68: The Epic Highs and Lows of High School Theatre
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Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. ♪ There's something getting tired for your baby girl ♪ ♪ Smoke a top for your baby girl ♪ ♪ The way you make me feel these days ♪

When is Drake going on Broadway? What do we have to pay monetarily to get Aubrey Graham on Broadway? Spin bout you the musical. Spin bout you the Seussical. Do y'all remember the Seussical musical? Papa, it's hot for you, baby girl. Seussical the musical.

It's a musical comedy by Lynn Ahrens and Stephen Flaherty, both crazy Dr. Seuss names, based on the many children's stories of Dr. Seuss, with most of its plot being based on Horton Hears a Who, Gertrude McFuzz, and Horton Hatches the Egg. You want to know something? We did a production of Annie in middle school. I didn't even get cast. I applied. I didn't even get cast. I got cut. Like, everyone was in it. I got cut.

Fuck you, bitches. And in high school theater, I did Spamalot, I did The Addams Family. They always made me cross-dress or dress up as some old woman. We did Bus Stop for a one-act play. The fucking director made me be an old woman. In The Addams Family, I was the grandmother. In Spamalot, I was a knight. I was actually four different knights. I had the most costume changes of anyone in the fucking play because they had me play four different men. Girl. Girl.

You know what? Oh my god, and one time I asked my theater director, because I went to two different high schools, I asked the theater director. No! No! You know that video of the girl trying to sing I Will Always Love You? The little white girl in front of her computer where she goes, stop! I can do this! Stop! That's literally me. Okay? Musical director. Shut up.

We're gonna take that again from the top. Quiet on set, please. It's just me. Guys, quiet on set. It's a closed set. Thank you. And Freddie Benson. Three, two. Three, two. Back to my channel. Freddie Benson on the set of Shane Dawson. Okay. What? Sometimes I just have bit ideas and then I don't know where they're going and then I just have to let them into the wind. Freddie Benson, iCarly, Shane Dawson.

let it fly let it float away what was i talking about y'all come on don't piss me off seussical spam oh my god my theater director told me one time um i asked him i said why do i only get cast as like old women and like men why don't i ever get the lead and he said well you know you just got the body type for it cool

He basically called me fat and he said, that's why I have to play mature women. It's because no young, able-bodied woman would ever be fat. No leading lady would ever be fat. Surely you must know this. And I said, ah, no, I get it. I get it. I get it. No, yeah, I'll play knight number seven for the fifth time in a row. 100%. Thanks for including me. You know what I mean? Oh my God. One time we did. Oh my God. Okay. Lore reveal.

One time in high school, we did this play called A Piece of My Heart. Okay, now this play, if you know anything about it, is actually going to be an homage to, bing, bing, bing, the Vietnam War. This play is going to be dedicated to and a retelling of multiple different point of views of people who were involved in the Vietnam War in some capacity. Okay, nurses, doctors.

soldiers. And a lot of it is like staging, like blocking it on different high risers or just like playing with texture and levels in the set. But it's a lot of just standing still. Okay. It's just standing on and being like, in 1971, I was drafted into the fucking war. It was

serious and all of us were 15 dicking around in the wings like what does the fuck you know what i mean like it was so don't give serious subject matter to a group of high schoolers especially theater kids are you out of your fucking mind so

I auditioned for The Leading Lady, of course. You're right. I didn't get it. You guessed correctly. I didn't get it. But we had to sing because, of course, it was a partial musical. Of course, it was Vietnam the musical. And we had to do a monologue and we had to pick a song from like anywhere from the 50s to the 70s. OK, and I went in there and I sang, you know,

California Dreamin' by the Mamas and the Papas, okay? And apparently, I blew everybody out of the water. I blew our director's mind because it wasn't enough to cast me as the leading lady, of course. I still had to be sort of a cross-dressing soldier in uniform. But he had me sing, and that was a real compliment. I got to come out and sing...

Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child. That was one that I had to sing. And then I had to sing Where Have All the Flowers Gone? And then I got to sing, not the national anthem. What's that other one? Fields of, Fields of Grain. That one. America, America. That one I got to sing. And it was at this crazy, it's so funny to look back on these

art pieces, I say in thick quotation marks, that we all compiled our resources of, you know, acting ability and theatrical instinct. And we all got together to create this piece of art, right? At the direction of my misogynistic theater director. And, oh, he used to sleep under his desk, by the way, like at the school. Yeah.

And there were rats and termites in the theater and he made us clean them out. Anyway, that's a story for a different time. You know, it's something to be said of like looking back on parts of live theater that I've been a part of in so many different ways and how half of it is so much fun, but the other half is like,

We really were just trying our best because the subject material was not the most sensitive or careful, you know, in the way that it approached some of these really controversial topics. Like, I don't know the fucking Vietnam War. Yeah.

And, uh, it's just a bunch of dickhead 15-year-olds at the direction of this, like, 60-year-old dude who was like, I remember Vietnam! It's like, okay, oh my god, he made us watch Platoon. That movie is gory. Platoon, I mean, obviously...

