Ep 195 - These Icks Are Icking! | ShxtsnGigs Podcast
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My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.

My friend's still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com slash results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. That double take. It's so hot.

Guys, what's good? What's going on? It is Monday again and we are chillaxing in the studio. As we do. As we do. The bright lights are on, the camera's running, the drinks are flowing, the audio is zooming, everything is feeling good and fine. Yes sir.

Thank you to every single person that came out to see us on Thursday. We had a blast. It was good. It was jokes. It was live and lavish and just a wonderful experience. We can't wait for the next one. So thank you for that, guys. Speaking of the next one, speaking of the next one, guys, we do have a few more tickets left for our London show in September. Facts. You have to come.

It's literally a non-negotiable. It's a non-negotiable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to fly off. Yeah. It's going to be sick. We've got people from the States flying over. We've got people from like Germany, Finland I've seen flying over. We've got people from Dubai flying over. Fans are coming from all over the globe to see this show in September. You guys have to be there. And I'm hearing people saying they don't want to come from Birmingham. I'm seeing people say you should do a show in Cambridge. Yeah.

Nah man, you man fly down to London real quick. Bro! Real quick. It's not that long. It's literally get to London on the 29th of September and come vibe with us live. Facts bro. It's gonna be sick. You've literally got no excuse. You've got ample amount of time to plan your days and your journeys. Yeah, get it done man. Get it done. You had way more opportunity than the people that came the other day. Facts. They had a few weeks notice. Facts. And a fucking tube strike. And a train strike. A nationwide train strike. Facts.

Asian wide train strike. But they still showed up. They showed up and showed up. So come on, guys. Yeah, man. Link is in the bio. Fucks. Grab a ticket today. Bring a significant other, a special friend. Bring someone. There's been chirps and galore about this show as well. There has been. There's going to be knocking boots. Yeah, there's going to be men holding hands that they've never met before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People are going to leave there in love. Yeah.

I see a guy post it today. I repost it to our story because he DM'd us on Patreon. So I think he said he's flying out from Dubai just to come to the show. And the ting that he's meeting there, he's never met. Yeah. He just met her on Patreon. Yeah. And she said she's going solo. Oh.

So he wants to swap seats with someone in her row. Yeah. So he can sit next to her. He's offering three bags. No, bags. Three bills. He's offering three bills for his ticket. He paid like 30 quid for it. He's offering three bills to swap seats. Yeah. That's easy money. Yeah. Mad. So guys, this is going to be a special show. Your boys have had a taste for it now. Yeah. And now we know what to do.

So guys, 29th of September. Please show up. You have to be there. Please tell a friend to tell a friend. Come and see the show. It's going to be sick. And yeah, links in the description. So jump in, buy a ticket right now. If you haven't, do go on there and it's sold out while you're listening to this. I'm sorry, but that's your fault. Literally your fault. You had weeks. You had weeks. Anyway, as usual, guys.

Patreon.com forward slash shits and gigs is where you're going to get all the extra content. The stuff you're listening to right now is 50% of what we're providing on a weekly basis. 50%. That's embarrassing. It is embarrassing. That's literally embarrassing. Step your game up. There's stories that you just, you're not understanding. There's references we're making. You're not clued up. You're not privy to whatsoever. You're thinking, oh, I must not have been paying attention to that episode. You weren't there. Or ADHD was drifting in and out. One of them ones. No.

I had it on in the background while I was advising. You weren't there. You weren't present. Yeah, yeah. Us men are running jokes and stuff that you're not even aware of. Yeah, man. And there's people in Patreon making friends over there. Relationships. There's chirps in. Bonds. There's relationships. There's groups of girls that are kekekeing. Everything's popping off over on Patreon. So get over there. It's going to cost you £3 a month. £10 a day. Run the pee, guys. Run the pee. Get on Patreon.

binge all the episodes from the last two and a half years check us out every thursday and uh join the community over there because it is a great time also guys if you are listening on spotify apple podcast wherever you listen to your podcast please give us a review listen all the way through and tell a friend to tell a friend if you are watching us on youtube last but not least please like the video if you like the video chubb sitting in the comments make sure you're subscribed to the channel and ring the notification bell please and thank you and without any further ado i'm gonna head on over to my co-pilot

my main man, my best friend, my brother in arms, my sloppy top Sunday. Oh my goodness. Bye Lord Fwakes. Here's where the fun fact is. Thank you very much. So guys, well, I think you went through that in record time. Yeah, I know, right? I was impressed with myself. I liked it. I liked it. So guys, the fun fact of the day. Right guys. So the fun fact of the day is you may have seen this. A lot of you may have seen this as well.

Lad makes 34k in a month by letting viewers disrupt his sleep on live streams. This was my fun fact as well. Oh, say so. Not for this episode though. Oh, say so. I had it in my notes. Yeah, mad. Mad, I like. Did you read the whole thing? No. All right, let me just, let me give you guys a quick synopsis of Wagwan.

So it's from Ladbibles. Mam wrote, I'm clearly in the wrong line of work. Making big money whilst just laying there in bed is a dream for many of us. But one TikToker, Jakey Boehm, has managed to make this reality by turning the act of sleeping into an interactive game on TikTok. Jakey allows other users to interrupt his sleep with a variety of methods and the content creator has turned sleeping into his full-time job.

To carry out this bizarre streams, Boehm has crafted a custom script that analyzes specific phrases or prompts with his live chat. Once the correct prompt has been discovered by his script, a new distraction can be deployed within Boehm's room. And I'm going to show you the video in a sec.

Speaking with Business Insider, TikToker Jakey revealed that he earns up to sometimes over 34k for his antics. It's seriously life-changing money. The first week I made $5,000. That's where I thought, this is big and I can do really crazy things. Let me show you the video. That's 12.30am. 12.30am. He's just trying to kick. No, Fuhad, I promise you.

How often does he do this? I'm assuming... Like daily? On a daily, weekly basis. Yeah, if he's making 30 bags a month, he's doing it every day. Yeah, he must be doing it daily. Yeah. I'll die. That is...

on call i couldn't do such a thing i love sleep i need it i love i fucking need it no literally the thing is as well it's all well and good first of all okay props to him yeah because that's uh that's a cool way to make money it's very new it's it's difficult and like so props you're making big money doing crazy shit that people didn't even think was possible 10 years ago yeah now that being said

If someone said to me tomorrow, if I didn't know that was a thing, and someone said to me tomorrow, I will give you 30 bags a month for however long you can handle it for you to let people disrupt your sleep as and when they please. So you're in bed and literally they press a button, make a donation or whatever, and then it wakes you up and you have to do it every day. I would say no. Would you? Would I? Yes. Yes.

