#62 - Aminah Imani and Rosebud Baker
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Welcome everybody to Stavis World, 904-800-STOV.

Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We have a very, we got a great episode. We got Amina Imani is here already. On time. On time. Thank you. And Rosebud Baker. Late. Probably as white as it gets. As the whitest of the white. Doesn't get whiter than Rosebud. Top tier white. Her family is war criminals. You wore one for it. That is white as it gets. She is late. I feel like she needs to pay me for being late. Yeah, that's gotta feel good. Yeah, I'm gonna charge her. It does. It does.

I'm telling you, however many minutes she's late, I need a dollar for each minute. I love it. I love it. Maybe you guys go check out a movie. Maybe Rosebud's the one talking. You know what I mean? Maybe you got, you know, screaming. Oh shit! You're shushing her. We're breaking the glass ceiling here at Stavi's World with our guests. Uh, feels great. Uh, you know, while Rosebud's not here, I have a very special deal I'm going to share just with you and our listeners. Amina, Rosebud doesn't deserve to hear this. Uh,

This is presented by DraftKings Fantasy Sports. Check out what DraftKings has to offer this season with code STAVI. Because life's more fun when you're in on the action. DraftKings, the crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Agent eligibility restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. See DraftKings.com for details. Yep, she won't even, she'll never know about DraftKings. And the Eastern Europeans, we were also on time. So that's kind of, you know...

That's, Eldest was actually early today. He's always, he's very bad at his job. I mean, you don't really know the dynamics here. We're best friends. We've been friends since we were kids. So we're really, you know, this is a big win for immigrants. One time, but bad at your job. Yeah. You know what? That's the magic of Eldest.

He will do one annoying thing. Like, whatever he's fucking up the other day, he's fixing the next day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, he'll be late but on top of shit one day. And today feels like a day. We have a long day. He's on time. I don't expect him to do well the whole time. I expect a couple files to be corrupt. Right, right. Something. In fact, we got an email today. He sent an attachment wrong already. Oh, perfect. To start the day. Right, right, right.

I forgot to attach a link, sure. You know, no big deal. Only the biggest advertiser we've ever worked with. Only the most money the podcast has ever made. Eldest almost fucked it up. Wow, wow. You need to send an email to us for me to fix you? Seems like you need to

type up an email and send it and submit it. He does. I'm going to call in with some professional advice using a voice modifier. That would be awesome if you called in. I hate my fucking boss.

We should do that someday. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. I'm excited. This is a great studio. Thank you. It's nice and tucked away. These are the gems of New York. Exactly. Nice in Astoria. We're back. We're in Greece, essentially. We also like to ask our guests before we really get going, do you have any personal experience with Greeks or Albanians?

No, I don't. None? No. Where'd you grow up? Am I fortunate? Yeah, well Albanians, yes. Greeks, no. Where'd you grow up? I grew up in Atlanta. Oh yeah, no. Black Atlanta. Yeah, black as hell. No Albanians, right?

I don't think so. I don't know. Were there Albanians in Atlanta? Maybe now. Because this is the thing. Every city I feel like in the United States is trying to become New York. And then I go to those cities like in North Carolina and just bumble wherever. And they're trying to be Atlanta. So I think now Atlanta might be spreading slowly. So they might have some international vibes in there. But when I was there, it was just black, black, black. And then I left and I was just like,

Yeah, yeah. A little gentrification. Wow, right. A couple glass buildings with way too much steel. The cookie cutter shitty buildings. And then you get to New York and it's like, you know, it's black, but then it's like, you know, a lot of spices. Yeah, a lot of shit you haven't heard of. A lot of smells you're not familiar with in Atlanta. And I'm like, okay.

Okay. I'm learning. I'm learning. Yeah. A lot of guys in beater, like wife beaters, chains, a lot of different ethnicities that like that style from Middle Eastern to European. You get a lot of different stuff over there. But I like it though. I like it. It adds for adventure. Yeah.

No, I get that for sure. I mean, we grew up in Baltimore. Baltimore? Baltimore, which is, I mean, it's mostly black people, but it was still like we had like Greek people. We had a lot of Jewish people. We had like, there was enough of a sprinkling, but you come here, especially Queens, and it's like-

Restaurants I haven't even... Of countries I didn't know existed have whole restaurants here. Exactly. It's pretty sick. I do love that. And you find out some of the food is so similar, but then it's that one thing where you're just like, ah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah, not quite. Not quite, but okay. I see where you went with that. It is true. I also find that every single person

Claim... Like, we were making fun of Rosebud for being late, whatever. But I feel like every single, like, group of people I know is like, oh, we're always late and we love to eat. Right. And it's like, that's just what a human being is. Exactly. You know what I mean? Like, I've heard every variation of time. You know what I mean? Like, every...

Greek people are like, oh, we're always late. And then it's like, yeah, you better not get us around food. It's like, we're all, everyone is just literally the same. I think though, like, it's certain, it's certain groups of people where the late is like, okay, well, that's tomorrow. You know what I mean? Like, you know, we're saying,

We're saying late, but we're not saying the same thing, right? We're saying late, and it's like 15 minutes, 30 minutes. That is true. You're a whole 24 hours late, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get it going. Next day. I do feel like there's certain people who are so mentally ill. That's where the lateness comes from. We had a friend whose aunt was like truly flippant.

four hours late to things. Yeah. And it was like, you would have to trick her and tell her to complete a different thing. with a good amount of time, like, oh, this hour should work. And it's like, no, you actually should have just told them a whole different time. Absolutely. But the mental illness is real. But then also,

Also, you got to learn what kind of person you are, right? Like, I have to do a lot of morning stuff. I'm not a morning person. Like, I'm a, like, 10 a.m. is my good. Like, 9, 10 a.m. The alarm goes off? I'll be there. No, I'll be there on time. You'll be there at 10. But, like, anything before that is, like, count me out. Yeah. I'm with you. I think that's reasonable. That is not where I'm going to thrive and grow. You can't really complain to people either about, like, all this.

on comedian time about like having to wake up at 9am no one likes hearing that but it's like it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do oh when my sister calls me and she's at work teaching and it's like 12 in the afternoon and I'm in my bed with my shades and the blackout curtains closed she's like what's going on and I'm like oh this is just

a regular day. I'm getting my sleep when I don't, you know. Is your sister a teacher in Atlanta? No, she's a teacher in D.C. Oh, in D.C. Yes, yes, yes. Same, you know, because I have my sister-in-law's a teacher in Baltimore. Okay. And so it is like that's public schools in any big city in America seems like one of the most brutal. Oh my goodness. And they have lunch at like 1030 in Atlanta.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, oh, okay, because I haven't even eaten yet. Yeah, yeah. So that's cool. You're on your second meal. Oh, that was always so fucked up. Damn, you just triggered a memory of like having 10.30 lunch and then, oh, look who it is. Look who it is. The bell goes off. Yeah.

Yeah, just interrupt the podcast. Just as we got our flow, Rosebud, you fucking animal. But I just... There was like a... You'd have 10.30 lunch, and then you'd have to go to gym. Whenever you had gym, and then you're just like... You have to be in the same... And then you have to just... You wear those...

Like disgusting gym clothes. And then you're back in your, we had to wear school uniforms because people were getting jumped for, you know, throwback jerseys. I wish I had school uniforms growing up. Like school uniforms to me is solid. I like, a lot of people don't like it, but growing up, I didn't have everything that everybody had. Well, that was, yeah, totally. Oh, look who it is. Look who decided to show up. Yeah, the white woman. Yeah.

Yeah, no, no. Get comfortable. I blame the kids. Yeah. Yeah, you really bailed me out, Amina. Yeah. Because she had me. I was running a little late because I made, I was trying a new pancake recipe this morning. I was finishing, that was my, that's my excuse for running late. Well, yeah, no, that's important to say.

Yeah. Well, look, high protein, low-cal. I'm really trying to figure out a way to have desserts and also lose weight. I'm in the lab trying to lose weight as fatly as possible. I get it. I get it. That's how I used to drink. How do I drink without becoming an alcoholic? How do I drink every day? But I feel like that makes it worse because you'll be like, oh, let me get just straight liquor. And it's like, you don't want any of the sugar? And it's like, no, no, no, no. I'm watching my calories.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. Straight grain alcohol? Yeah. How's your little child, Rosebud? She's great. Was it her fault? What? Do you want to blame the baby? Go ahead. I want to blame her, but it was me. Okay. It was me. I was hiring someone to raise her. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Well, come on. I consider adoption on a day-to-day basis. Like, just give up.

- Give up, find a nice family. - It's so crazy. - And a nice home for your child. - I mean, I'm so trapped. It's crazy. - It's all you're doing. - It's forever. - Yeah, it's forever. It is forever and it's just a fucking anxiety attack every morning.

But also, she's so great. She's cute as hell. She's got these cheeks. Congrats. Yeah. A lot of jowls going on. A lot of jowls. Love a fat baby. She looks like a fucking English bulldog. She does. She does. She really does. She looks like a soccer hooligan. Yes. Like the old soccer hooligan. Like the guy who's like, he's has a cup. I mean, a no idea. No, no, no. Not of that, but I'm just listening. I'm like, y'all gonna have to show a picture of this. Yeah, yeah. Let's pull up a fat, bald soccer hooligan. Yeah.

Fat bald soccer hooligan. Fat bald soccer hooligan. Yeah, that is basically what your daughter looks like. That's what she looks like. That's embarrassing.

She really does look like that when I'm changing her diaper. No, you don't. Auntie Amita didn't say that about you. That is her body type. She is built like a bullfrog. It's awesome. No way. Yeah, she is. She really is. It's great. You're going to grow into that and be beautiful. It's so weird to me. Here's the thing that's weird to me is that that's so cute when you're a baby and then you get old and people go like, no. It's like, what? It is funny because it's like...

It's like, it's cute unless your daughter grows up busted as hell. You know what I mean? If she keeps that face. She never grows hair. She never grows hair. She gets alopecia early. She just struggles with her weight the rest of her life. We can't put this out in the universe. We'll have to delete this from the internet.

From the public record. Like, we're going to have to check in when she's in high school and be like, all right, how's it trending? How's it looking? Yeah, yeah. Where are we at? But who was not an ugly baby? I'm not saying the baby's ugly, but I'm just saying, who was, I was definitely like, I was not cute for a long, long time. No, I peaked as a baby. I was so cute as a baby and then it was downhill from there. Yeah.

It was like, that was the most attractive I'll ever be in my life. But that's my favorite thing. All the most attractive people that got those accolades, they're like now like, ooh, you fell off. Yeah, but at least they got the peak in high school. I peaked in diapers. Oh, yeah. Like I peaked...

You didn't even have a social circle to build off of. No, I could barely talk. My best friend was Big Bird when I peaked. I truly was fucking adorable. It's so funny. I was adorable and I was also like...

