SPECS GONZALEZ! | EP 431
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Nightmares come alive at Not Scary Farm. Witness sinister shows, escape horrifying mazes, and traverse wicked scare zones now through November 2nd. Tickets are as low as £59.99 at notscaryfarm.com. Not Scary Farm, where nightmares never end. You're blinking bare. I'm just looking. I'm just blinking. So many times. It's the blinking that's got me now. I'm looking at you, bro. You have to blink bare times. I'm not going... I'm just looking at you.

Guys! Girls! Welcome back. Welcome back indeed. So, it's been a minute since we've had the pleasure of saying this. Of course. We've got a very special guest in the building today. As you know, whenever we have a special guest in, I like to introduce the guest as nicely as I can. Yes, sir. This one is not as nice, you know, because... Why? The first time...

I met this guy. None of you remember, but I remember. I stay remembering it. Okay. I'll let him off because of why it happened. Okay. But we met him in an event one time. This was literally over a year ago. You probably don't even remember it. Okay. It was a one-off event. We pulled up there. Everything was cool.

and I was like, "Oh, that's Spex, that's cool, man." I went to introduce myself and I was like, "Oh, what's going on, bro?" And I left my hand out like that on the deck and he said, "What's going on?" And he looked through me after that. And I was like, "Say less." And I remember I looked at you and I was like, "Rah, that's mad." And I left it, I'm gonna say, there's a typical three second, like, "Oh, don't leave me hanging." I was here for a minute.

And then bro was just looking through me like that. And I was like, "Swear, it's one of them ones." - It's all right. - And then his boy in step in was like, "He can't see." - Right. - He said, "He can't see." And I was like, "No, you're mugging me off." - Yeah, 'cause it's close. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, "Bro, I'm trying to dap in you." And when I swear to God, when this is how I believed it, he looked at my hand like this. I was like, "Oh yeah, yeah, yeah." And I was like, "Okay, cool. We're actually blessed." - Those jokes. - But yeah, we have a guy in the building today who is literally,

in the last year or two kind of taken over as just like the funniest guy on the internet. I stay watching clips, I stay watching episodes and shit like that. And I'm like, this guy's not making sense because he's actually too off the cuff funny and it's pissing me off. And I rate it, I respect it. So because of that, as we introduce you,

we have something to give you to hold onto for now because I know it's been burning you. - I love this already. - Oh yes! - Here we go. This is the award that we stole from you bro. You finally got that mobo in your hand. How's it feel my guy? - Listen, I've always wanted this award. I took my daughter to the MoBo Awards in Sheffield thinking I was gonna win it and you guys took it and my daughter laughed at me.

- I'm not gonna lie, I saw the video. - You saw the video? - I saw the video. - I didn't even know. - She actually laughed. - She laughed. We come back to London, she told all her friends, she told her family. And I was like, you know what? Obviously you guys are class,

this is mine now. You know what I mean? There's no rules, man. - No rules. - I appreciate you. - I'm taking this home by the way. I'm not holding this down. - It has our name on it. So if you're cool looking at our name every day in your mantelpiece. - I'll just tell people Specs is behind it. - Say less. - I'd say I came second, innit? - All right, guys. Well, on that note, big round of applause for Specs, everyone. Let's go. - Thank you, boys. I appreciate you, man. - Thank you for coming in, G. - Thank you for coming in, dude, man. Thank you. - Before we start, I just wanna ask you a question, boys. I know it's your show. Where's the worst place you've done a shit?

Worst place we've done a shit. I know your one. - What? - Oh, I do know my one. - Where was yours? - It was in a bucket. - A sick filled bucket. - What, indoor or outdoor? - Indoor. - Okay. - I drank poison that day. I drank a load of poison that day and I couldn't make it out. I've said this story on the pod many a times. I call it the trifecta. I threw up, I pissed and I shot in a bucket. - Wow. - Yeah. - Do you know what, that's not even that bad though. Well, how come you ain't got one then?

- I keep it sexy G, like I don't shit in random places. I think the worst place I've ever had a shit is, bro, I can't even tell you. - A festival? - Nah, I've never been to a festival. I don't think I've ever been to a festival. I've never had a shit, but I've had a shit in a festival-esque toilet.

- Yeah, I've done a thing in a stank cubicle before and I just couldn't take it anymore. - Yeah, you don't even know what to touch. - Yeah, and I remember my knees were shaking. Obviously I didn't let my cheeks touch the surface. I was just there shaking and shitting, bro. It was dead. What about you? - No, do you know what? 'Cause I don't eat, I don't shit a lot. I shit once a week, honestly. However.

I was in tape the other day. I did one in there. - In tape? - Yeah, bro. And that for me was, it was a bit weird. Like, 'cause I had the Ronnie one.

I remember we were out somewhere and I only found out two weeks ago that mashed potato has milk in it. I didn't know that before. And I'm lactose every time. - Every time? - I'm not lactose tolerant, I'm lactose every time. So I've had this mashed potato and we've gone from the restaurant straight to tape. And my belly's doing... - Numbers. - Numbers. But I'm walking around tape and I'm giving air. I'm farting their bounces and stuff. So it's them, you know what I mean?

I'm moving around, I'm moving around, moving around, moving around. And then the last push, I felt like heat. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I think, yeah, that means I need to go in. But there's a guy in the toilet though. He's got the fragrance, the lollipop and all that kind of stuff. So I thought, oh, this is techie, innit? You know what I mean? So I've gone in and done my thing. I'm in there for time, but obviously I can hear the, hey, hey, hey. I can hear the little sparkles and that stuff. So I'm worried, like if I come out, I hope people are not in the toilet.

So I've come out and the guys looked at me like, bro, you might need to go home. You're sick. And I thought, you know, the only thing I can do is...

- I'm gonna sell him 65 pound and just say, don't say nothing. - Yeah, keep quiet. - 65 pound? - I scared him 65 pound, God touched it and I used all the fragrance in the little cubicle I was in. And I was embarrassed, but I'm gonna tell the whole world, man, it's normal. - It's best to get off your chest to be fair. - Facts. - Yeah, man. - That shit in tape though. - But it's taped, that's the thing. - That's pristine. - Yeah, it is, man. It is, bro. - From mashed potato. - Mashed potato. - I'm not gonna stop eating it though.

- I was gonna say, obviously you've just found this out. I'm assuming it's not the first time you've had mash. - Nah. - Like one, one every other time. - That's what I don't understand. I don't know if the restaurant use too much milk. I don't know what's going on, but I was thinking to myself, you know, I know my body 'cause I don't eat much. I know what messes me up. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So I know that mashed potato there was. - Why don't you eat much G? - Food ate my thing bro, man. I hate the idea of food, man. I hate the idea of sitting down. - Sustenance. - I hate it. I just, you know, holding the knives and forks, eating, looking down. I hate that stuff bro.

- What do you mean bro? - I was in a restaurant the other day and someone said to me that my, no, I was at a restaurant the other day, someone said to me, my chin's too low when I'm eating. I said, what, there's a way where my face should be on the table? - Yeah. - There's too many rules bro. - Yeah. - That's not my thing. - My chin's too low. - Yeah. - Brother. - Speaks your chin's too low. - What? - Forget it, I don't wanna eat no more.

And then people complain about my food. So if I get a steak, for example, I like my steak to wear a leather jacket. I want it very well, very done. - Oh wow, okay. - You know what I'm saying? There can't be no blood. I want that thing proper black where I'm chewing and chewing and chewing. Every time I order steak, everyone's complaining, even the chefs.

And this steak I was eating is 250 pound, you know? So it's up to me how I want the steak. But people always want to tell you, you know, this, that, this, that. Look how long you've been taking to cut that steak. - It's my decision. - I made 250 pounder. - It's my decision. - I'm not a fan of food, bro.

- I'm sweating. - I'm pissed off already. Hang on, I just need to take a break. - Sorry, I'm just not a fan of food, man. - Sorry, I just hit my top of my head. Fuck it. I'm sweating already, man. - Everyone always moans, man. But it is what it is. - So you're not a fan of food, but what would you say is your favorite dish?

- To be safe, going into like my aunt's house and just eating jollof on its own. - Okay. - Perfect. - On its own? - Yeah, on its own. You won't catch me having plantain on the side and chicken like a- - Really? - Yeah, like sad food. - Sad food is wild. - Fair enough, man. It's each their own though. - Each their own is fact sheet. Like, shit, that made me laugh too early. I've not laughed that early in an episode of my life. - Sorry, baby. - For fuck's sake. Is that like...

- Bro, it's murked me. What's it like, obviously before you came in and for context on that, like, bro, you're fucking funny. - Off the cuff. - Off the cuff, you're fucking like funny, funny. And like, as you said, no offense, you're old as shit. You're old as shit. - I'm gonna die 100% soon. I'm done, I'm done. - Yeah, like how's that been in terms of like, my question, my only like intriguing question that I want to answer in today is like, how's it been like,

you've had kids, you've got like a family situation, you've got a home situation. And at the last couple of years, like your career in terms of this stuff that's happening is like taken off. And as we spoke before, like there's, you don't know when you're gonna have to have a shoot. You don't wanna book a holiday. There could be times that you're away from home for like multiple days. And like, this is happening like,

your kids are growing up, like your missus has been with you for so long. And I'm assuming things have taken like a sharp turn. What's that like dealing with that? - You know what, it's been tough because the missus, she doesn't have social media. She doesn't understand. She doesn't have no social media. She don't get it. So when management's like, "Yep, this is that, this, that, this, that, this." I'm gonna give you an example. So I was supposed to, we went to go to America, Disneyland with the kids. And we booked for July.

But then I got invited to the Euros by JD. And I love football, and it's the Euros. There is no way I'm going to Disneyland to watch my kids play on the beach. I told you that already. And watch the Euros on my phone whilst they're there. You know what I mean? I'd rather want to be there, 'cause I've never gone to a Euros or World Cup. So, you know, I canceled that trip. They went by themselves and I went to the Euros. So she's upset with me, rightly so.

I'm older as shit. It's my last chance to do these things. You know what I'm saying? So it's tough. 'Cause I get it from her perspective. She wants to do things with the kids, the family, and obviously it's the social media, self-employed, all these jobs flying in, it gets techy. But for me, I will always pick this stuff over family because family will always be there. When I turn 50, they'll be there, it's fine.