You're thinking I'm doing some back and forth. No, I'm saying no, I'm not doing it. I promise you I'm not doing it. Yeah, fair enough. I'll be dying, bro. Oh, trust me, I know, I know. I'll be fucking dying. I'll be the same, bro. I'll be exactly the same. I can't, I hate waking up at like,

Obviously, his one is a dickhead ting. Like, it's 12.30. They wake him up to do some fuckery shit. But I hate waking up at, like, not too early, but also not too late. Like, 7 o'clock, for example, to go piss. And I struggle to go back to bed sometimes. It's so jarring. So let alone having to do this. Man, them wake you up at dickhead o'clock. 1 o'clock, 2 a.m., whatever. Constantly. Constantly. Every time they clock that you've just fallen asleep, bang. Wake the fuck up. Oh, fuck.

Bro. I actually don't think it's every day. He'd be in hospital. It can't be every day. He'd be in hospital. He must just sleep through the day and deal with that shit all night. Yeah, I guess. Then is he really sleeping then if he's sleeping during the day?

But that's the thing. But if he's... Or trying to sleep. Yeah, well, I would say it still works badly because if he is sleeping through the day and trying to sleep in the evening, like... He's got no life. He's got no life. Yeah, he's got no life. He's literally got no life. He can't spend his money. Well, his money is making him just chill it. Because he's probably going on Amazon buying more shit to distract him from sleeping. Oh, fucking hell, bro. Like, that's torture to me. That's literally what they do in torture camps. They just don't let you sleep. Why? I just don't know how...

he even started this. Obviously, he must have had a platform. I'm assuming he must have had a platform where he was just doing whatever live streaming. Let me see if I can make money by doing this. Yeah, it probably he's I think like

I think what he's, if you get, actually get into that world, I guarantee like what he's doing is not that unique. Yeah. To be fair. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. Rabbit hole type thing. When they first introduced lives to TikTok and you would just scroll through TikTok and there'll be lives on your stream. I never see lives anymore because I just have no interest. But at first they were pushing it. Yeah. I would see a man making money doing foolishness. Oh really? Fam, there was a brer that was trying to do trick shots with ping pong balls to get it into a cup down a flight of stairs and like bang it off pans. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And bro, people were just watching for hours trying to get this shit in. And I'm not gonna lie, I stayed there for like five minutes. Because it's interesting. You're engaged. It's such useless content, but it's fucking interesting. So yeah, I reckon if you get deep into the hole, because then you've got the ASMR kind of stuff people do. You've got well weird shit. The ASMR stuff will never...

What's compute with me? It's boring. It just doesn't... I understand... Well, the thing is, I think I understand the aspect of ASMR in terms of the gratification, but it just does nothing for me. I can't just sit there and listen to sounds or mouths or whatever. It doesn't do nothing for me. It only works for me if it's a painting and she's just in my ear. Yeah, that's different. Like, she's here. She's next to me. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's the only way it works. This random bitch that's like... And she's like...

or she plays some like yeah it's like fuck off man are you feeling tired today he's just like where's this dickhead from and there's always like wear headphones wear headphones i'm not wearing the headphones shut up for that complete surround sound yeah none of that um so smr doesn't work for me but some people love it yeah love it but not for me um but yeah fair play to that guy i'm not sure i'm not doing it but fair play to him 34 bags a month fair fucking play indeed um

Before I get into what I wanted to talk about, as you guys can see, your boy got tatted up today. Sure, probably. Can they see it? They'll be able to see it. If they can't see it, it's my thing. And also, if you're listening and you're intrigued, obviously, pause your thing, go straight to the YouTube so they can look at it ASAP. But yeah, so if you've been with us for a long time, you will know that I said ages ago when we were in the early days of this podcast is that

When I quit my job, I will get a tattoo that is so obvious that people just... I'll get a non-hireable tattoo. I've got a tattoo that I would go to a job interview that you can't hide. And they'll be like, no.

Unless it's like McDonald's and they just don't care. But any like respectable job, they just won't have me. I was like, I need to have that so that I know that I, no matter what, even if I want to get another job, I just can't. Once I leave my job, I have to leave. So that was like over a year ago now. But still, today was the day I got it. Yeah.

Yeah, I went to see my boys over at Making Marks in Leamington Spa. Have you ever been to Leamington Spa, by the way? I want to say yes, but...

probably not because um this is just a quick backstory for those that for guys that already know we went to coventry uni and lemmington spa is probably about 15 20 minutes away from coventry uni so every time i used to go from london to cove or cove to london but i don't think i've ever gotten off and being into lemmington bro i've i might have had a bodybuilding show there one time but it was in some dreggy bits i thought it was dead there i'm not gonna lie to you bro

I thought it was ends. I went there today to this fucking tattoo shop. Bro, I can't say a lot for the whole town, but this one road I was on, lavish. Lavish. I thought I was in like Cornwall or somewhere. It's just all like, really like...

Like, chic shops, like, you know, like, shops that sell only white t-shirts. Oh, fuck. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Those kind of just, like, really, like, hipster shops. Like, it reminds me of... Every time I hear stuff like that, I always think of two things. Either Shoreditch ends... It reminds me of Shoreditch. Or, like, not Arndale. What's the place in Mani? Northern Quarter. Yes, bro. It's very Shoreditch-stroke Northern Quarter. But it's, like...

Yeah. So like, it's very like, so the street that I was on is like, all the buildings are like white. Okay. It was obviously a nice sunny day today as well. All the buildings are white. Everything's clean, but hipster, but super clean. Not like, no like rustic shit. It's just all like modern.

