Rock Bottom Has A Basement! | EP 301| ShxtsnGigs Podcast
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My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.

My friend's still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com slash results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. She said, James, I'm sorry. Let's just charge this one. You stink. She said, I'm sorry, but you stink. Clap, clap, clap.

Guys and girls, we're back again and I'm just going to go straight for it as per question of the week. And this one is actually a juicy one. Juicier than normal. I really like this question. The question was, what moment in your life made you realize turns out rock bottom does have a basement? Rock bottom's got a basement. Been there. Oh, I'll let you tell us after.

I didn't even have anything specific. I just felt that pain. - You felt that pain? - Yeah, I'm sure. - As I'm going along, I'm pretty sure, Sy, well, your memory bank is different, so yeah. It's different. You've got stories. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, carry on. - When I surprised him with lunch after he was hospitalized, he called me and said, "You're so unnecessary." - Oh my word. - "You're so unnecessary."

- Wow. - That has meanings. - Yeah, layers. - Dependent on like, that's when like, you know when people text you and just depending on your mood, you're reading three different texts. - Yeah. - That whole, you're so unnecessary could be like, oh, you're so extra. Why are you making all this effort? Or literally you're useless. Step in the hospital again. - Facts bro, facts. It depends on the mood. - Yeah, it depends on the mood. He was not in the mood. - Yeah, it depends if I've eaten that day. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Found my dad dead My boyfriend at the time Robbed my house during the funeral Ellis is laughing Ellis is going to hell bro Wow During the funeral During the funeral Mad I mean if there's ever a time to know there's no one home Facts You know where everyone's gonna be

You literally know where everyone's going. You know exactly where they are. It's the perfect time for the perfect crime. Yeah, it is. I called her mum begging her to help us get back together after she cheated on me. Some people have no shame, bro. No dignity and no shame. No backbone. No self-efficacy. Facts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't used that word in ages. I know. You were gassed. You looked at me for like, where's that confirmation? Man said self-efficacy and looked at me like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Man knows them words still. Oh!

I used that word since probably first year of uni. First year of uni, bro. She has to say herself efficacy all the time. Her self-confidence. That's jokes. Yeah, bro. That's shameful. Begged her mum. What's she going to do? A lie. She just broke up. Please help. Man's clutching at straws. Talk to her. She's not thinking straight. That's long, man. Had sex with an ex and somehow ended up sleeping on the porch swing. Again. Facts. Dignity. Facts, bro. Why are you there?

I mean, she knows why she went back. No, no, no. I mean, I know why she went back, but why are you still there to the point where you're saying sleep outside? Go f***ing home. She wanted to be as close as possible, I guess. She's the joke, bro, is what she is. I knew my favourite porn videos word for word. The dialogue. Word for word. The dialogue is crazy. The dialogue, bro. The echoes and the sounds, everything. That's scary. The little role play they do beforehand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scary. I remember when I was like...

14, 15. Yeah, yeah. I had a go-to vid. I think I did as well. But yeah, continue. I remember there was one, all I remember about it was some redhead getting back sh** in someone's garden. And the concept of it, I hadn't felt pum yet. Yeah, yeah. So the concept of pum outside was mad. Yeah! Outside! Yeah!

In the broad daylight. Oh, she a freak. She doesn't care who's watching. Yeah, that's it. I must have watched that 300 times. It snuffs to me. Outside. That's hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Okay. When I started selling feet pics to people in person,

Wow. What? When I started selling feet pics to people in person. Just hustling. Yeah. You want this? Do you want that? I got this. I got this foot ting. Three for five. I got seven of these. P. Mad. The girl of my dreams left me. I later found out she was telling everyone I was her gay bestie. Tough. Sorry about that. That's, yeah. That's actually, no, I'm actually deep in it. That's a new level of pain. That actually is like,

Hell's Got a Basement kind of situation. Yeah. She never said it was my man. The girl of my dreams left me. The girl of my dreams left me and she didn't claim me one time. I was her gay bestie. And she's only telling that to the man that she wants. Facts. She's only telling it to the quote unquote competition. Wow. A man poured Stella on my socks. Oh, okay. Go on. A man poured Stella on my socks so I would take them off so he could see my toes.

- Oh wow, that's not the route I thought this was going. - What route do you think it was going? - I just thought bar fight and he's antagonizing. - Okay. - I didn't know this was that chick. - Yeah, yeah. - Man just wanted to see the feet so he just poured beer on her socks and said, "Take them off." - Stella Artois. - Stella Artois. - All over the socks. - Said, "Take them off." - Take them off, B. - They're soaked.

- Man licked his lips. - They're soaked. - They're drenched. - They're drenched. Take them off, dry them out. - Dry them off. - Wiggle your toes and dry them off. - Have you ever seen, I feel like I've talked about it before. Have you ever seen that TikTok? It's just like top five funniest things I've ever seen. - Is that the title of the video or is this your- - This is my opinion. - Okay.

I needed a clarification, I don't know why. - This is my opinion. - Okay, say less. - There's one TikTok where there's a, there's a, yeah, there's a people at a, they're at like a pool or something. - Yeah. - And it's the POV of the guy here. I'm pretty sure he's asking if he could like give a girl like a foot rub or whatever. - Yeah, because they're not there. - Can you give me a foot massage? - Get the out of here, I'm not giving you a foot massage. - Why? - I'm not giving you a foot massage either.

- Okay. - And he's like, "Oh, can I give you a foot rub? Do you want a foot rub?" And she's like, "No." - So wait, he's got the camera in her face? - He's facing out like it's POV from him. - Oh, okay, okay, okay. - And you can see the foot here or whatever. And he's like, "Oh, let me give you a foot rub." And she's like, "No." And then you can hear in the back is like, "Oh, I don't want a foot rub either." And it pans and it's just like this skinny Asian dude like. - Waiting, twinkle twinkle. - "Waiting, just, I don't want a foot rub either." It's the most hilarious thing I've ever seen.

Say less. All right. What moment in your life made you realize, turns out, rock bottom does have a basement? When I paid for a 50p energy drink with 2p coins. Wow. Jesus Christ. A 50p energy drink is not energy drink. Who has 25 2p coins? I also don't remember the last time I even saw a 2p coin. Facts, bro.

- Jokes. - Oh yeah. - Changing his name on my phone to mum. So my friends wouldn't know we still talk. That's low. - That is low and like, again, like how can you acknowledge that this dude is such trash that my friends can't even find out about this. - That's how you know, you just know you're doing something wrong. - You're doing everything wrong. - Everything, you're hiding it from your brethrens. - That's, yeah, that's, but there's stuff I'm hiding from you.

That is basement level. Like, I need help. Yeah. I need help. And I'm in a situation that I can't get out of and I need help. But you don't know who to talk to. You can't talk to anyone. Yeah. Because if I can't talk to you, I'm fucked. If you ever found out something that I didn't tell you or couldn't tell you, just know I'm fucked. Damn. Look after me. Because just know, like, as betrayed as you felt, I felt worse. Yeah, yeah.

Fair. Yeah. Fair. Wow. Say less. All right. When I had to use the coupons and food stamps at the same time. Oh, dear. That's mad. I remember. Do you remember the...