Me and Eldest, so Eldest here, our producer, he's 6'5", whatever. We were the same height in elementary school. And I was like, my doctor was like, oh, yeah, he's going to be tall. I was cute. I was destined to be tall. And then something just kicked in. Life will humble you. These diner owner genes kicked in in sixth grade. Life happens to all of us. I have been 5'7 since I was 12 years old. It was like that.

I was like a big ass kid who was cute. And then I started losing my hair in like eighth grade and getting fatty shit. But hey, you know, so maybe that's going to happen to your daughter. I felt like I was like, I didn't, I didn't know how I looked or how I'm supposed to look until I was like,

late 20s, early 30s. Sure. And then had like a five-year span where I was like, okay, I got this figured out. And then one lady cut my bangs too short. And everything got fucked up. And you were like, all right, baby time. Let's ruin this body. Yeah. Let me just fuck it all up. Let me just burn it to the ground. God. That's why you just got to get more money to fix all of that. Yeah, that's what it is. All of the problems y'all are saying, I'm just like, mm.

That is true. You want some hair? Come on. Well, I think at this point it's a... Go ahead and take a trip to Turkey. It's a point of... First of all, I would never... You don't need to go to Turkey. I would never go to Turkey. I would never support that regime. Okay? That enslaved Greece. First of all...

From 1453 to 1821? I cannot confirm or deny if I'm going to be taking this rip to Turkey myself. Yeah, yeah. I was thinking, I think, here's my true plan, Amina, in terms of hair. I think, so I buzzed it early. I got ahead of it when I was like 18, 19, 20, something like that, in college. The first sign of like,

true it's going like it was always thinning but it was like the first like little little back right here i was like let me buzz because at this point it could be a fashion choice right right like i'm hiding behind that i can pass this off exactly and then i just kept going thinner thinner thinner until i went skin right and it was not a bad look at the time i think it was i was you know i was toothless it was it was fun it was like ironic i looked you

You remember that? Yeah, yeah. And I think that was the good move. And then when I, now in my mid-30s, that's when I grew up because now everybody's coming late to getting buzzed. Now buzzing is a sign of quitting. Right. It's a sign of admitting you're dying. Okay, yeah. You're like, you know, God is taking, he's punishing me and I have submitted to his will. Yeah. Right? But growing it out, that says, fuck you, God. That's rebel. Rebel.

I'm keeping my hair. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. And I think it's, and so now it's, and now my real, now I'm going where I, when I will get plugs, I'm going to be like 64 years old. I'm going to be an old man. You're going to wait until you're 60. I'm going to be an old bachelor. I'm going to be an, exactly. When I'm going for the golden bachelor, when they have some kind of weird washed up reality, reality, like podcasters, I hate this. You're not going to get on golden bachelor. You got to learn to cry in public.

- Look, maybe not Golden Bachelor. - By then he will. - Here's the thing. Okay, hear me out. This is gonna be devastating when we all realize this.

The nostalgia dating reality shows in 15, 20 years, they're going to be podcasters. They're going to be internet personalities. I am going to be... They're going to be... I will be... It'll be because I had a podcast. They're going to be calling me. They will be like... It'll be like VH1. I'm not going to be on good TV. Don't get me wrong. This will be like... But you're getting offers. But I'm going to get some really demeaning offers that I will be hard up enough for money to accept. You'll say absolutely. That's when...

People will know me as a fat, balding man my whole life. And that's when I get on Ozempic. That's when I get plugs. And I show up to VH1's. I'm not mad. VH1's, I want to marry a podcaster. I show up. It's like me. It's like a bunch of just washed up. It's like Ira Glass is there for This American Life. We got Marin. Just whoever. They're all falling off.

Everyone is falling off. And they're older than me, too. So, you know. But I show up there. So you're the young, hot thing. I'm the young. Yeah. Caller Daddy maybe is there. That girl. I don't know. Some barstool guy. You know, I'll figure out. Right. We'll figure out who is, you know. But I like the creativity. You'll show up and they'll be like, is that Kevin Clancy? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm going to show up. It'll be fucking weird. I'll be jacked. I'll have hair. I'll be 62 and my heart will give out because of all the testosterone and shit I'm on. Like I will die shortly thereafter, but it will be a good, it'll be a good move. You know what I mean? Like, so I've got it all planned out. I would watch this today. Yeah. Should we write this? Yeah.

This is fantastic. And it's like all has been podcasts and it's like the worst type of gold diggers. Like kind of like the flavor of love, kind of like the rock of love. We're going to bring that back, but it's a little bit of, it's like kind of Love Island meets that with the most decrepit podcast men. Yeah, they show up. It's old women in shine dresses. Yeah, yeah.

Hell yeah. With like, you know, holes all through them. Bad BBLs. BBLs that have not held up. Yes. That have not held up whatsoever. I love this. Yeah. So, you know, so anyway. He said don't give up on me. So that's why we're riding it out. I'm just explaining to Mia, that's why I haven't taken the flight, again, not to Turkey, somewhere else. Yeah.

But I would. Here's what I really would do. I think it would be funny to get a beard transplant. That would be funny. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yes. Because I got this patchy shit going on right here. Yeah. For you to just fill it all in. Be awesome. And make it too hard of a line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd look Dominican. Yeah. You know what I mean? I look like I have a freshly lined up Dominican every day of my life. All you would need, man.

Just to run like 500,000 miles across the nation. Like, I'm doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, that's a good look. So anyway, I got a lot of plans. I started watching a show last night, The Traitors. Have you guys seen The Traitors? No, what's that about? All right, well then fuck it. It doesn't matter. You can't give us a premise? Like a little... It's basically like, you know that game Murder that you would play as a kid?

Where, like, somebody gets labeled as the murderer. You're watching Peacock? Yes. You really are a company woman. I am. You're the only person in America. She's trying to... This is... Lorne Michaels told her to say this. All the reality shows are on Peacock. All the reality... And Lorne did not send me here. Rosebud's only here to, like, try and sneak in a Peacock. A plug for a Peacock reality show no one's ever heard of. It's an Emmy-winning show. It just won it.

I'm familiar with that because, like everybody else, I was forced to watch Peacock when they put playoff football on it.

So I saw a bunch of like... Well, that's what Peacock did right. It was extortion. What are the things that people have to see? And they were like, nothing that anybody's written. It's got to be sports or reality. It's the only thing. Yeah. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, all my sports is on here now. So I have to watch this. That's true. Girl and gay guy sports and then regular sports. They got them both. A hundred percent. I was like...

Andy was making fun of me because during the Real Housewives of SLC, I paused it and was going up to the TV reading the text messages to break down what the shit was. And he was like, this really is sports to you guys. It is. You don't watch it, do you? You're smiling at me like you don't watch it. No, no, no, no, no, no. But I mean, I'm...

I'm engaged. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't been watching TV. It's so funny when Amina doesn't know what you're talking about and she can't hide it. Her eyes blaze over and she gets this passport smile. She goes like, uh-huh. But I know how the real housewives works, but I just... It's basically just like... It's too much drama. It's watching the toxicity. I love it. I have enough of that in my life. I don't need to check in and watch other people

people go through. It is bad for you. I will. It's bad. I feel like it's I feel like I'm smoking while I'm watching it. But I mean, I feel like it's bad, but then it's also good because you're just like, oh, I'm not that fucked up. Yeah. Oh, my life. OK, no, you

Also, I'm feeling bad for these women because it's like, I watched the first season of one of them with a girl, of course. There's no other way I would throw that on. It was fun. I watched the very first season of the New York one. Yes. And it was fun, you know, whatever. And I had seen these women around, whatever. But now it's like...

It's like how I feel about Joe Biden where it's like, this is elder abuse at this point. It is elder abuse now. Stop letting these women get BPLs and tummy tucks. They're grandmothers. It is elder abuse. It's fucked up what they're doing to their bodies. And then their face is so straight and then their neck is just all wrinkly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Seriously.

And I'm just like, there needs to be a retirement home for them where they don't have to keep it up. You know what I mean? Like some of them are getting, starting to look like straight up old ladies too. Yeah. No, I mean, there was a Vanity Fair article that came out that was like, this lady like pissed herself and I was like, I can't read this. I, I,

If I'm going to keep enjoying this show, I can't read this. Like, 60-year-old woman pissing herself on vacation. It's like, no, we can't. If I'm going to watch this and enjoy it, I can't know this about them. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Even though I do, deep down in my heart. Yeah, totally. No, it's like when the circus first came out, and it's like, you don't want to know what those little acrobat children go through. Right. They sleep in a cage next to the lions. Yeah. And they're getting...

They get fed little blocks of cheese. That's how you know you messed up when you know that and you're still just like, get it. It's a modern freak show. It's so fucked. And that's like, at first I could see it being kind of empowering, but it's like,

you know, these women are all just still performing and then it's like the original husbands, they're all divorced. The husband's just got a younger version of this woman. Their lives, it's like, it has just, it has done nothing but reinforce how fucked women are in society. Where it's like, yeah, all the like dullard rich husbands, like they just get a hotter wife every 20 years. And then these women just have to keep, the only one, I mean, didn't like Bethany make a bunch of money off of like skinny girl shit or whatever? Yeah, yeah.

Like a couple of them figured out how to cash out. There was one. That was all. Literally one. Literally one. They call it the Bethany Claws. Yeah. Nobody else has ever made any money off a show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I guess in that sense, I guess a way to watch women humiliate themselves. Maybe I will check it out, Rosebud. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe.

It does sound pretty fun. I am surprised more straight guys don't enjoy it. Yeah, it's like a victory lap for us. Well, you guys are getting the real thing. You guys get to do it in your lives. We just sort of watch and go like, we're not alone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's also, there's a twisted aspect to it that I think I enjoy, which is like civilian people

getting into the entertainment industry and thinking like, oh, this is like, this is the life and not knowing all the ways that they're getting fucked over. Whereas like you watch it and you go, you go like, oh fuck. They're like at the beginning of it right now, but it's about to go downhill. And everybody thinks they're in control. They're like, I got this. It's not going to ruin my life. Yes.

Yeah. And then they start getting fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, yeah, bitch, that's how it is. They're putting out sex tapes at 52. They're doing whatever it takes to stay relevant. That's the part I'm not mad at. I'm like, is it too late? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it too late to do sex work? Yeah, I think you can figure it out. Would you put out a sex tape? Listen, I don't know. I don't know what I would and what I wouldn't do. And not at this point in my life. I'm just saying, everybody.

a thought that I'm just like, how much are we going to entertain it? Right, right, right. Yeah. Well, it also feels like it's a little, it's like YouTube specials now where it's like, well, everyone's putting out, putting out a sex tape. I'm going to have to show my twat. It's going to get lost in the shuffle. Yeah. You know? Maybe that's what we do. We do our YouTube specials fully naked. Right, right. Well, here's the thing. I won't want anyone to sit through that. Yeah.

