211: Santa
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Welcome to our show.

But you know what's more exciting than me being in Greece? Me being in Greece is really exciting. Let me tell you. And wonderful and crazy and fun. I did also something wonderful, crazy, and fun today. I cut my own bangs. You cut your own bangs? Did you use scissors?

Yes, I use scissors. You know our friend Nikki, who was part of the hair department for New Girl for many, many, many, many, many, many years and cut my bangs all the time. She gave me real professional bang scissors. And I just went for it. I went for it today. What do you think? You can see. I can see. Hannah, Hannah.

This isn't my favorite look. I'm kidding. You look good. You look fantastic. You understand? So you're going cross-eyed and it's like backwards and you're in the mirror and you're like cutting. It's the craziest thing that I don't look insane. I'm impressed with myself for cutting my own bangs and for being in Greece. I cut my mustache. I had that thick mustache. I cut that off and grew in my beard. Yeah.

That's about it. And I had somebody else do it. I don't know why you did this yourself. Because I've only ever really had Nikki do it.

And I once let someone else do it. It did not go great. And so I was like, man, if I'm going to be mad at somebody, it might as well be me. So let's go. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. You know what I mean? All right. So anyway. All right. Today we're going to talk about an episode, which I will fully admit when I rewatched it, completely forgot about its existence.

You know what's crazy? I had a similar thought up until a point. I remember certain moments. I remember the cranberry fight in the beginning. Right. I remember having to talk loud because I thought a cranberry was stuck in my ear. You love that storyline. Well, I thought it was interesting. I just thought I get to talk loud. Get paid to shout at people. That's a dream. Yeah. And...

And when we were, I was testing out actually seeing if a cranberry would get stuck in my ears. I thought that was a ridiculous premise. There's no way a cranberry is going to get stuck in my ear. You talk to certain doctors, they've pulled cranberries out of certain parts of people's bodies, but ears had never been one of those parts.

You pulled all the doctors. Yeah, I pulled all of them. And during that episode, I was trying to see if I could get one stuck. And fun fact. In real life? In real life. I was like, not trying to see if it gets stuck, but seeing if it would actually fit. Okay, Daniel Day-Lewis, get some method acting going. If y'all don't know me, that's one thing about me is I'm very method-oriented.

D2L, that's you. Yeah. And I couldn't, and I low-key got one a little bit stuck in there. And so it is doable to get one of those runt, the runt of the cranberry litter. Man, safety never takes a day off, kids. Seal up your ears around the cranberries. But then as the episode went on, as I was watching it, I remember...

feelings of certain things. I remember working a lot with like, or being around Olivia Munn for the first time. Because I don't think I spent much time with her on a previous episode. I'm not too sure, but I think I remember...

being there or being at the house, that cool, whatever the hell that house was. And I kept going, you know, I do remember this episode kind of vividly now, but there's these little lulls in that first Christmas party where I did not remember any of it. Any of it. Okay. So we are discussing, we're just so excited to talk about it that we're just diving right in. Season two, episode 11, Santa written by Love Raque, directed by Craig Ziegler.

Zisk, you want to deep dive and give us the full recap? So it's a few days before Christmas and Winston really wants to believe Santa Claus is real. Which, you know, that's still up for debate. Now, everyone is headed back home for the holidays. Jess, she's not content to let the season go by without having one more loving group hang. Jess offers to be the designated driver, so everyone threw down their invitations. They decided to go party hopping.

Yes. Love a good party hop on Christmas. And they go to Sadie's, right? They go to Sadie and Melissa's. What we call it in the episode is the Lesbian Cookie Party.

and they run into Sam. Yes, Dr. Sam, who seems to be very intent on speaking to Jess. Now, Jess, she panics, right? And her response is to scream, Irish goodbye, and then try to leave. Well, he clearly sees her, right? Now, Nick wants to be as adventurous and as carefree as Angie, but he's having a difficult time measuring up. You know what I'm saying? Now, Sam...

Shockingly is also at the next party, which is which is very weird. How the hell did he get there? It turns out he's been looking for Jess and he wants her back in his life But Jess remembers the pain of the breakup and has a difficult time trusting Sam So she lies and tells him she's dating Winston, which duh, I mean obviously I'm the go-to Winston's the go-to. He's the man from top to bottom handsome chiseled He measures up

Now, this lie quickly falls apart when Winston regains the ability to hear. He dramatically dumps Jess. He throws a drink at her. It's just to be gone, you know. Now, going on outside, meanwhile, Nick is joining Angie and Santa's sleigh for a little bit of sexy, sexy good times, which if y'all don't know what that means, that means sex. They're having sex out in public in Santa's sleigh. But they end up breaking the sleigh and they wind up tumbling down the lawn half-dressed.

do we or do we not see jake johnson's butt we see jake johnson's butt maybe his john maybe we flash a glimpse of his john's i don't know slow it down you do see butt crack for sure um now angie she takes a bow for the gawking audience like what she just bowed she's got no shame in that but nick nick is living his worst nightmare and he wants to hide now nick reveals what's going on right

He's feeling a bit insecure and Angie questions whether or not Nick can handle her being a sex worker. He says he can. He can do it because he knows it's only temporary. Angie never gave a time limit on her career and she is very much so insulted that Nick would leap to such conclusions.

