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Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard. We should leave it that in, we should leave it- We should leave it that in. We can't now, you know why? You flustered me, bitch. You know why we can't leave that in? Why? Because I- you just said the n-word. Quit this! You're gonna convince people that's real! Like, what are you talking about? It's not. Did you see that TikTok where it's like, there's a girl and this guy, hey, welcome back to the basement yard, guys. Um...
This girl and this guy And a letter pops up And it's like We're gonna say the same We're gonna say a word Oh my god That comes to our mind Until we get one that's correct And the first one is J And she's like John And he's like Jump And it's N And they both pause Yeah they're like
What do you want to say? What was that? Welcome back. Glad to be back. Yeah. The boys back in action just like Looney Tunes. I don't know about you, but I'm not a Looney Tooney because I'm sitting out here and I got my boys. No. Stop. How about no? Stop. Let me rap, dude. I don't know what you're doing. Let me rap. I was going to rap. Even this I don't like.
I was gonna rap. I was gonna spit a quick 16. That's even worse. Don't say that either. Why? I don't know. Doesn't sound good. Why? Because I'm not gonna spit on a 16-year-old. I'm gonna spit a 16. Hey, I didn't think that you were gonna do that. Okay. Because that's illegal. What rhymes with 16? Fisting.
Fisting? I would think so, right? Fisting. Yeah, yeah. Would you fist someone? Be serious. Be serious. Be serious, Frank. Be serious. Stop, stop, stop pointing at me. No, probably, I don't know, maybe. Come on. I don't know. It's not something that you would like desire. Like, oh, my birthday, I'm trying to fisting. I don't want to speak about the mother of my children on YouTube like that. Well, pretend, pretend that you're not married. Pretend I'm not married? Okay. Would you fist? No, but like...
See, I don't like doing this either because now you're... Yeah, I don't want to think about life without my wife. People love when you do this. Do what?
I don't want to think about a life without my wife. I like when you say do this. Like I'm asking you to do that. I know you're not. No, Joey. Listen, I guess if the circumstances called for it. A fisting. I guess so. Of course. You want someone who wants to be fisted. What about you? Fucking fist master general. Yeah? I've never fisted anybody. I come to you and I'm like, please. Not you. I'm not saying me, but I come to you for them. I'm their advocate.
Oh, there's a middleman? I'm just like, well, yeah, there was always, remember in like high school? It'd always be like, yo, like my homeboy thinks you're hot. Yeah, but it's not like, hey, my homeboy wants you to know if he wants to get fisted. You never know. Oh, I mean. It took forever. It's like, yo, you see my homegirl over there? She wants to get fisted. She loves your hands. Make a fist for me real quick.
She wants a closed fisting. She wants a closed fisting. I guess, I mean, listen. Yeah. Go for it. It goes down. I heard that you recently, for other people's lives, I'm not, I'm not fisting. Other people's lives, you spoke to someone that does like mass orgies. Did we? Maybe the episode's not out or maybe it won't come out.
Maybe, I don't know. Either way. That's something that you have to do once in your life. What? You have to go to an orgy. No, I don't. Why not? I think of the smell. Oh, yeah. Maybe it would have to be outdoors. Just come with a Febreze. Oh, an outdoor one. But then you've got to worry about the elements. Like, what if it's raining? You pick a day. Frankie, we can predict the weather. Oh, Joey, how disappointing would everyone be if they're like, ah, tomorrow.
I'm assuming there's prep. A rain delay? I'm assuming there's prep involved. Yeah, you pick a day in like the autumn. Not the autumn. Yeah, autumn. Not a lot of rain in the autumn, is there? Or spring. Probably better. April showers. They have a whole month dedicated to the rain. Yeah. I do like when it rains and it's sunny out. So you want to know something funny? Someone found on a previous episode of the Basement Yard podcast, which you could find anywhere, um,
I had joked about how I had previously made a stupid tweet in like 2012 or something, and someone found it. What tweet? It was a tweet where, I mean, it shouldn't take me very long to pull up, so bear with me. But I had said something stupid to the, like... Does it have anything to do with, like, sun showers? Because that's what I was talking about. If this has nothing to do with that, I may scream. No, I don't think it has anything to do with sun showers. So why did you think of this?
What do you mean, why did I think of this? Why did it pop into your head while I was talking about it? We were talking, I'm saying we were talking in another episode about it, and you just brought up the word rain, Joey, so I'm talking rain too. You brought up rain. You brought up rain. You brought the rain up. You said, what if it rains on your orgy day? I'm too busy looking for this, Joey. You're probably not going to find it. I'm probably not now that I think about it. But it was something along the lines of like, hot rain, yes please, sexy.
Or some shit like that. It was so fucking... What did it even mean, though? Hot rain is sexy, Joey. What's hot rain? I thought in 2012 that if I tweeted something was sexy, someone would find me sexy. Is that what the thought process was? Maybe. I was 20 years old. 19, 20 years old. That's old!
That you're not seven Frank you're 20 years old Oh Joey you're gonna tell me you still think the exact same way you did when you were 20? Guess what watch this No you don't I know I don't but I know what I don't know don't don't know No don't don't What you don't know What I know what I know thanks Hump What'd you say? Hump? Go ahead
Also, never humped anybody in my life. You've had sex? But that's not humping. Yes, you hump, Joey. That's thrusting. Humping is like different. Joey, that's a hump, dude. Humping is like different. Thrusting is just no clothes. Humping with clothes. You've never dry humped? I don't think. Joey. I don't know. You're a lying little sack of dirt.
I don't know if I've dry humped. Joey. I've like done it. You're going to tell me you've not been in like a pre-sex make out and you're just like fucking like. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I know. But that's not dry humping to me. Yes, it is. No, that's just making out with movement. Yeah, but like you get like in the position. But dry humping is like we're humping. Yes, Joey. Yes. I'm not purposefully humping. I'm just humping because I'm like. You're humping. Making out makes me.
Joey, make out. It's a hump, dude. No, humping is completely different. You're thinking like you're a fucking little rodent. You're like... Like, no. You have humped before. Yeah, but like, no, I haven't. Yes. I don't believe. I think those are different. Joey, you are incorrect here. You have definitely dry humped. No, no, no. Yes, you have. Humping is like... You're going to tell me you've never been laying down, wearing full clothes, making out with someone, and you're doing like humping.