The whole time I'll just be apologizing. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rosemary, did you film the special pregnant or no? I filmed a special pregnant, but it's two parts. So half of it is pregnant and half of it I'm shooting a year after I've had the kid. Smart. Nice little, I was just good. I'm glad you put a twist on it. I was just about to shit on the pregnant. Because it was like, because it's like.

Because it's like, it's the way, because it's like, it was cool, right? You're like, you put out a pregnant special, right? And you're like, now. You start doing vocals. No, no, no, that's a great idea, right? But I was going to say, like, because I feel like when Ali Wong did it, it was like, okay, sick. And then she was like, did another one pregnant, and you're like,

Okay. I mean, I guess like that's fine. I get doing the first one, whatever. And then it's like, it feels like you planned this one. And then I even understand doing, because like after doing specials, it's like your life gets really fucked up. And it's like, it takes a lot of work. And then you're like, fuck, if I'm going to have a kid, I get how women are like,

oh, I have to do it pregnant because it's like once a fucking newborn comes out, that motherfucker's latched on to me. Yeah. But it has gotten to the point where it's like, damn, this is like, it went from a cool novelty to being like, wait, why is everybody... And unless you understand...

You do it with the baby. Or maybe women just get pregnant and they still want to work. Yeah, well, but shouldn't they be... I'm just throwing that out there. Shouldn't they be tending to their husbands? This might be a crazy idea, Stav. He's about, I know that. Or maybe women just get pregnant.

And they happen to also be comics. Oh, it's got to be nine months every time. Oh, they film it. It could have been six months. Had to be right when they're about to pop when it's the most visually striking. I'm not saying they don't got to work. I'm just saying there's a lot of... I'm just saying I don't want to look at you. Yeah, yeah. That's all. I mean, the ones whose tits get huge. Why do y'all do that when you say that? You know, the camera doesn't love you.

I suppose. I suppose that's a fair counterpoint. But I'm such a traitor because I be on board with this

And then I was like, no, I'm on point with both of them. No, stay, Amina. Stay here. It's so funny because I've heard it so many times where it's like people are like, you know, the Ali Wong thing. I'm like, no, it's not. It's we just get pregnant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I get what you're saying. I know what you're saying. And I feel... But my point is...

I feel like there should be so many that it's not a novelty. Do you know what I mean? Like I'm kind of at, you know, obviously now that I've shot one, I'm like, oh, we should just have more of these. You know what I mean? That's why I think the next level is just bring the baby right on stage. Well, that's what I was going to say. The next thing is delivery room special. The whole...

The whole thing that we accidentally delved into a real conversation about, I was going to do the bit of like, you should do it. Yeah, exactly. You're in the room. Like, let's take it to the next level. You're right. Let's normalize pregnancy so much. You're there. Epidural. Yeah. Loopy as hell. Loopy as hell. Between contractions. While the fucking blood bucket fills up.

Right behind you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we can exploit the kid, get, you know, its first moments alive or on camera. Yes. It's enough not to, you know, a lot of people are posting, you know, like people say you're posting too much, whatever. Let's get the baby fresh out. Fresh out. Let's get him fresh out. Fresh out. No even choice. You know what? Before you wipe him off, mic him. Mic him. Yeah, yeah. Put a lav in your pussy. Yeah. As soon as your water breaks. Oh, my God.

- Get your puss pussy a while on a Monday. - Get your whole pussy rigged up. - Let's get a road up there. - It's so funny, 'cause we're at the point in our lives where it's just like, we're unemployable out here. There's nothing we can do. - I think about that every day. - I love how we were just like, yeah, these pathetic real housewives. - And then here we are. You know what? Put a lob in your pussy.

It's so fucking sad. Dude, I was Googling jobs at the FBI. Oh my goodness. I was looking up being a lifeguard again.

If I could just sit there and show up and act like I care about someone else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. It's the perfect job for me. I know. I love that. Oh, my God. Oh, man. I do. I would want to work at the FBI, though. Yeah? I would. How come? I don't know. I just want to show up and be like, all right, what is it today? You know what I mean? And have my coffee. It feels like the FBI is the only place where it's like, I guess they'd be looking for people outside of a normal, like,

perspective or something. I don't know. Interesting. This is, this is like me being like, I feel like I should open a diner. You know what I mean? I feel like it's like, we're going to our roots. It's like, you know what I mean? It's like, you're just like, yeah, let me work for law enforcement. Let me work. You know what I mean? Yeah. I want to like solve a murder or do something like that. But I, I'm like, yeah, it, it feels like going back to what, um, I'm like,

I don't know. Maybe there's some nepotism there. Oh, you could get in there easy. You got a nice office. You would have to have too much patience though. Like what if it takes like we watch TV and it's like a 20 minute episode, but like a real crime could take like 20 years for you to really crack. Would you be up for that? Yes. Yeah.

What was your non-comedy job? What was your last non-entertainment job? My last non-comedy job was that I was writing horoscopes. I wrote horoscopes.

I did not know that. That's fucking awesome. It's somehow more bullshit than comedy. Lying to people on the internet. Do you believe in horoscopes? No, but I know a lot about it. Oh, okay. That's kind of disgusting. I know a lot about it, yeah. That's fucking awesome. I braid hair. I braid hair. That's cool. Trying to create miracles. I love it. People like you showing up. Yeah, yeah. Oh, just put a braid. Can you get my shit going nice? I would love that balding braid. I'm like, this is not going to end well.

That feels like something for the YouTube staff. I'm just going to throw it out there. I'm just going to throw it out there. Balding straightbacks? Come on. I would never. Let me look like balding. I don't know if it's the right product.

right price i'll break yeah there we go there we go let me humble myself again you're all the way in a story huh you might as well in the beginning like for real when i was younger it would be like a whole list of things i would never do and i'm telling you right now i'm at the moment where i'm just i'm in your price it's time to visit it yeah braiding up braiding a fat balding white man's hair when you were a lifeguard did you ever have to like save anyone oh my god and i hated it it was just like

the worst day of my life. You didn't feel cool? No, because you lifeguard for so long. I was a lifeguard from the age of 15. So at this point, I think by the time I had to actually save someone was like 10 years later. Oh, wow. All the training had worn off? Everything. The care, concern, the immediate

the urgency. All right, let me go save this motherfucker's life. Oh my goodness. And then it's like, you don't want a victim shame, right? Sure. But like, it's at the end of the day, it's like, you see this pool. Yeah. You see this pool, you can drown. Why are you here? Yeah.

Do you remember who the first person was? There was a little fat kid. That's what I'm thinking. It was a child. This is when they used to build deep pools. Now they don't do that. Now they just give them three feet and that's it. The libs have ruined pools. The lip cars have ruined pools. I grew up in Atlanta and all the pools we had nine feet. Shit that you really could drown in. Hey, don't drown in nine feet. I can't stand in nine feet.

feet, but whatever. And so it was a kid trying to fit in with the other kids. They got to take a swim test and be in the deep. She hopping in the deep knowing damn well she ain't supposed to be in the deep. Mind you, I'm leaving. Like, we transitioned. Like, God's over on me. Like, I got my phone. I'm ready for lunch. You're like, I'm off. I'm in the chair. Imagine

say out of the chair. You're three inches deep and a foot long at this point. You gotta put your sandwich down. That's awesome. I'm texting people back. By the time I see this little girl, I don't know what the other lifeguard was doing. Probably what I was doing before I got out the chair, right? She's drowning and Amina's like, hey, I'm on my break. Are you free? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. You were giving a drowning kid DMV energy. You're like, I'm sorry, that is not my department. You know?

that when people be like I'm off I'm off but I catch it I'm looking around no one's doing anything I hop in with my damn phone grab the girl to get out and it wasn't even a real save like it was no you know how like when you train everybody hurt it was just like me diving

Fucking your phone up. Fucking my phone up. Needing a new SIM card. And then trying not to yell at this little girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see you jumping in, the phone coming up first, and then the kid under a man's arm. I just dove in just to grab her, and it was the worst. But other than that, no serious for real. That was the only one, huh? Yeah, out of like 20 years of lifeguarding. So that's the thing. They trick you like, oh, you're here to save lives. And no, it's just here to look like you can save a life. And then you realize, oh.

in a real life, I'm not really into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like even if I got to the FBI and it was just like collecting data, I'd be like, that's fine. Sure. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I'm a part of it. Yeah, just to be like, I got the jacket. This is fucking insane. The thing you're daydreaming about is the FBI? Yeah, I know it's insane. I know it's insane. One of the most fucked up organizations. I know it's insane.

It's like, what about being a fucking teacher? You're not going to do it. Pretend to be a good person. No, I don't want to pretend to be a good person. Once we've gotten through the entertainment industry, you can only get more fucked up from it. You can't go backwards.

I love this. You can't unknow what you know. I love this. Okay, cool. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to go into like teaching and pretend like I didn't say all this shit on this podcast. Right, right, right. But you're like, hey, if I can work for an organization that tricks mentally ill Muslims into thinking they're talking to Al Qaeda and then arrest them, you're like, I could do that. I could do that. Yeah. Yeah.

After working in entertainment? I could do that. You're like, hey, dude, it's Osama Bin Laden. I'm actually alive. And I need you to do 9-11 too, brother. Can you sign up? Meet me at the kebab shop. So you were a comic, right? Yeah. They're like, do you do accents? I'm like, no.

Do you do voices? I could work it out. They got Matt Friend pretending to be Osama Bin Laden back from the grave. I don't know if I could work with him, though. Yeah. I don't know if I could work with him. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's probably right. I was thinking about becoming a pilot, though. Okay. Now we're talking. This is the kind of daydreaming that'll never happen I'm talking about. Yeah. FBI. You never know. Okay. You know, I'll hear some stories.

When's the last time you, what's the closest you've been to flying a plane or any training to it? Like two years ago, I went to this flight school that was in Paris. Oh shit, really? And they were like, Wait, what? The flight school were selling Airbnb experience packages for you to fly a plane. Oh my God. One thing about Amina, she'll find a deal. I paid $100.

To go to flight school and have a vacation? That's no way that's a fucking legitimate flight school. No, I mean, that is truly... You were playing Xbox 360. That is the billionaire submarine of planes. That is... That's so awesome. But I'm here to tell my story. Yeah. So wait, how was it? It was great. Oh, my God, I cried. It was beautiful, but then also, like...

It was just my life on the line and the pilots. And I was just like, wow, imagine 150 people behind you. Oh, y'all. Wait a second. You were in the air. This wasn't a simulator. No, this was in the air. And I barely could understand him. I don't even know what he was saying. All I heard was like, just look straight through the trees. And I was just like, what?

