Brain Hacks: 6 Secrets to Learn Faster & Unlock The Full Power Of Your Mind
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Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Today, you and I are going to learn how to take better care of your brain. And maybe you've never even thought about the fact that you should take better care of your brain, or that you even can. And if you really stop and think about it, why don't we?

I mean, your brain is the supercomputer that keeps you alive. It's responsible for your mental health, your happiness, your memory, your focus. It keeps your body right. I mean, it is literally in charge of everything. If your brain's not working, you're dead. Why isn't there a user manual for the most important organ in your body? I mean, you literally cannot live without it.

Well, the experts that you're going to meet today say taking care of your brain, this supercomputer that runs your life, is super easy. And based on more than 200,000 brain scans, there are little hacks that you can do every single day to sharpen, strengthen, and build a better and happier brain. And I really want you to think about this for a second. I mean, you pay so much attention to your teeth.

You brush your teeth every day, you floss, you whiten them. And how about your nails? I mean, you're constantly fussing with your nails, whether you're cutting them, filing them, you dip, you gel, you paint, you push back the cuticles, you make sure there's no gunk under them. I mean, just think about it. It's kind of like a daily thing to fuss with your nails. What if building a better brain was as easy as brushing your teeth or pushing back your cuticles?

Well, it is. And the number one brain doctor on the planet is here to teach you a simple habit that you need to do every morning that's as fast as brushing your teeth. I mean, isn't that cool? Sign me up. And guess what? I'm just getting started. Six world-renowned experts are here to teach you daily tricks that will help you take better care of your brain and unleash its full potential.

You're going to get the simple science on improving your memory, the right foods to eat, beating procrastination, and one thing that a renowned doctor wants you to avoid to have a better brain. And what about that little voice in your head? Is there anything you can do to improve that? Of course there is. And finally, you're going to meet a Harvard-trained professor and learn a daily habit for boosting your brain's capacity for happiness. You're

your mind is never going to be the same. And everything that you're going to learn today is as easy as brushing your teeth.

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Hey, it's your friend Mel, and thank you so much for being here with me and taking the time to listen to something that could improve your life. That is just so cool, and it's an honor to be together today. If you're a new listener, I want to welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I'm so glad you're here. I'm Mel Robbins. I am excited to share this time with you. And today, you and I are talking about a topic that you may have never even considered.

which is how you should be taking care of your brain. I mean, the same way that you brush your teeth or fuss with your nails, there are simple things you and I can do to make your brain better, sharper, smarter, and happier. And my mission today is to make you want to take care of your brain. And I'll admit something to you. Until I started the Mel Robbins podcast, I didn't think about taking care of my brain. You know, I just thought about my brain and I pictured that sort of mound of macaroni that's like at the back of your head.

After today, though, it will not be an afterthought. Your brain will become a daily priority because you're going to meet six world-renowned experts, including the number one brain doctor on the planet, professors from Stanford and Harvard Medical School, and researchers who are here for just one reason, to empower you with simple science-supported hacks and daily practices that will help you take action.

care of your brain and unleash its full potential. And what I love about the six experts is that they all have this incredible message of hope and empowerment with all the simple hacks they're about to teach you.

The fact is you can build a better brain. And it doesn't matter how young you are or how old you may be. This is the truth. It's science. Whether you've had concussions, whether you did well in school or you didn't, whether you're a fast processor or slow processor, you can build a better brain using the simple proven strategies that you're about to learn today.

And the first expert I cannot wait for you to meet is Jim Quick. Jim, like all six experts today, has appeared on the Mel Robbins podcast. And if you want to dig in deeper to his advice or anything that you're about to hear, just go to the show notes. You can find them at melrobbins.com slash podcast. And I want to give you some context for what you're about to hear from Jim. When Jim was little, they used to call him, get this, the boy with the broken brain.

And they called him that due to this freak accident that happened to him in elementary school in his classroom.

He was standing on this chair in his classroom and he fell off it and hit his head on a radiator. And after that accident, Jim had incredible difficulty learning, studying, memorizing, and even simply functioning in the classroom. But luckily for you, he figured out not only how to heal his brain, but Jim Quick is now a world-renowned brain coach teaching millions of people how to have a sharper memory, better information retention, and a happier brain.

and today he is your brain coach. I want Jim, who is a world-renowned brain coach and the head of a very successful brain institute, to share with you this incredibly positive message about your brain. And we're gonna start here.

Because his words are inspiring. They're based on the work that he does with thousands of people every single year and extensive research. And here's Jim after I asked him this question. Jim, do you really believe absolutely anyone can improve their brain?