No. Not that like you're putting them in a sex position and you're both closed and then you're like, this would be sweet if I lost my clothes here. No, no. When I picture dry humping, I think of... Why this? I'll get to that. Why that? Because I... Why the scissors? When I think of dry humping, I'm gonna fucking experience
When I think of dry humping, I think of like scissoring. Yeah, but that's for not us. We're not allowed to scissor. I know. It's not cool for straights to scissor. I know. We can't take the lesbian stuff. We can't. First, you know, we're not allowed to take that. Where does it stop? Let them have scissoring at least. They've had a rough go of it. Yeah. Give them scissoring and the WNBA. And softball. And softball.
They will give them back. They have that. They're happy. Those are good stuff to have. We'll share flannels, though. We will share flannels with the lesbians. We will share them, and you'll like it.
Also, we will share shaving designs in the side of your head too. If anything, we did it first. So we're letting you. You're welcome. Right, yeah. Don't make us take it back. And Shane Wallace. Don't make us take back Shane Wallace. Don't you dare. They got uncool for us a little bit. You can have them for now. But the minute we want them back, it's ours again. Right. What were you talking about though? Dry humping. Dry humping. But yeah, I do think that it's like a dry humping is more of like it's like purposeful.
Like, I'm humping right now. No, I'm not thinking of humping. All right, I'm going to set the scene for you. Close your eyes. You're laying down on your back on your bed, okay? Yeah. For some reason, you still have a twin-size bed. It doesn't make any sense. I don't. You're laying on your back. My turn. Let me talk. And someone is on top of you, straddled. You're both wearing jeans and making out. I'm wearing jeans? Yeah, some good Levi's, you know. Classic cut. Don't. Maybe even boot cut. Shoes?
No, you kicked your shoes off. She's in the middle of taking hers off. All right. She's like, you're making out and she's like doing that thing where you're making out and reaching back. She's reaching back what? And pulling her boots off. Oh, okay. Close your eyes. Why are they open? Why are they open? Because I had to supervise what you were saying. I said, you didn't have to supervise anything with your eyes. Close your eyes. Supervise.
Supervise, Supervise, Supervise Realize, Realize, Realize Yeah, exactly Alright, and you're making out And there's this Don't look, no, don't There's this, there's wave movements going They're kind of humpy though You're telling me to close my eyes and then you're doing things and I can't You know, there's this Don't look, Joey, Jesus Christ, don't I'm explaining it There's this right here Stop saying this because I can't see Stupid bitch
Closing them. Go ahead. So there's like gyrating hips and this right here. Frankie, if you say this one more time, I'm going to open my eyes and glue them open. I'm never shutting them again. So stop saying this. Describe what you mean. Okay. You're not adding a little bit to the party? Yes, but that's not humping. Yes, it is, Joey. It's humping. Because if your clothes were off and P and Beam were about there, there'd be sebs. You can't respond to that.
All right, whatever. Just admit you dry hump. Maybe. It's not uncool to dry hump, dude. It's pretty sick. Whatever, dude. I don't care. I just want to go home. Well, that's like the handjob thing. Handjobs are for high school. I've never gotten a handjob. You've never gotten like a dedicated, like this is just for handjob? Never. All right. Well, see, but this is the same thing. This is what I mean. Like, obviously, like it's been touched. The thing's been touched. You might want to try the handjob thing.
Why? Everything else is way cooler. I mean, yeah, but like, this is something to do. Knock it off your bucket list, you know? By the end of your days, you need to get one just dedicated, just you, just for you hand job. I'm sure it'll be like, you know, when I have a wife and like I'm hiding in a room and she's got one eye on the kids and she's like, just fucking here. You got real, you went open and girthy on that, Joey. Give yourself some real...
Here, slap it in her mouth. You think she's trying to jerk you off? She's trying to tell you to get the fuck out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here. Yeah. I think you've probably been a notorious dry humper in your life. No one's notorious for dry. You're notorious for dry humping, dude. No, I'm not. Dude, you haven't had some just some hard dry makeouts? Yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's dry humping. There's humping in there.
Give in to the hump. There's nothing wrong with it. Just look at me. You've humped. It's okay. It's more groping than it is humping. Groping is a bad... It's a negative connotation to it, Joey. Yeah, because... Yeah, if you grope without consent. When you hear people groping or being groped... You could grope with consent.
Groping like if I'm grabbing your tit. I'm groping you. I think that's not a grope Just it doesn't sound right. I don't like it to you. Maybe yeah I'm not saying I groped a waitress. I'm saying a person that I'm with very specifically because that's who waitresses get groped all the time with that example bartenders I think it's like people on like the train and the bus and that's who that's who that's who big groping problem What kind of a big freak do you need to be to just be like grab an ass?
Also, what do you get from that? They get something, those fucking freaks. Yeah, they get something from anything. It's crazy. You shouldn't murder them. You should start cutting off hands, though, for sure. Dude, whatever that country was, Iraq, Iran, one of those countries did that. They had it right. Oh, they were cutting hands off? Yeah. But they were also cutting heads off. I would hands. Fingers? I'm saying, like, you steal. They were like, oh, you steal from me. I take your hand. Hammurabi. That's right. His code. I think that was from Egypt, though. Yeah. Either way.
But yeah, I agree. Hey, serial gropers out there, you get caught and you lose a finger every time. I don't know how much of our audience is serial gropers. Hopefully none of them. I agree. Because we don't like that. Yeah. Unless it's with consent, then we're big fans of groping. All about it. All about it. Let me tell you. All about getting grabbed and grabbing. I have a question for you. Yeah. As this is something that has gone across the internet as of late.
Do you think about the Roman Empire? I've seen this shit all over TikTok, bro. I never think about this. I think it's bullshit. I think everyone's like, oh, they just want to be a part of something. And they're like, oh, the Roman Empire. See, my boyfriend's also quirky. You guys suck. Who thinks about the Roman Empire? Joey, I agree. I think this is like boys just trying to have a boy thing. Where it's like, I think about the Roman Empire all the time. Twice a week.
