Dan Licata and Joe Pera
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Bye-bye. Welcome, everybody, to Stobby's World. 904-800-STOB. Call in. We'll solve your problems. I'm pumped. I got two of my best boys in the stew all the way from some parts of Brooklyn. Some probably fucking hard-to-get-here parts of Brooklyn, right? You guys are probably far away from Astoria.

Nice. Yeah, I'm in Brownsville. Nice. Yeah, you're in East New York. Yeah. You're living in Bobby Shmurda's old house. I had a tiny home dropped in the middle of Brownsville. Just calling the cops on all the teenagers constantly. That would be a fun drop. That would be a new Bear Grylls thing is to put like a, you know,

no disrespect, alternative comedy fan who's like, no, we're cool with everything. Tell them they're doing a Bear Grylls style show, but you drop them in a tiny home in East New York and they have to pretend they're not as racist as their parents. They're like, oh no, we're cool with this.

We'll work on that. We'll get that going with Adult Swim. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we got Dan Licata, Joe Pera in the stew. Thank you guys so much for coming through, man. Thank you. And don't worry, Joe, if you want, we'll bleep out what your neighborhood was so that nobody can accost you in, you know,

I appreciate it. It gets weird online. It's not that weird, but one time I posted a photo of myself and it had a recognizable business behind me. And people Googled the address and started to put, they posted where the address was. And I said,

That's so funny that people would do that to you who's got the gentlest dog. All your shit is like, how to tell your grandma you love her with Joe Pera. And they're like, we're finding Pera. We're hunting him down and we're going to call him fucking gay in person. The internet is so shitty that you can have an awesome, cool, just like a...

Truly one of the most wholesome and good... Even when you're a cynical piece of shit, like me and my brothers were crushing Joe Pera Talks With You episodes. Really? It was during the pandemic and we were in... Everyone's losing their mind and it was one of our friends' birthdays and we were like, fuck it, we're going to go to Maryland. We were all cooped up in New York. We hadn't seen our brothers, we hadn't seen each other. So we're like...

you know, it's still when everybody was like worried about COVID. Whereas like now I was sick and I just forgot you could even have COVID. Like that's, that's the thing. I, I took a test. It's like, Oh, they're coming over. I should just check. Thank you for checking. Of course. Yeah. I did have it, but I figured it's been three days. So they said three days. You're good. Right? Yeah. I got the monster energy, uh, vitamin C shot. Um,

They should start doing that. The turmeric and monster energy shot. That wellness shot. Do they make that prepackaged? No, but they should, man. We're coming up with a lot of good ideas so far in this episode. So we were like, all right.

half of us are in Maryland, half of us are cooped up in the same apartment in Queens. So it's like, we'll all test if we're good. We will drive to this remote little cabin in like Maryland. It's one of our friend's birthdays. All he wants is crabs. So we're going to like buy a bushel of crabs. You were going to say crack for a second. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have had friends who, definitely we've had friends who've smoked crack, but that was not what was on the menu. And so, and we just met there and it was just one of those things where it was like,

Me and my bros just got into a fight. We crushed like eight episodes of the show. It hit the spot just right, dude. Because it's actually funny. That's the thing. It's a hilarious show. It's really funny. You guys use... Your casting is...

just as good as any other aspect of it. You know, the performances and the writing. It's like, you get such perfect people for that show. We did, you know, eight-hour casting sessions in Milwaukee, and you get some real nice guys. Like the one diner owner, a

Yeah, dude, I love Apollo. Are you kidding me? I saw Apollo. I was like, that's my guy right there. In fact, if you have his information, I would love to have Apollo on Stavi's world. We'd love to fly him out and bring him on and have him help people. What was he in? He was in some, like, Transformers or something, right? Yes. Yeah.

He's got credits. Yeah, pull him up, Elvis. I just want to look at him again and just smile. He was great. Yeah. We actually had, this reminds me, we had an idea for a Greek episode. Oh, hell yeah. There's a giant mural at the diner we shot at. Yeah, yeah. And we had one where the waitress at the restaurant just keeps looking at it because it's a full fantasy scene. Of course. And then she kind of like...

turns around, you know, the digital effect and gets the miniature and she gets sucked into the painting of Greece. But we got to cancel. We can make it happen. Bring her here. We'll get her stuck in this mural. Would you play the suave Greek man that she falls in love with?

I just yeah I'm speaking only in Greek all my lines are subtitled but she can understand it because she's in the reality of the mural but as soon as she leaves she can't understand Greek anymore yeah I love that she has to choose to come out and continue working for Paul or stay in the painting with you and there's gonna be Transformers in it yeah yeah yeah I love that shit where's yeah dude yeah is this our guy

Wait. Sorry. Without my glasses, yeah. Without my glasses, he looks like fucking Dean Norris even more than he usually does. Anyway. He's great. I haven't talked to him in a long time. He played Marlon Brando? He played Marlon Brando? Yeah.

The man's got fucking range, dude. The fucking guy's got range. Anyway, all right, that's enough. That's enough, Eldis, you motherfucker. Fucking have some better producing instincts for Christ's sake. Now you're just distracting the guests. Pulling up a trailer with... Who the fuck is that? What's his face? James Franco. James Franco. He's pulling up a James Franco bald with a mustache.

Zeroville. Check out the film Zeroville, folks. The movie must have come out just as the allegations against James Crane. He does look the most sex offender in that that I've ever seen him. I just feel like we would have known about Zeroville. Yeah. It said that Seth Rogen was in it, too. Was he? Pull it up, Eldis. You fucking piece of shit.

Zeroville, a 2019 comedy drama with two stars, it looks like. Can you read the tagline, Dan? Yeah, read the tagline for us. Sex, cinema, and punk rock 1969.

How about the plot? Let's read the plot of Zeroville. Wow, this is great. A young excommunicated seminarian named Vicar arrives in Los Angeles on August 9th, 1969. After briefly being suspected of complicity in the Tate-LaBianca murders, which occurred the same day,

Vicar takes a job at Paramount Studios where he meets film editor Dottie Langer. What the fuck is this movie? Oh, that's awesome, dude. Megan Fox is in it? Ooh. So it's a movie with James Franco, Megan Fox, Seth Rogen, and we've never heard about it. Dave Franco's in it. It's a family affair. Craig Robinson is in it. Danny McBride's in there? Danny McBride? What year is this from?

2019? I mean, they... Yeah, this is... Ooh, Horatio Sands, another... Oh, another canceled brother. Damn, dude. Yeah, that's...

That's why I got fired from SNL. I blew the whistle on Horatio. You dressed up. It was like fucking To Catch a Predator. You dressed up in a little dress, and you DMed Horatio Sands. You're like, hey, I'm thinking of getting into improv comedy. Do you want to do one? He's like, yeah, I could teach you all about it. Why don't you come over? To Catch a Predator, arguably the greatest prank show of all time.

Yeah, dude. Fucking Jamie Kennedy could never. The Kennedy experiment could never do what fucking what To Catch a Predator did. Absolutely. My dad was actually in the focus group for the first season of To Catch a Predator. His main note was that Chris Hansen reveals himself too early. Yeah.

Your dad wanted a little more danger. A little more drama. Let them riff a little bit before...

The big reveal. You got these pedophiles, all right? Let's get our money's worth out of them. Let's really see them be animals in person, not just online, not just through the transcripts, where it's like, child pussy liker, 40. It's like, do you like Family Guy? How about sucking a grown man's dick? They're like, oh, I was talking to her about something else.

That was an inside joke that we had. It's a metaphor. Those guys, I love... Because they're clearly stupid. Like, oh, anyway. What a show, truly. I would rank... You got to put that up there. Then it's...

I guess Maury. I don't know if that counts as a prank show, but when they reveal that someone is or is not the father, that's always great. Man, if they made a drug that made you feel like you just got told you are not the father, I would be addicted to that.

That's got to feel so, it does have to feel so sick. Oh my God. And the odds are so, you know, stacked against you. Probably you're like, I did, because those guys know they nutted inside this woman. So they know they're, they know they're, they know they're at least like eligible to be the father. So to have that taken off, taken off your shoulders in front of a studio audience must feel incredible. Yeah, absolutely. I do feel bad for the girls that are just like,

First of all, imagine how your life has to be. How bad shit has to be going for you where it's like you're not sure which of 12 guys is the one that is the father. You couldn't narrow it down to smaller than 12. Your life's not going good to begin with. And then to be humiliated in... It's just... That's a tough one. It is funny when they finally find one after like nine. And it's not even really a celebration. It's just like...

All right, okay. I mean, I think you kind of, I mean, if you do, like, have repeated appearances, at least you're getting that SAG day rate. They probably... I don't know if it's a union production. No, they got to join SAG. You get nutted in by so many strangers, you get your SAG card. That's one way about it. For any aspiring actresses out there, Dan's got a way you can earn.

The Lakata acting school. It's a lot like the James Franco acting school. Dude, I used to crush Maury. He directed this. Franco directed this? It says Striga the...

Wikipedia page. We are going to have to watch this at some point. Gus Van Sant was in it? Are you kidding? Dude, this is awesome. As film archive courier. Wow. Talk about typecasting. There's some really good stuff. Yeah. Check out, what is it? Less Than Zero? No, that's a...

Just zero. Zeroville. Zeroville. This must have come out right as the allocation. 100%. Look, it's a budget $6 million, box office $78,000. $78,000? Oh, my God. You couldn't even buy a house in Baltimore with the fucking box office budget. It's just a shame that Mino got dragged into this. Of course. Yeah, because this is a story that needs to be told.

