Hot in Many Circles
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Oh. Do you guys mind if we get intimate this episode? Do you mind if we have just the girls? Is it okay? Would you hold it against us if we just talked a little between just the two of us? Just the two of us.

This is the Bald and the Beautiful. I am Trixie Mattel. And I'm Katya. And we are two balds. Today we are absent beautifuls. We have no beautifuls here. No beautifuls here. They were here. Now they are not. It's just a couple of balds. Just a reminder, this is probably, I don't know how many weeks in, but if you haven't subscribed yet, we are here every single week. Because of COVID, we film them, we record them in my house. Yeah, we certainly do. And, um, what's the tea, girl? Yeah, well, we, uh, yeah.

Shall we talk about some of the trials and the tribulations? Yeah, listen. The beauty of... I want to talk about the beauty of simple everyday values. Sure. This is, I mean, I will say if we're being vulnerable... Oh, always we are. I think I'm a very healthy person spiritually, emotionally. But not physically? Yes, of course. Okay, okay. Look at the material. You have been looking very slim, trim, and fit. Thank you. Yeah.

I have had really no COVID fatigue until recently. Okay. And I have been feeling, I don't want to use the word depressed, a little sometimes at night. Down in the dumps? Just like, how long? Right, of course. How long is this going to be? Well, it's like Jackie Beat said online the other day. She's like, listen, if you are feeling anxious, that's normal. Yes. I've had to keep telling myself like,

This is, I'm a very happy person. I'm never that sad. And I've been like, yeah, this is, this is a good test of your human spirit. If you weren't feeling a little something, something, you might have something wrong with you. You're probably doing a little something, something wrong. Hello. Hello. Well, you know, it's, I mean, I'm at a point where when I see people being unsafe and

I take it. I normally wouldn't. I don't think I would care if it wouldn't make me feel like if we don't all do the most to get through this, we're going to be stuck in it longer. Mary, you know what I think immediately? I think about take a look back at the last nine months. Nine months. Of not working.

not going out of our lives and careers screeching to a halt, maintaining, I mean, pretty strict stay at home orders. And then we live in a world where you, what for what? So that you can go to Puerto Vallarta or to go to Mexico, to a gay resort, which is located in West Virginia. Yeah.

Listen, it's two hours away. It's two hours away. I don't understand it. I have... I know non... You know, the Drag Race girls have done it, certain notables. But they are dropping a bucket. Dropping a bucket, bitch. I know so many people. The only reason the Drag Race girls get the most tread is because they're celebs. Notable figures, yeah. But...

The ratio is one to a thousand of the number of like your Caucasian gay neighbor who went. Do you know what I mean? I don't fucking get it. I mean, I am, I'm legitimately at a loss. Like I understand every form of, of, of bad behavior sometimes intimately. Yeah. But like anybody's understanding of self-destructive destruction in law, law breaking, deteriorating health,

Going against the grain and going against your best interest. Going against the CDC. I get it.

With some of your practices. Flipping the bird in the face of mortality. I get it. I get it. This, I don't get. I understand. We're in a world where you and I have yet to even enter the soundstage and sit on a couch and talk. We're still shooting Netflix from home. We only now have been able to negotiate shooting in the same room, just the two of us. Just the two of us. With...

We can make it if we try. But in the end, with stringent COVID regulations, of course, testing and yada, yada, yada. Not putting anybody else at risk. Thank you. But so I just don't get, I don't get the, what is it over there that is so promising? A circuit party? Are you that basic?

Are you that basic? Jesus. Can I just say something controversial yet brave? Have a secret party here. Have a secret party here. Invite 12 of your gay fucking faggot friends and fuck each other in one room. Don't tell anybody about it. I don't want to be homophobic. I wish you would. And I don't want to be racist against the whites. I wish you would. Not possible. I wish you would. Not possible. But I used to work circuit parties. The type of men that go to circuit parties regularly...

