#434 - Partying With The Miami Aliens
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Welcome back to the base Welcome back to the basement yard frank. How's it going? I'm a chief today. No, no, come on You can't you can't you can't culturally appropriate at the start of the episode. I know this is when people are actually watching Stop stop stop. I gotta burp not burp. I gotta what's it called? I hope not die. No, no Gas what the hell hiccup hiccup

Oh, I thought I was a little worried there for a second. We're both black right now. Well, we are wearing black. We're not black. I'm not black. I'm actually white. Well, that's not what you told me. You said, like... What did I say? What is color and stuff like that. Those are words that came out of your mouth at one point. What is color? Yeah, you said you don't see color. Let me ask you a question. If I asked you to...

I asked you that question. What would you say? I say, what is color? What do you say? Like in what sense though? Like in a skin tone sense? No, just color. What is color? Yeah. What is it? It is, it is shades of different pigmentations. I don't know. Pigmentation. Yeah. Cause that's what colors are. They're just a collection of pigments. Pigs, pigs, little pig, big old, big fat pigs. Just a fat pig. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if we could say that after you just refer to us as black boys.

No, I didn't say that. Didn't you? I said we're both black. Oh, yeah. Definitely not okay. We're wearing black is what I meant. That is correct. Yes. I told you to take that off too. When you walked in, I was wearing this first. And I said, I was like, take that off. And you just refused. I didn't refuse. I forgot is what happened. Yeah. Classic. A lot of people don't realize, Joey, very forgetful. Oh, very forgetful. Very forgetful. Yeah, not good. But in the same breadth of...

Bread? Breadth? Breadth? Breadth. Breadth. Why'd you say breadth? Isn't that a thing? Bread? One last breadth? One last breadth. Spell breadth. B-R-E-A-T-H. Spell breathe with an E at the end. Okay, all right. I was gonna try to catch you there. And what with... How would I... In the same breath. Yeah. Very organized. Am I? To a degree. But like, you're also clean and like, you're like, not clean. You're kind of a dirty bitch.

No, no, no. I'm a dirty bitch. Yeah, like you've gotten more organized in terms of like your like living quarters. Like you used to be a dirty little bitch. When? Bro, I always use this example. When you lived in Long Island City, you had like a knee-high. Knee-high? Can you let me think? Your bedroom had like low ceilings and there was like a knee-high like storage closet that you could crawl in that was filled with clothes. But not for...

Yeah, no. You were just in there. And nice stuff, too. Yeah. I remember being like, I remember I was like hiding in there for some reason. And I remember. What? You were hiding in my closet? Yeah. When? Um. I had. Why? Better question. Forget about when. Why? You knew I was there. Let's be very clear. So that's not hiding. You wanted me to record you. What?

Why are you hiding in my closet? No, so there was a... Remember the wrestling podcast that I used to do? Yeah. We recorded downstairs. Yeah. And there was an episode where like I was... It was after I got let go at Target and I was trying to make fun of the fact. So I was like saying like, oh, I was coming back and it was full time coming back. Oh. Yeah. Got it. And I surprised them like as we were recording. I was recording on the phone and I went downstairs and I was like surprised I'm back. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

That's why you were hiding in my closet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there was a lot of stuff in there. There was. A lot of weird stuff, too. I donated so many clothes when I moved out of that apartment. I basically restarted my wardrobe. I, like, threw everything out. Are you like... Because I am not like that. I throw everything out. I will hold on to a... I have zero jokes here. I have shirts from high school.

Why? Because they mean something to me. What do they mean? What do the shirts mean? I want to hold on to certain shirts so I can give them to my children when they become of age. They're not going to wear them? What? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Think about if your Colombian dad tried to hand you down some fucking multicolored polo. Are you going to wear that?

I might, honestly. I might have at a certain point in time. You think my dad was handing that down to me? No, he was handing down stubbornness and being a fucking smelly bastard. Oh yeah, he handed those down to you, that's for sure. Come on, take it easy. Because you're stubborn and you smell like a piece of shit. Jesus Christ! How's everyone doing today? No, you can't do that. What did you get, you bastard? Do you think you're more like your mom, more like your dad, or more like a fusion of both?

From what I'll start first, from what I know of your parents, I think you're more like your mom. You definitely have some things of your dad. I think like music tastes like your dad was pretty eclectic musically. No, he wasn't. He liked, but he liked like a lot of different types of music. He liked classic rock and that's it. Really? Yes. You sure about that? I don't think he's ever listened to another genre ever. You sure? Yeah. I don't know.

I vaguely remember him liking other stuff. Like classical, like I remember him liking piano stuff. Yeah.

What do you think? I'm coming home and he's got the radio on listening to Bach? I don't know. No, it's not happening. He's like, oh, Beethoven's Fifth. Speaking of my dad. Oh, Jesus. He texted me the other day. Good old text from Joe. Dude, I love when my dad texts me because he has a flip phone. So he's texting me like a... Still texting like the one, two, three, one, two, three. Yeah, exactly. So it probably took him a half an hour to conjure this up. But he said, hey, what do you know about Mr. Beast? And I was like, oh, God. And I said, he's the biggest YouTuber in the world.

Then he says, not for long. Keep it up, dude. With your face and my sense of humor and guidance, it's only a matter of time before Mr. Beast becomes Miss Pussycat and we will be the Lion Kings. My test! Hold on, hold on, hold on. What?

First of all, how do you just randomly discover Mr. Beast at the age of 60? Up. Up 60-something. He's 60-something. I don't know. 60-something. I could only imagine your dad's face watching Mr. Beast just stoic. Like, we're putting a thousand Orbeez in my ass. Yeah, yeah. And then he not only referred to Mr. Beast. We're...

He called him Miss Pussycat. Miss Pussycat. He's getting not only a transgender surgery of some form. Right. Also then becoming a cat. Not only that, but he also said, keep it up with your face.

And my sense of humor, so him, and his guidance. He's doing this. Who's got your dad's guidance? He's pulling the strings now. Now he's the CEO of the company. So now your face, all we need is your dad's sense of humor. And his guidance. Which is what? I don't know. I remember your dad telling- Inappropriate racist jokes. Yeah, I remember your dad telling jokes years ago that I can't repeat on here. But, you know, I don't think those are going to get us very far.

And then your dad's like business acumen? I guess. I don't know. But I love that it's only a matter of time before Mr. Beast becomes Miss Pussycat and we will be the Lion Kings. Who named him the Lion King? Who's the Lion King now? Why is, first of all, if.

