#477 - The World's Sexiest Podcast Hosts
01:12:17 Share

Welcome back to the Basement Yard. Welcome back to the Basement Yard. Frank, how's it going? Oh no, I don't know. I think... No words? Double thumbs. First of all, those aren't even thumbs up. Those are thumbs... Thumbs out. Yeah, you're thumbs out? Just right here. What is this? Hitchhiking? Hitchhiking. Craziness. Dude, my father-in-law tells me all the time. He's like, yeah, I used to do it a lot. And I'm like, why? How? How has he not been killed?

Because he's a white man. No one wants to kill white men. That's true. They didn't want to kill white men back then. They needed them. They were like, we need you. Yeah. Ronald Reagan was out there. That was a little later, I guess. What? Ronald Reagan was later on. What is Ronald... Oh, did he say that? I mean, I imagine when people think of like white men in the US, they close their eyes, they see Ronald Reagan. That's what you see? Personally? I don't even know what I see. I mean...

Well, yeah. What do you mean, what do I see? You see it. We all see it. Yes. But, like, I think of men of a certain generation or people of a certain generation when they think of, like, the prototypical close your eyes, see an American white man. It's, you know, it's fucking leather face Ronald Reagan. He's long dead, by the way. Ronald Reagan? He's not still alive.

Ronald Reagan? Yeah, yeah. He died. Yeah. I think, right? You said long dead, so now I don't... When did Ronnie Riggs die? Look that shit up, bitch. I always get him confused with Richard Nixon. Very, very, very easy to make the distinction. Ronald Reagan...

Dead? 2004, dude. He's super... Bro, Ronald Reagan was born in 1911. Yeah, man. That's an old bastard. Older than my fucking old dead grandma.

Both of them. Both of our grandmothers. Yeah. Yeah. 29. Mine was 29 too. Yeah. What the hell? That's really crazy. That is weird. Actually, no, mine was 26. And this is a serious, serious way that I remember it because 9-11. Frank, you remember what year your grandma was born? Because of 9-11. Yeah. Tell us the mnemonic device that you created. Tell us. Uh,

Well, because we did a 75th birthday party for her and we had it on tape. And on tape are my mom, my aunt, and my uncle. And they're talking about the devastation of 9-11. On her birthday tape? Yeah. You're telling me it's a bunch of people being like, happy birthday, yeah, yeah. And then it cuts to your mom being like, we're at war now.

They were just saying like, you know, the world is a really scary place and it's nice to come together and stuff like that. And that's how I remember what year she was born because of, it's a weird, like, this is not a joke. Wait, but I'm confused. What's confusing? How soon after 9-11 did you have this birthday party? Oh,

through less than three months oh because my grandmother's birthday was December 1st ah and it was her 75th birthday and it was you know I remember yeah yeah so it was somewhere within you know it was like my they like it was a big I remember it was like a big family thing I brought a plastic you're gonna laugh hysterically at me I'm sure I will go ahead

First of all, one, this is when I tried out my breakdancing. On the video, there's like... I have to get this video. Wait, you were doing... You went through a breakdancing phase that I don't know about? Yeah, yeah, I tried. I tried breakdancing. Maybe I just don't remember that. You don't remember it. I probably did too. And I've since told you. Any ripaway pants, I'm in. I did have ripaway pants with the buttons. Yeah. But that was... I think those two things might have been mutually exclusive. Right. Not entirely lined up. Yeah. But...

They did like remember like we had that like family thing where they would like film parties and

And that was like a whole industry of like party filming. Yeah, with the big fucking camera. With the big fucking camera. And it was always the same bald white guy. He like did my baptism. I don't remember his name, but... Oh, my mom filmed ours. Oh, we had like a... You hired? There was someone hired, dude. Yeah. And he would like cut and edit the whole thing and put like graphics over it. Remember those like 90s graphics where it was just like the film rolling down? Yeah, yeah. And it was like, you know, Gloria's 75th birthday. Yeah.

Damn. And then it's just, you know, an hour of people at a table talking and then a mic being handed to them. They're like, happy birthday, Gloria. We wish you the best. We hope you're doing well to 75 more. Do you want to take it? Yeah. And then they would hand it off to somebody else and they would. I've seen that for weddings, but you guys were doing that for birthday parties?

for my grandmother's 75th. I need to find this tape. And like, it was a big thing. And it was- And you were breakdancing on it? I was breakdancing on the dance floor, babe. And I had brought with me, I remember very clearly, I brought with me a plastic bag, good old plastic bags, by the way, of wrestling figures. So like, if I got bored, I was just, I would go under the table and have like a Hell in a Cell match underneath a banquet table.

I mean, isn't fourth grade, though, too old for that? Am I making that up? Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, I feel like it is. No, toys are eternal, babe. Okay, but like... That's what I tell myself. If you go to a fucking party or something, you're not bringing toys for miles. Fourth graders now are different than when we were in fourth grade. We can say that openly. Tell yourself that.

I mean, they're probably smarter, but like... We can openly say that. Yeah, but I think bringing a bunch of... A plastic bag full of toys. Dude, can I say something really quick? Yeah. I'm ready for the backlash. Right. Are you ready? For what? The backlash. Of? Toys? No. America, let me talk to you. You need someone to talk for you right now, so let me do it, okay? Plastic bags are just better than any other type of bag. Paper...

Paper bags are trash reusable. You know how many reusable bags I have now We've openly just had to give them away. Yeah, I have mad reusable bag because anytime I'm not reusing it bro plastic bags We're not only great bags Minus the whole pollution and stuff. That was bad. I think that's the whole thing There's no other reason why we got rid of them but plastic bags became so much more than just plastic bags. They became like

Dog shitter picker-upper. What are they called? No, they make dog bags now. I know, but those are not as cool as just a giant trade fair plastic bag. No, I don't want to pick up dog shit with a giant Trader Joe's bag. Trader Joe's never had plastic bags. Well, you know what I mean. A trade fair, whatever. Trade fair, that's it. You don't do that. You get a little thing now. It goes on the leash. I know what it goes on. We had those. I'm just saying. Those are great. Having a place in your house that had...

thousands of plastic bags. Yeah. From the fucking... My mom still has that. From the 80s. That is a relic. Yeah. Do you realize you are sitting on, like, fucking history, babe? Yeah. I mean, that's a little crazy. I feel like you're going on the wall with the plastic bags. I'm just saying, like, I am all on board. Big Oil convinced us that we were fucking up the world with plastic bags when they were sitting there drilling into the fucking third layer of the Earth's mantle and crust.

So they were like spilling it all over the ducks guys. I'm just telling you as there's fucking oil all over these poor damn ducks Yeah, you gotta get rid of plastic straws. You gotta get rid of plastic bags I will say this whoever is working in the marketing department for over at dawn And was like yo, let's just go over there and start washing the seals and put that on tv

You're a genius and you deserve everything you have. I will say, I will agree to that. I mean, I think there's a conspiracy. I think Big Soap and Big Oil have gotten together and they're just like, make us look bad, but help sell some of your stuff and we'll get people's attention away from the fact that we are draining the world of its natural resources. Frank, I think exactly the opposite is happening. Dawn is like raising awareness of the fact that these idiots are spilling oil into the fucking ocean.

Are they? Or is it just a big conspiracy? Why would they make them look at it? Big soap. We're on to you. Don't be confused. First of all, I'm not on to anything. I believe in soap. Joe is with me here. No, I'm not. I believe in soap, but I believe in good soaps. Natural soaps.

