#55 - Chris Distefano
01:32:10 Share

Welcome everybody to Stavis World. 904-800-STAV. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. It's Christmas. It's Christmas time, baby. We got Chrissy Christmas Tree in the building. Chrissy Christmas Tree. I'm here giving gifts. One of the gifts I'd like to give to you is the book, The Case for Christ. I've been reading it.

Really? Yes, dude. Are you reconnecting? I'm reconnecting. And let me tell you something. Just know that I'm in a phase right now. If you see me in the street and you talk shit about Catholicism, I am in an active crusade mode because the amount of corroborating evidence that confirms not only Jesus's existence, but his miracles is overwhelming. You're kidding, right? I swear to God, Joe. It is so overwhelming. It's overwhelming. It's overwhelming. And I will fight you to the death.

Because I am a defender of Christ. His miracles. Give me one piece of evidence. Okay, dude. First of all. It's his birthday week. I don't want to shit on the guy, but go ahead. Let me ask you this. Let me ask you boys this right now. If I said, if I regurgitated facts about Alexander the Great, you would believe them? You would say, yes, that happened because I said it happened because I read a book about him that said it happened, right? Would you question me, Alexander the Great's conquests and all that stuff?

I guess I would be, I mean, it depends what you'd say, right? Like, give me an example. Like, I'm just saying, like, if I, you know. He made it all the way, he almost made it to India or something like that. Right. He conquered Persia. Or Alexander the Great's habits. If I said, you know, I learned that Alexander the Great, you know, used to, whatever, you know, have sex with elephants. You'd say, that's probably true. His biographer said it was true. It's true. Right. And the big thing with Jesus is, well, his personality.

The books about him and his life and his miracles were written hundreds of years after his death. It's like a game of telephone. It doesn't work. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, I'm here to tell you. I'm here to tell you as a defender of Christ that Alexander the Great's biography and everything we know about Alexander the Great was written 600 years after his death. Jesus is everything. There's not any contemporary sources. Not from this book.

I see. This is the case for Christ, case against Alexander the Great. So all your research is what the guy who wrote the case for Christ told you. Yes. Okay, all right, great. Shout out Lee Strobel. Can you just Google contemporary sources, Alexander the Great? Just let's see what Google comes up with, but go ahead, Chris. So with Christ...

One of them, one of the books actually was written within five years. Contemporaries who wrote accounts of his life include Alexander's campaigner stories, Calisthenes, Alexander's generals Ptolemy and Nearchus, Aristobulus, a junior officer on their campaigns, and Onias Christus, Alexander's chief helmsman. So just immediately we found five primary accounts from his life. So there you go, Chris. No, you're...

Just one quick Google search. There's five primary sources. I'm not listening to your Jew internet.

But, dude. Please go on. It's legit. It doesn't seem legit off this Google search. Jesus is as legit as it could be. No, he's not. And even his haters who wrote about him, disparaging him, who didn't even believe any of his bullshit in his lifetime, and they died hating Jesus, all acknowledged that Jesus

Something was different about him, and they talked about his... The guy had good vibes. The guy had a spark. They talked about his miraculous works. Wow. Now, what's more interesting to me is what happened in your life that put you down this path. What are you trying to make up for?

You know what I mean? Did you get sucked off in Utah? And then you saw your beautiful family and you're like, well, how am I living like this? I need Christ. You know what I mean? What is it? Well, first of all, in Utah, I don't know if you guys have been there recently, but you can't watch porn. Oh, wow. Dude, I just did Salt Lake City. It blocks your phone? It blocks your phone, any porn site. You couldn't do anything, dude. That's crazy. I mean, it got to the point where I was like fingering my asshole. It got to the point.

in downtown Salt Lake City. And so, no, but what happened was what started leading me down this case for Christ's path. Now, I will also preface that I'm passionate about it and I've been converted, but I am only 80 pages into a 400-page book. Really?

So I don't know necessarily what's going to happen next. Right, right, right. But the first 80 pages are absolutely lit for Christ. So, but what happened was, is... Eldridge, can you just, while we're talking, look up Case for Christ. Look up who this guy is, what his historical bona fides are. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. The Case for Christ. So they also have a movie about it, but it's dog shit. You want to read the book. Okay. So...

Was Kevin Sorbo in the movie The Case for Christ? Yeah. Let's check and see if Kevin Sorbo was in the case. There he is. At least showable. Actually, I shouldn't say it's dog shit because one of the actresses, Erica Christensen, is in it, and I do love her. She's great. And to be fair, I did only watch the first 10 minutes of The Case for Christ, the movie, and I had to turn it off because my daughter needed help.

Look up Lee Strobel, Eldest, while we talk. So Lee Strobel. So this is him. And former investigative journalist. He's written several books, including four that received Christian Book Awards and a series which addresses challenges to the veracity of Christianity. He also hosted a television program called Faith Under Fire on PAX TV.

and runs a video apologetics website. And I gotta be honest, as I'm reading about his career, it's still not shaking my unwavering faith in Christ, but it is starting to put little dents in it because the man who I've put my trust in to tell me about Christ is famous for his coverage of the Ford Pinto crash trial. That's what it says. Involving the class action suit against the Ford Motor Company in Winnemac, India. So this is...

The Ford Pinto crash guy. When you hear investigative journals, you don't think the Pinto crash. You think fucking CIA, Watergate, something like that. Interesting. But the reason why I started to get into this is because what happened to me was I was at Thanksgiving, right?

And you know, career like going well, like it's at a place that I'm happy because I'm like, you know, I'm doing what I love and my family has got what they want. And then my mom started coming down on me. - Oh wow. - And like in front of the family about like how vulgar my comedy is,

what a disappointment it is to my religion and how disgusting some of the words I use and how the sex acts I talk about and talking about getting your girlfriend pregnant on the first date and putting that information out there. I'm like, all true. Now, just out of curiosity, your mother, this is the same woman who raised you with money from the mafia, is that correct? Yes. She had no problem taking money from beatings

murders, you know, that sort of thing. So, and it's funny. So, so yeah, because, because my mom coming down on me, yelling at me in front of everybody. And then I have a very like flamboyantly gay uncle who's like the oldest. Yeah. And then he just says, he goes, well, he waits for her to be done. Cause it was like getting off. Like I do it on there. Like there was like sweat dripping down my back.

I had my two-year-old on my lap just slowly feeding her applesauce while I am getting berated. Just destroyed. Destroyed. She was kind of putting, like I was like a porn star. Like that's how she was kind of putting me forward. And there was like other people there, like family, friends. Yeah, yeah. So I mean, I was just getting shit on for my comedy. So then my uncle, my uncle, who is a, ready for this? My uncle is a world, I don't know if he's world famous, he's famous in this community, a famous cat judge. Yeah.

That's awesome. He judges cat competitions all over the world. He even judged one for Vladimir Putin. Wow. All over the world. Wow.

So he's just got it everywhere. And then he says, and then he goes, well, he waits until he's done, and he goes, well, why don't you never go to one of his shows again? Never ask him for a ticket. Never ask him to meet any of his celebrity friends. Never get a video. Never, ever, ever go to one of his shows again. How about that?

How about that? And then I was like, hell yeah. And I'm still, and I don't know if it was just like a moment that'll pass, but I started thinking, you know what I'm going to do then just to stick it to all, like internally. I didn't say anything to my mom other than getting her more pumpkin pie and red wine. Of course, of course. But I said, you know what, just to stick it to these motherfuckers, what I'm going to do is I'm going to get back into religion and

I'm going to case for Christ. And what I'm going to do is kind of similar to what Ari did with like a Jew thing. Not, not, not that at all, but I'm going to fucking put out, I know Ari's wasn't clean, but I'm going to put out like an hour of like clean comedy. Maybe it's like a one man show. Like,

are you proud of this kind of thing? Like, what if I show you I can do this too? That's crazy. And I want to do, and I'm like so motivated to do that. So the Case for Christ, reading it and kind of reconnecting with my faith was the first. And by the way, I will tell you, this is just my life. The way that I found out about the book, The Case for Christ, is from my good friend Tank Sinatra. Tank Sinatra.

is my guiding spiritual healer who told me, dude, you need to read The Case for Christ. That's interesting. Mine is actually Fuck Jerry. Fuck Jerry is my rabbi. Yes. So that's where I'm at, man. So I'm going to try to put that out and be like, are you proud of this show? Okay, wow. I cannot believe you fell for this show.

Your mom, it just worked. You just completely capitulated to your mother. 100%. She's talking crazy shit. Yes. You know what I mean? She's like, like I said, hypocrite. Your father's a criminal. Yes. Right? Yes. And like, she took all his money. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah. But you take care of your mom, I'm sure. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Like, you still do, taking your dollars. Yes.

You know what I mean? She's taking your dollars. Like, maybe let's fucking vote with our wallet, mom. If you really have a problem with these fucking, these cum jokes, how about, guess what? You don't get the addition to your home in fucking Brooklyn. In Brooklyn, yeah. Yeah, I'm not going to buy that lanai for you. Yeah, but it's just like you completely were so out of spite you're going to do this. Yeah. But I don't know, man. It just seems like, I mean, there is something going around

I do think there's just the natural arc of a human's life where it's like you get to be a fucking... You know, you're raised in a certain way. You rebel, right? Everybody seems to do this. And then you do whatever the fuck... Not only do you rebel, then you act fucking wild. You do whatever the fuck you want. You're like, this is how my life is going to look. Then I think...

There's a void of meaning. And so everybody tries to fill that in. And I do think there is... You know, we're kind of at the age where for some people that's like going back into religion. And I think that's maybe a little bit what this is here. But it's just like, come on, man. You're a history guy. You know what I mean? You know scholarship. You know what actually happened. And it's like, look, I don't want to...

If you're religious, you're religious, whatever. But it's like to think that, you know, Christ did miracles is so fucking stupid. It's so fucking dumb. To think some fucking guy was like, ooh, fucking zombies were coming up and shit like that. And it's like, you just know that didn't happen. Dude, here's the thing. Like I said, I'm only 80 pages in to an over 400 to 500 page book. But I'm telling you, so far...

