A Can of Beans in the Dishwasher with Trixie & Trixie's Mom
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All right, welcome back to The Bald and the Beautiful. I am here by myself today as a host. It is me, Trixie Mattel, and I am here for a very special Mother's Day edition. And I have my real life mom, Valerie, here. Hello. Hello. We have my real life mom here. What's the tea, mom? What's up? Not much.

Nice weekend. That's the whole episode. Bye. I'm working full time money through Friday now. So my schedule's changed. I love the weekends, but they're so busy. I think people need to hear like post COVID. I think people need to hear about people who actually have had a good year and you have kind of come out of COVID with like

Best job you probably ever had. Best money. Right. Well, and, you know, I've got the, you know, I did get, I did get COVID, you know, in the end of 2020 in December, I had COVID. Isn't that crazy? I was very sick. It was scary. But I came out of it. Okay. And I did that trial medication in that hospital, the ER, and it worked. I was surprised it worked. I mean, I wasn't surprised it worked, but it

how well it worked. When COVID started, I remember them talking about the type of people that were super high risk that they could kill you. And you were like the exact person that it would kill. Oh, yeah, it was scary. I worked from home for a while, but it just got to the point that I couldn't really work from home anymore. It had been months, you know, and it was just time to get back. And plus, I felt I was letting my team down and my job. So I went, then I got then when I was scheduled to go back, I was back for a little, you know, I was working. And a month later, I got the virus. So

But I got through that and then I made the move down here because of the house you bought for us. Yes. Yes. The awesome home. I love it. I'm very happy there. She was previously on the streets before that. But I was living alone. So now I'm with my family. So it's really nice. So you live in Milwaukee now. You grew up in Milwaukee, right? Yes. Does it weird to feel like you live here again? It is. I haven't lived here for 32 years. That's crazy. I mean, I've visited here, but I haven't lived here.

So it's nice to be back. It is. It's nice to learn the city. I'm still learning my way around the city, but it's great. I like it a lot. Like I said, but once again, bringing together with family is the best. Do you want to tell everybody what the marijuana experience you had today? I'm sure they like it. People are like, people like your vibe. When you did the video, if you guys haven't seen the video, me putting my mom in drag, all the comments were like, oh my God, I love that your mom's just a chill person.

A chill lady who has like stories about smoking weed. Well, I got some edibles and I was told only to eat edible cookies. There were just tiny things. And so I eat half and I had half and didn't seem to do anything. So I ate the other half. How long did you wait? About a half hour. Mom, you can't wait a half hour. And then it was like it was on.

Okay. So you waited 30 minutes. By the way, my mom is somebody who's probably been experimenting with marijuana since what you were a teenager. Yes. And you thought it was okay to wait 30 minutes and then go, nah, that's not enough. Well, edibles, edibles, smoking and edibles are different timeframes and it's just, it's different. And the high is even different. So that's what I mean. You should know that.

I just started edibles like the past year. Oh, really? Yes. So you never really did edibles regularly? No. That's so funny because I'm 31. I never got into smoking weed. I never wanted to. But edibles were so great because to me, it was like, A, better for me than drinking. Right. And B, the worst thing I'm going to do to myself on edibles is like snack a lot and fall asleep.

Like that's it. Yeah. So edibles are kind of a new thing for me. Do you get hungry? Yes. I get the munchies. I will say I've smoked weed a couple of times. I think edibles make me so much hungrier. I had cake. Oh, your birthday cake. Yes. Was it amazing? It was. Cause I didn't have no cake. I had cake last night before I went to bed cause I didn't try it. And everybody was telling us how good it was. It was good. And it was even extra good today.

Yeah, so I had a bunch of cake. I had some pretzels and dip. I just had the munchies and then I fell asleep on the couch. Wait, have you ever had a bad edibles experience? No. Really? You never been like too much too fast? Because I feel like you have to wait a full 90 minutes to really know what's going on. I was like super duper high today all day. Well, we got them from, you got them from a family member of ours. Yes.

Because in Wisconsin, it's not legal, which, by the way, for people like my mom who are chronic pain sufferers, give up the ghost. Let people have the edible marijuana. I think it's on the agenda for the state. I mean, people here drink. I mean, I own a bar here. Everybody knows I like to drink. I'm not trashy in drinking. But, like, the way people drink here, not policed at all. I mean, no one cares. But edibles, which basically have, like,

Nothing's going to happen to you, but they act like it's crack heroin, like a hardcore street drug. Wisconsin's so conservative. Yeah, don't you think? Because when we lived up north, where would you get marijuana up north? Michigan? Too many people were going to Michigan. They closed down the shops that were around the Wisconsin border, like up in the UP. They had shops where you go get edibles, and then they closed them down because there was too much going on. Oh, so you would be able to get them...

Is it legal to buy it in Michigan and do it in Michigan? Yeah, it's legal there. But it's not legal to like drive it home to your house and eat it later. That is so crazy. And not to mention, my mom has, what kind of chronic pain do you live with? I have a lot of pain. I have back pain. I have knee pain. I have osteoarthritis. Does your face hurt? Osteoarthritis. No, I don't fall for that joke. I mean, really, like imagine how much your life would be so much easier if you had that stuff accessible to you.

And dosed out in the way you want. Well, and even at the end of the workday, you know, it's nice to, you know, just like I said, but the smoking and the eating is different because you smoke, you get that instant eating. You have to wait a while. Well, that's what's hard about eating. It is when it comes on strong. When it comes on too strong when you're eating it and it's just the beginning of it, you go, oh shit, this is about to get worse too.

That was pretty bad today. I mean, I was not bad. It was just, I was wasted. I was just. It doesn't like ruin my, I've never done it the day to be honest, because it never, I can't believe you're here talking right now. I would be sleeping for eight hours. Oh no. And you know, that's what I told your aunt. I said, you know, it says, I'm sorry. I was really wrecked early. I couldn't help you with much of anything. Cause she wanted me to go to Menards. I'm like, I just, and I can't do it. And so, um, she says, well now, you know, I said, yep.

