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This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.
This is a Rooster Teeth production.
Previously, our adventures happened upon the heart of the Tabulian Lair, where a plethora of pies were being imprisoned by Quadran and his squadron and swarms of Tabulians, the
The party fought their way through foes, experienced heavy blows, and eventually they were assisted by an old Urbloom ally, Smarsh the Purple Worm King. But with the Tabulian Lair coming a-tumbling down, can the party get back to town? Claw a cold one, let's continue our foul-smelling folktale.
You feel like the ground is shaking beneath your feet. You hear like a rumble and a wham and a bang. Smarsh breaks through into the cavern. What? Smarsh! Smarsh is king. Smarsh is king! He begins riding around, smashing the remains of the squadrons and pummeling Quadrant. Smarsh is riding around in a fit of excitement, crashing his colossal purple head into each of the cave walls.
Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! Smarsh! The earth rumbles and quakes beneath your feet. Stalactites start falling from above, slamming into the floor. Enormous cracks begin fracturing across the walls like veins. Smarsh! Smarsh flunges into one of the cracked walls and the entire cavern begins crumbling upon you.
Everyone needs to make a dexterity saving throw. Smarsh, Smarsh chill. Smarsh, you're a good, good boy. Be cool, Smarsh, be cool.
24 for Bart. Ooh, Bart's a little dexterous boy. 21. Ooh, Mud too. 22. Oh, wow. All above 20s. Gum Gum. 12. And then there's Gum Gum. That's not too bad. You all managed to see all the stalactites tumbling down and dodge out of them successfully, but not Gum Gum. No. Gum Gum gets hit full on with one of the stalactites that's falling and takes 22 points of bludgeoning damage.
I think Gum Gum's down. No. No. No. Yeah, that would have killed Kyber. Also, I'm raging currently, so... You need to attack every round for a rage to continue? Yeah, which I've been doing. Are you insinuating combat is over? If combat is over... Yeah, but I would still be raging. How long do you rage after combat?
Six seconds. Or do you take, is like bludgeoning damage type of damage you take less of? If he's raging. Your rage ends if you're knocked unconscious or if your turn ends. Okay. And you haven't attacked across a hostile creature. Okay. So you have not had a turn end where you did not attack a hostile creature. I'm saying this in your favor.
You'll take 11 points of damage. There you go. Just because combat literally just ended. It's so funny when we first started playing, when we were like level one, 22 points of damage would have killed one of us. Oh yeah, just immediately. What's funny is, you know, as we level up every time we do the between the tails, you're like, oh, we have so many hit points. We're never going down. Oh, I have so many new abilities. Like, yeah, the enemies are also, and the damage also ramps up too. It scales with it.
Which I didn't realize. We need to do this more like I play my video games where you just do a lot of side quests and get overpowered and then go do the stuff. Just go grind? Yeah, just go grind. Hey, speaking of hit points, I'm on my last leg. If anybody has a health potion or anything. Oh, did you just take 22 points? Ask Kyborg is whining. Hey, uh...
A crimson cloud swoops in through the Fang Ma cave opening and begins floating around and makes a beeline straight for Gum-Gum. Hi. Does Gum-Gum recognize who this is? Do I recognize who this is? Gum-Gum, you're holding the quadrant's eye, right? Yes. Oh.
The cloud, you know, starts swirling around Gum-Gum trying to pull that orange eye out of your hand. Gum-Gum, swallow it! Make a strength check, Gum-Gum. Swallow it! Stick the guy in your bum-bum! Bum-bum. Bum-bum-bum-bum. Strength check, not a strength save. Wait, I have advantage on strength saves too. Nice. 24. Take that, cloud!
24. Yeah. You know, you clasp your hands together around the gem, trying to hold it tight, but you feel your fingers start weakening and open up, and the gem flies out of your hands, swirling around into the cloud. Even with a 24? Mm-hmm. It does with my next move. You hear a laughter seemingly coming from everywhere in the cave.
It's not funny. And the cloud quickly makes for one of the fractures and dissipates. So the gem is gone and that cloud is gone. Yes, correct. Wait, that must have been...
that guy that we found frozen Archie, but like evil Archie. Oh, Entropa. Hey, there it is. Bart's already got an inspiration. I mean, I think Kyborg queued me up. The lair is collapsing faster and faster. Smarsh looks around with some urgency. You did this. Oh,
And you hear, "Smarsh, leave!" And he begins very quickly burrowing at one of the walls, seeming to make a rapid escape. Oh, oh, uh, uh, uh, Smarsh, may we ride you? Smarsh stops for a second and says, "No space. Smarsh, leave. Stage left."
Smarsh doesn't care about the people. And he's like, not my king. I love this. If you think about it, it's like since he's burrowing straight through rock, there's no space for you to get on top of it. Like you would be burrowing through rock too. Got it. He says, Smarsh lead, you follow. Smarsh is a wise king. Follow Smarsh. Smarsh give to people.
Just give her. Take her. Bart gets down on his knees and starts bowing. What are the Tabulians doing? You know, initially there was one group that you had kind of talked to, and they're still, like, looking around, seemingly panicked. However, now other Tabulians are also rushing into the cavern.
that were not here before. And they look like they're angry. Y'all are going the wrong way! We need to leave, not come! Smarch is your god! He's- he's giant and no hands and he looks just like you but he's big. Any of the T'bulians who were injured or uh killed can I- can I try and get- pick them up?
up gather them you want to pick up the dead taboo liens or yeah or the injured ones i don't want to get crushed in the cave i mean they might be able to still make it out if it's marshes leading the way yeah i mean uh it'll put some extra weight on you but you can try okay yeah gum gum you should wear them like uh one of those uh scarfs you know like the feather kind what are they called those
Uh, well, you better figure it out fast because the cavern is collapsing all around you. How many are there? What, injured and dead ones? Yeah, the ones around. Um, we'll say there are four. There's two injured, two dead. Braid them together to make them more efficient for carrying. You could friendship bracelet all of them and then attach it to your...
arms and then run dragging the taboo lians behind you not I hate setting up things for you but that's just a really funny mental image and I wanted to see that happen because there's snakes like these little things yeah and I have a my rat I think I have a rat blanket and I'll put that down so it glides so it's a little more comfortable as this is going on Bart is starting to go towards the hole that Smarsh has created and Bart's a smart boy and is ushering the rest of the taboo lians to come with me
Come with me if you want to live. Mud has been waiting for an opportunity to also say that he's running to the hole. While he runs to the hole, he also casts Healing Word at level four on the dying fighter. Kyborg, while he's doing that, make me a perception check as well. Okay. All right.
I'm gonna go with this and then a little bit of that and it's a 17. You hear some of the new tabooleans that have entered the cavern yelling to each other in draconic. They're saying, they're kidnapping our friends. Get them. All right. The entire chasm is collapsing. Oh, I'm sorry. You healed him a little bit, right, Mud? 12 hit points. I could use a heal.
I cast healing word on gum gum as well. Thank you. Let's just burn slots. Why not? Can I start running for the hole but then also call back to the tubulians? Sure, why not? Okay, for the first time I speak in Draconic. I break this whole roost and I say, Roost? Roost? Roost? The roost is broken. I say, we're not kidnapping. We're trying to save them. We need to get out of here. Follow us. Follow us. We're friends. Make a deception check.