New Age, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just, yeah, it's buff. It's some renaissance ting. Gang, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some New Age renaissance ting on the street. And I'm thinking, damn, this is not what I thought Lemon to Spy was like. So went in there to see them. Fam, I've said this every time I've got a tattoo, but I promise you I'm not getting another tattoo. I want to get this finished, but I don't think I can at this point.

unless i just get like a little 20 minute ting to cover my elbow it's gonna hurt on the elbow no it's bone well it's bone but it's also there's no nerves here but you can pinch your skin as hard as you want and you won't feel it so this should be fine um this yeah my neck who had from usually when you get so when you usually get tattoo yeah

they start you off and you're like you can feel it but it just feels like as if I was like scratching you like that it's just annoying it hurts but it's not like ow you wouldn't ever like the first touch you wouldn't let it touch you and you'd never be like ow yeah yeah yeah you'd just be like it does hurt but it's whatever it's only when they start going over the same bits around the same area that you start being like

This is really starting to fucking hurt. Like the neck. Bro, so let me paint a picture for you. I had to get topless. I had to lay down in the fetal position on his bed. So I'm like this and my back's here. On his bed. Yeah, on his bed. I had to get on his bed, fam.

Lay on the So the brother that hooked me up His name's Connor Lay on his Lay on his ting like this Yeah And I'm laying like that Topless Yeah Breast out Yeah The first stroke Yeah I'm not gonna lie to this I was like this I was like Here we go And he's like Are you nervous I was like Nah I'm not nervous bro Come on fam Shut up Do the ting Fam

The first stroke I grabbed, I grabbed the bed like this. I was like, I'm ready. I'm ready. Like I had to stop myself from jerking. Yeah. Cause I was like, fuck that, that fucking hurt immediately. Yeah.

did you make eye contact like that i was just because he had like this little board here but it's like it was made out of glass so i could see myself oh okay so i was just looking at myself here i'm not lying to you it wasn't a tear but i take him out my mouth it wasn't like an emotional tear but i took him out my eye and i was there and i literally i felt i had to scratch it to make sure he didn't see me wiping yeah yeah yeah i had to like scratch it and i was like

Yeah. There's going to be like three hours of this. Oh shit. He's going, going, going. And to do this like black outline, I can't describe the pain. Fuck. I can't describe it. And he kept telling me, bro, it's going to get better after this. Yeah. And I was like, when he said it, because we were going for about half an hour, 40 minutes. And I was thinking, all my head, I'm thinking, I don't think I can do this. Big Man Singh, I don't think I can do this. I love this.

I don't know what I'm going to say or what I'm going to do, but I'm thinking, I genuinely don't think I can do this. I can't continue. I haven't felt pain like this in my life. Like this is so bad. And then he was like, oh, just, I hadn't said anything. He's like, just to let you know, it's just the, I'm just doing the outlines. Once I do all the outlines, it's going to get easier. And then once I've broken the skin, he had this like,

like pure alcohol ting but once you put that on it he's like it soothes the skin down so that when I come at it it's at least for another like half an hour it's gonna be less tender and we'll be able to go after it and usually with the shading and stuff like that that's always nicer than the deep outlines and I'm like this is a thick black line like I've never had anything like this like the worst I've had is like this kind of stuff and that fucking hurt mm

And on the other side of my bicep here, hmm, that fucking hurt. This was worse. And as soon as he said, I've got about 30% more of these black lines to do and then it's going to start getting chill, I said, fam, you're lucky you fucking said that because I'm not lying to you. I was ready to walk out the door. I was thinking, this is worse than I ever imagined it would be. And I was thinking, bro, I know it's been like four years since I've had a tattoo, but fuck, like, I can't breathe. Because I was trying to, I was on some Wim Hof ting. I was trying to control my breathing. I was thinking, if I just focus on my breathing, it's going to be fine. And I'm there like,

and then like you get like five six reps in and you find yourself like i don't know and i was sweating buckets yeah i was hopeless yeah because i'm sweating for you yeah and i was like and then he finally he finally finished the black ting yeah and he's like oh let me put some of this this cooling freshness on it and then just as he's about to spray he's like i might sting a bit and i was like what fam sprayed it it was cool and refreshing i was like ah

The pain that started to like... Bubble. Bubble's the word. Bubble. The pain that started to bubble, I sat up and screamed. I'm not...

I sat the fuck up and I screamed. Like the barbicide thing after you get a trim. Barbicide times a million. Oh my God. I was like, fucking hell, bro. There's customers. I said, fucking hell, bro. And he was like, I didn't want to say anything, but yeah, it's bad. I said, I thought you said it's supposed to make it better. He said, yeah, it's the calm. It's like, it gets worse before it gets better. Like, you're going to go through hell, but then once we go again, it's going to feel nice. It wasn't like that. After about 30 seconds, it died down and it felt fresh. But fucking hell, Fouhad.

And then we lie back down. Bro, the pain was unbearable. Yeah. This was it. This is where it got me. So I'm lying back down. I'm traumatized. Yeah. At this point, I'm fucking traumatized. Yeah. I lie back down into my fetal position and he's like, oh, twist up. So I had to twist up and like face him a little bit. Oh,

And he's like over me here. Yeah. And it makes it worse because he's actually a buff guy. Okay. He's like a solid six one. Yeah. Obviously tatted up. Yeah. Shredded and big. Yeah. He's a buff guy. Okay. White guy. You just typical. Imagine the buffest white guy you can imagine. Him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm here. I'm here.

I said, I'm here. I'm here. And I'm looking up thinking, but I'm not making eye contact. His head's just here behind me. And I'm thinking, fuck. And he's just going on doing the waves and stuff like that. And I'm thinking, this is a little bit better, but I'm still traumatized. I'm still grabbing the bed for all my life. And I just closed my eyes. And basically what they do when you get a tattoo is,

is they'll do some drawing and then they'll rinse it and wipe it. So they have this like antiseptic water or whatever, then they'll just rinse it, wipe it, carry on. Rinse it, wipe it, carry on. Bro? Yeah.

