#3. A Lonely Path from Love to Marriage
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Talking about fitness. Why aren't you married yet? What is life post-marriage like? That's where it gets a bit shady game though. You just get thrown into this kind of thing like I'm still trying to I'm still processing the fact like fuck I'm getting married soon. Can we talk about this? You know I mean these guys they got knocked the fuck out. Because you're gonna have this rebellion against traditional values and traditional thought. It was a great run. You did a bang-up job.

Alright, here's your medal. It's time for you to retire. I think you just gave a masterclass on dancing around the issue. Let's do this! Alright, let's do this. You were talking about running before. You just ran today for the first time in a long time? Yeah, yeah, I ran today. This is the second time I did running in...

In your life? No, no, no. I mean, I'm not a runner. When's the last time you ran? Last week. Oh, so the second time this week in one week in seven days. Well, before that, what was the last time? Wow, so like a year and a half. I don't run, man. I hate running. I fucking hate running. It's like, it's death.

See, that's the thing. Some people hate cardio and hate running. And some people prefer to do strength training, like weightlifting. They feel more comfortable. I'm the opposite. I'd rather do cardio and run than do weight training. You're insane. Now, how about this? Let's define cardio. I prefer it. I enjoy running. So before, I always said cardio was biking or running, that kind of stuff. But then a few years ago, I got into circuit training and...

and calisthenics and stuff like that, and you're really working a high heart rate, you're working cardio mixed with strength training. And to me, I much rather do that.

You mean like a circuit, right? Yeah, I'd much rather do that than running. To me, it's just a lot more... But the thing with most circuits, like the circuit we do at Golden Gloves, right? Or we did. That's much more cardio. To me, that's like 70% cardio at least and like 30% strength. Sure. Because the strength training we're doing is like very light strength training. It's not actually really building muscle. It's just toning muscle. And it's just to get your heart rate up. So it's not like putting on bulk. Like you're really kind of like maxing out on lifting weights. It's like burpees and like...

Yeah. Like mountain climbers. Exactly. That's cardio. That's not, that's not really, but to me, I, I, I hate doing those, but I hate rather less than running. But, but hold on, let me go back for a second. Do you remember about like five years ago, the first, I did this whole like weight loss thing when we were at Rockslide. Remember? We were doing the gym. And you lost a lot of weight. And I lost like a lot of weight. Right. And everyone was like, wow. Yeah. And I remember near the end of that, I was out because I was incorporating running in that. And,

And then I remembered near the end of when I hit my goal weight, I was running for like half an hour at a time. And that was longer than I could ever do before. Before I would run for five minutes, ten minutes. I'm like, dude, this is game over. But then I remember near the end in the park near the house, I'd run for like 30 minutes and I'd be fine. You know, 40 minutes, I'd be fine. So I know I can get back. I know I can get back to that conditioning. Yeah.

pretty quickly i'm pretty sure i just know this because i'm yeah the first the first i'm just getting back into it right now so today i ran for once you get that momentum back like eric knows you run all the time right yeah you run every day almost yeah i don't think you should push yourself that hard because like i don't mean this microphone oh i don't know how i got this loose is it this no no it's just just oh jesus hold on guys having some technical difficulties

That's a good new setup, guy. Yeah, just let it hang like that. As long as it's straight, yeah, we're not moving this one. That's good. All right.

Okay. What you were saying, you run, you don't think you should push yourself? Yeah, I mean, I think if your heart rate is getting to like 180, 190, like right into the run, then you probably need to pull back a little bit, right? Because you're supposed to run easy. Like there's a whole way of sort of getting into it. Okay. And it takes some time. Yeah, so my heart rate was around 180 to 190. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I checked it. And I was like, damn. But you're just doing, like, steady rate, steady pace jogging, right? Yeah. So before, we're just looking at my splits for, like, well, I just did it for, like, the mile. It would be, like, 7 minutes and 50, which is, I don't think it's that fast. It's actually pretty slow. For a mile? Yeah. Yeah, it's not that fast. Yeah, exactly. But my heart rate would be, like, that fast.

no but it isn't it's not i know it's not i know it's not and so i mean yeah my heart rate was really up because i because i remember i was jogging and i know i could push myself more but i didn't yeah but still i don't know if you can push yourself more because your target heart rate is the the yeah formula is like 220 minus it's not the best formula 220 minus your age right yeah and then 80 of that yeah so that's like 220 minus what's your age

39. 39. So let's just say it's 180. And then 180 times 80%. That's 144. So you should push yourself to the point where you're getting on the borderline at 80%. And that's like pushing yourself hard. That's 144. 180 is like death. I think the thing is with running, a lot of people get too caught up in the splits and the times.

That really doesn't matter because it's really just about what heart rate you're achieving. Because everyone's going to be different. So some people are more athletic. They're going to be more fit. They're runners. They're going to have faster times, but they're not going to be reaching maybe as high of a heart rate as you would. Because to them, their body is already acclimated and used to it. But if that's the case, like 140 something, I hit 140 something just walking. Yeah.

Do you have a low resting heart rate or high resting heart rate? It's gone down a little bit recently, but let's say half a year ago, it would be around 90. Pretty high, right? That's really high. I forget what mine was, but I know I have a natural low resting heart rate. Because last time I got checked up, I was in Taiwan doing the health check, right? And then they were resting my heart rate. And they say this every time I do a

you know, physical and stuff like that. But the nurse was like, wow, you have really low resting heart rate. So she would start asking all these questions, like see if anything was wrong or anything like that.

Because I don't look exceptionally fit or athletic. So she's looking at me. I'm kind of overweight, a little chubby. She's like, okay. But I just have a naturally low resting heart rate. I was concerned about my resting heart rate. But then I found that it's still normal. There's a range. It's still normal for everyone. It's different for everyone. It's like 60 to 100. It's normal. But over time, I think if you exercise and you get in shape, it'll go down.

It's just naturally, the lower your heart rate is, it's like... There's a very strong correlation between low resting heart rates and fitness. Fitness and health and overall. And since doing boxing and stuff like that, my resting heart rate now I see is around 75. Oh, yeah? 75 to 80. That's great. So it's gone down. Yeah, boxing really helps. Boxing is such a great exercise. Less wear and tear.

you know your heart right yeah each pump yeah it's taken away I think it takes a long time to sort of build up your fitness and so you might be able to run you know pretty fast but it's definitely isn't about the splits

Not in the beginning. No, no, no. Well, it's really never about the splits unless you're competing, right? Unless you're in competition, the splits... Well, you're competing against yourself with time. The splits is just a self-reference so that you know you're improving. Yeah, exactly. That you know you're getting faster. But your actual split time...

Just as long as you know you're improving, that's all you need to know. But the actual split time, unless you're competing or unless you're just a really competitive person, right, with your friends or that, it really doesn't matter. It's just about your own progress and, you know, your own kind of how many calories you're burning and what kind of heart rate you're hitting, how hard you're working, really. If I'm not getting five-minute splits, I'm going to kill myself. I need five-minute splits. I want five-minute splits! Yeah.

I think you can try, like you use the Nike app, you can try some of the guided runs. Like these guys, like, you know, the Nike Run Club, I mean, these guys are... I use the Nike app. Yeah, it's all about running easy. Like I think one thing that was helpful that one of my friends, Joseph, he just did a 50... I saw in his moments, he did like a whole trail run somewhere. Yeah, he did a 50K. It took him 11 hours. It's crazy. It's 3,200 meters. Wow, 50K. Yeah, 3,200 meters. Like he's pretty fit.

