Bonus #74 - Tommy Sinbazo [PATREON PREVIEW]
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Did I ever tell you I had to cut a guy with a box cutter? No, he didn't tell me about that. You didn't know about that? When was this, in Lakeland? This was growing up in Lakeland, like late 90s, right? Me and my three buddies were walking down. There was a big park that apparently the city had no idea there was a park there. Oh, wow. Because we'd had a community meeting where they're like, hey, this giant steel rocket ship seems pretty dangerous. And the city representative was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, that's awesome. The park.

So you just built your own little community park? Yeah. No, there was a park back there with a basketball court, and me and my three buddies were walking down from his girlfriend's house, and we saw like 15 black guys down there playing basketball, right? So we're like, fellas, let's get in. Let's talk. Shirts versus skins. Room for three more gentlemen. We were just about to play D. Yeah.

So we walk... This is also West Baltimore in 94? Yeah. That's insane, dude. That's crazy that you're alive. That's so fucking funny. So we decide to walk around the park and not cut straight through it. Sure, sure, sure. But...

They must have saw us because when we're going around to the connecting street now, this group of 15 is walking up past us. The whole team comes up. Wow. And my two buddies cross the street, but I knew like two or three of them. Sure. You're going to talk your way out of it. What's up, Anthony? Yeah. What's up, Beaver? That's cool. Black guy named Beaver is awesome. Beaver was huge. Beaver was like 6'5".

A 6'5 toddler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get a lot of... It's kind of like Eldest, basically. You get a lot of huge simpletons.

A lot of lead paint, probably, for Beaver. I walked between this wall, this retaining wall, and them. And out of the corner of my eye, I saw fists come. Whoa. Right? So I turned my head, and they hit the back of my head. Glasses come off. Holy shit. And I would love to end this story with, so then I remembered my training. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, I ended up balled up on the ground. Getting the shit kicked out of you. Just stomping the fuck out of me. Where does the box cutter come in? Well, hold on. Sorry. Yeah.

I was like, damn, Tommy fucking fought off a bunch of black dudes with a box cutter. Once they got tired. Once they're winded from beating the fuck out of you. I gotta get all this white boy off my shoe.

So they turn to leave. They all walk away. There's only one left. And I stand up to go get my glasses. And the one's like, you better turn the fuck around. And I was like, I'm getting my fucking glasses. And he runs around the corner. Did the glasses survive? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. They went flying off and landed. And as soon as I was like, I'm going to get my glasses, he ran. And he was like, hey, he's back up. Yeah.

Came back around And it was Friday after next I got jumped again So this time Now they got a deep tissue burn Right A lot of lactic acid Build up in their calves from stomping you So now by the time They walk away this time You know I get back up I look like Wally Coyote when a boulder falls on Piano teeth

Apparently my friends had run down to my house and went, hey, Tommy's getting jumped. So my loudmouth ghetto sister comes up. TT. Shout out TT. Oh, man. I'm going to guess she was acquainted with at least 11 of those 15 guys. Biblically. A fucking white girl named TT in that neighborhood in 94? Oh, brother. They ran a soul train on her.

So she sucks them off to create a diversion. To further tire them out. They're on the edge. So we go walking up there. My dad has this huge staff, this huge old, right? Yeah.

And so we walk up and he's like, let's stay a couple. He has a staff? Like a big cane, but it's from an oak tree. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. So he's like, hey, let's stay a couple blocks behind him. Yeah. And we'll walk, because we called the police. We'll flag the police down. Right, right, right. So we go up a couple streets. If it looks like they're literally going to execute Tommy, we'll jump in. But in any other way, we're just going to jump. They have to wait for me to signal the archers. Yeah.

So we follow them up until that group of 15 meets up with another group of 15. Like, hey, tag in, fellas. We need some Arizona iced teas. It was like a boss fight and double dragon. So we're staying back, and then my sister, she started going, why the fuck does God need bitches? Bitches, right?

And they surround her, right? And it's like wolves. One will hit her from the back. They're hitting her sister? Yeah, they're beating the shit out of my sister.

And she would turn and then someone else would hit her from the back. And now my dad, they just fucking bum rush my dad, right? And Beaver. They fucked up your whole family? Beaver takes that fuck, that Kugel, that club. Yeah, yeah. And is just beating the shit out of my dad with. Just one handed. Like that fucking troll in the Harry Potter movie. Did you just have one of you and you?