The McDonald's coupons used to get like £1.99 once. I used to rinse them. I used to rinse them as well. Used to rinse them in secondary school. Yeah, you could get like a, if you were lucky, you could get like a Big Mac by itself. Big Mac meal. Yeah, yeah. Oh, was it a meal? I could get a Big Mac meal for £1.99, bro. Oh yeah, for £1.99 it was, it was, it was. Big Mac meal for £1.99. That's crazy stuff. Yeah, facts. That's like £7 now. Yeah, it's bonkers, bro. When I caught a flat tire and then locked my keys in the car getting out to look out, getting out to look in, sorry. I thought I locked myself out of my car the other day and the fear...

the fear i felt yeah was scary because like um my car's got um maybe your car has it as well like does your car open if you're just in the area no so if you're close if i'm close to my car um if the key is close enough to the car i don't have to unlock the car i can just open it i've never tried so it's weird it only works for the door you're closest to as well it's bare accurate oh so if i'm

If I've got the key in my hand And I'm on the passenger side It will open that I can open that door Sick okay But if I'm on the passenger side And the key is here And someone tries to open The driver's side It won't open Oh okay It's interesting But anyway I had my keys in my bag Yeah I opened the boot Yeah Dashed my bag in the boot

- Closed the boot. I haven't unlocked the car. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Closed the boot. - Yeah. - Then went to walk to the drivers. It was locked. - Yeah, yeah. - I screamed bro. When I was nowhere near home. I was in London.

This was on Monday before I got here. Oh, mad. Bro. Mad. I literally in public was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. In fact, I was yanking a thing, knowing exactly where my keys are. I was like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. This can't happen, bro. Luckily the boot opened again. Oh, gang. Oh my God. I literally grabbed like everything. I grabbed my bag and I leant onto the thing. I was just like, wow, wow, wow. This could have been ugly. Yeah. Fuck.

It's could have been ugly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My one is, I think my, I'm calm. If I ever have, if that, if I ever get myself in that situation, I can unlock my car with my phone.

with the app yeah i can't um i need to take my car to the flipping dealership okay and they have to do some pass coding to allow it to be unlockable i appreciate the extra security but who can be bothered yeah i'm not taking my car to a fucking dealership to start an app yeah so my app's just been pending i'll say less but i've been wanting to do that ever since that time i dropped my keys in the cinema i know i just get my hands and knees to find it you did

You did. I was ready to charge the whole thing. You need friends like him, bro. He was not letting me. I was so embarrassed. I was ready to leave my key there. He was ready to leave. And this car was probably like maybe two months old. Yeah, it was brand new. Yeah. You were ready to charge the whole thing just because you didn't want to get his hand in his eyes and look for it. A movie premiere. Yeah, we were in the back. I think it was Black Panther. Yeah.

- Black Panther. - It was Black Panther, yeah. - And not only was it hands and knees, I had to duck my head under the thing. My ass was seven foot in the air. - Yeah, yeah, he was livid. - And the cinema was packed. I was ready to charge the whole thing. I'm just not gonna have my car anymore. - I was like, that's impossible, James. - You did say that's impossible. And I was like, what's impossible is me getting my hands and knees in front of all these people. - That's exactly what you did. - That's exactly what I did. - All right, back to me, I've got a few more. You're gonna hate this one, I'm gonna say anyway.

accidentally flung my period blood on my aunt's wall after just having shits the first night. Moving on. That is moving on. My parents invited one of my one night stands on a family holiday. Okay, no. No.

Uninvite him. How are my parents even witnessing this person? You're a one night stand. Facts. She was definitely like Indian or African descent. Why? Because there's a strange person that opposite sex in this house. It's your fiance and you forgot to say something. Yeah.

Okay. That's why they have the confidence to invite man on holiday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's like, otherwise you don't live here anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is your man. Yeah, facts, facts, facts. And I'm surprised you kept him a secret, but like, this is your man. And we're going away. And we'll go away together so I can get to know him properly. Madness. Otherwise there's no reason for him to be here and there's clearly no reason for you to be here. Facts. Madness. It can never happen. When my girl got pregnant by the guy I cite opposite work from.

Tough. I don't even know how you figure that out. But tough. How do you figure that out? Literally. How do you figure that out? Wow. Okay. I was sobbing in the shower for the third time over a man with no job who lived in a different state. Grow up. Literally, bro. Literally. Grow up. For the third time. Yeah. Yeah.

Come on, man. Yeah, bro. I could be a son of a bitch. Yeah. If I make you cry three times, it's your fault. It is your fault. Why are you coming back to me? Bro, fool me once. I'm clearly bored. I'm just having fun with my life. I've got no purpose and no prospects. I've got no prospects, bro. And I'm just puppeteering while you keep coming back. You keep coming back and at this point it's boredom.

- It's boring. - I need new meat, I need new blood. You're literally bottom barrel and you're wasting it both the bad times. - Yeah, and you're moving like a yo-yo G. - I lie, I lie. - Bear boomerang it. - I lie. - Just fuck off and cry. - Stop it, man. Stop it. Where's your backbone? - Stand up.

Arise. Oh, I always cry in the shower, but I'll cry somewhere else. What do you mean three times? Oh my goodness. Oh God. We were so broke. We had to pick up cigarette bumpers. We found a bucket that was always in front of an old person's home. We kept taking them so often. They moved the bucket behind the gates, but that didn't stop us. They put up a sign saying no trespassing.

Because of cigarette butts, you know. They were just taking cigarette butts and smoking the tiny little bit at the end. From an old folks home. Yeah. There's just been some 90 year olds lips are wrapped around that and you're winning. Yeah, they were willing to do it. Oh, bro. That's rock bottom, my G. That doesn't make sense. Who had? I'm just reading what. Take up a different hobby. Reading what the public are saying. Fell down, fell down the steps and at the bottom of the steps was my ex and his new girlfriend. They just walked right past me.

- Oh, bruv, I'm not heartless enough to walk past my ex as she just fell down the stairs. And I'm with my new buddy. - I would find a way to shank both of their Achilles tendons. - Oh, with your ex? - Yeah, I'm shanking both of their tendons. - Yeah, bruv. - Because we're all on the floor. - Yeah, we're all on the floor. - And only one of us is getting up.

- Facts. - Only one of us is standing up for this. Can you imagine? - I couldn't, I'd be so angry, James. I'd be so- - I'll tackle someone. - Yeah. Because you can't, there's nothing you can do. Like she will always have that one up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Because she's literally seen you at your lowest point. - Lowest, lowest. - Wow. - She stepped over you. - She stepped over you metaphorically and physically.

And upgraded as well. And upgraded and skipped off of... Skipped off with a man. Skipped off with a fucking man. Yeah, I'm tackling someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tendon's gone. Tendon's gone, my G. Brutal. Last but not least, pretended to fall asleep at his house because I couldn't afford the Uber home. I remember, I think...

Okay, cool. So my two ones in regards to that. To this specific one or rock bottom in general? Okay, to that specific one. And this is also probably two of my other rock bottoms. Is rock bottom number one was obviously when I stole that fiver from that girl. Yeah. Because I couldn't afford the cab home. Yeah. That was kind of rock bottom, but also like, I don't care. Yeah.

Just get me home. - Yeah, I know you didn't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because like, it wasn't even rock bottom in the terms of like, 'cause I would've, any other day I would've walked. - Yeah. - But I was in Halloween costumes. - Facts, yeah, yeah. - And I'd slept in at our house. - Yeah. - And I'd just slept in. - Yeah, yeah, context matters. - So it was like midday. - Yeah, context matters. - Mid, middle of the fucking campus. - Yeah, yeah. - So it was like, I'm not dealing with that. - You can't shame yourself. - Yeah, it's not even rock bottom. It's just like, I'm not doing this. - Yeah, I'd rather steal, which I did. - Yeah, the actual rock bottom was,

The actual rock bottom was like, what am I doing? Was one, I did a one night standing with a girl who was not attractive. Okay. I must know this story, but I'm trying to figure. One, she was not attractive. Okay. Two, it was in the middle of the winter and she was wearing a short skirt on the night out. Okay. So when I was clapping cheeks, the ass cheeks and the back of the leg were freezing. Okay.

And it was the worst thing. It was like banging a bowl of overnight oats. It was just cold and horrible. Oh, wow. So not only was she objectively unattractive. I'm trying to tape you. It's essentially cold pum as far as my tool can tell, which is impossible. So it just didn't know how to act. Yeah. Yeah. She didn't have any lamps or anything. It was pitch black. You can see your hand here. Nah. Nah.