It's not the cream of the crop intellectually. Yeah. It's not the cream of the crop emotionally. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm just saying that if you... I don't know. It's an isolated incident. We're talking about Puerto Vallarta like it's the only quarantine breaking that happens. People are going to each other's houses. Underground New Year's parties. Yes, underground New Year's parties. It's just like this will never end and it's disappointing to see, I guess, members of our team, the gay community. They ain't my team. But I... Okay, so...

One thing I do have a list of names. You do. Yeah. I got I got the party list. I got the email list. I want. OK. The people who are getting tackled by police at the airport for being at the Capitol. I want that to happen to the gays coming home from Puerto Vallarta. I know. Well, and I recently discovered that gays so over gays over COVID gays over COVID Instagram or whatever. Yes. And the circuit gays are issuing a reward.

For revealing that person's identity. The circuit gays want that person exposed. Because the circuit gays are saying that COVID over gays. Gays over COVID. I want to start the account COVID over gays. And it's just us dressed as germs being like, oh, why do they have to be so in your face about it? They want, if you guys don't know, there's an account that just takes screenshots of people's Thanksgiving. Where it's just a bunch of people in a room. I mean, I love it.

Bought my mom this house. She moved in January 1st I wanted to go there and watch her move in and I knew it was the definition of non-essential travel Yeah, and I called her and said I can't go mm-hmm and I'm just saying if we all made similar sacrifices we could get through this faster. It's not even rocket science. It's Actual science. He is exactly this is not right. Yeah, it's actual understandable pretty Reasonable science also in the age of technology

I mean, which we know a lot about. Yeah. Mama. Yeah. People don't know this. You have a bionic arm. I have a bionic arm and my leg is a computer. Unfortunately, it's like a 1998 Windows. It's a gateway PC. Yeah.

It's an iMac from 98. It's a Palm Pilot. No, but the, and so a couple of things, being naturally being an introvert, I'm more inclined not to be so affected socially, psychologically about it. But then also having access to so many forms of technology that you can, you know,

be an instant visual proximity to loved ones and whatever. I mean, I know you need to get your jerked off, right? People need to get a hand job. They want to fuck something. They want to kiss and rub up on something. Get a leg. Look what I did. I ordered Amazon legs. You want to make more money? Get a leg. Get a leg. I'm not joking. When I put the legs, the feet, the feet underneath the couch, it's a different. With the toes sticking out. Toes sticking out. Sometimes I prop them up,

Sometimes I prop them down. It's a different vibe. But each vibe is less lonely.

Sometimes, and guess what? Guess what you don't get very much in quarantine? Scared. That's a valuable experience. I put the heads out in different places and forget. Oh my God, people here, people here, people are here. No, they're not. They're not. You trick yourself. You trick yourself. I will say I've been in your studio and I've turned the corner and seen, let's go with a men's bust with the wig on. And I've gone, with the shoulders really sell it. And it had a wig on. It had a male full head of hair. So I knew it wasn't us. Yeah.

I said are you the beautiful that I've heard so much about hello sir I got a whole family three more just came the other day and it's I was thinking America's neck top model do a little spoof do a little spoof why not yeah America's neck top model let's see what the audience thinks have you seen that video

The audience video? There's a server and the people at the table are complaining that the food wasn't good, but they've eaten all the food and they're streaming it. Like, look at the server. And the server just goes, I mean, let's see what the audience thinks and holds the empty plate up to the Instagram live. Incredible. It's really fierce. So back to, okay. So back to public shaming of certain notable figures of COVID. It's not that what they've done, they're not out killing people. Well, see, but.

But they are not taking a knife and murdering. No, no, no. However, there is there's a it seems to be a very common misconception about the seriousness of that behavior in that. Well, I don't care if I get it is one sentiment.

Yes. Because I'm young, I'm whatever. And I want to acknowledge that gay people are often made to feel like their lives and their bodies don't have a lot of value. I want to say that maybe some of these people do have some baggage that they don't think that their impact on others or their impact on their own health is important enough to consider. And I know that this is like in kind of an isolated incident, but this is more of a general thing in general. Like we could have been through this. Look at Australia. Or New Zealand. Look at China. Yeah. Yeah.

