#446 - Frank Walked Into A Crime Scene
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Welcome back to the base Welcome back to the basement yard. How you doing frank? I am not doing good good Why not fucking hi, first of all, hello. Good to see you. It's good. A lot of people don't know this you start recording I walk in and I come in here. We don't talk at all We just we just show up and sit completely untrue. It is very untrue Uh doing well ish, right because of some ish, right what happened?

What's the ish in your life? I briefly keyed Joey in on what was going on. There was, I don't know how to explain it outside of it. Like a, it might've been a crime scene that I went to arrest. You walked into a crime scene? Possibly, but not like death. Like everyone, I think is okay. Big bloody scene? No blood. Legit human shit everywhere.

No example exaggeration. What would be the crime attached to this human shit bloody scene? Well, you know, a shit and run. Well, folks, that's it. Here we go, folks. That's comedy for you. That's what you signed up for. Enjoy that. That's what you came here for, and that's what we're giving you. What happened? You went to a rest stop. Yeah, on the way here, I drink... I try to drink fluids, you know? I want to stay hydrated because... We don't need to know this far back. You went to a rest stop. Let's get there. Oh. Let me... I drink water. We know how the body works. Does anyone...

Whoever wrote the Bible, no one told them how to tell stories, Joey. So let me fucking do how I do, okay? I don't know how that applies. Who did write the Bible?

Mark and Peter and John and Luke and shit. Oh, the guys that put like John 3.16 and fucking Luke 12.01. I actually don't know what those numbers are, like John 3.16. Is it like chapter 3, page 11? I would assume that's what it is. It's like, so if you want to find it quickly, you just go to chapter John, page 3, line 16. No, you don't go to chapter John. You go to John, the book of John, and then you go to chapter 3. Is that a book? Yeah.

I thought it was Book of Genesis and the New Testament. I don't know, but there's letters too. There's letters to the Corinthians. Who wrote those? Corinthians is a wild word to just throw out at me, Joey. The letters of...

From St. Paul to the Corinthians. So St. Paul, who's that? I got no idea who his Paul character is. But he wrote letters to the Corinthians who I don't know, but they sound like a gang of people. First of all, one, Corinthians sounds sick. It honestly sounds really cool. It does. It sounds like an offshoot of an X-Men evil team. You know what I mean? It's like this week, Professor X is going after the Corinthians because they've captured Cyclops. Which we don't know. Maybe they were...

Enemies of sorts? I have no idea. I don't remember. I'm not quite sure. Also, I don't know who Saint Paul is. I always call him Sean Paul. Yeah. Well, you know Sean Paul. We know Sean Paul. Sean Paul, way better than Saint Paul. Sean Paul, comey cosaday. I don't know what he says, but that's what he says. Sean de Paul.

Come cosa den. Whatever that means. You know. We're on board with it though. He don't even care what people say. He doesn't even watch what they are doing. What does he say? Is that what he says? He just wants to stick to his guns like glue and I'm going to play number two. I don't know what he says next. I'll be honest. I'll be honest. I sang those words without knowing what he was saying. Yeah. Hindsight bad idea. Right. I mean, you tried. But.

The Bible is very confusing, though. You would think there would be some sort of table of contents. I'm sure there have been revisions made to it where they're just like, yo, if you want to read about understanding human sacrifice and doing good unto the neighbors and stuff like that, you go to this page. Human sacrifice isn't in the... Wait, yeah, it is.

It is in the Bible. Well, there you go. Yeah, it is. Like, there's got to be like an index or something where like, it's like Jesus is mentioned on all of these pages. Right. I would assume most pages. Well, it's a book about Jesus, dude. Is it about him? It's a book of God. I was going to say, he's a byproduct of God. So he's the main, he's the protagonist. I'll be very honest about something. That is weird.

One of the most confusing points. Who's God? Jesus or God? And if Jesus isn't God, what's Jesus? He's the son of God, you dumbass. Okay, but if he... He's the lamb of God. The lamb? Who take away the sins of the world and have mercy on us. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. There's a song my grandma used to sing to me when I was misbehaving. She sounds like a really fucking awesome woman. She was Irish. Don't you dare.

She was tough. She was only singing them out of that. She was tough. Classic Irish Catholic guilt, and you know it. Maybe, but no, I don't think that she had a whole lot of guilt. She used to hit me with no remorse, but she did always have Fig Newtons on her. Fig Newtons? For some reason, Fig Newtons.

That was like, I don't know. I don't know. I think I liked them when I was young. They're okay. But what's that? What's that around the fig? What's that? It's like, it's like cardboard cookie. It is. It is. I don't know what it is. I'm not quite sure if they had that with no, no, like fucking fig filling. Yeah. No one's eating that shit. Well, the yeah. Well, yeah. Duh. That's what I'm saying. The fig is everything. Yeah.

Fig jam? I'll beat up a fucking piece of shit for the fig jam, dude. Take it the fuck easy, okay? I love that shit. Jesus Christ. What if I wrapped a Fig Newton in like a fucking fat piece of prosciutto for you? Maybe, maybe. Honestly, yeah. I would heat up the Fig Newton so it's a little runny. Hot figgies? Yeah.

What the hell is figgy pudding, by the way? Everyone during Christmas is like, figgy pudding. I don't want you to... I am not even exaggerating. At first, I thought it was saying like finger pudding. And I'm like, what the hell are you giving me here? Finger my pudding and then give it to me? I mean, some people might be into it, not me. We were just talking about Jesus Christ. And before that, human shit. So we're really sandwiching the lamb of God between some fucking incredible...

That I don't get either. The lamb of God. Well, because he is the shepherd of the people. So he is the lamb. You do not know that.

I didn't. I didn't. I don't know. It's crazy that there's actually still shepherds in the world. You ever think about that? Yeah. There's a guy who walks around with a stick and he herds the sheep. That's a pretty cool. He's a shepherd. Bro, you know how bad I want to herd animals? I want to just like, yo, and just see a fucking like a wave of like goat. Dude, how about training a dog to do it?

Wild. What? Wild. How do we get them to do that? It's like in their blood now, too. Like German shepherds, Australian shepherds. You gave him a job? He's like running around like, hey, hey, where the fuck are you going? Yeah. How is that not some form of fucking like put in slavery? It's like we've trained these animals from years and years and years ago to be just good at one thing. And now it's just like that's your expectation now. I mean, I don't know. Also, bird training.

And then they start doing that. I don't believe in that. All these like fucking... It's super real. I watched that show, Shogun, if you haven't watched it. I only watched the first episode and it's a lot, but it's pretty good. And like at one point they train a bird to go hundreds of miles to another messenger spot. That's not... I stand by that's not real.