But this is my last chance. - Fair man. - It's the truth. - Don't say fair. - It's the truth. - Don't say fair. - It's his perspective, so I'm saying I'm agreeing with his perspective. - I've got a point to prove. My daughters or even my son, my three year old son, the idiot, yeah. None of them have been in the comments saying good things or anything. They're not subscribed. I don't get it. When I put my oldest daughter on the video, she said, "Don't tag me." You're a hater.

- I'm convinced my family work with Shea Bar. - That's a sexy spot. - Sorry, sorry. I'm convinced. My missus works with Shea Bar. - That's hilarious. That's hilarious. - That's what I believe. - They're just ops. - Ops. Just want help for me. Just want people to throw things at me all day. - Yeah. - Fucking hell. Oh, Jesus Christ. - Jesus Christ. - I told my wife, I said, "Look, you know,

21 years we've been together. Like no one on YouTube has been in a long relationship than me. I'm saying it straight. - Congrats by the way. That's enough to say. Well played. - But baby, feel free to go and have an affair. I'm over here. I'm over here. Go and have an affair, it's fine. - Specs, man. - Bro, there's no rules, bro. That's how I feel. You know what I mean? This one life is short. - Why are you okay with having an affair? - Because I'm busy. - You're booked and busy? - I'm booked and busy. Invoices. - Yeah, invoices. - Some invoices take 98 days to clear.

- That's an affair been and done. - Yeah, exactly. - So when I get paid then you come back to me? - Yeah. - Fuck. - 98 days to click.

- I love her though, man. Through thick and thin. And honestly, I never saw myself doing this at all. I was a PE teacher, bro. So I was PE teaching, I was DJing. And obviously in college, back in the day, they used to say to me, "Specs, you need to be on TV." I never understood that. You know what I mean? Never saw myself, 'cause I'm just myself. I'm like this all the time. I never take anything seriously. So now I'm here, I'm thinking to myself,

I'm here with the big boys and we're getting paid doing what we love. It's a blessing, bro. You know? But, um...

The game's moving fast. There's so many things to do now. I had to get a streaming, this streaming stuff. It's costing money. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You know what I mean? There's neon light. I had to set up a little studio, not like this, 'cause obviously you lot got these handles. On my one, you have to hold the mic in your hand. - Yeah. - 'Cause this costs. You know what I'm saying? - Yeah. - All these things, like, I'm just getting started. You know what I'm saying? This Twitch, I don't know how to use it. I'm just getting started. So there's, all this technology is going up and I'm trying to, I'm chasing it, bro. - Yeah. - You know what I mean?

- This time next year, I'll be a single man. - I hope not, G. - I hope not as well. - 21 years, I've clocked it. No one is gonna catch me. I've clocked it. Let me retire. 21 years. - It's a long time. - Missionary as well. - Mish? - Just missionary. - You're laughing like I'm joking. - Splacks. - 21 years, just mish.

Fuck's sake! Michigan is my favourite place. Look at you the whole time.

- Now, missionary bangs to be fair. - It's the best. - 20 years of mission only. - I think if you're a man that likes doggy style, you don't like the person you're beating. - 'Cause you can't look him in the eye. - The back of the head. Back and forth. - But that's where I recalibrate. 'Cause I can look, 'cause she can't see me looking at like, I have to read the small print on like the fire alarm. - Of course. - To lock in. 'Cause otherwise I'm gonna knock. So yeah, that's why I need doggy. Missionary takes me. - Missionary is the best part. We look at each other, kiss on the forehead, and it's intimate.

Facts. So yeah, man. Thank you for the little missionary to my missus if she's watching. 21 years. 21 years of mission. Congrats, G. That's fucking... Thank you, man. That's unbelievable, bro. Let's jump into the first game. Yeah, let's jump into the first game. All right, cool. So we've got a game, yeah? So we're doing...

- Truths or lies. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna go around and real quick, we've never done this one before. We've got a few truths, we've got a few lies, and then we're just gonna randomly pick one of them out, read it out, and you have to decipher, well, if it's one of us doing it, you have to decipher. What do you say, sort of two minutes?

- Two minutes to decipher if we're telling the truth or it's a lie. - Okay. - So it's got me and Phil are gonna pretty much be on the same team because we know too much about each other that we'd never be able to tell. - I think it is about one of you two. - No, these are your stuff. So you have to convince us. - I'll tell you a story and we have to figure out if you're telling the truth or not. - When we're saying stuff, you can ask us questions. All right, do you wanna go first? - Should I go first? - Go on, dude. - All right, G. I think we can do this.

Out of anyone I've ever met to play this game, I'm more concerned about playing this with you. I don't think I'll be able to tell if you're lying or not. You say some stuff. Stuff, bro. I went to a wedding last Saturday that I wasn't invited to. What made you go? WhatsApp group. WhatsApp group? WhatsApp group, yeah. I heard that this guy, his wedding's on.

- So was it a case of you just wanted to tag along with the mandem or you wanted to see said person get married? - I expected that the mandem in a group of gang. - Okay. - Yeah. So if you're getting married and you put in a group and I'm in a group, I'm gang. - Oh, so is it, so was someone getting married that was in the WhatsApp group or the WhatsApp group went to a different wedding? - It's their brother.

- Okay. - So someone in the WhatsApp group was like, my brother's getting married on Saturday, whatever. - Okay. - And you assume because he's put it in a group, you're like gang. - It's for everyone. - Yeah, it's everyone. And you just pulled up. - So when I got there and then the first person, I was walking in the car park and someone said to me, where's your bow tie? It's black tie. I don't know what that means. - So what did you wear? - I was wearing braces, shirt, white trainers and some beige trousers.

I was, I went there as Specs. - Yeah. - They're telling me about, what do you mean? Like a dress code to a wedding? - Yeah. - Since when? - Yeah. - Like as a flyer, like it's on Skittle. What the hell is this? - Skittle. - Yeah. - So that ruined my spirit. - Yeah. - So I walk in, meet up with Eddie Caddy at the back, we're chatting, chatting, chatting. But before I saw Eddie Caddy, I actually walked into the reception by accident. But they told me I had to go back to round the other side. - Right.

So now I'm talking to Eddie Caddy, everyone's come out of with that section. So they're like, where do we go next? Then someone said to the security, let Specs lead them to the reception 'cause I was just there, right? So I'm walking with the whole wedding, yeah? Walking, Specs here taking pictures with kids, dah, dah, dah, walking, walking, walking. Get to reception bar, right? I'm at the front, right? So I say my name, the door, I walk through. There's a big board, writing.

Each table, Tupac table, Bob Marley table, all these artists see names. I'm there. - Can't find you there. - The whole, everybody is looking for my name. My name ain't there. Now the whole world is laughing at me. - What did you do? - That's two minutes done. - Oh, is it two minutes done? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay. - No further questions. That was a good story. - Is that a true or is that a lie?

I'm sorry. It has to be 10 truth. Yeah. Yeah. It's insane that you would pull up to a wedding that you, you didn't receive a formal invitation to because one of the don said his brothers get married. That doesn't make sense. Hmm.

But I think it's telling the truth. What do you think? - I also think you're telling the truth because- - There's key moments in there. - Yeah. - This artist table and all that. I was like, "He's telling the truth." - Yeah. You've walked through, you've said the dress code, you've said what you were wearing. Yeah, I think it's true. - I think if you're lying, you're a sicko. Go on. - Half of it is a lie. Can I do that? - You've done it, G. - You can do it. - What are you lying about?

- I was invited, but my name wasn't done because I didn't RSVP that thing. I didn't do it. - Fair, so where did you see it? - Bro, imagine they found me a seat with her auntie's name, but I threw the name in it. They said she ain't coming, she came. - Shut up. - But she came during the speech. I heard these high heels coming towards me. Every sound I was dodging. Not even, excuse me. - Oh my God. - What is your name?

I spoke to Gonzalez and because my name was here. We're arguing. The whole wedding is laughing though. Because Eddie was basically told everyone that I wanted to invite. He was in the joke, innit? So, oh, I thought, you know what? Let me just work. I got up and I just went behind the bar and started serving drinks, bro. - Shut up, you're a liar. - Yeah, I swear to God. - What? - You went behind the bar and started serving drinks? - Not serving, but I had to take drinks and put on people's tables. I had to be busy. It's a speech, bro.

- Wow. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Fair, fair. - No rules indeed. - Fair, fair, fair, fair. - No rules indeed. - I got away with it though. - You did. - Clearly bro. - You did, you did. - Fuck. - All right, who's going first? - I'll go. - Do I know all of your stories? - Oh, if he knows the story, what happens then? - We can, because it's us two versus you. - Oh, okay. - So if I know the story, then I can tag along, of course. - Right. I have a half brother in Nigeria that I've only recently found out about.

- Are you Nigerian? - I am Nigerian. - Yeah, so the thing is it has to be true 'cause this is what Nigerians do. - Why? Okay. - But before we start though, 'cause you could be lying about being Nigerian, what's your surname?

- I've never said on the podcast. - So you're Yoruba, right? - I am Yoruba. - Okay, that's true. Okay, so you got a half brother. How did you find out about him? - So I found out through social media. Funnily enough, I found out when we were on our America tour, just gone recently. - Well, he came. He booked a ticket. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No one booked a ticket. No one came, nothing. I got- - He booked a ticket. It would have been fucking nuts.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I found out during our America tour, I got a DM. I was continuously getting similar DMs and it was something along the lines of, "Hey, you might not know me, but you may have heard about me, but your dad has been lying for ages, long story short." Like, "We are family, but I wanted to formally introduce myself," type of thing. I was looking at it like, obviously, you know when you see something like, you brush it off, whatever.

he started commenting on my pictures and I'm thinking, surely not. They're still like, why would you go to that length or that extent? See what I'm saying?

I spoke to my sister now. This is whilst I was still in America. I spoke to my sister. I was like, obviously my sister ain't on socials, well not obviously, but she's not on socials. So she wouldn't have been getting any of those form of interactions. I was thinking, yo, I've been getting this ting, X, Y, Z, blah, blah, blah, blah. Does this, has anything like this happened to you in the past? Because this Donnie is saying he's my half brother. Bearing in mind, he said he's 26. So he would have been in eight years after I was born.

but seven years after i was born he would have been born do you see what i'm saying so it's like how does how why now where's why is this all happening now so i was just confused so this is interesting because you're famous now so people claim but you're not june what's his name jamal your brother's name is jamal he's half jamaican as well no jamal isn't um jamal is oh it's an islamic name you're right it is yeah you're blinking bear

- I'm just looking. - I'm just going to blink him. So many times. It's the blinking that's got me now. - I'm looking at you, bro. - You have to blink bare times. I'm not going . - I'm just looking at you. - All right, that's two minutes. - Is that two minutes? - That's two minutes. It's a lie. - Final answer? - Yeah.

