Bald, Fat Silly Putty with Googly Eyes with Trixie and Katya
57:58 Share

And welcome to another riveting episode of The Bald and the Beautiful featuring Trix Mitel and Katya. Hi, I'm Katya and we're so happy to welcome you back to another episode of The Pod. Yes! We're blessed, we're blessed to have you join us here on this recording on a Sunday night here remotely. Where are you reporting live from? I'm in sunny West Hollywood, California, where the weather is sunny, although it is nighttime.

Yeah, I'm in Palm Springs. It's also nighttime. What's the temp? What's the temp? What you got there temperature-wise? It's chilly. As soon as the sun goes behind the mountains over here, it's a wrap, bitch. We got a crisp and cool 53-point.

Zero. Fahrenheit. Let's see. Let's see. The people have a right to know weeks after us recording this what the weather is in a city they don't know. I want to know. Listen, I want to know. I want to know. I want to know what 53 is in Celsius. Let's check it out. I have so many cities like, oh, it's 67. 67. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I know. I stepped out to go for a little walk and as soon as the sun went down, I was like, I'm going home.

Yeah. I was just in Palm Springs. Can we talk about that? Yeah. Yeah. Let's address the elephant. Let's address the situation. Let's open up the notes app. Okay. Let's start the apology video. You got COVID, bitch. Oh, well, before that. You got Covey Smith McPhee. Covey Smith McPhee. I know, and I did something brave that no celebrity has ever done, which is not tell people on the internet. Okay.

I did it. Because, you know, I think that's, yeah, I wasn't going to say anything. And now you said it. So now we're here. So my favorite, this Russian singer that I follow, she posted just the test result from the thingy. And I thought it was a pregnancy test because I couldn't read the Russian. I had to translate it. And I was like, she's pregnant? My gosh, she's 39. That's great. No, it was just positive for COVID. Then she was a positive.

Apologizing for kids 39. You should have been like at that age, it can be really dangerous to carry. You should have said you should try to help. We were born in the same year and we're the same height. I'm just saying, I'm just saying also. So you think that you could get pregnant too? Oh, I know. I know I could. Um, I would do a surrogate, whatever. Um, not to change the subject, we'd go back to your very, your illness, but, um, Svetlana, love it out her Kirsten Dunst.

And she was born the day before me. And Jamie Dornan, Fifty Shades of Grey, Barb and Star, Belfast. I don't know who that is. Northern Irish, hunk, actor, model, lovely. Same age as me. Same exact age. Same exact age. May 1st, 1982. Why do I look 70, David? David, I look 70. Girl. Put me in a walker. I can't even discuss it. I can't even discuss it. Because I haven't done drag in like...

Nine days, I have this little beard situation. Your situation is very pixelated. The three chin hairs you've grown in, I can't even see them. It's funny how minimal facial hair I have to get for people who are attracted to men to treat me completely differently.

It's made me think, is anybody hot or do they just have hair on their face? No, no, no, no, no, no. Case in point. I get literally Mel Gibson and Symes a couple crop circles. And people are like, oh, you've got a dick. Sliding the DMs. Bitch, Violet and Got Meek called me from the UK tonight. They called me at like, by the way, 6 p.m., which is probably 4 a.m., 3 a.m. there. So they were a little turntina. Turnt at the gate. Turntina. Yeah.

And they, Violet was like, oh my God, why are you hot? Why are you hot? Like interrogating me. Why are you hot? Which is like, you know, and then she's like, I just can't look at your face anymore. I'm getting horny. And then she hung up. Oh, that's weird. I was like, maybe that could have been a read, but also that sounds like that's probably, that sounds like her dating tactic, like her, um.

It's always a read because it's never you look great. No, it's like it's why do you look good for once? Why am I attracted to you? You're supposed to be fucking silly putty with googly eyes, you bald fat bitch.

And anytime anybody remotely doesn't wince when they see me, they're like, why am I feeling this way? Why do you look good? It's, it's so rude. It makes me feel so horrible. That's so funny. It is so, because when you are like, when you are a public figure, celebrity, whatever, who's not known for their sex appeal, let's say, but in, in you are like middle of the road, like,

Those kind of backhanded compliments like pop up all the time when you get a picture of yourself that looks really good. It's like, why am I attracted to this? Wow. Like, it's like, why do I feel this so subtly? Why do I suddenly? Yeah. I don't know. I guess I'm attracted to shit now. It's against all odds, really. There's no. Yeah. Why am I jerking off to a pile of turds? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, anyways, so that's good for you and your chin hairs. So you got COVID and I didn't. And I don't want to give away too much, but I got COVID at a very inopportune time. Probably, I would say, I would say it's like the comic timing is almost, it's past absurd. It's past like slapstick. It's almost like, it's almost like, I don't know. It's like some kind of like biblical. Girl. Biblical. It was almost absurd.

I didn't, to be honest, I cried a little bit, but I don't, I can't say what I missed, but, or I can't say what I was sick for, but I was, I was sick at a time where I really needed to be somewhere and I could. Like the Oscars. Like you were nominated for an Academy Award. It was the 2012 Oscars. Yeah. You were nominated for an Academy Award, front runner, and you won, but you got COVID and couldn't go.