I'm not going to give out any free plugs right here unless some companies want to start sending me some free stuff. Frank is now... You're a whore is what you are. Say he's a whore. I'm not a whore. You're a whore. I'm a slut for soap. Okay. Good soap. How's that better? Whore, you get nothing in return. Slut, you're just living the dream, baby. I don't know. I've been watching a lot of Game of Thrones, so whore's been thrown around a lot. Oh, you're re-watching Game of Thrones? Yeah. Is it that dark of a time in our country's fucking history that you want to watch one of the most...

gray and dark shows ever put on TV.

Peter Baelish. Yeah. Oh, he's such a little, he's such a rascal. Yeah. He's such a rascal. You're mad horny when you use that word. I feel like. No, no, no. I wasn't. What was his name in the show? Peter Baelish. Yeah. But what's his like nickname? Oh, Littlefinger. Littlefinger. Yeah. Yeah. Rascal. And he's always scheming and stuff like that. He is. That's a testament to the actor. Yeah. He's good. He's very, very good in that show. You all up to date on Penguin? Yes. Yes.

Unbelievable, right? Oh, my God. Love a good penguin. Penguin's so good. Didn't, wasn't watching any of that. I mean, the other day, obviously, I was watching the election. One word to describe the election? Reactions? One word. Scared. Cool. I was going to go with yikes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I was going to go with. I was going to go with yikes. There's a bit of a yikes in there somewhere. Big yikes. Is what it is, I guess. And I...

Fuck it. Jeez. I went to bed that night. I don't know if these things are related. Went to bed that night, woke up at 5.02 a.m. And I had a very... That's a very presidential hour. I just want to throw that out there. Well, I had a very vivid dream of my mom being racist. Yeah, go ahead. I'm going to go out on the slightest of limbs here. Okay. Okay.

There might be a little relation right there. I think it was like, I was like... They're not like brother-sister relation. Wait, what are we talking about here? Because my mom's not racist. I know your mom's not racist. I'm saying the way that your brain was operating. Oh, yeah. I was just like... Your mom is an old white woman, though. I know, but she's a saint. She loves everybody. Your mom is a great woman with a good heart. I immediately texted her and told her, by the way. And what did she respond back? Did she show you her voting slip? No.

I forgot what she said, but she was not happy. Your mom was mad that you... Why? Can I ask you a serious question? Because I think that people... I don't care. I don't care about your mom. No, hold on. Just listen to what she said. What she said was... Hold on. I got to remember because I wrote it down. It's great. It was a great podcast and great entertainment for the folks that are watching this right now. What? That you're sitting there just trying to find something. Are you fucking crazy? You, out of all people. Oh, yo, hold on. Let me look this up. 15 minutes go by and you're like...

You're just making noise like that. You shut the fuck up. I found it already. Okay. So the dream. It's been a very tense couple days. Yeah. There's a lot of them fired up. I don't. There was like a whole like stuff going on in the stream. But the only part that I remember was that I wrote this in the family group chat. I said, I had a dream that mom was racist. At one point, she just says, I really just don't think you can learn anything from minorities. And I shot up from my seat like, are you fucking insane? And then I woke up.

I imagine your mom's reaction was like, what do you think of me? I don't know what she said. No, she just wrote quite the contrary. I just...

I get very fired up when like, I'll be very honest with you. I don't remember my dreams 99.999% of the time. You're a big dream guy. You wake up, you immediately start writing. But what does that mean that you can remember dreams? I don't know. I'm sleeping better? I don't know. Honestly, I mean. You ever take melatonin? I don't take melatonin. Have you ever? Yeah. Then you dream, bro. I'll tell you something right now.

Yeah. I have not slept well in maybe a year. Cool. And I've been open. I've told you about that. I just can't sleep. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. But take a fat tone in. In that time, I've toned. You've taken? I've taken and toned. I've even started taking other stuff that people are like, this is also good for sleep. NyQuil randomly? Magnesium 3 and 8. What?

the fuck is that babe i'm drugged up over here wow try to sleep well wait three and eight or three and eight three oh nate oh three oh there have been claims that like it helps you with sleep like and got it um

I can't speak for other people. Only could speak for myself. Right. Not helping me with a goddamn thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still taking it because I paid a couple bucks for the bottle. Dude, I could take 10 milligrams of melatonin and I will be having motion pictures. You know what I'm going to do? Tonight, I'm going to go home and- 50 milligrams. I don't know what's a safe amount. Yeah, I don't know. It might hurt me, but I also have young kids. I don't want to- God forbid there's like an intruder or something. I don't want to be like- Wake up. Yeah.

So I'm going to like, I don't know. There's no way around this, but I'm going to try to not overdose on melatonin, but like, I'm going to see what's an unhealthy amount. And I'm going to get right below that, you know, right below that threshold. Daily recommended and be like, well, I have the extra strength gummies and it's like, you got gum. And it's like two gummies is like, I think it's like 10 milligrams of

Gummies are great. Like some of the best shit we've ever done in this world is like implanted things in gummies. Can I say something really quick? Like protein gummies. Can I say something real quick? I have been, you know, I've spoken with you candidly. I'm on a bit of a health journey. Okay. Okay. I am trying to be a healthier version of myself. Not because I'm normally unhealthy, but just because I want to feel good about myself. Right. Is to blame for greens powder.

Oh, that the athletic greens, whether it be that I don't want to name any companies in particular, because you want it for free. No, no, no. I'm just saying you hate them. I hate them all because they taste like shit because they're just like they're delicious. They're a part of you're not delicious. They are not. They taste like chalk and grass fucked. And then they're secretly cousins. And you have their inbred child in your mouth right now. Okay.

It's just like, oh, yeah. You have a great solution. I know there are companies out there starting to put them into gummies, but I don't trust those either. No, I haven't. Wait, what? There are companies now that are doing like... Protein gummies? They're greens. The green gummies. Oh. And again, I don't want to name companies because I don't want to upset people, but like... You don't trust them. I don't trust them. You've been burned by greens.

They're just like, put this into a glass of water. It doesn't even look good. And watch your diet change completely. The only thing that has changed is the amount of toilet paper we've had to buy in our house. People are like, it's so good. And you drink it and you're like...

You like choke it down. Does it make you like your colon blow up? I don't know what it does, but whatever it's doing doesn't feel good. Right. You know, I'm usually like, like protein for whatever reason. I can't, there's only one protein that works for me. And it's like, it's like these shakes. Honestly, I'll free plug them. Cause I like them, but that's called Owen. Oh, W I N only what you need. Uh, but it's like, Oh, I've heard of those. It's like plant brace braced. Um,

plant-based protein yeah plant-based protein yeah that's me bro but it's like plant-based bro what the fuck what the fuck well i'll say it you just continue plant-based protein boom uh and then um plant-based protein thank

And then there's like some fiber in it or whatever. And it's like, I think it's like 20 grams of protein. But like, those are the only things that don't fuck me up. But if I just take regular like whey protein. I do well with whey protein. My issue is now I'm being, again, I'm being more health aware and cognizant.

is I'll look at it and it'll be like, this is the best quality. Dude, I went to, I'm not going to say it because I don't want to insult the guy, but I went to like a supplement shop not long ago and it was the most dude bro guy in the world. And he was just like, what do you got today? Just went to the gym. Fucking awesome, bro. Like seriously, like he was just like, what are you looking for? And I was like this. And he's like, honestly, this is super yummy. Like, just like, okay, you know what I'm talking about? But all of them have just artificial flavoring. And

And I'm afraid of that stuff because like, Frank, you love hot dogs. You're afraid of protein. Well, I, first of all, there's no rebuttal.