It's so far. I went to church last Sunday, and here's what I will say about going to church. You know, like everything's like, you know, all you do is hear like Andrew Huberman and these guys talk about like meditation, how important it is, and I believe, but I cannot do it. I know that I could, but I'm telling you I can't. When I sit down with my eyes closed, I start, I'm so afraid of the dark, I'm like literally afraid of my own eyes being closed because I'm in the dark. And I can't do it, and I always think someone's going to like stab me and a ghost, and I can't do it. But what I have found was...

Church is like meditation to me. Like I'm sitting in there for an hour. I'm listening to these, what I right now firmly believe actual historical events that happened that are being read aloud from the New Testament by Father Henry from St. Salvia's. Shout out to Father Hank.

Shout him out. And so I've noticed that it's like calming down because it's like, I'm not on my phone. I'm not looking at it. Listen, there are really interesting benefits to church for sure. There's like, first of all, I think the strongest thing is the community aspect. That's because like I grew up in, you know, in Greektown, Greek Orthodox Church. And, you know, we went to church every Sunday. We went to Sunday school, but it's like,

I didn't give a fuck about that, but it was cool to be around your friends. We had church leagues, basketball. We had dances. We had all this kind of shit. And I do think there is... I think that is definitely missing from people, and I think that's something that...

Community in general has been kind of destroyed. And I think that might make religion attractive to people. But I also think the actual vibes of a good church, like, you know, we had the incense going. The lights are low. You have fucking stained glass. It is a pretty nice place to, like, chill out, take a nap.

I would love to just get a little high and just zone. If you had an ergonomic big chair, I would be in there and listen to fucking church, dude. I'd be like, this is fucking sick, dude. I'd just be snoring. You know what I mean? That would be awesome. If you can go chill in church, that would be awesome. That's kind of what I did. And I will just say quickly, I mean, it is insane what's happening just with the algorithms. Dude, the priest was doing crowd work.

He's trying to get clips? He was doing the homily. And I'm like, dude, the priest is going into the crowd asking people shit. And I'm like, if this is edited and put out with subtitles, I will become a fundamentalist Muslim. I will.

I'll do it right now. And it was one of those, but what I will say is, you know, sitting there, like just listen, here's the thing. Yes. I'm absolutely like, I don't believe all the stuff just yet. And I'm like, okay, some of it is just like, maybe that didn't happen, but it's like a message for something else. Because I do think, you know, I have daughters, the morality in society is so down. Like it's just the moral compass on people, I believe is so, myself included. I'm like, I got to do something.

I'm not going to put a gun to my kids head and make them go to church like my mom did. Right, right, right, right, right, right. But I'm like, I got to do something to show some type of morality because I think what's happened is too in my life is my oldest daughter now is eight. Right. She's a little person. So what she said though to me was, this is another reason going into this and Trish trying to think long term now,

So I've always been like, you know, love my kids or whatever. But now my eight year old, like, you know, she has like feelings and opinions. And like, you can talk to her almost like a little person. And about a month ago, we switched, I switched schools because we moved. And in her new school, one of her friends was like, oh, my dad came to me.

She came up to my daughter and she said, oh, my dad said that your dad is a comedian that curses a lot. And is a really dirty... Yeah, I was like, what kind of fucking cuck father? She said that to a little kid? Yeah, I was like... Like, have that opinion. Yeah. But it's like... Well, maybe she overheard it, her friend, whatever. But anyway, she asked me. She was like, oh, like, do you curse a lot? And I was like, you know, at times I do. I was like, but I don't think my comedy's, you know, vulgar. Yeah. And she was like, oh, she was like, they said that it was. And I was like, oh, shit.

shit i was like that's crazy yeah yeah that's crazy and then so it started to make me think like there's there's you can't change the past and i gotta do the comedy that i think is right in the art or whatever you want to call it that i think is right but i it was i was for a long time in my life just being like i'll say whatever i want and you know get away with it's freedom of speech and i got my fans and they'll support me and i'm christy chaos and blah blah but now i'm like

Yeah, but the only thing that would crush me is if my daughter was like, hey, I'm not proud of the shit that you're saying. Hack. Your daughter's like, hey, try writing a little bit, pal. Enough with the gay Puerto Rican shit. Your daughter doesn't even care about the vulgarity. She's just like, you know, I prefer emo Phillips. Your daughter's like a fucking alt-comic. She goes, dad, what about Henny Youngman? He's great.

But it's also probably most likely, like most things in my life, are just a phase that I'll literally abandon in about two months. Oh, I'll tell you exactly what it is. It's not even a phase. It's a direct result of just your mother punishing you and it working. It's you being a good boy. It's you always listening to your mom. And now you're trying to filter it through the, like, I'm an adult. I'm making this decision. But what it is, your mom grounded you and you were like,

All right, I'm going to my room. And instead of your physical room, it's the metaphorical, you're spending three weeks grounded in Christianity. Dude, I swear, my dad, you know, my parents have been divorced since I'm one. So my dad, I told my dad about this, like almost like told him the story of Thanksgiving and then was like, I'm going to go on this new path or whatever. And he thought he was going to say, that's good for you, whatever. I swear to God, he goes, his first words, he goes, your mom's a crafty bitch. Yeah.

That's what he said. That's so funny. So he knew, man. He knew exactly what you knew. Absolutely, dude. But he was like, yeah, whatever you're going to do, man. He was like, yeah, I don't fucking care. He was like, just do it. He's always, just do it 100%. That's all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's his whole thing. Your dad is fucking awesome. He's a good dude, man. He's lost like, he weighs like 190 pounds. Wow. Now he was like 280. Wow. Now he's 190. And he's like, it's fucking unbelievable. I just keep losing weight. I said, dad, have you been

check for cancer. Are you dying? Yeah. He never even thought of that. I was like... He was like, I haven't even changed nothing. It's just a waste coming off. This is a man who was hospitalized because he ate too much pizza, correct? Yes, exactly. Eldest, I don't know if you know this story. He literally, right, ate so much pizza, he like...

What was it? So what happened was two Christmases ago, two or three Christmases ago, he ate like an entire tray of lasagna. Right? Like the entire tray. It was supposed to be his wife put it out for like the party and my dad downed the whole tray before anybody got there. That's fucking awesome. And then she was like, Tony, that was for the party. Yeah.

And so he went crazy. He was just fucking sucking it. He was watching college football or whatever, just throwing it back. So whatever, we have the party, you know, Christmas Day, whatever. He eats even more. You know, he just ate cookies, whatever. And then that night, he was...

I was sleeping over and that night and he wakes up. I hear him and my stepmom talking. He's like, can you breathe? What's going on? He's like, give me the hospital. Give me the hospital. And I'm like, oh shit. So I wake up. What happened? He said, your father can't breathe. I'm like, holy shit. He's like, but I don't think he's having a heart attack, but something's wrong. So we get, get him to the hospital.

They hook them up to the machines, whatever. The next morning, you know, one of the doctors comes and says, listen, you know, unfortunately, like, you know, he's okay for right now, but he does have congestive heart failure. The beginnings of stage one congestive heart failure, you know, honestly, he probably has like a year or two. Like people just don't live long with this. Basically what's happening is he explains to me, basically what's happening is he's, you know, got so much swelling in his heart that it's, it's,

His heart can't pump the blood properly because of years of overeating and blah, blah, blah. His blood is so thick. Yes. He's not even having a heart attack. He has made his blood so fatty and thick that his blood cannot pump it. It cannot pump. His blood literally turned into ricotta. Yes.

So then, so we're like upset. Like I do it. I was like crying. I was like, oh shit. I spoke to my friend who's a ER doctor. He was like, yeah, it's not good. Like I could have told you that was going to happen to your dad. He's a wild man, but like he's lived a good life, whatever. So then I'm dealing with that. About eight hours later, they call me. They say, hey, listen,

a mini miracle has happened. They said, we just reran his blood and his congestive heart failure is gone. And they said, what we think happened was, is he had so much sodium in one sitting that he actually fooled our EKG machines into thinking...

He had congestive heart failure and was going to die in a year. That's so awesome. Those levels of fat are like... I'm like...

I feel like I'm a guy in like junior college watching fucking Michael Jordan. I'm like, wow, that would kill me. I could never do that. Yeah. Literally, it expanded his heart, the amount of sodium. And then once, all he had to do was they gave him, you know, they're giving him water and diuretics because that's what was going to be the kind of treatment for that anyway. And then his levels just went back to normal because he just pissed out the sodium from the entire tray of lasagna and plate of cookies he ate. And then like, and then he just...

just literally like gets out of the hospital. Like it feels like he has a whole new lease on life and he wanted to go to Arby's. First stop. Doesn't want to kiss his grandchildren. So my stepmother, the only way to control my dad, my dad loves my kids, his grandkids. My stepmother made a rule and it actually worked where she would say, Tony,

you cannot see the kids unless your blood sugar is below 110. So she would test his finger, and if it was above 110, she's like, you can't, that's it. I'm taking the kids away. So that motivated him to not have that lettuce cook. And then she'd be like, do you want to see Delilah?

Do not put that cookie in your mouth. And then she tests his finger, and if he was under 110, he could come. That's crazy. So this man, this is the man who just thought naturally his body was healing. He naturally thought. He changed some of the diet. He said, oh, his dieting was...

Instead of eating like the cheeseburger, he wouldn't eat the bun. He would just eat like the meat, the bacon, and the cheese, which I know is keto. Yeah. But that's what he would do. Or he said, oh, I'd only eat like a little bit less. I wouldn't have like the snacks. Or he would say, you know, I do the intermittent fasting. He's like, I stop eating at like 7 o'clock. But I'm like, yeah, but you're still having 4,000 calories from 10 to 7. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then he just literally, you know, every time I'd see him, cause he lives in Tampa, he'd be losing a little bit more weight, a little bit more weight. And I'm like thinking, Oh, whatever. Not questioning. Then when it got from two 80 to one 80, he didn't even think he was like, dude, it's just coming off. It's amazing. He's like, I'm hitting my prime. I said, you could literally have cancer. Is he good?