Vietnam War kind of speaks for itself of like, I mean, I think we're past it, right? 50, almost 60 years past it. American interference was wholly unnecessary and very characteristic of America and how we involve ourselves where we shouldn't be and how the Vietnam War kind of by all measures was a loss. It was, it was a loss. And, uh,

I don't really remember the tone of the play because I was only in like four scenes and he would bring me out to sing some really sad reimagination of a Mamas and Papas song. But the overarching thing was like,

It's a pride in being American, right? And having the honor, quote unquote, to have fought in the Vietnam War. And then the other half of it is like the devastation that was avoidable, you know, depending on who you ask, of like on both sides. It just was... So they also mentioned like Agent Orange, which was an early type of biological warfare. And it was just... I don't remember the exact cadence, but I remember being like, what?

we doing a play about this other schools are doing susical why are we talking about vietnam war bro we also did the crucible the crucible is a great play actually and uh we did the crucible and we actually had a pretty wickedly talented group of uh um actors like like high school actors and was i cast in the crucible no and did i audition yes it was i in it no

And I bet you guys are sucking on your toes now, 'cause look where I am, okay? I'm on the Broski Report set. I bet you go to sleep every night with deep, deep-seated regret that you didn't cast me in Crucible.

But yeah, all the plays that we did were like, because, you know, the director picks the plays that we do. And then they announce them. And some of the fucking theater nerds are like, peace of my heart. That is such a reputable play. And then the other ones are like, what the fuck is that? You know what I mean? But I got to learn a lot about the Vietnam War, which I guess that's part of, he did his due diligence. And I guess teaching us.

of here's a piece of history that you are going to have to research to accurately portray, accurately portray, I was 15. And it's like, you know, I can look back at it now and be like, what was wrong with him and my high school and the termites and our black box theater had black mold in it? And that's fine, okay? Whatever. Because what do we know about America?

No education funding. Okay. So when you kind of make peace with that, you'll be golden. Okay. You just got to make the most of, of your high school experience. Our high school, because I went to two different high schools. That first one was your classic run of the mill. Like this place is a freaking dump, but it had character, you know? And the, the athletics departments were all new. They had dude locker rooms and knew this. It was so nice and whatever. And then the theater wing was,

We were banished to the whole complete opposite side of the school from anything that you would wanna see because this theater was falling apart. The seats in the auditorium were like just so mildewy and moldy, but it's one of those visceral things where if I were to step back into that audience

that auditorium today, I'd be like, oh my god, I'm late for rehearsal. You know what I mean? Like the smell of it, the feel of like the rungs on the ladders you would climb up to be crew and tech and then the wings and how to operate. It was like, I would know what to do if I went back. It's crazy. Why the fuck was I talking about Peace of My Heart, by the way? Oh, Seussical!

Yeah, why didn't we just do Seussical? You know what I mean? We were doing, which I do appreciate to a certain extent, our theater director tried to culture us, I guess, in the way that he knew. Doing things like Bus Stop and The Crucible and Peace of My Heart, like, it's this homage to, you know, the 50s to the 70s, because that's when he grew up. And so he wanted to recreate art with a new generation of things he knew. And I think there are such, uh...

Interesting choices that we could have done that could have cultured us in other ways, but, you know, whatever. For better or worse. And when we got to, when I got to my second high school, we did a bunch of different productions. Again, never was cast as the lead because I was kind of chunky.

Okay, and that's gonna be a one-way ticket to supporting actress, okay? That's gonna be a one-way ticket to you are in the ensemble. You're fat, you're in the ensemble. Sorry, have you tried losing weight? Then maybe you could be the leading lady. No one wants to look at a fat, nasty ogre singing, okay? I don't give a fuck if you can sing well. I don't care if you act well. You're a big girl. I want you in the back, okay? We need some space filler, okay?

We need you up on a high rise. We need you up there and we need you to just belt, okay? Because the leading lady can't sing, everyone knows that. So we need you to carry from either off stage where no one can see you or back in the ensemble, okay? Thank you so much. We did The Addams Family and bitch, fuck my theater director, by the way, at my second high school, fuck you.

Oh my God, fuck you. That bitch traumatized me. And I don't harbor hate in my heart, but fuck you. And you know who you are. Oh my God. She was awful. Like truly, and I say this very genuinely, and it actually makes me sad to this day. When I graduated high school,

I had dreams of like continuing theater into like as a recreational thing. You know, I would go to college, get a business degree, whatever. And I would do theater and improv on the side because I loved it. It was my passion. Okay. The community, like the jokes, the inside jokes, the feeling of being on a stage, like all I loved it so much. And I was good at it.

That bitch literally drained me of my passion for it because she was so awful to me and singled me out. And everyone knew it, but they can't help because if you, you know, speak up for one of your friends, then you're not going to get a part. So it was really fin for yourself, which I understood. My parents had to get involved at one point. Like she was so awful to me. Anyway, look where I am now. You know what I mean? And I heard that this bitch still like claims that I was her star pupil. I hex your bloodline.

I hex your bloodline and every generation that will come from your womb. Fuck you, girl. Anyway. So we did a couple productions while I was there. I was always an alternate. I was always ensemble. I was always whatever.

But then alternatively, I was in the improv troupe. And when we would do improv shows, I was the star pupil. Like I would do, I would carry the improv troupe because I know that I'm funny. And I know that my ability to banter and hold my own within a room, I know my talent. Do you know what I mean? And when someone doesn't know how to

like manage your talent or handle it or properly sort of categorize it, it's wasted. So thank fuck that I like found a creative outlet in my adult years because in high school, I truly felt squashed and I had so much fun doing, um,

the sort of, because it was through the school. I never did any community theater or anything like that. I wasn't that gung-ho about it. Like, I'm going to go to Juilliard, like that sort of thing. I was never that. Like, I had realistic expectations of, I'm going to go to a college in Texas and I'll get a useful degree. I'll get a normal job, but this is always going to be a passion of mine and I'll be involved in my free time. You know what I mean? That was going to be sort of the goal.