We're gonna be Lion King characters? I am Scar. A thousand percent. Yeah, right. What do you mean? You're not Scar. Who are you? I'm- I'm fucking Simba. You're more like fucking Timon. You're Zazu, dude. You're a little twink. No, you're Zazu. Zazu! You're a stupid bird. A British bird? I'm not a British bird. I'm fucking- He's a toucan. He's a toucan. That's a bird, Joey. I know that that's a bird. I don't think they have toucans in, like, the African plain. I think they're in the jungle. Which, wasn't that-

That was a toucan, right? I think so. Is Froot Loops Toucan? Toucan Sam is his name. Literally in the name. Got it, got it, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, okay. You don't think I would be Scar? No way. I think realistically, you're Timon and Pumbaa. Let's be honest. Let's call it how it is. Ooh, that's actually good. I like that. I think that's a good one. I mean, hey, Athena. Shirts! Make us Timon and Pumbaa. Make us Timon and Pumbaa. You know? And then it should be like Mr. Beast is like he's the Mufasa in the sky.

What are you doing? I'm trying to think of the line. Yeah, but like, are you building a poster right now? I guess I am. A shirt maybe. Or you're casting the movie. I'm trying to, you know, me, the person who has zero fucking, zero artistic ability to my name is trying to suggest to Athena, our very talented artist, what to do. Yeah. Probably not going to go well. Yeah, don't talk to her, okay? Okay.

Just let her do her thing. It's so funny. I had an idea for a shirt and I texted Greg. He shot it down in the nicest, most Greg way possible. He was just like, hey, dude, that's pretty niche. Like, I don't think it's going to sell. Pretty niche is a good way of being like, that sucks. Yeah. He was like, I don't think it's going to sell. Also, Halloween was a couple weeks ago. I thought, I don't need cheese. I don't really do it. Mixed my tummy. Yeah, it was like a couple weeks after Halloween. I wanted you and I to do a Mortal Kombat themed shirt.

Oh. Yeah, and it was Moral Combat had just come out. Also, I don't eat cheese. Yeah, he doesn't, apparently. Do you see the picture I posted of him with his fucking legs? Dude, that is the fucking... You put this and I couldn't stop laughing. Keith texted me. He goes, he looks like Woody from Toy Story. He wrote, look how shy he is. He's like, ooh, I'm on my computer, I think, I guess. Such a goodie. Wait, I'm sorry. I just want to make sure. Yeah. Outside of Timon and Pumbaa, who am I?

Maybe Rafiki? Fuck you! Fuck. Who the fuck wants to be Rafiki? Bro, he's an intricate character. He like... Is he? I do remember that. That guy was kind of a banger. I loved when he painted on the tree. When it... He's like...

And he's like laughing and he puts the thumb over. Bro, that guy was high as fuck. Iconic thumb too, by the way. When he cracks that fruit. Oh! And then, yo, first of all. First of all, fucking chill. Yeah, yeah. Yo, there's something about, like some of the best fruits. He cracks that fruit and he's just like. Yeah. Ugh.

But he cracks it over his head like... Yeah, it looks pretty sick. And the juices get all over him. Yeah, he's a dirty little monkey. Yeah. You know? Dirty little baby boy monkey. I love that shit. Nah, dude. Dude, also in that movie, in The Lion King, when Timon and Puma are eating the bugs, those bugs look good, dude. Delicious. When they open up the fucking... Have you ever seen one of those hollowed out... And he sucks a worm? That was very... I know, I know. Very questionable. I know. But he sucks the fuck out of a worm. He fucks... And he's like... And it like...

Yeah. Oh, God. And then he eats the beetle. I don't even like beetles like that. I fucking hate beetles. But I'd eat a beetle. You'd eat a beetle if it looked like that, dude. If it looked like that. If it looked like that, 100%. And he's like, crunchy, but satisfying. Oh, yeah. Kind of sad, though, too, that they're fucking eating these animals that are dying. Insects aren't. They won't. No souls? No count. No souls? They don't count. No count? No count. I'm just a little... I would think, of all the characters, I would be...

I would be scar. He's got like a sex appeal to him. He's got the hot like shoulder thing when he's singing Be Prepared. Right. You know how bad I want to sing Be Prepared right now. I know that. And I'm trying not to. But you don't have any scars. Or your legs are mostly scars. My legs? Yeah. My legs are mostly scars. I have some scars. Do you? I got a scar on my balls now because of the vasectomy. Is it a scar? Yeah, it's really faint. Where is it?

What are you underneath them looking is it underneath it's like under no it's on the top top of your cock like no What am I talking about? Yeah, yeah balls balls balls like if you're looking at cock so like and you lift the car if you're looking at my cock And you you know no no one's using it like that dude. It's not a lever. You're literally gonna be like this, okay No, no if you're looking at my if you're like looking at my dick. Why did you look to the right? Well, I'm going just cuz you need you can't like you need to look at it like that. Oh

Oh. And then you grab one side of it. Frankie. And you pick it up. Right. And then you grab the balls. No, no, no. And then you pull it up. It's right on top. So it's in the space between your dick and bim. So look, be dim. Be dim. This is a dick. Yeah. And these are balls. Not drawn to scale, obviously. Yeah. Well, if you lift your penis, it's here? A little lower. A little lower. Where are the balls again? What are you trying to make me do with my hands? I'm not trying to make you do it. I swear to God. These are the balls.

Oh, so turn your hand that way then. This is supposed to be easier, dude. If this is dim and this is... Balls. Balls. What? Are you an idiot? Are you a fucking idiot? Have you seen dick and balls before? I've seen dick and ball. I've seen a couple. It's all right. Why'd you say ball? You've seen a one balled... Have I? I don't think so. It's like on the face of the balls.

You know what I mean? So if I'm just staring at it, you, I mean, you'd have to look pretty hard. Cause like I said, it's faded and you got hair and I, yeah, but it's, it's, it's there, you know? Okay. Forever and ever and amen. I think so. Unless I use some like vitamin E oil or something. I don't know. Does that help scarring? Cocoa butter I think also helps. Does it? I think so. You're going to butter up your balls? Probably don't want to. That probably, that sounds fantastic. No, it doesn't. I'm not a big ball guy.

No? No, they're there, but if someone were to say you can get rid of them and they would have zero effect on your life, I'd do it. What? Yeah, they're just balls, dude. They're not the coolest. They're the worst part of the dig and bimp. But you don't like a little... No. No? Definitely don't. Not like this. A batting around? Absolutely not. No, no, no. Batting around? That's what this is. I know, but I'm saying it's more like a... No, I don't...

Like someone's dancing merengue with your balls. You know what I'm saying? I don't think anyone has ever engaged in any dance with my balls. That doesn't look fun at all. Not squishing. Not squishing. You know, just kind of like... You ever hold two marbles in your hand and you kind of go like that? Yeah, I have and I like it, but it doesn't mean that I want it done to me. Why not? I like marbles. You like marbles? Yeah, marbles are cool. We're on balls, though. We're not talking about...