What's going on? No, so he goes to the doctor and immediately they put him up. You know, the test is, you know, they give him evaluation, whatever. As soon as they put the EKG thing on his heart, they said, you have a heart arrhythmia. You need to go to the hospital immediately. The reason you've been losing so much weight is because your heart is not conducting properly electrically. Wow. So your body is like shivering

shedding weight because your heart is pumping so hard internally it's like you're running a marathon every day of your life but you're just sitting there not feeling it at all so it is absolutely 100% because you have a heart condition that needs to be fixed immediately laughing

And he was in emergency surgery immediately. This is like the fifth time where the doctors have been like, I cannot believe you survived this for years of your life. Like, do you think, like, I think about your dad a lot, right? I don't know. I mean, we went to, I met him a couple of times. We were randomly at a Knicks game, which was one of the best. I still remember that. That was one of the funnest, like, just seeing you and your dad was so sick. You and Sam behind us. Yeah, it was fucking perfect. We had such a great time. And the Knicks were winning the first half.

That first half was one of the best. Was that a playoff game? It was the Heat. Yeah, the Heat. The Heat series. Yeah.

But I think, like, how many guys, because the classic, because your dad, you've talked about it, right? I'm not fucking saying anything. Your dad was in the mob, literally. Right. He went, you know. But how many people, no one gets out of the mob, right? No. You die or you spend, like, a life sentence, right? Right. Your dad, you know, spent a little time. Yeah. You know, spent a little time. Yeah. Did a little bit here or there. But pretty much gets out. Yeah. Right? Like...

Doesn't, you know, never really faced crazy... He wasn't like they seized his assets or anything. Like, was a great dad to you, right? Like, was with you constantly. The best. Is a great grandfather. Has survived multiple marinara sauce health incidents, right? Like...

Just has a nice... Lives in fucking Florida. Has a... You told me, still fucks his wife, even though he's old as shit. You know what I mean? Like, dick still works. It's like, he might be one of the luckiest guys of all time. Like, it feels like he lives an enchanted life. Right. Like, where he has, like, a fairy god... A literal fairy godmother. He... And...

He literally, like, he is one of those guys, like, luck. He will tell you, though, like, when, it's interesting, because when I look at my father, I'm like, what a lucky man, right? And then, like, when he talks to me, like, I remember, like, the lessons from when I was a kid, when he would pick me up from my mother's house in Queens and drive me in three hours worth of traffic back to his house on Staten Island. Yeah, yeah.

He would just have life lessons. He would talk to me about the Yankees and yell at me about like their pitching staff. And then, and then, and then, but he would always tell me, he's like, I remember he would tell me if you want to know exactly what not to do in life, you look no further than your father.

You do not want to be this. So you just see what I'm doing in life and you do the opposite and you'll be okay. And I remember hearing that being like, you're like the man. You're an absolute hero. And when I would tell that to my mom, she'd be like, you listen to your father. He is an asshole.

You know, but I never, because I do understand now as I've gotten older, like I tell story on stage about like when he took me to Yankee Stadium and he made me, you know, we're a Dwight Gooden's no hitter and he made me make believe I had special needs to get better seats behind my plate. Right, right, right. You know, this whole thing. Yeah. And I'm like, I get

as an adult now how like a mother would be like I cannot spend my life with this man he's an idiot but to a child the man he was my hero of course so it's like so I never saw him that way but as I've gotten older like I almost tell him like I am on your side I will run into a burning building for you but I 100% agree with mom for divorcing you right she had to do what she had to do and I get it

But he is an interesting thing because he doesn't see what we see. And there is a part of, too, of my comedy that, of course, I embellish to make him this superhero guy. The lasagna stuff is word for word. But that's what I'm saying. Embellishments aside, this is a guy who was...

Straight up got out of the mob and like didn't, you know what I mean? Yeah, like he was, well, because the thing is with him is like he wasn't, oh, because he's a half German. Right. So it was like that Ray Liotta thing where it's like he never really was like a made guy. Like those guys couldn't, you can't get out. Right. My dad was more of like, not even an associate, like just working around, you know, with the guys gambling and kind of around. So he was, those were his crews. But did he have a real job when you were growing up? No, no. I remember I would call him.

number. It was a different number almost every month. I would tell my mom what the new number is and then I would call that number and he or someone would pick up and go, accounting. Laughter Laughter

I didn't know what that, and I was just, okay, I guess accounting. And then I would start talking to my dad. Right, right, right, right, right. And yeah, so. But like, you know, that plus like constantly getting pussy, right? The second, what was the weird thing? Like as soon as he divorced your mom, did he need like her sister or something or? No, he, well, he, my step, I mean, well, he was with my stepmom for like,

35 years. He, my, my mom divorced him. And then I didn't know this, my dad. So like they divorced and like, I live still, my mom still lives in the same house that I grew up in. And I just thought like my dad, like always lived in Staten Island. I just thought like he immediately got thrown out of my mom's house and just went to Staten Island. But he's like, no, he was like, I was living down the block from you above the bodega for like five years.

He's like, you don't remember any of that? I said, not at all. He goes, dude, I lived there for five years just to be close to you. And then I moved to Staten Island when I met your stepmother. Wow. See, the good thing that I have with my dad is what I have. The good life lesson that I have is I have...

what a good relationship looks like and what a bad relationship looks like. I have 35... In my dad, I have a 35-year marriage with my stepmom who everything just works and they compromise or whatever. And then I have what the divorce relationship looks like and see both sides of that. So sometimes with me, I'm like with my relationships, like...

I'm like, am I in the good one or the bad one? Sometimes it feels like I'm in the good one, sometimes it feels the bad one. And it's funny, there's been certain times where I've been talking to my dad about my relationship and he'd say, "She's giving you first wife energy."

So that sounds like a first wife right there. You know, because it used to be like pretty drama. But now, you know, my relationship is good. But I remember he would say that first wife energy and I was like, oh shit, like I would laugh at it. But like, oh, I see what you mean. Like, that's how I guess my mom and him were. Like everything was a problem. Everything was a fucking headache where like, you know, you're in the right...

like the right relationship that my dad like they just caught their every day is a compromise for them and it works compromise they never like she's never once my stepmom yelled at my dad for the things my mom would yell at him about and it's not that my mom's a bad person and my stepmom's a great person it's just the chemistry with those two didn't work right that's all it is oh truly ultimately it's like if people just match up that's it it's it's like you could have the two greatest people in the world if the chemistry is not there it is not going to work and i'm

kind of learning that, you know, as I've gotten older, like you've always heard it, oh, chemistry, chemistry, but it's like, you kind of have to live it. Like, I feel like going into, I'm 39 now. Yeah. So like going into like next year being 40, it's like, I'm starting to feel like this is like the best thing

time because I'm like I just know what I want what I don't want and I've made so many incredible mistakes that I've learned all those lessons of like sitting in fear because I said something or like you know fucking cheating on a girlfriend and be like she's gonna find out like all that I've went through that already I'm like I'm like living peacefully now I don't have any drama you're feeling good these days so far yeah so far I feel good I mean listen you get ups and downs

The most drama I have now is when I say something disparaging about my family on a podcast and I'm like, are they going to hear that? But even that, my mom kind of released me from, I'm like, they don't give a shit. They think my shit sucks anyway. Yeah, that's true. She fucked up. Yeah. She fucked up being like, you vulgar. You're bringing down our youth with your disgusting words. Yeah. That's so funny, dude. Yeah. No. Well, whatever. You're...

I feel like this is definitely a phase. It's a phase, but I will... But with that being said, I am reading simultaneously The Case for Christ and The People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn. Oh, that's a good one. People's History is good. And I just finished...

You're basically two different teenagers right now. You're a fucking evangelical, and you're a fucking like me when I was like, dude, America's fucked up, man. I remember reading The People's History at 16, and I was basically A.J. Soprano, where he's talking about, that's the Columbus. He's reading Howard Zinn in the Columbus episode, and that's when they have that big argument where he's like, he was a slaver, and he was a rapist. And Tony's like, don't you ever disrespect him.

an Italian like that you know yeah I'm like somebody like right now like I'm for abortions and the wall yeah so so so and then I just finished too I read the history of like the like the myths of the founding fathers like basically the

myths of our country and that was fascinating how they're not true they're all bullshit how they're all bullshit and how like the same way like marketing like America we are the master marketers of marketing products and you know we're the only country that puts like you know blood pressure medicine as like a campaign ad right right the only people that do that

that's how our country was founded. It was like just marketing techniques to get people to fight for the revolution when most of the people were like, why would... We don't give a fuck. England actually protects us from, you know, on the 13 colonies, it was like there were the Spanish down south that wanted to kill us, the French up north that wanted to kill us, the Indians to the west that wanted to kill us. The only reason none of them killed us because they were like, we're backed by the British Empire, they'll kill you. And a few dudes were like, fuck them, dude. Fuck taxes. We want to make all that money. Yeah, yeah.

I want to get that pot of money. So let's tell these motherfuckers, we're not fighting. But let's let them all kill themselves and get killed in battle because, like, you know, the revolution, blah, blah, blah. It was all bullshit. And I'm like, wow, dude. I mean, again, as my unwavering, the only things that are unwavering in my life are Christ and the United States. LAUGHTER

So I don't care what you tell me. If that book disproves Christ, if this book makes me, I will never not be an American or a fucking Bible-thumping Christian from this day forward. So your kids aren't in Catholic school? They're in Catholic school. Oh, they are in Catholic school. They're in Catholic school because I felt like I have girls, so it's like there's never been a priest. The priest never diddled a chick. Yeah, and every girl I know who went to Catholic school wasn't sucking dick by 14, that's for sure. Yeah, those...

Yeah, they're not getting diddled by priests, but they are out there. I love that one. My daughter's Catholic school, their mom is like a wild Latina girl with a tattoo on her tit, and their father is just a comedian who talks about getting fisted in the ass by his uncle. They're toast. Your kids, no shot. No shot of being regular. I should send them to Palestine now for a better life.