Deception? Why? I'm not deceiving, I'm trying to help. Oh, wait, no, yeah, you're right, you're right. Make a, uh, not deception then. Charisma, maybe? No. Persuasion? Persuasion, but I need you, in order to really sell it, uh, we need to hear you say it in Draconic. Okay, uh, do you want to do this at advantage or something? Because I just got a one.
Oh, it's really bad. Then how does that, how does a bad draconic persuasion sound? I still like to bullion. And then you vomit. That guy's insulting our mother. Get him. No, no, no, no, no. Gum Gum gets 18 points of health. Thank you. You're a very kind Mutt. I give you, I bolster your magic. You get a spell slot. That's fine. Mutt is literally running down this tunnel that Smarsh has made. Get out of here.
I'm running. Can I pop the cork on a potion of healing and chug that as I'm going? Let's just get out of here. I'm so thirsty. You reminded me of something. This is kind of an aside and, you know, separate from what's going on here in the moment. But Micah and I were talking the other day and he heard about an interesting table rule that someone had come up with regarding potions of healing. And I think we should apply this to this campaign moving forward. Okay. Uh-oh. It's good for you guys. So we've always had...
questions and you know we've been kind of back and forth about whether or not drinking a potion of healing you know takes up your whole like an action or if we can do it as a bonus action so this table rule which will be the rule going on from now forth we will say you can drink a healing potion as a bonus action and roll for it like you normally would or if you take the full action to drink the healing potion then you get maximum healing from it
So full action, full healing, bonus action. You roll for it. That's great. So if you wanted to drink one right now as a bonus action, you could do it, but you have to roll for it. I'm chugging. I'm chugging it. I'm going to go for it. Two to four. Bonus. Yeah. I should take the full action. Six plus two. Eight. There you go.
I can't give you a spell slot. It's only one per long rest for each person. And then one more point of clarity. Thank you, Ben, for asking about it. If you use an action to give someone a potion, like you pour it down their throat or whatever, then you roll for it because that's like essentially two actions, the giving and then the person taking. Okay.
Anyway, okay, sorry. So we're going to be running this escape from the cavern like we've done before. Like you remember when we did going down the river where it's going to be a series of skill checks and someone has to describe their solution and roll an appropriate check as obstacles appear in front of you. Okay. And a party member can offer to help another party member by making a skill check. And if they're successful in making the assist skill check, the scenario skill check lowers by two points. But if they fail, it raises by two points. Hmm.
So it's kind of like a risk as to whether or not when you're helping. Okay, so everyone's running down the chasm that Smarsh is so graciously providing for you. Tabulian's in hot pursuit. And as you're running through this tunnel, there's a loud crack and the sandy ground before you suddenly collapses and opens up into a fathomless chasm of blackness below. The gap to the other side is about, let's say it's 60 feet long and 20 feet wide. The ceiling is about 15 feet high and you can't see how deep the chasm is.
But we could see across. Yes. Gum Gum, you're up. No jumpies? Do we have a running order? I have jumpies, but I'm a little burdened. Oh, okay. Uh, I have... I've got the jarring jumping jab. I turn into a giant bat and just fly across. Ah! So the cavern is 60 feet wide, like you'd have to jump 60 feet across. Oh, okay. And then the width of the tunnel that...
Smarsh is creating is 20 feet. Okay. Okay, so it's 60 feet long. Correct. And 20 feet wide. Correct. Okay, then I stand by what I was doing. I turn into a giant bat. I ask someone to attach, I guess, can I carry them all? I can't. How much can a giant bat carry in D&D? Could you turn into that mobile and we could do the cowabunga thing? I mean, you do the cowabunga. I'll pull it. All right. Well, you have to turn into something probably that... Giant bat is what I've been using to carry us. Cowabunga!
Giant bats who screech. Oh, screech click. You deploy the mobile. Yes. And you're going to fly across. Yes. Yes. We all said yes at the same time. Very cute. Affirmative. All right. I mean, this should be pretty straightforward. Why don't we have a mud? I mean, you've done this a few times. Just make a, we'll call it a, what do you want?
What do you want? Strength? Yeah, let's do a strength check. Strength check. Pushing button now. Strength check. 15. 15, yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, you're able to get on there. Everyone loads up very quickly into the ahem-mobile, and you fly right across the chasm, and you land on the other side. I'm just gonna stay as a bat. Does Bart put his hands up like a roller coaster? Every time, yeah. Anytime Bart is in something that's moving, he goes like, puts his arms up in the air. What's the status of the Tabulians that are chasing us? Wait, they're chasing us? Yeah, you have their friends. I tried to...
I tried to tell them that we're trying to rescue them, but I watched the comic. He said they're in pursuit of us. Yeah, they think you're kidnapping. And remember, the Tabulians are winged serpents. Oh, they're flying. They can just fly right across this. However, you guys do successfully cross, so everyone go ahead and give yourself five temporary hit points. Yay!
That's them saying we're about to encounter some of those Gnardas. No, it's just you were successful in this, in navigating this, so you get a little bonus, a little cookie. I think it's a bonus that we didn't take, like, a billion years being like, all right, we put a rope at the end of the thing, then we crawl across the rope, and then I cast this spell, and then I, yeah. He's rewarding us because he's Pavlovian dogging us because we're very good at progressing. Going quickly. We use critical thinking. Yeah.
All right, so everyone gets to have a five temp hit points and the Tabulians are still in hot pursuit as they are winged serpents and can fly. Yeah, follow us. You hear them yell, yeah, follow them.
Gum Gum would think an angry mob is just a parade. I think we're showing them the way to escape. That's what I just said. I think Gum Gum would think an angry mob is a parade. They're dragging the corpses of our friends behind them. No, they're in the car. They're mocking us.
So, speaking of which, Mud, you said you're going to stay a bat, correct? Does that mean you all are going to stay in the car and continue? No, I just figured... Oh, sorry, stay in the automobile? I'll leave the tabooleans in it. I'll make it clear. Mud's not going to be carrying anything this entire thing, so no.
I think once we cross the chasm, we pop out. Yeah. Gotcha. I'm going to stay a bat just because it feels like that's good for cave time. I have a question about the... Bats have advantage on cave. About the cave throws. Cowabunga mobile? Uh-huh. Uh-huh mobile. It...
It changes shape depending upon how we're using it, is that correct? Correct. Oh, we could turn it into like some sort of... Yeah. ...lancier air. Cowabunga! And make it a medical cart. A medical cart? Like a cart or something. I don't think it like has supplies in here. I think it's more of like a boat, a place, or a cart. Not a cart full of medical supplies, but like a cart or something that I could pull them in. Cowabunga, it's a nap cart. I think they're doing just fine on your arms, and we should continue on.
I think you should throw them at the... Is there any harm in doing that? Oh, you'll figure it out. Time? I can't tell if there's harm or not. I've tasted it.
I chase after Snarch. I keep up the chase. Yeah, we're running. We're running. We're running. You all continue your rapid movement through the tunnel, and you turn around a bend, and you stumble into a room filled with cactox plants. You remember these. You saw these earlier in Winder Canyon. Maybe it's a nursery? You don't know why they would all be here. Just like your encounter before, you know that they can shoot needles full of toxins. And in fact, I think they shot some at Kyborg last time, but Kyborg had his shield up.
Yep. Getting my cart. The room is, again, 20 feet wide and about 15 foot ceilings, and you just see rows and rows of cactuses of various sizes lining the room. But Smarsh already went through here? Yes. So did he not get... He just missed a few. Make a perception check. Okay. That's how we did it last time. Oh, that's right.