- It is a lie, well done. - Well played, well played, well played. - You did that well though. - Thank you. - My heart was beating, I wanted that one. - I said you're blinking there. - Fair play, well done, well done, well done. - All right, my go. - Your go. - Oh, it's your go, isn't it? Sorry. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, you're good. - Actually, no, it's you go again. You're the guest. - You sure? - And then I'll go after you. - Are you sure? - Yeah, positive. I'm more intrigued. - Oh yeah, oh great. I went down on my misses for the first time in 21 years yesterday.

- I'm calling cap from jump. - From the jump. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm calling cap, elaborate. Talk us through it. - Why? - Not act, but how we got there. - What made you do it yesterday for the first time? - So when I first met my missus, going down on a girl wasn't cool. - But bug-catting. - It wasn't a fashion. It wasn't a thing. And it definitely wasn't in porn categories when I used to get busy with my wrist back in the day. So I'm old school, I wasn't on that. I wasn't on that stuff.

there was a time where you know my missus used to go gym a lot back in the day and that so sometimes you know when we used to you know make love it was like she made corn with beef in the evening yeah yeah so that was that that stopped me and you know me i'm uh i i eat with my eyes and my nose most of the time yeah yeah i don't like the smell or something or you know

the way it looks um i won't i won't bother so yeah just kept it missionary the whole time she wanted foreplay i said yeah we'll do we'll do neck up when we go down to the belly button we'll stop there yeah until i made sure the corned beef is completely gone yeah um and then yeah like sorry yeah last weekend you know you know making love again

I was thinking about going for baby number four as well, by the way. - Oh, gang. - I'm like, "I could smell Tom Ford, that." - Tom Ford? - Yeah. She's used my Tom Ford down there. And then, yeah, did it, my glasses on. - Okay. - Yeah, man. It was a mad experience for me, but you know what? I was done it for the first time. And I've said this before on my pod that,

I did plan to go down on her this year. I did took long, but it finally happened yesterday. And I'm proud that I've done it after 21 years. - So that was your first time ever or your first time with your missus? - First time ever. - Interesting. - We've got 10 more seconds if you want to ask another question. - Are you going to do it again? - Definitely, tonight. - Cool. - All right. - What are your initial thoughts?

The story was believable. It was believable. It was believable. To bring it in your podcast and as well say, oh, I've spoken about this on the rules, blah, blah, blah. He's trying to pepper in some. Some half-truths maybe. Yeah, some half-truths. You know what it's like, yeah? I was watching your one the other day. Yeah. And on there, he was saying to help him, his son, to make his son a better liar. Yeah. He was taking him through. He physically took him through the day. I remember this scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

of his alibi. So he wasn't having to make it up. He was like, just remember this day. Even though it's not the correct day, just remember exactly everything that we did this day. Just say that's your alibi. It sounded like that's how Specs move in. Talking about, yeah, I said it on my podcast. I think you're trying to shit. Yeah, I want to say cap as well. Yeah. Final answer? Yeah, I think he's right. Final answer cap, you're lying. So you're saying that I never went down to my missus yesterday for the first time? For the first time. You're right. I've never ever gone down to my missus in 21 years. Damn, bro. Damn. That's not the answer I was hoping for. Yeah.

- See what I'm saying? Now you messed things up now. - Really? - Never, never gonna die, no, no. - Damn, and you never will or? - I'm trying, I'm gonna try this year. If I don't do it by December the 31st, it's never gonna happen. - Give it a go, G. - Yeah, I strongly- - 21 years is a lot to deal with. It's like them, literally it is like, what's that old show we were talking about the other day? Like "Pickey Eaters" or "Fussy Eaters" or something like that. Not even "Secret Ears", you know the ones that like,

They used to do those Series Where the guy would Go around their yard And they were like I can't eat broccoli Oh yeah yeah yeah Yeah I've eaten Shreddies every day Since the day I was born And then they'll put some chicken And they're like Like it's PTSD So like 21 years is a long time To not eat pussy To then dive in there And eat it Especially if you want to eat Like you mean it

- Now, if I do do it, I'm gonna go, I'll send you the video. I'll go have- - Don't, don't, don't do that. - Just to see, to show me if I'm doing it right. - Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I don't need to see that. - So how are you gonna show me how I'm doing it right then? It's my first time. - I don't think you need to send it to- - Is there a way? Okay, so what do I do? - All right, here's what you do. Nah, I'm playing. But focus, all right, cool.

- This is okay, cool. It's not about the penetration. Don't try to put your tongue in there unless you want to. - My tongue is short by the way, it doesn't come out far. I've got gum disease and is it contagious? - Oh my God. Oh my God.

- Bro, you- - You're a bro. So, all right, don't put your tongue in, all right, even better, don't bother putting your tongue in there. Just focus on this clit situation. - What about beaven? How do you breathe? - Nose, G. - But is your nose touching anything? - So sometimes you can get carried away. And sometimes, I'm not gonna lie, sometimes my nose gets snotty because it's smushed in there so much. - And obviously you're a missionary, so you're always gonna be, she's always gonna be on her back.

- I need a course because again, this sounds too technical. This is what puts me off. It sounds too technical. - For the first time, my advice would be just lips it like your lips and you're go. Just lips a clip like your lips and you're go and it's done. - Okay. - And then we can develop from there. - Maybe she could also give you pointers whilst it's happening. - Yeah, tell her to pipe up. - Yeah. - If she does it, that means that somebody else has done it. - Facts! Facts!

If she starts, no go there. No, it's like this. Somebody's there already. That's a good one. I'm gonna catch her. - Yeah. That wasn't my take. - Let me do a story. Let me pour another drink and I'm gonna do a story. Drapes that Henny out there please. - All right, cool. My true for lie. - How long have you been friends by the way?

- 15 years? - That's class, man. That is class. - 16 years maybe? - Oh, veterans? - Yeah. - Yes. - 2009, whenever that was. - Yeah, 2009. - Sick. - 15 years. When I was younger, I once entered a knockout basketball tournament with my friends and the judges wouldn't let my team progress into the next stage unless they dropped me because I was so shit. - It's okay, basketball, knockout stages, yeah? You do look like a basketball player though. No, I feel like I've seen you play basketball. I feel like it. - I doubt it, but fair if you have.

and you got knocked out. - So me, it was win the game, go through to the next stage, win the game, go through to the next stage. - Was that Southern? No, Southern, it's called that something. Knockout stages. - Yeah, knockout stages. So then we were going through that and then we had just knocked a team out and we were about to progress and then the ref pulled us aside and was like, "You man are calm, but Brodsky's not moving on to the next stage. So you need to drop him and get another player if you want."

but he's not continuing in this tournament. - They can't do, Ref can't do that, that's not his job. - It's not, that's fine, it wasn't his job. - But he had enough. Was he black? - Was he actually fucking black or not? I think he was black, yeah. I can't remember, but yeah, I think it was black. - Yeah, he's Jamaican, definitely. He just said what, and that like, and how did you play? What did you do? I don't understand. - What was my reaction? - No, how was you playing, in your opinion? - I thought I was playing all right. Obviously I was passing the ball a lot. - How was you passing the ball?

- Do that pass again? - Chest pass. - Okay. - Just, ha. - What other passes are there in basketball? - Bounce pass. - And another one? - Overhead pass. - Okay, yeah, you play basketball. What's double dribble? - Double dribble is where you bounce it, hold it, bounce it again. - What's travelling? - Travelling is where you take more than two steps. - What's pivot? - Pivot is where you keep one foot on the floor and you move around with the other foot. - Who's your basketball team? - Say again? - Who's the team that you support, the basketball team? - I support LeBron, so I'm a Lakers guy at the moment. - You can play basketball, man. Damn, you've got me now.

- Good questions though. - And this was here in London? - No, this was in, it was in Nottingham. - So the ref said, okay, you guys are calm. I've had enough of this guy. You didn't say enough to him? - We've got 30 seconds left. No, I was like, what are you on about bro? It's a team thing. We're going through as a team. He was like, nah, it doesn't work like that. - How old is you? - 18, 17, 18. - Yeah, you beat his thing. Definitely. - I caught his misses. Nah, I wish bro. Nah, I promise you, I was short and skinny and just like wanting to play with my boys, pause. - That's a true story.

Yeah, final answer? Yeah, my spirit man, that's a true story. Nottingham. Are you from Nottingham by the way? Nah. Shit. But fun fact, I'm from Northampton and everyone who ever meets me is like, "Oh, well go on in Nottingham." And I'm like, "Yeah, it's not Nottingham still." But anyway. Actually, it's not a true story. Because when I ask you what colour the ref is, you have to think about it. Okay. Final answer? Shit. He's good at this, you know. He's drinking.

- Yeah, yeah. Okay, that's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. It's not true. - Yeah? - Yep. - It is a true story. - Ah! - Yes, true story. Midnight Madness was the competition in Nottingham. Me and my boys entered. I think we'd won. It wasn't the first game that he said we're not progressing. We'd won three games.

And on the third game, he was like, enough is enough. He's not progressing. He's not getting the accolades that you man will get for winning this tournament. Because if you win the tournament, your team gets to go to a Midnight Manners training camp. And that year, LeBron James was going to come down for a whole day and do a training camp with the players. And the ref was like, I promise you, you're not going on that team.

I don't care who your teammates are. - So he just had that hate for you? - Yeah, he was just like, it's just, it's not fair because there's quality players out here and you're getting carried through the whole tournament. You're not meeting LeBron. And then yeah, I had to sit out. - That is awful. That is a hater. - It was traumatic, bro. - I can imagine. - Yeah, it was horrible. Yeah, true story. - No, man. - And I was actually playing well, but my boys were on another level. Yeah, game is a game. - All right, you're up again, G. - All right. - This story I'm about to tell you is a story I've never ever shared before. - Okay. - Go on then.