And he sent me this thing. It was really good. So when you run, you go through different stages. So first, like you run easy. Everyone will tell you that you need to run easy, right? Like every guy around, like I've been doing this for a couple of years now. So you start easy, you focus on your posture and a lot of things, right? Your self check. And you go through this process and you're checking in on your body and then you want to run light. And then eventually you get smooth and then you get to some speed, you know? So I've been able to get my average heart rate, uh,

And, you know, like seven and a half, eight minute miles down to about 135. And then towards the end of the run, I might hit about 140, 141. And then that's like the peak of like fat burning and then like just fitness. Yeah. Right. So you almost you actually need to control your heart rate into a certain range, which is relevant for you. So like for you, because your resting heart rate is a little bit different. So maybe for you is 150, 160, but you actually don't want to max out.

You want to get in a range where you can sustain that. And then that actually burns fat and has a lot of benefits. Let me ask you something. I don't know if this is just me, right? This could just be all up in my head. But you ever get into a zone when you're running, it's usually during the second half of your run, right? So when I run, I run about like eight kilometers at a time, right? And during the second half of that eight kilometer run,

usually towards the letter, I kind of feel I get into this zone where I actually feel a physical change in my body where I feel like, oh, I'm in the fat burning zone now. You know what I mean? Like, no, like this like tingling sensation comes over my body. Almost every run I have where I feel like, oh, I'm in the fat. I just entered the fat burning zone. I'm in the fat burning zone. You know what I mean? I don't know if anyone else ever experiences this. You literally run and you're like, I'm in this.

No, because I'll get really tired. Because I think there's a reason why people break their runs down to segments. And I think also it has...

A lot too. You know when they say, you know, when you get your second wind or your third wind, you know what I mean? It's usually getting past that first wall to me, unless you're running like really long marathons and there's like many walls that I've never even gotten close to reaching. But for me, it's just like one, two, or maybe three walls that I would overcome within any run I do, right? Yeah.

Getting over past that first wall is almost the toughest, right? Because that's when you're getting tired. But when I hit that second wind, running becomes really easy for me.

Then you get into the rhythm, you get in the groove, and it's usually towards the end of that second wind where it feels kind of good. Yeah, all of a sudden I start feeling like this kind of warm, like really warm. I'm warm already, but notice me warm, like tingling sensation all around my body where I almost say to myself, like, oh, I just entered the fat-burning zone, baby. And then I get even more motivated, right? So then the running becomes even easier.

You know? So I'm almost like... I almost end up like running more than I have to just because I'm like, I can do this. I can keep doing this. You know what I mean? Yeah. So...

Whenever I get past that first wall, get my second win, then everything becomes more downhill for me. I think people who run regularly all have different mental techniques. Yours is you get into this fat-burning zone. For me, it's finding the right route that's just long enough that there's enough variety in that route, but it's short enough that I can...

continue to do that loop so I can't do a track 400 meters it's just too repetitive because you got to do like 12 16 laps just to you know get 5 6k in but I like to choose a loop that's maybe a mile or

Or a little bit less than a mile. So I can go through it. I can, you know, I know that I've accomplished a decent amount, but then there are different segments. So like, so there's scenery kind of. Yeah. And the routine I have now, it's like, I know I can visualize in my head each segment around that one mile route. And so I kind of break it down mentally because essentially it's just breaking it down because it's, it's, it's difficult. It's always going to be suffering.

right you're always suffering it's just like how can you put yourself in a mental state where you can sort of forget the suffering yeah you know so for you it's like the second half and the other thing is i think there's probably a basic threshold of time and distance where you need to run past that for the fat burning mechanisms to start kicking in right so i think it's good they say it's like what like 10 to 12 minutes right

I think it's a little bit longer. But I think it would have to be different for everybody. I think it's about 20 or 30 minutes of cardio before you start. And that's why you want to keep your heart rate at that sort of that limit. I mean, like I can hit 170, 180 if I'm doing HIIT, you know, but I generally don't. But the HIIT helps you improve your splits. So like for the longest time, I had like really poor splits.

And then I did some HIIT and I did some intervals. And then I was able to like, I mean, literally reduce my splits by 20, 30%. And when you say the intervals and HIIT, are you like talking about like sprinting? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like running for 20 meters. Yeah.

running sprinting is probably the most intense workout you can possibly do so you run to it well what i was doing was like i was just running probably for what a year just super slow i was just going at my speed because i was suffering so much and it was just like it was painful but what i started doing was as i got into that sort of a little bit more of a flow then i would say okay just the last five minutes of the run just sprint

And I started doing that. I started incorporating a little bit more. And then what I realized was that I could actually sustain that for a longer period of time. And overall, like the fitness just started increasing, you know? So I was doing like 10 minute, 11 minute miles. Then it went down to like nine, eight, you know, seven, you know, even sub seven minutes. So you, you, you build up your capability, but you have to push yourself. The thing is, it's like lifting. I feel like I don't lift, but I feel like from what I've heard about lifting, it's like lifting where you're,

There are certain moments where you have to push yourself past or near your limit and then that improves you basically recover it raises your see Yeah, they call it Muscle failure. Yeah, right So some people have the principle of you should you know, if we're trying to build muscle build strength You got to push yourself pat like through muscle fail to muscle failure. So like going your max reps, right? As for as many reps as you can do until failure until you can't physically can't do anymore. Yeah, right and

But I mean, with fitness nowadays, there's so many schools of thought and everyone it's everything is so highly debated now in terms of what's, you know, nutrition plans, muscle bulking or, you know, cardio. Everyone has their own kind of school of thought and everyone's going to have their own kind of anecdotal experience in terms of what they believe works or not. And even when it comes down to the science, I think there's so much.

good information but there's also so much misinformation out there on the internet right so if you just go on youtube and look up fitness you're going to get all kinds of advice and not everything is going to be good advice right it's hard to tell what is what i mean look at arnold schwarzenegger back in the day i mean he did the traditional way of bulking up and getting really fit and strong and muscular well i mean that's the definition of fit right so he he was like

bodybuilding is a whole different animal in itself, right? And it's widely known now that bodybuilding is not a healthy sport at all. Those guys are not healthy. That's not a healthy thing to do, what they do. The kind of fat cutting they do and the bulking that they do at the same time and what they put their body through is not a healthy state. And when they're performing and they're competing on stage, they're completely dehydrated.

They're not in a healthy state. A lot of them have a lot of health problems during that time and even afterwards. So it's widely known now. And obviously back then, more so than now, even probably now, but there's a lot of kind of... They're taking a lot of kind of drugs to help them along the way. Getting that juice. So...

I mean, that's a whole different thing. So for us, it's like, what's your intention? Like, why are you doing this? And then once you go back to like, why you're doing this, then you can shape what it is and how you train. And so for me, it's not about competition. Yeah. Well, yeah, but I was just kind of,

Saying how we use this like I don't consider that fit, you know I mean like I have a lot of I like if you want to compete in that like I respect the amount of work and Discipline that it takes to kind of achieve that in bodybuilding because it's really really tough But I wouldn't consider that being fit That's not a fit person to me because they're not healthy and you want to get the guy to you know Run or play soccer play basketball. They're not gonna last right? They're gonna they're gonna burn out immediately, right? so

I mean, to each their own. It's just kind of like what you're saying. It's what you want to achieve. And every sport has their ideal fitness attributes. Yeah. So anyway, talking about fitness. Yeah. I got this today near where the old Frank's was on Ferguson Lane. The spirit of Dublin. Yeah. So this is an Irish whiskey called Tealings. Tealings Irish Whiskey.