And does it take breaks? Like, does it stop? But also like, you know what I'm saying? No, dude, it's a bird. Like we call it bird brain for a reason. These fucking dumb flying idiots with hollow bones are going to bring the most important message to a fucking samurai 300 miles away. I mean, they did, but they didn't though. They did. I'm saying they didn't. I'm telling you right now. Send a Raven, bro.

Ravens would be pretty cool. But I'd be terrified if I saw a giant fucking just all black bird at my window. That's another thing. How did the first person know to accept a raven? If a bird was flying at me, I'd be like, what the fuck? Yeah. Like, no, I have a message for you. And then also, have you ever tried to like get close to a bird? Fuck that. No. Or like,

You're gonna tell me I see a little scroll on their fucking dumbass dinosaur legs I'm gonna go over and just get it from them I would think it has like a disease where it's growing something. Yeah, you heard about you heard about also I don't like when birds touch me when they when they leave their fingers their hand what are they called? They don't have fingers. No, they're like their talons Yes, the talons when they land on you're like this feels like what have you had so many biting? Have you had many birds land on you? But it feels like someone's biting your hand. Yeah, I used to have birds. That's right. You did I remember I was there when one of them died. Oh

Yeah, I was. It was crazy. It was like a canary. It's funny because birds don't die. They're just dead. Yeah, they don't like, oh, I'm going. It's just like up, down, gone. They're dead. There's no dying. Dead. Full of life to none. Nothing. Literally none. You heard about the famous New York owl that died? Famous New York owl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was this famous New York owl. I don't remember his name. If you pull it up, you'll be able to pull it up. But he died flying into the side of a building.

And he exploded and they did an autopsy on him. Don't say exploded. Exploded. He didn't explode. He exploded. They did an autopsy on him and they found that he had a severe case of pigeon herpes. Back up. A bird flies into a building and your words explodes. Apparently. And then someone picks it up and goes, let's find out if it did drugs. Yeah.

You know, like, let's run a toxicology report on it. Let's find out how this fucking obliterated bird died. It's like, we knew. We figured it out. Yeah, like, what did we think was going on? Did we think there was some foul play going on? Yeah, I mean, like, maybe they were saying, like, oh, there was a severe case of, like,

Bird flu that made it go crazy. Maybe I could see that in terms of, listen, we can't play safe with these fucking pandemics and birdemics and shit anymore. I agree with you. All right. But the funniest part is that it had a severe case of pigeon herpes. It was blasting all the birds, bro. Which? It's the most popular bird in New York. Just fucking pigeons out here? Yeah, he's blasting the pigeons probably. Why? Or like ducks. No, no, no. Pigeon herpes.

Oh, yeah. All right. Yeah. Now he's just crossbreeding herpes. Maybe. Damn. Can you do that? I guess. I mean, doesn't sound like koalas have like chlamydia. They say koalas have chlamydia. Yeah. Like, can I get it from a koala? I assume if it's just fucking just classical chlamydia, then yeah. If it like touches me, I get it. I think I don't know how that I think it needs to like, I need to like scratch you or like spit in my cuts or something.

I guess. Yeah, I'm not honestly sure how the transmission of chlamydia from koala to human goes. I'm not quite sure, but I'm staying the fuck away from koala. I need to see, if you're bringing a koala near me, I need to see some papers that this thing is fucking koala free. Show me its last three sexual partners. Koala free. I mean, chlamydia free. You know what I'm talking about. I want to see its last three sexual partners, and then I'll touch this koala. I'd probably take a little chlamydia. Koalas. I would take a little chlamydia just to like hold one.

Just to like hold it? You would take it? I wouldn't like, no, I wouldn't let it like bang me or anything. I'd be like, if I could hug a koala bear and someone's like, you're going to get- Those things are fucking vicious. You're going to get clemage. I'd be like, well, I got to get my pills, but I'll be good. Oh, just don't. Just don't. Just don't. Watch this. Are they vicious?

Bro, you've seen their claws? Am I thinking of the right thing? You're definitely thinking of the right thing because you're not an idiot. But koala. What's the other one that's like mad sloths? Sloths. Yeah, but I'm not thinking of that. Those are cool though. They just had a new sloth. We went to an aquarium a couple weeks ago. New sloth. Yo, we're on fire right now. Like we cannot stop getting to shit that- We are not on cocaine. Just want to put that out there. We have never done drugs. All I have done is drink water today. Yeah, honestly, I have had-

tea resin that I've had, but nonetheless, I'm fucking firing off on all cylinders. It's crazy. We had the new sloth at an aquarium by us in Jersey. Went to see it. Little baby boy. A new sloth? Yeah, like it's like a little baby got... How'd you know? Like they like put out... They like post it. It's like everyone needs to go see this new sloth. Oh, you follow your local zoo? I don't follow it, but it's a well-known thing. It's like a... It's a big time... You got an email? It was an aquarium. I think... I think Becca and I saw like an alert...

An alert. Like people were sharing like, oh, did you know like the fucking Point Pleasant Aquarium has a new sloth? And people were just like, we got to go check this shit out. Wow. Checked it out. Pretty cute sloth. Is it cool? It's cute. Does it have a mama and papa there? I didn't see one. It does have stuffed animals though.

Which means that they ripped it from its habitat. First of all, that's very weird. Imagine like the reverse. An animal put you in like a tank and then it just like filled up stuffed dolls. You'd be like, the fuck? Yeah, I mean, but also we're way smarter than sloths. So what do they know? To be fair. The food chain has established dominance in the human fucking. How has there not been any sort of like evolution with them? Like be quicker.

I mean, you're so slow. Be quick. I think the evolution has probably made them slower. For why? Because they get away. Apparently, they're also pretty vicious. They've got some fucking talons on them. They do, but like, they can't move. They move very slow. That's what they do. And if they have to move faster, I'm sure they could, but they just don't. I saw one thing. No, I saw one on the road. It was like trying to get out of the way of a car, and it was like, shit. Shit.

And then the guy like pulled over and like picked it up and it was just like, Oh, that's so sweet. It was like, thank you. If I was on the road and it was a fucking sloth in the middle of the road and I got out and picked it up and it just went like this.

I don't know if I'm putting it down. Oh, you're bringing it in my trunk. I was just saying you bring it at home. Classic sloth napping. I'm probably just hanging it over my back like a backpack. Like, hold on. Oh, that would be really cute to have a pet. But apparently they can be pretty vicious. And I think they could also carry disease. And they shit like once a week. And it's like it takes them like minutes to poop. That sounds like women, though.

