Circling Back for a Touch-Base to Close the Loop on the Deliverables with Trixie and Katya
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Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentle thems. Ladies and gentle thems. Yeah. No she shed. It's a basement. I feel like Countess LeMann in that clip saying like, keep serving cunt. Oh my, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Did you know Philip Picardy?

You do. He's at the LGBT center. Oh, yes. Okay. So he was telling me he worked at Condé Nast with Anna Wintour. And one time there was an assistant who was non-binary and very androgynous using pronouns that Anna's of a different generation. Well, it wasn't 2023 at the time either, right? No, it was probably 2020 or 2018 or something. Okay. It was early pronoun...

culture she would it was so awkward he said that she would be like oh hello you she could not get her head around it which is hysterical to me he said it was so awkward always that fears my fear of misdrenging people is strong but I have no issue just going out and saying but you know what I will do and I'm always right I don't want to guess because guessing leaves what you check their genitals I'll lean in I'll go they don't

And they go, yes, thank you. And I'm like, got it. Oh, you lean in and like a creeper? I privately like check before I say like, you know, in the public sphere. Okay. Hey, her, they, him, she, they. Like I try to be like secretly discreet. Like later when I talk to you in front of the group, what are we doing here? What are we doing? What are we doing in terms of pronouns here? Because then I see the long and the short of it. Yeah. Hey, I noticed you have a short bang.

I've seen a picture with you blue hair. Yeah. You know, wait, I, what I do is that I, if there's a group of people and I misgender somebody, I, and they correct me, I start crying. I pull my pants down and I piss and shit. So it just distracts from the mistake. Cause then I just have to clean that up. Right. I was on a commercial shoot and, um, they were, it's a good thing that people are afraid of saying the wrong gender to you in drag. Now for drag, I'm sort of like, you can be like, I'll never say, um,

You used the wrong gender. But for straight people who don't know us, they are so afraid of misgendering. I'm in drag and they're like, I would like you to know. It's like the straightest, straightest guy you've ever met. He's like, my name's Bronson. He, him. And I'm sort of like,

So you read the handbook. You know what I mean? I'm always like, so you watch the Zoom, the sort of like harassment Zoom. Corporate errands of gender. It's not a one. I'm just going to get started. Gender terminology is something we have to circle back on. I think we got to play it quick. We have to. We got to play it quick. I'm sorry. Let me set it up. Wait on it. We went on the road this weekend and Trixie did something unprecedented.

She changed my life. Which is show you a meme you like. No, listen, I'm very skeptical of anything you want to share with me. I'll just be honest. This, I was like corporate. I've never heard of it. And not only did I love it,

I cannot stop looking at it. And I did what you did. I fell asleep watching it in my hand. It was on my face. It was still playing. And I was like, and you know what it is? She plays corporate so well that I, I feel like it's a real meeting. I can't leave. I'm like, Oh, I better stay on camera. I better keep watching. Guess what? I've shown people who are in that, in that world. They don't laugh. I think that makes it really good. Cause they don't know it's a joke.

But everybody's already here, so I'm just going to go ahead and get started. Okay, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Corporate Erin. I'm the manager for the Managerial Logistics for Management McManagement. And for the purposes of today's meeting, why I put a 9 o'clock meeting on everyone's couch this morning, thank you so much for being here, is kind of really just explaining my presence. So...

I am taking over social media for Lisa Beasley. She's on a sabbatical. She currently doesn't have the bandwidth. And we can definitely understand that even though we have a workload here, we can definitely understand when, you know, someone doesn't have the bandwidth, some of us have to pick up the slack. By the way, that is me when I show up on the Trixie Cosmetics Slack once a week and I enter two sentences and leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, thanks for being here. But you know what else it is? Have you ever done a gig for a big brand? Like a big, a big, big brand.

And it's a Zoom of 75 people and they insist on going around introducing themselves. And I said, it's May 31st. Pride month is over next month. And then you will all forget I existed. So let's just get through it. Let's just call a spade a spade. I'm the spade. Y'all are nothing. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah. Like Zoom. It's so hard to remember names anyway. Do you remember names from Zoom? Well, they have it right on the thing. That's not.

Okay, but mama, I was on a Zoom. My first corporate gig is coming up. I've never done brand deals because people don't, I'm too sexy. You know what I mean? I'm too sexy. They're going to sell out. They can't keep up the manufacturing, so they don't even approach me. It's fine. I've made my peace with it. Another challenge is that you don't answer email. Well, no, no, no. I don't answer email because- You don't circle back. You don't close the loop. I can't do that because I can't follow up.

There's a lot of contention, a lot of tension for me not answering emails. Average happy touch base. Well, I was at a lunch and learn this morning. What's a lunch and learn for a drag queen? Mama. Going to brunch and talking shit? Yeah.

Lunch and learn. No, is when, while the audience is eating lunch, they're learning that we're disgusting. Lunch and learn. Brunch and burn. Brunch and burn. Dinner and die. Which is when somebody's booked for an outdoor brunch during COVID and 90 degree weather. Remember when we went to see Fina and it was 90?

