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Welcome back to the Bas- Welcome back to the Basement Yard. Frank, how's it going, chief? I'm a chief. Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it, ignore it. I'm a chief today, huh? Yeah, I don't wanna- It seems inappropriate. I can't quite put my finger on it. But I love how we just took the term from, like, you know, Native American tribes, and we're just like- Can we not start to- We just call white men with, like, you know, mustaches, like, oh, chief. We call, like, Starbucks baristas, like, thanks, chief. Yeah. Yeah.
We don't have to start there. Completely took it for ourselves. We could save that for November when it's the season of talking about America. Native Americans? Is that the month? That's the only month we could talk about them? Well, that's when we talk about it, about being like, the whites are like, you know, we've kind of pushed people out of their land. Not kinda. At least you're well aware that it has happened. Hey, guys. Welcome back. Welcome back. It's the new year. Hope everyone's doing extremely well. But first thing I want to say off the bat is...
If you're coming to the live shows January 19th We are going to be in Montclair, New Jersey January 26th in New Haven February 1st in Medford, Massachusetts If you're coming to those shows We sold them out Which is fucking awesome But go to thebasementyard.com right now And there will be a
audience form okay or you can go to thebasemanyard.com slash submit there will be an audience form there we want you to fill it out if you're coming to the fucking shows okay tell us which shows you're going to be at and then fill out the form there's going to have some fun questions on there like what's your biggest confession what's the worst date you've ever been on shit like that and we want the show to be interactive so we're going to pick out uh some of these things at random and uh kind of like read them off and if we want to bring you on stage or we just want to talk about it you can read
remain anonymous if you want. But we want to like kind of drive the show with that type of thing. So go to thebasemanyard.com, fill out the audience form, and we're going to have lots of fun when we see you guys. Maybe, maybe, just maybe we can fill one out.
And like, kind of like put it in there as like a dummy one. I'm just going to put in something so wild about you. It's like, I'm feeling, hi, it's me, Joe Santagato. I want to talk about some stuff. The worst date ever? Well, it's because of my massively small penis. Yeah. Massively small. Insanely small? No, that's like a biggie smalls. What's that called? I know what it is. I'm not going to say anything. Like jumbo shrimp. Yeah. What is that?
Figure it out. Come on. Give me the letter. Oh. Onomatopoeia. Nope. Onomatopoeia. It's not onomatopoeia. Opposite. On. Come on. Wait, is it? Oh, you're fucking with me. No, it's an oxymoron. Fuck you. Oh my God. I said it. I said it because you're physically too stupid to be able to fucking come up with it. It's called I forgot, bastard. No, you didn't forget it. All right? Relax. Don't call me a bastard ever again. Dude, by the way, this morning when I was walking out of my building.
I'm walking towards the front door and there's a guy in the lobby. He's wearing a hoodie on the back of it. It says, I am not who I am. Okay. Very Brooklyn thing to wear. Well, I literally want to walk up to this guy and be like, you are who you am though. He is though. You are exactly who you am. I love those people that like just wear just like. What does that mean? Like the hats that are like the ones that drive me nuts or the hats or sweaters you say birds aren't real.
Just like, that's a joke. But is it though? It is. Is it? Are you sure? It's 100% a joke. I don't think so. Because any of the people that wear that, if you ask them, they're just like, no, actually I do kind of think that they're not real. How many people have you asked? One. And guess what? 100% of the time it has been the case. Okay. Was it, you saw this in the Friday, was it like light out?
It was in the morning. Oh, so it was like the sun had already come up. Yeah. What the fuck are you asking? So you were able to see that you walked out with those pants that you're wearing. Just want to be clear. Guys, I didn't think it was possible to get here. Joey's wearing camo pants. And not like...
Not like cool army camo. He's wearing like woodlands camo. Yeah. Like what's, what big game are you hunting? Huh? I'm not hunting big game. Why are you wearing camo pants? They're comfortable.
You couldn't have bought any other pattern. I did. What other ones? Please tell me there are other camos. Like you got like one for like, you know, like snow camo, urban environment camo. That's dude. Come on. No, I just got like, you know, gray sweatpants and like black sweatpants. And then these gray sweatpants. Who are you fooling, Doug?
what does that mean you don't remember the thing about gray sweatpants oh it's like you can see the outline of cocks or something it's like don't know where that came from yeah what are you talking about here just from someone that has owned multiple pairs of gray sweatpants and a i have correct i have owned my own cock yes you own your own cock or is it just like lent to you no i what by whom god maybe but i am the owner it's like yeah because i can give it away can you
Yeah. No, you can give it sex. You can loan it. You can just be like, yo, this is yours for the next two and a half minutes. Do what you want with it. Remember when you said you thought you... When you thought sex lasted like 15 pumps?
You know no you asked you said that no no you said it I don't think I said that you said like what do you think is the average amount of pumps at sex last and I said like 15 I said like 30 or something like no way you said 30 did I say 15 bro you may have said less I might know I didn't and I was like dude What are you talking about? You gotta remember not everyone's a fucking jackhammer like you Bill Goldberg of Cox. This is what? Fucking Jesus Christ. This is it. This is what it is fuck
Fucking Joey's out there. That's exactly what you said at the last time you talked about it. Yeah, well, because that's what you're saying. I would say I've never counted my pumps. I would say I'm in the, like, low 100. Like, 80 to 100 pumps. That might be a lot. All right, so maybe on a good day I'm in the hundreds. But, like, low 80s. All right, maybe 80s. 85? Kind of fired, my football number. We don't know that it's 85, though. You're like, oh, damn, that's kind of dope. It lines up. You're guessing. I know.
But, like, you know, we've never tested this. Yeah. Because I think I gave you homework to go and do it, and you never came back and told me what your average pumps were. Yeah, I mean, I always forget. You're not thinking about me when you're in the middle of fucking sex, dude? No, I'm not. I'm not. Have I ever popped into your head when you're having sex? You? Yeah. Literally never. Not a single fucking time. Have I popped into yours? No, not unless you were, like, texting me. I was like, what the fuck? Oh, you...
Why did I grab my titties? You're like an old woman. Why did I grab my titties? I've texted you. No, I don't know that. I don't know that that's happening. Oh, okay. Like, if someone texts or calls me... My mom has texted me, though. That's bad. I've been having sex... Why do you see your... Just throw your phone away. Put it face down away. Well, if it's dark...