You need to hear this. It's been my experience coaching people every single day for the past 32 years that regardless of your age, your background, your career, your diet, your education level, your financial situation, your gender, your history, IQ, that we all can improve. It's about advancing. It's about progressing beyond what you're currently demonstrating or what you believe is possible.

We know that about one third of your brain's performance, like its memory, is predetermined by genetics and biology. But that means two thirds is in your direct control. We have more influence than we think. All right. The brain coach just told you that you can change your brain. And so let's go to one thing that everyone wants to know how to improve. And that's your memory.

So here's Jim again after I asked him, now, Jim, I've tried everything. Can you tell me how the heck can I remember someone's name? Here's the quick method, suave. When you're, next time you're at an event and you wanna, you will say, I'm gonna remember names. Look at yourself, say, I'm gonna be suave.

The S, say the name right away. When somebody gives you their name, greet them back using their name because it means you get through it twice. And also, you don't want to have a 20-minute conversation with somebody. Let's say there's a lot of background noise, 20-minute conversation with Ted and say goodbye, Ed, right? You want to be corrected up front. I like the fact that you say the name immediately because even if you say it wrong, they'll correct you and they're not going to be offended because if you say it immediately, it's

It's just that you heard it wrong. It's not that you didn't remember it. - Yeah, no, absolutely. So you say the name, then you use it three or four times in the conversation. And then A in suave, ask. This works really well for people who have unusual names or names you haven't heard before. What can you ask about a person's name? How do you say your name? How do you spell your name? Where is it from? Who were you named after?

Or does it mean something in another language? Right. So everyone's favorite topic is their name. Because think about it's probably one of the first words you heard, probably one of the first words you learned how to write. So it's one of the reasons why it's the sweetest sound. But ask about a person's name. They'll be flattered, especially unusual names. OK, I just want to make sure that as you're listening to Jim, you picked up on the fact that he has this acronym SWAV.

And suave is what we're using as the tool to help us remember someone's name. You said it kind of fast, Jim. So I'm just kind of slowing it down for those of us who may not be as quick in the super brain as you are. The S is for say it. Got that. Makes sense. Say it as soon as they say their name. U is for use it, which also makes sense because the more you use it in a sentence without being creepy, the more you're likely to remember it.

A, ask about it. What does the V in suave stand for? The V in suave is visualize. And this is how I do it in front of audiences. If there's time on stage, I'll have 30, 40, 50 people stand up, pass around a microphone, and I'll memorize, you know, words of 100 names, depending on how much time we have. But how I do it is I would just visualize the person's name, meaning,

most people listening are better with faces than they are with names. You go to someone and say, I remember your face, but I'm sorry, I forgot your name. You never go to someone and say, I remember the opposite. I remember your name, but I forgot your face. That doesn't happen. Your visual cortex takes up more real estate

And so we tend to remember what we see. And if we tend to remember what we see, try seeing what we want to remember. You meet someone for the first time and their name is Mary. Imagine for a split second that she's carrying two lambs underneath her arms. Mary had a little lamb, right? You meet someone named David, just hit him in the nose with a slingshot. David and Goliath, right? And people say that's so childish.

who are the fastest learners? You know, children can learn languages, musical instruments, and they make fun of names, but that helps you to remember it because if you could see it, feel it, and hear it, you're not going to forget it. Got it. Right? So you're hearing it, you're visualizing it, and you're making it kind of funny or ludicrous.

And then you're not going to forget it. So a person's name is Mike. Imagine they jump on a table and sing on a microphone. And when you say goodbye to them, you're going to remember, oh, that was the guy that did that. What's his name? Mike. And then finally, the E in suave stands for end. End the conversation saying goodbye using their name. Because if you could walk into a room of strangers and leave saying, let's say 20 people and leave saying goodbye to every single one of them,

who are they all going to remember? You, right? That's an absolute standout skill.

It is a standout skill. And you know what? I love that end, which is the E in suave, is you end the interaction with somebody by saying the person's name. I mean, that's a fantastic tip that makes it stick. And I also love that he made it easy to remember by turning this little hack into an acronym. And I'm going to be so suave. Say their name. Use their name. Ask a question with their name. Visualize and end with their name.

and you just unleashed, boom, the power of your memory and built a better brain. I mean, how suave is that? I told you it was going to be as easy as pushing back your cuticles, and then I just proved it to you. So thanks, Jim Quick. Next up, Dr. Daniel Amen. Now, Dr. Amen is the number one brain doctor on the planet. Let me tell you a little bit about the Mel Robbins Podcast alum, Dr. Amen. He is a double board certified psychiatrist, a 9.5

New York Times bestselling author. I don't know where he has the time to write all these books because he is also the founder and medical director of Amen Clinics, which has done nearly 200,000 brain scans on patients from 111 countries. By the way, including my own brain and my husband Chris's brain.