- I just tried to read about my glasses, one sec. By the way, you don't mind me recording you guys, innit? - Recording us? - Yeah. - What, with your phone? - My glasses. - I was about to say, your glasses got a camera in it? - Yeah. - You telling the truth? - I've been recording the whole time, yeah. But it's for BTS. - IG? Yeah, do you think that's calm? - You didn't notice? - Nah. - Can't see the red light when I was crazy. - He's a liar. - Yeah, that's a lie. - Anyway.

- The frames are thick. - If we were sold, who's gonna do this? - I was looking at the frame thinking, yeah, man. - It's plausible. - It's plausible. - All right. My dad, a long time ago, once raced me down the hill. I was on a bike, he was on foot. My dad ain't got no pace. So I went really fast, he couldn't catch me. I was four years old. I come off the bike, I hit my head off the pavement. I was unconscious, I was out.

Had an operation in my head that affected my eyes and that's why I wear glasses. And that's the reason my mum left my dad when I was four years old. And I got 95 pound compensation when I was 18 years old for the accident. - A lot of plausibility. - Yeah, a lot of plausibility. It sounds dodgy as fuck. - It does sound dodgy as fuck, but he's, he, after like the first few words, he didn't look at the paper anymore. See what I'm saying? He was reliving the moment.

- No, I don't remember it. Like, you know what I mean? I don't remember. And I think part of that is the reason why I have no emotions. Something happened in my brain where I don't have, there's no feelings. I can't cry no more. There's tears, like, I can't, I can't, there's certain things I can't do anymore because of the accident. And if you try my glasses on now, you'll see this pavement really done my head in. - The pavement done my head, I need to try these as well. - Blood clot. They remind me of 3D glasses when you put them on. They're like the movie. - Specs.

- Yeah, bro. - That's a joke. - It's a joke, bro. And that's, so that's why they gave me- - That hurts. - It hurts, yeah. So that's why they gave me compensation because the operation went wrong. - £95? - Yeah. - The operation went wrong? - Yeah. - What? I don't wanna dive in too much into the operation. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Pointless. - But I got £95 compensation out of it. - When you were 18? - Yeah. - No interest on that nothing? - No interest. We didn't fight the case properly.

- Do you remember coming home that day post? - I don't remember nothing. When I get a bald head, usually you can see the scars on the front of my head. - So where did you crack your head or crack your head? Where on your head? - Oh, so I cracked the front, my front. - Okay. - But when you can see, you will see my, if I wanna go bald, you can see my scars. - Okay. - But yeah, man, my dad, for him to race

on a bike going down the hill and he's not fast. My dad is, he's made so many bad decisions. Remember I told you the guy's mad and my mom's taller than him as well. - He loves to pepper in little bits of fat. - Yeah, just pictures, pictures wise it doesn't look right. - All right, I'm gonna say that's not true. - I would also like to say it's not true 'cause I can't believe something like that. I really refuse to believe that that happened. - Yeah. - But I also,

I don't know whether you are sprinkling a bit of truths into a lie. - It sounds like you're sprinkling truths into a lie. I do not believe that you raced your dad on a bike, smacked your head open. - He raced me, I was four. - I don't believe your dad raced you while you were on a bike and he was on foot. - He was on a hill. - I don't see my dad doing that. - My dad makes bad decisions. - Yeah, I was gonna say your dad is not his dad.

My dad's a top dickhead. Straight. I'll tell you that. And they did the operation. It fucked your eyes up. Yeah. That's the bit I'm not believing. I'm going to say it's not true. 65 pound compensation. You said 95. Sorry. 95 pound compensation. That is a liar. Or maybe he did that on purpose to make us think he's a liar. Sorry. It's 95 compensation. Sorry. I left 30 pound out.

- I am also going to say that this is a lie. - Yeah, final? - Yeah, final. - You sure? - Yeah. - Boys, it's the absolute truth. - Swear? - Yeah, I've never said this story before. - Really? - If you don't believe me, I can make a call. - I believe you, G. - Damn. - For real? - 95 pound conversation? - Yeah. - What? - I feel like that's worse than nothing. - Yeah, it's a piss take. - I've never had nothing. - Can't get air forces. - You can't get air forces. - What?

well yeah my dad my dad that's not the reason why i wear glasses i've never actually said that story really yeah damn bro i'm sorry g my dad's a g though why would you my son my son would even be if my son's on a bike yeah by the way like i'm we're not on the hill and there's gonna be extra wheels helping the wheels you know what i'm saying i don't know what he was thinking dad's be doing that bro

- Maybe he done that on purpose. - For you to cause an accident? - Maybe, you never know. - Nah, come on bro, stop. - So why would you do that? - He probably just thought, yeah, fuck it. Like he's feeling invincible. He wants to impress you. He didn't know you were gonna fly off your bike. - You know he wanted a cut out of the 95 pound as well. - He wanted a cut out of the 95? - Yeah. - Nah, you're lying now. - I swear that. - He wanted some of the 95? - Yeah. - Did he fall over as well or no? - No. So did he set this up? - I'm not saying you tell me.

Bro. Fuck's sake. That part's alright. Fucking hell. That's jokes. Oh,

- Oh wow, well played bro. That was, that was truthful lies. That was, bro, that was very good. - Thank you, man. - Well played, G. - Well played. - Fuck sake, I knew that was gonna be good. Tati, well played. - We've got some, we've got some questions asked by the fans for you to answer. - Oh, thank you, man. - On the iPad, if you just read out the questions and answering them as you normally will. - What's one thing about you that fans would be surprised to know? - I feel like I've told them everything. I used to rap, used to DJ, as a PE teacher.

- Yeah, while going for this PE teacher tip, like when did you, did you stop being a PE teacher to pursue this or did you just charge being a PE teacher in general? 'Cause for obvious reasons. - I cut PE teacher, when I got my first invoice, I didn't even, there was no notice or nothing. I just changed my number. They had to do supply teacher for the rest of the term bro. - What? - You don't understand.

I was working, making like 1500 pound a month. But I'm working five days a week. I'm doing breakfast club and after school club. And these kids were doing my head in. 30 kids in the class, 10 of them SCNs. You know what I'm saying? So I was tired every day.

Then I went to go and do one shoot, yeah? I think it was JD at the time. I did one interview with Andy Joshua. They gave me 1500 pound for half an hour. I was chatting rubbish to Andy Joshua. 1500 pound. - Yeah. - So when I realized, if I do three of these, I have the whole week to myself. - Yeah. - I called him six, seven times in a row and then I vanished. - Fair. - Fair. - Fair bro. - Fair bro. - It's real life man, it's real life bro. Real life like.

- It was great PE teaching and even some of the kids I've taught, I've seen. I saw a few when I was DJing yesterday. They were like, "Oh, you coached me in this school." And I was like, "Wow, you remember me." So it's been a blessing. - Okay. - But yeah, that transition, I never knew.

social media was on that in, I think it was 2015, 2014. I thought it was only KSI and Chunkz were the only ones allowed to get paid at them times. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You know what I'm saying? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That allowed, you know. - So yeah, so. - Wow, G. - That was a big deal. But yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I think I've told them everything, man. I've told them everything.

They know that my dad passed away, came back, passed away again. Run that back for me, dude. Okay, don't worry about the fans. I need to hear some of these stories. What do you mean your dad passed away, came back? He faked his death. I've said this so many times. I've never heard it, G, please, if you don't mind. Yeah, so basically my dad basically was just an MBL, like natural born liar. And he passed away.

- All right, this is the news we got. And I wasn't close with him, so I didn't care. And by the way, guys, I'm sorry, but I'm very emotionless. - Okay. - Yeah, I can't. - That's just me, yeah? - That's fine. - So... - He lived in the UK or no? - He lived in the UK. So, you know, getting news that, you know, he's passed away, whatever, cool. Now, I was called by the hospital to come and identify the body, innit? But the problem with me, I ain't seen a guy in years. So obviously when I went to go see the body, I didn't know who that was. You know what I'm saying? So it was a guessing game for me. Next, you know, I'm on a train.

My man's like sitting in front of me. - Yeah. - So I'm calling my auntie, I'm like, I've taken a picture as well, I've got my phone. That's the dad I remember. Not the one that we saw lying down that time. - Yeah. - My man said to me, "Don't say nothing, I'll tell you another time on the train." - Oh, raw. - Very dark. And the thing is, I think it's the way I told people on the internet. People were laughing at it thinking, 'cause they're not sure. But it's just the absolute truth. - That's fucking insane, Spex. - That is insane.

- That's fucking insane. You went to identify a body and you see Donnie on the train and your auntie said, "I'll tell you later." - Damn. - And you held it down for the rest of the train, Donnie, you didn't confront man. - You know what? I didn't care 'cause I knew, like my eyes were saying to him, "You're going on the internet when I get off this train." That's my thing. Whenever something like that happens, I go straight to Instagram or stick to my podcast and I tell everyone everything. That was my thing. But yeah, my dad, all right.

What a useless guy, man. - Shit, sorry bro. - No, you don't be sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for him. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I bet. - You know what I'm saying? So yeah, there was that, there's my dad's situation. There was, what else is there? I've told him, man. In eight years, I've told him everything. There's no secret, there's no secrets there. I've told him about my stepdad. Yeah, man. There's nothing that I need to know, man. - All right, fair enough. - Welcome to your stepdad. - I was thinking, dare I ask? Welcome to your stepdad. - I wanted to ask, man.

- Yeah, what's going on? - So my stepdad's white with an African accent. - Okay. - I'll call him that, you know? - He's white with an African accent? - What kind of African accent? - He's West African. - West African accent? - He's Lebanese, but he used to live in Freetown, which is in Sierra Leone. Where I'm from, people don't get that. You know what I mean? You're not used to that. So when you used to call me in the house back in the day and you hear my man, you think, yeah, that's a black man. Parents even now,

- I had a lot of explaining to do. And the things I used to walk in front of him, like he's with- - Oh the big people behind you. - He's like white, white.

- Fair. - He's like, "My boy's just not for me." And when he answered, "Oh, no, my bad." And then he used to walk off. It didn't make sense. And what didn't help with me, because I used to joke a lot. If I was like, "What?" And even if I come from my bedroom behind him, people, my boys are gonna go thinking, "Why is the police in your house?" - Oh my days. - You know what I'm saying? - Oh, fucks sake. - This is the stuff I used to get back in the day. - Damn.