Martyrdom. Martyrdom. And she had a caftan on with a mask on. Mama, I was in like a bandeau bikini top and shorty shorts. And I was like drenched. You weren't even in the show. Drenched. Drenched. Looking for shade. But wait, wait, wait, wait. So I'm on this Zoom in corporate Erin. I've just spent the last three days watching every single one of her TikToks over and over. I'm not joking. Right. And I'm like, so when are we going to talk about the company bereavement policy? Oh, wow. Mom, dad, brother, sister dead. Okay. Wow. Way to bring the energy down on this call. Just kidding. I want to bring levity to the situation.

Such as you know, this one-on-one touch base will go a little over. You still have some key critical talking points. Key critical talking points. Key critical talking points. Have you ever worked at a corporation? Mama? Yes. No.

But I have a friend in Boston, this despicable man who works as a mic manager for mic management at management.co. And he makes over $300,000 a year to circle up, to circle back, follow through and close the loop. And meetings about meetings about meetings, emails about emails about emails, checking in, circling back, check the data, aligning up the data, centering himself, centering his presence. It's,

So enraging because he's a white guy, right? Well-educated grad degree in business bullshit. Mama. Sorry. He does nothing at work besides eat good food and walk from his office to another office. What is it? Because when I started watching Aaron corporate tick tock by Lisa Beasley, the artist is Lisa Beasley. She is so fucking funny. You have to watch the one where she's like, people are really triggered by my character. And so I want you guys to know, I only do the character.

Yeah. But if I put the wig on, that's, that's, that's good. You have a friend. By the way, she shaves her head. She is the bald and the beautiful mama. She's bald. She's beautiful. She makes us look like stupid, ugly, unfunny dogs. I saw one where people on the zoom were commenting that her edges were lifting and she was, she was referring to a handbook about how to speak to employees about their hair. Oh my God. What about you? And she's like, you keep saying my edges are lifting and she's playing with her hair and the wig edge is completely flapping is so fierce. End of December, Brian, one-on-one. Yeah.

Oh, with her husband? No, with Jared. When I lost my, I swallowed my wedding ring. Oh, my jewelry, my jewelry keeps falling out. Yeah. It's just. It's crazy. If you can't say, you know, we've done a lot. I've done a lot of Zooms in my life, especially with the TV stuff. Like Trixie Motel and stuff. We do a lot of Zooms. Do they close the loop and circle back and follow through and all that stuff? Yeah. I mean, for a while, David was on the More Than Me, but pre-production of season two of Trixie Motel, they were having standing Zooms every morning.

Every morning, like 7 a.m. And David would let me sleep in. Thank God. Thank you. I mean, Tracy and I were on a call last night about this project with John Mark. And I had to say something, but I couldn't not use the language. And we almost had a meltdown. I was like, so why don't we jump on a call and...

Circle back tomorrow. I was like, how do I say it regularly? Put a pin in it and piggyback on it. I'll ping you. I'll ping you once you've followed through. Or no, once we circle back, you ping me and then we'll close the loop. Yeah. Okay. And then there's a gentleman who does a corporate boss who does like, oh, good, good, good. Everybody see my screen? Okay. How about underserving the, over-serving the underserved rat community? Well, that's the- The non-profit boss.

If you like Corporate Aaron, by the way, if you listen to Baldwin Beautiful, trust us. Look these up. Corporate Aaron is fierce. Nonprofit Boss is also fierce and she does it for less money. But it's the mission and it's going forward and it's the passion. And it's so funny. It's so funny. It's really, really, the Nonprofit Boss is fierce. I just feel seen. It turns on my eyes because I feel just so seen right now. And every time you enter the office, she's like,

Taking a piece of dark chocolate and eating it for 20 minutes, the tiniest bites. And then Erin has her twisted claw with a cardigan. She's like, thank you for joining. So our bereavement pause. Okay, stop. We have to play the bereavement pause. You have to do it. I'm sorry. The whole full minute. You have to. You might have come to us before for original content, but now we just recap TikTok. We're just a dishwasher. We're just a dishwasher. So I got to find the clip. I got to find the clip. Roll the tapes. I know where it is.

In the meantime, I'd love to say hi. As we approach the end of January, it's really time to consider, are you really going to make that beach body a reality? I don't think so. Stop going to the gym, eat lots of peanut butter, and don't be afraid to shit in your bed at night. I do it all the time. And guess what? I've got abs. Not on my body, all over my wall, pictures of people with abs. Thank you so much, and have a happy Easter. Did you see the one where she recommends bumping up Black History Month?

So crazy. The portal. The portal. Yeah, the portal. The portal. Well, you know what's ingenious about it? When I realized when I watched it for the 13th, 14th, 15th time, she's actually highlighting other creators in such an ingenious way and using brand partnership deals, money because she was kicked off Facebook in such an ingenious way. She was kicked off Facebook.

Yeah. Mark Zuckerberg kicked her off of Meta. For what? For being too fierce. Closing the loop too fast. Maybe because she does content that. It was political. Oh, well, you know, a friend of ours, I won't say who, plays Betty Bowers. And she was explaining to me the ins and outs of like, when you do content that incurs wrath, you have to be really careful online. Yeah. When you run a file with foreign press.