That's when I would be like, all right, you know what? Name three dictators. Go ahead. Give me three leaders. And you can't be Caesar. Give me another three. Give me two. They can't name them. We're talking about a specific empire, Frank. The Roman Empire. That's what I'm saying. There were different dictators. I don't even know that. I don't even know. When people say how many times you think about it, I don't think about anything historical unless I'm taking a test. And that doesn't happen often. No. It doesn't happen... I would say...
Ever, really. In the last 10 years, it hasn't happened at all. Even longer. Yeah. I don't get why this was like a thing. Like, why boys need to try to be cooler by thinking like, oh, we think of the Roman Empire. No, we don't. We do not. No. We do not. If I'm thinking of history at all, it ain't the Roman Empire. It's World War II. I think about that. That shit is pretty cool. World War II, way more than I think about the Roman Empire. Dude, what were they doing back in the Roman Empire?
Who even cares? Well, they had stupid haircuts. And their fucking, their helmets had feathers on them. Oh, sweet. You know how cool the Roman Empire was? They were brought down by Christianity. Way to go. Stupid. They did have pretty cool hats. The ones that looked like brooms. I hate them. Oh, I thought that was kind of cool. I did like their chest plates that looked like they were ripped. They were shredded. Yeah. But I didn't like that though. They weren't. They were just fat Romans. No, they were pretty shredded, a lot of them. Because they couldn't eat. Those are the Greeks.
The Greeks, though, I don't think of that empire either. Well, no, I just remember the movie. They were ripped up in that movie. They're all ripped up in all those movies. That's true. It's such a stupid... Not enough fat soldiers in movies. No representation. Well, because back then, people that were fat were of high power because of the food, Joey. That's right. Look at us talking about the Roman Empire. Just two boys. Two boys. First time I've done it, and that's way too far away for me to dap you up, but...
Yeah, no, the Roman Empire thing, it's just a fad on TikTok. Everyone wants to be a part of it, and they want to do well. What do you think is going to come out from this? Because it always... Nothing. No, what is the equivalent for girls? What do girls think of? I don't know. Why the hell would you ask me? I don't know. I'm not a girl. Yeah, neither am I, Joey. I know. But guess what? How many times has that stopped us from pontificating this stuff in the past?
Get that out of your fucking vocabulary. I don't know. I don't know. What do they think about? So if boys think about the Roman Empire, what do girls think of? The Roman Empire sucks. If that had said World War II, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. Salem Witch Trials. That's... How is that dissimilar to... I don't know. What do girls think of? I don't know, dude. Do you think they think of witches being burned at the stake for reading? Maybe. I don't know. I mean... Oh, that bitch can read. Burn her. And she can't read either? Also a witch. Burn her. Useless. Burn her.
What would you- alright, serious question. If I were to ask Joey at the age of 15 what girls were thinking, what would you say? I- I don't- Oh my god. Don't you fucking dare! I knew exactly what this was gonna be. Joey's going on this high horse. I don't know, like fucking like Susan B Anthony and like- Just fucking- Susan B Anthony! Joey, you would have said something stupid and that's the point I'm getting at. I don't even know what Susie did. I know she was on a coin. Joe, she was on a coin. I don't know either. I'll be honest.
I'll be honest. I don't know either. I feel like I should know that. We probably should, and we should tell the people that watch this show. Yeah. Susan B. Anthony, for those who don't know, obviously we do. We're just, you know. We want to make sure you guys knew before we told you. She's a social reformer. Social reformer. Women's rights. Of course. Activist. In the early 1900s. She played a pivotal role in the women's suffrage. Yeah. See, I told you we knew.
Did you? Wow. Do you support women's suffrage? Wow. Well, I don't want it. Huh? What is... Like, suffrage sounds like suffering. Right. Do you support women's suffrage? That seems like a trick question, and I don't know. But is it? I support the onset of... You don't know what suffrage is, do you? You don't know what suffrage is. I know Suffragette City, good song by David Bowie. Is that going to help you here? He's dead. Correct. Isn't that sad? Are you trying to get me off the question?
Women's suffrage. Yes. Yay or nay? I guess it's... I guess the movement to... What movement? The movement to move in the right direction. That movement. Yeah, but the right direction is different for some people. For all. Yes. I am a feminist. Okay. So how do you feel about women's suffrage, Frank? I feel like it was an important part of our history, and we have a lot of work left to do. With that...
Yeah. With women's suffrage. Yeah. You feel like we still haven't gotten to the point where... We're not there yet. We're not there yet with women's suffrage. We're not. And you don't... Well, the women's suffrage movement was the start of moving in the direction that might benefit women the most. And that's where I want to be. So you support women's suffrage, is what you're saying? I don't, because that... You don't support women's suffrage. Well, I don't.
We know that you don't know what it means, but it sounds like you don't support it or you do support it. I'm not sure, though.
How can I support something I don't fully understand? Right. I am a silent... No, but you know what it is? It's hard to understand whether you support it or not. Joey, I'm a silent partner. Yeah. Oh, you're a silent partner in supporting it or not supporting it? I am here to link arms with my sisters in arms and... And be down with the movement? And I'm down with them. I'm here for them. Put down meaning you want to put the movement down? No. No, I want to... Do you support the suffrage or not?
I can't tell. It sounds like you said yes and then you said no and I'm not sure. And I get that it's probably very hard to understand. Yeah. Because it is complicated, right? I think when you... Is it a... Would you say it's a gray area? Susan B. Anthony. Forget about her. Gray area. Is it a gray area here? No. Women's summer? So it's a black and white thing. Well, stop that. I don't like that. Yeah. Susan B. Anthony. Sylvia Plath. What are we doing here? Helen Keller. Helen Keller? Yeah.
Amelia Earhart. Amelia Earhart. How are these people? All notable women that I'm supporting here, Joey. You support Amelia Earhart? Yes, I do. Okay. People didn't think she could do it. She didn't. Oh, God. You know what I just found out? We're going to get back to this, by the way. But you know what I just found out? You hit your head on the wall? Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did.
I just found out what may have happened to Amelia Earhart. I think she had, on her way back or something like that, she had gone down, right? Yeah, Frank, but who cares? Oh, okay. No, I'm saying like why she went down. I care, Joey. I do. Listen. Yeah, because you don't, with the suffrage again. You want suffrage? What happened to Amelia Earhart, Joey?