And Dr. Amen is here today to tell you the exact habits and foods that make a healthy brain. Now, I want you to listen to his world-class advice because here's what I asked him. Dr. Amen, what are some of the micro habits that have the biggest impact on the health of your brain? So I start every day with today is going to be a great day.

Because once you get the physical functioning of your brain healthy, you then have to program. So I start every day. So why is today going to be a great day for you? Directing your mind. And then my favorite of all the habits I do is when I go to bed at night, I say a prayer and then I go, what went well today?

And I go on a treasure hunt. And I actually start from the very moment I woke up looking for what was right.

about the day. And I've done this now seven or eight years. And even the night my dad died, it was an awful, awful day. I did it because it was my habit, right? The brain is lazy. It does what you nudge it to do. And so...

It really helped me even in a really hard time. But it's almost my favorite time of the day because like you, I'm busy and great things will happen and I'll just not really focus on it. I love the idea of a treasure hunt. And there's no doubt that if you make it a habit to ask yourself every single night, what went well today? In fact, why not ask yourself that question as you're brushing your teeth?

Why not clean your brain of all the negativity while you're cleaning your teeth of all the crap that's on them? It's a simple habit for a better brain. And if you do it while you brush your teeth, what went well today? It's as fast as cleaning them.

Now, I also asked Dr. Amen about brain foods, and he has a list of five things that you should be eating for brain health. What are those five things? Well, they're so simple, it's almost as simple as picking out a polish for your nails. By the way, I love that analogy because all of these things he wants you to eat are also quite colorful, like a nail polish.

Here is Dr. Amen to explain the food you should eat for a better brain. Wild salmon for the omega-3 fatty acids.

Blueberries, I often call them brain berries. So people take blueberry extract, as has been shown, to improve memory. Okay. Nuts and seeds. People who eat nuts and seeds on a regular basis have a lower incidence of depression and diabetes.

dementia. Leafy greens for the fiber and the magnesium. But my favorite one is raw cacao.

or, you know, the main ingredient in chocolate. Wow. I want you to try this. I make brain healthy hot chocolate virtually every day. How do you make it? I get raw cacao. So for each serving, you know, say the serving's like 12 ounces, a heaping teaspoon of raw cacao, unsweetened organic almond milk. And you could do it with other nut milks, but I like almond milk.

And there's a company called Sweet Leaf that makes liquid chocolate stevia. And so I heat up the milk. I mix in the raw cacao. I put a couple of dropper bowls of chocolate stevia and put it in a blender. It tastes amazing. I love my brand healthy hot chocolate and it loves me back.

So whatever you eat or whatever you do, I mean, we're in a relationship with what we eat and what we do. And is it a mutually positive relationship or is it destructive?

So salmon, berries, nuts, seeds, leafy greens, and raw cacao. Eat those for a healthy brain. Now, I did not expect him to say hot chocolate is a brain food. Now I'm all in, and this episode just keeps getting better and better. Who knew?

that learning about your brain and how to take care of it could also be so fun. And it sure is better than going to the dentist, if you know what I mean. So let's spread the fun and share this with everyone that you love. You know the first two people that come to mind?

who need to know how to take better care of their brains are my daughters. If they were to spend half the amount of time taking care of their brain like they do with the amount of time they spend trying to make manicure appointments and figuring out what styles they're going to do, who knows what would happen? I'll tell you what would happen. They'd have a smarter, faster, healthier brain. And when we come back from the break...

You're going to learn from a Harvard medical doctor that there is one thing that you should avoid for your brain health and you're going to learn why. And a little later, you're going to learn how to stop procrastinating. Just wait, but don't go anywhere. I'll be right back.

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Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins, and you and I are talking about the sexiest organ in your body, and that is your brain, and why you need to start taking care of it, okay? Simple things, big impact. And we started by really focusing on the topic of memory, and I want to stay on it, because next up is a Harvard doctor on the show who unpacked the research about how alcohol impacts your brain and makes your memory worse.

And her research is so compelling. And when you hear her share it and you truly understand the impact that alcohol has on brain function, you may feel way more motivated to stop drinking or at least cut way back. Dr. Sarah Wakeman is the Senior Medical Director of Substance Use Disorder at Harvard's Mass General Brigham. Now, Harvard's Mass General Brigham has been ranked as the number one research hospital

in the world. She's an associate professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School, and she is absolutely outstanding in how she explains the relationship between alcohol and your brain. And I really wanted you to hear this because if you're trying to improve your memory or get mental clarity back, this is going to be a wake-up call for you.