Sustained on an otherwise untarnished IMDB page. It is nice that the degrees, was that the Kevin Bacon game, the six degrees of Kevin? Like, the degrees between you and the movie Zeroville is one degree. You guys are right there. I feel like a lot of people, Wim Wenders? Wim Wenders is in there.

As Larry? Will Ferrell, uncredited as Rondell. What is this movie? I don't know, but there's some good stuff here for sure. Derek Waters from Drunk History? Wow. This is an incredible find. Shout out to Apollo. Real name, what's his real name? Mino Mackey. That's right, Mino. Shout out to Mino. Yeah, really good stuff here.

Were you guys Maury heads? What was your daytime talk show of choice as children? When I got home from school, it was kind of like Elimidate was on there. Elimidate. That's a banger. We used to watch Elimidate on my laptop a lot back in the day. It's so good. It really hits that early 2000s nostalgia vibe.

Like the outfits. And there was one episode where this one guy was just like, she was like, what do you like to do for fun? And he's like, I know this is going to sound dumb, but sometimes I like to get big sticks and put them in the street. And listen, the cars run over.

It's like, what the fuck? That's awesome. That's awesome because there was an innocence to Elimidate before everyone was online or so aware of their persona. You know what I mean? It was like the first version of people trying to put out some fake version of themselves. Can I say something? I'm sorry to interrupt. First episode, September 17th, 2001. 2001? They didn't even wait a week after 9-11 to start Elimidating.

This is what America needs right now. The dumbest people. The terrorists win if we don't air Elimidate. Osama, that's a victory for him if Elimidate is postponed even one week. That is fucking wild. Oh my god. The first episode of Elimidate comes out September 17, 2001, a mere six days after the towers fell. Wow. That's awesome. Salute.

Yeah, there's something beautiful about a limit date. People didn't really know how to act on TV or know what to do on camera yet. We watched one recently. Somebody put almost all of them on YouTube. Awesome. But it was like dating in Chicago in 2004. And I think that this...

You know, they're all competing for a beefed up dude with a backwards hat. Of course. And I remember in Chicago, it was sort of like one Italian woman and a Polish woman start fighting. Hell yeah, dude. And it's like, this is... Old school race wars. 1910s race wars. Tenement wars. It was wild. They like fist fought? No, they were kind of like making fun of each other's ethnicities, which I guess is...

That's awesome. No, for sure. There was definitely a thing. You didn't know not to be racist on camera in the 2000s. Because that's what humor was for most people. It was just different types of racism. And so that's what's beautiful about Illimitate. Some of the early reality shows before it got too... Even some fear factor was kind of fascinating because...

Some people wanted to win the thing, but some people just wanted to be on camera, and they didn't know how to behave on camera at all. Plus, you get the bonus of seeing young Joe just fucking high as shit, just cashing his paycheck. It's so awesome, just like the weird career Joe Rogan's had. But you get to peek into that level of Joe Rogan, just jacked, clearly high out of his mind, people drinking goat cum, shit like that.

It's, yeah, I do love it. I do love an early, I guess I was never, I watched some of the, Room Raiders, not just, that one was great because all the cum they would show. Their big move was the blue light and that was kind of like, all right, time to make fun of every guy for how much jizz is in his, you know, bedroom. Yeah, man, that makes me terrified of black lights. I'm like, I went into a, there was like a,

there was some venue I was at recently that had like the black lights and I was like dang I was like looking down at my black jeans being like please don't let there just be random stains all over me oh yeah but I was good

Good for you, man. Thank you. I'm glad you passed the jizz check. So you guys were watching, you said you'd watch it on your laptop. Now, is that recent or are you talking like in high school? Because you guys go back, you're a couple of Buffalo boys. Yeah. That go all the way back. All the way. They was at the apartment we lived in together for a while when we moved to New York. Okay. And do we not have a television at the time or did it not have internet or something? Yeah, we just had a...

It was one of those TVs with the built-in DVD player. Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah. So yeah, we would have to watch on my laptop. Man, what else did we watch? It was like a lot of Illuminate.

Those are class. I mean, are we talking like the MTV? I was a big, honestly, like I really, really loved the I Love the Blank series. I was a big I Love the 80s head. I was a big like, and it's so funny, you have no concept of like,

at all. I thought anyone who got on that show was so famous. And then you move to New York, you start doing comedy, and you're like, oh, that was one of the shittiest gigs possible where they pay you like $200 for the day and you have to riff all day. And then you just see the same, you're like, oh my God, Chuck Nice. Nice.

He's also doing this Anthony Cumia radio show that I'm about to do. He's also on Compound Media. I can't believe it. Or Ben Bailey from Cash Cab. He's at the stand with me. You move here and you're like, oh my God, none of this shit. That was the lowest rung of show business was VH1. I love the blank shows. You think about it, you probably remember them

forever in your head. Absolutely. How Sparks. To me, How Sparks is a legend. Laughter

I'm naming my first kid Hal. Fuck, Hal. That's a powerful name. Is that short for anything? It's the computer from 2001 Space Odyssey. Wait, what the fuck is Hal? Is it Albert that you just throw an H at the top of Al? What the fuck could it possibly be short for?

Hal. Harold. Maybe Harold. Henry Harry Harold. Interesting. Weird. Famously used by Shakespeare and King Henry IV. That's the name of the king's son. That's weird. That's like Hank being used for Henry sometimes. Hank is a cool one, at least. Hal is fucking stupid. I mean, no disrespect to Hal Sparks. Hank is a fucking man's name, dude. I would name a son Hank.

um all right so you guys so we're we're so wait so you guys also lived together when you first moved to new york you were in a little shitty apartment hell yeah me and eldest too bro oh nice in this apartment actually we're in this former bedroom right now yeah we're in front of them what else is former bedroom wow what you did with the place man yeah he had the mural up i just i just moved the cameras and this kid he only had one camera to watch himself beat off but i added the other angles

So all the memories are still swirling every time. Oh, yeah. That's what charged me up. We should get a black light for this one. Well, thank you. Elvis' pheromones are seeped into the wall. We'd have to deep clean this place.

We'd have to take out all the drywall and replace it to get it clean. You'll never be able to get that Albanian mist out of here. You're Albanian? Dude. Yes, sir. I learned, okay, this. Yes. I learned this recently. It blew my mind. This should be on the fucking news. The daughter from George Lopez show, not Mexican. She's Albanian? She's Albanian. What? Yeah.

It blew my fucking mind. Wow, add her to the Albanian wall of fame. Yeah. Damn, you know what? George Lopez, get the fuck out of here. You know what? No.

No, I think that's her. That's her. Oh, that's his actual daughter? Maciela Lucia, yes. Yeah, Lucia is very Albanian. Yeah. Wait, she was the daughter in the George Lopez show? Yeah. She looks fucking Albanian. Yep, Albanian-born American actress. She was in the George Lopez show? I don't even remember her in that show. Albania's up next, dude. Dude, no, it's not.

Don't even fucking pretend it is. Find her on the George Lopez show. Come on, man. You're fucking blowing it as a producer right now. You're getting her fucking Albanian headshot right now. Her shit is dyed blonde. Oh, wow. They really put that bitch in brown face. Me and George Lopez. They're like, hit the tanning bed. What the fuck?

Oh my God. You're going to have to add some of this fucking to the YouTube video. And folks, listening audio at home, look up Maciel Lucia, George Lopez show. Maciela. Maciela. Okay, I'd probably beat off to Maciela if we're being honest with ourselves. George Lopez was another one of those because I didn't have...

When we were talking after school, you know, we didn't get room rate, we didn't get that shit until pretty later. So everything at first, and when we did have it, I didn't have it in my room. My family had two, there was two satellite boxes. One for grandma's room, one for our parents' room.

So we didn't get cable. The kids didn't get cable. We had to make do with... So we're talking a lot of like... That's why Maury was big. That's why Ricky... I was a big Ricky Lake head. You know, big fan of Ricky Lake. Jerry. Of course. It's weird that they put it on at that time. It's like they almost wanted kids to watch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder how many 12-year-olds watched Ricky Lake regularly. Dude, so many. I do remember like watching...

some television like that would be like wondering if that's how adults acted. Right, right, right. But some of the MTV shows. Right, right, right. Like with the talking heads and when they're explaining things you kind of as a 10 year old you don't know anything so you kind of take it oh that's how people are like. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like you said you realize that like when our friends started getting cast on those MTV talking head shows like pull

Holy crap. These are the people I was learning from? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, no. These fucking, yeah. Just complete degenerates. Absolutely. There are some golden hearts. It's golden hearts, but fucking dumb asses. Everyone that I know who's, yeah.

Because you think about, I mean, the one, I will say what's kind of funny if you look at it is that if you look at like Guy Code, hilariously, a lot of people on Guy Code got fucking famous. That's the one that kind of sprung stars. And that was the stupidest one. That was like the dumbest one. Like Andrew Schultz came from there. Schultz, DiStefano. Dude, Charlemagne. He was on fucking Guy Code. I mean, I know he was on the radio and shit, but he was like, his profile wasn't that big. And it's like...

Even, like, just a lot of people went from fucking... What was it with Schultz and DiStefano? They were just, like, comics at the time? Just stand-up comics. Yeah, yeah. Like, a lot of people, for a while... I mean, some of these people have faded, but it's like, who the fuck was all... Jesse May Peloso. Just, like, a lot of people had that fucking, like...

That was the credit for like five years. You got to just be a headlining comic if you were on fucking Guy Code. For some reason, that shit, that was in the zeitgeist, baby. Yeah, and it was all shit. Like, if your girl step on your shoes, she sleeps on the air mattress tonight. Yeah.

