It's a Miserable Life (Season 2, Episode 4)
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Wow. What's up? I just bought and financed a car through Carvana in minutes. You? The person who agonized four weeks over whether to paint your walls eggshell or off-white bought and financed a car in minutes. They made it easy. Transparent terms, customizable down and monthly. Didn't even have to do any paperwork. Wow. Mm-hmm. Hey, have you checked out that spreadsheet I sent you for our dinner options? Finance your car with Carvana and experience total control. Financing subject to credit approval.

Hi, Jen.

Jennifer Samard. Hello, Patrick. What is it like being a Broadway icon? Oh, I cannot answer that with a smile. I humbly decline. I'll be taking no further questions at this time. I did not mean to like immediately knock you off your center. No, it's just, you know what? That's for other people to say. I guess that's true. That is not for me to say. I guess that's true. I'm just there to do my job. Like if you were to ask me like what's it like to just be a male model, you know what I mean? I would be uncomfortable talking about it.

Absolutely. I guess I would also be uncomfortable talking about it. Well, as America's first male supermodel. Thank you. Yes. I'm sure that's a tall. It is a tall. Burden to carry. No, I'm conflating. It's a malapropism. It's a. What is that? A tall. A tall. Slender. Just perfectly built. You know what I'm trying to say. You know what I mean. Well, anyway. Cheesecakes. Welcome to the Golden Girls Deep Dive podcast where, you know, every week we do a recap of an episode.

Yeah.

flow of the episodes going. Yeah, we just sort of feel like we like the mini ditties and making them more ditty ditties. Making them more ditty ditties. I mean, who doesn't want more cork cheese? I know.

Absolutely no one. The quark cheese chaos of episode two, I think it was. Oh my God. One more humble request, Cheesecase. Can you please join us in our Facebook group? It's the Golden Girls Deep Dive Podcast discussion group. We've got almost 5,000 people in there. Highly moderated by Sasha, our moderator. She keeps it super safe and a fun place to be. Yeah, what I love about it too, it's like you can just lurk. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

You don't even have to make your presence known. No. Or you can. And, like, you can make friends. Yeah. It's where we announce, like, tours and merch someday. Right. And, you know, we make announcements in there. Do, like, surprise posts or surprise videos. I sometimes film from my dressing room. That is so fun. I like to Photoshop us into old Golden Girls pictures. That's really fun to do.

Anyway, what are we talking about today, girl? It is season two, episode four. It's a miserable life. We texted one another. This has got to be in our top three, right? Cheesecakes. We are at the Frida Claxton episode. Like, we're here. It is. I forgot how goddamn funny.

funny this episode is. I mean, written by Barry Fennaro and Mort Nathan. Directed by Terry Hughes. Original air date, November 1st, 1986. Before we jump in, can I give you my one current event from this week? Sure, I'll give you one too. Oh, great. So this is the first week that Cyndi Lauper's True Colors was number one on the Billboard charts. And I did a little mini ditty on it because it's like, you know, the song is like very important to the gay community. Yeah. So the song True Colors was part of Cyndi Lauper's second album, which was also called True Colors. And this

was interesting. She wanted the second album to be a departure from her first album, which was like, her debut album had come out a year before. It was like super duper popular. It had four top five singles. She was the first woman to ever have four top five singles from their debut album. Oh, girls! They wanna have

Which is, by the way, one of my favorite movies from the 80s. She also won the Grammy for Best New Artist that year. So with her second album, she wanted to do something different. She wanted to be more introspective and inspirational. She was afraid of getting sort of pigeonholed as like a pop princess. Yeah. So the song True Colors was written by the writing duo Billy Steinberg and Tom Kelly. Originally meant to go to

Anne-Marie. May I have the dance for the rest of my life? I love you. You needed me. You needed me. Where is the Jen Simard-helmed Anne-Marie musical? Why should I leave? I'd be a fool. I loved her. Do you also know she has that kids album that we used to play for Daisy all the time? I did not know. Oh, the Anne-Marie children's album is amazing.

I think that's a gift for Mama Cheesecake. So anyway, Cyndi Lauper heard the song True Colors and decided to record it because she had just lost a close friend to AIDS. His name was Gregory Natal. N-A-T-A-L. She said...

And so the song became a smash hit for

Yeah, well...

And of course, the song continues to be embraced by the LGBTQ community. Many people see it as a rallying cry, while others say the song speaks to the coming out process. And the connection between the song and the community was so strong, in fact, that it ultimately led Cyndi Lauper to found her own nonprofit advocacy group called True Colors United to help bring an end to LGBTQ youth homelessness. Well, thanks for tuning in, everyone. That's season two, episode four. It's a miserable life. Rita Claxton was great in this. I loved her in that song. You know what? I saw her True Colors. She was in the music.

I love it. Well, here's my mini-ditty. It's literally a sentence. On October 28th, the centennial of the Statue of Liberty's dedication is celebrated in New York Harbor. I remember seeing it was televised. I remember. Wow. Yeah, there were lots of fireworks. I love that. Do you mind if I lead us into the episode proper? Take it away, Mother Cheesecake. Okay.

All the Cheezys watch this as we did, and I'm sure you were all just taken aback by the speeding blue sedan just headed straight down that driveway like it was never going to stop. You know what it reminded me of? Where I grew up, anybody from the South, Yarmouth, Massachusetts,

area will know. Our main drive was Route 28. And on either side at this intersection was the bowling alley and the video rental place. And on the other side was the Dunkin' Donuts. And one day, you can look this up in the Cape Cod Times. This is a real story. Somebody drove, meaning to turn onto Route 28 from the bowling alley parking lot, but instead drove at like 50 miles an hour into the Dunkin' Donuts.

Was anyone killed or hurt? Nobody was killed or hurt, thank the Lord. But she was just covered in chocolate cream, white powder. That's the speed with which this car enters the driveway. It looks like it's going to drive into the closed door of the garage. Straight into the garage. Right into the minks. I see.

Killing all of the minks. We got to talk about these outfits. Okay. Oh, I meant to text it to you earlier. I'm going to text it to you. It's been a long time since I've texted you an outfit. A live text. I know, but I'm going to do it. Hang on. Okay. Are you ready? Because we just got to talk about Dot's outfit. Hang on one sec. Well, while we're getting there, I'll just lead us in. Sophia's on the couch with a clipboard. Dot enters.

Also carrying a clipboard. And I'm wondering at this point, and you'll bear with me, is she our sedan driver? Question mark. Hold on. Drunk driving. Here we go. Well, first of all, the picture you sent me...

She's just glaring at Sophia. Look at that glare. Now, the thing that we need to talk about this outfit, look at the layers. So she's wearing a white blouse with a red vest and then like a purple smoking jacket. Jennifer Simard, is Dorothy or is Dorothy not wearing a loose man's tie? She is. Is that Glenn's tie? No.

It's leftover Glenn, I'm thinking. Here's what I'm thinking. So, like, we're going to learn that they've been out collecting signatures to save the oak tree or whatever. In what world does substitute teacher Dorothy Zbornak getting dressed this morning decide, I'm really going to go for the outfit today. I'm going to do three layers and a tie to go collect signatures. A loose tie. Hey, Brian, can we talk about the tree? I'm totally...