We're only here. Like, I mean, you and I have been, let's be honest, in some ways largely affected. Our tours have been moved. In some ways. Our tours have been, we should have been touring all year this year. Our lives, I'm not complaining. I'm just saying, because I'm very fortunate to have other revenue streams. Well, that's what I mean. Yeah. We are lucky to do this. We can do, uh, was built to be.

Green screen. We can cheat it. But still, that has not been hassle-free. No. I mean, we're micing ourselves. Micing ourselves. And I'm sorry. This is, again, this is like I'm not to complain. I can't mic myself. She can't. Have you noticed in the new episodes, she's being dubbed? It's Millie Bobby Brown. Listen, it is a comedy of errors when I try to mic myself. But no, our lives are hugely affected. All performers were. And, you know, the...

And I want to acknowledge that, of course, we are employed. We can pay our bills, which I know is more than a lot of people can understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's just so hard to not lash out when you see these very public displays of who cares? Yeah. I don't have a responsibility to anyone around me. What about the people who are like... Also, I just think about the time, the months past, the months and months and months and months of like...

staying at home, not going out, people going stir crazy, people not being able to work. And then all of a sudden when you decide that you're over it, it's all for nothing because they could negate all of that. These are people who take prep every day, but God forbid, we'll still get to the country where, I mean...

Mexico's not doing better than us. They have equally overflowed, overflown, overflowed. Overflowed, mama. Overflowed hospitals. Yeah, it's not Atlantis. It's not like some magical place. Yes. It's also...

Girl, who the fuck cares? For a circuit party? We're acting like they're going to the Olympics. We're acting like they're going to see a presidential inauguration or the death of a loved one. Mary, it's a speaker. It's a speaker with a fanny pack. With shit ass music and the same motherfucking kind of stupid boring muscle person to stick your weenie in. A person that lives at home. This is where... Oh, nothing happened. I almost dropped the board. This is where people from...

I mean, it's like I love, I don't love the, what is it called? Not Palm Springs. They go to the island. Fire Island. Fire Island. Yeah. They go to the Fire Island. These are people who live in the same zip code as one another going to a new zip code to fuck. No fucking shit. Mary, you live in the same block. Yeah. No offense to the lovely people of Mexico.

But y'all ain't that special. And also, you're two hours away. There's nothing in Mexico that is like, in this Mexican resort town that is so incredible, so outlandish, so exotic. I mean, I'm trying to think if, not

Not to mention you could be bringing diseases to these communities. No shit. Probably are traveling there. Yeah. We've all been tested. I mean, and what are you going there for? Probably to get dozens of loads up your nasty ass, which is not like in itself. I'm not, that's not the value judgment. It's just the, it's just the social distancing or lack thereof that I'm talking about. I don't want to say I'm bashing circuit parties because I've, I've worked them in my life. I've worked them. Yeah. I've never gone to one for fun.

And maybe it's, maybe I'm being like an ugly goblin goon goblin. Cause maybe the hot gays who go to the circuit parties will look at me and go, of course you'd have a terrible time because your body, there's no currency. You have no value. No one's going to look at you, but that is not worth doing this for. I would say that the gays having 10 people over for Thanksgiving is a smaller crime than travel to a party.

Yeah. I mean, that cause that's the same way. Like anytime one of us gets postmates, it's sort of a crime. There's a lot of small ways to break quarantine that we're all guilty of. Maybe I've gone and gotten the mail without my mask on or like, you know, sure. Yeah. When I jog, sometimes I take the mask off if I don't see anyone around. Um,

I guess I just don't know how to reconcile with like this level of irresponsibility and also this level of pushback. Like, so what? That's what's fascinating to me. Either the denial, the deflection, or the gaslighting. What about some of these people being nurses and doctors? Oh, Mary. Well, it's funny. Months ago, I read an article about what was going on in Moscow. And doctors, there was this bar, crowded bar that was open, and there were doctors in there. And they were like, listen-

Sorry. Life can't just come screeching to a halt. Actually, it can. It's called dying. It's insane. I mean, I got a really, I cut myself in the kitchen the other day. Just to feel. Just to feel something. I cut myself off. I was talking and they just talked to me. I was with Eureka and she said, you know, people make fun of my weight and sometimes I cut myself.