Yeah, it was none of it was actually... Like, at least the I love the whatever things, it's like they were just joking about, like, you know, fucking... Rubik's cubes. Yeah, Rubik's cubes, pet rocks. But this was like, if a woman doesn't listen, I'm not saying you should hit her, but I'm not saying you shouldn't. It was like, it was fucking awesome, dude. And then that became, and then that was like, oh, yeah, this is awesome. Everyone needs to be looking at this and listening to this. Right, it's like, how...

how did they get chosen to decide how many weeks you have to

I want to hear this physical therapy school dropout tell me when I'm allowed to fuck my best friend's girl. Parents should be the only ones. Exactly. I think that's a state's rights issue. Each state should decide after how many weeks you're allowed to get pussy from your best friend's ex-girlfriend. Yeah.

I wish all comedians should wear Letterman's jackets and have two stud earrings.

In my opinion. Dude, if they reboot Guy Code, I would love to be on it. You have no idea how much I would love to be fucking on there, dude. Should we just say that this is an episode of Guy Code? Yeah, this is basically the Guy Code reboot. We'll get to the questions. There'll be some Guy Code style questions, I'm sure. How great would it be if, yeah, like, I feel like

Tim Allen could have a second act if they just got him to be a talking head on Guy Code. Oh, dude, you're so right. I feel like he's gone pretty far off the beaten path. Absolutely. But if you want to get him back, just get him. Well, that's the thing. I think conservatives are trying to do their own... They're trying to just make their own comedy apparatus, and it's never going to work. There are a few people... I usually think there's no funny Republicans...

And I've met a couple. There actually are some fucking hilarious people that are just conservative, right? It's not as many, but then even those guys, you put, like, look at the show Gutfeld. You'd be shocked to find out there are... How often are you watching Gutfeld?

Dude, I'll throw Gutfeld on every once in a while because it's so good. It's like so horrible that you're like, where was the joke? Because I mean, you know, we're on the road all the time. You're just on, you're in a hotel. So it's like, but when Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives is on commercial, I'll be like, let's see what Greg's up to. And he'll just, he'll say a joke and no one registers it as a joke. But if he's like, woke, trans, people are like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

They just hear like the, like those audiences don't even, they, it's so funny because one of the worst parts of alternative comedy is, and rightfully so, people will be like, it's just people agreeing with themselves where it's like, you know, you've seen it where it's like somebody will just say something and clap there, right? Where people just like, ah, yeah, we agree. And it's like agreeing. Of course we agree. That's not the point of this, but there's still obviously really good,

You know, we've all been on a ton of alt shows where you're like, all right, that was bullshit. You know what I mean? But then there's tons of funny people in those, right? But the Republican comedy has actually become even more claptor than the wokest, shittiest alt show I've ever been on, right? Like, they just want to hear...

gay people are dangerous. They just want to hear that and just, and they'll laugh at just something they agree with. So they're going about it the wrong way. They're never going to make their own show. What they should do is just slowly sneak in a couple Tim Allens, a couple Gutfelds in a guy code where it's an inherently misogynistic like,

structure they would crush on there they got they need to be they need a trojan horse yeah and we're not trying to make greg gottfeld more successful here but if you wanted to be here but tim allen that's how he needs to go about it because if tim allen popped up on a on mtv show or like a talking head show and telling you about like how to control your that would be awesome dude like all these old republicans that would be hilarious

Tim Allen with a fucking leather jacket. Like, you know, he made that sitcom or whatever. You see that? Last... Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's fucking awesome. Jay Leno played like a minor character on the show. Oh, was he? Well, a few acting gigs Leno had, which I think... I don't know how bad... I mean, I haven't seen any photos of him post... I mean, he got lit on fire and then immediately after got into a motorcycle crash or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what...

I don't know what he's looking like these days. I bet he looks awesome, dude. Yeah. Big scar down the middle of his fucking head. That would be sexy Jay Leno. That would be badass. It would be badass if he came out of it looking better. Just a big blow his jaw off. He's got like a normal head. That would be wild. That would be really cool, actually. There's like a big comeback episode of his car show. Yeah. Just like the Phantom of the Opera.

He's got the mask on. Yeah, dude, that would be fun. He's got the cape. And at the end, to the right of the camera, he takes off the mask and says, look at it. Yeah. That would be awesome. A Phantom of... That's a reboot we could get going as a Phantom of the Opera reboot with Jay Leno instead of the opera. It's...

the car show. Phantom of Jay Leno's Garage. Phantom of Jay Leno's Garage. It's like, well, is it Jay? No, it's somebody else. I don't know how we would put it together, but we can figure it out. I think he was doing stand-up shortly after, too. Oh, really? Yeah. Nice. So you can't keep him away from it. Yeah, dude. I can give him credit for that.

The boy loves, yeah, he loves the stage and he loves making money. Jay is a pure capitalist when it comes down to it. Somebody told me, and I don't know for sure, but I think that his wife does a lot of fundraising for like,

like social causes and stuff. Oh, nice. And she's like a feminist and stuff. So he's making all this money and she's giving it. So maybe in the play... That's awesome, dude. He's giving the money. I don't know the full story. Yeah. Megan Keister knows a lot. Okay. Megan Keister's a big... Yeah. What's Jay Leno's wife's name? Something like... A woman with the last name Leno sounds hilarious. Deborah Leno. Lisa. Jane Leno. Lisa Leno. That's pretty good.

No, it's fine. Mavis. Is that? Oh, wow. You've been doing a lot of Googling this episode, Elders. Yeah, she's a philanthropist. There we go. Maybe he's raising money so she can give it to good causes. Maybe. She was the Glamour Woman of the Year. That was one of her awards. Good for her. What? Yeah, that's what her Wikipedia said. Oh, that's true. Good for her. Oh, wow. Perfect.

Alright, enough Googling all this, you motherfucker. This motherfucker's never Googled more than two things an episode now every time he's fucking... So you're going to pitch the reboot of Guy Code starring Tim Allen. Guy Code starring Tim Allen. Yeah, yeah. And then Phantom of Jay Leno's Garage. Phantom of Jay Leno's Garage. And then also the Bear... Like a Bear Grylls style show.

where you put a, like, in this house we believe in science style white person. You drop them in Brownsville in a tiny house. If he can go 72 hours without getting Marvin the Martian spray painted on the side of the tiny home, he gets 10 grand.

Yeah, we got a lot of good ideas. You said drop. It'd be funny if they also, at the beginning of the show, they picked up the tiny house with them in it. Yes. Helicopter. No, literal drop it in. I love that. Yeah. That would probably be the most expensive part of the show, but it would be worth it. It would be worth it to do. They got to be in it. They're strapped in. They're like a vampire on one of the walls. Yeah, or returning from one of the early Apollo missions. Yeah. Space cancer. Yeah.

Parachute you into Brownsville. You can survive getting shot down. Instead of the capsule at the top of the Saturn V rocket, it's a tiny house.

It goes all the way from the upper atmosphere. That's awesome. With parachutes. Yeah, it costs $40 million to make this show, but for that one shot, it would be worth it. We'd need the same cameras they use for Top Gun 2 that are in the fucking Strat. We'd have Tom Cruise flying the plane as well. You know those, like, Fandango or, like...

movie theater live concerts, people would come out to the movie theaters to see a tiny house launched into the upper atmosphere. I agree. I would go, I would be there, no problem. And then, and then when, like, the spectacle's over, they have to just go, they have to, like, actually live in this neighborhood. Then the fun begins. It's like spectacle, and then it's like, all right, here we go. Let's see. Start your life. Start your life. That's interesting. It's like for them going to another planet. Oh,

Oh, they think it's a different planet. Yeah. Oh, we can tell them it's a different planet. A lot of good ideas here, guys. And they believe it, too. We have a lot of... We've honestly... We're crushing the fucking development this episode.

I want to talk a little bit about when you guys were fucking, because we've had some of Buffalo's finest on here already. We had Josh Potter on here. Josh, fucking good guy, was on. I love that he was on. What was that radio show he was on? Reagan and Sneers? Shredding Reagan. Shredding Reagan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 103.3 The Edge.

Yeah. So you guys know all about that shit? The Edge was the radio station. It's like, you know, my sister always wanted to listen to Kiss 98.5. She wanted to hear, you know, Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, whatever. But, you know, if I wanted to hear some corn or paparazzi, you put on 103.3 The Edge. So to be diplomatic, you know, my mom would play Kiss 98.5 for a little bit, then switch over to 103.3. 103.3 for the boys. Yeah.

yeah hell yeah so you guys both grew up in Buffalo your whole whole lives as children yeah love that dude I love Buffalo I love a fat city

You must have had some fat relatives over there. Oh, yeah. It's a good city to eat. Oh, yeah. I think because of the long winters. I think compared to other cities its size, especially having traveled around on tour now, the food is really good. Oh, yeah. I think for any city, but especially for a city its size that bats above its head.

Great food scene. Absolutely. I feel like the Buffalo pizza does not enter the conversation ever, but it's pretty fucking solid. It's ubiquitous. You guys got it everywhere. They give you pizza like it's fucking water in Buffalo. Like every place has pizza at the front desk.

It's fucking crazy. There was this one night we were there for my grandpa's birthday. It was like a big event, but it was super crowded and there was kind of a bit of a wait. And this other family that was waiting in the waiting area had ordered some calamari to tide them

In the benches? They ordered calamari to the fucking waiting area? That stuff seems like a buffalo thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems very buffalo. So then this other guy, he walks into the restaurant and he's not with them at all. And he just very confidently went over to their table, picked up some calamari and ate it. And they were like, uh...

excuse me, that's our calamari. And he goes, oh, I'm sorry. I thought it was calamari for everybody. When has there ever been calamari for everybody? Like the restaurant's putting it out. Like the restaurant's putting out like mints. I respect. I love that guy. So wait, how did you, so when did you guys meet? If you got, you both grew up in Buffalo.

