#466 - Here's The Real Story
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Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank, how's it going? That was... you know... Nope, don't know what that means, uh, gonna just not pay attention to him over there. Do you do that, do you do that when you're trying to, like... What are you doing? You know, back in the day when you were, like, trying, when you were, like, trying to be, like, young and sexy, would you be, like... Oh, would I smolder my eyes? Yeah. Would you, like... Yeah, yeah. I definitely... I definitely... I definitely did do that in some photos. I was just like... You just be like...

Or like you'd be like laughing like, ah, ah. Yeah, yeah. You know, for a candid, a laughing candid. Yeah. You were like that. Yeah, yeah. I was like that too. I mean, of course. Well, that was a look. We looked better when we were not trying. But the joke was that we were trying. Right. We were trying. Do you remember? Yo, there's a photo of Frankie. Which one? Uh-oh. It's funny that this came up, but like candid photos. Like, you know, sometimes you're like, ah, stop. And like that's the photo that they post.

Frankie took a football and had it in his hands and jumped in the air like this multiple times until someone got a photo of him and he made it like his Facebook picture like look at this crazy catch I had. Yeah, I had done a couple like that. It's funny because there were some that were legit like inaction shots that looked so stupid. Like so bad. Like I was catching a pass but I like caught it in my belly and I was like

And then there's one of me catching and it's me doing that. But there was someone standing next to me, just like looking at me like they're out there somewhere. That was love. That was my baccalaureate days. Let me tell you. Right. Yeah. Which it was crazy. Like amongst our friends, I was like a like average athlete.

At that school, I was fucking... Unbelievable. I was... I was Jerry Rice, Michael Jordan, you know, like... Now you're getting crazy. Well, no, no, no. I'm serious. Like, bro, in college, I won, like, a rec league basketball championship. And I was, like, the guy. Pfft.

That's insane. And like I won the rec league football championship and I was the quarterback. The quarterback? Yeah. You know me. Can't throw a football. I'm not a quarterback. I was a good receiver, you know, but it made no sense. But then the moment I come back and I'm hanging out with you guys, it was just like couldn't throw a football well, you know, couldn't hit a jump shot. Although I have been training at Duncan Basketball and I got to say my shots have been getting gooder.

English, basketball, dunking. It doesn't matter. You're not good at any of those things, clearly. What the fuck is he talking about? He's been training to dunk and his jump shots got better. I have been training to dunk a basketball. But in the process of doing that, I have been working on my jump shots. Yeah. And they're good. Yeah. Just got to see how well they do it. He's beating his daughter one-on-one in basketball. You know, she is present. I will say that. Yeah. But I'm not confirming nor denying. He's crossing her up like, oh! Oh!

Later up. All right. So anyway, you know, last week we posted an episode of the podcast and when it was uploaded, it kept getting taken down because big internet was not happy with the stuff that was coming out of my mouth. Yeah, that's true. And it was because I was talking about some stuff that happened at the box, which is a famous club. Very not famous. Very, very.

It's famous. It's famous for the worst reasons. The same way that like...

Dahmer is famous. Sure. And Pearl Harbor is famous. Frank, we're trying not to get demomitized. And you're just naming, you're rattling off things. Are you kidding me? Stop! So I'm going to still tell the story because we had to cut it out of the last episode. Joey had to remove it. Yeah, I had to cut that part out. It had to get taken out. So I'll tell the story, but we're not going to use the harsh language.

So we're just going to talk in code about what happened. Now, you probably... You already know because I told you. I know the stories. I'll be honest with you. I don't know if it's because I legitimately forgot it or my brain was trying to wipe the memory of that conversation out of my head. Probably a mixture of both. But I think that if you just start talking and...

So here's what happened Passwords Yes So You know If you wanna know Which I'm sure you do You do wanna know It got cut out And Curiosity killed the cat The cat has been murdered By Mr. Curious By the way An expression that I don't understand Curiosity killed the cat But Satisfaction kept it coming back But what is Curiosity killed the cat How did the cat die Because it was curious Of what Of whatever it was That killed them

Of whatever it was that was on the other side of the fence But cats have nine lives It could have been the dog Yeah, that's why satisfaction kept it coming back That's the other part of it that people don't I didn't know that at all Yeah So anyway I wish cats like actually like walked on those fences Like they do in alleyways in the movies You know what I'm talking about? Nope

Oh, like across the top of a fence? Yeah, yeah. And then they go and they take a full intact fish skeleton out of a trash can. Yeah, why is that always depicted that way? They pull a skeleton of a fish out. I don't know. I wish cats actually did that. I don't. Anyway, so I ended up going to this club, and it's known for debaucherous things. Debauchery...

absurdity xxx type of triple x's and we're not talking vin diesel or ice cube here no but i did enjoy that movie i didn't but anyway so i get to this club and immediately uh you know we are escorted upstairs to this balcony and a balcony overlooks like there's like seating below and then a stage and now just to set the stage here

Your story. Your story. Your story. Or my story. Your story or my story. My experience, but your story. How does that? How does that? How does that? How does that? Go ahead. So, I'm setting the setting. Stage of the setting. There's a stage there and whatever. I don't like how you've been speaking to me today. I just want to throw that out there. Every 15 minutes, the curtains will open and something will happen. Right? Right.

