MOST UNORTHODOX WAY SOMEBODY HAS CALLED YOU UGLY?! | EP 331 | ShxtsNGigs Podcast
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Who is it? Scream is the word. Yeah, who is it? Facts. Tell us the truth. What are you doing to us? Don't leave us on a... Don't dangle the carrot like that. First of all, we're a team. Facts. You can never break us up. You can never break us up. Second of all, who is it? Right, guys, we're back with another banger. And as per usual, we go straight into it. We don't really like foreplay. We just... We just go straight in. Raw. Raw dog. Because we're selfish lovers. We're selfish lovers.

Menaces. That's exactly what we are. The question of the week this week was, what's the most unorthodox way someone has called you ugly? And yeah, the streets, the streets came through. I bet. The streets came through. I remember when my ex used to call me a frog. Do you remember? I do. That hurt my feelings. It hurt mine. Yeah.

It hurt mine because she said it to your face. And I was like, wow. I remember. I remember. Damn, like the 5th of November, I remember. Yeah. It was like that. I can't believe it. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that was so painful. Wow. Yeah, it was. It was. Damn, she was hurt. Yeah, she really was hurt. It was a bitter comment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not bad at all, bro. It's a bitter comment, man. Thanks, bro. All right. The most unorthodox way someone has called you ugly.

I asked them out on a date. They responded with, um, that was 14 weeks ago. Text. Um, just not, that's it. 14 weeks ago. You shouldn't veer out of your lane. I sometimes want to tend that to people that DM me. You shouldn't veer out your lane. Put that lane control on. Yeah. Put that lane control on. Yeah. Wow. To some people that DM me. I do realize though, like,

Someone was speaking to me about this the other day and they were like, where did they get the nerve? Yeah. The goal, the bravado. The goal, the bravado, the audacity, the confidence. But it's a case of like, when you see someone as not a real person per se, it gives a confidence of like, what's the worst that's going to happen here? Facts. He's never going to read it. He's never going to read it. And if he does, if he says yes, then wow. Gang. Imagine. But yeah, that's when I don't rate. The only ones I don't rate is when they...

give the full, full breakdown. - Oh God, yeah. - Yeah, the full, full breakdown. Let's go wild. Let's have some wine, let's chat. I'm a good person. I'm like, this is never gonna happen. So why are you wasting everyone's- - What's this expectation? - Yeah, if it's just a quick, you're banging, let's do something.

or you're banging, let's go out or whatever. It's a case of, yeah, you probably think I'm never ever gonna read it, see it, reply, whatever. And the top side is banging. And the bottom side is I just carry on with my day. Because once you press send, it's done. But when it's paragraphs, I'm like, what reality are you living in? What are you expecting from this? You shouldn't veer out of your lane. Yeah, it's crazy. That's such a horrible thing to hear. It's a statement. It's a statement. All right, continuing. Most unorthodox way, someone's called you butters.

You were queuing for intelligence whilst they were giving away beauty. Oh, my God. Wow. Yeah, bro. Queuing for intelligence whilst they were giving away beauty is crazy. That's nuts. Crazy. Crazy. Fuck. Yeah. Wow. That takes some. Yeah, that took four. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Jesus. I was standing with my friend and a guy came up to us and said, one of you girls are pretty and just left.

- Fight it out. - Facts. - Fight it out. - The winner, shout me. - How giant would it be if you assumed you were the ugly one as well? One of you is pretty and just walked off and then you're just like, we both look at each other. Fuck, so just go talk to her. - Yeah. - It's not me, so just fucking talk to her. I haven't got time for this, bro. I'm not gonna be like, oh, is she talking to me? No, go talk to her. - How would you feel if a chick said that to us?

- One of you's buzz. No, one of you's buff and just walks off. - One of you's fucking sexy. - One of you's fucking sexy. Tell us then. - Yeah, I know for a fact both of us would, as she walks between us, we both turn around and scream at her. - Who is it? - Scream is the word. - Yeah, who is it? - Facts. - We're doing truth. - What are you doing to us? - Don't leave us on a fucking, don't dangle the carrot like that. - First of all, we're a team. You can never break us up. You can never break us up. Second of all, who is it?

That's jokes. That's hilarious. Right, next. Raw pepperoni pizza due to my acne. Fuck off. You got called a pepperoni pizza. Pepperoni pizza. That's fight talk. Bro. As an outsider. Go on. Go on. As an outsider, what are your views on pretty privilege? That sucks. Because when you're receiving that...

It's not on a back and forth. You've approached me while I'm eating lunch. Facts. My business. I've got my glasses on and I've got my tuna sandwich in hand. Yeah. By myself, minding my business. Minding my business. Headphones in. And you're just like, sorry, question. As an outsider, I'm peaked my interest. Yeah. What are your views on pretty privilege? I launched my tuna sandwich in his face. Yeah, bro. The fuck? That's, that's brazy. All right. Someone said I look like God made me with my left, with his left hand.

Peek. That's a piss take. Peek. A friend posted a bikini pic and someone commented, so brave. Can't wait to see the after. Nah, that's not possible. So brave. Wow. That's not possible. Can't wait to see the after. Oh, nah, that's not possible. The so brave would. Yeah. Would make me delete the whole post. You have to delete the post because that.

That comment has 17,000 likes. And all the comments are, how dare you? How dare you? How dare you? You pig. And it doesn't make the person feel any better. Yeah, it doesn't. It really, really doesn't. Because all the comments are like, she's gorgeous inside and out. So fuck you. Oh, my phone will be pinging. Oh, God. My phone will be pinging. So brave. That's so brave. It's dangerous. Right. Instead of a sight for sore eyes, I was a sore sight for many eyes. Fuck. Who's hearing this? Like...

Apart from the frog ting, no one's ever cast me that to my face. Yeah, facts, bro. That takes courage. And also, like, you are also not a person that cares about retaliation. Because you can't just say that to a random human being and not expect anything to happen. I remember one time I was chatting to my...

First-ish girlfriend. Okay. When I was like 18. When we was in that talking stage. Yeah. I can't remember what I said, but she said, I think you're nice looking, but I only date hench guys. Cool. Cool. Yeah. That would make me go to Gold's gym straight away. Foo had? Straight away. Foo had? Straight away. I use my...

youth membership at the local council run gym. Yeah. And I was pressing all the weights. Oh my God. I had the 12s in my hand shaking. I only date henchmen. I only date hench guys. I think Google look at my only date hench guys. Laughing face, laughing face, laughing face. Oh, it wasn't face to face. Nah, it was on like MSN or something. Oh, MySpace or something. The laughing face, laughing face. Yeah, only date hench guys. Ha ha ha ha ha. Nah, nah, see? The thing is like,

women will say the most crud to a guy about his appearance or whatever. And like you said, laugh about it. And just expect us to carry on with our life. - Oh, because the thing is, what's mad is that she's saying laughing, laughing, laughing, laughing, only joking. I will date you. But it's only so funny because you know it's facts. - Facts. - 'Cause you're still calling me Marga.

You're still calling me Margot. - Facts. - Jokes aside. - Yeah, yeah, facts. The damage has been done. - Oh, and it was done 'cause I still remember it till now. - Oh God, sorry. - I remember telling my brethren, he was gobsmacked. And then my brethren went to college with her ex. And he was like, "Her ex is wham actually. "Her ex actually is wham." - Well, she's pissed now, isn't it? - 'Cause I'm huge.