So they had a whole bunch there. And I got this one because I wanted to try this one. Because this interested me. Because here it says Ningxia wine casks. So they age this in Chinese wine casks. That's interesting. It's an Irish whiskey brand. Tealings has been around for over 200 years. So they have a very long heritage. They're not like a huge brand. They're kind of like a niche brand. Mm-hmm.

But they've been around for a very long time. They have a very long heritage coming out of Ireland. And the fact that they would make a nice whiskey here that was aged in Chinese wine casks from Ningxia. Yeah, that's interesting. And what is this? What is this? A Chinese character on the side? Or what is this? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this they don't have this on all the bottles. So this is the Silk Road Collection. Oh, wow.

So I thought it was interesting to kind of taste. Yeah, it is interesting. A little East meets West. Yeah. West meets East. Exactly. I thought this was fitting. I'm kind of curious. Yeah, I thought this was fitting for a little podcast here. Let's do it. Well, the color looks different, too. It's very light looking. Yeah. That's yours, Tommy. This one. Look at this color. Look at this color. It's really light. Really light.

It's like apple juice. It smells a little konnyaki, right? There's a little fruity in it. Alright, let's try it. Cheers. We were just like smelling it for like 45 seconds. Maybe not bad. It got really smooth. It's got kind of a weird aftertaste though. You know what I'm saying? I actually picked it different. You don't like it? I don't think it's that smooth. I think it was pretty smooth. Really?

It went down easier to me than anything else that we've had so far on this podcast. Well, okay. For me, I'm not saying that it doesn't go down smooth. So maybe smooth is not the right word for me. It feels a little bit... Let me just do another. Look, I'm not an expert, but it feels kind of like the words that's coming to my mind right now is narrow and sharp. Narrow and sharp. Mm-hmm.

Like, okay, so for example, when we first had the Balvenie, right? When I took a sip of that, I felt like it felt... I see it as shapes, right? So it's almost like a shape coming out like this, surrounding my mouth as it goes down. This one, it feels like it's like this. If I had to use hand gestures to describe a shape, it would be like the planes. So it's the opposite for you. It's like a wide, sprawling... So to you, it's like... Like a plane. Like a feel, like a feel, like a planes, right? Right.

It would feel like, yeah, planes. The planes are very flat, wide, and open. Definitely not narrow. Can you remember what it was like to drink that Belvini we had? The Belvini, I would say, was more like a wave.

If I had to keep using kind of... Can you relate to these gestures? Because I'm visual, right? So I'm seeing these swaths of shapes surrounding my mouth as it goes down. And to me, it wasn't covering... It was not taking up a lot of space. It was not...

The Belveni was definitely a more complex flavor to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is very straightforward. That's why I'm saying very wide, flat, and plain. Well, there you go. So for me, it's... Kind of one-dimensional. That's why, for me, it's like the narrow and like... So can we say, can we agree on one-dimensional? Sure. It's more kind of a one-dimensional. Sure. But it's very one-dimensional, I would agree. Yeah. But I like that dimension. Yeah, it's a sweeter tint. Like, I'm not mad at it at all. There's a sweeter tint to it. What do you think? I feel like it...

Makes my tongue tingle. I can't really. Do you guys like it at all? I wouldn't sip this. I wouldn't choose to sip this. If it's in front of us right now, we're drinking, we're having a conversation, I can drink it. I can enjoy it to a certain extent. I don't hate it. I don't dislike it. It's not something I would prefer to drink. To me, this is very, very sippable. Interesting. Because it goes down like...

Like, easy for me. You know? A lot of whiskeys, if I don't really like it, especially if it's, like, too peaty sometimes, like, I'm not... Like, every gulp is, like... Like, I'm not saying, like, it's a little bit of an ordeal, you know? You know what I'm saying? Like, every gulp is, like, okay. Okay, I just went through that. There's some stuff going on. Like, that just happened to me. You know what I mean? But this is, like, I can sip this all day. And you know what's crazy about it is...

The alcohol content is actually not low. It's 46%. It doesn't taste 46%. No. Right? But it's 46%. So that's interesting to me that it could be a pretty high alcohol content and not yet be that easy to go down. It doesn't... Okay, so I agree with you. It does not go down difficult, right? So in the sense of, is it sippable, as in easy to go down? No.

Yeah. It is easy to go down. I think. But is it very bland? Is it bland to you? No, it's not bland. It's just not interesting. Okay. But thanks for getting it. You know? Fuck you, Howie. No, but I think that's part of the whole thing. It's like experiencing different whiskeys, different opinions. It does have kind of an aftertaste to it. It does. Yeah. And it just kind of hits you. I feel like.

I feel like it hits you and then it just kind of, you know... Okay, so... And the aftertaste is a bit of the sharper kind of... It definitely burns a little. Yeah, it's a bit of like a sharp pin as opposed to like swaths of flavor that kind of... I agree with you. It might not be that interesting, right? So I'm getting... I was getting mixed with... I was getting, you know, mixed with like it being easy to go down as opposed to it being a good, you know, whiskey, right? Mm-hmm.

I like it. It's easy to go down. But I wouldn't say it's something that's very memorable. I don't think it's something you're going to really remember. The taste, right? So a recent one that I had that made me...

And I still remember because I drank so much of it when I was in Thailand. It was the Balvenie 20 years. And we spent some money to get a couple of those. They weren't cheap. And I remember no ice, just straight sipping. And it was just like...

When you described the waves, that's what that was. It was like this really smooth waves of flavor just going down my throat. And there was no sharp pin hitting anything. There's no rough edges, no triangular shapes. It was all circular. It was like a really non-scary rollercoaster ride that you were on. It was a very nice ride. Cheers. What's been on your mind this week? I

Well, more wedding planning, right? Ah, wedding planning. So we got the venue locked down, signed the contract, right? So now Jessica's kind of trying to nail down a wedding planner, a wedding coordinator to kind of go through all the nitty gritty of the event, right? So that's been...

kind of a mind fuck right so cool okay because you just get thrown into this kind of thing like i'm still trying to i'm still processing the fact like fuck i'm getting married soon can we can we talk about this can we talk about like i mean i don't know how much you want to talk about like personally for you but i kind of want to dig in with with marriage for you i mean of course we can chime in but like you know just as somebody who's known you for a while who never ever

talked about marriage, as a matter of fact, was one of the more strong, one of those stronger voices in saying, why do you need to get married now? Like, you know, live your life. Sure, maybe later on in life. Yeah, marriage may come, but you're a strong advocate against it. Well, see, that's where I think... Not against marriage, but against the timing of marriage. So I always knew eventually I would want to get married. I was never against the idea of marriage, right? Yeah.

I was just against, because a lot of, at that time, a lot of people around me, they were younger than me, a lot of them, right? And they were already talking about, oh, you know, like I want to settle down, I want to get married, things like that. So to me, I always thought of marriage as, you know, maybe because I put so much importance on the institution of marriage and so much weight on it that to me, it was something you definitely can't make a hasty decision of.

And what I mean by hasty decision, I think timing in a person's life. And everyone's going to be different, right? Everyone's optimal time to get married is always going to be different for everybody, right? But to me, I think there were definitely a few criteria, right? And they're kind of stupid criteria, but if you really think about it, I think they mean a lot. So one is you have to have enough life experience, right?

before you get married you have to have kind of tasted everything you know the kind of the world has to offer as much as you can before you settle down and get married because what's after marriage kids and then you get buckled down and you kind of live in your own bubble you know so i wanted to make sure that if you're getting married definitely have enough life experience and that includes sexual partners can i stop you for a second right now okay so you're already defining marriage and what

marriage means and what it will bring you after getting married in a very traditional sense.