Who's going like this like they're fucking like an evil like fucking James Bond villain with my balls? Nobody. People have done it. No. People have done it. I'm fine with my balls just being completely neglected and cut off. So you're just penis. That's crazy. Because you're not butt. You're definitely not butt. You're not nipples. Don't leave my nipples. And you're not balls. You're just penis. I'm just penis. Penis guy. You're a penis guy. I'm a penis guy. Pee pee boy, baby. What's up? He's pee pee boy. I'm pee pee boy. You know?

I'd let someone pinch my nipples or something. Let me pinch your nipples right now. Like, sexually. Yeah, when you said... Like, you just said that, right? Yeah, yeah. But, like, what does it mean when you say that? Like, like...

Come over there. Do you think, are you worried in any capacity that if I start playing with your nipples you'll get horny? No. Okay. I mean, I'm a pretty good nipple dialer. Yeah, but you are you, though. That is correct. So I'm not. I am me. Yeah. I'm just saying. Wild. Wild during any sexual encounter that you're going to have someone play with your nipples. That's not wild.

There's wilder things. Tomorrow. Yeah. If you're in the middle of a sexual encounter. Of a song. Yeah. And she goes, or he, whatever. Let me. Or he. I don't know. You do know. I'm a straight man. I know. I do. But you never know. Tomorrow, you might. One day, nipple play. The next day, you're getting fucked in the butt. Maybe. Yeah, that's crazy. Maybe. Not maybe. Relax. I'm joking. As you drink your sparkling. No, not maybe. Relax. Yeah.

No. Oh, man. But so, Joey, I don't know if you've seen a lot has been going on in the news lately. The segue you're choosing? Yeah. Lots of it going on in the news lately. Yeah. The aliens have touched down. They are here. Yeah. They are queer. Get used to it, dogs. And honestly- They're not going anywhere. They're not going anywhere. Do you believe- So what we're referencing is, I don't know if you guys saw a couple days ago at this point-

The mall... A mall in Miami was shut down. Yeah, there was like 150 police cars. Yeah, a ton of police cars. The whole... There was like a... The whole surrounding grid was without power that day for some reason. They shut down airports and...

Wait, hold on, I didn't hear any of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they shut down airports. All right, let the record show that this may be a rumor, but go ahead. No, no, no, I'm pretty sure, there are a lot, now he's pretty sure, so he was- All right, whatever, whatever! This is how things happen. Oh, do you think people are coming here for the news? Do you think people are coming to be like, what are the- Oh, got to hear what the basement yard, what do they have to report on today? You'd probably, you'd be surprised, but-

Reportedly the airport was shut down the power grid was like without power for like most of the day and there were 15 foot gray aliens walking around What really happened was there was a bunch of kids playing with fireworks and like rioting and fighting so they like here's the thing I am right in the middle on that because I I hope it's alien. I do you I

Dude, let me explain something. Bro, 15-foot gray alien? 15 foot? I don't need fucking... I don't need gray... That's gotta hurt you. Let these aliens be my height, your height, 5'5", whatever. No one's 5'5". I'm not okay with them just being like their short ones are 15 feet tall. How do you know that's the short ones? Maybe those are the big ones. How do I know that... But that's what I'm saying. Like, what if that's the average height for them? Mm-hmm.

That's terrifying. But listen, there wasn't fucking aliens in Miami. But I will say this. If there are aliens and they touch down in the United States and the first place they went to is Miami, I'd be like, I gotta fuck with the aliens. They're not a good place to go. The aliens are like, yo, we heard this shit is jumping. They're throwing like Klingon dollars at fucking 11 and shit like that. Yeah, dude. Could be nice. They did... Give the aliens a nice table at Carbone. You know what I mean? Give them a nice table at Carbone. Let them throw some money around at 11. I just...

I will say that I'm not a big conspiracy theorist because I tend to be a little more like if it's something really scary I don't want to think about it because now I'm in a place where like I gotta think about like kids and shit like that and it freaks me out I will say a lot of cop cars for a riot of teenagers I will say that as well Bro, we've been in the middle of a teenage riot

What? You don't remember that big fight at PS2 that day? Oh, yeah. Where you kicked someone in the chest like fucking Leonidas? Whoa, no one kicked anybody. Allegedly. I never kicked a child. You were a child too. You were 17. It's all right. Was I 17? Child on child crime. No one cares about. All right, fine. I kicked someone in the chest. Caved his chest in. You didn't? No, you didn't. He's alive and I don't know if he's well, but he's definitely alive. He's alive. But...

That's a lot of fucking... That's a lot of cars for a couple teenagers. Yeah. I mean, it's a little sus. Not gonna lie. But 15-foot aliens. I mean, I think we need to relax here. And then I saw a video on TikTok where a guy was like... Or a woman or something. I don't know. But it was like...

The if you take the coordinates of that mall and you reverse them, it's antarctica It's in the middle of antarctica and that's say where we get and then someone else made a video was like, no, it's not bro It's not It was like a portal opened up. I saw people like they were like, yo, listen, we were running from stuff There were teenagers lighting stuff up, but I saw something that was not human I'm not saying it was an alien. But what I saw was not human and it's just like

Fuck, I don't need to hear this shit. It's Miami, dude. I've seen tons of things that aren't human down there. Really? Yeah. Just like shaking butts. Yeah, like fucking bouncing. Dude, do you remember, were you with us the last time? No, you weren't there. But we were on someone's bachelor party and we were there and we were walking out of a restaurant and a fucking van pulled up and the door swung open and there was a dude who was maybe 4'10 and he was rapping some song and there was two girls hanging out of the van shaking their asses.

Could be an alien. Stepped out in the street, dapped him up. I will say, you aren't wrong. If this was an alien, good place to go. Go to Miami. Get some sun. Go get some sun on the South Beach. They probably get enough sun, though. They could fly out of the sun. Well, they can't fly into it. They could fly by it. Yeah. You know, you don't want to get too close to that bastard. Yeah. You know, not the worst place to go. If you were an alien touching down, top three places in the U.S., you'd go on. In the U.S.? Yeah. Yeah.

Definitely Miami is one of them. Yeah, of course. Hawaii? Just, you're not Hawaiian, so you could just say it normally.

You are not of any Polynesian descent as far as I know or any, you know, Pacific Islander. So just Hawaii. I used to think that people, Hawaiian people were the coolest people ever. Not that I don't think that. What happened? But I'm saying like. Now they suck. No, no, no. That's not what I mean. But I just thought that first of all, I thought everyone who was Hawaiian was like a Samoan.