I think it was, my memory is Nick Johnson's birthday party at Lasertron. Oh, Lasertron. Lasertron was the best. It is laser tag, but it was better. Okay. Because, yeah, they... They had some kind of proprietary technology? Yeah.

It was good. They had the really nice smoke machines. It was a memorable event. Fuck yeah. So this is what, middle school, high school, what are we talking? Middle. Middle, probably. Or elementary or middle. Yeah. Damn. Something like that. Shit, when did we go laser tagging for the first time, Elders? Somebody at East Point Mall, they had that laser tag, but...

I don't recall ever going. I don't know if I... Maybe you never went. Maybe I did it like once. Nah, me and Pete definitely went before. Yeah. I got in trouble once at Laser Trump for taking my shorts off and running around in my underwear.

Why were you doing that? A competitive advantage? I just thought it was funny. Yours? Oh, good. I'm sorry. Not only is it wrong, but it's dangerous. The laser goes through your dick hole. Makes you infertile. Yeah, dude. Those lasers are decapitating all your sperm. It's just little tails. This is a surgery-grade laser.

Yeah, that's what made Lasertron different. Those are the lasers they used to do LASIK eye surgery. Don't look directly in the gun, kids. There was one time, though, we went for some kid's birthday party and we were all on one team and then the other team was all these, like,

military veterans that were like part like part of like a national lizard tag league that took it so fucking seriously and they just creamed us it was like not fun oh that's fucking brutal dude yeah it's like all right man i'm sorry i'm sorry the va won't give you your benefits can i just have a nice afternoon with my 12 year old friends you fucking assholes oh that's brutal

That's hilarious, though. I love that shit. A little laser tag. And then you guys were just, you guys were boys since then? Or how did, how does the, how do you, how does the relationship develop? You ever do any, like, were you doing any kind of weird, like, VHS comedy when you were, like, together? Like, how early were you guys doing, collaborating on shit? Yeah, we were writing jokes in high school. That's awesome. Not the,

not performing them really until later. That's when we met Josh Potter. Oh, yeah. We started performing at Buffalo a little bit. Love Josh. Yeah. A lot of good guys. Matt Wayne's from there, too, right? Yeah, Matt Wayne. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Matt Wayne, too. Matt Wayne's hilarious. He felt really bad. I told him the story of what happened. What happened? So, this was the first open mic I ever did, I think. Okay. I was like 18 years old or something. I had a bunch of, like, Terry Shivo jokes or something. It was like...

It was not good, admittedly. That's awesome. But, like, we went to this place, Nietzsche's. Oh, I know Nietzsche's. You know Nietzsche's? I did it the first time I did Headline. I did shows at Nietzsche's. It's nice. They have an open mic. No, they were good. Good setup for comedy. Yeah. So, like, we signed up for the open mic there, and, you know, I was on the list. And I think I was, there was, like, I don't know, 25 people on the list. I was supposed to be number eight, but she, like, skipped over me, and she's like...

oh, I'm sorry I skipped over you. I'm going to have to put you dead last now. Right, right, right. Oh, yeah, that makes the most sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She didn't know you. Yeah, she didn't know me. So Matt Wayne was supposed to be last and he was kind of running the light. He had the right. He was one of the better comedians there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was the big swinging dick at Nietzsche's. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pop dog at Nietzsche's. Yeah.

You don't disrespect him by giving him the light. And he's like, why are you giving me the light? I'm supposed to be the last comic. And she's like, there's one more guy. And he was like, who? Who is he? And then I... Damn. That's hilarious. Feeling himself in Nietzsche's. Yeah. And then I went up and I was like, here's my impression of Terry Shivell at TGI Friday. And then just fucking... And be like... No, is that...

It was actually a little more nuanced. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, it was actually, but no, I just fucking ate it so hard. Do you remember one of those jokes?

I don't remember the punchline. Something about applesauce because like, remember they used to have applesauce at TGI Fridays as a side and then they stopped all of a sudden? I don't remember that. Strawberry applesauce. It was like strawberry applesauce and then just one day out of nowhere they stopped and it was

My dad was not happy about that shit. What a shame, dude. Yeah. But Matt feels bad. I told him that. He didn't really remember it. I don't blame him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just increased the pressure on Dan's first mic. Of course. That was your first mic ever. Yeah, first mic ever. It doesn't... Yeah, you don't think about it. It's just very funny that that was your first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very funny. It's better, though, to have a funny story about it than not, you know? Totally. Yeah. Man, a lot of nice people...

Wait, didn't you also tell me, Dan, didn't you also tell me that you were trying to do some jackass shit? Oh, yeah. You told me that. I forget the story, but you did. Because you guys must have done some goofy shit. Yeah, yeah. I mean, Joe was not there for this, but I got a video camera for my 15th birthday. So it was like, all right.

Time to start putting together the stunt reel. Because Jackass is hot. It was hot. Hot as shit. We're the same age. And now, like, when we're 15, 14, dude, you're like, there's nothing funnier than Jackass. And you're like, I want to be on Jackass. It was the best. And, like, I...

I would bring it to school sometimes and film myself doing stuff. Like I went down the stairs and a sled, you know, I'd get a tray of food in the cafeteria and trip and throw it everywhere. Yeah. Classic. But I was like, I really, I'm not going to get on fucking MTV too with this. So I like went to my buddy's house one day with my camera. Uh, he lived next door to a church and I was like, all right, dude, um, uh, I'm going to take this, I'm going to take this umbrella. I'm going to like climb to the top of the church, uh,

You're going to try and Mary Poppins it? I was like, I'm going to try and Mary Poppins it. And he was like, all right, press the red button. I was like, yep. So I scaled this church, and it's like 25 feet high. And I just ran to the edge and jumped off. And it took probably a second for me to fall 25 feet. And I was like...

Oh, boy. If I had the remote from click, I would hit rewind. And I hit the ground, and it's like truly the sound was the most, well, not the most terrifying, but it sounded like an oak tree going through a wood chipper or something. I heard bones crumbling. I looked down at my legs. They looked like two rubber snakes. There was blood coming out of the sides. Jesus Christ.

Did you see bone and shit? I saw a little bit of bone popping out. So how bad did you fuck yourself up? Well, they were broken. Both legs? Yeah, both legs. Uh...

That's good footage though, man. It's good footage. I didn't get the tape back though. The cops, the cops, so the cops took the tape. No! Because I was trespassing technically. What? Yeah. Wow, dude. This is the most ACAB I've ever felt in my life. Seriously. So we, you've never seen the footage? I've never seen the footage. What? Dude. I don't think, man, it's gnarly though. It must be, but come on. I know. You wouldn't want to see it? Uh,

I mean, it would... Damn, dude. Yeah, it would... I still have, like, dreams occasionally where I'm, like, falling. Like, that feeling of just... That feeling of falling is, like... I mean, it's like a roller coaster, but more... Yeah. More untethered, I guess. Of course, dude. And when you know your legs are about to get fucking broken. I'm so relieved. I, like... I briefly was, like, considering landing... Head first? Or, like, trying to roll or something. I don't fucking know. I was like...

Oh, fuck. I didn't think about how I was going to land, but apparently I did it the right way. They were like, the umbrella actually kept your spine straight, which prevented permanent spinal cord injuries. So that was an, oh, damn, dude. That's wild. So that was, it's hilarious to think you broke both your legs, and that was the best case scenario. Yeah, it truly was. No pins or screws, nothing. Wow, holy fuck.

Damn, you never did no shit like that, did you, Joe? No, no, no. I thought Dan was doing some funny pranks at school that I was laughing hard at. Maybe helping brainstorm for him, but no, not that. Yeah. But it makes me think, like, I wonder, what do you think was more harmful to young men's psyche? Jackass?

Or a guy code. I think the latter. Ultimately, guy code. More breakups, fight with women, bad ideas about dating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jack has some broken bones, but... Couple broken bones. Dan's respectful within his relationship. I think that Jack has might have been...

For sure. And it fostered a real sense of actual, like, brotherhood and community. Like, Jackass is... Those guys are... I mean, Steve-O, he's out there. He's taking Bam on the road now to, like, help him get cleaned up. Because Bam fucking hit rock-ass motherfucking bottom. Not all of us... Not all of us made it out of Jackass, okay. But... That is true, I suppose. I guess... You know what it is? I think, ultimately, Jackass... And it's close. Because the... If you...

If you take out the outliers, it's jackass. But the outliers got fucked up real bad on jackass. You know, it's like, it's like either you're like doing okay, you do, you know, but you still are pretty, you know, you're still pretty like hurt, injured, or you fucking, you know, exploded in a Ferrari. And those are kind of your, those are kind, and I guess, I guess we have to take, if we take the cast out of it and we just think about who the actual like audiences for it are,

Jackass.

probably led to a couple broken bones here and there, but probably fine. You're still, you're inflicting damage on yourself. Here's the problem. It's not, what's the real issue here is that it's not an either or situation and that plenty got the worst of both. You got a lot of fucking dumb asses that probably have some, you know, some domestic abuse charges that also tried to, you know, put a firecracker up their ass at their sister's quinceanera while everybody was watching.

You probably got a little, unfortunately, you probably got a little bit of both going on there, but I would say I prefer Jackass by a mile. As an art, that's not even a question. No question. Jackass is incredible. Every movie's incredible. And of all the reboot, bring back this thing from your youth type of shit, the latest Jackass is one of the best, one of those things. Adam Sandler's special is probably one of the best one of those too. But everything else, I have the nostalgia boom, but everything else is...