That's fucking wild. You should not be flying through trees. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, like, he was like, like, use that as your directive. Oh, okay, got it. It was like a line of trees or whatever. I bet you that shit wasn't even, like, plugged in. No, we was up there. That controller wasn't plugged in. We was up there.

man that was crazy man i was like oh maybe i could do this was there a game boy controller yeah that's what it felt like i was like oh i've done this before wow and so you're gonna parlay that into a pilot you're like you put that on your resume the link to the airbnb experience you're like oh no they kicked me off i'm off of there yeah you got banned what'd you do wait what happened so i

Okay. So a lot of things I'm going to say is going to sound like my fault. Yeah.

I want to preface that before I get into the details. It's going to sound like your fault or it's going to be your fault. I got an Airbnb in Alabama. See, already. Yeah, already starting off dicey. I am the problem. I show up to the Airbnb. It is nothing like what they listed. Nothing. Like the building was like dilapidated, whichever word, decapitated, whichever word it's supposed to be. Decrepit, dilapidated. Whatever, all of that. Yeah.

And it just like there was roach patches and just filth and just disgusting. Right. And so I'm just like, I'm not saying here I'm leaving. Yeah. Airbnb is like, we can't give you your money back. Crazy. I got so mad. It's like three days for me to get mad. So where I started finding the lady who listed the Airbnb. All right. Yes. And I remember I went on Facebook. Shout out to Facebook. No one's still on there, but I was on there. Yeah. I posted a picture. I was like, does anybody know this lady? Yeah.

I wake up the next day and my family member is like, I found her. I went to work. Our lady is a doula and a pastor. Okay, so a scam artist. So you book a session? Oh, so I didn't book a session. I found her parents. Okay. I found the person who gave her her doctorate. I found anybody attached to her and I said, this is what she's doing on Airbnb. I just want to let y'all know I'm here to ruin her life.

And apparently, like, that is against community guidelines. Okay. You mean, like, apparently, like, you can't see... Hunting down the property owner. You can't see for vegans, so you can't... And taking community justice is against the terms of service. So, like, I can't be back on there no more. A grassroots cancellation effort. Yeah.

It was bad. Well, the problem was you went to her loved one. Oh, oh. If you had gone to the internet at large. Oh, well, I did and then like Twitter blocked me for like 15 days. What? Everybody was saying I can't out this lady about this raggy ass. They're like, oh,

it's privacy what i'm i'm infringing on her privacy by exposing the fraud i am out 78 dollars no i'm on my side too i don't care man fuck airbnb but like not if you use it no no it's fine but you know if it's your thing go yeah i like that you're open-minded yeah for sure like i'm not gonna shut it down for everybody but wow it's definitely a shutdown what were the what were the ratings like to this place that's the thing that's

That's the thing. Everybody was like, the house has so much character. Oh. The yellow shit on the blinds is character? Yeah. The mold in the freezer is character? Yeah, that's fucked. Oh, I was pissed. And then she had her clothes in like every closet. So, I was pissed.

I'm still mad. I have to let it go. Maybe I'll talk about it in therapy later. No, I feel like I'm on your side with that. I know I go low. When you do something wrong to me and I do something wrong back, I know that it's going to be a problem for you, but also please remember what you did. And just because mine is going to be ten times more worse, just know it wouldn't have happened had you not... You should have fucking run a Roomba over that fucking...

the bear and then the bear attacked

And why did the bear? Why was the bear being a bear? Oh, yeah. Yep. I love that. Okay. I get that. All right. No, I'm the same way. I'm like pretty chill until somebody pisses me off. And I really hate that like I'm trying to be mature and like just go through life and trying to take the high road. Yeah. But as soon as you take the low road, everybody's like, see, I told you she's a monster. It's like, well, how did the monster become a monster? Yeah.

Your origin story. Are we going to tell that story? Has the monster been wronged one too many times? Did you call the monster a bitch? You know what I mean? Like, okay. All right. Time to find all your personal details and post them all over the internet. Oh, I will. Okay, she had the doula page, the pastor page, the church page. Every page got that address and the videos of that raggedy house. That's fair.

That's fair though. And then I didn't even care. I was just like, you know what? Yeah, absolutely. I learned my lesson. Like definitely, maybe I should not have done some things, but you'll never forget. You

You'll never forget. Yep. You'll update that listing. I'll tell you that much. You know what? At least there's not a ton of people that I know that learned from Airbnb how to fly a plane. Right. Before they got kicked off. That is true. So I feel like you got your money's worth in the end. In the long run, I think so. I'm good. I'm good. She'll never forget me. She went on live and she was like, some girl named Yasmeen.

Yeah, she went on live. She had to control the narrative. She had to get in front of it. She did a video in the same house with her head in the phone like this. Move your biggest.

so they can see your shitty house. Yeah. I feel like I've done something not, it wasn't like Airbnb, but I feel like when, I got in a fight with my sister over Christmas one year and I did, I locked myself because I couldn't hit her so I locked myself in a room and I started finding photos of her and farm animals. Oh,

that looked similar and just started posting over and over pictures of her next to farm animals that she looked identical to. But it wasn't, it was nothing like that. Like she didn't have to go on live, but she was like, why are you cyber bullying me from the next room?

She was like, come in here and hit me, you pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever gotten in a fist fight with her? But wait, why couldn't you hit her? Yeah, my sisters. Yeah, I've hit them. Why couldn't you hit her? Because you just knew. I think I was on, I think I was, it was one of those years where you go back to your family and you go like, this year. I'm different. I'm different, yeah. And you're like, I'm not going to hit anybody. Yeah.

Now you have to stand by that and now you're looking for all of the things. - Yeah, you find every way that you can hurt them other than hitting them and it turns out to be worse. - Way worse than just a nice cold cock. - Listen, I've done some things, call me crazy, but I stand by it. - Yeah, respect. This is great. Well, I think this is exactly the energy we wanna bring into our advice portion of the show. Two of the most unstable women that have been in my apartment in a while and that's saying something. That's saying something, folks, if you've seen my DMs. - Before we get into this,

I just want to know Starvoz has black hair care products in his bag. So if I am stable here, absolutely you reach that table. You have Mazzoni and hair milk in your bathroom. That's the good shit. Okay. For the little work that you are on. Yeah, I'm trying to make your job easier when you braid it later. Yeah. For a grand fee.

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Hit us with the first question, Big Eld.

What's up, Snob? What's up, Elvis? Oh, look at that. You was on time, but late with that one. What's up, Snob? What's up, Elvis? Hello to the guest. I was just wondering if you had any advice on what I should do with my mom. She's been divorced for a while now. Nice. But I recently found out that she's been dating a 24-year-old girl

Instagram fitness rapper. Fitness rapper. Okay. And I don't know what the fuck to do. That's fucking awesome, by the way. Pause real fast, Aldous. Salute to this woman. Just off the top, salute. Keep going. What the fuck is a fitness rapper? I don't know. I can't wait to find out more information. Me and my brothers found out through some internet sleuthing.

That's so sick. The kid. Yeah.

She lives in Florida. So I don't know what I should do. One of my brothers even threatened not going to Christmas because he was being like kind of a dumb bitch about it. I love her. She's the woman who raised us. Yeah, don't know what to do. Any advice would be

Oh yeah, this is a good one. This is a really good one, Elvis. That's awesome.

This is beautiful. I don't see, I mean, I gotta be honest, dude. What's the problem here? Like your mom is, look, your mom's getting dicked down. Yeah. You know, it's like. Be happy for her. Yeah, but look. No, no. You say no. No, this is, there's a lot of problems

Okay. What are you thinking? There are a lot of problems. First of all, I have siblings that are older than me and when they start dating close to my age, I am offended. Okay. I am offended like deeply. First of all, do you hear the pain in his voice? I hear the pain, but what? There's no joy. He feels bad. The life is sucked out of his soul. Yeah. And I don't even know. It's like the top of the year and they're already planning to ruin the end of the year. Yeah. So it's like this is,

this is, this is the problem. The problem is, it's affecting your kids. Okay. That's fair. But also I see what you're saying. And maybe in a perfect world, no one's mom gets, you know, at least you don't have to know about the dumb ass your mom fucks. Right. Right. Like in a perfect world, your mom should be able to get dicked down privately without some like pseudo ripped influencer who lives in Ohio. Right.

But I guess we need a little more context here because from the information we have, his mother's divorced, right? He seems to be an adult, right? He never said his age, but this guy's not like a college kid or a teenager. The context is there. If you have multiple kids and this is a grown adult,

That means by the time this child was not even born, y'all were all here. Right. But there's a problem that 24. Why is that a problem? 24 years old. She's not going to marry the fucking guy. She can't. Now. Now's my time to stand up for feminism. She's just going to ruin his life. Yeah. No, no, no. That's serious. Isn't healthy. She.

No, I mean... No one's saying it's healthy. It doesn't seem that serious. It seems like she went to go visit this kid in Cleveland. Yeah. And she's, you know, she probably had some fun. Yeah, I would say so. And then she didn't want her kids to know about it, so it's not like...

She's planning on marrying him or anything like that. She's probably just having a fun time. Exactly. Here's what I'll say, right? That it's like this woman is doing the like, it's the flip of the real housewives conversation. Right. She's a divorcee. She's on her cougar shit. She's getting fucked by, it's when a guy fucks a 20, when some rich guy fucks a 24-year-old. Everybody's. No, it was like sick. Never.

I think that's a problem too. Okay, that's fair. At least you're consistent. But in the grand scheme of things, this is how society works, right? And if she's just getting dicked down by some guy younger than her, it's not comfortable. No one wants to think about the specifics of their parents' sex life. It's unfortunate that they found out. So the solution to the problem is you're telling him to just

receive it. Yeah. It's not his thing. His mom's the one receiving it. He's just hanging out. He's just kind of standing back like, just don't get mad about it. Listen, whoever this caller is... What you supposed to do?

I empathize with you because this is the thing you grow up right and these same parents that's telling you not to do this not to do that not to do this not to do that and then you gotta listen your whole fucking life then you wake up one day and they doing all the shit that they told you not to do yeah I want to fight well I want to fight you're dealing with a 24 year old Instagram rapper you're lying about vacations with your girl you don't have no girls you ain't no way you got friends dating a Instagram rapper me and

shit like this and we gonna say some stuff so this is no no no no no y'all need to see check her into whatever

closest to Cleveland and Florida and tell her she needs to get some fucking therapy. Listen, I know what you're talking about, but let's be realistic here. If this is the kind of woman who's going to... I don't even think that this... It doesn't sound like the Instagram fitness rappers coming to Christmas. They're canceling Christmas even though he's not leaving. Just because his mom's getting dick? She's lying about her girls' vacation. We don't know who she's getting.