I know. I know. So I'm waking up. I thought it was allergies. Usually in Palm Springs, it's getting warm here. And usually when it gets warm, I start getting sniffles. When it gets warm in Palm Springs. The allergies. Oh my God, the dander. The pollen. So I wake up. I put on my running outfit. I'm ready to go for my little run. I'm stepping out. I get a call from the nurse and she says, your test is positive. And I go, what? What?

and i had to call all the people i wish i would have in that moment that would have affected me less yeah i know i would have gone for pregnancy anything because this was the thing that would keep me from doing what i had to do that day which fucking sucked and i hate to be vague yeah vague hate to be vague but you can't just say what you know but you know what um

You and I, but you and I had just filmed a few days beforehand and I fully breathed in your face. I guess you didn't get it. Fingered my pussy with blood transfusion. Bit in the hand. Yeah. And, um, and we filmed together. We were in the same airspace and hanging out for a good, good while. So I was like, Oh, I, I would definitely have it. Eden has it. There's no chance. There's no question.

And then go take a rapid when I got home, which, you know, that's like kind of meaningless. That quickly too. You know what I mean? That quickly it's unreliable. So then I got a PCR a couple of days later, negative. I think technically perhaps there's still a chance, but I was like,

So random. I mean, I'm on a set every day where everyone gets tested every day. And then not even my boyfriend, who I sleep face-to-face with every night, got it. Can I ask you a personal question? Did you lick and suck on his face like a kiss? Did you kiss him like kissy-kissy? We literally had unprotected anal sex days beforehand. No COVID. Oh, I know what happened. Did I say anal? I meant oral. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, it was anal, oral, and kissing on the mouth. When you say unprotected. You know what he said in the middle? He said, why are you hot? What?

Why are you hot right now? Why am I attracted to you? Has hell become an ice skating rink? This is fucking crazy. In what universe would anyone ever have any feelings for you, you disgusting bitch? You should kill yourself. Wait a minute. Water is wet. You're ugly. What's going on? Yeah. Okay, I don't want to like... You know what? Whatever. We all have feelings about ourselves. Do we? I don't. I sometimes don't feel great about myself. But recently, there's a couple TikTokers who...

uh do kind of look like me i look like them a little bit it's not just being white and bald but we we kind of look alike enough to where when they make their tiktoks that say um people are constantly saying you they like stitch it saying like you are you look like at tricks and metallica and then the i i made the mistake of looking at the comments oh no don't you ever don't you ever ever so their tiktok is like you guys say i look like trixie the comments are

I was never meant to see these comments. It was like, they're like, you look like Trixie if she got completely face work done and started working out.

No, you do not. You're way hotter. It's like these people are way hotter. And so that doesn't really bother me. But I was like, I should have never. No, that's why you never, ever, ever do it. The only one I've got, which is actually I'm going to show you a picture. It's are you familiar with Brian? You know, if you fucking if you pull up. No, Brian, you know. Oh, my God.

No. Oh, I thought you were going to pull up like a... No. Oh, you 100% look like this person. Yeah, Brian, you know, in the 70s. Yeah. And so now I know how I look like when I get older, you know, God willing. Well, he looks great in that picture. And he looks great now. Like, this is him. I believe that's him. Is he a model? I'm going to be him. Sorry, I can't say. Is he a model? No, he's a musician. He's very, very, like, electronic musician, really...

He's gorgeous. Like ambient, known for his ambient masterpieces. Anyways. Wow. Yeah.

I forget what story I was telling. Okay, so then I get sick. And then I've been in this room at the Margaritaville in Palm Springs since about 9 a.m. Like a cheeseburger in paradise. Waiting down a river. I'm like a hurricane relief victim. Brandon's so afraid of getting COVID. He knocked on my door. And when I opened it, these were sitting outside. My God. Because he's so...

So tomorrow I have another, I have a test. Tomorrow I have a test. And if I test negative, I'm cool to, I guess, continue living. But if I test positive, I have to cancel my college gig on Tuesday. Oh, fuck that shit. Don't worry about it. This will be my second time canceling because the last time I had a COVID scare last time.

Well, we're in a global pandemic. This is a global pandemic. So, you know. I know. But because so many people make money off of me going to work that day. Oh, I know. I know. I felt bad for how many problems it created for everyone else. That's what I was feeling like. It's not me staying home from my... It's not a snow day. It's not a snow day. Yeah. Or if I still worked at a restaurant or something like that, I would be like, okay, well, I lose the money, but whatever. This is more like... You own the restaurant. It costs...

money. Yeah. I don't want to be gauche, but the tens of thousands of dollars because of this is not, it's not the fantasy. All right. Lehman brothers, let's go. Well, I never know what to, I never, I never know if we're supposed to acknowledge that we make good money or is it more gauche to pretend like you're more comfortable than probably a lot of people. It's, I think that it's, it's just, it's the, it's,

It's not, it's not good to acknowledge it. It's how we describe it. And because it's all relative, like when you use words like good, when you use looks like rich, comfortable, there's no mean anything necessarily, because ask somebody who lives on Park Avenue, comfortable, comfortable.

- Exactly, and by the way, by drag queen standards, I was comfortable when I was making four or $500 a week, I felt rich. - Yeah, you do. - So like, yeah. - If I had more than $1,000, personally, I was telling, I don't remember who, oh, this lovely porn person, I was at a party that night. I'll tell you that in a minute. But I was like, when I had $10,000 in one place in cash, like in the bank, I felt absolutely rich.

