Jon Stewart's DNC Recap: Oprah Calls Out Cat Ladies, Dem Vibes & Kamala’s Moment
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Welcome to the Cooper residence. Cooper McAllister. I'm surprised you put my name first. Come on in. From the brains behind the Big Bang Theory and Young Sheldon, CBS is excited to welcome back some beloved, familiar folks. I am so glad that you and Cece are here. And Georgie. Atta girl. It's a whole new chapter. Georgie and Mandy's first marriage premieres CBS Thursday, 8, 7 central and streaming on Paramount+.

You're listening to Comedy Central. From Chicago, a city with a history as deep as it beats, it's The Daily Show's Indecision 2020 Programming National Contest. Broadcast with your host, Jon Stewart. Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Jon Stewart. And once again, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Chicago. What a lovely day. What a lovely day.

live. Right now we are live. The Democratic Convention is wrapping up maybe hours from here. We don't really know where it is. It's far from this theater. What a night for Kamala Harris. By the way, the anticipation was high tonight. And not just for Kamala Harris. Speculation was running wild today that there would be a surprise guest. Boy, did they deliver. Please welcome Michigan Representative Alyssa Slotkin. I am in the Slot Hive.

You thought it was Beyonce because everybody thought that it was going to be Beyonce coming out there. But it was Slotkin all along. Everybody knew. Tonight was the final night for the DNC and they did it all. They spoke in support of curbing gun violence. They spoke in support of investing in our schools, fighting climate change and upside down drumming. A remarkable story. Born conjoined, they didn't let that stop them from upside down drumming.

But it was Kamala's night, and her opportunity... She's not here either. No Beyonce, no Kamala. Tickets are free, mother... It was Kamala's night, and it was Kamala Harris' opportunity to be introduced as a presidential candidate to America. Growing up, we moved a lot. I will always remember that big Mayflower truck packed with all our belongings, ready to go to Illinois...

To Wisconsin. Just name swing states. Just say that you moved to swing states. That you moved to Michigan, to Georgia, you moved to Arizona. Just make it up.

But this is great. We finally get to meet communist Kamala, the radical that we have heard so much about. I believe everyone has a right to safety, to dignity, and to justice. A harm against any one of us is a harm against all of us. Okay, Stalin. This is one of the reasons...

I became a prosecutor to protect people. Dasvidaniya, comrade! I stood up for women and children against predators who abused them. I fought against the cartels who traffic in guns and drugs and human beings, who threaten the security of our border and the safety of our communities. And I will tell you, these fights were not easy.

Not for me.

This has all been great, but I've been thinking it over. By the way, if I was Donald Trump right now, I don't even know what I'd... I'd probably just be tweeting nonsensical shit to distract from the fact that she doesn't faintly resemble the caricature that's been painted. By the way, that is what he was doing. These are his real tweets. In all caps, in all caps, where's Hunter? I swear to God, the guy running for president on the Republican ticket has morphed into a poor man's cat turd. Of course...

Of course, an important part of tonight was familiarizing people with the Democratic nominee's biography. A hallowed walk through the trials and tribulations that formed the ethos and spirit of the Democratic nominee. Because up until tonight, they didn't have a lot. Fin on the anecdotes, quite frankly. I mean, I know they didn't have much time, but this is what they were running out there. Vice President Harris came and visited my register. You know, I know you only had four weeks to put this movie together, but come on. You got to do better than...

I was working and she walked in. I drove her in and out. Come on, the big movers and shakers of the Democratic Party must know her well. She worked at McDonald's and she greeted every person with that thousand-watt smile and said, how can I help you? I think you have to say that when you work at McDonald's or really any point-of-service occupation. How can I help you is kind of the thing. I don't know that the transaction can really take place. LAUGHTER

If you do not acknowledge that delicate dance of whether or not they will supersize. Are there less professional, more personal stories? Phone rings. Harris, she called me. My phone rang again. And it was Vice President Kamala Harris. Is he enough to be her? She calls you on her? That is very f***ed up. On her birthday, she calls you. It's Kamala. Anything you have to say to me?

That you should have said. By the way, this is like night three. We're three days into the convention and we're like, so she has a phone. By the way, is literally one of the only things we knew about her before she took office. We did it. We did it, Joe. To call people.

But credit where credit is due, the Democrats, on short notice, exploited their newfound momentum and enthusiasm with a display of the breadth and width of this diverse, often contradictory party of Roosevelt. At their convention, they had union leaders and CEOs. They had Democratic Party icons and lifelong Republicans.