I just, by the end of high school, I was like, fuck this and fuck all of y'all and fuck this culture and fuck the people and fuck these rules and fuck how they pick apart people's bodies and all this. Like really at the end of the day, what are we doing? We're memorizing lines and we're getting up on a stage to perform. It is not that serious. I promise you it's not. And also consider we're 17.

I'm 17 years old and you are traumatizing me. It was, anyway. So we did Spamalot and that was where I played four different nights. And then we did, they did a one act play that of course I was a lovely fifth alternate for. I wasn't even in the fucking play called All the King's Men. To this day, couldn't really tell you what the play was about. I couldn't tell you what it was about. I dicked around so much because at that point,

Fuck the director, okay? I was only there to hang out with my friends and you're gonna make me a fifth alternate? There were like, if someone got sick, someone would fill in before I filled in. Do you know what I mean? I never memorized the lines. And there was one, I still have nightmares about this to this day, to be honest. I have two, well, actually, we're gonna talk about that today. Recurring nightmares or recurring dreams. One of them is my teeth falling out, like crumbling in my mouth. And as I'm trying to talk to someone, I'm like spitting parts of my tooth at them and I'm like swallowing it. I'm gonna gag actually.

That's one of my recurring dreams. And the other one is at this one act play in high school where I was the fifth alternate, I'm sitting in the audience like giggling, gaggling with the other alternates, like with the crew, like we're just dicking around having fun. It sweeps through the cast that one of the girls is sick and we need an alternate to fill in. Well, the other two alternates were men and

And then one alternate was already filling in. And so it was me. And I was like, I don't have these lines memorized. I have not looked at the script since the first week we started rehearsing. We're like three months into this.

I don't have anything memorized. Truly, I was horrified. I was like, I'm going to have to go on stage and improv for a one-act play. For any of y'all out there that don't know what a one-act play is, you rehearse this to the point of perfection because you are competing against other schools, other districts, other high schools. There's like a state-level championship competition for one-act plays, okay? Like UIL one-act plays. We got...

Pretty far. Well, I say we. I wasn't in the fucking production. And the minute that they tried to put me in it, I freaked out. But, like, I still had to travel with them. And if I didn't, I was considered not a team player and all this. It was really just an excuse to see my friends. This happened, okay, where she got sick. Like, one of the girls got sick. They were like, Brittany, you're up. I said...

Right. I'm in the bathroom having a panic attack. Like, please, God, please, God, please, God, let her get better, let her get better. I don't know any of these lines. I'm in a freakout. Like, having a freakout in the bathroom. I'm like, does anyone have the script? We've been off book for three months. Does anyone have the script? I'm trying to look it up on my phone. No Wi-Fi. I'm a freakout. She comes into the bathroom and she goes, Brittany, I'm feeling better. I think I'm going to perform. Oh, God, it's ridiculous.

♪ Our God is an awesome God ♪ ♪ He reigns from heaven ♪ ♪ Our God is an awesome God ♪ Truly praise worship music in the bathroom. I was so relieved.

Even now it gives me anxiety thinking about it. So I'll have this recurring dream sometimes where I'm in the bathroom and someone's knocking on the stall. Like, Brittany, we go on in 10. Come on. Like, you need to get in there. And then it like the dress didn't fit. Her dress didn't fit. It was a

Thank God that she felt better because I could, I would have tanked the whole show. And this was at a competition. We were competing. We had traveled to a different school. Yeah. That was the first and last time I ever showed up to something unprepared. Do you know what I mean? I quickly learned something about myself that day where I was like, I need to be prepared to succeed. And I know that seems like a very, um,

cliche, simple statement, but some people prefer to go into a situation unprepared, not briefed, you know, just like, I'll figure it out because improv's my thing. Yeah, improv is my thing too, but I feel confident when I am prepared. Okay.

Okay? For royal court, when we do those episodes, it is written. I have practiced some of the questions. I've scrapped some last minute because I'm thinking, okay, if their reaction is this, then I need to do that. Okay, so go ahead and just take that. It's like that. I feel ready to do my best work when I'm prepared. And there's a certain level of improv that you have to do, but oh my God, I will never put myself in a position like that again. Truly, it traumatized me. Anyway.

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This is completely off topic, but it's just my podcast and I want to yap. Does anyone mind? There was in this one act, like some of the shows that we went against because we were doing all the Kingsmen. Some of the other schools were doing different productions.

have always been a part of theater that is like, here's the script, here's the time period, we're gonna dress accordingly, we're gonna deliver the lines, sure, with some direction from the director, but at the end of the day, it's about your interpretation of the character and what voice you choose to bring to that character within the larger story, right? This is all very simple. We went up against a school that did

Julius Caesar, okay, the Shakespeare play, and they did it in complete Shakespearean English. They didn't like adapt it to modern day. And they did it in the style of Nazi Germany and how Julius Caesar was like this almost dictator, like autocrat that was unruly. And everyone knows the story of Julius Caesar where he gets killed by his Senate and whatever, et tu, Brute, all that.

The director, who was like the Nick Saban of high school theater, just a real stickler. Nick Saban is the coach of the Crimson Tide, Alabama football team, okay?

