WORST WAY YOU GOT SCAMMED?! | EP 423
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Offer valid for a limited time. Other fees and terms apply. Yeah. Yeah. Brother, I can never be with a man. Pause. Outside of the obvious reasons. Yeah. Just the disrespect. It's just the disrespect.

- Guys! - Girls! - What? Are you mad? - We're back in a fucking studio. - We're back in a stizzidi. - Yes sir. - We've just got back from Sweden. - We did Stockholm. - Yeah, we, put my hands up. - Well gone. - I shouldn't have gone. - Tell me why. - Because I just shouldn't have gone. The flight time didn't get me there until, so I just landed for context. I just landed in Gatwick airport.

I didn't even leave the airport and I got straight back on the flight to Sweden. You man were already there. I didn't get there till 6:00 PM.

We left at 7.30 p.m. So by the time I got to the hotel at 7.10, we left at 7.30, went to the event. Ellis, the alcohol hit me like that. I don't know what they're doing in that country. I don't know how they're fermenting the alcohol over there or distilling it, whatever they're doing and aging it, brother. It hit me like that. And I was drinking from...

A bottle with no label. Yeah, fat. It was clear. Clear contents. Yeah, yeah. It was a bottle with no label. I couldn't open the thing. The island bottle. Yeah, I couldn't open it for you. Pause. Pause indeed. So yeah, and then we went to the event and then I went to bed and that was it. And I woke up groggy and tired this morning to get straight back on the plane. Yeah. And my back's killing me. And do you know why, obviously you said you shouldn't have gone, but do you know why it was a good thing you did go?

- Go on. - For the story, bro. - The story I just told? - No, for the story in general. - For the plot? - For the plot, for the twist. - The plot was thick. - Exactly. - Yeah, the plot was thick and creamy. I know that I lied to you. - Exactly. - Yeah, it was cool. - Yeah, it was cool, man. - Yeah, it was actually all right, man. - We haven't been to one in a minute. I think the last one we went to, was it in London or was it in Brom? - R&B Slow Jams. Last one we went to was in Wembley. - Wembley.

- Wembley, you're right, Box Park. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It was cool. Bro, the events are always cool. - Yeah, man. - Chucky Taser, them man are doing madness. - Shout them out. Shout Matthew as well, obviously. - But they're not gonna see me on a plane.

- For another one. - Again for another one. - Yeah. - Period or for a while? - For a long time. - Okay, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Because that's insane. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - The thing locks at 11. - Yeah, fine. Let's keep it UK. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Let's keep it UK for us. - Yeah, but I heard they're doing a Christmas, they said they're doing a Christmas one. - Yeah, but I don't know if that's released yet. Yeah, it's not. - Oh, is it not released? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no. The venue isn't released. - Okay, shush, shush, shush. - He told us on a hot chat. - Easy, easy, easy.

- My bad, my bad, my bad. - So we know the scoop. - My bad, my bad, my bad, my bad. My bad, lock away. All right, cool man, throw away the key. All good. - We know the scoop. - My bad, I nearly spill all those beans. - Yeah, but fair play to it, man. - Yeah, they're killing it. I love that event so much. - Yeah, man, yeah, man, yeah, man. - But anyway, guys. - Girls. - Let's get straight into the question of the week. I don't feel like I've read or listened to a question of the week in- - Ages. - Years, it feels like. - Ages, right. So the question of the week this week is,

What's the worst way you've been scammed? I've got two, four, six. I've only got seven today. - I've only got four. - All right, cool. I'll start first. What's the worst way you've been scammed? When he smiled with his teeth. - That's a scam. At catfish dig. - Caveat. - Yeah. - Your teeth are looking clean. Clean. - Since America. - Audience, his teeth are looking clean.

- He's been on that TW journey and it's looking clean. - I love you man. - I love you man. - Safe. - Stop, stop, stop. - Just making sure there's no mutton in there.

- Oh God. - So yeah, teeth, when he smiled with his teeth, he scammed me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. - Catfish ting. - Catfish, so clearly his Instagram profile or like his grid is always like, just close mouth. - That's harsh bro. - Yeah, close mouth ting. - Yeah, that's rough. - Yeah, speak. - Cool, worst way you've been scammed. My ex asked me to pay him to come back into the house after an argument.

- My ex asked me to pay. Oh. - Yeah, he left the house stormed out and she was like, "Are you coming back or what?" And man's like, "What's it worth?" - Pay me. - How badly do you want me back? - Run me some pee. - Yeah, run me pee and I'll be back. - Wow. - That's soft white era. - That's very audacious. What's the worst way you've been scammed? I paid two bags for a flat deposit during COVID. Turned out to be teenage Spanish hackers. Peek. - But hackers in this day and age,

will be taken over. My mom nearly got swindled. My mom nearly got swindled by that old text. The one that your mom got. - Yeah, when it's like, oh I've lost my phone. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh man. - I've lost my phone, my new number is da da da da da. Whatever, whatever. Donut man. - Peace. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, they be getting, I don't know how they keep getting these moms, bro. - Yeah, my mom was stressing me. - Yeah, yeah. - Damn. - What the fuck happened?

- Nothing. - They stay scamming these moms, bro. - Yeah, it'll be literally be like, oh, I'm lost in town. I need like a tenner to get a taxi home, mom, please. And stuff like that. It's crazy. - Brother, it's nuts. And I keep, so my thing is I keep seeing, I keep seeing real estate TikTok basically. - Okay. - Bare yards on my TikTok. - That's my Instagram more than anything. - Brother, I'm certain like 50% of these are CGI. - Because they're huge. - They're immaculate and they're huge, boss.

I'm looking at it and I'm thinking, I'm like zooming in like, is this a real yard? And if I just lived in fucking Abu Dhabi and I'm trying to drop like five million a yard and I'm seeing this yard, this thing could not exist. And these man could be like, yeah, run the holding deposit, yada, yada, yada. And I'd be like, yeah. And they could show me like a walkthrough video and I'd be like, oh, that's a real yard. This is this bro. It's AI. It's not a yard. That's so true. Damn. Yeah. They could be like, give me 20, 20 K holding deposit right now. I'd be like, yeah, it's safe.

Hold that. That's gone. Y'all don't exist. Anyway. Damn. Scams. Right. Worst way you've been scammed. I was, oh God, I remember that. Excuse me. I was at McDonald's and a guy in his forties asked for a pound to get the bus to the hospital. I gave him, I gave him it because he looked well-dressed and I just assumed he had nothing on him. He walked up to the counter and bought a mayo chicken and then laughed in my face. What?

The laugh in my face. Laughed in my face. Disrespectful. While eating a mayo chicken. He knew there was no repercussions. Yeah, 100%. He knew there was not going to be repercussions. What are you going to do? I'm eating this mayo chicken in your fucking boat. There's nothing you're going to do about it. What are you going to do about it? Give me another pound. Immediately. Yeah, because this time I do want to get the bus. You donut. Nah, that's horrible. That is horrible. When I was reading that one, that reminded me specifically of the petrol station time.

I remember the worst way, not even the worst way I got scammed, but how I got scammed and I didn't even realise I got scammed until it was too late. So I was in Paris last year. Subtle flex. Just the way you said that sounded like a flex. I don't know why. Do you get that, Ellis? I didn't. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. My bad, my bad, my bad. I was in France last year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was on the side of Europe last year, right? And...

I think it was a day I was going to Disneyland Paris, but obviously, well not obviously, taking the train there as opposed to Uber or whatever because there's a direct train that takes you to Disneyland Paris. And underground ting, I don't really know how the ting, obviously it's in French as well, blah, blah, blah. And I didn't see if there was a breader in the service ting. So I just used the machine. Obviously, don't speak French, didn't know what I was doing. But there was a breader that came up, oh, okay.