They had a guy yelling, screw the billionaires, followed immediately by a very happy billionaire. It's all okay if it's our billionaire. I don't like billionaires, but it's all right. They had guys making fun of people for going to Yale and a bunch of people. They had Barack Obama, Jewish Barack Obama. I don't know what he sounds like now.

That's always good for politics. You know what really works? A Jewish guy that sounds like a black guy. The Democrats had who prosecuted sexual predators and there goes that booking. They had black Americans, Asian Americans, gay Americans, Jewish Americans, Palestinian Americans. To be fair, it was only four nights, eight hours a night.

But really, it's best not to think about the consequences of our actions over there, especially given the theme of the week. I can feel the excitement in this arena. It's filled with energy and with joy. The air of joy. Joy, joy, joy. We will be joyful warriors. The president of joy. Let us choose joy. Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, it was joyful. For a convention. I know what real joy looks like because I've watched Oprah on her show. You thought people were happy to see her endorse Kamala Harris. You should see what they do when she gives them lip liner. The Democrats are about joy and they are about excitement. Oh, and one other thing. I was a paratrooper and an army ranger. I flew in the Navy during the first Gulf War. I enlisted.

fought alongside my brothers with Lima 325 in Iraq. I gave the order directing our special operations forces to fly two helicopters 150 miles into Abbottabad at night. And by the time the sun rose, Osama bin Laden was dead. Proud to be in America. These are the new Democrats, man.

They lead with joy and compassion and acceptance and oh yeah, we will. Listen, listen to me. Whatever you're feeling, go with it. Whether that feeling is joy or perhaps relief at having a chance when you had none is exhilarating. And the Democrats were hitting all the right notes. The cameraman, not so much.

When a house is on fire, we don't ask about the homeowner's race or religion. No. We just try to do the best we can to save them. And if the place happens to belong to a childless cat lady. I love that the camera just stayed on her. She literally turned around like, are these motherfuckers saying they're not? Is this? Hold on. Here's the crazy part. After this got away, the woman was interviewed.

She is childless and has two cats. And you know what that means? A C-SPAN don't play. C-SPAN does the research. But ultimately, look, Democrats have already drank the Kool-Aid. It's very difficult when you're inside that convention environment to know if this has been a successful endeavor. Perhaps the best way to see how well it actually went is through the eyes of a more objective observer, a fair and balanced organization that will give you a more clear-eyed perspective.

How did Fox News experience this convention? At the beginning, I've got to be honest, I'm not sure they cared for it. There's not much joy in this convention hall. There were empty seats here when, even as late as when Joe Biden was speaking. The vibes are off. No one's talking to each other. This is probably the most boring scene I've ever seen in my entire life. Ooh, so boring. I forgot what a daredevil like you is.

Your life is a never-ending joyride of talking to Brit Hume in between catheter ads on Fox. Ooh, you're a man-mer. What, what, what? But unfortunately for Jesse Knievel over here, the next night, even Fox had to acknowledge fire emoji. People are having a great time down here. Stevie Wonder just performed. And there's more electricity in this room.

Good vibes! And you'll never guess what. They had a problem on this night as well. No one's talking about the actual issues that matter. All about fuzzy puppies and little kittens. All the joy, all the vibe, all the emotion is nothing but empty calories. They burn fast and make you fat. The good vibes aren't gonna, you can't eat good vibes, right? Oh, so which is it? Do the vibes fatten you up or are they emotional ozempic? Which one?

But I guess you're right. You can't feed your family on vibes. You can only feed your family on immigration fear-mongering. You can't eat good vibes. I think you might be confusing vibes with the tomato-infused, soup-adjacent fondue, the weapon of mass lactation that this city calls pizza. I'll tell you that much. Hey, hey, I want to order a pizza. Oh, yeah, you want a personal or backyard pool size? Look, let me tell you this. All right, I will say this. The bar pies are good. I ain't f***ing winded.

The point is this, by the third night of the convention, even at Fox News, the walls came tumbling down. - Tim Walz, I said earlier tonight he had to do fine and that would be enough. He did great for him, for the crowd. - Kept his time, kept his time. - And I even followed the football metaphors. He'll be a great wingman for Kamala Harris. - Yes, Fox News now knows the experience of being a Mets fan. Watching the Yankees always win the World Series.

Yeah, Derek Jeter. Very talented. Most of Fox News was admitting defeat, except for young Jesse Waters, who bravely continued the pretense that the convention was going badly. Even when the footage right next to his f***ing head disagreed.