Like, a Geico nostalgia thing would be hilarious. Just to see them bring that shit back now. Which we are doing with Tim Allen. We're doing that. Yeah, I wonder. Because, like, they talk about the young people getting their brains melted on TikTok. But, like, there's a lot of garbage out there on regular television with, you know...

grown people overseeing it and knowingly pushing it on. Being like, this is okay. Yes. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Well, look, how about we, instead of thinking about this theoretically, why don't we directly go to the youth? Why don't we directly solve some of their problems? This is Geico 2023. This is Geico 2023 with Joe and Dan. Let's fucking get it, Elders. Hit us with a question, babe. He never gets it right in the beginning. I was trying to time it. It did not work.

Hey, Stav. I've got a little bit of a conundrum here with my uncle. Your uncle? A few years ago, my uncle gave me a copy of the comic book that Wolverine first appears in, Incredible Hulk number 180 from 1974. He bought it sometime when he was a kid, yada, yada, yada, whatever. He gave it to me and he said, all right, bud, you can have it for free because I love you as long as you promise not to sell it.

Well, I sold it. You know, I wanted money for strip clubs, girls, alcohol, that kind of thing. You know, I'm only human.

Anyway... What a fuckin' asshole. Recently, my uncle reached out to me and said he'd love for me to come visit. He wants to go through his old comic book collection, Google some of their values, put them up on eBay to sell, and he also said he should totally bring the comic book I gave you, Hulk 180. I'd love to see it again. We can look up what it's worth. Yada yada yada, that'd be a fun laugh. Well, obviously I don't have the comic book. I broke my promise.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Wow, what a fucking piece of shit. Imagine this guy's uncle, right, doesn't have his own kids, clearly. I mean, the most needing to... This poor guy will never know what having his own child is, right? Will not know a... Probably hasn't known the love of a woman or a man for a while either, right? We're talking old school fucking nerd. Not smart enough to keep... And giving the one...

The one person he's trying to have some kind of like fatherly connection to, trust him with one of his most sacred objects. And this piece of shit sells it, not for anything good, for booze and like strip clubs. And like, it wasn't like, hey man, I really needed this to get a car to get a job. I wanted to pay for school. No, I was just getting fucked up and looking at breasts. You're a fucking piece of dog shit. Let's get that out of the way, first and foremost.

Do you mind if I do my impression of the phone call he received from his uncle? Yeah, please! Please, let's do it! Do you mind scrolling down to the text? I don't even have to come up with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My nephew, I just wanted to say that I'd love for you to come visit. I was hoping to go through my old comic book collection. What are some of the values...

Put them up on eBay to sell. And hey, we think you should totally bring the comic book. I'd love to see you again, my nephew. We could look up what it's worth, yada, yada, yada. That'd be a fun laugh. Thank you. I hope to hear from you soon. Your loving uncle.

Goddamn, dude. You're such a piece of shit. Great job, Joe. Great job, Joe. This guy sucks, dude. I don't know. I mean, yeah. You complete... There's no redemption here. You're a piece of shit. You broke your neurodivergent uncle's heart, dude. And...

I think there is maybe a way out of this. Let's hear it. First of all, just act like you still got it. Go to the uncle's house. You're going to have to hire a guy to beat the fuck out of you. Smash one of your car windows and then you show up and you're like, Uncle, I have terrible news.

I was attacked and they swiped the Hulk 180. Also, you're going to have to really sell it. So maybe some bruising on some parts of your body that might be a little uncomfortable. They say not only did they steal Hulk 180, they did have their way with me. Yeah.

It was a bunch of other uncles. It was a bunch of other uncles, yeah. A gang of uncles. Comic book uncles. Stole the book and fucked my ass. Oh, shit.

Yeah, that's your only way out. I was going to say you are going to have to lie about this. There's no way around it. But can he lie? I don't know. I agree, Dan. Because I don't trust your acting abilities. If you were a good liar, I would say just lie to your uncle. Or if you're a good person, try and get it back. But you don't have any money, probably. So I don't know how you would do it. Try and buy it back or something.

You can't tell him. You really will literally break his heart. You need to get the shit kicked out of you because you're not a good enough actor. So hire someone to beat the fuck out of you. And also, play to your uncle's ego, you know? Be like, yeah, these guys are really, they were cool guys like you. They were big, powerful, strong guys like you who knew about comic books. Um...

And you'd be like, I was just about to get a girlfriend who was impressed by this comic book. And then they came over and beat the fuck out of me.

But make up a story about how you got pussy because of the comic book and he'll feel like a good uncle. He'll feel like he did something for you. Or you can even go one further. You got this girl. She knew all about, she liked the comic book so much, she starts yapping to the local tufts at the comic book store. Word gets out that I got this comic book because I fucked this girl so much and she was talking about me so much. That's the reason I was robbed of my comic book. And also,

ultimately uncle even though I'm in pain I love you for getting me this pussy the beating cancels out I hope you can forgive me for letting them take it I fought to they beat me unconscious I wouldn't let go but they just bested me uncle I love you so much that's your only way out of this you can't be like hey I sold it for some fucking pap

the blue ribbon and to look at some fucking c-section scars you can't tell him that brother yeah now maybe you tell him that or okay now this this is maybe another alternate another option for you maybe you tell him it was a marvel strip club and all the alcohols were like

You know, like Incredible Hulk's drink. Nobody's going to want to go so bad. If he finds out this exists, the uncle's going to want to see it. Yeah, then you're going to have to, like, you know, rent out a strip club. Paint a bit, airbrush a bit green. Yeah, you're better off. But yeah. Yeah, here, put this Groot costume on. Yeah, so good luck, buddy. But yeah, you are a piece of shit for this one, for sure. No, I feel like

We ought to try to do better than the guy codes. So what do you say? Fess up. Say, Uncle, I did something wrong. I know you get a really big oak tree on your front lawn that creates a whole lot of leaves each fall. This fall, I'll come over every weekend of...

October and rake for you. Okay. That's good. We turn a negative into a positive. That's what I have to offer. I'm just trying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just trying to not, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to do anti-guy quote. You're trying to not fix this problem with deceit. You're right. That would be. I'm sorry. Maybe I'm, yeah. No, no. That's not the vibe today. No, no, no, no, no. He needs to hear this. And there's certainly a possibility where like you fess up. You're like, I fucked up bad. Yeah.

I used, I did sell it. I broke your, because look, this guy's also maybe not that old, right? I've done shit like that in your early 20s where you like break a promise to some old guy because you just like don't feel like it. You know what I mean? Like I borrowed, I borrowed. Oh,

Paul would love to hear an example. I borrowed, okay, I feel horrible about this. I borrowed like a rare book from this guy. I was doing a project on the Greek, the military junta in 1967. And I talked to this like old Greek communist who,

who gave me a rare book of his. And he was like, he was so happy to talk to me. He was so happy to have like a relationship with like a young Greek kid who still cared about this kind of shit. And he was like, you can use anything you want. I just need this book back. And I just never gave him the book back. I finished my project and I was like, I'm 17. I'm like, I'm not fucking giving it. I don't know. I can't hunt this guy down. I was like, I'll give it back to him. I got to play Madden real fast. And then it was like, I moved, I went to college and I was like, all right, the book is there.

And I just went back home. My parents had fucked up a bunch of my shit. And my mom was like, oh yeah, put your stuff in this box. And I was like, alright, the book is in that box. I know where it is. And then a year later, I was like, maybe I should give that guy back his shit. And I go to look in the box that my mom claimed it was in. It just wasn't there. And it was like, if I had just...

Kept it safe. Like I claimed I was going to. But, you know, I'm a 17, 18-year-old kid, whatever. And I feel bad and I still... He owns a restaurant in Baltimore I will never go to. I hope he doesn't remember me. Probably doesn't. It feels like an honest mistake, but here's how you make it up to him. Yeah. You still have Greek citizenship? I do. You run for president of Greece. Ha ha ha!

When you win, you give him a shout-out in your election speech. That's awesome. And you say, I never could have done it if this older gentleman didn't lend me his...

military book from the 60s maybe you give him a cabinet position let him be secretary of defense of Greece that's awesome yeah okay alright rename the Parthenon yeah that's a good idea dude alright I will do that so there's always time there's always time to make it up and I guess you're right thinking about it for me it's like I probably could go up to that guy and be like hey man I'm sorry can I buy you does this book exist anywhere can I buy it whatever the cost is I fucked up

So you probably could just be a good guy and be like, hey, Unc, I fucked up. And I could see, now, if this was a regular guy, like, the thing is, his uncle, we don't really got to read on him, right? So if your uncle's the kind of guy where you think, like, he'd accept that and he'd be sad, but he'd be like, okay, here's how you can make it up to me. Hang out with me for a little bit. Maybe it could be, like, a nice, that is kind of a nice gesture. And you're closer, you know? You're just hanging out with him.

And if the uncle doesn't appreciate a little hangout time with the nephew, maybe it's all right then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's my fear is that, like, this uncle doesn't have much in his life, and he gave him, like, his most cherished possession, and his nephew just kind of, like, he didn't even use it for anything good. He used it to go to

Anyway. I don't know. I think like you can't... That is Uncle Cor though, I will say. A deep uncle thing is going to strip clubs and getting fucked up on beer. So we just don't know enough about the uncle, right? If he's a piece of shit... But then again, an uncle that does that is still kind of... His development is arrested and he's like, what the fuck, my Hulk? You piece of shit. Yeah.