No, different. Because I was a children. Yeah. But you know the tattoos or the travel tattoos, like the Simone tattoos? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that was Hawaiian. I categorized that. Yeah, yeah. You thought they were all Johnny Tsunami from Disney Channel. That's what you thought. Just say it. Yeah. But I was like, these are the coolest people ever. Yeah. I've never been...

I think Davino's there right now. Yeah. He looks to be enjoying the fuck out of it. Yeah. What I hear, beautiful place, also riddled with a lot of poverty, drug abuse, gang violence, because as a result of, you know, big white going in and just being like, oh, this is ours now.

Oh, yeah, I've seen videos of Native Hawaiians being like, we don't fuck with the tourism. Yeah. I've never been, so. The land has been ravaged and like. What does that mean to ravage land? I don't really know. It's pretty, like, you're fucking. Yeah, what are you doing, though? Like, you're taking it and you're. Ravaging it? Yeah, like you're a ravager.

Which is close to ravishing, which is good. Ravishing is good. I think ravaging could be good with, like, food. Like, you do something. It's like you're taking something and you're engaging with it with a sense of, like, a little bit of, like, violence. Like greed and gluttony. I wouldn't say greed and gluttony. I would say, like, violence and passion and just, like, emphasis, you know? Oh, like...

That sounds like sex. Kinda. Like you could ravage someone. Oh, vagina. You could ravage your fucking pussy in half. Jesus Christ. Oh, I bring up nipples and now you're horny all of a sudden? I don't know. Yeah. But okay. So Hawaii, Miami, I assume is on that list. What else? Give me one more. It needs to be something like naturally beautiful outside of like, like, like, you know, Zion. I know you went there.

Mountain Zion, what's it called? I would say Colorado. Colorado? Colorado, my top three states. Okay. Well, what if an alien went there? Would you be like, don't go there, dude. That's not what we are. New Jersey. Fuck you. New Jersey's kind of crazy though, bro. I get out of the tunnel and I start driving. It's the worst place in the world. And you get, you know that, I think it's the Garden State. When you get, like,

Like there's like a... It's like a 10 fucking lane highway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you get to the top of the hill. And then you go over. And you can see all of New Jersey and it's just industrial. Well, no. So Northeast Jersey right next to the city is basically just all industrial. But the moment you go anywhere like more inland or south, it becomes like...

I mean, you've seen where I live. It's pretty nice. Yeah. There's nice stuff. I was like you, though. I hated Jersey because we were born- I hate getting to Jersey. Getting to Jersey is bad. It's horrible. The tunnels, I will say they've gotten a little bit better, but I would not- You're right. I would not want to- I thought getting to Manhattan was horrible. I would not want to show them parts of Newark, New Jersey. Correct. Yeah. I also wouldn't want to show them the fucking Staten Island either. Yeah.

You know, like an alien lands on Staten Island. They're like, this place sucks. They probably go anywhere besides the United States, honestly. It would be probably nicer. Yeah. Well, I wouldn't... Vegas. Oh, Washington. That's nice. Oh, yeah. That's right. You went out there and... Because it's basically Canada. And like Vancouver. Very nice. A lot of bears. What if they like touch down and there's a bear and they're like, these are the people of this planet. Go to war with the bears? We would lose that. Would we? No, bro.

A gun. Bang, bang, bang. Bro, go shoot a bear the size of this room with a gun. Find me a bear the size of this room, you dumbass. Joey, there are bears that are 12 feet tall when they stand on their hind legs. When do they stand on their hind legs? In a circus? When they're attacking, Joey. When they're fucking going at you. No, they're fucking galloping, you dumbass. When they're getting up and they're just like galloping. Bears don't gallop. Yes, they do. They run like dogs. They run. Not like dogs. Dogs don't gallop either. They run. Gallop is a...

It has like a style to it. Have you seen an animal? Horses gallop. Donkeys gallop. What you just said was incorrect. Not galloping like horses gallop. Yes. But how is that different than how a dog runs? I'm going to tell you right now. Oh, yeah. Go to Siri. Go to lovely Siri right now. Ask her. Gallop definition. Because you can't fucking have an educated argument without the internet, you piece of shit.

Yes, the fastest pace of a horse or other quadruped with all the feet off the ground together in each stride. Quadruped? They're words, Joey. You can figure it out. I know what it means. So like, like this is what dogs are doing. They're doing this. This is what horses are doing. That's galloping.

It's not at the same time. Boy, our visual, like, our people on YouTube watching this are getting dumber by the minute. Dude, it's not at the same time. You think that horses are right? That's what the definition just said. You're going to tell Merriam and Webster they're wrong here? Yes. Okay. Because I've seen a horse. Horses gallop when they get... Joey, a horse gallop, all four feet are off the ground at the same time. Dogs too. No. They push with their back leg, land with their front, push again with their back. I'm a running expert.

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because now there's like delivery fees, this and that, like all these things add up. Very expensive to order in, I should say. But you can go to HelloFresh.com slash basement free and use the code basement free for free breakfast for life. One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life as long as your subscription is active, okay? That is HelloFresh.com slash basement free with the code basement free. We're talking about a free meal

Come on, folks. Hellofresh.com slash basement free. Get that free breakfast item for life. All right, Frank? Yeah, it's my turn now, isn't it? Just say yes. Tee me up. Yes. Thank you. Throw me the alley-oop right behind me. Come on. Huh? Never mind.

Hey guys, it's Frank. It's Frank, your sweet little baby boy, aka Scar from The Lion King, although Joey swears that I am not. I wanted to come by and remind you guys about, um, I don't know if I brought this up before, Patreon, patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Folks, we are so appreciative, so happy, so thankful. Oh!

As of recording, we're really close to our... I think we actually have the highest amount of patrons we've ever had. We're really close, closing in on 28,000. That's because of people like you. And you, and you, and you, and you, and you. So thank you so much. You can go to patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. You sign up for that first year, you get these weekly episodes.

Seven days. Seven days before anybody else. It's like a little hangout, a little party that you've been invited to before everyone else gets to come in. It's pre-admission. That's what you would like. And then that second tier, not only do you get those episodes one week in advance, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. Friday morning, 7 a.m. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. You get those episodes delivered to you like a hot croissant.

With a nice buttery, crunchy finish to it. All right? And listen, if you're having trouble finding patreon.com slash TheBasementYard, which you shouldn't because I tell you all the time, you can go to TheBasementYard.com, which is our new revamped website. Yes, it's fresh. It's hot. It's really cute. And if you go there, you can not only get information on...

