cover of episode The Gottman Doctors: Affairs Can Actually Save Your Relationship! But If You See This, It's Time To Walk Away!

The Gottman Doctors: Affairs Can Actually Save Your Relationship! But If You See This, It's Time To Walk Away!

2024/9/16
logo of podcast The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

Chapters

In the modern dating world, many people struggle with insecurity and present idealized versions of themselves, hindering genuine connections. Building internal confidence and fostering a supportive friendship network are crucial for finding love. It's essential to embrace authenticity and be open to connecting with others based on genuine interest and curiosity, rather than focusing on superficial compatibility.
  • Loneliness and the pressure to find "the one" are detrimental to forming healthy relationships.
  • Building a strong friendship network is a crucial prerequisite to dating.
  • Attraction is less about individual qualities and more about the social context and genuine interest.
  • Dating apps create an artificial and evaluative environment that hinders genuine connection.
  • Self-esteem plays a significant role in attraction, with desperation being a major turn-off.
  • There isn't "the one," but rather many potential partners with whom a fulfilling relationship can be built.
  • People are often attracted to those different from themselves, leading to both conflict and growth.

Shownotes Transcript

After 50 years of research, the Gottmans can predict with 90% accuracy if a relationship is doomed for divorce, these are the answers to love you've been searching for

 Drs. John and Julie Gottman are professional relationship researchers that have published over 200 academic journal articles and 46 books. They are the co-founders of The Gottman Institute and Love Lab.

In this conversation, the Gottmans and Steven discuss topics such as, how to repair from an affair, why dating apps are broken, the facts behind an awful sex life, and why to stop chasing the idea of 'the one'. 

(00:00) Intro

(02:28) What Do You Do?

(05:08) What We Doing Wrong About Dating

(09:55) How Do We Find True Love?

(11:39) What Is The Most Attractive Thing In A Person?

(13:51) The Role Of Self Esteem In How Attractive You Come Across

(16:13) There Isn'T 'The One'

(18:30) Are We Attracted To People Different To Us?

(21:11) Do We Need To Lower Our Expectations

(24:52) It'S A Red Flag When They Want To Rush Things

(29:06) Can You Fake Confidence?

(31:25) Science Know If People Connect Well Or Not

(35:13) How To Build Confidence

(38:04) Differences Between Gender In Attraction

(39:37) Why People Need Alcohol When Dating

(44:29) Is Good Enough, Enough To Be With Soemone?

(48:06) The Role Of Sex In Attraction

(53:40) How To Spice Things Up

(57:46) How Much Sex Should We Be Having?

(01:03:21) Men Struggle To Talk About Their Feelings

(01:09:36) Expressing Gratitude To Your Partner

(01:15:55) How To Know If You Should Break Up

(01:19:24) The 4 Horsemen Of The Apocalpse In A Relationship

(01:25:02) Insecure People Are More Defensive

(01:32:19) Do Homosexuals Relationships Last Longer?

(01:33:45) Gaslighting

(01:38:32) Why People Stay With Gashlighter Or Abusers

(01:41:24) How To Help People Going Through Domestic Violence

(01:45:01) Treating Affairs

(01:47:45) What Percentage Of People Have Affairs?

(02:00:42) Does Cheating Help A Relationship?

(02:03:34) The Importance Of Connection

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