I don't remember the order of things. Frank? You are burying the lead here. Something... You don't know what burying the lead is because I haven't said anything yet. Something absolutely disturbing happens. Not something happens. Something that will change the course of human history for every individual that sets their eyes upon it. What you just did was burying the lead, by the way. Because I haven't said anything and then you just said that and that's burying the lead. Okay. You're not a journalist. Okay, well...

This is also, just to make it abundantly clear, a place that you need to pay, normally, a large sum of money to get into. Now, Joey has gone twice. He has paid exactly zero times. Correct. That doesn't justify what you have witnessed. The money is not the point. Yes, it is. Here's the point. So, we get there, and I don't remember the...

the order of things, but I'll just talk about a few things that have happened. So one of the skits that end up happening, the curtains open up and there's a woman there. And it's... And her and another guy... Well, the guy, I guess, comes up behind the woman and...

puts a chemical on a piece of something and like oh so the when she so she's gonna pass so so so he presented her with dizzy he presented her with a special cupcake what

No. He went... How about I go? He went to... You're guessing. I know. His favorites... He had a very favorite show growing up, and it involved a family known as the Huxtables, is what you're saying. I don't even know what that means, Frank. I don't know. But, so, puts a chemical on a thing, and then it's all fake. It's a show.

covers her face. She gets dizzy. Oh, I'm dizzy, right? You know, entertainment. But then she wakes up and then she gets revenge. How does she wake? Oh, revenge. She just gets up. So now she goes chemical paper and she gets him down, right? Oh, okay. So then he goes down. She put him in bed time. She tucked him into bed. Right. So then she then weaponizes...

time of the month time with her hand and starts digging it out on man who bedtime and then the curtains close. Okay, so that's act one. That's what happened when we first got there. And it was like, okay, here's what we're in for. It's all made up.

Yeah. Is it? I hope. There's only so much biologically that you can fake. Right. Just want to throw that out there. And I forget the other stuff, but then there's another thing that kind of stands out among the rest.

More than the woman that just made a fresh marinara. Yeah. She had a ketchup party. She had a ketchup party for the big old french fry hangout. Well, it was a revenge party.

So she was getting her... She's getting a payback. She was getting ketchup revenge. She was getting ketchup revenge on the payback. Right. Gotcha. So that's what happened. And we all cheered and then the music came on and it was a good time. Why would anyone cheer? Well, we were happy that she got her revenge. I could kind of see that, actually. Okay. All right. Move on. Oh, there was another one that I'm just remembering now, but it was just a guy...

With two big whips And he was like And they were so loud It was so loud That sounds pretty cool It was like And then Have you ever Whipped? Like actually cracked An actual whip No I'd be afraid That it would hit me In the face I have Like a legit Like expensive whip Scary Very cool Very loud Very powerful This guy was doing it And there was like This thing that was like Holding feathers And he was like Getting each one Like he was really good

He was really good with his head. You gotta be good at whip. But once you watch a woman have a ketchup party, you're like, alright, this is stupid. Well, I would be more excited for the whip, I'll be honest with you. As long as there was no... There was no ketchup. There was no ketchup, I hope that there was no mayonnaise. No, no mayonnaise. Any condiments of any sort. I don't think so. And the recipient of said whip was just inanimate objects. Nothing that could possibly be tied to a real person. No, no, no, no. Or animal.

No. Okay. No, it was just a feather. But then later on, there was a person who got on the stage, a performer, who then was like, oh, birthday suit time. So then now birthday suit time. It was birthday time. Yeah. It was this person's birthday. So now we have up top mountains and then down below snakes.

You understand what I'm saying? Snake. You understand what I'm saying? We had up top mountains up here. You hear what I'm saying? And then downstairs, we had a hose. Gotcha. And I was like, okay. Oh, I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Okay. So then... They were playing Mortal Kombat if you're catching my drift. What does that mean? All right, never mind. Move on. I don't know what that means at all. Just keep going. Um...

So then this person, I don't know, they're doing stuff. I forget what the hell they're doing, to be honest with you. But then at the end... You were distracted by the... Well, I was confused. ...mountainous mountain range and the cavernous... Cavernous? The... Do you know what cavernous means? Yeah. It's not cavernous. I know. Uh...

The length. The length of the stream in the valley. Well, there's a, yeah, Squidward's nose type of deal going on. I'm just saying. This is entertaining for him, by the way. This person's up there doing... I'm really beating the case here. Can you stop? No. This kid doesn't know how to stop interrupting me. I'm telling a fucking story here. Now you see how it feels, bitch. Crazy. I'm fucking talking up here. He wants to talk. He wants to tell fucking jokes. Anyway, mountains up top.

Garden snake on the bottom anaconda on the bottom And this person's doing whatever they're doing and then at a certain point Mind you birthday suit time turns around and grabs a slice of pepperoni pizza and places it under The full moon and now it's it's brown time on the pizza so brown time on the pizza

Through the full moon? Are you getting what I'm saying here? This is my least favorite story that I've ever heard. And then... As a lover of both pizza and the song, When the moon hits a Uriah, like a big pizza pie. I'm not a big fan of that song. And then... No! Shoved pizza in face. And then the curtains closed. So this guy... Traditional toppings on pizza would be pepperoni. Pepperoni. Mushrooms. Right.

