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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.
This is a Rooster Teeth production.
Best wishes all you Briganox! Tunnel your way into the stinky dragon, sip on our latest libation. Cast the first wish stone. Mmm, some mixture of minor milklusion, a casting of caramels into stone, heavy soul-like cream topped with toasted fairy fire cream.
One pour of this pickaxe percolation, you'll quickly work your fingers to the stone. Previously, our adventurers found themselves face to face with the Farney family and eventually climbed up into the clawstread.
Next they lapped in luxury, came upon curious creatures, and partook in prohibited pursuits. Then they traveled to the Triclinium for a convention and came upon a kindred countess. Draw yourself a drink, and let's dive into this dank drama. ♪
Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stingy Dragon. My name is Gustavo Sorolla. I'm the Dungeon Master of our future party, and I'm going to hit them with an arrow. We made so much progress last week, though. Here's an arrow. If you were sent back to the beginning of the campaign and met your level one self, what sort of advice would you give them? I'm John Reisinger, and I play Matty Conficis, the Arakokren Ghost Monk. And I've learned that if you just want to go first, you just got to speak loud and quickly. Ha ha.
Or talk at all. Just do it. That's a real lesson for life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I were to go back in time and meet myself before this adventure, I obviously, without even thinking about it, would tell my former self,
change nothing, you're perfect. You are. And just to confirm, in about a week or two, you'll still be perfect. You'll be even better perfect, which should not be possible, but it's still, you manage it because you are amazing. Goodbye. I've never related to Matid more in my life. You know what? That is one of your superpowers, Gus, is you have self-confidence that I wish I could slice off a piece of...
Just do it. It's like going first. Just talk. Just do it. Yeah. Your only downfall is if someone tries to compliment you on how good you are. Then you don't like that. Best DM ever. No, no, no, no. This is kryptonite. Gus is confident in himself until other people point out what makes him good. And then he's like, no, no, you're wrong. He turns his cam off. I'll go next. Hey there, it's Blaine Gibson. And I play the tiefling rogue. Level seven chip haney, oh.
Sorry.
Voices today. And that's, that's if I had to talk to my, you know, level one self, I'd say you got to pack more tidy whiteys chip. You didn't bring enough. All right. You've been wearing the same ones over and over for the last week and a half, two weeks. They're getting stinky. They're getting rancid. They're getting a little hard, you know, you know, and like you wear clothes for so long, they kind of get a little starchy from your natural sweats. No, just me. Oh,
Okay, well, anyways, I'd say peck more underwear. That's why I don't wear underwear. Oh, no. We've confirmed Barney has underwear. Oh, yeah, that is confirmed. It's canon. It's canon.
Only wear underwear. There you go. There you go. That's accurate. Only wear underwear and your chain mail armor over that. And also say, get ready for the most traumatic experience of your life. Your wife will die. It will be sad, but also pack underwear. Yeah. So is Chip during downtime, during short or long rest, I guess during long rest, Chip's not washing his underwear. Yeah.
Carol did all the laundry for me. I did the lawn and she did the laundry. It just kind of worked out that way. And I've just lost my abilities. You're doing the lawn during long rests then. Yeah, yeah. He just goes around just like Moe's. Every time we have a camp, oh, Garsh, you wake up, it's got fresh flower bushes. Oh, Garsh. And the nicest cut.
grass, Kentucky blue. Oh, I think goofy is making his way into today. There's some goofy happening in there. I was kind of thinking about what chip was saying there with his, you know, thighs and his power walking. Would that mean like the inner part of the thighs would be rubbed away? Like super thread bear. Oh, bring talcum powder, bring baby powder. That's the other piece of information. The big three underwear, your wife would die. Talcum powder. All right. Who's next?
Hi, I'm Chris Damaris and I play Barney Varney. The human cleric. Advice to give to my... Oh, to be young again.
A week younger? I'd say appreciate your youth. Every moment is precious, you know, and when you get older, you know, things just don't work the way they used to. You know, you don't recover as fast. So just, you know, appreciate every moment of your youth. One week. What doesn't work as well now for Barney that worked better a week ago? Money.
Both of them. So that's a minus one on the AC for Barney then. He's not as lost to dexterity. I was going to say it was that drop that we made into the sewers on like episode like three or two. It hasn't been the same since. I also like how he's referring to his younger self and it's like a week ago at this point. Yeah. Yeah.
Hey, it's all relative. Very nice, Barney. Are you done with your confession booth? Okay. Hello, everyone. It's me, Alka Von Brass, star of Stinky Dragon Podcast. Here back for another week. Thank you for the subscription. Played by Barbara Dunkelman. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of Brass.
And I play the half-elf vampire barbarian, Elga Von Brass. And I think, you know, if I had to go back to tiny little Elga, tiny little level one Elga, I would tell her...
Don't divulge that you are a vampire to Barney. Maybe let him think that you're just a normal little girl who lives in a place full of vampires and keep the peace. Not tell him earlier. Just don't tell him at all. At all. Gotcha. Because I don't think he would have figured it out. I will say, though, I think that that's helping destigmatize the undead in Barney's eyes. That is very true. Let's do a temperature check, Barn. Yes. How are you feeling about the undead these days, huh?
Yeah? This is a difficult question. It's a difficult question. How big do you need to make this sound? Yeah. All right. Well, that was the check. Good one. All right. I care deeply for Alga. Aw. Thank you, Barney. You heard it here first. Barney Farney loves the undead. Cares deeply for them. His own world.
Maybe that's where my father is going to be and maybe Dracula. I don't think he really attempts this, but maybe he'll
Yeah, you all you know here and then see like a bustling of counts countesses and their families rushing off down the hallway Let's just follow Maybe also Count Vixie might be there too so we should probably go to this but you guys just don't make any sort of scene okay be cool When have we ever made a scene? I ran out of fingers on my hand that I've been counting with I can't think of one
You all make your way down the hall and it's not long before you come upon an open door that leads into a triangular hall with crimson carpet and black stonework. In the center is a dais, which is also in the shape of a triangle. The crowds give no pause and continue to pour into the hall, pushing and shoving you all closer to the dais. And as they do, Elga, you see someone you recognize.