You need help, where you going, blah, blah, blah. - I know exactly what they're saying. I've met that same nigga, bro. - Yeah, yeah. - I've met him. - Yeah. Well, do you need help, blah, blah, blah. Explain the situation. Day trip, Disneyland Paris and back, say less, blah, blah. He's like, "Cool, cool, cool. Eight euros, cash, a little soy." I'm like, "Cool." I was like, "Obviously go to the ATM, get money." And this spreader went onto the machine, boom, boom, boom. He showed it to me, said 80 pound or eight euros. I was like, "Okay, cool."

I gave it to him. He did a thing, ticket, ticket, went there, had a good time. Didn't think anything of it. Ticket worked, blah, blah, blah. On the way back, put a ticket in. You know when it goes in, comes out and the gates don't open, thinking, huh? And again, huh? Went to, in the Disneyland Paris area, went to that cashier, whatever, or the store. I was like, bro, I bought a return ticket. This thing ain't working. Wah, guan.

A man looked at it, flipped around and said, "This is a kid's single." It's just in French. It's a kid's single. Kids would spin me. I would grab someone's collar and say, "Kids." I said, "Pardon?" I've never been to... I told him to check again because I saw what that Donny inputted and it said, "A-bones for return."

And this man is telling me it's a kid's single. - Wow, he spun you. - Yeah, and I was like, oh, it was the Donnie and the T. I was like, oh, was he wearing the, for lack of a better term, like TFL uniform? I said, I don't remember, no, he's like, ah. - He's a brat. - He just gave your money to a guy. - Yeah, ah. - Oh, bro. - I was so angry. And there was nothing I could do. - I remember I was also in Paris years ago.

this is he scammed me i was with my uh my girlfriend at the time this is like i think i was like 19. went to paris one guy same typical not even typical just a normal street guy and was like oh do you want a bracelet okay to my girl oh you said it to your girl yeah yeah not too he's like do you want a bracelet um she was like nah nah nah i'm okay um

And he was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like typical bullshit. Beautiful wrist deserves a beautiful bracelet. Beautiful girl. All this kind of thing. I was like, chill out, man. Chill out. I forgot the money. I didn't have anything. Stop. I was like, relax. And he was like, no, no, no. He's like, okay, I'll tell you what. Like, you don't. He's like, look.

I think you like, I just want you to like see my profession and see what I do because I tie the bracelets in a very special way. And I'm going to make the bracelet here in front of you. You don't have to give me any money or anything. Okay. But like, I'm very proud of what I do. So I was like, all right, cool. So he took her wrist and he kept saying Hakuna Matata randomly, randomly as he's spinning and twisting this shit. He said, Hakuna Matata. He wasn't even singing it. He was just saying it. Just saying it. He said, Hakuna Matata, Hakuna Matata.

And I was like, what's going on? And then he was like, see how pretty this is. A cool number. - That's witchcraft. - Yeah, brother. And then at the end of it, she was like, oh yeah, that's cool. He was like 30 euros. And she was like, what? I was like, what? It was like 30 euros. And we were like, nah, we said we didn't want it. He's like, it's on her wrist. She obviously wanted it. I was like, what are you about big man? You heard her say no. And he was like,

She's got it. - Yeah. - My girl was like, take it back. He was like, what am I supposed to do with it? What am I supposed to do with it? - I made it for you. - I made it for you. 30 euros. All right, and he said, I'm calling the police. Oh my God. I gave him the 30 and kissed my teeth. That's all I had for the day. I had zero money on me. That's all I had for the day. This fucking Hakuna Matata guy pissed me off, bro. - You French Donny's? - Yeah, stop. - Stop it, man. Stop it.

- Fuck sake. Anyway, what's the worst way you've been scammed? - Kid's single. - Father, kid's single. - Tell him this is a kid's single. I'd be mortified. - I wish I could have seen my face as he said that. That's how spun I was. Asked him to check again. It didn't make sense to me. - Kid's single! Wow! - Oh, fuck. - All right, I bet. - Sorry. What's the worst way you've been scammed? When he said he'd change, Nigerian strike again.

- Brother, I was streaming one time, yeah? I was streaming one time. - Yeah. - And I was doing this, I told you, I started doing a caramel converse segment on stream, right? - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. - And basically what we do is these girls will send us in their like hinge conversations and shit.

- On a hinge, you can send in a video. - Okay. - But it's on your bio, you don't send it in, sorry. It's on your bio. - Okay. - There's a video on your bio. - Okay. - So every time people scroll on it, you can do like a voice note or a video or whatever. There was a guy on there, one African guy, his bio video was like,

please for the love of God, give me a second chance. Oh my God. Bro was pre-entering the cheat before he's met the girl. He said, please for the love of God, give me another chance. Give me another chance. Yeah. Wow. He was apologizing before he's even done the act. Wow.

- Wow, yeah, say less. - I was like, wow, certain men are just- - He's tapped in. - Yeah, he's locked in, bro. - Jesus Christ. - I'm gonna hurt you, but just give me a second chance. - Just give me a second chance, it will be worth it. - Right, worst way you've been scammed. Plain simple, being attracted to men. - Cool. - Heterosexuality, she deems a scam. - Cool. - Which I hear, to be fair. - Cool, yeah, 'cause on a VV? - I hear it. - Yeah, on a vice versa? - Yeah, brother, I could never be with a man, pause.

Outside of the obvious reasons? Yeah. Just the disrespect. It's just the disrespect. I want to firm it, big man. That's hilarious. Wow. I want me to firm it. The disrespect is hilarious. Right. What's the worst way you've been scammed? I bought a $100 rice cooker and the motherfucker sent me a picture of it.

- Yeah, these Facebook marketplace things. - Yeah, dangerous place, man. - Yeah, I remember seeing a thing one time where someone said they ordered a PS4. They ordered and paid for a PS4 and they got sent two PS2s. - Do the math, nigga. - They got sent two PS2s, bro.

- Oh, bro, scream! 'Cause you're actively trying to muck me off way more. - I would be chuckling at the post office. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, fat. - Chuckles, the person behind the door would be like, "What are you laughing at?" - What are you laughing at, bro? - If only you knew. - I just got scam-scammed. - If only you knew. - My mate ordered a fucking lens once and got sent like two bags of sweets.

and something to weigh it down to make it seem how I can't remember what it was. Something to weigh it down. Two bags of Paribos. And he's like, he's taking the fucking piss. - How is this happening? - No idea. - Where's the ombudsman? How is this happening? Where's the fucking ombudsman, bro? Where's the trade? Like, I don't even know. How does that happen? Sweet. - The ombudsman has jokes. Fuck. - Oh God. - Let it go. - All right, bet.

- Oh, right. Worst way you got scammed is my last one, right? - All right. - Starts off, "Perhaps I'm just too naive. I've been hit twice by pyramid schemes. Just as soon as I join, they disappear. Can't I for once be on the top tier and benefit from the scam as a way of convincing the other losers that it's legit?" - I've been hit twice! - Twice! Twice! Every time I sign up, they disappear. - Oh, best. - Bro, I will never,

ever forgive one of our boys. I won't name him. - Yeah. - For inviting me and Rem to join the pyramid scheme. - Oh yeah. - He bailed bro, after uni, I was at my lowest point financially. - Yeah. - My lowest point. I really, really was. - Everything's sweet in me today bro. - You got the giggles today. I was at my lowest point and- - It's funny 'cause I know what that looks like. - Yeah bro, I was desperate.

And somehow he just knew it. Yeah. And he belled me up. He never rings me. He belled me and he was like, brother, what are you doing on Sunday? And I was like, oh, I've got this, that, this, that. I've got work at like five o'clock on Monday. He's like, right. I can't tell you what it is, but I need you to drive to Birmingham on Sunday, 7 p.m. I've already like warned Rem. You're going to pick him up.

and I need you man at this location. And I was like, what is it bro? He was like, you're gonna be fucking rich bro. You're gonna be rich and I wanna bring all my boys in with me. And I was like, damn bro, what is this? - He was looking out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, bro, you have to tell me something. He was like, bro, bro, bro, I can't tell you nothing. You just have to come. It's gonna change your life. I was like, I bet bro.