But now it had Tootsie Roll. But now it went full on mud. Tootsie Roll. Mud, yeah. It was a muddy pizza. It was, you know. Did it... No, it was fake. It was placed there before they came out. Oh, I thought you said this person made the mud themselves. Oh, they did make the mud. But I assumed that it was put there as a prop right before. You know what I'm saying? Like you would kind of squish it in.

And then it would come out when you would push it out. Still mud. Still mud. Still mud. Remnants of mud for sure. Residue. Too much. Too much? Too much. Traces of mud is too much mud. Right. And then there's a host who introduced all the acts and stuff like that. This woman. And she is telling a story and walking around the place.

I'm in the balcony and then she's saying how she went and got a massage and now she has some dude from the crowd, you know, she's like he had his hands on my shoulders so the guy's doing her shoulders and she's like kind of like laying down and then she's like in any on my lower back and then this and Then she says and then he went inside and this guy's like whoa too much for me then some other guy goes

Not too much for me. Bang. He's entering the House of Dragons now. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You didn't tell me this originally. Oh, then yes. There was a... There's an entering. So hold on, hold on, hold on. Of the House of Dragons. So someone was talking about Game of Thrones and then someone was like, oh, I have a Dracarys. No. What are you saying?

It was- it was- Did they enter- did they enter with a- Not with a- not with a- Not with a dragon. With a couple lizards. With a- with a- the right hand of the king. Gotcha. This. The hand of the king. How are you? Said hi, but there wasn't entering. That was a feud. Do you understand? Finger. You- Yeah. You need help. Me? Yeah. What did I do? You went. That's the problem. People die to get in that place.

And they should die immediately after leaving it. Just don't be a prude. I'm not a prude, Joey. Just a little brown cow. You know what? If being a prude is not eating mud pizza. Well, I'm not eating pizza. I'm sorry. Not watching someone eat mud pizza and paint the town red. It's just full of jokes. And a crowd member being the right hand to the king. Right.

Forgive me for being a prude, Joey. Well, I mean, it's just supposed to be absurd. You did watch something that there was no heaven in there. Everyone that went there is going to hell. The last time that we tried to tell this on an episode, which I think we cleaned that up pretty nicely back there. I gotta say, we did pretty well. The last time that Frank went on this whole thing about how I'm disgusting and need therapy or whatever. Absolutely, you are.

What did I say? I said, you love watching the jackass movies. You're right. Where those guys are, they're going brown into a fan and spraying it on other people. They're doing, you know, hand stuff to themselves and gravy. Well, no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's gravy. There's no gravy. Steve-O gravy.

That was, no. That wasn't, it wasn't jackass, but it was his. Correct. Exactly. Different. You, you paid for that too. You're right. You are right. And I, you go to a building, you go to a movie theater and watch that. And I, and I recanted and I gave it. Shut up. Got it. And I gave up and I said, you're right. You got me there.

How much does it cost to watch Jackass? Twenty something dollars. How much does it cost to watch the box in person? Shut up, no! As little Joey? Zero dollars as little Joey. You said at the time, you said... Probably like $500. A group of four, the average spending is probably about $500. Yeah. Per person. Yeah, but I'm little Joey. I don't care who you are.

That place needs God. And you know, I'm not a child. I'm not a soldier of God here. I will say this. God is absent. Okay? He's not allowed in. He will get denied at the door, and he does every night. Big he, huh? Who he? What? God's a man to you? Isn't God a man? I don't know. Crazy. I'm thinking of the androgynous. I'm going by the books. What does androgynous mean, by the way? Questionable sexuality. Not questionable sexuality. Questionable gender, I think. What's Andromeda?

That's a galaxy. Androgynous. Now I got to look up what the definition of androgynous is. I don't know what that means, but I feel like that's probably right. I don't know what God is, dude. Androgynous. How'd you go about spelling that, and did you get it right? Nope. And I... There's no way. I can't even begin to explain how... A-N-D-R-O-G-N. Oh, there's an A? Androgynous. I put E-N-D-R-O-G-N-O-U-S.

I don't know that I'm right. Having both masculine and feminine characteristics or neither specifically feminine nor masculine. Everyone's got a little man and female in them. Yeah. I got some female stuff about me. A lot of people use it to define a certain generation of glam rock like Dee Snider or David Bowie. Oh, I see. Prince. Prince. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mick Jagger. No, not really Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger was...

Yeah, but his legs were very like female to me for some reason.

You know what I mean? I know exactly. You know what I'm saying? Sorry. It's getting over a baby cold. Are you? Yeah, a little bit. How are you doing? I feel good. It's just like the parts of it that are just like, it's all here now. In your face. So they're just coming out. Like, I don't feel sick. It's just like, it just needs to expel itself. Bro, you ever have like a sinus infection and then, I don't know why, but I kind of like this because it feels like, okay. He blows his nose and he sees it out and he's like, okay.

What? That's what you were going to say? No. All right, go ahead. I was going to say that whenever I have a sinus infection or I'm stuffed up a little bit and then it starts coming out, I like to hang my head over the garbage can and then it just falls out of my face. God, you're fucking... You're disgusting. It's good. It's all getting out. Gross. But I have to get it out. No. Better than it being in. I like eating spicy food.

So it's fucking... I do that too. Opens me up. Or I get a boiling pot of water and I put a rag over my head and I really let the steam get in. Oh, just shower. Just shower. No, that works a lot better. You don't need to care... Almost fucking kill yourself. You turn the water off. That's how you make steam. Still boiling, Joey. Yeah, I'm not gonna stick my face in it.

