Plane Jane and Lieutenant Brigadier General Cuhntalina Badussy with Katya
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Nothing you say fucking matters unless that camera's rolling, you bitch. You bitch. You fucking bitch. Welcome to the Bald and Beautiful. I'm Bald. She's beautiful. And we have a special guest in the house. A woman who needs no introduction, although I will give her one. Okay, so before I do that,

back in Boston where you're from in my show we had a alter ego night and one of our queens performed as Jamaica Plain Jane but it was P-L-A-I-N not P-L-A-N-E huge difference so I thought that was fun and also a Boston connection so without any further ado give it up for Plain Jane wow thanks for being here thank you

Thanks for having me. I didn't want to do it. They said we had to. I'm just kidding. I stormed. I stormed in. Yeah, you did. Would you be the red or the white person?

I guess you're doing both. Like the Bolshevik revolution. Yeah, so this is my little merch shirt. It was inspired by the Bolshevik revolution. So I'm getting the red and the white. You're doing it all. And the yellow represents just the piss and the muck. Oh yeah, because you were famous. You were like, you meet the queens and you said you like gross, nasty smells and stuff.

Is that true? Or is that where you're doing a bit? Oh, girl, I don't know.

I don't know what was going on. I feel like when there's a camera in front of my face, words tend to come out of my mouth. That's good. They put a camera in front of my face. They said, how did you get your drag name? I said, fuck Katya. I said, Katya's a fucking bitch. She's a horrible bitch. She smells like shit. She's old. She's old and she sucks. She smells like shit. So wait,

Do you see what I'm wearing? This is Loboda, if I'm not mistaken. It surely is. And this is a fan made this shirt of her performing in one of the most, I'll say it, hideous stage wear items ever to be seen by the human eyeball. You know what, though? What?

What do you got to say about this untailored yellow suit? It's the gym carrying the mask. Okay. Well, yes. Yeah. Well, yes. I don't want to get into too much hot water. Maybe you don't have any opinions on this, but I'm going to see her in March. She's coming to LA. Do you want to go? I would love to. But you're not going to be here. In March. March 29th.

March 29th. I'll get my people. Get your people to maybe the girl who made the shirt for me. We're going. Oh, really? Yeah. Cause I saw her in Miami, Svetlana Laboda. She's, she looks like how I feel in drag. Uh huh. For sure. Feel not look. Okay. She looks the way that I feel. Distinction. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

And I mentioned to Trixie, she and her team ripped off one of Billie Eilish's melodies famously, Novi Rim. Do you know that song? It's really good. I think it's great. You know what? I haven't heard it. Can we play it? I don't think we can. We can't. It's copyright. That's it. I feel like a Russian...

culture is famously known for like piggybacking and stealing off of like American, American pop culture. I absolutely like a shameless there's like, yeah, there's a shameless counterfeit culture. But also, I mean, I don't, I listen at the same time. Cause I feel like, okay, what is cool to Russian? Like, I mean, it all depends, I guess on age. I'm trying to think of like,

What is cool to me, what is cool is something that is not American. You like, you, you, you enjoy the novelty of it. You're it's a, it's a fetish for you. It's more of like, it's just shut up. I am racist. What do you call that? When you're, um, you're, uh, yeah. Fetishizing another culture. Yeah. That's what it's called.

Foreign and fat. Yeah. Foreign and fat. Yeah. Not native and skinny. Right. No, I don't know. It's very interesting because you're not culturally like... No. From... Anywhere. Anywhere. No. The dumpster behind jocks. The dumpster behind jocks, which I have now... I've co-opted. Oh my God. I saw the pictures with you. I was like screaming, screaming on the phone. And by the way...

this is all going all over the place. I don't have a focused energy, but when people were saying that you should talk to me and the meet the Queens, I was like, I was like, it was like when you like purr a cat that's like so mean, but then they go, you know, I was like, thank God. I was like that. Cause we chatted on the phone and I was like, Oh, it was just to me that meant this person has like huge, huge,

Testicles. Big balls. Figuratively speaking, of course. I know I saw them and they're tiny, but like big, you have a chutzpah, as they say. I guess, but also just a lack of like, you know, a lack of self-preservation in my mind, I guess. I don't. Also, I mean, I've been over personally the whole, um,

I mean, I'm not too familiar, but I am aware that you are a bitch. Yeah, sure. But I couldn't pull it out. I couldn't pull out my parchment scroll of receipts. But however, thank God. Well, I heard I was, I don't know if you told me this or if I heard this somewhere, but I heard that at one of your like live bald and beautiful tapings, I was like booed or something. Not one of them, several. Oh, several. Yes, several. What's wrong with your fan base? Well, they are broads and horse based lesbians. Yeah.

