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COVID-19 viruses like me change to fool your immune system and make you sick, but updated vaccines help protect you. Stay up to date on COVID-19 and flu vaccinations sponsored by Champions for Vaccine Education, Equity and Progress. Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California. This is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the Broski Report starring me, Brittany Broski, your host Brittany Broski of the Broski Report. Now, so much to talk about, guys, so much. I hope if you're driving, take your hands off the wheel, okay? You gotta take notes. If you're studying, stop. If you're doing anything productive, just stop. Just quit.
If you're trying to be productive today, just quit. This is the message you needed to hear. Give up. Hopefully this helps in some way. If you're driving, close your eyes. Take your hands off the wheel. Just relax. Give up. Okay? Anyway.
We have some housekeeping, okay? First and foremost, I would like to address the set because you bitches will not shut the fuck up about the set. I know, okay? I understand that the UK and Ireland are missing from this world map. My glitter map, okay? Now, I'll raise you this. I had a team of white men install this map. So there are bound to be things wrong with it.
And I realized it immediately after the first episode. I was like, "Oh my god, y'all look so great. Thank you so much for your help." They left and I looked at the map and I said, "So where do you think the UK is?" Okay, so where do you actually think that it went? 'Cause I don't know. And something's wrong with some of the islands over here and the sort of like southern eastern hemisphere and uh... Couldn't tell you, right? I'm gonna totally blame that on who installed it.
And the set's beautiful, they did a great job. I just like don't really know what happened there. So yes, I do know that the UK and Ireland are not canon in the Broski cinematic universe. Sorry, okay?
Also, we changed the desk around a little bit. Okay, we have moved the Mickey over here So now when I get the calls, oh my god, they're nuking us or whatever. Brittany, what are you gonna do to help? When I don't answer that call, it's gonna be coming from this phone right here Okay, when we if these also have the new codes on them, so they're gonna be like Senator Supreme Leader Bruschi, what are you gonna do with the bombas? Are you gonna bomb them back?
Okay, I've got it all right here on this desk, but that's for me to know and you guys to find out. So keep that in mind. Mickey is still over here. I have also moved forward with the addition of this Whataburger weight table puck.
that I stole when I was in college because that's what you do. You make customer service workers in fast food. You make their lives hell, okay? Because that's a rite of passage, I guess. Because when you graduate college, most people will go work customer service. It's like a karma-dharma cycle, okay? Maybe I don't know what dharma is. Dharma definition.
the eternal and inherent nature of reality regarding in hinduism is a cosmic law underlying right okay karma or dharma karma results from our past and present actions and those we will perform while dharma is righteous is righteousness a moral code of living okay so not the same thing at all got it yeah i remember studying a lot of those like
quote-unquote "Eastern religions" in my world history class in Wichita Falls, Texas and being like, "Damn, this stuff's crazy. So where's Jesus?" Okay, so you've got all the gods and you've got the one with the elephant in the arms. Where's Jesus? Is he like here? My fucking like Christ- Christocentric, like Judeocentric worldview. I was like, "Okay, now when they were doing all this in India, where was God?"
Okay, so was Jesus, like, in the Ganges River or was that, like, was he somewhere else? I, for real, like, I was like, okay, so where? That's so fucking stupid. Anyway, um, fuck me. This is the worst, worst part of this podcast. What the fuck was I talking about? Oh, I stole this from Whataburger. I stole this from Whataburger because that's a thing that Aggies do, I guess. I don't know. Don't ask me, dude. And I still have this from, uh, college.
Over here, I have a Mandalorian Funko Pop.
Because I'm a Funko Pop adult only when it comes to Star Wars stuff. I have a Kylo Ren Funko Pop that I should also pop right on over here next to my boy Mando so they can hang out. They can hang out and hold hands and listen to me talk. Listen to me over-sexualize all of the characters from Star Wars because that's what I do best. It's what I really was put on this earth to do. Okay? Is to sexualize a man. I'll sexualize any man. Okay? Give me 30 minutes alone and I'm going to type up a fanfiction of any man. Okay? Okay?