Your phone lights up. So we're like moths, bro. We're going to look. Yeah, I'm like, what is that? I was like, it's mom. Damn. Did you instantly like get soft? I literally just went like, did I? No. I literally just turned my phone over. Oh, I would. If I saw anything or thought of my family in any capacity, I would go soft. Really? Yeah, that's weird. I'm not thinking about my mom being there. I remember my mom's texting me. I remember when I was in high school. Oh, God. This is a... Yeah. It's a pretty...
Yeah, it's New Year. I remember New Year, new me. Yeah. I could be more honest, right? Right. Yeah. I remember when I was in high school, I would like try to think of like awful things to like last longer during sex. So I'd be like fucking my family's all dying, you know, dead, dead cats, you know, just stuff like that. Okay. I feel like...
That's not normal. No, why not? Because dead family is such a like to the moon thing. But like if anything is going to kill the urge to fucking... What is that? Come? Come. That's the shot. Okay. I've never really done any of that. Like thought about, oh my God. So what do you think about it?
I think about what I'm doing. That's exactly what I... Becca once, she was like, have you ever thought about someone else during sex? And I was like, no, I'm just thinking about what's going on right here, right now. I mean, clearly... Right here, right now, right here, right now.
No, but when you just said you don't, if I thought about my family, it goes up. You just told me that you think about your family. No, no, when I was in high school, she was like, with me, have you ever thought about something? I'm like, no, I think of fucking what's going on in the moment. Yeah, what are we doing here? I'm thinking of fucking Bush.
I'm thinking of bus. Watch, and Joey fucking jackhammer Bill Goldberg over here. No one, who's saying? Joey, you are. Oh, because I was like, dude, 15 pumps is not a lot. And you're like, all right, she jackhammered over there. Yeah, you are. You are fucking Mr. Jackhammer McGee. Okay. I'm a lovemaker. Dude, you're probably the worst. Yeah, right. I'd blow your doors off, Frank. I'd blow your fucking doors off. I'd blow my doors off. I would blow them off. You don't have the fucking ability to blow these doors off. The ability.
Did I just call you Jude? Dude, you don't have the fucking... You don't have the inertia. I'd send you to the hospital. I'm built like a fucking nuclear silo. Big tree fall hard, Frank. Never forget that. What the hell? The bigger the tree, the harder they fall. Oh, yeah? Yeah. All right. We'll never test this because we're not gay. Yeah. We're never going to fuck each other. We're never going to fuck each other. Isn't that wild? Nope. Nope.
Seems very normal par for the course for me when you ask me that isn't that wild? Absolutely not You're not gonna fuck most people You didn't let me finish. You didn't let me finish before you had your fucking smart answer your smart Alec answer bill Listen, hold on. I have a question. Okay. I hope this is a clip and Joey's face is on Goldberg's body No, listen, I just thought about this, but you know how like well I have two questions one is
Are animals monogamous? Some of them are. They say like, isn't it like lobsters and... Lobsters? Penguins mate for life or some shit like that. Okay. I didn't even... There's fucking like chimps out there that have just got like a hotation going on. Oh, they got a whole thing?
So my question was gonna be like for the animals that like aren't monogamous How many you think they're banging in their lifetime one a day really gotta be right? I don't know bro. If I'm a lion, I'm gonna go get you got it You got to imagine if you're a lion and you're walking through the pride lands anytime you see a female lion They're going after them, right? They're just like oh, I need to plant my seed around here and be the biggest lion. That's what they do That's what lions do. Well, what does it say?
What did it, first of all, let me, let me, let me ask this. What did you type into Google? And what were the re fucking, it says, I wrote, how many monkeys do monkeys have sex with in their life? And there's a, there's a, this is the scientific American, uh,
Whatever that is. Website. Okay. Male monkeys have more sex with other males than females in this well-studied group. So monkeys... Gay as shit, dude. Gay as fuck, dude. Gay as hell. Gayest... Huh. 1993 reports that researchers found a gay gene generated a jaw-dropping headline...
I saw a jaw, I was like, I don't know what the fuck they're going with that. A jaw gaping. Yeah, jaw gaping monkey. It's gay. Um, but yeah, apparently they're just like having mad gay sex. Damn, so like. So they're switching though, it sounds like. Listen, who said this wasn't a part of life? Nature, you know? People are sitting there and it's like, oh, they choose to be gay. Yeah? Don't sound like it. Sounds like these chimps are out there choosing to fucking suck the life out of each other.
How many sexual partners do animals have? That makes sense. In the animal kingdom, when it comes to mating, promiscuity. Can't do it. Promiscuity. Is it? Yes. Unbelievable. It's promiscuous though, right? Yeah.
Promiscuity Promiscuity Promiscuity is the rule rather than exception About 90% of mammals have multiple mates And cheating on social mates is observed in almost all species In fact, only 3-10% of mammals are even socially monogamous
So let me know, bro. You know that there are some hardcore fucking frat star watching this that is going to cheat on their girlfriend and just be like, listen, in the animal kingdom, men have to fucking cheat, dude. Like, yeah, of course. Of course fucking orcas cheat on each other, man. Oh, hold on. We have a website here. Top 10 swingers of the animal kingdom. Goddamn. The first one, Bonobos. Just thought that was a website that had cool shirts. Lenovo? Isn't that a computer? They're highly promiscuous. What is it? What is it?
It's a primate. A bonobo? Bonobos. Okay. Then we have a bronze-winged jackana. It's a bird. Jackana? J-A-C-A-N-A. Jackana? Yeah. Bronze-winged? Sounds horny as shit. No wonder why. Yeah, that is crazy. They have gender-bending qualities.
Damn, so they can be boys one minute, girls the next, and they just get fucking... They get to bend their dicks into some puss, apparently. Wild. Spotted hyenas, that makes sense, because they're like laughing their whole life. They're like having the time of their lives in everything they do. It's like, you know, I'm not going to do the laugh. A bunch of drunk... Uh-oh. No, I was just reading. Females dominating large groups of both male and females. Like, the females are like, they fuck in the hyena kingdom. Yeah, dude, those horny-ass ladies. Yeah.
Red jungle fowl. It's a bird. It's a hen looking thing. Nah, fuck that bird. Walruses. There it is. Big walrus bangers. Dude, Barry White. What? Like... What does that have to do with walruses? A big, just like fucking sexy ass walrus coming through just like, yo first, yo last, my everything. And then he's got those fucking big ass tusks. Kinda about it, dude. Dude, to keep up with the...