I'm being dead serious. - How long has your stepdad been in your life? - You know what, he's been there since, since I was like, yeah, four. - Oh, five, okay. - You know what's funny about him? You know what's sick? I went to school, like normal, go to school, pee, whatever, go home, this guy's in the house and he's there from there. So I don't know like- - This is the first time you met him just in your yard? - Yeah, he was just in my yard. - Oh, okay. - He must have met

down the road and mum said, yo come, beat. They beat quickly and then he just ended up jamming there for the whole time. - Jamming. - Oh, mad, mad. - To be fair, that's pretty similar to how I met my stepdad.

- My dad dropped us, well my former- - My stepdad's all sick by the way. - Yeah, my dad dropped me and my brother home where we used to live. There was like a, you know, when a yard has an alleyway entrance, you go down the alleyway and they bring you to your back garden. So when my dad used to drop us home on a Sunday and we used to be like, oh, let's knock on the door. Let's run around the alleyway and come in the back door and scare mom in it.

- Bro, one Sunday, we've gone down. My mum's obviously been looking out nervous 'cause there's a random in the yard. We didn't know. So she's gone to the front door. She hears my dad pull up. She's gone to the front door, to open the door. We've run around the back. We jumped in, just a black bread just sat on the chair.

I didn't know I was in my own house. - That would have frightened me. - And obviously my mom's nowhere to be seen. So I was like, has she been killed? - Yeah. - Like where's my mom? - Oh my God. - Yeah, yeah. And then she walked in and said, "Boys, boys, let me explain." She said, "This is my boyfriend." I said, "Boyfriend?" - Yeah. - Boyfriend? I don't wanna hear stuff like that. - Yeah, I'm not trying to hear this. - Yeah. - And he's trying to be sensible, like, "Nice to meet you, nice to meet you." - I was like, that's sick, man. I think siblings are sick. But the thing is, if you think about siblings though, it's like, we had a lot of ups and downs because

When my mum went to Africa for whatever, and I used to stay with him, I used to break the rules of course, 'cause he's my stepdad. He can't really tell me nothing. You know what I'm saying? You're just beating at the moment. So, a man, I had a curfew 8:00 PM. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But mum's ain't there, so my curfew's changed to 10:00. But I changed it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - One time, he's come down, right? Thinking, "It's 10 o'clock, let's wait at home." So he's coming to Aggie one.

African accent, "Hey, what do you think this is?" He's walking towards me and my boys in the park. But my boys are looking thinking, "Who's this?" - Yeah. - So I'm looking at them like, "Who's that?" - Yeah. - We chased him, bro. - No. - You chased your stepdad? - Yeah, to save embarrassment, bro.

That's real though Yeah bro That's real though I chased him bro Who is that? Specs who is that? Bro I don't know Because I knew If I would have owned it He would have had a go at me In this pot

and there was girls there. I was in like year six. Bro, I cheat. Even when he was running, I was trying to sweep him. - Deal with the consequences like you are. - Yeah, deal with it after. My embarrassment right now, it was a nice girl with us that I used to fancy in year six. I can't hold this embarrassment right now. Plus I've got to explain,

to transition him as well yeah it's so long long fair play area i'm in the right area too fair play who's been your favorite guest to interview and who's still in your dream list to interview oh okay my favorite guest to interview do you know what i'm gonna say ronaldo i'm gonna say oh the reason i'm gonna say that is because i've got the call the night before asking like do you wanna there's

12 minutes with Ronaldinho. I'm like, yeah, cool. They're like, it's in Netherlands. I'm like, oh yeah, cool, I'm on that. It's Ronaldinho, I love football. So, I've gone to Netherlands and it's one of them days where you know there's better things going on so the players moving around and around. It's come to me. But, he's not on it. He looks like he's had a night out and he can't be arsed. Fair. So, the brand people I'm with, they're like, Specs, you've got to chat to him and try and get him on. So, I'll

I never get nervous usually, but I'm nervous now. It's for now, Dino, innit? And plus, I don't know if he speaks any English. So when I've approached him, a man is lying on the couch, like proper, like sideways, shoes off and taking that breath. And I'm approaching him thinking,

And it's my moment. If I don't get this moment, 12 minutes, it's gone. I've come here for nothing. So I've gone to him. I just remember like, I was nervous. I waffled like, well, I didn't know. Sorry. I started doing all this. And he laughed. - The celebration. - Yeah, the celebration. I started like, proper like, creaming him like, yeah. And I was like, come. And I pulled him up. He's come out in his socks. And I'm like, ah, just two minutes. Me and you just stood up two minutes. He's like, cool. He sat down. And I could see he was thinking, ah.

And the interview wasn't like, there wasn't no structured interview. I just had to make it work. And he saw that, the position I was in and he just jumped on it and gave me everything. And he couldn't even speak English. And for me, that was like, it's for Nardino. He's helping me out. And,

I look good in front of the people I'm with. That was for me, that was like, rah. - That's amazing, man. - That's amazing. You know what I mean? He didn't need to do that. So I would say that. Conor McGregor's up there as well. He actually done my head in. - Really? - You know when someone says, you're gonna interview this person, you're thinking that person. Then you meet that person, but they start doing too much where you think, no man, this ain't fun anymore. I'm standing there. I haven't met him before. He's come from behind me and he's caught me in a sleeper hold.

I'm freaking, I'm telling you I'm freaking it's one of the boys or something. - Yeah. - It's Conor McGregor. - Bro, get your hands off me, bro. - I ain't met you yet. - A UFC can't grab you from behind as a joke. - Yeah. - They might lock for real. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So get your hands off me, bro. - Yeah, fuck that. - He was a mad one. He was a mad one. - I think my dream would have to be, it would have to be someone like The Undertaker, man.

I was growing up, I love wrestling. So Undertaker is someone that I'd probably wanna, and obviously I see him doing podcasts. - I was just about to say, I've seen him doing the rounds. So that's not even out of the question. - He's having a stinker though, because he's only doing the rounds now because he thinks it's the time now to explain why he was that character. Undertaker is too late, bro. Way too late. You should have done that early. - Literally 20 years too late. - He took me and Undertaker too seriously. And that's terrible. You know what I'm saying? So, but yeah, he's probably my dream guest.

- Fair play. - I'm gonna take a fair play, G. Good answers. - Yeah, very good answers. - You've been married 20 years. What's your secret to marriage? By the way, I'm not married. - Yeah, I knew you weren't married. - Yeah, I'm not married. I couldn't be asked. Not a fan of weddings. I think weddings should be banned. - Okay. - I did ask her about 12 years ago. I said, "Look, let's get married, me and you." We woke up, we sign up, you know, we get a priest, we do all that stuff.

We'll do first dance. You know what I mean? I do the speech, you do the speech. We eat, we go home, but no one's there. - Yeah. - My family, my family would have that, this, that, that. So I was like, you know what, then I'm not on it. So I'm not on weddings. I've got, my mum's got nine sisters and I know they'll take over. And our culture, because I'm the first boy or something, whatever it is. They're not gonna care about the Jamaican side.

they're not gonna give 16 shits. They're gonna come, they're gonna take control of the food and all that stuff. And I know my family food already gives her family food serious stomach issues. So there's gonna be an argument. I know that already. So for me, yeah, I'm not married, but I am technically, but obviously by law I'm not. And I don't think I will be getting married until...

the invoices stopped coming in. - Yeah, fair bro. - That's fair. - African Caribbean weddings are a techy one. - It's long bro. - I've been to one in my life. My cousin married an African girl and it was, I've never been in a more silent room in my life. - It's long bro. - Really? - Bro, when we was eating the food, my family was on this side, her family was on this side, silence. You could just hear plates clinking. No one was talking. And I was young, young. I was like to my dad,

"This is my first wedding, you know?" I was like, "Why is everyone so upset?" And my dad was like, "They're African." Like I said, that's not supposed to mean something to me. That's not supposed to mean something to me. I was like, "What?" And he was like, "Yeah, they're African." And I was like, "What does that mean?" And he was like,

- It's a long story. - It's long. - Yeah, but it's like, yeah, yeah. - It's tricky. - Wedding times. - Or do a wedding where she invites her bedrooms, I invite my bedroom, but no family. - That's a good shot. - I'll do that. I don't give 16 shits who's there. - Fair. - I might just do bedrooms. - You're there for the love, my guy. - Yeah, of course, but it's gotta be a quick wedding though. Like two hours. Yeah, none of this all day stuff. - Yeah. - Yeah. - What's your secret to a long, healthy relationship? Pre the invoices.

Separating emotional and logical thinking. If you're someone that can do that, perfect. - Valid. - Me and my missus, we've worked on that for ages, bro, ages. You know what I mean? Just logic and... If I... We young, we're nice to make emotional decisions. Like, that's what used to cause problems in relationships. Now we're older and we're using logic and we know, okay, I know if I'm upset about something, she's upset about something, we know we're not gonna decide, make a decision then. Because there'll be no logic. You'll be thinking with feelings. And because we...

Have that back and forth. It's perfect. - Nice man. - And then yeah, communication bro. Communication is everything bro. I lie. That's communication. I'm going to an after party in Edmonton, but it's going on until tomorrow. Jump on a plane, go at Bifa, but I have best friends on the plane.

- Is this a true story? - It's a true story, but when I was young, I made bad decisions bro. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - On a plane to Ibiza, I should have gone to an after party. - Nah, that would never- - I couldn't get on the plane back. - Remember, remember, yeah? Bro, like this is a girl that I met in my early teenage years. So I didn't really get to do the manning thing. So I was trying to do the manning things- - Whilst. - Whilst. - Yeah. - Do you know what I mean? And I had a kid early as well. You know what I'm saying?

- I lied a lot. - Okay. - You know what I mean? Just because I wanted to do things, not to do things with girls and stuff. I was ugly. That's why I kept this one. You know when you see someone in year one, and you're in year one, that's me.

bro you're actually the guy because that's actually dread not i don't think you're ugly i think you're paying yeah i've got i've got better now you glue it was tough yeah it was tough you're you're the bread people are talking about when they see a lengers with a clap 100 yeah and they say oh he snagged them from year six that's me bro yeah that's me i hold i held on to this one fair play bro she's the only one that

- King to me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Do you know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's worked though. It's clearly worked. - Of course it's worked. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? So shout out to her, she's got bad taste. - They just crack, so. - Sorry, man. If you could sit down with any three people alive or dead for a chat, who would they be and what would you ask them? Any three people, yeah? There's one thing I wanna know though. Obviously Steve Irwin. - Yeah. - Spiritually for me,

I don't believe the story they told me. - About his death? - Yeah, about the stingray thing. - Okay. - 'Cause why hasn't the stingray been caught? I don't understand. You know what I mean? I don't get it. Why is the stingray allowed to just go and swim in the sea and do its thing after that?