Rich. Yeah, really. Yeah. I mean, a hundred percent. I remember right after college, I forget why, but I came into $2,000 and I remember seeing $2,000 in my bank account being like, yeah, balling. I could quit working and be okay for my rent.

When I first did Drag Race, my rent was $400 a month. I had two roommates. It was $400 each, $1,200. And I remember booking my first gig that was a $1,200 pay and being like, can I work four times a year? I remember being like, well, my first apartment was $250 a month. Yeah.

No, that was my last. Well, yeah, I had, I had one that was 285. When did you have to do? How small it was. Yeah. Three of us lived in a, uh, like a furnished attic with like this tall ceiling here. And I remember flowers in the attic, $285 a month. And I,

I loved it. I would rather live in squalor and like comfortably make my rent. Do you know what I mean? I was always like, as long as I can in a weekend, make my rent and not have to worry out, I'm fine having like small space, you know, I slept on a mattress on the floor, whatever.

You know what I don't like? I hate it when people shame people for not having a bed frame. As a person who did not have a bed frame for many years. I don't want to be gross. I slept on a futon mattress on the floor until I was probably 25 years old. That's not gross. I think Drag Race was the reason I first got a real bed. Yeah. Drag Race, she gives. She gives.

The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

I cannot wait to see this amazing new show with the preternaturally hysterical Brian Jordan Alvarez. It's from the producer of one of the greatest TV shows of all time. And can I let you in on a little secret? A certain Miss Trixie Mattel makes a guest appearance on the show and whoa, it is a sight to behold. Take it from me, a connoisseur of quality television programming. You do not want to miss this show. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

Today's episode is brought to you by Angie. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs and projects done well. Let me tell you, there's the version of it where you try to do something at home and then there's a version of it where you have someone help you, you watch them do it the right way and you go, thank God I didn't try to do that myself.

I have fully done things around the home that I think look good and then a bang in the night and I wake up to a shelf collapsing, a painting falling off the wall. Like it, I've seen it all go south. I own a home and I can tell you, I know how much work it can take. Whether it's everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now all you need to do is Angie that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need.

Whatever your home project, big or small, indoor or outdoor, you can Angie that and connect with skilled professionals to get the project done well. Right now, one of my wish lists is I want a bike for my condo in Milwaukee and I would love to rig it up on a pulley in the ceiling because I have one of those like lofted ceilings.

but I'm so scared to try that on my own. Angie has 20 years of home experience and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app. Answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means you can take care of any home project in just a few taps.

Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. But anyway, I just – So anyway, yeah, you're in Margaritaville. She gives and she ate. She ate. Yeah, so I've been at the Margaritaville before. And I've never – I'm not a TV or movie watcher really. I've never seen so much TV or film that I have in the last eight days. Yeah. What are you watching? I've watched both Suicide Squad movies, Birds of Prey. Oh.

All three of those. All three Batmans. The Dark Knight trilogy? Dark Knight, Dark Knight Rises, and the Batman Begins. I've never seen any of them, really. Get into it. They were good. A little serious and a little long. Oh, they're grim and protracted. Yes. There's not a... Nary a joke. Nary a joke.

Nary a lighthearted moment. No, no. Nary a lighthearted moment. Yeah. David Silver, his first job on a movie was Batman Begins and he's a PA on that movie. And so I watched it to see his name in the credits. Like he's like a production assistant, David Silver. Awesome. And, but I was like 30 minutes in, I was like, this is really serious. He's like, yeah. And I'm like,

it feels like it hasn't really even started yet. He's like, no, it hasn't. I was like, oh shit. Yeah. Those movies are also like two and a half hours or something. Christopher Nolan loves a three hour jaunt. Like I watched interstellar. I had to do it in three days. Matthew McConaughey flying through a black hole. I was like,

It was crazy. Yes. That's how I feel in every long movie. I feel like that Judge Judy meme of her life. Yes. At the theater. Always. Think about people at the theater. At the theater. Because I don't leave the seat. Girl, and they got you. Once you're in the theater too, they got you. Oh, yeah. If I'm leaving the seat, I'm leaving the theater.

I don't need to go to the bathroom. I'll pee my pants before I get up. I will soak that movie theater chair. It was kind of a Margot Robbie marathon too because I found, I watched I, Tonya again. Oh, love. I'll never get sick of that movie. I've seen it probably 10 times. I love her. I love her face. I love her body. I love her mind. I love her everything she says. I love everything she does. I love her feet. Everything about her. You know what's brave about her? And I talked about this in the Substack this week. She's Margot Robbie. Beautiful, beautiful.