Women's suffrage is women's right to vote, by the way. I agree with it. You said no. And then you said it was complicated. No. It's just women's right to vote in elections. I agree with it. Obviously, Joey. Okay, yeah, it's obvious now. Amelia Earhart. So...
This is a theory about what happened to her. Because the Bermuda Triangle or whatever. Isn't that below us though? The who? The Bermuda Triangle. Below us? Yeah. What does that mean? Like more southern than where she was going to be. I don't know. I don't even know where she went down. She was flying across the Atlantic. Yes, but like from here to like fucking like London.
What, you think she was going to Cape Town? But what they think happened, there was a theory, because when I was in Portugal and you're like looking out, sometimes the... Of course. How to bring up Portugal. So when you're looking out, the sky sort of blends with the water. So you don't know where the fucking, where you are. And some people just hit the fucking water. So before the technology of knowing like how high you are off the ground...
with fucking a million air heart. All he had was like goggles back then. And they were like really dumb looking goggles. Yeah. Like Snoopy would wear those goggles. Yeah. And they think that that's why. It's possible. Because she didn't know where the fuck the thing was. Because when I took a plane to Azores, it was such a small island. And we were coming down. I was looking at the water and I didn't realize how low we were until I saw a boat.
And it was way bigger than I thought it was. So I would have crashed that motherfucker. You always like to sneak in little things into the episodes. Almost every single episode. And then your new thing now is going to be just Europe, Joe. Really? Talk about... Oh, where else have you been, Joey? When we went to this super small island that we got a chartered plane for that we... Chartered plane. We had to really like shell out some real hard cash for it. Did I tell you that I got some cases of wine brought back for me? It was expensive. First of all, the flight was like 80 bucks.
Portugal, Joey. 80 bucks Portugal. Their fucking currency is worth more than ours. Wow. So it was a lot of money then. No, it's the Euro. Yeah. The Euro was like 10 times to one. So that was like 10 times. That's what you said. Are you even alive? That's what you said, Joey.
whatever i don't even know what we're talking about i mean either but this roman empire thing i don't understand don't it's it is a lie let's be like girls have gone up to their boyfriends like do you think about the roman empire and he's like yeah quite frequently and it's like no they fucking don't yeah because your boyfriends are also on tick tock and they're like what yeah yeah i'm a dude they just want to make themselves more oh you're quirky dude bro you're just like you're a dude man boys are mysterious guess what
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These are getting more... These are getting more... I hated that. More based. I hate the whole thing. More what? Based. Did I get it right? Please stop using that word. Did I get it right? I don't know. Come on. You're asking the wrong girl. Out of pocket. Frankie, please. Is that it? Nope. No cap. God. Don't like that one, huh? Nope. Don't like that one. Don't like that one.
Please stop. No, come on. Also, you heard someone say these are our friendship necklaces? Aww! There's other people that have them, though, so it doesn't make me feel very happy. All right, yeah. Yeah, I don't like that. Yeah. I never take mine off. Do you? I'm not ready for you to say yes. I just started putting it back on. What happened in our relationship? It's not because of you. Why is it?
Why is what? Why have you just started putting it back on? Oh, I don't know. Let's get friendship pinky rings. Let's get friendship rings, promise rings to each other. What's the promise? We'll always be friends. We'll always be best friends. And we wear pinkies. This is my promise ring. This is my promise ring with Joey. Yeah. That'd be cool. Yeah, I'm sure your wife would be like, what? Yeah, she'd be like, huh? Why is it on the same hand as your wedding ring? Wait, why did you move the wedding ring to a different finger?
Why is your wedding ring on the middle finger now? How do you feel about getting rings? Rings? Yeah. You know, it's funny. I don't really like things in between my hands. Okay. But I just started wearing rings. Oh, where are they? I don't wear them. Why not? Because I'm not going to wear them daily. I'm not a daily. I'll tell you. I just got done with my rewatch of The Sopranos maybe like two weeks ago. You want to go pinky ring, don't you? I definitely want to go more rings.
But the reason it really spawned like it's spawned the idea for me is I was eating a sandwich and I noticed I keep my like Wait, how do you eat a sandwich like this? Why which hands are touching it mostly these I?
And the rest of them, these are there for like, kind of like lovable, like, you know, emotional support. And then these are just kind of in the back. Your pinkies at the lookouts. Yeah. They're watching. Make sure no one's coming to fuck with my sandwich. Yeah. Okay. And like, if I had rings on these pinkies while I'm eating it, it would just feel so sick. You want to start wearing rings because you think it'll look cool when you eat sandwiches? I do. That's so random. Is it random though? Feels like it. I also remember those big ass, I wouldn't get a big giant fat ring like Steve.
Yeah, I mean, he's wearing a Captain America shield on his head. Bro, this dude had a fucking, like, and I also don't want to get those rings that are like double finger rings. You know what I'm saying? Oh, that says like wham? Yeah, like badass or some shit. I just want like a good like ring right here. Do you want it to be like flashy?
Little bit a little bit a little not like super flat color. I would say I'd go gold nice I need one gold ring yeah, and then on the other hand I could do maybe like a platinum or something would you wear a thumb ring? That's a little no my thumbs are - that's a giant ass ring look at how big my thumbs are Joey How do you look at thumbs dude? Do you remember back in the day? Yes? Thank God bro
Back in the day, they'd be like, yo, check your nails. And if you check them like this, everyone's like, you're... Oh, no, if you check them like this... Either way, they'd say you were gay. Oh, yeah. It was like, check your nails. And you'd be like, what? And you're like, oh, dude, that's gay! And then you'd be like... We all check their nails that way! You'd be like, oh, I mean like this. And they'd be like, oh, that too! That's gay too! And they'd be like, what's the proper way? And they'd be like...
I don't know. Like this! Yeah. No, someone did that to me at 48th Street Park once and I remember I was so- like they did that in front of like a bunch of people and I walked away I was like, "I'm not fucking gay." I can't believe that. I'm not gay. It's like, check your nails and you go, "Oh." And they go, "Pah!" Yeah, I remember that quite vividly. Yeah, I just saw that. I think we could- I think we could pull off some rings.