I feel like I witnessed the true limit of my influence. Because I can... I feel that I have a track record of people being sympathetic. For sure. And I can kind of... Whatever. I mean, you're very like...

you know, from just an outside perspective, looking in, I feel like people, people relate to my legs, relate to my legs, relate to my legs, relate to, yeah, there's, there's something very unthreatening about, you know, a disfigured cripple such as yourself.

Like an old boot. You know, there's something very warm about an old boot, you know? Right. It's worn. Dad's shoes. Yeah. They smell like, you know, that like woodsy, sewer-y kind of musky, like, yeah. No, but I said, I would say something effective like, you know, me and Trixie at our live show would mention Drag Race and I would talk, I'd like,

I'd be like, I love her. And they'd be like, no. And I was like, love it. Isn't that fierce? Isn't that fierce? It is kind of fierce, I will say. It's so fierce. Because at least, you know what? I'll tell you why. It's better than not being memorable. No, for sure. Oh, 100%. Oh, my God. Oh, and you know, do you know Tisha? Tisha... Tisha... Tisha...

Tisha Boo? Tisha Boo. From Boston? Yeah, yeah. Do you know Tisha? Wait, Titi? Titi, yeah. I sure do. Taika Waititi. Taika Waititi. She directed that Thor movie. Tisha, Titi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was the one who got Cate Blanchett on that project because Cate didn't want to do it. But Tisha, Titi, Taika Waititi, she convinced her to do it. That's sickening. And wear black hair. It is sickening. It's also fierce. She...

She also imparted some words of wisdom onto me. I still do. I still, I'm still in Boston. I still do the local gigs, you know? Okay. Let's get down to that because we're, we're distinguished alumna, alumni of Jacques Cabaret. Oh, absolutely. Which is just. So speaking of, oh, Jacques Cabaret, we'll get into it because Jacques is crazy. Yeah.

But I was at, so now I do like a little viewing party sometimes whenever I'm there on Fridays and it just packs the place. So good. So it's, it's awesome. Now, do you know Alan? Maybe you don't know Alan. If you don't know Amanda play with, you don't know, you might not know Alan, but he's the new sort of bar manager. Okay. Cool. The changing of the successor of the changing of the guard, the old guard. Thank God. Thank God. No. Oh, wait. I,

But anyway, so I was backstage and they have a T-Girl show after the viewing party. So every Friday at Jock's Cabaret is T-Girl night, Taco Tuesday with Destiny, her daughter, well, she doesn't have any children, so her

Sister, Candice Chanel Teisha's there. And then, so- Do you know Charisma? I do know Charisma, yeah. Charisma, Lakia Mondale? I do know Lakia, yes. Misery? I do know Misery. Melinda Wilson, that's my grandmother. That's my grandma. Oh my God, Melinda Wilson. It's my grandma by osmosis because she's my friend's grandma, but we're sisters, so she's my grandma. She-

She's grandma. That's me ma. But she has big pendulous tits and she said, hey, but she called me like...

She called me something like, she's this, what did she call? She had like a pet name for me that was so inappropriate. I think I probably blocked out the trauma of it. A pet name? Yeah. Like it was like, no, no, no. Like it was like, like, Hey, um, it was something to the effect of like you crack her. Like, I don't know. She's something like that. She had a pet name for me. Cracker. That's lovely. That's lovely. It was like, Hey Katie, Katie. Or like, or like, I don't know. It was something strange. She was,

An electrifying entertainer. Oh, yeah. Melinda Wilson is so... And we used to work... I used to work with her on Wednesday nights. And she... When she did...

What did she do? She would do lip sync realness with the microphone always. Oh, lovely. Like her own little prop mic. And it was no matter if it was like one person or 50 people or 500 people, she always gave the most incredible show. So good. That's the lovely thing about jocks is that, you know, I don't know, not so much now. Maybe I don't. Now the staff is different. They always employ like a sexy person.

dude though. Oh really? So that was not really the case. That was not the case for you? Not so much really. No, not really at all. It was more like a who's who of like palliative care geriatrics.