They said, that's so high, and I'm going to try to do Brian's. Would you identify as a hippie-dippy person? No, I'm not really like that, neither. I'm just laid back. You know, I think that's just the main, you know. But don't you think that's the ultimate, actual hippie energy? Being laid back? Yes. Well, everybody should be laid back. You can't always fix what's coming or know what's coming. The past is behind you. Today is today. Yeah. You know, so...

Well, this is a Mother's Day special. Did you always want to be a mom? I did. Really? I did. What's your earliest memory of wanting to be a mom? These were my goals in life when I was little. Okay. First, I wanted to be Miss America. Easy, attainable. And then I wanted to be a wife and a mother. Well, you got half of those. Well, I got to be a wife for a while, too. I'm talking about Miss America. Oh, okay.

Unless you have this Miss America career I don't know about. Oh, yeah. I didn't get that. Have you ever been to a real beauty pageant? No. It's really crazy what these people go through. I can only imagine. I've seen a little bit on those tiny tots or tots beauty shows. Unless you win. Unless you win like Miss America. There's not like a career. There's not like a huge cash bonus for fifth place. Right. You know what I mean? You have to basically win. And then you have to basically be a nun forever. Or they strip you of your title.

Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. Like if you were Miss America. Oh, I would have never. They would have stripped my title immediately if I became Miss America. Like seriously, if you were Miss America and you were like pregnant before marriage, people would be like, these women get treated pretty bad that way. Yeah, I couldn't have been Miss America because I would have blown all the protocols before I even became 18. When you found out you were pregnant for the first time, did you flip out? I was nervous to tell my parents.

Well, yeah. Which is funny because I love grandma and grandpa. Rest in peace. Love them both. Grandma had a baby at 16. I know. So who could she judge, right? All she said was, it's about time. I'm like, I was like totally confused. What did you think? I mean, was your gut in knots telling her? I told her on the phone. Fear. Yeah. Protection. Yeah. They were up north and I was in Milwaukee at the time yet. So.

I didn't tell your grandpa. Your grandma told him. Too scared? Yep. But it all worked out. Yeah, especially since grandma and grandpa were kind of obsessed with being grandparents. Yeah, and they were great grandparents too. Don't you think they were also really obsessed with Dan? Yes, because he was... My brother, my older brother, everybody listening. He was the first grandchild and he was a little boy. Right. And your grandma always wanted boys. I mean, she loved us, but you know...

She always wanted a boy. Well, she got one. Well, she got one, right? And auntie's kind of. Yeah. Bonus for another one. Yeah. Grandchild that was a boy. Gosh. The first one. The first grandchild. And then, yeah, they were kind of, but they were good with everyone, I think. You know, I think you're right. They were probably a little more obsessed with Dan because he was the first one. Right. But that's what I mean. Don't you think like when you, because I mean, spoiler alert, everybody on the pod probably knows, but my sister's seven months pregnant now.

You're going to be a grandma for the first time. I'm excited. And it is truly about time. Did you flip out? When she told me? Yeah. No, I wanted her to be. I'm going for drama here, mom. I'm like, did you flip out? You're like, no, no, I didn't flip out. Cause it's, it was bound to happen. Yeah. So I just wanted her to be more, be maybe more secure in a career before she made this move. But then again, it's her life.

Yeah. I mean, I'd say I don't care because I do, you know, I'm being involved and, but for all of, you know, my children, it's their life, their path. I can't, I've learned a while ago. I can't choose those. I just have to stand behind them. Yeah. And try to, and try to give them, try to, try to cash it. Travel the path with them. Exactly. Travel the path with them. Okay. Quick question. Who's your favorite? Who's your favorite child?

My oldest son asked me that too not too long ago. Did he really? Yes. What did he say? I said, I love you all. There is no favorite. He says, who's your smartest child? I have two younger sisters, Samantha and Desiree. Those are your youngest kids. Yes. It's weird because you had like two children and then waited a while and they had like another batch of like an older and younger child. Right. Are Samantha and Desiree, did they fight as much as me and Dan did?

Yes, they did. Really? And even now, they're not best pals. They can't be together for an extended period of time because they start getting catty with each other. They just don't get along after a while because their personalities are so different. That's why. Yeah. And same with you and Dan. You guys' personalities are way different. I love my brother. I don't think you could have produced a more, in some ways, incompatible relationship.

sibling for me right right not a single shared interest well you know there was a lot of drama when you came along too because then Ashley came along right after you my cousin yeah and for a little kid he's no longer the center of attention there's more babies and he didn't like that I'm sure you know but yeah they kept coming so I mean he's funny because he's like um he's kind of like Superman as far as like

He is, he is. If you guys don't know at home, my brother's like, how many times did he go to Kuwait and Iraq? Like three times? No, he was back and forth, yeah, but he served...

four years in the service and most of the time was over in Afghanistan and Iraq. And now he's an attorney with his own practice. Criminal defense attorney. Crazy. I mean, he truly is kind of like Superman. Well, he's, he's, he's likes to do well. Same with you. Look at you. You work all the time. But you know what's funny? The only thing that we have in common is work ethic. Right. But we also couldn't work in more separate fields.

Although, you know what? I don't think we could work together either because you both want to take the lead. Yeah. You know what, though? I do bother him sometimes about contracts because he's obviously really good. He doesn't do entertainment law, but he really understands the verbiage. Those contracts are written crazy. Right. I can't imagine. Everything is like, whereas unto thee. It's like, why are we writing like that? Okay, I have a question. When did you think I was going to be a performer maybe?

Oh, when you were young, you were young. You always loved singing. And remember when you had the mullet, people loved. Oh, yeah. Why don't you tell people about the mullet? Well, your hair was so pretty and soft and it grew long. You hear that? I used to have soft hair that grew long. And it naturally spiked on the top of his head.

If I kept it a certain length, it was long length, it spiked. And it was long in the back. And of course, he had a mullet. And people would give him money to touch his hair when he was little. And he put it in the coin machine. So did you let the hair in the back grow? Yeah. And then someday you had to eventually cut it. Right, right. But you just didn't want to cut it? No, I just, I liked it long. Did Dan have a mullet? No. Just me? Just you. Why? Because I liked your hair that way.

When you did the talent show and you won and then you did the local. Oh, yeah. Tell them that story.