So the only impetus I've got is noises. No, no. Noises and cold cheeks. You could have been clapping anyone. I could have been clapping anyone. It could have been clapping silicone. Yeah, yeah. Bro, it was awful. And I remember being in it thinking this is the worst I've had. Being in it. I was in it thinking this is the worst I've had, bro. Was it? Was she deaf? Was the mom deaf? No, the mom wasn't deaf. No, no, no. That poem was sublime. That one was sublime, but the whole scenario was rock bottom. Okay.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Yeah. Nah, that's a different one. That's another story. This one was just rock bottom. Yeah.

And in the morning I woke up hungover. Yeah. I had no money in my account and no way of getting home. I bailed Tobes. Oh yeah. Yeah. I bailed him when she went for a piss. Yeah. Bailed him and said, fam, I need you to send me money. Yeah. Don't ask me questions. Don't ask me questions, please. I need you to send me money now. And this is why I,

He was the only one I could trust to call. Because you would have asked me questions. He would have asked me questions. Jay would have asked me. None of you man could be trusted with that level of confidence in that urgency. Toast is the only one I could trust to say cool headed and send me the money I needed. Cool headed is the word.

- Cool headed is the word. - Tobi was the one who was cool headed and I knew he always, his pockets were always lined up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. He always has paper on it. - He always has money on it. So I said, fam, please send it to me now and I'll give it back when I can. I've got nothing. I've got nothing, bro. He just said, no sweat. He said, no sweat G. He just giggled in that Tobi little giggle and said, I got you. Send it in minutes.

I built a taxi. Oh God. I built a taxi immediately, bro. Got home and threw up. Oh, swear. Got home and threw up. I was like, oh, what is life? Yeah. I then remembered I had a PT client. This is Saturday morning now. I've got a PT client in five minutes. Oh God, no. I was like, rah, rah, rah, rah. Quickly got changed and showered. Went to dive in the car. I drove my car the night before. I drove my car the night before.

So it was off ends? The car was off ends. I had to run to work. Because I couldn't call Toby again. I had to run. I had to run, bro. That's so funny. In winter. No. I had to run in shorts and a t-shirt. I had to run, bro. And I was delirious because I was hung over, bro. I ran all the way there.

As soon as I got in there like 20 minutes late, my client was like, where have you been, bro? I was panicking. I said, I'm sorry. I said, I'm sorry. Let's get to it. Let's warm up. Fam, we warmed up for like five minutes. I said, James, I'm sorry. Let's just charge this one. You stink. Fam? She said, I'm sorry, but you stink. Let's just do this next week. No. Fam? No.

I said, "Raaah." I said, "I'm so sorry." - That is wrong, bro. - She said, "It's fine." I went into the PT office and sat on the chair. Sat on the chair and it was a spinny chair. I spun and I was like, "What am I doing?"

What am I doing, bro? I don't have enough money to support myself. I'm running to work like a madman. And my clients are saying, I'm not doing this with you. Because you smell. You stink of alcohol, bro. I ran. I don't think you understand the visual. Yeah, I ran. I ran the whole way. Only for her to pie me.

All for a sloppy wetty nut. - It's not worth it. - An ice cold nut, this was four. I'm risking my career for an ice cold three out of 10 nut bro. In the pitch black. - Yeah, see that is. - And now I owe Toby money. - Yeah. - Now I'm worse off than when I started. - Yeah, you're down. - I owe Toby money and I owe this client an extra session.

What am I doing with myself? That's a terrible day. Wow, bro. That's hilarious. It was one of the worst days of my life. And I had to walk home. Of course. And then how did I get my car? How was I getting my car, bro? I had to ask my brother to drop me, bro. Oh, no.

- Oh God. - On his timetable. - Yeah, facts. - Not when I needed it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - On his timetable, bro. - Facts, facts, facts. - It was the worst, bro. - That is funny. Thank you for that. Thank you for that. I needed that. Jesus Christ. - You're fucking welcome, innit? It was the worst thing. Anyway, guys, welcome. Welcome to episode 301. You might be thinking, "Oh, I wish I saw episode 300."

I wish I got to see episode 300. Well, you can. It's not too late. All you need to do is head on over to patreon.com forward slash shits and gigs. And from there, you need to donate, contribute, pay a very humble £3 a month. Just quickly run the P to S&G and indoctrinate yourself into the cult babies. Be one of our babies.

That's all we ask. Be one of our little cute little paying little babies. I like it. And you will reap the rewards. And daddy's going to look after you. We're going to look after you. Your daddy's are going to look after you. And it's cheap as chips. It is cheap as chips. Cheaper than chips. Facts. So heading over there now, guys. And while you're there, you can enjoy three and a half years worth of content. Mm-hmm.

unedited, unscripted, no ads, nothing. - Raw. - Come up raw dog over there. And while you're at it, you can also join our sensational discord channel where all the other cult babies congregate and chat about what's going on this week. - Facts. - Weekly catch ups, daily catch ups, chirps in, lips in, grips in, funny, funny. - Yeah, man. - All the above. - If you are watching us on YouTube,

Make sure, please. Make sure as of now, by the time this drops, we should, yeah, as of recording right now, we're at 898. Hopefully by the time this drops, we should be on the 900 club and then it's the final sprint, bro. It is the final hurdle. Guys, we've been talking about it for a few months now. We're coming up to the final sprint. That one M. The last 100 meters, bro, is where it counts. The last lap, man. We need that gold plaque. Get us there. Yeah, we need that gold plaque, Bs. Come on.

Come on guys, please subscribe to the channel and help your boys hit a million subs. That's all we ask. That's literally all we ask. Once we hit a million, we won't talk about it again. Fam, I've said it. I'm not going to speak about it one more time. We won't talk about it again. We've landed. Facts. Facts. We've landed. Right guys. And before we continue, we have a special announcement to make today. Special announcement. Your boys are getting into the reaction game content. Yes.

Or the reaction content game, whatever you want to call it. Whatever you want to call it, it's funny. It's funny. So, you know, your guys specialize at this. You know, she doesn't get specialized in the reactions. And for some reason, we've never made a reaction channel before. We've stayed in our wheelhouse because we're new here. Mm-hmm.

We're nervous. We don't know how these man, these big man in the game always have reaction channels. And everyone's like, you should do that too. We're a bit nervous. We're a bit shaky, but you know what? We did it. We did. We did it. So please head on over to shitsandgigsreactions.com.

channel right now. There should be whatever you need popping up, bio, all this. Head on over to our reaction channel, guys. Head on over to the reaction channel and enjoy our first episode over there. Subscribe to that as well. Oh God, subscribe to that. Subscribe to that as well. So while you're helping with this one, let's start on that one. Let's start on that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get the... I want to see the numbers rise. I want to see that live count literally do...

- Yeah, let's actually for fun, let's just see if we can just break records. - Yeah. - This is on you. - Oh, do you know what we see? - Okay, okay, okay. - Guys, guys, guys. - Guys, guys, guys. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Let's do something crazy and hit like 100K subs in a day or something. - Let's do something actually bonkers like that. - Yeah, just do us a favor. You man, just do us, just do us, actually just do us a favor. - Yeah, facts, facts. We don't ask for much. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - We just ask you to show up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We don't ask you for much. - If you like reaction channels or not, I don't care. Do us a favor and just subscribe to that one because it would be so sick

If next week when we come on here again, we were like, oh, you get to see our reactions. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Let's try and get a crazy number of subs in like the first week. Yeah. Please. Oh, guys, that'd be so fucking sick. 100k will be crazy. Okay. That's a bit too much. I said it first and then I like, I hope you'd ignore it, but you've reiterated it and I'm nervous. But if we did, you man, that would be unbelievable. That would be unbelievable. That would be unbelievable. I'm going to say...