It's an elvish woman with dark features, black hair, and she's wearing a navy cloak, matching double-breasted tunic, along with eggplant pants and leather boots. Around her neck is a red ascot. She's standing near the center of the hall, and her eyes meet yours across a sea of vampiric heads. A look of surprise comes across her face as she moves through the throng of Vainians straight for you with a look of confusion. Pardon me.
But are you Elga? Yes, who are you? I'm your mother. What? I can't believe I'm actually seeing you. What? Mom? What are you...
so many questions. I'm sure you do. There really is so much. Ding dong, bang, boom. Out from the rafters above, a swarm of sprats who descend with outstretched wings and they land onto the triangular stage clothed in red robes. One steps forward.
Oh my god.
Second, if anyone wishes to vote on this year's Vain Variety Award winner, please submit those ballots to your battlers as soon as possible. The crowd murmurs excitedly and you see several counts jot down notes and pass them off to their battlers. Third, there have been reports of suspicious visitors in both Tales of Dark and Clawstrid. Therefore, we advise you all to lock your doors until further notice. The crowd whispers curiously,
And everyone's eyes begin to survey the room. Oh my goodness. Who could that be? Forget him! Fourth and final, a Vainian Vow Tribunal will be held at the chiming of the dawn bells. If anyone wishes to give testimony or provide evidence before Count Dracula's sentencing, they may attend the tribunal in the top level of Vanspire, Fangpit.
It will be held in the capillary. Any questions? I kind of want to raise my hand. Does that mean that Dracula is, like, being tried? Dracula is giving the sentence. Oh, oh, oh. And what's the sentence called, you said? It was... Vanian Vows Tribunal? Yeah. And you hear various voices calling out from the crowd. Who is the accused? We have a right to know. Tell us. Yeah, yeah. Tell us. The accused...
is Count von Braath. No further questions. This convention is adjourned. And with a poof, all the Sprottus suddenly vanish into red mist. But much of the crowd continues to linger, mumbling and muttering to each other. Von Braath, this is absurd. Indubitably, this is all just a misunderstanding. Hmm, quite. Surely Count Dracula should have been here to deliver such devastating news. I don't know. I thought the Loup Luna Noir was a bit understated. My
The crowd vote is certainly going to the Jaculi block. Hmm, talk about a biting finish. And the crowd starts to thin out. Oh, they're talking about the vein variety awards. Yay! Thank you. Someone has made attention. Give yourself an inspiration die if you don't have one. When we used to have school assemblies at Yamford, go Yams, you know, they had cheerleaders and they'd have like fun, like, you know, pep rallies. This, I'm, this is a sad rally. This is the opposite of pep. You know, this is not a school. What?
I thought this was the University of Ania. This is kind of like, you know, like a HOA meeting. Oh, snooze fest. No, this is fun. I feel like Chip would be really into the HOA. I think so too. Use the chair. I'd like to change my answer for the arrow question earlier. Mateed would tell their former self that everybody you're about to join a party with has major family issues and maybe you should not join them and be part of this drama.
Y'all got dysfunctional family weird problems. We do, we do. What the hell are you talking about? Nothing is weird about my family. Micah says, this could be a university. It's the UV. Go sunburns. Boom. Well, Chip wants to turn his attention back to Count Von Brath or Countess Von Brath. There you go. Yep.
I'm sorry. Hey, it's Chip. I've been, uh, I'm afraid of your daughters. What's going on with, I'm assuming your spouse? He's on trial for what? Yes, I heard that the Count was in trouble, so I decided to return to the Vamspire. I'm so happy to see you again, Elga. So, you only came back because...
Papa was in trouble, but you haven't come back to visit me or Evaina in how long? Well, it's complicated. I've always loved you and Evaina. It's just that your father and I were having problems. And after much deliberation, we decided it would be best to take some time apart. So I traveled across Groteth, but I didn't mean to be away for so long.
Nevertheless, I'm here now. 200 years? Yeah, some time apart being a few hundred years, no big deal, you know. Chip, be quiet. I'm sorry, I'm a little bit of a judge. I mean, I just like, Elga's so lovely and he just, you know, I teach their own, but she left their lovely daughters, you know, like that's really sad. I'm very conflicted in emotion, but I still,
I still very much missed you, mother. And she gives her mom like a big hug around her waist. Oh, yeah. She gives you a big hug back as well. Chip joins in as well. Also, these are
So you met Chip already. He speaks for himself. Hi. That's Chip Haney. And then I have my friend here, Matit, Confucius. Bonjour.
They make very delicious, very tasty treats that I definitely enjoyed. Elga, we don't have to keep the ruse up anymore. I understand you don't eat that stuff. This...
It's Barney. Hello. A pleasure. This is my mother. She, unlike a lot of people here, is not a vampire. So you two might get along. Who knows? Wait, what is Countess Von Brath? Is it elf? Yeah. But it's not a vampire. Interesting. So then has she aged? I know that elves have slower, like, aging, but is she, like, has she aged since you last saw her, Elga? Yeah.
- Well, maybe a little bit. - Yeah, it would be, I think to your eyes, it would be almost imperceivable. - Yeah. - 'Cause elves have such a long lifespan. - Do we have that picture still? - I think we did take it, right? Of the picture we found in the- - Yeah, you took it, Elgeth. - Oh yeah. - Do I recognize the picture as being Countess Von Brahe? - You quickly pull out the picture and it does seem to be a striking resemblance.
Well, Mother, I have a few questions. First of all, we found this picture underneath the, in the library room, underneath like a little kind of hidden door in a chest all by itself. Do you know anything about that? She kind of like puts her hands over yours, kind of leans in and whispers, Let's keep that secret for now. She straightens back up and addresses everyone once again. Well, I'm charmed to meet all of your friends, Elga. I'm so glad you made so many friends in my absence.