That's so funny. You're like, yeah, Catholic school will be fine. No girls get molested over there. No. You're right. Priests are mostly gay. I do, though, feel like with Catholic school, it's one of those things where it's like when they say if you survive a plane crash, you're good. It will never happen again. I kind of feel like, I mean, how many more kids can they honestly clip? The whole world is watching them. You can't get away with it now. So I think now is the safest time. On September 12th, take a vacation to Manhattan. Yeah.

It's not happening again. You know what I mean? No, dude. I only fly on 9-11. Yeah, yeah. That's smart, man. You're a fucking genius for that one. I can do it. They'll be learning stuff like there were no primary sources for Alexander the Great. Yeah. They'll be learning just bullshit. Yeah. By the way, and I will say, and when you pulled that up, I immediately remembered that it wasn't Alexander the Great. The book said the prophet Muhammad. Oh. They just...

It was his biography that wasn't written until a couple hundred years later. I see, I see, I see. I think Al Jazeera was immediately... There's also no way that's true either. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because that first one's about Prophet Muhammad. There's for sure that... That's what's fascinating to me is that like...

Especially the work of Ibn Shabd. Anyway, whatever. What's really fascinating to me is that how much... Okay, we talk about... There's the debate about Jesus as a real person. There's no debate about Muhammad. And to the point where it's like his family...

like, his descendants were, like, royalty. They engaged in wars. Like, that's fascinating to me because I always thought, like, every religion is, like, you know, mostly bullshit, you know? And it's, like, this one, actually, you know, this guy's fucking sons and shit were... So are you saying the only truth there is is Islam? Is Islam, yeah. No, I'm really coming around. I'm not even kidding. Like, I'm not joking. Islam is the one where I'm, like, I'm really interested in it in a way because I did the whole, you know, I did the whole, like...

I grew up religious. Not super religious. Greek Orthodoxy is kind of bull. Greek people aren't that religious. But you go to church. I believe in the Bible and stuff. And then the classic thing happened where I was like, literally the nicest guy I ever met, one of the greatest people I ever met, got inoperable brain cancer and died one month before his grandson was born. And then I was like,

wait a second, why would God let this happen? Like, it was just that first moment of like, hey, wait, there's no like justice or fairness in the world and God exists. Well, either God is not real or he's a piece of shit. Like, I just had that like,

thought every 15 year old pretty much, which I would hope. That's the thing. It's like, I realized that's not true, but it does feel like, like people are going to, you know, religious people are going to be like, fuck you stuff. But it's like, it does feel like religion is childish. It's like baby shit. You know what I mean? It's like, no, do this and everything's good. Even if your entire life sucks dick, there's a secret place where everything's awesome. You just have to pay me every year and follow my rules and everything's going to be okay. And so like,

So I looked into, and apparently there was, at the time where Jesus was around, there was a new Jew said he was the Messiah every week. Yes. You know what I mean? They talk about that in the book. Yeah, and that like, yes, he existed, but he was definitely a forerunner

for brown man right he's not that sexy long haired blonde you know guy you know he's just like some fucking guy like this that looks like Anthony DeVito probably you know 100% and like he doesn't look like Annie Letterman no yeah yeah yeah

And that, like, you know, so much of it was just, like, right place, right time. Right. The thing almost, like, gets sucked into the algorithm. Christianity almost gets sucked into their version of the algorithm and just spreads. The right, like, leaders, sovereign leaders adopt Christianity. It becomes a political thing to be like, oh, if I'm Christian, I can have all this land. Whatever, right? Right.

But I never really looked into Islam and I was like, holy shit, this is fascinating. The guy just really existed. And then you see some genealogical shit where it's like, because of how like, because of how like royalty intermixes that like the queen of England is related to the Prophet Muhammad. Because she's like, point zero, zero, zero, zero. You know what I mean? Like, because it's like, he married some king of Spain. You know what I mean? Like somebody marries a king of Spain or whatever. And I don't know. Anyway, it's fascinating. And I'm, I'm coming around. Dude. And by the way, I don't know.

But Islam, like Arab girls are hot. I like a big nose and curly hair and big titties. Sign me up. They're beautiful. I remember Mo Amr, who's, you know, went on to huge things now. But there was a point in like 2017, 2018 when I was co-parenting. I was living alone. I had an apartment in downtown Brooklyn. I would have my daughter over like every other weekend or every weekend. And Mo used to sleep on my couch. Like when he would come to New York, he would sleep on my couch. And I remember one day I woke up a little late and Mo was sleeping on my couch. And my daughter had woken up and they were out there and Mo was talking.

cooking breakfast. He's an amazing cook. He was cooking pea soup. He makes lentil soup, I mean. Lentil, yeah. He makes an amazing lentil soup. He was making lentil soup and eggs for my daughter and he was talking to her and my daughter was sitting there with her blankie listening about how the only truth is Islam. I swear to God. I swear to God.

and was not doing it as a bitch and how the prophet Muhammad is the only one who lived in recorded time and now that's the one to believe and I swear to God my daughter was sitting with her piggy and blankie just looking at him with bed hair and then like just listening and I was like what are you doing I will call the FBI yeah yeah yeah

And he was like, dude. He was like, I'm just trying to save your daughter, man. You're gone. You're toast. No chance for you. Yeah, he said there was some religious show on TV and she was just watching. He was like, oh, what do you know about religion? She was like, Jesus, Santa. And so he was like, let me talk to her about it. But it was interesting because Mo, when he talked to Mo, when he talks to you about Islam and stuff like that, about why the women cover their heads and all that, it's all like...

It's all like based in kind of good, like they're like, oh, the women cover their head. Like you look at it as look at these women not being free, but it's really protecting the, it's protecting the woman because he's like, they know that hair and eyes and the body, you know, basically puts men into a psychosis. All right. Now we're getting a little fucking. Yeah.

No, no, no. It's all right. Historically, it's very interesting, but that's one of the most retarded pieces of logic I've ever heard in my life. It's like, yeah, I mean, men can't help themselves. It's literally the religious version of like, what was she wearing? You know what I mean? It's like... Yeah, it's the religious version of you asked for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's what he said. And again, I probably am paraphrasing it and making it all wrong. Right, right, right. But...

But whatever. You're saying the only truth is Islam. I'm saying Islam is the one where I'm like, hmm, interesting, you know? Because I was like, I was reading about a book about like how the Bible even started and it's like, it's interesting to think like, I guess the Jewish Bible that, you know, Christianity and then everything is kind of based off of, it's like,

Those motherfuckers just got their shit kicked in. Oh, yeah. Like, they got completely fucked up. And the only reason that civilization survives is because they wrote a book to rationalize their losing. Right. Like, they wrote a book about, like, oh, yeah, we fucked up. You know, like, God, we fucking displeased God. Yeah. And usually, once your fucking little village, whatever, gets destroyed...

all right, well, we stop existing as a civilization. But like these nerds wrote a story about losing. And even like when you go back into history and like you take like the Crusades, it's like, you know, I thought like, you know, because like you would hear like in the neighborhoods I grew up in like, hey, fucking dirty Muslim. And then you think like, oh, like it's been kind of subconsciously brainwashed into my head to be like those people are dirty, we're clean when it's like the opposite.

It was historically How disgusting Europeans were They said that the Muslim The Islamic community Like in Constantinople And like all that Thank you for using The right name Constantinople They Yeah I know Fuck the Turks

They were like clean and like, you know, knowing how to bathe themselves where like they, the thing, they didn't even need a lookout. They did not need a lookout. I read this one thing, the Islamic army didn't need a lookout for the Christians because you could literally smell them.

from one to two miles away because of how disgusting and barbaric they were and they didn't even think about showering. But then, you know, somebody in modern days would be like, oh, no, we're clean. It's like, no, no, you're disgusting. We're Christians, we're disgusting. We only learned how to bathe like in the 1800s. Right, right, right. Absolutely. Yeah, and the flip side was actually true of Muslim armies. You could smell the cologne from two miles away. That's how the Christians knew they were coming. You could smell the ax from two miles away.

The Axe Cool Body Spray coming all the way through. That's very interesting. So what's going on for Christmas? We got the kids. What are we getting the kids, man? We got the kids. So what we got, the children right now. We're talking eight. What are the ages? I got a 13-year-old stepson, an 8-year-old daughter, and a 2-year-old daughter. So the kids, you know, scooters, clothes, things like they don't want. We're going to get...

We got my steps on VR goggles. And my girl was like, you think this is a problem? I was like, you know, don't go in his room. He's jacking off so fast. Yeah, yeah. So fast, it's crazy. I was like, dude, it was one of those things where I was like, you're not going to stop it. You might as well just make it more fun and safer. Because he's going to find a way, so just get him the goggles. So we got him the goggles. The two-year-old, we got her like a little ice cream truck, like, you know, like that stuff. And then my girl... Eight is...

Eight is, that's the one. 13 is whatever. Yeah. Two doesn't know where the fuck's going. An eight-year-old at Christmas is like, that's prime Christmas. So we got her, you know, like I said, like new scooters, clothes, like all these things she wanted. She wants like, you know, LOL dolls are big American girl dolls. Got her.

Those are back, huh? Yeah, you got to go home. Yeah, American Girl dolls are still around. Big, dude. American Girl dolls. I mean, that's like the whole fucking... I mean, and some of them are like, you know, a few hundred dollars, and then you got to buy like the accessories and all that, and they lose them right away. But it's like, you just have to do it. Like, I have no choice, so I just do it. And then for my girl...

you know, their mom, my girlfriend, she, I, this was like the first time I was like, you know what? Not the one of the first times in a while where I was like, I got a couple of weeks off before Christmas. I'm not like scrambling to get her gift December 24th. I'm like, let me be thoughtful. And I got her, I, it's, I got this thing. I saw it online where it's like this kind of like little digital kind of plaque thing, almost like kind of, uh,

tells you where you guys met and like kind of, you know, kind of makes it like, um, you know, like a, like a, like a, like a personalized, like gift plaque with like a map and the thing. And then I realized, and the place, cause where we met was this place called place to beach, a bar in Brooklyn. And, and, and I placed a beach, placed a beach. You met at a pun. Yeah.

