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Hey, come see us do stand-up comedy in Tempe, Arizona, Columbus, Ohio, Dayton, Cincinnati, Lexington, Burbank, and Honolulu. Go to JimmyDore.com for a link for tickets. Hey, who's this? This is J.D. Vance. Oh. Hello, Senator Vance. How are you? I'm good. Okay, good to hear.
Big debate last night. How do you feel it went?
Well, Jimmy, I'm glad you asked that. Both me and my running mate Donald Trump felt our team did a pretty good job of laying out for the American people how our vision differs from that of the Harris-Walls ticket and how we'll better serve the American people. Plus, a lot of folks commented that I look like, quote, a soulless lizard, which is actually good because that sort of thing appeals to our base.
Plus, Jimmy, let's be real honest here. Lizards are cool. And souls are stupid and gay. All right, Dad. Were there any topics in particular where you feel you bested your opponent?
Oh, man, there's just so many. Really? Honestly? Like all of them. But if I had to pick one, I'd probably go with the border. I just said so much stuff. I've really been kind of running with the border stuff, like the migrant stuff, illegals and whatnot. Just getting really creative. It's
It's really empowering to find your creative side, it turns out. So you admit you're playing fast and loose with the truth then? It's not a lie if the American people believe it. And you clearly told a reporter on television that if you have to make up anecdotes to solicit attention, you will do so. How do you expect anyone to believe you?
Jimmy, I was born at the bottom of a lake to an ancient bog witch who had been cursed by God. Take it from me, that is not an easy way to grow up, so I know what it's like. I know what it's like to struggle in this country, to face impossible odds, to not be allowed anywhere near the village.
The American people know that I'm one of them. I'm not an elite. I'm a person who sees things through their eyes. So when I lie to them, they believe me, and that makes it true. Okay, well, thanks for being honest about that. How do you know? Maybe I was lying there. Okay, good point. Is there anything you wish you would have done different about the debate?
Well, Jimmy, like I said, I think it's clear that we won. But to your question, I think the debate had a really civil tone. There was sort of a refreshing, cordial spirit to the whole thing. And in retrospect, I think that was a huge mistake. Really? Civility was a mistake?
Yes, and I see this more clearly now because I got yelled at really hard after the debate. Like, this guy was seriously loud. But yeah, everybody is used to seeing Donald Trump in debates since 2016. And without Trump, it just seemed boring. Yeah, it kind of did.
He chose me because I'm cool as a cucumber, kind of a counterbalance to his sort of over-the-top rhetoric. And then I get yelled at for not being more like him. I kind of don't get it. But they're right. They're right. So what should you have done?
I was too nice. I should have refused to shake his hand or look at him. I should have called him a butthead or something similar, like that level of insult slash swear word. I should have said he was lying when he said he loved this country. Things of that nature. What would the American people have gotten out of a debate like that? That's not what this is about. That's not at all what this is about. This is about us winning. I see.
And obviously I'll do whatever I have to, whatever I'm told to, to win. Obviously I've completely sold out whatever I used to be to access political power. I don't have anything left of a soul to lose. You'll do anything?
Yeah, I'll go over the top. I'll say the N-word. I'll say it. You know people want to hear it. If they heard it from a politician, they'd go bananas. If I said the N-word, we would win. Everyone knows it. I'm afraid you might be right. Like last night, I didn't directly challenge climate change. I just made sort of a throwaway jab at their weird science, which was a carefully chosen phrase. Uh-huh.
First of all, they call us weird all the time. So this was an opportunity to call them weird. How dare you call me weird? They're the weird ones. You believe that adding more of the gases that trap heat into the atmosphere will end up trapping more heat? You're the weird ones. Right, right. Also, Weird Science is an allusion to that really cool 80s song from the movie Weird Science. Really killer track from Oingo Boingo. What? Who? Who?
Oingo boingo. Anyway, the point is, if I could do it over, I'd say climate change is a bunch of made up bullshit. And the only people that believe it are N words and F words. We win the election. Hands down. No contest. OK, well, we need to move along. But I look forward to seeing more of this rude, boorish and offensive J.D. Vance.
Oh, yeah? Fuck you. Fuck you, dude. I look forward to seeing more of your mom and your aunt. All of your female relatives, actually. I visit them frequently. And we converse about current events and whatnot. Okay, I'm not good at this. But I will be. Nothing has ever stopped me from stooping even lower. You haven't heard the last of me.
Yeah.
Here's what they don't ask. Hey, why don't you and Kamala Harris do more interviews? What are you guys afraid of? Why are you afraid of questions? They don't ask that question. They don't ask, how do you plan on...
By the way, she didn't get any votes to be the nominee. What are you saying about you're putting democracy on the ballot, but she didn't get any votes? It's just as important to the questions they do ask. It's actually more important to the questions they don't ask. And those are the questions they'll never ask. Hey, you guys didn't get any votes. Does that bother you to get any votes? Nobody chose you? Does it bother you that the first time she ran, nobody voted for her then either?
And the only reason people are voting now is because the corporate media run by the military industrial complex and the Wall Street are telling you to vote for them. The fact that J.D. Vance can't make these points. He didn't bring it up once. I think it was a huge failure. He didn't bring it up once. Big miss. I thought he should have done a lot better. I really do. I thought he was going to crush him. He didn't bring it up once that she didn't get one vote. That they say they're putting democracy on the ballot. He seemed way too nice.