A hot dog is much worse. I'm just a little more aware of, I'm a little more scared of artificial flavoring when I have a protein that's just like, what flavor of this? This is crunchy berry fat tits flavored. Yeah. And it really tastes like fucking giant knockers, you know? Damn, what store is this? Shit. Shit.

What are you doing? I'm back. Oh, here we go. I'm not doing this. Yeah, Frank's got another idea. Big business. Actually, you know what? I'm going to save it. Thank God. I just pitched you a Patreon episode that you'll have to watch in order to get it. Go to patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. I'm going to write this in my phone right now. But your mom may be racist. Definitely not. She's not. Definitely not. Yeah. No, but also like whenever there's like proteins that are like, this one's flavored Fruity Pebbles. I'm like, this feels like someone came into a bowl of Fruity Pebbles, dude.

This doesn't taste like Fruity Pebbles. This is disgusting. No, a lot of them... But see, that's the thing is that a lot of them do scarily actually taste like what they are, but they're not like related to... Like they're not officially branded. I don't like the film that it leaves in my mouth. There is a film and I don't like that either. I'm with you there. I don't like that feeling, but I get the same thing from...

Captain Crunch. That film. I don't like that. Oh, man. I'll... I love Captain Crunch. There's a new study that came out that was like Captain Crunch is the most unhealthy... Bro, by the way, can we like...

It's Captain Crunch. I know it says Cap in Crunch. Oh. But who's pronouncing it that way? And if you ever meet anyone that does... If you're going to correct me, I'm going to cut your head off. And honestly, I'll be right there with the saw, okay? I'll hand you the saw to cut the head. Oh, I was going to do it with a sword. I've been watching Game of Thrones. There it is. That's right. Rod's sword. Men's stock. Valyrian steel. Man. Maybe... No, I don't want to rewatch that. It's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah.

that we could go back to the days of like 2011 when pre-workout was basically just drugs. Or they were all named after shit that explodes. It was like TNT, no C4, no explode. TNT, sodium bicarbonate. You know, just like...

What are you drinking? Oh, me? I'm drinking nitroglycerin XL, the pussy crusher. Yeah. It's literally like that. It's like, bro, I used to... Tid fire. Yeah. Like, why are you drinking that? Or they get, like, demonic with it. Like, I remember there was one that was called, like, The Curse. Yeah.

That's crazy. Oh, one time, this is the, I took, I've only taken pre-workout like a handful of times. The first time I ever took it in my life, I was like maybe 23 years old and it was called assault. Yeah.

It was literally called Assault. And I thought my fucking heart was going to, dude, burst out of my chest. There was one that was called, like, The Demon. And I remember Danny and I had taken it, my brother-in-law. And I actively texted him, like, I blacked out for 40 minutes. And I woke up at the end of a fucking Insanity video. Yeah, dude. It's crazy. They're dead.

I could feel every hair on my body and just be like, I'm fucking... Jesus! Dude, I swear to God. I actively said out loud, like, this is what I imagine Emperor Palpatine feels like.

See, and now this is what you got to do. You got to fucking say Star Wars shit in the middle of this. Because like, I remember I would feel like. Electricity coming out of your head? Electric, bro. In that moment, whether it was because of the possible traces of amphetamines in the pre-workout. Which there were a lot. There were some. Or because of my inability to grow up. I felt like I could shoot electricity out of my hands.

Good. Do it. Seriously, I'm telling you, you know. But, yeah, no. Just circling back, your mom is a very kind person. Clearly your dream was off. I just had a dream. I will say it was probably related to some things that may or may not have been said about certain people that might have been running for office in certain parts of this country. Or the whole country. Certain. You know. But, yeah. So, you know, I don't even know. That is...

After what happened with the Yankees. What was the last dream you had that you can remember? Man. Don't fucking lie and make something up. No, I'm honestly... I'm serious right now. I really can't remember much. Oddly enough, the ones that I can remember are the ones that are like nightmares. Like I wake up scared. Oh. But... Sometimes I have dreams that like aren't cool. Like it was like I had a dream that I was like on my couch and then I wake up and be like, I wasn't on my couch. Yeah. Like that's so stupid. That is very stupid. And I'll go one step further and say...

Have better dreams, dude. I know. That makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. I get really worked up when I do have a dream and I'll tell someone about it and they'll be like, what do you think of me? And it's like, I don't actively think anything about you of the sort like your mom. Right. You know? I don't think I've ever dreamed of your mom. You fucking better not.

But like what I'm saying is like in that situation, like your mom could be like, what do you think of me? And it's like, I'm not thinking you're a racist at all. Yeah. You think I'm planting this in section style in my head? I think there was one time I had a dream about you and you were, you, you said, and like I told you about it and you were like, what do you think of me? And I was just like,

Nothing bad, but just like, Oh, Oh, but that was crazy. Which one was it? Do you remember? I think, I don't remember exactly what it was, but like, I think you, you had a dream that I called you like disgusting or something like something ridiculous. Yeah, it might've been, but like, again, I don't think you're a bad person, but like maybe it's my fears. Maybe I'm afraid you're secretly a bad person. There's a dream expert just being like, Ooh. And,

just going crazy right now. Oh my God. There are people that love horoscopes right now that are just like, well, wait until you find out what happens if you have teeth in your dream. Yeah. Which I used to have that dream a lot. Yeah, your teeth would fall out. I had a dream once that I was eating and my teeth chipped or something. I was like, oh, fuck. So I went to the mirror and I went like this. And then all my side teeth were welded together. Like it was one big tooth. Fucking debunk that.

I gotta say, that sounds kind of cool, dude. To have one big side mouth tooth? If... Alright, so there are like three, four parts of your teeth. Okay. Are you about to give me a lesson on teeth, Dr. Alvarez? Yes, I am. Patient bitch. Um...

Tell me about the four parts of my teeth. And if you say, if you say top or bottom, I'm going to come over there and assault you. All right. So I won't say top or bottom. Don't say roots either. Okay. I won't say roots, baby. Good. Okay. Different parts of your mouth have different purposes. Okay. Oh no. Okay. The front part of your teeth right here.

They're called incisors because they're meant to scissor. They're meant to... Scissor. They're cutting the food. You know, when you bite something, you cut it with this. You're a canine. You have them sharp bitch canines. I know, I got sharp canines. It's kind of cool though. You got to be honest. I could bite beers open. You could be like... Yeah, I don't. Well, you could. I guess. I guess. But those are meant to puncture. So they'll puncture and they'll start the incisors. And then...

So maybe it's three parts of the teeth. Mollers. Then the molars are meant to grind them into a paste. Damn, dude. Look at you. You're grinding on nipples right now is what you're doing. That's it, right? Yeah. How many fingers on nipples are you going? Are you going two? Are you going three? Are you going more? I don't go like this. What am I? Tony Soprano like begging for nipples. I don't want to be a chicken. So nipple, fuck that, that, that, that. I...

Don't know. I feel like I'm more like saying hi. Oh, you're more of like... Well, I'm not waxing on and off. I'm not doing this. You're more of a suryagi. I don't know. Sometimes I'll... You know? I can't speak from... I can't speak from experience with you because you've never rubbed nipples in front of me and you've never touched my nipples. Right. Well, I can't get close to your nipples. You're damn right you can't pinch. You've got an electric fence around those things. You're damn right. Yeah. So, like, I imagine... I've probably pinched your nipple. You're like a... You're like a... You know...