16. You see that the cacti seem like they are missing. They're not full of spines. They're missing some. Okay. Oh, they shot some. Mud, the way we've done this in the past is once a party member engages in a skill check, they're kind of out. The other party members have to step up now. So since you engaged on the first skill check, it's someone else's turn to try to navigate. What I'm hearing you say, Gus, is that I'm too skilled and have too many things to offer to the team. We have to figure out how do we stop Mud and his menagerie of animals. I wasn't going to say that.
I was gonna do an animal thing. I was gonna talk to them. My plants. My plant babies. Saw some flame arrows. I could start a little brush fire in here.
Should we stealthily try to avoid them? Yeah. Is that something that works with these things? I think a stealth-led expedition by our stealthy boy Bart would be a great use of defeating this puzzle. As an alternative, we have this cart that I'm hauling creatures in. Could y'all just all get in the cart and I'll just run past it? Did we establish that it's actually a car? I thought that the Ahemmobile was out of operation. No, I wanted to use it to
carry the tabooians in. I was out of it running. Like, I think all of us are out of it running. It sounds like you're the one pulling. Everyone's out of it running, but the handmobile is still here and Gum-Gum is pulling it. Gum-Gum wants to be the grandma from that one volcano movie that, like, pushes the boat in the hot lava water. Dante's Peak. That's the one. But if y'all want to get in it, and then I'll just, I'll take the damage. I'm flying. Okay.
Would they not see you if you're flying? Well, I'm saying that's just my... I mean, what is the way we're defeating this puzzle? You're inside the little... What do you call it? Like wagon? Yeah, a hemobile. They can't shoot spines at you. Okay, if we're in a wagon, sure. I will get in as a bat.
This is an unusual way for a bat to get around. Is everyone else getting in as well? You know how bats used to cross the country in, uh, covered wagons? I'm gonna switch to... I'm gonna put my shield up and switch it out for my, uh, longbow. That way I have extra protection. I could, like, I can fend off spines if they happen to hit... to come at the party.
Sure. Sure. And I will do the same as I crossed. So you're... Wait. Who's pushing? Who's pushing? You're pushing. You're pulling. It's more like he's pulling. It's like an ox drawn cart. Yeah. So I figured it was all my shoulders, like, and I've got it rested and I'm like, got one up with...
On my right hand, you know, wherever it is. If we had more time, I would want everyone to take a turn and draw a diagram of what we think is happening right now. And I guarantee it would be all four of us would be different. Normally, you know, you would pull it with your hands or you would attach it to like a beast of burden, like an aurochs. And it would have like a, what do you call that? Harness. Not the harness. The yoke. Yoke. Yeah, a yoke. A beast of burden. A aurochs or a gum gum.
Well, then you can't use your hands. Right, that's what I'm trying to figure out, like, how would it work? Would you be using your hands or are you attached, like, via a yoke-like device? I'm going to say it would have a yoke because the idea was that mud would turn into an animal. So it wouldn't be pulled by hand, which means you could just attach the yoke to yourself, which would free your hands. I'm just trying to work through what it looks like in my head to determine whether or not you can use a shield. So yeah, you would be able to use a shield and you're just going to power through it and see what happens.
Unless anyone... We tried stealth. We tried something else, but you just said no and. I gave it as an alternative. I would love to just get through this puzzle. So go. Do what you want to do. All right. Okay, we got... Bart hops in the cart, and he does that little spectacles, testicles, wall, and watch. He's not a religious boy, but right now he is.
And I go, "Let's go!" And I run and hold and just try and sprint as fast as I can. Taking 80 points of damage. Okay, so you just start barreling through as fast as you can. Go ahead and... I'll Rage. You're gonna go ahead and Rage? Yeah. Okay, Gum Gum Rages. Oh yeah, let's just resolve your wild magic first. I hope the next puzzle we encounter involves, like, shooting a small switch with a bow and arrow that
that flips the drawbridge. If it is, I'm gonna no-end it and figure out something else to do it. I just gave it as an alternative. I didn't say no. I was just having a conversation with Blaine. That's all I was doing. Hey, Chris. What's the result of that wild magic roll? Whenever a creature hits you with an attack roll before your rage ends, that creature takes 1d6 force damage as magic lashes out in retribution. Okay. Seems like that might be kind of handy here. So you start trying to pull the wagon. Go ahead and make an athletics check.
23. And I'm going to say one of the Tabulians that you're pulling, who you're helping, who's injured, as you're, you know, setting up and getting ready, he kind of like points out a path that he thinks that he has used before to get through the field of Cactox. So as a result of that, you're going to go and also get an additional 1d4 assistance on that from the Tabulian. Say thank you, Indraconic.
He says, of course. So you get an additional plus two. So you get a 25 on your athletics check. My lady. I ask him, how is my taboolean? My draconic right now. How's my draconic? He says, very good for someone who does not have a forked tongue. Not yet.
Bart holds up a little dagger. Yeah, so, you know, GumGum, you kind of managed to wind your way through the field of cactox. You know, this Boolean shows you a path that maybe wasn't quite as clear as you thought. But, you know, when they look at it from a different angle, they see it a little better than you do. So you managed to successfully go through a few cactoxes, do fire out at you. So I just for fun make me a dexterity saving throw at advantage. That's...
13. Thorns did fire out at you, but either with your shield or with the yoke, you managed to successfully block them. And the wild magic you had sends force out back towards the cactox and squishes a few of them. All right, so everyone makes it through. Everyone gains five temp
for making it through here. Bart hops out of the carriage and goes up to Gum-Gum and slaps him on the bum, even though that doesn't do anything. And he goes, good job, Gum-Gum. Thanks for the boost. Yeah.
You've watched enough other people smack each other on the butts. Did Bart just want to be included too? He goes, oh, is that what that does? I thought we were all just being friendly. I've watched a lot of baseball. You all continue down this path and as you're going through, you find a set of stairs that lead up out of this cavern.
You follow the set of stairs up to a chamber furnished with tables, chairs, and crockery. The ceiling crumbles and splash! A deposit of acid green liquid gushes into the room, scorching and sizzling everything nearby. Pools of acidic venom now fill the chamber, which is about 20 feet wide, 50 feet long, with 15-foot ceilings. What do you do to get through this? So say that again. It was 50 feet wide? 20 wide, 15-foot ceilings, 50 long. Okay, we have to traverse 50 feet. Of acid?
Yeah, that's that same liquid green sizzling stuff you've seen a few times now. Guys, we've got to Dante speak it. We've got to get the Ohem mobile. And I'll pull through the acid. Because I have the gift of the dramatic chromatic dragon. Gift of the dramatic dragon. Gift of the dramatic dragon. Gift of the dramatic dragon. Oh, I could never. Acting. So should we make the Ohem mobile into a boat?
Hopefully it's acid resistance. I want a gift of the dramatic dragon now. Like you get advantage on performance checks or something. This place is stinky.