As he's doing it, we're probably like 25 minutes into the second, like after the break. 25 minutes into the second go. And I'm starting to not be able to bear it anymore. Okay. And I'm thinking, okay, this is getting like... Because what happens with the shading is it's much nicer at first, but it's them going over the same bit for ages. Yeah. Fucking hell, bro. After a while, it gets so tender. Yeah. And you're like, oh, you need to move on. You need to move on. But the worst thing is, is because he's already...

gone around the whole thing even if he moves on to a new patch of skin it's already tender tender yeah so it's just like your brain thinks that bit's done and he goes back to it oh my god oh it takes you so i'm on edge yeah i'm grabbing the bed i'm in the feet while i'm grabbing the bed and i'm closing my eyes yeah i'm thinking fam he accidentally he picks up the bottle to rinse yeah and one drip of the water

falls out the tip of the bottle and lands like my middle of my back. Fuhad? Fuhad? I'm laying here on my side. I'm shaking. And this cold drip touches my back like unbeknownst. I said, ah! I jumped. I said, ah! He was laughing, bro. And he's like, you're right. I said, bro, I'm so used to trauma. It literally felt like... It felt like...

When you're a prisoner of war and they've been torturing you and you're so defeated and then they just give you a little flick and you're like, stop. You're hanging. They got you hanging. They got you hanging. And they put an ice cube on your seat and you're just there. That's how that water felt. I was so absorbed in trauma that this little drop, I didn't know what he was doing to me. I didn't know what he was doing to me.

I literally felt like a fucking victim. Oh my God. That's what I knew. I was like, I'm not built for this. I'm not built for this. Finish the ting and let me out. Finish the fucking ting and let me out. Fuck me. That's hilarious. I'm never getting a tattoo again. That's hilarious. I have to, but I don't want to. It was too much, bro. If you were there, you would have one, been howling at me and two, certified you're not getting a tattoo. Really? Fuck, man.

i'm glad it's done though oh i'm happy and i'm glad it was like a one session thing yeah yeah yeah because it's not it's big but it's not massive yeah it's not like the um yeah yeah so yeah um and your back one was that one session my back was one session my next one session this obviously is still ongoing so far i've had four sessions for this maybe five wow you started out over a decade ago no oh i started this when i was like 20 yeah 21 literally just like oh maybe yeah i think about 21

yeah i think about 21 i was when i started this and um yeah bro still going i just need to finish it and there's been three artists that worked on it damn yeah it's long but this has been going sessions fam and everyone i've been thinking what am i doing here every single one i thought what the fuck am i doing what the fuck am i doing here this is not normal bro and then there's people there like one of the brothers that i met that works there homeboys got just tattoos on his face bro

He's just got tattoos all over his neck and face. I think it's one of them ones where once you, because they must get them like so regularly. Like they're just, it's just numb to them now. I guess. Well, I was chatting to a homeboy that did mine and he said he hates it every time. Oh, really? He said he hates it. But once you, the thing is, is what I can see where it's coming from. Because like I said, every single time I've had a tattoo, I've always said I'm never getting it. I'm never, ever going to forget. And I feel like it's similar to like, obviously loosely like childbirth.

Because trauma is supposed to be one of the most excruciating things any person can experience. But yet, yes, still having babies. Yeah. And it's like the human body has a way to forget trauma. Yeah. In a way that like is unbelievable. Apparently they said like if the human body is actually trained into you, like if the human mind and body wasn't trained to be able to like forget trauma.

pain and trauma. Yeah. Like, we couldn't exist as a species. I'm not surprised. Just because childbirth is so bad that like, no one would have more than one. No one ever would have, ever have more than one. So, same with tattoos. Like, you get one and you're like, fucking hell, I'm never getting that again. And then, you get, and then a couple months, this heals.

no pain it looks nice and you're like how am i getting that it wasn't that bad yeah yeah you started convincing yourself it wasn't that bad i mean it hurt for a bit but yeah it's nothing okay again yeah other side mistake yeah yeah but luckily i'm happy it's done but yeah that's it my i actually did something i said i was gonna do

Next up is the skydiver. Fuck, illustrious skydiver. Definitely going to book it. I will fucking book it. I'm going to book it. I'm going to book it. I'm going to book it. I'm just so scared for it. I'm probably more petrified than you are. You definitely are. But yeah, it is what it is. Anyway, I've got some icks for us today. Okay. The icks have been icking fam. I'm not even going to lie. So let me find some.

I'm just going to wet the whistles with some of these today. Say less. Wet the whistle. Right. So actually, let me, before I do the X, let me drink, let me breathe, because fam, I'm going to have a headache after laughing at some of these. Okay. I'm going to have a fucking headache after laughing at some of these. That's what I'm here for. Right. She said, I sneezed. And he said, oopsie daisy. Bless you. Oopsie. Oopsie daisy.

Wow. Oopsie daisy. Just fam, just... Oopsie daisy. Bless you. Bless you. Fuck off. Yeah, literally fuck off. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get rid of your penis, bro. You won't need that anymore. Yeah, he definitely wouldn't need that anymore. Oopsie daisy. Oopsie daisy. Fam, during the deed, he said... Wait. During the deed, he said, oh my goodness, the entire time. Fam, oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. No, he never...

Oh my goodness. Safe. Safe. Oh my goodness. She would have been perplexed. Perplexed, bro. And he was in ecstasy. He was in ecstasy. Firm. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.

- Oh my goodness. - He's sure when he first went, woo. - That's too slippy. It's too slippy and warm. It doesn't make sense. - Don't move, don't move, don't move. - Don't move, don't move, don't move. - Don't move, don't move, don't move. - Don't you dare move. - Oh my goodness, don't you move. - Oh my goodness. - Bro, them don't you moves. - It's like, I can't describe it. It's like,

there is literally a minefield in your boxes yeah and it's the don't you moves i don't think women take the don't you move seriously because they move more they yeah they they yeah yeah no you might don't understand i'm all right cool so say this is the end of my tool yeah and this is my body yeah this this is my body this is this is my body here this is the tip of my tool and this is my body here yeah i'm in control yeah through all strokes yeah i'm here yeah i'm ready

If I get you to a point where I say, don't move, it's here. Yeah. And I'm no longer in control. Yeah, facts. We need, it's like a T-Rex. When literally they can't see you if you don't move. So my tool's on a T-Rex ting because it's on the hunt now. Yeah.

When it gets to the tip of the tool, it's on the hunt now. Literally any movement. Any movement, he's going to go off. He's going to go for the kill. So shut the fuck up. Don't say anything. And do not move a muscle until it curls back into its head. Until I'm back under control.