You should be. Should we get all fingers? Too many. Too many, dude. Yeah, way too many. Two, two, too many. Probably. Let's get, listen, follow me here. I'm following. I know you're big into like jewelry. I'm not. Let's go to the jeweler.
Get customized friendship rings. Already I'm out. Come on, dude. Yeah, I can't do that. And we can get like a diamond. No one's going to think that's for friendship. What, they're going to think we're sleeping with each other? Yeah, inside of each other, yeah. I don't think so. Yeah. We can get like the friendship stones, like whatever one is like, you know how it'll be like, oh, opal means like fucking like the life of water and shit like that. We can get one that like signifies friendship. No, are you...
Do you realize what those do signify? They're like birthstones, Frank. I know birthstones mean different things, though, Joey. So you want to get my birthstone on yours? No. I'm saying... I was going to say, at that point, you might as well have sex with each other. What stone signifies friendship? I wrote Stein and signified and frondship, so I think it'll figure itself out. Seven best crystals for friendship. Okay. Okay, no, no. You ready? No, we're talking about crystals now.
You want to be Crystal Girls? I don't. But for us, I will. Peridot also shares the name of the Stone of Friendship, meaning that it positively made for moments that you want to connect and celebrate with your closest companions. Dude, Peridot? Come on. It sounds like a Pokemon's name. It's yellow. Ew, that one looks like piss. It does. How fitting for us, though. The piss boys. Just two boys.
We the piss boys. I pee in the car. You pee your pants. I don't pee my pants. You peed in the sink. What was that story? You were drunk? Peed in a sink. Oh, you threw up in the sink. Whatever. We're piss boys together. We're not piss boys. You just made that up. I don't think so. I know so. No, I don't like how you're trying to gaslight me here. No, I'm not going to do that. I found something else I wanted to show you. What the fuck was that? It was an anonymous Redditor talking about how they wipe.
And they wipe they wipe and I wanted to get your idea on on how you wipe your asshole Oh, I've yeah, okay So the anonymous redditor had says i'm 23 Ever since I started wiping myself around seven or eight and in here it says way too late I know yeah, at least you know, that's pretty late dude. How old is miles? Eight. Oh my god, dude. He's been wiping for a couple years now. I would say like four or five years Yeah, yeah, it's a wiping machine. Yeah. Well, um
I used to wipe by using toilet paper and sometimes wet wipes all the way inside my anus until the toilet paper had absolutely no stains on it. Wait, wait, wait. He said he would put the whole toilet paper in there? In his asshole. He would shove the whole thing in his ass? The whole thing. Sometimes there was even blood and I thought, oh, it's just a fissure or a hemorrhoid.
Yeah. No kidding, it's a fissure. Yeah, it is. You're ripping open the hole, baby. Yeah, it is. That's too much in there, dude. Craziness. That's too much in there. It is. You've got to be a surface level wiper. You can't go... You start digging in the cave, yeah, you're going to find some stalactites. Yeah, you're going to find some ruby gems. Don't want those... Don't dare. That's my daughter's name. Don't you dare equate her to poop. I was thinking the blood. Oh, all right. Yeah, that's fine. But don't ever talk about my daughter and poop. Okay. Okay.
Weird request. Don't you ever talk about my daughter and poop. Have you ever wiped that deep? Into my hole? No, why would I need to do that? I don't know. I mean, some people, like, have you ever had like a piece in there that you were like, this isn't coming out. Let me help it out. You know, dude. Oh my God. You know what actually happened to me recently? Oh no. Let me get my bottle of water so I can do a spit take. You're not going to do a spit take cause you don't like this type of shit. I won't. Go ahead. I think I was on an airplane.
I was on an airplane and I took a hutch, right? You took a... I took a shit. Oh, okay. And I was like, what did you take? And then I wiped. And then like, I wasn't looking. And I just kind of like, whatever. Because I was pretty thorough. No, specify what that means. Like, whatever. Like, you're done with it?
What? What do you mean? I just kind of like, whatever. I like threw the toilet paper in the thing. Gotcha. In the pail, in the toilet. And then I got up and I flushed, I washed my hands and I was about to walk out. And I was like, something doesn't feel right. I was like, yeah, something doesn't feel right. Something's off. Something's off.
Like a full piece of toilet paper between my cheeks. In your asshole? In my ass. I mean, my asshole. But between my cheeks, my ass had sandwiched. Well, if you have a particularly sweaty ass, you know, the moisture. It wasn't. It was just, I guess I was wiping and like, it must have, like the toilet paper must have like ripped at a certain point. And like, I threw a piece in there and then the other piece was in my ass, between my ass. And I was like, can you imagine I'd be sitting on this the rest of this flight and
And then walking through an airport with a full piece of toilet paper between my cheeks. That's a lot. That's a lot, Joey. That's a whole lot right there. Yeah, it was very weird. I always check my feet when I leave the bathroom, too, because I was like, imagine walking out of the bathroom. Yeah, it happens in movies all the time where they walk out and there's a giant piece of, like a string of toilet paper on the bottom of their shoe. And what is that even insinuating? Oh, you did shit? What do you think I was doing in the bathroom, Sally? Like, come on. Pissing?
Yeah. Pissing's for fucking... Pissing's for losers. Yeah, for bitches. Joey goes in there, pisses out his butt. That's not IBS. No. You do have it. There we go. You like to ignore it. No, I don't. One day. Nope. I just... That seemed... Are you a fold guy? You know what's funny? A crumple boy. I used to be a crumpler and I started folding. Oh, dumb. Watch this. That's dumb.
What's this? What's dumb? Defolding. Who do you think you are in there? A fucking maid? Like, what you're doing is as sin as it is. Like, you don't need to try to fucking wrap it. Shitting is not a sin. Bro, what you've done in bathrooms, and you fart a lot. First of all, you're talking about me. You're king shit. You don't know that! Yeah, I do, dude. No, you don't. Every time I am here, you talk about pooping. That's not true. Every time, you'll be like, oh, I have a shemst.