You're like a white man that doesn't know how to salsa dance. What? Is this a... You know, like that's what I imagine you are. Frank, why would I be doing this? You're like a Doctor Strange. No, that's not what I'm doing. No, you're not doing that? I feel like you would do that. No, I... Yeah, you would, Mr. Comic Books. Fucking guy. The Book of Ashanti plays with your titties. I don't even know what that means. The Book of Ashanti?

I'm jacked up today. I can tell. I took the curse before I got here. I had some assault before I got here. Speaking of... Nothing. Brands, I guess...

We do have some sponsors. The first one being, how you doing Rocket Money? Okay, Rocket Money is an all-in-one personal finance app that is going to put money back in your pocket. All right? How are they going to do that? They're going to find and cancel unwanted subscriptions that you may have signed up for, either by accident, you thought it was a free trial, or it's something that you were using two years ago, but you haven't used it since then, so you can put the money back in your pocket. Stop paying the $8 every single month.

All right? So they're going to find and cancel stuff like that. They also have a budgeting tool to help you be more responsible with your spending every single month. And they also have a feature that will...

help you lower your bills. You upload a picture of your bill, and if they can help you lower it, they will do that as well. So it's nice. So you should stop wasting money on things you don't use. Also, Rocket Money has over 5 million users and have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's features.

So on average, it's $740 a year that you're saving. You're fining and canceling those things, putting the money back in your pocket. Would you rather have $740 or flush it down the toilet? Easy answer. So go to rocketmoney.com slash basement right now to fine and cancel all those unwanted subscriptions. Put the money back in your pocket. Again, that is rocketmoney.com slash basement. So yeah, put the money back in your pocket, folks. You don't want to be...

you know, living without it. Um, also this podcast is, uh, sponsored by better help. Better help is online therapy. Um, it's customizable. So you can talk to a therapist, you know, at any frequency that you want. If you want to do it weekly or biweekly or bi-monthly or whatever the case is, uh, you can do so with better help. Um,

And yeah, you just go onto their website, you fill out some stuff, and then they will pair you with a therapist in just under 48 hours. So it's a very quick onboarding. But they also make it very easy to jump from therapist to therapist. You can find the right fit for yourself because that is a very important part of therapy. You don't want to just have someone across from you that you're kind of like, I don't really vibe with this person and I have to tell his personal stuff too. So find the right fit for you and then you should be good.

Um, you know, and one of the biggest things is, you know, it's, it's very expensive usually to have in-person therapy. And if you don't have the right insurance, it's still, it's, it's wildly expensive. So, uh, better help is, you know, a more affordable version of that as well. So we're going to save you some money on top of that. Uh,

You know, you can visit betterhelp.com slash basemanyard today to get 10% off of your first month. Okay, that is betterhelp.com slash basemanyard to get 10% off of that first month. Spelled B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash basemanyard. But yeah, I think that everyone should be in therapy. I've been in therapy. But yeah, so go check it out. Betterhelp.com slash basemanyard.

And guess what? While you're using those apps, maybe there's another one that you could use. Go to patreon.com slash thebasemanyard, folks. We love and appreciate all of our patrons. We love and appreciate everyone that even if you're not a patron, but you get a little extra love from us. We're kidding. We love you all equally. Thank you so much for all the patrons that have gone to patreon.com slash thebasemanyard and supported us because that's exactly what that is doing. That is supporting us. That is supporting me. That is supporting Joe. That is supporting this studio. So we are working on...

you know, some things that we can't really talk about right now in order to give you guys more stuff, more for your buck. So go check it out at patreon.com slash thebasementary. And you sign up for that first tier as it stands right now. You get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And then that second episode, well, you get...

Not a second episode. You get exclusive episodes every single Friday with that second tier if you sign up. And guess what? If you're new to the game and you're wondering like, oh, well, am I going to be able to watch? Everything that has ever been on there previously will be at your fingertips. So you'll have hundreds of hours of exclusive episodes.

I'm ready for you for the taking. So go check it out, patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Thank you guys so much for helping us continue to grow and move in the right direction, which you guessed it is up. So thank you again, patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Well, I think that this story, I think someone sent it to me and they were like, this feels like a Basement Yard topic. And like, they're not wrong. Apparently, the North Korean soldiers...

Are addicted to porn because they just got access to it for the first time. Because I don't think you're allowed to watch porn in North Korea. No, North Korea is pretty strict on their internet access. No P-O-R-N. And we're not saying anything about them. Who? North Korea.

I mean, we're not there. It's fine. No, but like they... I know, they got... That's true. If they saw that Seth Rogen, James Franco movie, you think they're not seeing us? That's true. Oh, no, wait. What are those? Yeah, those are... What was that? In theaters. Like, once a podcast. But also, that was their balloon, wasn't it? Am I making that up? I can't remember. I think it was China. Oh, it was China's balloon. I think it was China's balloon. I can't remember. You...

Isn't that crazy? Doesn't that speak to how insane our world is that there is a balloon maybe from China just like hanging out above our country and then we just- Not one balloon. Well, and then we just forget about it. Yeah. Stuff's happening these days. There's some stuff happening. Yeah, it's just the shit is burning. It's happening. Yeah. And we're, you know. The reason that, yeah. So the North Korean soldiers were sent to assist in the Ukraine and Russian war and

Which we're not going to touch on that. But now they have access to the internet for the first time. And apparently they've been going porn crazy. Right, yeah. Which... They have unrestricted internet access in Russia. And the first thing they do when they get there, there was like big tits. That's fucking crazy. Do you think...

A well jerked off soldier is a better soldier or a worse soldier? Frank, I'm not even going to dignify that question with a response. Because what are you talking about? Well, like, let's use the logic of, all right, let's go back to ancient Greece, ancient Rome. Okay.

Too far back? No, I just don't know. What are you asking me? I'm saying, do you think their mentality is just like, if they are celibate and they don't masturbate, they don't have sex, they're a better soldier or a worse soldier? Would you want someone that's just fat balls...

I have no idea, bro. You don't know? No, I don't know that that plays a part in it. I mean, I'm going to say it probably doesn't. I just think it's interesting that the second you get unrestricted access to the internet, it's like that's...

Like that, is that like innate in people? Because when you're younger and you're like 11 or something or 12, or I don't know when we started looking at porn, but like as soon as you get like a computer that you're like, no one's around, you're like, you Google like girls with see-through shirts, wet t-shirt contest. You go to wet white t-shirts.com. Bro. I'm not kidding. When I was younger, I would look up wet t-shirt contests. Why would I not just look at no shirt?

Yeah, I don't know. But I was like, oh, wet t-shirt contest. I'm like, that was cool. That's a weird thing. Do you remember if you would just stay watching TV up until a certain time, you'd see the commercials for Girls Gone Wild? Do you remember girls? I don't remember that. What? I honestly don't remember that. I've never seen Girls Gone Wild ever. I've never seen it either, but I remember it would be like,

midnight or 1 a.m. watching TV. Midnight or 1 a.m.? How old, Frank? Because my father... I was like 13, maybe. Like 12, 13, 14, around that age. And it would be like, order today. This is when you had to... Listen, if you were addicted to porn in the late 90s, early 2000s, you were working. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You better have a good job. You had to fucking...