Ladies, when a man says don't move, don't fucking move. Don't you dare move. I know you think it's all fun and games, but he will not and not in you. Because he won't have time to pull out. Yeah, he will not in you. And now it's both of our fault. Because the movement, the exit movement, counts as movement. So on the way out, he's not in you. He's not in. So if a man hits you with the don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move. Because he will say it more than once. Yeah. Oh, he'll let you know. Don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move. And he'll press your pelvis into the bed. Don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move. Don't fucking move. And you're over there like...

oh the tom-tom's too nice don't move tom-tom too nice they might get gassed with it they do shut up sharpen don't move and we can carry on this party yeah yeah oh it sweets me bro hilarious all right oh bro you'll feel this one oh god when his door gets stuck on the carpet

For those of you that don't know, this is what me and Fiore live with on a weekly basis. This fridge and this rug, they're not boys. They don't come inside. There's no mesh. There's nothing. Getting this fridge open is a fucking bitch and we hate it. I said they're not boys. This one sweetened me because I can't imagine a more feminine experience.

This is from a woman. Yeah. When I'm filling up the car and he's looking up at me from the passenger window. Man's just there. Leg. I know the knees are touching. Just wow. Waiting to see if you'll stop on the zeros. 30 on the dot. And he's trying to cover conversation through the window. Yeah. Man's walking down the stairs. Elevator.

Man's doing some window ting like... Oh my goodness. Yeah, yeah. Yat. Yes, yes, yes, yeah, indeed. Bro, I couldn't believe that one. Bro, this one's so specific. When they mmm their food more than once. That's it. That's it. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. That double take. That's it. Mmm. Mmm.

It's one of them ones where let's say I'm back in this drink for example, I back it and I'm like, and then I look at it like, what actually is this? - What's inside this? I need to look at the ingredients 'cause this is banging. - We've been there, bedtime. If you'll take me to any alchemist and you get me something with smoke in it, I'll drink it and I'll just think it's theater. And I'll get that and I'll be like, mm, mm.

You always have to double take it. Yeah. You don't want to be on a date with me at a cocktail spot. I'm one of your girls now. I'm one of your girls now. That's too funny. When he has an umbrella in his boot. I saw that just in case. I saw that. Funny. Fucking funny. Fucking hell. Oh, fam. When he rides a horse, arse is just bouncing.

Bro, that's painful. The imagery of that is enough. Bro. The imagery of that is enough, I can imagine. It literally is. He looks like a power bottom. Just throwing that ass back. He's a power bottom. Wow. He's throwing those cheeks back. Wow. Oh my God. Oh God. This one, this one in today's society, this one is very like relevant. Yeah.

Man said she turned my promotion story into a lesson about the patriarchy. What? Bro, I already know how that conversation would have gone. It would have gone something along the lines of, I got a new promotion today. Oh, really? Congrats. Who was in the running? It was me, Rebecca, Sarah and Shelley. Here we go. No wonder you got it. Oh, you got the promotion over the three women. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cool. The gender pay gap increases. Well done. You're contributing. You're anti-feminist and you're a piece of shit. Oh my goodness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he got, I've seen this one, Bear. When he goes into the coin section of his wallet. That's... I saw one similar to that. She said, something along the lines of, when she realizes you've got change in your pocket. Man can't even have coins anymore. There's still coins. Man can't have metal anymore. That's legal tender. Bro. What am I supposed to do? Just dash it.

Just dash it. She sees you've got change in your pocket. Bro, it's dread. You know what the worst one was when I was a kid? This is, I didn't, I was too young to have a job, but I already knew that it was a thing subconsciously. Yeah. Because I used to have like a, not a piggy bank, but like a coin thing, isn't it?

a piggy bank i used to have a coin tip we had the big fuck off coca-cola yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so i had one that actually was like it had like a um what do you call it at some i think my mom bought it for me like for my birthday when i was a kid but it would count your shit i had like a calculator on top and when you put the coin in the distance it knows what coin it is based on the distance that the the lever has to move to push it in okay

So anyway, it would count all your money for you. So you know how much is in there. So I used to take that bitch down to Morrison's. Empty and get that receipt. It's the noisiest machine on planet earth. You used to take that bitch down to Morrison's. And sometimes there'd be 50 quid in there. Oh, mad. And I'm like 14. But bro, the nerves I had. I used to walk in it. I used to put it in sandwich bags and just roll up under my coat and just pour it. Pour one in at a time. As you're walking in it. Yeah.

Like it's bare keys. Bro, and then you just get there, look around, just... And then when you're waiting, he's like... You're the only one standing there as well. Yeah, just the only bread. And you get your little receipt. Take it over to the cigarette counter. Run me my 47 pounds, you fat bitch. And 19p on the nose, you scamp. You stupid cow. Do you know what I am? Oh, my days, bro. So embarrassing. Right. Um...

ah bro this one's annoying but valid when he claims his free chicken at nando's ah it's dread but what else are you gonna do big man i've i've got all the stamps the rewards i've earned them let me munch i don't get it i just don't get it they have reward cards for a reason fucking and i've got one and i want my chicken i'm not gonna just keep paying for chicken

Run it to me. Wow. Oh my God. Oh, bro. This one. It's happened to me so many times. Never with a female, but I can see why it's the biggest ick. Yeah. This is probably one of the best ones I've ever heard. Okay. When the Uber driver cancels the trip. And you're not even there. You're not even there. He's gone from four minutes away to cancelled. What?

That's happened to me on numerous occasions. Oh, bare times. Always in London for me. Numerous occasions. Fam? Oh. Yeah, let me just pat us on Uber real quick. Yeah, babes, we'll be here in four minutes. It's been four minutes. Where is he? Fam? Sabud has cancelled the ting? Sabud. There's nothing you can do. There is literally not. It's so annoying. Bro, and you're like, I'll just get another one. And the ting's just blinking. Oh.

mine has gone on a madness recently if I do confirm or whatever the map will just ping off to one place and then ping off to another place it does a fuckery before he even ever finds a car it does an absolute fuckery I pray to you never try and get an Uber from St Pancras I don't think I ever will I never land in St Pancras yeah I always do that's my go to station it's impossible it's impossible I'm pretty sure the black cabs have a monopoly in that area I swear because there's thousands of them yeah

And Ubers just aren't picking up. Yeah, they're like, fuck that. They're just cancelling trips left, right and centre. They're not about it. Yeah. Yeah, so that's their territory. All right. Oh, one more. When he unfollows Insta models when they get a man. LAUGHTER

I'm not going to lie. Sometimes you get lost in the fairy tale. You do. You do. Everyone does. You have to get lost in it. And if you're not going to get lost in it, then what's the point? What's the point? Yeah. So yeah, let me get lost in it. Of course that happens. But what's also double-edged about what she just, what she just wrote is that how does she know? Yeah. Obviously she's preying the whole thing. She's preying him to see who he's following. Then realized, oh, he's not following this chick anymore. Let me go see why. Yeah. Yeah. She's doing the ickiest due diligence you can do.