With so much water romping, the bulky bulls are equipped with a penis bone called a baculum, which extends up to 30 inches. What a dick. That's insane. The longest of any living mammal. Longest dick of any living mammals on a walrus? I guess. I thought it was the whale. That's just the biggest. That's crazy.
That's crazy. Lions also, they're fucking like crazy. A lion prank is this of three to 30. Have you ever seen lions have sex though? It's kind of not sick looking. They like shake. They're like, really? Yeah. It's like cat, like felines having sex is not like, it doesn't look fun. Like I would hate to be a fucking cat.
Yeah? Just because of the sex. Right. Is that it? Is that all of them? I mean, there's more, but I'm not going to... What's the number one? Oh, they weren't in order. It was just like... Oh, all right, all right. There was like lions and there was like... I think a mouse was in there. Mouse? That's interesting to think about. Like, how many monkeys do you think monkeys are fucking in their life, you know? I don't know. There's, you know... What we need is social media content where monkeys are going up to other monkeys with a handheld microphone like, what's your body count? Ha ha!
They're just like putting in another monkey's face. And they're like 487. And then a fucking silverback gorilla rips their arms out of their sockets. Jesus, dude. I'm kind of about that. Yeah. Don't you want to see a monkey rip arms off someone? No. Kind of. Kind of do. I don't want to see people's limbs. Ew. You know what's disgusting? Like people when they have like people when they get seriously injured and you can see like the meat. Ew. Like when people like people are like. Yeah. Who likes grotesque viscera? Yeah. Like I don't like that.
I don't like it. What a weird stance. Like when people's legs get cut off. Covered up, right? You're like, ew. Aren't you embarrassed your whole leg's off? Cover up this fucking disgusting injury. It's funny because I'm being serious. I'm like, oh my god, meaty. It's meaty. I know you are. I don't like it. One time this kid, Zan.
That I knew? This isn't real. Swear to God, his name was Zan. You knew someone named Zan? Yeah. I didn't tell you about the kids. They were from India. They lived in the houses behind me. And we had like a West Side Story style brawl in the alleyway. I kind of vaguely remember this. We lined up and fought each other. Anyway, kid Zan, we were playing Manhunt.
And he was trying to grab home base, which was like the pole to someone's like stoop or something. Grabbed it. Someone's hand went on top of his and he thought he was going to like keep running, but he couldn't because someone was holding his hand down and he slipped and fell on his chin and the meat.
It was so meaty, and I was like, ew, put it back. Yeah? Like, I was like, put that in there. You touched it? I didn't touch the shit. Well, that's what you just did. I was just like. You did the touching. I didn't do it. I was like saying, I'm like, push it up. You told that to Zan. I'm sure he was in the fucking state of mind to be like, you know what? You're right here. Let me hold my chin that's hanging off of my face. I'll tell you this right now. Zan was not happy, dude. Dude was pissed off. Whatever happened to him? That's a great question. I don't know. They kind of moved away. Zan, Omar. I forget the other one's name. I think it was like David or something. I was like. What?
What? That one of those... Like Zan Omar David? One of these things is not like the other here. This is bullshit. Yeah, this doesn't make any sense. But yeah, they're good kids. Kids let me in their house a bunch of times. They'd run the block for me. I guess. What are you gonna do? Yeah, well, you hear it first. Joey wants to go and hunt the animals that have the most sex because he's now a hunter, I guess. I don't want to hunt any... Welcome to hunting, Joe. This is the new... This is the new thing. Would you shoot a deer? I'd be... I'd feel sad. Yeah. But I'm saying. Would you? If it was, like, threatening my family.
And how would a deer do that? It's like, they're like good at like, they do that. Like, you know, you know what I'm talking about? They lift their foot and they're like, I'm going to start running. They're like, they're charge up where they like hit the ground. They're just like, I'm fucking taking off. Yeah. But what can a deer do to you? I mean, I could kill a deer, most deer with my bare hands. Not if they have antlers, you get hurt. I mean, if I get out of the way and then I grab hold of those antlers, this thing, that's a steering wheel for a head. This thing is dead by dawn. Let me tell you.
I'm not even going to like dignify a response to that. Seriously, deer, deer. I'm not talking bucks, things that are like fucking like six feet tall. I'm talking like a deer runs across. Like a doe. Yes. I could kill one of those with my bare hands. I don't know that you can get a hold of it. They're very jumpy. I have such good strength. If I were to get that thing in leg scissors, if I wrap my legs around this doe's. What the hell are you talking about?
If I could get this thing in leg scissors, who do you think you are? If I can lap... Listen, if I can wrap my legs around a doe's neck, it stands 0% chance. Frank, that's the hard part, getting in that position. Put a deer in my legs, and I guarantee you I could kill it.
I can't do that. I'm saying it's hard to get a, get hold of a deer, dude. Why? They're just big dogs. Dude, they jump over highways and shit. Okay, yes. If they're trying to run away, I'm going to let it run away. But if it's like, we're stuck in this room with a deer, it's donezo, dude. Yo, it might kick your fucking head off. Nah, my head's staying clean on my fucking... What about, what about kangaroos?
Kangaroos might fuck me up. Yeah, dude. Dude, they might fuck me up. You gotta keep a distance though. I would slap the fuck out of a kangaroo. I don't think there's really much- I would say the opposite. I say you need to get in close to a kangaroo. Nah, bro. They sit back on their tails, they'll kick the fucking shit out of you. And if they have distance, it's gonna hurt way more. If you get in close, close game, you know, if you're right here with them, they can't extend their legs.
Kangaroos will fuck me up. I don't know bro. Especially but like if I- I'll probably keep some distance. If I just grab that tail, I'm in a pretty good situation. That shit is a spine. What? You didn't know that? No! Their tail's like their spine. That's why they sit back on their tails. That's why they're able to kick. Stop! I thought it was just a tail dude! What'd you think? They were jumping up in the air and kicking and then landing? I thought they just had really powerful legs and hips. But Frank, how do you think that they can kick with both feet?
Magic? I thought they could go quick back on it. No, no. I can jump in the air and kick both of my legs. Are you sure that's true? I can jump in the air and kick both my legs and land back on my feet. No, you can't. Joey, yes I can. You can jump up, kick forward, and then land with both feet. Yes. I would ask you to do it, but I don't want to run to the hospital right now. I'm doing it.