Now, all that's out of the way. I've also gotten rid of the green screen cast onto the globe and on Mickey. Because I'm what? A set designer. Also something that you bitches don't know is that there's not an audio engineer in this room with me. There's not a tech guy. There's not an audience. This is me alone in this room and I'm running tech. I start the cameras remotely. I start the audio recording. I'm doing the screen recording. I send all the files. I do everything and then my editor gets it and she's like,
What did you do? And I'm like, I don't know. You left me alone. Okay. I'm alone in here for better or worse. Anyway, I do all this. I set up the lighting or whatever because what? Women can. Yes, women can. They said a white woman from Texas couldn't have a podcast. Guess what? Guess what? We're making history. I am the first white woman to ever have a podcast. And that is actually, actually, you can put that in the history books. Okay. Oh my God.
Okay, all that's out of the way. Now, in other news, this guy's fucking, again, if you're driving, hands off the wheel, eyes wide open, look at your phone. If you're driving, look at your phone. What's that tweet that's like, you brake check me? I have an open beer and you brake check me? I'm watching Britney Broski's The Broski Report while I'm driving and you brake check me? And you rear end me?
Anyway, I'm joking by the way, please don't fucking do that. Like that's obviously a joke you idiots Okay, here's what I really wanted to talk about my show is out if some of you broski nation enthusiasts will remember I went on the H3 podcast with Ethan and I talked about how I have a show coming out It's a medieval talk show whatever this was like six months ago and everyone was like oh my god
Oh my god! And then they forgot about it, right? But the true Broski Nation lore enthusiasts remembered. And when I posted a teaser last Tuesday, and when I posted the video teaser last Wednesday, people were like, "This is her show." Yeah! And guess what? You get a gold star! You get a gold star! Because you what? Listen. Okay? One, two, three guys on me. If you hear me clap twice. I don't know why I clapped. Let's do that again.
Um, what's the other one? Silent llama? Do you remember this one? Silent coyote. If you can hear me make a silent coyote. That's so dumb. Silent coyote. And I would do it too. Silent coyote. Kids are so stupid. I'm stupid. If someone was talking to me and they were like, can everyone make a silent coyote? Show me you're listening. I'd be like, oh, I just farted. And I'm like over salivating. I just had a Rice Krispie treat before this and it makes my mouth like really salivate.
Okay. My show is out for the love of Christ. I have been working on this show for nine months. It is a labor of love. It has been, I've been so excited for you guys to see this because it's my dream. I think now that I can finally talk about it,
I have always loved Hot Ones and Chicken Shop Date, not for, you know, "Oh, it's funny," but like, what a good concept for a show. It's completely rejecting and abandoning this idea of what late night or a talk show is, you know, daytime TV talk shows or late night talk shows where it's like the straight white man and he does a monologue and then he sits down and does hot topics and then they have a guest and it's all, you know, the pre-interview is done and they know what they're talking about and it's rehearsed and then there's music guests and then it's done.
I'm bored boring, right? Yawn! Like, I want to see something new and I think that
Hot Ones and even something like Good Mythical Morning has completely reinvented what a talk show could be. And I'm very inspired by that. And I think that some of the best, just wholesome viral clips come out of Chicken Shop Date and Hot Ones because you are getting your celebrity there, your celebrity guests, like that's the core of them, right? Like they're comfortable. Well, Hot Ones, they're not really comfortable, but Sean Evans creates this environment that's like,
He, it feels like he knows you, right? And, and he really did his research and it's respectful and, and you're there with him. He's doing it with you. You know, like it's a very comfortable, although given the circumstances, not comfortable, whatever. I just think that's so smart. And I was like, I could do that. I think I could do that. But what's the fucking catch? Because I don't want to steal chicken shop day. I don't want to, you know, recreate hot ones, just medieval. So like, what do we want to do?