Last night wasn't as jubilant as the media tells you. Seats were empty. It looked like there was a formal dress code. The lines to get in the stadium were long and silent. The only joy in the building was Joy Reid, who nobody even recognizes. You see these liberal media anchors walking around and no one even stops them for selfies. Actually feel bad for them. Last night felt like a funeral. And it was. Yeah, yeah.

Last night felt like a funeral. And we all know funerals always have a DJ. Goodbye, dearest grandfather. When we come back, we check in with our correspondents. Stick around, everybody. If your business needs a new application, then developers will have to write code. A lot of code. If an application needs to be modernized...

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The 2024 presidential election is here. MSNBC has the in-depth coverage and analysis you need. Our reporters are on the ground. Steve Kornacki is at the big board breaking down the races. Rachel Maddow and our Decision 2024 team will provide insight as results come in. And the next day, Morning Joe will give you perspective on what it all means for the future of our country. Watch coverage of the 2024 presidential election Tuesday, November 5th on MSNBC.

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With more pet-friendly domestic violence shelters, survivors and their pets can escape and heal together. Visit Purina.com slash purple to get involved. So, all week long, the best f***ing team has been on the convention floor. We're going to check in one last time before we leave Chicago to get their final takeaways from the week. Let's start with Jordan Klepper. Jordan, talk to me. Jordan, talk to me.

Any moments in the convention that really resonated with you? Well, John, I have to say the moment that resonated with me the most was Tim Wall's speech about small-town America. Now, I grew up in Butte, Nebraska, a town of 400 people. Growing up in a small town like that, you learn how to take care of each other. That family down the road, they may not think like you do. They may not pray like you do.

They may not love like you do, but they're your neighbors. And you look out for them, and they look out for you. Yeah. Yes. Wow. Nice. You know, that really got me. I'm from a small town myself, only 300 people. But we shared common values. Faith.

Friendship. Baking pies for our neighbors. Ten, twenty, sometimes thirty pies a day per neighbor. And everyone came out to support our high school football team. We were small and scrappy, but with our beloved coach and small town values, we led our team to victory in Super Bowl XLI. It's quite a story, Jordan. That's, uh... Uh, John, if I may? Uh, yes, Desi Lydic. What about you? Thank you.

Well, John, I agree with Super Bowl champion Jordan Klepper. Because I, too, came from a very, very small town full of God-loving patriots who patriotically loved our God. Small like Jordan's? How many people were you growing? Four. Yeah, and we took care of each other, John. If one of us needed salt, someone would pass them that salt. Yeah.

You're down at four people and you carry each other by seasoning each other. Desi, how many stoplights were in this town? No stoplight. Just a dishwasher and a sink. Yeah, Desi, I think you're just describing a house. A townhouse. Oh, a townhouse. I get that. That makes sense. She's right, John. I'm sorry, Josh Johnson. Yes, let's go to Josh. I'm just going to take a wild stab. You're from a small town. That's right, John. Very small.

Gosh, I have to say, that actually sounds like a dark undercurrent of racism ran through your small town.

What? No, no. They were friendly. They looked after me by telling me, you better be inside by dark or else. All right. Michael Kasa, you're... Michael... I'm just going to go way out on a limb here.

I assume you, too, were raised with small-town real American values. I sure was, John. And the Democrats really nailed it. I watched the convention from my hotel, and to me, they highlighted the best of what makes small towns so great. Coaches who love their kids. Slogans like clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. Smoke shows like Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton and a weird subplot where Landry killed a guy. Yeah, so...

Just very quickly, Michael, you were not watching the convention. That is a show called Friday Night Lights. Well, whatever it was, I'm excited to vote for Coach Taylor. Oh, my God. Hey, can we please stop at this small town not far?

John, I'm sick of this, okay? The Democrats need to stop adopting this Republican fiction that American values only exist in small towns. Ronnie, thank you. Thank you. I agree. People in cities also have good values. No, we don't. We're all godless heathens with no values and bed bugs, okay?

And we like it that way. We don't bake each other pies. I don't take food from a stranger like a psychopath. And I have never talked to my neighbors, ever. I just scream at them through my wall to keep it down when they're having sex. I never even met them. From what I can hear, their names are Oh God and Hodder.

Does your AI model really know code? Its specific syntax?

It's structure. It's logic. IBM's Granite code models do. They're purpose-built for code and trained on 116 different programming languages to help you generate, translate, and explain code quickly. Because the more your AI model knows about code, the more it can help you do. Get started now at ibm.com slash granite. IBM. Let's create.