He's gonna attempt. They're not gonna be able to see this if you- you know that, right? Okay. He's laughing because I proved him wrong. I did it, folks. I fucking did it. Looked like a four-year-old just now. I'm not gonna lie. My left leg hurts bad. That's what I'm saying. But it worked! Did I not? Tell me I did it. Not like that. Tell me I didn't just do it. No. Kangaroo spine. Yeah, yeah, it's their tails. Tail spines.
He's upset. Joey's upset because I just proved him wrong. And I jumped up and kicked both my legs and then landed on my feet again. Cool. Kangaroos can do it. So can humans. But yeah. How did this even start? We started talking about the guy with the stupid sweater in my lobby and like...
I am not who I am. By definition, yes, you are. How could you not be who you are, you idiot? I don't know. You know there's weird... All you Brooklyn hipsters have those weird brands. They'll wear a shirt that says hat and they'll wear a hat that says pants. They just love to do that shit. It just doesn't make sense. Honestly, you could definitely sell that to some people in Brooklyn. I can almost guarantee that it's a real thing already.
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All right, Frank. Yeah, before you say whatever the hell you're going to say, and it'll probably be stupid, I'm going to say something way smarter than he's about to say. Go to patreon.com slash thebasementyard. Every single week I tell you about Patreon. Every single goddamn week. And the thing that people won't tell you about life is that it's every goddamn day. So make your life a little bit better. Go to patreon.com slash thebasementyard and sign up for our Patreon account.
That's where you get more of us and more of us quicker. That's right. These weekly episodes, you can get those one week in advance if you sign up for that first tier and every subsequent tier after that. But then that second tier, not only do you get those weekly episodes a week in advance, you get exclusive episodes that nobody gets the chance to see except for you. You, you little...
you little horny bastard. So go check it out. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Sign up today, and you get nothing special except for everything I just told you. There's no, you know, like, you know, anything crazy. So go check it out. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. And make sure, as Joey said earlier, go to TheBasementYard.com. If you're coming to any of those live shows for The Basement Yard Experience, January 19th, January 26th, or February 1st, you want to make sure you fill out that questionnaire. Maybe we'll talk about you to you, you, you,
You never know. Go check it out at TheBasementYard.com and you can also sign up to get emails from Joe. Just him, not me. He doesn't want me to send emails. He told me very specifically. None of that. Where we will tell you possibly about some new dates that might be coming and new places. So check it out at TheBasementYard.com and Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard.
basement yard. Someone recently in a cameo asked me, they were like, hey, why don't you do the ad reads? And I tried and I'm not good. I'm not good. You could if you want. I know, but I can't and I don't want. There you go. But you're business, Joe. You're good at this. So if it ain't broke, don't fix it. You know what I mean? And you ain't broke.
Oh, man. Anyway, I just wanted to talk about this. I got my shoes off, too. Look at me. I know. I take my shoes off every time we do this. I don't. I just did it today because I saw you do it, and I got to say, this is a stellar carpet. That's what I'm saying. A very good carpet. I haven't heard that adjective in years. I don't mind it. Stellar? Stellar. Stellar. Superb. Don't love that one. Supreme.
Getting further from the point. I think it's a really good topic. Yeah, I don't know. I like being barefoot. I don't. You ever hear the thing? It's like if you walk outside barefoot, you're like getting charged up. Oh, no. Grounded. What's that?
you're grounding like you're like electricity wise yeah like it's like grounding you like you're getting if you if you go yeah if you go out barefoot because the electricity is running through your body because there's like a natural current that like runs through yeah but it's like yeah and like so you're getting it yeah that's why you go out with sneakers you're like okay because of the rubber soles yeah but i like if i walk outside and i'm barefoot i'm charging up like i could like i guess technically you could just like you're just like ready to go
What if you go outside barefoot, you drink a Panera lemonade and you do a smelling salt? You might just fucking take off and fly. Yeah. You know, that'd be great. You ever heard the thing where it's like, if you like get your hands dirty and like dirt, it like releases like...
What is the one, the good one in your, like the neurotoxin in your body, like serotonin? Mm-hmm. Something like that. It like releases it into you. It makes you like happy. If I take dirt and I go like this? If you like get your hand, if you get like a box of dirt or if you go into like a front yard and you just start digging and you get like dirt in your hands, it like, your body is just like so happy. I do like soil in my hands. I like the white parts of soil, you know, and like potting mix. It's racism. Feels like. I guess it is. I guess it is. Um, yeah.
Yeah, because the other parts are good too. Just as good as the white parts. Yeah. I said that. But no, I like having... My mom would... What's that called when you switch a plant? You put it... Pot it. When she was repotting a plant, but you have that fresh soil that's kind of like... It's like light. Yeah, it's like... Airy and fluffy. It's like a brownie almost. It's like a cake. Dude, I love that. And I just love going like that. I do too. I also like kind of feeling roots growing.
Like when they pull the plant out and the dirt falls off the bottom and then it's just like the dangly little roots. And it's like chunks. It's chunks. All about it. Like the chunks that fall and hit the ground and you're like, I like the chunk of dirt for some reason. I'm kind of with you there. That makes a lot of sense. I used to dig a lot in my front yard when I was young. I do. I actually, oddly enough, really remember that. That we used to dig in my front yard? Not me. You. Like you were a big, like you dug. I liked to dig. And I remember you always had like dirty hands. No, this is not a bad thing.
This is not a bad thing, but like, it's like such a, like a kid thing for there to be like dirty. And like, you would always have dirty hands, whether it be from playing basketball or just digging in your front yard, like a fucking meerkat. I did dig a lot. For some reason, I like to look at worms. I don't like to touch them, but I like to see them. And I like to see them like make their way through the dirt.
When they do that weird worm thing where they squish their body and then they make it longer and they go into something. It's like a penis, dude. How does it do that? You ever seen a blood worm? What's that? Google that bitch. Does it like red? It like spits up red vomit on you and it has copper teeth. Bro. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, dude. Ew, dude. This is real? It has like copper teeth and it can take your fingers off. This literally looks like a cock. Let me see it.
Why don't I- why- what? This looks like a cock, but the tip of the cock has teeth. That's not the tip of a cock. Joey, what is your dick? I mean, it doesn't look like that. What is your dick, dude? That's made way more wet. That is way not my dick. But like a pink- yeah, because you're brown. But this is like pink, dude. I could have a bit of a pink dick. You don't know my dick. Yeah, these are disgusting, dude. Can they kill?