Anyway, I'm sorry. Someone asked a question about the Ahem-mobile. Saying if we could turn it into a boat. Yeah, you absolutely can turn it into a boat. You're not sure if it's designed for anything other than water. The caustic liquid may have some adverse effects on it, but I mean, it can turn into a seafaring vessel. I'm also open to other ideas. What if we fly it over?
a flying thing. Am I allowed to help again? No. So now Mud and Gum Gum have made checks. So now any remaining check would have to be either Kyborg or Bart. Mud just flies across anyways. Mud just flies across through. Excuse me, what are we going to do? And just turns around and goes, hey, come on guys. So the Ahemobile is still like with us right here. Yeah, it's in cart mode currently being pulled by Gum Gum. Are there any like sticks or anything around? Well, it seems like you're in a room
that was maybe a dining room of some kind because there's tables, chairs, like,
crockery, like pots, but you were asking for sticks. You could maybe like smash a chair or a table to splinter it. I just wanted to maybe take some of the acid and put it on the Ahemobile and see if it has any effect. Is that a possibility or would I not really be able to tell? I think I have an idea for how we can traverse it. You remember that when people dove through the liquid, you know, you took a dimension door, so this wouldn't have happened to you. But when you watched the people who swam through the liquid, that
their stuff was sizzling and did seem to take a little bit of damage when they swam through. Okay. And that includes metal stuff like weapons and armor. Arms. Yeah. Are we allowed to do anything to help? You can do like assist. Remember I described like an assist mechanism? I could put...
the oil stuff on it because that protected us some last time on this the cart I can shoot an arrow across the room with a rope attached and then we can get in the boat and then I can pull the rope well I think we don't want to put the boat in the liquid because I think it'll damage it when she slack rope
across the room. Well, he said that this was also like a dining room with a bunch of stuff. So I wonder if we'd like try to like put all the stuff into the liquid and yeah, essentially hop across. Is the formation of stuff, the furniture that's still in there, is there maybe a rudimentary path for them to run, to jump across? Floor is lava. Yeah, you could totally parkour floor is lava. Okay. Let's try that.
While we're setting up, could Bart grab a bunch of pots and pans and things that he could carry with him? So if he goes and realizes he can't jump on something, he could put something down to jump on. It's like putting train tracks down as you're going. Looney Tunes, yes. I like it. Yeah, so Bart's going to lead the way on this one? Technically, Mud is because he's already across the room, but yeah, Bart. Well, your path didn't help us.
Mud looks out for mud. I mean, if you could fly, would you do that? Yes, absolutely. Yeah. I've been avoiding using my dimension door for like the last five minutes. Yeah. So this is going to be the planet where it's going to kind of hop across. Does that mean you're going to deactivate the Ahem-mobile and Gum-Gum, you're going to carry your friends across? Uh,
if it seems like that's the best way to maneuver through it. It's hard for, like, visually, it's harder for me to, like, I don't see it. Does that make sense? Yeah, it's like a giant pool of caustic liquid. Can we tell how deep it is? With, like, tables and chairs. It's not, like, super deep. We'll say it's maybe two or three feet deep. Okay. So if we put, like, a chair there, we'll be able to stand on the chair and not be in the liquid. Okay. Yeah, you have to balance a little bit, but you can do that. Okay. Then, yeah, Bart's going to try this floor is lava technique. Sick.
Okay, Bart's gonna lead the way. Oh, do you want to put oil on you? No. All right. I'm all right. I'm sweaty enough. All right, Bart, go ahead and make an acrobatics check to see if you're deft enough to navigate this. 20. Bart can hear fine. Nice.
Stop it. I did 20. 20. That's good. That's really good. Everyone, I would say, is pretty impressed at how nimble Bart is scurrying from object to object as he traverses the pool of caustic liquid. And the great thing about Bart going first is because he's the shortest one and he was still able to forge a path along to the end of this...
Hopefully. That'll just make it easier for everyone else because everyone else has longer legs. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. And then Bart lays down the perfect path for everyone to get across. And we'll say everyone is able to successfully navigate it thanks to Bart's quick feet. Go, Bart. Thank you, Bart. Bart does the floss. Because he's so excited.
That he helped. And once again, everyone gains five temp hit points. Yay. All right. Here comes Kyborg's moment. Here we go. As you all cross this room. It's a musical riddle room. You lose sight of your... Answer me these questions three. Damn it! You lose sight of your Tabulian pursuers. You think maybe they gave up? Then light catches your eye at the end of the tunnel in front of you. It's an exit.
But just as you're about to escape the caves, the swarm of taboo liens that was pursuing you blocks your path. They're all very angrily blocking in your way. What do you do to navigate them? You use your best skill charisma. Time to take two of persuading the taboo liens. I bolster you magically. Yeah, I hold out my butt and I'm like, I guess I'll go talk to them. And I'm looking at mud.
I'm a bat. Bart runs over and smacks his butt. Okay. I'll take it. I give you a bolster magic. It's a D3. An extra D3. I screech into your butt. Do you tell everyone what you're gonna do? Uh, guys, I think I'm gonna have to whip out the draconic and see if we can talk these guys down. Use the gift of the dramatic dragon. One of... I will summon him. One of the tabooleans that Gum-Gum is pulling along offers to go with you to help be a liaison. Okay, uh...
I assist him however he needs. No, no, no. He's assisting you. I know, but I'm trying to help him carry him out. This is a collaboration that we're trying to, you know. Yeah, you're the lead and he's assisting you. Okay, fine. All right. Well, I walk out there with this Tabulian and then I say, Tabulian friends, we are trying to rescue your four compatriots.
and leave this cave which is crumbling under our feet, we mean you no harm. - We're also trying to help them too. - We're also trying to help you guys too, all right? - And compliment how good they look today too. - You guys look amazing today. Look at those wings. Hey, give yourselves a round of applause. Give yourself a hand. - We're also working on their new arms. - We're working on getting you guys a new set of arms, huh? - And longer lunch breaks. - And longer...
lunch breaks. And good Christmas bonuses. And on top of that, we're giving you guys a holiday bonus for whatever festivity you celebrate. Soda machines in the cafeteria. We're also looking into soda machines. What kind of soda machines? Peps- Decoction. Decoction machines in the break room. We're gonna get you snacks in the break room.
How's that, Gus? Do it again in Draconic. Seven, seven, seven, seven, seven. Oh, my God.
All right, now the part about the soda machine. Pepsi! It doesn't translate. Well, that's absolutely horrifying. I guess make a persuasion check, and you're going to get a little bonus as well from the Tabulian who came out to help you. Okay, so it's like advantage or... Yeah, because you all have been doing so well on your previous checks, you do get advantage on this check. All right, that's a three. That's a good thing. Come on, anything higher than that.
Plus the D3. Plus the D3. So roll a D6 and then split it. Two to one. Woo!
Plus a little bit of help from the Tabulian who went out to help you. Which is another roll. Which is another one. It's a one. Oh my god. So a total of eight. No, it's a seven. Seven. No, it's a total of six. Because his D6 he rolled was a D3. Yeah, it's a six. So it's a four plus one plus one. Six. Oh my god. I have an inspiration roll. I have inspiration die. Oh, you do? Yeah. Is this where you want to use it? Yes. Absolutely. There it is. I'm not re-rolling the Tabulian. Yeah.
That's a new pair of shoes. 20, 20, 20, 20. That's a plus two to this. 10 plus 12. 12. Is there anything else you can add to that? I have one more bardic inspiration. I guess if you already did this, I can give it to you. Can I assist in any way? It would have to have been described before, the check. I'm just curious if there was any other passive bonuses that were already added on there.
All right. As you go up and kind of ramble on in Draconic about Pepsi machines. I take off my arm as a show of, ah, I am one of you, am I not? Ooh, you can hear them whispering amongst themselves. They're going to steal it. He has been gifted with reach.