What do you mean I'm not gonna... I'm hanging my face over it. Dangerous. No. Dangerous. I mean, I'm good. Do that with hot oil. See what happens. Hot oil? Do it. I'm not making... Oh, my God. Fucking talking about fucking snots and butts and fucking gross shit. You brought up snot. I didn't. I do. I owe you an apology.

Yeah. And you know, it's very big of me. Huge. Massive. This guy can't even apologize without doing this. No. I owe you an apology and I should get a lot of credit for that. I owe you an apology. I often would make fun of you as big billionaire Joe. Would often make fun of your expensive taste in both material and non-material assets. And I would make fun of your watches. Right. Right.

I apologize. Because? I have given myself to a watch. You fucked a watch? No, I didn't fuck a watch. I have purchased a watch and now I'm in. Right. I'm in. And now you can't wait to buy another one. That's not true. I really only have one other one that I want, but... For now. Yeah. But like... It's always just the next one and that's it. But it's also too like, I am a very disciplined man. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

And I know like I am making Frankie money. I'm not making fucking two bills like you're making. You know what I mean? So I know how to discipline myself. Right. But I have to, I feel that I owe you an apology because I cut your ass a lot and it became like a big thing on the show. And even more so to the fact that you gifted me a watch, you know, not because of the kindness of their heart, because you wanted to prevent me from making fun of you further. Right.

I just want to apologize. It's okay. I accept. I think they're cool. You like watches? I think they're cool. Yeah. Is anyone watching what's happening right now? I'm glad this is documented. This is insane. I hope everyone knows that. This is crazy. Why? Not in your personality to be doing what you're doing. What do you mean?

First of all, think about this. The fact that you were able to overcome this watch thing and now all of a sudden you like watches. What else could they... Your world, you don't even know who you could be in two years. No, there's a lot of things I know. Nope. I think of it like this. Wait till you come to the...

Browntown ketchup factory. No, no. Then. No. Then the full transformation will be complete. No, I am not going to that hellhole. You are. I am a man of honor. Well, rep, rep. One day I'm going to get married and I'm going to have a bachelor party and you don't, you don't get to make a decision. Well, hey bitch, who do you think is going to be helping make all these decisions?

Me and your best man. Do you think... Who may be the same people. Probably not. It's most likely going to be Keith. But... Frank. First of all, I'm planning this thing anyway. Oh. No one has any control issues. Control freak Joe is going to plan his own bachelor party one day. We'll be fine. We'll be fine. We'll be fine. No, listen. I just wanted to formally apologize because...

We like to joke about things on this show, and I gave you a lot of shit. I've always liked watches. I joked with you about them. But I am fully sorry for the way that I have joked with you because now I am a big hypocrite. Right. No one cares. This show is sponsored by ZocDoc. ZocDoc.

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First time buyer or something like that, but now they've completely changed it now We're gonna save you 10% off of tickets when you use the code Joe 10 Okay, so that is seek geek go to seek geek download their app use the code Joe 10 for 10% off of tickets any tickets So if you if you buy tickets every single day of your life You'll get 10% off when you use the code Joe 10, so go download seek eek save 10% And enjoy folks, okay Also Frank

Transitioning back into the conversation here. Well, the conversation about patreon.com slash TheBasementYard where you can find more of us all the time doing what we love to do, which is make you laugh. Yeah, that's right. Go to patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Folks, every day that we record this episode, our Patreon paid subscribers goes up and up and up. Thank you guys so much. For those of you guys that aren't joined as a paid subscriber, I understand money's not possible for everyone all the time. So we want to make sure that it's

You know, you do it when you can, but we're still going to do stuff to entice you. That first tier, we're going to entice you with these weekly episodes one week in advance. That second tier, we're going to entice you with exclusive episodes every single Friday where you could start and end your week with The Basement Yard. And it's just fun to hang with us. So go check it out at patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. And as of recording, our Toronto shows are done. They were unbelievable. As you could tell, I lost my voice because I was, quite frankly, having the time of my life. But we have...

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Live after it, go after it. Before the show started, you told me that a surgeon said something about... Yeah, bitch. Can you... Because I don't know what it is. So, I'm going to have to... I'm going to pull it out. But basically... You said you're going to pull it out? No, Joey. That's what you said. I'm going to pull it out. I'm going to pull it out. There was a surgeon in Japan that...

Went over the popular myth of like oh, what are they? What do they say about big hands?

Big cocks. What do they say about big feet? Bigger cocks? Well, yeah, sure. But like the whole like correlation between body parts and penises. Right, yeah. You know, which is a big thing that men of a certain age, at least of our age at a certain point in time as teenagers, it was like a thing. It'd be like, oh my God, he has big feet. And it was like, wait till you see my fucking... Snake. Yeah, you know. Did you ever actually like...

Use either of those, well, because you have small feet, so. I have a size 10 shoe. Joey, you have a 7 1/2. 7 1/2? Yeah, stop trying to pretend. I do not have a 7 1/2. Okay, I have a size 2. I know you can get shoes bigger. You're a bitch. I know you can do that, Joey. What size are you? Go ahead, say it. I'm a size 12 foot, dude.

