Bonus #84 - Benny Feldman [PATREON PREVIEW]
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My wife, she installed a hair catcher in the shower because her hair was clogging up the drain. I thought it was a good idea. Bandy. So I was catching all the hair up, didn't think of it, but did find out that's where I jack off. There was a situation where all of my cum fused with the hair in the shower drain. Created this...

Just disgusting, disgusting mess. That when she went to clean out her hair, she just wasn't really happy about. Sure. So it's been about a week now. I can see where she's coming from. She still kind of brings it up about how gross it is. And she can't believe I did that. And, you know, I just don't know what to tell her. And, like, I kind of want it to just be over with. Like, I'm not doing that in there. But, like...

Yeah.

Yeah, that's tough, man. I mean, you probably should have cleaned the cum yourself, right? I thought collecting them in jars, dude. Yeah. A little hairy cum. A little bit of you, a little bit of her, a little bit of you, dude. It's our son.

Start fucking putting little shoes on it. Preserve it in formaldehyde. It's like a Marcel Bichon. Oh, dude. Like little voices with it there. Well, and you know that's disgusting because we've all seen how cum reacts to water.

So it must be just those little fucking globules of the stickiest elements of cum. I wonder, though, do you guys use those shower drains? Because sometimes when I'm done in the shower, it'll be hair mixed with shampoo, and that's not that different from cum. Sounds like this guy is cumming a lot, though. Sounds like he was like, I jack off there a bunch.

Well, it sounds like it happened one time. Just once, huh? Yeah. Interesting. Just like have her there also in the shower. What's happening? Well, he's married, man. I know people jerk off in a relationship. Yeah. Understand? They're probably not fucking the way they used to. That's true. And now she's taking his jack-off shower. Yeah.

I mean, her being this annoying about this is kind of crazy. Yeah. I mean, whatever. People jack off, for Christ's sake. Yeah. It's like, it happened once. I mean, yes, you don't want to clean up cum. You don't want to... Surprise cum is never a good thing. There is no scenario where you get cum on you in any way and you don't want it there.

Unless you really want it, it's bad always. I admit that. Even in the context of your own home with your husband. It is crazy that it does that with water. Do you remember the first time you were like, whoa, I fully thought this would wash down the drain. Right, right, right. This sucks. Yeah, yeah. That's a bunch of bullshit. Absolutely. That's why tissues and napkins are such a...

Is it oil-based? If you shower in oil? No, it is water-based for sure, but I think it's kind of like a... It's protein. I mean, water's definitely in it. Yeah. Look up the fucking chemical composition of jizz. What's in common? Citric acid.

Semen contains citric acid, free amino acids, fructose enzymes, phosphorocoline. Oh, that's what I thought it was. Prostoglandin, potassium, and zinc. Interesting. Very, very interesting stuff, which really helps us out a lot. I mean, look, how do you get your fucking annoying wife to get off your back about a little jizz down the drain? High fructose cum. I don't know. I mean...

I'm not. You're the only married man here, Aldous. What would happen? You know, what would you do if you got caught jacking off? This is interesting. I mean, my wife does complain that I never clean the shower drain. So I do feel for this guy. And if there was cum, it probably wouldn't be a good situation. Now she's annoyed. I could see like cum making her angry. That's true. What's the context here?

You know what I mean? Like, did you clean before? Can you be an overall? Because this seems like you could de-escalate it by being a cleaner guy in general, potentially. Potentially. Do you want real advice? Yeah.

We shit on them and then we give them real advice. And then we end with shitting on them again. For starts, definitely clean it out after every single time you take a shower. Just get a paper towel, wipe it up on the inside if it's the kind I'm thinking of. Then she might think you're jacking off in there. Then she might think you're jacking off and getting rid of the evidence. Start putting hair thickener in her shampoo so she loses less hair.

Loses less hair. Yeah, yeah. That way it's just your cum. She doesn't have to worry about... Or start cumming in her shampoo. In her shampoo. And that way... How about the... Oh, here's what you do. She'll be like, my hair's looking great. You cum in her shampoo and you start showering in a different... In the other bathroom.

And then she finds cum in there. Now she's like, wait, maybe it was my shampoo doing this the whole time. Maybe it wasn't the jizz. Little does she know you've been adding jizz to her shampoo. Gaslight her after you've already cum cleaned. Until she just believes the far-fetched logic. I think it makes a lot of fucking sense, Eldest. But yeah, I don't know. What would you do? Let's say you were in the doghouse for being a dirty boy. You would just have to clean more, right?

I don't know what I would do. Honestly, I probably wouldn't do much differently, to be perfectly honest. I would just, like, chuckle it off every time she brings it up. Be like, gotta do what you gotta do. Say something like that. You know, give her this kind of energy. And, you know, she'll get over it. But, you know...

I think just do that. Just let it blow over for a couple more weeks. Take the lumps and... Yeah. I mean, how long did he say it was? He said it was two weeks. Two weeks, yeah. I mean, if she's still talking about this one full month later, it's like, come on. It's like, what the fuck do you want? What the fuck? Yeah, true. What the fuck am I supposed to... All right, you got me. You don't do anything annoying? It's weird. If she's still complaining after a month and they're... Divorce her. Divorce her.