Cultured, well-spoken, perfect everything. Yet she makes a living being not Margot Robbie. If I looked like Margot Robbie, I'd be like, I'm cool staying in this persona. Thank you all. Yeah. Honey, I'm cool being Margot Robbie. Perfect, don't need a tune-up. Right. Yeah, I know. You and I, thank God we're cross-dressing. Jesus Christ. Yeah. That's my future. You see her? Girl.

show them actually anybody who follows you has probably seen it on your Instagram recently my boyfriend texted me what is that face my new one oh did I show you no is this new merch are you wearing new merch oh yeah isn't this cute oh that's so cool I love it Luke Marsh did it he did a great job Luke Marsh it took a long time to edit did I show you my new plastic surgery face thing

I'll do it for the second part because it's so sweaty and gross. Okay. So I watched I, Tonya, both Birds of Prey, or the Birds of Prey, both Suicide Squadses. Did you like the Suicide Squad? Yes, I saw the second one. The second one's unbelievable. The second one, fabulous. So good. The scene where she busted the police station with all the confetti and the flowers. I was like, love.

I'm sorry, a kid. I just heard a kid running down the hallway. Oh. Well, I just watched a documentary with Lisa Ling about sexual predators. What? No, I know. I just, I never knew what happens to sexual predators where they have to live to not be by children. I didn't really know about that. Oh, yeah. They have maps with bubbles of like, well, you have to get an apartment here because you can't go over here. Pariah. And get this. This is not...

I'm not defending pedos in any way, of course. But I had a friend who got turned Tina and was pissing outside. Happened to be by a school at night. He got nabbed. Got indecent exposure in a school zone. Sex offender.

I mean, he was pissing in the mouth of a child, but it was just like – No, it's a whole different conversation. Let's keep it light. Yeah, let's keep it light. Well, no, I just think after watching the Lisa Ling documentary, which is about the extent of my knowledge, I do feel that it's probably a form of mental unwellness. It's maladaptive behavior. It's a mental –

Mental illness. It's a mental illness that the system doesn't seem interested in rehabilitating as much as like, go over there. Don't come over. You know what I mean? Yes, they do. And that is also indicative of the general attitude towards mental illness in general. It's like, right. And of course the victim too. I'm like, well, a lot of the molesters were victims themselves. So then it's like, well, that also tells you that the victim doesn't get help

and then they become you know offender it's like perpetuating cycle cyclical and crazy did you see there's no there's no right answer speaking of light fair did you see spotlight mary no what is it it's it's a documentary or it's sorry it's a drama based on the whole um uh boston church scandal into the 2000 early 2000 amy adams michael keaton no um mark ruffalo fucking riveting and i was there living in there while it all shakedown

Mama. She knocked on the door of a priest. Well, they love to fuck them kids. She knocked on the door of a priest to interview a journalist. And she said, hi, I'm just, you know, wondering about these allegations of you. You know, did you go? He's like, yeah, I touched the kids. And she was like, what?

Like she couldn't believe that he admitted it right out. He's like, yeah, but it happened to me. You know, it was just, I didn't enjoy it. I don't enjoy it, but it's, you know, it just happened to me. He was like this really crazy, like Frank. Um, and it was just so fucking crazy. That movie, that movie. Well, it makes you wonder. And then did you watch the documentary about the archdiocese in Baltimore?

Oh, no. They would catch the person fucking the kids and then they would move them to another church. That's what they did in Boston, too. And then they would just move around to different zip codes and fuck all them kids. And the Pope knows. Tax-free. Mama. Get into this. Someone told me, and this is just hearsay. This is all gossip. The clergy bitch in Italy, honey, sex parties.

Cardinals. Sex partina. Sex partina. PNP with the Lord.

Yeah, it's like crazy. PNP with the Holy Spirit. Okay, here it's PNP. Did I tell you what they call PNP in the UK? Oh, it's... H and H. Oh, high and horny. High and horny. H and H. H and H. But no HIV. Also not can you host. Can you accommodate. Accommodate. I love that. So formal. I love that. Can a calm. A calm. I was like, calm? What the fuck is that?

Yeah, accommodate. Can you accommodate? I'm like, how big am I? Can you accommodate some H and H? H, R, H. I also, you know, I love, YouTube is my first love. I don't really watch a lot of television, but I watch a lot of YouTube. And I was catching up on clips of Celebrity Big Brother, where some of our friends are currently on it. Carson Kressley, Todrick Hall. Woo! Woo!

Mama! Some things should not be said whilst being recorded. I would never do that. I don't think that is an easy gig. You want to talk trauma? I think people could really bring their trauma in, lash out on television, and leave with more trauma. Of course. Hello. Tell it to someone who knows. Me.

but at least on drag race or whatever there's like structure there's competition it's a it's a it's there's something to do they're just in there boiling until they snap on each other yeah they're raw shrimp in a pot can i ask a dumb question do the other religions fuck kids do they're like they're preaching stuff up kids i i you know i don't think i i don't know i know there is abuse even within buddhism you know who you would you would kind of

I would assume perhaps that maybe there's nothing wrong, you know, nothing weird is going on there. Of course there is. I think there's any, get any group of men together and give them any power, there's something going wrong. But like, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what the statistics are because the...

that religion Catholicism in particular is set up for denial secrets. You know what I mean? It's like, it creates this like judgment, celibacy. And yeah, like it's just, it creates, it's such a perfect environment for to groom and, and you know, abuse people.

Horrible. Plus the upper, the upper crusts of these religions are all men and 99% of men of under 99% of rapists are men. Yeah. And why can't like, there's so many Christian denominations that are, that allow people to marry. Rabbis can marry, right? And they can be men and women. Yeah. And have kids like Mary. Get to get a grip. I never, well, I always, I don't know. I always feel bad for.