New York love story And then I met And then we got that And then I And then you know They have this whole thing Where they kind of Make it look cool Like on a map Like where it is And then I got it And it just came in the mail Two days ago And I look at it And I was like Look at Place to Be is cool Everything's cool And then I look And I'm like

The map is in Chicago. I'm like, I didn't mean it. There's a different place called Place de Beach in Chicago? Well, no. What happened was you put the name Place de Beach, and then you had to put in the cross streets of where it is, and I didn't know. I didn't think to realize, like, oh, you have to change also the city and the zip code, and I guess this company's just based in Chicago. So now it's like Place de Beach, and I'm just hoping that she doesn't realize that.

The pin is nowhere near the actual geographic... Not enough time to get a new one, man? No, I can't do it. And there's no delivery. They said all sales are final. That's so funny. So I'm fucked with that. But I...

So I got her that. And then I'm going to get her a, she loves to paint. So there's this place, Paint and Pour. Sure. Classic move. Paint and Pour. So I'm going to do that like a gift. I think she'll like that because it's like a lot of times it was like, you know, it would be something expensive, but it's like, I clearly got that at the mall today. Yeah. Where now it's like a little bit less expensive, but more thoughtful. But we'll see. It's also at the point where nothing can save the relationship. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, just girlfriend. When you have an eight-year-old child together and you live under the same roof, hilarious move. Hilarious. To still be calling her your girlfriend. Yeah. Not even fiance. Not even a prolonged engagement. Not even like one of those four-year, like, she's my fiance for a whole presidential term. I know. My father will always be like, dude, even though it's a lie, just say your wife. Yeah. Exactly.

It's embarrassing. All the time. He's like, just say it. I'm like, yeah, but we're not married. He goes, Chris, just say it. Yeah. Aren't you at a certain point common law married? No, it was brought to my attention by a lawyer that does not exist legally in New York State. Oh. Just brought to his attention. He didn't pay for a consultation with a lawyer. I was like, listen, you know, we're not married. Just randomly a lawyer told me about that. I said, how much Alamo did we talk to for a common law? Yeah.

He was like, it doesn't exist. You're like, oh my God, thank you. You're a good avocado. I love it. Well, why don't we fucking fire up some questions? We got Chrissy. We got a father. Yes. A boyfriend. Yes. A Christian. A new evangelical Christian. So why don't we bring his, let's get some of his clean, no cursing advice to our friends here, Elders. I appreciate that. Hey, yo.

Hey, yo, Stavi, Eldest, whoever's with y'all. Fucking love you guys, dude. So I had a holiday-themed question, more or less. So normally I have a big, giant New Year's party, like, every year. Like, that's my thing. I'm the party guy. I'm 26 years old, and I'll be moving to a new town because I started a new job, and

Okay. And I'm moving in the spring, probably into February. But my training, I'll be out of town for over New Year's. But my birthday is January 14th. Way too much background. And my birthday is kind of a big deal to me. And I was wondering how pretentious would it be to have a late New Year's party slash birthday party? Yeah.

And how douchey is it to, like, at midnight or at, like, 11.59 be like, five, four, three, two, happy birthday. Absolutely not. But I don't know. Tell me what you think. That sucks. Thank you. That's what I think. Yeah, I mean, first of all, any grown man that wants to celebrate their birthday...

is a borderline retard. I mean, you have to have special needs to fucking be a grown man to celebrate my birthday. Any grown man who's not going to WWE Raw for his birthday, it's unacceptable. Yeah, dude, you better have a helmet on and be fighting me.

If I got to celebrate your birthday as a grown man. Yes, absolutely. You should be able to hire a Spider-Man and you think it's actually Spider-Man. If you're a 27 year old who's celebrating his birthday. Yes. Um,

Okay, look, man. You're the big New Year's guy. That's another thing. It's like you're 26. This is actually perfect for you. You're literally growing up. Your new job is stopping you from having your fucking New Year's party. Metaphorically, you should be like, okay, life has stopped me from doing this. Because New Year's also is a child's holiday. Like, birthday, it's almost like, yeah, you...

If you're a grown man who's like, it's my birthday week, whatever, that's annoying. But it's like, look, birthday, you have a nice steak dinner with a friend. You know what I mean? Get your friends together. But like throwing your own party. Or like if your girl wants to throw you a surprise party. Or like your friends want to do something nice for you, whatever. But yes, these are two things that children do that you're being stopped by. And look, I would say...

If the training wasn't happening, I would almost be like, all right, this is a good opportunity to have like one last New Year's party in your old town. And then you leave that behind. But you don't have that opportunity because of the training, right? So if you want, look,

If you want to have a good... Here's what you can do. You call it a going away party because that's acceptable. Yes. Going away slash birthday is acceptable. Late New Year's birthday, it makes me sick to my stomach, to be honest with you. Also, dude, I hate to break it to you. There's no late New Year's. It's New Year's, motherfucker. Yeah. The fuck are you talking? You're going to have a countdown for your 27th birthday? Yeah. Come on, dude. It's a meaningless birthday. Yeah.

Dude, it gets to a point where, like, you should only have one birthday a decade. Yeah. 30, 40, 50. After you're a teenage, I mean, dude, nobody cares about your 27th birthday. Yes, yes. Truly, it might be the most irrelevant birthday of all time. That's true. Unless you're a musician, and then that's, you're going to die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. So, yeah, dude. Yeah.

I'm glad you called in because this is a fucking horrible idea. Yeah. We will give you the cover of a going away party because that is something like, you know, that's a chapter in your life and you can get all that like, you know, little kid throw a party energy out with your big going away party. Call it a birthday slash going away. It's not a New Year's party. That's embarrassing to try and try and having... I mean, truly, I feel sorry for you for even asking this out loud. A New Year's party on January, in the middle of January. So...

Going away slash birthday party, have a blast. Put all that energy into it because going away is fun. That's a big thing. Let that die at that party. It can still be the symbolic end of this chapter of your life. And then from now on, if you still want to be like a hosting guy, you're going to be 28 buying 100 red Solo cups forever.

Are you fucking kidding me, dude? You're going to be buying Bud and you're going to be Natty Light? Yeah. You can't be doing that shit anymore, dude. And if you still have the hosting, because listen, there's nothing wrong with being a guy who likes hosting. But it's like, it's got to become barbecues. It's got to become poker nights. It's got to become dinner parties. Yeah, some type of theme. You can't be having ragers at 28. It's fucking weird, dude. It's embarrassing, dude. It's really embarrassing. Yeah.

So good luck. Don't kill yourself. Thank God you called us. Yes. Imagine getting the text like, hey, having a late New Year's. Imagine, out of the context of this, somebody calling you and being like, hey, Chris, please come to my late New Year's party on January 15th. You'd be like. I'd be like, I'd rather denounce Christ. All right. Next question, Big Eldo.

Hey, stop. This is that shapes from the great state of Illinois. I have a question for you. So I have a friend who essentially had sex with the chick unprotected, did not finish inside of her. She claims to have been on birth control as it's happening. Of course, I guess me calling her to be on birth control as it's happening.

Of course, again, he was unprotected, but he didn't finish inside of her. He didn't do anything like that. She was on birth control at the time. My question is, and this is the only time he's ever had unprotected sex with a chick in his life. Like I said, he didn't finish inside of her. She claims that she's pregnant and that it's his. He completely believes her and he's not questioning her. But my question is,

Should he question her? I mean, what's even the statistic possibility of not finishing the child at this point? While they're supposed to be on birth control. One time. And then he's producing a baby. I don't know. I just want to know what you think about whether or not he should be really pressing this. Because he's not pressing this. He's fully accepted that this is his child at this point. And I'm the one who has to question. I want to know if I'm wrong, Brad. Thanks.

Chase, thanks for the question. I'm going to say what we all know is that you're the friend. This is as classic as it gets. I have a friend who coincidentally did exactly what I did three months ago.

I knocked up some chick and I'm not sure if the kid is mine. That's what he's saying, right? Right? He's saying he pulled out. She was on birth control. Pulled out. She's pregnant. Yeah. Had the baby. So you had a child through birth control. Yes. But did you bust it? You treated yourself to a bust or no? No, no, no. The second one, yeah. The second one, yeah. First one, no bust. The first one, dude, I swear, dude, I pulled out. I fucking pulled it all out.

And it just, because the truth is chase is that, you know, as much as you want to believe it's not only the pre it is the pre there's sperm in the pre-cum, but as much as you want to believe that you're only coming when, you know, like as soon as you pull out, like, yes, that is the bulk of it, but you're constantly consistently pre-coming the entire time you're in her. So depending on how much sperm is in those, that pre-cum, you could be dropping what would

could accumulate up to of a load without fully pulling out. And, you know, it could have been in that, you know, hour to two hour range a month where she can absolutely get pregnant. The eggs at its lowest point and birth control. They say it time and time again, it's like 97% effective. So it's,

it's not impossible and it's probable that... Because what he's saying, did they have the baby? No, she's saying she's pregnant. They haven't had the baby. I feel like... So if you're still pregnant... Sorry, I zoned out because I was like, really? No, because... I'm just like thinking about some of my own decisions and I'm like, God damn. Is what he's saying true? Yeah.

I wasn't even listening. It was like the fucking Saving Private Ryan ringing in your ears. It's like a SpongeBob thing when it's like all fucking easy. Wait, for real? Yeah. I gotta change some of my habits. Yeah. So it absolutely... My two kids are living proof of it. And...