Now meanwhile, Cece wants to give Schmidt a gift as a friend, but the fresh hurt turns Schmidt into a real asshole. Piece of D. He's a real piece of D, this dude. So he gives away the gift to the first blonde who walks by and then asks her out right in front of Cece. Cece says, "Peace." We see the back of her head as she says, "Peace." And Jess is trying to understand why Sam came back in the first place, but Sam interrupts that.

He interrupts the talking it out part and just throws a kiss on her mouth with his mouth as if to make her be quiet. He hopes it's perceived as a romantic gesture, but just tells Sam that she won't be falling for his kiss again anytime soon. You know, she walks out on him. She says, peace. The camera turns around and she says, peace. Now listen, the final part that the audience sees is at Winston's job.

Jess and Nick are both feeling bad about their roles in their potential breakup. So they turn to one another for support. That's what they do as friends. Nick tells Jess she's the kind of girl a guy would come back for. And that she should give it another try. Jess tells Nick that fearless Angie might be the cure for his cowardice. He messes her up. Nick apologizes to Angie and gives her the best day of lap day to her life. It was a terrible lap day.

Um, Channing Tatum to be sure. Angie tries to return the favor, but Schmidt, he has some notes. He will not be out there. Now on the way to the next party, Jess begins to rethink her decision to cut the same amount of her life. She swerves to go to the hospital, and she is pulled over by her cop. Yes, if you do dumb shit like swerve on a fluid, yeah, the cops gonna pull you over. Don't do dumb shit. So, she smells like the liquor that Winston threw in her car.

She's swerving and doing dumb shit. She's tired. It's late. As she begins to explain the difficulty of her night, she starts crying. And a Christmas miracle occurs. The officer, who looks like Black Santa, he believes her. He lets her off with a warning. Oh my God. She just cries? You're telling me she just cries? And then Black Santa Claus believes her and lets her off with a warning? That's what happens.

The spirits are restored. They race to the hospital. It's after visiting hours, so Angie flashes her boobs so they can go and find Dr. Sam as one would do in desperate situations. You've just done it millions of times. So many people have seen my areolas. Now, when a security guard tracks them down, they try to sing Deck the Halls, but no one knows the actual words because it's been a while. But they've got that Christmas spirit and Zooey Deschanel's lovely, beautiful voice. So everyone comes out of their rooms to applaud the performance.

Jess tells Sam she believes that he wants her. And they kiss. They get set to each other. They just kiss right there in the middle of the hospital. Schmidt reveals he didn't give away since his bracelet. The ugly bracelet. And then Nick is somewhere with Angie hooking up in the hospital. Probably in the ICU somewhere. Just slapping parts. And, you know, that's the story and I'm sticking to it. Okay, beginning of this episode. That's right.

They really are basically bringing up this idea of, is Santa real? Which made me think of, like, who ruined Santa for you? Who ruined Santa? Did you ever believe in Santa? Did someone...

School. You know, I got it. Growing up, we never really. So I don't know if that was a thing amongst like black folks on the south side of Chicago. I don't remember ever anyone talking about Santa Claus. I don't ever remember it being a thing. My mom never had to have the talk. We I just like especially because we grew up in the church, which where it was like it was Jesus, you know, Jesus. Yeah.

My mama is Santa Claus. Everybody else is Santa Claus, but Santa Claus. Ain't no man creeping in our house because if he was, there'd be a problem. You know what I'm saying? So I never had that thought. I never had that idea of old Saint Nick sliding down, eating all your cookies because we weren't leaving cookies out for people either because then that's how you attract roaches. So you get spoiled milk and roaches all in your house. So we never did that.

First of all, I would just like to say the fact that you say my mom never to sit me down and have the talk and it was about Santa, not sex is one of the funniest things ever. It's a weird thing. I don't.

I definitely was. I remember presents at Christmas and it would say from mom, from dad and from Santa. So I definitely remember. And this is the weird reason why I remember is because my dad has beautiful handwriting. And I just remember how he would just like Santa. It was very beautiful. And so and still to this day at Christmas, my dad will give me a present from Santa. So he's trying to keep that alive, I guess.