There was no viral moments from that debate. None. I mean, again, it's a push. They both talked. That's how I feel about it. I know Misha. I asked in the chat who won, and they were like, Vance won. And then Phony Stark said, the power elite won. That's right. You're right. You were right. You're right, Phony Stark. All right. Jimmy, you have-
Tim Waltz says that they're bragging about Dick Cheney endorsing them. And J.D. Vance doesn't pounce on that. He has to go, you should be embarrassed about that and ashamed of that. Hey, why don't you just say that Ted Bundy endorsed you? Why don't you say Charlie Manson endorsed you? That's what he should have done. He didn't. I think they were both just as inept as each other.
There's so many wide open doors that J.D. Vance didn't walk through. Tim Walz actually wins this because he's weak and a bit of a moron. And so the fact that he didn't lose is a huge win. Same thing with Kamala Harris against Donald Trump. The fact that she didn't lose is a huge win. The fact that she didn't completely devolve right in front of your eyes.
And collapse. You know, I saw somebody's... It's just crazy all the openings that... It's just crazy all the openings that J.D. Vance missed and could have pounced on. And Tim Walz is a... As he said, I'm a bit of a knucklehead, guys. And he couldn't beat him. And he couldn't beat the knucklehead. I don't think he beat him. And that's too bad because I would love to see someone...
Bring up the fact she never got a vote. The fact that these wars are started under her. This is all happening under her. It's just crazy. He did not mention it enough that when is she going to do this? She's been in office for four years almost.
You know what I have to say? I think America is losing because I saw somebody's chat and they said, I'm 23 years old and I don't think in my lifetime we're going to get health care that's going to take care of me. How could you be against the fucking... How? How could you be against the public option? You're not forcing Medicare on anybody. You're allowing people who want to buy in to buy in. And my theory is that's the best way to get Medicare for all because eventually enough people will buy in
that the private insurance companies collapse. So why wouldn't, first of all, why wouldn't J.D. Vance bring that up that Tim Walz never, that they didn't implement that? They never even talked about it. And the reason why I'm going to guess is because they're both beholden to big pharma and the insurance industry money. Why else wouldn't you bring it up? Did either one of them even talk about peace?
Peace in our lifetime? Did anything come up about peace? J.D. Vance completely missed the opportunity to say we're the only candidates that are running on peace. He should have said that. But no, they all want to talk about how they're going to stand by Israel and jack up Iran. So, I mean, so you want to know why the country's like it is? There's why it is. What are your notes? Anything else on your notes? The funniest part? Gentlemen Square. That was the funniest part.
uh for me anyway honestly the reason i really wanted to didn't see how bad tim waltz would do he didn't do that badly and jd vance was just again it was like he was coasting like he didn't he didn't swing for the fences at any point and that was a big mistake he should have swung for the fences he should have said over and over you guys are in power right now why aren't you doing that
Why are eggs unaffordable? Why are houses unaffordable? Why is there an open border? Why are there more wars now than when Donald Trump was president? He could have destroyed that guy. He could have destroyed him. He could have, and I don't think he had. He could have even said, did he not answer that question again? Yes.
Like there was no like sportsmanship about it. You know what I mean? Like gamesmanship. He should have said that over and over and over. There was too much sportsmanship, not enough gamesmanship. He should have said that over and over. They're in power right now. Why are we at the closer to nuclear war than ever? He kind of said that once.
He's like, these guys want to start a war with China. They want to start with North Korea. They want to start a war with Russia. They want to start a war with the Reds. There's no place they don't want to start a war. What kind of fucking debate prep did J.D. Vance do? It doesn't seem like much. It seemed like they're all trying to play not to lose. So he should have came out there with a baseball bat and tried to hit a home run, and he didn't.
He didn't have those things in his pocket. I could have did that. It's it's it's amazing to me how pathetic these people are. Well, you know, I was just thinking, like, if we all know that we got Obamacare and Obamacare, it was Mitt Romney care. Mitt Romney care. Yeah. From the American from the American Heritage Foundation. Same place. The 2025 agenda comes from. Why didn't he bring that up? The thing you're bragging about came from where the 2025 agenda came from. Like, you know, they don't even know to say that.
You get the government you deserve, not the government you want. It's amazing how pathetic. J.D. Vance was...
An underperformer, to say the least, I would say. Oh, yeah. What is our chat saying? Are they saying that? Are they agreeing with me? Well, if they don't ban them. All right. I'm banning, banning, banning. They don't agree with me on free speech. Ban them. All right. Moderators, you know what to do. People are going to lose their shit now. I saw a lot of people saying that Vance won. Vance won. I think you're misguided. I don't think he won.
I don't think Tim, you know, come on. It's like winning a 1-0 soccer game. You barely won. I mean, if you did, you barely won. Like it's not a big win. That's a horrible game. A 1-0 game. That's a horrible game. Like you barely beat Tim Walsh. Tim Walsh. Tim Walsh, who's a knucklehead. Don't describe knucklehead.