Filled up my car with petrol, money I didn't have. - Money you didn't have, yeah. - Drove, picked up Rem, went to this thing like, "What's all this money? What's all this money?" Went in there, brother, fucking pyramid scheme. They said for a small fee of 500 pounds, signing up fee, you'll start at like whatever tier they said it was, like worker B tier or something like that. And then they'll bring in the senior vice assistant president of the Midlands.

twice removed to come in and be like, I make 8K a month just from the pyramid trickles. And it only took me three years of graft. And all you need to do

I think what they were doing is they'll ask if they're basically selling cheaper utilities or some shit like that. So you're door knocking. - Yeah. - You're door knocking and convincing people to change over their like water, gas, electric and internet over to their ting, which was slightly cheaper. And then you get paid commission of it. And a certain percentage of your commission will go to your like little leader, which would have been our boy. He would have been my little line manager.

My little Scientology fucking dad. So, and he was like, yeah, cool. And then everyone that you recruit, same thing. Yeah. So once you've got enough worker bees under you, you get promoted to this, which means you get like an extra commission or whatever. Long story short, I kissed my teeth and drove back home. I fucking, what a waste of petrol. Waste of petrol, waste of time. I was so cross. Yeah.

- For lack of a better word, I was so crossed with him. - Yeah, I can imagine. - You let me drive all the way up here on my Sunday evening for this bullshit. - Fuck that man, fuck that. - And he was like, bro, I know, but I was like, I was like 500 bucks is all I got. - Yeah, literally. - That's every penny I have in the world. - Literally. - You know what he said to me? It's worth it. - It sounds like a joint deal. - Yeah, he said it's worth it. I was like, fuck you, man. - All right, I've got three left. I'm just gonna read them off back to back here. What's the worst way you've been scammed? This man told me he was a six foot dread head.

turned out to be a five foot nothing manipulator. - Wow. Claiming, you know what's actually insane? Claiming to have dreads when you don't. It's fucking nuts.

Fuck the height thing. Claiming to be a dreadhead when you don't have dreads is the funniest thing I can imagine. That's insane. Unless you just went up to her and said, oh yeah, I cut him off. But then the height thing is just stupid. You're a liar anyway. Long story short. If I fit nothing manipulator. Manipulator, yeah. Damn. Facts. You know what I ran him? Do you know what I realised in America? Well gone. Average height is not a thing over there.

- There's either short guys or tall guys. - Yeah. - There's no middle ground. - Yeah. - Fair. Yeah. Fair. - Or kids. It's one of the three. Yeah. - Yeah. Bro, did you find that?

- Kind of. I thought everyone was quite small out there to be fair. - Yeah bro. - I don't think there was many tall people. - But yeah, the ones that were tall were fucking tall bro. - Yeah, fair. - But yeah, everyone was offended 'cause everyone, all the guys would come up to us and be like, you man are just liars, innit? And we're like, what are you on about? It's like, you're not even short. This whole short king, woe is me, little pity party you man have been doing for the last few years, it's all bullshit because you're not even short. And I was thinking, no, but you're short. - Yeah. - You're short, big man.

- You're short. - It's big. - Yeah. It was weird. Also, yeah, if you want to feel tall, Seattle, that's where you want to be. - Yeah. - Really? - I was the tallest man there. - Yeah. - That's it, that make no sense. - Fucking hell. - Seattle's where you want to be. - Fair. - Yeah. - Yeah, man. Influx of Asians. - Yeah. Japanese. - Oh really? - Influx, yeah. - Cool. - Yeah. - So you're just towering over there. - Bro, and you, bro, sushi.

Off the chain in Seattle. I had sushi for the first time the other day. For the first time? You've never had sushi before? But it was Australian sushi. I went to Traffi Centre in Manchester. Yeah. And there's a new chain starting. It's like Australian sushi. It was banging. It was really good. It's the first time you had sushi? Yeah, so it wasn't traditional sushi, but yeah. I've never had it before.

I can't even remember. It wasn't even, to be fair, there's a class of sushi that wasn't even fish. What was it? It was like teriyaki chicken. It was like the same sort of thing, like rice, cucumber, like wrapped and stuff. But then it had like teriyaki chicken in it instead of fish. I mean, that's still sushi. Yeah, I guess that is sushi. It's still sushi, it just wasn't fish. It was good though. So what did you have when you went to Nobu that time?

I only had the breakfast. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I've only had breakfast. Yeah, fair, fair, fair. Damn bro. I need to have it more. Yeah, sushi's lit man. Yeah, sushi's fucking banging. Like good sushi, yeah. Yeah, the sushi I had in Seattle was fucking unreal. I had another place in America I had sushi which was like, yeah. I can imagine like Whole Foods being good for sushi or something like that. Probs. You know what I fucking saw on TikTok the other day? What? Couple of these men are doing chicken sushi.

What? As in sashimi. What?! Yeah, I seen't it. They were doing raw chicken sashimi. What? What?! Yeah, it was- it was vile to look at. Nah. Yeah, it was- Nah. Vile. Yep, there you go, second one down. In Japan? Yep. This can't be a thing. No, no. Toriyashi. No. Yep. Nooooo.

No, no, no that can't be a thing. Yep. It is bro. Too fair Do you know that guy who did the raw chicken experiment what Rem did on a trust news? He's still doing it. He's on like day fucking 110 or something. Oh, just eating raw chicken. He said it's a fucking myth. You don't die from it, it's a myth. I have heard that Salmonella can be mitigated. I can't remember the process but you can mitigate salmonella like

- Yeah, to prove it wrong. Like, mate, you're fine. - Yeah, but I still, I'm not doing that. - I still, yeah, of course I wouldn't. - I'm still not eating that. Look at it. I'm still not eating that. - The chew on that bitch. - Yeah, it'd be disgusting. - Grainy. - It would be disgusting. I know a raw chicken bite whenever I get it. - Yeah, oh. - I know it. - Yeah, he's. - I spit it out. - It's the worst. It literally is the worst. - I can't even have that much.

raw fish to be fair. Like when I'm eating like salmon nigiri is my bag. I can get about, I think eight pieces is my limit before my brain is like, you're eating raw fish. For some reason, the texture starts to change in my mouth. And I'm like, I'm eating raw meat. Pause. - Okay, I hear you. - A lot of it. Stop. - As soon as that happens. - Yeah, as soon as there's so much sushi I can eat.

All right. Worst way you've been scammed. My dumb ass husband bought weed, but they gave him a bag of oolong tea and took the money. What? There is a show or a film. I can't remember what it was. Caveat. Sorry. I love how you've got something for everything I say. No, no, don't be sorry. It's good. I enjoy it. I'm sure there's a thing where a guy's like, oh, I can't remember what fucking film it is. A guy's trying to buy weed. And then one bread just like,

- I know what you're gonna say. - Is it the office or maybe the in betweeners or something? - In betweeners. - Does he get like a tea bag or something? - Yeah, he gets a tea bag, rips it. - Yeah, I remember, yeah. - I thought you were talking about the office one. - Yeah, I remember. He literally just rolls it, splits a tea bag. - Oh, and he makes them smoke it, didn't he? Didn't he make him smoke it? He makes Jay smoke it. - No, no, no, no, no. He just rolls it up and he's just like,

there's your weed and he's like what do you mean he's like that's weed that's weed mate and he's like what and he's like five pound

- Their man was such pussy in that show. Their man was such pussy in the show. They would let every man do whatever they wanted to them. - That was the funniest show back in the day. - In between is like, gotta be top five funniest shows of all time. - Yeah, it really is. - You're being hysterics watching that. - Hysterics bro. - Fuck, what a good show. - And Homeboy's sister was a fucking baddie. - Yes she was. - Oh my God. - Neil's sister. - Immediately came up.