About the talent show? Yeah. So it was a school talent show, right? Elementary. You were fifth grade. I was not in fifth grade. Not fifth grade. I was in kindergarten. Kindergarten. I was five. I'm thinking 5K. I'm thinking 5K. Yes. You were in kindergarten and your teacher practiced to practice with you. Your grandpa practiced with you and you did the talent show. You sang My Girl by the Temptations and you won first place.

Isn't that crazy? And then the local news, they got wind of it. And they were there for a Miss Teen Northeast Wisconsin beauty contest. Yeah. I remember you asked if I was doing one of those. Oh, yeah. And you were performed in it. You sang My Girl as a performance. I'll never forget when I won the talent show. I won $20.

Literally $20. Yeah. Which at the time I could, I couldn't even like conceive of that money, you know? And then we had to go do the Northeast, like Miss, is it Miss Northeast Wisconsin? Miss Teen, I think. Or maybe it was Miss Northeast. Miss Teen. Yeah, because the girls were young adults. Yeah. They were like high school age. Yeah. I think. Yeah.

And they're doing this in the gym. It's set up like a real pageant, right? Midwestern. It's like full drop dead gorgeous, like a Midwestern teen beauty pageant. And then we had to go pick out a suit. Do you remember I had a suit? A tux, yes. A tux. A child, a five-year-old in a tux with tails. Yes. Yes.

And we had to go rent that. I think they paid for the rental. They did. And then we had to, and I remember I had to sing my girl with all these like teenage women like posing around me. I wish there was video of it. It's probably so corny. You might be able to find it. It was at channel 11. I don't remember what channel it was in archives of there, you know? Yeah. I probably have to die for them to come up with that. But, uh,

Yeah, that was. And then years later, when you were in high school and you were prom king. Oh, yeah. You got them to choose your little sister for the mini queen. I forgot about that. I still got a picture of that. I have a framed picture of her. And I don't remember the little boy's name. And I still have the newspaper article where it's showing the court. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

God, she was such a pretty little girl, wasn't she? Yeah. I mean, I even tell her, so that's my choice. Usually Brian did makeup for you once. I says, you're a beautiful girl. Yeah, she kind of, I mean, I wouldn't say that our lineage is the hottest people anyone's ever seen, but she definitely got like the best of everything. She's got beautiful eyes and everything. She's a little chubby, yeah, but she is. She's not going to listen to this, actually.

the other day i go which one of my videos is your favorite and she was like i don't watch them she was on the channel going i've never seen your videos actually i think she saw me put you in drag that's it okay you know we should tell people about okay people have seen me put you in drag on my youtube channel which you guys haven't seen um we should tell people about the the night we had we we finished getting even dragged mom sitting there makeup on the couch and i'm like we should go out later and i'm like

I was in drag still. Yeah. And how many shots were we in until? Because you were doing a photo shoot after. I had a photo shoot that day, didn't I? Yes. Yeah. So we had shots middle of the day. I think we're probably done by 2 p.m. And I'm like, we should go out later.

And so we did. So mom takes a nap on the couch with the full Trixie makeup on and no other drag. And she's sleeping with just my makeup on. And then we get in drag. We go to Hamburger Mary's West Hollywood. Yes. We sit in a booth and order drinks and food and

What did it feel like to be in drag out in the world? It was so much fun. And then you let them know that it had been my birthday the previous week. Oh, yeah. And I had to go up. They called me out. I had to go up on stage with three other women. Uh-huh. Remember that?

How could I forget? You danced. Right. And I won the prize. Yeah. Yeah. So it was like a, it was like a, I had to shake my booty. Yeah. You had to shake your butt on stage. Yes. You weren't scared. No, I was in drag. I was having fun. I was just, I was mortified, but, but, but you weren't nervous at all. No, I was having a lot of fun. Did you feel like a totally different person in drag?

Yes, I did. Of course, inside you're still you, but you don't have to... Nobody's going to ever see me like this ever again. These people I meet are never, ever going to see me again. It also gives you some confidence. You feel you're dressed up. You got all this makeup on. Did you feel beautiful? Yes. Remember that wig? That wig was struggling all night. Yeah, it kept sliding off later in the night. You know why, honestly? Because I am not used to having to

have real hair under her wig. Well, it's fine that we had that headband that we could kind of keep there. Right. And then you took me back to the dressing room. I got to meet all the ladies. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they were so nice. Everybody was just so very nice. And even at Amber Mary's, they were. Do you remember what happened when we tried to leave the club? Oh, yes. Thank God you were there to save me. Okay, we've got to take a break, but you guys are going to die when you hear this. ...

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And we're back. So we're standing outside the club. We're waiting for the Uber. Tell them what happened. Very short, older man came over to me, put his arm around me and start hitting on me. Because he thought you were a man in a dress. Yes.

So you guys, my mom's standing there in, if you're like a, whatever, if you've ever seen this outfit I have, it's like a peach squirrel suit. Yeah. Like a Patrick star. Yes. Kind of with like our headband. My mom's outside and my mom, you're short. Yeah. How did he? He was shorter than me. How? Well, I guess that's why maybe he, I'm thinking to myself, how could he have thought you were a man? Cause you're like five two. Well, but he was, I had, no, I had flat shoes on because I couldn't, I have no heels with me. That's right.

But he was shorter than me. You wouldn't have made it in a heel. And no, I wouldn't have. And then thank God you two were there to save me.

He kept trying to tell this is a woman. Yeah. I mean, we've also had drinks. So my mom's being, I think, I think for how creepy he was being, you were being extremely nice. Well, I was, I was just, you could have slapped him. Yeah. Cause he didn't just come up and talk to you. No, he put his arm around me. He put his arm around you. Yeah. Around your waist. And you're like, no, no, no. And then I'm going, that's a woman.

That's a woman. I just think it's funny. Can I just say this? Yes, I tried to save you, but I just think it's funny that I, you know, six, five in drag, like clearly a man. He went straight to you. He went straight to the woman of a certain age who is obviously a woman.

You looked like a drag queen, but you obviously looked like a woman to me. Well, that's because I'm your mother. That's true. It was so crazy. Then we got in the car and you ripped that wig off. Yes, I couldn't take it anymore because it was crazy. And I think we got home. I don't remember if we ate. I think we got food. No, we didn't. And the hangover the next day was fierce. It was horrible, horrible. Horrible. I still have like, I have videos of you laid out on the bed.