So who's to say that marriage means having kids and getting buckled down and, and ABCDE? No one's to say that except for most people or most women that we're going to run into. That's the thing. Like, right. So, you know, like if I was gay, if we were gay and we're getting married together, we could have this conversation. They're like, oh, you know, let's think out to the box. Why have, why be like this? You know, like we can do that because we kind of share the same thought.

But most of the girls, a vast majority of women that we're going to meet, or at least that I've met, right, are going to want to settle down when they get to, especially when they're reaching a certain age. We do need to clarify, it is a majority, but not everybody. Not everybody, but definitely a strong, strong vast majority. I would say out of 185 to 90 are like that. What do you think?

At least 90 to me. At least 90. Because I've met a lot that are pretty open to... See, but that's where it gets shady game though. Because before you get married, a lot... I'm telling you, before you get married, a lot of girls would talk the talk. But will they walk the walk when it really comes crunch time? You know, game time, right? And I think no. There are exceptions to the rule. I'm not saying there aren't. But the vast, vast majority...

Like, you know, they're going to talk a strong game before they're like, yeah, man, I don't need to do this. I'm good. They're going to seem like the coolest girl in the world. But once they start reaching a certain age and especially, you know, if their family is giving them pressure or the parents and even they're just feeling they're getting older and then there's kind of second thoughts about like, oh, what if I get too old and it becomes difficult for me to have a child? I'll miss out on this opportunity in life. You know, what if, you know, I'll regret this forever or whatever it is. Right.

Then their mind, their attitudes, and their opinions and their thoughts are going to start changing, I feel. So I feel at a younger age, a lot of girls can talk the talk. But when it really comes down to it, where they walk the walk, and I'm putting my money on most of them, at least 90% of them, no. They're not going to be able to walk the walk. Right? So...

Like take Jessica, for example, like, you know, like we were cool and she, and it still is like, like I couldn't really have met, like, I think a more compatible girl with me in terms of things that we can go. And obviously with any relationship, there's compromises on both sides. Right. But, um, look, you know, she's talking about having kids now and stuff like that. Right. So I think when it comes to it, it's not, how do you feel about kids? Huh? How do you feel about kids?

Eventually. That's the only thing I can say. I mean, not now. I don't think I'm ready for it. And I'm still a freaking kid myself, right? So it's like, I feel like I'm just not emotionally ready to have kids at this particular moment, even though I know I want them eventually, right? But then comes the kind of question, right? Because I'm not getting any younger, right?

She's not getting younger. And the older you get, especially when you're getting your mid-30s, it becomes exponentially harder after you pass a certain age to actually have kids. Biology. Yeah. And, you know, you increase the chance of complications during birth. You know, they go up. They start skyrocketing. Right? So, you know, there's that to consider as well.

But going back to what you're saying, it's not that I can't think outside the box and be like, well, we don't have to think of marriage as like kind of the traditional institutions of marriage and kind of traditional steps of what you have to do once you get married and after you get married. But I just think most women think that way once you get married. Where do you think this is coming from? Is it from them or from the parents, the family? Like, where is this coming from?

I think it's from a lot of things. Many, many. I think it's different for everyone, but they definitely, in my experience, they definitely do get influenced and pressure from their family, from their brain. But I think a lot of it for women, it's an innate, natural instinct to kind of think about bearing children. And...

So on one side is I think a lot of them, a lot of girls just want to have children, just period. Right. Their goal is to find a good man, slow down, have kids, have a family, live that life, be about that life. Right. So a lot of them are really like that. And that's the traditional way. Right. The other, and there's another portion of women, I think, who don't necessarily think they really want to have kids. Right.

but end up having kids because they don't want to regret not having kids. Right. They don't want to get to a place where it's too late for them to have kids. Right. Or they get too old because unlike men, they are much more, their biological clock is, is much more on a deadline than, than for us guys. Right. So, so I think a lot of them end up having kids just because they don't want to regret not having kids.

And then you have some who actually go through and decide not to have kids, right? Or they adopt or they choose other options. So I think that's just how most women feel. Obviously, none of us are women. We don't really know. But that's been my observation. Well, also, I think I want to add something to what you're saying, which is, in particular, Asia or China slash Asia. I always say Asia because Japan is kind of weirder.

Japan's really weird. But let's talk about China because we live here in China. But China's starting to follow a similar trend with Japan. Obviously, not as... And the percentages are not as high as Japan in terms of people choosing not to get married. But it's climbing now. Which I just want to piggyback on that because especially recently, recent being a one-year window, I've noticed when I...

Because my job, I work with a lot of different companies. And a lot of these companies, like the production staff, they're younger than me. And a lot of them are female. And I don't know if it's because of my industry, creative industry, or not. But a lot of talks, we'll shoot the shit and talk about marriage and dating and stuff like that. And a lot of them all have this whole...

Dude, I don't need a man. Like, I don't need that at all. Like, I don't need to have kids. I don't need a man. I'm not a lesbian. I'm not saying I'm a lesbian, but I just don't need it. You know, like, I just want to achieve things. I want to see the world, you know? And I've noticed that difference, especially this past year, as opposed to, you know, years before, where I would hear that a lot less. So I definitely agree with you in terms of,

China, there is this change happening because you're going to have this rebellion against traditional values and traditional thought. And that rebellion is coming to fruition. That's all it is. You know, and it's not just like a rebellion that we can see of like, you know, hear me roar. But like, it's a very quiet rebellion.

Well, the rebellion, as you're putting it, is coming on two fronts right now, actually. So one is in China, more and more young people are deciding not to get married or getting married much later. So that's on one front. The other front is of the people who do decide to get married, the divorce rates in China are starting to out-

get higher than the marriage rates. Right? Yeah. So, so it's becoming, and the government is actually recognizing this right now. It's becoming real, it's becoming an actual concern. Yeah. Right? Because they're thinking about, you know, the children and next generation, the labor force. Well, the China labor force in the next 20 years is going to be a mess. Yeah. Just in terms of ratio of elderly people and young people coming into the labor force. Yeah. Because of the one child policy for so many years. Yeah. Yeah.

I was watching a TED Talk the other day. I love these TED Talks, man. They're so great. George Blair West. I'm pretty sure that's his name. George Blair West. So he was talking. He had a TED Talk about how to keep marriages and how to prevent divorce and things like that. So he's talking about...

Well, one thing is he agrees that, you know, you should you should everyone should kind of decide to get married a little later as opposed to young. So he is referring to a lot of research done. So there's a lot of research done in the field of neuroplasticity. And in that field there there's information is the human brain is still growing and

Up to at least the age of 25 at least the age of 25. It's still growing So what does that mean? That means what you're thinking about and how you're thinking about it is changing up to 25 at least Right, so your personality is changing the way you're thinking about things changing So what it means is in your 20s, you're still going through these vast changes in thought and personality and character and maturity, right? so

Your person is almost kind of changing within the 20s. So to kind of lock down and hone down on a long-term committed relationship and vow to be with someone for the rest of your life early when you're 20s is not the greatest idea because you're still going through all these changes. You don't really know what you want. You could want something one year and then you're thinking about it differently the next year, right? And he's referring to...

a lot of studies showing correlation of personality and character, right? So there's very little correlation between your personality from when you're in the age of 20 and when you're age of 50. But there's a very strong correlation between when you're age of 30 and when you're 50, right? So he's doing a lot of research. So

So when you're 30, you're kind of like almost you're matured. You become like who you are. You're you are who you are and your personality is kind of set and you're more stable that way to kind of really find a partner who is also reached a similar kind of state. Right. And there's this less turbulence and less unknown variables in your individual person.