I'm going to say 10k. I knew you were going to say 10. I'm going to say 10k. Conservative 10. I'm going to, I'm bougie. I know you man are going to listen to us and help us get this subscription. I'm going to go for a young 25. 25k? 25k. In the first week? In the first week. We'd be bad bitches if we could do that. Yeah, yeah. If we can get the reaction channel to 25k in the first week, we'll be bad

- Bad bitches, bro. - Yeah, help us. - So please do that guys. Head on over to the new channel and subscribe to that. I'm actually very excited now. - Yeah, same. - I'm actually very excited bro. - We won't know until we know. - Oh no. - It's live reactions. Literally live reactions. - Wow. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Wow. - Definitely head over there guys. - Head on over to the reaction channel guys. Enjoy. That one was fun. It's a new style of content. It's a different set.

And yeah, man, we're gonna be banging them out every Wednesday. Those episodes are gonna be dropping every Wednesday. So now you've got the juicy Monday episodes and head on over to Reaction Channel every Wednesday, guys. Right, it's time. - It's been a long time coming. - It's been a long time coming, guys. Rem is back in the building after his slight hiatus and we are here for top five. - Zersky, everyone grab your boards, grab your pens unless...

Do it. I know you guys have missed it. So yeah, man, let's go. It's been a minute. Everyone got their boards. Everyone got their pens. Top five this week is top five fastest land animals. Oh my gosh. Okay. I didn't know you were going to say that. Top five fastest land animals.

And as per guys at home, write in the comments what you think. And when you're locked in, let me know. Can I? I'm prepared for the answer to be no. I'm listening. I'm happy to screen record just for physical evidence. I can't remember the name of the animal that I'm trying to think of.

If I screen record me Googling just the name of that thing and not doing anything to do with fast or anything like that, just so I get the name of the thing, is that allowed or no? - But if you forgot the name, what are you gonna type in? - I know how to get it. I can't say that because I don't wanna give it away what I'm looking for. But I will show you the screen recording afterwards. - You can show me now, I'm an adjudicator. - You're an adjudicator? - Yeah. - Okay, cool. - Smells fishy.

He's the adjudicator. He's the judge. It might not even be in the top five. I was gonna just Google this because I know it's the main... That one there. It's the main one. Okay. Does that make sense? I know what you're trying to tell me, but I don't know what...

- Okay, yeah. - If it doesn't, it will come up in the first like five options from that. - Less? - That. - Okay, so less. - That's cool. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That was fair, right? - That was fair, that was fair. - All right, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. I've done random ones. Right, okay. - Locks? - Yeah, I think so. - Cool.

I feel like this is going to be a trick question, you know? Why? I feel like, so basically for context, mine are all completely different animals. Okay. And I feel like it's just going to be like different species within the same animal group. I hope not. That would be really disappointing.

We've been disappointed many a time. - Oh, of course. This is, this is fire. It's fire Lord's game. - What the fuck ever. Ellis, give me your five, please. - Cool. So I've gone for cheetah, elephant. You might not think it, but they're fucking fast. - Fair. - When was the last chase by an elephant bro? Last week.

- Gazelle. - That's a shout. - Horse and a bear. I hope you don't have to do like specific types. - Nah, nah, nah. - Yeah, cool. I was gonna say. - Nah, he's not asking for breeds, bro. I'm jumping over the cameras, bro. - Rem. - Cheetah. I've gone for dog, whippets specifically. Giraffe, rhino and horse. - Jimmy. - Okay. I did cheetah, greyhound,

Gazelle. Oh, Gazelle's a shell. Gazelle's the one I had to Google, by the way. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow.

What was in your mind? What was your thought process to not being able to get to Gazelle? I just couldn't remember the name. I just knew what it looked like. I just couldn't remember the name. What did you have to search? Yeah, how did you? I typed in, what a lion's hunt. I thought you were going to say something like that. That's literally what I typed in. It literally is what he typed in. You got two more. Cheetah, greyhound, gazelle, horse, and polar bear, I put. I'm taking an L on gazelle. That's them motherfuckers. It's got to be there. It has to be.

Right. Actually, you hear kangaroos are pretty fast, actually. Ellis, you've gone cheetah, elephant, gazelle, horse, bear. Rem, you've gone cheetah, dog, giraffe, rhino, horse. Jimmy, you've gone cheetah, greyhound, gazelle, horse, polar bear. I'll tell you what. Number 10.

Ranging from 50 miles to 80 miles an hour. To 80? Fucking hell. Well, kilometers, not miles. Oh, God. That's impossible. No way. Kilometers an hour is a hair. Oh, damn. Good shout. Yeah. Number nine. Same range. 50 to 80. Gazelle. Shit. Shit. Ooh. Number eight. A black buck, also known as an Indian antelope.

- Oh, I see now that's family. - That's what I'm telling you bro. Bear and them are gonna be, I think it's gonna be cats and deer. - Yeah, yeah, I think so. - Cats and fucking deer is gonna be all five. - Number seven, the cougar. - Yeah, cats. - Yeah, there we go. - Number six, a lion. - Cats. - Number five, top speed of 80.5 kilometers an hour, a blue wildebeest. - Oh wow, okay. - What the hell is that? - Wildebeest. - Wildebeest. - Just wildebeest bro. - You know what a wildebeest is?

- Lions hunt that too? - Lions hunt that too. - Do you remember the Lion King? - Yeah. - Do you remember the stampede that like killed Mufasa? - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You will know it'd be Moldavista. - I have to relate to Lion King for you to get it. - Number four, top speed of 88 kilometers an hour. A springbok. - Is that a type of deer? - It just springboks and that. Oh, they're like, yeah, they're smaller gazelles apparently. - Here we go. - They're smaller gazelles apparently. - Yep. - Yeah.

Number three, top speed of 88.5 is a pronghorn. Is that a type of fucking gazelle as well? If it's a cat or a gazelle walking up. It's a type of antelope. Yeah, bro. Same shit. Same shit. Deer and cats, bro. Number two, top speed of 96.6 kilometers an hour, an ostrich.

Ostriches are fast. Yeah. Ostriches are fast. And then we've got Cheetah at one. So no one got anything in the top 10. No one got anything but Cheetah. Number one, top speed of 120.7. Cheetah. We all got one. You all got one. So we all got one. The next closest was me and Ellis with Gazelle. Yeah. So we did a tie break. So you're on a tie break. Yeah. Is there any more after 10 or is it just top 10 you got? I can go on to 11 is...

A wild dog and only Rem said dog. - I said greyhound, if it counts. - Yeah, you did say greyhound, but it's not- - A wild dog doesn't, yeah. - Yeah. Number 12, which one of you said, "Not in here, kangaroo." - Damn. - Who said that? You said kangaroo, innit? - Yeah. - Number 13 is a horse. And you both said horse. - Fuck, okay. - Jesus. - This is intense.

- And number 14, which only one of you said. Only one of you said number 14. - Oh God. - I didn't even deep this. - It was Ellis, wasn't it? - I don't know, was it? - Shut up, it was. - Please say it was Ellis. - You said elephant. - Yeah. - You said greyhound. - Yeah. - It's gotta be greyhound. - It's greyhound, isn't it? - Whippets, isn't it? - It could be a bear though, we never know. - It's not a polar bear. - Hurry up, bro. - Where is it? - Oh my gosh. - It's not a polar bear. - It's greyhound. - Yeah. - For fuck's sake. - Yeah. - Let's go!

- I love just dangling everything. - Bro, when you said you said elephant, I was thinking no way, no way. - 70 miles an hour, top speed of a Greyhound. - Oh, damn man.

