybody because it would probably just make me cry more. And so that's how I got into that conversation with Ava. I was just like, girl, tell me anything. How'd you get your arm so good? And she gave me that tip. And it's so funny after how many years I still remember what it was. But that was my other behind the scenes thing. Those real life things that you deal with
and learning how to manage that. And I was really lucky by that point, at least we were in season three and we were all family at that point and really forgiving and could give people time or a second if they needed it because they all knew we had, you know, lives going on. Yeah, I think it was around that time where I was trying to get Brenda Song to go on a date with me. In real life? In real life. And? Yeah.
It did not happen. We hung out. We hung out as friends. She let me know quickly. Oh, we're just homies. I was like, oh, okay. I was like, oh, okay. Cool, cool, cool. Both going through some hard things. You got friend zoned. I got friend zoned quickly by Brenda Song. We're going to have her on an episode and we're going to talk about that. We're going to talk about why did you reject me? The whole episode, you guys. I got a few reasons why. Okay. So,
Okay, so the topic on this one, what's the proper protocol when dealing with a pet during a breakup? I don't know because I've never had a pet. Oh, I've had pets with people. What do you do? Well, there was no protocol because the one cat I had at the time, Jake, the cat I had the longest, I had it for like 18 years, was so violent and hospitalized several people. No, no, nobody...
Nobody tried to ever take him. They're like, bye to you and your crazy cat. Yeah. So I never really had to exercise any protocol, but I will say nobody, I can't see the level. I love animals. There's no way I'll take you to court. If you would try to take my pet split in custody with my animals either. This is my pet. It's my cat. It's my iguana back off.
You had an iguana? I did have an iguana. His name was dead meat. Is he dead meat now? Mm-hmm. Oh, I got to call him alive and well next time. Call that man minced meat. You know, spaghetti. Oh, the power of the tongue. Okay. Go deep into your past. Uh-huh. Ever show up to a party only to find out that at the party were two people you were talking to?
Two people that I was trying to get it with at the same time were both at this party. Now, because I don't roll like that, no. Absolutely not. A bunch of times that has happened. A bunch of times where I'm like, how am I going to pull this off? And then the moment you see both or three or four, you go, well, I ain't getting, this is going to be a dry night for me. I'm going to be very dry.
That's what I'm saying. It's exhausting. You start adding more people. It does not become more easy or more fun. It's just exhausting. I'll tell you one time it happened. I was talking to one lovely young lady and we'd hung out already, gone on a date and seen her in a while. I'm at this party where another young lady that I see first is somebody who I knew from like
Like we'd only like DM each other if that. And then we started talking and I was like, oh, it was interesting. Then the other girl who I had gone on a date with previous shows up. And so now at this party, I'm trying to bounce back and forth just kind of how Schmidt was doing, but it's not my party. So I'm just there.
And I'm trying to have like people run interference for me and blah, blah, blah. And before you know it, they're both like, because I keep bouncing around disappearing, they're both talking to other guys now and they both kind of maybe figured out
what I was on that day. And it was an accident. I didn't know they were going to be at the same party and I'm single. So, you know, it just, I ended up screwing it up so bad that both of them, um, you know, spent their time with another, another gentleman caller. I mean, that kind of makes sense. Cause you, you can't fully be,
with somebody if you have to go and be somewhere else. So if you're only giving someone half your time and attention, they're going to be like, this is not the business. Right. But also I have a problem with those moments too when I'm at parties and you see somebody you like and you want to talk to them. Like, I don't want to crowd their space either because they still are. The idea that, oh, you came to this party and then within the first 10 minutes you got to talk to me for the rest of the night, which...
which I don't know is like, there was their intention. So I kind of also, that's just my energy. I like to plant a seed and then leave and then continuously check back in just so we don't just sort on the same page, but it never really works out. But because I'm trying to be conscious of their time. But is that a projection? Is that because you hope that that's how someone would do it for you? So they don't just like glom onto the whole party. So you're treating them how you want to be treated. Let me tell you, you need to learn to glom.