Plus, I know when you watched Steve Irwin at the beginning playing with all these crocodiles, we all said, "One day, one of them crocodiles are gonna catch him and it's gonna be over." We all said this. So I would love to sit with him and ask him what really happened and why, and why was he messing with stingrays if he was looking for crocodiles the whole time? - Okay. - Yeah, that's one of my things.

I need to find out if Australia really exists. I've said this before. - If Australia really exists? What do you mean? - So there's a theory that it doesn't exist. - Okay, what is it then? - I read something about they're all just paid actors. No, they're serious. - I'm pretty sure it exists, bro. - It exists, man. - Bro, when I look at that country, that's not real. There's no way you've got animals like kangaroos that do what I'm seeing. I've seen a kangaroo

the top half doing human things. So like, let's come out the gym. - Yeah. - And try and grab a dog and hold it down. Or try and throw punches at, bro I'm not a dickhead bro. Don't show me this rubbish. I'm a big man. I once seen all these kangaroos in the early 90s. And everyone, no one's saying that. Everyone's just seen these kangaroos do these mad stuff and no one's saying that. They got a pocket, they got a back pocket in the front. Right here. - Son!

I'm gonna fuck it out. You have no idea how bad my hair looks. - Then he said to me, "Oh, you know in restaurants in Australia, people eat kangaroo burgers." - Yeah, they do still. - What? - Yeah, I've heard, yeah. - Get the hell out of here, man. Country's not real. G'day, mate. - What? - Get out of here, man. You're fooling me. You're paying actors, bro.

- Oh my God. - That's hilarious. - Bro, I'm trying to go there. So I'm hoping it's real G. I think it is real, but it's mental. - Something's not right. - Oh bro, something is very, very, very wrong with Australia, bro. The animal situation doesn't make sense. And them man are just, what I don't get about Australia is them man are just willing to surf and turf in shark ridden waters. - They're used to it, I guess. - There's no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- Their whole island is surrounded by water. Like they're just- - So is ours. - But it's not the weather, it's weather, it's good weather. - Weather dependent. - Weather dependent. So, and it looks nice. It's more aesthetically pleasing. - Aesthetic, so it's just like, you're saying it's too tantalizing to eradicate fear. - Yeah. - I promise you, when the day we go to Australia, you won't see my toe in the water. - Yeah, but it's like, you've not lived there for 33 years. - So what you're saying, at some point it's just like, I'm not gonna knock it in the water. - Yeah, fuck it.

- I think it's one of them moments. - I don't know what 24 hours to get there. - Yeah, it's ridiculous. - Look, think about it. Think about it, 24 hours to get to a country. So a country knows you're coming. They need to get the actors ready for you to get there. So they need 24 hours to sort out everything. How can it take me that long to get to a country?

- Well, yeah, to be fair, I'm on that one as well because it takes like a day to get there from here. It also takes like a day to get there from America. - Yeah. - How does that make sense? - Yeah. - Yeah, the world they're showing us is definitely not the world. Definitely there's no way this map I'm seeing is the way the world is. - What's your view on it? - I just think, I think it's the rings.

Have you seen the conspiracy that there's a ring? We've got another ring outside of the world. - Around the earth? - Around the earth. - Nah, G, go on. - So it's like, there's different rings. So there's different, that's how I think the world is. I don't think the world is like the way we see it. - Elaborate on the rings, G. You're just saying rings. - So I think, so okay, you see Avatar? - Yeah. - I think that's real. - Like Pandora and everything. - Yeah. When you go past the ring, we're gonna see, you know in Avatar you had them,

them islands in the sky. They weren't connected to nothing, they were just there. I think you have that on the second ring. And the third, that's how I feel. I feel like it just gets different every time. That's my opinion. - Okay. - Do you know what I realized about Specs? - What? - He says stuff with chest, but then doesn't explain it properly. But then just says a lot of words where you're just like,

- Okay. - No, because you is, when I watch films like Avatar and stuff like that, for me, there's no way a guy just sat there and thought about this whole thing. He knows something. There's no way. - People are imaginative. - No way. - All right, fair. - You don't think there's any truth to all these things that we watch? Star Wars and all this stuff? - Not Star Wars, no. - Obviously not Star Wars. - I don't think there's any truth to Star Wars whatsoever. - But truth to, you know what, actually what I did hear,

Speaking of, apparently, this is another conspiracy. Dragons. Every society of every timeline of human beings since the dawn of time till now has a version of a dragon in their history. And we ain't seen one yet, have we? No, we haven't seen one yet. But every society ever has dragons in their shit. And they all look the same.

- Well, there's a lot of things to learn out there. The sea, something's going on. Even under the sea, there's something going on, definitely. - And we'll never know, to be fair. - We will never know. This is the thing. So I want to sit maybe with God or someone to tell me the truth. - So you got Steve Irwin, you got God. - Steve Irwin, God. And there's one more. Let's get one more in there. I was gonna say Vince McMahon, but he's coming out with a documentary this week, isn't he? - Bro, your balls deep in this wrestling thing, innit?

- Don't talk about wrestling bro, wrestling is everything. Yeah, that's it. - All right. - That's calm, Steve Irwin and God. - Let's chuck another taker there as well. - And the Undertaker. - That's a good three though. - Yeah, that's a good lineup. - That's a solid three bro. - That's a solid lineup. - That's a solid lead man, definitely. - As your football fan, what's your most controversial football opinion that always starts debates? This is my thing. It's a great question by the way. So right now I support anyone I want

Each week I change teams. I don't care because I realized something. - Go on. - I was treating my missus like rubbish supporting Arsenal 10 years ago. Every time Arsenal lost, I wouldn't speak to her. Wouldn't speak to the household, nothing. - The household, okay. - Yeah, I'm one of them guys when Arsenal losing moods gone for 24 hours. - Okay. - I realized, I said to myself, you know what?

I watched Ian Wright, I watched Paul Merson and I lived in Islington so I supported Arsenal. I never signed a manual, never signed a contract to say that I'm gonna stay here for all these years. So I'm emotionally got like invested into this team and then I realised, no wait, I'm in control of my emotions.

I can support Arsenal one week, next week I can support Tottenham, because I can support Man U, I can change teams. I can do that, it's up to me. But if I program myself to stick with one team, I'll become like these fools of today who stick with this one team and tweet all day about their team.

- Sorry, is that you? - I'm United fan. - Okay, you're not a fool, but yeah, you know what I'm saying? So now since I've changed teams, my blood pressure's low. - Yeah, I bet you. - Okay. - So I changed teams. So right now I'm Spurs. Well, I was supposed to 25 hours, but which I can extend 'cause there's no rules. I started the season split Ipswich and now this weekend I might change and go to Chelsea. I'm free. - Fair. - But Gary Neville and Jamie Carragher who are big pundits, former footballers are trying to tell me

there's no way I can do this. Football is not a religion. It's a sport, relax. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Fair. - In wrestling, I like Undertaker, then I like Kane, then I like Stone Cold. I can change, then I like Shane McMahon. Then I like Eddie Guerrero 'cause he passed away, I felt sad for him. - Yeah. - Do you know what I'm saying? I can change. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You're so serious as well. - He hasn't smiled once in his whole episode. - I'm getting DMs of like, you can't do this. Like bro, I put a talking top, they attacked me. My Instagram DM, my son was even in there. Attacking me. - Bro, to be fair, I hear it though. This is actually a question, you're a ride or die. My new supporter. Why isn't it, 'cause I don't fuck with football period. Why is it,

potential hot take why is it that a fan of a team should have to stick around longer than any player that's played there mm-hmm

because you become a fan of the team. Yes, based on, obviously there's a lot of examples where based on where you live. But then there's people that like me that never lived in a major city. We don't have a Premier League team. So we just have to pick one. Why do I then have to pick one and stick with them longer than any other player that has ever played there in their life? - I hope.

I genuinely think it's hopefulness. I feel like that's why people stick around with teams because you essentially fell in love with the team for a specific reason. Yeah, they're players and a success. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But you want that to continue. And it's one of those ones where I feel like because of the, I think I'm more so attached to the history. I can't let go. I will never be able to let go of being a United fan. Do you see what I'm saying? I hear you. You can let go. You don't want to let go. I let go.

- It's easy. - I hear what you're saying and I hear where you're coming from. 'Cause I'm a football, as well as being a United fan, I'm a football fan as well. So it's like, I can watch a neutral team or two neutral teams that I don't support and think, "Fucking hell, this is a very good football, very good match." And I will probably support one team over the other. But that doesn't necessarily mean

I'm not a fan of the sport or I'm not a fan of, I'm just solely a fan of United. Like I could have, I think every season I have like two or three, like these are the underdog teams that I'm supporting this season as well as Man United. Do you see what I'm saying? So, but I don't, I can't just switch from one week to the other week to the other, like I can't because I'm so invested in United for 15, 16, 17 years. Like I know a lot about them. I've been watching them. - If United was your girl, you would have left her. - Yeah, but that's valid, but I'm not fucking United.

That's worse. - Oh, okay. - That's more reason to leave them. They're fucking you. - Yeah, but... - I left, bro. I left. - So you supported Arsenal and then stopped supporting Arsenal. When was the moment you decided I can't? - No, I worked on this. This is not a straight process. I worked on this. I remember I went to Burnley. I travelled there.

And I tried to make myself like become a Burnley fan in terms of going to the games and stuff. Then I realized, okay, it's too far. Then I said to myself, you know what? No, let me, there's no rules. Let me just do what I want. And when I realized it changed was just the other day, Arsenal played Man City. I had an event and I was showing a game and Arsenal were winning at City, which is a big deal. I didn't care.

I had my back to the game. I didn't care. And that's when I realized, yes, I'm out. You know what I'm saying? But the old me, I probably wouldn't, I wouldn't have done an event while the game was on. I would have started the event after the game. And if Arsenal would have lost, I would have postponed the event. That's why, you know what I'm saying? My life is easier now. But people are not happy with this decision I'm making right now.