They make you go. Girl, I can't find it. I can't. I know. And I'm going to. I'm so sorry. That's okay. Edit this. Hey, that's okay. We've had some great live pods recently, by the way. We just did Salt Lake City in Denver. Had a blast. I got to say, I love California and I love the warm winter or I love the warm winters here. What about the altitude? Salt Lake City when it was snowing, those big fat pieces of snow. It was gorgeous. It was beautiful. It was beautiful. And I know we sound stupid because y'all are months into snow. Some of you and you're like, fuck you faggots. But it's,

Your whole family passed away this week on?

That was you on the news. Oh, no. Mom, dad, sister, brother, gone.

Whoa, okay, so way to bring down the energy of this one-on-one. Okay, just kidding. I wanted to bring some levity to your day. It will take some time to explain the bereavement policy to you, but just keep in mind that this may cause our one-on-one to go over today because there still are some critical key talking points that I have to get through on our agenda. Isn't that fierce? Okay, so just really quickly, I wanted to run our bereavement policy by you now, okay? Okay? Okay, so mom and dad and immediate family, you get one day.

Okay, for any aunts or uncles or cousins, you get a half a day. Okay, we don't acknowledge chosen family here, but we have ran into the policy where you get five minutes in the break room. But if you work from home, you don't get to take advantage of that policy. Girl, all I do is watch her. It's so sad. Now, some people say, well, if it's unexpected, how can I put it in 36 months in advance if it's unexpected? Well, sometimes...

It's fierce. Wait, I'm sorry. We had to do it.

Client deliverables. That kind of a joke. That actually gets me heated.

It's just. It's so fierce. Give it up for Lisa Beasley on TikTok. Lisa Beasley. Lisa Bevolving, I think it's called. Oh, right. If you go to TikTok and you just look for corporate Aaron, she comes right up. Yes. That's a great one.

And she does other characters. She does men. Yes. I mean, Aaron's kind of the fucking bomb. The queen one is hysterical. Mary, this woman is just beyond. She's amazing. It's Lisa B. Lisa B. Volving. Yeah. Lisa, we love you. We love you. Love you. We love you. I'm a drag. That's drag, honey. She's on par with Simone Biles with me at this point. Actually, that is Simone Biles.

What's great about it is when I started watching your TikToks, I'm not a corporate person, I guess. But you've been in that world. You have a lot of brand deals. Before Zooms, when I worked at Mac, I would be on the phone conferences where you'd sit on speakerphone for hours talking about product. But now, like Zooms, we have Zooms in our world and entertainment all the time about contracts and stuff. I've just never been to one. But corporations like that, I started doing the deep dive of like,

People have stitched corporate Aaron and said, this is why this corporate speak exists. And they talk about the culture of like,

If you're young in the corporate world, the pressure is on to go out drinking, to become friends, to suck up, to basically beat match other people's speech patterns to make them think that you are like-minded, which is why everyone starts to talk the same. It's a really crazy world. But also here's the thing too, the timing, because so many people are just waiting for an email from this person and that person. You can't be too fast, but you can't be too slow. Because if you're too fast, you're stressing everybody else and you're setting a precedent for

that other people don't want. It's like, don't do all that. But also I need that email. So it's like a really tenuous balance of timing. It's fucking, it's fierce. It's gross. I hate it. I could never do it. I would rather work at the car wash.

The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

I cannot wait to see this amazing new show with the preternaturally hysterical Brian Jordan Alvarez. It's from the producer of one of the greatest TV shows of all time. And can I let you in on a little secret? A certain Miss Trixie Mattel makes a guest appearance on the show and whoa, it is a sight to behold. Take it from me, a connoisseur of quality television programming. You do not want to miss this show. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

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Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. I've definitely been fired a lot of times and two of the times were for big corporations. And I didn't work at corporate, but I worked for corporations where, you know, the firing is very like...

Well, in the handbook that you signed, you did agree to blah, blah, blah, blah. And so we are going to have to terminate you. Every time I've been terminated, they say it like, we are going to have to terminate you. We're off-boarding you. Yeah. We made the decision, the difficult decision to discontinue your employment. Yeah. There's a lot of tension, a lot of contention. But I'll tell you, I mean, I've fired people. I've been fired so many times. When I've had to fire people, I've usually talked to you first.

Don't try to make it nice. Just say, hey, it's not working. I'm going to let you go. This is what that looks like. And if you can manage to do this with a degree of compassion and truth and honesty, don't sugarcoat it. Don't lie.

Don't lie. Because that person is going to hold an ad. They're going to not learn about themselves. They're going to go into their next. They need to have accurate feedback so that they can process it and do better or whatever, or, or disagree or whatever, but they need to be able to have the right facts. Why did you let me go? Well, we've all decided that like when you use that corporate speak, it's circuitous, it's vague, it's not precise and it's not direct and it's fucking despicable. I've been removed from show lineups before. Show lineups. And I,

Between the client, the manager and me, the manager will say like, oh, they just went in a different direction. And I go, so what happened? What happened? Either they got someone else or I cost too much money or I made a joke they don't like or something. It's always something and it's not really my business, but I want to know. Well, they went in a different direction because they smelled you and they're like, oh, we got to veer to the left. My client deliverable, which is my grape size hemorrhoid hanging on my ass. That's critical. That's a critical key talking point.