And I'm like, that's not true. Tell me it ain't. I swear on the Bible. Give me a Bible. Swear on the Bible. Oh, okay. The Bible. He's a liar. He doesn't believe in the Bible. That's why he won't. He'll swear on it. You don't believe in the Bible. You don't believe. You don't believe in the Bible.
It doesn't exist. It's a good book. Someone left, came recently and left it on our doorstep. What? Yeah. That would freak me out. I'd be like, are we going to get it? It freaked me out a little bit. And I said to Greg, I was like, what are we doing? She's like, oh, I can't throw it away. I was like, hmm, why? Oh my God. I didn't even tell you this story. Did you throw it away? No. I don't know where it is. Honestly, I didn't throw it away. If I threw it away, I didn't pee on it. You're the pee pee boy. No, you pee in your own yard. I forgot to tell you this story.
So Becca, please make this a clip because it's fucking hysterical. Okay. Becca likes to go like to like thrift stores. She fucking bro. This girl. It's like, it's like heroin. Girls love buying. Oh my God. Bro. If you go and find a shirt from 1998. Yeah. You're fucking, you've hit the jackpot. Yeah. But she went a couple of weeks ago. She had like a day with her sisters and her friends and her mom. And they went to this like giant thrift store.
And I know her and she was walking through this place like a fucking bat out of hell. I could just tell. I know exactly how she is. She gets so amped up when she finds a deal or like when she's like driving by like something really nice that people are throwing out and she garbage picks it. This girl, it's like fucking heroin to her. So she comes home and she goes, wait. Something we like to do is like whenever we go shopping, the first thing we do when we get home is we show the other person like, oh, this is what I got.
She's like wait until you see what I got and I'm like, all right, let's see And she shows me all these clothes and vintage, you know, and some of the most 99.999 percent of stuff awesome at point double oh one though she goes
Puts down and she goes I have a Halloween idea where I'm gonna take long white candlesticks I'm gonna melt them and shape them like squigglies and put eyes on them and they'll look like ghosts and it'll be a perfect Halloween candle And I go, hmm. Okay, I look at it and I go yeah, one two three four five six seven eight nine Yeah, um, I go that's a menorah She brought she brought home a fucking wrought iron menorah
She didn't know what it was? Bro, in her fucking like adrenaline-induced stupor, she's like, oh, this is perfect. And she fucking fully bought just a menorah. Guess what?
Not Jewish. My wife, not Jewish either. Also not Jewish. Also definitely not Jewish. She was like, we should take this and turn it into Halloween. But she didn't even realize it was a menorah. She's like, oh no, it's not. She's like, how many days do they have? I was like, eight. She goes, look, there's nine candles. And I was like, yeah, but there's one in the middle that stays lit. And she was like, no, no.
Bro, we were setting up our Halloween decorations the other day. She had a menorah. And she fucking puts it out. She's like, oh my God, I love it. And I go, yeah, it's a menorah. It's like a straight up menorah. Where is it? Oh, we got rid of it.
Because she's like, can I ask you a serious question? She's like, is it cute? And I'm like, yes, it's cute. She's like, is it a menorah? I was like, yes, it's a full blown one. It's a full, 100%. Was it a full blown? Big menorah, dude. Yeah, full blown. And she's like, but why would they have a leaf on it? Because it had like a wrought iron leaf. And I was like, the Jews love leaves. But also, how is that Halloween? No, she thought it was like fall-like.
She wanted like a candelabra, bro. She wanted like a fucking like candelabra with like the ghost would walk through. Oh, is that like the thing from, what's it called? Beauty and the Beast? Yes, yes, yes. And she's like, is it insensitive and insulting if I put ghosts on a menorah? I was like, yeah. Is it? I would say so. It's a piece of religious like...
for practicing Jewish people. I mean, she's not, you know, using it in a blasphemous way. She's just making candles. She's making ghosts. I'm pretty sure ask any Jew, they'd be like, nah, I don't think that's cool. I feel like they'd be less cool with the way you said that. Ask any Jew.
Take it easy, buddy. Jesus, that was a hard J there. You gotta ease into it. If you're gonna say Jew, you gotta like Jew. Yeah, you can't just like ask any Jew. You can't say that. The contempt really comes out. Ask any of them. Like, take it easy, Frank. Jesus Christmas.
Well, not Christmas. Not Christmas. That's the point. That's the point. Hanukkah. And so she was like, all right, we have to, I was like, yeah, we need to get rid of this. But that begs the question. So then her question. Can you throw out a menorah? I was going to say, did you throw it in the garbage? It's in our, like, it's not in the garbage can, but like where we put the garbage. Next to the garbage can. Like it's getting ready to be thrown out, but it hasn't yet been thrown out.
What does that make you? Good? I don't know. I hope so. Okay, well, the Jew gods are going to be pissed off. We do have more doing ads after I just said that. It's weird. All right, let's talk about something else randomly. Watch this. Favorite Pokemon. Zapdos. Go for it. Fitbod. Fitbod is great. It creates a custom workout based on your goals, experience, available equipment, and more, which is...
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But yeah, go try it. Go have fun. It's a lot of fun. All right. I've won some money on it. It's a good time. So go try out PrizePix. Also, I kind of wanted to talk about, I mean, we talked about it briefly before we started recording, but the video of the love surge. Oh my God. Do you have that? Can you like pull that up real quick? Yeah, I absolutely can pull it up, Joey. I'm so glad that you asked. I'm going to watch it.
I don't know why I even asked you. Although you're the one sitting in front of a computer. Yeah, I probably should have done it. Because I don't even trust you to do it quickly anyway. Yeah, well, I don't care what you trust. Your slow, dainty fingers can't even type. Oh, my fingers rather not be dainty. We should probably just describe it first, though. Okay, so... I'll describe it. Go for it, fucking loser. You ask me to pull something up and then you say, no, I'm going to do it this way and then I'm going to do it. No. No. Okay, so anyway...
You okay? I'm so sorry. I love you. I love you though. No, you don't. I told you about this thing that you do all the time. I'm not going to play into this anymore. But there was this couple and like, she's, there's a woman like, do you want any of this cringy thing? And her husband is behind him shaking. He's like, Oh my God. And she's like, he's having a love surge right now, which means he's like so full of love. One, by the way, these are full grown. These are full grown. You would get, if you guessed,
Sub-18 children? You're wrong. Why would you guess that, you freak? You loser. What's wrong with you? Why do you want to see that? They were full adults. They're full of grown. Full big old adults. Yeah, and then she's like, he's having a love surge, and then he grabs me, and then I start shaking, and then we explode with love.