I think it's progressive, G. I rate it. I do rate it, man. I do rate it. It's not rules. It's peaceful. Yeah, it's not easy. But people are calling me fake fans. I mean, I don't give 16 sheets what you call me. This is what I'm going to do and this is how I'm doing it. You know what I mean? Respect, G. We'll go United game together. Say less. Definitely. Say less. I'll become a United fan for a bit. Why not?

- You've had some moments in your podcast, no rules. What's the most unexpected thing that's happened during a recording? Have you ever recorded your pod and the mics were off the whole time and you recorded for an hour and a half? - Bare time. - Back in the day. - Back in the day? - Bare time. - It was fucking horrible. - You know what it is? When you say welcome or you're starting again and you're trying to think about everything you've done.

- That's the part that's tough. - Did you repeat, when you've done it, did you repeat the same podcast again? - No, I can't. - Yeah, I was gonna say, nah, it's impossible. - So that's happened to me, which was funny.

- Because you are so, again, you stand on this no rules business and you are very like free in what you say and how you think and who you are. Is there anyone that's shocked you that's like 10 times what you do as a human being in terms of just being so outspoken? Has anyone been more outspoken than you and thinking like, oh shit, maybe I could take a leaf out of his book. Do you see what I'm saying? - Yeah, I mean, yeah, there's some- - Or her book. - I mean, there's some people that I've kind of like started to work with and I'm like, oh wow, we're similar in terms of like, for example, expressions.

When we went in your roles and stuff and we're watching the game and he's doing these jokes or we're saying mad things. I was like, wow, he's he said, Oh, there was one time we did the, you know, we did that sort of fourth thing with the kids. So I think I came in a week after you. So obviously that content, the kids, it's about the kids in it and we react. So the kids were getting me and I, I was like, okay, it is what it is. I've got kids. This is fine. Expression was getting the kids and he was getting their moms. No, he was get that.

Like he was telling the kid that I'm gonna be in your yard with your mum on the sofa. - Oh my God. - And I was like, and the thing is what was sick is I wanted to do that. But I was like, nah, it's them. Like nah, let me allow it. 'Cause it's, you know, I'm checking my mirrors here. He didn't care. PK as well. - Yeah, PK is. - You know what I mean? Even when we go out, you know what I mean? I might think, oh, you know what, bro? I might just go on the dance floor and do some madness. As I'm walking, PK's already there and he's done it. So there's that as well.

- Is there anyone that you've ever had, whether interview or a guest or whatever that you thought was gonna be like stush and you're like, all right, let's just get this over with. And they were like going, going, going, going over sick. - Do you know the problem is with no rules though? Because people, what I find is people like they're scared to come on there 'cause they don't know what I'm gonna do. So they hold off. So other than PK Expressions and the boys that I know,

everyone comes and thinks, hold on, what's Spetsnaz gonna do now? Dude, I'm saying they're not really, everyone's cautious. There was one interview I did have outside. I've never said this before, we're cool now, but there was one, I had an interview with Steph London one time and maybe that was my most awkward interview, but it was one of them interviews where, I don't know, she was in the back, I know of her, but we didn't know each other and I was excited to see her 'cause my second daughter was a massive fan, yeah.

but she was in a mad mood buffett was me okay oh yeah do you mean so but now my mood is kind of like and now i'm going into og specs mood like yo i'm your age that kind of yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm doing them i didn't come here to sit with you yeah yeah don't get like so i'm getting upset i later gathered that oh it wasn't me it was starting to do with her team and then

when she performed after our interview, she called me on stage. So I was like, oh, I've got this wrong. But I spent the whole time trying to start an argument with her. Do you know what I mean? I got it all wrong. So I would say that was my most awkward stuff. She's my G, but I think I read that wrong.

And I know there was one interview that was funny. It was me and Steve, we interviewed Gerrude and Benjamin when we were at Arsenal. This is one of the other reasons why I was like leave Arsenal. So Gerrude's come in and me and Steve are busting jokes. "Oh bro like, Steve was like, your hairline's sick bro man. You look great man, nah man, you're lame." And he said to Steve, he put his finger in Steve's face like this and said, "Hey, I'm not here to joke." - Oh rah. - And that, I remember me and Steve, we looked at each other like,

Nah. - The tone has changed. - And I nearly was like, bro, I'm not your age. I don't care if you're getting 60 grand a week. Don't talk to me like that.

- I'm not here to joke. Yeah, boy. Yeah, he weren't in the mood, bro. Yeah, he kept it moving quickly. - I couldn't handle a finger. This? - Yeah, no. - I couldn't see. Especially if you stood next to me. I would take a bite out of it. There's no way a grown man's putting his finger in my face. I'm like, it's a fucking joke. - It's that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It's like a tennis ball. - I'm wearing glasses, boy. You mean you're gonna scratch a lens there?

that's hilarious i mean that's good man that's my biggest fear man like we don't really typically do any like interviews with like people that we don't know yeah so like outside of this room there's only been a couple occasions where we've taken jobs where we're like interviewing people and like my biggest fear is always the awkwardness it's always like trying to like build the rapport quickly and then that same thing like i might say something and never like

"What the fuck is so funny?" And I'm like, "I just wanna die." - 'Cause you know it's gonna make me laugh or vice versa, but yeah. - I tell my missus all the time though, even when we're at home and watching you guys, I keep saying to her, and I say this to a lot of people that are watching, 'cause a lot of people watch us, especially you guys, and think it's easy. This is a high level of understanding, communicating,

like delivering thinking like we're doing a lot and some people don't realize that when they sit in with us they think oh this is fast what i do do i'm trying to say so sometimes i with the awkwardness i get it like sometimes it could be a bit too much for them yeah you know what i mean but they need to do their work as well before they go on yes yeah i mean because there's some footballers like bro footballers do my head in like there's when i'm with sky sports now if before a footballer comes on i have to go and hold him in the headlock

- Bro, Uncle Tim, you're gonna talk. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Talk, you're not gonna do this. Like I remember one bsaka, we were doing an interview, bro, his head down, and he's talking to me like this. "Lift up your head, bro. You're getting eight bags a week. Talk to me, bro. I don't understand." - Yeah. - "You got spotlights, you got space in your living room, talk." - Spotlights. - Spotlights and space. - Do you know what I'm saying? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's time we have to rough the young boys, but then I know they will say to me, "Spex, you're gonna slay me." No, I'm not gonna slay you. I will slay you if you do that. If you do this, then I will start cussing you about how you're talking. - Yeah. - Yeah, but it's the game, innit? - Fair enough. - Yeah, 100. - Speaking of football, I was gonna ask, obviously you're tucked into Sky Sports at the moment and stuff. - Yeah.

Who would you say has been one of the footballers that has given you a bit of starstruck? You're like, oh my God, not that. Obviously we've spoken about Ronaldinho saying, oh, you've interviewed us, but in current day football now, who have you seen or who have you interviewed? Who have you spoken to? They're thinking, damn. Yeah, I've, I never thought 10 years ago, Specs would be talking to this person.

I gotta be honest with you. All the footballers of today, the young footballers of today, I don't give 16 shits about. So Harland, he's walking, I'm looking at him thinking, you know what? I don't care what you talk. When I was in year nine, you were born. I don't care how big you are. I don't care if your hair's swinging. You greet me. If not, I'll let you know you gotta greet me because I'm your uncle. I don't care about that. It's the ex-pros. It's the Gary Neville's, the Jamie Carragher, the Rio Ferdinand's, the Eddie King's. It's those guys when they're coming up to me and,

And I'm like, 'cause growing up, you know, on my wall. You know what I'm saying? So these footballers of today, honestly, I don't care about. I'll entertain them, I'll follow them and all that stuff. But when I see them, I always say to myself, when I was in year nine, you were born, I don't care. But the ex, the ex Ian Wright, when Ian Wright saying, "Spects Gonzalez," and give me a hug and he's caressing the back of my neck.

Bro, this is Ian Wright. Do you know what I'm trying to say? So it's the expose for me. But my biggest moment though for me that I think, I've always been a confident person, but this made me not care about famous people was Van Dyke. And this was like about six years ago. I was coming. I wasn't like, you know, followers is massive, massive, but I was coming. I wasn't there yet. And we were waiting to see if we've got time with him. So we're waiting around,

and he's walked in the room and he's like, "Man likes specs." And the man's like, "He didn't say that. There's no way." So I'm not even taking it in. I'm not even storing it. And he's walked towards me. He's got his arm out. And I'm doing the same thing to you. My glasses can't see this hand. 'Cause it's Van Dyke. I mean, I'm so... I'm getting a freaking... There's no way the best centre-back in the Premier League is calling my name. And he gets his phone out and he shows a video of me doing jokes where he's sent to his family group and stuff. And I was like,

That's it. - That's nuts. - All you footballers can kiss my ass now. That's it. 'Cause with me as well, if you, I don't know, if you say to me, for example, okay, you say to me, I'm the funniest guy in the UK, or both of you, whatever. Let's say you said that. If I go to America, I think I'm the funniest guy in America now. I take it too far every time. - Okay. - Yeah. - My head goes. - Yeah. - You know what I'm trying to say? So when he said that to me, now every footballer knows me, I'm the guy now. So now when I'm walking in a room,

- I'm expecting them to. - Yeah. - But they don't, that never happens. - Oh, fucking hell. That was good. Right, we're gonna finish on rhyme time. - You are gonna finish on rhyme time. - Right, so it's been common knowledge over the last few weeks and months, and there's been a little bit of video evidence to now back it up at last. - Yeah.

- You got some bars? - Yeah, man. I'm even writing now. I'm trying to, I'm bringing out a new freestyle now. I'm writing bars now. - Okay. - But yeah, man, I used to spit, I used to spit with Chip before he blew. Me and him was like the best in North, but then he just obviously went. I was in the same crew as Tiny Temper before he blew as well. So I was in there. I was in there with those guys, but yeah, my ADHD, HD, 4K just took me somewhere else bro.

- That's all you know. - Well, you're here now, G. - Factual. - Right, so we haven't done this game with every guest, but we've done it a few times. So far, the most elite rapper that we've come across during this game is Darkest Man. - Oh, he's Darkest Man, different. By the way, did you see our battle? - Yeah. - Who won? - I feel like Darkest won. I'm not gonna lie, I'm sorry, bro.

- What? - Have you seen it? - Nah. - We done a rap battle, Custody and Shovel. - Nah. - It was part of you, bro. It was literally on our O2 fucking- - I know it was part of the O2, but I don't remember the whole thing. I remember the clip, that little clip, but I don't remember the whole thing. - Yeah. - I don't remember the whole thing. - Do you feel like you won?

