Local Hour: Treat Yourself a Round of Sausage
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Shadow Show. Shadow Show. Shadow Show. Shadow Show. Shadow Show. Shadow Show.

Chris, how is your arm? Because I see that Jeremy seems to have legitimately injured himself with his 72 mile an hour wiffle ball throw because he didn't do any calisthenics or stretching or anything.

I stretched a little. I think I'm doing a little bit better than Jeremy. He also threw way more than I did. I only did twice. He took him like seven throws to beat him. All right, relax. But I'm doing... I still feel it today. I'll give you that. But Jeremy's been complaining all morning. It's my forearm. It's my bicep. It's my elbow, which keeps cracking when I go to reach for stuff.

It's the top of my shoulder, and most importantly, it's the shoulder blade that is just blown up. If you were to put your hands on my back and feel my left shoulder blade versus my right shoulder blade, you would think I had something seriously wrong going on right now. Two words, boys. Tommy John.

You cannot throw a wiffle ball. That's the issue, right? The issue is not the throwing. You're exactly right. The issue is the throwing of something that is hollow and that has air ducts so air can go in it to give it to the curve. The problem is if you're throwing a regular ball and you're warming up, you're doing your thing, your arm is used to it. You try and throw the hell out of a wiffle ball, your arm is so not used to the lightness of the ball that you're throwing and your ligaments are like, whoa! Yeah.

It's like trying to throw a tissue that isn't balled up. Exactly right. It's going to float everywhere. By the way, my favorite part of this whole thing is...

Kenny Mayne said, hey, whoever beats my number, I'll record your voicemail intro for you. So forever you'll have Kenny Mayne as your voicemail. So Jeremy broke the number. Now Kenny Mayne is going to send him this. Well, he sent me a text disputing the results. He said that radar gun wasn't an officially, you know, sanctioned by Kenny Mayne radar gun. Let's assume that it is. We have the voicemail. Well, let's assume. OK, so it has been sent. It's been received. I told Jeremy, you know what the funny part about all this is?

Nobody waits for the voicemail anyway. I'm calling you. Three, four rings you haven't picked up. I'm hitting end. I'm not waiting to hear the voicemail. Sneaky good feeling when that happens. That someone doesn't answer your call? Just like, you know, like you're making a call and it's like, okay, I made the call. Yep.

But if you're making the call, I want the other person to pick up. You don't want them to answer, Chris? No, I'm just saying, of course you want them to answer, but it's not like you're like, oh, man. It's like a level of procrastination that you get to fulfill of, hey, I had to make this call, specifically calling somebody back.

But now three rings go and they're not near the phone. I'm going to hang up. Love some phone tag. Ball's in your court now. I'm with you, Chris. Hey, I love what I don't get. Responsibility is gone. I did it. I did my part. I reached out. It's like being the last person to send a text. You ever been in that situation? You never text me. Open up the thing. I'm the last text. So the ball was in your court to send me a response or a good morning or whatever. Just start the show so that I can talk about this some more, please.

This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast. ♪

I don't understand you feeling relief and a sneaky good feeling, Chris Cody, from calling someone and then not having them answer after three rings so that you can have fulfilled your commitment and didn't want to be making the call in the first place. No, you're misrepresenting. I think I want them to answer. I'm obviously calling to speak to them. But like Amin said, if they don't answer, I'm at least like, whew.

Now the ball's back in their court. I'll answer when they call back. But it's like, I don't feel like a jerk anymore. No, I think you're not being truthful here because I think there is a sneaky great feeling in, I have to call this person back.

I don't really want to have the conversation that we're supposed to have. I need to do something logistically. I need to plan something for weeks in advance. We don't need all the preamble. And now we don't need a bunch of hypotheticals about what you have to do with your free time. OK, you can continue the story. We just don't need more. I mean, I was about to say we got we got fine. OK, it doesn't matter. I don't think we're going to hear Kenny Mayne's voicemail or not. I don't really want to hear anything about Kenny Mayne right now. No.

The thing that I wanted to get to here with Amin, because I thought it was the video of the day yesterday, is Mike Tyson selling tonight's fight the way that Mike Tyson does. And I'm not even talking about him slapping Jake Paul. I suppose we'll get to that in a second as well. But before I get to the video of the day...