Who's going to be at Christmas? Our parents are all flawed human beings. Surprise, surprise, she lives in Florida. It's like, that's just... Well, that's just sort of... Oh, okay, people in Florida are fucked up. They never had a pandemic. Do you have some kind of... I think in theory, yeah, like, his mom should have the right to get Dick down and stuff, but I'm kind of with Amina, because, like, you just hear it, and it's like when you meet, like,

someone your friend just started dating and like you really don't like them and then you know in a flash on that first meeting or whatever you just see the next 20 years you're like i just know this person's gonna be around i hear something in this guy's voice where it's like i'm not saying she's gonna like marry this fucking guy i heard not one variation in tone the entire time but he is to me was the most concerning part of it he sounds over it but the thing about it right this is this is the real perspective right

that's like someone being like on drugs. Right. And now you have to tailor your life because they're fucked up. Right. Because the thing is you're dating a 24 year old. I can't bring my friends around you.

Because who's to say if this is the line that you're now just erasing, you could just be... Both of you, both of you, I know. Here's the thing, you're both overreacting here. If it's like drugs, yes, but the drug I am saying is she's going to an ayahuasca retreat. She's going to get her shit, her guts rearranged for a couple weeks. This sounds like an ongoing relationship. But we don't know that though, right? We do, he's commenting on it.

on every photo. Look, that's the mark of true love that's going to last. Instagram comments. Everybody knows if you getting fucked, you don't have to do all that because you know they're going to come back and fuck you. Why are you on Instagram? Why are you coming? Here's the thing. Why are you invested? He's not invested. He's trying to fuck a cougar a couple times. You think this guy wants to fucking marry a 50-year-old lady? Let's be honest here. This guy doesn't want to get married. He doesn't want kids. He's a fitness rapper. He don't know what he wants. He's 25.

Everybody knows how fitness rappers are. In the situation where she fucking gets engaged, he's clearly trying to get the house, right? If this is... Like, I say, keep your... Stay alert about this. Monitor the situation. But...

but odds are your mom is going to just get fucked a couple times and this will fucking go on. No, you're going to monitor the situation to a hit by this 24-year-old rapping about how he fucked your mother. It won't be a hit. What's more mentally unwell?

Letting this go or keeping tabs on your mom's pussy. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's the point I'm trying to make. Here's the other thing. I'm willing to bet that this guy has a tortured... His mom probably is pretty hot, right? Probably was... They're divorced. They're from a broken home. She's probably like... You know, he's probably had stepdads or dads around. And he's just like, come on. My mom's never going to get it together. And guess what, dude? Maybe she won't. But if... If, like...

This is just, if this guy's not like taking, if there's some family house that you're going to like inherit, or you and your parents, your brothers are going to inherit, if that's not threatened, if it's not, if it doesn't affect your day-to-day life, if this guy isn't showing up to family events, your mom's her own person, maybe she's a dumb bitch. I don't know. You said it yourself. That's a possibility. Our parents are all flawed, and you got to live with it. And unless this is effective, unless this is active,

affecting your life somehow. Yeah. And maybe it will in a couple months. I don't know. Maybe if this keeps going, it will. But right now, just the fact that your mom fucked a guy you don't like isn't enough to be mad at. There's no interaction here. Other than what he's seen on the internet. If it was just a one happenstance, they would not know. That's what y'all not reading through this. If it was just a

one time situation. But he only named one. No, but I'm saying, I'm not saying she's doing multiple people. I'm saying this person in particular. This sounds like a... I know, but I'm saying he only named one interaction. He only named that she went to Cleveland. But that they found out. So obviously there has to be more. No, he said he found out through internet sleuthing. Which, why are you fucking, why are you stalking your mom like she's your ex? Get off your mom's dick. Exactly. Save your mom. Save your mom. No, no, no. There's something unhealthy going here. Save this and send

Send it all to the family and then let's see what you can do on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, get kicked off Airbnb. Get your Twitter taken. Listen to Amina. Those are your options. Never be able to rent a fucking room anywhere else. Reach out to everyone who knows. Get yourself kicked off the social media platforms that you stalk your mother on. By listening to Amina, once you get banned off Instagram, you'll never be able to see him commenting on your mom's pictures. Yeah.

Anyway, here's the thing. I'd love to talk to this guy maybe on a live call because the context between his relationship with his mother, there's something happening here. Well, I mean, here's the line that gives it all away. It's like, she's a dumb bitch. She's being kind of a dumb bitch. She raised me and she gave me life. And here's my guess. She's probably like a hot mom that still had a pretty active dating life and this is just triggering this guy. She's also probably just famous.

fed up. I feel like I could see, like, as I was watching this, I was like, I could see there's some shit that I do after raising three boys. That's what I'm saying. But also, I'm losing my mind. We can't just ignore that. No, but you got girlfriends to tell you that. Sometimes you gotta, like, get it out of your system. You don't know this. Amina's feeling it a lot of black. Ain't no way she got some friends. Not in Cleveland.

All right, well, listen, good luck, buddy. Yeah, man, keep your head up. Save your mom, trapper. Contact Elders if you'd like to call in with more information on a Patreon show. Go ahead, Elders, hit us with another one. So good. So I've got a great wife who's been together for 12 years, married for four, but she's kind of got one problem, which is she's a rat. So, like, she...

One time her friend, she told me her friend named her baby this cute name and I was like, well, that's a gay name. She went and told her friend immediately and now her friend hates me. And then more recently, my family's coming over for Thanksgiving and I didn't really want her family to come because I hadn't been with them in years and they were only staying one day.

And she invited her whole fucking family and then told them that I didn't want them to be there. Oh, my God. Yeah, I was just wondering if you had any advice. That's crazy. Maybe she's autistic. Wow. It's possible. Your wife is the ops. She is. You're living with the ops. Your wife is singing like a bird. Rosebud would love to get your wife in an interrogation room when she's working for the FBI. Yeah. She would send her right to Guantanamo. Like, oh, wow, this lady is awesome.

We can make a deal. This is crazy behavior. That is messed up. Crazy behavior. I feel like Andy does this to me a lot. Andy's a rat? A lot. He doesn't mean to because he doesn't think that what he's saying is bad. But, like, we had the new nanny come this morning. Right. And the first thing he says to her is, like,

Oh, yeah. She had like a horribly contagious rash last week. And I was like, what the? Yeah. Right, right, right. You were the baby. I'm like, it's cured now. Why are you telling? Like, she's talking about the baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm like, why would you tell her that when she's not now? And now she just thinks we're gross. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? Just offering up information. I'm like, just offering up info. For no reason. She doesn't need to know that. Never go against the family. No, but yeah. Classic. I'm this crazy.

- It could be a mishap on the wife part, but it's also like-- - But maybe she agrees with you. Maybe she agrees with you and she's just sort of more open. - This is crazy behavior that like, if you can't trust your wife-- - Why would you tell your friend that they said it was a gay name? Like obviously that was material. That was one ear to one ear, that's it.

They don't need to know that. There's circles, there's layers and circles of trust, which is like you have your best friend. Me and Eldest talk shit about people constantly, right? I would never let any of that leak out. That's like a level of trust of like we've been friends for over 30 years, right?

Your partner, in theory, should be that level. It should be like the trust you have with a good, like a best friend. Like in a perfect world, you should be able to be completely free with your partner. And if they're just and if anything, they should lie to protect you from annoying stuff. Not not like be honest and like put you out there. But it's not a comparison. Oh, sorry. No. Can we just unpack something real quick? Yeah.

In the first sentence, they were together for 12 years, married for four. That's eight years of resentment. That's really good. That's really good. You're right. That's exactly what I was about to say. I got some stuff y'all need to work out. She could be doing this subconsciously. Yeah, that's fair. But this comes from the eight years that you didn't marry her.

When I said I saw 12 years married before, I was like, oh. That's a long fucking time. She's the lover you like. I hear her win. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The last two years of your relationship. Right. She's spent you. Yeah, that's fair. So, yeah, she's snitching. Yeah. Yeah, she could be just like sort of slipping things in with her closest family and friends that she knows they're going to be like, you got to leave him. Yes. Which she should have did.

And maybe they feel the same way. Maybe since she's talking about her family and best friend, maybe these are the people that were like, he's got to go. These are the people she's vented about him to for those eight years. That's very interesting. And if she's saying this kind of shit in front of you, if she's just letting this slip like in front of you. A lot of things you didn't hear. There's a lot of shit you didn't hear. That's tough.

Sorry, yeah. Is this guy blissfully unaware of his wife hating him? You're going to have to sit through eight years.

eight years of her snitching on you. Yeah. Just like she said, through eight years with your ass. And here's the other thing. Like, this is one of the... I mean, so many... That's a great read on the situation. But so many times, the questions on this show really boil down to, have you ever had a conversation about this? Right. Because so many people have these things that annoy them about someone close to their life. That if they were ever like...

Hey, you know, this is actually like one of the worst things anyone's done to me. Like, could you please not do that anymore? It might just solve the problem. She'd be like, oh, I didn't even realize. Like, it could be that. It really could be. It does sound like she's shutting up. I feel like he gave us a few examples, but we don't know what he told the teachers, the male lady. Like, it sounds like she just talked too much. And here's the other thing. The resentment thing is a good point of like...

This is the behavior of someone. She's laying little traps for him to step into, right? And that's the behavior of someone who does have a problem but doesn't want to admit it. She probably doesn't even want to admit to herself how much she resents her husband. So she just has these little slips that she knows on some deep level are going to ruin whole days of his life. Whatever embarrassment she went through...

Now he got to go through. Now I feel like a hypocrite because I said Andy snitched on me, but I said it on a podcast. You snitched on him. Which I feel like is sort of the same. Don't worry. We'll bleep out Andy. We'll bleep out the word of the guy. Yeah, that would be great.

That snitch was like... I'm like, who am I in this? I don't know. But there's levels to snitching, right? Like, yeah, you snitching on him right now, but you just giving the example of how he just offers information you wish that he would just know to not tell. Yeah. So I don't know. Don't worry. You guys will come back. We'll adjudicate it on Stavi's world. Yeah, we're working on it. You're always welcome to come back in a couple months, you and Andy. Yeah. We'll get to the bottom of this. Awesome. But to kind of be slightly serious, to really like, you know,

It is something worth investigating. These little cracks in a relationship can be like some... And look, it's possible your wife's just kind of like doesn't think that much about it. There's a positive read on this where people are just kind of like absent-minded, nicer people than you who don't realize like what a commotion. She could be just like...

I'm not, I don't judge anything that you're saying. And I'm just sort of presenting it as information. Yeah. Even though I, I don't see anything wrong with it, even though it's hurting the feelings of everyone around me. Also, maybe your family needs to know. Your family probably needs to know that you don't want them to say, because now they're going to act completely different and respectful probably. Like, think about it. Family that is welcome. I feel like they overstay. They, they, they take cups. They,

They throw it in the sink. They don't throw out the trash. They don't help out. Tell your family, hey, he don't even want y'all here. And they gonna act completely. They gonna come in with their own towels. I don't know.