A piece of cake. For a second, I was like, you really had me for a second, this girl. You really had me for a second, Miss Mow Mow. Well, the thing is, like, I mean, you know, I cut myself. It was bleeding a lot. And I did that thing. I was like, oh, God, is this a Stitches thing? And then I was like, well, regardless of it, I'm not going to the hospital. Not in L.A. Hi. We're going to take a break. That's what I'm talking about.

The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

I cannot wait to see this amazing new show with the preternaturally hysterical Brian Jordan Alvarez. It's from the producer of one of the greatest TV shows of all time. And can I let you in on a little secret? A certain Miss Trixie Mattel makes a guest appearance on the show and whoa, it is a sight to behold. Take it from me, a connoisseur of quality television programming. You do not want to miss this show. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

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Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. And we're back. We are back. Anyway, I guess what are some – let's try to throw out some strategies for people. Instead of flying to Mexico, instead of having Thanksgiving, instead of visiting your mom. Well, okay. So, okay. Let's break it down. You got the feet. Family and friends are two different social networks that –

You know, a lot of times people really miss their family. People really miss their friends. Sometimes people don't give a fuck about their family. But friends are, I would say, more important. You know what I mean? Yeah. For gay people especially. As important, if not more important. We got FaceTime. We got Skype. We got Zoom. We need to bring back cyber. ASL. Camper Cam. Yeah.

Let me tell you this. The sex thing, mama, I got zero patience. I got zero patience for it. No, for sex parties, being promiscuous, all that stuff, that kind of thing, that level of social distancing, you need to fucking get acquainted with the fine art of bringing yourself to orgasm. Bringing yourself to climax. Yes, because guess what? There are so many ways, there are so many avenues, and there are so many outcomes, all of which are fantastic. I'll get in the hot tub.

I will. I will. I will. Electrical tape. You will know me. I will. Electrical tape. Yes. I will electrical tape my clit to that massager.

And it's over. Listen, and I'm not, this is, I say. Masturbate for America. Do it for the world. Do it for Dr. Fauci. And honestly, if you are going to, this is kind of, okay. In season seven of true blood, when there's the infected vampires with Hep V. Oh yeah. Yeah. And they're like every healthy human and healthy vampire pair up. You walk home for safety and then feed the vampire. Yeah. You need to get a trusted neighbor. It's like, let's both splurge on a COVID test. Let's go to the Dodger stadium or whatever. Yeah.

And then we can just get it on with each other and promise to COVID fuck. Fuck pod. It's a fuck pod. Fuck pod. Yeah. Fuck pod. Absolutely. And then that's doable. Like you and I, you and I work together enough that like it's, you know, if one of us, I mean, we have enough, we have little social interaction that is all very traceable.

like, so if one of us were, um, came down with COVID, the contact tracing process could be very easily implemented. Quarantine could be enacted. It's not going to be a giant event or, or, you know what I mean? It's, it's the, the impact would be, could be low. I just don't get it. I don't, I still, I don't get it. And I've talked to people. I've actually talked to people who have gone to these, to, to PV and like, and I'm like, I haven't heard about the parties. PV Herman. Yeah.

HPV. It's like, why? Why? And I can't get a good answer. I was like, I would go down there. I would consider stealthily going down there if Simone Biles...

Was doing the Olympics. Yeah. And was going to murder President Trump. Live. You know what I mean? Like that. Gabby Douglas was going to crush President Trump's head like a grape using her thighs. On the balance baby. Yes. I will risk my life. Absolutely. Yeah. But it's just been so embarrassing because it's one of those things where, wow, we are truly what the world thinks we are. We are the most selfish. Supermodels. Oh, yep. The most selfish. Like my actions don't affect the many.