Mwah. It seems like it's not working. They begin looking like they're ready to strike at you when at the last possible second, Smarsh falls in and crushes all of them with his massive body. Smarsh! With a very loud Smarsh. Smarsh! Thanks, Smarsh. I mean, thank you, but also, oh, God. Oh.
Greetings, fair hero. Come warm yourself by the fire. Just wanted to express my gratitude for braving this harrowing quest of finding the missing listeners. It's because of courageous folks like yourselves that more and more listeners are finding their way to the Stinky Dragon to hear our breathtaking tales. Keep it up!
Oh, here's a tip. I heard there might be a few missing listeners at that market of farmers you've been meaning to visit on the weekend. But instead, you know, usually sleep in and miss entirely. No judgment. But this time, this time will be different. Did you catch the latest fantastical fan art post for the podcast or witness the most recent amusing meme? If not, you should give us a follow at StinkyDragonPod on Twitter and Instagram. Join us on the Stinky Dragon subreddit where each week we will be featuring fabulous fan art.
from listeners like user sharp underscore yarn. Ouch. Plus, if you tag us on social media using hashtag stinky dragon pod or post on the subreddit that an NPC could be named after you. In fact, here's some recent NPCs that were named after folks that interacted with us on social media. Smarsh, the purple worm kings named after at Smarsh show. Of course, we also want to give a special thanks to some friends who provide VO for characters in the previous episode, like Quadrin, who was voiced by our own Blizzbear.
Are you captivated by the unknown? Do you obsess over unexplained phenomena? Do you frighten easily? Well, behold Red Web, a podcast all about unsolved mysteries, true crime, conspiracies, and the supernatural. With an appetite for the unknown, hosts Trevor Collins and Alfredo Diaz discuss and analyze unsolved mysteries, true crimes, and paranormal events. Each episode dives into the timelines, the facts, and the popular theories that attempt to explain what's really happening with these strange incidents.
This month, they'll be exploring creepy forest events like Bella in the Witch Elm, Rendlesham Forest, and the Black Forest Haunting. Check out Red Web now, available for all of your listener podcasts. If you want to get the episodes a day early, head over to redwebpod.com.
You exit the caves and find yourselves in a moonlit winder canyon. Smarsh is there with a sheepish smile across his purple face. Smarsh is king? Smarsh is king. We are Smarsh friends. We are Smarsh. Smarsh farm remembers. Smarsh.
Deputy Pat chimes in and says, Well, Winder Canyon is treacherous as it is during daylight. I can't imagine it'll be much safer in the dark. Smarsh perks up and you start to hear rapid footsteps in the sand coming from around the corner. A second later, a camel appears with Sheriff Gov riding atop. Oh, yeah. Pat! The sheriff immediately leaps from her mount and sprints toward Pat, wraps her arms around the pale pie. Thank Dyer. Are you okay? Are you hurt? He killed all of the...
We've made it through the cave with no casualties of importance. I couldn't have you dragging any more Tabulian NPCs along with you. I had to get rid of them. Thank you. Deputy Pat replies. Thank Daya? Geez, Mom. Never thought I'd hear those words come out your mouth. And yes, I'm fine. Thanks to the Infinites. Yeah. Parts flexing. Sheriff Gov turns to you all. Oh, I...
I can't thank you enough. If we were to lose... Mom! Come on, it's late. We gotta get these folks back to town. Smarsh is wagging his purple tail. Smarsh, carry! Smarsh, carry! The immense purple worm leans down for you all, his tail continuing to flutter with excitement. Smarsh, carry! Bart jumps on and gives him a little scratch behind the ear. Oh, he likes that. Smarsh did a genocide. We didn't kill all of them. Just
Just the bad ones. Just a mass murder. Yeah, there you go. Just the bad ones. All right, so we're riding the sandworm. Is everyone getting on? Heck yes. All right, so everyone gets on and Smarsh takes off with a start. Everyone needs to make a dexterity saving throw to see if you can hold on. You gotta tell me twice. 19. 22. Oh, gosh. I'm going to have to tell you twice. 18. 11. Bart almost falls off, but rides himself at the last second and manages to hold on. I have a plus seven on my dex. Dang it.
What are you, Blaine? Smarsh looks at you, Bart. Careful. Hold Smarsh. Sorry, I'm just so excited to be riding. Riding a king? Ew. I was in my mind trying to think of how to word this in a non-suggested way. I'm so excited to be on top of... This big worm. Oh, no.
After but a few minutes of purple worm whiplash... Using you as a mode of transportation. Purple worm whiplash sounds like a drink. After but a few minutes of purple worm whiplash, Marsh finally comes to a halt at the edge of Pius' path. He leans down once again and everyone dismounts. Chick, you know, who you remember as the owner of the give and take, brushes off her tweed waistcoat and brown bowler hat and walks over to you.
Folks, we all owe you a great deal. Life and limb, to be exact. A Sheriff Gov who's still holding tightly on a pat tips her hat to you. Couldn't have said it better myself, chick. We clearly misjudged you folks. If there's anything we can ever do to repay you, just say the word. Ludi, who's the owner of the Little Pecker, steps forward in her emerald green dress and says, I'll drink to that. Come on, let's all head to the Little Pecker for a drink or two on the house. I'm sure there's a bottle or two we can still scrounge up from my personal collection. All right. Ooh!
Bart raises his hands in the air and cheers. I go over to Smarsh and I give him a pet and I give him a hug. I say, Smarsh is friend. New shirt. Smarsh is friend. Smarsh is friend. The T'Bullions, how are they? They're dead. Well, two of them were dead and I guess two of them are injured but stable. Can I go to the doctor or a leave or whoever the medic is to try and get them taken care of? The leaves were long gone. Yeah, leaves...
A doctor. I don't think there's any doctors in Pius Pass. I'm trying to think what the closest thing would be. I mean, I guess technically the closest thing would probably actually be the saloon since they have like beds as well there. I remember y'all actually stayed there the first time you came to Pius Pass. Let's go.
Let's go to the pecker. Yeah, I could use a drink and maybe a very long rest. I could take a long rest for sure, yeah. The doors to the saloon swing wide and hints of oak and casis fill your noses. A few birds flutter around the hardy tree trunk in the center of the room and Ludi stands behind the bar. Well, what'll you have, friends? We've heard so many drinks at the top of these episodes and I can't remember a single one. I'd love a cup of coffee.
Ooh, that's very muddish. Mm-hmm. Muddish. Well, lucky for you folks, it looks like we only have one bottle left. She begins pouring an amber-colored liquid in glasses for everyone. Can I do a check to see if this is good? That's a weird-looking coffee. Mm-hmm. Yeah, mud abstains. What do you mean, like a medicine check? Like, what are you looking for, I should ask? Yeah, my guard is up. I want to see if this is, like, poison or anything like that. Uh, yeah, make a medicine check. How's that gonna go? It's gonna go quite well, in fact. Where the hell is medicine check? It's in your skills. It's in skills. That's not helpful.
It's alphabetical. Okay. Nine. This is some kind of poison that deprives oxygen to your brain. I think if you not imbibe too much of it, you will become intoxicated from its poison. I chug it. Sheriff Gov raises a glass of golden whiskey. I spit some out.
And says, how about a speech from one of our infinite heroes? And the pies begin calling out, speech, speech, speech, speech. Well, we've actually, we're going to do our speech one word at a time. Because we're a team and we work as a team. You have one mind. Yeah, exactly. I'll start and we're going to go clockwise. All right. From all of us standing in circle. Think. You. Citizens. And. Oh,
Others... Members... Of... Tabulian... Oh, God. Race... Are... Happy... To... Have... Served... You. We... Will... Now... Drink... And... Party... In... Your... Tavern. Thank... You... For... Having... Such... Lovely...