- It immediately came up. - That one. - Yes, that one bro. - That wasn't fair to see back in the day. - Oh my gosh. - I forgot about that. - She was always wearing that silk, innit? - What's the worst way you've been scammed? Subscribing to the Patreon and never seen James Topless. - Did I say I'll do it on Patreon? - Fuck knows, I don't remember. - Hands up. That is a scam. That, that.

is a Lagos level scam if I've ever said anything in my life. - Yeah. - I really did say those things. - Yeah, you have, you have. - But people just don't let stuff go. That was like three years ago. - Yeah, they don't. - They really don't. - And I was on like a health mission and I thought I was gonna be shredded, shredded. And then, yeah, I'm not, I don't know, man.

- I don't know. I think I'm just gonna talk myself into a circle if I carry on. - You are, you are. - Maybe one day, innit? Let's just not, let's not bury the hope. - Okay. - Maybe one day. - Maybe. All right. - It was a, maybe, ah shit, no. - Let's not, let's not, let's not, let's not. Anyway guys, welcome to the show. - Next live show, I'm going top token. - Don't set a precedent, please. - Yeah, whatever our next show is, buy tickets. That is going to top us. Right, guys, welcome back. - Welcome back indeed.

I feel like we haven't done one of these introductions in a while. We haven't. We're so happy to have you guys. Facts. We've been so busy and so, like, this is our first, first, first episode ever.

that we're just like back to normal. Everything is done. We're fully, fully, fully back to normal. This is the first proper one. So I'm really excited in months and I'm gassed. This episode is coming out today, but it's gonna be late because we fucked up our schedule a little bit, but that is fine. Ellis is told us he's gonna get it up same day, which has never happened before. - Hey, edited menace. - Yeah. - For a reason. - Guys, please.

here are cries because if you do like shits and gigs and you like Fyod and I and you like what we do and you like extra shit that we might be doing, you might've seen episodes of like, oh, did Fyod ever take James on that food tour?

In the US Maybe Maybe Oh do you remember that time When like They were saying that Oh they wanted to try Like skateboarding and stuff Did they ever do that Maybe Maybe They always love to talk about Like they can cook And they can do all that shit But like no one's ever seen it Maybe some people have Maybe some people have Yeah And if you haven't That's because You're not on Patreon Fact

- Facts. - So what you need to do right now is go on over to patreon.com/shitsandgigs. - Yes sir. - And then you can digest all the extra content that we do over there. You can have a normal Shits and Gigs episode every Thursday just to wet your beak. And then every Saturday you have a nice log cabin episode where you can see Fuad and I do cook offs, do skateboarding, jump out of planes.

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- Next up on the agenda is I have some recommendations. - Oh, let's go. - I have some recommendations. - S plural. - Plural. - I'm excited, let me set up. - Yeah, I actually had so many recommendations. I had to push up. - Part one, part two it? - Yeah, part one, part two it. - Oh my God. - I've got more to come the next time we record. - Oh my God. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm so excited. I love a recommendation. - Don't we all? - Okay, cool, I'm locked. - Right, so first one.

I watched this on the plane on the way home. When the fuck did I watch this? I watched it on a plane at a time in my life. - Cool, cool, cool. - Monkey Man. - Oh, Dev Patel. I know that's gonna be heavy. - Huh? - Okay. - It's a movie. - Okay. - You might. - Okay, okay, okay. - It's a movie.

- What? - Yeah, that's me tonight. That's me tonight. - On the way back, it was on the way back from New York, a guy like a few rows down from me was watching it. And every time I would catch a glimpse,

man was just fighting. How much fucking fighting is going on in this movie? Every time I look, they're fighting. So I was like, I have to watch it. Brother, watched it. God damn it. Locked in. Wow, it's a movie. Okay. What? Okay. Fuck, Monkey Man's a fucking movie, bro. Say less, say less. I remember seeing it when it was obviously earlier this year around summertime. Obviously it came out in the movies. I saw the trailer, blah, blah, blah. And I was thinking, okay, this looks good. This looks good. And it's like, it's got that John Wick image.

-esque feel to it. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Yeah, man. -It's good, bro. -Say less. Right, this is not a recommendation. We've touched on it briefly, but I think everyone needs to hear. I know you don't feel this way, but I feel like I owe the people an apology. -Okay. -It's a bit overdue. My hero is actually good. -I'll let you land. -The first

Three to four episodes of this most recent season of my hero was some of the worst anime I've seen in my life Yeah, I'm gonna put my hand more than three to four episodes. Yeah, way more some of the worst anime I've seen and so at that point it felt appropriate for fear and I to come on here and be like I'm fucking done with this show is bullshit and I hate it. I'm over it. Mm-hmm. I went when we were in Scotland yeah recently

I binged the following, like, nine episodes. Yeah. Back to back that day. Yeah. That was an experience. I can imagine. I can imagine. That was a fucking experience we had. Wow. The reason... The thing is, I...

I am completely, it's like a Venn diagram in my head at the moment because I understand where you're coming from in the apology, but I also still stand by what I said because I watched it week by week by week. Yeah. It wasn't as gripping pause as it has been for you because you watched nine episodes in one sitting. Yeah, yeah. But don't get me wrong, the arms was finally arms in. The storyline was,

I think there's, I'm not even up to date. I think there's an ep or two out at the moment. But yeah, the fight scenes were cool. The reason why I feel like I wasn't really like exclaiming about it is because every week I was watching it, they were going to a different part for a different fight. So there was no continuity.

So I was thinking like, oh, I have to watch this. Yeah, I hear that. I get that. But watching it in one sitting, I can imagine like juicy, juicy, juicy, juicy. Yeah, hella juicy. Guys, shut up for a second. Girls, listen up. As you know, your boys love a side hustle. We do. This podcast in itself started off

As a side hustle It did indeed And if you know your boys Your boys Can be Laissez faire at times We can We don't like admin Especially Financial admin And It's just long and it's boring It is It is But

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Because I've been doing a bit of my research as well. Did you know that? You did know that? Obviously I knew that. Oh, so we're locked in? We're locked in, bro. We're locked into Anna. You think I'm just chatting about stuff? Okay, we're locked into Anna. We're locked into Anna. Okay, say less, say less, say less. So guys, what you need to do is sign up for Anna and lease your business side to see how easy managing your business finances can be. Use code SHITS33, that's S-H-X-T-S-3-3 for three months free when you sign up.

Guys, follow our link to open the business account with Anna and get three months free using code SHITS33. Right. The next recommendation, which is a rogue one I didn't expect to be a thing. Yellowstone.

- It's on Paramount. - Paramount Plus. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not seeing it, but I've seen it. Yeah. - Really? - I watched it on the plane home the other day. I had rinsed all the movies. 'Cause I also watched Challengers, which is okay. - Oh. - I watched that on the plane. - What did you think?

It's okay, right? It's okay, yeah. Like, it's cool, but I expected a bit more. Yeah, I remember- Were you left a bit like, a bit empty after? I was a bit like, first of all, not to give too many spoilers, I hated that they didn't finish that match at the end. Yeah. That fucking pissed me off. Yeah, it was just- It's what the whole movie's based around. The movie just- Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just ends. I heard-

What I found interesting about Challengers though is that like, I'm pretty sure Zendaya like wrote and directed it. - Really? - Yeah. I don't know about directed, but I'm pretty sure she wrote it. - Produced by Zendaya. - She produced it. And she starred in it. Considering that, I found it quite interesting the role she plays in it, considering she produced it herself. - Okay. - Because she plays a role which isn't too actually dissimilar to

a lot of the law that people put around her, basically a lot of people love to chat shit to her about like her and Tom Holland and her and Timothy Chalamet. - Okay, okay, okay, okay. - She's done interviews before where people were like, oh, so who's the better kisser on screen, Tom or Tim? Like Tom's her man, her man man. - Stop man.