One of the places where I started to feel aging is just basically when I checked in on award shows and didn't know a lot of the very famous people that other people were excited about. Now, I know the fame of the person I'm about to describe, Harry.

Hasbulla? Is that how we pronounce his name? But I don't know why he's famous beyond the fact that he's an adult who looks like a child, but I don't know where else. Okay, but there are many people who have that particular...

They're all famous. Gary Coleman, Emanuel Lewis. I don't think they're all famous. They're all famous. How can you say that? They're not all famous. But why is Hasbulla famous? Because he's an adult who looks like a child. All right, so let's play that video first because this is Mike Tyson not basically knowing this...

In this video, Hasbulla is about 25 or 26 years old, correct? And so he plays, Mike Tyson plays with him as if he thinks he's a toddler. So go ahead and play that video real quick as B-roll to set up the following video. Because if you have not seen this. Looks like he's playing with a child. He's like shadow boxing. Right, but it's clearly not a child when you look at his face. Well, when you look at the way he's boxing, no child knows how to box like that.

Oh, and now he's hugging him. He picked him up like I pick up my daughter. That's right. I give a little fake bite to the ear. Is that right? He's going to give him the claw in a second, which is one of my moves. Yes, that's one of my favorites. By the way, none of you guys know how terrified...

But Hezbollah is right here when he gets picked up and Mike pretends to bite his ear because I've been there. It's a scary place, folks. You don't know when he's going to snap. Amin told us yesterday that he has been there. If you have not heard that story, I urge you to check out the podcast yesterday. But so Tyson is delighted there. And it's led me to the conclusion that after this happened,

Mike Tyson now questions all children whether they're actually adults because this interview, this interview, he is giving an adult interview to a child. Now, how old is...

is this girl that is interviewing him i'm gonna guess uh 11 12. my my thoughts exactly i have i have an 11 year old who's around that age so i'm like yeah probably that you figure she's a pre-teen but she's done this she gets really famous interviews and talks to every musicians athletes people of note and she has this like cool little one-on-one conversation very quick interview but then you get to somebody like mike tyson you're like oh

Want the audio audience to like when you're listening to Mike Tyson what we're about to play I want you to picture an adorable young journalist a child who's just trying to learn and she's looking up at him nodding along Just taking in all of this so innocently. Let me just say right now That is the most professional media member I've ever seen in my life because what's about to happen right now is so left-field Forget about the fact she's a child just for the softball question. That's about to be lobbed up She's a teenager

And the sound on this, the way that Mike Tyson answers it seriously as he answers most questions in his life, I thought the silence was just as funny as the words. So after such a successful career, what type of legacy would you like to leave behind when it's all said and done? Well, I don't know. I don't believe in the word legacy. I think that's another word for ego.

Legacy doesn't mean nothing. That's just some word everybody grabbed onto. Someone said that word and everyone grabbed onto the word, so now it's used every five seconds. It means absolutely nothing to me. I'm just passing through. I'm going to die and it's going to be over. Who cares about legacy after that? What a big ego. So I'm going to die. I want people to think that I'm this. I'm great. No, we're nothing. We're just dead. We're dust. We're absolutely nothing. Our legacy is nothing.

Well, thank you so much for sharing that. That is something that I have not heard before someone say that as an answer. Can you really imagine somebody say, I want my legacy to be this way? You're dead. Why do you think somebody really wants to think about you? What's the adapter? I think I want people to think about me when I'm gone. Who the f*** cares about me? Dude.

I laughed so hard last night. I watched it so many times in a row because there's so much happening. Dude, I kept thinking, like, every 15 seconds, he's going to realize he's going too far and he's going to soften it. And he just keeps going. It's so good. I thought the most fascinating thing was his answer is kind of right.

It's great perspective for anyone. It's just surprising perspective to give a 14-year-old child. And comedically, he was hitting perfect. The silence is after, and you're just dead. Now, this child hasn't probably thought a great deal about mortality. Mm-hmm.

Beep-a-boop. But the silence, I want to play that again for you because this is written comedically perfectly and he nails the dismount with the perfectly placed F word at the end. So after such a successful career, what type of legacy would you like to leave behind when it's all said and done? I don't know. I don't believe in the word legacy. I think that's another word for ego.