- Oh, miles, kilometers an hour, sorry. - Damn. - Yeah. - Fair play. - So yeah, that's top five fastest land animals going. - So me and Rem even now? - 6.62. - You are 6.62? - Yeah. - Oh boy. - It's getting tense. - It is. - I've got one, I already know which one I'm gonna do next week. - Okay, peng. - It should be fun. - GG's. - Well played guys. - Yeah.

Very decent. Well played indeed. Right. Before we move on to the dilemma of the day. Yeah. I actually have some... Not story time, but a bit of a story to give context of flowers that I want to give to you. I've locked my phone. I'm intrigued. I'm locked in. Oh, thanks. Right. So I would like to give Fweg some flowers today. Thank you, sir. You're welcome. Because...

- You sir are a man of integrity. - Okay. - And I'm gonna give a story all the way back and then I need to remember that we will eventually land on how you have integrity. - Say less. - 'Cause the story has fuck all to do with you. So I'm gonna forget why we're talking. - Say less. - I'm gonna say stuff and forget why we're talking. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You man remember please, if you had integrity, just put those things in there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, cool. - 'Cause I'm gonna be lost in your story. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hope so.

Jokes. Wait, let me slurp water. Hang on. Okay. So basically, a few weeks ago, I got a DM, right? From someone I went to school with. And I haven't seen her in years. Okay. Years. Okay. And she basically sent me a message and said, oh, I'm getting married. And I haven't seen you in a long time.

and getting married abroad. But when I come back, I'm going to throw a party. Basically, I'm assuming for all the people that didn't come to the wedding abroad. Okay. And I'm assuming the people that did come as well, but just like a UK version of the fucking wherever they're going thing. Yeah. And I was like, right, I haven't spoken to this person in so, so long. And I said, oh yeah, I'll go. First of all,

I'm really nervous about it. I'm really anxious about it. - I would be too. - Yeah. - Someone I haven't seen in, spoken to in years. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm super anxious about it because I know it's just gonna be a room full of people that I haven't seen in many, many years. And it's given me school reunion. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And the all good thing about it is that

especially because I'm from a small town. - Yeah. - The awkward about it is that like, it's school reunion, but everyone knows what I do. Every single person in the room knows what I do in there. And they're gonna be waiting to say something to me. - Yeah, you've made it and they're bums.

- Fuck sake. - That's what you're trying to say. - I'm not trying to say that. - I'm joking, I'm joking. I just had to get that out. I just had to. - Now I'm not going bro. - You feel like Drake at the moment. - Yeah. - You made it. - Every situation I'm the bigger artist. - Thanks, there you go. - But now it's gonna be, my social anxiety is gonna be through the roof. - Yeah, oh fuck me, I already know that. - Through the roof. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - 'Cause I'm gonna be stood there like this, waiting for people to say stuff to me. There's no questions to be asked, 'cause everyone already knows. And not only does everyone know, my career involves

People... It involves me just saying stuff about my life anyway. There's nothing really to ask. It's just bait. So again, that's going to make me really uncomfortable. But that's beside the point. So when she invited me, I remember thinking about... Basically, back in the day, from probably like year 8 or year 9, up until...

probably until we left for uni, me and this girl and not just me and this girl, but my group of friends and her group of friends were like inseparable. - Oh, nice. - Group of guys, group of girls, inseparable. No one ever clapped anyone. - It was just gang. - Plutonic friendships.

Sensational friendships And the one thing About this girl I loved her to death And I was probably At one point or another I was closer with this girl Than I was with any other girl I would go to her house All the time We would all have sleepovers At our house and shit Her mom was the nicest And it was just cool She had a trampoline in the back No one else did No one else did No one else did I was up in there Yeah yeah yeah But anyway We had a really really Good friendship Yeah

And I remember one of the things with this girl, one of the traits this girl had that I hated at the time was that she, and I've realized later on in life that a lot of girls have this. And some guys have it, but it's more, it's more like prominent in girls. Like when girls get into relationships, they're willing to cut off everyone. And there was a running theme with this girl and it used to break my heart every time she'd do it is that when she'd get into a relationship, she would cut the guys off. Absolutely.

out of respect for her boyfriend, she will cut the man them off. And we just weren't her friend anymore. She'd say we were friends, but she weren't moving like we were friends. She wouldn't talk to us anymore. We're not allowed to come to the house anymore. Like don't be texting her out the blue anymore 'cause it's sass and all this kind of shit that she would do to pander to her relationship.

which I can understand, but it used to break my heart. And then every time they should break up with a boyfriend, she'd advise, we're back to normal. And then we'd be normal for like a year and then she'd get another boyfriend and it'd be the exact same thing all over again. So I was just like losing my friend, gaining my friend. - Wishy-washy. - Yeah, wishy-washy friendship. But it used to hurt me.

So sometimes, and then in between boyfriends, I'll cuss her. But I was being serious, but she would think it's a joke. And all the men will cuss her and she'd be like, oh, shut up. Like what am I supposed to do as a boyfriend? And like, it would fucking hurt me. And when she, I forgot all about this until she messaged me the other day. And I was like, obviously water in the bridge. I don't care. But it just reminded me. And I had another friend that you know, who is like that as well.

Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And she cuts me off every time she has a boyfriend. What makes it I remember what made it worse. We spoke like maybe a year ago, whatever. And I brought it up to said person to said person was speaking. She called me out the blue, whatever. And we're speaking and I brought it up. And what made it worse is that she made the fact that now because of who I am, she definitely ain't telling her boyfriend that we're friends. And it hurt me even more. Yeah.

Yeah. And I was just like, this is bullshit. Yeah. Because me and this girl at a certain point were very, very, very close. Yeah, I know. It's only happened to me personally with those two girls, but I know it happens a lot. And I was speaking to someone the other day and they told me like a proper like serious story about how it happened to them. They had to like,

the person that was cutting them off had to actually break it down. Wasn't even doing it subliminally or anything like that. Actually had to physically break it down to them and be like, "I'm sorry, but this is how it is. And my partner's not comfortable with this friendship." And these two people were like, again, inseparable, like brethren, brethren. It's like, it's just not gonna run. And it's causing friction in my relationship.

And I'm sorry, but you're out kind of thing. Cause I want this relationship to work. It's tough. Sounds it. So when I was thinking about this thing that happened to me with these two girls that I was friends with, and I was thinking about the story that this person told me that happened to them. And I was thinking, you know what? Yeah. First of all, it actually pisses me off that people are willing to do that. And I understand why they're willing to do it. Yeah.

But like for me, it infuriates me so much because it's like, I would never forgive the person who's willing to let me do that. So if I had a girlfriend and I had a really, really close female friend, completely platonic, and the girlfriend said, ah,

I'm not comfortable with this relationship. Bear in mind, I've been best friends with this person for years and we're cool and nothing's ever happened. Like her uncomfortableness is purely her problem. Like I haven't done anything. And if I was to explain how serious this friendship is to me,

And then the girlfriend turned to me and be like, well, I'm not comfortable with it. So I want her out of your life. If she then let me cut her out of my life and then just sat there and let it happen, she's not the person I even want to be with. Like you're a selfish bitch. Like who are you? Like you're willing to actually let me like cut limbs off my body just because you're uncomfortable. And then once it's done, like what? Like where's the consolation? Like what am I doing? I'm just without a friend and you're just like, okay.