But I don't remember. So I guess it wasn't that traumatic. I guess somebody at some point was just like, that's still from your daddy and your mommy. But I don't remember it being some big trauma thing. But I do remember some kids at school, like having their whole world shut. But as you get older and you're around kids, like little kids and Christmases start, it

It's a weird thing to explain as a positive that while you're sleeping, if you've been a good little boy and a good little girl, a man going to creep into your house, who's been watching you all the time, all the time, and will give you presents if you are a

And you better give him a cookie. Oh, I'm not giving Santa my cookie. Santa, that's my cookie. That's my no-no, Santa. What the hell? It's a weird...

thing and to be like, and it's great. And it begs a lot of questions for a child's mind, like how they get around the world and how do they get every single person's house? And do some people not get them because they, they didn't say thank you when they left the restaurant the other day? Like what's the, what's good, what's bad. And so I am, I feel like there is this new wave of parenting where people are just sort of like, it's a story, it's a fable, it's

And it's wonderful that it's part of like the Christmas cheer, but nobody's creeping into your house, baby, when you're sleeping. Yes, it's fine. We have ADT security. We have a security system with alerts also in the chimney.

I almost screwed up someone's life recently. I was at a friend's house and they have two little kids and I hadn't seen them in a while and we were just kind of catching up. Me and my buddy were literally sipping on whiskey and they were eating pizza and the

The mom was there. It was like right before their bedtime. And I made some sort of weird joke because there are toys all over the place. I don't know. I forget what the joke was. But it was something in regard. It was something on the lines of like Santa Claus not being real. It was in that vein. And my buddy and his wife looked at me with the most like,

fear in their eyes like what and then the daughter goes what and i was i was just about to go

"You don't believe in Santa Claus, do you?" I was this close to dropping the bomb for her. And then I looked at my friends and they were like, the look on their face was pure panic. And I was joking. And I had to say, "I'm just joking. I love Santa Claus. I've met him before." And they're like, "What?" And then I had to slowly backtrack. - Then you went too far. This is where elements of our characters sometimes are embedded. It's like you went too big.

Way too big. Way too big. Because it was their need for that. I am Santa and I have a present for you. Yes, I love Santa Claus. He's my good buddy. And it's me. Oh my God. He's at my house right now, actually. They're like, we're going. Yeah. So, in which I found it'd be very interesting that Winston is like, whether or not Santa is real. Yeah.

Even when I read that in the script originally, I immediately tacked it on to all the weird things about Winston. And I just died laughing at the table read. What? I do love that about our show so much, though, because we did a lot of holiday episodes. And I feel like that there was always that, you know, that little leap.

into like the Christmas magic where you had to do something goofy like have a character still kind of maybe believe in Santa and then do that moment at the end where it's like yeah Black Santa Black Santa I thought it was just um I don't know I just thought it was really like

lovely and the fact that it was so silly and starts with like a cranberry in the ear. I like it sometimes when we got super goofy. But like I said, I had zero recollection of this episode. When I watched it, I was like, "What?" Then when they leap into the party hopping, I remember that when I moved to LA and

everybody would throw these Christmas parties because nobody was with their family, but they're all, we're going to be with their family in a week. So they wanted like a big sendoff with their friends, but there was a million Christmas parties, but it's LA. So they're all like 45 minutes away from each other. You need a designated driver. So the fact that they were, that was such like an LA like response. I felt like when they're all like, no, we're not doing this. And then she's like, well, I'll be the designated driver. And everyone's like, oh, okay.

cool. Because here's the thing. You want to be festive. You know what I mean? As a kid, you, you, you had your limitations, you know, of how festive you could be. And as a grownup, Christmas really is about going to these parties and drinking and celebrating and, and, and, you know, kicking it. And so if somebody else is driving, then great, especially back then, because, you know, Uber wasn't around back then.

That's right. It's true. You needed someone to kind of be like, all right, I got it. And then the other part of this episode that I thought was really great and I could relate to was the discussion of the exit strategy of getting out of a party because I am the queen of an Irish goodbye. I know. I know. You know. We all know it. You know. I just like, was she ever there? Did she even come? Yeah.

That's it. That's it. I go shake the hands and kiss the babies. Grab a couple drinks, maybe a cookie and bye-bye. Can I share a story for our fans out there that I don't think we've ever told anyone? Oh gosh, I'm scared. Okay. This, Hannah. Oh no. You're talking about Irish goodbyes. Hannah. Oh no. Okay. Is this a shirt? No, this isn't a shirt. This is when you ripped my very, very fancy shirt.

This because you thought it was a snap-on shirt Which is buttons you just ripped the whole thing up that wasn't it It was it was a and that sounds weird. We were all out All out you would try to be funny and you yeah, but but there's nothing to do with that This is when we went to it. But you went I think it was maybe a GQ Party like man of the year party and I drove and

And you wanted to Irish goodbye. And I didn't. Oh, yeah. Because I was really, that was my first time ever being at a place like this. And I was like, this is pretty damn cool. The fanciest party we've been to. And you were like, had a like halfway through the party was like, peace, let's go. And I was like, what are you talking about?