And I knew I wanted it to be medieval because I love medieval times. I love Game of Thrones. Dude, like one of my top three favorite things in the entire world is like a medieval fucking like dress up, cosplay, go to medieval times, eat a chicken with your hands. I
Love it. And Medieval Times, if you're listening, can you sponsor my birthday party? Can all of Broski Nation come? Can we have 55,000? Can we have 7 million seats in the arena? Please, guys, can we work on it? Thank you so much. Let's get those parking tickets validated. But anyway, I had this idea and I was like,
Let's do it. And so me and Stanley, my fucking boy, we sat down and we wrote this show and we worked with some incredibly talented comedic writers, Annabelle and Sabina Medjki, who I, I, girls, love, love, love, love, love. They are so fucking funny. It's that type of wit where it's like,
I know I'm witty and funny, but I'm having a hard time keeping up with how fucking funny they are. Like, it's just a blast every time we're together. And so to be challenged in that way, but also to create something so funny together was really, really fun.
And so Orville was of course my target for the first guest because I love him. And he is a funny bitch. Like Orville, he's always like, "Oh, sad cowboy." That bitch loves tea and he is hilarious. So like, I'm over it. And so I was like, I want to show this side of him. And I'm sure that he probably wants to show that side of himself too, right? It's just people don't ask the right questions.
So I wanted to have him on and provide that and it was just fantastic. It was so much fun. And for the episodes going forward, it'll be one a month. So it'll be a monthly release.
So it'll be very exciting. I'm very excited to see, you know, where this show is in three months or six months or this time next year. Like who we've gotten on and what it's become. And, you know, these funny little intro graphics and everything that we kind of just pulled together. It's like, do you know anyone who does? And it was just such a labor of love. And it's all my own. It's self-funded entirely. Like I'm taking...
All my earnings from doing everything I do and I'm putting it back into, you know, more content for you guys. It's polished and it's elevated and it's professional because I think you guys, I owe you that. You know, like if I get to do this, the least I could do is make it polished, kind of, arguably.
So yeah, that's what I've been doing and it's been so fucking exciting and it's just the joy of my life. So thanks for letting me do that. And if you have not watched it, pause this right now and go watch it now. Okay? Go! Run! And if you don't watch it now, there's no dinner, okay? You don't get dinner, you don't get dessert. And that honestly has nothing to do with the fact that it's like a punishment. It's just we ran out of food rations.
Because we went over budget on Royal Court so much that we're in the red. So sorry guys but no dinner for the next two to three weeks. Alright? It's gonna be bread and water. And guess what? The bread's moldy. Cause it's old. Okay? So sorry about that but I do love you guys. We'll also be selling war bonds if you guys are interested in purchasing a war bond. We're at war. No one in particular. Just we are at war. Always. Alright? To be a woman is to fight.
So moving on.
We have lots of obsessions to get through today, so if you don't mind the rapid topic change, I'm going to go ahead and jump into it. Hosier's new album is dropping soon, and he's released a few singles for this album, and I have been so blown away by all of them. Like, here's the thing. There is something about his lyricism that I've said this before, and I'll say it again. I have got to do an entire episode dedicated to
his discography and his lyricism and his just like the pure and I'm not joking and I don't mean this in like a cringy way poetry he literally writes poetry and then puts it to music and it's poetry that like you would have to annotate and analyze if you were taking like a literature class a fucking contemporary Irish literature class if he was not a musician poetry books and I mean like a modern day I just love him so much dude and he's so underrated and and here's the thing is like
So much of the weight of the topics that he sings about and what he chooses to tackle kind of goes over a lot of people's heads because so many people didn't even know that Take Me to Church is about a gay relationship.
Right? He had all these Midwestern white moms singing at the top of their lungs, take me to church in the car. It's about a gay relationship and how the church disapproves. And like, we were born, what is it? Like, I was born sick, but I love it. Command me to be well. Amen. It's about gay relationships. Are you joking? Like, I just like, it's so, and it's such a breath of fucking fresh air to have a straight white man
tackle these issues in arguably the correct way, whatever that means, the correct way. And he said before in interviews, which I just, I love him so much. He said that he wishes more modern day artists would sing about these issues, you know, plague, what, what really gets you going? It's like, there's a responsibility as an artist to incorporate the
the injustices of your time into your lyricism and to sort of commemorate them and give them a voice, you know? And he does it so well. He also says all the time, solidarity costs nothing. To be an ally costs nothing. And, uh, wow, you know? Last summer when Roe v. Wade was overturned and when all that kind of went down and it was just incredibly traumatizing across the entire, uh, not only nation, but I guess world,
He released a song called "Swan Upon Leda" which is, um, it's just kind of like a solidarity song. And I literally-- he was like, "New song!" and he posted this little blurb about how, you know, this is how it starts. You start stripping women of their rights, you start stripping minorities of their rights, and then that's how it-- that's how it begins. Fucking Handmaid's Tale.