So, haha. She's pissed now. Right. Most unorthodox way you've been called ugly. Every friendship group has a dog. Fuck you. Every friend. A dog. Oh, yeah, yeah. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Nah. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. We're not doing that. I'm sorry. Our family take our bloodline very seriously. Speaking of. I was watching First Dates last night. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Wow. Tangent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me get back to first dates. All right, cool, cool. I don't want to slag them off. I stayed at a hotel in Shoreditch last night. Actually, let me not even bait it because that's actually out of order. What, the hotel? Yeah. Okay. If you know who you are, sort your TVs out. Okay. 100-year-old TVs up in that bitch. Hotel ain't cheap. Okay. Okay.

100 euro TVs I was living Connection was whack Oh god Not even smart TVs bro Really? Not even smart TVs Did it have a TV Did it have a back off Or was it flat screen? It was flat screen Okay But it might as well not have been Oh god The connection was trash Damn Anyway I was watching First Dates last night Yeah

You love a bit of like... Trash TV? Yeah. When I'm in a hotel for you, Had? Yeah. Kitchen nightmares, first dates, naked attraction, four in a bed. Four in a bed! Fuck off! Four in a bed, come dine with me. Oh my days. In a telly? When I'm scrambling my breakfast? Yeah. Are you out of your mind? Oh man, my fire stick's in, bro. I'm on streaming services. I ain't got time for terrestrial. No, because I don't want... I don't know what it is. It's like...

It's only when I know I'm trying to sleep or when I'm just chilling because if it's a fire-sitting or a laptop open, I don't want to leave where I'm at. So like this morning, for example, I knew I had to come here. So bullshit TV is perfect for me. Absolutely perfect for me. If I'm cracking open the laptop, you know I'm going to be late. You know I'm going to be late. Don't let me sink my teeth in. Fair, fair, fair, fair, fair. Anyway. Yeah, back to what you're saying. Old TV. Old TV. Watching first dates last night. Mm-hmm.

And some guy, there was one Nigerian don in there, disabled. He had one arm missing and one arm, like half an arm and the hand was massive. Oh, okay. And then the date he was on was like, oh, have you ever had a girlfriend? Or how long was your last relationship? He said it was three years long. Do you know how he said it ended? He said it was when he was living in Nigeria. Homegirl rocked up to his yard and...

gave him a wedding invitation. He said they were calm, bopped to his yard, just gave him an invitation to her wedding. And Samad said that was it. And he said, these Nigerian families don't play with disability. She said we were cushy for three years, but they don't play with disability. They said, you're not giving that to my youth. And that's on God.

So she's getting married and it ain't going to be to you. Yeah. It was crazy. Oh my. It was crazy.

- Wow. - Wow, indeed. - Just lock him up. - Three years. - Three years, come on, man. - Wedding invitation. Why are you inviting me? - Come on, bro. - Why are you inviting me? - Facts, facts. Why are you doing that to me? - Oh, bro. - Just dump me in the first six months. If you're thinking about it, dump me. - 100. - Don't cheat on me. - If you know your dad's not gonna have it, don't play with me like this. Or tell me, tell me you're down, but it will come to an end.

I will lap up the six, seven, eight months we've got. It'll be the best. Yeah, it will. It really, really will. With what I can do, it'll be the best. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. God, that's uncalled for. Yeah, my jaw hit the floor when I watched that last night. Jesus. Wedding invitation. Wedding invitation. A man said it on national TV. I wouldn't tell anyone. I'd fake, I'd lie. He had nothing left to lose. Fair play, fair play.

Right, I'm just going to breeze through these last ones, yeah? Most unorthodox way someone's called you partners. A girl in school said she'd seen dropped kebabs prettier than me. Oh, fuck you. A girl said that? In school? Dropped kebabs. This dude... They splatter as well. If I was going to say they look like sick on the floor. Yeah, they splatter. That garlic mayo's all over the place. Oh my God. This dude called me and my best friend fat fatherless whores after she broke up with him.

That fatherless whores. Fatherless? That's unnecessary. That's unnecessary because that's not my fault. And it's got nothing to do with my weight. It was that alliteration. It's got nothing to do with my BMI. He left because he's a piece of shit. Facts. Fatherless? Bro. Both of them? Oh my God. Treacherous. Blocked me as soon as I sent a snap of myself. Humbled me differently. One of my... Peek.

Sorry, I'll let you finish. No, no, no, no. One of my boys told me recently, yeah? One of my boys told me recently he got catfished. You got catfished? No, he got catfished. Okay, okay. He told me that he got catfished on a hinge or some shit. Okay. Said she was buff and then bucked her in person. Mm-hmm.

um and she was not paying not paying oh god and he said he was entirely gentlemanly okay entirely gentlemanly like so he he continued the day he continued the day okay because he said basically they went for a walk around a lake they just met up uh to go for a walk okay when he met her he saw it and

Charged it On the spot Charged it And was like Let's just do this walk And he said he was hot Stepping around Let's get this over with But he said it was Entirely gentlemanly He said like I did not want to let her know That I thought she was a catfish What so ever After the date She Clearly knew She was a catfish So much That straight after the date She said Was everything alright

- Face to face or? - No, no, no, she texts him. - Okay. - It was everything all right. He said, "Yeah, it's fantastic. "What's up?" She said, "I just felt like you were a bit off. "Do I disgust you?" Don't ask me something like that. - Fam! - I'll tell you the truth. I'll tell you the truth. I don't know you, I don't owe you anything. I'll tell you the truth. Fam, did I disgust you?

Wow. - Yeah, she knew. - She knew. - 'Cause who says that about themselves? - She knew, bro. Who literally says that? After meeting someone one time, did I disgust you? Damn, the self-efficacy's low. - Hella low. - Why are you going on the date? - Facts. - Change up the whole profile. - Facts. - Let them love you for you. - Facts. - Oh wow, it was crazy. - Damn, damn. - He saw her and charged it. - Charged it. - Damn. - Kisses even charged it. - All right, cool, last few.

My sister commented, okay, twin, on a female influencer's selfie, and she got blocked. How dare you? How dare you? How dare you associate me with you? Yeah, I look like you, twin. Oh, wow. Okay, damn. Fam, the last time I saw something like you, I flushed it. No. No, bro. No, bro. Flushed it.

Shit You're literally saying I'm a piece of shit Literally bro Literally I saw something like that I flushed it That's actually like a hot 16 It is It is Wow It's to wrap this bitch up Jesus Christ Oh my god Alright A two bagger The definition A chick so ugly You put a bag over your head Just in case her one falls off You got called a two bagger A two bagger Yeah Wow bro

Last two. We can meet after sunset. And last one. The school bully said I was so dark that I sweat crude oil. Nah, bro. Crude oil. Nah. The school bullies. Nah, bro.

Oh, fuck off. That's horrible. The public are funny, man. Yeah, they're out of order, man. Speaking of, you know what I mentioned to my boy a minute ago? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking of something the other day that popped into my head and I wasn't going to bring it up because I never have. Did I ever tell you, man, that I got catfished one time? No. Considering...

- Wait, when you say you got catfished, like you went out and she was butters or someone used your profile? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was chatting to a ting who catfished me, but I never actually, lucky hands up, I never actually met her. - Okay, talk to me. - But I nearly risked it all you man, and you man never knew about it and you were present. So, this is so dumb. Basically, I got DM'd by a chick

It's a similar story to one you've told before. - Okay. - I got DM'd by a chick on IG years ago. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm talking like second or third year of uni. - Okay. - She lived in Manny. - Okay. - She lived in Manchester. Baddy, some blond thing, completely out of my league. But I didn't, catfish wasn't even a word back then. Completely out of my league. I was just chatting the most.