With the makeup still on, sleeping. Sleeping. That was rough. I mean, I want to ask you a question I don't think I've ever asked you. I think that moms like you don't get enough credit where like when I told you I was gay, you couldn't have cared less. You were like, so what? No big deal. Well, I kind of knew. I mean, I was waiting for you to, you know, I wasn't going to call you up and say, hey, are you gay?

I probably, honestly, I don't know how I would have handled this. I probably started crying. I probably just started crying. But how come it's so easy for, don't you think as a mom, how do you think people turn out so, turn on their children like that? I don't know. I don't really know because, um,

You see it all the time. Your children are who they are. They can't make the choice of who they want to be. Your children are who they are. And I raised you. I know... Yose didn't raise me gay. No, I actually... You wanted Barbies? I wouldn't give you Barbies. You wanted this? You wanted that? I wouldn't do that. Your grandma did, but... You know what, though? In the long run, it doesn't matter because...

you were going to be who you're going to be no matter what i honestly think looking back you didn't want me to have barbies because i mean i had such an obsession with barbie forever

You didn't want me to have Barbies, I think, because I think you knew the type of attention it would put on me, like at school or, I mean, a little boy with a Barbie is inviting bullying. I mean, my brother wasn't even that nice to me about it. No, he wasn't. And you know, I'm living in a small town and... I'll say this though. I'm sure Dan doesn't listen to this, my older brother. He, on paper, is all the things that is supposed to make somebody really homophobic.

Yeah. And he isn't. No, he's not. I think, I think it took him a little time. Well, I think like auntie, our aunt, my mom's sister is, I mean, that's probably why you were so accepting. Obviously your little sister was gay. Right. Right. When did you think auntie was gay?

Well, I should have known a long time when we were kids. Yeah, it was the 70s. Did people even know what gay was? Right. I mean, yeah, but I kind of knew like there was certain why she was hanging out by this girl. Why is she acting like that? You know, especially we're getting our, you know, tweens and stuff. But, you know, that's OK. And I don't know when I knew I just well, you know, she dated men for a while and then she moved in. She dated a woman. She dated men back and forth. So, yeah.

I don't know if there was a time when I actually knew or not. But honestly, even if you didn't have a gay sister, you're compassionate enough. You would have been accepting of that even if she wasn't in your life, I think. If I turn out gay and Auntie wasn't in your life first. Yeah, I think I would have been fine with it. I do too. And part of it is I think my parents, how they brought me up as well. You know, you're accepting. My mom always used to say, no kid asks to be brought in this world.

So that's why she was loving to everyone, you know, because, you know, everybody was a kid once and they wanted, you know, nobody has to be brought here. Yeah. Brought into the world by, you know, by people like me. Yeah. But I guess I wouldn't, I wasn't surprised and it doesn't bother me, you know. I guess I just have such a hard time understanding.

Maybe I have a hard time understanding because, like I said, my family, nobody really ever made me feel like. Where they don't accept or families don't accept. Right. That never happened to me. Right. Especially since my auntie was in my life. I knew that auntie being around, I wasn't going to come out as gay and everyone was going to say no. Right. I honestly think I drummed it up to be something so much worse. And then it was nothing. I think, yeah. It was nothing. I think you were more worried about it than it actually turned out to be.

Because I think you were in shock when I said, yeah, when you called me and told me I was driving to work. Yeah, I kind of knew, you know. Yeah. I actually think looking back, I think I should have given you more credit. I shouldn't have got so afraid when like you've never, you would have never given me one reason to believe it wouldn't have gone perfect by saying it. Well, I think I could have told you sooner. Maybe it was also to just so much. There was so much going on where you.

you know men and women who were coming out were getting so much you know slap back from their families that you know you were it was different it was a little bit pre the internet right i mean not i'm not pre the internet but like now kids are like gay in high school right gay middle school or bisexual or whatever you know it's different now it's more accepted i was totally accepted everywhere but here it is you know i also called and told you i was gay because i had my first boyfriend

Oh, that's what kind of pushed it too. Yeah. That's the other weird thing is like, I think straight kids have, you have your first boyfriend in middle school. You talk to your mom about safe sex or whatever. You have all these milestones, right?

But for me, my first boyfriend was in college. So then it's like, and I not only am going to come out, but I'm also having my first boyfriend. Well, look at Prom King. You took a beautiful, you know. I took a beautiful date. Yes, you had a gorgeous girl. Yeah, beautiful. From another school even, I think. Yeah, this girl from another school. She was a catalog model. She was, yeah, gorgeous. So pretty. A gorgeous blonde girl, yeah. Yeah, she was really, really great. I don't know. I just think back and I'm like, you really drummed it up for no reason.

I could have given you a lot more credit, I think, because it was no big deal. I called Auntie first crying. I was like, Auntie goes, Brian, she knows. I'm sure she knows. But you know, you think it's like this secret that nobody knows about. Well, your Auntie's like total anti-drama. She's not, you know. Well, you know, people say, is it being gay? Is it nature or nurture? I came out

I was a gay child. I think you were, yes. I mean, I liked pink stuff, glitter, My Little Pony Barbies. Yeah, from a very young age. I liked to wear girl clothes. You played with trucks and stuff a little bit, but that was more outside, like in the dirt building things with your cousin, you know, like filling it with dirt and running and dumping the dirt. You know, anybody, any little kid likes to do that sort of stuff. So, I mean, you weren't real fond of the racetracks and all that stuff. No, you weren't.

And I hated fishing. Yes. And I still do. I don't like fishing either. I don't either. Some people love it. That's great that they find a passion for it, but... You don't like camping either, do you? No, I don't. Me neither. I don't mind. Like this summer, I might go camping with your auntie and, you know, Franny and her family, but...

She's got a pop-up camper that's got heat if we need it. It plugs in as electric. It's glamping. Yeah, because I'm not into camping. Are you trying to sleep on the floor? No. No. And I lived in the Northwoods, you know, where...