And he was like, we cannot let this happen. And women are the foundation of a strong society. And in fact, like they should be, you know, it should be a matriarchy and all this stuff. And he linked all these charities of like access to contraceptive pills through mail and to be discreet and all these things. And he was just so like, it's so thoughtful the way that he approaches his art and what it is to create art and what the duty of an artist is. Just this idea that art is
an artist should dissect and criticize the world in which they live. You know, there's a certain escapism and...
Radio pop hits or things, you know, like what Charlie XCX makes or what Troye Sivan makes, you know It's like these are great songs and they're fun club bangers. Not everything has to be so dark and and hard and heavy But for some reason that's kind of the music I gravitate to And I really respect the people that do that because it's not an easy task and it's a very noble task And you know, the argument is well, are you really making a difference? Well, you know
everything starts through word of mouth and
If you're singing this at every fucking concert you put on and it's catchy and you're getting people to sing along, I want to know what this is more about. And they're doing the research into it. It's like, that's how you spread. That's how a movement spreads. And it's a beautiful thing. He also has a song called Nina cried power that he features Mavis Staples on. And the first time I heard it made me cry, made me fucking sob. Just like Swan upon later. I heard it halfway through. I was like, I can't do this. And I turned it off and it took me like another week to give it another try. It's just so beautiful.
And Nina cried power is about, um,
You know, how modern day civil rights-- we're kind of stuck back in the 60s again in America when it comes to civil rights and how it's just ludicrous. It's insane that we're still dealing with the injustices and the brutality that, you know, 70 years ago we were still dealing with. So anyway, lovehosier. Next up, I want to talk about that fucking age filter on TikTok. Have y'all seen what I'm talking about?
the one here's something that i made that went viral because you fucking bitches made it go viral and it's not funny and it's stupid it's humiliating and i'm wearing the same fucking outfit um it freaks me out and i said in this one of the tiktoks i posted i said this filter isn't because everyone's like oh my god me and my boyfriend are gonna be such cute grandparents
I look like the grandma from The Visit. I look like I'm gonna shove you in my oven and then stare at the wall and have wasps fly out of my mouth. Like, and like a *sniff* and then wasps and everyone runs away screaming. I can't wait to be a gr- I look like I'm gonna kill someone! *laughs* I- My body is a vessel for the devil. It's that scary old white woman stare. I don't know what it is and I did not think I was gonna have it but god damn it.
I think, okay, it freaks me out for a lot of different reasons, okay? And yeah, I cried over it because everyone was like, why did this filter make me cry? And at first I was like, shut the fuck up. It's a TikTok filter. And then I did it. I said, and here it's three reasons that I've kind of written down. Okay. Number one, I don't want to be old, right? It's this constant, like very, very, uh,
Pavlovian response of the patriarchy that has bred us to fear aging. Aging and time is a woman's number one worst enemy. And that is such a patriarchy inspired and influenced idea because inherently it is not true. Why do men get to become silver foxes? Why do men get to become hot? He aged like fine wine. You know what they say that about women?
like the context they say that about women is if they still look young when they're 55, when they're 60. She aged like, that doesn't even make sense first of all. Like it gets better with time. Why? Because she still looks young? I just like, I will always resent that because that leads me to my second point of why this kind of freaked me out is because I also have this existing sentiment and philosophy in my head of what a privilege it is to get old.
and to have experienced life and to have your body reflect that you have lived because it is a privilege and a beautiful blessing to get to live, to get to wake up every morning and experience
How beautiful life can be and how sorrowful life can be. That is the human experience. I will preach it at every fucking mountaintop that humanity is the universe experiencing itself over and over again. And what a privilege to get to live to the end of your life, 70 to 100 years and to show it.