Mail in a check You had to call this number Yeah Mail in like Four checks For like 1608 Each Yeah And then get back a tape Yeah That was just like

Having tapes of porn to me is so bananas. So crazy. Having actual, actual physical porn is a fully ripe banana. Well, that was before like the internet now. I know, but like a box of porn, dude, relax.

Yeah, that was the thing back then is that you had a porn collection. Yeah. Remember, what movie was that? 40-Year-Old Virgin. 40-Year-Old Virgin. He's just like, here's my porn collection. It's yours now. Yeah. Crazy. Like, do you remember there was a video store in our neighborhood that we would sneak into the back of the porn section of it? And they had XXX. And they had like, it would be like, you would see just the name at the top and there was like a black card in front of the picture and you would move the black card and it was just like,

I do remember that. Just like, yeah, girls gone wild. You don't remember those commercials where it was just like, we went to the craziest college in New Orleans. Yeah. Orleans. What did I just say? I don't know. I said New Orleans.

We went to New Orleans. They would do like seasonal tapes. They'd be like, guess what's out? The Mardi Gras tape. Yeah. The Girls Gone Wild Volume 8 Mardi Gras Mamas. How did that start, by the way? We're going to give you beads if you show us your tits. How is that an even trade? Google that, baby. Where did tits for beads come from? I mean, because honestly...

If I'm dumping it out, I want something better than beads, babe. Something that I can get at any fucking bar mitzvah I go to. Bar mitzvah? Yeah, babe. I've never been to a bar mitzvah. I was the king of bar mitzvahs. I know. You had a lot of Jewish friends. Bar and bar mitzvahs, man. Those are like the first Jewish people I had ever seen.

Do you know that? I'm serious. Your Jewish friends were the only Jewish people I knew. Isn't that weird? Yeah. But there's no Jews in our neighborhood. There were not any Jewish people in our neighborhood that we knew of. Maybe they were hiding. Like they were afraid to be open about their religion. It's possible. There are people like that. Not in our neighborhood. How do you know? Because it was a nice neighborhood. Oh, you say that.

You never know. Yeah, I guess. That's the whole idea. If they're afraid to say that they're afraid to be openly Jewish because they were afraid. But there was no synagogues in our neighborhood either. That is correct, but that doesn't mean they can't travel for them. Yeah, I'm just saying. What was I typing in? Where did boobs for Mardi Gras come from? Boobs for beads.

Mardi Gras. Hold on. While you're looking that up, I need to give a shout out to those, I think their podcast is called Almost Friday or something like that. Yeah. You ever seen the videos they do where the guy just grabs a Roku remote and speaks into it? I fucking love that shit. He's like, stinky, sticky tits. Stinky tits. Reese Witherspoon kicked off of set for having just stinky tits. Yeah. It's like stink lines cartoonishly coming from just giant tits.

The tradition of flashing for Mardi Gras beads began in the 1970s. So there's people who are named that were credited with this. Oh, like the founders of tits for beads. Basically. Who are they? 1976, Ann Lena Curtis...

Bro, I'm thinking, what? She stretched them down. If you're going to knock your tits out, are you going up or are you going down? That's a good question. If it was me...

I'd probably go up. I would go up too. Going down is like... But that's when women wore more blouses and stuff. Crew neck t-shirts are a lot more popular with women now. I think if you got big...

Knock bags you gotta go up. Well, you can't get them out ruin it You'll ruin a shirt ruin the neck of the shirt in the neck of a shirt. Yeah, you know so yeah, but if you got oh if you got cool little ones needs to be like Fucking you know I mean, okay, or it depends what kind of shirt you're wearing Yeah, it could if it is a blouse if it's a structured neck you gotta go up. Yeah, you're gonna ruin the shirt Yeah, what feels more like I just just go just go yeah Wait, why did someone see a pair of tits and they just give her beads? Oh

I don't know. Um, and then this it says in 1975, this is Alex Allen and Robert Spencer. These feel like made up names. Robert Spencer. Something Ronald Reagan is coming to mind right now. No, that's wrong. Um, Allen and Spencer witnessed a young woman on a balcony flashing for beads in 1975. So, oh, oh no, those are different years. As I was gonna say, maybe they saw, uh, Ann Curtis or whatever the fuck. Some say the practice started in the gay community and spread in popularity. Stole it from the gays.

Classic. Stealing from the gays. The coolest thing comes from the gays. I'm telling you right now. Name one other thing, go. Really, like, fruity drinks. Those are good. Those, right? I saw a TikTok the other day.

It's mad funny. It was like a girl out on a date, and a guy over there, and he's drinking, and it just says, stop ordering an old-fashioned, we know you don't like it, just get the strawberry daiquiri. Yeah, dude. I was like, bro, I am not like that. I'm getting the motherfucking flamingo, the flying flamingo drink. I watched Joey get a glass of wine in a glass bird with a straw in its ass.

And I fucking drank the shit out of it. Dude, and I'll be honest with you, it looked way cooler than any Manhattan I've ever had in my entire fucking life. Yeah, no, that was good. You know, oh, there's an orange peel and muddled cherry. Cool. Give me the one that has mango and fucking salt. Pineapple or something in there. Oh, hell yeah. It comes in a hollowed out coconut. Uh-huh.

I've done that before. That's a lot of fun. One time I got a coconut and it had the circular ice in it and the drink in there. But it was like, this is the best thing I've ever had in my life. And then, of course, you know, like everyone was just like, no, I'm not going to drink diet. You know, just give me an ice cold lager. Stop. Yeah. Stop. Yeah. Man, pissed off. Love that. Stole it from the gays. Stole it from the gays. I don't know how. But wait. Who's flashing? What gays are showing their tits?

To others. I mean, wait, what? But like... Lesbians? Lesbians? Yeah. You know what? Actually, no, I guess that makes sense. I was going to say, like, gay is just like gay men. You think of gay men. Yeah. But gay is also lesbian. Like, lesbians. Gay is lesbian. So they... But what is the origin of that word? Lesbian? And gay, I guess.

We have the world at our fingertips right there. How does it start from gay? Because homosexual sounds like a scientist made that up. Exactly. That's the Latin term for it. How did the word gay... Because gay used to be like...

Dude, like Sinatra was saying it and something tells me he wasn't really, you know, an ally. So I imagine that someone just like took it and just be like, oh, overly happy? That's the gay people. Oh, because gays are happy? I mean, they were pretty not happy, probably. That's not what it meant.

They were probably not very happy when they were being pelted with insults. Yeah, that's probably. Look at how happy they are that I'm pointing at them and trying to kill them. What the fuck? This says the word gay originated in the 12th century from the old French word gay, which meant full of joy or mirth. Mirth. What is mirth? I don't know. I'm assuming like. What the hell is mirth? Is mirth a way to say happy? Google mirth. We're in a deep rabbit hole now. This rabbit hole. You could find a fucking cup of tea on the table in this one.

Alice in Wonderland. Okay. Mirth amusement, especially as expressed in laughter. His six foot frame shook with mirth. Hold on. So you're telling me we took words that describe just absolute happiness and joy and use them as slurs for fucking...

No, no, no. That wasn't sucking and fucking. No, that wasn't. That wasn't the slur. But gay. Gay isn't. Well, it was used. They were using it. But like, no, back then they're saying the original word of gay meant like that's what it meant. It meant full of joy. So they were calling a group of people that they know. Bro, the word gay. Listen to me. You're not listening. I am listening. But it's my turn to listen to you to listen to me. Okay. Okay.