Walking in my backyard was better than camping, you know? That's what's so funny. Remember when I was a Boy Scout for a long time, remember? Yeah. A long time, probably until I was like 14. Yeah, you were a Boy Scout for quite some time. And we would go to Boy Scout camps and those Boy Scout camps would be

Closer to big cities than where we lived. Yep. With like more amenities, like air conditioning. And I'm like, this is not camping. At my house in the summer, I remember grilling almost every day. Yeah. Because we had a wood stove and in the summer, you don't want to cook inside. Nope. Nope. You don't want to cook inside at all. We had grills and even... You really turned it out food-wise. I thought everybody's mom can cook. That is not the truth. No, everybody can't cook. You know, but it was... You cooked like...

A salad, a side, an entree, a dessert. It was like a full meal every day. I wouldn't say every day, but most days, yeah, I did. Well, don't you think when you were married too, you were more like, well, we're cooking for more people. Oh, right. Well, for a while there was cooking for six of us. That was, I mean, I did dishes for six. I know. It was horrible. That was one thing that I hate to say it. I love that.

You and Dan did the dishes. I always made a deal with you guys. I'll do them one day a week. You guys got rest. Yeah, it was horrible. I mean, dishes for six people every day was a lot.

And now in the home you got us, you have a dishwasher, which is, is your life changing? It is just wonderful to have a dishwasher. Do you do what grandma does? Do you basically completely wash the dish and put it in there? No, I just rinse it off. I mean, it's got some gooey stuff on it. Of course I'm going to rinse it off because it probably ain't going to come off. But I've seen people fully wash a dish and then put it in the dishwasher. I'm like, what are you doing? I have seen that before. And I'm like,

You just need to rinse it off. You don't, I mean, in some stuff, you don't have to rinse it, you know? I will put a whole plate with food on a dishwasher. I'll put a can of beans in there. Yes, nothing's going to happen. I mean, I'm sure something will happen, but well, I, I, I reached out on the internet and I asked people if they had any questions that they wanted to ask you. Cause I figure, I don't know. You're my mom. It's hard to think of things to ask you. Cause I feel like I already know so much, but, um,

Okay. A lot of their, a lot of them are just jokes. Um, did, did Trixie always laugh this loudly or is it a new thing?

I think it got more as you got performing more and just got out there. And as an adult and you were just like I said, you just put yourself out there more. And I thought you were, I think it made you more relaxed to be who you are. Yeah. So that laugh, I mean, you were, you were always fairly happy, you know, you were a happy kid. You laughed, but no, this big laugh you got now is, um, I think results of just, you know, being more happier with yourself. You're pretty happy too, though.

I think we're very in common. We're very like, we always see the positive. We're optimists. I'm a realist, but I'm also an optimist. I'm like, yeah, this is horrible, but what can we control? To any situation, there's almost always an upside. And also making the, I'm thinking like, were you ever in Alcoholics Anonymous?

I did try it once. You know how they have that thing? I think the alcoholics talk about it. The courage. What is it? The wisdom to accept what you can't change or whatever? Yeah, yeah. Something like that. Their creed, they say. I did it because I didn't think I needed it, but my boyfriend thought I needed it, so I tried it, and it didn't work. It wasn't for me. It wasn't my thing. Really? Yeah. How long did you go? Like a few months. Were you drinking a lot at the time? I didn't think I was. My boyfriend thought I was. Which boyfriend? My boyfriend.

Oh yeah. Really? Yeah. That's crazy. So I did, you know, I just, the people were nice, but it just wasn't, I didn't think I was at that, that, that air in that, in that, you know, that point. And maybe honestly, maybe poking your head in and seeing people maybe more advanced on that road. Maybe it did. Maybe it's a step back or something. Right. But you know, I always think I love drinking. I, it's always good to take a break.

And come back to it because I do think it's easy to let a certain things become normal. Right. I have a drink every night. Oh, I have a drink, uh, three drinks a night. You know, it is good to like step out, step back in like once a year, take off a month, once a week, once every two weeks. I'm going to fact check that you can't. We had cocktails last night, but I got drunk and lost my wallet. So I'm not here to judge anyone. Yeah. I mean, yeah, we had a few cocktails last night and,

People would be, people would be, I think remiss if I didn't ask, we don't really ever talk about it, but what, what did, how do I ask this? Do you ever regret not having my real dad in our life? No, I don't. I don't either. No, I don't. I don't think he would, uh,

Add it to your lives. I feel like in movies and TVs, it's always characters who are like, I'm obsessed. I want to be my real dad. Why don't I know my dad? I want to know my dad. I've never felt like that.

I don't think you guys lost anything. You were fortunate enough to know his sister, who was like my best friend for a long time. And you guys, you were fortunate to know her. And she was great. What was that? Because, I mean, I'm not telling his business. I'm sure he's out there. I'm sure he's not listening. But he had drinking problems, right? Yes. And he was abusive. Yes.

How did you maintain a relationship with his sister after he was out of the picture? Were you guys just like, can we stay friends? His sister was the one who told me to leave him. Oh, really? And his sister, your grandparents, and her sister's roommate all showed up at my house one day to move us all out. Really? Yes. Because even people that close to him were like, it's not good. Right, right.

That is crazy. Did I ever tell you that I met him once? Yes, yes, yes. And I wasn't really keen about it, but I thought, well, you know, you have to do what you have to do. You're an adult and you'll have to make your own choices. And I remember telling you, just be careful. You can't trust him. Well, our Auntie Grace, my real dad's sister, who was your best friend, it was when she was passing away in the hospital and was so sad. She was so great.

And I really wanted to see her before she died, even though she was like, you know, intubated and everything. But he was sitting there. It was so weird. And you know what was weird? It was all this energy from his side. It felt like he felt so obviously hindsight. I got the sense that he had a lot of clarity about maybe what he's guilty of, what he could have done better. And I think he wanted sort of for me to meet him there and be like, it's okay. But I'm just sort of like,

I was in a pretty much one parent home where I was very satisfied with my one parent. So like you might have thought of me a lot, but like I didn't think of him at all. I still don't think of him. We, you know, I needed to put the distance between us. That's why we all moved up here. I needed to put that distance. It was unsafe for me not to put that distance.