Coincidentally, that weekend we were going out in Liverpool. - Okay, so quick hop, skip, jump. Yeah, yeah, say that. - Brother, so we took the National Express up to Liverpool. - Yeah, as we do. - As we do, did our thing. On the way back, we were stopping at Manchester. No changeovers, no nothing. The coach was just stopping at Manchester and then going, taking us home. Brother, I didn't tell you, man.

We pulled up at Manchester and as we were there, I was messaging, 'cause basically she was saying, "Oh, on your way home, stop and stay with me for a couple of days." And I was like- - A couple of days? - Fam? But when I say she was talking crud, I was like, "It's gonna be a couple of days."

I'm going to need it. To do what I need to do to you, it's going to be a couple of days. Yeah, I need that R&R after. She's like, I've got my own yardage patterns. She's like, I can't wait. And I was like, yeah, a couple of days. I was like, God.

"Fra, what's happening?" - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I kept it strong. - Yeah, yeah, okay, okay, okay. Smart move. - Fam, when we landed in Manchester, when I say I grabbed my hold all, you man was sitting, I walked to the front of the bus and I was just about to tell you man like- - Deuces. - Deuces. I'm gonna go, "Link a ting." Just so you man thought I had mystique.

- 'Cause I want you man to ask questions. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry about that. I tell you when I get back. - Don't worry about it, man. I got a link. I wanted you man to think I was cool. So I'm messaging her as we're pulling up to Manchester, like, yeah, I'm here, I'm here.

left on red, left on red, left on red. And I was like, what's going on? Babe, what's the address? Yeah, what's going on? When I say I had like 25 pound in my account at this point. So I was like, it just doesn't pattern. I'm fucked. I can't even get the next coach home. I'm like, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe. Ed, red, Ed, red, Ed, red, Ed. When I said I had one foot out the bus, you man. Were we asleep or? I don't know what was happening. I can't remember.

But I had one foot and I literally had to hessy. Come back, sit down and just shut my mouth. Nervous. Disheveled and nervous thinking I nearly missed it all. And I remember thinking when the bus, when Donnie turned the engine back on, I was thinking, please reply, please reply. It's not too late, it's not too late. It's not too late. I need to get off. It's not too late. Bro, I'd stayed on the thing, refreshing it for like 10, 15 minutes. Edit. She texts me the next day.

Sorry, missed this. What the fuck ever, bro? I'm from, I said, cafe wasn't a word. Yeah. But yeah, that's what happened. Damn. Million percent. Damn.

And it's dread as well, because if you actually saw this man's profile, this chick's profile, you would know 1 million percent it was Catfish. It was like two photos on there. They looked like they were taken on a calculator. But at the time, you didn't know. But at the time? Yeah. I just thought she just hasn't got the aesthetic. Yeah. She's banging regardless. Say less. That's a shame. Yeah, it was bars. Anyway. Anyway. Welcome back, guys. Indeed. Episode 321, I believe, of the Shits and Geeks podcast's second best podcast... Globally. Globally. Globally.

- We actually are, Spotify, check it out. We actually are. - There's a category if you go into the hidden documents on Spotify, head into the green screens. - Facts. - The bios, get in there.

And it just says, second best is Shits and Gigs. First, NA. That's what it says. Facts. Non-applicable. Second, Shits and Gigs. Anyway, guys, head on over to patreon.com forward slash shitsandgigs. Contribute three pound a month. 10p a day. Make yourself a top boy or a top girl. Because if you're not a top boy, what are you? Bottom boy. Come on. We don't do bottom boys over here. We're top boys only. Facts. So binge over four years worth of content now.

Juicy, juicy, juicy, juicy. Indoctrinate yourselves into this cult. Make yourself a forever person. Yes, sir.

Live vicariously through us, your daddies. - You know you want to anyway. - Your daddies. You're gonna contribute the money and you're gonna live vicariously as we spend your riches. Just like cult daddies do. - Facts bro. - If you're watching on YouTube, please subscribe to the channel. If you are listening on any of the audio platforms, please leave us a nice review. Without any further ado, we have top five. - I know you guys have missed it, but we back. - Let's go.

Remind us of the scores, please, Ellis, sir. Yeah, let me pull it up. The score is 13-8-3. 13-8-3. Ellis, man. Fucking free, man. New game, please. Right. So this top five is, again, a different type of top five. It's not a top five. It's just called top five. All right. We are doing something we've done before, and it is guess the height. Guess the height? Yes. All right. Okay. So I'm going to give you a couple actresses.

All you have to do is guess the hype, bros. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And that's it for today. Right. You all ready? We got our pens? Mm-hmm. Cool. The first person, Reese Witherspoon. Reese Witherspoon. Hmm. And it's just like, who the fuck's that? I know the name. I'm trying to think of the person. Reese Witherspoon. Legally blonde. Mm. Where else is she in? She's currently in The Morning with Jennifer Aniston. Oh, with Jennifer Aniston. Oh, I know. On Apple TV. She's in Friends.

- She was in Friends. - She was your sister? - Yeah. - Is she? Damn. - That's the only thing I know of her. - Yeah, Ross was lost in her. - Yeah, lost in her. Yeah, I remember, lost in her. - When he shuts the curtains. - Forgot about that. Cool, everyone written down the stamp? - Yeah. - Cool. Next, let's go Sandra Bullock. You all locked? - Yep. - Third one, Cameron Diaz.

I used to fancy Cameron Davis. There's a, was it Night and Day with Tom Cruise? Which one was that? It's a movie called Night and Day. I like night, like a night, like a fight in night, not like night. And I'm sure she's in that. I can't even remember. Yeah. I'm sure she was banging in that. And there was another one she was in with, is it Justin Timberlake? Where she was like a teacher. Bad teacher. Bad teacher.

Bad teacher? I'll never forget, bro. One of the opening scenes. She has sex appeal. She's a gold digger, innit? I can't remember. Yeah, she's a gold digger. She's married to one rich guy. And she comes in and she's like, something like, get them drawers off. I'm about to suck that dick like I'm mad at it. She said what? Bro, I was saying bad teacher, but it was earlier and I never forgot it. Take them drawers off. I'm about to suck that dick like I'm mad at it.

Cameron Diaz. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, nah, never, never, never. Oh, howl at the moon that day. Yeah, yeah. Oh, howl at the fucking moon that day. Wow. Yeah. Say less. Yeah. Right. But you were locked with Cameron Diaz's height? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Number four, Nicole Kidman. Cameron Diaz is banging. I watched The Mask like last year. I haven't seen that in ages. She's unbelievable. All right. Last but not least, let's do...

Natalie Portman. If there are any like tie breaks, I've got more heights so we can run it from there. - Okay. - Cool. Everyone's locked? - Yeah. - Cool, say less. Ellis, let's go with you first. - Cool. So first one, five foot four. - So did you write the names? Or you just wrote the height? - I just did it in the order we did it. - Okay, say less, less, less. All right, Reese Witherspoon. - Yep. Five four. - You got five four. - She was quite small. - Okay. I'm maybe gonna write this down. All right. Five four. Yep.