Legacy doesn't mean nothing. That's just some word everybody grabbed onto. Someone said that word and everyone grabbed onto the word, so now it's used every five seconds. It means absolutely nothing to me. I'm just passing through. I'm going to die and it's going to be over. Who cares about legacy after that? What a big ego. So I'm going to die. I want people to think that I'm this. I'm great. No, we're nothing. We're just dead. We're dust. We're absolutely nothing. Our legacy is nothing.

Well, thank you so much for sharing that. That is something that I have not heard before someone say that as an answer. Can you really imagine somebody say, I want my legacy to be this way? You're dead. Do you think somebody really wants to think about you? What's your adaption? I think I want people to think about me when I'm gone. Who the f*** cares about me when I'm gone?

Well, thank you for sharing that. Thank you for sharing that. She's so professional, man. She handles it so well. But the other thing I liked about it is in the middle, he says, nobody cares. Well, maybe my kids will care. When he does that math, I'm like, okay, some people will care. But most people won't care. She does a couple of great things in the interview. One is allowing the silence. Mm-hmm.

for mike tyson to elaborate three times uh plenty of room for mike tyson to continue the thought without interruption but one of my favorites is that after the silence she professionally turns back to the camera like she turns away from he's like i'm i'm dead i'm dust and she just turns away from the camera and starts to go back and do face the camera and talk to the camera uh

But Mike Tyson is next to her. And it's extra funny as well because Mike Tyson is not finding at any point any of the funny in this. Ever since he did The Toad in the ill-fated Art of Conversation, one of two episodes that we did. Great get. Yeah, I thought so too.

Based on what it is that, actually, this is a funny story. Based on what it is that you said yesterday about Mike Tyson's life, the argument I had at ESPN about doing Mike Tyson, because they just wanted me to do a football player. And they're like, how about you do Chris Long? And so they were asking me, why do you want to do Tyson?

What? That's right. That silence was purposeful. Yeah, because he's really interesting. Why? Because he's an interesting person. You know, like Amin was saying yesterday, maybe the most interesting athlete of our lifetime. Dude.

The way he's, you know, for the audio audience, if you haven't watched the video, listen to it. It's funny, Larry. There's a lot more to that. But watch it because you have to see the way he looks at her in that moment of silence. And again, Mike,

Dan, I'm so terrified of Mike Tyson. It's the third time you've done this to me in the last two days. You keep calling me Mike. He's done it on air. You have a presence, Dan. That's why. He's done it twice on air and he's done it once off air. He's got so much Mike Tyson of the mind that he keeps calling me Mike. I've got to get past this fight. You're so right, Lennox. I'm looking at him and that's the look that he gave me right before I thought I was going to die. No, Kevin.

- Don't look at me, Louie, is what he was saying. He didn't want Mike Tyson looking. - I didn't wanna be there. - Didn't want him looking. - I promise you, I didn't want to be there. But the way he stares at her, again, it's like he's staring at a 28-year-old dude. Like, oh, you asked me this question, really? And the other part of this,

Because she is a child. She doesn't book her guests. She doesn't run the business. Probably her parents do that. So you as a father or a mother are standing behind the camera saying, oh, shit.

Imagine that rollercoaster, Dan, of being like, baby, you won't believe what we got. We got the Mike Tyson interview. We're going to get Mike Tyson right after they do this. Yes, this is one of the biggest ones. We've had all these huge stars, but this is huge, especially because the moment this Netflix thing is happening, this could blow up, go super viral. And then it starts and you realize that Mike is not

playful, joyful. Mike is Mike. Yeah, he's being Mike now. And you're like, oh shit. Because if things go left, if he like picks up this child and rips her in half and the spine and all that, like what? All you can do, all you can do is sit back and watch. Dan, I'm going to tell you how I know. What Mike Tyson did to that child in that interview was,

is if there were any other person, athlete, politician, musician, actor, whatever, the internet would be like, how dare you and who the hell do you think you are? That's just a child, whatever. Dog, I've been watching nothing but reaction video after reaction video after reaction video. I have not seen one mother effer

say anything bad about Mike Tyson. They said it's funny, they've done the same thing we've done. I haven't heard one person say, how dare you, Mike? How dare you treat a child that way? I was having the same thought when the dad or whoever it is is back there and he's like, I can't protect her. Because if something happens...