That's fair. You know, we're moving up. We're upgrading. Sometimes dead is better. And then when you gotta just replenish the stock. I remember Melinda Wilson also really, I was really shocked. I was gagged because a few years ago, I walked in on her performing and she was churning it. She had the fringe on? Yeah, it's so good. Meet me in St. Louis.

It's the song like, I met the dada in St. Louis, something like that. She has this old classic tune that is like, so her Eartha Kiss amazing. She does Diana Ross, like all these like classic black divas of like the great American songbook. She's so fucking good. It's her. It's her.

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All right, let's talk about Drag Race. So anyways, the reason why I brought this up in the first place is because Tisha, I was at jocks and Tisha gave me some words of wisdom as, as you know, older people tend to do. They kind of tend to talk at you, which is what's happening now. But, um, you know, so Tisha, uh,

Tisha was like, girl, like you, you are doing the right thing because you are keeping people talking. As soon as they stop talking, that's when you need to need to start questioning what you're doing because honey, you know, you know, you, we, you're, you're going to thrive and prosper off of people hating you and then liking you and then hating you again and then liking you. It generates the discourse. It keeps people talking. So,

Um, it was, it was fierce. It was. And, and like receiving those words from somebody with such a pumped, uh, Oh yeah. Janet Jackson. Snatched face. Janet Jackson. I mean, Janet. Lil' Kim. Lil' Kim. Yes. Lil' Kim. Tisha gives Lil' Kim down. Just hits harder. Yeah. For sure. She's fabulous. So the, uh, how was, what were the worst, top three worst things about being on Drag Race during the filming process? Um,

This is weird I feel like you guys never talk about like drag race related things on the pod I feel like you talk about like furniture What is drag again? Furniture and stuff Drag is when Is that when you put your penis ball and testy up and then put a woman's panty on We need to give her the Wendy treatment The Wendy treatment The Wendy Williams treatment, honey Oh my god, okay, okay, okay Too close to home

Do you know that clip? My friends and I back home have been gooning over it. The clip from the Wendy docuseries or whatever where she's getting her nails painted. She's getting a clear coat painted on and the nail tech is right there and she's like, what is that? It's literally like a base coat and she's like, no, what are you doing? Take it off. What are you, stupid? And then the nail tech is just silent and Wendy goes quickly, she's disgusted with me. That's okay.

fierce she's disgusting with me okay that's okay love it I say it all the time now she's a that's an outside voice yep that's a when inner thoughts become outside words yeah there was something so real about that moment she's disgusting with me that's okay that's okay

I love that. That's great. So how many times have you jerked off to thinking about Wendy Williams? Yeah. Over 10? Definitely over 10. I specifically think about her, you know, the fluids that I've collected in her ankles. Gout? Gout. Yep. Yep. And I...

I just bust. You love a big swollen ankle. Yeah. Fluid filled sack. Oh yeah. So gross. Fuck me with that ankle. Tell me, what was the worst part about Drag Race? Um, worst part about- How much do you fucking hate RuPaul? Oh,

I, um, I, uh, what's it called? I don't know. I, I really, the worst part about, I don't know. It was, it was fun. It was, it was good. Well, you're young. You're young. I, I maybe, maybe, maybe, um, 25, 26, 26. Yeah. I mean, it was also what I, what I particularly liked about it. And I feel like I was unique in this, in this case is that I feel like I have, I feel as though I have like very severely like untreated, uh,

And I feel like being in such a structured environment, yes, it was prison-like and inhumane at times for sure. But it kind of really where you had to, you know, you're woken up by the warden, driven to a place, work,

eat, work, everything is like scheduled and regimented. It kind of like, it was, it was kind of fierce. I mean, the no phones thing is fierce. No phones was fierce. That's really fierce. That's unimaginable to me now. And it's also, I mean, I hate to be okay boomer about it, but we really are completely glued to the telephone. A hundred percent. It's like no exceptions. Like I passed a homeless man jerking off with three phones.

You know what I mean? It was like, we're all, everybody's, everybody's got the phone to their face 24 seven. Do you scroll at night in the bed?

Yes, girl. Don't do it, Jackie. Stop it. You bitch. I'm still on the homeless man with three phones. Are you sure it was a homeless man and not Trixie? Well, it was literally... It was not too far from her little pied-a-terre, to be honest. Okay, so Russian. You and I... Duh. We haven't spoken a word of Russian yet. Do you speak Russian?