But what you can do, what you can do is something that, you know, because in the beginning of my relationship, you know, when we had to kind of, you know, we weren't sure about the baby and all that stuff, you know, just because like, you know, we and we

I had no choice but to do this and I think you're in the same boat and I was worth it is you can while you're still pregnant get a DNA test from your they have to do like a bit of a procedure not procedure like go like a take like a blood from her and like a little it's a bit more invasive but you they could just swab the mouth everything's better for

guy. And then, but you can, they can confirm with 99% accuracy if the baby is yours. Oh, wow. Because that's what he's worried about, right? I would say yes. That's the main question. It's like, his friend is just going along with this.

And if I'm in this situation, I would need to know for sure. I would need to, I would, if you did that, right? I did that and I did it respectfully. It was like, it was like one of those things, like I'm not accusing, it's just I, as cool as can be. She was like, I, this is good. And a woman should also understand where you're coming from. Yeah, because she was like, look, there's obviously like, it'd be a miracle. Like this baby could be Jesus. I'm like, that would make me so happy.

Because I do believe. She was like, it was somebody else's because I've only been with you. But I was like, I fully respect it. But for me, I just need to know. Yes, this might be the American conception. So I think if she starts to, if you present that to her and she's like, no, no, no, then I'd be like, okay, what the hell is going on here? Right, right, right. Yeah. I would say if the question is simply a matter of should this guy be questioning,

Then yes, he should be quiet. He should dot his I's and cross his T's. We're talking about being on the hook for a child. Right. And look, he might also just like this woman and be like, you know, we often in a misogynistic way think of the woman trapping the man. His friend might be a fucking loser. Yeah. Who might be trying to trap this woman. He doesn't want any questions. Yeah. Right? We don't know. Yeah. But yeah, if this was me, I would be... Yeah. I would be...

in a tough spot. Dude, I, I mean, that's what my relationship, I, I, I would say I trapped her. I would say 100% because, because I like, liked her so much when we met and I felt so beyond insecure because she had a child already from pre-relationship and I was like, the only way I'm going to feel even to this other guy is I got to have a kid with her. Yeah.

And I made that decision in an hour and I did it. Wow, wow. The secret. The secret. You were like sitting there, you're busting and you're trying to guide your sperm. You're like, you have like a mind connection with your nut and it's just like...

You guided Delilah, half of Delilah into the egg. Yeah, you want your insecurity to go away? Dude, don't pull out. So I think, though, that that's what he absolutely has to do for his own well-being. And you can get pregnant on birth control. It is absolutely possible. Yeah, even when you pull out. Ask Dr. Drew. Yeah, even when you pull out. Yeah, I mean, and again, also, this is an odd question because let's assume, let's take him for face value and say he is asking about his friend.

You can't control what your fucking friend does. Like, if, let's say we're in a situation, the eldest I can see pulling something, he's happily married now, but he's an odd man. Sure. And I can see him in some weird way, just this happening to him, me being like, fucking check! Fuck!

And I'll just be like, hey, man, it happened. You know what I mean? It's like, what can I do to him to force him? You can't change the way your friend reacts in a weird situation. You've got to be like, hey, dude, Stavi and Chris said you should really get that test. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, the guy's like, whoa, really? Yeah, dude, control what you can control. That's the path to happiness. That's actually another better lesson here for this guy because I've been this guy too where it's like,

You see your friends making what you think are mistakes, and half the time you're right, but half the time you're wrong, right? You can't control anybody's life. And you have to make peace in your late 20s, early 30s as a man. It's like you're going to drift apart from your friends a little bit in a way that you don't like. You're not going to see each other all the time. I mean, unless...

Your life is hilarious and you hire your friend to be your podcast producer and tour manager. And now you hang out more than when you were children. We literally see... We do the exact same things we did when we were 11 years old on the monthly sleepover that we would have because he lived in a different part of town. Now that's our entire lives. But it's like, unless you have this set up, you're going to grow apart from your fucking friends a little bit. Sure. And you just have to make peace with it and you have to realize like...

Nobody likes a busybody. Nobody likes somebody sticking his nose into any fucking business. For all you know, he might love this. It might be weird, but he might love this woman. And they might get fucking married. And forever, she'll remember you as the guy who thought of her as the whore trying to trap his friend. You know what I mean? You have to take your cues from your friend. And don't be like that overbearing friend either. You should be here for your friend forever.

when he's needs your help and wants to talk about this, do it. But like, don't butt in and be like, I think you should do this. Don't give unsolicited. Don't give ultimatums. Don't do that. Just support him. Just support him the whole way. And, or else you're like, or else, you know, it starts to get like annoying. And I'm starting to think that you are the guy who wanted to throw his 26th New Year's Eve birthday party. I think you're the same dude.

This is the same caller. Yeah, and like now he's what? He's not going to be at my party, my surprise party that I'm asking? On January 14th for New Year's? All right, good luck, bud. Good luck to you. Good luck, more importantly, to your friend and that woman. Good luck to the baby. Raise it Christian. Chris Christianity. Hey, stuff. Happy holidays. This is a holiday question. Hey, elders. Hey, guests.

This also got cut off to three recording. I'm in kind of a standoff with my long-term girlfriend right now because last year we all went to a thing at her very annoying sister's house, which she doesn't really like her either, but you know, they're sisters. They have to try and get along. It was a potluck slash white elephant slash costume party, which sucks because...

It's like $5 too high.

It's not like they didn't say 50. A white elephant's 20 bucks with Bidenflation. It's up to 30. It's not like to complain about 30, you're on a bad foot. You're already off on a bad foot. What is a white elephant party? It's like the gift exchange where everybody gets a chance to steal. Oh, okay. Got it. You know what I mean? That kind of bullshit. But go ahead, Elders. On a gift, that was the minimum was $30. Everyone says it's too high.

But not only that, but then you also have to bring food yourself. You're not even providing food. It's annoying. And you have to have a costume. So it's just like an enormous burden on the guest. I was getting on him for the price point. But I could absolutely see how annoying this is. I'm not bringing my own food. Own food plus gift plus costume. One has to go minimum. One has to go minimum.

Did not... Was pissed off to go there in the first place. But then we get to the White Elephant, I got like...

you know, a smaller, nice bottle of liquor. A lot of the other people got, like, you know, adult practical gifts. But the thing that the sister got was one of those Chewbacca masks from Toys R Us that makes noise when you open your mouth, which apparently is $30. And, of course, lo and behold, I end up with the fucking Chewbacca mask. And I am not happy about the sister receiving. And I am visually upset about it.

I don't say anything to the sister, but like she knows that I am like very fucking annoyed by her events in general. And this year, she's having another weird bullshit event. This time, it's another white elephant with the minimum being $50. Oh, wow. And I don't want to go. My girlfriend really wants us to go together, but I can't go unless I apologize to...

What? Pause this for a second. This is so interesting because, like...

His attitude is wrong, right? He's looking for a fight, but he has a point at every turn. Yes. It's like you're bringing the wrong energy to this, right? Like you're looking to get pissed off. Right. Which is an issue, right? Like I guarantee you when he walked in there and he saw that Chewbacca mask, he said, I better not fucking get that Chewbacca mask or I'm going to be a fucking cunt about it.

And he almost like, he was mad to be there. So he was like, I'm leaving this up to God. And if I get the Chewbacca mask, I get to behave the way I want to behave. And that's your problem is that like you let yourself off the hook. Look, you knew what you were doing, bro. You were going to a dumb bitch's Christmas party as a favor to your girlfriend. We have to do shit for our friends and our significant others that suck dick and are gay. Right. And,

That's part of the fucking thing. You want to have a good relationship? Yeah. Sometimes you suck it up and do something that sucks to make her happy. Yes. And you, and even though it is annoying and everything you've described is annoying, you were too much of a cunt about it. Right. But that's just, that's party one. Now, let's continue this. I have some thoughts on the other part, but there's so much, there's such a deep, rich text that we have to kind of break it up. Yes.

I don't think I was in the wrong to be pissed off. I don't want to apologize. And if I don't apologize, then I don't have to go. But, of course, this is a relationship that I care about very deeply. We've been together for several years. And I want things to go smoothly. How do I apologize and just go and spend $50 on a fake gift? Or do I try to save my ground? What do you think I do here?

How do I navigate this, you know, holiday family situation? Thanks so much. I mean, okay. I love hate this guy so much. I know, I know. Because the thing is, he's being a baby, but I see where he's coming from. Yeah, he's in a toxic relationship. And I've been here too where I'm like, I'm fucking...

I have a good point. Here's the problem, though. Having a good point doesn't matter. No, dude. Most of... Like I said, there's no justice in life. No. There's no... Nothing is as it should be. Life is feelings, not facts. This is no common thing. It's about your... It's emotions. That is a great way to look at it. So stop worrying about the facts, dude. This is all feelings. Yes, yes. Fuck Ben Shapiro. Yes, seriously. Feelings don't care about your facts. You're right. Because you have a great case for a lawyer. But we're not talking about law here. We're talking about your relationship. Yeah. Now, I am actually...

I would say you have to suck up everything. The apology is what...

even is getting to me where I'm like, I have to apologize? I mean, unless he was like, oh, cool, a fucking Chewbacca match. Like, I guess we don't know how much of a cunt he was, right? Like, oh, I'm a dumb bitch. Did he put it on? Yeah, yeah. Oh, who am I? Oh, I'm making everybody spend $100 for her gay ass party. If you did that, then yeah, I apologize. Yeah. But if you were just like, rolled your eyes a little bit, the apology is...

But this is my, these are my, this, now I'm projecting. As long as you didn't like get the mask and be like, this looks like your sister, you dumb bitch. And then threw it at her husband's face or something. Now, I'm really curious about this apology, right? Because every other aspect of this, I would say, go be a good sport and

Don't be a cunt. You know what I mean? And also, it's like, dude, you're a fucking grown man. Yes, it's annoying, but costume, potluck, $50 gift, what is that? $100? Yeah. Like, come on. You're not in college where $100 makes you break. Like, yes, again, it's annoying, but it's like, whatever. Yeah.

And I would say, if the apology's out of this, I would say 100% you're in the wrong. You overdid it. You were being too, see my previous answer about, you know, what I was talking about the previous year of just like, it's annoying, but you should have just sucked it up for your girlfriend. Yeah.