The loose tie is such a fashion choice. But it's sexy. I know.

But it just does not make any sense that Dorothy would have a collection of men's ties. Listen, we've said Dorothy can get it. She 100% can get it. She has been getting it. She will continue to get it. Let's say this is like, well, we know it's not from Dr. Elliot Clayton. No. God knows. I'm saying it's Glenn. It's Glenn's tie. 100%. So they've been collecting signatures. Sophia shows Dorothy her clipboard. How'd you do? I got 35 people to sign up. That's good.

Great. Wait a minute, Ma. Three of these people are dead. Who are they going to tell? Very cute. So then Blanche enters. She's wearing like a breezy yellow sweater thing. Yes, yes. She's the only one of them dressed for this. Like, Dorothy's wearing four layers. Sophia is wearing like this enormous knit sweater. Yeah. We're going to see Rose in a second also wearing a sweater. Blanche is the only one of them who lives in Miami. Yeah.

You know what I mean? She's also carrying a clipboard. And she also has her own set of keys. They're very serious about that locked front door, right? But I'm like, are there car keys? Is she our sedan driver? She could be. Because some of them have to be walking the neighborhood. There's one car. They're arriving at different times. So here's our second sedan candidate. Remember we learned in that episode where she tried to sell the car to Rose and she had a really sexy car that implied that she was loose? That sedan doesn't give loose to me.

I know. You know what I mean? All right. Maybe it's Rose. Maybe. She's like sitting in the car. Who knows? Finishing up her Anne-Marie album. But, you needed me. Here we go. This is super funny. Oh, hi, blood. Hey.

Blanche, you've been gone three hours and you only got one guy to sign this petition? Give me a chance to freshen up and change clothes. I'll get you another one. Now, here's the thing. It's a great joke. And I was thinking, look, Papa Cheesecake knows his way around a bed. You know what I mean? Okay. I'm just saying, like, I know, like, I feel like I'm good at the sexing. Okay. Three hours, Blanche. What are you doing, girl? Well, okay. See? Oh, oh, oh, Mother Cheesecake has an answer. Well,

I'm not saying this happened. Okay, great. If I entertained... A gentleman caller. A gentleman caller. Uh-huh. On and off. Sure. Let's say for 365 days in a year, right? Yeah. Uh-huh. Maybe the visits last three hours? Three? What are y'all doing for three hours?

three hours? Hypothetically, would that make me better at the sexting than you? Look, I'm just saying I'm good enough for me. You know what I mean? It's not a competition. I'm just saying I don't know that I would know how to occupy both of us for three hours. You know what I mean? Dude.

Well, I wouldn't know. Okay. Because this is definitely not anything. Don't you get sick of it after like 45 minutes? Allegedly, it would depend on the round you're in, right? The round? How many rounds are you going, Mother Cheesecake? Me? Yeah. We're not talking about me. This is a hypothetical situation.

All right. Annie, moving on. Oh, man. Rose entered, I said, also layered up for the cruel winter. The cruel winter.

The cruel winter. Like, why are they wearing so many layers? Just in Russia. I know. We say that before. Just in Russia. This is my sophomore year. I know. European history class. We're just talking about why the Russians lost the war. Just frozen in Siberia. Honestly, the Anna Karenina of it all. But the thing is, it's because I can't get out of my head. You told me that these sound stages are really cold. Yeah. The costumes must be meant to keep them warm, but they live in Miami. I'm not Judy Evans. I don't know. Okay.

But anyway. Yeah. So Rose enters with the clipboard. Is she our sedan driver? She must be the sedan driver. I mean, that car's got Rose written all over it. And frankly, I feel like she's got a lead foot. You know what I mean? But why did it take her so long to get into the house then? I think she's finishing up the Anne-Marie album. I think she's sitting in the car. All right. You know what I mean? Okay. I bet some nerdy cheesecake who's nerdier than we are is going to go back through footage and tell us who drove the blue sedan in other episodes. Like, well, it was blank, you idiots. Right. Yeah.

It was Dr. Jonathan Newman. So this is where we learned the bad news. Girls, I've got some bad news. I couldn't get Mrs. Claxton to sign the petition. Oh, no, and that tree's on her property. If she doesn't support the petition, the city will chop that tree down for sure. I know it doesn't make any sense. Why would she want to cut down that gorgeous 200-year-old old tree? Because Frida Claxton is a miserable, vile, scum-sucking crank who gives nice old ladies like me a bad name.

We now learn about the Frida Claxton. My note here is Sophia just wants to call her a c***. I mean, scum-sucking crank or scum-sucking c***. Can you beat that, Sean?

Cheesecakes. We asked our lovely Jennifer, our editor, to bleep the word. But you know the word that we think Sophia wanted to call her. It's actually a derivative of the word country. That's a true story. Is that? Yeah. No, I believe the story goes that, again, it's hard to be a woman, Patrick. But it's based on, you know, country girl. I believe in England.

And country girl meaning, oh, she's a country girl, meaning she's loose. Oh, my God. You know what I mean? Like, she's, yeah. She knows her way around a haystack. Would they call her the town bicycle? Thank you. Thank you, Steve. Yes, they probably would. But that word comes from...

That is my understanding. All right. Well, that's good to know. Listen, double check my facts. But hey, if I'm right, that's a mini diddy pulled out of my brain-sicles. I mean, wow. You're really living up to the name of the podcast, sister. So Rose is saying, you know, she doesn't believe that anybody can be so bad that they don't have any redeeming qualities. But Blanche agrees with Sophia. She hates Frida Claxton just as much as Sophia does. And Dorothy, I wrote in this next joke, come through, Barry and Mort. I know.

Still trying to convince Rose. Come on. Last Halloween, half the kids in the neighborhood wore Frida Claxton costumes.

My note here is I bet Frida Claxton absolutely loved that. I bet Frida Claxton handmade the costumes, sold them herself. Oh, sure. And we all grew up with this, didn't we? That house up on the hill that the paint was chipping and it was just gray. We couldn't afford a hill. We were too poor. I'm not saying your house, but there was always one in your neighborhood. That scary looking house. Totally, yes. And you just know, like in my head,

It's as gray as the suit she's wearing coming up. And, you know, the lights are out. She, of course, doesn't hand out Halloween candy. Of course not. And what I love is that she's looking out the window at all these little idiots dressed as her for Halloween. Just laughing at what she has wrought. If she has anything, it's a sound machine that, you know.

Says, you know, it insults them. But yeah, she loves it. So Rose naively thinks that she just, that Frida Klakson just needs some kindness. And she starts to tell a St. Olaf story here and all of her roommates run for the kitchen. All three. It's so good. Maybe she's just one of those people who needs to be shown some kindness. Like a fellow I knew back home, Ernest T. Minky. I'm suddenly so hungry, I think I'll get something to eat.