He is known for being just cruel, but they're one of the best college football teams to ever exist. So it's this trade-off of like, yeah, he's cruel and the players are traumatized, but they win all the fucking time. So it was a similar thing with this director where everyone knew, even us at a different school, we were like, this guy is using unethical means of directing his cast. And

They had to be in character all the time. Okay, so doing Julius Caesar as interpreted into a more modern understanding of what Julius Caesar would have been to his people, which is Hitler, you know, and that, I don't know if that's a stretch. I really don't know if Julius Caesar was that awful. Sounds like it probably. But I just, we sat down to watch this and it was chilling because they had all these like

Again, don't really know the morality of this, but they had like Nazi flags and all of them were in the boots and the military uniforms. And as they were walking from like their bus to the dressing room to whatever, he made them march. He made them line up against the wall, like a military unit. And the rest of us were walking to our dressing room like, "My name Jeff," like doing vines and quoting internet shit. And then they're so dead ass serious.

And I was like, this is a different level of direction, but also this has to be psychologically damaging to some of these kids. So they did, and we saw this and I was like, is that a fucking Nazi flag? What is going on? And we sit down in the theater after our school has gone, we sit down, we've changed, whatever, to watch their production of Julius Caesar play.

blew my freaking mind because of the way the director interpreted the story of Julius Caesar to be something that's a bit more recent in history and that kind of is widespread understood. You know, like here is someone who rose to power and had terrifying like messaging ideals and influence over people and had a terrifying military force. So

All of these parallels, I just think in the mind of the director was so creative and so well done because you come out like you're sitting in the audience and you're waiting for the production to begin and all you see is a spotlight shown on a Nazi flag. What the fuck is going on? And I think that's what live theater should evoke in you is this like disturbed, like what is this? Like you're intrigued.

And as the show went on,

The acting was incredible. Like, they did it in Shakespearean English and I understood every word because the way that they acted it out, that's how it fucking should be. Do you know what I mean? When David Tennant, when Andrew Scott, when they do Shakespeare, I get it and I believe it because they're good. And that was how this was. And I was like, I've never sat down to be like, we had to read Julius Caesar, Romeo and Juliet in high school, fucking whatever. This changed my life. Like, truly. I still think about it to this day because I'm like, what?

what not the nazi shit but like in the eyes of the director trying to make a parallel that is understandable that you know how it ends that honestly what a what a cool um um through line you know of like different periods of history and a similar story because humanity is predictable we will always pride always go with before the fall our hubris okay hubris isn't that it man's ego

Hubris. Hubris is a personality trait that involves excessive pride, arrogance, and overconfidence. Anyway, yeah, it was this...

Because what am I talking about? I'm talking about how to be inventive with a script and with a story. And fuck kind of both of my theater directors because they lacked that creativity. That is what is fun about live theater and live performance is that this story has been told over and over and over. What new perspective are you bringing to it? And...

You know, you can have a very talented cast of 17, 18 year old actors, which is what we had. Like our, our whole thing was we had senior boys, the senior boys. And I think the director wanted to fuck the senior boys and she hated women, especially funny women. I genuinely believe that to my core and I will die on that Hill because the way that she treated these senior boys was,

They showed up high. They were drunk on stage. So much shit went down at my high school and the director didn't give a fuck. No one ever got in trouble except me. It was so, it was, I'm actually going to get pissed all over again. I do think she had some weird affinity for the senior boys. And she had a senior boy who was a son who was like new to the school and she wanted him to be friends with the, it was fucking weird. Anyway, she picked a

play, which was All the King's Men, which is a cast of all men and then just women in the ensemble. And women is like, there's two supporting roles that are women. And there's this scary assault scene that they kept in. I just resent that choice of media to have a bunch of high schoolers portray. Do you know what I mean? There are so many more relevant

stories that a group of young, talented people like that would have fun doing. And with one act, you know, there has to be a level of seriousness where you wouldn't really go in and do a comedy unless you were really fucking good at the comedy, which usually high schoolers are not. So, but the whole experience was, I'm glad I did it. And I'm glad I got to witness it because I

It taught me a lot about myself and it taught me a lot about self-advocacy and also how that was honestly my first passion.

peek into entertainment and like these people are not well they are not okay if you have the gut urge to entertain or to direct or to be involved in a managerial capacity in any sense like around a group of young performers you you are ill and sick in the head you have to be I think this industry makes you sick in the head and a lot of high school theater directors are

They're just, you know, they wanted to make it in New York and they failed. And so they moved back to their hometown and they become high school theater directors. And you know what? Any proximity to the craft that you love, fucking do it, I guess. But oh my God, why do you have to traumatize the children? When my theater director told me I was fat? Well, somebody had to tell me, I guess. It's not like I knew. It's not like I looked in the mirror every day and fucking knew.