- No, but now yeah. - Fair. Chunks was also weighing unfairly on Darkis in my opinion. - Yes, he's got to. - Yeah, he was gassing. He was hyping it too much. Not too much, but yeah. - But Darkis is sick. Like Darkis actually, I didn't realize, when I wrote my bars, I was like, I've won this. So I didn't even try. I just wrote my bars in a day and I didn't care about it. - Okay. - What Darkis brought to the table made me want to say, Dark, hold on. - Let me go back to the drawing board. - But,

- Yeah, I just think when we did that, I was like, "Now I lost." He was like, "He lost." But I was like, "Now I lost." And the more I watch it, I'm thinking, "Now I won." - All right, G, well this is- - Because his looks ain't changed. - Fair. - He still looks the same. - Fair. - Fair. Right, so this is actually your opportunity for redemption. - Oh my God. - Because we've played this game on the show with Darkest. - Yeah. - He cooked all of us. - Yeah. - We put him on stage in front of 20,000 people. He murked all of us again. - Yeah.

- We can tell who's better at View and Darkest at this game, right? - Oh my God. - So the game is rhyme time. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna say a name and then we're gonna figure out a rhyme and go around. You guys in? - Yeah. - Ellis is pretty sick at this by the way. - Ellis is pretty sick. - Is it? - Yeah. - So if you say John, he has to say, is it a sentence or? - So basically what it is, I might say, I'm Jack Black.

And then Foohead might say... I'm feeling a little peckish. I'm going to go to the kitchen and get a Jack snack. And then Rem might say... I got a flight in the morning. I might Jack pack. And then Ennis might say...

- I'm good at editing, I've got the Jack knack. - It's fucking kind. - Clean. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then I'll say, my Mrs. Pelosi, she got a flat back. - But it has to be Jack. - You have to say Jack every time. - It has to be Jack and then another rhyme. - Yeah. - And then another rhyme. - You can't change the whole thing. - Nah. - You can't change the whole thing. - Okay, this is hard. - That's the caveat, yeah. - All right, this is hard. Let me give it a go. - All right, we'll have a- - I'm not confident, by the way, about this. - That's fine, we'll have a warmup round. And then we've got two solid rounds, pause.

and then it's last man standing. If you fuck up, you're out and then it goes last man standing. - Okay, cool. - Right, are you ready? - I'm ready, yeah. Who's going first? - I'm gonna go first and then Fu and then it's gonna be you. - Okay, cool. - I just called you Fu, I've never called you Fu in your life. - You've never called me Fu. - Because he keeps doing it. - I know, I know. - I'm sorry. - Sorry. - It felt unfamiliar when you were talking to your boss. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, first one for me. I'm J Cole. I've put on some extra weight, call me J Roll.

I've also put on some extra weight. Call me J Swole. And I've got flaws that are bigger than J's and O's. Talk about Jay-Z, by the way. Nose, Cole. All right, we'll be lenient. Yeah, we'll be lenient for now. Nose and Cole is a bit of a reach. Did you say Cole? Yeah, J Cole. What did you say? J Swole.

- Oh shit, okay, let me come back. I'm gonna say bowl, can I? - You can say bowl? - Yeah, but it doesn't make sense, J-Ball. - Yeah, but it depends on the sentence. - It's the sentence that makes it make sense. - Oh, okay, I was eating food at a J's bowl. - Yeah, bro, fuck it, I'll go like that. Oh, okay, cool. - Or you could be like, I eat Rice Krispies and hot water, call me J-Ball. - I do, by the way. - Yeah, I know, that's why I did it. - Is that what we're doing? - Yeah, come on, man. - Is that okay? Okay, we're turning up now, we're turning up. - All right, Rem, what you got for J-Cole?

- I stand on business, say it with your chest. Call me J-Pole. - All right. - Feeling kind of nervous. I need to check out this J-Mole. - Cancer scare. - Having an out of body experience. Call me J-Soul. - Oh, we're still going? - When Darkus was on this show, they thought I was the darker man. So they might as well call me J-Cole. - OAL. Yeah, C-O-A-L. Okay, you're playing on the same numbers.

- I hope Panoski's having an affair with Jay's pole. - He said pole, you said pole now. - P-O-L-E or P-O-L-E? - Did you say pole? - I said P-O-L-E. - Oh shit, let me go back. I thought you said something else. - Now you're good G, he is quite far away. - Is it? So say it again. - Go on. - Go on. - Oh my God, this is hard bro. - To be fair, I don't have any more. - Why did you say Jay Cole, man?

- I didn't say J Cole. - No, he's talking with J Cole. - I wouldn't have another one. - I was reaching for Cole, yeah. - If I don't eat at my missus, she can go eat J's hole. - No, she can't by the way. - Fair play. Rem? - Always about my money, could never be on that J doll. - Ooh, okay. - Is that what we're doing now? - J what? Doll? - Doll. - On a doll. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm good for money. I don't need to worry about paying this J toll.

- At least you're quick with it. - Can't stop laughing out loud, call me J-Lol. - Oh. - Lolol. I think I'm out of this one, you know? - Thirds out. - I can't think of any ohs, pause. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, that was a warm up round anyway. - That was really good. - That was the warm up round. - Cool. - It's getting interesting now. - All right, let's go. You can start. - I can start. What's the name? - Burner Boy. - I'm Burner Boy. Catch me with a little, that's my burner toy.

He buys into it, I love it. I like all of his songs, especially when he says "Burner, oi." I didn't like Fuhad's rhyme. He might burn the burner, joy. Burn the joy. I love Harry Potter. My favourite character is Burner Malfoy. Burner Malfoy, fucking hell. All right, G. I'm plotting, I'm scheming. Call me Burner Ploy.

- I feel like I'm gonna win this round. Let's all stop being Burner Koi. - I'm the same age as Mr. Hodgson. Call me Burner Roy. - Ooh. - All right, G. - Yeah, he's locked in, he's locked in, he's locked in. - I'm out. - All right, Rem's out. Ellis? - Nah, I'm out. - Cool. I like dark sauce on my sushi. Call me Burner Soy. - Dark sauce. - I feel like it's been said already.

I'm out. I feel like the Brian was going to say it's been said already. I'm out. Me and Specs are left. Oh my God. Even the Jamaican girls, when they see me, they say, burn away. Okay. Okay.

- Charge. I can't think of any. - Okay. - Round one, let's go. - Okay, round one, let's go. - Yay. - Okay, okay, okay. - All right, we've got one more round. - One more. - You can start this one then. What's the name? - This is a difficult one. Party next door. Party next door. I see you man's tall in America. So watch out for the party next floor. Keep the rounds going. Make sure you keep the party next score. - Okay.

I'm loving these rhymes, give me some party next more. - Hey! - Ellis man, you're clean with this. - When my bars do damage, I leave you party next sore. - I'ma scoop your ting that you just mentioned 'cause she's a party next whore. - Strictly shoes, no socks, that's the party next law. - I'ma couple the ting that Fwigs was talking about. She be from the party next store. - Store, that's, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

I'm the best out of everyone on the party next tour. - All right. - You know I come alive on stage, can't wait for the party next tour. - If you try messing with my missus, you'll get her party next claw. - That's it. - For emphasis. - Try messing with my missus, you get the party next roar. - Okay. - Try messing with my missus and we'll have to knock off your party next jaw.

- We're cooking! - We're cooking! - We're cooking! - Try and mess with my missus, it's gonna be a party next war. - Oh yeah! - Bro, mess with mine, you're gonna catch these party next porn. - This is getting too boring, it's feeling like a party next chore. - Very good. - I don't want nothing to pay to get in. It's party next porn.

Charge. It's hard. It's getting mad. I don't know if this one's been said. Try and mess with my missus. You're going to be party next saw. I said saw. He said saw already. Sorry, G. I'm keeping this ship afloat. Rowing this party next oar.

- We've had all our flowers, but I need more. - Give me party next more. - I said more already. - Charge, charge, charge. - He expects again. - Damn. - Oh man. - This is a good round. - It is. - If you're gonna come to my house, I need a party next chores. - Party next what? - Chores. - Chores? - I've said chore already. - Shit! - Yeah, he said chore. - In terms of your house. - I just chore in general. - He said this game is a party next chore. - Yeah, party next chore.

- What's up James, why? - Oh no, you need to land, you need to land. - Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - It's there. - Wait. - Yes, Jake!

- I had one as well. - It's there, it's there. - Charged. - So what's that? - That's even Stevens. - That's even Stevens. - That's one nil to Spex, he wins. - They're playing man, that. Round of applause first and foremost. Round of applause first and foremost. That whole mess with my Mrs. Cyclone. - Yeah, the Mrs. thing had me rocked. - That was tough, man. - Claw, roar, jaw, paw. Oh yeah, that was clean, that was clean. - All right, cool. I say one day we're gonna have to have a Spex versus Darkest.

- One-on-one, rhyme time. - In the studio. - I think we should be doing more of that stuff. I think that stuff's sick. - Yeah, bro, can they do that battle rap? I watch it, that Tate Rock and all those guys. I think that stuff is sick. - Yeah. - You know, so we should do that, definitely. - Yeah, bro, damn. Well, to be fair, to be fair, not trying to speak shit into the universe. Obviously, as we know, Darkus is our reigning champion at the O2 Arena and a live audience. Specs, if you'd do us the honor,

- At the next time we do a live show in the UK, we would love to have you, Darkis, me and Fiwa go, rhyme time. - I'm on that, bro. - Yeah? - I'm on that. - Let's go. - Let's go, man. - That's the end of the episode, guys. I hope you enjoyed it. This was hands down, I'm not even guessing.

- The most I've laughed on any episode we've ever done. 430 certain episodes, that's the most I've laughed in any one episode. - Oh, I appreciate you guys, bro. - So thank you for that, bro. - Thank you. - Appreciate you for coming. - Anytime. - Anything you wanna plug? Anything you wanna say? - Yeah, people, man, just keep watching the show. Remember there's no rules. Stop complaining, man. Check your mirrors, life is short. And I love you all, man. You know what I mean? And boys, you need to come on No Rules, by the way, as well. - Say less. - Whenever you want, G. - Definitely, bro. So yeah, man, appreciate you, man. - Guys, love, love, love. - Gang, gang, gang. - Yeah, boy.

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