You fucking cocksucker. Yeah, if you give something to your nephew, you gotta assume this kid was in his late teens, early 20s or something when the uncle gave it to him. And it's like, he's a fucking kid. But the uncle's a dumbass too. He doesn't know kids. That's what I mean. It's like, you know, the uncle should be like, okay, I'm giving this to him. And like, you know, there's a very good chance he's a little idiot. He could sell it off. That's not how he sees it because he hasn't raised kids. I mean, maybe he's raised kids. I don't want to say that this uncle doesn't have a wife, but...

Probably not. And he's probably going to his son if he does, or daughter, right? So he doesn't know about this shit. To him, it's like, oh, now he's an adult. We can be like equal. And now he just thinks I'm cool. And so he's going to get his feelings hurt because he doesn't understand you can't trust dumbass children.

I guess, but... If you've been an uncle to someone for like two decades, you should know kids are little idiots. And you should just know people in their 20s are like dumb too. Maybe. And yeah, it's like this guy could... And if that guy is that mature, then go with Joe's way. But if he's not, go with the Lakata Stavros method and tell him you got sodomized.

By other uncles. By other uncles. By the way, I keep meaning to plug before we get to the calls, so I don't want to wait until the plugs for the very beginning because you have a new podcast out, Joe. Let's tell the people to listen to that, fucker. What's the pod called? Let them know, and then we'll go back to the questions. It's called Drifting Off with Joe Parra. Drifting Off with Joe Parra. Yeah, it's a sleep podcast, something to listen to.

for 20 minutes before bed and then fall asleep. Smart. Genius. Feeling good at the end. And we got an eight-hour version of the first one on YouTube. Hell yeah, dude. So it lasts a full night. And then, yeah, this month, just April 2nd, we're releasing a new one about...

Video games and I love that. I'll give you the scoop first. We got to Interview with Roger Clark who did the voice of Arthur Morgan? That's a big get yeah, that's a fucking big yet. There's need to talk with him He's I've like spent as many hours with him in his character during early pandemic. Oh, dude Anybody else more?

I have heard him talk more than my mother in the last couple years, probably. Yeah. So, he didn't do the Arthur voice too much, but he's got this nice full actor voice. Yeah, yeah. He's a classically trained actor with Irish accents. Ooh. We did a nice interview, and... All right. I really don't... But we got...

Baltimore hero Dan Deacon did the score for him. Big Danny Deak. So it's a really exciting episode. Hell yeah, dude. It'll be out April 2nd and then there's a few more out already. I love that shit, dude. Yeah. Go listen to the pod. Dan, anything you want these motherfuckers to check out? You can follow me on Twitter, Instagram. Dan Licata sucks. I got some stuff maybe coming in the near future. So stay tuned for that. Put it out there. It'll manifest. Do you want to share or no?

I'll wait to share, but... You're always welcome back if you want to plug it, baby. Thank you, thank you. Of course. Yeah, let's see. You don't have to, bro. No. The guy's Irish? That does the... Irish American. Oh, okay. I think he's from New Jersey. I think his dad is Irish, and he went...

Back and lived in Ireland for a while. Oh, sick. Yeah. So it's really interesting that he's the guy who voiced such a notable Western character. The iconic Western character. But he's a real... And he didn't just voice... That's a big thing I learned is they did the motion capture. Oh, fuck. So the upset...

Kind of when, because it's like, there's a big distinction. He did all of the, all of the movements. Whoa. And it was four years in the motion capture suits. Holy shit. Like, when they're sitting down playing poker. And he said, I asked him what one of the tougher parts was. And he said that, you know, you have to crouch and walk a lot. He said there were, like, days where he had to, like, crouch and walk, crouch and run.

Crouched with gun. Oh, wow. Crouched with this weapon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crouched with the lasso. So he did all of the acting himself and the Arthur walk with the big arm swing and everything. That's all his walk. What about when he's in the bathtub and he almost gets his dick rubbed but you don't quite see it? I asked him about that.

And he says he doesn't remember doing that scene. Oh, yeah, I bet he doesn't. But he likes to play that scene when he plays the game because he likes the dialogue between him and the woman. Hell yeah, dude. Oh, yeah. The dialogue. He's got those memories of him. He's got all those little balls all over his head. Rogers married an honorable man. Yeah, but look, whatever it takes to get into character...

I'm putting food on the fucking table, honey. If I had to get jacked off in a bathtub, I had to get jacked off in a bathtub. That would be me if I was him. I'm not accusing the man of anything. The composer, Ryan, Dan, who did the music for my show and does the music for the podcast, we were talking about that, and he was like, it's kind of like a suggestive scene because they don't actually do anything, even though there's the woman with...

Notable cleavage who comes in the bath and scrubs you clean. Scrubs you nice. But he says there's something almost better about kind of like that tension and then coming out of the bath completely clean. Right, right, right. Clean and still...

Yeah, I don't agree with that. There's something about the tension and then busting that's awesome. What's the point of tension? That's like just going up on a roller coaster and then you get to the top and it's like, all right, take the stairs down. No, I want to take the fucking roller coaster down. I want to bust. I don't want to fucking... Okay, folks, the roller coaster's done. Nah, dude. I've been, uh... I got to do the loop-de-loop. I've been, uh...

This is a new thing I've been doing to get better at skateboarding is, you know, I'll look at porn for 10 minutes, not touch it at all, and then go outside and try to land kickflips. And it definitely has helped me. That's awesome, dude. You're still...

not landing tricks but you're twice as horny while you're getting hurt. He just dicks so hard in some basketball shorts. You're in like a park with children on like monkey bars. Get this guy out of here. Why does he dick so hard and why can't he even ollie? I don't know.

Maybe like I imagine like an experienced skateboarder comes over watching you like you cannot do this anymore. You're going way too hard. That's how I cracked my head open. That's how Tony Hawk did the 720 or whatever the fuck he did. That could be God's code. Don't

Make sure you're not too horny while skateboarding. Try tricks you're not capable of. You're not capable of, man. You're not built for this, man. Your dick is too hard. It's playing tricks on you. All right, here's another question, Big LD. Hey, Stopper. I'm a huge fan of the podcast and everything you do. Okay, so here's my dilemma.

Me and my girl, every time we fight and we, you know, get mad at each other and stuff, like, later that night or later that day, we'll have, like, the best sex. And I mean...

the best fucking type of sex you can think of like porno type shit okay every time we have you know not our fighting days where we're not mad at each other and stuff and we're doing all that sex and stuff but like it's not as good as when we fight right so just wondering you know what can I do I guess to make the sex better when we're not mad at each other so thanks call her a dumb bitch provoke her

That'll have no consequences. This is a problem. I don't know. You know, this is like... Because there is definitely... You see couples... I've known couples where I'm like, this bitch is so annoying. And...

And this guy is just biding his time. And I'm like, I know what's about to happen. They're going to get home. Like, this is their thing. Like, it's tough when you grow up and you're like a weird couple. You're like, that lady's such a bitch. And their husband is like this stoic, doesn't care about anything. And you grow up and you're like, oh, they're getting home. He is plowing that bitch wild. Like, that's their whole thing. And I've been in relationships where it's like,

You know, sometimes I've dated girls where it's like that's kind of their vibe where they're like being kind of annoying and they know that they're getting you upset. And it's like and then that's that plays into it. But in my experience, that shit doesn't last. There's something that's like if you do it too much, it doesn't last. And you can't now this guy's Pavlov dogged himself into only wanting to fuck good when he's mad at his girlfriend. And that, I think, is the issue. Can you create this?

You know, can you create this, like, artificially without being mad is, I think, what he's getting at. Yeah. I mean, if there's some way to do some type of role play where, you know, she's Erin Brockovich and...

I actually don't know the story. And you're mad at a man. Yeah. Marin Brockovich. And you're the like the CEO of the like chemical corporation that's poisoning the thing or whatever she's suing about. Yeah.

Do you have to be mad at each other or can you just be mad? Right, right. Can you look at global warming stuff? Yeah, videos of police officers doing traffic stops, planting drugs on people. Just get mad. Right. Oh, that's true. But it seems like from what he's saying, they have to be mad at each other. Well, that's a good point. Why didn't he enroll his girlfriend into the police academy? I don't know.

And now, and all these cops are doing all these atrocities. You take it out on your girlfriend's pussy. And that way, that way you guys, that way she's, she's kicking in a couple extra dollars to the, you know, relationship with her, with her big cop salary. And now you're taking it out on the police in a healthy way. And, and you guys are better off for it, you know?

And she gets to be around those cool intellectuals in the police academy. She gets to really grow as a person. Sorry, I was in the other room for this question and that response. Here's Nora Dorsett. Joe's over here blushing like a grandma.

So yeah, buddy, I think that's what I would say. Enroll her in the police and then fuck the hell out of her because you're mad at all the fucked up shit they're doing. Good luck. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, you say, what, you, um...

What did you do at work? Yeah, just... Then she comes home and tells you about her day. What did you do today? You fucking... I costed a black teenager who was just trying to buy a cinnamon bun. He was holding a cinnamon bun and you were like, drop the weapon!

I will say my girl's been trying to do Pocahontas, John Smith role play. And I have to tell her, I can't do that. You are white. And then she goes, no, I'm partially Native American. I'm married to Elizabeth Warren. I don't know if I can tell you that. This is a... Sorry, I don't want to...

No, please. I was employed at SNL for a couple years, and the only time I ever kind of lost my cool on someone, it was like I had gotten like 10 combined hours of sleep in three days. I was like dead tired. I was trying to take a fucking nap in my office, and all of a sudden there's this frantic knock on the door. I wake up, and I was like, yeah. And this intern's like, hi, just wanted to see if you wanted to get a selfie with Elizabeth Warren. I was just like, get the fuck out of here.