Boy, that was a close call. If I had to listen to one more story about the colorful people from St. Olaf, I think I'll explode. Miss T. Minky was St. Olaf's librarian. Kaboom. I just love that, like, this is the beginning of the women trying to avoid the St. Olaf stories. Yes, exactly. But Rose follows them in. Just innocently. Ernest T. Minky was St. Olaf's librarian. Yes, but

But I kind of love this story because he was the town librarian and dentist. Yeah. But he had a dental office within the library so he could do both jobs at the same time. I think they had other stories, if I recall. There was like people doubled up. Yes. You know? But what is so interesting,

thing about this story is that like the moral of the story here is that nobody liked this guy because he was mean because he was the dentist and he liked causing pain to other people but Rose tells the story that she like worked up the nerve to go check out the latest Nancy Drew book and as she's in the

process of checking out the book this bastard's tie gets caught in the book stamping machine and Rose says she saved his life because she had her Girl Scout knife on her and she was able to cut the tie loose otherwise he would have choked to death I'm like does anybody

else realize what a horrifying story this could have been? Oh, it's true. This man was strangled and like his eyes bulging out of his face. That's right. Like in front of a 10-year-old Rose Nyland. More than the story, though, I was caught up on one thing and you said it the way I would have. You said Girl Scout knife. She says Girl Scout knife. And it drove me insane. My friend Mike Jensen says insurance. Is he from Texas? No, he's from Washington State. Insurance. Like I need to get some dental...

Yeah. I know people who say it like that. Yeah, from the South. But I didn't know that up in Washington State it was a thing. Maybe he's been lying to me about where he's from. Oh, my God. Hey, is it Mike Jensen? Yeah. You c***. Mike Jensen, you are a lying c***. You and your c*** insurance. Insurance is for c***.

That's it. You know what? Clinton Kelly is just doubled over in his seersucker pants right now. He convinced his husband to listen to one episode and this is the one and now the husband has made him turn it off 10 minutes ago. And why do I have him in seersucker? I don't know. But I do. He would never. He would never. Get my agent a nice

summer cape cod situation a nice seersucker or in miami he dressed he dressed appropriately for miami i do love that in the middle of the saint olaf story dorothy just tries desperately to make it end in 1938 you could tell if someone was from saint olaf they were illiterate and they had teeth that looked like indian corn thank you rose that was a wonderful story

I'm only half done. I passed a kidney stone once that was less painful than this. Halfway through. Oh, I know. So this ends with Rose convinced that she can like get Frida Claxton on their side just by being nice to her. So she goes to the phone and calls Frida Claxton and we only hear her side of it. Hello, Ms. Claxton. This is Rose Nyland. How are you?

Well, I've never sat on one before, but wouldn't that be painful? What did Frida Claxton tell her to go sit on? A tack. I don't sit on a tack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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So next scene, we're at City Hall. We have a long shot of what was supposed to be City Hall, but to me, it looks like the outside of Sunset Gower Studio in Hollywood again, right? It's doubling as the courthouse. Yes, yes, exactly. So we're going to learn they're there to do like the town meeting where they're going to try to save the tree or whatever. Right. And Sophia, we like, Dorothy is scolding Sophia for wanting to bribe people to sign the petition for $20. Right. And I was like, that's kind of a

That's a lot of money for one signature. Yeah, I guess in 80s prices. Don't you need like several hundred of these people to sign? I don't know. It sounds like it sounds like a big investment to me. As we'll learn, there's only four people on the committee. I know, I guess that's true. Blanche slept with two of them. 50 percent. So bribing people with money was how we got things done in New York. Sicily, you cut off a horse's head and put it in somebody's bed.

I just love the tales of like badass Sophia sawing a horse's head off. Yeah. This whole bit with Sophia is just, it's a setup for a really great Blanche monologue. Yeah. And I want you to know that she ends this on the word victorious. I'll just say, but to me, it just sounds like as if Shirley Temple would have said it.

Sophia, we live in the greatest country in the world. A country founded on the principles of honesty, truth, and fairness. I'm certain that once we present our petition, the democratic system will prevail. And our noble endeavor to save that mighty oak will prove victorious. Her mouth just closes more and more tightly as she gets to the end of the sentence. Victorious. Victorious.

But this is where we learn that Blanche sounds so confident because she slept with two of the people on the commission. Yes. Right? So now Rose comes running down the hallway. She's got good news. Frida Claxton has decided to sign the petition and save the tree after all. And they can't believe it. How did you manage that, Rose? Yes. And she says she's done it with persistence. She said...

Essentially, she was bribing Frida Claxton by showing up every single day with Danish. Different kinds. A varietal of Danish. Danish varietal. Yes. Now, she tells them that story. The oak tree has been saved, right? Saved by Danish. And my next note is, and now Cheesecake enters the greatest guest star on this side of Barbara Thorndyke. That's right. I said, enter the queen herself, weighing in at 85 pounds of pure hatred.

Rita Claxton. I mean. Gray suit, powdered face for days, clutched purse walk, resting bitch voice. Nan Martin, the actress's name. Oh, God. She has this perma-scowl on her face. She literally looks like she could be related to the Wicked Witch of the West. She does. Was it Margaret Hamilton? Is that the Wicked Witch of the West? Yeah. They look like they could be sisters. Jason Robert Brown. Totally. Yeah.

He really does look like he could be her son. Totally. Right? Oh, my God. Her great-great-grandson. Totally. But Nan Martin, yes, to your point, and all the things you just said, it's like she invented the word ectomorph. She's just this... Well, Mrs. Claxton, how lovely to see you again. Who are you? I'm your neighbor, Blanche Devereaux. Yeah, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on.

I beg your pardon? With my binoculars, I have a terrific view in your bedroom window. I think some of the stuff you do is illegal. I'm looking into it. Thin, angry, you know, resting bitch voice. Fabulous character. But let me tell you a little bit about this actress. I was fascinated. Nan Martin is her name. She was born in Decatur, Illinois, but raised in Santa Monica. She does not strike me as a beach girl. No.

That's true. She's not like a beach girl. With her short gray hair. I'm just going to go for a run. She seemed like the kind that would go swimming in a full-length wool bathing suit. In one of those bathing carriages. I just learned about these. They used to have these bathing carriages that women would arrive to the beach in these bathing carriages. They would then put them out into the water so that women could come out of them into the water and never be seen by anyone.

I know. And you're just learning that. Did you know about that? Yeah, I'm a woman. You didn't know that the female body was so shameful that it needed to be hidden from view? Three hours. Three hours. I'm saying, what are you doing in there? Three hours. Look, I know a lot of gay men listen to this podcast. If I'm wrong, gays, get in the Facebook group and tell me, can you make it last for three hours? Because if so, I got a husband for you. His name is Steve Tipton.

Three hours? But rounds. Don't you want to get back to happy hour? The way you just looked at me as a lost cause. The pity in your eyes. The pity in your eyes. Let's get back to Nan, shall we? So after attending UCLA part-time and, get this, modeling. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, look at her. She's just this tall ectomorph model. Anyway, she moved to New York City where she made her Broadway debut in 1950 in a short-lived A Story for a Sunday Evening. Okay. She earned a Tony nomination, Patrick, for her performance as the wife, Sarah, in Archibald MacLeish's verse drama, JB. That was in 1958. It was directed by Elia Kazan. Oh, really? What is a single Tony nomination? You don't even exist until you have two. I plead the fifth. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

That's because I have two, right? She's got two. Yeah, I've got two. She's got two. Okay, thank you. She appeared in many Shakespearean productions. I wanted you to know that because she was part of the early years of Joe Papp's New York Shakespeare Festival. I feel like she would have made an excellent puck. You know what I mean? Oh, my God. Can you imagine? Yes, if this were miscast by Bernie Telsey at MCC, maybe, but not. I feel like she would have made a great puck. No.