I can't step in. There's nothing that I can physically do. Like there's other artists, there's other people. The dad can come in and kind of, hey, watch out. Like what are you doing? I'm not fast enough. This one is like, I got nothing. Even if I'm a crazed parent, I love my child. I'm not fast enough. He's right there. And you see the way he punches? You see how fast he slaps?

I had to watch that like three times just to see the slap. It's one thing. It's like all of a sudden now he's gone. I'm like, what? What happened? I love that the concern has turned from, oh, is Mike Tyson going to say something crazy to, is Mike Tyson going to whip my child in half? Jeremy, that's what we've been trying to tell you for like three months. The guy's crazy. He's insane. You guys think it's all play playing Jake Paul's

like, oh, I'm going to tap him. And one thing is, like, Mike is going to have some memory of somebody messing with his pigeons when he was 18. And then the next thing you know, boom, to the moon.

He tore, he has her being torn in half and him waving the spine around like a cartoon fish that's been pulled out of his skin. Yes. And is just a skeleton. Smack someone in the face with it on a boat. She would still be professional though. That's how professional she was. She would still be saying. Thank you so much for sharing that. That is something that I have not heard before.

Yeah, and none of us had really. To a sports interview question, I've never heard that as an answer to what you want your legacy to be. Dog, that is such a brilliant retort by her. Like, that's what I'm saying. Like, this child is gifted, man. Because to say, to recognize in the moment, oh my God, this is going left. And

Instead of sinking in it, like being able to rise 30,000 feet above and say, no one's ever answered that question like that before. Well, thank you so much for sharing that.

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Don Libetard. Again, started on the breakfast flan. Oh, man. I've been singing a song to myself all morning long. Breakfast flan. Stugatz. Have you never heard the breakfast flan song? No. Hit me with it. Okay. I wish I had some breakfast flan. Breakfast flan. Where can I find a breakfast like that?

This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugats. Stugats.

We're gonna try and get her on and we're also gonna try and get on another participant in a funny video that I've been meaning to get to for two days from Wheel of Fortune. I believe this is the first viral moment that has been had by Wheel of Fortune since Pat Sajak. This is the first Seacrest viral moment.

Amin was saying that the parent of that child was thinking to themselves how great it would be if their child interviewed Mike Tyson to get that viral moment, which they did indeed get because of how Mike Tyson handled that. I want to know which is the funnier video, that one or the one I'm about to play for you, which the clue on the board. Okay.

is not sausage related in any way. Okay, I need to explain this to the audio audience. Please put the clue back on the preview for me so that I can see. I think we should just give away what the answer. The answer is give yourself a round of applause. Now there's some missing letters, obviously, because this is Wheel of Fortune. The important thing to notice is the last word, applause, the A is there.

That starts it off. It's at the front, yes. And the first word, which is give, the E is there. That's right. It's a four-letter word at the top, give, and the last word is applause, but this confident man does not answer that way. I'd like to buy you. Well, you're going to get three U's. I'd like to solve the puzzle. Okay, well, let's hear it. Treat yourself a round of sausage. No. I'm sorry, that's not it. Over to Katina.

i'd like to solve okay give yourself a round of applause yeah that's it seacrest gives an audible uh like a gut punch i think most of us if that had happened to us and we're going to try and get that contestant on today uh would have

If given the option, would have asked for the floor beneath us to open and for the earth to swallow us, never to be seen again. Would have been the choice I would have selected. Instead of Ryan, I want to buy something or anything. I'd like to disappear, not just from television, but I'd like to leave this particular plane of earth.

and see if I can get closer to the core of Earth here. I don't want to be around people anymore. Now, Dan, I'm an expert on these kinds of matters. As you know, we have the law offices of Amino Hassan to help people with viral decontextualization. I'm sure this guy is not a complete moron, as that video would indicate. It was just a moment taken out of context that, you know, he was virally decontextualized. So this is what I would say to him.

We're going to call up Johnsonville Sausage Company. We're going to do all the sausage companies, Omaha Steaks, everybody. We're going to do brand. That's a good idea. Brand partnerships, man. I'd love a round of sausage. And that's the slogan. Treat yourself well.

Not give yourself. You're right. It could have been give. It should have been give. It was four letters. The last letter was E. It was give. It was give yourself a round of applause. Treat yourself. But it's funnier as treat. Not just because it's five letters instead of four. Who was...