But she don't care. I know she doesn't care. Yeah, she don't care. It doesn't come off as an icky due diligence. Because she's the main character in her little movie. So she can do the role. She's the antagonist. We're always the protagonists. And we're just fucking villains all the time. Bro, literally. He's fucking dead. That's hilarious. Excuse me. Just before, because I know you've got a video you want to show me. Yeah. Just before that. Yeah. Quick movie recommendation. Okay. You might have seen it. Spiderhead. Okay. You liked it? No, no, no. So what happened was I started watching it

or maybe two days ago, but I was so in and out of sleep that I didn't grasp the whole thing. But I also watched the trailer maybe a day or two before that and I thought, oh, the cast looks good. The cast is good. And I was like, yeah. Then today, I think on the train down here, I was seeing poor reviews after poor review. Oh, really? Yeah. I liked it. On Rotten Tomorrow. And I was like, oh, okay. Fair enough. But I've not... When I watched the trailer...

I was expecting hype because of the cast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the trailer didn't really move me. And obviously me not finishing a movie and me seeing these bad reviews, I'm thinking, oh, maybe it's not a good movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it hit me. I can see why people, so I watched it yesterday. Yeah. So for a Sunday evening chill watch, it's perfect. Okay.

Would I have ever gone to the cinema to watch it? Hell no. That says a lot. It does say a lot, but it doesn't make it a bad movie. It just doesn't make it a cinema movie. Very true. Like, for example, people are rating...

this new top i haven't seen it yet i will see it i have a new top gun movie people are saying it's like 15 out of 10 bro saying something it's the best movie they've ever seen yep yep i've heard at the beginning of the movie tom cruise does this little speech and basically says like the movie was finished like three four years ago but cinemas were closed due to covid so they delayed the team because you have to watch this thing in a cinema you can't watch it at home yeah you're not gonna get it at home you have to be here you need the surround sound you need the experience of the cinema and

and it's not going to be as good if you watch it at home so we needed to make sure everyone could go see it in the cinema that's like the reverse of this movie same with like that Adam Sandler's Hustle I don't want to watch if I watched that in the cinema I would have been like that's a cool movie but I'm not it's not a movie I want to leave my house and pay money and go and see

I'm with you. It's a movie that I enjoyed more because of the surroundings that I was in. And it was an unexpected delight. Do you know what I mean? I was already chilling minding my business. And it just so happened to be a welcome addition to my evening. That's what Spiderhead is. It's a very weird take on a movie. It's a very unique take on a movie, which is good. They execute what I like about the movie, right? It's a completely different light than what we've seen Chris Hemsworth do before. Mm-hmm.

Does he pull it off? Kind of. In parts, he really pulls it off. In other parts, he's too far that way. You'll know when you see the movie. He's very quirky and very energetic, but it's all like...

a two-faced lie okay and he's not really that kind of person but he has to act up to be this way all the time and you can see what he's trying to do and there's certain parts of the film you're like fuck this guy's a good manipulator like fucking hell he's good and he really does a really good job actually does show quite a bit of range to chris like hemsworth like repertoire um as an actor and it does show he actually can act okay because the the mission his mission in this film

is to get people to think he's his friend. He's their friend. And he does that brilliantly. But then there's other parts of the movie, I won't spoil it, but there's other parts of the movie where he's doing some other shit where you're a bit like...

It's just too much. Now you're doing too much. There's bits in that movie where Chris Evans is doing too much. The premise, did you know actually what the actual premise of the movie is? To be fair, I can't remember. I just know they're in some facility. I think they're in like a prison, like a prison facility. So yeah, so basically for guys who don't know, Spiderhead is based on like a, I'm sure it was based on a novel as well, I think. Or like a short story or something. Spiderhead is a film where they're

They live in a world where basically there is this prison where prisoners from like general population prisons can apply to be a part of where they're basically lab rats. So it's a pharmaceutical testing center. It reminds me of a series that I started watching on Netflix that I never even finished because I got disinterested in. I think it's called Maniac with Jonah Hill and...

her face is in my head but i can't remember it's somewhat like a lab rat drug type of testing so that's i was comparing the two when i started watching it but it reminded me of that but continue anyway yeah so basically chris hensworth fronts his prison and he's creating all these drugs that he wants them to go mainstream and he tests them on these prisoners

And they've basically signed up for this. And in reward for being part of this like program is that their prison is chill as fuck. There's no cells. There's no, like they get to go outside. They can have relationships with other prisoners. It's like male and female, like everything's blessed. They get to cook nice food. They get to basically do whatever they want. As long as, yeah, within this space, because it's on like a deserted island in the middle of nowhere. So they can't escape if they wanted to. But within these like parameters, yeah,

They can do what they want. And it's like, it's a great way as a prisoner is a great way to live your life. Sort of. But then they also have to be like subjects for these drugs that they test. And like some of the drugs are like, like some of the drugs are like severe agitators. So stuff like,

They're just like this fucking burning spray that he put on my neck. Like imagine that as a drug. Oh wow. You put in your blood. Oh wow. Like it drives people crazy. It's so agitating and painful for them. And like, they have to be tested for that. They have to be tested for these sex drugs. Um, that like make you fall in love with someone. And like, yeah. So as you're saying, it's coming back to me now. Cause I remember bits of him. Obviously I don't want to spoil it for you, but I haven't watched it, but I remember certain bits where they took a drug and, um,

hit um miles teller and some other chick they were they were getting involved and then he asked them afterwards is it because you love her and stuff like that yeah yeah because i'm like so yeah they're testing all these drugs and basically the story unravels from there i will say is it the best movie i've seen this year definitely not is it a new take on a movie that i liked the idea of definitely okay definitely worth a watch anyone who says it's not worth watch as an idiot because the acting is good

The cast are good. The story is good. Like, they're just good. It's just not an amazing movie. It's just a good movie to watch on Netflix. Okay. I'll give it a go this week. But yeah, I liked it. Fuck the fucking Rotten Tomatoes things. But yeah, you had some video you wanted to share. Yeah. So in correlation to the celebrity boxing matches we've been talking about in the past few episodes or so, I saw a random video on Twitter. Black China...

versus Alicia Megan. And I don't know... Who the fuck is Alicia Megan? Fam, no idea. It was a celebrity boxing match. I'm going to read you a little synopsis, but I don't even know as to why this match even took place. It's happened? This actually happened. Actually, let me not read it. I'm just going to show you the video, bro. This happened like live. China's...