And we got into an argument on the way home. I remember that going like, I feel like Hannah and I have never been in an argument before. And the other day I thought about it and I went, no, we did. We had one argument and it was right in the beginning of our friendship that happened. I remember. And,

It was just so interesting because it was such a real like brother-sister moment, right? Where I was like, I'm done. I don't want to go. And you're like, it's a fun party. I want to stay. And then we were like, now what? And I remember the conversation the next day. Well, it's funny. Yeah, you lost. And then I won as in like we left. But I remember being so sad because...

Because I knew that you and I just had that thing where we were going to be lifelong friends. Forget this job. It could be canceled after a year. I just knew it. You're always supposed to be in my life and always supposed to be in my world. And I knew it. And so I got really sad. So I'm like, this doesn't feel right. Like this is someone I know I'm going to love so deeply. And then it was, I just remember the next day, I feel like I wrote you this big thing and you then called me.

And then when we were like, all right, cool. And now, and now we know that about each other and we'll, we'll just figure it out better next time. And what was really cool about it is that we put it down and maybe until now, this episode reminded us of it. We've never ever picked it up or thought of it again, which is like mature. Oh, 100%. But if you really think about it, we have kind of, it must be sitting in the back of our minds because I've never picked you up again.

never how do you drive yourself i'll meet you well that's because we know we know what's gonna happen you like to stay you like to be the last person at the party you're the one who keeps it going and i walk in i do a lap and i leave we can never ride together to a party we'll never roll together that's so funny but so the irish goodbye when i watch this made me laugh so hard because she gets there just gets there she sees her ex

And then tries to hide. It doesn't work. He spots her and she shouts Irish goodbye and runs out in the biggest fashion ever, which is the opposite of an Irish goodbye. No one's supposed to see you do it. You just gotta say peace out.

I did not remember that shooting that I can't usually when I watch something, I'm like, oh, I remember where that was. I remember the location. I remember whatever it is. I do not remember that at all. And then when I saw the dress I was wearing, I was like disappointed in myself for not remembering because that was a gorgeous dress. I was so angry. I was like, what happened to my brain is Swiss cheese. And I would not remember that dress.

That's how my brain works. Yeah, I don't remember anything about that particular party. In that party, I don't remember being there at all. I think I'm struggling to figure out where it was. Especially because Walton was there and Olivia Munn was there. Yeah. Right? And it's so funny. I wonder why.

I didn't remember it until the next party because I remember we shot at that crazy, crazy, crazy house that you mentioned in the beginning. And the reason I remember the crazy house, I don't know if you remember this, is because it had the steepest driveway in all of Los Angeles. Oh, yeah. You had to go up literally at the most extreme speed.

I mean, extreme angle. It was crazy to get up there. So once we were up there, they were like, that didn't feel safe driving you guys in this little van. You guys are just going to stay there. So we stayed at the house. And we stayed there. We all stayed there, which is kind of crazy in terms of how you shoot a TV show, because if you're not in a bunch of scenes, you can go back to your trailer and relax or leave or whatever. Right.

But we couldn't for that. All the stuff shot there. We all had to stay there till like three in the morning because there was no way to get up and down this literal mountain of a driveway. Yeah. I remember walking around that house thinking to myself one day, one day I'm going to live in a house like this. And then fast forward, Hannah Simone bought that very house.

No, but I did do a photo shoot there years later. Really? Yes. It was really funny. And they were like, we're doing a shoot at this house. It's really beautiful. It's got a great view. And I was like, all right. And then we started to drive up this crazy hill. And I was like, without ever laying eyes on the house, I was like, I know this house. I saw Jake Johnson's Johnson in this house.

It was a really cool house, though. It's like 50s retro. What do they call it? Like Danish modern inside. I think it was all of that now. It's just pure events like an event space now. Maybe. No, the guy was there with his cat. I remember that. Yes, because they would lock themselves in a back bedroom. So the cat didn't get loose and it was like super off limits. You cannot go in this bedroom because the man is in there with his cat.

And you didn't want to move the cat. I remember that also very clearly, which was hard because there was they had hired a ton of these amazing background actors that were with us up there also with nowhere else to go. And so we were all just kind of like stuck in the one free room at the owner and a cat.

Locked in it. Yeah, that's the... I didn't know that. I could imagine some guy in the back of his room with security cameras everywhere just petting his cat while he's watching us. Terrified, like, well, they just broke that bull. I know. Well, they just scuffed that door. And that reindeer just fell in my pool. Um...