I feel I, I, I get, of course I don't like religious things, but I feel bad for people who are in religions because I know a lot of times they're raised that way or like,

Yeah. Like, do you know how many Scientologists are like raised Scientologists? A lot of them. And then it's like, of course we can all shit on some actress who like become Scientologist. But what about the ones who grew up Scientologists? It's like, well, what else? They don't know anybody else. They don't know anything else. I know. I mean, my friend, and he had to escape. That's called cult. Yeah.

But a lot of people... Jehovah's isn't on another level. I had a gay friend in Milwaukee who had to... He came out at like 30 and he just had to never talk to his family ever again, basically. Yeah. It's so crazy. I had... I left Catholicism in a very like...

But it was a runaway bride situation. It was in the middle of your wedding. And at the altar, you said, ah, and you ran. Yeah, and I ran. I ripped off my wedding gown halfway down the aisle. And people were like, are you sure? You're so sexy. I'll marry you. And I said, no. When you were kind of doing like Jennifer Lopez, you were like...

Marry me! Marry me! Will you marry me? No. Wow. And then you got married, yeah. Wow, a drag queen. I guess I'll marry you, but I'm not from eight to three. I tried to watch Marry Me Bitch, and it's...

Let's just say... Wait, no, no, no, no. There's a hysterical part that you would cackle at. One, first of all, Sarah Silverman was actually really great in it. She's great in everything. So Jennifer Lopez, they're reclining at home. Nobody's around. It's a private moment. Just her and she and Owen Wilson. And she goes to do this. And I'm like, instinctually, she's going to take off her wig. She's going to take off her wig. She pulls off a track, literally this...

takes off a track out like i was like like i mean but do they think that i mean people this is d dragging was this supposed to be funny well they made this weird joke and then he was like stepped on it like it was a bug i don't know what the hell they were trying to do but it's like why would you take off one track i was like oh god that track was killing me now i can relax meanwhile she's a full drag beat on and in what a crisp oh yeah it's like crazy

She does look perfect, but she does wear a lot of makeup, which I love. And get this, though. This is the ultimate fucking gag. I want to talk about Bald and Beautiful. She's the same age as Sarah fucking Silverman. Sarah Silverman is 52, I believe. Ageless. I love Sarah Silverman. Me too. If nobody listens to the Sarah Silverman podcast who listens to this, you should.

I'm just going to check. She talks to herself on that podcast and she's so interesting and funny. I just love her. She's 51. Jesus is magic. Love. Yeah, I love it. The Sarah Silverman program I love. Sarah Silverman program. I love her. I saw her with your boyfriend at Largo and it was such a great fucking show. That's right. Oh, that was the show where she said, do you believe in God? And the guy was like, yeah. Would you let God cut me in your mouth? I was shocked. He said no and I was like, you're not a real Christian then.

Mama, if I believe in God and Jesus, I would guzzle down the fucking ropey, nasty fucking amber stone flake jizz. Girl, chunky cum all in my mouth. Girl. Speaking of, now that I have these antibodies...

Girl, I will be spread open in an intersection and just on Hollywood Boulevard. I'm going to have so many fucking dicks and cocks in my mouth, my eye sockets. I'm going to cut holes in my stomach and let people fuck like a... Anywhere. You should just start antibiotics right now. Anywhere. Can I tell you that, speaking of sex, I didn't have it. However...

Oh, well, I didn't have it, but let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. Great story. No, listen, let me ask you this. So there was, I was hanging outside my studio, smoking a butt, whatever. And this boy comes along and he's this white dude, probably in his late twenties. I don't know. And he was with an older gentleman, maybe in his forties, clearly gay.

and he does like a stop double take and then he's like wait a minute Katya and he recognizes me and he comes and approaches me and says hi and we chit chat and he the whole time he's like this he's like he like kind of can't believe it's me like he's like kind of visibly like and he says it it's not awkward because he's very cute

um and i'm just sitting there smoking i'm like i don't really know what to say i'm kind of tired and then outside your house outside the studio on the sidewalk oh okay um and so and i was like you know and i'm like i should have i should have said you're very attractive uh what's your instagrams with the older man were they together or no i don't know

I don't know. I should have asked you. Should I ask like, Hey, like what's your Instagram? Cause he probably follows me and I'll just follow him back. And then that's where I could start a potential romantic overture or whatever. Do you think that that would be the most appropriate?

Okay, the friend PC answer here is like, girl, go. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But the real tea is, are you okay with fucking someone who might only fuck you because you're a famous person? Well, here's the thing. When I noticed the can, the booty, I said maybe. Then you didn't care. Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because he probably is, it sounds like based on what you're saying that he's out of your league.

Other than he likes your work, so then he is attracted to you, which does happen. On my best day, absolutely. On my best day, like me looking my best, I wouldn't say that he's too far out of my league. Perhaps maybe like a notch or two, like a number above. No, no, no. Okay. It's all relative, you know. How old is he though? I would guesstimate him at around 27, 28. You think that you're one number below somebody who's 10 years younger than you? Is that what you think? Does wisdom not factor into this? No.

Wisdom? Which wig do you name Wisdom? This is my wig, Wisdom. This is the wisdom that made me black and wiz out. I don't know. So what would it be?