I understand that gay meant mirth. Full of mirth. Full of mirth. Which everything that you've read about the word gay sounds happy, joyful, laughing a ton. Mirth. And now they're using that. Right. People use that as like a slur to homosexuals.

Yeah, like you're so happy. You're so happy and full of joy and laughter. You're so... You have so much mirth. Yeah. Jesus Christ, what's wrong with this world? I've never heard the word mirth before. Never have. Not once. Look up where lesbians come from. Like the word. When did they get here? We know where they come from. Where do they come from, Frank? Farms. Farms? Yeah, dude. When you think of lesbians, you think of farms? Yeah. I don't.

Um, can I have my water back? Yeah, how about you step back? Oh, there is a little bit in there. Uh, how did the word lesbian come about? Hmm. The word lesbian comes from the Greek island of Lesbos. I've heard of this. Oh my God, dude, I thought you guessed that. No, no. You would have had me going. It sounds familiar now that you said that. Lesbos. And it was like a mythological island of women and stuff like that, right?

It's basically where like the idea of Wonder Woman came from. What? Oh, that's why you know. I was like, why do you have so much lesbian research done? Um... No, it was, yeah, it was called like Lesbos. And it was like a mythical island of like warrior women. Now that I, now that you've said that, it like, now I remember it. Wow, interesting. Yeah. You, by the way, you ever hear about where like the origins of Wonder Woman, the character? Guess. Guess.

Well, it's actually... It was made into a movie. It was called, like, Doctor Something and the Wonder Woman or something like that. But she was... Am I going to care about this? Do you know? I mean, it's interesting. Okay. She was made to be, like, a symbol of, like, BDSM and, like, yeah. Oh, because of the rope? Like, submissiveness. The whip. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a rope. It's not a... Lasso. Excuse me. Lasso. The lasso of truth. Yeah, a whip. Take it easy. Yeah, sorry. The paddle. No, but like, it's like Dr. Martin and the Wonder Women or something like that. He made them to be like, this is a powerful, submissive woman. Is she submissive if she's got the lasso and stuff? Well, no. It was re... They took it back and they were just like, oh yeah, bitch. Oh. We're from Letros. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. That's funny. We do have some more sponsors before we continue on the Greek islands. We go back to the island of lesbians. Yeah, exactly. We do have prize picks. Prize picks. It's the best place to get real money sports action. With over 10 million members and billions of dollars in awarded winnings, it has made Daily Fantasy Sports accessible to all. You can now win up to 100 times your money on prize picks with as little as four correct picks. And you're probably asking, what prize?

are these picks? And one of the coolest parts about prize picks is that you don't need to have a lot of knowledge about like, you know, fantasy sports or this and that. And you're like, all right, I don't know how to pay attention to all this. This is just, you're going against projections. Okay. So against these prize picks projections, that's a mouthful, but basically, uh, you know, someone like Patrick Mahomes is,

is he going to have more or less than 225 passing yards? And then you just pick more or less. And then you do that up to four times and you can went up to a hundred times your money. There's a bunch of different entries that you can do. Um, but yeah, it's a lot of fun. It's very easy to understand. And, uh,

My everyone loves it. I mean, my friends love it. I play it. It's a lot of fun. I like that. It's just like easy. And so you just do it real quick and say more or less. It's not like this whole thing that you have to make this whole roster of things and blah, blah, blah. And it's not just football. They have basketball. They have baseball, hockey, you know, WNBA, whatever it is. They have all types of sports on there.

So I would suggest you guys go check it out. But yeah, it's a lot of fun. It is highly, you can download the app today and use the code basement to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Okay. So as long as you play $5, you will instantly get $50 in your account when you download the app today and use the code basement. Okay. You get that $50 instantly after you play a $5 lineup. And I would suggest just trying it out. See if you like it.

um you know don't throw your life savings into it or anything but like play a five dollar thing get that 50 bucks have a little fun and see how you like it it's a lot of fun honestly i like it so uh definitely go check it out again you can download the app today use that code basement to get fifty dollars instantly after you play a five dollar lineup okay and lastly here we have squarespace squarespace is where you're going to be building your websites

uh... the platform for that so if you have a small business or if you make content and you want to build a website uh... you should know that a website is very important when it comes to that because it's like your first impression people go to your website even if your product is unbelievable website sucks

that's going to turn a lot of people away. So you want it to look as professional as possible and Squarespace makes it very easy to do that with their awesome templates that you can use. You can choose from, there's a bunch of them there. You can choose which one works for you and you know, you switch out the photos and the text and whatever, but they make it very simple. They have it all formatted already. So you're ready to go.

And if you really apply yourself, you can get that done in a day. I've done that before, whereas other platforms that I use, it takes months. So best one, everyone I know that has a business or anything, they use Squarespace. We build all of our landing pages with Squarespace. So go check it out. And you can head to squarespace.com slash basement to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain, okay? That is squarespace.com slash basement to save 10% off of a first purchase of a website or a domain, all right? Enjoy.

And Frank, what? Why are you shaking your head? There are a few moments in history that really rob you of what you feel is the validation you deserve. This better be good. Whatever you're setting up better be good. We didn't get named the sexiest podcast host of 2024, Joey.

What? We didn't get named the sexiest podcast host of 2024. Oh, yeah. That was weeks ago that that happened. And it came out. I was pretty devastated, too. First of all, I don't think we were even on the list. Act? What am I doing? Act with me?

No. The directors might be watching. The directors might be watching. They might be watching. Okay. Let's use a real voice, though, because we're doing a podcast and stop whispering. Because I can barely hear you. What do we need to do to be sexier? Be quieter? I don't know. Fucking...

Jason Kelsey and Travis Kelsey, they were named the podcast, the sexiest podcast of 2024 hosts of 2024. We didn't get runner up. We didn't get. Not only did we not get runner up. We didn't get bronze. We weren't even on the podium, babe. I don't think we were in the voting. Number two was or they beat out Penn Badgley. Who's that? You. What? You. You.

No, what is Penn Badgley? Are you kidding me? Who is that? You! Yes. What? Do you not watch? Frank, now you're fucking with me. No, I'm not. Do you not watch? Watch what? You! You gotta be kidding me. Please tell me. Oh, is it a show called... Yes! Oh!

Yes! About the killer guy. Yeah! Oh, you did the who's on first thing to me. No, I did not. Yeah, you got me. You could have said it was a show. You could just admit to the fact that you were fucking too stupid to have picked up what I was putting down. No, I didn't. You had a bread basket of knowledge put in front of you, and you're a dumb, gluten-free idiot. You didn't pick it up. Shut up. Who's third? Josh Peck. Oh! Listen. What? Listen. Listen. And then the other one, I saw the name of the other one. Did they not see Frank's shirt? What?

You're not gonna- That was my Josh Peck impression. That? One more time. Josh Peck! Frank, that's no one. That's not an impression. And the other one that was odd was TJ Holmes. This is a good looking guy. Who the fuck is that? I gotta admit, it's a pretty good looking dude.

That makes sense, that one. He's got a man's jaw. You know what I mean? He's got everything about him, and he's got like a little salt and pepper. I know you're so horny for that. Well, I'm not horny for any man. Let's be very honest. I'm saying you're horny for men's hair. I am not full of mirth, okay? You're mirthy. No, I am not. Yes, you are. I'm girthy, not mirthy, okay? Whoa. Barely. Okay. Okay.