Dude, they have those teeth. Look at those teeth. Yeah, but do they kill? You have to see a video of them spitting up. What do they do? They like spit up and then they like get them, they like extend their mouths to like show their teeth and they suck them in. It is, I guess it's like a dick, a worm. Ew, dude. Why don't we eradicate this? I think it's like, it's like a big part of like swamplands and stuff like that. Give a fuck. Fuck this thing. Yeah.
Ew. Ew. You ever seen the people that go to beaches and like pour sand on like the shoreline and then they get this worm that's like this big, dude? No. I used to... Oh, speaking of digging. I used to do that a lot too. I would go to the beach and I would look for sand crabs. Oh, the little sand... What do they call sand dollars? The little... Just said it. Sand fleas. Sand fleas. Just said it. Sand crabs. Sand fleas. Nope. What's a sand crab? It's a thing. It's at the beach. It's got little feet. It's like a crab.
It's like, it doesn't look like a crab though, but they call them sand crabs. I think they're called sand fleas. Ew. But I would dig and I would find them and they're like afraid of the light. They're like vampires. So they're like, no, no, no. And they try to dig. Yeah, they want to go back in. And you're like, no. They dig quick. They dig quick. Those things go really fast. They do. And how do they like live down there? Like there's nothing down there. What do they eat? Exactly. The fuck? Sand? I don't know. Dude, if there was an animal that ate sand, I'd go to the beach, be a fat cat. What? Yeah.
If I was an animal and my whole diet was sand, I'd be the happiest fucking person in the world. Just go to the beach. Live your whole life. Free food.
What a weird thought that that is, honestly. We say a lot of weird stuff on the show, but that is strange. Yeah. It's weird that I like to hold those. I haven't held one in a while, but I do like to hold those. And their little legs are like kicking all over the place. Yeah, and usually that would gross me out, but for some reason when I was younger, like sand crabs, I was just cool with. How do you feel like if there were a coffin full of worms? I don't know. Oh, worms? Yeah.
I'm more inclined to do it with worms because they don't have feet. Shit with feet is what I'm grossed out about. Cockroaches. Fuck no. God, God. Fuck no. Ant? Ant. No. Greg and ant. Yo, you could do that if you want to, but I'm serious. Like, I would be very mad. I would be very mad if you guys were like, we're going to prank him with a cockroach. Like, I would be furious. What if we just like taped off this, like all of the orifices in this room and put you in this room and just threw boxes of cockroaches in here? Right.
I'm kicking the window in like i'm kicking the window and it's not happening, bro. Oh, you'd be all right No, yeah, you'd be I don't I don't like that shit You would you would do that though? Like let's say it was like fear factor, right? And we were on it you put me in a box and you just fill it with cockroaches No problem. Really not a single. What about if it was like your head in a glass case and they just like poured them on your head Yeah, whatever dude. What about spiders? What kind of spiders who cares? Yeah, definitely kid daddy long legs. Don't give a shit
Now, if you're telling me you're putting me in, it's like all tarantulas, then we got a problem. Yeah, those are ranchies. Because those got teeth, big teeth. Well, they're not going to bite you. They're just going to touch you. Oh, then I don't care. Oh, my God. I can't even think about it. I can't even think about it. I wouldn't even be able to be in the room. My punishment on Fear Factor would be to watch someone do it. Like, I'd be like, I can't even watch this. It would be all right. Listen, we're getting off topic here. I don't know if you saw this, but the New York mayor,
What's his name? Ed? Eric Adams. Eric Adams. Did you say Ed? I did say Ed. Mayor Ed Gomez Adams. What? The Adams family? I said Ed. I know. Who are you talking about? I was just making a joke like Gomez Adams. Really nailed, Joey. Well, what are we going to do? It's the new year. I'm shaking the cops on myself. New York Mayor Eric Adams did an interview with PIX11, which is like a news outlet here in New York City, where
and gave the most insane answer. Someone asked him like, what would you, if you could use one word to define New York, what would you use? He also used a paragraph instead of a word. Well, no, he said New York. That was his thing. That's what he said.
His short answer was New York. How would he define New York? New York. And then he realized that was so dumb, so he had to expand on that. And then... And let me tell you, the way that he expound upon that was absolutely insane. Can we get a fact check on expound, by the way? Go look it up, bitch. Is it a thing? Yeah, bitch. Expound. E-X-P-O-U-N-D. Thank you. He's good. Thank you. He goes, New York, it's the place where one day...
Hold on, hold on, hold on. I know you want to get the exact quote, but I'm going to frame it in the way that makes it sound the craziest. He goes, one day you could be celebrating someone opening a new business the next day. No, no, hold on. I got it, I got it. It says, his answer was New York. And then he says, this is a place where every day you wake up, you could experience everything from a plane crashing into our trade center to a person who's celebrating a new business that's open. What? What?
Are you saying? He's like, you know why New York's cool? You know why it's awesome? Could be a terrorist attack. It could be either 9-11 or a great day. You could be walking down and then, oh no, 1,500 people just perish. Could be like that. It could be cool. What a colossally... Now listen, I guess we are being a little hypocritical. We have openly talked about 9-11.
out 9-11. We're not the mayor of New York. We're two idiots. We're talking a podcast, Frank. It's so different. Do you understand how it, like you are not selling it the way you think you're selling it. Just be like, it could either be something wholesome and community driven, like someone celebrating the opening of a new family run business or an insane terrorist attack. The biggest American tragedy in recent history. Like what?
What are you saying? And then he went on to say the next sentence is like this is the ending of his answer This is a very very complicated city. And that's why it's the greatest city on the globe Well, absolutely wild. Is it a complicated city? Yes. Did you have to drive home the biggest terrorist attack on human soil? If you're not counting, it's so funny. You know on us soil I should say he's
You could experience everything. You could experience everything. You could have said hot dogs, bro. A walk in the park. A hot dog on the corner. Seeing the ball drop in Times Square. Osama Bin Laden getting men to drive planes into the trade center at 8 in the morning. Two Iron Eagles hitting the fucking... Come on, dude. What impossible conspiracy that George Bush, the own government, sabotaging New York City. It is such a...
He's also... Let's also call it how we see it. He is also undergoing a federal investigation, so... Is he? Yeah, the guy's under investigation by the FBI. No one's correct. Like, you know, like... Dude. Oh, my God. Like, this was so... New York, it's such a great city. You can get a hot dog. You can experience the first New York City hot dog. Or it could be a guy driving through the gay parade and killing a couple of people. You never know what you're gonna get. That's like... That's like...