Fuck I was size 12 foot. I think massive my hands are I think you are a tent. Yeah, you're not a wizard Okay, so you can stop You for you can't pick up his hand without like trying to cast spells right one of the Von Erich's. Yeah You know that reference I watched Iron Claw. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I thought you were gonna be like what what - that's a What - it is a niche thing But alright, so what's the body part? Well, I

So there was this doctor who I believe they are a surgeon and they took not measurements but like counted for like correlation between certain size body parts and big ol' fat ol' things. Yeah. And I'm going to give you three guesses. Okay. To see what this person said that they believe there is an... Not...

but there is a correlation between the size of this and bigger wangs. I will say... Sorry. And describe, like, explain your reasoning here. I will say a long arm, like, from shoulder to the tip of the finger. Like, if you have long arms. What the hell? A long arm? I don't know, because, like, they hang like a dick.

Okay. So if you have like longer arms. Gotcha. Like a wingspan. If my response doesn't give away the fact that that is an absolutely idiotic game. I don't... I'm guessing. Okay. Okay. Um...

If you have... So you think because of gravity? Like, if you have, like... Wouldn't that be then heavier fingers? If you had, like, just heavy fingers that just weighs everything down? No, it's just, like, the length of your arms. I don't know. Someone's gonna think this and go and just, like, pick up the heaviest dumbbells they can and just, like, stand there so their arms get longer. I don't think that you could elongate your arms. You can. It's probably a very painful surgery, though.

there is a surgery to make you taller yeah apparently it's very painful jesus um okay so it's not hands or feet i'm assuming it is not hands or feet okay okay and and spoiler it's not the length of your fucking arm i don't know it was a guess okay what about like the size of your head like you got a big head okay maybe like a like a like the circumference of your head is like wide i think

Aren't most heads, like, within the same relative... Yeah, there is a one-size-fits-all type of thing. Well, I was going to say, like... Well, yeah, that makes sense, though. If you think of, like, fitted size, it starts at seven and really only goes to, like, eight. Right. So, like, the difference is, like, an inch. Right. Or... But most people have a dick the same size, no? I think it varies by region. It does. It definitely does. Yeah. We've gone over dick size by country. We have. And, uh...

Yeah, so all right so then head size. I don't know you're a priest fine head fine Yeah, you have a bigger head than me. I do have a bigger head than you. What are you three eights? Three yeah, three. I'm yeah, I'm one for your quarter. Yeah. Yeah, so uh I'm two sizes bigger than you by your own

By your own logic, my fucking wang is double the size of yours. That's not how that doesn't equate. And then my last guess would be the length of your... Come on here, Joey. You can do this. Look at me, baby. You got this. I'm so confused. You can do it. Is it internal or external? I can't confirm neither. Why not? Because. Give me a fucking third guess, bitch.

I will say this. Is it the length of something or the size? You should give me two more guesses because that first one was astronomically stupid. The length of arms. Wait, didn't someone say like the space between your thumbs? That was another one. It was just like if you can count the size of a man's dick. Yeah, it's like this is the size of a guy's dick. I'm like, no, it is not. What?

Someone said this is this size is your dick. I was like no way I remember someone say that be like oh, yeah, no I heard that too. Yeah, I'm like spreading my Yeah, it could be it I think Fucking Mahalo all day. Yeah

Is it like... Maybe that's why Jason Momoa does that all the time, because he still believes that. It's not. He's a surfer, dude. Okay. Is it like... I don't know, dude. The amount of hair you have. The amount of hair you have. I don't know. I got to admit, I expected your guesses to be... Better? Relatively within some form of reason. Well, I don't think it has anything to do with height.

It has nothing to do with height. So like, I'm trying to think of things that aren't like that. You know what I mean? Well, it has to do with a part of your body being bigger than others. Is it like a certain bone? Like your tibia or something is bigger? So it's like you got a bigger bone? No, no. Bigger boner? No. Big bone? Big boner. No, no.

Got a big bong, my bonger. What is it? So give me. So the doctor revealed that they saw that on average that men that had larger noses tended to correspond with larger bing bongs. That kind of makes sense, right? No, you don't, honestly. You have a pretty standard nose. This old schnozzle, though, let me tell you. So what does that mean? You mean you disproved this whole doctor's thing or what's going on with it?

Also, this is in Japan. I don't think I've ever seen a Japanese person where I'm like, that's a big nose. I have. Really? Yeah, or maybe she was Korean. It was a girl that you went to school with. She had a big nose, dude. Did she? Yeah. You know who I'm talking about, right? She had a mean one? She... Yeah. It was angry. It was a bit... It had some stuff to work through in therapy. I don't know. Come on. Do you know who I'm talking about, at least? No, obviously not. The only... The only...

Asian person? Person that you and I both knew. Oh, I do know. Yeah, yeah. That was a schnozzle. I mean, I don't remember it being that bad. Oh, okay. So you're saying she's got a huge cock? Well, yeah. Just as I am. That's interesting. So a big nose. But now, like, I guess... Are you... You're not a, like...

What? A big nose guy? You're not a big nose guy. What do you mean? Like, you think of big nose people and you'd be like, yeah, they might be walking around with just like an absolute... Who's got a famous big nose? Adam Driver. He's got a big nose. And he's also like lanky. And also he is like... He is everything is right here! Yeah. You know, like everything is from... Everything is right here!