That's a critical key talking point. Deliverables. When I heard the word deliverable asset in deck, she goes on about like the difference between a deck and an asset and the deliverables. Oh, I love that one. And it's like, these are very different. I mean, they are. It's like, but a word does have meaning. No, it does. There means something. If Maybelline contracts you to make a video and they want two TikToks, a story,

And a video. Those are all the deliverables. Those are deliverables. I don't know what else you would call them. No, assets are the videos in that comprise the deliverable. Like asset is an asset is one piece of all the deliverables. Well, then there's also elements. Elements of the deck in the assets for the deliverables. Like, oh, I'm doing a video for them. I'm going to get their elements, which is their like logos and fonts. Girl, it's a whole thing.

But you got to use your power for good. You know, I do think it's possible to use these words without sounding like that. Yes. Well, yes. Yeah. But it's also, I think the most important thing is the nonprofit boss serving the rat community. And despite the language barrier, despite the language barrier, the scenes, them crack up together. It's so funny. The best is when the nonprofit boss goes, um, maternity leave. So the answer is, the answer is yes. And not yet. Yeah.

But they have a robust maternity stay program. Yeah. Which is like, you know, if you need time with your family, remember, this is a family and we can help you here. Basically saying like, bring your newborn to work. Love. She says, put up on it. You put it, you put it on a backpack. You switch your chair so you can be at the office and then the baby's back there and you're still typing. Love. It's, it's fierce. And it's not to remove from the truth. Not at all, bitch. And we, you and I are not in danger of being pregnant. Not because we're mad, but because of our hysterectomies. Thank you. But,

Well, I call nature's hysterectomy, which is making me born male. That was nature being like... It's like nature's candy. You're not worthy of being a mother. I mean, you're mothering, but we're not going to allow you to mother, bitch. They're hiding nature's candy. Yeah. I mean...

In other countries, I remember in French class in high school, they talked about maternity leave in France. Three years. That's what I'm saying. Paternity, I think, is one year even. Yeah. In Sweden, they have 25 years maternity leave. In Sweden, if you jerk off, you're a father and you have a pension for life.

In America, you could be the octomom and they would be like, we'll see on Zoom at 7 a.m., cunt. You know what I mean? We've flown out a computer, flew it out to the hospital. Flew it out to the hospital, to the emergency room. You would be mascara running, legs up, crowning, shitting. Yeah. And they'd be like, we need your cameras on. Yeah, yeah. Karen, we need your camera on. Karen, we know you're in pain, but we have some critical talking points to get to on the agenda. Well, what do you think about all these poor kids who went to school during COVID and it was like cameras on taking math class? Oh,

Did you say meth class? You wish. Meth class. I mean, that would have got us through COVID. The master's, doctorate, PhD. Is a PhD a doctorate? PhD is a doctorate philosophy, yeah. What do you think about doctors? What's going on there? Oh, I've got plenty to say. Are you ready for this? I want doctors with borders. I want... You know what I'm saying? I think they have too much freedom. You know? You ever go to a doctor's office, make an appointment with your doctor, and you show up, and it's not them? It's an associate or someone else? I'm like...

Am I a Nicky fan? I'm like, am I a doctor fan? Yes. Pull up with the physician's assistant. Pull up with the nurse practitioner. Mama, let me tell you something. Let's open you up. Girl, I got to tell you something fierce. I got to tell you something very fierce. Speak on it. It's not about a doctor. It's, oh my God, you're going to die. Great. I talked, I have to keep it vague. I have to keep anonymity. Okay. Right. Dr. Seuss. A friend of, no, a friend of mine.

not from LA, recently visited a psychic. No, he didn't visit a psychic. He was visited by one in the middle of the night. So a friend recommended this healer, a healer. And then, so this is how it went down. The healer gave him a phone call and said, so what you're going to do is you're going to lay down for 45 minutes

You're going to drink some water. You're going to, you know, she gave him a little bit of protocol for the next, for how the morning should go and drink plenty of water. And you're going to lay down for 45 minutes. Then I'm going to call you during the time you're laying down. I will be receiving messages. I will be assessing your energy from a remote location that she did not disclose at any time whatsoever.

Okay, and then so 45 minutes goes by I think he fell asleep. He fell asleep a couple times She calls him four times. He finally wakes up and into the phone. She's like, I think he fell asleep It's like okay. Well, I have I have your information. Um First she says there's a lot of tension in your neck first We're gonna go on with energetically what's going on with your body. I saw a lot of tension in your neck I also spoke with your grandfather. He wanted me to tell you a good job son and then

I also, I'm getting, I wrote it down on a napkin and I fucking forgot. So it's all out of order. But she also said, you have one person in your life has allowed you to discern dishonest behavior. I was like, Mary, we live in LA. We live in LA. Ain't nobody telling the truth here. She also said, there's a hole in your gut, in your stomach.

There's a hole. When you were 15, a hole created. There's a knife in your back and the blood is dripping down. There's an egg, crack an egg over your head. Tight squeeze, cool breeze. Doesn't that give you the chills? No. And she went on and on. You have beautiful feet. You have beautiful feet. And she charges money. I'll get to that in a second. It's in your life. You're like a drop in a pond. And the ripples that emanate from that drop must be good. That's verbatim. She also said,

You have many young men who look up to you. She also said, you are a gentle soul. She also said, things are complicated in your life, but they're also very easy. It was the vaguest, most bullshittiest scam. I would just swing big if I was a fake psychic. $333. I don't even like that number. It's an angel number because guess what? Also, the Archangel Michael visited me and had a message for you.