So he's making a case where, you know, getting married later when you're kind of late. What's his background? He's a psychologist, I think. Yeah, I think he's a psychologist. I'm not 100% sure on that. I can look that up. So you feel that this theory is consistent with how you feel? It is consistent with how I feel. But I didn't come at it because he came at it with a lot more kind of

scientific data and research data, right? So he's just saying, look, the research data in terms of like neuroplasticity and how your brain is changing through your 20s is making an argument for this, right? And he's looking at the correlation data in terms of personality. And he's using that as a metric to see like, well, you know, what are the optimal time scheme area, right? So if you're still kind of, if your personality is still changing drastically throughout your 20s,

then that might not be the best time to make these kind of committed long-term deals. Right. How does your personality change though? Because you're changing all the time.

And even after you're, you know, in your twenties, you change. And I think that's part of the beauty. And that's some couples grow even closer because they're changing together and they're growing. And then some, they plateau or one of the partners changes. The other one changes in a different way, et cetera. Well, that's, that's the, he, he also mentioned what he didn't mention, but through my research, there are, there's, there's a counter argument to what he's saying, right? So it's exactly what you're saying is that,

So one is the counter argument to that is, well, if you wait too long, then you're everyone's kind of set in their ways. And within any healthy relationship, you know, there's a give and take, right? There's compromise. So when two parties are kind of too set in their ways, that can cut you can kind of butt heads and that can create a lot of friction.

Whereas opposed, if you're still kind of developing, so to speak, let's say at a young age and you meet someone again, you kind of mold and develop each other. And you kind of smooth out each other's rough edges and you find ways and then you find harmony, hopefully. And you find a state where you can coexist happily and go on.

So all this guy, you know, is saying is that he's looking at the research and what you're talking about are changes through, like, let's say after your 30s, right? Are changes through due to life, different experiences. So that is, of course, everyone's going to change through encountering different experiences and ordeals in their lives. Right.

What he's talking about is you're still physically changing. Like your brain is still physically changing inside your body through your 20s. And that is an uncontrollable, you know, change that is going to physically affect the way you might think or go about things. Right. So he's saying that's just a very unstable time where you might think you want something or think away. Right.

you know, when you're this age. And then a few years later, it could be, you can, you can do a complete one 80. Right. I don't think he's saying that that can't happen when you're older, but it's just that the likelihood of that happening goes down. Yeah. That's all. Yeah.

And he said, because he's using the correlation data, right? So he's saying after your 30s, your personality is much more correlated to that of when you're like 50 years old versus there's almost zero correlation from when you're 20 and you're 50. Right? It's like completely two different people. So...

That's just the argument. So are you second half Justin or first half Justin right now? Are you second half Justin? That's... I think... You know, that's an interesting question because I think I'm in a place where my first half Justin is battling second half Justin. I think first half Justin...

doesn't want to die and second half justin is trying to just smother him out it's like yo it's time take him out it's time yeah second half justin has a green light on him just a hit order and just like you're going away you had your time yeah you had your time you had your run it was a great run you did a bang up job right here's your medal but it's time for you to retire right and

And then first half, Justin's like, fuck that, man. Shotgun in hand. Exactly. First half, Justin's like, man, I still feel good. You know what I mean? I can still do it. I can still do it. And it's like, and I think that battle is happening right now. And that's the best way. What would be the analogy in sports of that? What would be like the analogy there? I don't know if there's an analogy. I mean, I would say it's like,

Think about it, it's like you have a great athlete, right? It's like Michael Jordan, right? And it's like everyone's like, okay, you had a great run, right? You should go out on top. Just go out, leave at your height and go out on top. And he's like, so he retires for a little bit. He goes to baseball, right? Plays a little baseball. But then he's like, man, but those real glory days, my real thing is in basketball. It's in the NBA, right? And he wants to go back. And he goes back and he kills it, right? But then he retires again.

Right. And then, you know, going back to the wizards. So, I mean, that's a terrible analogy, but I think it's that the fact that you don't want to leave. You know, I mean, you want to keep doing something you feel you're good at. You feel comfortable in. And that's your life. I mean, that's like when you spend your whole life trying to achieve something or doing something or being something.

You don't want to go away. It's like Mello still thinking he's 23-year-old Mello. Mello can't even start, dude. Probably, I would say boxing.

and mma right like where you at one point dominate like federer or emelianco or chuck liddell and you gotta pass the torch and but you don't want to pass you don't want to pass the torch and it's really and and that's like one-on-one it's not like basketball it's not like football it's like one-on-one and you know i mean these guys they got knocked the fuck out yeah you know yeah so you're chuck liddell

battling yeah well it's like I don't know how much you watched UFC but recently Anderson Silva right so Anderson Silva he's still fighting well he's like he came back he's still fighting but like he's pretty much passing the torch yeah but he was one of the greatest of all time yeah back in the day so Anderson Silva fought Stylebender right so so

Stylebender has a very kind of similar unique style as Anderson had in his prime. Stylebender has a unique style? Has a very similar style than Anderson Silva has. So he's kind of like a mirror image of a younger Anderson Silva. And he's really good, right? So those two fought very recently.

you know style better one but after they were like they both bowed to each other's a very emotional thing because I think in a way they both knew like that fight was like the passing of the torch right because he was passing to his like this kid who had looked up to him his whole life and emulated his style Anderson Silva style and you can see it in the way they both fight they both fight very similarly right but he's just a much more younger much more athletic kind

Kind of newer 2.0. Stronger everything. Yeah, 2.0 version of Silva now, right? So, you know, so it's kind of like that, right? So it's like they had to have a... Like Anderson Silva didn't just go to him and be like, okay, here's the torch. They had to have a fight. Anderson Silva still wanted to fight him, right? And still try to win. And it was a decent fight, you know what I mean? So I think that's kind of what's going on in me. It's just like the first half, Justin knows...

knows like you know he's gonna have to go but he still wants that one final battle with you just to see like well maybe i can still take you out and buy a few more years you know i mean yeah yeah when's the wedding september this year okay all right good luck first half justin yeah so yeah it's rolling up fast man i think style bender wedding planner i mean style bender style

I'm only saying style because that's his nickname. I don't know how to say it. Yeah, I read about that. I'm butchering his name, so I don't want to say it. So I'm just calling it by his nickname. So can you... How about this? What is the difference between Justin 1 and Justin 2? Can you sort of describe? No, because that's what I'm still trying to figure out right now. I think Justin 2...

doesn't know who he is yet. And, you know, that's in our, in our first podcast, I think that's kind of what I was referring to in terms of this kind of midlife crisis, right? Is that this, this lack of identity I feel I have right now, you know what I mean? I don't, I don't really know. Like just in one, I knew who I was, right? Like I knew I never, I never didn't know what I wanted to do. You know, I had ambitions. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I,

I was always confident. I was always kind of saw my life going a certain way. And for the most part, within, you know, those years, it did. Now, Justin, too, is just like, I'm just kind of like asking, like, who am I? You know, like, what's my identity? Like, what do I do? You know, what does this all mean? So right now, I'm still in the midst of just trying to find out.

who Justin too is. So I can't really answer that question. I wish I could. So how does making the decision to get married factor into uncovering who Justin too is? Cause it seems like Justin too is starting to assert himself. I think, I think at a certain point you just have to start taking actions and putting yourself in positions to test yourself and find out who you are. And I think that,

I think marriage is definitely one of those type of things, right? When you find a person you really love and, you know, you've been together for a long enough time. Like we were dating for six years now before we're getting married. Jesus. Yeah. So we've been living together for almost all that time. So we know each other very well, right? I forgot about this a long time ago.