You know, I find that I don't want to manipulate them in the moment because I know that they're starstruck. You can get away with anything. And also, I didn't know if that was his boyfriend or his daddy. I don't know. I don't know if stars. What is starstruck? Like starstun being attracted to your energy because he likes your sense of humor and likes your work. Doesn't mean if you sleep with him, you're a rapist.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But I'm just saying that all the situations where it's been soft, sisters of flaccid trade limb, you know, like those kind of, those moments have all occurred because I've, I've been my like direct, perhaps on the spectrum type of dating, like a pickup style. And, and I think that they,

are too, they're not in their right mind in a way because they're like, they wouldn't honestly tell me how they felt. Do you know what I mean? Can I ask when you have these uncomfortable pickup moments, which I've witnessed. I'm not uncomfortable. Well, the way you sort of cut to the feeling as the pop stars would say, is it because it's easier to be wantonly bizarre about it than it is to be earnest and actually try to shoot your shot eloquently? Yeah.

Um, I'm not sure because I don't, I'm, is it, is it weird for you to go like talking to him and go, oh yeah. And then like try to do it with like body language and eye contact, or does it only work for you? If you go, I would like to have sex with you. You know what I mean? I mean, that's just the most direct approach I've found.

One is definitely direct. One has like a finesse though that allows sort of a courting, which then lets you like mutually get interested. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I think like – but here's the thing. It's one-sided. He knows I – he's interested in me. He finds me interesting. I want to know – does he want to fuck me? Sexually? No, no, no. Okay, yeah. You know what? Right away, I want to fuck him. I don't know if he's interesting though. You know what I mean? You could –

If he's not interested in you, but you still are okay with having him as a friend, then maybe it's worth trying to like reach out to him or connect or something. I have plenty of friends, lovely friends, a Rolodex. Yeah. That's what that girl, I mean, when somebody says to me, her, her, her right there, she's not friendly, but she's my friend.

that's liberty or whatever wisdom that's wisdom the wisdom that's liberty that's chastity right that's wisdom yeah yeah when somebody says to me when i try to like come on to someone and they're like yeah or we can just hang out i you're like it's a wrap i don't need i i have like two and a half friends and i don't even like them i'm cool why else i have a partner

So I'm like, Oh no, we're not going to get fucking dinner or some shit. No. Yeah. No, I don't need to like, I don't need to like giggle and like, I'm not a giggler. I don't need to put on my petticoat and sort of like my, my sponge rollers the night before. Like, I don't want to go through all that.

We could go to brunch. But you know what? I wish you would have said like, oh, this is actually my studio. And then you could have maybe invited him inside and tried to start a conversation. Are you fucking out of your mind? Invite a drag fan into my studio? I'll never get him out. Like that would be the opposite of sexy too. He'd be like, want to try on a wig? And then I'm going to just kill him. Do you know what I mean? Well, if you sleep with a fan, they also don't leave usually. I don't know if you know that. Oh, no. They leave.

I'll push them right out the door. You try to kick them out. Yeah, absolutely. You just try to bail on yourself. No qualms about that. I pull the curtains and they're like, ah! But wait, wait, wait. I want to talk about my Bjork story. I don't know if we have time. Can I tell my Bjork story? Yeah. Yes. Okay. So it must have been a couple weeks ago.

I went to see Bjork at the theater downtown. Lovely theater. Hungry. The makeup artist, you know, hungry. She got us free tickets. Yes, we just had her on the channel. And I was like, what are you doing here? And she was like, I'm doing makeup for Bjork. Mary, what'd she do on your channel? I guess I'll find out. We got ready together and I had to tell her, I said, I love you. I think your art is amazing. Amazing.

I said, we can't be here longer than three hours. We can't be filming for longer than three hours. Cause I've, I've heard that she takes a long time and I was like, we can't be doing all that. Well, she doesn't do, I can't have my editor.

Four hours of footage to edit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, I would fall asleep. But she looked great. The look was great. So how was the show? The fucking show was phenomenal. I was worried. I was like, oh God, it's going to be a stand-up thing. I don't like to stand up. I haven't been to a music concert forever. And from start to finish, bitch, this motherfucking show was amazing.

like perfect, exquisite show stopping. And to be perfectly honest, I have not even listened to her last like few albums, but I, I was, I'm a huge fan. The staging, the production that it was, the video elements, the,

off the chain. I mean, it was just off the chain. I can't go on and on and on and on. Started out with a local choir from LA. A bunch of people, like 20 of them. Immediately, I start crying. Immediately, I start crying. Really? Immediately, I start crying. It's just very moving. Was it beautiful? Beautiful. And then Bjork, of course, is wearing a crazy dress. She's got her tits pulled up. Very sexy. Because sometimes she wears just a cocoon.

cocoon or whatever. And, um, she was amazing. And then I'm going to just like, I'm going to cut to the chase, the cut to the real chase, cut to the chase. Yeah. So concert was amazing. Loved it. Perfect fucking length, perfect fucking length. And I didn't get bored. My attention didn't waver for a fucking millisecond. That's never happened since like 96 or whatever. And like, so, uh,

Was her voice really cool in real life, her singing? Yes, it was great. It was great. And she, I mean, girl, they had a whole, they had a hula hoop flute that was played by four people. They had like a septet of flutists from Iceland who were fucking fierce. They were battling flutes. It was like, they got a guy playing the water bowl. Have you ever seen, have you ever seen the Bjork unplugged, MTV unplugged? I don't know.