Ladies and gentlemen, this might be our quickest, most rapid fire on fucking point episode that we've ever had. So sit down, buckle up, strap in the boys. Think about it though. Women can be vicious sometimes. Also, Hey dude, I am not comparing women to a, uh, an

an animal I just basically referred to as an idiot. I'm not saying that they're like sloths. You're saying that sloths can be like women. I said, no, with things you just described can sound like women. That they're vicious, that they only shit like once a week or whatever. I don't know what that's about, but women aren't shitting and there's an epidemic of that. That's society, babe. I don't get that. That's big society telling women not to. That's what it is. So women have been trapped in the fucking prison of bowel movements and

big society, big business, big toilet is just like, these toilets are made for men asses, not fucking female butts. Well, no, they're allowed to shit, but they don't for some reason. Because society. Frankie, you don't have to do this. I'm doing it. It's so hard not to be canceled.

I'm not trying not to be canceled. I'm obviously joking. Don't. I just, yeah. Don't. That's what you sound like. I'm just letting you know, do not. Okay. But yeah, they're a victim of big fucking poop. Big poop is telling women not for you, bitch. No, they're pooping. But speaking of, so I was at the rest stop. We're back here. Oh, we're back to the rest stop. Human shit everywhere. I walk in and there are people. What's everywhere though?

Also with the stall or the bathroom? The bathroom. The whole room? Out of the bathroom to the parking lot. Okay, time out. You followed a trail of shit into a door. Well, let's hold on. I didn't see the trail of shit until I already got in the door. So then I got in the door and I look on the floor. I'm like, whoa. And someone says like, look out.

When you have to, when you have to warn someone, like when you have to fucking like, like it's a, like there's a stampeding animal, like get out of the way of the fucking fecal matter all over the floor. That's a problem. So there was a trail. And then, and it was like, it was like foot, not footprints, but like shoe prints. Right. So then I followed it and it went into the bathroom and then it was everywhere, brother. Walls?

Like the base of walls like in the middle of the floor and up the base I wouldn't say all of them but like up the base of like one of the walls So there was a leaky, but going on but here's the thing. It wasn't a leaky, but it was like well-formed dump That's it wasn't like squirty McGee. It was fucking like it was like like dump shit You know what I'm talking about. It was like it was dump. Okay, so

Now I'm very confused. And here's the most confusing part. It was coming from the stall. So someone started to take over. So someone, something happened. Someone was doing two. Someone was doing two. And then was like, I gotta leave. Yes. And then left while doing. And then left while doing. But here's the thing. What were they wearing that two was able to make its way onto the floor? Either nothing or assless chaps.

This is a very confusing situation that we need to get to the bottom of. I'm so confused. And so then I'm like, well, so I still pee. I fucking, you know, like fucking hopscotch my way into the bathroom because I got to go. But it was like in a stall, right? No, brother. So wait, where did this? All right. So where did the trail stop? All right. So you walk into the bathroom straight ahead of you. Sinks on both sides. Okay. Then there's, it goes further back. Left side stalls.

Right side urines. Right side. Or opposite. Left side urinals, right side stalls. Okay. Okay? It was coming from a stall in all the way out to where the sinks are, out the fucking door of the bathroom. But it wasn't wet? It wasn't like... It was fully formed dump. So it was just log after log. But it was stepped in log.

I just can't crack this case. Neither can I. I don't know what's going on. After I pee and wash my hands and everything, I obviously... What does it smell like? Give me a smell. Shit. That wasn't obvious. This wasn't clear. Just fucking classic American shit, brother. American shit. Okay. So then I'm like, all right, I got to see how far this goes. It went to the parking lot. Did you find a car? I did. It stopped like where the parking lot and like the sidewalk meet.

That's bananas. And then it was... But it was fresh. Like, it had happened maybe a minute before I got there. No way. I'm telling you. Because they were in the middle of cleaning up. And this fucking... Listen. There was someone cleaning? Multiple people cleaning, dude. So this is what you don't understand. This is what you don't understand. This is what you don't understand, okay? As someone that has worked in the retail industry, I guess technically the rest stop is like a retail spot. You can't just like...

Clorox, like, you know, fucking go and just like wipe down like an unknown substance. Of course, you knew it was shit in this point, but like bodily functions, you need to take like proper precaution. And like, sometimes the reason I called it a fucking possible crime scene is you need to like zone it off as like a possible containment center. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Someone slips and falls in your bathroom on a line of shit. It's a big sue job. I am an immediate millionaire, okay? Millionaire. I'm an immediate chameleonaire.

Don't you dare talk shit about chameleon air, okay? I love chameleon air. I do too. Let's invite him to the Houston show. You know what's funny? He looks like a comedian sometimes. When I look at him, I go, I think I see a chameleon and I see a millionaire. I see what he did. I'm picking up what you're putting down, but also I'm going to be a little careful and not touch that one. I think we should invite him. Chameleon air? To the Houston show.

Oh, he's from H-Town. He is from H-Town. I wonder if he's still riding dirty. I feel like once you start riding dirty, it's pretty hard to stop. It's like Pringles.

He's like Pringles Joey He's like a very Like successful investor I saw someone It was a picture of him Like on the floor At a Rockets game And they were just like What the fuck is this Washtub loser doing there Get him off here And people were like He's made multi-millions Of dollars Investing in like Fucking Silicon Valley And he was riding dirty bro That song was fire Not only was the song fire The fucking remix With Pat Poose

Don't get me started. Papoose, papoose, that's who piss. Oh, my God. I'll fucking... I'll do it, bitch. Don't fucking get me started. I don't want to. But, yeah, so... You hear that? Yeah, I hear that. What was that? I don't know. I have no idea. You think they're spanking Ahmed out there? No. What? Jesus. No. But that is...

That's crazy. Yeah. So, I mean, but eventually you were like, all right, I'm leaving the scene. Yeah. I'm fleeing the scene. I stopped caring. I will say this though. How are they cleaning it? Mops? Thank you so much for leading me into my next point. This is real synergy here, baby. Okay. That's the first time you use that correctly. Goodbye. Goodbye. Good boy. No, I said goodbye. It was done. First time you use it correctly. Goodbye. And the last. Goodbye. Bye. Bye.

I saw one of the people going to clean it up and put a mop over like one of the larger pieces of shit I swear to God Throw the mop And mopped and then picked it up and went "What are you-" And then I saw another one picking up one with like, you know grandparents how they do like they crumple the piece of like tissue paper, not tissue paper like napkin or something in between their hand and then they pick stuff up with it like that He was picking up human shit with his hand? With a piece of- with a paper towel

But, like, you know when people, like, take a paper towel and they use it to, like, pick something up like that? That's how he was picking it up. Like, it was fucking normal. This is human shit here. This isn't normal fucking. You're not picking up a roach. You need to approach with caution. You don't know what the hell's in this thing. Ew. Yeah. I would never. I literally would never do that. If my boss asked me, like, yo, you got to clean it, I'd be like, good luck. Find someone else. Yeah. Because I'm quitting. Well, it was these people's jobs to clean it up. So, you know, I guess they didn't have a choice. Oh, they were janitors.