Next one was Sandra Bullock 5'8 Yeah Next one was Cameron Diaz I bought 5'10 I think that's a bit too tall She looks tall Next one was Nicole Kidman I bought 5'5 I have no idea who that is You know who Nicole Kidman is? Fair play She's old to be fair And Natalie Portman I bought 5'9 Cool She looks a bit tall Rem I went Oh shit 5'5 Yeah Yep 5'7 Yep 5'8

Yeah. 5'4". Yeah. 5'7". 5'7". Cool. Jimmy? Reese Witherspoon, 5'2". Yeah. Sandra Bullock, 5'8". Yeah. Cameron Diaz, 5'9". Yeah. Nicole Kidman, 5'5". Yeah. Natalie Portman, 5'2". 5'2". Cool. Answers are... Reese Witherspoon is actually 5'1". Damn it! Jesus. So, none. Sandra Bullock is actually 5'7". So, Rem, you got that right. Fuck!

Cameron Diaz is actually 5'9". Gang. Jimmy got that one. Rem, you were both off by one. You went 5'8". You went 5'10". I've been off by one on all of them, apart from that. True. Nicole Kidman, none of you got right. She's tall. She's 5'11". Damn. Yeah. Last but not least, Natalie Portman is 5'3". Shit. Jimmy wrote 5'2". Rem wrote 5'7". Ellis wrote 5'9". So Jimmy, you've got one. Rem's got one. And it's got none. So it's tiebreaker time.

- All right. - Let's go. Wipe your boards and go again. Well, Ellis, you can put your board back, so sure. - Yeah. - Might as well put it in the fucking bin. - It's actually not your fault, bro. - Heights is anyone's game. - Yeah, heights are random as hell. These ones are charged from the get go. - Yeah. - I've got no ego about these games. - All right, cool. Charlize Theron. - Ooh. Locked. - Locked. - Cool. You locked first, tell me the height. - 5'10". - You locked second, obviously. - 5'9". - Fucking hell, 5'10".

Gang! Come on, man! So boring! What's that? 14, 8, 3? Something like that. Ellis said I don't care. Gang. Lovely. Hope you guys got some answers right. Right, so you've got a little something to tell us, apparently. To ask us or to say. Go on. Bro? Go on. Bro? You, man?

I watched the first maybe five episodes of Castlevania. Oh, yes. You man? Yes, bro. You man? Pull it up real quick, please. I need to get the characters' names again. Nocturne, innit? Yeah, Nocturne. Oh my goodness. Oh, yeah. These men are on stuff. Bro. The, um, not the, go to like the, obviously it says cast, but like. Characters. Characters rather. Yeah, that's the one.

That's the one. Yeah, zoom in for me, please. My eyesight ain't where it used to be. I've never got that picture. Butters. But anyway, Elizabeth Bathory, whatever her name is, the actual main vamps. She's hard, bro. She's hard, bro. I've not seen a villain like that in a minute. Yeah, next level. In a minute. Next level. Remember when I say she enjoys killing people? It's...

Yeah, she physically loves him. You've seen the whole thing, right? I've seen the whole thing. The scene where all of them are trying to spy on...

They're trying to spy on the guy that killed those two new characters that came in, the black girl and the other guy. And they're all like this, the vampires are like dying or whatever. And one person clocks them and they all clock them. Scariest moment. And they start stepping back. Yeah, scariest moment. And they start running. And their face change up like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. How are they getting out of this? How are they getting out of this? Terrifying. Bro, there are so many scenes that are fucking terrifying in there. And it doesn't make sense, bro. Bro.

It doesn't make sense. So far, I think it actually might be my favorite. It's my favorite out of Castlevania. It's 100% my favorite Castlevania. Wow, it's good. You don't need to watch Castlevania pre to understand this. They're two different stories. And it's just... The reason why I love this is because this is like a true definition of...

Cut the fat, give me the arms house. Cut all that fat, give me the arms house. One thing I do love about it as well is, this is random, this is a tangent, but I'll get back to it in a second. Every time I watch shows, series, movies or whatever, I've always had this thought, if I ever created a show, I would...

I would never, ever, ever, ever waste time with opening credits. I would just, the way I view it in my head is I would get the cameraman to do like a wide shot, long angle type of thing and have like a massive sign, for example, breaking badges pop up. That's it. I wouldn't waste fucking time with credits. Show me the juicy juice, cut the fat. I ain't got time for opening credits. That's what Castlevania did. Just put Castlevania, Nocturne, director, written,

Let's get to the real shit. - Yeah, bro. - Oh bro, it's fucking fantastic. - It's sick. - I think I've got like three eps to watch. It's absolutely fantastic. The backstory of Annette. Annette is the black chick that can control- - The slavery thing? - Yeah, that can control the son. - Oh my God. - When I say they grabbed her mom and snapped her neck, just like that, bro. - Yeah, it was crazy. - Like that. - Nice. - Oh, bro, her backstory's crazy. - Her backstory's, her master as well.

villain he is a villain he is a big villain yeah yeah yeah bro ah it's it's it's so good it's next it's actually so good um have you seen you may not have seen it you probably haven't seen it richter's op moment yet

- No, because I doubt, I probably doubt it because- - You fucking know about it if you had. - I'm assuming, I'd like to believe he uses magic in this. Yeah, so I've not seen it. I've not seen it because obviously I forgot he could use magic obviously after he grew up. - From the beginning, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Probably when he grew up 'cause he did that little pussy, that pew, pew thing. - Yeah, pew, pew. - Everybody going down. No, no, you're a pussy, bro. But then he started using the whip and blah, blah, blah. I forgot he could do magic. - Yeah, 'cause he, in the story, he can't do it anymore. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He says he can't do it anymore. - He can't do it anymore, yeah. - Fam? - Yeah.

Oh, Celeste. When shit's on the line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Celeste, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nuts. Yeah. Oh, they... Edward, when they were running off the island, they draped him. Yeah, they draped him.

- Bear. - They jaws on his neck. - Breaks to him. - Bear jaws on his neck. - Fam, one thing I liked about this, you know in like shows and series, especially on Netflix, it will show you the category 18 plus whatever, and it will show you a quick description of the genre. - What's in it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It says injury detail, AKA arms house, bro. - Yeah. - AKA arms house and blood. - Bro. - When the hanging bodies thing that you told me about, 'cause you mentioned it in the last episode when they were hanging bodies.

I think it's like episode two, episode three. She's, I think is when, is this when Annette, no, Annette's not trying to escape. It is, it's, I can't remember her name. She's one of the, it's a shame they've not got the fucking pictures there. It's pissing me off. One of the chicks, I think she's got blonde hair. She was trying to save her sister. Oh, the hanging body, that's it, that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, bro, that's it. Yeah, fam. Woo.

Yeah. Auntie Tessa or whatever it is. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Mad. Wow. Mad. Yeah. Wow. I forgot about that. Yes, bro. The faces these guys make. Yeah, bro. Scary. Scary, bro. The last few episodes you got to watch. Yeah. I can't wait. Surprised you pressed pause. I was, I think I started to fall asleep. I was watching it till about two. Oh, fair play. Couldn't keep my eyes open. Wow. And I told you before, um,

Castlevania, I watch in Japanese. So I've been watching it in Japanese. So I have to concentrate. So I just charge it. - It's so random that you watch it in Japanese. I rate it, but yeah, yeah, yeah. - It sounds good in Japanese. Even though I know it's meant to be American, blah, blah, blah. But I'm so used to watching anime in Japanese that I just like, fuck it, I might as well. But yeah, what's her name? The purple hair, yeah? Far left, left, left, left, left. - Oh, the main lieutenant, whatever her name is. - She's the main villain in it. They call her like,

What do they call her? It's not Drolta. No, her name is something Bathory. No, no, no, that's not her. That's her boss, bro. Click that. Isabel Bathory is the... Yeah, she's the main, main, main, main, main one. The one with the purple hair is her lieutenant. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I can't remember the purple one. Oh, so she's like...