It's her singing surrounded by, I'm not kidding, at least a hundred world music instruments. Drums, bones, hollow gore bones. Yeah, they had a fish. And people love it. It's so great. She was great. Honestly, like I said, I knew, I recognized, like the songs I know, I know all the words. I've listened to them forever, but half of the material I wasn't familiar with, it doesn't matter. It was just so gorgeous. Everything together was just like,

Fucking stunning. And there was this little pussy palace, a cocoon where she would go in. It was just like... Anyways. So at the end of the show...

Hungary had said, you know, stick around because, you know, there's maybe an after party where you can meet Bjork. And I was like, okay. And so we stuck around and the plans were shifting. And I was like, ah, you know, we should just leave. I don't want to be like weird. So we get in the car to go and Hungary's like, I was like, sorry, I left. Please tell her I love her. He's like, what? You left? Come back. Bjork will be so sad. And I was like,

Okay, so I was like, we went right back. Girl, we went in there. We walked in there. I'm like, I meet her. We talk. She says the most wonderful things about me and you that is like, I mean, she said, you have no idea how much you and Trixie mean to me. I've watched every episode of Aunt. It got me through the pandemic. I was like, it's, I was like, I was like,

and her daughter I mean her daughter's a fan I mean it's a huge like crazy we hung out for like an hour and like and I meet her the Jeremy Scott was there it was all the you know it was just the most magical end cap to a most magical night I was like shitting all over myself feces on the floor on the walls it was incredible she's so nice and beautiful

I bet she's so gorgeous in person. She is. And I was like, I'm, you know, I'm like all up in her grill and she's, she's so, she's Janet from another planet. She's Janet from another planet. She has such a great, beautiful voice. And, um,

I was doing some YouTube research on her, listening to her play in bands she was in before she was a solo artist. Her voice is just so commanding and beautiful and bananas. Her hair and her face and eye shape, her eyebrows, everything about the way her skin and structure works together. You're like, are you a supermodel or a little girl?

She's an old little girl, crazy lady, alien lady, like a moss witch. I can't believe she watches. She sure fucking does. And Drag Race. And she knows. And then I got a text the next day. I texted message. She texted you? From New York. Wait, does she know that you did her on Drag Race? Yeah, yeah, of course. During Drag Con, her daughter came to my line and then FaceTimed with me with her and I almost shit.

Yeah. She was like, I'm Bjorkstrader. I was like, fuck you. No, you're not. And then she pulled up FaceTime with Bjork on it and I died. I was like, I'm Bjorkstrader. You were like, me too. I literally was like, oh, fuck off. I was just like 17 years old. But yeah, it was crazy. That is so crazy. I don't know if it's like... I don't want to read it. So funny. So many celebrity style people watch and I always just wonder how... I'm like, how? How?

I mean, I understand that it's free on YouTube and drag has a huge presence. But anytime it's not like, let's be honest, most of our people watch our things are under a certain age. But see, I don't. Well, yeah, a great number of them are. But I don't know. Because but like, where does a literal cultural icon if she's stumbling through YouTube one day and she's like, oh, this looks cool.

I think so. I think probably her daughter probably got like, you know, because they watched Drag Race and then they thought, you know what I mean? But I'm telling you, there's like, I have, and Pete and Jeff and Ron need to know this, of course, which I told them, but like, that is, what a fucking...

What a goddamn compliment. I mean, it's such a compliment. Somebody with her mind and her vision. Visionary, innovative. She even gets a chuckle out of us. Yeah. Makes my day. Oh my God. And it's funny because I respect her so much. I don't love all of her music. And she's the kind of artist that I don't think...

You don't love all of it. You know what I mean? Because she's so experimental and she takes a lot of risks. She does a lot of weird shit. And like, but so that's what I, I'm just like, Oh God, I, I, she's has a music career. They're so enviable. I think.

Well, also her music changes shape and sound so often. Yeah. It's not made – if you love one part of it, if you're like, I'm here for Army of Me. Yeah. You won't really get that same song in a lot of other types of things. Yeah. But I told her, I was like – For the kids at home who are very young, what's the – would it be Poppy maybe who's like their version of that? Poppy maybe? It's a really good question. Because it's like an industrial Poppy –

I don't know because Bjork really defied categorization in terms of genre because from the first three albums, there's a lot going on there. I guess I think Poppy like more performance art and she's a visual artist at the same time of being a- Yeah. My band, we were talking about looks for a- Something we're going to, we need to look- Beep it out.

we were talking looks for that and they like half not even joking were like can we do swan um like bjork dresses and i was like maybe but not for this but i do think three guys playing guitar and drums and stuff in swan dresses is yeah but not for this yeah she actually got like that is so crazy yeah it's crazy it is super super super crazy and were you just glowing was your face like i i was just like

And I was just like, I told her, I mean, I just like, I said, I love you so much. And I told her, I was like, I did the fan thing. I was like, when I was 17 years old, I was listening to Come to Me from Debut and Blue Christmas Lights in my room, like pining over a boy for three days straight. And it's like, you know, I mean, I've been listening to her since 94.