Yes. Well, you think it was just like normal good Samaritans cleaning up the human shit in a New Jersey restroom? No, I think a New Jersey rest stop, you probably wear multiple hats. So you do the cashier or whatever. Then at the end of the day, you maybe mop some shit. I don't know. If I get hired and they're like, you just need to just kind of check people out when they want to buy some fucking bags of chips, drinks, and the occasional Twix bar. And they said, oh, also, small asterisk, you might...

Need to clean up human waste. A shit surprise. I would be like, honestly, thank you for your time. I am leaving here quicker than I got here. That's wild, dude. Yeah. I mean, speaking of like that, I mean, I had a dream last night that I actually slept really well last night. Oh, good for you. But I had a dream that felt so real that I threw up in my bed.

But I throw up under my blanket. There's a good question. What? If you throw up on your bed, over blankets, under blankies? What am I going to fucking... No, I'm going to fucking just throw up. I'll probably throw up on the side of the bed. Okay, all right. I would throw up on the bed. By the way, if you have a king, do you sleep on a side or do you sleep in the middle? I sleep... We have a king. But you're with a person. I'm saying by yourself. I had a king by myself when I was in college.

I shouldn't say college grad school. I literally I'm asking you what side you sleep. I don't give a fuck where you went the middle. I slept in the middle. Did you really slept in the middle? Yeah, that's weird to me. Why? I don't know. I feel like I need to be close to like a nightstand. I mean, don't get me wrong. Yes, that is a great point is that my phone would be charging and it would be on the bed with me. So there were times I'd roll over and like it would unplug the phone. That's dangerous.

Is it? Yeah, because if it like heats up or it gets too hot or something, you can start a fire and then you're dead in your bed. I wouldn't be able to tell if my hot phone was sandwiched between my fucking gut. Sometimes they explode. And my fucking jersey sheets that I had at the time. You had New Jersey bed sheets. Joey, let's be very clear about something. Do you think I had New Jersey bed sheets? You just said that. Jersey. Not New Jersey. Oh. Like my bed sheets were baseball jerseys. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I just almost had a heart attack, dude. You would, though. Ew, look at your tongue, dude. You would be the one who'd be like, oh, I'm going to Frankie's apartment for the first time. You're 25 years old and you walk in, Batman pillow. Exactly. That I will say yes. However. And your bed sheets and you take the blanket off and it looks like your bed's wearing a bat belt. Like the Batman belt.

No, no, no. It was a type of fabric. It was known as jersey. They were big like in college towns because they'd sell them in that bundle that came in a bag and then you just open it and it's like, oh, you got a finny sheet, loose sheet, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, they were called jersey. They were very soft. I thought you had new jersey. Bro, could you imagine? That's horrible. I will say this though. While living in Connecticut. I will say this. I still have sheets from when I was a kid.

I don't use them except for one pillow that's in the house. You have your bedsheets as a child? Not my bedsheets, the pillowcase, I should say. You have pillowcases from when you were a child? A pillowcase from when I was a child, yeah. Oh, but you said you have like a bunch? No, just one. Oh, just one. Just one. Do you know which one it was? It was sick, and I know you love this because I think you had them too. What? It was the Space Jam ones that one side were the Monstars, and then you flip over to the other side of the pillow, and it was the, you know— Toon Squad. The Toon Squad. That's so sick. And it's the original. I like that.

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like clockwork, baby. Okay. Unless something happens where one of us are sick or whatever, but you can go check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. Thank you so much. We broke 30,000, which is legitimately astronomically insane. We cannot even begin to express how grateful and appreciative we are. So thank you guys from the bottom of our cold black hearts. All right. So thank you. And also go check out the basement yard.com folks. We announced we

We did it! The Basement Yard Experience shows. We announced them the next day. The tickets went on sale. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, we sold out some of them in literally mere minutes. But guess what? Because of some of those sellouts, we added two more shows. By the time you see this, maybe those shows are no longer available. I'm sorry. But Toronto and L.A.?

And people are like, oh, dude. There's a lot of moving pieces that we don't necessarily have control over. So go check it out. Thank you so much. Keep your eyes peeled. Go to TheBasementYard.com. Check out the Patreon link. Check out the merch link. Check out the show links. We still have tickets available, possibly in the Texas shows. So if you're looking to make a weekend, go get some barbecues. Go check it out, all right? Thank you, guys. Love you, guys. Over to you, Joff. Did you tell me Joff? See, I was literally batting 1,000 until that last sentence. And then you said Joff. Joff is okay.

It's not my name. It's okay. It's not. You call me things that are not my name all the time. Like? Do you really want to do this? Yes. Piece of shit brown man. Piece of shit brown man. Fat loser. Go ahead. Keep projecting. What else you got? Don't. Yeah, exactly. Please don't. Joey, I don't know if you saw this. Back on the market. Our girl, JPC Rose.

She's not back on the market. Well, that's right. She was for a fucking, she was almost as available as the fucking BaseBuddyArtToronto shows. She was like, I am, oh no. Yeah. But the story coming out, obviously we don't want to delve too much into personal people's lives, but guess what? We're gonna. Going to. Not to, I mean. You know what? That's a good point. Should we not? Well. All right. Let's just pivot then. Hot dog water.

No, no, no. I'm down. All right. Let's do it. Okay. With respect. With respect. With respect. We're on Team Gypsy, I think. Listen, I am all about Gypsy Rose. You have been a huge fan of hers since 2012, around that time. I don't even know what that means. What does that mean? We obviously don't want to be disrespectful because this is a private matter for them. Things happen to people. But we are going to say that, I mean, they posted about it.

They posted about it. I feel like we can talk about if they're posting about it. That's correct. Although the D was fire, they are no longer together. The D, the fire has burnt out. The fire is no more. She was with a guy, Gypsy Rose, she was with a guy, I think they were engaged, or she's married to him or something. I think she was married. And she said the D was fire, but it sounds, but it looks like the D has burnt out because now she's fully reconnected with her ex. The but, be very specific, the one that's not in prison for life for murder.

A different ex. There's a big distinction between some of her exes. One of them has killed a person. And the other one, as far as we know, hasn't. No murder. But looks like he would do it. That was probably a mean thing to say. That was not nice. And they did get matching tattoos on their arms. Very sweet. Of a bird. Unicorns? Oh. Oh, I don't know. I saw a unicorn. Technically, a unicorn is just a bird with a horn.

It's a horse. No, well, don't they have wings? That's a Pegasus. I'm all over, baby. I'm fucked up. No, yeah. But she, you know, she said the D was fire, and I'm sure it was.