Legitimately And I hate to make light I'm not making light of this But like That's like someone Advertising Las Vegas Is like Anything can happen In Las Vegas Even an insane shooting Like what are you doing? You can see the Jabberwockies Or you can get shot At a concert It's like This is not a commercial What happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas Especially mass murder It's like dude Come on It's like dude chill Like read the fucking room here Oh my god That's such a funny What?
What is up like it is just like oh my god people don't like Eric Adams I don't know enough about him, but not not a good start. You know can ride the subway or car bomb You know like people should start realistically like Advertising their travel destinations based off of the way that he's trying to sell New York. It's an incredibly complicated place and
That's a very strange way to put it. That's so weird. Talk about the... So many things you could say. Talk about the absolute just fucking culture pot. Oh, it's a melting pot. There's so many restaurants and places you can go and the parks are beautiful. Yeah, exactly. Yes, yeah. That's like he's saying all that stuff, but he's like, yeah, and it also smells like pee-pee when there are homeless people. It's like you don't need to be... You can experience a homeless man jerking his cock in front of you on the 6th. It's an incredibly complicated place. It's complicated. You could...
Complicated after... Listen, he's not wrong. This is a complicated city. It absolutely is a complicated city for multiple reasons. I don't think you should lead with 9-11. Just don't. That should be number 809 on your list. Listen, for any people watching this that might run for office one day, however you are going to be politically involved, let me give you the smallest...
The smallest pinch of advice, pinch, baby dick piece of advice. Don't open up with whatever the worst tragedy is by your plate. Don't be like, ah, you know, fucking New York, home of the son of Sam, baby. Like, don't do that. Home of the son of Sam. You know, like, come on. Man, shout out to Eric Adams, man. East Palestine, Ohio. Come here for the train derailments.
Leave immediately after. What the fuck is that? Maybe you should watch some fucking news every now and then. I prefer not to watch the news. People are being kidnapped. People are being set on fire. Well, either you're going to watch it and learn about it there or fucking Eric Adams will tell you about it. Oh, God. All right. We do have some more sponsors for today. How you doing? Rocket Money, friends of the show. Rocket Money. It's all in one personal finance app. If you are financially irresponsible, which some of you might be in other, you know,
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Kind of wanted to end this thing. Maybe not end it, but like... This thing. This thing that we're doing. This thing right here? This thing of ours. This thing right here. There was an article that came out that apparently Gen Z, a lot of you guys... That's you guys. Suffer from menu anxiety. What?
I've heard about this. Menu anxiety when it comes to dining out with many too scared to order their own meals. I've heard of this. And this is a thing that like I remember from when I was younger that like my brothers had. They were afraid to order? They would be like, dad, order for us. Granted, a lot of the places we would go to were like Spanish restaurants. Oh, so you're like, I don't know what the fuck I'm... So yeah, but like I've heard of, I've fucking seen people that have this where like they go out and they're just like, I think I'm going to take, just order for me.
Really? I know people that are like, I'll order, and they'll be like, I'll just do that. But that's different. I think that's just like you hear something good, and it's like, oh, yeah, all right, yeah, just that. But every time they do it. But I think it's like an anxiety. They don't want to be spoken to. Really? Guys, order your fucking food. Come on. What are the foundation, like,
Parts of going to a restaurant is having to talk to at least one person. Yeah The person taking your food order menu anxiety. I just don't understand I can understand if the person is like, you know, like what's that restaurant? It's like a chain. Oh Dick's last resort. Remember that place they had him in like Vegas Hey, man, I've never been to a Dick's last resort. Listen, I've never been to but I
I've never been to that's that's a weird way of putting you were to You were too many years ago I've never been either but it's like the restaurant where like the gimmick is like the waiters and waitresses are all just like complete assholes Oh, yeah, they call you a bitch or something They'll put like a hat on you that's like, you know comes too fast or something like that Which is a wild concept. I do like that idea for a restaurant. I would be The owner of that company in a week. Yeah, you would probably have some people walking out. Um, but
It's like if it's like a restaurant like that where like they have a gimmick and they need to and it's just like uncomfortable for you Which one don't go there but two also like just just just just go just talk to say what you want All you have to do is just say this is what I want. There might be a follow-up question. How you want it cooked?
But it's not that complicated. Yeah, I don't know, man. The fact that Gen Z is having menu anxiety is kind of crazy to me. Like, just order your fucking food. Where I do understand that there's some menu anxiety is, like, ordering wines or something like that. Because I don't know how to pronounce any of these. So I have to be like... You just go, this. That one. That one. I want that one. Like, I literally... And you're like a kid. It's like...
I love that it's become like a thing now like we've gone out to It's more offensive to try and pronounce it right? I would say so where it's like let me get the shuffle go for Yeah and they're like and then they'll say it back to you completely different like oh that one you're like yes has to be I guess Yes it is I don't know I trust you
But it's just funny because, like, it's also now, like, it was probably a very real thing, like the wine tasting thing at the beginning of a meal. Where, like, they give it to you and you do the, you know, and you taste it. They're like, yes, okay, yes, I'm very good. Okay, I'll take the bottle. But, like, now I feel like places do it and most people that do that just aren't going to take it anyways. Like, even if it tastes like dog shit. But you're fucking, you're annoying with that shit.
Because when we went to dinner not too long ago, he was like, oh, he's really going to try. And you were making it a whole spectacle. Like, let's just go through the motions. I was making it a spectacle. Not the person that was like, hmm, okay. Blah, blah, blah, blah.
No, because I drank it and you went, check the legs. That's what you said in an Italian restaurant. Frank's going, check the legs. You didn't check the legs. I'm like, shut the fuck up. Oh, forget me for making jokes and having fun. Joey, this is what... All right, you know what? Now the fucking gates are open. Here comes the flood. You ready? Hope you got your arc. They're floodgates. Well, whatever. Joey, when we go out, he becomes so like...
I am dad. You're embarrassing me in front of everyone. You're embarr- We went to a studio's dinner not long ago, okay? Joey very kindly, graciously did a studio's dinner. Thank you for that, by the way. Just- I want to make sure I say that before I absolutely eviscerate you here. That was very kind, good time. I have a comeback. Go ahead. Joey does the whole like-
You're embarrassing me! Oh, Frankie! They can hear you! Oh! Like, we're having a good time, dude. We're standing out of studios. We put the fun in fun, you know what I'm saying? Like, we know exactly how to party because we're good, fun, fucking people. Joey becomes, when he's out with us, it's all like, hmm, you're embarrassing me. Bloop, bloop, bloop. No, so...