The 2024 presidential election is here. MSNBC has the in-depth coverage and analysis you need. Our reporters are on the ground. Steve Kornacki is at the big board breaking down the races. Rachel Maddow and our Decision 2024 team will provide insight as results come in.

and the next day Morning Joe will give you perspective on what it all means for the future of our country. Watch coverage of the 2024 presidential election Tuesday, November 5th on MSNBC.

Just a few years ago, only 3% of domestic violence shelters accepted pets, meaning many abuse survivors had to choose between staying in a difficult situation for their pet or leaving their pet behind. One in three women and one in four men experience domestic abuse in their lifetime, and nearly half of survivors delay leaving because they can't bring their pets with them.

Purina believes in the healing power of pets, particularly for survivors of abuse. They believe pets and people are better together, which is one of the many reasons they started the Purple Leash Project. Through the Purple Leash Project, Purina is helping break down one of the many barriers abuse survivors face, the lack of pet-friendly domestic violence shelters. Purina has helped increase the amount of pet-friendly shelters across the country from 3% to nearly 20% through the Purple Leash Project. With

With more pet-friendly domestic violence shelters, survivors and their pets can escape and heal together. Visit Purina.com slash purple to get involved. Welcome back to The Daily Show. Obviously, this week's convention is really all about introducing Kamala Harris to America. And as part of that introduction, the Democrats produced a special film to make the case for a Harris presidency. Now, luckily for us, we stole it.

And we are going to show it to you. America is a land of people. People who are normal. And America used to have presidents who were normal. Sometimes they were good or not so good. But they could always finish their sentences and not start civil wars. But after eight years of this... We finally beat Medicare. And this...

And just generally feeling like we're trapped in a sadistic circus in the eighth circle of hell, it is time for America to return to normal. It's time for Kamala Harris. Just now, narrated by Jason Kempner. Kamala Harris checks all the boxes for what Americans are looking for in a normal president. I'm Kamala Harris, wonderful president of the United States.

We are a nation that was founded on noble ideals. But where did this unicorn of a candidate come from? Kamala Harris was born in 1964 in Oakland, California, a year that puts her squarely in the normal age range of American presidents. She was the daughter of two academics who met at school, a way that normal people meet their spouse as opposed to a party with sex ring billionaires.

Her mother was from India, her father was from Jamaica, and that makes her both black and South Asian. Normal people understand this. I don't know, is she Indian or is she black? Again, normal people understand this. Kamala's parents wanted the best education for her, but because they weren't absolutely loaded in a way that would make them believe they could live outside the laws of man and nature, young Kamala had to be bused to a desegregated school an hour away. It was an experience that always stayed with her.

But not in a way that made her thirsty for revenge or obsessed with leaving a legacy that would outlast the universe. Just a normal, I'll put that into my autobiography kind of way. Kamala was admitted to Howard University, where she made lifelong friends like any other well-adjusted person you can feel comfortable trusting with nuclear codes. And she made ends meet working at McDonald's, a typical job held by millions of people.

And just to be clear, she was working the register, not starring in Bizarre Fever Dreams with Grimace and stealing jobs from hard-working professional actors who honestly could have used the gig at the time. After college, Kamala went on the normal trajectory for president, law school, San Francisco district attorney, attorney general of California.

Yes, early on she had a boyfriend help her get a job on the State Unemployment Insurance Appeals Board, but that's a very normal type of cronyism. And besides, it was an Unemployment Insurance Appeals Board do not act like you wanted that job. Roll up. Kamala rode her success to the U.S. Senate, where her time was mostly unmemorable, which is normal. Do you know what kind of freak you have to be to be a memorable senator? She's gone big. That's

Yeah. No, Kamala just did her job, including a famous grilling of Judge Brett Kavanaugh. Can you think of any laws that give the government the power to make decisions about the male body? I'm not thinking of any right now. It was a brilliant performance that didn't stop Brett Kavanaugh from overturning Roe v. Wade, but a politician offering stirring rhetoric with disappointing results? Very normal, guys.

After a respectable two years, Kamala decided to take the next step. I stand before you today to announce my candidacy for president of the United States. Yes, a run for president in 2020. A decision so normal that it was done by over 70% of the Democratic Party. But despite showing voters a personal side by listening and reacting to music like a regular human as opposed to freezing in place or yanking off a pair of dicks on stepwaters...