- The Messiah. - The Messiah. - Yeah, the vampire Messiah is a bit battery. And her Lieutenant, I can't remember her name, is the one with the purple hair. - She is brazy. - Yeah, she is. - She is brazy. - She's brazy. - I thought she was topped on my bad, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh God. - Bro, it's all, I can't remember the order of events. I don't want to say anything. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But geez. - This is a paid advertisement for better help. - Bro. - Talk to me. - Real quick, ask me what my self-care non-negotiables are. - What? - Grounding.

Wim Hof breath work. Yeah. Eight hour sleep. Non-negotiables. Those are three perfect non-negotiables. And I'm proud of you. Thank you very much. I'm very, very proud of you. It's like when people say never skip leg day, but it's never skip therapy day. We all know how easy it is for our schedules to become overwhelmed with social gatherings and other obligations that leave us struggling to make time for the things that fill our own cups. 100%. It's like when your schedule is packed with big work projects and more.

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Betterhelp.com/gigspod today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com/gigspod. - Jesus Christ. - Yeah, there's stuff I need to watch. I'm gonna finish it today. - Yeah, they leave you on a fucking cliffhanger as well. - Really? - It's a cock tease at the end. - Oh God.

It leaves you at a point where you're like, season two has to drop tomorrow. There's no way you can make me wait a year for this. It's impossible. Damn. Yeah. Juicy. I would highly recommend everyone watch it. Everyone. This is the recommendation of the week. Even though you said it on Patreon last week. Highly recommend watch Castlevania Nocturne Netflix.

ASAP Oh bro And I was I'm gonna throw this one out there as well I know I mentioned on Patreon before Gen V Oh yeah I saw the trailer The other day I'm gonna watch it Gen V May It's early doors It may be on par If not better than the boys Really? It's Fucking decent Damn Bro from the jump It's actually very decent Say less Say less I've said it before The main character I can't remember her name anymore Marie Monroe Whatever Baddie Say less

Say less. Oh, Gen V, bro. It's only like four episodes out. Yeah. Raw. Yeah. Justin Clare, main thing. Love of my life. Say less. But yeah, fam, it's decent. I'll give that a watch as well. It's very, very, very, very decent. I'll give that a watch as well. Say less. Oh, I'm enjoying it. I love good shows, man. Right. Gang. Right. From here, I'm going to take us in a random twist. I've never done this before. Okay. And...

I don't know who the dude is So apologies But someone DM me A few weeks ago Yeah And they were like There's this Subreddit Where it's just like Horror stories But like real life Horror stories Okay You should do it As a segment of the show And they were like

To this day, I've never taken anyone's recommendation of a segment for the show because 99.999% of the time is bullshit. Sorry, guys. General public, I'm sorry. Sometimes your recommendations, most of the time, recommendations are bullshit. This one was juicy. So I had time. I don't know why. I had time that day. I had time that day. I went to subreddit.

I haven't even read this one, but I read like... The preface type of thing. Kind of preface, like what had the most upvotes and all this kind of thing. So I could be like, all right, bet. Let me ask you for it. And I thought, I'm just going to read it. I'm just going to read it and see how we feel about it. Cool, right? So I've had this tab open for literally like two weeks now. Okay, cool. So let's see how it goes. All right. It's intriguing. It is. This is intriguing. This could be a new little segment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. So the title of this is...

I was a captive... Oh my God. Yeah. Oh my God. I didn't even read it properly the first time I read it. I was a captive God for almost a decade. Captive? What does that mean? We're going to find out. Almost a decade? For almost a decade, I was a captive God. That's either he was like the top don of capturing people. Yeah. Or...

I didn't know what a second one could be. He was a, yeah, I've read little bits. I think it means he was perceived to be a god and was held captive because of it. Okay. Okay, yeah. So it's one or the other. It's one or the other. Right. And it's long, so you, man, pay attention. Grab a drink and pay attention. Right. Okay.

Right. You'll have to bear with me while I tell you my story. So much of it is written from hazy recollections of someone who was in captivity. Don't misunderstand. I wasn't abused in the traditional sense. I was well kept. Oh, I was well kept. I was well fed. And I really wanted for nothing except my freedom.

Juicy opening. It is. Juicy opening. It is. It all started one day when I visited a new therapist. Dr. McAllister. Baited the name. Fam. Baited the name straight off the jump. Wow. Dr. McAllister had been recommended by a friend of mine. He said that he was very good and that he had helped him get through a lot of the issues he had with his mother and discover some things about his sexuality.

He put you under and put you in touch with your real self. And that was how he overcame a lot of your issues. It all sounded great to me. I'd been having trouble sleeping and was looking for some way to get to sleep and needed to function. My insomnia would sometimes last for days and it was starting to affect my life.

So I made an appointment and two weeks later, I was laying on his couch, listening to Dr. McAllister countdown from 10 as he put me in a suggestive trance. Them things are scary, boy. Suggestive? Put me in a suggestive trance. That just sounds like throat. Yep. It sounds like I'm giving throat. What do you mean I'm under a suggestive trance? Jesus. Throat, you know? Right.

It was very sudden, like blinking, but everything changed after that trance. When I came out, just as suddenly, Dr. McAllister looked strange and I asked him if something had happened. Strange may not be descriptive enough. He looked somehow enraptured, enlightened, utterly worshipful. Dr. McAllister, you spoke to me about things that you couldn't possibly have known.

You talked to me about my childhood. You helped me get over the death of my mother. You helped me more in this hour-long session than I've ever helped anyone. Whoa. I wasn't sure what he was talking about, but when he gripped my hand, his eyes shone with the light of a zealot. I don't even know what a zealot is. I actually don't know what a zealot is, bro. Google it up for me. Let's Google zealot. I think I know what it means.

zealot a person who is fanatical and uncompromising in pursuit of their religious political or other ideals yeah yeah okay dr mccallister again i need more please let me put you back under so i can discover more fam i pulled away from him i took a huge step back what the hell was he talking about i'd come here for help but suddenly he wanted me to help him

I had to get out of here. I had to leave now. - Fam, I'm in the room. - Fam! - I'm in the room. - Fam! - I'm in the room. You man don't get it. - I had to get out of here. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I had to leave now. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - McAllister tried to stop me, but I was out the door before he could say much more than stop. - Oh God. - I didn't sleep well that night either. And it became a real problem. Sometimes I would lay in my bed and swear I heard whispers, but I put it off as auditory hallucinations.

I hadn't slept well for the past three weeks and I knew it was starting to catch up to me. When I would force myself out of the house for work or to run errands, I could swear I felt someone watching me. What's more, I could swear I'd catch glimpses of someone out the corner of my eye, but they would always be gone when I turned to look at them. It never happened in my house, always when I was out and about.

And the paranoia on top of the sleep deprivation was slowly eroding my sanity. So when I heard someone open a window in my living room one night, I rolled over and just thought it was me having a paranoid hallucination. Turns out it hadn't been hallucinations. When I heard someone open my bedroom door, I rolled over and found Dr. McAllister standing there watching me. No, no. He looked like he hadn't yet.

He looked like he hadn't been sleeping well either. And his eyes looked crazed. And we stood looking at each other. I wasn't sure if he was real or not. But when he lunged at me, I curled into a ball and cried out for him to stop. Lunged at me. He didn't attack me, though. He didn't hurt me at all. Though I now wish he had killed me right there.

Oh my God. I just remember the title was captive for 10 years. Oh my God. He didn't hurt me, but I wish he had killed me right there. Instead, he just, instead, he just slipped a needle into my arm. And as I watched his son push down on the plunger, I felt waves of warm and inviting sleep roll through me. Jesus Christ. Brother! Jesus Christ. I woke up in a finished basement.