- Tom's her man man and then obviously Timothy's just like fucking on screen man. And Tom's also her on screen man. But yeah, it was interesting that she did that in Challengers because in Challengers she's basically, are you gonna watch it or no? - I'll watch it. - Okay, well I want to. - No, you can. I'm not that invested. - So basically the plot is obviously around tennis. She was like an up and coming tennis star.

and she injured herself. And she basically has this, there's these two guys who are best friends. It's like two guys that are best friends and like they're best, best friends. And they're also tennis players and they're also brilliant at tennis. And she basically says, they both want to fuck her. And she says, basically early on,

they have like, was it the youth, like the juniors US Open finals against each other. Okay. The next day. Yeah, because they're usually a team. Yeah, they usually, they just won doubles and then they're doing singles and then both made it to the final and they're playing each other. And basically she said, whoever wins gets my number. So there's one of them who's like, he's like, he, one of them basically is just like, he's talented,

He is like lazy, he's a joker. Like he doesn't take himself serious. And then the other one's like a hard worker, stringent, like always. So yeah, it's the second guy, Mike, who plays a guy called Art Donaldson. And then the next one over from him, Josh O'Connor, who plays Patrick Zweig. They're the two best friends. And essentially it just follows their careers.

Whereas like Josh, he goes pro really, really, really early, really young and struggles because he's so lazy and all this kind of stuff. He struggles to like achieve true greatness. But he's incredibly talented. And then you've got Art, who is a hard worker, also very talented. And early on him and Zendaya and Patrick,

The guy with the brown hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do a ting. Basically, she gets injured. They break up. And Art kind of just like slides in there. So they end up... Her and Art end up getting married. But he has no fire in his belly. He's talented, but he has no fire in his belly. Okay. And... Brother! When I say... Basically, the boys stop being best friends. Zendaya...

cheats on art with fucking Patrick cheats on him over the course of like eight years, she's on like two or three times in it. And it's heart wrenching when she does it. - Damn. - Heart wrenching. - Damn. - Imagine, imagine yeah, because how do I put this? So it really, really brings it home. Imagine me and you, right? - Yeah. - Imagine me and you in a situation and I've

I'm like, this is probably the opposite, but for the sake of it, let's say I'm super straight laced. I want like stability, a family and all this stuff. And I offer this to the love of my life. You-

You're the kind of guy who like, maybe you met her at a party one time. You were just a bit chirpsy. You're just a bit of a playboy. Like you fuck around. She doesn't take you serious. You don't have much money, but you're just like a cheeky, funny fuck around guy. We're best friends. We kind of grow apart. And then you just, but you have big dick energy. And you intermittently fuck my wife.

with just big dick energy. I give her everything. - Yeah. - On paper, I'm like the perfect guy. - Yeah. - But there's something about you she can't resist. - Yeah. - And it's just like, just your haphazardness. - Yeah. - That you just roll in there, unlike her wagwan, you're looking fine. And then she can't help it. And she hates that she likes you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - She never admits that she likes you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - She's very just like, my man, my man, my man. Who the fuck do you even think you are? - But you double down. - Yeah, you just sit there and smile at her 'cause you know.

And then you fuck her and dip. - Jesus. - And that keeps happening. - Nah, that's not okay. - And because I love her so much, I glimpsed it one time. - And you charged it. - I didn't say nothing. - Mentally you charged it? - Yeah. So there's one thing, yeah? So basically the plot is he's got no fire in his belly.

He just wants to retire, be with Zendaya, have their child and just be married. And just, I don't want to do this. Patrick has never achieved the greatness he thinks he deserves. Yeah. And he's chasing it, chasing it, chasing it. So essentially Zendaya is so, she plays tennis vicariously through her husband. Okay. Because she never got to make it. Okay. She plays tennis for him. So when she sees that, like, he doesn't have that fire, she resents him.

And there's something that she finds attractive about Patrick, even because he has so much fire for it, but he's just not serious. So basically the whole movie is based around like their backstory and then...

Art is very successful in tennis. Patrick is not, but Patrick always beats Art when they play. - Okay. - Even though Art has achieved way more in his career, whenever they actually play, Art's never managed to beat Patrick. And it's all a mindset thing. - Okay.

at art's actually better than him. And Zendaya says it from when they're kids. You're better than him, but he manages to get into your head. The same way he gets into Zendaya's head and manages to keep fucking her. He gets in art's head in just in terms of like, he little bros him all the time. And Zendaya's like, find your fire, find your fire, find your fire. - Fight back. - And basically, spoiler alert,

When they're playing, they've managed to play. This is the first time they've played as professionals together. And the only reason they play is because Art's lost so much confidence and so much fire that Zendaya's like, let's just do a baby tournament. Just before the US Open, let's do a baby little tournament. Get your confidence going and then we can go into the...

we can go into the US Open like with confidence. Patrick, because he's not, his career's not flourished, these little baby tournaments is all he has. So he pulls up to the baby tournament and then they see each other and they haven't seen each other in years. And when they were younger, because Patrick and Zendaya were doing a ting first. - Okay. - And Patrick was like, I'm not telling you anything about this relationship 'cause I know you like her and all this kind of stuff. I don't wanna hurt you. So I was like, nah, tell me, tell me, tell me, you have to tell me. So basically,

Art has a very specific tennis serve. - Okay. - So, - I just remembered that. - Yeah, it's a very specific tennis serve. And he always puts the ball in the little, you know where the handle connects to the actual racket? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - That little space there? - Yeah. - Before he serves, he always puts the handle there. - Yeah. - So Art says to Patrick, "Right, just tell me this. If you fucked her,

So like serve like me put the thing in there all patchy says I'll serve like you if I fucked her and if I didn't also like me so then Their signal from then was put in the ball in the middle thing and then they'll make eye contact Yeah, so in their last match is so juicy the way it happens They're playing playing playing playing playing Sunday is watching watching watching and she's thinking you have to beat this Patrick guy You have to be him like he's been in your head all along. She thinks that and

art doesn't know that he's that he's been like trying to ting all this kind of stuff and the funny thing is they the night before that tournament patrick and zendaya they the night before that tournament so when they're playing it's getting tense yeah and art's just like losing a bit losing a bit losing a bit it's getting intense again intense you can see though the embers are burning a little bit and it's looking like patrick good old patrick's

Come back again with his mind games. Art can't find that fire. He sees himself as lower than Patrick, even though he's more than Patrick. Brother, they're playing, playing, playing. And then towards the end, just to put salt in the wound, Patrick looks at him and does that. He puts the ball in the thing. Yeah. Art says, fuck off. Straight face. Fuck off. Zendaya doesn't understand. Yeah. So she's like, what's going on? And he's like, swear, big man. Yeah. Patrick serves. Art doesn't move. The ball goes flying past. Art don't move, bro. Squares up.

It's a swear. Yeah? Say less. They play tennis after that.

They played tennis after that. Say less. This is a movie you said was average. You're locked. Yeah, because they end the film 10 seconds. They end the film. When they start playing tennis, they cut the film there. Okay. It was juicy. Anti-climactic. Say less. Oh, they played tennis after that. Say less. Okay. Is this the movie where they had that camera shot where they throw the ball in the air and the camera went round? Useless. Really? That is the movie and they were bigging it up.

and it was just the most useless thing. - Wait, the angle where when they're hitting it, you're the ball. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I found it quite interesting. - I can see why you would. - And I was also trying to, I was actually trying to figure out how they did it. I think it was a 360 camera, but I'm not sure. - Yeah, they made a big deal about like, oh, this has never been shot like this and all this kind of stuff, but like- - It's in it for two seconds though. - Yeah, they did it, it was, I was looking out for it the whole film. They did it twice for like a couple seconds each.

And I didn't, it's not that I thought it was bad. I just didn't think it, because they bigged it up, I was expecting something. And I was like, oh, it doesn't actually bring much. And you can't see what's happening because the ball's just spinning like that. You can basically make out like some figures and stuff like that. You can't see the match. Yeah.