So, so, so what is what is this dump fantasy? We're at this house or at this new fancy house. And then she sees, you know, Sam, he kind of appears out of nowhere and it creeps the hell out of her. And, you know, Winston obviously gave Sam the address in exchange for a little ear exam. And, you know, he thought Jess would be happy that Sam was crawling back to her. And I think Schmidt calls it the dump fantasy.

right is that is that a real thing do you because i personally there are times when i'm like yeah i i that would be great like when i was dating um zoe kravitz and i dumped her and and i was like man that'd be really cool she came just crawling back to me but there are moments where i break up with people and or they break up with me and i'm like good like don't come calling back because i'm you know i'll give in too easy i think it's the dumb fantasy is around um

people that maybe like did you wrong right and then they dump you and you're just like hold up i'm amazing and you shouldn't have treated me like that and who do you think you are and now you're walking away in your high house wonder you were gonna realize yeah how amazing i am and you're gonna come crawling back and then i'm gonna be like no thank you bye-bye right and you want yeah

You want that opportunity. And so the fact that he kind of did her dirty, Sam did her dirty. She like spilled her heart out. And then he was just like, no, thank you. Now here he is crawling back being like, I want you. I want you. And she has the power. So yeah, I think a lot of people have that dumb fantasy.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And Jess obviously weirdly goes about handling things in a very strange way. You know, like when she decides to she decides to tell him that she's been she's been seeing Winston. And which I thought, you know, I thought is obvious, you know, but in certain moments, I'm always like it also makes me the butt of the joke. And part of me was like, well, hold on.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I thought that was a very funny moment, especially with the confusion going on because Winston can't hear a damn thing. And as she's explaining to Sam all these things and he's kind of cosigning it purely accidentally. I thought it was a very funny moment, especially when Sam and Winston had that little sit down where he pulls the cranberry out of his ear and he's saying, yeah, I knew it would be you.

I knew you'd be the guy, you know, which means he totally had it wrong because I think we know where this is headed. The what you say when you do the fake breakup. One of the funniest things ever. The things you call her, the throwing of the drink.

Unnecessary. Completely. Way out of hand, but that made me laugh out loud. What did you say? You called her a... I said, be gone, honky. I said, through a drink at her.

Wait, do you know if you made that? Was that improvised or not? There's no way I'm improvising calling somebody a honk. This ain't the 60s. I was like, what? Where did that come from? Who wrote it? I want to ask because it was Love who wrote the episode. That sounds like a Love joke. I can't. I got to ask him. That is one of the funniest things. I was like, whose mind was like, you know what?

And even the throwing of the drink, I think I remember something. I remember a moment where it was, are we throwing the drink in her face? Or are we throwing the drink on her? And then it being a bit of a discussion on set. And it didn't make any sense for me to throw the drink on her face. Because I'm putting on a ruse. I'm just kind of like, here, I'm tossing the drink at your face.

You know what I mean? Something really light and easy. And I remember it being a thing like, are we going to throw it in her face? No, I don't think we're going to. It was also one before they'd established that Winston does go too big, though. Like, I feel like if that had been established, you could have thrown it in her face. But two, I also feel like it was really cold when we shot this, which is why everybody's in a coat.

And we only had this location for a little bit of time. And to do the reset, if you threw it in her face for hair and makeup would be super annoying. Those are like the practical things I think of shooting a TV show sometimes where you make decisions where it's not just all about what would my character do? It's just like, that clock's a ticking. Just a little on

What would hair and makeup do? That's right. That's the question right there. That's right. Go talk to Glam and see what we can have happen. Hey, folks, give us a second. We will be right back.

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Remember that, by the way, we're back. When you just threw it a break, it reminded me of those. After these messages, we'll be right back. Yeah. Remember that? I do remember that. After these messages. Fun fact. Fun fact. This is not a fun fact. This is a fun, searchable fact. Folks, find out who sang that song. Who sang that little jingle? The jingle for what?

Yeah, it was might have been like TGI Friday or our son cartoon after these messages Yeah, maybe other cartoons Saturday morning cartoons for all the Hanna-Barbera Mm-hmm. That's do it You need that Tom and Jerry you're gonna have to sit here and be sold some GI Joes, you know Mine was I think pro stars. I think that was a Michael. It was a cartoon with Michael Jordan Wayne Gretzky I want to say Bo Jackson and somebody said pearl stars. I

Pearl stars. And I was like, pearl stars? What? Pro stars? Pro stars. I think it was called pro stars. It was a cartoon that came out back then. But we digress. Now, we got two other little weird relationship-y things going on here. We've got Cece and Schmidt. You know, you gave him a gift.

And he's acting like, you know what I mean? He's acting like a little real rude. Like, I get it. If you're just like, look, I'm not ready to be friends with you right now. So I'm going to take some space. One thing. But to be that rude and relentless, I was like, man, CC has more patience than I ever, ever would have. And then when he takes it and hangs it to like some rando chick.