Oh, this is... Oh, Fuhad. Suck him. Oh, Fuhad. This is... Oh, this is...

That was the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life. What's the point? What literally is, it's probably bragging rights because I'm assuming, let me actually find out who Alicia Megan is. Because I don't even see the correlation. I don't understand why they had this fight, who they are. And yeah, it was just, I think it was just one of them ones where...

Celebrities just want to have it out because they've been chatting shit with each other these past whatever. Yeah, but why can't they have it out like proper people, like on road? It's proper people. What's all this boxing match stuff? Like scrap me on roads. That's the trend, I guess. It is the trend, but it's just dead, bro. Like stuff, that's embarrassing. That was the worst fight I've ever seen in my life. She's a fitness model.

Is she peng? I bet she is peng. She looks decent. Let me check her Instagram, actually. But yeah, that's an ick for me, bro. The female celebrity boxing matches, the male ones, yeah, would be an ick as well. To be fair, even as a guy, to me, they're an ick. That's the other chick. But yeah, that's like pathetic. Of course, she is very peng, to be fair. But yeah, like...

So pointless. So pointless and stupid. Very pointless. Oh, that's so embarrassing, bro. That's actually so embarrassing. People are hyper up. It's like the worst thing of all time. I just don't understand why. Guys, girls, people, celebrities out there, whoever's listening. She's bad as well. Jesus Christ. Don't settle beefs with celebrity boxing matches. Literally don't. It's just why? Just don't do it.

Just have it out like normal human beings. It doesn't have to be televised. It doesn't have to be this old. Black China's got body oddy, innit? Fuck yeah, now. Are you still on Instagram? Yeah, just rolling through this pic, this video, this face-off thing, this little promo thing, this little sizzle reel. Sizzle reel. Let me see it. I've not even pre-ed it. That's hilarious. Yeah, fam. Yeah, they're bodied up. Both of them. Both of them are for sure. For sure.

Yeah, Rob Kardashian just buried nuts in her, innit? Yeah. He just, I don't blame him, but fucking hell. And Tiger. Tiger, yeah. Oh, God. Tiger buried nuts in everyone. Facts. Tiger's such a weird celebrity to me. Explain. He just literally just, he doesn't do much. But he's like the most relevant, irrelevant person.

He really doesn't do much in the scheme of things. Any more. Like I would say from circa 2000 and maybe 10 till about 2015. No, I'd say like 13. Really? I think he, maybe not 10 to 15, maybe not 10 to 13, but I would never say that he had a

He did not have more than three years at the level. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. But like in terms of his relevance, I would say maybe from 2010, 2000. In my opinion, because I listened to him a lot more after he's mainstream stuff as well. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the time.

So yeah, I would say around, especially because that's when Fan of a Fan 2 came out, blah, blah, you know, all that stuff. So I would definitely say from 10 to 15 or 10 to 16. After Fan of a Fan 2, his career plummeted. It did plummet. It did plummet a lot. It doesn't make sense. I think it was, well, I say I think I have no fucking clue. But obviously a lot of the stuff with him and Blac Chyna, then obviously Blac Chyna and Rob and him and the Kardashian family, all that shit happened. He's...

I don't know. To be fair, so, yeah. All of the rest of them, apart from Rob, but Rob's never been doing anything with his life. Apart from Rob, the rest of them are doing fine. Obviously, China's not. Yeah. But again, she was fighting for money. She's literally fighting for money. She's scrapping hoes in a boxing ring. Her life is terrible. Yeah. But yeah, Tiger has no reason. He just started just, he did nothing for ages and then just like bits and bobs here and there and then just like pulling his dick out on OnlyFans.

He makes bags on OnlyFans, I've heard. Does he? I've heard he makes bags on OnlyFans. That's what I'm saying. He's the most relevant, irrelevant person. He's like, why is Tiger making cash on OnlyFans? It doesn't make any sense. Fucking hell. Fucking hell. I never knew he was on OnlyFans anyway. Apparently he's got a hog on him. I'm not going to lie to you, bro. Apparently he's got a fucking hog on him. Maybe that's why he's staying relevant, dude.

Maybe that is why he stayed in the reservation. It is clearly, but yeah, it's random. That is random. Yeah, Blac Chyna, all this, they're both lengthings. We can sort this out a different way. A completely different way. We don't need to be boxing on camera. They're...

All of that was appalling. Yeah. The whole thing was appalling. It was. Fucking hell, man. And she was, Black Chyna was punching the chick after the bell rang as well. Just trying to get a few knocks in. But your knocks are pathetic. The way they were, the power that they were punching with, one of them could have just stood there like that. And it's not doing anything. The ref was just there like. Yeah.

the ref was like if i'm the ref i couldn't fake that i couldn't fake that energy i don't care what you're paying me i can't fake this this is stupid yeah guys stop stop boxing man yeah black john's got use as well man just give it a rest just give it a i can no one can tell me my mom's doing that facts facts and both of you so i have cognitive ability to understand wagwan fam no one could tell me i seen your mom fighting some porn star looking yeah

on camera the other day at school and she was getting tum to pieces she was up in the corner just protecting her fucking ears bro she got dropped yeah your mum got fucking rocked yesterday yeah say something you little bitch yeah you're all pussy like your mum they're gonna bully you they're gonna bully you you're paying mum with a fat ass she got rocked by some other hoe it's embarrassing this is how your mum's paying bills this is how your mum's paying bills

- Oh, shameful. - Tiger would have to step in. Tiger would have to step in. He would have to step in. That's uncalled for. - Yeah, it is uncalled for, but that's a dread thing as well, 'cause Tiger will get smacked up as well. - He's like this big. - Tiger will get smacked up. - Oh, he's paper thin, man. - Yeah, so the whole family's just a ruckus. - Yeah, yeah. - Rob ain't doing nothing to no one either. - He's lost mad weight though. - Has he? - Yeah, he's lost mad weight. - He needed to. - Yeah, he was. - He was in dangerous territory. He was in dangerous waters. - He was going through stuff.