No, she's a Lady Macbeth through and through. Oh, yes. Yes, that's true. So for 50 years, beginning in 1955, she amassed scores of TV credits, including episodes of The Untouchables, The Twilight Zone, NYPD Blue, and CSI Crime Scene Investigation. Twilight Zone feels like it was written for her.

Just comment for her. Just comment for Nan. Frida clacks into me like she just always will be. Nan, I'm sorry. Anyway, she also appeared in the supporting role of Mrs. Louder on the Drew Carey show. Oh. And she appeared in more than two dozen films, including Toys in the Attic, For Love of Ivy, and Shallow Hal. Oh,

All right. Let's see. Oh, I love this. So later in her life, she was a mainstay in the Southern California theater scene at like the theater I've been to many times, South Coast Rep, for example. She won an L.A. Drama Critics Circle Award. She ended up doing a performance that went to the Kennedy Center and she won...

the Helen Hayes Award for that. Okay, now. Yeah, I know, but, you know, it premiered at SCR. Martin Benson, who's the artistic director of South Coast Rep, said, she was one of our superstars. She did a lot of TV and all that, but her real love was theater. You could always dangle a part in front of her and she'd jump at that.

Good for her. Which I freaking love, of course. And she died of emphysema, of course, unfortunately. Not of course, but I mean, like, you know, she's no longer with us, is what I mean. But emphysema was the cause, I'm afraid. And that was on March 4th, 2010. That's a nice long life. She died at her home in Malibu. In Malibu, where it all began. Right. So back to the episode. Yeah. The girls are all excited because they think, like, she's going to save the tree. The villain has become the heroine.

Right. Right. Not so fast. Blanche introduces herself to Mrs. Claxton and Mrs. Claxton hates her on site. Oh, yeah. But I love that she's like watching down to the minute detail and looking at the city ordinances to see if it's illegal. But, you know, we have a Jennifer Smart one, two, three. Yeah. Up to bat. Number one, Blanche. Yes. Why, you miserable old Dorothy. I've got this essentially. Yes. Yes. Miserable old Dorothy.

Let's try to get along. Mrs. Claxton, I don't know if you remember me. Dorothy Zbornak? Sure, I know you. You're the one with nothing going on in your bedroom. Why, you miserable old... Which, again, is not fair. She's got a lot going on. She's wearing that tie, for God's sake. For the love of God, exactly. To which Dorothy, number two, why, you miserable old... Yes, then Rose is up.

You know, and she's saying, we want you to know that we appreciate you for helping us save the tree. And now we learned that Claxton scammed innocent old Rose. That's right. For the Danish. She was in it just for the Danish. For the Danish. I'm not here to save it. I'm here to make sure they tear it down. I hate trees. I hate people. Well, Mrs. Claxton, Rose told us you said you were going to help us. That's right. And now you're not? That's right. Well, why did you lie? To get the Danish. Look.

There's nothing I hate more than someone who thinks that every person who lives alone wants company and a few kind words. I live by myself because I like it. I've got no use for people, never have. See you inside. I get it. I can understand, like, just wanting to be left alone, but I've got no use for people, never have. Like, Paxton, who hurt you? No, seriously, what happened? She's one of those what happened to you people. Like, who landed that house on your sister? Ha ha ha ha ha!

And Judy Evans has her in horizontal stripe black and white stockings. Did you catch that? No.

No. Just under the gray suit. I wonder. I thought you were being serious. I'm like, wait, maybe it was a nod to the fact that she looks like the Wicked Witch of the West. That was the point. Yes. Actually, the Wicked Witch of the East was the one under the house. Remember? I know. Okay. This is now a podcast of you explaining jokes to me. However, I stand vindicated because that joke that I didn't get in that episode. Oh, did I get it wrong? No. So many people in the Facebook group were like, I didn't really get that joke either. You're all a bunch of c**ts.

Well, listen, I've got a history of the Danish. This is a quick one. Okay. The pastry known as the Danish is really French born and was made of a baker's mistake. So according to the Danish Baker's Union, the distinctive dough was created 350 years ago by a man named Claudius Gilles, a French apprentice baker who forgot to add butter to the flour and tried to hide his mistake by folding lumps of it into the dough.

Oh. So, to the astonishment of Gilles and his colleagues, the result was the lightest dough ever seen in France. Gilles then opened a Paris cafe in 1622 where he served the pastry the French call a thousand leaves. That's what they call, that's what the original Danish was originally called. Okay. Gilles then took his creation to Florence and from there it spread to

Mm-hmm.

The pastry evolved a bit in Denmark, and by the 1850s had become world famous there. But even still, the Danish people still attribute this beloved treat to the Austrians. In Denmark, they call Danish Wienbrod, which in English means Viennese bread. You know, I need Aaron to do a close-up. I need Aaron to do a close-up on what I just saw. Wienbrod. What is it? Wienbrod.

That's what the pastry Danish is called in Denmark. It's called Wienbrot, which in English means Viennese bread. So anyway, all to say the Danish was not created by the Danish. It was created by the French and made its way to Denmark like two centuries later. Well, you know what? All to say, Patrick, you're the lightest doe I've ever seen. Really? Because I feel like a c***. REI Co-op presents a mini mindfulness break.

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So we're inside the courtroom. There are four people on this alleged committee. They're there to petition this committee to save the tree. However, the first thing that the committee tells us is that the petition for an outdoor Menudo concert is denied. That's right. The homophobia of it all. I know. We have a teenager, an actor, dressed like a member of Menudo exiting. But the first time

we hear the real reason why the tree should come down is in this next sentence. This is next on the agenda is the proposal to widen Richmond Street. Yes. And I'm just going to say right off the top of the bat. Top of the bat? Yeah. Is that a melapropism again? Right off the top. Damn it.

You want to take it clean? Malapropism number two. No, let's keep it. Okay, great. All right. In my family, we call them smartisms. Oh, yeah. Because we do it all the time. I love it. I remember, I'm just going to sidebar here because it's appropriate. Yeah. I remember saying to my mother once, I forgot what it was, but it was a little bit of an argument. And I said, listen, mom, this is New York. And in New York, we play big ball. Hardball. Shit. We play big ball.

Yeah. We play big ball. I'm wondering if they need to widen the street just due to the traffic to Blanche's bedroom. Perhaps. But, you know, if we're going to take down a tree for asphalt, no. Totally. I'm all for the tree. Absolutely not. All right. But anyway. Three hours, you say. Three hours. Listen.

Allegedly. Is there an intermission? Like, oh my God. I told you, rounds. I'm not talking about me. I know you're not. So Blanche decides she's going to be the one to go. I love this. This is so funny. Blanche decides that she should be the one to represent the group to this committee. Wish me luck. Wait a minute, Blanche. Why should you do it? Because we'll have a better chance. Dorothy, I happen to be a wonderful orator. And two of the commissioners can verify that. What?

Branch, orator means speaker. Really? Well, then somebody else do the talking. I was like, are you literally going to get up and give all of them head? In front of everyone. That's the implication. She's just going to...