I'm so mad. Fuck, dude. Were you there when the big man? Were you there when Trump was there? No, no, I wasn't. No, you hadn't been hired yet or what? No, not yet, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah, I guess because that was when he was running. Yeah, that was like 2016. Damn, dude. Yeah. That's fucking hilarious. Who was the funniest guy? Who was like the weirdest person that was there when you were there?

I mean Eddie Murphy Well I mean Eddie Murphy That's sick So Eddie Murphy was like Cool division And then lose I mean Elizabeth Warren's Gonna be hard to top Yeah Well Eddie Murphy I think wanted to fucking Uh Feed me to a pack of Heighteners Cause I pitched him Uh I pitched him The nutty centipede So It was gonna be like The human centipede With all the clumps And He looked at me like He wanted to fucking kill me Ha ha ha ha ha ha

I'm not insane to be. That's so awesome, dude. I love when you hear stories about like, like, dude, you're funny as shit, but it's like, SNL is just the most like corporate, like just churn it out bullshit show. So the idea that they hired you, there's always like, Dave, it's funny to hear that you work there and then like, there's, you hear about like hilarious people that work there and hate, wanted to kill them. Like Dave Attell was at SNL for a year. No way. Yeah, he really was. They hired him, Sarah Silverman, like a couple people that it's like, what? And then like,

And it was like David Tell, because David Tell was like the king of New York during one era. And I guess they were just trying to get cool. Like, you know, they'll do that every once in a while where they're trying to get somebody cool. And then they get there and they're like, oh, it's impossible to do anything that creates... Like you see it with I Think You Should Leave and like, you know, how so many people that leave there get to do actually better shit. Barry's a great example. I mean...

Even though that motherfucker, he got plenty of shine on SNL, but still. Yeah. It's just so funny. That's so fucking hilarious. But the idea that they would even put you in a position to get... That you would be able to face-to-face pitch Nutty Centipede to Eddie Murphy is so awesome, dude. If only we could make it happen. I've been thinking of a joke the other day. It's not true, but we were joking around. Like, if...

They were trying to replace the Weekend Update guys with the Thousand Pound Sisters. That would be awesome. And Dan was the one who stepped in and was like, guys...

We got to keep Jost. And he's like, I'm threatening to quit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. First, if they replace Jost with the Thousand Mounds sisters on the weekend update. And it's not a fatphobic thing. It's just weekend update, that's a man's job, okay? We tried it with Tina Fey. It didn't work. It didn't work, okay? Now, we read you loud and clear, Joe. You think that, too. No, no, no. I don't know how that works.

You're in here first, folks. Joe Perro. Men should read the news.

Even the joke news. Women, not bitches. They can do what we can. But excellently, especially the thousand pounds. Especially the fatter they are, the better they are at the news. Only fat whores should do the news. Joe Pera. You heard him, folks. He said it from his lips. That was the thing that made me lose my cool, is that you called the thousand pounds sisters whores. Yeah.

Even if I can stand up, you're like, I'm out of here. I'm over the camera. That would be awesome, dude. Honorable women. I haven't watched them. I just, it's just, I don't know when. That's why I got the Discovery Plus app to watch one other piece of junk. I'm not going to say what it was. But scrolling past them, it's just like, wow, what in the world? Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, but I don't know.

Why not let them host? I would love to watch that. That's a great idea. I just don't want Jost to be out of a job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He seems like... I would guess you guys hit it off really well. Well, it is like a brotherhood. He was my brother. Once a brother, always a brother. If he ever tried to be replaced, I would march into Lorne's office and be like, look, we're family, okay? Yeah.

Ohana. That's a Lilo and Stitch. Warren is a huge Lilo and Stitch fan. He's got a custom-made Stitch Sibian in his office.

That's awesome, man. He seemed like a Stitch head to me. Yeah. I don't think, dude, kids these days, I don't think when they hear Stitch, I was trying to talk about Stitch on stage recently. I was saying that Hunter Biden's got the type of crack that make you go super saiyan. I was like, I wish I could get my hands on that. I only have the type of crack that turns you into Stitch. But I think kids these days,

Kids hear Stitch and they think of TikTok because that's like a TikTok. Oh. What a shame. It's the Moana generation now. Yeah. I guess in terms of the surfing. Islander Disney characters. It's Moana. I know it's not the same exact place, but. Yeah. Yeah. Evocative of similar vibes. Yes. Anyway. What are you going to do? Let's do a couple more here. Try Moana. Try swapping it with Moana. Is there a Moana character that acts very frantic and chaotic? Stitch-like.

Was there a bit? It wasn't even really a bit. It was just like a riff. I can only get the type of crack that turns you into Stitch. Well, what if you say Stitch from Lilo and Stitch? I should have. You should make it obvious it's from Lilo and Stitch. Again, I've only said this like twice. It wasn't like a bit I've been working on. Or if you want to go frantic, you could do the guy from Thornberrys, the flea played. It was like...

You know that guy. And then you can do an act out. You think they know who Thornberrys are? I think if you did the noise and you said flee, you know, the guy flee voiced from, if you didn't even say the character, you just said flee voiced him from the wild Thornberrys and then you did an act out, I think it could work. Okay. I'm just imagining you had a comic club full of Zoomers and Dan comes off. He's like, oh, my stitch bit didn't work. And they're like, no, watch this. And you go to the,

i also love that you're like at a zoomer comedy show uh let's do a couple more here before we get the boys the boys got to go to a formal affair afterwards we don't want to keep them too long although this is flying by boys this is so fun

Yo, what up, Stav? I'm just out here walking my dog in beautiful fucking Arkansas. I thought I'd ask you a quick question I've been wondering about. I have a co-worker and she and I were like kind of we're like a little buddy-buddy. We're like, you know, she's like a sort of like acquaintance at work. We were chatting in the lunchroom and I

I made some joke that used the word Polak in it, and she started crying because she told me it was a slur to Polish people. It was like the K word for Jews, but for Polish people, like that level of offensive. And I was like, no, Polak is like Canuck for Canadians. It doesn't count. Anyway, I just wanted to know, is Polak offensive? And then like as a sidebar, I've always wondered, am I allowed to say Malacca?

All right. Love you, bud. Bye. That's fucking awesome, dude. I mean, I don't want to get too white women are out of control, but the bitch started crying because she's clinging to Polack.

Just want to be persecuted so bad that it's like, oh, you're being, come on, relax, lady. There's a certain podcast we could play her. She would die if she listened to it. Just combust. Also, why is this guy just throwing around the worst poll? What joke do they feel was necessary to

I know, it is true. This is going to kill at the water cooler. I tried to make up one of those ones. It was like, why did the Polack get arrested? Why? Because he was filming a sex tape and he thought it was with a woman, but his friend just put a wig on a dog.

Anyway, I could use another couple of drafts. That's good stuff. You follow up Thornberry. You tag that with a Thornberry's reference. You're failing, brother. Oh, God.

I mean, okay, yes. Joe, I think you're right. It's like, why are you saying Polak in the lunchroom? This is one of those where no one's right. It's like, yes, is she a dumb bitch? Of course. But are you also stupid? Yes. Maybe you won't go as far as calling her a dumb bitch, Joe. Maybe, but... No, I wouldn't. No.

Joe's on the record. This lady's not a dumb bitch. Me, on the other hand, I'm on the record. She is. So, you know, do your own research, folks. Dan, the consummate centrist, is in the middle. He sees both sides. I'm a centrist. I love both Hillary and Trump. I wish I could have voted for both. But, yes, you don't... Here's the thing. Whatever the situation is, you don't want to be the guy arguing that an ethnic nickname...

is fine to say. You never want to be the guy being like, oh, come on. It's like, you know, it's not that bad. You never want to be that guy in the workplace. The, oh, it's not that bad guy. You're already fucked if you're... Because to be honest, in the workplace, it's about... It's just about the vibe you're throwing out there. And if...

If you're making people be like, oh, that's the guy who's throwing Polack out there, which, again, is funny. I think old timey white racism is great personally. But then again, I don't have you work with H.R. You know, no one's no there's no H.R. It's Stavi Baby Enterprises. So it's kind of a wash and you will be in the wrong because it's.

And I know you're like, come on, I'm in Arkansas. Aren't I allowed to be racist here? That's what I would have thought too, pal. But I guess times are changing. That's the one slur in Arkansas that takes people over the edge. You could have said the N-word, no problem. But you start dropping white-specific slurs. You're in trouble in Arkansas. Ha ha ha ha.

What does he mean at the end? What is, I don't, Oh, Malaka. Yeah. That's a Greek term. It's Jack. It means Jack off. You can say Malaka. It means the, the actual definition is jerk off, but it's kind of like asshole for us where it's like just the go-to slur or not slur, but the go-to like basic profanity. Got it. Malakas. Um, so you can say Malaka all you want, but yeah, even though you did nothing wrong in my eyes, I'm a comedian. Um,

I mean, there's different standards for the workplace than what I think. And yes, is this woman out of control? In my opinion, yes. But hey, man, you're still you're going to get reported. You can't go to HR and be like, oh, come on. Stav said I can say Polak. You're fucked.

And crying is hilarious. She started crying because of this. Again, don't get me wrong. She's an idiot, but you're also fucking stupid. And you're putting yourself out there for no reason. Basically, you misread the situation. You thought you were buddy-buddy enough to be light racist with her. And it's probably a little more offensive than you're leading on. I don't think it's quite Canuck level. It's certainly not K-bomb for juice. She's out of her mind, but...

Either way, the juice is not worth the squeeze when it comes to saying Polak in the lunchroom, in my opinion. Super funny. I thought it was going to go to like, oh, this was another Geico type question. Yeah, about the fucking in the workplace? Yeah, and I was like, nope. He wanted to refer to Polish people that way. And I go, oh, yeah, where's Stavis world? No.