He went to Juilliard, you know that? Yeah, he enlisted. That's crazy. He was also a member of the Marine Corps, I believe. What an interesting life. And he probably has a big fat dong. Thank you for your service. Kylo Ren with that big fat thang. Yeah. So apparently, which I think... Who else has a big nose? Who else has big noses? Like the biggest nose in history. Should I look up celebrities with big noses? Celebrities with big fucking noses. Celebrities with big noses. What's her name?

Carmela Soprano? This is all women, and none of this applies. Really? Bradley Cooper. He's got a big nose? He kind of has a big nose. Okay.

About all that Again more women That doesn't count What's his name Had a big nose That doesn't count Well if he's gone His dick is not big anymore Adrian Brody Big nose Big famous nose Big nose Who was I thinking of Who's the gigantic dude From Green Mile Oh Michael Clark Duncan Michael Clark Duncan Had a big nose And obviously He had a big Huge dick There might have been Might have been Something else Contributing to that It was everything

I love how at one of our shows, we were talking about, like, we were joking about, like, you know, like a fever dick and a bath dick. Yeah. And we had been talking to this one guy in the front row the whole time. We were like, he gets it. And he's like, I'm Trinidadian. And we're like, fuck you, dude. Yeah, we know. Again, all women. Really? All women, dude. Dude's got big noses. Type in dude noses. I got, like, just all women, dude. Name a woman on there.

The next one I scrolled to was Jerry Seinfeld. He's... Maybe, dude. Okay. A woman on here, Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga's got a big nose? Apparently, she's got a big ol' schnozzle. I don't think that she has a big nose. I'm gonna type in men. I got it, I got it. Male celebrities with big noses. An ode to beautiful male noses. Adrian Brody, like I said. Oh, duh. He's got a thing on him. A fuckin', how could I forget this? My twin, Joe Manganiello.

He's got a big nose? Yeah. Love that you didn't say anything else besides the nose thing. I mean, obviously you don't look like him. Willem Dafoe. He's got a sharp nose. Everything is so sharp. I'm not... And look, he's not going to watch this or ever see this. Oh, I wish, I wish, I wish. Willem! So I know that this is like... It's a safe space. It's a safe space. Dude. Terrifying. That guy legitimately looks like Gollum. No, he looks like Nosferatu.

And I think he's actually playing Nosferatu. But he looks like the... My precious. He does. They must have based it off of him. I love how he's just becoming a meme at this point. He looks alien. He likes classical music. He's gay. He's gay. Wait, what is he? Patrick Dempsey. That's a big nose. That's a good looking dude. Might be fucking hurting... Hurting? Hair just going on. Willem Dafoe. Nikolai Costarwaldo. Who the fuck is that? Jamie Lannister.

You see his pork roll in that show? Which one? The only show he's been in, Joey. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't think so. Jeff Goldblum kind of got a big nose. Liam Neeson. Dude, Willem Dafoe has Italian citizenship.

This dude's Italian? No, I don't know where he's actually from originally. Appleton, Wisconsin. Alan Rickman. That's a nose, dude. Damn, dude. Snape got that fucking wang. Snape had that fucking elder wand on him. Nice. Do you want to see Mark? Harry Potter. Well, no, Joey. You can't. What? Harry Potter was underage. I was just saying, Harry Potter, I'm not part of your little fucking porno over there.

Jesus Christ. Oh, hello. I really want to know what this dude's background is. Hello, Mad-Eye Moody. Frank, you can't just perform the fucking whole show. Well, you're fucking looking up big dick and nose and fucking male celebrity. I was looking up big dick and noses. Yeah. Anyway, we have more sponsors on the way. Okay.

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And I guess at the end of this, we can talk about the fact that a beloved American figure, Alicia Silverstone. Oh, my God. She apparently ate a berry or some shit in someone's backyard. Yeah, she was like roaming the streets of La Dead. Where? La Dead. Got it. And like picked a berry and was like, oh, and just ate it.

Which, listen, I am not a very...

I'm not very in tune with... Berries. Berries in the wild. You know, like, people could look at these and just be like, oh, these are bankadunks berries. Yeah, yeah. You know, these are great for foraging and shit like that. No. Bro, I love the word foraging. I love it too. Oh. Is that just picking stuff? I think it's like, but you have to... It's only foraging if you put it in, like, a wicker basket or something. Yeah, yeah. Or a wicker backpack. Right. Like, if it's on your back and it's been foraged into it. Right. That's a backpack, so...

But it's only for... It's just stealing if it's into like a cloth backpack or any other material. But if it's a wicker... Get off of this. Okay. But yeah, and it turns out she ate like a highly poisonous plant that can like kill you. Is she good? Apparently no one has heard from her since.

No one's heard from her? I don't She's like not been Active on social media And stuff like that Alicia Silverstone Clueless Batgirl Just I was gonna say Yeah yeah Just Wait wasn't she Am I making this up Catwoman? You are making it up Okay She was Batgirl

I just said it. Oh. I knew black leather. We've had three Catwomen. Yeah. Well, technically there was... Anne Hathaway. Well, cinematic. Or I guess technically that's not right either. There was the one from the 60s movie. Don't remember her name. Forgive me, everyone. Anne Hathaway. Zoe Kravitz. Shit. There's been four that I can remember then. I forgot about Zoe Kravitz. Why are you saying it German? That's how you say her name. Is it? I believe so. Who are the other ones?