Who wouldn't want to try, outside of vegans, obviously, and vegetarians. There's vegan sausage. Treat yourself a round of sausage. I don't know that you could do better with a comedic word at the end than sausage. I feel like he's at a point where he's reading it, and then he gets to it mentally where he's like, oh my God, wait a second, this isn't right. Because he starts getting the words, and he's like, treat yourself a round of sausage. Treat yourself

A round of sausage. That little pause to eat yourself. Oh, shit. Damn it. I've already messed up. Can I start over? Chris, do me a favor here and just play it again just so that I can hear. The silence isn't long, but silence is funny, man. Silence is funny in the Tyson video, and the silence is funny here because...

What you hear in the silence before the comedically perfect, pathetic buzzer that tells him that he's wrong. Like, it's just a pathetic buzzer is right before that you hear silence. And then the game show host, Ryan Seacrest, a professional by any measurement. One of the most. You would think that he would handle this situation as well as the 14-year-old handled the Tyson situation. But it sounds like he has been softly punched in the nuts.

Treat yourself a round of sausage. I'm sorry, that's not it. Over to Katina. Come on, Ryan. Come on, Ryan. I love Dan. Great point by Dan. That buzzard is great. It's by itself. It's silent. It's...

It is the sound of silence. Who makes that groan? That's Ryan Seacrest. I thought it was the guy just after he does it. It might be the guy. Let's hear it again. Let's see if we can separate Seacrest from his words and the guy from his pain. Treat yourself a round of sausage. No.

I'm sorry, that's not it. Seacrest. I think that's Seacrest. No, it might not have been Seacrest. I think it's him. I think it's him realizing, like, oh, shit, I just said the most embarrassing thing possible. We're going to have to do an investigation. I do believe that that might be his own shame and not Seacrest's borrowed shame. Treat yourself a round of sausage. I'm sorry, that's not it.

That's Seacrest. This guy talks up here. No, no, no. Play it again. Okay, but hold on, hold on. I want to offer some more context and I want to have this be a definitive investigation, okay? And this is the theory I'm going to posit on this.

What I'm telling you is yes, the sound of the voice goes different, but it's 'cause it's soaked in shame. It's because he used to be confident seconds ago. Seconds ago, he was confident and then he realizes that sound is him realizing, oh no, I've done the only thing that's gonna get everyone talking about my appearance on Wheel of Fortune. - Treat yourself a round of sausage.

I'm sorry, that's not it. That is definitely him falling metaphorically to a knee. That is him realizing that is his shame falling on his neck and him and the weight of it taking a few octaves out of his voice. Instead of the trap door that sends him to the core of the earth, what it feels like is behind the podium is, you know, those like in the cartoons where you have the boxing glove that's on the line. What hits him there in the nuts is that boxing glove. He's like, oh.

Treat yourself a round of sausage. I'm sorry, that's not it. It is. It's the sound a runner would make when pulling their hamstring and falling to a single knee because it's the weight of immediate recognition that America's laughing at me and it's about to go international. Unbelievable. So good.

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hire professionals like a professional on LinkedIn. Post your job for free at linkedin.com slash prep. That's linkedin.com slash prep to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply. Don Levitard. And then that staffer threw him 25 and 2. Oh, there's a brand new kid in town. Why you stugats? They are. Who come to Kua? Who come to Kua? His quack is not.

This is the Don Labatar Show with the Stugats. We are going to get one of those two people. I am sending Sullivan after both of those people and we'll see who we can get before the end of the show. One of who people? We're going to try and get either the kid who interviewed Tyson or the contestant on Wheel of Fortune. I thought you said we were going to get Mike Tyson. I said, I got to go hide then.

Because I'm afraid of Mike Tyson because he's a scary guy. You think he'd remember you? Would he remember you? From meeting you when you were seven? And then 20-something and then 30-something. Well, wait a minute. You were just telling me. Why don't you go ahead and tell me the story you were telling me before the show about how his short-term memory might be something that can't be trusted because you were having a conversation with somebody. I don't want to. I won't betray the name, right? But a buddy of mine is friends with Mike Tyson, right?