Now, your father would never forgive me if I didn't invite you all over to our manor for refreshments. How about we talk there in private? And you can regale me with stories about you and your friends. How does that sound? I think it sounds good. Right, everyone? I'm in a...
We do have to figure out kind of what's going on. I don't know why Papa is getting accused of something, and maybe we should try to stop that. I'm a little defensive of Elga, so I feel like I think Elga is actually kind of inviting you back to her home, to be honest here. But yeah, that sounds like a jolly idea. Can I lean in also a bit? What do you know of Count Vixie? Maybe we can discuss that further once we have some privacy. If that's all right with you, Mr. Farney. Let's go back to Savannah.
Yeah. Quiffly and the Countess lead you all back out into the hallway, and while walking, Quiffly leans over to the Countess and whispers something. Why doesn't everyone make me a perception check? Pass this with flying colors.
Nine. 21. 13. 24. Wow. Well, Chip, you don't catch a word of what's said between them, but you do see the Countess nod to Quiffly. Elga, you don't make out what Quiffly says, but you hear the Countess reply, Thank you for sparing us an embarrassing moment in front of our guest. Then Mateed and Barney, you clearly overhear what Quiffly said. Adam...
I took the liberty of straightening out everyone's quarters. And you both also notice the captives mumble one more thing under a sigh, and it sounds like Sferatu. You all press on, and in moments you arrive at the prestigious Von Brath residence. What does the door look like again? Well, the door is black, and it has V-
written in cursive gold leathering and has gems all the way down in vertical patterns. Oh, right, right. Of course. The Von Brath door. Yes, I have a photographic memory of it.
Quiffly opens the infamous door and welcomes you all into the palatial foyer, adorned with an immaculate marble fountain bubbling with blood. On either side of the fountain are two respective chains, one with a ruby handle, the other with an ivory handle. Quiffly chimes in, Fun fact, Count Von Brath spoke of the marble of the fountain himself. A man of many talents. Anyways, may I take any cloaks, lanterns, capes, or towels?
Yeah, I give him all of the costume. I don't want to wear it anymore. Okay. I hold my bum bag of holding upside down and empty out a bunch of underwear and be like, I am in desperate need of laundering. Please. No, no, no. It's just one pair of underwear, but it lands like a brick. Yeah. It's like a plate spinning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a plate. And it's just an awkward sound that we all wait for it to stop.
Nasty. And if Mr. Von Brath has any, I prefer briefs, but I'll take anything at this point. Mateed casts banish on his underwear. No! My undies! Me undies! No! Me undies! Oh, and I see you all well stocked with weapons. Uh...
May I relieve you all of your arms? No, you're good. No, thank you. I hand Quiffly my spear. Okay, yeah, Quiffly's arms are just outstretched for any weapons as well. I'll take any healing you may have. Do you have any healing potions? Magic food? At the moment, no.
My arms are filled with clothing and weapons, but I will work on something post haste. So is the apartment like cleaned up and like tidied up now? Yes, it is more tidied up now. Since your friends were hesitant to hand over all of their weapons, you know, Quiffly leans into you, Elga, and asks, Elga, are you safe? Is this okay? Oh!
Hell yeah, these are my bros. Don't worry, they're cool. Okay, good. Quiffily leads you eastward down a hallway made of glowing quartz into a posh parlor furnished with a marble countertop bar, jasper stone stools, a fire opal chandelier, and an organ with ruby keys. Countess Von Brath says, Please, make yourselves comfortable. Quiff.
Fetch us the bottle of 9:30 Dragione Dolce. A voice calls from the hallway. The 9:30? I thought we were saving that for when Dracula himself come to visit. A young girl with dark features, black hair, and piercing blue eyes silently steps into the room. She's wearing a silk black dress with a blue sash. Ivana? Is that you? My, how you've changed.
Mother, what a surprise to see you after so many years. Avena's attention turns to you, Elga. Oh, and Elga is here too. My dear, sweet sister. I thought you would never arrive. I mean, come home. Avena makes a dash straight for Elga with arms open wide. I miss you. Why are you being so weird? Elga, make a wisdom saving throw at disadvantage. Oh, okay.
Elga's saying the quiet part out loud. Yeah. So six at disadvantage. You're lucky. Avena wraps her arms around you and gives you a super tight hug. It's almost like it's really stifling, so much so that you feel like even once she lets go, it's difficult for you to move, like you're kind of stuck in place. I think Barney would be alert at all of this. Could he take a vibe check on all of them?
Like an insight check? Yeah, you can. Yeah. Well, does that do any... Do I have any conditions that... You can think of it as paralyzed. I missed you too. That's an 11. Yeah, she's acting weird for sure. But all of them, like, not just the sister, but also... I guess, yeah, you'd have to do an insight per person. I was thinking of that as being an insight for Avena. You can do an insight check on Quiffly and then one on Countess von Brath as well if you want. All right. There's a 16, I guess, for...
Von Brath, and then 14 for Quiffly. It seems like, you know, Quiffly's behaving much like earlier, maybe a little more formal. You know, with Elga, he was obviously more relaxed. Obviously, with Countess Von Brath, he's a bit more formal. As far as Countess Von Brath, you feel like maybe she's holding something back. Like there's something more there. Maybe that hasn't been revealed yet. I rolled an insight check on Chip. How's Chip doing? I rolled a 21. Ha ha ha!
I want to go introduce myself to Avina. I rolled a 21 insight check on Chip. What's my insight on Chip right now? What's the Chip vibe? Is this coming from me or is this coming from Gus? No, it's from you. 21 on Chip? He has his right hand extended as if he's prepared to shake hands and he's approaching Avina. What's the vibe? What's the vibe here? If this is a vibe check. Oh, like Danger Sense is going off, but I think Chip...
kind of like susses things out by interaction and talking and getting information. So like, he like, it's a balance of, he wants to be nice, entertaining Mr. Man. And then he also like, the assassin things are triggered. Cause he, I think he knows that something's up with Elga and that she's uncomfortable. Okay. Yeah. I think if Aena would meet that handshake directly, grab your hand and also, yeah, shake it very firmly. Pleasure to meet you, Chip Haney. Chip Haney.