He didn't come out to win. I don't know what he was doing. Vance, be a gentleman. Women are still reeling from your cat statements. That was not good. He should have worn a cat button. He should have just, it should have done something. There wasn't a viral moment of that whole goddamn debate. Did you think there was, Misha? No, no, there wasn't. There was one, I love the moment where a debate almost broke out. It almost broke out that it turned off their microphones.
We can't have it. We can't lose control of the debate. Hey, you know, here's another great way you can help support the show is you become a premium member. We give you a couple of hours of premium bonus content every week, and it's a great way to help support the show. You can do it by going to JimmyDoreComedy.com, clicking on Join Premium.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business, and it's a great way to help put your thumb back in the eye of the bastards. Thanks for everybody who was already a premium member, and if you haven't, you're missing out. We give you lots of bonus content. Thanks for your support. So Julian Assange made his first public appearance in France, and let's listen to what he had to say. He had a lot of interesting things to say. Here's what he said.
The transition from years of confinement in a maximum security prison to being here before the representatives of 46 nations and 700 million people is a profound and a surreal shift. First of all, let me just say, years in a cell, that's nothing. California Governor Newsom had to stay in a basement of his home for days on end during COVID, except to go out to dinner with friends at the French Laundry and stuff like that. Yeah. People he barely even liked. Yeah.
The experience of isolation for years in a small cell is difficult to convey. It strips away one's sense of self, leaving only the raw essence of existence. Kind of like Chris Cuomo during COVID, right? When he was in his basement pretending to be in his basement. Anyway, I could make these jokes forever, but here we go. I am yet not fully equipped to speak about what I have endured,
It's kind of amazing how good he looks after all he's been through. I will say that. That's amazing. Like, I would have crumbled as a human being, and lots of people crumbled under less. Lula crumbled. They put him in prison. He's like, all right, I'll do whatever you want.
Yeah. Well, I also after they did this to him for like, you know, being telling the truth and doing journalism like I don't know how anybody doesn't believe the worst about everything you hear about people in government. Like how if they're capable of doing that to somebody, why would you doubt any evil thing you heard that our government did? Right. Why would you doubt it at all? They did it because he told again they did that to him.
because he told the truth and they wanted to break him. And they wanted him to admit things he wasn't willing to admit. They wanted to reveal his sources, all that stuff. And they wanted him as an example to other people. Don't you ever do that. And you notice there isn't another Julian Assange. Yeah. Okay. The relentless struggle to stay alive, both physically and mentally.
Nor can I speak yet about the deaths by hanging, murder, and medical neglect of my fellow prisoners. I mean, Matt Taibbi reported on the Twitter files and that the IRS showed up at his house and they threatened to throw him in jail. He didn't reveal secrets of war crimes of the military. Secrets of Twitter. The Twitter secrets. He was allowed to reveal, like the Twitter asked him to put out. Yeah.
I apologize in advance if my words falter or if my presentation lacks the polish you might expect from such a distinguished forum. Isolation has taken its toll, which I am trying to unwind, and expressing myself in this setting is a challenge. However, the gravity of this occasion and the weight of the issues at hand compel me to set aside my reservations and speak to you directly. Okay, so he goes on.
I want to be totally clear. I am not free today because the system worked. I am free today after years of incarceration because I pled guilty to journalism. I pled guilty to seeking information from a source. I pled guilty to obtaining information from a source. And I pled guilty to informing the public what that information was. I did not plead guilty to anything else. I want...
So he's again, they made him plead guilty. Who did that? Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. Just so you know. And it was started by Trump via Pompeo. So if you think it's just Trump, it's not. It's Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.
However, in February 2017... I mean, they like to say that Trump is the enemy of journalists, right? He, oh my God, because he was rude to Jim Acosta. Not because of this. They don't say that about Trump because of this. And he's going to tell you... Don't count him. He's not a journalist. Right. He's like a bad guy. They call him a hacker. They call him a hacker, like all those assholes in Seattle. He's a hacker. Yeah, right. However, in February 2017...
the landscape changed dramatically. Because Barack Obama's administration had decided they couldn't prosecute Julian Assange because if they did, they'd have to also prosecute the New York Times because they printed the same stuff until they stopped. I think they looked for ways to kill him, I believe, right? Yeah, well, here he's going to tell you that. And then in February 2017, that all changed. However, in February 2017, the landscape changed dramatically.
President Trump had been elected. He appointed two wolves in MAGA hats: Mike Pompeo, a Kansas congressman and former arms industry executive as CIA director, and William Barr, a former CIA officer as US Attorney General. By March 2017, WikiLeaks had exposed the CIA's infiltration of French political parties. It's spying on French and German leaders.
It's spying on the European Central Bank, European economics ministries, and it's standing orders to spy on French industry as a whole. We revealed the CIA's vault. I think part of that was at least Vault 7. WikiLeaks showed you how the CIA has a backdoor into your smartphones, into your smart TVs, into your car.