Now she's got a new flyer, D. You know, and we wish her obviously well. You know, I mean, she didn't leave herself on the market because that dating show would have been immediately picked up by fucking Discovery or someone out there, whatever they're called now, Max. They would have picked up what was the name of, you know, what was the name of the reality dating show for her? Because we had Flavor of Love with Flavor Flav. We had Rock of Love. Well, who's dying to be with Gypsy Rose? Jesus Christ.

Every rose has her thorns Locking down gypsy locking down the gypsies Locking down

I mean, yeah, no, I mean, it would have been a great dating show. I would have tuned in. That's for sure, yeah. I 100%. We're just happy that someone found love because at the end of the day, no matter what goes on, we don't know if the D was actually fire or maybe it wasn't a fire. Maybe it was a little complicated D. Yeah, maybe at the time the D, you know, like when something is hot, you only know it in context of what it is. But then when you feel other hot, you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's way hotter than that. That was way hotter than that. Than the thing that I thought was hot originally. Exactly. And like...

Things happen behind the scenes. We're not judging. We have no idea. We're just happy to see that people are seemingly happy. We want to put out there into the world for anyone that may or may not listen to this. Right. All we want is for happiness and love to prevail. Right. And if that is happening to Gypsy Rose. Who am I to say that she shouldn't be with her ex again? I am no one to say that. Matching bird to unicorn or bird? Did we land on that?

I'll do you one better. I don't care. Matching tatties. If you're getting matching tatties with a person you're in love right now, support her. We want her to be happy. She has a second lease on life after being released from prison. And she's trying to just be happy and live it up. And we support that. We're happy for you, Gypsy Rose. All the people that are going to start talking shit, she's living it up.

That's it. You know, for all the people that be living it up, I say, what? I don't know any lyrics to that song, to be honest with you.

*Jawel singing* Chill out. I love how we just were we were like convinced Jawroll was good at being a musician when he would just scream at us for fucking a minute and a half on every song he would- *Jawel screaming* Yeah, and then the real Jawroll came out when Fire Festival- bro, embarrassing for him. Fire Festival? The Fire Festival documentaries that came out neither painted him in any good- It was a good idea for a- for a- a show.

Honestly, that dude, I saw an interview with him recently. He has to like pay back like all this money. I think it was, was it Theo Vaughn or somebody else? They were like, what would happen if I gave you $30 million right now and I told you to double it? And he goes, honestly, probably blow it in a week.

That's what I'm talking about. Self-awareness. Good on him. She's like, I would try to figure it out, but I most likely blow it. Well, speaking of investors and great, incredible opportunities, Joey, I have an opportunity for you. For me? I know how into self-care and bettering yourself you are. And there is a bootcamp.

Oh my God. I was like, where is he going with this? I think you really should start looking into. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, if you haven't seen, there is an alpha male boot camp that is... And it's cheap, right? Only $18,000. For how long? I believe it's a couple days. Cheap. And it's out there if you guys want to be involved in it. If you want to be more alpha and like a fully grown...

Male yeah, you know if you really want to just like kind of get in touch with your primal apex pet predator right who is in there for you and You need to bring them out and you need to pay to have that brought out and you need to be an apex Predator because this is a dog eat dog world and you need to make 400k a month and yeah And quite frankly you need to just really hate women Yeah, if they hit you

Don't, Joey. I'm not going to say that. Don't, don't, don't. I'm trying to play the part. I know. Do you do it or do I do it? Do I do what? Do we talk about, like... What are you talking about? This alpha male boot camp. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's kind of wild. The videos that I've seen, it's just like these dudes who desperately... I feel bad for them because it feels like this... I feel no fucking remorse for these fucking ingsbreads. I do feel... I'm so mean. I'm sorry. I don't. If you're willingly signing up

I agree. Like I agree. You deserve every piece of ridicule that's coming your way. I agree. Unless you're doing it as like, I'm going to fucking expose this for the possible fucking fraud scam that it is. I, yeah, I don't know that it's like, you know, $18,000 for like four days. Is it kind of insane? Did you have a question? I do have a question.

What qualifications make someone a good teacher of alpha male-ism? If they're just cool. How many? All right, I'm gonna ask you serious questions here. I'm just gonna... Do you want me to be serious? I'm gonna breeze through some possible qualifications and you let me know if these would get me hired or not. Where? As an alpha male trainer. Oh, okay. I own three tap-out t-shirts.

Do you want me to answer honestly? Yeah. No. Oh. How many do you need in order to be a quality alpha male? Hopefully none, dude. That's a rough one. Okay. All right. I have a truck that has a bumper sticker that says, don't tread on me. Yeah. I mean, yeah. There's probably a high percentage of those. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Or that just says alpha male on the thing. But here's the thing. The reason why I'm like...

Like, I get what you're saying that, like, these dudes who are in this program are like, all right, you guys are clowns. Like, you know, you're clowns for this, blah, blah, blah. But to me, the way that I look at it is that these dudes are so... They're being manipulated. They're a victim of the system too. They're just so desperate at a certain point that they're saving all this money to do this thing. And it's like...

Like, I can't help but feel like you're just taking advantage of someone who's in a very vulnerable position. Charging them $18,000. Like, if you want to do that, and, like, even if that helps some people, like, great. But, like, yo, $18,000 for that is kind of insane. That's all I'm gonna say. It's an absolute... It's insane. And now they're... By the way, they're popping up more frequently now. One of them here on the website says... They line them up and just spray them with a hose and shit. It's like... Yeah, and it's just like, yeah! I saw one where it's, like, the guy with the teacher, the fucking...

I don't know what, what would you call the fucking instructor was just like get in pushup position. And they're like, you know how like the services, like the fucking, they'll like shout something back is like a positive affirmation. Like, yes. Like, sir. Yes, sir. Or, you know, theirs was kill, kill, kill. So it was like pushup position. They're like, kill. And they got into fucking pushups.

It's, listen, free market, capitalism, we could say whatever we want about it. If you feel so inclined to make this stuff and you're making money for it, I guess good on you. But if you sign up for this, what has happened to you? Like what is going on that you've, and also not even just that, seriously, serious question. I'm going to stop trying to be funny here for a single second. Okay. Okay. I know it just oozes funny out of my bones here. Yeah. What are you hoping for to get out of this?

That's my serious question because a lot of these alpha male isms are rooted classically in fucking like American misogyny. I will, I will say this. So like, what are you literally, what are you trying to get? I think that you like, I think what they're paying for is to be broken down, which I do think is helpful.

I do think it's helpful to like get your ass whooped like every day. Heard it here first, folks. Joey, about... Are you one of the fucking investors here? Here we go. This guy. No, but I do think it is... I think that that is like something that's really hard to do. Like...