Wow. Tell me all about your travels. How did you meet my sister, Elga? Oh, well, we met at the parade and we just, you know, went on a couple of little adventures, met a dragon. My wife died. How are you doing? So you don't live in Vamps?
Tell me, how long have you been a vampire for? When were you bitten? What was that like? Well, you know, it's hard to remember because it's been so long since I've been bitten because I'm a vampire. Because it's such a pivotal moment in all of our lives. Everyone can tell the exact story of how it happened. Please tell me in great detail. Why don't you remind my friends of when?
You became a vampire first. You talk first about your experience before they answer any questions. Yeah, ladies first. You know that, Elga. I'm not a vampire. I have never been one. Can someone do an insight check on Matide? Because Matide is loving Avania.
Yeah, Avena will do a vibe check on Matide. Okay, so would Elga know then like how Avena's there if she's not a vampire? Avena is also part of the family. Just like before she left, Countess Von Brath was also there despite not being a vampire. So even though they're not vampires, they're still granted access through the family, through the Von Brath family. I would say at this point, Elga, you're starting to feel like a little more loosey-goosey.
Can I ready a spell? Sure. What are you going to ready? Firebolt. Protection from evil. Okay. What's the trigger on that, by the way? What do you mean by trigger? Like, what am I readying for? You're readying something, right. So it's like, what was going to cause you to cast it? Anyone to make any sort of, like, a
aggressive move, especially Elga's mom, sister, or Quiffly, or if there's another third party that enters. If anyone's aggressive, you're going to cast protection from evil. Yeah, or moves too close to Barney. What about an aggressive handshake? Would that trigger it? Yes, could possibly. What I was about to say before you said that was that Avena was going to move over to Mateed and kind of mimic Chip's walk and Chip's handshake, like almost maybe mocking you, Chip?
- Look at that little me. - And walks up to Matide and says, - Oh, and how are you bird person? I'm Evina Von Brath. What's your name? - Bonjour, je m'appelle Matide Confucius and might I say, I am loving your energy. You bring quite a vibe to the room and I am loving it. - Matide Confucius, it makes my mouth so small to say. - Oh, he's so cute, look at you.
Ooh, what about you? I have never seen a vampire that looks like you. A ghost vampire? The combination! How did that happen? Oh, I'm not a vampire at all. Oh. Helga, you didn't tell me your friends weren't all vampires. You didn't know?
Is only Jeep a vampire? I'm a vampire. Oh, you're a vampire too. Yes. And Barney loves being a vampire, doesn't he? Yes.
Go ahead, Barney. Oh, Quiffly's back with the blood. Let's have a drink. Cheers to you. Your friend Cheep seems so nervous. Don't you, Cheep? No, I'm never nervous. I want to play some music on the organ right now and just continue this party going. Chip, make me a wisdom saving throw. Oh, okay. There's like so much we have to figure out in this moment.
that we're not getting to. - That is a seven. - Chip, there's just something about Avena's charm. You can't escape. In fact, you could say you're charmed. - Aw, this is a cute little person. - Yeah, it seems like something about her just really reminds you of Elga, right?
the old man. You, sir, what's your story? My story's for another time. I don't want to bore you. I'd love to hear more about your, uh, you and Helga's, Helga's relationship. Oh, mine and Helga's
That is so funny. That is a good one. You do it so well. Do it again. That's great. I like this game. Elga, your friends, they don't even know your name. I know. Oh, but their stories are so fascinating. I've never heard them before. You think after all of saying my name so many times, someone would remember if it started with an H or an E sometimes.
It's so nice to have playmates back in the house. Who am I kidding? We have four playmates in the house! Now, now, Ivana. These are Elga's friends. Surely they don't want to play silly games. They're too grown up for children like us. Right, Elga? I love silly games! Maybe they're just at the
Maybe they do like silly games. What about you, Jeep? I mean, Count Haney? How about the game of hide and sink? Yeah, let's do it. Do you want me to be the hider or the stinker? Hide and sink. Oh, sink? Wait, how do you play that? I'm not familiar with that.
- It's so easy. I'm going to countdown from 12 and all of you go hide. - Let's do it. - Okay. - Can Barney see how like Elga's reacting to all this? - Yeah, Elga, how would you be reacting to this? - Well, that's a good question because I, like in my head canon, like Avina wasn't like this always. Like it seems like there's something different about her or like she's, I don't know, like reacting different, acting weird.
So it's definitely uneasy or like quizzical. Yeah. And kind of wondering if like the book that we found in her room with the page missing has anything to do with like maybe the way she's acting. More like risical. Look at this little one. She's a little whippersnapper. She's so adorable. Oh,
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All right. So do you all remember the layout of the house or should I just go over that again for you guys? I roughly remember. Yeah, I think I got it. It's like there's a West and East and the West had Elga and Avena's room and like a part in the middle, like a living room space. The unliving room. And then on the East was Count von Brath and Countess von Brath. Countess von Brath's place is where we found the photo underneath the little trap door.
Correct. And it had like the place we're in right now, that parlor room with the piano and the stuff. Okay. Exactly. You nailed it. And then in the middle between them is that foyer where you come in, where the fountain and the chains are. So the way we're going to play it is Avena is going to count down from 12, which gives everyone two turns to,
move and or hide or do whatever you want to do. So let's go and roll initiative just to put a little bit of order here to hide and sink. 21. I roll 5. 12. 18. And I'm going to roll for Avena here. So I got Chip at 21, Barney at 18, Avena 14, Matide 12, Elga 5. Avena goes up to the organ, you know, puts her head down on it, covers her eyes and says, 12, 11, 12,
Chip, you're up first. What do you want to do? I want to double move to the book room where that chest was hidden. I want to hide under the rug thing. Okay. It's close enough where you wouldn't have to double move to get all the way down there. You get there in a single move and then at that point you can start like trying to open it back up to get back under there. And I want to use stealth to make it as quiet because I'm sure that that would be a loudish process and even down to the footsteps.