So just hang around. That's right. I didn't know women liked that. I thought you guys hated that. I speak on behalf of all women that are like me. Hang around. Breathe down her neck. Oh, I love a hang around. Well, at least I know you're interested and you're into me and only me because you're not running around talking to everybody else. I guess that's true. God damn it. As I sit here alone in my room, just me and my Emmy. Yeah.
Just me and Emmy. I think about all the missed opportunities I had. Anyway. All girls named Emmy or Emma slide into Lamoran's DMs. He's got a type. Because I'm going to accidentally call you Emmy. Okay.
May as well be Emmy. How crazy if that was not a joke. It would be the funniest thing if that's all of a sudden what started to happen in your uninhibited moments. I can't. That would be such a funny bit. I could see it in a show for sure. Some guy like wins his first Emmy or Oscar and all of a sudden that's what just comes out of his mouth. Yeah, I can see it.
Okay. So funny. We need a Ferguson story. What's the best one you got, Lamorne? Okay. Ferguson story. It's not a great story, but it's the inception of my uncomfort around Ferguson for the beginning of the... For the beginning, because I ended up becoming really good friends with him. We still talk. Yeah.
But in the beginning he had, you know, they don't like, I don't know what they do with their nails, but he would scratch me a lot. Oh yeah. Like a lot. And it became such a thing. Like my hands, I still have scars on my hands from when he would like, just like scratch my hand. And, and, and so they decided they were going to put rubber tips on
on his nails. Oh yeah, those soft gels. Those soft gels. And then I was like, oh, that's interesting. But he always seemed to be uncomfortable. And then they were like, yeah, we put him on for the shoot because we know that he scratches and, you know, and I was like, that's like, is it painful to him? They were like, it's a little uncomfortable. And I was like, just take him off. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I'll be fine. And I remember them taking the tips off of him and he never scratched me again.
Not not once. Not once did he scratch me again. I was just still wildly allergic. And so I had to take like his hero in that point. He's like, man, that man saved me from that crazy stuff. Those other people were just doing to me. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Don't put rubber tips on these cats. People don't do it. Let them be cats. Scratch chunks of meat out of your thigh.
Anyway, love you guys. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for listening to another episode of the mess around. Make sure you follow us on IG at the mess around pod. Hannah, next week, what we got? Double date. Great episode. Super fun one. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And please make sure make sure to go ahead and cap or cop one of these awesome caps.
sweatshirts. We're now making do-rags and...
The mess around gold grills. We got it all, folks. We might have hacky sacks for sale soon. You never know. We're diversifying our portfolios. And show us your best mess around tattoos. So for all those folks out there getting the mess around tattoos, send us your photos, please. And the next one you get, Hannah will pay for it. What is a teeny one? It's going to be a small one. Forty dollars.
Yeah, the ones you can like wash off at the end of the night. Stickers. Mess around tattoo stickers, by the way. We should sell on our website. That'd be super fun. We should. Put them little neck tattoos. That's right. Just full jelly roll. Okay. All right. We'll talk to you guys next week. Thanks for listening.
Bye. That was The Mess Around. This has been an iHeartMedia production. Our executive producer is Joelle Monique. Our engineer and editor is Mia Taylor. Additional production from Daniel Goodman, Wendy Heisler, and Kyle Chevron. Our theme song was written and composed by Ronald Jukebox Jackson. So we're going to catch you next time.
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Sign up at WorkMoney. Get money-saving tips. Skip the rent. Get more rich. Sign up at WorkMoney.org slash MoreRichContest for your chance to win $50,000. This election season, the stakes are higher than ever. I think the choice is clear in this election. Join me, Charlemagne Tha God, for We The People, an audio town hall with Vice President Kamala Harris and you, live from Detroit, Michigan, exclusively on iHeartRadio. They'll tackle the tough questions, depressing issues, and the future of our nation. We may not
see eye to eye on every issue, but America, we are not going back. Don't miss this powerful conversation with Vice President Kamala Harris. Today at 5 p.m. Eastern, 2 p.m. Pacific on the free iHeartRadio app's Hip Hop Beat Station.