Listen. Yeah. I'm not calling Josh Peck or Penn Badgley or definitely not that guy ugly. Right. We just want to bid. I just, I think this. Imagine. Audience, close your eyes. Imagine Travis and Jason Kelsey. You're going to say imagine dragons.

Imagine dragons. Radioactive. Lightning in the dunder. Yeah, yeah. Dunder. D-d-dunder. Yeah. Lightning in the dunder. I can't tell if I love or hate that band.

I don't know what they are. Are they a band? Are they DJs? Are they people? I don't know. What are they? It's an interesting genre. Have you ever seen Imagine Dragons and you could say that's them? I've seen videos of the lead singer. He's ripped. Can you point them out in a crowd? No, I can't point anybody out in a crowd, basically. Can you point Selena Gomez out in a crowd? Yes, I can. Can you point Tyler, the creator, out in a crowd? Probably, yeah. Exactly. You can't point out Imagine Dragons. Okay.

Okay? They're like, no one really knows what they... How many are there? Who's the one not... How many dragons are there? You remember, I think there's like five dragons. Really? I think so. Do they play instruments? Yeah, no, they play instruments. They do? Yeah. So they're a band of dragons. No, they're... Yes. They're a band of dragons. I don't know about this one. But it's kind of like, not that it's like this, but you remember like, what's the name of that band? Gorillas? Where there's like... Oh, they're gorillas. They're cartoons. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Keith loved that fucking song. Dude, that's a good song. That's all I know. And he's just like, he looks like every emo kid. Like the cartoon is like a cartoon drawing. Yeah, it's all cartoons. The kids that spent way too much time at Hot Topic and like grew up and had a nightmare on Elm Street. No, Nightmare Before Christmas tattoo. That was almost you. Uh,

But what was I even oh, what were you saying? Imagine dragons. Not imagine dragons. You said close your eyes imagine to people. Are imagine dragons fun? Fun? Yeah. What does that mean? Are they fun? Are they fun? Like are they the same? What the fuck does that even mean? You've got to be kidding me. It's got to be another bit of yours. Are they fun? Are they fun? Like are they the same or are they different?

Who? Frankie. Imagine Dragons and Fun. Oh, okay. Now I see what you... Why are you trying to set me up again? I'm not trying to set you up, Frankie.

Frank, you know that I would get confused with that. I forget that there's a fucking band named Fun. Oh, forgive me, fucking music mogul. Frank, you're sitting there and you have all the fucking people. Oh, don't you dare. You said, are Imagine Dragons Fun? Are they the same? If I said, is Bruce Springsteen Billy Joel, you would get that right immediately. Frank, you know that fun is an adjective. No, I'm joking.

You know that. I do know that. Forgive me for thinking. And no, they're vastly different. I have a very, very high standard for your intellect that you are clearly just trying to fucking chip away at. I bet you do. I'm just saying, are they not the same? No, absolutely not. Are you sure? Frank, they don't even sound similar in the slightest.

Well, one is just a little more like, you know, like I'm going to sing on like a Call of Duty game. And one is like, I'm going to sing on like a, you know, just dance game. I base most musicians off of where their music comes from. Clearly, yeah. They're completely different, not even close genres. Are you sure? Yep.

Haven't heard a fun song in a while, but they were great. Well, we know that their big one was Tonight We Are Young. That's a banger. What's the one where it's like I was doing coke in the bathroom and the Empire State Building's outside or something like that? What the fuck? What was it? It was like... Doing coke-ay!

No. What the fuck? Oh, no. My friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State. What did I say? My friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State. My lover, she's waiting for me just across the bar. I think that's the We Are Young song. Yeah, I think so. I think so. Did I ever tell you I saw my dad cry listening to that song? What? What?

Your Colombian dad, who I've only heard listen to Colombian radio, heard a fun song and cried? At which part of the song? It was Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve? Tonight we are young? It was Christmas Eve, and my dad was driving us home.

My brothers, my sister and I, to... I can't make fun of him too much for this, but I will. Because it's just like the weird parts of being a parent. But he was driving us to his brother's house for Christmas Eve. Because we would spend Christmas Eve with my dad. And it was on. And he was driving in the Denali. Windows down. December 24th. I get that from my dad. No matter the weather outside, I like the windows down. Okay. But...

And we were all in the car, myself, my brothers, my sister, and the song was on and he was driving us and we're listening to the song, probably singing along to it. And I look over at my dad and he's crying. Oh, cause he's like, my kids are young. My kids are here and they're singing. That's amazing. Crazy, right? Wow. Um, but yeah, what is the other fun song? I don't know, but you told a lot of details just to say your dad cried to a song. You told us the windows were down. What the fuck does that have to do with the story? It was Christmas Eve.

Most, I'll be honest, most of my memories in the car with my dad, the windows are down. When I found out that my middle school principal got hit by a bus, we were listening to How We Do by The Game and 50 Cent, windows down. Good song, bad principal, by the way. Bad principal, great song. Great song. You know?

That was supposed to be the beach. So bad, yeah. I got it. That didn't sound like it. What was his... He kind of looked like a... Not a loo-hoo. A hoo-vill. Hoo-vill. No, no, no. Fucking your principal. Oh, the principal, yeah. He did. He was a little bastard. He had like a slick back hair. He had slick back hair and he had a voice. I remember that. Yeah, he had a squirrely voice. He had a squirrely voice. I think he got in trouble for embezzlement.

And he got hit by a bus and people cheered. I do remember people cheering. People cheered. I remember he yelled at me one time because I went to go like pick you guys up from school. Not pick you guys up, but like meet up you guys after school. And he was like yelling at me. I was like, I don't even go here. Yeah. Oh, whatever. But so what I was getting to before we got into Imagine Dragons and fun. Close your eyes, audience. Oh, their eyes are still closed. Open them. We've been talking the whole time. Close them again. No one closed their eyes. Yeah.

It's fine. Imagine Travis Kelsey and Jason Kelsey. Right. Without having ever played sports at a very competitive level. Right. And with a couple few dollars. That's us, baby. A couple less dollars. Less, yeah, a couple fewer dollars. Yeah. That's us. A big fat couple. I'm a big burly dad.

So you're Jason. I'm Jason. I am. We are. And I'm Travis. Dude, you look like him when you smile. I'm serious. No, no, no. When you do like your actual smile, that like people could see the resemblance. And if I just had a long beard. Right. And you were like a hundred pounds heavier of solid muscle. Yeah.

Not 100 pounds heavier. Careful, okay? Because you said solid muscle and you didn't... No, he's like a fucking... He's yoked. It's funny that I said that because I just got a cramp from just shrugging.

Yeah, no. I mean, that's not bad. I mean, you're probably closer to Jason Kelsey than I am to Travis Kelsey. No, I think... Frank, I would need to grow a whole foot. Okay. Let's start with that. Correct. He's only 6'2", so you are right. How tall is he? No, he's like 6'6", I think. He's got to be a big guy. Yeah, he probably... I think he's like 6'6", and like 260. Travis Kelsey's not 260, dude. He's 6'5".

So he's got inches on me. He's got a whole foot on you. That's crazy. Shut up. You said it. Let's go. Travis Kelsey weight. Holy shit. He's 250 pounds. Told you. Big guy. Yeah.