You I don't know you it changes some some things like these dudes. Maybe they feel like I've never done anything in my life I've never completed anything blah blah blah so I'm gonna pay all this money to get my ass whooped and screamed at and like Psychologically broken and then I'll find myself after that. Maybe you will I

But I don't know that you will. And it's just sad that it's come to that. And I can't help but be upset about that because I think that the dudes who are running the organization, it's like you're just capitalizing on people who are in vulnerable positions when you shouldn't do that, I think. So, like, I think that's maybe what people think they're getting out of it. It's some form of, like, therapy in a way. Listen, I am not going to sit here and talk shit about, like, the self-help fucking...

Line of work because like people have made money off it and it does work for some people. But what I'm saying here is that when you look at like a lot of the websites, they use jargon like shatter your fucking insecurities and shit like that. And it's like they're not trying to fix the problem. They're trying to just fucking throw in other shit on top of it to minimize any problems.

Touch with reality people will have and like I said this whole like alpha male fucking wave if we look at it I know we've joked with like Frankie skins and shit like that but like it's fucking rooted in like Like fucking no women will tell you what to do. You are a man. You are an alpha and it's just like Exactly like you're you're what are you trying to say? You want to do here? You want to get better at just being a fucking? Misogynist piece of shit to a degree. I mean it depends. I mean, I don't know like I

Why are you defending the alpha males here, Joey? No one's defending anyone. I have a different opinion than you. Fuck off, bitch. I'm not saying that that's the way to go. What I'm saying is like the alpha male thing, I think that it's just... Of course, it's like...

These people now they all look the same like these aren't like quote-unquote alpha males like what you should be as a man or whatever the fuck like all of them think that if you Talk in a certain way and say the f word a lot and then wear a suit on instagram Like now you're an alpha male like you're all peacocking and you all look the same So that to me is like you're not even being authentic You're just like trying to be like the dude who you saw that you're like got horny for just like oh That's what a real man looks like so i'm gonna dress like him and i'm gonna talk like him

But it doesn't change who you are as a person. And neither will getting sprayed with a hose. That won't change it either. I saw one where it was like guys were laying on their back crawling across a railroad track. And it's like, this is the peak. Like, this is why the earth is going to implode in 50 years. And we're all going to die. My biggest thing is like, I don't understand why dudes like who...

are because i like not that i consider my i'm such an alpha male but like i i don't think that i'm not like i don't think that anyone's like yo but like i'm also well you are you are a bit boy a boy a beta boy soy boy beta cock well like a lot of people i mean i don't think that like no one's i haven't heard anyone say that to be honest but like i like i feel like those type of people like i'm not like that but like i also just don't get why people feel like

should be like this or like they're like the guys need to be like this or like you know men are like soft now it's like but what does that do to you you know what I mean like if it was just all the way that you wanted it like what would that even look like I'll tell you exactly what it is it's as the world has changed and certain people

Parts of the world to become more progressive to include more people people are finding themselves more and more insecure about the fact that they are unable to be at the fucking top of the food chain because Joey let's let's be honest all these videos about these alpha boot camps Who is it? It's your fucking people. It's whites. So what happens?

I'm not making it a race thing, but I'm saying that... Justin! No, well, yeah, all right, maybe. But I'm saying a lot of it now is people are insecure because the world is evolving around them. So someone fucking says something stupid, it's like, no, reestablish your dominance in the fucking pecking order and do it by fucking rubbing your feet with a pumice stone. And it's like,

what's going on? You know? Yeah. I think that dudes are just like, there's a lot of guys that feel alienated because of social media. And it's like, I need to be like this. I need to be like that. And like, these people are like characters, like even like fucking Dan Bilzerian. Well, I've heard him say in interviews, like,

What he's doing on Instagram, I thought that's not what he does or whatever, but it's like an exaggerated version. It's clearly like a persona or whatever to sell something. He had a company that he was building the entire time. So it's like, that's not authentic, but people see that and be like, I need to be that. So I'll just like act like that, even though it's not me. And it's like,

Then I'll... I have to teach other people and like now I'm starting a business. Like it's all a fucking money thing. Like it's all a fucking scam. People just pretending to be like and using the same language and wearing the colored sunglasses so that they could sell something. Like it's all about money at the end of the day. These dudes don't care about

people need to be more alpha. This is so I could help people like as a dating coach. Yeah, I just want to get money. It's just money, bro. It's just money. It's not that deep. It's not about you trying to change the landscape of men in the modern time. Like you're just, it's just money that you're after and that's it. And it's like, as a person who I consider myself like, I think I'm like an alpha dude and like I'm in, whatever the fuck. But see, but that's the thing. But I don't care to make anyone else laugh. But not only that, but not only that, that is a fucking like,

You're trying to put a label on something when that label is just in itself fucking stupid and it's like I think I'm an alpha dude No, you're you're fucking being an adult dude just grow up. Yeah, just grow up and figure it out man. Go home play with some toys You know what you want to do? I don't know I mean well I'm a Megazord be an adult Classic stuff that real alpha males do Joey. Be a man be a cute eat a cucumber in two bites relax

Can I ask you a serious question? Yeah. If we were to open up a basement yard school for alpha male-ism, what would be like one of your like classes? Frankie, how am I supposed to even answer a question like that? One, no. Also, alpha male-ism. Joey would be like, you know what? Honestly, it would be like crying 101 and like how good it feels to cry. It does, but also that's you, bitch. That's how you become an alpha male.

That is you have to be broken down. You gotta be. Yeah, you need to be. You need to be in like a fucking weeping state. If at the end of the first Joe Santagato class for alpha males, you need to be crying in the corner in the fetal position. Yes. And then yes, the rest of your life is in front of you. I honestly believe that actually. What I was saying with the with the breaking down thing is like, but that's the thing, like like men are so like they're afraid to be vulnerable because they think like it's like feminine or some shit.

but that's like, that's why it's like no to therapy. It's because I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want to, you know, do this or whatever the fuck. And like crying is gay and like all this stuff. But then like at the same time, they're like, Oh, we'll be vulnerable in this way. And like, like these dudes showing up to this thing. And like, you're getting sprayed with a hose. You're getting like emasculated by another dude. And it's like, Oh, so you'll come here pig. You'll be, you can like, so you do not understand like being vulnerable to

And doing something very hard is rewarding. Yeah, exactly. Listen, if I was making fun of the people that do this and I will continue to do that because I think there's something insanely funny about it. But also like you're basically doing what it is, what it takes to be a better person, but you just don't need to go and do it in such a stupid hyper-masculine way. Like, yeah, you want to get, you want to be more in touch and broken down and fucking feel vulnerable. Do it.

with talking to someone that maybe has been a licensed therapist. Do it, you know, with expressing yourselves. Do it with something that you maybe didn't know that you like, like fucking painting or, or, you know, like, yeah, you can hang with Megazords or something like that along those lines. Megazords, Batman, I can keep going. X-Men, I don't know.