Did you see whenever Rogan is interviewing that guy, Mike Baker from the CIA, and it's funny to watch Rogan talk to him because Mike Baker, Rogan gets at him and Baker goes, well, people would lose trust. You know, if this stuff came out, people would lose trust in the CIA. Buddy, we don't have any trust in the CIA. What imaginary CIA is this that they think we, everyone thinks they're doing a great job? Aware and viruses.
its subversion of supply chains, its subversion of antivirus software, cars, smart TVs and iPhones. CIA Director Pompeo launched a campaign of retribution. It is now a matter of public record that under Pompeo's explicit direction, the CIA drew up plans to kidnap and to assassinate me within the Ecuadorian embassy in London.
and authorised going after my European colleagues, subjecting us to theft, hacking attacks and the planting of false information. My wife and my infant son were also targeted. A CIA asset was permanently assigned to track my wife and instructions were given to obtain DNA from my six-month-old son's nappy. This is the testimony
of more than 30 current and former US intelligence officials speaking to the US press, which has been additionally corroborated by records seized in a prosecution brought against some of the CIA agents involved. The CIA's targeting of myself, my family, and my associates through aggressive extrajudicial and extraterritorial means provides a rare insight
into how powerful intelligence organizations engage in transnational repression. So a lot of people would say those are conspiracy theorists or theories about the CIA is trying to get his kids DNA. Yeah, well, that didn't come from Julian Assange. That came from CIA agents. That's a conspiracy. Here, I'm just going to be the average idiot who thinks the CIA does a great job and go, Jimmy, stop with your conspiracies.
As I emerge from the dungeon of Belmarsh, the truth now seems less discernible and I regret how much ground has been lost during that time period. How expressing the truth has been undermined, attacked, weakened and diminished. I see more impunity, more secrecy, more retaliation for telling the truth and more self-censorship. It is hard not to draw a line
from the u.s government's prosecution of me it's crossing crossing the rubicon by internationally criminalizing journalism to the chilled climate for freedom expression that exists now as i emerge so he's saying it's worse of course it is of course it is that's not even news it's been worse for quite some time here he's got more to say thank pace for its 2020 resolution
which stated that my imprisonment set a dangerous precedent for journalists and noted that the UN Special Rapporteur on torture called for my release. I'm also grateful for Pace's 2021 statement expressing concern over credible reports that US officials discussed my assassination, again calling for my prompt release. And I commend the Legal Affairs and Human Rights Committee
for commissioning a renowned rapporteur, Suna Iva's daughter, to investigate the circumstances surrounding my detention and conviction and the consequent implications for human rights. However, like so many of the efforts made in my case,
Whether they were from parliamentarians, presidents, prime ministers, the Pope, UN officials and diplomats, unions, legal and medical professionals, academics, activists or citizens, none of them should have been necessary. None of the statements, resolutions, reports, films, articles, events, fundraisers, protests and letters over the last 14 years should have been necessary.
but all of them were necessary because without them I never would have seen the light of day. This unprecedented global effort was needed because of the legal protections that did exist, many existed only on paper, were not effective in any remotely reasonable time. I eventually chose freedom over unrealizable justice.
after being detained for years and facing a 175 year sentence with no effective remedy. Justice for me is now precluded as the US government insisted in writing into its plea agreement that I cannot file a case at the European Court of Human Rights or even a Freedom of Information Act request over what it did to me as a result of its extradition request. So not only do they make him
a felon for doing journalism, but he can't petition to see the workings of his case, why they did what they did, what they say. He can't do a freedom of information request, and he can't try to have his day in court.
So you remember all the outrage people had over Donald Trump being rude to Jim Acosta and he's the enemy of the journalists and he's trying to squelch journalism and free press. Yeah, right, yeah. Where is it? Where are those people now? Those people are all bullshitters. Jim Acosta, all the people on cable news, they're all bullshitters. They're all fake phonies who are lying to you.
And what they're doing is propaganda to make you fear Donald Trump because the establishment doesn't like him more than you should fear Joe Biden and Kamala Harris and Tim Walz. Well, also, Jimmy, it's so they're so overwhelmingly gone and corrupt and awful that I mean, a bunch of people I know to say to him.
Because I love trying to break down people that think that it's not like that. And they always do the same thing. I just want to keep my head down and do my job. Everybody is utter cattle that couldn't even get their mind around how corrupt and bad it is. And they want to keep it to that little Overton window of like with the battle. We get catching dogs in your station. You can't. Yeah, that's what they want to talk about on that shit.
not the much larger issue that this if you bring up julian assange like what why are you bringing that up that's right it's anything so the actual threat to democracy the actual threat to free press the actual threat to journalism the first amendment all that stuff most people don't care about why because they're not told to care about it by the man on the tv just like they don't care about how they rely to around covid why because they're not told to by the man on the tv
And if you bring it up, they make it look like there's something wrong with you. So let's remember this. He wasn't put in prison for lying. He was put in prison for telling the truth. And who put him in prison? Criminals who run our government. Our government's run by criminals. And they will put you in jail if you threaten to expose their crimes.