We are the poor man's new heights. We are the old depths. Poor, poor man. We are old depths. Poor men of them. We should just call our show Old Heights. Old Depths. No, Old Shorts? Depths. Old Weights. Height. Weight. The opposite of heights are depths.

Valleys. Peaks. What are you not getting there? I'm trying out other words. Old depths is a great word. I don't like the word depths. Why? And also you're mispronouncing it somehow. Well, you want it to be mirth? That's a great word. That is a pretty good word. Pretty mirthy. I'm just saying like...

I understand we might not be their level of sexy. Well, they get it this year. I just want to be on the ballot for 25. Just like a write-in. Like, you know how like people jokingly vote for Harambe. Yeah, like Harambe got like 6% of votes in Ohio. Yeah. We just want to see People Magazine, who are our friends at this point in time. We have established a relationship with them. True. We have established. I don't need to be called sexy. Make it just like People's...

Just a couple of guys. Most bro. Two guys. Two guys podcast hosts. Like, yeah, who won the most two guys? Who won the most like, yeah. We're just guys. We're just guys. And it doesn't need to be like, it doesn't need to say like the most or anything. It just needs to be this. Yeah. This is the picture. The most. These guys. The most. That could be the name of the award. It's like these guys. Yes. The most these guys of podcasts.

We're the most like these guys. Well, not even just the most like these guys, but the most like those guys. Right. The most like... See, that's what we are, I think. We are, yeah. You know, like when people are like, oh, do you feel famous or whatever? I'm like, I'm not. I just feel like... People go, that guy. No guy. You know what I mean? It's not like...

Yo, oh my god, Travis Kelsey. It's like, that guy. Oh, it's like, oh, those guys. Right. That guy. Those guys. Oh, you're that guy. That's what I feel like. Exactly. I don't feel famous and I don't define what we are experiencing as fame. Right. I experience it as just like, oh, you're those guys. Yeah. Because anytime someone recognizes me, they just go like, you're that guy. And yeah, that's what we're experiencing. Yeah. So, People Magazine.

Make a... We'd like to win an award for something. I don't even care what it is. It doesn't even...

It doesn't even be a physical award. I doubt anyone's giving a physical award to Jason and Travis Kelsey for being sexy. I'll stop you there. I'd love a physical award. Oh, okay. You can have it. I have a physical award to determine how sexy I am, and that is my wife. Now I recant that because she's not an object. There it is. There it is, folks. Oh, my God. She makes me feel sexy. Here we go. He said she's property to you. She is an award, bitch. She is an absolute award that I consider every single day of my life.

You're trying to save it, but you called her an object. Wow. Get him. There's other people to get right now. Mirth. Get them. Yeah. Get other people. There's some other people that might need getting godded. We're feeling mirthy today, I think. Can I say that? That's honestly- I don't know how to use it. That sounds a little mean, too. How do I use mirth? Cheeriness. I am full of mirth. There's a lot of people.

So it's like usage of the word mirth in the 1800s had a moment. Yeah. Steady decline up until 1950, but then it starts moving up. Are we bringing mirth back? Well, I don't... What do you touch? That's weird. What?

It's like, so, but look, you see how it's like there's a dip in 1980. It's no one's Murth. Well, everyone was on Coke and they wore, they for some reason wore suits and rolled up the sleeves. But Murth is on the rise, dude. We can do it. We have brought back, Joey, look at me. Seriously. Look at me. We can do it. Look at me. With our show, with our words, we have brought back crap. I don't know about crap. Laborious.

That came and went. We can do it. It had a moment, though. We brought Red Lobster straight out of bankruptcy. And don't get me wrong. I see you guys tagging us and trying to use our juju to bring TGI Fridays out of bankruptcy. TGI Fridays, you need to earn it. Earn it. Earn it. And we'll pull you out, just like we did Red Lobster. And just like we're doing with Murph.

I'm trying to look up laborious, like the usage of that one and get this chart. Because if there was a fucking like, then that would be crazy. I'm just saying, listen, I know people are going to say, you know, I went to school. I understand the use of statistics. I took classes, quantitative analysis of statistics and criminal justice. This is all stuff that I did study and got a degree in. I just want to say, yes, good.

Correlation does not necessarily mean causation, but... In this situation, we're going to... We have revived some different stuff. There's a tick. Give me a tick. Show me a tick. It only goes up to 2019. When did you think we started using it? After that. Yeah, way after that, honestly. Oh, wait, hold on. 1800s to... Let me get to 2023. Oh, 2022? It went down.

There's a very steady decline from the year 2010 to 2019. So, but there's no more data. But I will say that. Data, data, data, data. Do you data? Yes. Yes. What's data? Data and data, data and data. But when do you use the one and the other? Data. Data is like computer. Oh no, that's data. Data is number. Data is computers. Technology is data. Numbers is data.

Data? Wait, which one's data? Don't care. Why are we focusing on this? Data. All I'm saying is the numbers could, they're promising. We have brought back laborious. Crap. Red lobster. Our words have power. Okay? Right. You know what they say. Our words? Our words. Well, this is a good episode, right? It's been nice. It's been fun. It's been fun. Our words. Good pronounce. Our. Yeah. Okay. Yes. Yes.

What do they say? The pen is mightier than the sword, but the tongue can lick them both. Our tongue has revived. Did you make that up? No, baby.

Revived laborious. It is revived crap. Red Lobster. TGI Fridays, you have a chance to do something really cool and maybe we'll get on board and help you out here. TGI Fridays? Yeah, they just filed for bankruptcy. They're looking... Got it. Now people are tagging us like, you guys know what to do. We need your help here. I've never even been inside one. Okay, I have. And I've had some good times in TGI Fridays. So...

Has anyone ever, like, can you lick a sword, by the way? Can you? Yes, absolutely you can lick a sword. I'm not going to ask how you know that, but. Think of a scythe. You know what a scythe is? A mini, like the mini swords that like Raphael has. Why did you do this? Because he holds them like this. Oh, those things. Yeah, it has like the, you know, like, yeah, those are called scythes. They're just mini swords. You've never seen like someone like, you know,

No, I've never seen them in person either. You've not played enough Mortal Kombat, babe. You're right. Yeah. Because you know who uses size in Mortal Kombat. Melina. Carmen Electra. No. Well, she's Electra. Well, no. Wait a sec. Carmen Electra is the model. Electra, who was played... Did Carmen Electra play her? No. She was played by Jennifer Garner. Feels like a missed opportunity. It was, but also probably not. Right. But she has size. Correct. Correct.

You know, and she punches sandbags. She hits sandbags. But then also Mileena from Mortal Kombat, who is the failed clone between... Too far, too far. Too much! We'll be here all day! We'll be here all day. We got a fucking lesson! He doesn't want me to get into the Tarkatan army, but we're not gonna do that today. The Tarkata? Tarkat? Tarkat? Well, it depends. We're going pre-Mortal Kombat 1. Oh, time! Time! Frank, where can they find you?

Okay. If Alvarez885 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez on all the forms of social media, Instagram, TikTok, bingo, bango, check it out. And then check out Patreon, patreon.com slash the basement yard. We love that you folks have been helping us grow on there and we want to keep growing. So tell your friends the holidays are coming up. If you want to gift a Patreon subscription, that's a great idea. Go check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. Yep. And you guys can go follow me at Joe Santagato. Go follow the show at the basement yard on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all.

See you guys next time. So pre-Mortal Kombat 1, the Tarkatans were an actual race. I'm ending it. I'm stopping it. Okay.