Okay. I will say, I remember what you said to everyone, all stars. No, you kind of butchered it. I butchered everything on all stars. No, no, no.

Which was good. And then you said... Yeah. Wouldn't it be like... No, no, no. That was perfect. That makes no sense. But like...

What is the case of that? Oh, girl. You don't know the cases? I mean, you just speak it. Did you study the grammar? Okay, so... Okay, so, for example, like, this woman, she...

Like, but, um, yes. Like, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. This is going to be so fascinating to our listeners. Um, and like, um, it's so, it's such a, it's such a,

It's a really complicated language, but I am obsessed with it because it's actually pretty consistent. What is, why, why? I just think it's cool. Why the fixation? I mean, if you just spin the globe and like put your finger somewhere, it's going to be interesting. Oh yeah. Language wise. And like I learned French and that was, I love that. But then when I learned something different and.

That's a bit different. But I just love the way it looks. It's so cool. Everybody sounds like they're so angry. What other languages do you have your fingers in? Just French. But I tried to learn a bunch of little. I could count to 10. Italian? Yeah, I could count to 10 in probably 20 languages. Swahili? Jambo. Ohana means family. Really? Well, in Swahili, jambo means hello. Jambo means hello. I think I got that from Sesame Street.

No, it's not racist. We're toeing the line here. Yeah. That's what we do. We're getting fierce on the pod with this fat bitch. Not after the Ozempic, honey. And the gastric bypass. Bofa. Bofa. Right. You got to do the Ozempic and then you got to do, no, you got to do the gastric bypass. But then to get that little extra 10 off, you do the Ozempic. I was, um. Wait, so plane. Yeah. Why the plane? Samaryot.

Why not?

mama, love it at wishes. Right. She was that level of pump, sex, and just heat. Down. Yeah. What was her name again? Carly? The Serbians kind of came for me for like butchering her name a little bit. Whatever. I mean, I'm not Serbian. Yeah. Jelena Karlić.

Carly Usha. Carly Usha. And she's- Carly Bitch was the song? Carly Bitch. Oh my God, that video. If you have not watched Carly Bitch- Carly Bitch. It's so fucking nasty. She's very cunt. She is a new, in my eyes, she's a new general.

In the Floptropica War. In the what now? Is it the Badusi War? No, not Badusi. The Badusi War. It's Floptina Badusi. Floptina Badusi. Yeah, that's the lieutenant general of the... Well, in the country.

cunt, World War cunt. World War cunt. And she's shat in the mother toilet? She's shitting in the mother toilet at the port-a-potty station on the battlefield of mother- In the port-a-stow. The port-a-stow, yeah. And she's Lieutenant Brigadier General, um, um, Cantalina Badussi.

Lieutenant Joined Joined in the ranks By Wendy Williams Wendy Williams And then Monkey D. Luffy From One Piece Monkey D. Luffy Oh god And supported In a bankrolled By Lindsay Lohan And Nikki Hilton The lesser Liked And lesser known But still equally rich Hilton Sickening Yeah

They're all in wheelchairs. Yes, because we've all hobbled them. Kathy Bates style. So if you had to be burned to death or drowned in the ocean, what would it be? Oh, shit. What would you rather? Wait, those sound like two equally as horrendous and painful ways to go. Okay. Is this what you think about?

Are we getting a peek inside your... No, it's just an icebreaker. What are you thinking? Burned at the stake like a witch or drowned in the ocean? Whatever is quicker and less painful. Well, what do you think?

I feel like maybe, I don't want either. I feel like this podcast is going to air and Jigsaw is going to kidnap me and burn me at the stake or like do, do one or the other that I say I would rather. He's going to make you, he's going to make you saw off your own leg and then, and then get all the marrow into the thing where it cuts your head off. Did you see Saw 10? I should watch it. I didn't see Saw 10. You should watch it. It's so gross. I don't, I don't love, I don't love. What's your favorite movie? Um, dude. No.

No, you're joking. Did you see it? I did see it. You did? Of course, yeah. Oh my God. Okay. So, fuck Drag Race. I opened the Forbidden Can. Can you believe the costume design for the Harkonnens? Can you fucking believe in the whole universe of Gaty Prime and then...