And then, so I feel like the next step is there's no point in kind of delaying it for me. I feel like I've gotten to a point where there's nothing more to gain from just delaying the marriage, right? So I'm taking that step. I think I'm going to learn a lot about myself going through the process of getting married and after marriage. You learn a lot about your partner. You learn a lot about yourself.

And you force yourself to kind of answer. Well, at least for me, you force yourself starting to think about and starting to put answers to a lot of questions that I've been procrastinating or putting off. Right. And you force yourself to grow up in many ways. Can I add an anecdote on that? Only because Howie one and two has passed. Right. Because I went through that a few years ago. And part of that is.

Passing of the torch right only could happen because I got married. Yeah Yeah, I mean think about it like how was it for you like think about like the passing the torch Let's just look at this timeline for a second, right? So Major changes in my life, right? I did a career change that career change move happened I quit the job about a month before I signed the document with the wedding document and I moved to America for like three months about two months after I got that document and

So right away, to me, that was like a trigger, right? That it was like, okay, I don't need to worry about dating life anymore. Like, because when I say worry, I mean, maybe that's not the right word, but I don't need to consume myself with the single life. I don't know if you were consumed by it, but yeah. You were the one consuming. Yeah, that's right. Well, yeah, I was very into being single. Yeah. And so...

I didn't have to think about that anymore. Like, to me, that was just, like, totally out of the picture. And to this day, I mean, I think I can attest to it. Of course, we have times where we, you know, be like guys and we talk about females and stuff like that. But, like, I mean, at the end of the day, I'm very dedicated. I'm very, like, focused. Especially focused on work, you know, because I'm able to be able to focus on that. Do you find it hard to stay focused? No. Like, no. That's the one amazing thing is that...

I'm able to be focused. And I was, you know, back in the day I was, was it hard to focus before? Yeah, of course. Very, very hard. I was too more, I was more into going out and enjoying myself as opposed to having something a little bit more meaningful in my life. Yeah. Meaning. Yeah. Meaning. Do you find it hard to stay focused? I always find it hard to stay focused, but on different things. No, but I mean, going back again, um,

this whole marriage thing, I hope it's a trigger for you. I hope it's that hump that maybe it's an undefinable hump that triggers your 2.0 takeover. Yeah, I mean, just today, I was in the car and Jessica turns to me and she's like, you know, we're going to get married soon. You should get your driver's license. Because I don't have a vehicle driver's license here. I only have a motorcycle driver's license, right? In China. Yeah.

And so I'm like, oh, fuck. Now I gotta go get it. And she's like, you know... She's like, you're not a kid anymore. You need to get a driver's license, you know? Like, if we have a kid, you're gonna have to, you know... We're gonna have to have a car. You're gonna be driving around, right? And so that just painted a whole picture in my mind of, like... Like, you know, me in a minivan with, like, kids in the back, right? You know, like, child seats. Don't worry. By the time that happens, automated cars. Don't worry about it. I hope so. But, uh...

So that just kind of painted this whole picture in my head. I was like, fuck, this is a whole different ballgame I'm getting into now. And it's just like, it's really time to kind of like step up to the bat. But why don't you, okay, so, because it feels almost like you're saying it in a, whether it's fearful or in a negative way. Like, kind of like, I don't want this to happen. It's not entirely not fearful. It's not negative at all.

I would say it's a hesitant. I mean, hesitant is still a negative term. Sure. Right? So what I'm saying is that what if, I'm not saying you should do this immediately, but what if you try to look at it from the opposite side? What if you try to not, like, just try it and say, I'm not going to hesitate when I think about this. I'm going to think about the good side of it. So, oh, I'm going to bring a new life into this world that I am, it's more than myself. I'm able to, and I'm,

raise a child and and maybe share some of my life values and maybe they can be better than I am than I ever could be you know and then maybe in that way I can focus less on the let's say what's the word I'm thinking of the um the side where you you partake in the

debaucherous stuff and what's the side you know where you always go in for like the hedonistic side the easy fix the fuck man I'm just I lost the words right now easy fix

What I'm trying to get at is because you're able to focus on another person or other people. Self-indulgent? Self-indulgence. Thank you. That's what I'm talking about. So maybe you can become a little bit less self-indulgent because you have other people to worry about that literally you have to worry about. Like you have to. And so if you think from a positive perspective, maybe that will help bring clarity.

in some way or another to release the 1.0. When I do think about it, I do try to think about it in a positive way. Because there's no point in trying to think about it in a negative way. It's going to happen sooner or later. And it is a positive thing, right? My issue with it right now is that because for me, like, I'm trying to find my identity. So many things are up in the air, right? Right.

Nothing's really stable right now in my life. So that's my hesitancy with kind of like kids and, you know, lives that I'm going to be responsible for into the equation. Right. And I understand no one's ever 100 percent ready to have kids. Right. Everyone that I know that has kids and I know a lot of them, a lot of friends having kids, multiple kids by this point, they're never 100 percent ready to have kids. Right. But I

I feel like I'm not even like 50% ready. You know what I mean? It's like, I can live with the fact that I'll never be 100%, but I'll be 70%, 80% ready. Yeah, but okay. But I'm not even there. You know what I mean? I feel like I'm not stable enough to kind of provide, you know, like, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I fear that I don't want to become this kind of resentful older man anymore.

I don't want to become a resentful person, a father, and have that rub off and affect my children and my marriage. Right? That's what I fear. And I don't know why I fear that because it's not like I feel resentful right now. I just... But I've seen it. And I've seen it personally. And I don't want to become that. I don't want to get older. And because of a lot of my own shortcomings or...

or what I feel are shortcomings, feelings of self doubt and inadequacy and whatever it is, your own demons, right? I don't want that to manifest in just outright resentment and end up becoming like this miserable guy, this miserable father, miserable husband. And that's what I fear the most. I don't want to be that and I don't want to be that to the people I love.

I definitely don't want to ever end up in having to have getting a divorce or having people divorce me. Where does this fear come from? Because I've seen it, you know, I've seen it in people that are close to me. I've seen it in my family before, you know, not my immediate family, but in my extended family. Can I ask you something? Have you ever...

sat down and really thought about or even write down what kind of resentment could happen or what kind of regret could happen and

I don't think that's possible. I don't think that's a possible exercise because you never know. I mean, things manifest in you in ways that you could never imagine. Just like, take me now. Things that manifest in me today, I could never have foreseen or imagined. But if you think that way, I mean, nothing in life will ever get done. Yeah, but that's why...

You're asking me, like, why am I going forward with marriage? Why am I getting married right now? Well, it's because I understand that. And nonetheless, you got to keep moving. You got to keep trucking on. You got to keep putting yourself in positions to better yourself. Right? And so that's why I said that. You know, like, I feel it's time for me to get married. You know, there's no other option.

benefit in delaying and I feel marriage as well and those things to kind of really find out more about who I am who Justin 2.0 is right and that's going to be that's going to be a big test you know so you know that's just one thing right so that's on the personal relationship side and you know there's going to be other things coming along that are going to be more about you know professional career wise you know you're going to have to put I'm going to put myself through tests and

on that front as well. So that's going to be a big part of life. Right. And hopefully those two things can balance out and, you know, I can find some sort of harmony in that and, um, and live a happy life. You know what I mean? I think that's what everyone's looking for and just in their own ways. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's, that's what I want to do. And what really scares me is like,

Part of, you know, part of doing a lot of research about marriage, you know, like start reading up on, you know, I started going down the rabbit hole of like kind of like divorce rates and shit like that. Right. And this is fucking crazy.