This was your friend? No, not friend. Your acquaintances. I knew not to go near that guy. So he's basically throwing my dad around like Hulk throwing Loki. So I run in and I push my dad out of the way and Loki

and beaver swung once and I blocked up my forearm. Wow. By the second time he was rearing back, I reached in my back pocket and had a box cutter. Well, yeah, because we, that day we had all, me and my buddies, we all had knives on us. Right, right, right. But it was one of those box cutters, those cheap ones where it's just like a razor blade in a sleeve. So I was able to just click it out with one hand and then the second time I blocked, I stepped in and went across. Holy shit. And it,

I thought I just cut his sweatshirt because there was no resistance, right? And Beaver like stops.

and drops the thing. And I pick it up. Some other guy comes running, punches me in the mouth. And then they all, the cops pull up and they fucking scatter. You would have died for sure. Yeah. Yeah. If the cops don't come at that moment. So I tell the cop, I was like, Hey, I think I cut one sweatshirt. And the cop was like, it was self-defense, man. And then my dad's like, my dad's like, I think I got a fighter's fracture. Right. And then my sister's like, I'm pregnant. Fuck.

So we all had to go to the hospital where I had to get two stitches in my lip. Oh, my God. My dad had to get a cast on because he did fracture his hand plate. Holy shit. And then it turns out my sister, false pregnancy. Ha ha ha.

She miscarried. Yeah. As they're getting stomped. But my one buddy, John, who had ran off, he comes in because they had fractured his collarbone. But he came in and he said 66. And I was like, what's that? And he goes, apparently that's how many staples it took to close Beaver's chest up. Holy shit. Apparently I caught him good right across the nipple. What the fuck? And he had 66 staples across his chest. God damn, dude. Nice. So now I always carry a box cutter. Yeah.

What the fuck? And there was no retaliation for slicing Beaver? So a couple weeks later, my sister was out in the front yard sunning herself, and Beaver...

on a rock because she's a lizard. She's in a fight. She's getting a tan. Yeah. And Beaver, the one other guy I knew, Anthony and some other guy, they walked up and they walk into my yard and they have a pellet gun. Oh, my God. And, you know, they're threatening to shoot my sister. You're like, I don't fucking care. And I'm like inside like, oh, well, that's a her problem. Yeah.

Jesus Christ. So, but then like the cops did. Well, so later we, you know, call the cops as soon as you say gun. Yeah. Yeah. Cops called him by the time they're up at the top of the street. Well, Beaver's mom was already out there now. And her mom was, you know, my parents are up there. The mom's up there. And she, and you're like, well, your son is the one that would, you know, jump my son, jump my family. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They'd be.

And she was like, oh, just because he's a big black boy, you think he'd jump? And I, she was denying it. And I was like, if he didn't jump me, how did I know he had to get 66 staples across his chest there? That's from the box cutter from him. And like, his eyes got real wide. She like looked at him. She was like, Clarence!

That's also that she was defending. Yeah. She had no idea that her son was in the middle of like a... Oh, I slipped. Yeah. I slipped on a box cutter. That's fucking wild, dude. Wow, that's insane. And what happened to your other boys? They were...

I mean, they're fine. Well, the one Jonathan had to run out of his shirt. They grabbed his shirt and he had been in a car accident. And so it was just a thing of like, oh, we could just fuck these guys up. We're kind of bored. Yeah. They're like, hey, you know what would be good after that game of basketball? Beating the shit out of these white guys.

Come on, my 14 other friends. That's like just to blow off some steam. Damn, dude. You just grew up in a race war. In a constant sort of low-grade race war. That same thing happened to a family friend of mine. He got his ass beat in Patterson Park. I remember that. He's trying to play like pickup basketball. He was like in high school. He's trying to play like... He did at least... He went up to them and was like, let's play hoops. And they were like... And they just stole his basketball. Yeah, they were like, no, give us the ball. And there was like... It was the same thing. It was like 10 or 15 like, you know,

kids in like middle school or whatever. He was like, no, I'm not giving you the ball. He was also like Albanian, like very fresh off the boat. I remember this kid. Yeah, this is my ball. Literally. He was like, you're a cute thing. I buy the ball. You go to school. Yeah. He refused to give him the ball. And then, yeah, they were all just stomping him within moments. Yeah. And they took the ball at the end. They got what they wanted.