Upcoming shows you can get information or you can get links to our patreon you get links to our merch You can get all that stuff right in the comfort of your hand You see that hand of yours that little smartphone in your hand That's where you got it. And also this is for our patrons for our patrons Remember I told you one week in advance. This is the last episode going out before the very first

Well, last weekly episode going out before the very first Basement Yard Experience show in Montclair, New Jersey. And if you're going to that show or if you're going to the show the next week in New Haven or the week after that in Medford, Massachusetts, you go to thebasemanyard.com slash submit and submit...

answers to this stuff that we want to know. We want to hear from you. These shows are interactive. We want to interact with you, talk with you, laugh with you, cry with you, pee our pants with you. Joey said he'd do that last one. So go to thebasementyard.com slash submit. Submit it before the shows. And if you're coming to the shows, we'll see you there. If not, die a fiery death. And then, yeah, we'll see you maybe at the next ones. All right, Joe, back to you. Jesus Christmas. Die a fiery death. Don't die a fiery death. Die a...

Honestly, I'd rather die a fiery death than like a regular death. You're telling me you wouldn't? If you're walking down the street and you just like drop dead. Not as cool. You're walking down the street, you drop dead and burst into flames. Awesome.

I'm alone here, I guess. Frank, what the hell are you talking about? You don't want to be set on fire. I don't. Did you hear what I said? You said bursting into flames. That would be setting on fire. I said you drop dead and then burst into flames. How would that happen? I don't know. Also, a fiery death, that's not what that is. A fiery death is like dying in a fire. Yeah, that would not be cool. Thank you. But. No but. Listen to my but. Listen to my but. What's cooler, drowning or fire? Fire.

Cooler? What do you mean by cooler? Because no one's going to go, damn, that's cool. Yes, they will. Not fire and water. They hear like, yo, he died. He got headbutt by a giraffe is cool. No, that would not be a cool way to die. Die by giraffe? If he got punched in the mouth by a bear and his head popped off, that's cool. That's not cool. That's gross. Bro, if you die from a giraffe... Bro, giraffe is...

Not a cool animal. Giraffes are mad cool. You don't think a giraffe is cool? Not on the scale of which animals that are going to kill you. That's like saying like- What the fuck does that mean? He died from a koala bear. No, you can't- Whoa, dude. No, no, no. You can't die from a koala. A baby couldn't die from a koala. Yes, you can. They carry a bunch of fucking venereal diseases and shit. Then you die from the disease. You don't die from the koala. Who gave it to you?

The koala. Exactly. That doesn't count. Bro, animals that... There's an absolutely objective list of animals that are cool to kill you. Rhino's cool. Give me... Hippo's cool. Very cool, dude. But giraffes are a cool animal. But if they're going to kill you, not cool. Bobcat. Very cool. I can kill a bobcat. Any of the cat...

Okay. Any of the cats is cool. I would say, yeah, except for like cats, house cats. Yeah, that's stupid. He died from a house cat, immediately sad. Yeah, yeah, that sucks. Give me like another cool animal. What about like an eagle? An eagle is very cool, but not cool to die by an eagle.

No? No bird of prey can destroy me. There's a bird. I forget the name right now, but it's a falcon. And it could fly like 200 miles an hour or something like that. No, Joey. No, no, no. Fastest bird in the world. Frankie, I'm going to blow your fucking mind. If there is a bird that can go 200 miles per hour...

All that thing needs to do is just fucking point a beak and just go straight through someone's chest. Literally, that would just turn your fucking head into dust. 200 miles per hour? I could be off. You probably are. I mean, if they ride the wind... Oh my god, Google fucking work! If they ride the wind, I can see... The parrot... Bro. It's a parrot? No, no, no. It's called the peregrine... Peregrine falcon.

I don't believe that. What would that be?

a bird hitting you at 240 miles an hour even do? Explode on impact. It would be dead. The beat would just go through. Everyone would be split down my cock. Well, didn't know why it needed to go there. Everyone in that situation would be dead. Dude, 240 miles an hour? I mean, they just fall with grace. But dude, how can it? I don't understand that. What are they saying? Toy Story? Falling with style.

That's all that bird is doing. That's not that cool. That was my cartoon toys, you dumbass. If you were putting me in a free dive, I could probably reach 240 miles per hour too. And just like, I'll go like this and put knives in front of me. I'm just as cool as you. Knives? Their beak. Their beak is like sharp, I assume, right? You're a dumbass. No, you're not as aerodynamic as a fucking falcon. Well, yeah, because they can move their bones and shit like that.

I don't think it has anything to do with the bones. I think it definitely, their head is also more aerodynamic. Dude, that's crazy. Put me in like a, like, I, dude. There's a lot of, there's a lot of birds that can, there's three birds that can go 200 miles an hour. A golden eagle? Didn't even know that was a bird. You didn't know what a golden eagle looks like? No. Honestly, kind of a little bit cooler than a bald eagle. Golden eagle.

You know what I saw when I was... Ooh. Right? That's what I'm talking about. That's a sexy bird. That's like the Beyonce of birds. That's what I'm saying. That thing has got sex appeal. Beyonce of birds. This is a cool bird. Cooler. The only reason we took the balding... Ooh, his hair, his nails. Yeah. You seen those talons, dude? Yeah. That's what it is.

His nails. Dude, those are fucking... Holy shit, they're big. Yeah, let me see which one you got. It's two dudes holding one up. Yeah, dude, those are bad boys. Holy fuck, dude. Cooler than a bald eagle, if you ask me. I saw a... What are those things called? Vulture? No, no, no. Hawk. When I was in Utah... Falcon. Eagle. This is not a guessing portion of the show. Osprey. What the fuck is that? It's a bird of prey, Joey. What?

I don't remember what it was, but it was a big bird. It was like, some guy's like, oh, that's a California something. Bro, you know how sick I would be if I, you're like, how sick it would be if I saw something and someone was like, oh, that's a fucking rare, like silver tongued eagle. Yeah. Yeah. I saw a bald eagle a couple of years ago. What? They have like multiple nests at the lake.

And when I was living in Jersey, there was one that was like flying around and like... Bald eagles are like the size of children. Yeah, they're very big. It's like a 10-year-old. Like very, very big. Yeah. Fuck. It's kind of cool. I will say we did pick a pretty sick animal to be like our national animal. Like if we were something like stupid, like a lemur. Bro, guess the national animal. You're going to think I'm making this up. Guess the national animal of Scotland. A worm. A worm.

That's pretty fucking stupid. A unicorn. Are you guys in Scotland alright? That's like... What is that? It's like the people in Philadelphia that have a statue of Rocky in front of them. Not real, folks. Putting a statue of Spider-Man. Although, you know what are... I swear to God, I just found this out like two months ago or like recently. You know what are real animals? Narwhals. Did you not know that? I thought they were like unicorns, dude.

Why? Because they do the exact same thing, but just one's land, one's water. What? Narwhal. Oh, oh. Narwhals. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah. It's got like a horn. Yeah. Didn't know that was a real thing. Yeah. Why are you so casual about this? I don't know. I just knew that. Can we look at pictures of that? Narwhal. Spell Narwhal. N-A-R-W-H-A-L. Correct. Yeah. Yeah, dude. They just look like seals.