And listen, I'm okay with you having some weird lovey-dovey... Everyone has some weird lovey-dovey stuff. I do, you do. Yeah, but you probably go and you and your wife are like, well, you're my little toot-toot. And you pretend you're birds or something. People have stuff like that. Why? Toot-toot? I don't know. I don't know. But they're like, oh, you're my little bird.
And you do stupid stuff. Because it's cute and it's yours and it's allowed to be yours. When you're in love, you do stupid things and it's like silly and it's dumb. But. But. But. But you keep that in the confines of the house here. Listen. You keep it in a box here. Front door, back door, any basement doors you have, keep it within those doors. You don't put it on the internet. Of course, the people are going to rip you apart. Because when I saw that, I literally wanted to throw a toaster in the bath and hop in.
Oh, in that order? So you knew what you were doing. Yeah. Oh, you didn't want to go in first. Well, I think everyone knows what they're doing with the toaster, baby. Well, I think they... But they go in first, and then they throw the toaster inside so they don't have time to think about it. That's... Whoa. This is getting dark. Jesus. I'm sorry. But...
Listen, people are destroying this woman and her boyfriend online. Yeah. Which, unfair. I just don't want to see it. But I don't need to see it. Because, let's be honest. First of all, he's playing into it. And I think she's an influencer. Yeah, they are. So, like, come on. Like, you should have known, dude. You're not helping your own cow dare, dude. You're not doing it. I don't even know what you're saying. You know? And he's behind her and he's like... And I feel bad.
I feel bad that they're getting a lot of hate. Well, I wouldn't call it hate. I would just call it, you know. No, they're getting a lot of hate. Hate? I don't feel bad about that stupid love search thing, though. Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like it. But like we said, everyone's got some of that stuff. Everyone does. Yeah. Listen, and it's cute. You guys call each other stupid names or something? Don't you dare, bitch. It's what happens in our house stays in our house. It's like Vegas, but my house.
Okay, we have our own little thing what I'm saying. Do you guys have like names? Of course we do but but if I were to tell the world 100 names for your kids I'm assuming one of them is for you. Yes. I have one for my wife. Just get over here The name is getting the kitchen
It's called grilled cheese now. Oh, my God. Real quick, real quick sidebar. I had a moment the other day that I stopped and I was like, ah, that didn't feel right. We have in the basement, we have toy kitchens. Yeah. And they're stocked with toy foods and stuff like that. And a thing that when Ruby wants to go downstairs and play, she goes, dad, dad, can we go cook and play? Which means can we go downstairs? It's the cutest thing in the world. She's an adorable little angel. And we go down there and her thing recently is she's...
And she says Are you hungry? And I say yes And she goes Alright I'm gonna make you food And she goes And she comes back With a toy sandwich And it's like This kid's teaching His daughter gender roles That's crazy No and the other day I'm like Ruby You wanna go downstairs? I need you to make me a sandwich And I was like Ah that didn't feel good Ruby how about today We play upstairs And you make a real Fucking sandwich Cause I'm starving Ruby where's my meat?
I said, well done. Guess that went out the window, Ruby. I guess we're not putting salt on things now, huh? No, listen, you have your own things. This just sucks. This reeks of suck. Wait, can we know the name that you call your wife? No, I'm not doing that. Can we know the name she calls you? We have multiple. Yeah, I assume. What do you call your fucking wife? Give me an example of a cutie name that you guys had. Bro, I'm talking about cute cutie.
I told you about the ones that my mom would call us. Oh, that's right. That's right. That's right. Dude. Son of bunny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My, um, I'm trying to think of my mom, like my dad would call us froggy. You call me froggy. I remember that. That's Chris was fishy. Nick was picky. And Jessica was shushy. Shushy. Shush. Shushy. Who is picky? Nick. Nicky. Fishy. Krishy. Froggy. Frankie. And shushy.
That's what he would say. Her name is Jessica. I know. Shashi Jessica. I know. It doesn't really roll. I don't know. I don't know. And then my mom would mostly like, you know, do your homework. That's what she'd call us. Right. Yeah. Stuff like that. I've heard that before. I have cute names. They've evolved over time. Evolved. Yeah. So like, Oh, so the first one is still part of this new one. It's like, it's,
Become like a bastardization of whatever it was at first using that word a lot lately - I've been meaning to tell you about that Yeah, I've been using bastardization a lot. How's it yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, sorry sex education season 4 is coming out. I'm psyched about I'm so excited So I have to be British boy. It's gonna be away for the weekend though. How you gonna watch it I'm probably gonna get back and watch it. Okay? I'll probably have it done by then Wow
Because you love education and sex. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah, absolutely. Nice. It is weird to watch, though. Like, Beck and I started re-watching it, and two of our two children are named from two people. Not named after two people from the show, but, like, have the same names. Oh, wow. Ruby and Maeve. Yeah. Oh, wow. You guys are big fans of the show, dude. No, we just like the names. Ruby and Maeve. It's a good name.
Actors from the show Yeah but we just like the names Oh yeah We just like the names But yeah Our names Oh my god If you had a son You were gonna name him Otis I know you No absolutely not He was gonna be Maybe Francisco Really I would think so I mean No way I'd name a kid Joey Oh well Not a great line there Joe What's that supposed to mean I'm great I'm amazing dude I'm glad you joked about that Cause I was starting to feel bad Like did I make a joke That was too real Oh Jesus You did it
Who did what? You. This is gaslighting! No. We have our own cutie names. They are two- they are ourselves. One of them is Peep. Who's Peep? You or her? We're both. We're both Peeps. Oh, you're both Peeps? Yeah. That's not bad. Yeah, I think it's cute. You know why? Why? Because, um, when we first started dating, we were, like, she had, like, slept at my place where I slept at her place. I don't remember. And in the middle of the night, she peed the bed. Okay, that's made up. Oh, you little Peep. You little Peep in my bed. Bro,
If she had pissed the bed, I already know how that would have went. I would have fucking banged. See you later. Thank you for your service. I wouldn't have said that. I know. But yeah, peep. That's a good one. It's because I love marshmallow peeps too. That's a big one. Those are disgusting, but I'm going to let that slide. And then we've gone through like, I called her when we were first watching Sopranos together. I called her my GABA girlfriend.