The lights turned down low, strapped to a chair as Dr. McAllister made sure my bindings were comfortable. I struggled, my limbs heavy and uncoordinated, but he held up a fresh needle and told me if I didn't calm down, he's going to put me out again. I made myself as still as I could.

Dr. McAllister,

may very well change my life you spoke to me of things that opened my eyes ideas I had never conceived of and the longer I went without hearing your voice again the more I felt my new found serenity crumbling I'm sorry I'm not usually like this but I had to possess you

Facts. Just...

And that is how I became Dr. McAllister's captive God. How much more have we got? We've got a lot more. I might pause this and bring it in next week. - Ooh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Stay tuned. - Very good idea. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Wow. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - When I say I was there. - Yeah. - I was locked in. - Yeah. - When you said Dr. McAllister and what was it a guy? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - The brother just staring at each other and he lunged at him. - That's scary.

- We can even make out on a scan what will go through you. - Real scary. All right, cool. We're gonna leave it there. That's how I became Dr. McAllister's captive god. - Sick. - This is from a subreddit called No Sleep. - Okay. - Yeah. - Okay. - Yeah. - Okay. - All right. - Okay, yeah, yeah. This might be a little new seggy. Say less. - All right, we'll pick up the rest. - All right, bet, bet. You got Halloween coming up as well.

Oh yeah, Halloween is coming up. Time in, time in. All right, peng. Damn. Right, trash news please, Rem. Yeah, let's go. So, professor shows off confiscated pens that have been engraved with cheat notes by a student. That can't be real. How does it look like that? Bro. That's the tiniest thing I've seen. Bro, look at that. Nah. I must have used the protractor. Look at the pens, Rem. That's nuts. That's crazy. If I caught...

Is that algebra I'm looking at down there? Now to the left. Yeah, that pen. Up a bit. Yeah, this, that, there. I can't zoom in anymore. That looks mad, bro. I don't know, bro. Yeah, if I saw it, I'm giving him back the pen. If I saw that, you deserve to win. The effort is crazy, right? Facts. To win.

Bro, he's willing to do what it takes. Yeah, whatever it takes. This guy's got promise. That's what I'm seeing. Right, sorry, carry on. Professor shows off confiscated pens that have been engraved with cheat notes by a student who is studying criminal law. Shock. Professors admitted that they couldn't help but admire the extent he went to smuggle cheat notes into the class. According to one of the accused friends, he accomplished this by replacing the graphite lead of a mechanical pencil with a needle.

It made it super easy for him to write on the pen. Damn, well played. Hats off, innit? Unfortunately for the student, he was caught by an eagle-eyed professor who seized his one-of-a-kind set of cheat notes. However, his efforts did not go unnoticed as online users congratulated his creativity. Facts. Yeah, bro. I would let him pass. I would let him do his thing. Because these are the people studying criminal law. These are the people that are willing to go the extra mile. Facts.

- Clearly. - You need a man like me in this job. - Yeah, facts bro. - You need me in this role. - Yeah, it's just like a little bit evil here to save a lot of evil out there. - Yeah, come on man. - Yeah, come on man. - Slideman, close one eye. Close one eye, bro. What are you doing?

I rate it, man. I've never... I fucking hate exams. Same. I've never performed well in exams. And like, it's not... The reason I don't write exams as well is because it's not about what you know. It's about what you remember. Yeah. We have to just remember shit. And then every exam we've ever done, I've just forgot it as soon as we walked out of that room. Even if I passed the exam, I forgot everything. So...

no quants for me yeah for real yeah it doesn't make sense that's just the way to do exams like you said it's all memory it is like you can't judge knowledge based on an exam yeah it's well gone if you've got anxiety walk in there forget everything then what oh it's long then what it's just long it is long they don't care about that i hate exams so much what i also hated as well and there was certain type of certain types of exams where

Obviously there's a time limit. Let's say the exam is two hours, for example. There are some occasions where once we start, no one leaves until the two hours is done. Also some exams where once you're done, you can hand in your paper and dip. And then once you start seeing one person. - Yeah, you're panicking. - There's five people, there's 10 people. You're panicking. - You're looking around, there's like five people left. - Bro. - Am I stupid? - Someone's gonna put the dunce hat on my head any second. - Any second, bro. And you can't be the last one to hand it in.

Because you know you're still failing, but what have you been doing all this time? - Bro, I remember when, I think it was just me and Rem. Was it just me and you that had to repeat computer science? - Was that? - Or was it me and you? - I don't remember what computer science is, bro. - It was a one off.

flipping exam that it was random. It had nothing to even do with our course. We just went into an IT room one day and flipping did this random test. I can't remember what it was called. - For the life of us. - Bro, someone failed with me. I know I failed, someone failed. I think it was you. And we had to go back to Cov in summer and

It definitely wasn't me. - It wasn't you? - In summer. - I think it was probably me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So we sit in exam. - Yeah. - My parents wouldn't let that down. - Yeah, bro. And it was a day before.

- We were going on holiday. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that. - It was the day before Miami. - Yeah. - And if we would have failed this, we would have been fucked because the next retake was while we were in Miami. - Yeah, I remember that. - So we had to pass this one. - It was me, it was me, it was me. There was a few of us on that, on that retake. Not from our group, but from our class. There was a few heads in there, I remember. - Yeah, there was a few people. - I was splitting bare people. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - There was a few people in there. Because I remember I failed that one miserably 'cause I didn't even know the thing had started.

- Well, and when we did the first exam, I didn't even know the thing had started properly. What I remember is the lecturer or whatever said something and then everyone's clicking away. And I was just like minding my business and I didn't realize it started. And the test itself, I thought it was like one of them 90 minute tests, two hour tests. It was literally like 35 minutes or something ridiculous. And then I answered like three questions and they were like five minutes left. I was like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

I panicked. I panicked. Oh God. Oh. You scared the life out of me. Oh my God. Oh my God. I can see it now. Your eyes would have widened. Yeah. I can't remember what they called it. Because I think a lot of people did. I think a lot of people in uni had to do it.

Because it wasn't directly related to our thing. It was called, it wasn't computer science. It was some kind of data analysis or something like that. I can't remember. I don't know what you're talking about to me, bro. I'm not gonna lie to you. I remember it. How you're describing, I remember it now. Especially being the day before we flew out to Miami. Yeah, I was stressed. Yeah, what it's called, what it was about. So you had to bop to Cov to do the exam and then go fly to London to fly to Miami. The day before, so I was bop to Cov, do the exam, go home.

- Fly to, go to Heathrow the next day. - Damn. - Yeah. - Yeah, I don't remember that at all. 'Cause I think I was, I'm pretty sure I was in London the day before Miami. - Now you definitely, yeah, it was definitely two of us. I think it was me and Rem. - It was me, it was me. - Yeah, damn. I was happy it wasn't just me. 'Cause I promise you, I wasn't going back to Cove by myself. - Yeah, no, you wouldn't have done it. - I literally wouldn't, I would've charged the whole degree.

Because I'm not going back to Coffey by myself to do an exam. And I'm not repeating this year by myself either. To stay another year after you might have gone. Never. I would have tried to hold a degree. So thank God you failed that with me. Thank God you did. That's jokes. Okay, you got a dilemma for us. I do. Is my hubby gay? And the title is gimp or gay? Question mark. Oh. I'm 30 female engaged to a 44 male.