The Bene Gesserit Which I You know Just take it Shove it all up my ass Bendem jizz in it There you go Exactly Yeah Lady Jessica As Reverend Mother The mother toilet Was shat upon

the mother toilet was certainly shat upon the water of life. And that toilet was drunk. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to like recreate those costumes. Hell yeah. Something. Absolutely. I picture you as reverend mother. You could do, you could do like a sickening other guy. I would be Charlotte Rampling with the giant black thingy with the veil. I mean, it was so that when they were in then fucking princess Irulan, who was, oh,

Oh my God, the Bene Gesserit. I'm going to like, I'm going to start screaming. I will say I picture you as like the Baron, like that. Like, I feel like you could, you could do a sickening Baron. No, you know who I am. I literally, literally, literally am, um,

I don't know, he was killed in the first one, but he is the Baron's advisor, the Mentat who's bald. He's got the one little thing. His name is like Peter or something like that. That's me. That's literally me. And me and Trixie are like just a harkening goons. How kind was Austin Butler?

I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, no, no, no. I thought he was, he was incredible. I didn't realize it was Austin Butler. I thought it was like watching it. I thought it was one of the scars guards. I thought it was the guy who played it. Wow. Oh, sure. He would have, he would have did great. Bill, Bill scars guard. If that's his name. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that is his name. Yeah. There, I mean, that whole world was so sick. I mean, Oh yeah. It was so good. I am. Would you watch that movie? A lot of times.

a lot of times I've seen it once in theaters I would like to like re-watch the first and the second now in succession because it's yeah it's fabulous I feel like it's the new it is the new like space Star Wars it's the new Star Wars it's so country too and there's so much Star Wars flops by the way like the newer you know I never really got it like if you had to if you have to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek what would you say? I've never seen Star Trek really? I like some of the movies I love the you gotta check out The Borg Queen

Miss Borg queen. She's just a head on a floating thing that controls a bunch of people, computer people. That's Conti. It's Fierce. That's Conti. Yeah. I said Fierce. Fierce? That's Fierce. New slang unlocked. Fierce is going to be everywhere. I'm not talking about these Bene Gesserits. I'm not done. Let's get into it. I did not know. I did not know that Florence Pugh was going to roll up as the emperor's daughter as a Bene Gesseriti. A Bezzarini Gesserini. Oh.

Benegini Bezzarini Florence Pugh was sickening The costumes The last outfit With the chainmail mesh And the dangles That fucking bitch I was like you better unclog that mother toilet Because it is filled with shit Diego Montoya who? Exactly Atelier Versace what? Never heard of it Alexander McQueen never existed Who designed all these costumes? Girl I don't know

If only there was a way to figure it out. First of all, when Miss Mother got gagged by Timmy at the end, who is it?

Jacqueline West. Ooh. She owns, so Jack, a lot of people don't know. Ms. Jacqueline is actually the primary shareholder in mothertoilet.com. Jacqueline West has your pathetic cock locked up in a cage. In a cage. And it's a mesh, it's a mesh fringed metallic cage that's controlled by space witches. Yeah.

Lock it up. I mean, I gotta tell you, I gotta tell you, when the first, the voice, the voice, the first time I heard the voice, not the show, but they should do a spinoff where it's all Ben and Jezreel behind the things, you know, like having people sing. But it was like, when she said, yeah, I love that. undo her gag, cut the rope. I was like, I literally, I was like,

I had to, I rewound it and watched it like five times. I got full body rashes. Wow. Wow. It was like, kill him. Cut the rope. It was like, oh, Miss Jessica Ferguson. Oh, Jessica Ferguson killed it. Miss Jessica Ferguson. I'm just talking at you like an old man. What are your thoughts about, um,

What are your thoughts about the main stars who are Zendaya and Timothee? Timothee Chalamet. By far, no shade to them. Zendaya. Zendaya or Zendaya? What is it? Zendaya. Fabulous actor. Right. For me, the two leads...

By far the least interesting parts of the movie. Not even. I would have to agree. I mean, they both did great. They both did great. And of course you need like a romantic, you need kind of a romantic anchor to all these films, these epic sagas. Yeah. I personally don't. But I understand that by far the least interesting storylines. You know what? I'm going to say something a little controversial. Do it.

There's something a little lacking to me about what Zendaya does on screen. Okay. That's good. I think she's incredibly gorgeous. I think she's coming to her own. I think she's incredibly talented. Something about this role for her, the way that she seems to be like the only one of the Fremen who doesn't do the accent.