And it went bonk, bonk. No, I remember, I don't forget what the message was, but it was. If I was a fake psychic, by the way, and I don't believe all psychics are fake. I believe in intuition. I believe people feel things and know things. However. Sure. Well, I recently saw Teresa Caputo at the airport.

Are you kidding me? I can't believe I didn't tell you this. The Long Island medium. You didn't. I get to Milwaukee. This was around Halloween when I did my gig at my bar. This is it. Milwaukee, which is doing fabulous, by the way. Stop right in. Yeah. Yeah. Not bankrupt. Not at all. Not bankrupt. Yeah. Or they go there. It's just seized. Yeah. No. Aborted up. We're doing fine. Yeah.

We can count on the gays in Milwaukee to drink. Okay. That's what we can count on. I landed at the airport to do my Halloween gig, my annual. It's my eighth year doing my Halloween party there. Come on, eight years. And I go from the back. I go, God, that bitch's hair is wild. It's 613 straw blonde. It's teased out. It's from the back. It's huge. It looks like she has a Hollywood Boulevard Outfitters wig on. Outfitters wig. Not a nice Outfitters wig on. A ginger wig. Yeah. Ginger wig.

I go, that's so crazy. They are so fierce. I go, I wonder if that's even all real. What an intense thing to wear at the airport in Milwaukee of all places. I almost would expect that in LA, like a little more of a freak show in LA. Yeah, sure. She turns around and I go, you're kidding. I say it out loud. And you know, my celebrity problem is that I say their name. You're like, oh my God, Teresa Caputo, three inches from her face. But you know, I can't always remember their names. Oh no. So I'm like Vince Camuto, you know, like Vince Camuto, the Staten Island psychic. Yeah. But I just go, she turns around and blocks eyes with me. And I go, you're kidding. Like,

As she was like, I'm just trying to get my bags. Like you bald bitch, like you coming for my hair. And I just went, that can't be her. That can't be her. And I had spent the whole day thinking about my own psychic powers. So to see her was like, you know, it was like...

You know, it's like if you were playing basketball all day and you ran into LeBron. Yeah. You know, I was like, wow. So then later I go, I can't, that wasn't her. There's no way that was her. I go by the Riverside Theater that we've played, the Paps or whatever. And the marquee says, Milwaukee welcomes Teresa Caputo. I was like, work. She looks like she had a wig on. It was, I just, I respect people who fly in character. Of course she did have a wig on.

But I guess, I mean, I respect people who walk off camera and they walk the walk off camera. Like Amanda. Amanda flies like that. I know. Or like, you know, who else? People like... Andy Milonakis. Exactly. In the wild, he always has like cool goggles on. He was like a comedian star in the 2000s. Carrot Top. Wow. Not exactly incognito. He can't exactly take that off, can he?

I love Steven Tyler. It's not just care top. It's I love male comics with, with drag queen level face work. I fuck it. It's wild. Like I love it. And I have seen it up. I have seen comics at earth bar. I've seen so many comics at earth bar, male comics from like the two thousands and the smoothie place. Oh, sure. $18 smoothies. Oh, $24. Yeah. Yeah. After COVID.

And I have been waiting for my little green goddess or whatever. And you turn the corner and it is somebody with biceps the size of a watermelon. And the face is? A mahogany tan. It is Joan Rivers from here to here. And then Lou Ferrigno from the neck down. It's wild. With the 18-year-old girlfriend. Love. Live, laugh, and love. Live, laugh, love, and yeah. And then go to Erewhon or whatever, Earth Bar. So what is it with...

Because I have a theory. I have a theory about stand-up comedians. I was talking to my Aunt Priscilla and I was making her laugh. She's like, you should do stand-up. I was like, no, I'd never. She said you should do stand-up. You said there's literally a special. Thanks for your support, bitch. No, it's not that special. So I was like, no. And then I got to thinking like, what is it about, you know, because I'm going down the rabbit hole of Louis C.K., Dave Chappelle, yada, yada, yada. What is it about these aged comedians

mostly male but I don't think it's just uniquely male comedians who fucking lose it they lose it is it the success is it the is it a level of achievement where they're so cushy comfortable that they don't they're not able to access right observations about life what is it I'll tell you what it is it's money of course yeah but what does that mean what does that mean money kooky

The pookie? It's several types of pookies, girl. Talk about it. What do you mean? Purple pookies? Like, what are you talking about? Miss pills? Miss prescription pills? Really? I feel so naive. That's why everyone gets so weird and bloated, too. It's miss pills. Miss pills. Miss pills. It's good pill hunting up in there? Girl, you can go down to... Wait.

Wait, what? How am I breaking news to you? I'm shocked. No, I don't believe you. You gotta... Well, I think it's money. I think it's a lot of things. Well, it depends. Dave Chappelle? It depends which comics you're talking about, like what happens to them. Eddie Murphy. I do think it's money. Eddie Murphy. Right? Because you and I, no matter how rich or fancy we got, we are still cross-dressers. Still half the country hates us, no matter what. But I'll speak for myself. Girl, I have achieved a level of success that in California is not only not impressive, it's kind of like...