When we had first started to date, sexual desires were nothing taboo. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, sexual desires were nothing taboo as I'm a stripper and he was a proclaimed dominant. Oh, that's funny. Well, here we are two years later. He proposed after six months. Oh.

Sorry? That's screaming midlife crisis. He's 44 years old and he proposed to a stripper after six months. Ick. That's what she wrote. Ick? Yeah. Oh! She wrote ick. Okay. But she agreed to marry him? Yeah, accepted because... Shut up then! I accepted because he was someone I would marry but didn't mean right away. Anyway...

The most dominant he has ever been in the bedroom with me is a few latex outfits worn for his pleasure. Now, I, on the other hand, have had plenty sex toys or have plenty sex toys, ETC, that would make our time much more enjoyable for me. They don't get used. Cut to the chase. Here are the things that have been made me question. Here are the things that have made me question if this man only likes women. One, I'm his third wife.

Two, he knows and is friends with three openly gay men. Three, his friends come over only whilst I'm at work. In brackets, conflicting schedules? Number four, I found not one, but three gift masks in his sex bag, along with cock cages. Oh, Jesus. And other what I see as male toys.

None of which have ever been played with us together. Five, we only do quickies and doggy style. If it's a missionary, he's closing his eyes. Who do you picture? Oh, is that? Yeah. Number six. The fact that we're on number six is concerning. Number six. When I asked if he and a certain friend are sexual together, he said, oh my God, why don't you ask him then? What?

That sound is so jokes. Oh my God. Why don't you ask him then? Why don't you ask him? That's giving shy boy. Yeah. Oh my God. Just ask him. Just ask him. God, don't bother me with this. All right. Last. And she says, the masks are what truly turned me off because they seem very predatory to me. Like serial killer type shit, trying to hide DNA and who you really are. Thoughts. I mean,

When it said gay or gimp, I was thinking that's screaming kink shaming because those are two completely different jaunts. But- - After hearing what I said? - Are you and Donnie sexual together? And he said, "Oh my God, go and ask him." You're gay. - Yeah. - Or you're just not necessarily gay, but you like guys.

You like guys. There's no way I can say, random, are you and Rem ever like, do you ever like do a ting? And you're like, oh my God, shut up. Ask Rem. Why are you asking me? Ask Rem. You're a bomb boy. Facts, first of all. Rem's livid because your go-to was like, feel that told me to ask you. Random. I asked you, how did you man bang? And he said, oh my God, ask Rem. Nah, you get plugged.

In that situation, you get plugged and you're shy as fuck. Yeah, yeah. I'm a bottom boy in that situation. Yeah, you're a bottom boy in that situation. Facts. But it's number four that spun me. I found not one but three gimp masks in a sex bag with cock cages and she's never seen those. That's never seen the light of day. That's never seen the light of day with me and her. Mm.

The boys only come around when I'm at work. Yeah. I mean, she did say she's a stripper, to be fair. Yeah, but... Yeah, true. She's out in the evenings. She's out in the evenings, but why is... Why are they only coming over when he's at work? When she's at work, sorry. I don't know. They're having parties in the yard. Sauce and they're having parties. Ting's getting sucked in the yard. That's... Yeah. It's a lot. That really, really is a lot. It's a lot. Where he's 100% a gimp. But then...

- I'm hoping she's like locked off the engagements last marriage. I'm hoping, but she's not said so. - She hasn't said so. And she doesn't sound, she said yes. She said yes. She said it's a ick and she still agreed to marry him. - Yeah, because someone that she sees marrying in the future,

Yeah, this is... He's caked. Yeah, he's got sun. Literally, who are we kidding? Let's not beat around the bush. He's 15 years older than her. Facts. He proposed after six months. Facts. And she's currently working as a stripper. Yeah. Donnie's caked. Yeah, he's six figures south. Yeah, come on, man. Stop being silly. But that's fine. Yeah, of course. But yeah, your husband is... Not your husband. Yeah, he has a proclivity for dark meat. And that's cool. That's cool.

- Dark meat. - Ebro, his grown man throat is fully fledged. - Oh my, it's escaped. - Yeah, fam. And you just might have to just charge it and firm it. 'Cause it sounds like what you're doing anyway. - Facts, you're just trying to, you're venting is what you're doing. - Yeah. - 'Cause you're not trying to change it. - Finding a three-gimp mask that he's never even mentioned with cock cages. I never even heard those two words put together. I've never heard those two words. - Cock cages.

I've never heard those two words merged together. - Wow. - Yeah, scary stuff. - Cock cages, bro. - I don't even know what that is. - Bro, I'm trying to even like deep, like when these things are- - Rem, save yourself. Put it on incognito sign, bro. - Don't type in cock cages on regular Google, bro. They'll find us. - It's not my account. - This is our account. Now you're taking a piss.

- Go in, go in. - That's how I knees that bro. - Control N that bro. - Jeez man, this is linked to my home hub. So, man's got cock cages in there. Wow. - That's jokes. - My badness. - Jesus. - Oh, I was gonna say, I'm pretty sure it's one of them things. - Oh. - If you get, if you get hard. - Like a chastity. - It's a chastity thing. And I feel like it's one of them things if you get hard, it punishes you bro. - Oh, it might like stick something through your hole. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got something in there.

- Oh yeah, this is brazy stuff. This is brazy stuff. - Oh yeah, okay. - Yeah, this is long. Anyway. - So yeah, I was thinking things like that, right? - She needs to address it. Like who's this for? - Facts bro. And even so let's say she's gone to work, that aside, like the man them in the yard, like they're having fun. But it's how they're in the yard now, they're having fun. Like schedules clashing clearly. - They're in the yard now.

- How, there's nothing sexy. Let's obviously, let's say he, well, he clearly is a Gimp, he's got Gimp masks, he's got these cock cages. But there is nothing sexy about pointing on the ting that's meant to be like a taboo. Do you know what I mean? For instance, this cock cage, I'm not in the zone if I'm watching you put this thing on. Do you see what I'm saying? - As a girl? - No, I'm acting as one of the gay guys now. Do you see what I'm saying?

- Oh, you're one of the brethren that's come around for fun. - Yes. - And you're watching Donny put on his cage. - Yeah, it's just not sexy to me. - I think, yeah, but it's one of them things, right? So I'm assuming, hey, don't know from experience, just put it out there. I'm just making assumptions, okay guys? - All right. - I think this is how it goes down, right? - Safe space, safe space. - Safe space, yeah. So I'm assuming, yeah. Yeah, I get all my boys around. - They're in the yard now. - They're in the yard now. - Yeah. - Everyone's got a mask.

- Yeah, everyone's got a mask zipped up. - Yeah, God. - Yeah, I put on my mask and I put on my little cage. Now it's not about the, me putting on the cage is not foreplay for you, but now that I've got my cage on,

it's your job to turn me on. - Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And if it does turn me on, I'm getting punished. - You're punished. - Yeah, so you wanna see me punished, so you're doing all sorts. - And that then turns me on. - Yeah. - But if we all got cages on, what's the point? - Nah, just me. - Okay, okay. - Yeah, because someone's cheeks are getting clapped. So not everyone can have cages on. - True. - I've probably got a cage on and,

assless chaps. Cheeks are just spread. - So you're okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're doing the most to punish me. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. - Say less, say less, it's brazy. - Yeah, it's all nuts. But that's speculation. I don't know what goes on in that living room. - You sounded pretty confident. - He didn't invite me. - Fam, I'm not gonna lie, if I was gay, that sounds juice. - Yeah. - I'm not gonna lie to you, man. If I was gay,

- If I was gay, that sounds juice. Do you not agree though? Do you see what I'm saying? You mad? You mad at telling me I can't get hard, I'm gonna get punished. I don't think there's a female equivalent. Do you see what I'm saying? I don't think there's a female equivalent. I could be wrong. I could be wrong. I could be wrong. - Oh my God.