I asked her to describe how alcohol compromises your memory specifically, and here is what Dr. Wakeman said.

So alcohol affects all parts of the brain, including the amygdala, which is an area that lays down memory. And it, you know, has complicated actions in the brain. So it increases sort of more slowing down hormones. So we think of it as a depressant because it sort of slows you down and relaxes you. And it decreases more excitatory neurotransmitters.

In the short term, because you're sort of your consciousness is being affected, you won't be making new memories. Over the long term, heavy alcohol use can actually cause dementia. It can cause severe memory problems. There's actually a unique condition that we only see with alcohol generally, where the part of your brain that lays down new memories gets damaged and people die.

get basically an amnesia syndrome where they can't make new memories. So they can only remember things from the past, but they're unable to make any new memories. And that's a very extreme example, but we see it in the hospital and it's really scary when it happens. What do you see when you look at a brain where somebody's been a heavy drinker versus somebody that's occasional or very light? We actually see brain damage on people who've had chronic heavy alcohol use over many years. So if you take a picture of the brain, like with a CAT scan or with an MRI, you

what we describe it as is volume loss. So normally you want to see a big, healthy, robust brain. And as you age and with types of dementia, one thing that we see is the brain starts to shrink. So like the actual functional parts of the brain are smaller. We see that process accelerated with heavy alcohol use. So often...

take someone who's in their 50s who really shouldn't have volume loss of their brain at that age, but if they've been using alcohol at a very heavy amount for a long time, we'll often see their brain looks like a much older brain because of that shrinking. And then there are very extreme examples like this rare memory condition where we literally see that part of the brain almost die. Like you can see it light up that it's been severely impacted. That news is a little scary, right? I mean, when you really hear her explain it in medical terms,

But if your heart is sinking right now for yourself or for someone that you love, I do want to remind you

that your brain can get better. I mean, that's the coolest thing about your brain. And every single expert that you have met so far and every expert that we've had on the podcast, whether they're a medical doctor or a neuroscientist, agrees that your brain adapts to positive changes, which is why it's so important for you to start taking care of your brain the same way you brush your teeth every single day.

And if you're sitting here feeling like, gosh, there's stuff I gotta do, this is your sign to take a step toward that better brain today. And this information, by the way, isn't just for you, it's for everybody that you love. So if you're tired of trying to get someone else to truly take a look at alcohol and the impact that it's having on their life, just let Dr. Wakeman explain what she just explained to you. All you gotta do is share this episode. And it could be the wake-up call that the person that you love needed.

because Dr. Wakeman also shared something pretty extraordinary, which is when you cut back or stop drinking, there is a long list of immediate health benefits that you're going to feel. Check this out. Yeah, you'll see a lot of really quick things. You'll sleep better and feel more restored. You may lose weight. There's a lot of

calories in alcohol. So if your goal is to lose weight, you're drinking a ton of liquid calories. So you may find that that's better. You may find that your exercise capacity goes up because you're resting more and you're not having hangovers and you're able to exercise in a way that feels different. You may find that you're less irritable and more present for your loved ones, that your mood is actually better over time. Your skin might look better. You're less dehydrated. Your hormones are more regulated, so you may have less acne. So all of those benefits you can often see in a very short time, and that can be reinforcing a

as you decide what you want your long-term goals to look like, to really see what life is like with less or without alcohol. I just feel better listening to Dr. Wakeman tell me all the things that are going to improve. Simply cutting back on alcohol, one thing has all that benefit. I'm in. All right. Next up, we're going to really switch gears now. In fact, you and I are going to speed it way up

Get ready to meet Professor Ferrari. Yup, I kid you not, that is his name. And I'm not joking that Professor Ferrari is one of the world's leading researchers on the topic of procrastination. He is a renowned psychologist and professor of psychology at DePaul University. And once you learn the little shifts he's about to share with you, procrastination will never slow you down again.

You and I are going to jump right into the interview right after I ask Dr. Ferrari, what is procrastination?

Here's his answer. Everything shows that procrastination is a maladaptive lifestyle. You know, there's that expression. If you want something to be done, you give it to a busy person. Why? That makes no sense. Why a busy person? Because the busy person values your time and values their time and knows that there are things that have to get done. All right. So this is not an adaptive strategy.

Let me stop there and say, I'm not shaming or condemning anybody who's a procrastinator. I'm going to show you how procrastination is a learned tendency. And that means you can unlearn it. But that's how I would define it. It's irrational. It prevents you from reaching your goal. Everybody procrastinates, but not everyone is a procrastinator. What's the difference?