Like to have wrinkles where the smiles have been, you know? And to have skin that is sun speckled and whatever. And I know that it's not considered beautiful, but fuck me, you lived, you know? And I just, to have that philosophy kind of taken from us as women, because first and foremost, we owe the world beauty, right? If you're not beautiful, what are you? To have that be put in place of, you know,
Smile lines like crow's feet. I think crow's feet are the cutest thing ever and To get rid of crow's feet, you know to preserve youth. How is youth more important than you know? The beautiful weight of life. It just makes me so sad. And so I cried over that too You know, I'm excited to get old with my friends I'm excited to see my friends age the same way that I'm aging like what a beautiful I could cry about it Like to do that all together
you know and to to have lifelong friendships and to experience everything i want to experience everything and i'm just i love being alive i love being alive that's part of it too i don't want to die oh my god so why do i keep on this podcast why the guys what's up with that do you think i need to relax on that i'm excited to get old with my friends okay and third
Like I said, why it freaks me out. It's because I'm scary looking. Because this filter made me look like the fucking grandma from The Visit. That's why it freaked me out the most. Because I'm not like a cute little Mimi. I'm fucking terrifying. You know what else why I've become so like... Everything ties into each other, of course. And that's why the structure of this podcast works so beautifully. It's because it's stream of consciousness. Because that's how my fucking life works. That's how everyone's life works. I've been obsessed with...
well mortality has always been on my mind from when i was sentient when i was like five years old i was like death what have these hands wrought me playing with my polypockets like dropping them dramatically and looking at my hands but these hands too will age anyway i have been uh
really in this sort of existential mindset because my latest hyper fixation is, can anyone guess it? Correct. World War I.
And you know what? I posted about this on TikTok and so many of y'all were like, same, I get it. I get it. It's like a thing. Like people will have their one historical event that they really like. For a lot of people, it's the Titanic, right? That's easy. World War II is another one for a lot of people because it's very interesting. And it's this question of how did that happen and why did that happen? And like some things we'll never know. But with World War I for me,
I'll be honest and I'll be transparent with you guys because that is what I do best and it's incriminating and humiliating but I'm here to share because I am here for you. What got me on this mindset, on this like track, this train is concurrently I'm still in my Ewan Mitchell phase. I love Ewan Mitchell. Can we throw up a picture of Ewan Mitchell? Right here. Yup. Yup. Ewan Mitchell, as I do with any man that I'm obsessing over, I have got to watch everything he's ever been in.
I was talking about this with Brooke. Again, how many times am I going to talk about Brooke on my podcast? We have to have Brooke on. We need to talk about guests later too because I'm interested in having guests on this show. I just don't have a second microphone. Okay? So we need to get into that. But I was talking about this with Brooke because it's like that's the natural. It's called, you know how lawyers will do discovery when they're researching a new client or like a situation? I'm doing discovery on the men that I love. So you and Mitchell, I was doing discovery on you and Mitchell. Okay.
And he's in this BBC show called World on Fire. And it is about World War I, Britain's involvement in World War I leading up into World War II. And how it just like shook the country and how they were so determined to go fight for their country and how inevitably it...
really bore no fruit, you know, it was not worth it and it created what's called the lost generation because A so many fucking young able-bodied men died for I mean arguably I'm very anti-war so no reason war is pointless and it's avoidable and it's wholly unnecessary I think so
They fought and died in this war for whatever reason. And two, you come back from war and you're supposed to just assimilate back into real life? No. So a lot of people having like had this...
unbearable, unimaginable weight put on their shoulders of watching their buddies die in front of them and fighting this war that they don't give a fuck about and killing German soldiers who feel the same way. They're fighting a war that they don't give a fuck about. So it's just young people killing each other. And then you come back and it's like, "I have to go back to work. Gotta go to my job." And it's just... So they were called the Lost Generation because in all aspects, they were lost.
religiously, traditionally, faithfully, like all of it, a sense of purpose just gone. And so I think that's so fucking interesting. And I also...
did a YouTube video on this about World War I's impact on art and how some really, really terrifying art came out of World War I. Because what a terrible time to live through and a source of inspiration to sort of, you know, it was a unifying factor for a lot of artists, their reaction to the war. So go watch that if you're interested. I think it's very, very interesting. And I hope I explain it in a way that kind of gets you intrigued too. It's not too much like, oh, you're going to lecture us?