We all fear socialism, but like a touch of caring about other people right now. Oh my God. It's wild. I mean, the, the, my boyfriend has been in Palm Springs for two months. I miss him of course. But I'm like, if you don't have work to do in LA right now, it's safer for you to not be here. Yeah. It's just safer to get out. I mean, you got to just like, it's a, it's a hard, also it's a hard time for everybody. Nobody's having like the, there's no, nobody's living on easy street right now. Yeah. You know?

Well, people who don't know how to adapt during this time are having it worse. Yeah. Get in touch with the fact that you probably are going to have to talk on the phone and FaceTime more than you think. Yeah. Learn, get a Harvey. Harvey fully loaded. But these are people who, these are, although I suspect perhaps wrongly that these are the type of people who don't have or want hobbies.

Herbies. Herbies. Their hobbies is drugs and sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, I want to pop a pill. I want to dance to the most ridiculously crap music. And then I want to take my shirt off. I just want to ask like, and I don't want to hate on hot people because I am hot in many circles.

You know, many circles. Which circles are these? Soapy circles. Soapy circles. Slow, soapy circles on my breath. I'm very hot in many circles. And, you know, in some cultures, even, you know, very hot in some cultures. Extremely hot. Sizzling. Cultured sour cream. I was going to say yogurt cultures. Cultures, yes. Yes.

active culture. You know when they do a swab and they do a culture to see if there's an infection. That's me. That's my culture. Wait, quick, quick, quick. Did you get the nose nodes the way up there? Yes. It happened right there. This stool that you see before you, $5 from Goodwill, right? I put it over there. The man came in. I said, hello. I sat down. He put it up my nose and it was the deep swab, right? That's what I'm talking about. The deep, deep, deep. And he said, this is the deep one. So I'm like, yeah. Mama. At this point, my nose is just a hole, sir.

Just a hole. A cum dump. What did it... He put it so far up there that he braced my back and my head on my hand. And my instinct was to fight it. And he went, nope. And pushed my head down on it. And it was so bad. And I thought, I don't know if I can get this again. The brace. That just made my skin... It shook me to the core. There was a drag race queen who said that she was getting nose raped. And she had to apologize. Okay. That's all I'm going to say. Okay.

That's all I'm going to say. She said that the COVID test was a nose rape and people were like, this is over the line. That's all I'm going to say. I always say nasally assaulted.

You know, say that. Oh my gosh. Well, I mean, listen, and I think that the... What's your strategy been to maintain such poise? Well, see, the thing about poise, elegance, and calm is just woven into my nature. Right. So it doesn't really involve anything strategic. It's more of a natural unfurling of my genetic qualities. There is no situation that catches your beauty truly off guard.

No, because when you have the kind of beauty that runs so deep and is so multifaceted. And you've weathered so much. Well, weathered, I'd say. The weathered girl. The weathered girl. She's the weathered girl. Listen, I always have a, I'm always navigating a maelstrom of self-induced trauma. So no matter what happens outside, it doesn't really matter. Yeah.

It's been a weird time on this pod because we're so many weeks in and I don't think we've really once truly mentioned that we're doing this in the middle of, you know, when we signed up to do this podcast, we thought we would be glamorously flooding into a studio. Rolling into the studio. I thought I would lay down my coach bag that I don't have. Exactly. I was like, I'm going to bring a purse. Don't ever carry one, but I'll bring one. And I would go, we've got 40 minutes to get it and I'm out of here.

But instead, it's been us meeting up at my house to plug in all these cords and talk to my computer. And it's fine. It's lovely. We're fortunate. I wanted that. I had in my head, and especially I had it all mapped out for some reason, the guy behind the board, you know, with a beard always. I thought a straight guy. I thought somebody that we could come in and drag once in a while and make... Give him a little chub. Yeah.

I'm gonna chum up a little bit once a month Yeah, fix your little leg I put on, you know, my hot look I have to take off these headphones, I'm so hot, breasts out You know, stuff like that I put on my sexy look, the patent leather orange brunch boot With the yellow fishnet And a mushroom cut And earrings that say that bitch Mine say dress no bitch Sorry, fat bitch, that's what my earrings say Fat bitch Um

Have you explored any different body types during COVID? Well, yeah. I told you I got the legs. I got the feet. No, no, no.