I was like, all right, bro. Because at the end of the episode, if you remember, when they're standing in the halls of the pediatric ward, they have this sweet moment looking back. I would not give anybody a sweet look after that night with that man. I don't even care if something sweet's happening or it's Christmas. You're still going to get the full dirty look. That's true. That's true. So obviously, you had made a decision to take your talents elsewhere, right? That's right.

So then you bring him a gift. First of all, that's your fault. Also thought that was like ridiculous. I was just sort of like, you know what it is. It's not that it's,

people in their twenties in relationships that still have feelings, but they don't want to have feelings. So then they sit there and say, well, let's just have a friendship, but they don't know how to handle the friendship and it's mixed messages and it's messy. And that's also why new girl I thought was like such a great show because of course it doesn't make sense, but nobody, when they're dating in their twenties and they fall in love, but they don't know how to handle the relationship makes smart, rational, sensical choices. Yeah.

So in that way, it checks out. Of course, your weird ex that doesn't want anything to do with you would show up and give you a present. And you'd be like, what do you need a present for? You said you didn't want to be with me. Classic. Classic. Yeah, that makes sense. I'm not going to lie to you. I still every once in a while look at my ex-girlfriend's IG stories. So it's the same thing.

She knows you're looking. I doubt it. You're like, I have a whole burner account. I have a ghost IG account. It's called welcome back to our show. Welcome back to our show. Okay.

All right. So but also simultaneously what's happening in this episode, I will say, is is Nick, you know, Nick is dating Olivia Munn in this one or Jake is dating. You know what I mean? And so it's a weird it's a weird dynamic between them, too, because she is a stripper, which fun fact, I dated a stripper.

And that's the story. That's the whole story. But it's nothing different. It's not like, you know what I mean? You're walking into orgies every day or something like that. I think what they're trying to imply with him, though, is that he's intimidated by her comfort around sex and her body and being confident about

But it's really, I think that's what her whole thing is. She's just, she just is. She is just a confident human who happens to also do that for a job. And so I feel like that's where she gets super offended because she's just like, I'm just a human being and I do that for my job. And yes, I'm confident. And yes, I'm ballsy and strong.

And you need to get it together. That's why that moment when they go to that third party. I love that scene of Jess and Nick in the phone booth where they're kind of calling each other out. And it's like a real friendship. It kind of reminded me of a lot of conversations you and I had in our trailers as friends. We were dating people and figuring things out.

um it was just really honest and but kind yeah yeah because making mistakes everybody was making mistakes yep um it's a really sweet um it was a really sweet another little christmas moment but this is what i will say about that christmas party and i don't know because again i did not remember this episode so i watched it with fresh eyeballs um when

Jake comes over and does the lap dance for Olivia Munn. And there's nothing I love more than watching Jake Johnson dance in a show because I know he hates it so much. So he gets super weird with it to make it funny because he's uncomfortable. So it's my favorite thing to watch as a friend watching a friend have to do that. So I'm already like laughing. But when Max... Yes.

stepped in and pushed Olivia out of the way and said, this is how it's done. Because in my mind, this is the first time I've ever seen this.

And does this scene and the way Jake slithers to the floor between his legs and runs out. It honestly is the, I started laughing so hard and I started crying. It, one of the funniest moments. And I was like, how is one of the funniest moments maybe in our series? That's just little moment. I forgot. Cause I don't forget that stuff.

I was so delighted that I could rediscover a moment like that in our show and it could catch me off guard and make me laugh that hard. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. I died laughing watching it. I was rewatching this the other day and I was in tears. Tears! Because I don't remember being there for that. I was just like, what the hell?

But now I'm like mad. We could have been in the room and watched Jake have to sit through it with Max. And you know, Max would want to make him feel the most uncomfortable because it's super funny to him. And the way Jake would have to get, I would, the fact that we could have had front row seats, because I bet you we weren't in the room when that happened because we were nowhere near that. It just kills me. That's a close set. That's a close set. There's an intimacy coordinator. Yeah, I know. Yeah.

It's going to now be in my top 20 funniest moments of New Girl ever. For sure. I'm so grateful I got to rewatch it. Now, there's a moment also when Winston is singing. Up on the housetop, click, click. I think I get royalties from that. Ha ha ha!