Oh, because this 58-year-old man had told me I'm fat and that's why I don't get lead roles. Okay, got it, got it, got it, got it. Just ridiculous. So let's go back to the dreams. That was a 30-minute rant about theater. Sorry about that. I feel like I talk about theater a lot, like, oh, I was a theater kid, I was a theater kid, whatever. But the experience of actually being in the theater, I still think of fondly. You know, I still have really great memories. And I remember...

the cast and the feeling of being a part of the cast and how when there's an inside joke, everyone gets it because it's about the subject material. That kind of, you know, you can't recreate that anywhere else, I don't think, unless it's, you know, if you're in a choir or something like that. But then again, choir kids are freaking weirdos. Theater kids are weird, but choir kids are freaking stickler weirdos, okay? And so there was this, I missed the theater

But I also had such a negative experience because of the adults who ran the program. And I think that is such a waste and it's such a shame because you kind of dimmed my light. You know, you dimmed my light by being so cruel and being exclusionary and being unnecessarily cruel.

like combative. Why are you fighting me? I'm 17. I can't vote. Like you're beefing with me. That's so embarrassing. That's embarrassing for you. I'm a child. Anyway. Okay. So I actually wanted to look up what one of these recurring dreams means because it's understood like me forgetting my lines, not being prepared. That's an anxiety dream. Okay. Of, of when I'm feeling anxious, sometimes that shit will come up in my subconscious and now whatever, but the tooth crumbling one,

Stanley says that there's no validity to, you know, this dream means X. And what Dali always said of our subconscious doesn't have meaning. It's just that. It's just subconscious. It's just thoughts swirling around. They don't have any inherent meaning. And if you seek meaning from surrealist works, you're going to be disappointed because there's no hidden meaning. There's no hidden Mickey in a Salvador Dali painting. Stanley's kind of of the same opinion because we talked about this recently. And I was like, you know what?

I don't know if I agree. Because there has to be a reason that it's a repeat dream. I would understand if it was a one-off thing, like, yeah, I don't know what the fuck that was about, or if I didn't remember it. But I have this dream often enough where I'm like, it's the tooth dream again. So let's look it up. Teeth crumbling in mouth dream. Look, it's a common thing. Okay, this is from Glynis Catsmark DDS. She's a dentist in Houston.

Why is this on her website? This is crazy.

In your nightmare, your teeth begin to deteriorate, disintegrate, or even fall out. You watch as your once whole smile falls to pieces, leaving naked gums behind. When you wake up, you feel restless, nervous, and worried. Perhaps you put your hand to your mouth or run to the bathroom mirror just to make sure your teeth are still there. I do that. Of course they are, but you're still left wondering, why did I ever dream that? Scientists have studied sleep and dreaming extensively, but there's no definitive way to interpret the meaning of everyone's dreams.

Some believe that the dream about teeth crumbling or falling out is caused by a loss of power or control over a situation. Has something happened in your personal or professional affairs that you feel powerless to stop? Are you feeling anxiety over a loss of control in your life? Others think that teeth crumbling or falling out is a sign that you may have said something you now regret. That might be more accurate for me.

When I, because I've tried to put two and two together. I've thought about this a lot of when my teeth are literally crumbling in my mouth and I'm talking to someone and I'm hitting them with pieces of my tooth. Ew, that's gonna make me gag. I think it's like, there's that element of embarrassment that's associated with that. Like if you spit on someone by accident, it's like, oh my God, I just spit on you. I'm so sorry. If it's my tooth hitting them, like in the face or on their shirt, I'm humiliated. So it must be something linked with

I said something I'm embarrassed about or that I regret or that, you know, I am still thinking about that conversation in a way that has left me. I have unresolved feelings about it. I've thought about all this and I'm trying to remember any specifics of when I've had this dream and any specific situations and I can't.

Because they just happen randomly. And I wake up so stressed out, like so stressed out. And some of the dreams, because I've read these too, the interpretation is like, you just have anxiety. Yeah, bitch, no shit. Why? Why? And why can't I curb it? You know what I mean? Like even in my subconscious. And I don't think I've ever, knock on wood, ground my teeth in my sleep. But I wake up like this.

Like I wake up with my brow furrowed and I have these deep lines. It's actually cute. My mom has a very deep line right here because we're very expressive with our faces. We've never got Botox. We've never whatever. I have a very malleable face and so does my mom. And she's got this line right here between her eyebrows and she's always like, I'm going to get this taken care of, whatever. I have two, which is what my dad has, I think.

So it's interesting of like, I watch her complain about that and I never, I was, I kind of just listened to her. And now the older I get, I'm like, oh my God, I have it. And it's because I'm stressed out all the time. I wake up like this, genuinely. I wake up like confused and I feel like Sam the Eagle from the Muppets. Do you know him? This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc.

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So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash broski to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash broski. ZocDoc.com slash broski. Sam Eagle. His fucking eyebrows, dude! This is how I feel when I wake up! Y'all ever wake up feeling like Sam the Eagle from the Muppets? Muppet Wiki fandom.

You know what should sponsor this podcast is this fucking website, fandom.wiki.com. I use this more than any other website, okay? I should just, when my Chrome opens, it should just be this. It shouldn't even be Google. The original sketch by Jim Henson, suggesting a jowlier George C. Scott-esque Sam. Who is George C. Scott? He was an actor in Patent.

And for this performance as General Buck Turdson, Turgidson, I'd kill myself if my name was General Buck Turdson. General Turdson, reporting for duty. Duty, yes, duty, sir. Dude, dude, dude. 27.

Yes, General Butt, ready for service. Shut the fuck up. The second great Muppet lookalike contest was Sam the Eagle. He also supplied the voice of the evil Smoke, who tangled with him like, Don't care, don't care, go back. So he's always kind of looked like this. We've always said my granddad looks like, my pawpaw looks like Sam the Eagle. Okay, anyway. Yeah, dude, I wake up stressed out sometimes, and I don't know...