- She's a fucking psychopath though. There's one scene where like, it's not even a spoiler, but she's literally like riding him and she's just like, you need to work on your backhand. And he's like, what the fuck are you doing? - Yeah, she only talks about tennis. - To Art, she's riding Art. - No, no, she's riding, this is when they were together. She's riding Patrick. - Okay. - She was like, you need to do this, you need to do that, you need to do this, you need to do that. - Literally like whilst fucking and he's just like, are you serious? - Yeah, like stop. - Stop this. - Oh my God. - He's like, why are you talking about tennis? She was like, what the fuck else am I gonna talk about? - Facts.

- Facts, I'm living by a case with both of you. - Yeah, it was, I'm not gonna lie, I was locked into the movie, but I just think it could have been a lot better. - Okay, cool, cool, cool. You said you have one more recommendation? - I have one more recommendation. - Okay. But yeah, that's "Monkey Man is Me" tonight. - "Monkey Man" is amazing. I've watched two episodes of "Yellowstone". - Oh yes, yes, yes, I forgot about that. - It's giving like succession.

Okay. Yeah, so it basically revolves from basically, I know there's a few seasons of it. The first episode is an hour and a half. It was juicy. Say that. Basically, it is based around, is it Kevin Costner, the lead? Yeah.

um based around him he owns like 30 000 acres of land okay in montana called yellowstone i'm assuming yeah yellowstone yellowstone ranch okay and um obviously he's caked yeah he's got all this land and he's like a powerful figure in that community yeah and he's got kids and like all his kids very similar to succession where like all his kids have roles in in their adult lives that only

he allows them to have that. So like, for example, one of his sons is a lawyer. He's only a lawyer to help with the ranch. Like everything revolves around the family. Everything revolves around the ranch. Interesting. So yeah, it's actually, I'm enjoying, I've only seen two episodes of it. I'm enjoying it. And it's just like a lot of, not a lot of politics, but it's like,

basically it's all about like this land is all we have. And people, there's loads of like battles he's trying to fight about people trying to like either do this with his land or take his land or sell his land or do this or do that or do this. And he's trying to constantly like battle. It's good. - Fair play. - And I've heard, I had heard it was good. - Okay. - Five seasons, fucking hell. Fair play. Oh yeah, I had heard it was good before, but like I see a cowboy hat and I'm like, I don't think so.

- I hear that. - But that's the beauty about being on the plane sometimes, you've got fuck all else to do. - Valid. - So I put it on and I was like, bro, I really enjoyed it. 8.7 out of 10 on IMDb. - Okay. - It's good, bro. There's one scene in there. - Yeah. - Turns me on. - Yeah. - I'm just gonna put my hands up, bro. Turn me on. - Okay. - The door. - Yeah. - A slight spoiler, but it's very, very, very early on. - Okay, it's not really a spoiler. - It's not really a spoiler. - Yeah. - One of the guys,

Rip, the third guy in. Yeah. He's like, he works for John, the main guy. Yeah. But he's just like, he's this bad guy. You know, every mob boss has like a guy who gets his hands dirty. Yeah, cleans up. Yeah, Rip gets the hands dirty. Okay. He does the shit no one else can do. Okay. The daughter, Beth, the second one. Yeah. There's one scene in there, yeah, where Rip's looking for John, walking through the house. Beth is in there.

And she's like, "Oh, my dad's not here." And he's like, "All right, there." She's wearing just like a dressing gown. As he's about to leave, he turns around to say bye to her. Dressing gown's undone. It's undone. And he's like, "What are you doing, man?" And she's like, "Nothing, bro. Like nothing. I'm not doing anything." At the end of the day, she was like, "What are you doing?" 'Cause you can either, out of the blue, by the way, you can either walk up, like you can either carry on with day doing what you're doing, or you can fuck me. That's what she said.

You can either walk down the hallway like you just were, or you can fuck me. My heart will triple beat. Yeah, yeah. Same, bro. Oh my God. Same, bro. I think the change in blood pressure will make me dizzy. The change in blood pressure will give me vertigo. I'll have to grab furniture. Bro, it'll give me vertigo. My heart won't know which way to pump. To my brain and my cock, bro. It wouldn't know which way to pump.

- Yeah, it would make me dizzy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You could fuck me. Bro, next scene, he's banging her. When I say bang, they're banging, bro. Like I'm saying, he's got her face, like she's sat on like the fireplace or whatever. - Okay. - And he's got her face smushed like this against the wall. He's railing her, bro. - Fuck. - And I was like,

- This is my dream. - Fuck. - Yo, this is my dream. - I already know that's gonna cause some drama in the ranch. - Bro, to be fair, it's interesting as well. Yeah, because basically after that, she gives an insight to say that like, this is not their first rodeo. Like they've been fucking, but she just wants cock from him. She doesn't want anything else. So she turns to him, after that,

He loses himself in the tub. And he's like, oh, let's go for a drink later. Let's do that. And she was like, you always ruin it. Do you know what she said? You always fucking ruin it. And then she said, you know what as well? I always, every time, like she says something along the lines of, I'm paraphrasing, but she basically said, the nostalgia in me always makes me remember your dick's bigger than it is. And then I remember that she walks off. Wow. Wow. Wow.

I was like, I'm not hearing that. Especially when I've just knighted and I'm vulnerable. - Vulnerable is the word. - Yeah, when I'm vulnerable, because he didn't even get undressed. So his trousers are his ankles. His trousers box is at his ankles. He's got his bare ass out trying to clean up. And she's like, "I always remember your dick to be bigger than it is. Must be the nostalgia." I couldn't hear that. - Wow.

- He needs to stop ruining it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, facts. - He needs to stop ruining it, bro. - Just fucking it, bro. - Yeah, but- - Because you got a good situation. - I know, but- - I know, I know. - Yeah, sometimes you want more. - I know, I know, you need more. - Because you're perfect for me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, fam, we belong together. - Fuck, and I carry you on, man. - And you can't just keep giving me fantastic pussy

and expect me to just act like I don't care because I do care. I love you. - I want you and this ranch. - Yes bro, I want it all. I want it all bro. - I might have to lock in. I might have to lock in. - Yeah, it's good. - I have to apologize about something. It's not that deep. - Oh, okay. - But I made a statement a few episodes, God knows how many episodes ago now. We spoke about this yesterday. I don't know if you remember.

I slated Party Next Door number four. - Oh, thank God, yes. I'm glad you brought this up 'cause I forgot, you did mention it yesterday and I forgot about it and I'm ready for this conversation. - Yeah.

God knows how many episodes ago I said, well, James said he was listening to Party Next Door 4 and I was like, you know what? Don't like the album. Terrible. It's not like his old stuff. This, that and the other, blah, blah, blah. And I think I remember you saying, I must have been the mood you were listening to in or maybe just what? It wasn't the right time or blah, blah, blah. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Heard all that song and dance before. It's terrible. It's terrible. It's terrible. It's terrible. I hate it. So when we were in America.

It was around the time, like I like to pack early. So I know that I'm sorted. I don't need to rush blah blah. Cause I like my sleep. Yeah. Yeah. I prioritize my sleep. So for some reason, my mind went to P and D but I didn't go P and D let me play number four. I just went to P and D hit shuffle and press play. Obviously it brought back the memories of all these old stuff. And like, cause I was a huge pie next door fan. So I was thinking, fucking hell this motherfucker had bad luck.

- Yeah bro. - Bangers! And I'm just dancing, folding my clothes, just dancing, dancing, dancing. And then I'm hearing songs I've never really heard before. And you know them ones where you run to your phone and like, what is that? - Yeah, yeah, 100%. - So I've got four, I think I can read them all from here. Four main ones that stuck with me. "Lose My Mind."

- Yep. - Make it in the morning. - Yep. - I think stuck in my ways. - Yep. - And keep going, keep going, keep going. There's one more. There is one more that's on my liked. Jesus wept. It's unfair how good it is. Is it for certain?