Well, you have Zoe Kravitz. You have Anne Hathaway. You have Michelle Pfeiffer. I do remember that. And the one that a lot of people forget, Halle Berry. Oh, wow. Why the fuck did I forget that? Because that movie was dog shit. Was it? Do me a favor. Do you like the idea of just putting on a hilariously bad movie just to see how bad it is? I used to do that all the time. Okay. Put on the 2004 Catwoman movie.

It's got Sharon Stone. It's got Halle Berry. I believe Benjamin Bratt's in it. It is so unbelievably bad, you wouldn't believe it. Might as well, right? Yeah. But yeah, apparently no one has heard from her since. Have you ever eaten a berry in the wild? No. I've done it when I was younger. Why? It was... I remember because it was near your house. Oh, yeah. Those. Yeah, those. The hedges? Yeah. By the church? Yeah. They had little red berries. Oh, those...

I know it's what you're talking about. They were like red and there's like a little thing inside of it. Uh, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you're talking about. Like the bottom is like hollow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I used to eat those, which they were not good. Well, why would you do it then? Little dumb kid. Yeah. There was a, I thought you were referencing one of our neighbors had a mulberry tree. And I would go, and I would go with a bowl and I'd pick the mulberries at my brother's and we'd eat them. Would you? Yeah, they're good. There's one next to our house right now, actually. Weird, oddly enough. Oh.

Fucking There was that one tree On like 42nd street The jizz berries? No Why are you jerking off? What the fuck was that? That's jizz No it was like a peach tree And we used to Take the peaches and pick them Wait a legit peach tree in Astoria? Bro You don't remember that? No It was on 42nd street

And there was a tree. It's like on the avenue there. And like it hung over the sidewalk. And oh, not 42nd. It was 46th. It was at the bottom of your block. Not your block. Keep going. I know. I know. I know what you're referencing. By the dumps.

Yeah but before that I know what you're referencing On the left side Yeah So I used to pick one Bite it And then I'd fucking throw it Over Oh against that concrete wall Across the street Yeah I do remember that Wow That's a peach tree bro

Peaches, brother. Yeah. Crazy. There's no, it don't exist no more. That's fucked up. I know they got rid of the peach tree. That is fucked up. I like, you could like buy like fruit trees online now. I have, we have a Clementine tree. I almost bought a lemon tree. You should. They're cool. This was like four years ago that I almost bought it. Becca and I watched a white Lotus and I bought her a Clementine tree and you're, you've guessed it. It is not yet bared fruit. And that was two years ago.

Why is it taking so long? It says it's supposed to bear fruit within the first two years, and it has not. Damn, dude. If I'm buying a tree, I better have mine already. That's what I'm saying, dude. I was a little upset. If I'm getting a new one, I want a lemon tree. Yeah. I want a cherry tree. Ugh, I love cherries. I hate them. Or I want an olive tree. You're not a big olive guy, but imagine just fresh olives. You can make your own olive oil. You'd need a lot of olives, but... How do you make olive oil? You just smush them? Yeah. Yeah.

Cold pressed olives. Nice. It's nice, right? It's cool. I love olives, dude. That was like when I went to those wineries in fucking Portugal. They did half wine and then a lot of fucking olive trees. And they made their own olive oil. And it was really good. Dude, this is going to sound very elitist of me.

High quality olive oil is such a fucking... It's so good. I haven't had any. Oh, I went to the other... Where your old apartment was. What is virgin and extra virgin? What does that mean? I just think that like it's more... Pure? I guess, yeah. Actually, I think that might be what they mean by it. But how could you be extra virgin? You know, like you play a lot of Dungeons & Dragons. Oh, okay, yeah. I'm joking. I was almost on a Dungeons & Dragons podcast.

Have you ever played Dungeons & Dragons? Once. Is that the one where you have to act things out? Yeah, it's not a game that has an end in sight. It's funny because there's actually a clip of Jon Bernthal. His podcast, he had Debra Ann Wall, who is also from Daredevil. She played Karen Page. She is an avid D&D player.

And he had her on the show and he was just like, what is it? And she like tricked him into playing and he was like, oh shit. Because it's like, there's no like game, there's no end in sight. It's just like,

Kind of just, like, tell a story with your friends and just be like, all right, well, there's a monster outside. And it's like, what kind of monster? And it's like, oh, we'll run a check to see if you know the type of monster it is or if you've ever encountered it. And it's just, like, telling a story and, like, how on, like, the playground it'd be like. How do you win? There's no winning. You can't win? No. No points? No points. No defeating? No defeating, dude. So you're just.

Blang house basic in a cage in this imagine this remember back in the day on the fucking Playground where it would be like all right here. You know you're fucking the your Megatron and Your Optimus Prime and there's an evil war happening, and then you're both fighting, but oh no here comes Starscream you know and it's just it's just that and

But they have the dice and each of the dice means something different. So it'll be like this dice is for like your physical abilities. This dice is for... But you have to like act shit out? Yeah. And they're called campaigns. And people will get together and like sit around a table. Dude, it's a huge industry. I know. I've seen like people do it. But I've seen... Not another D&D podcast. It's like one of the biggest Patreon accounts in the world. I've seen a fucking clip of someone playing that game and doing this whole like monologue thing.