And he tells me the story of being at a UFC event in Saudi Arabia where Mike is giving away the belts to the winners. So every time there's another match, it ends, he walks up, presents the thing, takes the photos, everyone's happy. My buddy's sitting ringside by the entrance to the octagon. So every time Mike walks in, he kind of slaps him on his leg, hey man, what's going on? It's like, oh, it's my guy, whatever.

In and out so one of these trips in and out Mike has like something on his honest You know on his chin or whatever so my buddy trying to be discreet He says hey Mike like you want some gum and Mike stares at him And he's like are you telling me that my breath effing stinks and my buddies. I would never no no Mike I just I was having gum. I thought you would might want some I'm offering gum like and so he says no MF Are you telling me my breast stinks?

And it's like he's seeing Mike's eyes and it's completely disassociated. So the guy sitting next to him says, "Hey, Mike." "No, no, he's just offering you gum, it's not a big deal." And Mike turns and stares at him and says, "I don't remember saying an effing word to you. "Sit the eff down and shut the eff up."

And that guy was like the welterweight MMA champion of the world or whatever. So this is a bad MF-er in his own regard. And he's like, all right, man, you're on your own. He sits down. He does what he's told. He does exactly as he's told. So now everyone's like, what's happening here? And so they say, Mike, you got to go present the belt. So he walks in there and he presents the belt and he walks out. And for the rest of the night as he's going in to present these belts, every time he passes by my buddy, he says, Mike,

Not quietly. He points at him and says, F-U! F-U, MF-er! Every single time. At some point, the fight promoters are like, I think we need to move you from this seat. And my buddy's like, I think that's a good idea. They move him over to where Mike's family is.

And Mike's father-in-law says to him, hey, man, what's going on? And he's like, I don't know what happened. I just offered some gum and then he just lost it. And the father-in-law is like, oh, don't worry. He'll forget all about it by the end of the night. And sure enough, at the end of the night, he's like, hey, man, what's going on? It's like nothing happened. And so I think we figured it out. It's not that Mike Tyson doesn't remember me. It's that maybe long-term memory isn't a thing for him.

Not all fighters are built the same. I will tell you because boxing was the sport that I liked writing about the most. Why? Because, I mean, the fear of being alone in the middle of a lot of people and the other person is fighting you for money and they can knock you out at any moment and really harm your career and harm you. So it's like being a columnist.

No, it's nothing like... Yeah, you and Greg Cody, just gloves on, going ahead. It's nothing like that. The sweet science? No, not helpful. None of that is helpful. And being alone. The sweet science was a little helpful. Thank you. Booing your argument. I do like the sweet science portions of this, but I also like the bravery and how, you know, I say all the time that bravery is not the absence of fear. It's the presence of fear. And so you may have noticed...

Jake Paul, for whatever your criticisms are of him, and there can be a ton of criticisms of him from a lot of different angles. These are two, you know, these are two historically bad people. If you like to judge people as good and bad, two bad people who are fighting for money at the center of the spectacle. Jake Paul has been extraordinary at...

his career path and how he has marketed and chosen his fighters and his matches and how he has built all of this into an empire after his most prominent YouTube relevancy. He's really, he's just been really smart about how he's done all of this, including an up to now where he's just got the biggest fight that the most people are going to watch of any kind, I would assume. I honestly think that MMA has got a great card.

This weekend. I don't think it's going to bring in people from outside the tent to gather around the television. I couldn't even tell you who's fighting MMA. Jon Jones is fighting on Saturday. It's a big weekend. And he's been acting weird all week. He has. We'll get to that point in a second. But to your point, Dan, there's a reason why they set it up for Friday night, not Saturday night.

Right. Because the return of Jon Jones is going to be a ton of eyes, especially with the way that he's been doing media. There's going to be a ton of eyes at Madison Square Garden. Biggest arena in the world. Jon Jones is back. Stipe Miocic, probably the greatest heavyweight of all time versus the pound for pound king. Jon Jones, who hasn't fought in 500 days. Stipe even longer than that. By the way, if you want to catch that MMA hangout.

preview of UFC 309 with Luke Thomas, our boy from All the Smoke from Morning Combat and MMA Hangout at Casa Tiki Live on Saturday at 10 p.m. The problem with the Bones fight this weekend is everyone wants to see the fight if he wins this one, right? With Aspinall? He's been ducking that one already. I'm just saying though, Stipe is old. He hasn't fought in a while. This is kind of just letting Jon Bones get his feet wet, get back in it. I'll be very honest with you guys. When you say like, hey, Jon Bones Jones is fighting this weekend. I say, okay, so Monday's the failed coke test?