Emotions. And then Mark goes, yeah! Yeah!
Everyone raises a glass and cheers. Now I chug. Mud just pounds the table. Well done. Thank you for having such lovely emotions. Give them an idea of how they should respond to the speech. Oh, there you go. Ludi says, well, after such a rousing speech, anyone want to play a little drinking game? I don't know. I'm a little worse for wear over here. Uh.
Come on, it'll be fun. I just faced off against Quadrant and I'm assuming defeated him. Yeah, I want a drink. I want a party. Have I put the DeBullions to bed or whatever? Yeah, I'll say after the speech and everything, you take them up and you put them in a room. You can put them in one room together where they can share. Chris said that while acting like he's dragging a knife across his throat. No, that was just me scratching. Did I take care of him? Yeah.
- To hear our speech. - Yeah, then I'll participate. Okay, Ludi begins setting out several tankards on the bar. I'll say six of them, all told. She says, "This is a fun game, easy game. It's called What's in the Well? Well, I'm gonna put all six of these out and you two can take turns picking and drinking one of the tankards. Five of these contain whiskey. One of them contains something else." - What's the something else? Let me guess, you're not gonna tell me. - Let's just say it's something you wouldn't normally wanna drink.
- Whiskey. - I think water. - Winners get good drinks. Losers get a mouthful of something else. - Okay. - Okay. - Okay, so we'll say Kyborg and GumGum, there's six drinks in front of you. We will say one through six. You can pick one and see whether or not you win. - I'm gonna gamble. Drink the one on the far left from me. - Okay, we'll just call them one through six, just so it's easier for me. So if you're the far left, we'll say it's one. - I don't suppose I could try and sniff them?
You always want to break a game, don't you? I'm wondering. It's a game of chance. Well, lucky for you, GumGum, as you're wondering about whether or not you can sniff it, Kyborg goes in, grabs the first beer, chugs it, and you've never drank it before, but you imagine that you probably just took a big swig of urine. Oh, no.
Make a constitution... Make a constitution saving throw. Okay, I have advantage. 18. Is it camel urine? 22. I'm like, mmm, more. Yeah, it's really awful, but you managed to keep it down and avoid puking and showing any weakness. A mean game for saving their lives. Yeah, it's very... Thanks for the camel piss. Ludi looks at you with a little bit of like...
awe in her eyes like wow that's really rare that someone fails on the first try and uh manages to keep it down that elf sure can't drink pee you know what they say about kyborg gross he always goes left he can handle his pee
Want to try your hand again? Maybe you have a little better luck this time? Oh, yeah, sure. I'll drink the- I'll drink two. Oh, God, if that was number one, I don't want to know what number two is. That game is over. There's only one negative drink, so... It's reset. Yeah, Lootie takes all the drinks down, kind of shuffles them, and puts six fresh drinks up on the bar. I think that that's your turn. You want to take a shot at this, Gum-Gum? Okay. Before he drinks, Bart comes over to Gum-Gum and whispers, You're in trouble. What'd I do?
Uh, no, nothing. Okay. Uh, I guess I'll take, uh,
Number four. You walk up to the bar, take a big drink out of number four and make me a constitution check. They're all urine. They're all urine. I bet. It's just all camel piss. It's a secret. That's a save. I wanted to check, but is it the same thing? What's your modifier? Constitution is plus three. Yeah. So then it would be an 11. Yeah. You take a drink. It upsets your tummy a little bit, but you know, it's just a really gut rot whiskey. No.
You managed to keep it down. I got the P1. Alright, your turn, Kyborg. There's one, two, three, five, and six left. One! Surely it's going to be one again. Are you just going left the whole time? Maybe.
Maybe. All right. You take a big swig out of the first one. Make a constitution check. I have advantage. Yeah. Or is that just saving throws? Why? Because of... Because there's only one. No, no. I mean, like, why would you have advantage of a constitution check? I thought because I have a constitution saving throw advantage, but it's not for checks. It's not for checks. I'm silly. Yeah.
Yeah, you take a swig of it and go ahead and make me a constitution save. I have advantage on this now. I drink urine again. No, no, no. I mean, rolling a one on drinking whiskey would involve other negative effects. 24.
Like a good old cup of frothy pee-pee. You take a big swig of it, and the whiskey just doesn't sit well with the urine that's already in your stomach. But you do manage to keep it down. You're just feeling queasy in general, but this is a drink of whiskey, a shot of whiskey, and you do keep it down. Yum.
Bart throws a thumbs up from across the room. You're doing great, bud. Gum Gum, you're up. So all that's left is two, three, five, and six. Three. Okay. You go up, take a shot out of the number three glass, make a constitution saving throw. Okay.
15. And that was my bad. I meant to say check. I said the wrong thing. I was wondering about that. I was like... That's on me. Oh, yeah. You take a swig of the drink and it's whiskey. You keep it down. No problem. It tastes delicious to you. Intense. It's tasting better. Kyborg, you're up. You got two, five, and six left. Two. All right. Go ahead and make a constitution check.
Thirteen. Thirteen. Oh, yeah. This one's no problem. You take a swig of it, and you're actually starting to like this. Maybe you got more whiskey in your stomach or something. It goes down smooth. I just want to chase her at pee-pee. Gross. Gross.
I can help you. You developed a taste for it. There's something bad about you calling it pee-pee. Well, I don't want to say the other word because this is a family-friendly podcast. Piss? Urine? Gum-gum, you're up. You've got number five and number six left. I'll save five for Kevork. Because six is definitely going to be whiskey? Well, no. Well, left. So you can have the left one. So you're going to go six then? Yeah, and I'll go five. Okay, make a constitution check. I did save this time, but that's fine. So that's actually a ten. Yeah.
All right. Make a constitution saving throw. Eight. You know, you pound it, drink the entire thing. But as soon as it hits your stomach, you feel really queasy and uneasy. And you turn around and vomit your stomach full of whiskey. You can't keep your liquor down.
I'm sorry. Qyborg, there's one drink left. Well, I think we know what this drink is, so... Game over! That was fun! So next game, huh? Who wants to play beer pong? Qyborg, what are you gonna do?
Ludi grabs it and says, oh, I can't do that to the heroes of Pius Pass. A second time. You've already had a bad night, and it looks like your friend can't hold his liquor anymore. That's it for the fun and games. You guys are good sports. Mud didn't need it, but this is encouraging to Mud of his choice to remain sober.
Take a moment, a step back. I know we don't want to like to talk meta here in the Stinky Dragon world, but they just served me pee. That's not meta. That's just actually like you got to serve pee. What if you went to a bar and you're like, give me whatever and then they give you pee. They like to have
Yeah, it's a drinking game. How is that fun? They warned you that one of them was something bad that you wouldn't normally drink. They didn't drink either. We'll do this one for our next TikTok test. Yeah. Urine challenge. We'll have a roulette of shot glasses. One has urine. Mud, since you're not drinking, Chick walks up to you and
and says, hey, by any chance, you wouldn't know what happened to some of the equipment in my shop, would you? Oh, uh... From, like, way back when? No. Well, we went to your shop and we happened to find a friend underneath the floor. Do you know where he is? I was looking everywhere for Spot.