I needed to. So that's part of why you moved to the country? Yes. Really? So he didn't know where you were either? You were kind of hiding? Well, he knew where I was, but I was 200 miles away or over 200 miles away. So do you ever wish we were, we grew up on the reservation? No, I don't either. I don't want to be a traitor, but the reservation is beautiful. It's stunning. Gorgeous.

but it's, it's, it's really horrible. It's different. It's so different, um, different lifestyle. And, you know, it's really, I want to say it's really horrible how I think the government just, those people are just up there on their own. There's a lot of substance and mental health issues and poor opportunities. And there's not, I think that those cycles are so aggressive and unchecked. I just, I don't, for me, I can't, um,

There's so much – there's so many layers behind that, what goes on in reservations, in my opinion, in my years and years of bullshit that's happened to – I always have trouble with that word. I don't know why. You're an indigenous woman who can't say indigenous. I can. Some days I can say it fine. Other days I can't. Well, do you prefer Indian, Native American, First Nation, indigenous, Native American?

Native? Just native, yeah. That's how I just say native. And it's just, if you go back in history, so many horrible things were done too. Horrible? I mean, literally genocide was tried. It was tried. And I mean, listen, every struggle is horrible. When you look at the numbers of Native Americans and you look at the way history, everything just went

Anyway, the white people got here. I mean, when I was in high school learning history and you learn that the white people showed up and it's theirs, you don't even process. Right. It makes me think like on the reservation, are they looking at the same history books? Do they learn the same history? Do they learn that basically like they got wiped out and deserved it? Well, it's not that they deserve it. On the other hand, you got to look at this way. This is history as well. You know, people come to other countries and they conquer that nation. Do you ever wish we were religious?

No, I don't. It's not, to me, it's not something that just makes sense. I'm sorry. It doesn't make sense. I think if we were, I'll say this, if we were religious, I would have a lot more messed up, I think. I don't, um, it just, I was baptized. I was raised Catholic. I did everything I was supposed to, all my, you know, stuff I was supposed to do, my, you know, my sacraments, everything. And, um,

The whole time, I'm like, you know, when you're little, yeah, you'd believe it all. But as you get older, you start thinking about it. It just doesn't make sense. Well, there's a lot of indigenous people who are – I like a lot of the – if you're talking about like the religion and like the woo-woo of like Native Americans because certain things like, oh, the great circle. When you die, you go back into the earth. That's also true. Right, right.

Right, right. You do go back in there. So I get into that. And I believe, you know, they say like the creator. I believe in that. The creator meaning Mother Earth's nature. Because the creator, they're not saying the creator was. It's like some woman in a robe in the sky. Right, exactly. It's truly just like the cycle. Right. But like, I don't, do I believe that the moon is a wolf? No. No.

No. Do I believe the Earth is a turtle? No. But I love the stories. Exactly. Those are stories that were passed on from generation to generation. You know, I like the stories. You know, and

I have certain feeds on my Facebook that provides me with, you know, powwow dancing, you know, people in the regalia, stories, stuff like that, which I enjoy to read. I sometimes wish we knew more about it. Like, I know Grandma always wanted us to learn more about it, but when you're a kid, it's just not interesting. Well, she didn't. She teach us some when we were kids and some, you know. But she was also a Christian. Right. So it's that weird thing where she was culturally...

You know, like at her, that funeral, it's like, we're talking about a Christian funeral sort of, but also indigenous practices going on, like feeding the fire. Right. Right. A lot of that went on. Can you tell them about that one? I love the one about the fire. When people ask me about this kind of stuff, I always talk about when somebody dies, the fire, the food. Right. Well, I don't know all the practices. It wasn't, your grandmother didn't teach us everything. Just that you are to have a fire going for seven days.

And you need to feed them so many meals at that time to help them on their journey. And that's what we do. Yeah. Isn't there something about glasses, too, in front of a casket? Yeah.

Well, you're not supposed to, they're not supposed to take the glasses, right? They believe a long time ago that that stole your soul. Your soul couldn't travel if you had your glasses. That's what my mother told me. Tell them about your cousin who may or may not show up in pictures. Which one? I don't know which one you're talking about. Isn't Joey like a shaman and doesn't show up in pictures?

My cousin or my uncle. Oh, his uncle. Uncle, sorry. Yeah. Well, I don't know if he shows up in pictures. But he's like spiritual, right? Yes, he is. He is. So tell him about him. When he was a kid, grandma told me he would get like premonitions almost. Oh, I didn't know about that. Oh, yeah. Grandma told me when they were kids, he would have dreams about things sometimes before they would happen. And he was afraid to tell people. And he would also have dreams about dead people. And he was afraid to tell anyone because he was afraid...

I don't remember that story. It's crazy. And then Uncle Al told me, well, Uncle Al could have been pulling my leg, but he said, like, Joey doesn't show up in pictures. If you take a picture of him, he doesn't show up. Well, my Uncle Joe does. I have pictures of him. Long, beautiful hair. Yes, long black hair. Long, beautiful hair. Yes, he lives out west, right? When I was a kid, I hated living in the country, but as an adult, I'm really happy we lived there my whole life.

I think for me, I had options to move. The company I worked for would have moved me back to the city. Was it GMC? Yeah, GMAC. Yeah, they would have moved me back to the city and paid for everything. But the options for raising...

you know, a single parent raising two boys in the city, you know, on my salary was not just a good choice. I thought, you know, and you'd have to guess what had to been alone more up there. We had more family up there. So yeah. Uh, Anna Taylor wants to know, uh, mom, were you a big makeup person when I was a child? I did like to wear a lot of makeup. Yes. I worked in offices. I, even when I went out, I liked to wear makeup. Um,

So I remember watching you put makeup on. I mean, you used to watch me. Yes. It was magical. I remember watching you put mascara on. It was always like one of the last things, you know, you'd always curl your hair on top with iron. And then you would let it cool. And then you would kind of brush it straight back. Yeah. And I remember you doing your lashes all the time. And I remember watching and it was like so glamorous. I mean, putting on makeup is kind of a glamorous process. Don't you think? Yeah. Cause it's like kind of private, but also very showy.