Maybe she was helping in that situation. That assumes they respect him, which I don't think they do. Well, yeah, no, but I'm just saying she was probably giving that information to let them know, like, hey, y'all don't do so much. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, I don't know. That could be one way to look at it, or some people, if they're given that, then they turn into, then it becomes a passive-aggressive off.

Yeah. Like, you know, now they're going to be kind of cunty and cold and whatever. But always ask why. Why did you say that? Why did you tell? Yeah, exactly. I do think at the end of the day, a convert, have you literally talked to your wife about this even once? Because it is possible she just, it's something she can correct and she's just like, you know, doesn't even consider it snitching the way you do. Yeah. Because I've been in a situation where I am a shitty judgmental person.

who's close to somebody who's very nice and kind and they will just let shit I said in confidence because they don't live in a world with secrets. Right. Right? Like my whole life would come apart. Which is a lot of us. My life would come apart. Yeah.

If the things I've said about people I even like came out. You know what I mean? Sometimes when you are in a relationship, whether it's marriage or just close friend or sibling or whatever, with a truly kind-hearted person, they will let...

"Hane this shit you said." They might even find it funny. - Yeah. - And because they don't live in a world where they constantly-- - Where it's like you have to live on the defense. - Yes. - You know what I mean? Where you're like, "This can't ever get out." - Yeah, yeah, exactly. - But I come across that problem all the time. It's to the point where I tell my friends, like, "If you don't want other people to know--" - Don't fucking tell them. - "Don't tell me."

either gonna forget. I'm like, in passing, just, I'm the worst with that. You are not. I literally would tell someone, like, hey, she don't like you. And like, oh, my bad. Oh, you got offended by that? Now you wanna fight her? I thought that was good information. You should know. You do that a lot. I do that a lot. It's bad. It's bad. But now I know myself. But if it's...

This actually happened to me. Someone told something about me that I didn't want people to know. But I got over it with the thanks of Rosebud. We're on there. No more dry snitching. Next question, Eldis.

So I've got this roommate that's been living with me for about a year now. He's been a pretty cool guy to live with. You know, he's chilly, sucks to himself, but like maybe good two months ago, he was in a real bad accident on like a bicycle and he had like to go to the hospital for a bit. So I was like kind of taking care of him, getting them to like, uh,

doctor's appointments and stuff. I gave him some money because when he got fucked up on the bike, it completely destroyed his phone. So, you know, I've been trying to like help this guy get back on his feet because like that's what I would want. But like since then, he's just been drinking all the fucking time. Like he's been so, so fucking drunk that

Oh, shit. He's my ex-girlfriend. Damn, he's stealing six. Like, he's completely, like...

been spiraling out but at the same time like I feel bad because like if I was in his situation I would want someone to kind of help and lift me up but at this point in time this dude like he's been to prison in the past he used to have an excellent career as like a scientist but now he's like disgraced he told me that like his sister doesn't want anything to do with him and I'm just like wow like you're actually just kind of a piece of shit and

And maybe I don't want to be taken advantage of by a piece of shit. Yeah. So my question really is, like, at what point in time does, like, charity stop being worth it? Like, at what point in time? Like, a long time ago. At the point you were writing this podcast. My desire to help someone who's in a really bad situation run up against their desire to just be an asshole and not help themselves. I don't know. That was pretty long. Anyway, I appreciate you.

Dude, I've been... I was in this situation. Hit us with it. I was dating a guy who... The ambulance had to come because of alcohol withdrawals. He started stealing. His family didn't want anything to do with him. It was like... And every time he drank, he would get into some kind of fucking accident. I can almost guarantee that the bike thing was... A lie? Alcohol-related. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably. Yeah, true, true, true. And...

Now that he's got you kind of like being his nurse, you're stuck in this situation. I guarantee you he'll find another one.

fucking cut this motherfucker loose. He's got to move out. That's what I was like. You still calling him a roommate. Change the fucking locks. Get him out of your apartment. Like, yeah. You just move. And at least in your, and at least in your situation, it's like, I mean, not at least, but it's like you were dating. There's an emotional element to it. There's other still insane. It was no, but I know, but at least I'm saying I get it. This guy, you just, what? Your Craigslist room? Like what kind of roommates does he say all this?

It's just some fucking guy that you know. And I get it. It's like the first couple weeks or even a month where you're like, damn, you probably like this guy. He's falling on hard times. You want to be a good guy and help him out. But it's like when it's clear that even you're like being a good person and kind of overdoing it. Because like, look, as a roommate...

you don't you know if you just don't know the guy you don't you don't technically owe him anything you have no bond you have nothing it's nice to be a good guy if you're living with somebody who's getting over some kind of injury it's like all right take his packages up help him whatever but don't oh lend him money he's stealing from you he's and then once you see that your help didn't result in him getting back on his feet and you see him kind of like falling into some kind of

That the help is making it worse. Or that it just doesn't even matter. The help is like, this guy's on his own shit, right? You can help him, you can not help him. He's probably going to fucking spiral one way or the other. Once you see that you're not really having an effect, you're kind of a bystander, and you're even like, bystander at best,

Worst case, he's a fucking parasite. That's like ruining your shit. Once it starts actively ruining your quality of life is when you're like, especially if this guy is maybe a little different if it was a family member or somebody you care deeply about. He's a fucking roommate. Yeah. It's like you should, if we lived in a good society, you and this man would have never met.

If we lived in a society where we could live as human beings and people in their 30s could just have their own apartments, you wouldn't know this fucking guy. So like, you know what I mean? Like, you know, you've done more than enough and you got to do whatever you can to just kind of minimize this. I would say even if you buy your way out of the lease, buy your way out of the lease and fucking beat it. As quickly as possible. I'm reading this email like how many lives have this man lived? Disgraced scientist. He sounds cool.

This guy sounds like a cool friend. I would hang out with him, but I wouldn't owe him. I wouldn't lend him money. Disgraced scientist. No, once your boundaries start being stepped on like that on a repeated basis, you have to remove yourself from the situation. I wouldn't even kick him out. I would just disappear, tell the landlord, it's on y'all, and be out. Yeah, I'm like...

I'm like, if you tell me that you were a disgraced scientist and you've been to prison and you now have been in some sort of life-altering bike accident, I'm out. Like, all right, I'm not going to stick around for chapter three. That's way too much. That's cool, though. He was like, I like the thing about this guy getting fucked up and trying to recreate Spider-Man in his lab. And he's just making like orphans get bitten by radioactive spiders. They're all like getting cancer. And he's like, oh, my bad.

I was thinking it'd be cool if they could get on fucking walls. And the whole time not paying rent.

That's not your roommate at this point. Once the person stops paying rent, that's not your roommate. No, yeah, that should have been the first point we made. Yeah. Like, oh, no, that's the first. No, no. Yeah, bro. I mean, again, it'd be different if this was even a friend, but this is literally a roommate. That's crazy. Yeah, he's got to go. You got to get the fuck out of there. Unless he starts fucking you. Unless the dick is too good. Oh, my God. Unless the dick is too sweet to let him go to cut ties. Yeah, exactly.

That buys him an extra two, three months. After that, yeah, depending, yeah. There's a sliding scale of how good the dick is to how much credit card debt you're willing to go into to support his lifestyle. All right, here's another one, Eldis. That was refreshing because it was like there was an obvious answer. Cut and dry, yeah. For sure. Some of these can be a little complicated, but here we go, Eldis. What do we got?

What's up, Stav? I'm dealing with a love life dilemma and I need your advice. Okay. So I dated this girl for a year and things didn't really work out. But now I'm talking to her again and trying to figure out if I want to date her because I really think she might be the one. Mm-hmm.

But it comes with a pretty big red flag. So we're both 26 now. But when she was 21 and she was a senior in college, she was a nanny. And she ended up having an affair with the dad of the family she was a nanny for. And the wife found out he got a divorce. And they were swingers, actually, together for three years. What?

And the biggest fetish that she had during the swing time was DVP, which is double vaginal penetration. Pause this. Damn, bro.

Imagine. How is she the one? Imagine. How? How do you know all this? And by the way, imagine having a little dick and a woman telling you her thing is getting fucked by two big dicks at once. You're like, I didn't believe in my dick to begin with. You're telling me you need two dicks? My dick is little for one. That is crazy.

Why do people do this? She's the one. And then it's the one reason how she's not the one. Can I also say the DVP thing? So these guys are really rubbing dicks here. Like, I don't understand the, like, what's the appeal? I don't understand the mechanics of it. First of all, just squeezing in there. Yeah, how do you do it? Are they men's scissor?

Is one coming down? Is one like lower from the ceiling? Your nuts have to be masked. You know those things on office, on desks? Yes. Where it's like the balls, the pendulum balls. That's what your nuts are looking like while you're both fucking this girl's pussy. I gotta go home and Google and look at a DVD. I can't unlift this. How does that even? Let's get to the bottom. I'm sorry. There was enough to just have a little interlude, but let's finish this. Oh my goodness.

Which is double vaginal penetration, which is exactly what it sounds like. And they were swinging like every other week. So for like three years, she was getting DVP'd basically every other weekend. And she's kind of put that whole life behind her. Every other weekend, three years, 52 weeks.

Divided by two. 26 times a year. 26 times a year. Three. That's 75. That's 75 double DVP. That's a lot, bro. All right, let's keep going. But she's the one. That's 150 dicks. If you count the... Keep it moving. When she talks about it now, she says it's a regret. A 75 dick regret? What?

And every other weekend, regret. A bi-monthly on the calendar regret. That was on her Google calendar. That's a job. Damn, dude. All right, let's keep it going, Aldous. Sorry. I broke up kind of because I couldn't get over this. And I'm talking to her again. She's gone through a ton of therapy. If you ever met her in person, you would never be able to tell this. She has the demeanor of a

A kindergarten teacher. Oh, my God. And she's just a really sweet girl. And if you hit me with the men in black, like, erase mine thing, and I didn't know anything about her past...

It wouldn't even be a question. I would marry her tomorrow because I've never connected with a person on this level. And we honestly just clicked. And I really, truly love her. I just can't bring myself to get over this fact and knowing all that I know about her. So am I being foolish and judgmental and naive to miss out on potentially marrying the person that I have the best connection with out of any girl I've ever met over some shit she did in her past? A lot. She did it a lot. Let me know what you think.

Love you, baby. Wow. I love you, baby. This is crazy. I mean, okay, this is wild. This is just... Because, look, I also... Philosophically, I am of the opinion of, like, yeah, dude, everyone's too uptight. Do whatever you want. Who gives a fuck? But there is... This is really pushing... Like, even, like, sex workers, stripper, like, whatever it is, right? I've dated people like that. I don't give a fuck. I would probably... I would date this girl, whatever, but it's like...