So divorce rates in the US are like 40 something percent now, 45, 46 percent. Closing in on 50 percent divorce rates. So that's just insane. In China, it's growing. It's like 30 something percent right now. What? Yeah. In China, it's 30 percent. Yeah. It's getting crazy. It's getting crazy. Divorce rates are outgrowing marriage rates right now.

You know, okay, so I just want to say something that I don't know if you guys have noticed. So you saying that, it's also making me think, okay, well, it makes sense. I've met maybe six or seven people in the past year that are divorcees.

that have kids. This was in China? In China, single parents. They were like, yeah, I mean, do you have any good guy friends? That kind of thing. But make sure they're okay with the girl having a kid. I hear that a lot. And it's like, once again, this is something that...

Four or five years ago, I didn't really hear that much. I think a lot of it is attributed to, number one, divorce rates in big cities like Shanghai. We are in Shanghai, so Shanghai is a little different. Are much higher than they are in the rural areas. Yeah, Shanghai is a little different. But divorce rates across the world are always higher in cities and more populated major cities than they are in the less suburban areas, right?

So that's number one. Number two, I think there's a lot of different factors that kind of led up to the rise of divorce rates in China. One of them

is uh the fact that you know governmental policies have changed regarding divorce so it's easier now to get divorces in china so the policy policy changes have helped actually um divorces become kind of easier and less humiliating in a way because i think in order to get divorces back in the day here you used to have to kind of um

have to get some sort of slip from like your employer or something like that. Employer? Yeah, something from your company or wherever you're employed. You had to get something from them, right? So you had to let people know that you were getting a divorce. And that was humiliating for a lot of people. Now you don't have to do that anymore, right? So a lot of policies like that have changed, leading people to just more easily kind of commit to a divorce, right? Number two is, I think, especially in the major cities, right?

women have become a lot more independent financially. A lot more women are just making better salaries. They can support themselves a lot better now. They're just more independent in general. There's less dependency on the male in the relationship, especially financial dependency, where before they were like, well, maybe they would think about getting a divorce, but I can't because I wouldn't be able to support myself.

I rely on this person. So they just turn the blind, they turn to other, you know, cheat. Right. So now because of more independence for women, they can, they have the freedom of choosing to get divorces more easily. Now, um, three, I think it's, um, I think the, the old, the previous kind of one child policy in China has made it so that a lot of the, um,

Kids growing up during that time, which would be the people who are of age to get married now, grew up as a single child in their household. And they were overly coddled.

I think. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Right. So that was kind of a whole issue in itself. Right. The single child in the Chinese family, especially the son sometimes. Right. Getting overly coddled, getting very spoiled. And they don't have a sibling to really kind of interact with and learn a lot of kind of like social skills, like sharing and things.

things like this at an early age, right? So they kind of get everything they wanted from the parents, very protected from parents, very spoiled. And they never really learn how to interact health in a healthy way with other people, right? So I think that had a major effect on both the men and the women who are of age now to get married. So now when two people who kind of grew up in the one child policy, right, when they decide to get married now,

They run into a lot of difficulties in their relationship because of these character traits they grew up with growing up as a single child. So they all have to get their way. So now you have a guy who has to get his way, a girl who has to get her way. And now they have to. And like we said before, a relationship is give and take. It's about compromise. A lot of these things. And they've never learned those skills before.

right they don't have those skills so now when they're forced to now shit hits the fan and they can't hold a healthy relationship right so i think that has a lot to do with it as well you know i'm saying oh yeah yeah so um you know it's a complex thing right now but it's i've been through it i've been through it yeah do you want to share your experience about it

Why aren't you married yet? I think we've been through all this. Why aren't you married yet? We've been through this. You know. Why aren't you married yet? Why am I not married yet? Yeah. Putting me on the spot. I don't know. I don't know. Think about it. Like, you know, you've dated a lot of people. You've had some... I wouldn't say a lot. Not a lot, but you've dated people. I mean, you know. Yeah. Dated some people. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't think my story is that much different than Justin. I mean, you know, it's probably like there's a phase shift of, you know, a small amount of time, you know? So I don't think it's too different from yours. I think you just have to figure out you. I think you have to figure out who you are and what you want and what your priorities are. And I think you're, you know, the Justin 2.0, the Eric 2.0 has, um,

assigned much more importance to things of meaning and things of, you know, that are, that are more longterm and you have to get to the point where the, you know, if it's an arm wrestling match, right, you're, you're,

Justin 2.0 develops enough strength and character and really is able to overcome the, you know, the, the Justin 1.0, you know, and then when that sort of happens, the way you make decisions is different. I think it's also luck. I think the fact that you met Jessica when you did, you know, I think that that involved two things. First is you probably haven't met anyone like her before, right?

And you were lucky enough to meet her at the time you did. Right? If you think, really think back, you probably didn't meet someone like her earlier on. And you were lucky to meet her at that particular time. I think I was lucky to meet her at all. At all. Yeah. But had you met her before the time you met her, you might not have capitalized on it. No, I probably would. I wouldn't have even been ready. Yeah. I wasn't in that state of mind. But you would have known...

And there would have been regret because you would have known at that point or you would have recognized that that person was something special. And so you were lucky, like you said, that you met her at all and you met her at the right time. So I think for me, it's the same thing as meeting the right person, meeting at the right time and then being able to understand what you really want in your life. You know, so I don't think it's a tough answer to come up with. It's just where you are in your life, though, is not something you have 100 percent control over.

You know what I think? I think you just gave a masterclass on dancing around the issue. I think that was a brilliantly executed, right? Well, thank you very much. That was a brilliantly executed masterclass on how to dance around the issue when you're put on the spot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to throw my hat in for 2020. Andrew Yang's not going to be the only Asian American. Dude, Andrew Yang, dude.

I want to, I think I want, I want to have a podcast where we kind of talk about him because he's a really interesting cat. Yeah. And not just because he's Asian and you know, yeah, Chinese. And it's just, it's like, I think it's not just because, you know, three other Andrew Yanks too, right? Yeah. Just,

Just to be clear, the Andrew Yang we're talking about is the American Andrew Yang. Going for presidency. I was having a sip. My mind wandered for a second. And then it came back with Andrew Yang. And then I was like, which Andrew Yang are you guys talking about? Because I'm like shuffling through all the Andrew Yangs I know. And then I realized it was that guy. Yeah, we should talk about him. Maybe not today. But I want to talk about his beliefs. I'll be interested to see what you guys feel about him. Yeah.

I think it would be a good topic. Back to marriage. Why aren't you married? Why aren't you married, Eric? I think we're getting to the end of the episode. I'd like to bring the focus back to the man of the hour, Justin. Any sort of final words as we move into... I think I've talked about myself a lot in this episode. I think I've opened up

Let's turn the question on you. I talked about my zone. I know you have. I'm not saying you didn't, but we can come at it from a different angle. Sure. He's not married yet. I'm about to get married. You're already married. Yeah. So we're all coming from kind of three different places, right? Yep. What is life post-marriage like? So far, how long have you been married already? It's been about, well, three years now. Three years. Yeah. That's a good amount of time. Yeah, just...

Just past three years. So what would you say would be the biggest differences pre and post marriage, if any? Biggest difference is I would say that pre marriage, even in the dating section of our relationship, pre proposal, all that stuff, I would still lump that as single life, honestly. And because that mentality was still...