Kamala didn't resonate with voters, and she dropped out before voting even began. I'm not a billionaire. I can't fund my own campaign. It was a move that exhibited her remarkable skill to view reality and react rationally. Wouldn't that be great? Reacting rationally to an electoral defeat? Wouldn't it?

But before she quit, Kamala did have one great moment. You know, there was a little girl in California and she was bused to school every day. And that little girl was me. It was a takedown of Biden's support of school segregation so brutal that he reintegrated the White House and made her vice president. Thank you.

Kamala Harris became the first black vice president, the first Asian vice president, and the first female vice president. And yes, maybe that isn't normal for America, but did you know that in the other parts of the world, women are allowed to be leaders like all the time? So that's not on her. What are Kamala's actual policies? Just the vague ones you'd expect from a normal Democrat trying to get elected.

is a fight for the future and it is a fight for freedom. Yeah, great. Sounds good. But at least they're going to be normal policies. You won't have to learn about Project 2025 or Great Replacement Theory or whether a president can serve out his term while in prison. What the hell are we doing here, gang? I've been in episodes of Ozark less stressful than this.

Of course, like any person, Kamala has her personality quirks. And her time as vice president brought them all front and center. I love Venn diagrams. Do you know the three circles? Who doesn't love a yellow school bus? You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?

Oh, yeah. The coconut thing? Super kooky, right? So what? America has presidents with fun and energy all the time. What about Abe? He wore the big hats, FDR, stamps, Reagan, jelly beans, pounded fistfuls of them. And they were all presidents who didn't cause Americans to shit themselves every five minutes.

And that is the promise of a Kamala Harris presidency. A president who will not fall in love with a North Korean dictator. Or have a family member whose dick pics end up on a congressional hearing. A president who won't clear up their COVID with horse dewormer and a spritz of Clorox. And one that can stay up past eight. A president who will eventually leave office. A president who won't have to flee to a non-extradition country if she loses.

In other words, Kamala Harris will be a normal president. Just a normal f***ing president. Does your AI model really know code? Its specific syntax? Its structure? Its logic? IBM's Granite code models do. They're purpose-built for code and trained on 116 different programming languages to help you generate, translate, and explain code quickly.

Because the more your AI model knows about code, the more it can help you do. Get started now at IBM.com slash granted. IBM, let's create. The 2024 presidential election is here. MSNBC has the in-depth coverage and analysis you need. Our reporters are on the ground. Steve Kornacki is at the big board breaking down the races. Rachel Maddow and our Decision 2014 will provide insight as results come in.

and the next day Morning Joe will give you perspective on what it all means for the future of our country. Watch coverage of the 2024 presidential election Tuesday, November 5th on MSNBC.

Just a few years ago, only 3% of domestic violence shelters accepted pets, meaning many abuse survivors had to choose between staying in a difficult situation for their pet or leaving their pet behind. One in three women and one in four men experience domestic abuse in their lifetime, and nearly half of survivors delay leaving because they can't bring their pets with them.

Purina believes in the healing power of pets, particularly for survivors of abuse. They believe pets and people are better together, which is one of the many reasons they started the Purple Leash Project. Through the Purple Leash Project, Purina is helping break down one of the many barriers abuse survivors face, the lack of pet-friendly domestic violence shelters. Purina has helped increase the amount of pet-friendly shelters across the country from 3% to nearly 20% through the Purple Leash Project. With

With more pet-friendly domestic violence shelters, survivors and their pets can escape and heal together. Visit Purina.com slash purple to get involved. I do, before we go, I just want to thank, hold on one second. I just, I want to thank the Anthem Theater here in Chicago, the hospitality that the theater has shown us throughout the week, and the hospitality from the city of Chicago and all the great people. Thank you.

Fantastic. What a lovely time we had. What a lovely experience. But most of all, I want to thank the staff, the crew, and the cast of The Daily Show. The production team here...

Brought everything out from New York City and gave us an absolutely flawless week of production. Best staff and crew in the business. Couldn't be happier with how they pulled this thing off. And thank you guys for watching.

Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+. Paramount Podcasts.

Welcome to the Cooper residence. Cooper McAllister. I'm surprised you put my name first. Come on in. From the brains behind the Big Bang Theory and Young Sheldon, CBS is excited to welcome back some beloved, familiar folks. I am so glad that you and Cece are here. And Georgie. Atta girl. It's a whole new chapter. Georgie and Mandy's first marriage premieres CBS Thursday, 8, 7 central and streaming on Paramount+.

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