But they got horns, right? Horns? They have unhorn and it's long as fucking shit. Let me see it. I want to see like a real life one. It's like a spear, dude. Dude, if I saw- You're dead, dude. 100%. You know what I'm terrified of? Weird, weird thing that I'm very scared of. Swordfish. Yes! Yes!

Like the videos of people like fishing and then one just hops in the boat. Bro, I'd be like, bro, it's a sword on here. And they're just like going, you know? Fucking on guard. Yeah. I need like a sword fencing this day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I'd be so scared of fucking sword fish. Bro, you know, that's why I don't want to swim in the ocean because one day you're swimming. Because of sword fish.

People go out to like the ocean like fucking like three miles and they'll go swimming and fishing and shit like that. Those people deserve whatever's happening to them. You don't go swimming three miles out into the ocean, you dumbass. All I'm saying is if Swordfish decided they wanted to get rid of us as a human race... They can't, dude. They're in the water. Yeah, but they can keep us out of the water.

There's a lot of animals that could... The last time I was in... Where was I? In Miami. There was a shark. I saw it. I was very close to it. Absolutely not. I was very close to it. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I saw a barracuda. I'll be honest with you. I'm not that afraid of sharks if I could stand. You're the biggest fucking idiot I've ever met in my life. I am. I am. How? I don't know. If you could stand, that's way worse. Why? Because then they get your ankles, dude. Oh, and they'll pull me? Yeah, that would be cool. Bro, I would fucking...

No, so like... You ever see the video of the guy and like... I'm not really afraid of my legs being hurt. Is that weird? Yes. Because like if I'm standing there, right, and then a shark grabs my leg... You're gone. I'm not gone.

You're gone. If the shark is in water- I'll tell you what, his eyes are gone because I'm taking them with me. I'm taking them fucking out. They say that you can hypnotize sharks by touching their nose. Hypnotize? That's what I've been told. You think I'm Alakazam? I'm not fucking hypnotizing a shark. I'm letting you know there are videos of people that grab a shark by the nose and they literally go like this and turn them upside down. Well, I know that. I know you could like- You're supposed to like move them.

But like, I'm not doing that. This is crazy. But like standing, I'm standing, I'm up to my knees in water and a shark comes up and bites my leg. I'm like not happy, but I think I could get away.

Depending on how big did you ever see the video of the it was a tiger shark or a bull shark? All right, I'm not talking about fucking tiger sharks here. They're not that big dude. Oh, they're like as big as this table Oh, yeah. No, that's not happening. I'm not getting eaten by something that big. Did you see that? Listen, oh dragon though, just for one second. Just shut your goddamn pie hole There was a video if it was like all over shark week of like a guy standing in like ankle high or it was like shin knee high water

Okay. And it grabs his calf and takes off with him. A bullsh- a who shot? And it dripped his calf clean off of his body. Ew. And they show you the video of them picking him up and bringing him, and his skin is hanging down like a fucking tethered flag. But he's all right. Tattered flag is what I meant to say. Yeah. Yeah. He's okay, but he'll never walk the same because he doesn't have a calf muscle. Yeah, that's not cool. I like my calves. Take it easy.

I don't know why you're not afraid of sharks. Oh, I'm afraid of sharks. I'm just saying like when I can stand, I'm way less afraid of them. I remember it was the first time I ever went to Miami. I was with my family. I think I've told this story a couple of times. And my brother and I were walking the beach and we were like, yo, let's go in the water on South Beach. And we went out like maybe like honestly, I would say like a hundred yards from

And we were standing with water. Like, our feet were out of the water. Like a sandbar. It was a sandbar. And we were standing. And we look over. And we see my dad. And my dad's going like this. And we're thinking he's waving to us. We're like, hi. You know. And then we go back in. And we're like, you know, that was so cool. My dad was like, are you fucking stupid? Apparently, my dad is only afraid of aquatic life. He's like, that's where the sharks hang out. At the sandbars. Do they? Yes. Yes.

Because that's where like dumb fucking birds and shit will go there like oh I can beep beep beep beep beep and then this thing is fucking bank Yeah, and then takes it and it's gone. I get into moods when I'm at the beach sometimes I'm like I'm gonna go out far. I want to be the furthest person out on the beach I do that sometimes yeah, no, it's very stupid if I get pulled out into sea dude by an animal I'm gonna be so pissed off. Just don't do it. Yeah, don't put yourself in the situation I'm not gonna not go in the water. Guess how many times

All right, I'm going to give you a serious eight. Let's put it in terms of sports because that's the only thing that your fucking baby brain can think. If the ocean played a full NFL season, what do you think its record would be? Did you think that meant anything? Like what you just said, you thought, like you think that means something? Yeah. Give me, seriously. How can I answer that question? Just hypothetically.

I don't even know what you're saying! The answer is undefeated. The ocean is undefeated. It is never lost. And if you put yourself in a situation like that... What are we talking about? We beat the ocean all the time. I've eaten swordfish. You

We lost that one dumb, lonely swordfish. I've never been eaten by a swordfish. Yes. Because you've never... I'm undefeated. All right, you know what? And I've eaten shark. Undefeated. I've eaten shark, too, and swordfish. Both quite delicious, I will say. Swordfish is all right. I like swordfish a lot. Really? Yeah, a lot. It was all right. Really? Yeah, it was all right. Interesting, interesting, interesting. Where'd you have it? I should cook it for you. I actually had it at a nice restaurant, too. Oh, I could do it better. Gramercy Tavern.

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Hey, folks. You playing Doodle Jump? What's wrong with you? Doodle Jump's a great game. Don't you ever talk about that. I play that on planes. You still play it? I haven't. You still have Doodle Jump? Last year I played... No, I don't. But I... I don't even think they still... Like, it still works with our current phone. Like... 100% it does. Hey, folks. Put the Tap Tap Revenge 3 down. What's that? You don't remember that one? It was like... Bro, people still play Candy Crush like crazy. Because it has like 8,000 levels. I know. I remember my old roommate was like... He's like, oh, I'm on...

Level 2040. I was like, what is what? What? Yeah, you got to be a sick person. Also, not a fun game, dude. Don't care much about Candy Crush. I feel like the middle-aged mothers of America love that game. They bonded over that, and then they put that down and got horny to Fifty Shades. Bro, do you know what those middle-aged women, do you know what they love? They love it. The sexual cooking videos.