But, okay, I know that it is just a joke so the sitcom can happen. Sure. But, like, to play it out to the logical conclusion. I thought the same thing. She's going to get up there and perform oral sex for three hours on each of them. That's 12 hours she's got to do that. Plus longer because she's going to need to what? Well, I don't know. Take breaks for rounds, right? Which round are we in? So Mrs. Claxton, you know, says. Emmy.

Let me save everyone a lot of time here. My name is Frida Claxton. The tree is on my property and I could care less if the city wants to cut it down. And then the extra next to her, you know, just auditioned for the role. Oh, yeah. Because she's just like...

Well, this is where I have the note that Dorothy stands up to speak for the people. And once again, I would like to remind Dorothy, this is not her job. She's a renter. You are not going to live in this house or this neighborhood forever. This is not your job, girl. This should be Blanche, the wonderful orator. You know what I mean? Advocating for the neighborhood in which she owns property. Oh my gosh, I know.

But, you know, Dorothy goes on and she has pictures and Mrs. Claxton in for the kill. I also have pictures of the tree that I'd like you all to take a look at. You want to look at pictures? I've got pictures of her roommate, the human Slinky. Shut up, Claxton. Were there any other faces recognizable? You shut up too, Ed.

I love that A, Blanche looks at her and says, shut up, Claxton. I love that she calls her. Because remember in the jail cell, she called Rose Nyland when they were about to get into their fist fight. That's right. But then Ed, the commissioner, wants to know if anybody else can be seen in the photos. So now we know that he was presumably one of the two that she slept with. And I'm just wondering who the other one is. Because I got to look at that panel and Ed's kind of the only one that's in her age range, really. Everyone else looks much older than her, right? Yeah, I agree. And there's a woman. Right.

We don't know. We don't know. We don't know what goes on. We don't know. We don't know what goes on. She's got three hours to kill. She's got to do a lot of stuff in there. Frida, show us the tape. You know, roll the tape, Frida. So then Claxton stopped wasting taxpayers' money, yanked that tree out, and started pouring cement. Now Rose gets up, and now Claxton comes for Rose. And this is so...

so funny. Yeah. Because Rose says, think about what you're doing. That beautiful old tree is 200 years old. How can you hate a living thing? Claxton turns to Rose and says, I hate you.

Your Frida Claxton is... Well, you know what? I also have resting bitch voice. It's nice and nasal. You know, I can drop it down. But it's not as good as Dorothy. But it's got nice, bright nasal. That's how I sing at shows a week. Oh, man. It's so good. And the way that... Like, I love that Frida Claxton doesn't even just, like, not want to be bothered by Rose. She fucking hates her. She let this woman make her Danish five days a week. Fuck.

But she hates her. She hates her. And she tells her that in open court. Right, only the prunes so she could take a shit. That's it. That's the only one that she wanted. I just, I mean, I would scream laughing watching this. Like, the dead man delivered. But here we are at the climax of the episode. Yeah. Rose just says...

I have had all I'm gonna take from you. Now, if you don't have the common decency to treat people like human beings, well, then I'm sure as hell not gonna waste my time kissing your fanny. Now, if you don't like it, Mrs. Claxton, you just sit there and shut up while we have our say. And if you don't like it, just drop dead. Go on, Dorothy.

Now, when she says, I'm not going to kiss your fanny, Claxton grabs her heart. Clutches her chest. Her own chest. Your first impression is she's thinking, no one's ever, you know, the best way to bully a bully is to, you know, give it back to them, right? Yeah, yeah. You know, she's just like, no one's ever talked to me that way. And then, of course, we know, oh, she was actually having a heart attack. Now, I mentioned this in a previous episode where Rose fainted onto the couch and it's kind of like, eh, not that funny because she fainted onto the couch. Claxton falls on...

off the bench onto the floor and we hear with the thud that we hear it was like oh Nan broke seven bones I know because like

That old lady, they had to put something there for her to fall onto, right? No. You don't think so? I don't know. That's, I don't know. I mean, it wasn't that far to the ground. But the thud. I mean, I hope the sound effect was added. Of course, of course it was. Of course it was. It was so loud. And I was, I mean, once again, I was just laughing so hard. Well, Dorothy said, what happened? Sophia says, you know when you told her to drop dead? Yes. I think she did. Yeah.

All right. I interrupt this hilarious episode to give you a mini ditty on the slinky. I love slinkies. Raise your hands. Anyone who's... I love it. Let me tell you this. This is a very woman-centric story and I fucking love it. So like the Danish, the slinky was invented by accident. Oh. So a man named Richard James, who was the founder of James Spring and Wire Company, had been testing springs of various sizes and tensions and he kept them all stacked on his work desk.

after accidentally knocking some samples off the shelf, he watched in amazement as they gracefully walked instead of fell. Now, I only know this because we were just playing with a slinky at Daisy's grandparents' house. The way a slinky works is creepy looking. Yeah. Like a worm. It really moves in a kind of beautiful, terrifying kind of way. So to be the person who's seeing that for the very first,

first time. It's like, oh my God. And I wrote, of course it was his wife, Betty, who had the idea to develop this into a novelty toy. Yeah. And it was while flipping through a dictionary that Betty found a word that aptly described the spring's motion. Slinky, meaning graceful and sinuous in movement.

line or figure and the word fit perfectly. So within their, get this, within the first year of their business, they sold over a quarter million slinkies. Within two years, they had done $100 million in sales. And to adjust for inflation, that is $1.43 billion in today money. Within two years of inventing the slinky. Now get this, this is the wildest part. A few years later, Richard, the husband, left

Mm.

She had one rocky year, the year that he left. She then moved the company to her hometown of Hollidaysburg, Pennsylvania, where the company still is to this day. In the year 2000, the Slinky was inducted into the Toy Hall of Fame. And the next year, the Toy Industry Association inducted Betty into its Hall of Fame. By the 70th anniversary of the company's founding, over 300 million Slinkys had been sold worldwide. Oh, props. It's the best toy. It's a rainy day toy. Totally. Let me ask you a question, but I have...

I'm pretty sure if you've seen Daisy with, you know, she has it on her arms. Oh, totally. It's like bracelets. It's so fascinating. Yeah. But I love the story that this woman who didn't know anything about business just kind of had the fun idea for this thing. The husband abandons the family. She's like, fuck this. I'm going to make this work. And she becomes a legend. What is it with these abandoning bastards? Those abandoning cunts.

But I just love, I love that story. I think that's my favorite part of this episode so far is the slinky deep dive. I don't think anyone dislikes the slinky. So good, right? Do you remember the 80s jingle? It's really short, everyone, because it just is on repeat. But it's like, it's slinky, it's slinky. Do you remember that? No.

It's slinky, it's slinky, for fun it's a wonderful toy. When it walks downstairs, or loner in pairs, it makes a slinkity sound. A spring, a spring, a marvelous thing, everyone knows it's slinky. It's slinky, it's slinky, for fun it's a wonderful toy. It's fun for a girl and a boy. It's fun for a girl and a boy. Well, I'm old. I bet Jim Colucci remembers. Totally.