Thank you very much. 20% of adult men and women are chronic procrastinators. And as a research psychologist, those are the people I want to study. 20%. Now, you might say, that's all, Ferrari? That's higher than depression, substance abuse, panic attacks, alcoholism, right? And yet we treat this humorously. I procrastinate. Well, do you procrastinate on one task?

Then you procrastinate. Or do you procrastinate on a variety of things? That makes you a procrastinator. 20% of men and women, no significant gender difference. 20% of people, all right, will not RSVP on time and wait till the gauge goes on empty before they get more gas or get the third bill before they pay it.

You know they're going to miss your birthday and your anniversary and Christmas, and you'll get the cards later if you get anything and all that. And they'll always have an excuse. That's me. For them. That's me. Now, the next question is, well, then this, this, is this genetic? Are we just human nature? Are we born this way? No. What?

No, we're not born procrastinating. Oh, yeah. Some people will say, well, there's nothing I can do about it. That's just who I am. I'm just I'm always. No, no. You know, you learned to be a procrastinator. From who? You can unlearn it. Oh, from dads. But we'll get you there first.

So you learn to be a procrastinator, all right? So you can unlearn it. That's very optimistic. That means you're not condemned this way. Yes, you can teach old dogs new tricks. You just use a different bone and it takes them longer, but you can unlearn it.

If you're born that way, if that's just who you are, then let's call it a day. Then it's over. There's nothing I can do with it. And that's why, unfortunately, too much of our culture is this way. Well, that's how they are. That's how people are. No, no, people can change. Let's be much more optimistic. Our culture reinforces culture.

procrastination. We don't reward doing things early. We punish for being late in our culture. If I don't pay my bills on time, I get a fine. I get an extra charge on my credit card. If you're like me and my wife, in our 39 years of marriage, we pay ahead of time, all the time. I get the bill, I pay it because I don't, I just want to get rid of it.

All right? All right. So at the end of the year, did they ever come back and say, "Thank you very much. Here's a little extra gift. Here's 2%"? No. Our cultures don't reward us for doing things ahead of time. They punish us for being late. What are the causes

of procrastination? Fears. I'm afraid of failure. See, if I never finish, I can never be judged. Let me explain what I'm talking about. Okay. If I take my time doing something, if I don't meet the deadline and I delay, then I can simply say, you know, I didn't have enough time. I

I know this is not the best thing. This is as good as I can get it. But if I had more time, I would have done better. So lack of effort is not a positive image, but it's a better image than I did it and it's a piece of garbage. You know, if you put something together, it's good. So people would rather have other people think that they lack effort

Hence, I procrastinate. Then lack ability because I can't change ability the next time I can try harder. And so for a person who really is in their own way, they see themselves sabotaging. What can somebody do in their own life?

After hearing this, what are the baby steps? Start small. Don't think you just have to manage your time. That's not going to work for you. It's like dieting. You'll start in the beginning, but you'll give it up. Start small.

This is what cognitive therapists would ask you to do. First of all, what you're doing is you're looking at the forest and you're missing that the forest is made up of trees. Don't miss the forest because you're focused on the trees. That's not the procrastinator's problem. It's the other way around. They see the forest. Oh my God, this is a huge task. Holy cow, I can't get all of this done.

And they forget that the forest is made up of trees. So listener, viewer, all right, it's made up of trees. And so what if you cut down one tree at a time? Oh, that's too much for you? Then let's give me three branches. You can't do three branches? I'll take a handful of leaves. Start small. Do something. And so what if you fail? Don't you just love his passion and conviction?

And I just wanted to take, though, a highlighter and highlight a few things because he does move fast like a Ferrari. First of all, you were not born a procrastinator. Don't you love knowing that? Your brain can unlearn the habit of procrastination.

And to me, this is a very, very empowering message. And I've seen this play out in my own life. I used to be a huge procrastinator. I had no idea what to do about it. I thought I was just stuck being that way. And this is something you can change. And so I'm totally with Dr. Ferrari on this. It is true. You can train your brain to get things done on time. You can train yourself to chip away at it.

Second, I want to make sure, though, to really highlight this metaphor that he used so that it lands for you, okay? Because he was talking about the forest and the trees, and just to make sure that it really sticks, this is the way I think about it. The forest is the outcome. It's the thing you want to achieve. And when you think about the outcome, it's easy to get overwhelmed, and that's what makes procrastination kick in.

You want to think about the action. That's the singular tree. It's the, what do I need to wake up and do today? And I'm going to give you a couple examples because focusing on what you need to do today helps your brain beat procrastination. Here's how this works. So for example, if you want a beach body,

Just do arm exercises today. Do not get overwhelmed with trying to lose 30 pounds and getting cut and what's going to happen way down the line because when you look far out at the forest, the research says it kills your motivation to keep going. That's why you have to just wake up and focus on what's in front of you today, that singular treat, that singular action, and completely forget about where it's going in the bigger picture. If you want to get ahead at work, here's another example, and earn that promotion.