What causes it because when I go to sleep, I'm very I've got my brown noise going I've got my fan on my feet I'm very relaxed and I wake up like fucking I wake up with a lit cigarette in my mouth In the bathroom mirror holding my cigarette like are my teeth still in my mouth? I don't know what I think i'm balding too. Something's going on guys. I I really Something's going on. Um, what's another I have other teeth dreams teeth dreams

This is from the damn Search Labs AI overview on Google, so we'll see what's going on here. This is from spadental.co.uk. Well, British people don't really know anything about teeth, so we'll take this with a grain of salt. Teeth and dreams can symbolize a variety of things, including appearance, self-image, communication, stress, personal health, anxiety, indecision, transition, renewal. Wow.

what your teeth dream means. I want to know the different dreams because I've had a few. Dream interpretation experts and what does that mean? How do you become that? I could fucking be that. How do you become a dream interpretation expert? Dream certification program details. This is so unserious.

Providing educational and training opportunities in DREAM's DREAMwork and DREAM group leadership? You bitches are making things up! You are pulling things out of your asshole hairs and putting it on the internet like it's true! The Institute for DREAM Studies, DREAM Certification, DREAM would love this place. DREAM would love this website.

Program will not only give you the certification you need to be regarded as a qualified DreamWorks professional. Just a Shrek enthusiast. DreamWorks. Did that one land? Did you guys like that one? DreamWorks.

Nice, right? Look, they've even got the fucking DreamWorks moon that the guy fishes off of. Whatever. Who can offer dream groups, workshops, and classes. This program also offers opportunities for individual growth and development, as well as a membership into a worldwide community of dreamers. Guys, like, sure, you can study anything, but that doesn't make it real and it doesn't make you an expert. So, what the fuck?

This is blowing my freaking mind. People are just out here like certified in dreams. How to become a professional dream interpreter. If we've made it to Quora, Quora.com. All my life. Here's a girl, okay? All my life I've been interested in all things psychic and mysterious. This includes dreams.

When I was a child, I believed there was a message in my dreams, and I would sometimes write them up as stories. I also had an auntie who would read me astrology books and show me tarot cards when I was young as four. Well, that's all I need to know about this. I want to know, like, someone who did not grow up in a mystic family or with mystic influence. I want a scientific sort of, like, almost sociologic, sociological interpretation of...

And like studying it on a wider scale of around this time period, like in the 70s and 80s, what were people dreaming about? In the 90s to 2000s, what were people dreaming about? And that's so broad, but there are ways to put it in a graph or in a spreadsheet. You know what I mean? Like trending topics. I'm sure that appearance is.

now with social media more than ever is manifesting in in like anxious dreams like that you know of appearance has never been more highly prioritized which is saying a lot because we're coming from I mean people's appearances have always been picked apart and you know as humans this is how we present to each other it's how we peacock to each other is look how beautiful I am and more beautiful people get special treatment you know what I mean that's just how our society works and

But in recent years where it's never been more, the comparison has never been more democratic. Do you know what I mean? In the 90s, in the 70s, in the 50s, it has always been, here's a celebrity, okay? Marilyn Monroe, Pamela Anderson, fish in the 70s, Cher, okay? Here are women that are beautiful and they're famous because they're talented and beautiful. Now,

You don't have to be talented. You don't even have to be that famous to be an object of envy, an object of coveted desire, okay? And I say object as a sarcastic word, okay?

I think that now it's become very democratic that anyone you see on your timeline, you have the instinct because social media has taught you in a Pavlovian conditioning sort of way to be jealous of the people in your life and the people that you see online.

Well, she has the perfect nose. She has the perfect waist. He has the perfect hairline. She's got whatever. And you're constantly getting just berated from all angles of like, here's someone more perfect than you. Here's someone who's better than you. Here's whatever the knowing that all these people have had procedures, by the way.

I think that honestly, that's a whole separate conversation that I kind of want to talk about of like, okay, great. We're more open about talking about, okay, this person got a nose job. This person got a BBL and they didn't outwardly like, you know, publicly say it, but they've said it privately and it's sort of accepted that everyone knows that so-and-so got a nose job. You know what I mean? Like,

It's more common that people know now, but it doesn't stop the procedures. But there's something cool shifting in culture right now where, and I feel the need to say this because I feel like HRH Collection, if you have gotten work done, power to you, okay? If it helped, if it made you feel better, that's great. And I'm happy that you're happy. And now on the flip side, okay? The availability...

and accessibility of getting life-altering procedures like a BBL or like veneers or like a hair transplant that

I don't want to give statistics, but like I've seen so many flops. I've seen so many botches. I've seen so many failed attempts at a BBL or at a hair transplant or at veneers that end up costing you so much more money down the line because that doctor was a dumbass, okay? Or you cut corners and you went to a different country or you got it cheap or you did this and then you're shocked when it doesn't, you know, in 15 years...