I'm like barely middle class. Dancing with the stars, bitch. We couldn't even get out of Dancing with the Stars. We're not that famous. Z-Way didn't even want just me. Z-Way didn't even want just me. I was like, excuse your mouth, Mary. And I love her, of course. Little did she know she got a deal. She got the good one. Honey, and then she got Bob separately together. Did you watch the Z-Way Santos interview? No, I don't want to give him any of my Bible. It chomps. It chomps. It chomps. You're not giving him. You're giving her.

He doesn't get paid for that. No, but he gets paid in what he, I saw a clip where he talks about, like, she's like, why did you get booked? And he's like, stop paying attention to me or something like that. Didn't he say that? I saw a clip on Twitter. Well, that's the hard thing. I'm not paying attention to that fucking asshole. Hate watching is still supporting, unfortunately. When is she going to have Bobert on? Too afraid of getting jerked off, Z-Way? I have to talk about what happened.

Denver I went into the audience to reenact Boebert yeah what happened and there was that drunk woman what did she do because I couldn't hear you well I got up close Trace do you remember this I got up close because I saw a few empty spots and I thought great I'm going to do my little Boebert act my plan was to do something many drag queens have done which is to go sit in the audience and with your big wig do this in someone's lap and everyone laughs sex is funny and also the real humor is that someone would have sex with me

Ha ha ha. You know? And I go up there and I see an empty seat and I go, I'm just going to sit here. And this girl's so drunk. She grabs both. And then she grabs the boa. And I thought I have to abandon the bit because I can't sit next to her or around her. And apparently she got carried out later. By the way, didn't pay attention. Booted out of theater. I didn't see it. She got boberted. Yeah. She got boberted. I didn't see it. Do you remember when someone puked on themselves in the front row at Trixie and Katya and Kelly didn't even notice? Mama, can I do the impression? Can I do the impression? Yes. So you're in the front row. I'm doing it.

Okay, I'm doing acting. The person's this close. It was this. And then a trail of puke. You can see the puke down the chest. After the show, you and I were like, I can't be with that person. And Kelly goes, what? Mama, that's an actor. She's in the moment. She's in the character. She doesn't see the audience. She's living the fantasy. What I love about Kelly is Kelly is a smart woman, but in drag, she's not.

Kelly's brain cells plummet because she steps into that like I'm just pretty role. They disperse. Yeah. And she's sort of like what? And out of drag she's so big brain and then in drag she's a bimbo which I love. I mean that's always that adage about it takes a real smart woman to play a bimbo, right? Well, she's very smart. That makes us really smart. Very jealous. Very jealous.

Very jealous. When was the last time you were jealous? By the way, I gassed you up to my aunt. I talked to my aunt. I talked to my father. You talked to your aunt or your aunt? Because these are different. I'm so sorry. I talked to my aunt, Priscilla. We're from the East Coast. Right. We don't do aunt. We don't do aunt. And she would slap me on the wrist. Tell me if I'm boring. I just wanted to get this little piece out. This woman is so extraordinary. She was...

So when you were born in 58, as she was, you had two choices as a woman in Massachusetts, be a teacher or a nurse. Her mom. So my mom was a nurse. She was a teacher. She taught French and Spanish. Oh.

And then she taught French and Spanish. Then she became vice president or a vice principal. Then she became principal. She was vice president of the United States. Yeah. And then she became, and then she moved to Texas. She became a principal, superintendent, and the same thing in California. Mama, she conquered. Superintendent is the one who oversees the educational system of an entire region or state.

Oh, it's the principal of many schools. It's the administrative head of like, so in a school district, the superintendent is the high up. I believe I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure, you know, you have the principal, then you have the administration. It sounds important, but I've never been clear on what it is. Well, yeah. And also it's when a teacher does it, a teacher, then she worked up the chain. Like, you know, Arnold Schwarzenegger became the governor after having no experience in politics. That's crazy. Yeah.

She went all the way up the ladder, conquered East, South, and California. This woman is so fucking smart. Well, don't you, if you want a superintendent, don't you want someone who has all the way down the ladder also taught in classroom? Yes. And I'm talking all grades. Honey. Someone who's never even heard of a student loan. She doesn't even know what students are. She's like, what are these books? It's a little bit of a throwback, but you want to talk gooning? That video of Miss Elizabeth Warren.

Talking to Betsy DeVos being like, have you ever taken a student loan? Have you ever gone to a public college? I have not seen this video. Oh God. It's so burnt. Roll the clip. She's like, has anybody in your family ever had to have financial assistance? No, she's the wife of a billionaire. Yeah. Elizabeth Warren was like, scammers love hearing this. They love hearing someone at your level of power has no idea how the system works. You can't help anyone. It's like how you can't ask rich people how to save money.

If you've never had good work. Well, you can't ask people have inherited wealth. That's what I mean. People enrich their whole life. Yeah. Generational wealth. Yeah. Well, we talked about that too. I mean, girl, it's just wild. So she never had children. My, um, my, my aunt Priscilla, she's so fucking cool. She's so fucking smart. Oh my God. Love the name. Priscilla aunt. Sorry. My God. I don't know why I keep Priscilla and Patricia.