This is really pushing the limits of... It's also the amount of information. Why did he need to know all that? She has to start over. She could have said... Y'all can't... This is not gonna... She could have just said swinging and left it alone. She was like, look, I had an affair with this guy. I had a crazy period of my life where we were going to sex parties and stuff. It was a weird time. I was young. I felt a little taken advantage of. It was a wild time.

You're saying she lies and just cusses? lie and sugarcoat it. It was a little rapey. Yeah, I mean, by the way. If you just say you got raped, that'll be better. But I'm just like, okay, but 21, if you're the, if you're the like, if you're the like, au pair and some like rich guy, there's like, I'm not saying like, I wouldn't even, I almost,

Yeah, that's crazy.

You have to think like he would have asked for more specifics once he got... Would he ask how many dicks were in your pussy? Would he ask that many specifics? I don't know. Maybe. That's crazy. I don't want to know that. Imagine you're 22, 20... He said he's 26, so presumably he's known for at least a year or two about this. If he's dated her in the past and it's like...

You get a crumb and like, even if you don't want to, like your curiosity will just like... Yeah, you pull the loose thread at the sweater. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if she even offers up the swingers party thing, I think that's where you get into the, uh-oh, now he's getting curious. You're like, swingers party? Wait, what does that mean? Yeah. You know what I mean? I think that... The way my head is hurting. Yeah.

And I don't know neither one of these two. Now, I don't have a vagina. DVP, does that sound interesting to either of you two? No. That's what I mean. It seems pretty extreme to do for three years. It seems so specific. Yeah. To go like... If you did that every other weekend for three years...

You're into that. And also, like, you're going to go back to that. Yeah, the therapy being, like, the solving thing. I'm like, well, listen, conversion camp doesn't fucking work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we've been shown. Okay, that's why my theory here is that she's young. This guy is, like, maybe the guy she, you know, the rich guy that she, like, cheated on and then, like, was in a... It does feel a little like...

Dom sub type of shit where it's like he's some older guy who like kinda not it's not grooming I guess really cuz she's 21, but it's like, you know takes her under kinda grooming and it's like when she says she regrets it to me it feels and a lot of those a lot of people were in like cuck shit like half of them are like the pathetic cuck guys whatever but some of them are like no I do this because I really don't value this woman and

Like a lot of them are like, this is just some fucking dumb bitch that all you guys can, that's how much control I have over her. And maybe he's also a little weird because he's presumably the one rubbing his cock with the other guy's cock in her pussy. Sounds to me like he's, she did kind of get into some like,

Weird, dark, like, semi-fucked-up relationship stuff. I can see that. That's just my theory, armchair quarterback from here kind of thing. But, like, and I feel for our friend here because...

Look, ultimately, philosophically, I have to come down on the like, look, man, the problem here is how much of her past you know. Yeah, that's real. It's not that she did some shit that you don't like. Right. And it's also like you can maybe empathize with her. And also, she might not be in touch with her feelings about the whole thing because if you're in some weird Svengali relationship. That's the thing. She's still young. In her 30s, she's going to be like, Jesus, that was fucked up. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I don't know. That's my hunch. This is completely, like, whatever. This is completely, you know... This is just... But what I would tell you is, like, if that's how you feel about her, you have to work on just, like... You have to kind of give yourself the men in black thing and, like, feel out the relationship. But I will also say that, ultimately, if you're giving this a real chance and you just... It just does not feel good for you. Yeah. It sucks because this should...

This shouldn't be an issue. She maybe shouldn't have been that forthright. Maybe she's not even she didn't really even understand how she felt about it, whatever, whatever that the issue is, how much you know about this person's past.

And even though theoretically and philosophically we can say, hey, what a person did before you got there doesn't matter. At the end of the day, you have to be happy in a relationship. And if you're just, you're cuddling, you're having a, you're apple picking, and then you're lifting her up. And you see two dicks. You know what I mean? Like you snap into like two huge. You start going crazy. You're like, oh. He said he will marry her tomorrow. Don't rush. Yeah.

Slow your ass down. Not tomorrow, maybe not the next. You got to give it time. Yeah, I would give it time. That made me want to smoke a cigarette. That's crazy, yeah. I feel like for me, it just comes down to like, you know,

could I do this? Like, could I live with that? Like I could live with that. Like if I'm, if I'm in my forties or something, thinking of myself at like 26, that's a good, it would haunt me. That's a great day. 26 is a lot different. I cannot sit with that. Like you're right. No, that's, that's a good perspective. Have you not had, like, you can have so many more. Yeah. I'll,

I'll have a connection. That's also a very good point. At 26, you don't even know who you're, how you'd marry, who you'd marry, whatever. Yeah. I feel like 26 is like when your brain is fully formed, like finally. But it's also, it's also on the early end of when you do know, right? Yeah. Like certain people, like I don't think it's, it's,

it's not like he's a fucking, none of them are kids' kids. They're like at the cusp of real adulthood. It's the very beginning of it. So it's not an impossibility, but at the same time, dude, it really comes down to

It shouldn't matter. But at the end of the day, we're all human beings. And if it does matter to you... Then it matters to you. Then it fucks up the relationship. It just does, right? And if you care enough about her to try and get it to not matter to you, I don't know how you do that, right? But, you know, good luck, whatever. Maybe over time it just does. You don't get... You know, it stops mattering to you. But that's really what it comes down to, bro. It's like...

I think it's worth trying to have a relationship with somebody you have these feelings about, but if you do and you give it a real honest shot...

Yeah. And it just does fucking undercut you eventually, then maybe you just, it wasn't meant to be. I would say give it time and pay attention to how you're feeling. And then when, if it gets to a point where you're like, all right, this is affecting my behavior and my trust and my, you know, then you fucking bail. Yeah. Yeah. And it's sad, but it's like, hey, the world sucks, dick, and we're all going to die. And, you know, you got robbed of joy from this guy who was...

Turning your bitch out when she was 22? Who is this guy? You didn't know more about this nanny family. He's probably some guy on Epstein's Island. I mean, whoever this guy was, was on the flight logs. He was sitting next to Stephen. He was plugging in Stephen Hawking's wheelchair. And Starbucks was talking, I believed in him for like two seconds. And then he continues and you're just like, okay. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

That's the beauty of this show. It's so funny. We swing wildly. She could have been taken advantage of, you know? But anyway, so this guy was turning your bitch out. And you're like... Well, that is what was happening. I'm not going to mince words with my friend here. I'm going to be honest with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it wasn't good. Whatever went down, it wasn't good. It's a lot.

I gotta go, so should I just head out? That's fine. We're basically podcasting in shifts. You got the early shift? Yep. Amina, thank you so much. Oh, therapy. Please go, yeah. Amina's going to therapy. I'm gonna scoot in. Scooch over. Perfect. Bye, Amina. Thanks, Amina. That was great. Hey, so I guess you have nothing to plug?

All right. Email us. We'll put it in the episode, wherever you need to plug. All right. I love this. I love shift podcasting. Amina's like, I'm just going to plug my therapist. Yeah. Amina puts the, she emails you the address of the lady's Airbnb. Yeah. She's like, if you could throw a brick through that window, that would mean a lot for me. Yeah. Yeah.

All right, let's do a couple more just us gals, Rosie. All right. And, you know, I think this has been a great app. We've really got some great calls here. It's been really fun. I'm really, I have a suspicion the next few episodes we do will be bad because you used all the good ones here. Damn. What do you think? We'll have to wait and see. That's a yes. Let the people decide. Leave your comments. Got it.

Yes. Let the public decide. Goddamn, you're fucking bad at your job. All right. What do we got here, Eldest? What's up, Stav, Eldest, guest? My name is Joe. I've been in a relationship for eight years. We have a house together. I love my partner. She was with me through...

Some life changes, lost my parents. I want to be with her for life. I love her. But I can't stop thinking about women with bigger titties. I feel I never got pussy from a woman with big ass titties.

Maybe once or twice. I've only ever been with less than 10 women. I'm pretty damn hot, but I can't help feeling depressed when I think about never fucking anyone else, even though our sex life is good.

Oh my God. That's not how you do it. Yep. Oh my God.

I thought that would kind of reset my mind. Oh, yeah, that's what it would do. Yeah. It'll fix it. So I wouldn't feel the need to look at porn anymore. That girl was ridiculous. And now I just fantasize about her. This is insane, dude. I tried to spice it up with my partner, but she's a bit conventional in that department.

Uh, we both bust pretty often and have sex often enough, but I still dream about those titties. Uh, what advice do you have for me on this, uh, most basic? Holy shit. Thanks. Wait, what was that last line? What advice do you have for me on this most basic human? Like, is it whatever? Problem? Yeah. Most basic, something like that. Okay. So this is all, I mean, I love the idea that, uh,

His desire for much, he's going to fix the desire for like big tits by watching more pornography. He's like, hey, Stav, I'm addicted to drugs. Drugs are ruining my marriage. So I think I would just do a little, smoke a little crack. If I just do all the drugs in my apartment and I don't buy more. Yeah, I'll be out. And then sure, I might go to where they make the drugs and get some fresh stuff.

But that'll be over because then I'll remember how much I like the drugs. Yeah, I mean, I can dabble a little bit in crack. When my wife's away. Yeah, only when my wife's away and then I don't need it anymore. It's fucking crazy. Okay, so your problem is you have a... Scroll all the way up, Elders, to the call where he's saying she's great. They've been in a relationship for eight years. They have a house together. You know, gone through life changes together. Was with you when you lost your parents.

But I just wish you had bigger tits. Now... Well, you know, obviously she's fallen short. How do you think... Now, let me ask you this. How does he think she feels about him?

Like, do you know what I mean? It's like, are you... How... Are you an Adonis here, dude? Yeah. Like, what are we talking about, bro? It's like, yeah, you want... I'm sure you want a... I don't know. You want to live on a beach. You want a better house. Like, this is who you are. Your partner is who you are. Yeah. And, like, you're not... It's just like...

You do need to get off porn and you can't go to strip clubs. Yeah, to me it seems like a little bit sex addict-y. For sure. You know what I mean? Like it's like...

Because it's just not, you're not going to solve this problem. Yeah, it's like there's no, and it's also like you're just thinking about an attribute of a person. It's not like you've fallen in love with someone you've forged the connection with. You're like, anyone with huge tits I'd like to fuck. Yeah. And that is like more about pure sex than it is anything else. Right. And I guess there is something to that. I mean, they've been in a relationship for eight years. Right.

Right. There's something to if you're in a long term relationship and you know, this hasn't I've never been in a relationship longer than like a couple of years. So it's never really hit me. But it's like if you're in a long term relationship with somebody that you you're with, you're married, you have property together, whatever. Yeah.