The BBL's hanging somewhere around your mid-thigh. It's like, I don't think that people...

are forward thinking enough to really think about the ramifications of a life altering surgery like that. And we're already seeing the fucking Kardashians getting their BBLs dissolved. And so where does that leave you? You know, you spent tens of thousands of dollars on this procedure to look like someone who you find beautiful. And now that person or the original person who got the procedure hates it. They still hate themselves. And I saw this TikTok the other day where I was like, that's so fucking true, where you get one thing done

And for some people, that's enough. You know, if your whole life, you've just really had like a mental war with your nose or with your, you know, jowls or your whatever, and you got that one thing done and that was enough, period. But more often than not, that's not the case. You know, the more plastic surgery you get, the more plastic surgery you get. When you get lip filler,

You know, it's addictive. And then you keep doing it. And then soon enough, your lips are too big. So you have to get your cheeks done to balance it out. Well, now your cheeks are done. Now you got to get your jaw done. Well, now your nose is weird. So you need to do something about that hump in your nose. Well, now everything's sagging because it's been in there for seven years. You need a facelift. And then by that point, you look like the fucking wax cat lady. Do you know what I'm talking about? This girl, the cat lady, Jocelyn Wildstein.

crazy. And I'm not, again, like this is such a delicate conversation, but I do kind of want to speak freely of like, I completely understand and validate this need to change your appearance. Trust me, I get it. And if you've done it, I get it. Okay. But I do want to have a more realistic conversation about from the people who have gotten work done, what would you do differently? And do you

regret it at all? Or do you regret the money that you spent on that, that you probably should have spent on something else? And was it worth it? Because in some cases, yes, it definitely was, you know? And if it's something that it's just that one-off thing or your whole life you've been wanting to do it and you did it and you feel better, fucking period. Love that for you. But I don't think that that decision was

should be as easy to get as it is, if that makes sense. Do you know what I mean? There should be a more... I know we live in America and everyone has autonomy and it's liberty and freedom and all that, but these are very serious medical procedures that are cosmetic and they're not... Things can go so wrong and affect your health. And that's more where I'm coming from, is filler doesn't just

go away it doesn't dissolve or get smaller it just migrates we know this and and we see these scans of people who have gotten filler and you get it dissolved and it's still in your fucking face okay and it'll be there and we don't know the health ramifications of this we don't know what that is going to do to your body long term with a lot of things with vapes with these semaglutides with all these things that ssris we don't know the long-term effects of some of these

So it is a gamble and life is short. Do what you want. I completely validate that. But I don't know, man. I'm seeing more and more TikToks every day of people being like, I got this work done and I want to be a voice to people. Don't get veneers. Don't get, you know, a BBL. Don't do this. Don't whatever. And I'm like, God.

What a crazy turn from like when the Kardashians first did their thing in what, 2011, 2012 to now where everyone on Instagram has a BBL. And I want to see the negative side of it. You know, like the scars, the scarring is crazy. And I don't, I think that we are talking about it, but I don't know what the shift is. And I, I,

I don't know. I hope that it reverts back to this. You know, after this COVID burst of celebrity worship and the BBLs and changing your body, everyone wants to look like an IG baddie. When Kim Kardashian rented out that island, something shifted. Do you know what I mean? And I talk about this a lot, where this wealth gap has never been more clear. And

I think people started, as the shift happened where people started gearing more towards relatable influencers and people who look like them, who live normal lives, who are just, you know, entertaining people, but they're normal. Something shifted as well with beauty culture where, I don't know, I think people are, which this should happen, people are embracing their natural beauty because that's what makes us unique. And it's what makes us beautiful. If we all have the same face,

That face doesn't fit on every body type. That face doesn't fit on every complexion. That face doesn't fit. You know what I mean? Why would you change the way that the features that you were given that make you uniquely you change that for what? To appease men? Cringe. Because at the end of the day, why are you changing your appearance? I want you to sit in that question. Why do I feel the need to change my appearance? Who am I doing that for? Who am I trying to impress?

And if you don't have the answer, that's okay. Just think on it a bit more. If y'all are thinking about getting a procedure done, I just urge you to think about it a bit more because I'm sitting here looking at this cat lady and it just makes me sad. What a deep-rooted discomfort with yourself and how you look. And it's an addiction. It really is an addiction. And I just feel so horribly for...

Having these people who have done all these procedures spent so much money and they still fucking hate how they look. You got scammed. You got scammed. You fell for it. Do you know what I mean? Wake up, sheeple. Wake up. These doctors, these private practices, they just want your money. They don't give a fuck if it looks good. It's crazy. Anyway. Oh my god, y'all. This is a complete pivot.

I went to the Joker premiere, okay, with my mother. I don't know if I've talked about this already. I went to the Joker folie a deux premiere. I was waiting in line to walk the carpet, okay? And it's so humiliating because

All the paparazzi and like the Getty images all decided that we're there. And they're all behind this big barricade because Gaga, Joaquin Phoenix, Todd Phil, all these fucking people were going to be there. Also, why? Side note. Why was Tim Dillon and Joker folio? Yeah.

He came up on the screen and I looked at my mom and I said, "That's Tim Dillon!" She said, "Who is that?" I said, "He's a comedian, you wouldn't get it." "He's like really sarcastic and cynical." "You wouldn't get it." I was freaking the fuck out. Why is Tim Dillon in Joker 2? Anyway, nice little Easter egg. That was for Broski Nation. I was like, "I love Tim Dillon." Anyway.

We go to the premiere and we do the carpet and it's just one roaming photographer on the carpet because they're waiting for the principal talent to get there. They don't give a fuck about influencers because why would you? I don't either. Do you know what I mean? But I was invited and I was like, we went. It was really fun. And we walked the carpet. It was just one guy. He said, here, what's the name? And my publicist was like, Brittany Bruschi. And he goes...