I want to use stealth to make sure that my footsteps and my movement are untraceable. Okay, make a stealth check. Okay, I have advantage on stealth. That is a 26 and a 11. I'll take the 26.
Okay, is that it for you? Yeah, I'm just gonna hide in that hidden box thing. And since Avena's counting down from 12 in each round of six seconds, that means everyone will get two rounds to do something if you want. Barney, what about you? I'm gonna harness divine power. I can expend a use of my channel divinity to fuel my spells as a bonus action, and I can regain expended spell slot up to level two. So I'm gonna do that for my bonus action. That'll give me a level two spell slot back.
And I'm going to... Dwight, can I tell that Chip's been charmed? There has been no indication of that. Okay. And I'm going to cast Aid. Aid, okay. I think I would cast it on a second level, and I cast it on me and Chip and...
Probably Elga. Okay. And that increases their hit point maximum? Yeah, it increases hit point maximum by five up to three creatures. That's not temporary hit points. That's actually like increasing. Increases their maximum and their current. So basically their maximum goes up by five and they gain five.
Yeah. Cool. Thanks, Barney. GG. Barney, Farnie's everyone's BFF right now. BF, Barney, Farnie, BF, BFF, anyone? Good. Come on. Good. Inspiration day. And then did I see where Chip went? Yeah, you saw him dart to the room to the south. But he was stealthy, though. So even though you saw him go in that direction, you might have to try to find him to see exactly where he is. Come and find me. I think Barney would try and follow Chip.
But give, give an Elga. I think give Elga and, and like a Mateed, like a wide-eyed, like, I don't know, like it's something's not right. Look, and then go follow Chip. Wait, who's seeking in this? Avena. Avena. Okay. Okay. I just wanted to make sure. Cause she also rolled to hide, I thought. So. Well, she rolled a check to see when she's going to go as well. Or like, just so she knows, like in the order of things. And then, yeah, I think Barney would also, when he entered that room, would also check the secret passage. Cause it,
Not that many people, you know, know about it. Would he see Chip in there or? So you're going in and just like that was your goal to go into that room and check the door? No, like to go if he is going to prepare, you know, look to see if Chip's there. And then also then like I think if he's going to hide somewhere, he'd go to that room. Gotcha. So you'd go in there and lift it, but then you would see that Chip is already messing with it. Yeah. Would I see Chip?
At that point, I would say yes, because remember, that little area was so small under the rug. So I guess it'd be like, Chip, something's not right. I know. There's not enough hiding places in this place. I'm having such a great time. It's been so long since I played hide-and-seek.
I'm enamored, remember? Yeah, I know, I know. But would Barney pick up on that? You could make an insight check. This reminds me of during the pandemic when me and my kids were stuck in our tiny little apartment and they wanted to play hide and seek over and over again. Oh my God. There's nowhere to hide. How many spells were they trying to cast? Yeah, my tiny little apartment that has like two bedrooms and a bathroom and that's it. And they loved it.
That was 22? Yeah, Chip seems to be acting a little strangely. A little too enthusiastic about the game. Okay. I already used my spell, so I guess I'll stay near him, but, like, keep him in front of me. Find your own spot!
Okay, that's it. Can I try and hide in that room? Yeah, this room doesn't have a ton of stuff in it, but you can try to find a spot to hide. Do you want to make a stealth check or do you want to wait until next turn? I'll wait until next turn. Okay, so Vena's turn. She's still counting down. Nine, eight,
Mateed, it's your turn after Mateed is Elka. Okay. The circular pattern of these apartments would assume that they'd be on the exterior of the building. Yeah, but there's no windows, I don't think. Yeah, right. Correct. But yeah, it would be exterior. Okay. Mateed will use incorporeal movement and pass through the exterior wall of the building or try to. I'm waiting for Gus to tell me this place is magical and I can't pass through it. No, you go for it.
Okay. And then just hangs out outside and hovers. Let me think about orientation here. You would have to go out. I'll tell you what, make me a survival check so you can determine whether or not you know which side faces out to the exterior wall. Does it help?
that I have keen mind and I always know which way is north, which means I always know which way I'm facing. No, because it's a spiral. So like if the exterior wall, I'm trying to think how in a practical manner, how that works. Like I'll just, you know, birds know how to head north.
towards migration. And so I always know my location. I know which way north is. I'll give you advantage on that survival check. That's a good Gus. I like that man. That's a nice man. That's a very nice man because I rolled a one. Let's see if number two roll. I rolled two ones, Gus. That really is number two roll. Hey, Gus. I rolled two ones.
I'm going to roll a four-sided die here because I would think at this point it's a one in four chance Matide would get it correctly. If I roll a one, you guessed correctly. If it's a two, three, or four, it's in one of the other directions. Okay, fair enough. It's a one. Yeah! Congratulations on your poopy roll, John. Yay!
You know that in order to get to an exterior wall, you would have to go north, ironically, from your current position up through Count Von Brath's room on the far wall and go through there in order to reach the exterior. Wonderful. Since incorporeal movement is a bonus action, I can double move? Would that be enough for me to make that distance? Yeah, you might not even have to double move. If you're flying, you get a lot of... What's your flying move? So much. Just so much. Like...
so much. I haven't looked in forever. It's like 60. Let's just say it's 60. If you're flying, you don't have to double move. Yeah, it's 50 to be honest. Okay, yeah. You're still fine. Yeah, so I'm just having a nice little, you know, I'm getting some fresh air for the first time in what feels like forever in this stupid building. Ha ha ha.