The apology I'm very curious about. Because every other aspect I would say, just go and be a good guy and laugh and smile and fake it, whatever. Who's asking for the apology? Is it the sister? Is it your girlfriend? Is it his girlfriend saying that we have... Right, that's what I was thinking. Also, does it mean he just has not spoken to or seen the sister in the entire year? Right. Have you made this weirder? That's the thing. Because if you have, if you've done this and you've made it a little weirder, and probably ultimately the answer is...

Yes. Smooth this over. Right. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. This is just the one part that like, if it was me, I would, because I have, you know, I tend to fucking over, like if I'm, if I'm, I have an anger, I have anger issues that I've pretty much dealt with, but there are times where I've acted like a dickhead and then the smoke clears and I'm like,

My bad. I fucked up. You know what I mean? But the apology would piss me, even in that case, the apology would piss me off. You make a good point, though. Here's my advice. You have to think about this. Like Savi said, who is making you apologize? Because there is this thing called spotlight bias where you think everybody's thinking about you all the time at all times and you created the situation. People might not be thinking about it at all.

All we always see the spotlight on us. So if there is, nobody's actually asking you to apologize, but you're assuming you have to, and then creating this narrative, don't do anything. Just move on and be happy because people forget shit and they'll just see good energy and they'll respond to positive energy. If it's your sister, uh,

if it's her sister or your girlfriend who's saying you need to apologize, then I would do like a fun apology. I wouldn't make it dramatic. I would go in there with the Chewbacca mask from last year, say I was such an asshole about this thing. I apologize for my actions. Truth is, I fucking love

this thing. I'm hoping to get something similar. Let's have a good party. Here's your $50 fucking... Buy a $50 lightsaber to the fucking party. Yeah, I got you a $50 gift card to Sunoco. Gas guzzling whore. But don't make it dramatic. People get so bent out of shape with an apology. They can be fun. You can disarm it right away. You can disarm it. You walk in and you're like,

Sorry about I was just you know, I've been thinking about I was just an asshole I was having to make up the reasons it doesn't matter but I was stressed out. It's fun. I'm looking forward to it I can't wait what it's you know, sorry, you know, I can't wait to see what we get this year whatever just like But I do wonder like it's crazy that he would need he must have really been an asshole if his girlfriend is make because there's two things he either really should apologize or I guess three things

He should really apologize. He was a complete dickhead and he needs to apologize no matter what. He wasn't that much of a dickhead. His sister-in-law or girlfriend's sister is a dumb bitch who's digging her heels in and saying he has to apologize to me. In which case I would say do the light apology. Apologize and just be a good guy and just take it on the chin for your girlfriend. Now the third option is, and this is a sleeper that we haven't even considered, the girlfriend is forcing him to apologize because

And it's like, then it's like, well, what's going on here? Right. Does she want an apology to her? Or does she want an apology for... Has her sister not even asked for the apology, but she thinks it would be a good thing to do? Right. So, but his... From even his recollections, his girlfriend is not a dumb bitch, right? Right. It's just the sister. Right. It seems like the sister's the problem. The more math I'm doing, every, like...

every like negative point towards the apology feels ultimately not worth it. No matter what it is, whether it's girlfriend, whether it's, it just, just feels like you have to go fucking take it on the chin. And let's also say you were being a fucking baby, right? You were being a fucking little baby. Oh,

oh, I didn't like Chewbacca. I wanted Jack Daniels. Shut the fuck up, dude. It's a fucking dumb... You knew what you were doing. You were being a baby. Now's your comeuppance. It might be a little extreme, but you have to pay back with interest. Yeah, just... I would say, because when I'm rereading, it says, I can't go unless I apologize for being unpleasant and ungrateful the previous year. So it sounds like his

The girlfriend is saying you need to apologize. So if that's the case, then just do it. Do it because if you don't do it, what's going to happen is if you don't do it and you put your foot down and stay firm on this, you're going to slowly break apart this relationship because the sister's going to hate you, then the family's going to hate you, and then before you know it, you're going to lose your girlfriend, which might be your grandmaster plan. I don't know. That's true. There's a little bit of like, this definitely could be the start of the end of your relationship. 100%. Without question. And I will say, if you don't want that to be the case...

And let's say you want to marry this girl. This dumb bitch is going to be in your life as your sister-in-law. You don't want to come off as the guy, because she might pull a dumb bitch, a real one that matters at some point. And you don't want to be the boy who cried cunt.

You know what I mean? You want to save your, hey, your sister's a dumb bitch. We can't go along with her card. You want to save that for when it's like, you know, something important, some potential family disagreement. You don't want to be a bad guy now. We're all impressionable. So it's like, you got to understand when shit goes wrong in your relationship. She is probably going to her sister and...

and her friends and her sister's friends and family. So you do not, you need those women to love you and show what a great guy you are and how this is actually the perfect opportunity for you to be the fucking man, dude. You could get it to the point. Uno reverse card right here. Exactly. You could get this to the point right now where you were in the hole and you came up and showed you were such a man

Double or nothing, baby, let's go. That you literally went from like zero to hero like that, and she has got your back to anything. Dude, you could literally cheat on her with her mom, and her sister will be like, I fucking love this guy. He's a real man. So I would say apologize and do it and mean it. Good point. But you're actually getting all the power. You think that you're apologizing and giving them a win, but you're the one who's winning. I agree. Yeah. And at the end of his question, we see he's like,

Look, having said all this, I love my girlfriend and I know you have to. So go with that attitude. Know what it is. Have a good time. And you might be able to go to flip it, Uno, reverse it. So good luck, buddy. Good luck. Don't be a little baby who's mad you got a Chewbacca mask. Yeah.

Dude, I got fucking annihilated last night at the Knicks game. And then right behind me was Anthony Rizzo, the first baseman for the Yankees, and Aaron Judge. Get the fuck out of here. Like literally right behind me. What the fuck? So I knew Anthony Rizzo a little bit because we did a show together on MLB Network. And it was funny. We were talking. He was like, you know, he looks good. He's jacked or whatever. And I do this thing where I guess people's waist sizes. And I was like, oh, 36, 32. He was like, that's weird. You knew that. I'm like, dude, I fucking know what's going on.

His wife was laughing or whatever. And then throughout the game, throughout the Ranger game, all these people, fans walking by, be like, oh shit, Aaron Judge. They're like, Aaron Judge, fucking Judge. Aaron, it keeps going on, whatever, whatever. And then at the end, in the third period, this group of people walk by and they're like, Aaron Judge. And I was like, what about Anthony Rizzo? And I was like, you know what? I was like...

fuck Aaron Judge this guy lost 50 pounds this is 36-32 and dude it was funny because I took a chance and I looked back and they were dying laughing like Judge and Rizzo were laughing at me and I just kept it going I was like fuck you guys I'm about Anthony Rizzo he deserves the big contract he's my Otani and then Rizzo after the game was like yo give me your number dude I was like

I'm coming to the show and the judge gave me a hand and I was like oh that was fucking awesome smart smart Rizzo's the annoying sister in this analogy you know that's right you were being great to him every judge we know judge is fucking you know cooler yeah yeah yeah smart move learn from Chrissy my friend that's it dude that's awesome Eldis what do we got babe

stavi eldest guest love the show i'm 33 6 foot 3 good career and do okay with ladies here's the problem i love woman with big boobs i love woman with big boobs why did he turn indian in there here's the problem i love woman big boobs not women problem i love

i love woman with big boots i felt the same way since i was 13 and the feeling has only gotten stronger okay i've tried dating gorgeous women without the bazongas and always feel a chest size hole in my heart we're talking minimum triple d's but honestly i prefer larger i know what comes with the territory chubby curvy saggy i'm all in

I know this sounds bad, but it's really bad. He definitely did. By the way, it doesn't sound bad. Why does it sound bad? He said, I'm all in. I know this sounds bad. Yeah, I know. It's not bad, dude. It's weird that you even think it's bad. You like what you like. Chubby. I love chubby women. Let's let him finish before we go in on him. Let's go with the rack. I'm serious about marriage and looking for a sophisticated, attractive woman.

However, if curvy ladies get any sense that you're in it for the drugs, it's over. No, it's not. You're the expert, and I need your advice. What are you talking about? Where can I meet quality, voluptuous woman? How can I meet her heart? He's back. Big boob, please. I need big woman boob.

Quality voluptuous women is hilarious. Need voluptuous women, big time boot, good quality. I don't see the issue, man. There's no issue. I love curvy, voluptuous women too. Of course. And by the way, saying like, you have some hangups here.

I don't think it's that you're in it for the jugs. You clearly have a little fat phobia, this guy. You're clearly being like, I know it sounds bad, but I like a fat woman. It's like, that's fine. And in fact, you just have to stop with the stigma of it being bad. That's not bad. No. You have to recognize you need to...

Unless you're simply fetishizing these women and you do look down on them in a weird way. But this guy, of all people, should understand, like, you know, there's nothing... Because people definitely do judge fat people. There's a moral judgment with fat because you can see our issue. Like, it's like, you know, we can't see...

Imagine if you got a freckle every time, you know, you cheated on your wife or you fucking gambled or some shit like that. It's like you see when a fat person... So it's like there is a moral thing in this country where we treat people... Not in this country. It's actually worse in Europe here. At least people are fucking fat as shit. But... And even he said, I've tried dating gorgeous women without bazongas. And it's like, so what? These women aren't... These chubby girls aren't gorgeous? They are. Some of the hottest...

You've had some incredibly hot women that are fucking plus size. What are we talking about here? It's like for me from just a kind of evolutionary point of view, I'm constantly looking at and finding voluptuous, heavier women with big wide hips because I'm subconsciously being like, my baby's going to get through that birth canal and his head's not going to get smushed and she's got big fat boobs that are good for milk and laying my baby's head down. That's what actually attracts men. So I'm like...