Like it doesn't matter to you. But anyway, so all that, all that, it made me deep. And then I started thinking about you and how I realized that in multiple, multiple situations, you refused to,

to change any aspect of your relationship with Bella when you guys were living together. And I know from you telling me and from her telling me that like it caused friction in pretty much every single relationship that you ever had and not even just relationship, like every girl that you were seeing and you were- - It could be a situation, it could be, yeah. - Yeah, any situation from one night stand to flipping girlfriend caused friction with every single person and you dealt with it like without budging an inch.

for multiple years. And I rate it. - Thank you, G. - You're welcome. - Thank you, G. I feel like it's weird as well because I think it doubled down because I lived with her as well. And because a lot of people would never expect a single male and a single female to live together platonically and never do anything. In some people's world, it's inconceivable. - Yeah, it is inconceivable. Good use of the word. - So for me,

to know it's very doable and be like, listen, this is how I feel like a lot of people need to live this way and have a lot more friends this way. Opposite sex friends is, it makes a lot of sense. - It's gang. - It's gang, it makes so much sense. So for you to be so selfish and think,

It's not even selfish. I think it's a form of insecurity because I remember there was a girl I was quote unquote seeing. This was probably within the first year Bella and I were living together. She said something along the lines of,

I don't believe you. Look at her, she's so pretty. How could you not? Something along those lines. And it's like, that's got fuck all to do with me. That sounds like a projection on yourself. - This is an insecurity that you're pushing onto me. - You're pushing onto, and it's like- - You want me to bite. - Yeah, it's like, I'm not gonna bite on that.

this is a friend i've told you she's my friend you've seen us you've been in the yard when me and bella are in the yard you know so how can you assume something more has happened yeah yeah so uh it was it was it was an ordeal but it was one of those ones i always knew my friendship with bella would always supersede

all these girls I was with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. As long as I knew that, it didn't bother me if they felt some type of way. Gang, bro. It really didn't bother me. I'm glad to hear it. And on that point, I'm actually going to give secondary flowers because I've had a... Well, we've had. There's a female friend that we have all together. She's never done it. Chloe. Yeah, I think you're going to say Chloe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chloe's had...

She's not a tart, but she's had a few boyfriends. She's had a couple of boyfriends in our tenure. But we've known her for like, I think I met her when I was 19. Yeah, over a decade now. So yeah, 13 years. And in all that time, she's never once come close to it. So props to her. She dates thugs as well. She dates big up Sherlock. Yeah, she dates...

Roadmen. So yeah, if anyone's gonna do it, it's her. So yeah, props to her, man. She's probably not listening and will never hear this, but thanks for that because it actually makes a massive difference because when people have done it to me, it fucking hurts, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear you, man. I hear you completely. It's jarring. And also again, props to Bella for never doing it to you. Facts, yeah. Because I'm sure she dealt with the same shit.

- Yeah, to a degree. - Yeah, to a degree, yeah. I remember there were times she would obviously tell me after the fact, but they would ask her, "Oh, is he gay?" And I'm like, "What the fuck, bro?" It's so inconceivable for so many people that a male and a female live in the same roof. They have to be baggage. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's like, "Wow." - Is he gay? - You, man, are so fickle-minded.

- Do you know what I mean? Grow up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Fucking grow up, man. - Yeah, facts. - Yeah, I think from the first instance it happened with the first person I was seeing in my first yard with Bella, I was like, this can never happen again. I'm never gonna stand for this again. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Because it's bullshit. I've told you my truth. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And you're choosing to believe what your mind tells you. - Yeah, facts. Based on zero evidence. - Based on nothing. Based on what you just see. - Yeah. - And you're basically insecure. So I'm never dealing with this again.

Fair play to you. Well played. It was always going to be that. God, right. You've got a dilemma for us. I do have a dilemma. Guys, I need your help with this issue. I need some advice. I'm 28. He was with his ex for eight years. We have three kids. Only one is mine. She already had a kid when we got together and I took on the role of a dad about three months in. We were together for about four years before she fell pregnant with my son.

Then we stayed together for about another two years after he was born. And then we split up for about six to seven months. And within that time, she ends up falling pregnant by another guy. She told me about it. She stays being pregnant. What the fuck? She told me about it when she was five months pregnant and she was telling me how sorry she was. Now she wished they had been me and all of that stuff.

I chose to take the baby on as my own and raise the child. We got back together and only split up last year. However, this is where it gets a bit complicated. The child's biological father is now back on the scene after she promised she wouldn't let him be a part of the child's life.

Now we aren't together anymore. She's being nasty. And now that we're not together anymore, she's being nasty. And anything I say is wrong. And now it's come to my attention that he was trying to force me out of the child's life and doesn't want me to have anything to do with my daughter.

What? And doesn't want me to have anything to do with, yeah, with what is my daughter, sorry, having been the dad for her entire life. My bad. It's been a year? Yeah, pretty much. Okay. I also feel like she's going to cut me out. What do I do? Let me recap. He's 28 years old, been together with his ex for eight years, and they have three kids. One of them is his own only. Okay.

She had a kid in a past relationship and then three months into getting into the relationship with her, she got pregnant. They were together about four years. Sorry, no. Three months in,

- Is when she decided, he decided to take ownership of this. - The first youth. - The first youth that was hers. - Someone else, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Four months into their relationship, she got pregnant with their son. - So a month after he's, so he's recruited one youth. - Yeah. - He's three months in. - Yeah. - They've been dating for 12 weeks. - Yeah. - He's recruited the first youth, said gang. A month after that, she's pregnant with his youth. - Yeah. - Gang. - Yeah. - Then how long?

- We were together for about, no, no, no. So three months in is when she took the role of the first dad, of the first you. - That's what I said. - Yes, about four years after that. - Four years, I thought you said four months. - No, four years after that is when they had their first son. - Oh wow, okay. - Then they stayed together for about two years and then they split up for about six to seven months. She got pregnant by another guy and only told him when she was five months into that pregnancy that she's pregnant and that it should have been, quote unquote, it should have been his, I'm sorry, blah, blah, blah.

Back now, she chose to take, he came back, they're back together. He chose to raise that third baby as his, but they then again split up. It became complicated because the biological father wanted to be back into the daughter's life. And now that they're together, now they're not together, she's being nasty towards him. And anything he says apparently is wrong. And she's trying to ask if,

basically asked what he should do. And he said he feels like she's gonna cut him out. - Okay, cool. So I've met a ting. - Yeah. - She's banging. - Yeah. - She's got a kid. - She has a kid.

Anonymous age, we don't know. Got a kid, we've been dating for three months. After three wonderful months, I'm like, you know what? This kid's all right. I'm having this kid too. I've got my girl and her kid and we're a happy family. We're a happy family for four years after this. It's a long time. Four years later, bang, pregnant with my youth, say less.

So now you're pregnant with my youth. We have my youth, sensational. We then break up. After two years. After two years. So now while we're away, you've got your youth who I claimed as mine. You've got my youth that actually is mine. And then while we're out, you're a little something. And then you've got now next man's youth. So now you've got next man's youth. We get back together and you're saying, look,

I've got this ute by next man, but he's out the picture. He's never coming back in the picture. What are you saying? I, who am clearly a mug,

takes on this second you immediately and says, cool, it's us. I'm gonna raise it as our own. We live like this for a year. We break up again. So now there's two yous that aren't mine that I claim and one of you that is mine that I obviously claim. We've broken up for a second time. And during this, she found herself stumbling back to homeboy nature.

And now she's saying, brother, I don't think this is going to work out. And he said that the real dad is also saying, come out on my youth life. And he said, that's my youth. And he's like, big man, kill. It actually isn't.

'Cause there's bare use in here and only one of them looks like you. - Yeah, facts. - What's going on? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, mixed race. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's even your girl to be fair? - Facts, facts. - Who's even your wife? - Yeah. - He said, "What do I do?" - What do I do? - She's being vicious, she's gonna squeeze me out. - He thinks she's gonna squeeze her out. - He thinks, he's concerned that she's gonna squeeze him out and cut him off. - That's a situation. - It's a tough, tough, tough, tough situation, but...