Jeez. Bro, it sounds like them men have a way with time. Yeah. Yeah, bro. That's mad. That's mad. There's equivalence, fam. There's equivalence. What's the female equivalent? Some examples include a clam jam. A clam jam. A twat swat.

- A box out. - Clam jam? - We got clam jam, a twat swat, a box out or a beaver dam. - Jeez Louise. Is this incognito? - Yes fam, relax. - I need to see what these look like. - Oh, okay, wait. - No, that's just merch. - Merch. - It's literally just merch. - Type in a beaver dam, what was it? That's what he said. - Beaver dam's just gonna actually come up with a beaver dam. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- All right, nevermind. - Yeah. - But damn. - Jesus. - Yeah. - I said it sounds juice. - Bro, if you actually deep hit. - I think the only, the female equivalent is one where you're just like, you tell her she can't not.

- Yeah, but that's got nothing to do with like toys in my opinion. - Oh no, no, no. - Oh, you're just talking about the toy equivalent. - I'm talking about the toy equivalent. - I thought you were talking about the stimulation equivalent. - No, no, no, no, not the stimulation, like the toy equivalent. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's nothing, nothing could be done because theirs is just a wet ting. - Mm. - Yeah. - 'Cause I can't see how- - I said it does feel like I'm gonna get punished. - Bro, because it's a fact. - Yeah. - It's like cause and effect. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's a fact. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, crazy. - It's crazy. - Yeah, it's nuts. - Wow. - Yeah, nuts.

- Wow indeed. Wow indeed. Jesus. - Jesus. - He's having a whale of a time. - That's what I'm saying. - Yeah. Nah, that's fine. - He's having a whale of a time. Yes. - And he's no wonder he's saying, she's saying, "All we do is quickies." All we do is quickies and it's back shots and it's done. Because when she's working. - Yeah, hours. - Wow. - Them and her playing for hours. - They're playing for hours.

- It's relentless. - There's a room full of them. - Oh my gosh. - Geez Louise. - All right, fair play to him. - Fair plays indeed. But yeah, your husband is a gimp and he's gay and you just have to either charge it or move on. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - One of the two. - Good grief. - Damn. - Right, you said you've got a question for us apparently. - I have a question for the gram, gram? - The fandom. This is for everyone. This is quick and easy. Same question but I'll ask you to answer individually.

Phone, wallet, car keys, house keys. In your instance, you don't drive. So instead of car keys, your laptop. Keep one, lose three for a week. Phone, wallet, house keys, car keys. Lose three for a week. So I want to keep my phone. I don't have a roof. Yeah, I'm keeping my house keys, right? Yeah, keep my house keys. Phone, wallet, car keys, house keys. I'll just, I'll be on my laptop, communication, my phone, because I have to take the L.

I need my phone for that. - I need my phone. Fam, you need your- - Need it. - You need a roof over your head, bro. What do you mean? What are you doing? - I need my phone. - I can book sighting with my phone. I can book sighting, G. I can book an Uber, I can book a hotel. I can book all sorts. - Facts. I got my passport on. I can do whatever I want. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can do whatever I want. - Wow. I need it. I need it.

- Yeah. - I'm keeping my phone. I'll keep my phone. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You're keeping your house keys? - I'm keeping my house keys, man. - Ellis? - Yeah, house keys, man. - So your laptop's gone. - I know that's the only thing.

- Your phone's gone. - I'm not bothered about my phone. - Yeah, to be fair, you don't reply for hours. - I know he doesn't. I'm the worst with my phone. - Let's not get into it. - The tips I get from you? Only you, it doesn't make sense. - It does. - Is the data wrong? - It does make sense because he doesn't turn on his notifications. - Ah, it's infuriating. - Let's not get into it. - It's infuriating, Ellis. - Anyway.

So you keep your house keys? So yeah Yeah yeah yeah Yeah house keys out of everything It's gotta be man Fair brave Can't not be at home Oh phone bro

- Phone, I'll do everything else with the phone. - Yeah. - Really? - Yeah, car keys, I don't need Uber, don't need house keys, don't need to stay in a hotel for a week. What else is what I say? House keys don't need, phone don't need. - Wallet. - Wallet. - Apple Pay. - Apple Pay, bro. I never took my wallet out for years before anyway, so. - Oh, I remember. - We know. - I remember. - Phone. - I'm happy the world was caught up with your ignorance. - Oh yeah. - I'm happy. - The amount of times I've been stopped and said to drive with my wallet with me.

Ever since those times you were talking about Oh really? Yeah in like events and stuff People say have you got your wallet? That was time ago as well But to be fair Every time anyone sees me Where's Toby? That's all I get Where's Toby? I bet you hate Toby Fuck out my face Fuck out my face I love Toby But yeah cool Cool right Thread to finish Thread to finish Yeah bro I'm still laughing

The gimting. The gimting. That's it. It sounds juice. Bro. The way he depicted it. If I was gay. It makes sense, bro. The party makes sense. Oh, God.

Right. I've had this thread on my phone for a minute. So Club Closet, it's a tweet and the thread is about all the replies. Okay. So the main tweet is, Club Closet is at 2am. She didn't get home till 4. Oh my God. Red flag, red flag, red flag, red flag. And all the responses are from women. So first one, damn, can't I help the DJ with his equipment? Oh.

Nah, don't, yeah, don't make jokes at my expense. Next. I can't help the hot dog lady sell her hot dogs? Damn. I can't help the cleaners, I can't help the owners clean their room? Damn. I can't help my cousin bring in groceries? You guys are strict. I bet. Wow. Damn. Can I freestyle in a parking lot for a second? Like, chill. I got stuck in traffic. Realistically speaking, I'm probably in the parking lot eating wings with my eyes closed. Oh my days.

Fair. And Mr. Midnight Smack-a-ho-palooza showdown at Waffle House? You know I love dinner theatre. Smack-a-ho-palooza? I hope that. I'll be home as soon as this dumb bitch gets the fuck out my way. Women are not for women, bro. This dumb bitch gets the fuck out my way. And the thing is...

They wrote that and it's a caption of a video of a breader talking to himself in the mirror. He's gone. He's gone. He's fighting himself in the mirror. Oh, Jesus. He's gone. Last one. What do you mean, bae? I'm on my way right now. She's slumped in her bushes. Oh my God. Yeah, that was the last one. It was just a quick thread to wrap this bitch up. Red flag, red flag, red flag. Yeah.

I can't find myself in a situation where I'm waiting up. - Two hours. - Two hours. - Dance finished at two. You're not home till four. We live 15 minutes away. - Bro, I know, 'cause my head will be out the curtains.

- Peaking. - Peaking, I'm livin' at myself. - Oh God, yeah. I would be livin' at myself too. - Fuck all of that, man. Four? - Two hours is a long time. - That's a long time. Can't help DJ with his equipment. - You man are strict. - That bar took my breath away. You man are strict.

- Oh God. - Oh Jesus. - Damn, all right, fair play. All right, this was one of my most favorite episodes to record in a while. So thank you for that guys. - It's been a good day. - It's been a good day in general. As always head on over to patreon.com/shitsandgigs to get that bonus content on Thursdays. We are now doing ad free content on there as well. - Come on. - But as always guys, love, love, love. - Gang, gang, gang. - Bless.

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