It's nice. It's very nice. Is that it for Mateet? Yes, I use the rest of my turn to pet Gigi and give him little bird kisses. Don't drop him. You hear from that trap door. Marco. Make an animal handling check. Oh, okay. You drop the cat. Yep. That's when Gus kills Gigi. I rolled a one. Oh, no.
No, not for Zizi. He's a ghost. He can't die. You do that thing where, you know, you kind of try to scratch Zizi's stomach, but sometimes, you know, cats aren't into that. So he claws out at you and, you know, strikes at your hand as you're trying to pet him. That tracks. I take that gamble all the time because it's worth the gamble.
Let's see. Low roll bad, high roll good. Do a low roll. Do a low roll. High roll. Over 10. All right, it's fine. You almost dropped Gigi, but you don't. He floats. He floats.
Elga, you're up after Elga. We go back up to the top with Chip. Would I have, having lived here for my whole life, hundreds of years, I should probably know a good hiding spot by now, right? Ooh. Yes. And conversely, having lived here for hundreds of years as well, Avena knows all the spots too. Ooh. Checkmate. Very true. Now I'm worried my spot's not good. It's just the most obvious spot to Avena.
I'm debating, I wanna go, I think I wanna go hide in that trap door. Isn't that where Blaine is? That's where I'm at! Yeah. Yeah. I feel like if we're together. Everybody is going to this tiny trap door. Or actually, no, I'll go to, I'll go to Count Von Brath's room. Alright, so you, uh, head north in the same direction, uh, Mateed went, running up to Count Von Brath's room. Yeah. Yeah, this room, it's, it's decorated with trophy after trophy.
of beast and humanoid heads mounted on the wall. There's a marble shelf with goblets, chalices, stemware. And this one, this room also has a bloodstone font that is empty of liquid. Could I...
How big is the font? We'll say it's fairly small. So not enough for me to get inside of it? You're small. You could fit in there. Okay. Yeah, I'll crawl into the font. Okay. I'll make myself into a little ball. I would turn into a bat, but I can't because it's only once per long rest. Oh, long rest resets it. Because we did a short one. Yeah, it's long rest, unfortunately. Do you have to hold your breath? Slash, do vampires need oxygen to do that? Well, it's empty. It's empty. There's no liquid in it currently. Okay, got it, got it, got it.
That would be funny if I was just like... I'll tell you what. On top of that, Elga, why don't you make me a perception check? Okay. 23. Nice. So, you know, you go over to curl up into the font. And as you're doing that, you also notice that you might have another option. Okay. There's a giant wolf skin sprawled out as a rug on the floor. Maybe you could hide underneath it or inside it, but you can also hide in the font too. I'll do that.
That seems like a more clever, less obvious route than me in a giant bowl. Would you want to go like under it, in it? Is there any specific way you want to try to approach that? Let's go in it. All right. You crawl in the giant mouth of the giant wolf skin and go inside. You used to do that in your younger days, right? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, hide in there, scare your dad. Why don't you make me a stealth check? Actually, wait, no, we'll do that next round because you're getting in this round. Okay. Okay, Chip, we're back up to you after Chip is Barney. You know, you've moved the chair and the rug, you've opened it up, and you're pulling the box out at this point, and Barney's walked up behind you. Okay, there's been a lot of foot traffic in here, and obviously everybody wants to come into this room, and I just had the thought that this is a missed opportunity to... You know that room? I think it's...
the dad's room where it's all the heads are on the wall. I could have put my head through and been sticking it out. So if Mateen wants to steal this, you know like in the cartoons when they, like Scooby-Doo, just stick his head through? John's looking at me like I'm from another planet. I get the results you were aiming for. What my facial expression was expressing was, how do you do that? I don't know. Do you know how to get in the walls? I...
Gus from memory. What kind of roles do I need to do in order to... Are you going to get into the crawl space and then smash your head through a wall? Yes, yes, yes. Heck yeah. Okay. Or I could stay in this, like, hidden trap door room. But, you know, there's no way that the kid doesn't know about it.
You would, I mean, the problem is you would have to break into the wall. We don't know of a crawl space, but maybe we can find... Okay, let's just start. Let's just start doing some rolls and we'll literally, we'll roll with it and see where we get. Okay. Make me an investigation check. Okay. All right. I'm rooting for you, Blaine. Thank you. Just letting you know, you have one cheerleader here. That is a... Okay, that's a one plus four, five. That's a five. He's rolling like me.
I'll say you go, you know, you get the idea and you look up and examine the wall trying to see if there's like a loose brick or loose stone or a way to get in. But you don't see it all seems pretty solid. You think if you want to get in there and do that, you're going to have to smash a hole in the wall. Boo!
I mean... Up to you. Let's do it! What kind of roll do I need for that? With what? We'll say he's, uh, like, brute strength. He's trying, he's like... Well, as a volunteer firefighter, I know how to remove walls in order to distribute the flame and to, you know, stop it in its path. You figure out very quickly that this is not a load-bearing wall. Why don't you make me... I pull out the stud finder and stick it to myself first and I go, it looks like it's working. Uh,
Hey, that's just Blaine. That's not Jim. Why don't you get me? We made a short like that. Why don't you get me, make me a, let's call it a strength check. Strength check. Okay, got it, got it, got it. 14. 14. Yeah, you're able to pull a couple of stones out. Maybe if you make a good dexterity check, we'll say you're able to squeeze your way in there. Yeah, I got great dexterity. I got great dexterity. Saving thrower check. Check.
Check. Okay, just making sure. Just see if I can get you. 18. Okay, yeah. You managed to wiggle your way into the wall. I would say you make me one last strength check to see if you can remove a stone to stick your head out. And just so I'm clear, which room do you want? Do you want this to be coming out of Count Von Brass Room? Well, the room with all the trophies. I want to be like one of the higher up trophies. Let's count Von Brass Room. 16. 16. And make me a perception check. Why would you do this to me?