The tubes are all shiny. The colors are bright. Right. When you're a kid, it's very magical. Did you ever watch grandma do makeup when you were little? Yes. Yes. And she only wore makeup like for special. She didn't wear a lot of makeup. So yeah, well, she wore them when she went out, but you could tell when it was special occasions because she'd do the, you know, the do the do the big fancy do I started there.

You should do that. That's the edibles. The third way of the edible. True blue wants to know if you ever dropped me. Oh, I'm sure I had. She's like, look at your head. Someone dropped you. When, when did you first see me in drag? When did I first see you in drag? Was it moving parts that tour? Was that the first time in person? Yeah. Yes. That was the first time in person. Cause even when you did the Rocky horror picture show, um,

Even though I saw some of your stuff and I seen, you know, I saw some of your stuff, I seen pictures. I never actually went to the show because it was at that time things that were going on. Like that's a little much for me. It was also midnight in Milwaukee. Right. And I lived up North and let's be honest. It's like, I love Rocky. It's like 90% drunk teenagers. Right. I mean, well, that's when I first seen it. Yeah.

Well, we're back. I remember you used to wear heels, though. I remember when you worked at GMAC, which was a car dealership, right? General Motors? It was a finance company for General Motors dealers. Okay. Yes, that makes sense. I remember you would go to work. And you were real spiffy at that time because it was not a corporate dress. Yes.

Yes. I was, what do you mean? It was corporate dress. You did like the perfume and the hair every day and the makeup. And I wore dresses. You had like suit jackets and yes, I did. And nylons. Yes. And heels. And do you remember the, do you remember the high heel incident?

When you guys put powdered sugar in my shoes. What did you use to put in your shoes for sweat? Baby powder? Yeah, baby powder. And one day you said. Corn starch. And you said, why don't you guys do that for her? No, you guys did it for me to do a favor. You said, you were playing a trick on me. So you're like, oh, mom, we already put powder in your shoes for her. I'm like, oh, thank you, guys. Then after I get work, my feet start sweating. I find out it's freaking powder.

Powdered sugar. Was it just like sticky? Yes, very sticky. Did you get home? I think you got home and you were like, um, that wasn't powder. I think you knew right away. Oh yeah, I knew that you guys did it on purpose. But we played jokes on each other. We did. I don't know if you remember, but we'd play jokes sometimes. Yes, a lot of scaring. Our family's big on scaring kids. Val, do you ever wish that Trixie went down a different career path? If so, what would you have chosen instead?

well i knew you were musical from young age i wouldn't say i wish you went on another career path i'm glad you've chosen what you want to do but if i would have thought you would have done something else i always thought if you weren't an actual performer for in your own and not drag but yourself you didn't perform music on stage you would be writing music for the you know the superstars yeah yeah

Well, that was remember in high school. That was a I wanted to be a songwriter so bad. You want to be a songwriter pop star so bad. I know. I mean, I would say I did want to perform, but I wanted to write music professionally really bad. Right. But you only remember talking to you about this and I talked to you about it. You said, if I write the song, I want to be the one performing it. Yeah. I mean, that is how I felt at the time. Right. At the time. Right. I probably don't feel that way anymore.

Because you're in this business, I think you know more. Yeah, and I guess now I don't feel as much like I need to claim every single thing I do. You know? I don't always have to be the one on stage to feel fulfilled. Right. I mean, you do a lot of stuff. A lot. And a lot of it's behind the camera. Yeah. What was the most difficult part about raising me?

Was it the fact that I was in diapers until I was 25? No, you were very, you were actually, I'm sorry. Brian was a very easy, easy, easy kid. He wasn't, you weren't difficult at all. Did you ever think maybe there's something wrong with me? Cause I like, I didn't cry, right? You did when you, you had like colic. Well, your grandpa would feed you peanuts and stuff like that or peanut butter. And you weren't supposed to have that stuff. Why? Because it bothered your stomach when you were young.

Oh, you had a lot of issues ever since you had been born with, um, just having a lot of gas. I was like, can I say it? That's what you're afraid to say is that I had gas as a baby. Yeah. A lot of it. So much that I'd be, no, even as a baby, I never farted. Thank you. But no, you were, you were, you were easy going. You were so easy to, um, you know, you weren't real difficult. You did what you were supposed to do. Um, you didn't cry a lot. Um, you and your brother fought. Yeah. Yeah.

Plus, I was a fabulous student for no reason. You're a very good student. I was lucky that way. The only one I had trouble with in school was with Sam. Yeah. And Dan.

Well, Dan got in trouble in school, but he was smart. He's like grade wise, I should say. I didn't like it's like I didn't have to help you guys a lot with your homework. You just knew it. Well, you know what I didn't like about school? I like school, but if I can, if I know it and I can pass the test, why is doing this homework important to you?

Because for me it would be like my tests would all be A's. Right. And the homework would be a zero because I never did it. And I'm like, I know the material. Why is it important to you that I sit home and write? That was me in high school as well. I could go in, not be in my class. I cut school a lot. Not be in my class all week, show up on Friday for the test, pass the test, and I'm done. I did the same thing in college. For my electives, I'd show up for the study day, learn the material, and come back the next day and take the test and then be like, see you in a month. I mean, I'm not coming back. All right. What's the sense? What is the point? Yeah.

So anyway, I was easy to raise. I was perfect. Do you ever get recognized as my mom? No. Great. Wait one time. Really? Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, I did that the other night at the show when the guy shared the bathroom with me in line. He knew I was right. I forget his name. I don't know who that was the other night. But yeah, you were in the bathroom making friends. Yeah. He was talking to me in line. And then was that your first time in an all gender bathroom?

Did you think for a second, did I go in the men's room? No, that was not the first time. I've also walked in the men's room before and said, oops, you don't have to go out the wrong room. I was high and I was at Target. You were high at Target? Yes. Oh.

And I was there with Auntie. That's kind of, being high at Target sounds kind of great. And I was there with Auntie and we were leaving and she was going out first because I had to go to the bathroom. So I don't know, I was looking at Penn, I was just kind of zoning and I was following this person. I thought it was a woman, but it was a man. And I followed him into the bathroom. What?