I'm still, I, I, random, random story. I was, um, I'd made a little bit of music in my day, like stupid, stupid stuff, um, dumb comedy albums and whatever, and parody videos. And, and so, you know, you have to register that type of stuff with publishing companies, which is, I don't know anything about this type of stuff. And then BMI is one of them. And I get these emails randomly saying, check your BMI statement, check your BMI statement. The new statement is in, and I'm going, I, I,

I don't even know my login. What is this? And I go in there and there's so much random, you know, checks in there. It's just like 300 bucks here, 500 bucks here, 200 bucks here for like over the years. Right. And so they obviously get sent over and direct deposited, but I'm not seeing them physically. So I'm looking at all of these statements and I'm going, what are these for? And singing, singing,

Elations is on there. So me and Sam Richardson get paid from Elations. Elations. Get out. Yes. And then this, me singing this song. I am in shock. I was like, what the hell? Why didn't I sing more stuff on the show? What was wrong with me? I made some mistakes. Every show you're on, just start singing. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. The things you learn too late. They got to get, they got to pay you. They got to pay you for that beautiful voice of yours. You know, I'm a voice of an angel. That's what people say. People, they see me on the street. They go, my God. They're like, you are so, don't make her sing anything. No, she's got to pay us if she wants to sing it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You got a beautiful voice and everyone knows it.

Let's fast forward to the end of this episode because I have to ask about the Olivia Munn boob flash. Yeah. Here's the thing. That is Nick's girl. And then Schmidt runs out to take a peek and Winston. And I was like, these are not your friends. Winston didn't take a peek. Winston had dropped something. Yeah.

He had dropped something. He had come back to pick it up. I was like, these are not your friends. That's the most disrespectful. I was like, this is a Christmas episode. Yeah. What is happening? It was weird. But at the same time, I got to say, you know, that's real. That'll probably happen. You know, she is out to open like the clerk gets to see what he's talking about. What are you doing? There's this great show called Colin from Accounts.

an Australian show that I love so, so, so, so much. And there's the pilot, the lead actor, she walks out and she flashes a boob, just like impulsively. And then the guy goes to work and his friend is just like, you saw like a free stranger boob, but like out in the wild.

Like you didn't have to do anything for it. And they didn't expect anything. They're like, this is like the unicorn of all unicorns of life, man. Like this is, that's just like, that's the most, you just had the most incredible experience of life. And I just remember this incredible speech that happens and Colin from accounts. I love that show. I love the couple that created that show. It's a wonderful show. You should watch it. It made me think of in this episode, I was like,

Two guys, two guys in our episodes, free boob in the wild. Two of them, just two boobs in the wild. Which I guess for a lot of people, that's just like highlight of the year. Never forget that time was a free boob. Loose boob. That's a loose boob. Loose boob. It's a loose boob. The Christmas gifts in this episode. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. A couple of loose boobs. These are the real gifts for me. For

Fun fact, everybody. No, she didn't really flash the clerk. No, we didn't really see her boobs. Okay, guys, calm down. Put your testosterone away. But I will say the actor who played Black Santa never saw him again. So maybe that was real Santa. Maybe that was real Santa. Maybe that was Santa. We should look him up because hopefully nothing sad happened.

So maybe it was really Santa. Maybe it was. Maybe you click on his account. There's there's nothing there because he he's the Christmas. I'm trying to end this podcast like that. I believe. OK, ask me my favorite question so that I can be really happy about it. And we have. Well, are you happy? Are you are you going to be happy about the question I'm about to ask you?

um you're gonna see you're gonna see and i think me and all the fans out there really want to know where's the bear now it's time for where's the bear where's the bear

Where's the Bear is brought to you by Hyundai. When it comes to your journey, Hyundai is thinking of every mile. Ooh, where's the bear? Ooh, where's the bear? I'm singing it. Hopefully I get like a royalty, but it's my own song. So I guess it doesn't work like that. Well, let me tell you, this is why our listeners are the best. The best. And they're on the quest with me because I got a DM sent to me.

from shy stuff and she said miss shy stuff she said the where's the bear moment in season 2 episode 11 santa is in the first 10 seconds of the episode nick says that santa gave him his own fire truck and a teddy bear that smelled like his dad's cigarettes thank you so much y'all for helping me

Prove my theory right. Bear in this episode. Well, well, also fun fact, shyster. I'm sorry, but you dropped the ball shyster. There are a couple of more moments. Not when bear was just said verbally. We also see Nick Johnson's bare ass.

And we see Olivia Munn's bear boobs. This is my Christmas miracle that you would count that. That makes me so happy because it basically shows me that you're also on the bear believer side, which is a very, very, very nice thing for me to hear on a Christmas episode. So thank you for supporting it. Bear butts, bear boobs, teddy bears. I will take them all. I needed bears. I'll take the trifecta.

100%. And you being from Canada, Bare Naked Ladies. Yeah. Which is a band. Which is a band, guys. They're a great band. Thanks for helping us with our Bear Hunt Hyundai. Remember, with Hyundai, it's all about the journey. Whatever your destination, they've got the latest tech to get you there safe and keep your passengers entertained along the way. From shopping to buying to owning, Hyundai has your back. Learn more at HyundaiUSA.com.

I love doing this episode. Yeah, Santa's not real. Santa's not real. Let's just end it on that note. Santa is not real. That man a liar. He's a creep in your neighborhood who just has an excuse for speaking into your home. That should be a relief to people. It should be a relief. I'm so sorry we ruined that for you, but you should be relieved that no one's creeping into your house and watching you all year round. Yeah. No, no, no. That's weird. That's weird. Yeah. Let us help you out. Okay. We'll be right back.