Stop freaking out about the bigger, "When is this gonna happen? "What's going on?" It gets you so overwhelmed that you don't do anything, right? I want you instead, focus on the one thing you can do today. One thing you could do today, you could have a conversation today with your boss about the fact that you do wanna grow with the organization and ask, "What do you need to do to make that happen?" That's one tree. And that's one way to move forward instead of paralyzing yourself by looking at the bigger picture.

If you want to move, here's another example. You've always dreamt of moving somewhere else. Stop like thinking about what it's going to be like a year from now. Just take one action today. Research a place that you've always thought about living. And don't feel like you have to go there. Don't feel like you have to figure it all out at once. Because when you focus on the tree, the one action you're taking today and you forget about everything else around,

It helps your mind calm down and it keeps procrastination from slowing you down. Because the key here, what you're learning from the fast Dr. Ferrari is do not allow yourself to get overwhelmed by the bigger picture because it's when you're overwhelmed and your wheels are spinning that procrastination kicks in.

Just focus on the simple action that you can take today. And that is how you can use your brain to never, ever let procrastination slow you down. Pretty cool, right? Well, I got to take a quick break. And when we come back,

We're going to talk about training your subconscious and making your self-talk more positive. I mean, you can even change that. How cool. And you're also going to learn an incredible little brain hack that is scientifically proven to make you happier. So stay with me. Okay. Ordered batteries? Done. Ordered groceries? Done. Meds? Oh, shoot. Healthy doesn't have to be hard. Use the same Walmart app you already shop with for your prescriptions and we'll send you refill alerts. ♪

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Hey, it's your friend Mel Robbins, and I am so glad you're still here. This is so important. Today, you and I are learning simple things that we can do based on the research from some of the world's leading experts to take better care of your brain. I am loving this, and we have already covered so much.

You've learned how to improve your memory. You've learned what foods you can eat in order to improve the overall health and functioning of your brain. You've learned how to use your brain to beat procrastination. You've also learned about the benefit of cutting back on alcohol and the immediate health impact that it can have. Next up, self-talk. You know that little voice in the back of your head? I mean, imagine if it were possible, just like you can brush the gunk off your teeth,

that you could brush the negativity from your brain? I mean, just imagine that. Well, our next expert says that is exactly what you can do. Dr. Paul Conti is a renowned psychiatrist that trained at Stanford and Harvard. And the way he taught us about the brain, it has stuck with me ever since I met him months ago.

Dr. Conti is an expert on trauma, which is connected to the subconscious mind and your self-talk. He's the author of the bestselling book, Trauma and the Invisible Epidemic. In fact, Lady Gaga credits Dr. Conti with single-handedly changing her life. He is her psychiatrist. Now, Dr. Conti made a huge impression on me when he was on the Mel Robbins podcast and spoke about how to train your brain to have better self-talk.

And I want you to listen to what he has to say, because yes, improving your memory is really important. Eating the right brain food, very important. But it's going to be a whole lot easier to start doing those things, to take care of yourself and following through

If you feel like you're worth it, and that's where your self-talk comes in. Your self-talk is tied to motivation. It's tied to self-worth. It's tied to everything, which is why it's essential that you learn these simple daily habits that help you clean it up and make it more powerful and positive.

Now, before Dr. Conti tells you how to do that, I first want to start with him explaining exactly what the voice in the back of your head is.

And here's what he said. Often a sort of running dialogue or set of opinions inside of us that are in the background to our experience of life in the present. And this can make a huge difference to how we respond to life in the present, how we think about ourselves and how we think about the world around us. So there's a lot more going on inside of us than what we're taking in at the moment. Very often it paints with a broad brush.

Or if it's not painting with a broad brush, it'll come at the thing that is most distressing to us. So the broad brush part could be just saying, oh, I'm a loser, right? Or even sometimes we see ourselves in the third person, you're a loser, you'll never make it. If it's more, if it's not so broad brush, then often it'll come at the thing that we most

You'll never have a better job or your relationship will never be better. You'll never find anyone. You'll never reconcile with a certain family member. Whatever it may be, you'll never be healthier. You'll never lose weight. You'll never be in better shape. Whatever it may be,

that this comes at us. And if you imagine, I mean, imagine that someone shadowed a person all day and just whispered in their ear the worst possible thing, you know, we would be distraught. I mean, someone to follow someone around and just tell them that all day, but we can do that to ourselves.