Where's her accent? That's a really fucking good point. There's something a little girlish and euphoria-like about what she does in Dune. I feel like she was incredible in Euphoria. Oh, absolutely. You know what? That's so true. Yeah. Yeah. You notice that? Because they're speaking... It's like a... The language is like a fully formed language. It's kind of like Arabic and Spanish. Like Javier Bardem does it so well. And every other character, every other feminine character seems to...

Well, almost. But yeah, I see your point. That's a really good point. Yeah. But they were by far the least interesting parts of it. For sure. A lot of stand. For sure. Whenever it went, whenever Benny Jesra rolled into the frame, I was like hard dick, hard nipples. Absolutely. Wet pussy. Um, wet pussy. Yeah. Emperor's daughter comes in with wearing the chain mail. It's, it's over. It's over. It is over. And then I, it was like, when the first shot of, of miss Austin Butler, um, uh,

Getting like painted his nasty white skin. Jacked. He's on the cycle. He's on his little Marvel movie cycle. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Of course. Oh, really? I mean, come on. Get me on that cycle, honey. We'll come to LA. It's the first thing you do once you get your keys to your apartment. They give you steroids. LA. Sorry, not to like pivot too fiercely from Dune, but LA. Yeah.

I've seen a lot of men here in LA, like older men who have the same face.

It's gaggy. Yeah, of course. What is going on here, though? The Palm Springs Special. The Venus Delight Special. Yeah, the Palm Springs Special. That's like, they're a man of a certain age, and they all have a house in Palm Springs, and they all are interior designers, and they're all like, you know what I mean? Yeah, oh yeah. They all have six or seven tweakers locked up in their basement, and they're like, that's the vibe. They're all pulled and stretched, and all their names are Richard. Boys, boys, boys, airbag please. Airbag please? What does that mean? Oh, wait.

Is that like a young thing? I feel bad because, um, no, no, no, it's not, it's not a young thing. Okay. So, um, I have a friend back home, big Atlas shout out. He introduced me to Lolo Ferrari, who is a French, this, this is something I feel like this is something that you in particular, somebody who, first of all, loves the French language. And, um,

gags and stims over like the most random, absurd, you know, obscure bullshit. I do the same by the way, but Lola Ferrari. So get into her. She is a vintage. She's not around anymore. Died at 35. - Fierce. - Biggest at one point had like the record for biggest fake breasts in the world. - Wow. - French implants, French bimbo. One song, one song called

I think it's called Airbag or Airbag Please. Airbag Please. Cross check me on that. Lolo Ferrari. Control booth. Can we pull it up? Lolo Ferrari. What about Cicciolina? Similar vibe, but Italian. Cicciolina. Cicciolina. Go ahead. So Lolo Ferrari, Airbag. Lolo Ferrari, Airbag Please. So the chorus goes, girls, girls, girls, Airbag Please. Airbag Please. Airbag Please.

Boys, boys, boys. Airbag, please. Airbag, please. She's begging, begging, begging for airbag. Love. What does that mean? What doesn't it mean? What doesn't it mean? Airbag, please. Airbag, please. Airbag, please. Airbag generation. Airbag generation. Thank you for correcting. That is fans of car accidents. Is that like...

Where's my airbag? Driver's side airbag. If I was to assume her tits are her airbags. Oh, got it, got it, got it. That makes sense now. Airbag generation. It's like, it's totally like, it should be a gay anthem. I believe it was. Well, the gays are too all, you know, wrapped up in Rihanna and her makeup company. What if instead of like silicone implants, they got helium implants and then you floated up to heaven?

Would you shit in God's mother toilet? I would, I would, I would replace God's mother toilet. I would be the mother toilet. You would be the heavenly plumber. Yes. Speaking of plumbing, what about Safira Cristal? So, um, do you love, Oh, I love Safira. Yeah. Safira is, Safira is incredible. She is, um, and I'm, I'm a competitive bitch. So that, that, that bitch pisses me off because I, so good. Did you know her at all before the competition? Um,

No, no, I didn't. She has been in Philly for a while. For a while. And as far as I know, she was in Boston, then in New York, then in Boston. She was literally the roaming reporter. She was very like a girl on the go. Always had the most incredible... It's great to see her in...