Yeah, I assume it's a natural thing that you're going to eventually, like, you're going to want to fuck different people. You're going to look at other people and, like, want to be with other people. But it's just, it is what it is. You just got to go like, nah. Yeah, it's like, do you want bigger titties more than you want, like, security and, you know, being with the person that helped you through major life changes? Do you want to fuck, do you want to pay to fuck someone with huge tits?

and then lose your house? Yeah, do you want to pay half of your home? Is that how much you want to fuck big tits? Yeah, I think that's really the question. Because if you do, hey, man, pay the piper. But I don't think you do, buddy. And there's no way for you to pull it off. I can tell from the voicemail, I can tell by your delivery, you don't have the charisma to cheat. You're not...

You're not going to be able to pull it off. You're not going to be able to convince her that you deserve big tits every once in a while. But, you know, sometimes I've been surprised. Like there's sometimes it's just believing you deserve it. And he does believe it in a way that he doesn't. He does. Like he does believe in a way he doesn't deserve it. You know what I mean? Yeah. And you're cruising. Here's the path you're on.

for pussy, which, again, I don't have a philosophical problem with, but I do if it's cheating on somebody who recently lost her parents. Yeah.

Well, no, I think it was his parents. She stayed with him when he lost his parents. Oh, my God. That's what's so... Yeah, yeah, it's even worse. Where it's like, oh, man, I think... Actually, I don't know which one's worse. They're both bad. They're both bad anyway. Yeah, I mean, either way, I think what you're... I don't know, maybe it's like what you're craving is lack of intimacy. If you're craving someone different from anyone you've ever been with, and you just lost parents, and it's like maybe...

You're in a weird place probably psychologically too, but definitely feeding it with porn and going to... And by the way, dude, jonesing. You're jonesing for what? Dude, when you're feeling that way, beat off. Yeah. Beat off and you won't... Anytime you're having these destructive thoughts, let one loose and you'll be like... And try... Just try beating off not to porn. Not to porn, I think. Yeah, I think off porn...

You have, you are, you're dabbling. You're in a dangerous place. I've been there myself. I'm lucky that I've never had to, there's never been a person I care about who's paying for it. I've never been in that serious of a relationship. But at the end of the day, you're going to be the one paying for it. True. You know what I mean? So it's like, it's one of those things where...

Yeah, but that's hard to see. There's a mountain. It's like instead of fog clouding your way, it's just two fat tits are in front of your eyes. Yeah. And you can't see the future where you're alone in a one-bedroom. You just got fucking nipples for pupils. And listen, I do empathize with this guy. I'm not here to cast judgment. It's kind of why I took the back seat here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You want to take this? But, and look, I've never been, here's the thing. I've never gotten to the point when I've been in a relationship, it's been like, you know,

Although I guess early on I have had, you know what? I will say actually I have ruined relationships by not committing because I theoretically wanted to just fuck. It wasn't big tits necessarily for me. Although, you know, I wasn't turning them down, but it was just like wanting to fuck more women at that point in my life. Yeah. And having the con having like being away from that right now, it's like I do regret those decisions. I like I have ruined good relationships because

Or even like people I went on to date, it's like we had a weird beginning to our relationship because I was fucking dumb and like was fucking horny and like kind of light sex addict-y. And it was like, it was putting this, and it was in a time in my life where I was, you know, not trying to drink, not trying to smoke weed, not trying to eat.

out in all I had was like acting out in that way. Yeah. And I will tell you personally, it ruined shit for me. I regret it. I wish I hadn't behaved that way. I don't even remember the girls I fucked, but I remember the girl that like, who's the relationship I fucked up. You know what I mean? I mean, if you just look at this from just baseline, like the porn made it worse.

The stripper made it worse. Like each time you go further into this, it's going to get stronger and worse. So if that's the path you want to continue on, go ahead. But there's no way to come your way out of this. Yeah. There's no, there's, there's no way. It's a, you're like, it's,

This is the line of thinking where it's like, well, if I just fuck one girl with big tits once, I'll be cured. No, you won't. No. It's like when they have to kill a bear when it tastes human flesh. It's like that's what will happen to your relationship. It's over. You will keep wanting to fuck big tits. Yeah. So you got to decide how big of a piece of shit are you?

And maybe you're a big scumbag. That's possible. Maybe you're not meant for the nice domestic life. Maybe you're meant to have a shitty job, not have a family, pay for pussy the rest of your life, have a roommate until you're 48. Or maybe he's got a great job and you just want to live like American Psycho. You know what I mean? Without the murder. And you have to decide what's important to you. I would say you love your partner. She's been there for you. You know?

Don't do... Maybe take the win. Yeah, take the nice win or descend into fucking sex addiction and it could be kind of fun and maybe kill yourself at the end when you realize how much you've lost. Or let's do it. But it was a wild ride. Write a memoir. Write a memoir. Make it a movie. Get it optioned. You know, who knows? That's not going to happen. Again, you're not that interesting. You're not... Don't listen to Rosebud on that one. You know what I mean?

Your options really are those two. The memoir's going to be like, I was sitting at my desk at work filling out an Excel sheet and I was thinking about these big ass titties while my girlfriend was in the other room. And then I looked up some porn, some chicks with some awesome big tits. It was fucking cool. Then I called a podcast. But yeah, dude, this is, Eldish, you're a married man. Yeah.

you know, you're happily married, freshly married. So maybe, you know, you're not eight years in. But how about a married man's perspective on this question? I don't know. I think he should really do some soul searching and see, like, why he's so hung up on the tits thing. Yeah, yeah. Sex? Did his dead mom have huge tits? Freudian. Yeah. Possible.

You're not going to bring your mom back to life by cheating with a fat-titted stripper. I would be interested to know how big his mom's tits were. Can you call back in with an update, buddy? For real, I'm so serious. If his mom had huge tits, we got an answer.

I mean, it sounds like he definitely needs to go to therapy. I feel like when your parents die, your identity is transformed so much. That's a good point. You actually are the best person. You've dealt with both of these. I mean, you haven't almost ruined your life in search of bigger tits, but you lost your parents. You have a great partner that was with you through it. And as far as I know, it hasn't made you want to cheat. It's actually done the quite opposite. Yeah.

So maybe that's a good sign. It's like, if you're feeling that way after somebody helped you through something like this, go to therapy. Figure your shit out. You have more to figure out than just the big tits thing. Yeah. Yeah, so there you go, buddy. Good luck. What do we say? One more, Eldest? Yeah, let's do a cute little fun one. Cute little fun one. Bring the temperature back. To bring us home. Yeah. Hey, Fabi. Hey, Eldest. Hey, guests. My girlfriend's here. She...

Maybe once a month. Like she just poked my butthole. Clothes on. My clothes are on. I don't love it. It makes her happy, and I like to see her happy, but I don't love when she pokes my butthole. And earlier, like just now, she did it, and I said it was an assault, and she didn't like that I said it, which, okay, maybe a little bit too far. Where do we go from here? Do you have anything else you want to say about me?

I just feel like me and millions of other girls understand the urge. It's not a sex thing. It's not a sex thing. And I don't get it. She said it's like me tickling her when she tells me to stop.

I just don't think it's a one-to-one. That's all I'm saying. She thinks it is. Okay. Love you, Stavi. Shout out. Love you, LD. Thanks. Bye. Interesting, interesting. A nice, like, playful butthole poke. I do that. You do a butthole poke? I do that, yeah. He also doesn't like it. For me, this is like...

It sounds like she's doing it. Do you do it a lot? Like, this sounds like this girl's doing it pretty frequently, and it's like... No, I don't do it a lot. You got to pick your spots, I think. When we lived in a walk-up, it was more common. Right. Because it would just be right there. Sure. That's a classic move. Just from the sounds of it, it sounds like she's doing it when they're, like, hanging out in the kitchen and shit, and she's, like, fucking with him. It's like, yeah. It's like a belly poke or something. Like, going for a poke in the asshole, like...

That sounds like something like me and Stav might do to each other more than me and my wife or something. It does feel like locker room-y. Yeah. Like, and be like, oh, you're gay, dude. You liked it. Like doing something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Now, this guy clearly has a little bit of a hang up here. Uh-huh. I'm taking her side. He seems kind of annoying about it. He's like, it's like, now, unless she's, what kind of numbers are we talking here? How many times a day? She says once a month.

Maybe once a month? Is that what he said? Yeah, she maybe once a month. Once a month, nothing. Shut the fuck up. You're a fucking loser. Yeah. If it's once a month, you're a fucking clown, dude. Play it again from the beginning. Did you say once a month? Sometimes it transcribes wrong. Hey, Sabi. Hey, Aldis. Hey, guests. My girlfriend's here. She...

Maybe once a month. Why don't you just poke my butthole? Yeah. You got no case, brother. Yeah. You're a fucking loser. Beat it. We're on the woman's side here. Now I hope she pegs you. Yeah, you should get your ass fucked just for complaining this much about a little clothed butthole poke. Let's do a little fear exposure therapy. Yeah. All right, good. Good, Eldest. Very nice.

Very nice. But this is what happens. I know we're destined for like three straight episodes with horrible calls. He pitched a perfect game today. I will tip my hat to you. We had banger after banger. Thank you. Really great game, and I can't wait to see what we got coming up. Tune in and find out. Tune in and find out in upcoming weeks.

It's going to be me calling just being like, hey, how are the pics? Just wondering how you guys are doing. Rosebud, thanks for coming. Anything you want to plug, buddy? I got a new set on Netflix, verified stand-up. There you go.

Just follow me on Instagram and TikTok. I don't have Twitter anymore. Nice, dude. I fucking ended it. Yeah. Yeah, I barely, I don't, I lost, I can't log on on my phone anymore. Yeah. So I just have it on my computer. Yeah. So it's like, we'll post like promotional stuff. But yeah, I'm basically on Insta, TikTok. But it has gotten worse. I know.

I only miss it when something horrible is happening on television and I want to see... But even then, it's not as good as it used to be for that. I know, yeah. The algorithm's all fucked up. It used to be something cool happened. It's like, yeah, let's go to Twitter. At least it'll be fun to see, you know, to make fun of something. And it's like...

Shit's all fucked up. Anyway, follow Rosebud. Watch her set on Netflix. Amina will put her plugs in here if she emails Eldis. I think by the time this comes out, we're way off the road.

Are you? Yeah, hopefully. This is coming out in a little bit, but I have a couple last-minute shows that I'm about to do, folks. Sorry to unveil, to peel back the curtain. And then I'm off the road for a while, so nothing really to plug except the show. Hey, we've never done this, but give us a review on iTunes. Why not? Why not try making this show successful? We've actually never tried to do that.

It's gotten this far without us trying. So we're going to try a little bit more on this show. Actually, Eldest's whole job now, because we're off the road, is the podcast. So if Eldest is doing a good job, then maybe we're actually more successful. But are we really going to bet on that, folks? The show goes downhill when Eldest starts paying more attention to it. Thanks, Rosebud. And we'll see you next time, guys. Bye-bye.