Anyway, I watched the show World on Fire and yeah, I got a VPN and yeah, I watched it illegally on BBC iPlayer. Whatever, dude. Fucking sue me. I love Ewan Mitchell and I love the BBC. And so I watched it and it was so, it's genuinely like really good. Like I was invested. And after season one, I was like, what the fuck? But season two just came out. So I'm in the middle of watching that right now. But Ewan's in it for like, I'm not joking, two minutes. It's like six episodes, six hour long episodes. And he's in it for two minutes.
you bitch you know why I'm watching this fucking show so my hyper fixation on World War I came from of course you and Mitchell and now my hyper fixation on World War I has led me into my book talk section of this episode which is I recently went to Barnes and Noble and
There's a really cute Barnes & Noble in, I think it's Studio City? And it's this old theater that they've completely turned into a bookstore and it's so cute and I love going there. And everyone who works there is really nice so I'll just go in there for like an hour and I'll just kind of browse around and whatever but I'm also in the middle of reading "Thrown in Glass" right now like I'm still trudging along through book seven because I don't give a fuck how Kale, dude!
I say this every episode. I don't give a fuck about Kael. He's the main character of this. I need to just finish it so I can start Kingdom of Ash. Anyway. And of course I finished Court of Thorns and Roses, which y'all need to read, okay? You need to read it. So I was at Barnes & Noble and of course, because I'm in the middle of this hyperfixation, I went up to the counter and I was like, do you guys have a Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway? And the dude was like,
"You wanna read that?" And I was like, "What?" 'Cause I was wearing a Pedro Pascal t-shirt and a jean skirt and I had like my eyelashes on. I was like, "Do you have Farewell to Arms?" And he was like, "Yes." He's like, "Yeah." And so he brought me to it and he was like, "Anything else?" I was like, "Yeah, I'm also looking for Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad." He was like, "Are you doing a project?" I was like, "Nope, just pleasure reading." He was like, "Okay."
So he brought me over to that because Heart of Darkness is like a very, it's about Western colonialism and imperialism and how it affected both the colonies and the colonizers and how it's just a fucking terrible situation. And, you know, it's a very critical view of Western colonization. And he was just kind of like very intrigued by what I was doing there, which it's funny, but it's also like, girl, fuck you. What do you mean I don't look like an intellectual person?
You're gonna look at me right now and tell me to look like an intellectual? Like I'm not an academic? I'll have you know I read Twilight when I was in the fifth grade. Fluent. Fluent in English in the fifth grade. I put that on my resume. Fluent in both English and sarcasm. My cousins had t-shirts that said that. Those t-shirts and fucking normal people scare me. Hot Topic made so many millions of dollars off of those t-shirts. Okay, anyway.
Farewell to Arms. I'm about to start it because fuck this fucking thrown a glass book. I don't care about it. I don't care about Tower of Dawn. I'm gonna have to power through it. Like I'm gonna have to like have 17 espressos and sit down and just power through Tower of Dawn.
I'm going to start Farewell to Arms, which is really about the grim reality of war. And this book was actually banned in Italy around the time of its publication because it was too accurate of a description of a depiction of war. And that was not the message that the Italian government wanted to send to its people. So they banned this book, which, you know, censorship always ends well. Censorship is the way to go.
That's why I'm gonna censor. I'm gonna start the International Broski Nations Committee on Censorship and we're just gonna censor anything that I don't agree with. So it's starting now, okay? And the things I don't agree with are namely
Obviously, homophobia, racism, sexism, misogyny, whatever, all those, obviously, any texts or works or video art pieces dedicated or inspired by those topics are banned. Additionally, we're gonna be banning Bryce Hall videos. We're gonna be banning, I'm sorry, but MrBeast videos, alright? I don't know, MrBeast, you gotta prove yourself. I don't know what the fuck you're doing over there, but I don't trust it. We're banning David Dobrik videos. Sorry, I don't make the rules.