Sunday. Okay. John Bones Jones, for me, is the best fighter in the history of the sport. Also has the most enormously checkered personality.

passed for someone this excellent. There are all sorts of people who do that, who get into all sorts of trouble. But there has not been a champion of this skill set that has squandered so much time with what appears to be drug issues. But his behavior is this weird because, at least in part, everyone assumes, and this is not something that I was prepared for, that he is ducking.

Right? Like, that's the assumption. You're hearing someone everyone regards and respects as a great fighter come to the consensus, oh, he doesn't actually want to fight. Absolutely not. Like, Tom Aspinall's been a freight train through the heavyweight division. Like, after he got hurt and had to miss some time, but since he's gotten back,

he's steamrolled through everybody. He's beat, Aspinall has beaten five of the top 10 fighters by knockout in the first round. Yes. Correct? Yes. Decidedly. Like he is the best heavyweight on the planet. That's Francis Ngannou included. I think Tom Aspinall is better right now than Francis is. The issue is, can he be better than John Jones?

Yes, probably. But John has already come out and said, I don't want to fight Tom Aspinall. I want to fight Alex Breda, who's the 205 champion, who's a beast and a monster in his own right to make that super fight. Dana came out yesterday on Jim Rome Show and said, if John wins this fight, the only person he is fighting next is Tom Aspinall or he can retire.

And that's been a big turn from what Dana's done, which is John can kind of pick his own fights. John can do whatever he wants, as we see. John can do whatever he wants. He's always got a home in the UFC because he's going to draw numbers. He's the greatest, whatever. But when you are ducking somebody who is clearly better, younger, faster, stronger, all these different things, they're actually having like...

Tom Aspinall, who's the sub-in-fighter of one of the two fighters don't make weight, which would be interesting if Stipe all of a sudden disappears and then Tom Aspinall breaks through and is like, all right, mother, it's time. They're having Tom Aspinall sign rubber duckies. And the entire, not the entire crowd, but there's a bunch of people in the crowd with duck costumes. They go quack, quack, quack. In the John Jones press conferences and stuff. That's a duck. Do they start slow? Quack, quack, quack, quack. And then you build up. Quack, quack, quack. They don't do quack. They show up.

Like that. Let me just illustrate something. Dan, you sit in. Excuse me. John Jones. Mike. I was going to say Anderson Silva. I'm sorry. Another great legend, by the way. John Jones. Anderson, a first name. The best fighter ever. Right? All that stuff.

Yet, these people feel very comfortable dressing up like ducks and taunting him. You think anyone's doing that to Mike? Well, no, thank you. I will play some video here that will remind people of the glory days of Mike Tyson when he was the most feared man in the world. But before I do that, I'm going to just show you from last night.

or from all of the final press that they were doing, Mike Tyson gets, you know, approached by Jake Paul, who is crawling, as he often does, and evidently steps on Mike Tyson's foot, and then Mike Tyson slaps Jake Paul. So let's look at this real quick. He's ready.

Yeah, so he hit him in the face, and the thing that I was going to say, yeah, slapped him in the face, and seemed ready. Like, it didn't seem fake to me. It seemed like he was ready to fight, and what I was going to say, I mean, before about not all fighters are the same, but one of the many reasons that I love writing about the sport is because...

of the way that fear manifests itself even in confident, tough people. And many fighters like Tyson famously 24 hours before a fight, don't get around him. Like he might have to do some final press and stuff, but whatever the mental state is of somebody who can be that rabid and rage filled and has been fighting all his life for money and for survival,

They just go often to a dark place before fighting, and this is a person who has been famously tempestuous. Now, the internet's a little skeptical of everything surrounding this fight, so they're like, oh, was this all planned, the slap just to get hype? But if you look at a slow-mo here, when Jake does his crawl-up, he steps on Mike Tyson's foot.