And that's not an exaggeration of like, what would it be like to have someone following behind doing that all day? You're just not good enough or no one's going to want me or no one's going to want you. We're talking to ourselves and it's painting with a very, very broad brush that is really kind of striking to the core. I mean, it's hard to argue that.

with something like that because it's so pervasive. So instead of arguing with it, the idea is to recognize it and reject it.

How do you do that?

And if we are sort of free to be curious about ourselves, it's not dangerous or threatening to be curious about ourselves. There's so much that we can learn. So just an example can be, what does myself talk like? What do I say to myself in quiet moments? What do I say to myself if I do something wrong?

What do I say to myself if I drop something? What do I say to myself if I approach a new social situation or a new challenge? So now we start to put words to things. Yes. When we put it outside of us, it's different, which is why if we're talking to someone, that can make a difference. A trusted other about, hey, I was thinking about, you know, like...

I'm saying this to myself over and over. I realize it's been going on in me for years. Can we say that to someone else or can we write it? Writing it down, journaling can make a big difference in that way. And the talking to another person can involve a therapist. So I very often will want people to understand we can change this.

But it's going to take us, I'm not sure, I might say, it's probably going to be in the four to six month range. We can really get our arms around this and hope that things can start improving a couple weeks down the road. But it's a several month process. Let the person know that because so often there's just a reflex that says, hey, somebody threw a medicine at you and that medicine is supposed to make you better.

Right. Let alone if it's like a couple of therapy sessions and that's supposed to make a person better. We need a rational framing for what's going on inside of us and and to plot out how do we actually get to change. You know, one of the things that I love about Dr. Conti is that don't you just trust him? I don't know if it's tone of his voice or just the way he explains things, but he's so honest and realistic.

And if you try this strategy once and then you don't feel good immediately, you're going to give up. And so I think it's super important that you understand that, yeah, you're going to feel better within weeks. It'll really stick within months. But this is something that you can do every single day that's super fast and simple. It's going to have a big impact. And that's sort of like all the advice from every single doctor and medical expert on the show today.

that there is this hope that's underlying all of it, that yes, you can build a better brain. And based on what you just learned from Dr. Conti, that if you truly practice this every single day, just like you brush your teeth every single day, within a few months, you can heal this pattern of negative self-talk and clean your brain, make it more positive.

You know, in fact, it reminds me of our son Oakley. He's going to kill me for telling you this, but in elementary school, he literally barely brushed his teeth. I mean, we used to beg him, dude, you got to brush your teeth. And his older sisters, they would tease him about it because they were like, dude, your teeth are like yellow and disgusting. And then all of a sudden it was like, I don't know if it was middle school or what. He just decided that it mattered to him to take care of his teeth.

And all it took was a couple months of daily brushing. And all of a sudden, he's got the brightest, cleanest, most beautiful choppers you've ever seen. Dr. Conti is here to say your brain works the same way. You can clean it up. You can make it brighter and more positive. And it just goes to show you that every single one of these experts has told you your brain can change.

And when you change the way you talk to yourself, you clean up that self-talk, you literally open a door to an entirely new world. And I so want that for you.

Well, Dr. Conti was far from done when we had him on the podcast. And there was something else that I really wanted you to hear. And it's all about, you know, why we have these patterns of self-sabotage. And I think you will find this metaphor that Dr. Conti and I discuss so helpful as you make it your mission to stop your negative self-talk too. We can start...

feeling better doing better emboldening ourselves just by doing small nice things for ourselves and for other people and it may sound trite but it is not right to to a good hand say if you're in that line of the coffee shop and somebody drops something you know to to pick it up for them or to give them a smile right or do something nicer for ourselves because we often self-punish and if

Just walk that distance in the rain instead of putting an umbrella up. Like we do a lot of these things to ourselves where we could just in the moment, just be nicer to ourselves, more considerate to ourselves and to others. And that starts empowering and emboldening us

to do that, to see there's enough good in me that I can give somebody a smile, I can give somebody a helping hand, or I can even be a little nicer to myself. And it may sound small or trite, but I promise that it is not. And it's often that that gets the ball rolling towards something maybe more difficult, like looking at something that I know is on my mind a lot, but I've been scared to look at. I think we can start in simple ways, simple goodness to self and others. Yes, that example of putting an umbrella up was so poignant.

Because I think of how many times I've had an umbrella and I've just been like, no, it's okay. I carry the umbrella. I walk a couple blocks. I pop my collar. I start a hunch down and I take the drops. And that moment where you stop and put up the umbrella, it is okay.

And I keep thinking about this visual of the raindrops being like the negative beatdown and the act of popping up the umbrella as a way to just have yourself not have to hear it. I really do love that because, you know, sometimes we'll say, ah, to hell with it, you know, like, but like the idea, I get the umbrella out, but to hell with it. No, no, that's actually to hell with me. So we want to stop and think like, what am I really thinking? To hell with me. I'm not worth getting the umbrella out.