- It better be for certain. - Lose my mind, stuck in my ways, make it in the morning. No, sorry, but I'm outside. For certain as it hasn't reached a thingy, but- - I love for certain. - Probably 'cause I'm deep in the other ones more than I'm deep in that one. But those four, yeah. - Bro, every morning I'm there just-

Lose my mind. Yeah Yeah, tune my bitches at one time tune tune tune tune one half Spanish and one half white. Oh, come on man. Yeah, it's a good album It's a good album So I apologize I take it's just the way I

Again, he glides on these beats, bro. - It's so good. It's actually so good. - I'm glad bro, 'cause I fucking love it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - When I first, first, first, first, first heard it, I charged it. I was like, I'm not feeling this at all. You're swindling us with the album art. - Yes. - You gave us that album art thinking, oh, this is gonna hit. And we haven't seen you in years. - Yes.

And then I breezed through it the first ever time and I was like, nah, not feeling it. And then randomly Spotify was just gifting me tracks. Before I added anything I liked, I was just going on like a random playlist. And I think for certain was on there.

um stuck in my ways her old friends i like as well okay um and a few other ones and i was like you i think it was like similar once you hit four yeah bangers on an album you're like this is a good album i can't remember which one it's one of the liked ones i've said it's he's saying stuff along the lines of she got diamond in her ear when he says that i'm thinking come on man this bangs this bangs it does bang

- It fucking does bang bro. - Bangs bro. - So yeah. - I'm really happy you said that. - I take it back. I take it back man. P and D man. - Right, before we finish, you said you got some United stuff to talk about. Get off your chest. - So the climax of this episode, right?

Man United, well, first of all, I'm happy the Premier League season is back. The Premier League started at a perfect time because we had landed back from America on the Thursday. The Premier League started on the Friday. Our game was the first game of the Premier League season. It was a Friday, 8pm. I was like, OK, boom, let's see what our new signings have to offer, to bring to our table. So we've signed, I think, five people in pivotal positions where we've needed them, right?

And our first game was against Fulham at home. It was a scrape of a win with our new striker coming on at like 80th minute scoring line, like the 87th. Okay. It was a scrape of a win, but... What's your manager situation? Has that changed at all? No, no, no. We'll get there. We'll get there, we'll get there, we'll get there, we'll get there.

All right, cool, cool. I know nothing. Yeah, cool, cool, cool. We'll go there. So, Eric Ten Hag is his name. He... Well, after that match, I was like, this isn't convincing, but I'm still happy with the three points because it's a good way to start the season, you know? Momentum, motivation, yada, yada, yada, yada. Right. Now, our second game is against Brighton, and Brighton are at home. We're away. We lose that game 2-1, but...

The way we play is better than I've expected us in the past, in the previous season. And we actually started to win that game 2-1 by the game. The last goal got called offside and then Brighton won it in one of the last minutes. So it was unfortunate, but we could have and should have done better. We actually had two goals given offside. So we could have won the game, potentially won the game 3-1, but it was given offside. Neither here nor there.

Right. So yesterday, obviously this episode comes out today. Yesterday, we were in Sweden. I couldn't watch the game, so I tried to stream on my phone. United at home versus Liverpool. Those that know, know. That is Clash of the Titans, biggest rivalry. But I think it's a bigger rivalry than Man U City. Oh, damn. Yeah. Scousers and Manchester, they hate each other. Yeah. When it comes to the football, they hate each other. Mm-hmm.

And we're at home and we have started our new signings in the right positions and we're like, okay, let's see what we do at home in front of the new lights, the new stadium and the new owners. So from the stream I'm watching, the first 10 minutes, we're playing decent football. Like we're passing possession, tiki taka, boom, boom. You know what I mean?

- Don't ginger me too much. I'm liking what I'm seeing. Say less. All right, boom. - I can already see, I dread. I can already see. I can see the score. - Yeah, say less. Yeah, yeah, the score. Spoiler alert, we lost three nil. Yeah, we lost three nil. I'm thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're playing all right. We're playing all right. We're playing all right. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

A mistake happens and they end up scoring, but luckily enough, Liverpool's goal got called offside. They were like, okay, cool. We're calm. We're calm. We're calm. And I've said this to you, or I've said this to us, you, during last season, I've been talking about Casemiro. You have? How,

He is or has been such a pivotal player in Real Madrid, for Brazil, and I would say some stages of his first season at United.

He made two blunders that caused Liverpool to score two goals. So he's a central defensive midfielder. So his position is just in front of our four defenders. He's the spine to either A, help us attack forward or B, protect the defence.

There are times where this guy would hold on to the ball way too much and/or give a dead pass away. This happened twice. Casemiro lost the ball twice in the first half. They scored twice from that goal. From that point, I charged the stream. Because apart from it frustrating me, the stream wasn't good enough anyway. So I was like, I'm not even going to watch a haphazard United match. I'm just going to charge the whole team. I'm like, okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

And I'm sitting there, you know, just hoping and praying, like, because I've got the notifications on my phone. If I see a Sky Sports notification, I'm thinking, oh, please be United, please be United, please be United. And it was a guy called Luis Diaz. He's there. He plays left wing. He scored twice in the first half of them. I was thinking, damn. And it was back to back as well. So, yeah, it was at Old Trafford as well. It's so...

- I'm sorry, G. - So jarring. And it's-- - Three zip. - Three zip at home is brazy. What's annoying is the delusion that, of what Eric Ten Hag says like post-match. And it's like, how, he's reverting back to last season or the last couple of seasons or his tenure in United. He's won two trophies in two seasons. He's saying behind Man City,

we as United have won more trophies than anyone else. So basically, I tend to order reporters to shut up. And I'm thinking, I get where you're coming from, but that's the wrong argument right now. Like, we're talking about today's performance. Big man. We want to win matches. We want to win matches. We're not talking about medals and honours we've won last two seasons. Yeah, fuck that. We're here to win games. Like, we've signed five, six people. We've scored one goal in three games. Yeah.

Two goals in three games. What are we on? What are we talking about, big man? Yes, we have injuries. Everyone has injuries. Yeah. But I was saying this to Toby not too long ago. I feel like, so there's a guy called, you might know him, Ruud van Nistelrooy. Mm-hmm.

He used to play for United back in the day. - Oh, I remember. That's when I supported United. - Yeah. - That was my childhood. - Yeah, that was the United. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Solidarity was there. - Wow, Van Ness Roo was my hero. That guy could score. Fuck, that's my childhood. - Couldn't he just? Dutch King. Anyway. - Dutch King.

- He is now our assistant manager. - Oh, okay. - So he just won under Eric Ten Hag. - Oh man, Hall of Famer. - My prophecy is they're gonna let Eric Ten Hag go soon. - And bring up Van Nistelrooy? - And they're just gonna bump up Van Nistelrooy because one, he understands the play. I think he knows how to galvanize the team.

Purely because he's an ex-player. He's won for United. He's got respect. He's got respect of the fans. He understands what he's doing because he was a striker. You know, so there are certain things where you can see like, okay, boom, boom, managerial change can bring about greatness. And that happens with pretty much almost every Premier League team. If you change your manager, you're expecting a change.

And when you do change your manager, the first game that you do play is always very, very insightful and good to watch as the fan of the team or as a neutral. It's always fun to see. I saw a tweet. It must have been yesterday because it was post the Liverpool loss. Someone said, for context, they can fire managers at any given point. But sometimes they give you to Christmas just to see how you're going. Or if it's just after Christmas, they lend you off. So man said,

"Forget Christmas, this Donny ain't gonna make it to Halloween." - Who said that? - It was a tweet. - Oh, sorry, tweet, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, it was a tweet. He's not gonna make it to Halloween, that's next month. - Damn. - Not gonna make it to Halloween. I was like, it's plausible because three games in, scored two goals,

1-1, three points. I think we're 14th in the table. Yikes, bro. All of our peers are winning. Yikes. All of our peers are winning. And this is the same story I've been preaching since last season. I can't die like this. 14th. 14th, James. After three games. Three games. I'm sorry, bro. That's vile. It is vile. I'm sorry, dude. It is vile. Well, one thing I would like to say is... Yeah. Is...