At any point did I say you're embarrassing me? No. But you act like it. You act like it. Because... That's what you do. Okay. I'll tell you why he's saying that.
We were there. Mind you, this place is not a very big place. It wasn't big. And also wasn't very loud. Oh, there was a lot of loud music playing. A lot of loud music. There was loud. No, there wasn't. There was loud Christmas music. We're a group of seven or whatever, seven or eight or whatever the fuck it is. And there's like talking and shit. So we're louder than most people are on a date. It's one, two minutes. Like they're like, you know, doing that. So we're loud already.
Frankie is now yelling from corner to corner of the tables going something about clapping cheeks. Yeah, wasn't it clapping cheeks? Talking about sex. Most of the other people at the tables are probably doing the same thing, just lowly. Sorry, you Brooklyn weirdos don't fucking openly joke about stuff.
Clapping cheeks, he's screaming clapping cheeks in a restaurant so I'm like, Frank! So he gets so, he gets so embarrassed, like, and it wasn't just me that you did this to, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other people too, you did it to other
We're having a good time. We're having a good time Joey. You know what and Joey gets a wine bottle. He's like Let me get the art you ordered a glass of orange wine I wanted to put my head through the window. It was good. It was it looked pretty good I'm not gonna lie like like you do you got you got like you get it in Paris because I don't cuz and I will admit that I do I don't get like that but like I don't like I
Being the loudest people in a restaurant. I agree and and we're not always screaming about clapping and like that's another thing I don't mind being loud at a restaurant as long as it's not Like what's the word I'm looking for like raunchy I guess? Obscene. Yeah, because like there's like a little old lady next to us and you're talking about clapping cheeks You know who was probably the happiest person that night the little old woman that was reminiscing about fucking you know Gerald Ford clapping her cheeks back in the first model 3, okay
Everything was a good time. She was probably so excited. Whoever. Gerald Ford, Henry Ford. Wait, Gerald Ford was like a president. Yeah, whoever. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. That's funny. It was a good time. It was a great good time. I had a good time. But we didn't have menu anxiety. We all ordered. Yeah, we all. Well, yeah. I just, I. I also like ordering. I do too. Like, I like doing like, that's why I said, I was like, yo, can I just do apps? Because like, everyone will just eat whatever. Yeah.
Yeah, I just, I don't feel that order anxiety. And I guess I would have to speak with someone that does to see why. But then, listen, I am fully sympathetic to people that suffer from anxiety disorders in any capacity. But, like, if you have that type of anxiety... What are the half chicken and shut up, though? Come on. But, like, why put yourself in that situation? Yeah. It's not like it's, like, an absolutely ridiculous thing that us boomers are holding on to, like...
Human interaction. You must order. But like, that's a pretty fundamental part of any dining experience is having to at least say, hey, I want this. Yeah. What's going on? I don't even know what the alternative is. The alternative is putting it on. Like, have you been to like a Chili's or something? No, I guess not. I honestly have never been to Chili's. I've been to Chili's. They put like a tablet at your table and you just order on the tablet. I don't hate that. I don't hate it either. But like, I don't want that to be the norm.
They've taken our jarbs. But I also like, you know, you strike me as a like, what's good? I do. Frankie takes the menu. He's probably, I can just picture you like the menu. She's like, what about you? And you're like, what do you like? What's good?
I will say this. Also, if you're between items, you better be between two items. Because if you're there like, I'm between these three. What are you saying? And also, either commit to the specials or don't. Yeah. Like, don't do this whole like, but that. Like, either you hear a special, you're just like, yes. Or...
Don't. Also, you got questions about the specials? You better be ordering a special, dude. Yeah, don't ask. If you hear a special and you have a question about it, it's yours. You're getting it. You're getting it. You have to, y'all. I'm with you a thousand percent. If you're asking questions about the specials, you better get it. Yeah, because if you go, no, you're not going to get it.
information about the special that you didn't get in its original description that is going to deter you from getting it. There's nothing. I hate it, dude. I hate that so much. I fucking hate that. I am the type, though, I'll say, like, I'm stuck between the steak and the salmon. What do you think is better? I'm definitely...
That's okay. That's fine. But if there's three items that you're stuck between, I'm going to lose it. And if you do that, if you do what I just said, and they say, ah, the steak is probably a little better, more people like it, and then you go with the opposite choice. Oh, I will get up and leave. You want to hear yourself talk. Legitimately. You wanted to hear yourself talk. Murder yourself in the sleep. I will literally get up and leave. Like, I can't. I can't. Like, especially when it comes to, like, at restaurants with, like, waiters and stuff. It's like you have all these questions, and you just...
Once you say I'm stuck between these two things, you've relinquished the power of autonomy. You're locked in. They are choosing what you have for dinner and you fucking are going to like it. 100,000%. That's it. We're not arguing here. We agree. I'm just thinking about someone being like, oh, I'm between the steak and the chicken. They're like chicken. They're like, I'll have the steak. I would have been like, you fuck. I would have been like, you fuck.
I lost it, dude. I really can't pick. These ribs sound delicious, but also the tilapia. And it's like, well, you know, the ribs are our favorite here. You know, it's like, you know what? Give me the burger. Oh, my God. You're done, dude. You're so done. Listen, not even a joke. You're so done. Dude. Also, when people are like, how's that cooked?
Bobby fly over here all of a sudden. In a kitchen. Oh, you spend $20,000 a year on Uber Eats and now you're asking how it's cooked? Are you interested? Eat the fucking thing and shut up. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't. Restaurant etiquette is so weird because your friend that will literally eat a carrot off the floor goes into a building and then wants to know exactly what kind of oil is used to fry their burger. My God. Just go in. Or the people...