So to me, this is just like a natural reaction. Mike Tyson feels him stepping on his foot. So to me, this was real. How much do they have to pay you to be the guy that holds Mike back? There's not enough money in the world. I don't think that that's fake. I think that seems real to me just because of what? Tyson's not, despite the hangover appearance, he's not a good actor. And he seems to be in a defensive and offensive posture. Yeah, Tyson said...

right afterward, I was in my socks and he had his shoes on. He stepped on my toe because he's an effing asshole. I wanted to think it happened by accident, but now I think it may have happened on purpose. I was in a lot of pain. I had to reciprocate. What's the insurance like for this? He then said, talking's over. So one of the things that I've noticed, uh, because Jake Paul has been very good at the management of his career and in how he sells everything, not just his fights, uh,

He's been a lot more respectful. This one, like the wording has been a lot more careful. Like he'll bring props to a press conference, but he, he is fighting someone who's a hero for him. Like this, all of this has to be surreal to Jake Paul to cash in on whatever it is he imagined at the start of this.

Whatever dreams he had at the height of what he thought was the best fighting could go for him, I'm not sure outside of actually winning the championship of a legitimate division that anything could feel as good as this payday done this way fighting this particular guy who's a hero to him and his father. There has to be like Jake Paul. He's probably waking up about now. Maybe he's been up for a little bit, 930 in the morning here.

Like he's been thinking about the money. Oh, I'm just going to make me more famous. Who can I box after this? He's waking up today. I have to get in the ring with Mike Tyke to a means point. Like there has to be some fear with Jay. I'm sure he gets scared before every fight, but like, holy shit. There's a moment when this shit becomes real. And Dan, you're like, oh, it must be so such an honor to the guy I grew up and whatever. Dan, it's not like having a catch with Dan Marino.

Right? This isn't that kind of, oh, I grew up all my life wanting to shoot hoops with Michael Jordan. Like, oh, I played one-on-one against Michael Jordan at the Jordan camp. And then he hit a shot and said I was too little. Ha ha. It's not those things. It's Mike Tyson hitting you. I'm not saying it's...

an honor, though it may be, I'm saying it's a dream. Like, him selling out this arena as a fighter against this particular opponent that some of us grew up playing his video game, and he was the menacing thing at the end of the video game that no one could beat. The final boss. I think that it's admittedly a weird dream. Not my dream. I'm almost famously a wimp. What?

Like, almost. I don't... You give yourself some grace there. I don't know whether it's... It might not be. I don't know if it's famous whimpery. It's not the whimpery I'm questioning. It's the amount of fame it has. So according to Dan, there are some people walking out there and there's a big scuffle. They look, well, hold on, man. That's Dan Levittard. He'll kill you. No. There's someone out there who might fall for that. No. Just takes one. No. If it was famous... Dan, if you're famously a wimp, then everyone would know he's a wimp. Let's beat him up. But if it's almost famous, it means there's someone out there who might see you and say, oh, I

I don't know, man. This guy looks tough. No, there are stops between wimp and tough. I might just blend into a crowd that has gathered around a fight and no one's making an assessment. Are you on your tiptoes, Dan, like looking in the fight? Ready to run at any point if anything gets too close to me. I want to play, though, the video of what it looked like and sounded like

when Mike Tyson and Lennox Lewis were getting together and a legitimate fight broke out. Put your mother in a straight jacket, you punk-ass white boy. Come here and tell me that if I f*** you in your a**, you punk white boy. You f***. You can't touch me. You're not man enough. I'll eat your a** alive, you f***. F*** you, you a**. Come and take my face off. F*** you in your a**.

Everybody. Come on, you. You're scared coward. You got man enough to fuck with me. You can't last two minutes in my world. Look at you scared now. Scared like a little white. Scared of the real man. Oh, you love me. Dude, there's not enough in this world. By the way, the prompt for that was someone yelled out, put him in a straitjacket.

So I just realized right now, a little bit earlier, Dan, I yelled out, he's insane. I told Jeremy, this is what we were talking about. This guy's crazy. Mike, I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. You're not. You're very sane. And I'm the insane one for even saying something like that. I should be. You know what? Penalty box. Hit me. Five-minute major.

You don't get to tell me when you get penalized. No penalty. No, you're not. He's scared of Tyson. He wants a penalty. Look, that went off the rails as soon as he started a second sentence with dude and then didn't have anything to say after that. Like, that's just a crutch for him. Like, rewind this, podcasters. Not you live people. Rewind this and watch how Amin goes from dude, which didn't have anything in it, to just falling apart after that. And now he stormed out of the room with a bit that didn't work.

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