Touch wood, it can only go up from here. And I know we've been doing this show for a long time now. Touch wood again, just to make sure. We've been doing this show a long time now. And as you should, as a red bleeding United supporter,

you set expectations for every season. - Facts. - This season you haven't done that. And it's clearly for the best. Every season you come in and be like, we're gonna win and here's why. And I appreciate you being present in the moment and just saying it as it is. And you're disappointed and you deserve to be disappointed, but I'm hoping yes, it's up from here. - It has to be man, 'cause all I'm doing is hoping and praying at the moment because it's, I can't remember the last time before United kickoff where I was confident.

regardless of who you play. Because the Premier League is so tough. It's been getting tougher every year. Yeah, I've heard. Every single year. So regardless of who you play, I'm thinking, oh, they might spin us today, you know? That's a horrible way. Brother! That's a horrible way to experience sport. Every weekend. Every week. I'm looking at the line-up thinking...

On paper, we should clean up. But on the other hand, the team I'm facing, they've got ballers. Speaking of, this is way out. When it was happening, we weren't recording, so I couldn't speak. It happened a while ago. That's how I feel in the UFC now. It doesn't happen every week. It happens once a year, maybe twice a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With my brother and favorite fighter of all time, fucking stylebender,

I can't go through this anymore. - When was he, when's the last time he fought? - Two weeks ago. - Okay. - And he lost. - Okay. He's not got a belt anymore. He lost them last year or earlier this year, no? - I can't anymore. - Who did he lose against? - Right, so. - Drikus Duplis. - Duplis. - Duplis, say less. - So basically, right? Israel Adesanya, my boy, yeah? My favorite fighter of all time. Ride or die, yeah?

came like his career has been sensational in the UFC. His love of anime again is sensational. His just style and everything, his technique, like he's my favorite fighter. And again, like how you felt in like Man U,

glory days is you just turn up and expect a dub. - Yeah, expect victory. - Yeah, you expect victory. - Always. - And you're just like, you're not even wondering, oh, I hope he wins. It's just how fast are we gonna win? - Yeah, how many goals are we gonna score? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. How much are we gonna win by here? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Now, brother,

- So obviously he fought the first bad loss. He was basically, he was the middleweight champion for ages. He was reigning supreme for ages. No one could touch him. It was becoming a joke. So then I told you they had to recruit that fucking Brazilian bastard. What the fuck is his name again now? - Pierre Del... - No, it was Alex... - Pereira? - Alex Pereira. - Pereira, yeah. - Peace out of him, yeah.

They got him in there to take my boy out and he did take my boy out and I nearly cried. But then they had the rematch and it was one of the best comeback stories of all time. Okay. So Starrbender, bang, got it again. Gassed, gassed, gassed, gassed, gassed. Then out of nowhere, he fights Sean Strickland who's been like a strong competitor in the middleweight for years. To this day, I've not watched that fight and I refuse to watch that fight because Strickland...

Put a workshop on my boy. Really? A workshop. When you say you refuse to watch it, that's how I feel when United lose and I watch match of the day. I fast forward that bitch. I skipped through the highlights. Yeah, I fast forward that bitch. And I couldn't believe what I saw. I've not watched that fight and I refuse to watch that fucking fight. Damn. It was... Oh my God. It was... It was horrid. Damn. This now... So then...

sean strickland then gets smacked up by duplice and they've had a bit of rivalry they've had um starbender and dupes have had a bit of rivalry because duplice is south african yes and he said some he made a comment a little while ago basically saying all the african champions at that time there was three african champions oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and uh yeah and none of them live in africa

So at the time he was like, it's time for a real African to have, he's like, basically said something along the lines of like, it's time for a real African to have the belt and bring the thing home to Africa. So Starbender's like, swear, real African. Are you mad, bro? So they had this whole rivalry for ages. So this fight has been cooking for like over a year now. Okay. And then,

I expected my boy to go in there. He had always had a rocky couple years now with all of this stuff. And I was like, right, let's go get this belt back once and for all, because it's too much back and forth, back and forth. - So obviously, so not obviously, but Duplisse prior to this match was already the champion. - So yeah, so Starbender's coming in, lost to Strickland. He's now down, he's now, he's lost to Strickland, so he's down.

Strickland loses the belt, Strickland gets the belt. Strickland loses the belt, Dupliss is now the champion. - I see, okay. - So when they were having this beef, Dupliss wasn't even the champion. - I'm with you, okay. - Alex Pereira's moved up to light heavyweight now. - Okay. - And he's doing stuff over there. He's a champion and it's scary. - Okay. - He's doing stuff over there. - Okay.

So he's doing his thing over there. He's left the middleweight division alone and we're all grateful for it. We're all one of them ones where it's like, yeah, my boy smacked you up, but please just go. You did what you came to do. Just leave us alone. It's too much. So he's gone up to light heavyweight and he's just been starching everyone up there. So we've got our division back. Strickland,

did something unforgivable to my boy, but we're like, all right, cool. He's not the champion anymore anyway. We don't have to deal with that anymore. - Yes, okay. - So Izzy, let's get in there. Let's get our head right. Let's deal with this guy who's talking smack on Africa now. - Let's put some pause on him. - Yeah, let's put some pause on him and get a belt back. It's time, bro. It's time.

He went in there and that was, it was in Australia. I think they fought as well, which I'm pretty sure was when he first won his belt. So I've been the first one in Australia. So this was a big deal. Okay. And my boy went in there, trained well, executed well. And he was put in on a clinic. And I was like, we're back to regular viewership. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Put this boy in his grave. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Third or fourth round, I can't remember. They had a little tussle. Everything was fine. Had a little tussle. DDP put my boy in a rear naked choke. I said, get out! Get out of there! Get out of there! Because that's not his strong suit. He can take care of himself. But wrestling and grappling is not his strong suit. So as soon as I saw it with that arm around his neck, I said, Izzy, please get out of there! Get out of there!

Brother, it was locked on tight. And my boy tapped, man. He tapped. And again, we have to go through this. We have to go through this again, bro. This rise to glory again, bro. And he's getting further and further away from it. And what pissed me off even more is the next day, the South African community were in my DMs talking shit. Really? Bro, because they know I love Izzy. Okay. They said, fuck.

They said, DDP, DDP, fuck you. Bear South African flags. And this is, I hadn't even had time to like process what happened. I'm opening my DMs, DDP, fuck you. Me! I'm a fan of the sport. Man said, fuck you, bro. Fuck you.

man SA flags and I love South Africa come on man oh that's hilarious it upset me what was his um post-match like review analysis he he um he was a very humble in defeat okay he always is yeah this is why we love him man yeah he was very humble in defeat gave all the props to um Duplice and I was just like

But I just can't anymore. - Yeah. - I can and I will continue to, but- - I just can't. - It's really, I'm in the position now where I like, now what? Every fight I have to be scared?

Is there no comfort? Yeah. Can't I just, can't I enjoy a main event and just be like, this is a fun Sunday evening. This is how I like to spend my evenings. At least it's not weekly. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And that's what I'm saying. This is twice a year for me. Yeah, yeah. This? Weekly is impossible. I couldn't see him go through that every week. Every week. No, that's impossible.

I would jump in the ring. I'll say enough is enough. I can't sit through this anymore. - It's a lot. It's a lot. But yeah. Thank you for sticking around guys. That's the end of the show. - That's the end of the show. - That was a very, very good episode. - I enjoyed it a lot. - I enjoyed that one a lot. Laughed a lot. Hope you guys did too. But yeah. - Love and love. - That's about it. Gang gang gang.

Hi, I'm Raj Punjabi from HuffPost. And I'm Noah Michelson, also from HuffPost. And we're the hosts of Am I Doing It Wrong, a new podcast that explores the all-too-human anxieties we have about trying to get our lives right. Each week on the podcast, Raj and I pick a new topic that we want to understand better and bring a guest expert on to talk us through how to get it right.

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