That's, that's where we're, and it's. Or they'll kill you or they'll kill you like they did Seth Rich and then they'll put him in jail and pretend that Russia gave him the information. And then they'll have a guy from the, and they'll have the guy from the Washington Post do a hit job on me when I ask legitimate questions that every reporter should be asking about the Seth Rich murder. I asked. No one cares about that paper. Those are the, those are the questions that every reporter should be asking. Not only did the people at Dave Weigel at the Washington Post not ask those questions, but
He then did a hit job on me for asking, for doing journalism. That's what Dave Weigel and the Washington Post and Jeff Bezos does. And Dave Weigel, he's welcomed in polite society everywhere. And what about all those other journalists? Every person I work with at the Young Turks didn't have the balls to ask a question about Seth Rich. None of them. None of them. I was sitting on a panel with Ben Mankiewicz, Cenk Uygur,
And some other lackey that works for Cenk over there. And I said, can any of you remember the last time a reporter wasn't allowed to ask questions about an unsolved murder investigation? And they're all like, oh, no, no, no, no. Nothing but Trump. What if it helps Trump? What about Trump? The only thing that matters is Trump. You heard Hillary say, we've got to focus on how bad Trump is and nothing else. Not one of them. Not one of them.
And then when they did the hit piece on me in the Washington Post, not one of them stood up for me and said, hey, Jimmy's asking normal. He's doing normal reporter stuff. He's asking legitimate logistic questions, logical questions that everybody should want to know. Where was he after he left the bar until he got home? Why did it take him three hours to get home? Where's the recordings? There's got to be recordings. Why didn't they take anything? Where's his laptop? And the FBI lied about all those things.
And they're still, they won't release his laptop. They don't want to release it for 65 years. Anyway, I'm getting off track. This is about Julian Assange. But I'm just talking about journalism. Real journalism is dead. When you do it, the IRS shows up at your door or they throw you in jail or you get a smear piece written about you in the Washington Post and nobody at your news organization stands up for you. Yeah, well, that's what my control is. Yeah. That's what it is. And that's why I can do this better than all of them.
That's why I could do it better than all of the, you don't have to be good to be a better reporter than most of the people working in journalism. You don't have, I don't have to be great or good. I just have to be normal. Right. Well, and not a, not a coward like everybody at the Young Turks and every, and, and, and everybody at the Washington Post and the New York Times. Cowards, not only cowards, but then they do hit pieces on people who have the courage to stick their shit out and ask those questions.
Well, you have to keep in mind how worthless liberals are on a massive level because we got new generations of millennials and zoomers and whatever that have been group trained that one free speech is not important to consensus is more important than the truth. Right. Like they genuinely feel like that. So, I mean, it's so mass society is so massively controlled that it's so North Korea here now.
That you can't even if you try. It's like we went to try to free North Korea. They would all fight us because we don't want you to. That's you have the same thing here when you try to tell people the truth. They resist it like you're an invader. Here we have the Mitt Romney of the left, John Kerry. He's the he's also a manufactured stage prop.
That's why he's straight out of Hollywood with that cartoonish lantern jaw and his soothing all American voice. He's going to tell you how much he hates the first amendment and freedom of speech right now, but he's going to do it in a real reasonable concerning sound sounding voice. Like he's trying to help you listen to this. And I think the, the dislike of and anguish over social media is just growing and growing and growing. Uh, and it's part of the anguish, uh,
over social media is growing and growing and growing, Kurt. You know, you mean the ruling, the WEF billionaire class? You mean the oligarchs' anguish over social media because the jig is up. People get to talk back to you now and debunk your bullshit. You mean that? You mean that's what he means, that anguish? Okay. Yeah. Our problem, particularly in democracies...
in terms of building consensus around any issue. It's really hard to govern today. Yeah, it's really hard to govern, Kurt, when you can't control how the public perceives you anymore. Back when trusting somebody's appearance was enough. Remember those days? Yeah. Was I supposed to trust him because he looks like a tree? I guess so. It's really hard. When you build consensus, you mean consensus around the establishment's narrative. That's what you mean.
That's what he means by consensus. Okay. Do you think Al Gore regrets inventing the internet now? You can't, you know, there's no, the referees we used to have to determine what's a fact and what isn't a fact that kind of. It's wait, let me start this again. And I think the, the dislike of and anguish over social media is just growing and growing and growing. And it's part of our problem, particularly in democracies where,
in terms of building consensus around any issue. It's really hard to govern today. It's getting hard to govern today, Kurt, because people can read and say and think what they want. Is that what he's saying? That's what he's saying. Yeah. Don't you think maybe it's more a matter of you and everyone, you know, being at best incompetent and at worst vile mass murdering criminals? Do you think maybe that's it?
Yeah, but you're not supposed to know that. You're supposed to just have the Telecommunications Act. And speaking of accountability, why is it everything that you've said over the last two decades has never come true and is a lie? All the global warming shit that they've said, which I remember it because I was afraid. In 2008, he was saying that there's going to be summers without Arctic ice. Never happened.
Matt Damon said the polar bears were all dying. That's right. Then he told me to invest in crypto through FTX. You can't, you know, you know, there's no, the referees we used to have to determine what's a fact and what isn't a fact that kind of, you know, been eviscerated to a certain degree.
And people go and that people self-select where they go for their news or for their information. And then you just get into a vicious cycle. People self-select where they get their news and information from, Kurt. How dare they seek out their own news sources and not just believe whatever is dumped in front of them by the corporate media? How dare they? They are self. Are they self-selecting? It's a vicious cycle, Jimmy.