I don't, yeah, I don't, it almost feels like it's not a curvy lady issue. It's a you issue. It's a him issue. You might have been, what I'm hypothesizing here is you probably were a fat porker of a kid, got fat shamed a lot. Now you've mentioned right away that you're 6'3", so you want us to know that you're a prowess, you know, kind of prowessing guy here. So you might have been a little fucking chubby little shit cupcake. Yeah.

And now you're not, and you're thinking like, hey... Hey, I deserve a not fat person. I'm not fat anymore. It's like, then your fucking thinking's all wrong. Yeah, dude. I personally think like, I've never had... To me, a woman's weight has never been a...

in like her physical attractiveness. It's been like, you know, like I like faces. I mean, I love it. Like if you're heavy and you have huge tits and a fat ass, I'm in. Absolutely. If you're going to be heavy or skinny, I just like boobs and a big butt. So I don't care what that comes. Your stomach size is irrelevant. Yes. What do your tits and ass look like? Absolutely. Absolutely. Amen, sir. Thank you. Give him the applause, Elvis.

Yeah, so I agree with you. And here's the other thing. If you are just a good dude who just doesn't... If you get this fetishization thing, and you claim... He's saying he's not just looking for anybody with a big rack.

Take this thinking away and then like I think you'll actually find you're playing at an advantage here because because of our society, fat people aren't treated as well. Right. Chubby girls don't get hit on as much. And if you just don't treat her like a sex object and you treat her the way you treat anybody, any anybody else, any other hot woman and you're trying to get to know her and you that you say you're serious about marriage. All of a sudden, you're like,

All you have to do is do that, and you're actually playing at an advantage because these women are mistreated by our society. So when somebody's just nice and you just happen to like somebody who looks like that, you just have to make sure not to bring that weird... Maybe what you're picking up on is not that once they find out I'm into the boobs, they're gone. Maybe they're picking up on your weird energy towards fat people.

Yeah, like a movie. Because you have, that came through in your little pre-written statement. Yeah. So that probably comes through on a date. Yeah, maybe on the date you're being like, you're so beautiful for a fat chick. Yeah.

And that's why you're feeling that you can't say that. He's like, I really do think you're beautiful. I seriously do. I know people might not say this to you a lot, but I think you're gorgeous. Am I crazy for saying that? I know. I've gotten a DM from a hot woman who was just like, for some reason I need you. And it's like,

This would have been the best DM of my life if I didn't see the for some reason. Oh, yeah, dude. The comments, am I the only one that thinks Chris is hot? It's just like, Jesus. So, yeah, dude, don't be like, yeah, I've tried dating hot women, but you just do it for me. Don't say shit like that. Be a regular guy. Be a cool guy. And you're fine, dude. You're fine, yeah. You have a little fat phobia to take care of, though, my friend. Let's do one more before we have to send Christy to pick up his children. I'm going to get my kids, man. We're going to...

Bible study. Here we go. Hey, Otis. Hey, Stavi. I called last night, but I was so fucking high on some homemade edibles. I feel like my heart was beating out of my chest and I was fucking all wowed up when I made that call. So I wanted to...

I wanted to try again. I got a holiday-themed question for you. That's awesome. 20 seconds in. I just proposed to my now-fiance. We've been together like six years. Her dad is like...

He's like a Fox News conservative dad, you know, pretty basic stereotype. But he's a good dude. So I made sure to, like, call him and talk to him. And, you know, he goes, oh, you have my blessing. All nine yards type of shit. Found out after I proposed that he's going to, like, pay for the whole wedding. And he's willing to drop, like, $25,000.

Like you know have a nice classy wedding which I Wasn't like straight-up expecting it To my holiday themed question Like what the hell we just feel like pressure that we need to like get him a good like a

Christmas gift or something like I just feel awkward like oh like he's pretty much giving us like a $25,000 present like what the hell do you in response like I don't know we had like he likes birds so we had like the little shitty little bird bird house we were gonna give him that we beforehand but that doesn't really seem adequate

He's going to be out of the country, so we're not going to be seeing him for a little bit until after Christmas, honestly. So we have some extra time. Second family? Yeah. I don't know. It's like, what the hell did we get somebody...

He's getting us a $25,000 present. It's a lot of pressure. It feels weird. I feel like maybe we just need to go sentimental route or something. But anyway, that's my question. Love the show. Dude, I got to say, this father-in-law's got him by the balls already. I was going to say, the greatest gift you can give him is probably another guy who can pay for his daughter's only wedding.

That's probably the gift that he's hoping for. Oh my God. That does suck. What I will say, it's a nice gesture, beautiful gesture. I would think I would try to do the same for my daughter. I think this matching, you're not ever going to match a $25,000 gift. So,

I think if you're going to get a gift, sentimental is the round. I think forget about money. That has nothing to do with money should be not in the equation. If he likes birds and it's a birdhouse, maybe you custom make it for him, paint it something sentimental value because whatever gift you give him is not going to, you know, fill the $25,000 hole. So it doesn't matter. And it's also like he's doing this for himself too.

I mean, it's like, look, he's doing this because he wants to give his daughter a fucking crazy wedding. He's been thinking about this. It's also a status symbol for a lot of these motherfuckers to have like a... And like you said, what kind of shit town are you living in where 25 grand is, you know? You know, that's... You guys are going to get some Miller Lite kicks? That's... But again, it's like... It's beautiful. It's a really nice gesture and you're right. But it's also like, you know, that's part of...

That's just part of your kid's life. Like, he's not, he's going to, sure, he could give you nothing, but, you know, I wouldn't let this trip you up. And in fact, I think, like, already starting this as, like, you're indebted to this guy, it's a weird energy to have. It's like, he's just being a good dad, and he's, you know, you guys, you seem to have a pretty good relationship with him. And just, yeah, just get him out.

I would say get him a slightly better than normal present. Yeah. But nothing fucking crazy. Nothing crazy. And just be genuine as I'm sure you are with the thank you to him because he knows like and it's what it is. Sorry. I would rather do $25,000 put

Put that in a down payment. That's the thing. Yeah. This guy didn't give you 25 grand. Yeah. He's fucking throwing a party to stroke his own ego. Yeah. Right. Like he didn't give you $25,000. And by the way, he, he didn't give, he definitely didn't give it to you. If he gave it to anybody, it's his daughter.

Exactly. It's like, you're just along for this fucking ride. You don't want to seem ungrateful, but you also don't want to seem like, you know, this is a Fox News dad. You don't want to seem like you're completely subservient. He wants to know that his daughter is with a man. Yeah, dude, if you really want to get him a gift, bring him the head of a Palestinian. That's what he said. That's what he said.

Yeah, a guy like that would like that. You're right. Denounce Hamas at the wedding. Yeah, during your toast. If you really want to make him feel good. Yeah, that's all you could do. Don't bring up anything Israel's up to. You know what I mean? Yeah, get a bunch of migrants. Say that they're defending the Holy Land. He'll probably love that.

He'll love that. You know, in fact, just talk about how it's the end of days. Yes. We're clearly seeing it. These conservatives, their dicks are hard. They literally think Israel's going to nuke Palestine so hard that Jesus comes back. Yeah, dude. So if anything, get him a sandal. Yeah, dude. Some sandals, a tunic. Get him a cameo from Megyn Kelly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Get Tucker Carlson to be like, do that. What's going on here? It looks like your daughter's getting married. Congratulations. I hope, I hope he's not a homo. She's not marrying a closet homosexual.

Yeah, dude, you're good. And yeah, don't let this trip you up too much. It's for his daughter. It's for him to a certain extent. And just be a fuck. In my opinion, it doesn't change much in your relationship. This always is like a father-in-law has more money.

They're always going to chip something in to the wedding. And, you know, you want to be nice. You want to continue your good relationship. But you don't have to feel like you're fucking, you know. This really, honestly, it's kind of on your wife. Right. It's on your wife. Because he's giving his little girl the wedding she wants. Yeah. She's not. You weren't. When he was putting away this $25,000, he never for one second thought about you.

Yeah. It's about his fucking... So just support her. She's got to call the shots. You got to support her and you just have to be thankful and continue your good, respectful relationship with him. That's pretty much it. But you also don't want to...

You don't want to be a guy who's like bought so easily by his fucking father, by his in-laws, dude. You know, like, I mean, he sounds pretty young. He'll figure all this shit out. But, you know, write him a nice letter for the holidays. That's a little nice. High and right. Yeah. Something actual you put in the time. Yeah. I like that. Sentimental. Yeah. Because, yeah, it really isn't about the money. It's about like just, you know, hooking his girl up for the wedding. And yeah. Yeah. Just write this guy a nice little note and don't.

You know, he's just, again, like Stav said, it's like for the daughter. Yeah, yeah. So you're good, man. You're a good little buddy. Don't worry. Don't sweat it too much. This guy's got way more money than that, probably. If he's giving 25 for the wedding. If he's giving 25 for a wedding. And also, like, he's for the real life. He's out of the country. If he really was like, oh, this guy is going to be the guy for my daughter, he would have put it in the house. He was like, I'm just going to have a party. Yeah.

I'm not investing anything in their future. I'm not going to put it in a down payment house. That'll be the second husband. That's right. That ought to do it for us. Chris, anything you want people to plug? Anything for people to see? Obviously, keep Christ in your heart, in your mind. His ways, his miracles are upon us and they're happening each and every day. Yeah, Chris wants to plug the first 80 pages of that book he's reading. Chapters 1 to 4 are amazing.

20 page chapters. Oh, wow. Real intellectual stuff. If you want to hear my sermons, go to christycomedy.com. I got shows rounding out the tour. LA, San Diego, Reno, Nevada, Washington, D.C., Nashville, christycomedy.com. My podcast, Christy Chaos with Mike Cannon and Hey Babe with Sam Volcano. You can check those out. Two great guys. That's it, baby. I love it. Thank you, Chris. Thanks for coming. Merry Christmas, everybody. We'll see you next week. We'll see you, you know, we'll,

We got a Christmas episode and we're ending the year with some. We're going to catch up with some of our Patreon subscribers. People have called in. We did a live call in show. So thanks, guys. And we'll talk to you next week. Bye bye.