Like, it could be... That's what I'm saying, though. It could be anything. But I feel like people are too focused on, like, I have to do the exact thing that someone else is doing. So when these dudes are, like, at the gym and, like, going crazy about that, it's like, I'm not saying you shouldn't go to the gym. I go to the gym. I love it. I think that it's very helpful for your mental health. But I also go to therapy. I've also cried in therapy. I also... You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not afraid to do those things either. I think that's when you...

Kind of like learn about yourself. That's why I was saying before like things that are hard really hard and like break you down and you're just like fought like I didn't or you didn't know you could take it this far or whatever the fuck like you find yourself in those moments. So if you can be vulnerable like if you go through a fucking like

Boot camp or something at the end of that. It's like yes, that's extremely rewarding because it's extremely difficult And now I'm this person. I was able to like lose a bunch of weight get through boot camp I'm an amazing shape and now I'm servicing my country like that's amazing you can like so just that concept of doing something really hard and then and Be make yourself vulnerable for something very rewarding. You could also do that emotionally. I

through something like therapy or just like, it doesn't have to be like therapy, but just like being open to the fact that like, it's okay to be vulnerable, bro. Because on the other end of that is something rewarding. Balance, baby. Kind of crushed that, honestly. Kind of crushed it. Just saying. Brought to you by a man in a backwards baseball cap with a fucking sweatshirt who has the sleeves rolled up. That's what I'm saying. I look like, you know what I'm saying? You do. Absolutely, you do. I look like I should have that opinion, but I got the opinion. Well, I don't know. We do also have some sponsors. Not only that, but speaking of making money...

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I'm loving the matching, by the way. You do, right? I am a very matchy boy. Are you? I am. Not all the time. What the hell does that mean? Sometimes you come in here and it's like a gray sweat pant, a red t-shirt, and then you got like a, I don't know, like a jacket. No, I always try to match my top to my hat. Your top? My top. I absolutely do. Your shirt? How about this? Maybe buy a couple more baseball hats because you've worn that hat more than I've seen you wear a Yankee hat in your entire life.

That's not true. It is. Untrue. Absolutely. What's going on with my voice right now? Uh-oh. This is what happens. The devil's coming out of me. Joey, I know we're about to wrap up here, but I don't know if you saw. We got tagged in this about 450 fucking times. 7-Eleven is releasing a new flavored seltzer, which any— Let's be very clear about something. I didn't know 7-Eleven made products. I was going to say—

Any flavored, like if I got something and it was like, this is 7-Eleven branded, chances are I'm not having it, period. I'm all set. I'm not having it no matter what. However. The taquitos though. Those things are like little fucking balls of death. I like them. I do too, but that's the problem. I also like putting on the glove.

You ever do that? No. You can't just pick them up. Oh, I use a thing. I don't think they have. Well, the one that I went to, they didn't have them, so you just get gloves. So you put on a little glove. Damn, they trust you guys over there, huh? They're like disposable. Still crazy. Trusting me. Because you're taking them off of a hot thing. What stops you from accidentally touching that? That's a good point. Maybe there was gloves and tongs. Probably. I didn't use the tongs. You just didn't use the tongs.

And now that I'm thinking about it, those are like, it's like plastic. I will say this. I would have burnt my hand. I do want one of those hot dog rollers for the house. Hot dog rollers are cool. When I have a party, I want to fucking load that hot dog roller up and just be like, oh, do you want a hot dog? Just grab one off the roller. They've been rolling all morning. That'd be so sick, dude. Can you just leave them on there? I think so. Well, they stay hot. So it's like they're just continuously cooking.

Yeah, but wouldn't that make him burn? I mean, I like a little burnt dog. I like a little char. No, you're like a big dog burnt. What? Take it easy. You're like a big burnt dog. I do. I like a little char in my fucking boy. And you like burnt popcorn. I do like a little burnt popcorn. What else do you like? Just burnt? Kale. Burnt kale? Like not burnt, but like charred. You know? Don't do that with your tongue.

I don't like that. Burnt popcorn. I don't understand. It's good. But as I was referencing, so they're releasing a new flavored seltzer. Didn't know they had any to begin with. Yeah. But this one is hot dog flavored. Hot dog flavored water seltzer. Wait, are you sure? It's possible it was an April Fool's joke. I was just going to say April Fool's just fucking passed. It's possible it was an April Fool's joke, but we're going to do what every classic American does and not look into it and just talk about it as if it is fact. Should I look it up? Might as well.

We're not going to do that. Should I do it? Do it now. No. If they actually made... Hot dog water is fucking disgusting. Gross. There was a game show back in the day.

I forgot what it was called, but it was like on MTV or one of those things. And it was like this guy on the street was like making people do stuff for money. And one of the things that I don't know why it stuck in my mind, he made this dude drink a whole thing of like hot dog water. And I remember being like, bro, not for 20 bucks. That doesn't sound good. I mean, anyone that has made boil hot dogs in their house, they understand what fucking hot dog water looks like. And it's just, it's not appealing. Yeah.

I will say this, though. I've never tasted it, so I can't confirm that it is gross. You can smell it, though. But just the thought of it is actually making me a little nauseous right now, so I should probably stop. What, the hot dog seltzer? Is it real? My computer is just shitting its pants right now. I don't know what's going on. You've had that one for quite a number of years. I feel like this is not that old. Hot dog seltzy pelts. What's it saying? Oh, yeah, no. It's fake. Oh, well. All right, folks.

Good to see ya. We're fucking out. Dumbass. Alright, whatever. Wait, what is this? 7-Eleven announces that no word on Limp Bizkit. Did you just fart? My elbow. I thought you farted. That was gonna be a monumental moment. I've never heard Frankie fart. Isn't that crazy? That is crazy, yeah. I've never heard you fart. I'm not a fucking, a farter. I'm not like an audible farter. You're a human. You're a human. I know, I'm human. I'm saying like I'm not an audible farter. Well, I'll just be like, yo, bitch, fart. I don't think that's funny. It's not. So all your farts are like... They're...

All of them? Yeah. You never get like a bubble in your stomach and you're like, I need to just blast this. No, they're pretty... Even when you're alone? Yeah. You accidentally fart when you poop sometimes though. Yeah, but not like... Yeah, it's like... Champ! No. Yeah, it's not like... Champ? Champ? Are you kidding me? I said champ. You never... But you never? I'm sure I have, but not like... It doesn't happen to the point where I can say like, oh yeah. You've never forced a fart out in order to get air out of your butthole? I don't think so, no.