Gorgeous gowns, beautiful gowns because while her mug was always correct, she looked a mess. Okay. Before, I mean, but we all did. Can we toss up a picture on screen of Safira looking a mess, please? I mean, it's, I say mess, I say mess because it's like,

It's not this like outrageous, stunning, you know, beaded crystal, whatever, whatever, whatever, like showstopping thing. But like, we all were like, you know, we all have little boom, boom dresses and stuff. Like we didn't have no money. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Like, I don't even know how girls get all that money now. Yeah. Well, okay. So I mean, I never, I never had money. I never had like money for drag. Um,

And I shouldn't say that, you know, I'm very lucky in that, you know, I, my, you know, I'm young still. And I think that you can look a mess just because you're young. Well, yeah. So I'm very fortunate that I had a roof over my head that I didn't that I don't have to pay for. You know, I live with mom. So that's nice. But what's mom's name? Yeah.

Coincidentally, Yelena. Yelena. Oh my God. That's my name. Yelena. Yelena. Yeah. So, but anyways, but everything, everything drag wise, you know, has always been out of my pocket because my parents, my parents don't, they don't fuck with that gay shit.

So that's what I wanted to talk about. I nearly forgot. So first of all, where in Russia? So what's your government name, if you don't mind my asking? My government name is, it's Andrew. Andryusha? Andryusha, sure. I love Andryusha. Sure. That's so fabulous. But honestly, you know, Andry is so great. Do you know the song Privyet Andry by Irina Allegra? Privyet Andry. That's it.

If so. Yeah. So, yeah. And your last name? Dunayevsky. Dunayev... Which is a... Dunayev... Dunayev... Dun... It all roads lead back to Dune. Bend him jizz in it, honey. Are you joking? No, no. Dune... Actually, that's an abridged version. The full one is Duntunayevsky. Duntunayevsky.

Gagdermit for sure. That's fierce. Oh my God. If you, okay. And patronymic? Yes, yes, yes. And it's Dunayevsky is actually the, I'm related to a famous Russian composer. But what's your middle name? Vladimir. Perfect. Yeah. Vladimir Dunayevsky. Yes. Yes.

Yeah. Vladimir Baron, Vladimir Harkonnen. Yeah. From Dune. From Dune. Come on. This is great. Now I like you. Just kidding. Just kidding. We got there. And what is...

So I don't know any actual slang Russian. Can you teach me some slang? Do you not know? So I mean... Like... Yeah, I guess like... So if you want to say fuck you, it's like... Which means like fuck you. It's like fuck you. Motherfucker, right? Yeah. I'm actually a little bit like self-conscious when it comes to, you know, when it comes to my Russian because...

You know, I was born here. My parents were born in Russia. Oh, okay. And I feel like modern Russian slang... You've been bastardized. You've been westernized. Westernized. So I feel like any modern Russian slang, I'm not... You're not in the loop. I'm not in the loop. Do you have Russian friends at all? I know... I used to roll around with like a circle of like Russian family friends and Russian friends. Yeah. They don't really... They don't gag for gay over there, huh? They're not gagging for gay, faggot. Do you know what? No, but...

They're not gagging for the faggots. They're gagging the gays. Yes, they are. But not in a good way. But not in a good way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're literally gagging them. Gagging them. But not funny. I mean, no, no, no, no. It's not great. Do you know Russian drag queens, though? Blondie Bond. Blondie Bond.

Blondie blonde. Cool. What about Verka Serduchka? Verka Serduchka. She's Ukrainian. Yeah. She's sickening. I grew up on Verka Serduchka for sure. She's, I mean, I can't get it. It's so, if you needed like the most faggoty foreign gym jam, like that's like cheetah drita. It's like, Oh,

It's like high-octane meth folk. High-octane meth folk. That blows my mind. You listening to fucking Chita Drita in the gym. I could probably sing any... That's insane to me. Any Berka Sedruzkasan. Like the little...

Gop, gop, gop, he's a gop. I mean, like crazy, crazy. It's so good. It's so good though. I used to listen to these songs in like the car. We had like a CD of Vierka Szydluchka. Mary, I used to go to this place called Knizhny Mir, like Book World and buy all the CDs and they were all open. They were all cracked and they're all broken. And yeah, I listened to the Russian version of Chicago, this musical, incredible. They do, it's called Shikom Bliskom instead of Razzle Dazzle. Very.

fierce fierce Chicago they call it not Chicago Chicago Chicago yeah that's so interesting yeah I don't know I'm not you don't listen to Russian music now I'm not too big on Russian music now I'm not too big but I do I do like I do like love Yelena Yelena Karlova love her music and

Well, that's Serbian, so it's different. It's definitely different. But, you know, Slavic. And I like Albanian music. Really? I like Albanian music as country to me. Well, I just like... America seems to have such a global chokehold that you kind of forget that every single fucking language has its own vast library of musical amazingness. You know what I mean? For sure. But I feel like...