I've been pretty, I've been pretty. This has been a really exciting time for people to let out a few inches emotionally and physically. I love this. And I'm a person who doesn't have, I don't worry, I'm grateful. I've never worried about my weight ever. It's never really been an issue. Many other things are issues. It's been an issue for us. Yeah.

Let's just say you got bigger fish to fry. Thank you. That's exactly what I'm trying to say. You don't go to the doctor and they give you physical. They don't spend too much time on the number on the scale. Yeah, yeah. We're not really concerned about the scale. We're about the fumes that are emanating from your sizzling corpse. So your skin is gray. Did we want to touch on that? So the way not concerned about the no pulse is an issue. The way that an entire layer of skin just fell off your lip. Are you drinking water at all? Like.

So the one thing that I like, I like hearing about people's journeys with like, cause I'm fascinated. I've never been like, oh, I'm bored. So I'll eat. That's never been me. I'm bored. So I'll cook and cook and cook and eat and eat. I've got friends who this guy, he's gained 50 pounds, five zero of muscle. Interesting. I mean, not all muscle, but he's been, he's become this very bulky, bulky, bulky guy. Yeah.

Sexy. He's turned. Sizzling. Hot. And I don't like skinny people. My preference is not skinny minis. Oh, yeah. I'd rather have extra pounds than very thin. Always a little extra rather than not enough. Yeah. And I feel for especially men because I think in women's beauty standards, skinny is always better. And in gay men's world. Well, skinny is always ideal. Yes. That's another thing, though.

How can that change? Girl, I mean, I'm just going to... It's got to. It's fashion. Now, when we address this, we're addressing the, like, fascist regime of women's standards being pressured on them. We're not attacking women. No, no, no. But, like... But fashion. When women go to the gym and they use the cardio and never touch a weight because they're afraid, what if a man sees me being strong? We need to reprogram. Like, we've talked about this. To me, like, the perfect body is like a...

When I think of like Gal Gadot or Jennifer Lawrence or like these characters in these films that just look like beautiful, but like athletic. Like they could run around the corner, pick something up and throw it. Yes, these women can run and eat meals and like. They're also, I mean, those two, particularly those two women you mentioned are also impossibly gorgeous, but I just, I'm curious about how. It's lighting. Gal's lighting. It's all lighting. I saw her in Overhead Fluorescent. Dog. John Malkovich. John Malkovich.

Jennifer Lawrence. Jennifer Lawrence. Jeffrey Tambor. I was just like, this is obviously not a question to ask and answer in under five minutes, but I was just wondering about that the other day. It's like, how the fuck can the, because it really originates, I feel like, in the fashion world. You and I have a lot of influence, and I think it starts here. All right, I'm going to gain 100 pounds. Women of the world who listen to this, eat the food you want. But then, but here's the thing though. Individually,

There's not it's a collective problem that needs to be like it needs to be attacked from the locus of that, which is I feel like the fashion world. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, stick bodies. We've seen down the runway stick bodies. That's it. I mean, of course, when we see people like Lizzo getting to enjoy custom red carpet fashions from designers, it always moves the needle. I just want to see more.

Always more. And also, yeah, and I'm tired of the excuse, like, especially, and this trickles down into Drag Race quite a bit, especially recently in the last five years or so. It's like the, oh, well, that kind of, this person simply having a body that's skinny being praised for being couture just because of the body type. Well. Do you know what I mean? Yes, I mean, I don't know when this episode comes out, but I have had the privilege of seeing a lot of this season ahead of time because of the pit stop on the RuPaul's Drag Race YouTube channel. Yeah.

And there are some Queens where they're like, I don't sew. I don't know what I'm going to do. And it's like, well, you're 70 pounds. So when you strap that little fabric around yourself and you walk, you're

They'll say it's fashion, but if somebody a size 18 did it, size 20... You're sloppy. They'd be like, you really just put fabric on. This looks awful. Right. And it's something that's not addressed because it's such a big thing. How would you begin to address it in a critique on a TV show? You know what I mean? I think it needs to fucking start being addressed, you know? And also the...