They're going to self-select. The next thing you're going to know, they're going to start doing their own research. So it's really, really hard, much harder to build consensus today than at any time in the 45. Yeah, it's harder to build consensus when you're the one that's controlling the consensus and we found out about it. Yeah, there's a consensus that you suck, John Kerry, and the Democrats suck. It's upsetting you, but it's actually a lot of consensus. That's why they have to fake polls.
50 years I've been involved in this. And, you know, there's a lot of discussion now about how you curb those entities. He wants to curb us like a dog. Curb your dog. We got to curb those entities. Entities, he means people.
he means people who don't buy their that's what he means by entities and to we have to curb those entities curb your entities story larry david sorry larry david in order to guarantee that you're going to have you know some accountability on facts etc okay but look if people what accountability
Who is accountable? Who's accountable? Who was ever accountable for the Iraq war? Who was accountable for the stock market crash? Who was accountable for Libya, for Syria, for 20 years of Afghanistan, for Ukraine?
Who's accountable for what? The bullshit Israel polls. What's that? The bullshit Israel polls on a regular basis. Who's accountable? There's no accountability. What are you talking about accountability? Who's accountable for COVID? Who's accountable for the vaccine? Who's accountable for all the lies they told about COVID? About the lies about the lockdowns and the lies about the vaccine? The lies about the Wuhan lab and the virus and herd immunity and natural immunity and masks.
Who's accountable for it? There's no accountability. What are you talking about? He's talking about controlling the narrative so that the oligarchs can do what the fuck they want. That's what he's saying. He's not talking about actual accountability. There's never been accountability. He wants, he means to shut you up accountability. Yeah, well, in a democracy he's talking about, the accountability is supposed to be this asshole and every dipshit on the panel is accountable to the people who elect them.
Which they hate that. That's what they're complaining about is there's no consensus because they're being held accountable by people. That's right. So they want that over. Accountability goes... They all genuinely believe...
There's the chessboard, the pieces, don't know they're the pieces, then there's the players, then there's the game maker who doesn't have to follow any rules. They actually follow that philosophy. That's how they think of it. There is an accountability in our system. I'll tell you where the accountability is. We have a court system. We have a civil court system. Alex Jones is now being made to pay a billion dollars for him not killing anybody.
Who are you accountable for killing in Libya? Who are you accountable for killing in Syria? Who are you accountable for killing in Ukraine, in Afghanistan, in Iraq? Who are you accountable for killing in Iraq? Alex Jones killed no one. He's got a billion-dollar accountability over him. Does Dick Cheney have that? Did Colin Powell have that? Did you have that, Hillary Clinton? Did George Bush have that? There's no accountability for you. I so want to...
Get my hands on him when he says garbage like this. And there's nobody to stand up and say that. There's nobody at this forum, the WEF, that's going to stand up and go, who's accountable for Iraq? Where's that accountability? We got accountability for Alex Jones.
accountability for no one else for all those lies i just told you about over covid nobody rolling stone and every other magazine putting pictures of people in their winter coats standing in a line outside of a uh an emergency room with gunshot wounds while people who are od'd on ivermectin which never happened none of that happened
Where's the accountability for all those lies? Where's the accountability for the people who lied about ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine? Where's the accountability? He's not, he doesn't want accountability. He wants conformity and he wants to shut you up if you have, if you have, if you call out their lies, just like the Julian Assange. Is that that kind of accountability? Like what he did to Julian Assange? The only person convicted over the Iraq war debacle, Julian Assange, the guy who told you the truth about it.
Go to only one source and the source they go to is sick and sick. Like you mean like CNN or the Washington or the or Klaus Schwab or the Washington Post or MSNBC or Mockingbird Media? What are you talking about? George Soros' kid? Yeah. George Soros just bought 200 radio stations. You mean you mean that source, George Soros source?
Oh, you see Tim Walz with his hands folded like a little girl? Yes. You know, has an agenda and they're putting out disinformation. Our First Amendment stands as a major block to the ability to be able to just
No, the first... The ability to just lie? For the government to just lie. Who's the number one emitter of disinformation and lies? It's always the government. Second is the corporate media. And third, a distant third, are randos on social media. So he's talking about how the First Amendment gets in the way of the government lying. He's not talking about the First Amendment's getting in the way of truth. It's getting in the way of your lies.
don't hammer it out of existence so what you need what we need is to wants to hammer it out of existence so what when everything when every problems and what only one only when the only tool you have is a hammer everything's a nail every everything's disinformation is to win the ground win the right to govern by hopefully having uh you know winning enough votes that you're free to be able to
to implement change. Now, obviously, there are some people in our country who are prepared to implement change in other ways.
And that's really if democracy can survive on social media. I think democracies are very challenged right now. And I think it's adorable that he pretends that we live in a democracy. What democracy is he talking about? What democracy you're talking about? Our candidates are always hand chosen by the military industrial complex and approved by the the deep state and Israel. What democracy are you talking about?
Princeton proved a decade ago that we live in an oligarchy. Our vote don't really matter at all.
And when they do matter, it's a big problem like Brexit or when Trump won. Oh, my God. Democracy happened. We can't ever let that happen again, which is what they've been doing to Trump since he got elected. That's what Russiagate was. That's what those two impeachments were. That's what January 6th was. That's what 91 felony indictments are. That's what two assassination attempts are. We can't let a democracy happen again. They sit around talking about democracy again.