And we're banning any other content like that that's just like, ah, ah, I don't know. I don't know. It's kind of enticing. It's gone. Censored. And for Throne of Glass, back to it. Because, of course, we need to talk about it still. I don't want to spoil it for you guys. Will you let me know in the comments if you guys want me to, how you want me to do book talk? Because I do want to talk about it, but I don't want to ruin it for people. And I feel like I've been kind of writing that line the last few times I've talked about Throne of Glass of like,
I want to explain what part I'm at and some of the characters, but I don't want to give away the plot. But sometimes you have to because new characters are introduced and it's like, what the fuck? So let me know how you want me to go about that. But Empire of Storms, which is the one right before it,
is such a good book and I'm also afraid that if I read Tower of Dawn it's gonna be very underwhelming and I'm not gonna want to finish the series but I have to finish the series because the fucking cliffhanger at the end of book five is like so so annoying I just got bored of what I was talking about I just did that thing again where I was like talking and I was like they don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck I'm just I'm not gonna finish the sentence getting insecure I yeah I don't care
Yeah, so turn a glass is- Nah, I don't give a fuck.
Anyway. Oh, and another thing because I'm not done talking about it. When I was at the bookstore, I bought the physical copy of Empire of Storms so I can go back and do the tandem read because apparently you're supposed to read one chapter here, three chapters there, two chapters in this one, two chapters in whatever. And so on my Kindle from 1991, you can't do that because it takes it three seconds to turn the page. It's so old. But I refuse to get a new one because I like this one. It's just old.
And so I bought Empower Storm so I can read one chapter on my Kindle and then read the other the chapter in the other book physically. So I didn't have to because they're like 700 page books. So I was like, I'll just keep that on my Kindle. So that's my solution. Okay, so if you don't be like me, if you're going to read Throne of Glass, buy both of them physically and do the whole thing. Like print out the little sheet that tells you how to do the tandem read. Go through and tab the pages. Like do that. Don't do what I did because what I did is piss me off. Speaking of literature...
Okay, what I'm about to say to you, what I'm about to say to you is very troubling. I need you to understand that. I'm about to talk about this man and apologies to this man, but it's sexualization time. He's not real. He's a video game character, which makes it worse.
Now, I need you guys to ask me, "Brittany, have you ever played Call of Duty: Modern Warfare in your life?" Go ahead and ask me. No, I have not. I have never played Call of Duty. I don't know the plot. I know that it's Call of Duty. I'm assuming that's the military. Modern Warfare, I'm sure it's a bunch of like cool nighttime binoculars and scopes, whatever. Extended mag. Don't know what that means.
It's a magazine. Okay, so I'm gonna be put on a list for fucking googling gun stuff. Whatever. Idiot. Why did I do that? Anyway, this man. I keep... This is like the chicken and the egg, right? Am I the problem because I have spoken out loud with my mouth about having a mask kink? Is this my fault or is it the internet?
Showing me what I need to see. What am I liking online to where the TikTok algorithm is like, "Oh, she's gonna love this one." And it puts an edit of Ghost from Call of Duty on my For You page and I'm like, "Yeah!" I'm literally like, eating it up like it's fucking soup. Slurping it and squelching it down my throat. Sometimes I feel like,
when I get to a certain level in these podcast episodes where it's like, we know this is about to be horny hour, right? I'm sitting in this chair, I come before you horny.
I think it would be so funny if just a like a red sniper bullet or a red sniper dot just came like right here and just like leveled on me and it was kind of like you need to relax like let's move on but again like I said it's just me in this room babe it's just me myself and I me myself and I it's all I got in the end me myself and my man thank you to my man thank you to my man
A GHOST FUCK- It's something about his eyes! Maybe I'm just very mentally ill! Maybe I just need to be shot! Maybe I just need to- Oh, I gotta show you guys some of these edits. Like, what are we talking about? I think it's- Alright.