I bet Clinton Kelly remembers. Not that he's old. Not that he's old. No. We're back to the episode. We're in the kitchen. Now, this may be the best Blanche scene that we've gotten up to this point. Oh, yeah. Because we have the most iconic line. One of the top three of the series. Top ten of the series, right? 100%. So, Rose is sitting at the table. She's really sad. Dorothy walks in. She's like, Dorothy, why do people have to die? And, like, basically,

Rose is saying she thinks that she killed Frida Claxton. Like, it's her fault. She killed her because she yelled at her. Right. So Rose, she's been poking at a piece of blueberry cheesecake, right? But a dot enters wearing a baby blue Revolutionary War nightgown signature. From the Revolutionary Collection, yeah. And Dorothy is sort of not letting Rose go down this, like, spiral of, like, self-hatred. She's like, she's 83 years old. She had a heart attack. It was just a coincidence. That's right. And while she's saying this, she's taken a plate out of the fridge of

of uncovered food. And I'm like, what are we eating, bacteria? She just takes out a plate of some sort of snack product. The hygiene situation in this house isn't always top notch. But, you know, Rose says, I guess you're right. Blanche enters. Yeah. Well, Rose, honey, you can't sleep again. No. Oh, Rose, you have to put this terrible thing behind you. You killed Mrs. Claxton two days ago.

I mean, I am just scream laughing. Screaming. Like it is. Everyone knows. It's just when you're charged with saying to people, what are some funny Golden Girls lines? Yes. Inevitably, that's one that people remember. I mean, it is so, it's.

It's so good. It's just so good. Because it just tells us so many things about Blanche. Like, Blanche does not think before she speaks. No. She doesn't care. You know what I mean? She just wants this, like, mopey person to stop being mopey around her and make her look less attractive. Right. So her advice to Rose is to go to the funeral, have a good cry, you'll feel a lot better. But now we learn that there isn't going to be a funeral because Mrs. Claxton was so awful that she didn't have any friends. And I was like...

My note here is Claxton seemed like the type who wouldn't have wanted a funeral anyway. I agree with you. You know what I mean? I agree with you. But Rose says she'll be buried in an unmarked grave in a potter's field. And just, you know, I did a little research on potter's field. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I kind of knew what it was, but it was still good to go back and

you know, re-familiarize myself. So, Cheesecakes, a potter's field, is a burial ground for people who were poor, unknown, or otherwise not allowed in a local cemetery. The term comes from the Bible and refers to a place in Jerusalem called a kaldama, which was once used by potters to collect clay for making ceramics. I did not know that. Interesting. Yeah. And so, after Judas Iscariot's suicide, the chief priests of Jerusalem bought a kaldama with the money paid to Judas for identifying Jesus. Jesus.

Jesus. He got paid for that? Come down, identify this body. We'll give you some cash. No. Oh, oh, oh. He's the one who betrayed Jesus' wife. Oh. Yeah, identifying him. You were raised Catholic, yeah? That's right. Okay, great. I feel like I'm explaining a joke to you. Let me tell you about the Judas-Jesus joke. I thought he was brought into the cave and was like, which one is Jesus? Like, how do you identify Jesus' body? The only dead guy in the cave. I know.

Woof. Woof, woof, woof. All right. No, he's the one who's like, he'll be in the Garden of Gethsemane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was your confirmation name? Do you remember? I never got confirmed. Oh, really? I dropped out of CCD. I'm a CCD dropout. That's a song. CCD dropout. I think you came off on the good side of that. I was St. Bernadette for Bernadette Peters. Are you surprised?

Oh, all right. Well, the priest used the land. Let me get back to the potter's field. The priest used the land as a burial ground for the poor criminals and strangers considering the money to be blood money. The term potter's field is an idiom that can be used to describe locations with unmarked graves symbolizing the resting places of people who may have been marginalized or overlooked in life. Um,

Heart Island in New York is an example of a potter's field serving as the city's burial ground for the unknown, unclaimed, and those who were too poor to afford a burial. Well, lots of gay men who died of AIDS in the 80s are buried on Heart Island. Can I tell you something else? Ghoulish. Do you know where the other potter's field is in the city? Oh, yeah.

Tell me. Washington Square Park. Washington Square Park was a potter's field. I just looked this up today. There are over 20,000 bodies buried under Washington Square Park. And in fact, there was a gallows in Washington Square Park. Oh, wow. There's a tree that I believe is still in the park that was like the hanging tree. Do you think they saved it? Like this episode? They totally did. You're right. Robert Moses, that...

Wanted to, you know. So that's our Pottersfield ditty. I love it. But this is where we get, they start to have a conversation about like, because Mrs. Clacton isn't having anybody at her funeral, how many people would come to their funeral? And Blanche is like, well, I know how many people will come to my funeral because I was there. Right. And we get this insane Blanche story. So narcissistic. She says, What?

16 was a very difficult age for me. My hormones were racing. My body was blossoming. I had urges and yearnings so strong. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night just sweating and screaming and clawing like a trapped panther. Unintentionally.

Unable to release the lust, esteem, and passions that constantly threaten to erupt from within me. Now, that's a lady who can do it for three hours. I'm starting to understand a little bit better what I was not understanding before. Allegedly. Allegedly. Because Dorothy has like the great excellent line where she's like, when I was 16, I had acne and played the accordion in a marching band. That was me.

Like, I definitely had lustful urges, but not to the extent that the way that Blanche is reliving the agony of her puberty is just unbelievable. So basically, she has a huge disproportionate response and such an escalation coming up because she says nothing seemed to go right that year. But essentially, in the Miss Magnolia Blossom pageant, they made her Miss Congeniality instead of the

The crown is the most beautiful girl in the county. And it feels like she thinks they were trying to teach her some lesson that she should be more like she should try to be more than just a pretty face. Yeah. All she cared about was she was so angry for not winning for her gorgeous body. Right. So she fakes her. She says, I decided to kill myself to teach that town a lesson. And that's where I have it. It's like what you might call an escalation. Right.

It's like she decided to stage her own. She was dating a riverboat captain. And how did it work? She had the captain who she was seeing after school. Yeah. By the way, she was 16. How old is this riverboat captain in his 30s? Not 16. No way.

She had him help her with all the details, that everything went perfectly. And the town had never seen a funeral like hers. Hundreds of people, beautiful eulogies. And then just as the manager was getting everybody in a frenzy of grieving, I rushed out and said, yoo-hoo!

It's me, Blanche. I'm not really dead. Well, the next thing I knew, my daddy was horse-whipping that riverboat captain and dragging me off to a religious girls' school in Atlanta. It was hard to get my daddy angry, but once you did, he could be a real pickerwood. Now, the idea of Big Daddy, who is four foot two, I love whenever she mentions him horse-whipping somebody. It's always like a boyfriend of Blanche's or whatever. Horse-whipping.

horse whipping the riverboat captain. I just have this image of like this, like four and a half foot tall man with this like gigantic six foot tall riverboat captain over his knee with a horse whip. One thing we skipped over Patrick, because we're going to give this fine lady her own deep dive. But when Blanche says after she didn't get the most beautiful girl in the county, but Miss Congeniality at that moment, I vowed to make that town pay for valuing my personality of my perfect body. Yeah.