Okay. Yeah, you're able to do it. You line up, you find some humanoid heads, and from the other side, you remove a stone and stick your head out to try to match the same level. What kind of facial expression do you give yourself? Well, this is an audio-only podcast, so...
like a deer caught in headlights, like big bulging eyes and going like, you know, like my mouth is kind of agape. And you have the horns already. I forgot to ask, when you left the Countess room and you abandoned your initial plan, did you recover the trap door or did you leave it open since Barney was there? Okay, if possible. I know that Barney wanted to check that space, so maybe I would assist him and then like close the door and cover the rug back over so it looks like it's undisturbed.
What do you mean a system? Well, did Barney want to hide in there? I would say, but his turn's after yours. If you're doing all of this stuff, you would have to have done it before. Then I would get out and then maybe put the carpet over in a way that when Barney closes the door behind him, it kind of goes flush with the ground. False. Yeah, it looks like it, you know. Sure. Speaking of Barney Farney.
It's your turn. Then after Barney is Avena. Well, I have a question. Barney understands that Blaine, Chip's been, something's gone to him. Would he have not gotten a chance to roll see if he's uncharmed? Uncharmed? What do you mean? Like for charm, do you not roll to like break it? Like how long does charm last? I think it can be variable. Let me see what the maximum duration. The maximum duration is an hour. Yeah. So it lasts for an hour and there is no like no other saving throw for it. Like he doesn't keep checking. There's no saving throw against it? No. I mean, he already made his save and failed it. Maybe I want to be charmed.
Maybe this is a delightful experience for Chip Haney. Chip's having a ball. All right. Well, then Barney's going to harness divine power to cast Twilight Sanctuary and it fills the area with dim light. So it also makes it easier to hide, I assume, and then do that and also give himself bonus HP, I guess. Barney's preparing for war. Yeah.
Okay, so you're in Countess Von Brass' room by the rug, and you cast Twilight Sanctuary, and this sphere of twilight illuminates around you with a 30-foot radius filled with dim light. Yeah, and I assume they just make things darker for the area. Maybe I don't understand how a sphere of dim light makes the room darker. Yeah, I was about to ask. I said, what?
Were the lights off? I mean, I assume the lights were on so that it makes the lights. Would it not dim the lights? You're adding a new source of light. You're adding a soft light. Okay. I thought it would like it made the light dim. No. Okay. Well, then never mind. But I still do it.
And then I guess with my bonus action, I'll go and get in-- I guess I'll get in that trapdoor thing and use my telekinetic shove to pull the trapdoor closed and stuff behind me. Oh, that's smart. What are you gonna do with the box that was in there? Didn't we take that? No, you took the picture that was in it and then you put the box back in. Okay, and there's not room for both of-- it's just the box, huh? No, it's a very tight space.
Okay, then I'll just try and hide. I'll leave it where it was, but I'll keep the rug open so it looks like it was in there and then hide somewhere, like someone's been in there and then hide, I guess, somewhere else in the room, if that's possible. Sure. Let me read you a quick description. So it's a room filled with bookcases, shelves of books, tomes, maps, sky charts, and scrolls. There's the rocking chair, the rickety rocking chair sitting on top of the rug. I guess maybe you could try to...
hide over by like the bookcases or behind a bookcase or something? Yeah, I guess I'll try and do that if there's a spot where to hide under the bookcase or there's like a spot in here I'll go to the other room and hide the one that Chip went into with the heads. You tell me. I feel like you're already doing a lot of things. You're, you know, casting. You're looking at the space under the rocking chair. You're looking at the bookcases. Commit, Chris, commit.
Yeah, yeah, sorry. From Barney's memory, would he know of a better spot with a better hiding spot, like in the other rooms? That's subjective. Make a wisdom check. Does he get advantage because he's an old man? He gets advantage because he's a cleric, so wisdom is his forte. That's a 20. You think that your best bet is either going to be in this room or in the count's room? A
but you worry if going to the council room may take so much movement that you may not have enough time to hide. All right, then I'm going to hide in this room and I guess behind the bookcase as best I can, if that's the best spot for him. He just topples the bookcase. He like holds a book in front of his face. I am a book. Make me a stealth check, Barney.
I have disadvantage on that. Oh, right, because of your armor. That's a 10, so probably not great. And make me a perception check as long as you're at it. 18. Yeah, you hide by the bookcase, and you realize that a lot of these books are in unrecognizable languages to you, but it seems like they're all relevant to you, or they're all related to the subject of different schools of magic, like conjuration and divination magic, and things having to do with the planar arts.
It's Avaena's turn. Six, five, four,
Matita, after Matita's Elka. Are you still outside playing with Gigi or anything else you want to do? I'm going to take another stab at this animal handling check. John will not let that slide. It's a 13. Okay. Gigi releases and does that thing where, you know, the kitten puts its paws up and then kind of like playfully pounces on you or, you know, closes its paws around your hand when you scratch its belly. Yeah, yeah. And I feed him a little piece of old croissant.
Ooh. Is it a ghost cat? Yes. Does it still like food? I don't know. All right. I like to imagine Mati just went back to, to perish or whatever. Yeah. I don't want to like tempt fates, but I almost want to like roll like a, like a D4 and just decide. Yeah.
You could be at Parish by nightfall. You see it like way on the horizon. I can see it. It's there. Oh, it's so nice there. There were no doors. It's just everybody was a ghost. Wonderful cheese. Simple times. You pull up Thrill-O or some home buying app to see what the listings are like there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think about franchising, you know, my patisserie. No, I don't know. There's nothing I want to do. I'm going to work on my flying tricks. After Matide Elka. Oh,
All right. So, yeah, you're in the warm safety of the dire wolf skin or the not dire wolf, the giant wolf skin. Yeah. Oh, sorry. I just read something on my inventory things that I could do to just use this time just for benefit. I have the muffin of stardust. Apologies, Barbara. No, go for it. I can use a bonus action to regain key points equal to a roll of my martial arts die. What's a martial arts die, Gus? Let's see here. All right.