There are a lot of... There's a lot of gradations and levels from Gigi Goode or Naomi Smalls. And I'm not singling them out as being villains or whatever. But I'm saying that skinny, skinny body type and the big girl. There's a lot in between. There's a lot in between. Yes. But there's... You're either... You're either couture or you're like...

The big girl. Yeah, think of like a Tina Burner. She's not a big girl. She's not 20 pounds. And that's not even a body type that's like mentioned. Right. But that's what like probably most people look like. Yeah. Somewhere in that middle. Yeah. And I think with drag race, when the aesthetic ideal skews more often than not towards the

Ha ha ha

Long story short, we need to stop focusing on girls and drag queens' weight and start focusing on their dicks. Yes. And also, I hope that in COVID with people exploring various amounts of fitness or letting themselves be this new body type, I hope we all come out of it a little more enlightened. I hope all this time at home has made people be like, well, I'm going to let myself be that

Hungry, hungry hippo for two months. Yeah. Or how about this? I'm going to enjoy and nourish my body in the way that this particular moment calls for. And then when I emerge, I emerge. Period. Yes. It's 3 a.m. I want to eat four bowls of cereal. If I went to an office tomorrow, I might not, but I don't have to, so I'm going to. And I hope that that...

People are able to use this time to swing that pendulum and kind of land somewhere where they feel really healthy. Yeah. And also not to have to like numbers. It's not a triumph or a failure. I mean, yeah. I mean, I gained in the beginning of COVID probably 10 pounds. Did you? Yeah. 10 or 15 even. Okay. And now I'm back down to thinner than when I started. But honestly, it's only because I've had so much free time and downtime to like,

To run and stuff. Yeah. And just think about like, I've just been trying to use this time to reprogram. What's my, um,

I guess, how do I say this? What's my relationship with food and what's my relationship with exercising and what reasons with each produce the most natural results for me? Gotcha. Eating if I'm hungry, exercising because I want to. Right. Not exercising because there's a gun and there's a skinny costume I'm trying to fit. Right, totally. And it's been a lot more successful for me, but I know that that's not for everyone. No, but the simple, I was always taught this is that food is your friend.

you eat to live, and then also that there's no point in exercising unless it has to be an enjoyable activity or else it's just a level of self-punishment. Yes, totally. And there's so many, whatever, I don't want to talk about exercise, but there's so many different ways you can. But exercise isn't. Physical activity. When you think of it more about,

what you feel afterward and less about what you look like afterward. It becomes more about meditation and self-care than aesthetics. Oh, you can't do the aesthetic. The aesthetic is a byproduct and you got to get, you have to let go of that. Of course, it's going to be in your mind. Yeah. But if that's the primary goal, good luck to you. I mean, did you start doing, when you were doing yoga all the time? Never. No, no, no. It never occurred to you that it would have bodily changes? No, absolutely not. But I was always,

I've always been more interested in what I can do than what I will look like. We've been interested to see what you could do as well. We've been waiting. Listen, listen. And also with yoga though, I'll show you a still photo of the body of a person who can do a one-armed press-piked handstand down and up, down and up, down and up. Nobody can do this in human beings. It looks like Bob Regula.

It's like big people. Big people are extremely strong. There is no exact correlation. And let me tell you something else. These bodybuilder types, they can't raise their arms. No. They can't bend in half. And they can't, a lot of times, can't do like intermediate everyday like activities. Yeah. Yeah.

I've been doing this like running plan and then one of my like trainers that they say in the ear, it's like so cheesy, but I've started to drink the Kool-Aid so fiercely. She'll be like, when you're running, remember your smile is your wings. So let's fly. And I'm out there running and smiling like a crazy person. But you know what else they've said in the years that I've take to heart? What? Moving like this is a privilege.

Anytime you can move your body, it's a privilege and it's going to be something you can't do forever. Ever sprained your ankle, ever broken a bone, ever, you know, like lost a limb. Yes.