I feel like Eastern European countries, maybe... I don't want to speak for... I don't want to... I don't know what I'm talking about. This is just the theory. So say it anyways. Exactly. So I feel like they...

they take inspiration from American culture, but they kind of just, they put their own bizarre twist on, on it and it becomes something completely different, but so, so sickening and cunty. I think, I don't know. I think that I, I'm not sure what, what is the right answer. Cause I think it changes all the time, but I think nowadays it's like, who's,

Who's influencing who? Who's influencing who? And also is 10 years behind really 20 years in the future. Right. No, and I know that, I don't mean for that to sound like, but I think that's actually kind of, because everything cycles with music and fashion. For sure. And I think that like, I don't know. I mean, for example, I think of like Tommy Cash. Do you know who Tommy Cash is? He is a rapper. I've been listening to a ton of Russian rap or like Eastern European rap. It's the only kind of like,

Male voice stuff. I usually don't like any music with female voice. Without female voices. Same. Mention sing. No, I know. Mention sing. By the way, I'm going to get her to... The two of us are going to record a song together. But, you know. Can't gag the faggots all the way. Right. They just have like... I don't know. The Russian rap for me is like so...

It's so cunty because it's just like, it sounds like they, it sounds like somebody, it sounds like a, like a guy's like chewing on broken glass and marbles through peanut butter. It's like such an angry sounding language. Yeah. Like why does every woman, regardless of how thin, frail, way fish or wispy, what does she all sound like? This one.

Like what does her voice sound like this one? Even if she looks like a really sexy hot girl. Like why is everybody like... They always sound like this one.

That's crazy. I mean, it's cunt. It's so cunt. It's so cunty. It's like a six foot tall blonde hair to the ass. Just an impossible outrageous ideal of this particular style of femininity. And then she's like,

You know what I mean? It's like, it's like, it's so crazy that it's just so cunty to me. It's the opposite of vocal fry. Yeah. It's like, it's not like, it's like, vocal, vocal bake. Yeah. Vocal broil. Vocal broil. Yeah. Vocal, no, it's like a vocal, um, instrument.

incinerate or something or vocal freeze it's cunty I grew up with I think my mom is very cunty my mom is such a contrarian if we ever watch something together or ever consume any sort of piece of media if that makes sense she always kind of waits for me to say something and she's like

Says the opposite. Oh, really? I love that. But she's like that with everybody. That's great. She's like that with everybody. Well, you don't want a yes person. You want the point-counterpoint vibe. Right. It's not a yes and, it's a no but. It's a no but, you ugly bitch. Right. Right, which is why I... Mom, what do you think of my outfit? It sucks. Well, I kind of like it. Well, it sucks. You got bad taste. You're right. It does suck. Well, actually, I kind of like it. Yeah.

That is great Just circular That's great Keeps the conversation going Just flip-flopping What's your favorite sport? Oh, I'm a tennis player But I'm a tennis player That's one of the hardest sports ever I'm a tennis player, yeah Okay, we're gonna wrap it up Wait, wait, so I feel like you and Trixie go Okay, we'll do a bunch right now Let's take a break Wait, pause Let's take a break

Hold on. Let's take a break. How do we say it in Russian? Okay, and then, wait, last thing. Who is in your five, who is in your, if you have to make a Marvel movie with five tennis players?

Novak Djokovic. Okay. Rafael Nadal. Okay. Maria Sharapova. Oh, fuck me. Caroline Wozniacki. Okay. I'm just naming people at this point. Venus and Serena. Oh my God. Okay. I had to wreck my mind. And Venus and Serena. We'll put six in there. Okay. Fierce. Navratilova, you don't like lesbians.

Uh, no. Okay. Great. And on that note, thank you so much for coming on the pod. I don't like your fans. No. Anyways, I'm so happy you're getting chewed up on the internet and I hope I'm, I'm, I'm so pleased that you're, you're being an unapologetic bitch and that you're serving country fiercest for the children to gag on every night on VH one or MTV or whatever the fuck channel it's on. Um,

All we can do is shit in the mother toilet. Yeah. We're just, hey, listen, we're just a bunch of turds floating in the mother toilet and all we can hope is someone gags us up and shits us out. Period. Period. Goodbye.

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