Okay, so as you gain monk levels, your martial arts die changes depending on what level you are. So what level are you? Level seven right now? I think I'm level 15. It changes color. Sometimes you start with green and then you move up to like a red or a blue. Eventually you work your way up to a black. Yeah. At level seven, your martial arts die is a D6. Okay.
I'm going to trust you on this one this time. Mm-hmm. Once you hit level 11, that's when it changes to a D8. Okay. I got three key points back. That's powerful. Yeah. It's a good muffin. Delicious. All right. I'm done playing with my muffin. You may go, Barbara. All right. Elga. I don't have a muffin. I hear that in a distance, and I feel a need to provide a muffin. Okay.
I guess I just keep hiding? Sure. You can make me a stealth check to see what your hiding is like. I don't think I really have anything that could help me in this situation. I don't think raging is going to help me very much. Stay hidden. Yeah, so I'll just do a stealth check? Yeah. Okay. You don't have any forms of the beast that are really good at hiding? I'm going to use my inspiration die. Okay. Which roll? That was only a 10. 10. Oh my god. Could I keep the 10 or do I now have to have the fail? Fail.
I'll let you pick from between them. I'll do my 10. I rolled a one for a three. Dusty down there. She sneezes. This is a cursed episode. That's a lot of ones rolled in this episode. We had a lot of 20s the other week. Now we've swung back, you know, to the other side. Balance is being restored. A dice.
And Mateen, I didn't make you make a stealth check because you went through the wall. I mean, you're outside floating. So I figure. I don't think they need one. Yeah, you're probably okay. Three, one, zero. Ready or not.
Here I come. Avena begins prancing around the room. Who would see her? I guess Chip might see her and Barney, depending on how well he's hidden. I assume Elga can't really see because she's inside the giant wolf and Barney's covering his face. That's my headcanon. Barney's covering his face with a book, like hiding in the bookcase. But both Elga and Barney, you can hear small footsteps looking around. Is someone in here?
And you hear some rustling in the parlor, like wood moving around. Nobody's hiding there. Barney, you hear the footsteps get louder as she comes into the room. As she's, you know, walking around Countess Von Brath's room, Barney, you hear the Countess and Quiffly walk into this room as well. Seems like they're talking to each other. Avena's looking around. How about it?
In here. And you see her, Barney, lift the rug and look in the hatch where you were going to hide initially. She knew about it, huh? Yeah. And then she replaces it and covers it up again and begins wandering around more. Barney, you hear her leave to the north and Chip, you see her walk into the count's room. And Elga, you hear the steps get louder as well as she, you know, begins looking around. Chip, you can very clearly see it looking around inside the font. Okay.
And then she goes from the font up to the humanoid heads on the wall and begins examining them. What is the check? What is the check here? Please give me a stone. Come on. Chip, you did roll a 26 on your stealth. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. She walks up to a particularly ferocious looking orc that has its mouth open like in a battle roar. And she like, you know, pricks her finger along one of the bottom fangs of the head. Ooh, pointy. What a little freak.
You all hear Evaina continue walking around, maybe going back out to the foyer. Can I cast invisibility? Greater invisibility? You can, but I will say it does have a verbal component, so you might have to whisper some words in order to cast the spell. But at this point, like I said, she's walking over to the foyer, so you might be able to. Okay, I guess I'll do that on myself. Okay, make a stealth check to see if you're able to keep your words quiet. That's a seven. Okay. Okay.
Yeah, you hear some footsteps running back to where you are. Naveena reenters Countess's room and continues looking around. But as she's walking in, Countess Von Brath, you know, kind of like grabs her and turns around and goes, Not right now, honey. And like kind of pushes her back outside from the room that you're in. Make me a perception check chip. Okay, probably gonna fail. That's a eight. I will never score above 10 on perception. I don't know if you ever have.
From your perspective, Chip, you see something super bizarre. It looks like Avena crawls up the wall onto the ceiling in that parlor where you all initially were. And then instead of just one Avena, now there are three of them. And they dart off in different directions. One of them goes into the count's room. One of them goes into the countess's room. And one of them darts off back to the foyer where you ended. Chip, no lie. Chip, you know why. Clang, clang, clang.
Clang, clang! You hear the sounds of large bells chiming, but they sound different to the ones that were ringing earlier. And with a poof, shrouds of red mist start materializing in all the different rooms of the manor, and with them, the Sferatu. Avena begins screaming, Help! Our home! Oh! Oh!
That's awesome. We've been duped. Everyone, we roll initiative. Oh my gosh. And we're going to deal with that in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
But I'm so charmed. I'm like, ah, that's props, you know. Little rapscallion. Little rascal. I rolled a 19. All right. We'll make a note of that. I'll get that next episode. All right. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. I had a lot of fun with Avena this episode. I hope everyone else did, too. I'm a big Avena head. Yep. I'm in the fuselage.
And why are there three of them? Maybe we'll get some answers in the next episode. I'm a quadruplet. Surprise. You're the only one that's different looking. Yeah. Elka's just built different. All right. Bye. Bye. There are many ways little stinkers can support the show. Commenting on social media, rating us on podcast services, interacting with us in Discord, or telling friends about the show by word of mouth. Stinkers like AngusJB, TheWarrior slash TheWarrior1776,
Listeners that interact with us on social media and Discord also have NPCs named after them in this episode, like Quiffly, Elga's battler, named by at Ari the Ace, voiced by Ben Ernst at Halcyon underscore Ben. Additionally, Avena Von Brath is voiced by Kristen Nelson at Krupp.
Kristen Nalin and Countess Von Brath is voiced by Patty Reisinger. I know who those people are. The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, composed by Micah Reisinger with additional editing work by David Sonnier. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Ding dong clang. Ding dong clang. That's the final audio. That's not going to be replaced. I'm dancing. I'm dancing this cool song that Gus is playing. Ding dong clang.