And then probably 95 to 2000, whatever. And I kind of dropped off around like Volna Cura, I think. But like, you know, it was just so, it was so, that's it. I can't imagine anybody having moments like that because...

Between an artist and a fan interaction, 99% of the time I would say you and I are on the artist side of it. And so it's fun, not fun. It's humbling and reminding when I meet somebody where I can't even talk. And then I'm like, well, that's why people sometimes can't talk. It's a chain reaction if you meet someone and then you can't talk.

Yeah, and I'm like... Because Bjork could meet someone and be like, oh my God. Well, I almost didn't even go. That's how nervous I was. I was like, I didn't want to impose. I didn't want to be weird. I didn't want to be like the weirdo on the periphery. Hungry marched me right over to her. She was talking to someone. She turned around. I was like, she's not going to recognize me. And she just smiled. And it was like... And I was like... Oh, wow. It was crazy. And chatted with me for a long time. A long time. We had...

on my next record maybe this is the i don't think i've told anybody but uh on my next record i have a duet with michelle branch and making a song with her which was for me like were you nervous i couldn't even connect i just couldn't even connect that this is this is the person's the reason i started playing guitar when i was like 13. i'm making a song with that person and i had to just like

How do I talk to this person and not make it weird? Right. You have to turn off the front of your brain. Cause you can't be too casual too. Yeah. Cause sometimes out of nervousness, they're too casual and chummy right away. It's like, no, no, but you can't, I don't know. It's tough. It's weird. It's a, and it makes me empathetic to like, I mean, people meet on tour this year. People will meet us every single day and meet and greets are scary. Ironically, I had a meet and greet with Michelle Branch in 2016. This is after Drag Race. I bought a meet and greet for Michelle Branch.

One ticket front row in Anaheim at the House of Blues with meet and greet for me to go by myself. When did you say to her? I was going to go. I chickened out and didn't go. You're kidding. I didn't. I got scared and didn't go. I was like, I can't do this. I want one, one homosexual weirdo in the front row being, I came by myself to see you. I was just like, yes. Oh, you certainly can. I still haven't told her that like one time I bought a ticket and didn't go. You didn't.

No, because I'm trying to keep it casual. Right. Right. You just need to know that. Yeah. You're like, Hey bitch.

What would you say when you... So what's your... When you meet a Bjork, the next time you meet someone like that, what's your strategy going in? Do you say, I'm just going to say this and keep it moving? Well, it... Right. It depends on the context. Because, like, I saw Grace Coddington on the street once. I went up to her and said something, and I ran. You know, like, easy. Hit and run. And you ran. I did run. Hit and run. But it was, you know, love and run. Wow. But I would... It depends on the context. Because, like...

Like if there's like an after party, if you have a moment, a few moments to chat, you know, it all depends. But like, I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, I love you so much. I love, I've been so, I have, all the stuff you've done has affected me so great. I'm so glad you exist. It's something to that effect. It's not, that's a pretty good thing to hear, I feel like. Or it's like in retail, they teach you to like, hi, I love your shoes. You like open with a compliment.

And Bjork probably likes her music too. So if you go, I love this music you do, then it's almost like you start on a common ground. Hey, we have this thing in common. You make this, I love this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't have to be like, if I say this, am I making myself separated from you ever being my real friend? You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, here's the thing. One thing I do regret. Oh, go ahead. She invited me to the next after party the night after the next show, and I didn't go.

I get that. Maybe you don't want to be like, I'm back again. Yeah, it was at a fancy place in the hills. It was at a house. This was at the venue. The first one was in a bar at the venue when everybody left. This was in a private room. I don't know. I just felt like...

I would get nervous going to that kind of party anyway. And I like, it could have been amazing. It probably was because she and everybody, her entourage are so sweet, so sweet. It's not like some, not like a Madonna thing, you know, where you'd imagine everybody's like a cunt. But I don't know. I just didn't want to push it. I wanted to have my memory, but I have her phone number. I get it. Yeah. I just did that for Christmas. I did that fundraiser with Belinda Carlisle.

Oh my God, Belinda Carlisle. And I just was like, all right, we're just going to make it through this. And we're, she already knew I was a super fan though. So it was like, all right, she already knows I love her music, whatever. So just won't mention it. Yeah. But we were rehearsing to go on and we were sitting in the office of the Abbey and I, we were playing vacation. I was playing for her and she was sitting across from me singing. And I was like, what is, it was like, I was, I was drunk. Like the alcohol just hit. I was like, what is happening? It's crazy. Like, how are you sitting here looking in the eye, singing this song and I play it.

Yeah. But sometimes you just have to go, you just have to, you just have to like, yeah. Well, that was the bald and the beautiful. What a weird episode. Yeah. But it was bald. And I think I'm sorry. I started out negative. I'm sorry. I started negative about my COVID and my body and my face and negative about, but here we are. You were negative and yet you're positive. Yeah. Yeah.

Hopefully not. My test is tomorrow. And if I wake up and it's positive, I have to call this college and say, I can't come to my gig. Sorry to this college. Well, we'll find out in another riveting episode. These are college kids. They have nothing to live for. Yeah, no. Yeah. I'll see you in two weeks. Bye. Bye.

Bye.