What are those? Like, you've never seen a guy, like, he's making steak, but he's like, oh, and he fucking fingers it, and he's like, oh. And then he's, like, squeezing it. Oh, shit. And it's, like, squirting. No. You've never seen that? Where? What? No. Dude, there's one where- Where? I just-

For how where would you find it? Yeah instagram, dude. Okay, uh, but like what exactly? I'll send you i'll send you all right. I don't know by heart, but i'll send you it. I have it right now I have written down. Uh, but like there was there's a guy I wish I remembered his name, but he i'm pretty sure it's a bit but like No, it's gotta be a bit. It's like it Yeah, because it's like yo, he's finger fucking this thing and then he's like he has a mixer and he's like, oh

Slaps it And like fuck it And like it's crazy Get the fuck out of here This isn't real This isn't real What has happened To middle aged women That they're so sexually oppressed They're like oh my god Well their husbands are at work And they're at home Watching the kids And fucking doing whatever They just want to look At the fucking laptop And be like shut the fuck up They want to feel something I want to feel something I want to feel something I get it Yeah alright Stupid myself

stupid fat husband is at work being an asshole he comes home he doesn't even look at me doesn't even notice all I've done for him that's what I'm gonna do when he's not home is I'm gonna watch someone make a nice meal take their shirt off and fuck a steak because that's what happens

You have a lot of insider knowledge on this stuff. It's just an assumption. Yeah, oh yeah, that really sounded like a real assumption. It's porn. I love how anything can be porn. Apparently there's this Jeremy Allen White Calvin Klein thing.

Photo shoot? Apparently, I didn't see it, but everyone is just like going nuts on line for it. The guy is basically just walking around ham-hogging it out. Yeah, he's like on a roof in New York, just fucking... Was it New York? Just beef out? It wasn't beef out. He's in Calvin Klein's. Basically, your beef is out. There's a fucking 800 thread count of cotton separating your cock from the...

Yeah, I mean, it's a bold show for sure. Really? Yeah, and he's ripped up. He got in a bunch of shit. Guy did get ripped up for The Iron Claw. I want to see it. Was that for The Iron Claw? I mean, maybe he was ripped up always, but like... No, he wasn't. All right. The Iron Claw, probably, because it's a movie about wrestlers, so... How do you feel about Jeremy Allen White? I didn't... I tried watching The Bear, and I couldn't... Really? I couldn't do it. I liked The Bear. I couldn't do it. It was too much. Like, I was like, my brain is... Like, I can't... It was like... Ugh! Ugh!

It's like, slow the fuck down. Oh, wow. You're so sensitive. No, but just for that. I just couldn't do it. Oh, the bear. Look, I've never seen him in anything. This guy thinks he could kill an actual bear, but he can't watch a TV show? You fucking kidding me? Shut the fuck up, dirty dumpster. That's what you came up with? I'm sorry. Dirty dumpster? You don't win them all. You don't win them all. That's what's great about our show, is that you're going to see live how we crash and burn sometimes. Yeah, so...

It's at the... We're at like the end of the episode here, so I'm going to sneak this in and not say anything. But we are recording for the new episode of... I mean, for the new season of OPL. We just talked to a guest...

And you reminded me when you said dumpster. We just talked to a guest, and it was a gay man. And he... A lot of gay men on this show. Yeah. I'm not going to say what it was or go into too much detail. But just know that multiple times on this episode, which it was one of the crazier episodes we've had, he refers to himself as cocksucker. Okay. Well, hey. The F-slur.

Oh, yikes. So many, dude. Maybe 50 of them, by the way. It's his word. He could say it. And cum dumpster. Bro, that is one of the wildest things to call someone or be called a cum dumpster. Yeah, because the amount of cum you need to fill a dumpster is just a- And then just like, you don't put anything like that you want or like in a dumpster. Like you're not like- Yeah. A dumpster is like a dumpster fire. I definitely have been in a dumpster before. Have you been in a dumpster? Yeah, we've been in the same dumpster.

The ones at St. Francis. Oh, yeah. We were in that dumpster. We would go to those dumpsters. We had those dumpsters all the time. Why were we hiding in dumpsters, though? Because they were there, and we would always play manhunt in that area. And we would hide in dumpsters. We were warned because the guy was like, listen, the trucks come. And then they pick you up. And they'll pick you up, and you'll get crushed in the dumpster. Right. Can you imagine? In the truck dumpster. The truck dumpster. Yeah, yeah. The dumpster truck. That's literally what it's called. Not the Trumpster. I'm here. Yeah. But...

Yeah, I guess we have been in dumpsters. I did like dumpsters when I was younger for some reason. I liked being in a dumpster. Yeah, that was weird. That's weird that you say you like being in a dumpster. The idea of being in a dumpster was cool. Like someone's spitting on you and demeaning you and they're like, don't come, you fucking little hairy fat bastard. No, that's not what I mean at all. That's what you like. You want to be in a dumpster to feel something. No, I like the trash that I've been called my whole life. No, I wanted to be in a dumpster because it was nice to hide, Frank. It wasn't because of what anything.

I mean, you could have and did hide in many other places. I know, but being in the dumpster. Being in the dumpster. I liked being in the dumpster. It just felt right. No, because you could just poke your head out and see. I can't tell you how bad in my life I've wanted to do one of those, you know in like

Fucking like all the Disney Channel shows where they like peek their head around a doorway and it's like a one head one head one head one head Yeah, I wanted to do that so bad so like you say like you poke your head out of poke your head out of the dumpster and then like and then you're Definitely you're just but you're hanging out with garbage was isn't it was I mean if it was empty who gives a fuck we were kids we didn't care like yeah, we weren't like wiping our balls and ass on I used to play with with

trash a lot now that I think about it because I was hanging out in dubsters. Me and Keith was... Me and Keith used to play basketball in the alleyway, but we would play in a trash can. Threw up everywhere, dude. Got me so sick. Yeah, sounds about right. Yeah. So, I mean, there's...

There's a lot of trash in my childhood now that I think about it. Yeah, this all sounds very strange. But hey, man, that's New York. I used to think that landfills would be a cool place to go. Bro, do you remember when it would snow a lot and they would take all the snow and leave it down by the dumps? And there was like... Without exaggerating... So there was a part of Astoria called the dumps. It was like the industrial section and they were just giant long blocks of nothing. Like nothing was there, but just like...

Decrepit brick industrial buildings that you never saw anyone go in or out of. And anytime it would snow in Astoria, the snow plows, because it was at the bottom of a hill, they would bring all of the snow to the dumps and they would make piles that were, without exaggeration, 20,

15 to 20 feet tall. Yeah. And it was the greatest games of King of the Hill that you've ever played in your entire life. Yeah. A lot of people hurt their heads on the concrete. Yeah. Well, whatever. Things happen. You know. It's okay. I'd rather play on that than fucking, you know, with whatever dumpsters you were playing in. No, dude. A dumpster is way more fun. Did you ever hook up with someone in a dumpster? No. What am I? Fucking Aladdin? Yeah.