Listen, I'm understandable about like substitutions with certain things, but I recently went to dude, I went to a birthday dinner a couple months ago and it was a prefix menu and someone was just like, all right, I'm going to do the ribeye steak. And they're like, oh, that's not on the prefix menu. It was like,
I really want the ribeye steak and they were like, oh, I would have lost and they said it gets worse It gets so much worse. It was like oh, but that's not like sorry like the the chef created the prefix menu and they were just like But I want I'm I'm dining here. Oh, no, I'm I want the and they were like they they're like no Sorry, and they're like, all right, you know what whatever give me I won't get anything or they were like So that's what they did and then the waiter came back boycott Listen, the waiter came back 20 minutes later. It was like, you know what? I spoke to the chef and
For a bit of a surcharge, you know, we are going to give you the ribeye steak, you know? And they were like, oh my God, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. The ribeye steak came. They didn't take a single bite. Joey, I wish this was a joke. You took it. No, they took it home, but they didn't eat a single bite of this ribeye steak. Would have lost my mind. I would have ate it at the fucking table. I would have ate it. You're like...
You better fucking eat that now. Dude, I couldn't believe it. And it's funny because I was talking to my buddy afterward. I was like, that was a bit much, right? A bit much. That was a bit over the top. And they were just like, no, I thought that was okay. And I was like, that's a wild... Dude, also, this is kind of like what I was saying before, but when people ask questions about an item, they're like, how many of the ribs do they... It's like, oh, it's like this and whatever. It's like, cool. I'll have something completely different. I'm like...
Doesn't make sense. No question. Serious. Guys, I'm going to give you another piece of advice. Those politicians, I'm giving you another piece of advice. Oh my God. If you ask about a menu item, you have an 80% chance likelihood of getting it. And if you go with the 20%, it better be something insane. You better explain yourself too if you're going to change. If you're like, oh, can I have this and this? And then it's like...
They're like, oh, it's cooked like this or whatever. You better have an explanation if you're going to switch. Like, you better be like, oh, I don't really, you know, like, you can't just be like, well, I'll have that. And listen the fuck up, Ratatouille. If you're going to order something and then ask questions about where the cheese is from or something like that, just don't get it. Bro. Just don't get it. You know what's even worse? Trust the restaurant, dude. What's wrong with you people?
You're afraid to order. Then when you do order, it's not the... I can't. I can't. I really can't. I've been at restaurants with Espo before and we get our food and then he finishes it and then he holds up the plate and he goes, where do you guys get these? I'm like, when do you open up your restaurant?
are you talking about? What are you going to do realistically with that information? Go home and order a white plate? Because it's not, but it's not white plates. It comes on these like very irregular shaped things that are like, it looks like rock or whatever the fuck. And I'm like,
Even if they are gonna tell you. What are you gonna do? You gonna start eating dinner off of that? Yeah, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Buy your plates on Amazon like a normal person! Yeah, no, I love when people are like so enamored by like the silverware and they're just like, "Where did you get-" Restaurant Depot. That's the answer! Do whatever you think you're gonna do with that information. I hate that so much, dude. I mean, listen, like the drink- you had a drink out of a fucking bird's ass the other day.
That was crazy. That's a cool drink, but you're never going to get that glass. No question. You're never ever going to get that glass in your whole life. I won't ask shit. Well, I may ask like,
Or honestly, if I look at the menu and I don't know something, I will take out my phone and Google. Like, I'll be like, I don't even know what the fuck that is, and I'll Google it to make sure I... Oh, like instead of being like, oh, what is Chateau Gigant Foton? Yeah, there's no way I'm doing that. Well, no, I won't Google wine. It was an example. But if it's like, oh, it's made with a certain type of cheese, but like it doesn't say cheese, it just says the word. I don't know if you're like this, but like...
Let's say there's a lamb dish on a menu. And it says, okay, there's lamb, potatoes, and then there's some stuff that you don't really know what it is.
People who like lamb some people who like lamb will look at that and be like I want to order that but I don't know what these are and I'm like you already like the main thing is there it's it's the other things are probably sticks and stones yeah, yeah, you get it it's a seasoning like it's not it's really not gonna like make too much of a difference people I have to say as a human race we have failed restaurants we have failed because we have just gone in and just absolutely butchered them to all hell and
Hate it. I absolutely hate it. I don't know. Like, I just realized how much, like, there's so many ways that I could be completely uncomfortable by the people I'm with at a restaurant. And also the people that are just like, how's the fish? It's fish. It's good. It's going to be exactly like fish. You can't really do too much to, to make it not fish. Yeah. Just, just, yeah.
There's only been one time. The only question that I will ask is, is that enough for the table? Yes. Yes. Exactly. Should we get two of these things? Or like, you know, there's a bunch of us. Like, should we get two of these or whatever? Like that? That's fine. Fine.
But don't with all these other fucking questions. Also, I've got to say. Sending food back? No, don't even bring it up. Don't even bring it up. I'd rather get salmonella and keel over and die in the bathroom of the restaurant. I'm not sending it back. I can understand it to a super, super, super specific degree. But like, for instance, I get my steaks cooked medium rare. If it comes a little undercooked or a little overcooked, I'm eating it. Right?
It's okay. But if it comes and it has a used condom on top, then I'll send it back. Yeah. That's understandable. But if there's a human finger, I may just move it out of the way. I may just move it out of the way and eat it because I'm not sending it back. Be careful, dude. Fingers? Yeah, you never know. There's some places recently that have been finding weird. Like McDonald's is under... Someone filed a lawsuit against McDonald's for finding a crack pipe in their food.
It's fire. Someone in New York, you know the salad place Chopped? Uh-huh. They found a finger in theirs. Well, I mean, they're chopping all day. I'm telling you right now, if I find a finger in my food, I'm rich. I'm not scared. I am so happy, dude. I'm eating it. I'm biting the finger, and I'm suing hard. Yeah. Oh, yeah. A thousand percent. I'm taking a bite out of a finger. I'll go to the hospital, get whatever pill cocktail I need to make sure I'm okay. But your boy, if...
If I go to a chain restaurant and there's fingers in my food... I'm praying for a finger these days. Come on over. I'm throwing a party. Yeah, I'm praying for a finger these days. Finger in the popcorn chicken. Anyway, we're going to find you, Frank. At Valvarez885 on Twitter, X, whatever the hell it's called. The Frank Galbraiths on all other forms of social media. And then go check out the basement yard on all forms of social media. Yeah, that's all I got. You guys can go follow me at Joe Santagato. Go follow the show at the basement yard on TikTok and Instagram. Patreon.com.
patreon.com slash TheBasementYard and go to TheBasementYard.com and if you're coming to those first three shows, fill out that audience form and yeah, just like let us know what shows you're going to be at. It's going to be a lot of fucking fun. Can't wait to see you guys out there and we'll see you guys next time.