And Dorothy says, I hear that Vanna White has the same problem. So Vanna White, real quick, you know, of course, she's the turn letters gal. She still is to this day. She still is on Wheel of Fortune. She's a goddamn national treasure. We're going to do like a full deep dive on her someday. It's a new NBC show. Totally. It's as if the Golden Girls were still on air. She was there then. She's there now. And by the way, she's on Instagram. She does a lot of like cooking videos and stuff. She looks incredible. She has a son who is fantastic.

you know, in his 20s or whatever, easy on the eyes, that boy. Yeah. So you're going to take that at some point, I think, right? I would definitely help that boy stay to his own death if he asked me to. And folks, peckerwood, as I'm sure you've gathered, it's a term for a woodpecker. It's used in the southern United States. It is also used as a racial epithet for white people, especially poor rural whites.

Interesting. Well, so Sophia enters and like the scene goes on a little bit, but essentially they decide they're going to pay for Frida Claxton's funeral. Yeah. Right. Because even though we hated her, this is the old man upstairs and we have respect for human life. Yeah. And I thought Sophia slash Estelle Getty was just beautiful here because you can sense it right away. She's like, and we'll pop for her funeral. To which I said, I'm sorry, Sophia, where is this money coming from? Right. From the rent, the common charges. You know what I mean? Well, that's why I'm like,

No, how about Blanche Pops for it? I actually have that written here. I said, I think it should be Blanche for all those unreimbursed house repairs. Exactly. I have the same note. I'm like, this definitely should be on Blanche. And by the way, can somebody go feed the minks? You know what I mean? It's mink feeding time.

So the ladies decide they're going to pay for Frida Claxton's funeral. And the next scene, we're at a funeral home because they're going to like look for a coffin for Frida Claxton. Right. And so like funeral homes make Blanche jumpy. Because why? She's only 45 years old. She's only been to two funerals in her life and she's 45 years old. Exactly. But we meet the funeral director. And of course, one of the funniest things in the series. It's so good. Oh man.

How may I be of service to you? Uh, well, Mr. Pfeiffer... That's P-Pfeiffer. The P is not silent. Um, well, uh, Mr. P-Pfeiffer... Uh, we're interested in arranging a funeral. Isn't that lovely? The three of you planning ahead for Mother's.

Hey, Pfeiffer, how would you like a punch in your face? God damn it, Barry and Mort. You funny, funny cunts. Anyway. Because it

it's a joke. I was thinking about this, the whole Pfeiffer thing. Like, did they write that in because like the rest of the scene isn't that funny and it's a way to have like a funny joke that sort of carries through the scene? They're very funny. Along the lines of this joke, Dorothy says, look, Mr. Pfeiffer, about the funeral. And she corrects herself. She does. I have to say, Patrick, I have here, I always thought Bea added that for some reason. Oh, interesting. It seems like an ad. Yeah. Yeah. Probably not.

But that's how it played. It's very funny because like you see her correct herself. Yeah. Mr. Pfeiffer about the funeral. Yes. It's very cute. Very, very good. They're looking at caskets. Right. And like, you know, I'm sure that this is like a real thing, but like he's really trying to

sell them. And like, that's the thing about the funeral industry is that like, you're meeting people at their most vulnerable moments. It's like the security system. Remember, they were very vulnerable because they got broken into. Oh yeah, exactly. And they're getting the hard sell for the most expensive thing. He's telling her about this casket. Paris has been talking about it all spring, Patrick. It's the Omega 3000. Ladies, I'd like to present to you the winner of the 1985 Crypt and Casket Design Award. Paris has been talking about this one all spring. It's the Omega 3000.

How much? You know, that top is hand-embellished gold-leaf detail work. The satin interior is imported from a small textile mill outside Gstaad. How much? It's also lead-lined. We're not burying Superman. How much?

$6,000. I did the inflation calculator. Yeah. $17,271 is what that would have cost. Absolutely not. Can you imagine? Yes. That's why I'm saying absolutely not. That's how much they've already amassed in common charges under Blanche's. I mean, I wouldn't pay that if I liked you, let alone if I hated you. $17,000. $17,000. Oh my God. Like, no, I'm taking you out on the circle line on the Hudson River and your ashes are being spread. I'm not going to

I'm not going to care. You know what I mean? They settle on a pine box, which is kind of funny. But I do think it's interesting that when we do see the pine box, it looks nice. You know what I mean? Yeah, well, they had flowers on it, right? But it was $200. $200. Which is like, number one, I want to be cremated. And you know where I want to be spread. I want my ashes spread. A little bit in the theater district, a little bit in front of the Oscar Wilde bookshop, and then Daisy and Steve can decide what to do with the rest. Could you be more specific? I know. But that's a Dorothy joke. They get the pine box. They settle on the fact that they're going to have the funeral on Friday. That's right. So we're at the church.

And hilariously enough, Sophia is in the front row. She's in the front pew and she's got her left hand up to her head. Yeah. And she's like, oh, my God, this is terrible. Oh, my God, this is terrible. Such a tragedy. Such a tragedy. Ma, try not to upset yourself. Two men on the bottom of the ninth. That bunch of galupas sort of hasn't burnt.

That bag of Jaloub Lasorda has them bunt. What I wrote here was, I think she's listening to a baseball game because she says Lasorda. Right. And I, Lasorda, know who that is. Right. And I have in parentheses, I'll take this one, Patrick, because sports.

And we didn't compare notes. I knew you wouldn't know. Didn't you think my I sort of know who that is was funny? Oh, I... Oh, oh, we're critiquing each other's jokes now. Oh, oh. I'm not a pun person. Okay. Did you say you're not a fun person? Pun, pun, fun. I'm a fun person.

But yeah, Tommy Lasorda was the manager for the L.A. Dodgers, which the reason why it matters here, for those of you who are not sports baseball people, the Dodgers used to be based in Brooklyn. It was the Brooklyn Dodgers, which is why, Sophia, you're just learning this. I love that. I love you so much right now. Yeah. So they were the Brooklyn Dodgers and Sophia was a fan.

And now they're in Los Angeles? Yeah. Because, like, everybody eventually moves from New York to Los Angeles. Yeah, basically. That's, like, what always happens. Exactly. See you there. See, that's what I'm gonna do. So, basically, everyone is upset because they're the only people who showed up for the funeral, right? And they're about to go. Blanche is like, I'm tired of sitting here. Let's go. Rose is like, let me just stay. I'm really sad. I'm just gonna stay for a little while. And in enters a lovely, mature woman. And the woman...

She's like all flustered. She's like, I hope I'm not too late for the funeral. And like Dorothy and the Golden Girls are all very happy to see her. Happy and then quite surprised at this great monologue that this woman delivered. Because they ask her to, like she says, we were really good friends for 60 years. And like we learned some stuff about Frida Claxton, which we never would have known. Ah!

I wish I knew how many charities and hospitals and orphanages have benefited from her generosity. But now no one will ever know because she preferred to do all of her good work anonymously. I'm sure that a lot of people never even knew that she worked for 15 years in a leper colony. Yes.

Celia Rubinstein loved all mankind. Celia Rubinstein loved all mankind. She was Dorothy, forget off camera. I have in full Haya Charlie. Celia Rubinstein. This funeral isn't for Celia Rubinstein. It's for Frida Claxton. The Rubinstein funeral is down the hall.