And it was like, I thought it was real. Like what he was saying. I mean, it is like the people like come up with it themselves. It's not like, so my understanding, cause again, I've played it one time and it was my, a very elementary understanding I have because I looked up what everything meant, but like you can like do like a random character generator and you could be like, I am a wizard and this is my name. And like, these are my randomized stats and,

So like if my stat of like agility out of a 20, if it's like 14, they could be like, all right, well, the monster is scaring me. I'm going to run away. And it's like, okay, throw, you know, roll your agility dice. And like, and like whoever the, like the head person is, I forgot what their name is. They'll like set a standard for like, if you can get away from it. So it'll be like,

16 is getting away from this monster because it's really fast and you roll a 14 it's like oh you can't run away it caught you it's like all right well i'm gonna try to stab and it's like all right let's look up your weapons you know what the dude you should honestly i would like to get in on this this would be a good senegato studio video if we did like a whole group campaign like one day there's no way i would like figure out the rules in that time

I'm sure you could hire someone to run your campaign. Bro, you should have seen me playing Catan for the first time. I heard. I was jealous. That shit was fucking fun. It started off like fun. I was like, okay, I get the rules or whatever. And I was like the holder of the sheep, basically. I had all the sheep. I'm jealous. And as soon as someone, I think it was Greg, built a road that kind of fucked with what I was doing, I was just like, yo, you just fucked up.

Now you're not getting a fucking single sheet for the rest of the game. Yeah, that's how I am with Monopoly. I've told you, you've played in Monopoly with me a couple times, but I haven't played in so long, and I don't lose. I'm very good at Monopoly because I give under-the-table deals. Where I'm just like, listen, give me Park Place. I'll buy it off you for $1,000. And the first four times you roll on it, you don't got to pay me anything. Don't worry about it. But if you roll on this one, you got to pay me double.

You know, I would like to play you in that game. Yeah? Yeah, because you bring a good bullshit in other people. I see right through your fucking bullshit. I've played Monopoly with you before. Yeah, when I was, what, 11? 15.

Basically 11. Let's play Pokey. There wasn't a big difference between 11 and 15. Let's make a San Agato Studios version of Monopoly. With me obviously being Boardwalk and you being Park Place. Alright, we could swap. Whatever's the most expensive. But then we could make like... What are going to be the little pieces? How do you land on a fiddler? A hot dog. A Pop-Tart. Wow. Excuse me, a strudel pastry. We don't want to get... Oh, we can't get sued. Yeah, we can't get sued. Yeah.

Bottle of champagne. Uh-huh. How many are you supposed to have? Six? I guess a microphone. A microphone, yeah. Camera. Camera. Glasses. A nice watch. A watch. There we go. We made it all. And a dog. A director's thing. What's this called? A slate. A slate. Yeah. And like the cheap ones could be like, I don't know. Where's the jail? That's a good question. That is a great question. It would just say, you don't know where you stand with Greg. Yeah.

Greg's office. Greg's office. Damn. Do you know I have a customized version of Monopoly, but it's Astoria. Oh, yeah, we had that too growing up in the house. And growing up, we had a fantasy baseball one.

And it came with sheets of different players and you can assign players to different spaces. So like Jeter and A-Rod were always the most expensive and like least expensive. We'd be like fucking David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez. Oh, you, cause you would be like, okay. All right. Well, there it is. Me and Frank are going to get out there. If you play a Dungeons and Dragons, then we want to come play. Yeah. I, I,

And I'm a wizard who's completely maxed out. We're not talking ill about Dungeons & Dragons. No, I'm curious. I am too. Joey's been curious about a lot lately, so maybe that's why he went to the place that they made pizza. Don't talk too much. We've got to be safe now. I know, I know. Can't have that happen. Thank you for coming to hang out. Again, if you're coming to the Texas shows, check out TheBasementYard.com slash submit. And then check out The Basement Yard on all forms of social media. We apologize for having to cut that clip last week, but...

We made up for it this week. We love you. Check us out as individuals at Joe Santagato, at the Frank Alvarez. Make sure you check out the Patreon, patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Let's keep on loving each other, hugging each other, kissing and cuddling each other, and maybe even... What are you saying? I feel like you start talking and you get halfway through sentences and you're like, I have to keep going. Halfway, yeah.

A quarter. A quarter of the way. And then I completely lost. Yeah, yeah. That's what happens. But yeah, like, just like what Frank said, we had to cut that chunk out. So I know that episode was only like 45 minutes, but it's because we had to, we tried to cut around it a few times or try to like take some stuff out, but then it just made no sense. So I was like, you know what? Next week, I'll tell the story over again, but we'll say it in code. So.

So sorry you had to wait a week to hear that. Hope it lived up to the expectations. I have no idea, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm going to get this man. Bet your bottom dollar? Bet your bottom dollar. Yeah, that's a thing. Yeah, I know. Are you going to go be in a fucking ragtime group now? I am going to get Frankie in that place. It won't happen. Why? With his watches. Because I enjoy cleanliness. And Joey wants to go somewhere where he feels like he's never showered.

What does that mean? Dirty. Got it. You guys can go follow me at Joe Santagato. Go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram. All stuff I said already, by the way. Yeah, I know. And if you are coming to those shows in Texas, don't forget to go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Submit your stories or the crazy things that you've never told anyone before. We like to interact with the crowd at the end of our shows with those cards. So, you know.

Get to it, and we'll see you out there. All right? See you guys next time.