I've often thought that when I was in like the bliss of like a yoga flow class, like you get like. It's a privilege. It is ecstatic. It is a religious experience. And you're like, I can't believe I'm allowed to do this. And I'm self-employed. Many of us are some version of self-employed right now. You're at least at home doing responsibilities. Or Eden's here. Hi, Eden. Hello, Eden. Eden, one of the top bitches at Trixie Cosmetics is here. Yes. Yes.

recently tested negative for COVID tested positive for being a bitch our cool bitch in her office she has a pink sign that says what does it say girl boss not the girl boss it's the girl boss for me it's the girl boss for me sis

What else did they say? They say all kinds of crazy shit. Smile as the wings that is deranged. Yeah. It smiles your wings. So let's fly, baby. I love that. Yes. Moving is a privilege. Moving like this is a privilege. Also, if you're self-employed in any way, going for a walk, going for a jog, swimming, whatever. Yeah. It's one of the only times in the day you do something for yourself with no one else.

For no one other than yourself. The benefits don't have dividends in other areas. It's just for you. My whole life is like that. You're like, let me hold it right here. I only do something. Did we talk about beauty? And ultimately it's all about getting hot. So when you do go to PV, you can get plush. Like honey. Fucking opened up. Gash exploded. Yeah.

You need to park that COVID truck right into this nasty garage. I want that fucking thing. I want my hole to fall out like a squid on the sidewalk. Yeah, you want to switch on Unsolved Mysteries and see your gash laid bare. I want to be walking naked and I want my asshole to hit the floor and someone go, did you just drop 16 pounds of raw meat? And I go, oh.

Oh, that was mine. Oh, PV. Did an Indiana Jones trap door just open up? Oh, no. That was my a-hole. My gaping hole. I guess what the point of this episode is to remind everybody that this is all temporary. But guess what? Everything is. Everything is temporary. Everything is temporary.

But that shouldn't, that could be what the PV gays are saying. So what? We're all going to die. Yeah, yeah. But also, if you do make a mistake, a big mistake like this. Don't double down. Don't double down. Don't deflect. There is value. And listen, you don't have to take advice from me. Certainly, I'm not fucking the Dalai Lama. Or I am not the Dalai Lama. She's a Lama. I'm fucking the Dalai Lama. But it doesn't really help to deflect, deny, or to gaslight.

You can say you're sorry. Or, you know, or just say nothing. Yeah. But listen, don't take it... So I guess what I'm really saying is, Michel Visage, when you're ready to apologize for going to Puerto Vallarta, we're waiting. And I don't know. I think this is all going to go by in the blink of an eye in the grand scheme of your life. And the only thing that you can...

quantify is what you leave this experience with. And there's a lot of ways to pamper yourself and leave with something. Yeah. Instead of leave with things you're going to be ashamed of. Yeah. Especially if, when you have, when you're, when you're like, you know, if you're in the fortunate position to kind of, to have some time for reflection, you don't have thought about when am I going to have to, at some point remind myself not to be afraid of people.

Do you know what I mean? Am I going to forever be on a jog and see a person and go around them? Am I going to think six feet forever? Am I going to second guess every social interaction forever? I, I mean, if this happened, if this goes on for another year, yeah, it's going to be weird. I mean, I'm already not big on crowds. Like I prefer to be on the stage alone. Yeah. And when it's a crowd, you know what I mean? We don't even prefer that. The audience doesn't even want that. No, no.

Anyway, protect yourselves. Protect each other. Call your mom and call her safely from a distance. And rub it out. Rub it out. Here's the goal. Click that bean. Here's the goal. Here's a quick goal. And it's very doable. I've done it myself. For those with a prostate...

Make yourself come without touching yourself. You can stick something up in there, but try to get to the point where you can actually achieve orgasm without touching yourself. Fellas, do you like good juicy prostate? Get yourself a plug. Let me tell you. Fellas, is it gay? Is it gay? Is it gay, fellas? Because I'm telling you, that happened to me. I did it. It was wild. Did you live? Transcendent, literally. Yeah. Anyways. And there's no shame attached. There's no social responsibility there. Nothing. You don't even need the internet, mama.

T. T. Okay. Goodbye. Bye.