Don't have a read on where he is exactly. Last we saw him, he was in... He joined us in the jail. And then, I guess, realizing now, we just left and left him. So he's probably just enjoying some outside time. Is he chipped? Is he chipped? LAUGHTER
No, he's whole. You know what I could do is let me take a little bit of a rest and Brighton early tomorrow morning will help look for Chip for
Maybe we can also look for my brew bow or my jumping jab or my colossal cloud coffee. Jumping jab. I don't know where those went. I'm like hiding the brew bow and the jumping jab in my cloak of many fashions. Maybe a spot took those with him.
Wasn't Spot holding them? I think so, yeah. How did you know that? Make a deception check, Mud. That's fine. That's an eight. Chick kind of narrows their eyes and says, Well, I don't think you're telling me everything, but we'll pick this up in the morning when we're looking for Spot. I mean...
Yeah. That works for me. Ludie says, well, it's late. I'm sure you all want to hit the hay. I'll give you all beds on the house. Mud, if you want, you can even have a bed warmer again. I'll take the bed warmer. Yeah, I'll pass this time on the bed warmer. All right, one bed warmer for Bart. Do you have any more hazing you would like to give us? No.
Oh, Gum-Gum, try not to drink any more urine on your way up to your bed. He did it, actually. Oh, he did? Yeah. It tasted horrible. It made me sick. All right, so do you all want to go to your rooms and go to Slate? Yes. I assume, Gum-Gum, you'll be sharing that room with those two Booleans? If there's not another one. Let me check. Oh, no, there's another room. Yeah, you'll be able to. Bart's a little busy, so yeah, you might want to share it with him. Yeah, Bart needs his own room tonight, Gum-Gum. So you're leaving the two Booleans alone, just to be clear.
Well, can I check on them? Yeah, you can. I mean, like when you go to sleep. Yeah, I'll check. Do you guys need anything? Do you want me to stay in here with you? They're pretty out of it. They're pretty sleepy. They're cold blooded. Do they need a bed warmer? Nice. I guess I can stay in there with them. It's up to you. I mean, like I said, there's plenty of accommodation here. I'll stay in there just to watch them because, yeah. Well, now I can't have them leave in the middle of the night. You're just trying to get rid of these guys so bad. I hate these two bullions.
Anyway, oh sorry, did I say that out loud? Alright, so everyone goes to sleep. Long rest? Yeah, long rest. Yay! Our spell slots are back! Uh, Mud, you wake up and see tea-like candles flickering all around the room. My room? Yeah. Rose petals are scattered across your bed, and a blonde male pie in a poncho standing over the bed looking at you.
but his eyes are rolled to the back of his head. Oh, that's not good. The tea lights suddenly blow out and an otherworldly voice echoes from the pie as if it's inside your head. Mud of the Bramble Cracks, I warned you before. He's doing his fortune telling. Your past cannot be ignored or the path before you will remain forgotten forever. Destiny awaits, Mud. Destiny. You blink your eyes and the pie's face vanishes from his head. No eyes or mouth, just a blank head. Ew. You blink your eyes again
and morning light is peeking through the shutters of the window near your head. You look around and the tea candles and rose petals are gone. The room is empty. Cut to Bart in his room. He's just in his underwear, and he's lying on the bed in like a paint me like one of your French girls position. I picture he's like singing like, who wears short shorts? I would have liked to imagine Kyborg was in the room next to Mud, just be like, shut up!
I think if I had to make a call on what that was, I think that was a dream. Well, do you remember the first time we encountered the Bedworm? He's like, his true passion is fortune telling, right? Yeah, but if I woke up and everything was, if like I blinked and his face was gone and I blinked again and all the stuff was gone. Could have been a vision or a dream, yeah. Or it could have been him giving you a fortune. Kyborg, make a perception check.
Okay. Oh, that's, I don't know. That's longsword damage. Did you stab yourself? No, but I just happened to click a button. You're shaving and your longsword tricks a little chunk of your chin. 21. Oh, that's much. I just feel like hitting a random button as well. 17. You feel the ground shaking a little bit as you're getting ready in your room.
Smarsh is here! I open up my windows so much that the shutters are in my windows. You open up your shutters and Smarsh is out there wagging his tail looking up at you. Jesus! He's here, he's here. I jump on Smarsh. I say let's go for a ride, big guy! You jump out your window? Yeah! I'll do an athletics roll if you need me to. Uh, sure, why not? 14.
Oh yeah, Smarsh starts doing laps around Pius Pass with you atop it. Sweet. Causing immeasurable structural damage to all the buildings. Hopefully I have like a cowboy hat because you know, this is like the western town. So I'm just going... Make another perception check for me. Okay. 18. You think you see something in the well.
There's a well in the middle of the city. Okay. I've been writing smart enough to have a nonverbal means of communication, so I give him the pats to indicate that we stop, and then I hop down and I go check the well. You peek into the well, and down at the bottom of the well, you see Spot looking up at you. Oh, Spot! Okay, I'll lower some rope down. I say, grab the rope, boy! He just eats the rope. It's just spaghetti, I'm just feeding him rope.
Yeah, Spot chomps onto the rope. Okay. Can we get his owner first before bringing him up in case he tries to run away again? The person who feeds his piss and had a creature chained up. I think that was a different pie because it's chick. Okay. Well, they make a good point. Okay. They're also not there. Who?
None of us. This is Kyber's decision. Okay. I think I got enough of a handle on the spot. I'm going to pull him up and see if I can say, like, all right, be a good boy. And then maybe leash him with that rope and take him back to his owner. He's got a chain on him. Yeah. You pull spot up.
And he begins licking you like crazy. And you hear a growling coming from Smarsh. Monster, eat Kyborg. No, be good. Be cool. Be cool, Smarsh. All friends. Kyborg hurt? No. Kyborg good. Smarsh friend. Spot friend. Smarsh no like friend. Okay, I'm going to just rush Spot to the owner's house. He just kicks him down the well again. Alright.
All right, yeah, you take spot back over to the give and take. Is Smarsh like my, what do they call that? Familiar? Am I familiar? I don't know. We'll have to find out, huh? You're a fighter. You don't have familiars. I do now. I'm actually, well, I'm an archer, so I'm just pulling all these weird moves that, you know, don't fit my character. I assume after that you head back to the tavern. Yeah, sure.
As you all reconvene downstairs at the Little Picker. Bart, your sending stone starts vibrating. Uh-oh. Uh, snooze. Barbara's on fire today. Yeah, that's funny. Uh, Bart answers. He goes, uh,
Bartholomew Finn speaking. How may I help you? Oh, damn. That's your message for today. And he goes, Urgent news. Come to the Throne Gauntlet Tavern immediately. Throne Gauntlet Tavern.
That's back at, what's his face? Back at Boulder Ray. Boulder Ray. Got it. How do we get back there fast? You fly. It's Marsh. That's not the fast way. It's Marsh. That's fine. If I'm with me, if Marsh wants to go back to Boulder Ray. Bart goes and hurries over to wherever his party is right now. Where's everyone? I'm in my room. Everyone's back in the... Little pecker. Little pecker. I mean a hearty breakfast. Comes in and goes, hey guys, we got to get back to the throne gauntlet room. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern. Tavern.
Is there any unfinished business to do here in the city? In the town? I don't know any ghosts, so. The Tabulians? Can I ask them if they want to come with us to get healed? They tell you that they need to return to Titora. Okay. And that they must make haste there now that Umrah is gone. Good luck, my friends. Bye.