You know what? It's the opposite for me when I've gone in the wrong bathroom. Cause I, in drag, I use the women's room, but you know, out of drag, I go in the men's room. If I've gone to the women's room on accident, I'll go, where are the urinals? And it takes me a full beat to go like, there are no urinals. This is a women's room. Right. How do you deal with my immense celebrity? I think it's fabulous. I think it's great.

I loved when we were out there, people would come up and say hi to you, want your autograph, stuff like that. Yeah, it doesn't really complicate your life or my life that much to be able, yeah. Because it's not like I'm like Brooke Shields. Well, unfortunately, a lot of people don't know. A lot of people, I mean, when I brought you up, like I said, I've had ex-colleagues that are like, oh my God,

Because it's usually like the daughter, right? Their daughter's a huge fan or something, right? Right. The daughter or they are. Oh, really? So I had a supervisor who said, I just found out Trixie was your mom. I didn't know that. They found out Trixie was your mom? Yeah. Or vice versa. You know what I mean. They're Trixie's mom, you know? They're like freaking out at my desk. I'm like, okay. What's the worst thing I ever did growing up? I think I know what it is. I don't. Do you remember when I was into playing with fire for a while?

It's just like a serial killer thing to say. You don't? Okay, then it couldn't have been too bad. No, it wasn't that bad. But I always wanted to mess around with crack.

I know. I remember having to yell at you because you were doing it in your bedroom, was it? Or in the kitchen? No, I was like in my room and I was using Legos and I was taking birthday candles and making like, I think I was using the birthday candles in the Legos for like, like a castle or something. So I was lighting candles with Legos as like part of the build. And I remember my brother walked in and goes, it smells like matches in here. And I was like, I don't know.

Which, I mean, living in a flammable trailer from the 70s, you probably shouldn't even have candles in your house. Right. That probably wasn't good. Well, do you remember when we had the fire there? Yes. We were all sleeping. I think it was an electrical short, wasn't it? It was. I got up in the morning. I heard water running. Like, what is that noise? I got up and went in the kitchen and the cupboards were all blown open. By the way, no fire detector.

We might have had one. Well, they didn't go off. Right. We're in a trailer. It was just a very big and none of us woke up and it was on fire. And yeah, it was hot enough that it made the can, a can under the sink explode, which broke the water pipe, which put the fire out. Yeah. Oh my God. The aerosol exploded, which broke the water pipe that put out the fire. And it was started by electrical fire.

Someone put a nail or a staple through a wire. We could have all died. Yes, we could have. Easily. We could have, but we didn't. I don't know if we would have died. That seems extreme. That trailer had multiple exits. Right. It was old. No, multiple exits. It sounded like we were trapped. Yeah, we had several exits. What do you think about me getting fired multiple times? I can't say anything. I got fired from jobs. You have? Yeah. Where'd you get fired from?

Not showing up. What job? Taco Bell. No. You worked at Taco Bell? I worked at Taco Bell for quite some time. When you were a teenager? Yep. Was it easy? Yep. Was it free food? Yes. But you just didn't show up?

Well, my job was I was the fryer. That's all I came in and did was I fried all the taco shells, all the tostadas shells, all the crisp. And I just put them in covered stainless steel bins and stacked them up. So once I got to learn, I knew when I would have to come and go. They didn't put me on a schedule. I just came in and I fried up enough for a day or two. Then I came back in a day or two and did that again.

And then I just got sick of it. So you stopped going? Yeah. And they were like, where are you? Yeah, they called me, but I didn't answer. So, you know, you don't show up, you get fired. Oh, my God. I think I was 16. Oh, that's not bad. I think everybody should get fired once. Did you feel horrible? No, I didn't like it anymore. Yeah, never mind then. I've been fired so many times and it sucks every time. But you found what you're good at.

You know, that's the thing. When I'm self-employed, I can't fire myself. Also, I'm extremely... You could fire yourself and then just rehire yourself. I used to be somebody who was late a lot. I used to be messy.

I'm now somebody who's pretty tidy and on time all the time. But that's because when I started working for myself, it was like a different level of accountability. Right, right. To me, it was like five minutes late wasn't that big of a deal. But if you work for a corporation, five minutes late is a big deal to people. Like my last job, they gave you a seven minute leeway, which was awesome for me. Did you use it a lot? Yes. When you first knew I was performing in drag, did you have any reservations? No, not really. Not an Indian joke?

Huh? Not an Indian joke. No, I did not. I did not because it was what you wanted to do. Yeah, you were chill vibes. You didn't care. Did you have regular birth or C-section? C-section. Wow. All four of you. All four. Same cut every time? You and your brother were same cut and your sisters were different cuts. Oh, it was like a decade later. Yeah. Wow.

The truth is I like spending time with you. And because you live in Milwaukee now and I have a house here now, we can actually see each other a lot more. That is nice. Because I wasn't seeing you for probably once a year, five years. Yeah. And I enjoy seeing you. You're a lot of fun to be around. And, you know, you're my son. I love you. I know, but I'm a little bit of a loner too. That's why I like... You are. You like to do your own thing. And that's okay too. Be out on my own thing. You know, because sometimes too, you know, I don't like... I love my children dearly. But now I got one that moved back home again.

It was only out for six months. And I always told all my kids, you can always come back home. But I don't want you to. You can always come back home. I just don't want you to. Well, it's okay. It's okay. The youngest is still learning her way, so it's okay. Well, thank you for coming and being on a very special Mother's Day episode.

of the podcast, The Bald and the Beautiful. Did you know it's called The Bald and the Beautiful? I did. Have you ever heard the podcast? No, I haven't. Not yet. You know what? Something I really like about my mom is she appreciates it, but you're not a stalker. You don't need to see everything I do. And frankly, I talk about some pretty rough stuff. You do? I like knowing you're not listening. Yeah. No, I don't watch everything. I do watch stuff, and sometimes it's just random. Yeah.

And when you come to the shows, I always give you a fair warning. Like, hey, it's pretty rough material. But I never changed the jokes. I'm like, well, she's here. I'm an adult. Yeah. It's not like I don't know. At some point in life, you have to accept that your mom can handle a dirty joke. And your mom has... You know, when you're young, you think your mom is like a nun. And then you grow up and you're like, oh, that person is... No. Yeah. Not a nun. So... Okay. Bye. Bye.

you