Number one in her class? Catch it. Wow. Honey, she had everybody gooped and gagged. She was so cunty. Wow. Fierce. Love the names. You would love her. You would love her. Are you fine with Brian? Yes, whatever.

I used to not really care for it. I like the Catholic naming system. Like I like the Russian naming system. You got Lori, Pat, Shelley, Aaliyah, Rose, Brian, Darren, and Ulysses. No, you got just a handful of names. They're not weird. Priscilla's nice. That's not from the Bible. No, no. So my dad, okay, Roman Catholic. You know the book of Priscilla. Roman Catholic, we got Bill, John, James,

Gerard, Daniel, Tom, Mary, and then you have Kathy. And then there's another one, Eleanor. Yeah. When I was a kid, did you ever want a different name? When I was a kid, I thought the name Max was so cool. I wanted Christian or Dominic. Christian? Yeah. It's like a hot 90s name. I love Christian Slater. Yeah, Christian from Clueless. Yeah, so Christian was gay, right? Yeah.

Christian was gay. Yeah, he was a friend of Dorothy. Yeah. Your boy Christian is a cake boy. He's a disco dancing, Barbra Streisand ticket holding, friend of Dorothy. And then she goes, I am totally bugging. And then they almost get in the car accident. I know she's not exactly a popular political character, but she's a dash. Oh, right. When she starts screaming, it takes her hands off the wheel and like covers her eyes.

Conti. Conti. Listen, listen. Dion, when your sinuses are acting up, take out your nose piercing. I love that movie. Yeah, it's great. I mean, you guys got cocaine? I could really go for a herbal refreshment right now. And then they're like, Ty, are you talking about weed? I always thought it was interesting that these high schoolers like...

Tell her weed isn't cool. Well, it's like in Romy and Michelle, it's a whole different paradigm. Yeah. Because those are mean girls. It's like burnouts. But they're mean nerd. They're mean losers. They're preppy. Yeah. Like Romy and Michelle are like not cool, but they hate the nerds. Yeah. And in Clueless, she's not a nerd, but she's concerned about getting an A.

That whole movie is about her getting a good grade. Yeah, she wants to do good, but it's the entitlement, the riches, but she's not a villain. She's a good person. Don't even get me started. That's rare. That's part of what makes that movie so good. And True Beverly Hills. Yeah, Shelley Long. Shelley Long should be. She cares about those girls. She's out of touch. She's out of touch. Marvista? How many boxes are we sending to Marvista? She's out of touch because she's born into wealth, but she's doing good.

Were you ever a Boy Scout? Oh, I wish. David Lynch was. Eagle Scout, Montana. I was always so fucking jealous that Girl Scouts sold these delicious, affordable, beautifully packaged cookies. I hated those girls. And Boy Scouts sold popcorn.

A fucking bag of seeds. Wait a minute. A bag of seeds. You want to buy popcorn? That's fucking lame, bitch. That is lame. By the way, popcorn is popcorn. Girl Scout cookies are like a flavor that only come from the Girl Scouts. They're iconic. They're iconic. They're legendary. You know what we had to do at Immaculate Conception School?

The Catholic school I went to. Fuck priests. No, we talked about that too far. The McLaughlin. Ugly as hell. So ugly. Droning. But pull and blame the mystery of faith. Lamb of God. It's like, shut up.

Praise him from whom all blessings flow Wow, your songbirds sopranos really get tugging at my heartstrings I now believe in God All rise for the lamb, or whatever Peace be with you And also with you What is it? You know, I'll tell you this I didn't go to church until I was 19, I went for the first time Why? Because my boyfriend at the time, we went on Christmas with his family

And I had like a smoky eye. I can't believe I went to, I was like an all black with my smoky eye. Like church is fierce. Jesus. Yeah. Honestly, the body is slay. Like, and I remember everyone going and also with you. And if you've never heard that before, you're like, so we're culting today. And then you shake hands. You have to shake hands. Terrified. Good morning. Get away from me. You bum. And if you didn't, they had to, they do that in AA too. And I was like traumatized from the Catholic church. I was like, I'm not touching nobody.

I don't think jokes at the expense of the unhoused community is funny. However, have you ever seen the movie Scary Movie?

Yes, a long time ago. There's a part where an unhoused person. Say homeless. At the 90s, I think they called it homeless. Yeah, homeless. It's homeless. Goes, can I have a, please, sir. And she goes, oh, get away from me, you bum. And then Anna Faris goes, Buffy, he's hungry. Here's a nice sandwich, sir. And he goes, I was at a dollar, bitch. And whips a sandwich at her. I saw that clip recently. Cunty. Dude, I recently rewatched House Bunny. Oh, she's, yeah, she's so funny. Is that her own?

What about when she goes in the little Japanese ghost boy and she goes, Hana Yelantra. And he's like, Yamasaki, Benihana. And they just say- They say brands. They say brands of Japanese gibberish back and forth. It's like Arigato Motorola. Arigato Motorola, Takasaki. It's like so stupid and offensive. It's hysterical. And Miss Regina? Yeah.