You did. We went with a brown person there, huh? You real racist asshole. No, no, no. I, I've never hooked up with anyone in a dumpster, but I haven't been in a dumpster in years. I would like to be in one. I'm not going to lie. Maybe just to feel like nostalgia. Let's just get a dumpster. I,

Can't just get a dumpster again, and I've seen dumpsters. I also like throwing things out in dumpsters something about a dumpster Just like opening opening that side thing just launching a bag into it love that yeah those Like anytime I open something that slides like that. I think I'm jigsaw from saw yeah, or he's just like game over Yeah, you know you know what I would really like to do open a vault and

With the big spinny thing? Oh, like a real big one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My father-in-law has a big gun safe, and it's pretty, like, you need to, like, to, like, open the door. I like that. It's pretty cool, yeah. How does that work with the spinny thing? I mean, it's like a combination. If you get a combination one, I want to put my ear to one and be like, yeah, I mean, you don't know what you're looking for, though. No, I don't. I wouldn't. Not at all. Breaking into stuff is so fun, though. It is. Not as fun as being in a dumpster, though. Apparently. Yeah. According to you.

We're the dumpster boys now. Yeah, I don't know why I was so into that. That's a very strange thing to be into. I know. It's very strange. It's like happening in real time that I'm realizing like, oh, I liked being in a dumpster. I enjoyed that. Yeah. That was weird to enjoy. I understand doing it as a kid, but being like, yeah, I like it now still. Oh, I don't actively like being in a dumpster. I haven't been in a dumpster. You just said the opposite for several minutes. I said I would get in one for nostalgia reasons.

What is this show? What is this show? Guys, we had several things to talk about. Several. Several, several, several things to talk about. And now we're talking about hanging out. And now Joey is just professing his love for hanging out in dumpsters. And you talk about me as if I was some fucking street rat, you know, who was coming to your house all the time and it was like, ugh. When you were fucking hanging out in dumpsters. Yeah, but...

There's a lot of redeeming qualities about a dumpster. You ever throw something out in a dumpster and then you gotta take the flap and close the flap? Have you ever had an open flap on a dumpster and the bag hits it and it falls in and then it closes...

That's nothing better than that. That's nothing better. Literally. Literally, that must feel like hitting a game-winning shot in the final. That's the closest I've gotten to it. So, yeah, absolutely. Throwing a trash can and hitting the perfect spot so the trash goes in and it closes. Oh, my God. Forget about that. It's like those women that watch the cooking porns. There is something about garbage that's endearing, though. Later, folks. See you later. Am I crazy?

Because you like... I know you like garbage trucks. I know you like garbage trucks. Who doesn't like garbage trucks, brother? Like when that thing crushes the garbage and pulls it up. Dude, do you want to hear... And then the water comes down. Do you want to hear something? Do you want to hear something? We just got a new couch. So we got rid of the old ones. And you threw it in on one of those things that crushes it? And we... So I like... Anytime the garbage comes, I like... I don't want them to see me watching, but I like...

Wait, they threw your couch in the garbage truck? Yes. Did they crush it? Yes! Dude, and like, literally, anytime you watch a garbage truck, you're always like, oh, they can't. They're not gonna have space. They can't fill that. Dude, this fucking thing came out and fucking chomped, pulled it in like a fucking alien. Yeah, yeah. Just, oh my god, it was so satisfying. That's nice. It was really, really cool. That's a good find. I also...

When I worked at Target, they had a baler in the back. Who? And a trash compactor. Oh. And I would, anytime we had like old, like expired food, you just throw it in. You have to like charge it out, throw it in the trash compactor. You fill that bad boy up and then you turn that key and you press that button and I would watch like this.

Wait, what does it look like? It was a giant... So it was a room in the back of the store. Yeah. And it was a door and you open the door and you dump everything in. And it's just like a hole in the floor. Oh. Like you can jump into it if you want, but don't. Yeah. And you just watch and then you're just like... And then in the back you see just like the compacted garbage and you press the button and you watch this thing just come. Oh, and it crushes it? Oh my God, dude. Dude, you ever see those videos of that thing? It just looks like a bunch of gears.

Yes. And then you throw like jelly into it and stuff. A fucking, what's that called? They'll throw like a fax machine and stuff. A gas tank in it. Yeah. And it's just like. Eventually it's like it bounces around a little bit and it catches it. And it gets it. And it just fucking crunches it. It's gone, dude. I love it, dude. I fucking love that shit. See, garbage is good. Garbage is fun. There's something about fucking garbage, dude. We are.

Continue to surprise- I love garbage. I mean, Athena, if you're still watching at this point in time, Garbage Man Joe, that's an easy one for ya. I'll take that. I will be the garbage man. There is something about it. Us on the back of a garbage truck- Dude, you know how bad- HANGING OFF THE BACK OF A- Dude, you know how bad I wanna hang off the back of a garbage truck, and before it comes to a full stop, get down with a backwards hat, and just like, I should fucking- With gloves on, with cool gloves on. Yeah.

Dude, the garbage truck by me, they don't even get out. It's just a fucking machine that goes out, grabs it, dumps it in. Oh, that's bullshit. It is a little bit bullshit. I agree. I hate that. I don't, I'm not. Hanging off the back like this. With a backwards trucker hat and you're just like covered in just like stains. Yeah, exactly.

I want that life so bad. I want it. And just throw in the garbage and damn, dude, I might cancel the tour. I'm just going to be going to the sanitation test. Sanitation test for a week. Unbelievable. Well, shout out to all the garbage men. I love garbage. Bro, they also do very well for themselves. Hell yeah. Also, a lot of, I knew someone that started as a sanitation worker and they like worked their way up and they had the rank of like colonel.

They have like military bro garbage men. Girl garbage men have like military ranks, dude That's dope. Can you imagine being like a sergeant of garbage and they carry around a gun? Well, they do what yes, dude whom they have like a Sanitation police and they carry guns. I swear it's wild bro. I am sergeant fucking garbage, man I wish I would be so cool. They're the two coolest jobs. Love garbage ish, you know

Get some stuff there. Who? What are you talking about? Police force. Oh. Shots of garbage, man.

Love garbage. We didn't get to this shit. But that's all for this week's episode. Frank, where can they find you? Apparently on the back of a garbage truck with Joey. I fucking wish. At Falvers885 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez, and all other forms of social media. And like I said earlier, patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. If for some reason I said it too fast and you can't find it that way, go to TheBasementYard.com, our new revamp website. It's sleek. It's sexy. It's shiny. It's beautiful. You want it. And check out TheBasementYard on all social media platforms. We're there. We're live. We're a presence. We're tuned in.

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