Actually, there's no but. But... I'm saying but for lack of a better word. But this is actually like a gripe for me. Okay. I know guys that like quote unquote step up have like an aura of purity around them and they're pretty much bulletproof. But like there's risks to stepping up. Of course. There's risks. When I... Sometimes stuff like this, I never understand when like

guys start claiming youths that aren't theirs and letting the youth call them dad and all this shit. Like I understand like you're a family and all this kind of stuff. But for this specific reason that happens literally all the time. Cause I told you, I used to live in a block of flats, flats,

full of council trash yeah and this shit happens every day trash i used to live in a council estate yeah full of tramps yeah we have nothing better to do than yeah just argue yeah so this stuff happened every wednesday yeah and it happens all the time the mom gets rid of the dad because he's busted the new man comes in and the youth starts calling him dad the next week

And everyone's like, oh, he's such a man. Then the real dad comes in and it's drama. You are now either trying to get rid of the guy who's pretending to play dad or you're trying to get rid of the guy who...

who actually is the dad, all because of her mom stressed that she's got a youth calling two man dad, because like she can't set boundaries. And it's like, it's damaging bro. Just like you can step up and be involved in a kid's life and be a father figure without this whole like, this is my youth. I am her dad. I don't care.

Who's not made her? This is mine and I'm not leaving. Stuff like that's crazy. - Yeah, scary. That's very scary. - It's crazy.

And now he's sitting here stressed thinking I'm not gonna have access. Where I'm sure you've already got a youth that's in the yard that's yours. So you're gonna be seeing this youth all the time. Just take a step back. Just come in and come out and just be there to support and like overlook and make sure everyone's calm in the yard that your kid lives in. Plus you've got another youth in there that you basically are their dad. Even if you didn't claim them as the dad, you've been with them for fucking years. So like six years?

In total? Yeah, minimum. Six years? Yeah, that's essentially your kid. Yeah, facts. And then you've got a kid that really is your kid. Just chill. Just chill with all this dad stuff. It's too much. I feel like it's one of those ones where I feel like he started off on the wrong foot because I feel like it's so uneven when...

you you meet a person and if if that person already has a child and you don't have a child or you're just living your single life and You start to build a relationship with that person You already know there's gonna be some form of imbalance with just that one child in the first place So if you choose to let's say me, for example, I've chosen to be with a woman that already has a kid I've I've chosen to take on

any potential headache that comes my way with this with this one kid yeah yeah i then you know what take this kid as my own i then want to procreate with my missus and have a kid with her okay we're a family there's four of us now i can't i can't be so shocked that whether we if if and when we break up that she's not gonna go and have another kid with someone else purely because i

Not necessarily because it happened in the past, but I just didn't, I don't know what navigated her to want to have a kid with someone and not potentially try and make that work out with the first dad or the first father. And now that she's clearly like broken up with me and we've gone our separate ways,

she's revisited old habits and said, "Oh, I didn't mean to not necessarily get pregnant, but I wish it was yours." Kind of thing. - Yeah, bro. - That chat is so telling of her old self. - Yeah, bro. What is all that? - So I feel like,

- That's a good point, I forgot about that. - I'll use me as an example, let's say I'm in his shoes. I've made the initial mistake of playing on an unlevel playing field because if I wanted to, I would only pursue a relationship with a woman that has a kid if I had a kid myself and I was a single parent, because I feel like that's the only way we can mentally understand

how everything works and how everything can balance out because it just doesn't make sense in my opinion any other way yeah so the fact that he broke up or they actually broke up or whatever and she got pregnant again by someone else i would be pissed off but i also want to be too surprised and it's like yeah i've put myself in this situation i have to try and now navigate my way out of it in terms of what what would i do i would do exactly what you said james in terms of

I've really got a kid with her. So I'm inevitably going to still going to be going to this house and still going to be seeing my kid. So I shouldn't have doubled down so much and be like, okay, I'm going to accept this kid as my own. I'm going to accept this other kid as my own. Like, why are you doing this, this happy family thing when you know for a fact it's not,

potentially there is no longevity in it. Do you know what I mean? - Yeah, it's always a possibility that homeboy is gonna come into the scene. And it's also also a possibility that when the kid gets older, even if he didn't come back, the kid's gonna wanna know the other guys. - No, exactly. - So just full transparency with what's going on. What's all this like ownership style stuff? - We had a Zoom call a few months ago and there was, do you remember? There was a guy talking about, were you in this chat as well? Were you in the Zoom? There was a guy saying he,

got someone pregnant and he said he wanted to do the right thing so he just proposed to her yeah this was the last one yeah he just proposed to her but he was or he's always on road and they both did their separate things but it's like why are you doubling down to propose to her just because she got pregnant you can just still be a dad yeah you know you don't have to double like i feel like sometimes um people not even just men or women people just make the wrong decisions in like and make

They make the wrong decisions in, how do I explain this? Just out of the moment. Do you know what I mean? In the heat of the moment. In the heat of the moment when the emotions are high. That's what I'm saying. It's an emotional decision. Yeah, yeah. They make a decision based on an emotional situation instead of stepping out of it and looking at it from a third person's perspective and thinking logically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what a lot of people do, especially in like minuscule arguments, let alone,

like mother of kids and stuff. I feel like it's tough, but it's also easier said than done. It is. I've said some shit when I'm in love, boy. I've said some shit. Everyone has. Everyone says some shit when they're in love. Everyone says some shit when they're angry. Everyone says some shit when they're feeling hateful, whatever. Things happen in the moment, but I feel like there are times as an adult, you've got to understand that

raising a child that's not your own, I'm not saying that because it's not something I've ever done, but raising a child that's not your own is always going to come with complications as long as the father is alive. Yeah.

As long as the father is alive, it's gonna come with complications. So you gotta be prepared for that regardless of the year it comes. Do you know what I mean? So I feel like in the heat of the moment, in the sense of the relationship, in order to please the missus, people would just say, yeah, fuck it. You sign those papers. Yeah, bro. This is all transparency, boy. The fact that the biggest point for me was when he said,

Now we've broke up. The father of the youth is involved even though she promised he would never be. That's not normal, bruv. Why are you listening to a woman that's telling you, I promise you this dad's never going to get involved? Why? Why did you get, why do you not? Yeah, why are you pregnant by him if you're so certain he's never going to be involved? And also, caveat,

I don't know the guy, but why are you out here banning people from being involved in use? Facts. Who are you to start banning people? So that's behavior that I'm concerned may reflect on me when we're not in a good place. There we go. And now look where we are. There we go. See, it's one of them ones, man. I feel like it's tough because obviously you are in a tough position, but you also put yourself in that position as well. It's hard to navigate. Yeah, you sounded like you ignored a lot of red flags. He did. And that's why I'm saying it's,

It's sometimes easy, not necessarily easy to ignore, but like easy to put on the back burner because you think it's not going to bite you until like X amount of years time. And then when that time comes, you're like, fuck, what do I actually do? Yeah, to be fair, he's full of red flags as well. What do you mean three months into a relationship he's claiming next to you? Again, red flag. Bare red flags out here, bro. This whole dilemma's a red flag. That's what I'm saying. You put yourself in this situation. So it's hard to give you advice when...

you're out you're not helping yourself helping yourself i'm really trying not to cuss him i'm really trying not to cuss him it's hard to give advice long story short when you do dumb shit because you're just gonna fuck around and find out facts and that's what's happened man you fucked around and you found she fucked around yeah let's move with some decorum decorum and common sense yeah common sense common sense is the one like yeah let's not claim use that we just we've just met literally just met yeah let's not

don't ignore red flags when women say i'm praying about next man but i promise you he's never gonna see this you that's that's scary boss easy talk yeah that's crazy so what happens god forbid we break up am i never gonna see my exactly is that what you're telling me yeah that's why he's scared she's gonna cut me out because she makes threats she makes physical threats yeah i hope it works out but i've got no more advice yeah just stop doing what you're doing factual bro

Take a step back, raise your own child, your son or daughter and yeah, just keep the pep stepping. - Yeah, just try and be a father figure for everyone without claiming and owning people all the time. - 'Cause now you can't backtrack 'cause you've claimed the first you. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You can't backtrack on that. She or he calls you pops now. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You can't backtrack on that and that's your fault.