So obviously the woman is very embarrassed and she's very apologetic, but then she realizes, wait, did you say Freda Claxton? She says, wasn't she the woman who owned that old house on Richmond Street? Well, yes. And then she kicks that pine box. Oh, my God.

Patrick, I said, if we do a live show, instead of a photo booth, a plate, I want a pine box. I want us to buy a pine box casket and set up a photo booth there where we all can take kicks. Oh, my God. That's a great idea. Instead of a dunking booth, a pine box kicking booth. But also the athleticism with which she kicked. Oh, no.

I don't think I can kick it that hard. I mean, it is like bang. Oh my God. Oh damn, it's funny. Well, I got a little ditty on this actress. Well deserved. So this actress is a woman named Amesie Strickland. She was born in Oklahoma City in 1919. She inherited her first name from a man named Colonel Amesie, who was a union officer during the Civil War. Her grandfather was a friend of the colonel and named his first child for him, adding an E to make it feminine. And the name remained in the family since. She knew she wanted to be an actress, actress.

From the time she was seven years old. She did a ton of community theater and local acting competitions. After graduating from college, she moved to New York and got a job writing radio dramas. Oh. She smartly wrote a role for herself in one of them, and the producers loved her voice so much they kept giving her more and more voice acting gigs. And she eventually became a bonafide radio star.

That was what she became known for. In 1954, she moved to Hollywood. And though she never became a star, she had tremendous success. From 1954 until 2000, Ainsley performed more than 650 guest starring roles on more than 350 television shows. Wow. She never took a year off. And during those 46 years, she supported herself entirely on what she made as an actor. Okay, that's huge. And she lived comfortably. It wasn't like she was scraping by. She made money.

knee as an actor. In 2004, she moved to Spokane to be with her family, where she gave a significant amount of money, love, and support to Spokane in the founding and funding of Center Stage Dinner Theater and Ella's Supper Club. She said that she considered herself fortunate to have lived entirely on her performing skills and wanted Center Stage to be a place where all professional performers could get

paid and appreciate their work. I love a dinner theater. I know. But she like gave all of this money to like. Yeah. She had a lot of money and she gave it to like start this dinner theater. She died July 5th, 2006 at the age of 87. Two days before her death, Amesie woke up briefly. She'd been out for weeks. She woke up briefly and said, I've just got to laugh and swear. Those were her that she went back to sleep and faded away. What a queen. I know. What a c***.

That one we can keep. That one we can keep. I mean, how amazing is that? That is so cool. I know. I think that's...

I think that's in some ways the dream to make bank. I think it's more about that than the fame that can also derail your life a little bit. Totally. Like, you know, she was able to maintain her anonymity and, you know. And she was doing TV back when you could, I don't know much about this, but she, like, you could make money doing TV back then and guest starring roles. Well, you can still, but it's obviously the game has changed. And don't get me wrong, fame and, you know, awards and all that stuff that, sure, you know, that's all lovely. But what I love, I guess my point is, what's,

when you're looking at actors, you don't have to judge their success by whether you know their names. Totally. 100%. Because she had a very successful career. And we see that on this show all the time. We see a lot of these guest actors have these tremendous careers, but they're not household names. Correct. And who are we to say which is more successful, right? Totally. So Rose is very upset that, you know, basically it's all as she expected. It's like she never should have even existed. She runs out upset and

And just then, Mr. Pfeiffer comes in and he says they've made a mistake, essentially. Even though they spent $200 on this pine box, she was mistakenly cremated because they hired a high school student. I would like to be cremated. But if something else happens by accident, I want you all to think it's hilarious. If they accidentally donate my body to science or whatever, I'm dead. I don't care. OK. I mean, just laugh. Like, you know.

Light dough. If they turn me into Danish and they, you know, they make me for the evil neighbor across the street. This is perfect. Perfect. What a great callback. The Danish was a mistake. Right. Turning you into a Danish is not going to be on purpose. Better yet, turn me into a slinky. You know what I mean? Turn me into a slinky. What I was thinking, though, is that's a small earn for a whole person. She was a little person, I would say. She was an ectomorph model. Totally.

So the next morning, we're in the living room. Blanche comes running in, once again looking stunning in turquoise. She asks Dorothy. Morning, Blanche. Dorothy, I want to ask you something. Last night, about two in the morning, did you hear some shrieking and screaming and moaning? No, but usually if your door is closed, I can't hear anything. LAUGHTER

Well, she thinks the house is haunted by Frida Claxton because they've had to like now take home the ashes because they were like technically responsible for her. I buy it. Then Sophia comes out. Blanche asked her the same question. Sophia says she was the one making the noises because of the expired cottage cheese she ate. That is the dirtiest, grossest. Just imagine Sophia just pooping her brains out. Oh, God. I know. In that huge bathroom where all the plumbing works backwards. That bathroom was so big. Oh.

While Rose enters, Patrick, Rose has great news. She's found a final resting place for Mrs. Claxton. No, she did not find her descendants or her relatives. She took the ashes and she spread them around the oak tree across the street. And at first, nobody can understand why she did such a thing. Right. This little dumb genius. She says, After I spread the ashes and said a little prayer, I went down to City Hall and I told them what I had done.

And I pointed out that it might not be such a good idea to disturb a person's final resting place. And it doesn't look like they're going to cut the tree down after all. Rose, that's lovely. Odd, but lovely. And so, of course, it doesn't look like they're going to cut down the tree after all. Now, Rose isn't the idiot all the time that we think she is. That's right. It's a pretty smart plan, Rosie. Pretty smart plan.

They all go to the front door to sort of just like stare at the tree. Right. Cinderblock Alley is just ripe with birds of paradise. They're staring up at this tree of air that we don't see. And she's like, oh, isn't it breathtaking? I love that Blanche says the tree's always going to remind you to do nice things for other people. And I wrote, nice sentiment, Blanche. We know it's not true. Right. Like pay for the house repairs for your roommates who are not getting a tax break that you are. Stop charging them common charges in addition to their rent. Maybe go feed the minks in the garage.

But no, Rose says Mrs. Clacton's spirit's part of that tree now, Sophia. Yes. And the episode ends with a hilarious Sophia joke. That's really lovely. And it's touching how that Great Dane is paying its respects. Get it? Do you get it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Great Dane is peeing on the tree.

Oh, Cheesecakes, thank you so much for hanging out with us. I cannot believe we've already conquered the Frida Claxton episode. I mean, this was one for the books. I mean, she is legendary. Frida Claxton. Legendary. And in fact, I think maybe I'll go as her for Halloween next year. You know what I mean? We love to hate Frida Claxton. We love to hate Frida Claxton. We love to hate Frida Claxton.

Speaking of Halloween, we've been doing a lot of Halloween costume posting in the Facebook group. I posted Daisy's Elvis costume from year one, her Hamilton from year two. Cheesecakes, get in the Facebook group. Post your favorite Halloween costume. I want to see it. Oh, I would love that. Golden Girls Deep Dive podcast discussion group on the Facebook. I don't know. That's all. That's all I'm going to ask for this week. That's not too much to ask. That's not too much to ask. We love you. We love you, Cheezies. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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