Okay. Have not proven they can move fast enough or big enough to deal with the challenges that we are facing.
And to me, that is part of what this race, this this election is all about. Is if we can get control again of the narrative, because if a democracy wins and they're allowed to vote for Donald Trump, that's going to mess up our plans. So the First Amendment, according to John Kerry, stands in the way of getting absolute unanimity on what the truth is.
And all you had to do was sell it to us in a reasonable tone of voice from a guy that looks like the anchorman on a Muppet movie show. Ha! He does! He kind of looks like Guy Smiley if he was frowning. Is there any more left to his stupid... Will we break the fever in the United States? Will we break the fever of people expressing themselves at the ballot box? That's what he's talking about. I want Trump to put him in a camp. The fever. What fever? Yeah.
The fever of not doing it. We have to break the fever of people having a different opinion than the oligarchy.
Here's what Max Blumenthal said. He said, John Kerry makes it clear the hysteria around disinformation, the censoring of alternative media, and the banning of RT is aimed at forming a pro-establishment consensus. He resents the Constitution, calling it a major block on an information dictatorship. So John Kerry went from defending America in the armed services to becoming an absolute traitor to America in politics.
I don't know. If I was a foreign entity and I wanted to hire someone like him to destroy America from the inside while making them think it was their own idea, that's how I would do it. I would hire a guy like that. It's funny you say that because that's what he is. He's skull and bones, just like George W. Bush. Remember, they're not allowed to talk about it. That dude from Face the Nation is dead now, Tim Russert. Yes. He goes, tell me how to skull bones. I can't talk about it. That's exactly what they're there to do.
So will we break the fever in the United States? Why don't you tell us, considering you're literally strangling us? Maybe that's the only way you can reach an orgasm, John, but I never signed up for that shit. Look at that. Max Blumenthal and RFK Jr. back to back agreeing on this topic. Look at that. RFK Jr. says, John Kerry is correct. The First Amendment does stand as a major roadblock to them right now.
Oh, God, I hope he treats the CIA like a whale carcass. RFK. Look, me too. Look at Dr. Jordan Peterson says, I don't know how John Kerry can say such things without bursting into flames. I know he is made of very flammable wood. If you look at him, he's made of dry tinder. That guy. What do they have? What kind of video do they have of John Kerry doing? I mean.
Skull and bones, whatever they do there. I mean, John Kerry is fucked from the start. None of these people, look, they got selected because they're part of the right families and stuff. Like none of that. He's not some like guy that worked his way up and served his country. He's some prick from like,
One of the finest families who is, by the way, probably related to all the presidents. They're all related, by the way. All the people, for some reason, that leave the country are all related to each other. Is that weird? And the next time we see John Kerry, I predict he's going to be throwing his own shit at the Constitution like a monkey. And climate protesters are going to join in, crazy gluing their asses together.
OK, here's one more. Emergent Perspective says people need to quit mythologizing the deep state into some invincible juggernaut. Watch this John Kerry clip. He says it's mostly a bunch of aging boomers who are pounding their fists into the desk because their trillion dollar media empire is being defeated by your cat memes. I don't know about that. I would like that to be true.
They're not. OK, they're not an invincible juggernaut. It's just that they have the power to make your life real bad. And they're going to do that up until they lose power. And they're going to do if you thought Hitler got a little desperate at the end. Wait, you see what these fuckers do. I mean, look, let me see. Look what they did during covid. Just look at covid. Here's here's what Elon Musk says. He says John Kerry is saying he wants to violate the Constitution. That's exactly what he's saying.
I hear regular people say that. Free speech is not, I don't think that's the most important. A comedian said that to me a long ago. I don't think free speech is the most important thing in the world. I almost had a fit. CNN's going to put their stuff behind a paywall. Oh, wow. Finally. Their new slogan, news for people who can afford it. CNN's going to begin experimenting in October with a subscription model.
They're going to be experimenting with the subscription model. So if all goes well, CNN should be completely out of business by December. Am I right? I don't know how to not watch CNN more than I don't watch it, Jimmy. This is a brilliant idea. Hey, nobody's watching your show. I know. Let's charge them. You mean the people who aren't watching? Yeah.
In early October, CNN will begin experimenting with charging some readers for digital access as part of a bid to shore up its business as cable television erodes industry-wide. According to two people with knowledge of, they can somehow afford to give Rachel Maddow $30 million a year.
On MSNBC? That's $100,000. She gets paid $100,000 a day. Yeah, the same way they make movies that suck and shows that suck. The money ain't coming from consumers. It's coming from the top down. And CNN doesn't get that top down money, I guess, to the level of MSNBC. This is a brilliant idea, Kurt, because if nobody's watching your network anymore, the smart move is to start to create additional fees. That's what I think.
Yeah. That's why people aren't watching it, because they're not paying. So it's according to two people with knowledge of the decision. Really? The two people who couldn't stop laughing at the idea of charging people to go to CNN.com. The company is planning a so-called metered model. Metered model.