And it's awareness. Like, I know I'm going to stop and I'm going to do that. I'm not going to say the hell with it, to hell with me. I'm going to make some protection. Make a little bit more pleasantness or anything positive for myself. And I love that way of then the umbrella is shielding us from the negativity because we've had the wherewithal inside of ourselves to do something small but meaningful for ourselves. Yeah, I think that's a powerful way to move that example forward. I like that.

I just love that. I want you to keep that image of an umbrella in your mind when you're training your brain to cheer you on rather than beating you down. I mean, it's so powerful and it's gonna help you stay curious like Dr. Conti suggested as you examine those thoughts so you can let them go. And when you change your self-talk, you will be a happier person. And on that topic, our next expert says,

that one of the most important things your brain can do for you is help you be happier. I mean, that is a superpower that is right in your brain that you are about to learn today. And that's why I'm so excited about this next expert.

Sean Aker is a friend, he's a New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Advantage and Big Potential. His Happiness Advantage training is one of the largest and most successful positive psychology training programs in the world. And he's here today to give you the most beautiful metaphor about happiness and to let you know that there's always more happiness available to you. In fact, way more than you think.

Here's Sean Aker giving you a major reframe on how to think about happiness. You know, we get so focused upon, you know, whether or not a glass is half full or half empty, right? And then we decide our happiness based upon that, right? Optimism or pessimism. But I've always had this idea, like this picture in my head of,

We're so focused on this glass being half full or half empty, but ignoring that there's a pitcher of water sitting right next to it that we could fill it up with. When we do these habits and when we care for and let other people in, we're filling up that glass and that glass does not look like it did the day before. That's great.

Sean, why don't you walk through the four habits that everybody should try for 21 days? We get people to write down each day for two minutes, three new things that they're grateful for that have occurred over the past 24 hours. And we don't let them repeat for 21 days in a row.

So that it's not what you're grateful for that matters, it's the scanning. We also got people to go on a 15 minute brisk walk four to five times a week, which we found is the equivalent of taking an antidepressant for the first six months for the next two years as a 30% lower relapse rate back to that depressed state.

We find that if you take your hands off your keyboard for two minutes today and just watch your breath go in and out, you're training your brain to do one thing at a time. And 21 days later, not only are your accuracy rates improving by 10%, but levels of happiness rise, stress levels drop, and the cortisol levels of the people that are around you change. So their stress levels are dropping as well.

So you're literally changing other people's biochemical patterns based upon your habits. And finally, we've got people who write a two minute positive email each day, praising or thanking one new person, a different person each day for 21 days in a row. So just thanking them for something or praising them for something, a weak tie or a strong tie. But 21 days later, we find that it dramatically improves the greatest predictor of your long-term levels of happiness, which is your social connection score. Boom.

That's not just the happiness advantage, people. Those are the happiness actions. And I'm telling you, based on the research, you got to do it. I always say, Sean, this is not just a listening podcast. So do those things for 21 days. And I think you will be shocked at how the needle moves. Can you just bottom line what somebody should do right now?

to tap into this concept of happiness and joy. - Accept where you are right now, but realize that this is not the end of the story. So I believe that change is radically possible from our genes and environment when we change our mindset and change our behavior and we link in with other people as well. - I believe that incredible change is possible too. And what you're learning today is your brain is just waiting for you to give it a nudge in the right direction.

It wants you to take care of it and feed it the right foods and help it learn new skills. That's what it's made for. And after our conversation today, you now have the tools to get started. I promised you that absolutely everything that you learned today would help you build a better, sharper, stronger, and happier brain. I truly hope that everything that you learned from these six extraordinary experts not only empowered you,

but they've motivated you to put it to use in your own life because I see a bigger possibility for you. And the second you start taking better care of your brain, you'll see it too. In case no one else tells you today, I wanted to tell you that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your power to create a better life. And what you've learned today is that a better life begins with taking better care of your brain.

And after everything that you've learned, you now know exactly what to do to do that. All righty. I'll talk to you in a few days.

Okay. Did the light just change? No, the clouds passed and the room tone changed. So I don't know if there was anything that, it doesn't matter to me. S-U-A-V-E. Say it, use it, ask a question using their name. Visualize. Shit. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins and you and I are talking about the sexiest organ in your brain.

And I believe in the power that you have to change your life, your brain. Hold on a second. What's happening here? Okay. Okay. Sorry. Oh, I guess I'm not happy about that. There's something in my throat. Okay. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you.

This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist. And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. Stitcher.

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