Maybe I'm trying to figure out what I want to do. Maybe I want to do this. Maybe I want to do that. It's just scatterbrained. I mean, that's the best way to say it. Whether it's sexually, whether it's professionally, whether through anything, it's scatterbrained. After proposing and up to the point of getting married, I started to bring that scatterbrained pieces and start pulling them back a little bit. Post-marriage, I feel like that scatterbrained has formed into a brain.

you know, and that brain is, I mean, there's still pieces floating around it. It's not like a perfect for perfectly formed brain,

It's still a little bit scattered a little bit like pieces here, but it's it's you can see it's a brain before It's like it's a mess of shit. And so with that in mind, it's like Marvin Yeah, so now I'm fiction. I'm very focused, you know, it's it's a clear picture, you know of where I'm going towards So whether that's professionally I made that decision to change my life and I'm going towards it Whether it's the way I live my life whether it's my value system whether it's all that stuff is

I was a guy that had no idea what I was doing. I was just living. I was just an amoeba. Now he takes cold showers every day and runs. Yeah, so now I'm just constantly trying to prove myself. I'm trying to do things that have more meaning in my life because I feel like I have this person that I call my support system that I know will be there to love me. It's a very strong feeling because if you don't have that,

You're constantly searching for that comfort. You're constantly searching for that quick access. I couldn't agree more. It's nice to say this even as a young kid. When I had girlfriends, I would tell my friends, it's really cool. I think I said this right after I had my first official girlfriend. For some reason, it always stood out to me, this memory, this moment.

But, like, after I actually officially had my first girlfriend, I was really excited about it. It was my first girlfriend ever, right? And I told someone, and I was like, you know what? It's really cool to have a girl in your corner. You know? It's a really good feeling to have someone you know is in your corner. It's like a general feeling, right? Yeah. Yeah.

And, you know, like if we're doing a boxing analogy, it's like a fighter. It's like a boxer. You have to have your people in the corner, you know, your coach or whoever, your trainer in the corner when you're fighting in the ring, right? You're the Mickey to your Rocky, right? So I think that's a really important person. And that kind of support system is a big deal just in human life. I think us as human beings, right?

we're wired that way, we've evolved that way where we need that kind of support system and interaction with someone on a deeper level, more than just having friends. Friends is very important, having a social life is very important. But having at least one person in your life that kind of is deeper than that, it's like really there for you when at the end of the day, when the curtains close and the lights are off,

And, you know, the audience is gone and everyone's away, you know, having that one person who's, you know, kind of stays behind and is there for you. I think that's, you know, I think that's what everyone is searching for. And I'm going to add on to what you're saying because I can picture other people saying, well, yeah, you have a girlfriend. I mean, you know, if you have a long-term girlfriend, isn't that the same thing? You know, but I can come right in and say, no, it's 100% not the same thing because you

Marriage, like what is marriage? Marriage is making something official. It's making a promise to each other. It's letting everyone around you know that this is a done deal, you know. And don't underestimate the power that has on your subconscious. Mm-hmm.

I mean, because you're asking me this question and I'm digging into my mind right now, I can see the big difference between how I felt when I was just dating her and how I feel now having married her. And obviously, you know, we've had our ups and downs, right? And to me, it's only making us stronger.

You know, especially because we made that vow. We made that vow. We have. Well, I think right now, but like we have just being a close friend of yours, obviously, I would know is that you guys were able to do something that a lot of couples would maybe have a difficult time doing was that through your issues and through your problems, you guys kind of had an open line of communication. Not all the time, but you guys made an effort to communicate. Yeah.

and to work it out and recognizing that there is a problem instead of just having it be kind of like the elephant in the room and not talking about it, which is a lot of relationships. Right. Um,

you guys kind of recognized the problems and you guys confronted it. And I know you in particular, you made a big effort. Um, but so, so did she, from what I understand. Yeah. And, uh, you guys kind of had that communication to kind of, and put in that effort to work it out. Whereas opposed to other relationships, they might be,

They might feel it's too awkward or find whatever excuse and just let it be kind of the elephant in the room, that cancer that just festers. Or break up. Because don't even try to fix it. Because it's easier just to break up. Exactly. You know? So I want to add to that is, yes, her and I hit some road bumps and some major road bumps. And now we're really good.

But we're really good not because we have a resolution to the problems, because there is no resolution. We're really good now because we both established to be open-minded, to work together to overcome. And the answer is not there yet, you know? And just having that mutual understanding fixed a lot of things, which is kind of weird.

Because in relationships, right, you get very specific with like, oh, this is an issue we have. For example, maybe it's communication. Maybe it's you don't appreciate me. Maybe it's, I don't know, something sexually. Maybe it's something emotionally. I don't know. Whatever it is. There are specific, you know, you always leave the toilet seat up. I don't know. Whatever, right? You don't appreciate my parents. Anyway, so there's all these specific reasons that couples may have. And they'll be very specific with it. But sometimes it's not about...

Fixing that specific issue, because if you take away that specific issue, there's a bigger picture behind it. And maybe the bigger picture is working together, right? Listening, understanding each other and growing together. And that, and as long as, you know, both people can verbally and emotionally and physically come to terms with that, then you can kind of,

move on from any problem you have. I think that's where we kind of came across, you know, because we had some issues that there is no real answer to. There is no answer. And we both admit our own issues and problems that we cannot overcome. So then what? What, do we just break up and just, that's it? No, because I wouldn't want to live my life without her, you know? So that's not a compromise I want to make. So what then? And then she realizes the same. So how do we overcome that issue?

Maybe for other couples, these certain issues is the straw that breaks the camel's back. But for us, it's like, well, no, it's not going to break our camel because to us, we have other things that are more important. Your camel's got a strong back. Yeah, our camel's got other priorities. And realizing that and realizing that, okay, well, we do have issues and they are important to us. Well, let's work together to move forward without knowing how to bring a resolution to it.

And that's the path we're on. And I think like we've gotten along so much better in the past four or five months since the issue has come across. Well, the fights that we had. And I mean, you guys know, I mean, I've talked to you about some of my problems that we had. You know, we've moved on from it and, you know, we're back to being a good couple again. So, I mean, it just shows a lot, you know, I mean, I've definitely learned, I've grown so much being in this relationship.

Yeah, I mean, I think that's just really fortunate, you know, because I think there's a lot of couples out there that wouldn't think that way, that don't think that way. And like you say, these are the kind of things that, you know, the easy way out is just kind of break up, wipe the slate clean, right, so to speak. But that's the easy way out. And, you know, that's something...

That's a situation I don't ever want to have to find myself in because I waited this long to kind of commit to somebody. And I didn't wait this long for no reason. I wanted to make that right decision. And so when I got into that whole rabbit hole of divorce, it's just like... I mean, that's just a really dark hole to go down once you start doing all this research because it's really...

It's the statistics right now. It is really really bleak, but I think your mentality is fine I think don't don't think about it too much because as long as you have the mentality that Obviously you're not going to run away from problems if they arise You're you personally because you're in control of yourself are gonna do whatever in your power to move forward with your relationship and and and try to overcome obstacles to the best of your ability and

The next thing you can do is only express that to your partner and hope that that partner is along for the ride and have the same mentality as you. Having said that, find comfort in that. And then if, by chance, it comes to a point somewhere in the future where things are reconcilable and harmonious,

you know, you cannot do anything about the problems you have, then you face it. But just have the comfort in your mind that, you know what, I'm gonna go forward with someone I love and together we're going to face all the obstacles. That's it. Right? Like, fuck the research, fuck all that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't put too much. I just, you know, once you go down that rabbit hole, it's just like, you know, you get sucked in. Don't even look at that rabbit hole. Notice that there's a rabbit hole and just... Yeah. Cheers. Cheers. So why aren't you married?

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