Which will require the site's habitual users to pay after reading a certain number of articles. What could possibly make CNN even more repellent than it is? Add a taxi meter element to it. Yeah. So you have to watch the time you're watching the news. Okay, that's enough. I've read enough. Just drop me off here. I'll walk.
Many other publishers, including the New York Times and New Yorker, have also used metered paywalls to generate subscriptions over the past decade. Wait, wasn't that the same system for selling crack? The first hits free? We're seeing who's addicted to CNN. By the way, you know what's way better and makes you smarter than watching CNN? Smoking crack.
You're more plugged into the economy, I'll tell you that. The starting price of a subscription, unclear. But the two people said the CNN would start with an inexpensive offering to gauge customer demand. The subscription wall is one of the first major business initiatives from Mark Thompson, CNN's chairman and chief executive, who joined the network nearly a year ago.
I predict he's leaving soon with a golden parachute after this fails. Hey, you know what? Hey, maybe try to entice viewers with a Brian Stelter OnlyFans. I'm just spitballing here. Come on. All access. And you know they're going to have, even after they make you pay, you know they're going to have commercials. Oh, that's beyond the pale, Jimmy. That's really like it. The entire idea of CNN was they didn't have, when they first started, am I wrong about this, was that they didn't have commercials.
They got paid off the subscriptions on cable. I'm pretty sure they could look it up. They've had commercials for a while, though. Yeah, I know. Yeah. But at first, yeah. Mr. Thompson sent a memo to employees this year that technology would allow CNN to deliver journalism that readers will pay for.
And later, he really and later said that the company would try out a paywall. Yeah, build a wall. You'd think never doing journalism would be their main source of savings. It's not a lot of field work. You just get your report from the Intel community. So Mr. Topps is the former chief executive of The Times, where he championed a digital subscription business that now powers the company. Wow. Wow.
The entire idea of paying more for news has created a bunch of know-it-all snobs who share the very lies being thrust down their throats with everyone else around. They're now a bunch of arrogant super spreaders of corporate bullshit.
It's just amazing. Go ahead. People aren't paying. Who is watching CNN, first of all, where they want to even pay for it? You're watching CNN because you're still buying into their particular brand of propaganda, not for any journalistic. You want to not hear journalism if you're watching CNN. That's why you're watching it. CNN.com, which draws hundreds of millions of, really? Yeah.
To make fun of them? That's why I look at it. If I need to find something for a joke. It's a potential life raft for the network amid declining cable viewership.
But those who are not accustomed to paying for news on CNN's website necessitating a delicate approach. The people briefed on the plan said that CNN would be monitoring its audience to see how readers react to the paywall adjusting if necessary. So if you go on it a lot, you're going to be rewarded with being charged. And if you're like me and you rarely go on it unless you want to laugh at something, it'll be free for you. Even the last five...
Nitwit CNN viewers know that propaganda should be free.
This isn't the network's first foray into digital subscriptions in recent years. Under Jeff Zucker, CNN's former top executive, the network started CNN+. Remember what a great success that was? Oh, that guy was full of good ideas. He made the Today Show longer. That was his big claim to fame. Oh, no kidding. And then he's the one that said, Jay Leno, get out. I want to bring Conan in. Remember how that went really great? That's the genius of Jeff Zucker. The guy that really supported Brian Stelter...
Fred Price looks like we all love Jeff Zucker. It was an expansive CNN Plus was an expansive streaming service with exclusive content from bold faced anchors like Jake Tapper, Chris Wallace and Anderson Cooper. The service was ultimately shut down after leaders of CNN's new parent company, Warner Brothers Discovery, decided it was too expensive.
Was it a whim or did they look at the books? Yeah, I think they spent $200 million building that out. They decided it was too expensive. You mean it was too expensive because it doesn't bring in anything and it's garbage? It's really expensive, Kurt, when no one gives a fuck that you did it to begin with.
Oh, I want to see Chris Wallace have a cooking show or whatever the fuck they were doing. That's right. In contrast to CNN+, the network's new subscription program does not involve producing scads of new exclusive shows that people familiar with the plant said they will keep costs down and avoid alienating CNN's cable distribution partners, which pay hundreds of millions of dollars annually for the right to air the channel. Really? Really? Really?
There have been signs that CNN was planning for a subscription business. Earlier this year, CNN began testing a registration wall that required regular users of the website to provide their email addresses in exchange for reading an article.
That data collection helped to lay the groundwork for CNN's digital subscription program by giving the network user data to target ads and market its paid product. Wow. Anything except doing a good job. You know, doing a good job, people would watch just automatically. You actually have to suppress people that are doing good journalism because people want to see that.
What's even better, Kurt, than charging extra money for something nobody likes to begin with? Offer the same things you were offering before, but for money without changing or updating anything. Somebody needs to go back to the Wharton Business School over there, I think. Hey, I'm going to start charging to be a hair model. I'm going to start asking for high fees to model my beautiful head of hair.
Mr. CNN, tear down that paywall. Hey, become a premium member. Go to JimmyDoreComedy.com. Sign up. It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Don't freak out. Don't freak out. All the voices performed today are by the one and only, the inimitable Mike McRae. He can be found at MikeMcRae.com. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. That's it for this week. You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me. Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Don't freak out.
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