Laura, can we add in some like paparazzi- some paparazzi sounds and some camera flashes? Alright, I will be taking one question at this time. Please limit it to one question. I am not taking many questions at this time. Yes, you in the red. Why am I attracted to Ghost from Call of Duty? Um, that question isn't allowed. Thank you guys so much for your time today. Alright, get home safe. And then I leave the press conference because that's fucking invasive, okay? I don't- I think that...
Namely, I am very ill. Arguably incredibly unwell. And I think that does have something to do with it. Two, chronically online has a lot to do with it. Three, the content is out there. I'm just consuming what was made for me. I'm enjoying what's out there to be enjoyed. I love a male physique. I am a slut for a male physique. I am a slut for a man in a uniform.
when he's got the fucking-- he's got the vest on and he's-- you know how men's legs-- Okay, I have to explain this to you. What do I even google to show you this? Javier Pena standing from the back. Oh yeah, yeah.
Yeah, okay, this is good. 'Cause Pedro Pascal's got the slutty little legs and that slutty little waist and hips. And so when a man stands like that where they kinda like pop their knee out and they rest their hands like right here and their legs are just muscly enough like all the way down but they've got that tiny little waist. I want to like get on all fours and like, "I'm the alpha, I'm the--"
We are wolves! It's that slutty little stance they do. God damn! I am so touch starved.
I'm so touched, Darm. For the love of Christ, somebody just volunteer. Just do it. And then I'm going to come on this podcast and be like, I think God is the savior. And I think that eternal life is possible through all that believe. Like that's going to be me after like, I just someone fucking touched me for the love of all that is holy for everyone's wellbeing. Anyway, ghost back to it, dude. Have moved forward with.
I have moved forward with the decision to open AO3 and discover all that the world has to offer via AO3. Now, what is AO3? Some of you may be asking. Archive of Our Own. Archive of Our Own. It is a fanfiction website not for the faint of heart. Not for the faint of heart. It's a fanfiction website for the dirtiest minded
most touch-starved individuals. But you know what's funny is like it's not because some of the some of the most well-written fan fictions I've ever read in my life have been written by married women who are sitting on the couch typing it with their husband on the couch with them watching television. They are just so inspired. I don't know what it is dude. I don't know what it is but it's like it's just women and it's and so I knew that starting on this um starting on this ghost
Just death spiral because I know what comes next right like when you say I know what fucking comes next and you know What makes it worse? He's not real so guess where I guess where I fucking landed last night ghost cosplayers. Oh fuck you My lowest I'm at my lowest low If never this is my rock bottom Ghost cosplay I just farted again ghost cosplay I am a victim. I'm a victim I
I'm like really embarrassed. I think I'm done with this episode. I'm feeling like maybe we need to end the episode because it's over. It's getting red in the face. I'm hot. My face just got hot. I don't even know like if I were to bring this up to my therapist. I don't even know what to say. How do you even approach the subject? So there's so there's this guy. Ghost from Call of Duty Modern Warfare.
He's cute! Terrifying. What is going on? Anyway, I read this fanfiction last night that gave me LIFE! I was like, I finished it and I had to be like, *cough* Jesus! I had to go get some ice water, dunk my head in it. Christ! It was so horny, it was so hot. Ghost gospel! No! No! No!
Put the Nicolas Cage bit up here again! No! Not the bees! Oh, my life is just like not... If I worked a 9-5, I would not be like this, dude. That's a lie. Just lied. Caught myself in a lie. If I worked a 9-5, I wouldn't have the time.
to lay in bed and watch two hours of ghost edits on TikTok and then proceed to go into AO3 and read another three fan fictions of ghost for the next hour. That is not right. It's not well. You're not okay. Figure it out. Okay, I'm gonna end this episode because I've fully bared my soul and I can only do that for so long. I can only really give y'all so much. I love you guys.
And thank you so much for listening to the horse shit. Horse shit chicken shit that comes out of my mouth. I am so so thankful to you. And with that said go watch Royal Court. And go catch up on old podcast episodes if you haven't. Because they're on YouTube. We're on YouTube team. And love you guys. And we'll see you next week. And I'm sorry. And I'm sorry. So just wanted to send you off with an apology. That's very sincere. Alright love you bye.