Welcome to Stavi's world, brother. It was a good misdirect, honestly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we do get a lot of, am I allowed to try and fuck my co-worker? That's like half the questions we get. Yeah, but we're back into... We're back into racism. Right back to Stavi's world. All right, let's do one more. Let's not keep the fellas all fucking day. They got places to be. Hit us with a nice one, Eldis. Hey, Stav. It's me. Love the pod.

I was wondering if you could help me. I need some advice. Okay. I've been seeing this guy that I met dancing at the club last year. Cool. And he's cool. He's got like a big dick. Nice. And he's French. Nice. Just cancel out. That's cool. But he doesn't have a lot of time for me. And that was cool at first. So anyways, I don't want to hear out this is it.

It's been about a year, and I told him I wanted to start seeing other people and also keep seeing him. Side note, this is mostly because I started to develop a work crush on this guy, on this other guy. And I wanted to fuck him. And so my boyfriend was, like, fine with it.

And then I hooked up with the crush guy from work. Okay. And now I just feel like, I don't know. I guess my question is, like, should I keep seeing both of these guys? Oh, also the crush guy, like...

I don't know. We don't speak the same language. Because he only speaks Spanish. And I only speak a little bit of Spanish. Please don't use a slur for Spanish. But I don't know. I feel like neither of these guys are...

going to be my husband which now I'm like 33 so I'm like oh no I need a husband and so I'm just freaking out but I guess like I'm getting some D's so my question is kind of like is it okay Stav to just keep fucking these guys please tell me what you think thank you

And thank you for all that you do. Of course. Joe, you want to take this one? I feel like we know exactly what you're going to say. Well, okay, yeah. I might as well give my answer to set the tone and then we can hear from our guests.

I mean, you're in a great... I don't see the issue here, right? So you're in this relationship with this big dick French guy. He doesn't really give that much of a fuck about you. And some, you know, there's a guy at work you want to fuck even though you can't communicate, which, respect. Big respect for that move. Fucking, you got to be like...

Fucking signal to him like he's a horse. Put fucking sugar cubes bleeding up through your pussy. You can't even tell him you want to fuck. Awesome. That's awesome that you figured that out. You can't even communicate with this guy. And, okay, if both of these guys, you're right. None of these guys are going to be your husband. You're getting dicked down, you know, six ways to Sunday. You're in a nice spot.

It's starting to creep in. You know, you're 33. I think honestly, I do empathize with this woman. I feel like I'm in a similar point in my life where it's like I'm 35 or 34. It's starting to kind of kick in where I'm like, just fucking random people. Not that it's cool, but it's not that cool. And I'm looking for the next thing. She you are friend here. She seems to be in the same predicament.

So you know it's not going to be either of these guys. I say, I don't see anything necessarily wrong with fucking these guys for a little bit longer, but if you do want to make the pivot to looking for a husband or at least looking for something a little more serious, you know, looking for something more serious with somebody whose language you fluently share, you are going to have to at some point...

switch your thought processes and you're going to want to get away from just getting dicked down and you're going to want to try and

Talk to somebody who... And only fuck people that you think that you see some potential in. I'm not saying you can only fuck somebody that you want to get married to, but I'm saying you got to start fucking people that at least you can look at the roadmap for something serious. And that's how you start. And there's going to be some failures. There's going to be some false starts. You might retreat to a little, you know, get a little French side dick just to tide you over if you're going on dates that don't pan out. But...

You're kind of in a holding pattern. And you might be busting a lot, and that might be cool, but at a certain point, you're going to have to trade in the short-term busts for a long-term situation if you want to get this to work out. So that's pretty much how I see it. I don't know. What do you boys think? I mean, it sounds like she's just trying to, like, treat her pussy like a passport at this point. There he is. There he is. I mean...

Almost made it to all that stuff. You're rubbing off on me. Stamp that bitch Mexico, France, fucking Cameroon, if I had to guess. You know, it's a lot of different stamps around town. And there ain't nothing wrong with that. Stamp it up. But at a certain point, you know, you're going to want to find one stamp. You're going to want to put the stamp on a marriage certificate. That's right. That's right.

Yeah, I mean, I honestly just want to tell these people, like, yeah, it's not that hard. You could just, like, just be fucking normal, you know? Yeah. Like, what do you want from us? Like, just be normal. Yeah. It seems to me there's a great opportunity to learn new languages. Yeah.

I mean, everybody, you know, do the Duolingo or online learning program. She's got somebody to really, I mean, they may not think, but she's got someone to practice Spanish with. That's right. She's got someone to practice French with. Yep. Japanese so she can watch anime with no subtitles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be great. Yeah, so I don't know. Maybe she uses it as an educational experience. Right. Meanwhile, if...

Yeah, I don't know. It seems to me like she really maybe is hoping the French guy gets serious with her. It's not going to happen. That's not going to happen. I know, but it seems like she might just be...

hoping still sure sure which everybody hopes that a French man will come yeah right whisk them away a big dicking French guy France yeah climb his big ass dick like a ladder on the last chopper out of Saigon please please take me to Lyon yeah

Yeah, I like that. She's using it like a passport. She needs to start using it like a fucking premium Duolingo subscription. If she's working towards marriage, she learns more languages. That's an impressive thing to pull out on dates. Absolutely. She could take a guy. Like, hey, how did you learn all these languages? Don't worry about it. I was good at school.

So you meet a woman who speaks French, even though she had a French lover for a period of time. That's a great point. And you're like, this is kind of neat. This is a worldly woman. Worldly woman. I'm never taking her to France. She's never going to France. You've heard those stories, though, about people who get traumatic brain injuries and they come out of the coma and they magically speak another language.

language or some shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could just do that. Just like if you want to learn languages, just bash your head against something as hard as you fucking can and just hope that you magically learn a new language. That is a good... Is your real advice to stop having sex with both of them and also bash your head against them? Fucking...

I mean, I remember in high school, I didn't go to Spanish class all semester and finals week was coming up and that's what I did. He badges that into a rock. Yeah. If only you knew you could head down to Home Depot, get yourself a boyfriend to teach it to you. Yeah.

Okay, so, yeah, I think you're going to be fine. I think you're going to be fine here. You know what it is. You got it. And you're just, Joe's probably right. You're probably a little, you've been waiting around for this French guy. He's not going to figure it out. So decide. At a certain point, I do think you have to make a bit of a, now, my hope is that I just, if I keep being a little slut, somebody cool will pop into my life.

And then, you know, I'll just exit the lifestyle that way. I don't know that that's necessarily going to happen. I do think I at least have made the decision that once this tour is wrapped up, I've basically been on the road for two years in a row. And there's no way to have a serious relationship. I don't even see my friends that much, you know. It's hard to make a serious relationship work. I've made the decision where it's like, look, I'm going to fucking come out of this thing. I'm going to stay in New York for a couple months.

Even my fall tour is only going to be like, uh, it's going to be pretty heavy for September and October. You're giving specific dates. So the women who might be interested. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When, when they try and trap your boy, uh,

September, October, November, I'm going to be out. Or no, actually just October, November, really. And then the rest of the time, I'm going to actually try and live in New York, try and be a regular fucking human being, go on some cute little dinner dates, get to know some people before you get sucked off by them. You know what I'm saying? And you might need to try and do similar things here, Toots. That's all I'm saying. If you really want to find the husband. Although you sound cool, I have to say. Someone's going to be very lucky, right?

It sounds like, just from your whole demeanor. When are you in New York again? So she knows. Yeah, it's just, where's she? Did she say where she's at? Learn to speak Greek. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to learn Greek? I don't think she said where she's from. Anyway. Smart. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Don't dox. If you're a hot girl, do not dox yourself. Is that her phone number? Yeah, but don't say it. All I'm saying is I recognize the area. I can't wait.

to listen to this podcast when you fall in love. It's going to be... It's going to get us so corny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to be like, dude, just... You're harming yourself right now. Just giving away your most cherished asset. No, I'll never look at pussy that way, believe me. Even when I'm in love.

I think we should all get the fuck as much as we want and then we want to lock it down. It'll be nice. But it will be interesting to see the switch that happens because I will become a family man at some point in my life. But I will continue this show because I think it'll just be an interesting change of perspectives and we'll keep bringing on different types of dirtbag. Like right now, I like to balance it out with

less dirt bag. I do a lot of dirt, although we did have Big J on and it was a double dirt bag delight when it was me and Big J on here. But I like to balance it out with different perspectives. So if I become a family man, we'll get more pieces of shit in here. You know?

Just a bunch of chubby four-year-olds running in the podcast. That would be awesome. Have my fat sons on here. Abusing Uncle Eldest. Yeah, call Uncle Eldest a bitch. Socrates Halkius. Aristotle Achilles Halkius.

I'm definitely giving my kids Greek-ass names. Name your daughter Demeter after the Greek goddess of agriculture. That's right, brother. Isn't that a good one? It's a beautiful name, but she went to hell, right?

She goes to hell half the year. Either her or Persephone. I don't remember. It's either her or her daughter. I think it's Persephone. You have enough daughters you could name them all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's some good ones. Dimitra is a great name, though. Anyway, so yeah, good luck. We believe in you. You're going to find the husband. You just got to decide when to stop fucking, you know, just fucking randomly. It's a mind shift. You got to secret that shit. Yeah.

But anyway, boys, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It was super fun. It was a blast. We could do a couple more hours easy. But I appreciate you. Go listen to the podcast. Follow Dan on socials, all that kind of shit. And thanks for listening, guys. We'll talk to you next time. Bye-bye.