Right, I've got dilemma as well. All right, let's go. My mother-in-law babysat our kids while we went on a cruise. I left her my ATM card for expenses. We returned and all hell broke loose. She found our weed and reported us to the police for having drugs in the house with minors at home. Wow. DCFS, which I'm assuming is some drug.

something. Services. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Department of Child... Department... Oh, yeah. Department of Children... And Fostering Services. Fostering Services. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is now involved. Yeah, what is it? DCFS. Department of... Children and Family Services. Department of Children and Family Services. All right, cool. DCFS is now involved because drugs were found in our home. Yeah. She found my firearm in my lockbox and told police having a gun violated her son's parole and...

And he was in the Bahamas. Also, parole violation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My husband was arrested when we landed at the airport. On top of all that, my mother-in-law took $1,500 out of my account for babysitting. My husband forgave his mother, but I can't.

She calls and visits as if all is well. To me, she's a snake and wants to take our kids. What do I do? Oh, how has he forgiven his mother? Bro, she sent you to Penn. How has he forgiven? Wait, was it their weed or his weed or her weed? First of all, it's their weed. It's their weed. So your and her gone. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

I would denounce her as my mother. Of course. Because I don't really understand what her agenda is here. Literally. Like, I know you're trying to do up Good Samaritan, but...

- At what cost? - All the cost. - At what cost? Big man, I am your son. I'm getting sent to jail because of you. - Literally. - And you're coming to my yard next week or whatever, whenever. - Just to play with the youth. - Just to play with. - And everything's fine. - No. - And she's just coming up there, sorry, but the law is the law. - The law is the law. What do you mean the law? Say less, the law is the law. I guarantee you I'll find sign up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And will tell me if the law is the law. - Let's dig. - Let's really dig. Because I know you've got some skeletons back in Nigeria. - Yeah, yeah, literally. - Let's really dig. - Back in Nigeria. - Let's really fucking dig.

Because if you want to start sending man to pen, we can do this. Yeah, if we're sending people to pen, let's send people to pen. We can really do this because it's the love of my life and my household. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my children. My children are in here. I don't play when it comes to my fucking children. I don't play with my family like that. DCFS, am I a drop step? No, I don't play with my family like that. I'm sorry. I couldn't forgive her. Yeah, double parole violation. I couldn't. Nah, bro. The weed and the gun. The weed and the gun in Bahamas. Nah.

Being arrested as soon as I land would scare me. There's feds waiting for you, getting off your flight to find out your mum snitched. I wouldn't know what to believe. I wouldn't know what way it's up. I would tell you, man, you, man, are lying to me. I would say, tell me the truth. I know I'm arrested, but tell me the truth. You've got me now. You've got me. Don't talk about my mum like that. Don't talk about my mum like that. Tell me who told you.

Tell me who fucking told you. - Facts. - Wow. - And then you see your mom walking past the office. Nah, I will scream bro. - She'll just come and say, it's all right, I had to. - I had to. - It's the law, I had to. - It's the children. What am I supposed to do? - What are you supposed to do? - By the way, I took 1500. - Those are my fees? - Yeah, those are my fees. - Ah, I would have to bail my dad. I will bail him.

- What are you telling me about her? What's going on? Those are my fees, bro. - Nah. I wouldn't be able to get the words out, Jay. - Yeah, I'd lose my mind, bro. - The actual thing is you'd have to send me to Penn. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You'd have to send me to Penn then and there. 'Cause I'd raise my hands, bro. 'Cause I wouldn't know what to believe.

You have to send me to Penn because I need to call off. I need somewhere to call off and it couldn't be somewhere I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'd have to call off. Oh, that's the funniest thing I've heard, bro. That's mad to me. That's the funniest ting I've heard, bro. Wow. Wow. I've not seen that dilemma before. All right, gang. Right, before we finish, I've got one more thing. Hit me. It's just like some random breakdown that made me laugh. Okay. Right, cool. My drunk ass girlfriend said she had sex with over 200 guys.

She said she was a real slut back in college and it made me stop and think.

I think I've seen this. You've seen this? This is like a mathematical thing. Yeah, yeah, the algorithm, bro. Four years of college times 365 days a year. Yeah. 200 guys equals a new guy every 7.3 days. Jesus. Since she said 200, well, round it off, a new guy every seven days. Yeah, yeah, every seven days, yeah. Given that she had sex with a guy on average of three times...

and an average dick length of 5.5 inches and about 100 thrust to nut. We're looking at 100 thrust times 3 per guy times 11 inches, which is 5.5 inches in, 5.5 inches out. Jesus. 3,300 inches of dick per week.

3,300 inches of dick times 208 weeks is 660,000 inches of dick. That's 10.45 miles of dick. Miles. I got in my car and drove 10.45 miles and thought about dicks being laid end to end. And that's how much dick she's taken. She's not my girlfriend anymore. Oh my God, bro.

- I feel like- - I read that my eyes wider. - Yeah, but I feel like it's one of them ones where, yes, we've got an open relationship, but there's some stuff just don't tell me. - You can't tell me that. - You can't tell me you were a whore in college. - 200 man. - That is- - Three times per man. - That's unexcept- what is this? It's to each their own. - Yeah. - But my own is unacceptable. - Yeah, your body all rules. - Yeah, your body all rules, but to me it's unacceptable. - Yeah, because Islam, you know what I mean? - Facts.

When I die, I need my virgin and this ain't gonna get us there. - Yeah, we're not patting in heaven. We're clearly not patting in heaven and it's a hell tick. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm not going down with you. - Literally, we need to go our separate ways because I need to see the Purdy Games. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - 'Cause this is mad. - 10 miles point to point of cock. - 10 miles end to end of pipe. - Wow, 200 guys.

- Who's keeping count by the way? - Factual. - That will concern me the most. - Yeah, she's kept count, she's kept scores. - She's kept scores bro. Because I'm like, I was a slut in college as well. And I lost count. And I actively tried to keep count. - I think we all did. - Yeah, we all did. And I lost count. After like 40, I was like, I don't know anymore. I don't even know their names.

I don't know anymore. I just stopped counting bro. - There's no way she remembers all their names. There's no chance she remembers all their names. And if she does, that's concerning. - Oh, that's the most concerning thing of all time. - If she does, that is concerning. - She said I was a real slut back in college. That's, yeah, it's not girlfriend material, but if it's a first date. - Yeah, it's just. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a green tick right here.

if we're doing like dirty martini. She's getting a bit loose and confident. I was a real slut back in college. The C-No Evil thing, like, oh God, it's so embarrassing. Shut up, man. Why are you shaming yourself? See it off and let's go. See it!

- You got a pinky up and let's go. - Yeah, if we're talking day, let's talk day, man. - Yeah. - Jesus. - Let's talk about next, man. Let's go. - Let's talk, let's, 201, how about that? - Oh God, that's funny, bro. But yeah, damn, right, wrapping it up? - Wrapping it up, let's do it. - Guys, that was sensational. - It was. - As always, catch us on Thursday. - We will. - Patreon.com/shittinggigs. Three pound a month. - 10p a day. - Join the cult, babies. - Zero. - Make your daddies happy. - Zero, and do not forget, Wednesdays.

- Wednesdays, guys. - Wednesdays. - Subscribe over right now. Now that we're done. - Facts. - Go over to the reaction channel and subscribe. - Subscribe to that bitch. We need to see five figure subs minimum. - Chits and Gigs reacts. - Chits and Gigs reacts. - Go there immediately. - Immediately. Yeah. - Thank you guys. Love, love, love.

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