Okay. Takes one, count them, one photo. Thank you. I was like, oh, thank you, sir. Sir, thank you. No, thank you. Because I've been on some carpets where it's, baby, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. You know what I mean? Like House of the Dragon, that sort of thing. It's like, because you're the host and you're important for some of these carpets. It's like, what's your fucking name? All right, move on. Next. Like moving cattle. They were tagging cattle. Oh,

I was heifer number four. Anyway, that was so funny because I'm all, okay, my close up fucking glam to the guy. I've been in the glam chair for three hours. I'm sucking in my gut. I'm like, and then it was one photo and it just flashed. And he said, next. I said, thank you, sir. This way. Yeah, this way. Okay. Thank you. Have a good one. So funny. And then by the time Gaga and Joaquin Phoenix and all them got there, it was, you're going over here.

So funny. Anyway, as we're waiting in line to walk that little carpet, I look behind me and who do I see except Leah and Miguel from Love Island. I don't really get like that about reality people. Okay. And for the first time in my life.

I saw them in the flesh and I turned around and I immediately, I get it. You know what I mean? Like I've been in public spaces where I meet some of y'all or I meet, I see people who I know recognize me, but they're not going to come up to me. And I'm always like,

Like what's going on in their head? You know what I mean? Like what's that deciding factor of, okay, fuck it. I'm going to go say something. Do you know what I mean? And sometimes it's rude. Sometimes it's like, I know you're eating dinner with your family and I clearly see it's your sister's birthday and you guys were laughing, but could I get a picture? Like girl, read the room. You know what I mean? But if I'm just walking, sure. Like that's what, you know what I mean? It's just sort of like a read the room.

I have always seen people like at Disney or wherever do that to me where they'll see and then they'll completely turn around and they'll talk to their friend and then their friend is doing one of these, you know, like looking and they're like, it's her, it's her, it's her. I've also seen people pull up Instagram and look at my tattoos. They're like, no, that's not her.

And I'm like, I watch all this happening. And if I'm not watching it, then whoever I'm with is like, yep, they're coming up. Yep. They're pulling up your Instagram. Yep. Coming over. So it's funny because I know what's happening, but I've never experienced that as the fan. You know what I mean? Because when I see a famous person, I'm not going to run up. You're like, I don't want to bother them unless it's like a

I don't know. I think I'm also very, very privileged in the sense that when I'm meeting a celebrity, it's usually to sit down to interview them, which is so crazy. But I'm in a different headspace. You know what I mean? Where it's not so much like I'm a fan. It's I'm here to do a job and I want to make you comfortable and I want to make the content good. So I'm in that like workflow headspace. This bitch, I was caught off guard. I turned around. I said, mom, mom, do you know who that is? She looked behind me. She said, no.

She said, "She's very beautiful." I said, "Mum, that's Leah from Long Island!" She said, "What?" I said, "Leah and Miguel from Long Island!" Ex-nay on Oakley in the Ag Bay. I was speaking Pig Latin to my mum. "Mum, Oakley e behind me."

That wasn't Pig Latin. That scene where in Monsters, Inc., they're in the nice Monster Sushi restaurant and Sully comes and sits down. He crashes Mike's date with Celia and he comes in and he's like, Mike, I lost a date. And he goes, oh, Clay, in the egg bag. Because he's got his little Monsters, Inc. bag under the table. Okay. Did I paint the picture? Put it up here. Put the screen grab up here. Okay.

That was me. Mom, look, Leigh at ELA. Leigh. And so she didn't know. And I was like, I'm in this alone. So I took a deep breath. I turned around. I said, bitch, I love you. She was like, I watch all of your vlogs. I think you are so cute and funny. And I turned around, Miguel. I said, and you too, bitch. Love you too. And he was like, oh, thanks. And I said, I watched y'all build that popcorn machine together. I watched you get ready for fashion week. I love you. And she was so nice. She didn't know who I was. Oh.

humbled humbled immediately floored gagged wigged scalped

scalpel. I was like, that is so funny. And I texted my friend afterward and I was like, I just met Liam McGill because we watched it together at the show. I was like, I just met Liam McGill. It was so funny. And he was like, oh my God, why did your mom not freak out with you? And I was like, no, bro, you have to watch the show to understand. Because I don't get like that. Like I get like that about musicians, truly. Like I freak the fuck out about musicians.

Lee and Miguel just do it for me. I don't know. Serena and Cordell were there too. I didn't see them because I think they came later than me to do the carpet. But they sat across the aisle and I heard Serena's laugh and I said, Oh my God!

I'm addicted to her, bitch. I truly, she looks so good too. She looks so good. I'm addicted. And they're so cute together. Oh my God, I really hope they stay together. Anyway, I just had to share that because that is my first ever, like, I freaked out. I kind of embarrassed myself when I met her. I just love her. I'm so embarrassed. And I know she heard me whispering, Mom, that's Leah. Mama did not know that was Leah. I'm from the USA. They were at the top final.

She was like, okay, honey. Anyway, that was crazy. I love Leah. And I watched her Call Her Daddy episode and it was tea. Okay, fine. All right, guys, just, you know the deal. Go to headcount.org, register to vote. Go check if you're registered to vote. If you're not, grow up, grow up.

Buy your merch, broski.shop. If you want "Broski Report" merch, it's getting cold. It's getting cold. We've got hoodies, sweatshirts, t-shirts. We've got slippers and muumus. It's holiday season, it's coming up. Get your mother a muumu. What else? "Royal Court," we've got new episodes coming out this Friday? This Friday, yeah. Check that shit out on the "Royal Court" YouTube channel. Subscribe to this YouTube channel. I love y'all, and I'll see you next time. Bye-bye.