I'm sorry all your other friends died. Smarch just snatches him out of the sky. He uses them to floss his many teeth. Can I ask the give and take person how my whistle works that I've been carrying around? Sure, yeah. Hi.
I know I can't. I think we took this not legally. I'll pay for it now if you need me to. But how does this whistle work? Correct. You will pay me for that first immediately, as well as all the other items that I'm missing. I don't have those. I don't know anything about those. Deception check. I do not know anything about those. Right. You there? I was not. I was in the jail. Oh, that's right. You were in the prison. That's right.
Oh, look at you. He's not wrong. Alright. He doesn't have to deceive you. I also wonder how much your life is worth. And that's not a threat. That's just me asking if you can give me this for us trying to save y'all. That sounds like a threat to me. I'm sorry, that is not a threat. Yeah, that's pretty dark, GumGum.
I wonder how much your life is worth. Do you want to ride the lightning? That's not a threat. I'm just curious if you want to ride the lightning. Chick says, well, that whistle was 100 gold. I'm going to have to take out a loan because I need this first stuff. I mean, you did say that, like, oh, however can we repay you? Yeah. That might be what. Did you go there too, Bart? Oh, right.
Well, wouldn't we do this downstairs with everyone? No, Chick would not be there. Chick doesn't, you know, Chick lives in Pius Pass. So Chick would be at the give and take. Yeah. Can I say that?
along those lines make a persuasion check this is the reward for bringing back spot 14. well spot is back here and i guess you did save us uh but you know that did cost me money to acquire you know if i sell that for 100 gold pieces i'm not making 100 gold pieces so i'll give it to you i'll give it away at cost well i don't even know what it does well you can return it i'll take it back what does it do i told you before what it does when you first came to town i don't remember
I don't think Gus remembers either. No, I just don't think it's a problem. From a metagame perspective, it's a whistle that you can blow and it will summon animal companions to help you. Okay. But the cost for me on that unit was 70 gold pieces. I'll let it go for 70 gold. That's my cost. Damn, you really don't have a high profit margin. 30% is pretty good. I mean, man, I really think Chick doesn't have a high profit margin. Oh, and so that's subtracting or saving your life cost, which was 70 gold pieces. Yeah.
We forgot to send the bill, but here it is. I like how you led this conversation with, I'm willing to pay for it, and now you're doing everything you can to not pay for it. 70 gold. Fine. Are you buying it? I mean, I guess. Okay. You hand over the 70 gold, and Chick says, okay, now the trick is, Gum-Gum, which you may not have known since, you know, you did not acquire this legally the first time, is you have to make sure you're attuned to this whistle in order for it to have the most chance for working for you. Mm.
So you need to spend time with this actively in your hands so that you become one with it and then you have a better chance of it working out for you. Thank you. Okay, now go tell your friends to pay me or bring my stuff back. I don't know what you're talking about. They'll know. I gotta get out of here. I think it's time to find our egress. I approach Smarsh and I say, Smarsh want new home? Smarsh king there? Smarsh king everywhere.
Make an animal handling roll. Oh, God. With advantage. This is Smarsh. Because he's your pet. 14. I think you've asked to roll an advantage on every roll this session. With advantage, right? Smarsh asks, where home? Home. Oh, God. Boulder. Boulder Ray. Home far. Oh.
Smarsh right to kyborg? Kyborg bad egg goodbye? Smarsh meet bear. Kyborg cool with this. Take a while for Smarsh. Kyborg understand. Smarsh is best friend. I give Smarsh a big hug. Smarsh likes that. Alright, Smarsh is king.
While this is happening, Bart is pretending to be like the mom seeing their son go away to college. And he's like dabbing little tears from his eyes. And it has like a handkerchief wrapped around his head all of a sudden. Oh boy! You be safe out there on the roads.
Use your turn signal. So Bart has come and told us about the message? Yes. Okay. Then I think Mud would like to make haste towards getting out of town. All right. How are y'all going to make your way back to Bouldery? I think via Hemmobile, my friends. Dun-dun-dun-dun! Cowabunga. What animal are you turning into? I'll be a giant owl this time. Giant owl. What does that sound like? That also screeches. It screeches unlike a bat, which clicks.
I believe I said also wrong.
The pole said I was right. We all know that. Listen, the pole was stolen. Jeez. Both of them? I need pole watchers to make sure there's no shenanigans. Widespread pole fraud. And how far away is Boulder in clicks, would you say? That's actually a distance. I know. It'll take about half a day of travel to get there. It's due northwest from Pius Pass. Well, let's hop in this airship. This plane is leaving. Cowards.
I wave at Smarsh as we fly away. You all take off. Mud, roll me a d6 just for fun. No such thing. Everything's fun. We're playing a game. I learned anything from Black Box Down. It's the most dangerous time for flying is take off and landing. That's right.
Two. Yeah, but luckily this is a very smooth takeoff. You all fly into the sky and leave Pius Pass as a small dot on the ground on the horizon behind you. After a few hours, you begin recognizing the terrain again. You get close to Boulder Ray. You know, you're going to set down just south of the town. You see a nice spot to put the hem mobile down. Roll me a D6 again for mud. Coming in for a landing. Don't forget your pass.
I thought you were gonna say don't forget the flaps. Yeah. Yeah, you land perfectly. It's a perfect touchdown and you all get out of the ahem-mobile. My fly good. You all have been really good with those rolls actually. I think you've only had one complication all the times you've used it. Just 'cause I'm a good flyer. Especially after that nice long rest. We're all feeling good. That was nice. I just start firing all my spells.
Oh.
I guess, I suppose we should just head to the tavern. Yeah, do we see any like signs that point us in the direction of the Throne Gauntlet Tavern? Or do we remember where it is? You remember, and yeah, I mean there are signs to guide around town, but you know where the Throne Gauntlet Tavern is. You've spent time there. Okay, I start heading that direction. I follow. I assume people are coming. I follow, yeah. You all arrive there and open the door, and the whole tavern is quiet and empty, save for Dr. Ahem and Mayor Brink. They look to be sitting in the corner with a hooded figure.
They see you come in and both Brink and Dr. Ahem come over to you. Oh, thank Daya, you got my message. I hope your journey was worthwhile. Yes, we did get your message. Um, we had a great journey, actually. What seems to be the, the...
Uh, the need for us to get here so quickly, Doctor. Brink interjects with a clearing his throat. Dr. Ahem turns to look at him. Brink turns to Mud. He puts his hand on your shoulder but doesn't speak straight away. He just looks at you with a soft expression for a moment and finally says, We'll be, uh, right outside if you need anything. Brink turns and makes his way for the door and Dr. Ahem sighs and exits as well.
Uh, who is it? I've been looking a long time for you, brother. Ah, dang it. Mud's Ark! Whee!
It's me, Clay. Listen, we have plenty of time to catch up later, but you have to come with me right away. It's about father. He's, he's dying. Oh.
Yeah, that's a man. We can really feel the emotion coming from mud. Tune in next time to find out what's happening with mud, clay and their father on the next episode and the next arc of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Oh, clay and mud. Keep that in. Keep that in. I guess clay is a funny name. That delay was great.
I'll spin the cells no more than they should. I thought you said this was going to be simple. Patience, my friend. Patience. Clearly we're not the only ones with our eyes on the future. Then why did you send in the arm-obsessed elf? That quadrant played the role of
Just as I expected. But now the pieces are in place and the game can truly begin.