You never have your butt filled with air. Quite the opposite. I've held them in. Oh, you can't. Oh, I've held them in. Like I've held them in and in places that you just can't fart. Yeah. And then like, it feels like you have it all right here.

But then it gets sucked all the way back in and then I get a little nervous like where did it go? Because then I know it's coming back. It's coming back. It stays in there. You just don't know where it goes though Yeah, i'm not quite sure Yeah, I feel like it's like in like the looney tune cartoons where like someone plugs their finger into like the fucking elmer fudd's barrel The barrel of his shotgun and then it fucking blows out the like the back That's what I get worried about. There's a fart if you hold it in long enough become a burp. No, are you sure? No

I know I can't really burp. So do me a favor. For the rest of the day, don't fart and see if you burp. I'm not going to do that. Please? No. Why am I saying please? Yeah, you desperately need this? Please? Please? No, I feel like farting feels good to release. Get out of here. Yeah, I'm not on that train. You also, you're one of those kids that it's funny. Like, ha ha, burp, flurp.

I don't know. Maybe you've never heard a fart because I don't know whose farts sound like that. Blank. Bark? Blank. Blank. No? Does any woman in your life fart? Of course. They all do. No, but like, have you heard them? Of course. Of course. Of course it happens. Okay. As I'm sure, like, I've like, I'm sure farted in my sleep or something and like... That doesn't count. Oh. I'm talking about like the fart... Becca's not a farter either, dude. We're not like at home. I know. You're married, so...

We're not like at home. Ruby thinks it's funny. Ruby will fart and she cracks up laughing. Do you hate it? No, I think it's cute because it's her. It's funny. What age until you're like, Ruby, I'm going to throw up. Six. Honestly, she gets till six. She has a couple more years in her.

But like, she also thinks it's funny. Like, she'll be like, Hey daddy, what do you want for dinner? And I'm like, uh, and she goes, I made fart. And she'll like, and that like fart on command. And then she'll like say like she made like fart. It's like, she thinks the word is funny too. Oh, I thought she's like farted in her hand. It was like, here, take some fart.

I was going to say, that is next level stuff. Yeah, I mean, she would have to get spoken to if she did that. Ruby, we don't do that. Ruby, why don't we sit down? Maybe that works for Black Daddy with the special tongue, but not me. But not this daddy. Not this daddy. Okay, I am now Mad Daddy once again. Mad Daddy is back. Yeah. But like other women in your life have farted. I've heard, yeah, I've heard.

I think I told this story, I think it was in college. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was in college. I was kind of like on and off again dating someone and I met their parents and we were at their house and their mom accidentally farted in my face. Oh yeah!

And I was farting in her face. Like, here's the thing. I could be a good sport. I would have lost it. I could be a good sport. I was a bad sport. I was visibly not the best sport when that happened. I was just like, okay. I would have been on the ground. Because I am the subject of ridicule at that point in time. Like, everyone's just like, yo. Did she know? Yeah. She was like, I'm so sorry. That would have made it worse. I would have been dying laughing. I'm so sorry. Farted in your face. Yeah. I was, it wasn't like, I wasn't very pumped.

What did the girl say? She just laughed and was embarrassed. She was like, oh my God. No one laughed their ass off? I think people laughed. Because there were also several people there. It wasn't like it was just like... Recreate it. I want length and actual volume. Don't fucking exaggerate here. Was it a quick one? Oh my God, you're loading up your cheeks with air. It was like a flapper? It was a...

That's what I thought in my head. When you told the story, that's what I was thinking. That's what it was. That's what it was. Oh, my God. Yeah, not a good day. It's awesome. Not a good day, dude. There was a bunch of people? Why was there a bunch of people? Like at dinner? Yeah, it was like hangout, like family hangout.

I was awesome. I was not pumped. I would have lost my mind. Well, someone, someone, I'm glad someone would have gotten the fucking, well, you lost your mind. You probably went home and washed your face with like aloe. Never spoke to that girl ever again. No, I'm kidding. Yeah. I always thought it's funny. I tell the story cause like I am well aware that I am the exception. Like I understand that people think that like potty humor is a lot funnier and blah, blah, blah. And they joke about it. That works for people personally. Not for me nonetheless. Yeah.

And it's not some sort of fucking double standard. It's not like I'm like talking about fat dumps and farts and burps and shit. And then I expect someone else doesn't do it. I don't do that shit either. I was in high school. There was a girl who was like, her and I were like talking, you know, remember this before high school. It was like, you're talking, then you're dating. Yeah. And we were talking and she was like, you know,

People were like blown away. They were like, yo, Frankie, how is this girl interested in you? Which hindsight disrespectful, but it's all right. And she came to me and she was like, I have to tell you something. And I was like, oh, and she was like, also like on the outs with like a fucking like soon to be ex-boyfriend. So I'm wondering how this connects to farts. She goes, I have to tell you something. I just don't know how to talk to you. I'm like, you could talk to me. Like, what's up? She's like, I can't shit.

I swear to God, I said, I got to go. I turned around and I didn't speak to her again after that.

Because she said she was constipated? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she said, I can't shit. She divulged some pretty personal medical information. I don't know, dude. I also don't know. Like, it wasn't... I remember... Literally, I remember we were walking to Memorial Field. And she said, I can't shit. And she was just divulging personal medical information to me. And you used it against her. 100%. Oh, God. She was... She didn't get... She didn't even get, like, a goodbye. What was your reaction when she said, I can't shit? I said... I was like...

I gotta go. And I just left. Why? I'm not saying it was right. It was probably very immature and stupid of me. It was wrong. Let's go with incorrect response. I just, you know, I was done. I was, it was over. I can't shit. It was over. I can't. It was done. Wow. Do I know this person?

I mean, they were definitely around, so you've definitely met them. I wouldn't say you know them. I know this person backed up with poop. I don't know if they're currently backed up. I have no idea where they are in the world right now. I hope they're doing well and their bowels are working as they should. Right. But at that moment, I'll tell you after the show. Got it. And you'll be like, what?

That's good. I like that. Yeah, it was something else. Well, I think we can end there, Frank. Can we? Yeah. Where can they find you, bud? At Alvarez885 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez, and all other forms of social media. And then go check out Patreon. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. If you don't want to go to that link, go to TheBasementYard.com. Find the links. We still maybe possibly have tickets available. We added a show in Toronto. We added a show in LA. There's maybe tickets available in some cities or the Texas's. I don't know. Go check it out.

That was a lot. Go follow the show at TheBasementMirror on TikTok and Instagram and go to TheBasementMirror.com for all tour tickets. There may be some that just pop up randomly, so check it out all the time. If you haven't gotten a ticket and you want one, just keep looking. Maybe someone is trying to get rid of it or whatever. Thank you guys so much, and we'll see you next time.