My gaba girlfriend. Do you have a gaba name for Ruby? Yeah, she's Gaba Goofin'. Gaba Goofin'. It's a big name in our household. Gaba Goofin'. And that has morphed into Tonka. Tonka Truck. She's Tonka Truck? Yeah. How did that morph from Gaba Goof? I don't know. It just did. Tonka Truck. Yeah. It was like, what's up, my Tonka Truck? Yeah.
But it's our cute little names! If I share it with the world, it then becomes made fun of for me. It's fine though. It's okay. Because names are just words. It's like the name. It's what you put behind it. Like anytime, if I walked into your house and you're like this. Dude, that guy wants to cheat on her so bad. Dude, look at him. He's just like that love surge. That means if you don't give it to him, he's going to go and fucking love surge all over somebody else's back. Good Lord, dude.
It's crazy that you would say that. These are real people out there. But that is weird. Like, that I don't like. Like, that, do it. Again, that's another thing. It's like, do it in your house. And like, you open. She was like, we open up. Yeah. It's nothing for you anymore. Can you just, you can't even keep the weird love shit to yourself. Listen, this is going to be a quote that you can plaster all over the airwaves, okay?
Sometimes. That was the most boomer shit I've ever heard in my entire life. You can plaster this all over the airwaves, all over your twit-tok. Kids, when it comes to relationships, remember, not everyone needs to know what your Tonkin truck is. That's it. Are you saying Tonka? Tonka. Oh, okay. Yeah. What do you think I was saying? It sounded like you weren't saying Tonka. No, I was saying Tonka. Well, you want me to say it more powerful like you do? Fucking Tonka. No, I don't.
That's what you do. No, I don't. Yeah, you do. Tonka truck. Have you ever had any cutie names in any relationships? I don't think so. Definitely not something similar to Tonka truck.
That is just like random as fuck. We had to cut back. We had to actively say like, yo, we need to cut back on baby talk because we would do it so much with the kids that it would like seep into like our normal life. Yeah, that's when we did the video and you said blendo. Yeah. And you had no idea. Yeah. It's just seeping into your life now. It was. A lot of people see that and they still laugh about it. Thank you. That's great. It's a four-year-old video. I've seen that clip recently and like you had no idea that you said it.
I didn't. And the reason was because I would talk with Miles like that. I'd be like, oh, we're going to go and we're going to play Power Rangers. Yeah. So like blend. Yeah. You know, racist, though. Honestly, if I'm like now. Yeah. Just feels like what you just did was racist. I don't know why. Power Rangers. Yeah. And say the whole sentence. Oh, we're going to go play a Power Rangers. Yeah. For some reason. I don't know. Really? Yeah. Huh. Let's get some.
Say something else. Let's see. I'm going to put two things out there. That and something way worse. And let's see what people find more racist. I'm going to say that. Something racist as well. Yeah. So the Tonka Trunk, huh? Good name. But I get how you would get the... I don't know, the bridge. It couldn't go from that. There had to be a bunch in between. There was so... Dude, so much. It's so much. And like...
Also, go row, row, row. That's another one. Is that your daughter? That's what Becca calls, I think, Ruby. She'll be like, my bad go row, row, row. What's the beginning of that? Bad. Oh, bad, bad. It's girl. I thought back. I was like, what? No, it's girl. But in her head, she told me she said it because she was trying to impersonate a typical Long Island, how they would say something like, oh my God, they went out with the go row, row, row.
Oh yeah. You know, and then it became literally like a... It's cute! Listen, each family, as you grow up and you spend your life with a partner, and you have children maybe, or dogs. Dude, how many times have you called Charlie fucking like little like dumpster bitch or something cute? Yeah, he has a bunch of names. Like what? Give me like three.
Charlie, Charlie, lowly, lowly. Well, he was Charlie, then he was Barley, then he was Barles, then he's a bar. A bar? He's just a bar. Bar? Yeah, because like... Hey, bar. Like, I literally will call him a bar. I remember Barley. I remember that one. Yeah, and then it was just a bar. Like, now he's not bar. He's a bar. A bar. Yeah. So like... Eric Ibar. So if I go on vacation or something, I usually... My mom watches him and my sister lives next door, so she'll take pictures of him. And I'll just write back, a bar. Or something... Oh, it was...
And my sister does the same thing because I sent her a picture the other day because it was like mad nice out and my family group chat was talking to each other in the morning so I sent a picture. I was like, oh, we're on a breezy little walk and then she was like, a breezy bar. Like that. Yeah. I've been calling Maeve a bad girl when she won't calm down and be like, you're being a bad girl and evolved into a bad banana because she was eating bananas and making a mess of it. So I called her a bad banana.
And then this morning, Becca sent me a picture of her eating. And I just responded, oh, look at my big banana. And Becca goes, hey, don't write that. She's like, are you sending me a picture right now? Because it hasn't gone through yet. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't say big banana. I would say, look at my. No, it's a banana. Bananito. It's a banana. It's definitely a banana. It's a banana. Oh, look at my banana. It's just a banana. All right, well, I think we can stop there with the banana cock talk.
We just touched tips. What can we find you, Frank? I got it from here. You want me to do it? Go ahead. Throw it to me. FAlvers885 on Twitter. The Frank Alvers in all the forms of social media. Check out that boy at Joe Santagato. You can also check out The Basement Yard on all forms of social media at The Basement Yard. And thank you so much to everyone that has continued to listen, grow, support. We see you. We love you. We're in you. And go check out the Patreon. Patreon.com.
Slash the basement yard to continue to support us. We really appreciate it. Go check out all of San Agato Studios on YouTube, The Joe Show, other people's live, everything we got going on. Go check it out. Signing off, the fabulous Frank Alvarez. Signing off, the jalopy Joe San Agato. Yeah! Yeah! I'm not going to say anything. Okay. Thank you, guys.