MITRE's mission is to solve problems for a safer world. If you have a passion for applied cybersecurity with skills in infrastructure threat intelligence, deterrence technologies, advisal threat emulation, or intelligence analysis, explore the many challenging and fulfilling career opportunities at MITRE.org slash careers. That's M-I-T-R-E dot org slash careers.

For 25 years, Brightview Senior Living Associates have been committed to creating a vibrant culture and delivering exceptional services, making Brightview a great place to work and live. If you're looking for a rewarding opportunity to serve your local community and grow, we want you to join our team. Brightview Senior Living is growing and actively seeking vibrant associates to join our community teams, including directors, healthcare, activities, hospitality, and dining. Apply today at careers.brightviewseniorliving.com. Equal employment opportunities.

Text BVJOBS to 97211 to apply. Hey guys, Mario Lopez here to tell you the national sales event is on at your Toyota dealer. Making now the perfect time to get a great deal on a dependable new SUV like an adventure-ready RAV4. Available with all-wheel drive, your new RAV4 is built for performance on any terrain. Or check out a stylish and comfortable Highlander with seating for up to eight passengers and available panoramic moonroof so you can sit back, enjoy the wide open views with a whole family.

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In Orlando, anything is possible if you can imagine it. Plan your escape today and save at visitorlando.com. That's visitorlando.com for everything you need for an amazing getaway. And folks, we are back and we were, you know, as we always do on this lovely, lovely show, we're going to end this thing with a little segment we like to call Nick's Box.

Now, since we're missing Zoe, you know, we're doing a very special Knicks box. We're going to go back to our closets and pull out our favorite memories from Santa. So, Hannah, what was your favorite memory? This is the one. Honestly, it's a Christmas miracle. OK, because I truly believe so far in all the episodes we've watched, I have remembered all of them.

So clearly every single one. And the fact here's the gift of the fact, though, except for those stuff shot in that crazy house, because I remember that house so clearly the Christmas miracle. And so now it's my favorite memory of not only this episode, but it's going to be up there in the season is is going to be the moment.

Where Schmidt lap dances for Nick. That is just going. And it's just, and the fact that I, I didn't know it was coming and I got that punch in the chest. Laugh is it's going to make me smile like all week. One of the funniest things. I'm so grateful. I got to see it with fresh eyes and my Christmas miracle is that I forgot it ever. Thank you so much. Black Santa.

Yeah, Black Santa. That's probably my favorite part of this was getting to hang out with an old dude with a beard. An old black dude telling me all these old civil rights stories. No, I'm kidding. Black Santa's alive! Yeah, his name is Jairus Poindexter. Poindexter. Jairus Poindexter. He's still alive. He's not creeping in your houses. He's an actor, folks. He's not really Santa Claus.

fantastic actor. Um, but no, I would say that's probably my, one of my favorite moments. Cause you know, I love the moments when we're all sitting in a car or all, you know, doing a bit, we're all in the scenes together. You know what I mean? And when he shows up, you know, that just add a little fun, quick little moment to kind of tie up the loose end of Winston, not knowing, uh,

you know, if that is real or not, you know what I mean? And to me, it just keeps adding to the mystique and stupidity of, of Winston. And obviously down the line, you'll see more and more stupidity come from him. So yeah, I'd probably say that it's my favorite moment. I love doing this episode with you, Morne. It was great. Oh, you as well. It was well.

So folks, go ahead and give us five stars, you know, if you like this episode. I like how shameless we are. We love doing this podcast so much. We really love hanging out. We love rewatching our show. I love all the messages you send and help me on my bear quest and things you notice. It truly is like it's just the best journey.

I can't even call it a job. So I think that's why we're shameless. We want people to know how much we love it. We hope you love it. So let us know if you love it. That's right. Go buy a mug. All right. Bye. See ya. Bye.

Thank you.

Our engineer and editor is Danil Goodman. The Welcome to Our Show theme song was written by Zooey Deschanel, performed and produced by Zooey Deschanel and Pierre Derrida. Follow us on Instagram at WelcomeToOurShowPod. If you have a question you'd like us to answer, you can email us at WelcomeToOurShowPodcast at gmail.com. Don't forget to rate, subscribe, and share far and wide. Thanks for listening. We'll hear you next week. Welcome to Our Show.

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MITRE's mission is to solve problems for a safer world. If you have a passion for applied cybersecurity with skills in infrastructure threat intelligence, deterrence technologies, advisal threat emulation, or intelligence analysis, explore the many challenging and fulfilling career opportunities at MITRE.org slash careers. That's M-I-T-R-E dot org slash careers.

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