Miss Regina. Regina Hall. Oh, is she the one that gets stabbed in the theater? Her best friend, Brenda. I don't remember this movie. Her best friend, Brenda, gets stabbed in the theater. Because she's laughing too hard. Yes. Yeah, fierce. And she's in every movie. I don't know. When you got to think that like Anna Faris had never done movies before and that was her first like real, real, real movie. She swings so big. So big. So broad. She makes that movie. It's so broad. Yeah, yeah. She's so silly and like it's awesome. It's amazing. What do you think is going to happen with Scream?

I don't want to be disrespectful. I hate those movies. You do...

The podcast is over. Have a great day, everybody. Did you see the new one in New York? Olive oil and water. Ozzie and Harriet. Lucy and... Those things go together. Peanut butter and jelly. No, they're different, but they're complementary. I have an opinion, you have an opinion. That's how we get the audience to argue. But I don't like those movies because...

I don't, I want to be jump scares. Get out of here. Girl, fuck off with the jump scares. I want to be terrified in my bones. Talk to me. Did you watch The Passenger? Oh, is it terrifying? Are there jump scares? Um, it starts with a, no. Go ahead. It starts with a fast food restaurant with a couple employees in the South and one employee is getting bullied. Another employee just snaps and

Pulls a gun and shoots every employee there and takes one hostage and the whole movie is him being a hostage to his employee who lost his mind. That sounds like a... It's cunt and the main guy is so hot. I know main guy isn't helpful, but I never know actor names. Lead actor, the lead character, the main character. The main girl. I sound so fucking... I'm such a white girl. No, you're not. The main girl. So you didn't go to NYU Tisch School of the Arts or whatever. But no. I still call it movies. Everyone else says film. They say... I thought they said talkies.

No. A move in picture? Move in picture? A film. Film. What's that person? John McLean? John McLean. A feature film. A film. I was, um, I watched the trailer for the, um, Mother's Instinct starring Jessica Chastain and Anne Hathaway. Honey, sweetie, darling, baby, tootsie. This. Ten seconds into the trailer, I was crying. I went, oh!

Right. And then it's like, it could be a stinker. It doesn't come out yet, but it is so compelling. Trailers tell us nothing. No. But they also tell us everything. Yeah, exactly. But trailers now tell you the whole point. I don't think the trailer, this trailer intimated, this suggested a lot, but just enough for me to get my, park my,

I will be seated and lensed at that theater. Oh, these scream trailers do everything but unmask the killer. You know how everyone dies. Like, you know, all of it. What was the movie that had a big, big, um, Oh, us. I am. So that was a trailer.

I was a trailer because when Tim Heidecker and Elizabeth Moss had doubles, that was a gag or Reno. That was a big gag. Cause of course the trailer just included the black family with Lupita. No, I don't go when that mother, when they turned or they got, got, I was truly gagged. I didn't care for the film very much. It didn't really add up, but it was, um, that was country. Elizabeth Moss. I think it's vodka clock. So fierce. Wait, wait, wait. What else? Um, okay. Wait, wait, wait.

Have you seen the intro to the movie Beverly Hills Cop 2 where Brigitte Nielsen, serving the most cunt, robs a bank? No. Girl. I've never seen this movie. Isn't that a Chris Farley movie? No, Eddie Murphy. I'm thinking of Beverly Hills Ninja. Sorry. Sorry.

You're thinking of honky white grandma. Honky white grandma kicks ass. No, I've never seen Beverly Hills Cop 2. Well, I'm going to show it to you. It's two minutes, half minutes long. Not now, of course, but you're not ready for the cunt that gave birth to all cunts that served cunt in the land of cuntasia. I can't overstate how cuntia it is. Well, I love Bridget Nielsen, of course. She walks in. She says, eat the floor. She tells everybody to eat the floor. We're going to use this on my little exercise video. I'm not robbing you.

You're not ready for this. The beginning of Pulp Fiction. If any, yeah, yeah. I'll execute every ass motherfucker. Amanda Plummer, legendary. Yeah. Dolores, I'm not, Needful Things. Remember her in Needful Things? I'm reading that book right now. It's a good book. I read it too. It's a great book. It's really good. Dolores Claiborne, fabulous book. Well, yes. And also, Women Gun Screaming.

The Silk Spectre in Watchmen fake robs the bank. Oh, in HBO's Watchmen, fake robs the bank. The movie or the series? The series. She fake robs the bank to like set up a masked Avenger and catch her. She's in the FBI. But I love women with guns. Yes. Jean Smart robbing a bank. Jean Smart invented eating. She did.

She did. No one had eaten. People were starving. It was the Irish famine and then the famine of the Calcutta debacle. And then there was a hunger strike. Exactly. And then the hunger games, of course. And then Jean Smart came along and said, chomp, chomp, chomp, everybody let's eat, let's dine. And it was breaking news and suddenly grocery stores were invented. Everybody was cooking. Well, grocery stores that had been there, just no food in them. No.

And no one worked there. No one. All right. Well, that's it. Wait, is that it? That is it. Yeah. We have a very special guest next week that you're about to record now. So make sure you tune in. Okay. Gene Smart.

Close. Okay. Antipods. Antipods. Thank you guys. Bye-bye.