He was going through stuff. Yeah, he was going through stuff. All of your sisters, they keep coming and every single one of them is the most famous slag in the world. They keep coming. He was going through stuff. You keep having new sisters and every single one is the biggest, most famous hoe on planet Earth and they all make more money than you. All of them make more money than him. From your mum to your step-mum to... To your step-mum. To your mum, to your step-mum, to...

All five of your sisters, all of them make bags and all of them suck dick. Famously. Famously. Yeah. Yeah. It must be tough. No wonder he turned into a fat mess. It's just not on. I couldn't live like that. I couldn't either. It's too much estrogen. Yeah. Too much estrogen. Yeah. Goodness. Bless him. Yeah. And then your brother-in-law is just doing up clubs. Doing up clubs and being a baller. Yeah.

- He thought he could tap into that life. - Yeah, he thought he could tap into that. He saw Scott just living. He saw what Scott was doing and was like, "What's going on?" Why is he in a family? But he's just doing it. He's doing the damn thing. He's balling out control. It doesn't make sense. - And I'm just here. - And I'm just here. I'm getting heavier and heavier. - Hardly getting scenes in the show. - Oh, he's just walking. These man just catch me walking through the kitchen.

on some blurred thing. I ain't got two lines this season. These men just see me walking in the backdrop. Yo, that's hilarious. And then I've got Yatsai Black China yanking my sperm. Yanking it. No one else in this show is accidentally pregnant. Facts.

No one else in this ting is accidently having news with who they want, how they want. When they want. When they want. Nilly nilly. And I'm just here, I bang one painting, she drapes it from me. She drapes it for life now. And who thought she was pregnant as well? Because she's banging that other banging thing that we used to follow. The Instagram ting. Do you remember? She's like Dominican or something. Back a day. I'm pretty sure he had a pregnancy scale with her. I don't remember. I can't remember her name for the life of me. Dominican. Light skin ting. What? What?

she was an instagram model i can't remember her name oh maybe someone in the comments will tell me he used to do a thing with bad instagram she was one of the og instagram models back when instagram was early i'm trying to think i can't remember her name for the life of me if you had oh that's annoying was it like did he remember r like a rose rose sign rosy divine no no that's that's drake's that's drake's team yeah come on fam what are you saying um let me see um

I forgot he did a thing with Rita. Rita Ora's done a thing with literally everyone. Wow, Rita Ora. Wow. Rosa Acosta. Rosa Acosta. Baddy. Baddy. Wow. Wow. He did a thing with her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was on the show. Yeah. I forgot about that. She was an OG IG model. Baddy. Yeah, she was filthy pink. Wow. Rob. Yeah. Yeah.

yeah wow yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i'd eat myself to death as well well i lost that i'd eat myself into it i thought he was going through stuff he was going through shit oh god wow yeah bro he could have held on to that rosa acosta yeah yeah whoa banging woman it's a whole woman

That's a whole... I need to look at Instagram now. That's a whole... I forgot she existed. Yeah, same, bro. Wow. I knew it. Yeah, he definitely did a thing with her. That is hilarious. Yeah, she was... Oh, bro. She was one of the first IG models I ever followed. She was. She was. She... She must be old now. I would say old. Oh, she's still fire. Oh, for crying out loud. She's banging. Yeah, she is banging. Oh, dear. Yeah.

Oh my word. She's banging. She's more banging now than she was then. Madsen, don't do that again. Oh my Lord. She's an absolute dime piece. Yeah, she's, I'm surprised. Rob Kardashian. Yeah, Rob Kardashian was just clapping her cheeks, bro. I remember she was in an episode one time.

Wow. Fair fucking play. Wild times. Fair fucking play. Anyway. Right, just before we do the IG questions. Yeah. Our boy Justin Bieber's going through it, fam. Fam, I saw like 20 seconds of a video about him having some syndrome. Why is that funny? That's what he called it, no? It's called sighted syndrome. Is it not?

Where half his face is still and the other half is drooping. Some syndrome. Was it not? It was, it was, it was. I can't remember what the syndrome's called, but apparently some virus got... Fam...

He's going through it because the way the ting did what it did to him doesn't make scientific sense to me. And he's going to chat like it's normal. And I'm hearing it. I'm thinking, am I hearing it different to what you're saying? Because what I heard is he caught a virus that went in his ear and pinched a nerve and half of his face was paralyzed. A virus like the flu.

Like chicken pox. What's pinching nerves? What's all this chast? That's not, yeah, that's not scientifically possible. Do you mean parasite? Is there an insect in there? Like, would you mean virus in your ear dropping faces?

That's not a disease we've heard of. And these men are just brisking through the conversation. I wouldn't understand the science. The thing is, I'm actually surprised because I saw that video once and didn't see any news blow up or anything. I saw nothing else about it. It came out. Do you know what's dread as well? When I saw it, because I'd heard about it and I'd seen on Instagram and Twitter that Justin Bieber's face is fucking paralyzed or whatever. And then he came out and did the video. And for the first five seconds, I'm like...

There's nothing wrong with his face. I don't understand. He's like, as you can see, like my face is paralyzed and stuff. And I'm like, no, it's not. And then he blinks. He's seen the blink. I saw it briefly. I can't remember. When he blinks, one eye blinks like that. And the other one goes like this. It goes up like that. This face is it. He'll blink. And then it'll go. And I was like, oh my God, bro.

I know he's a religious man, but he doesn't deserve this. And I promise you I'd lose faith in God, in humanity, in everything. Big, big Justin Bieber, paralyzed face. These men don't know how long it lasts. They say it's curable, but they don't know until when. Oh, wow. I promise you now, if that happened to me, I'd be so bitter. I'd be like... So bitter. I'd be like... Do you remember, we spoke about this not long ago, Two-Face in the Batman movie...

What does he say when he turns around? I can't fucking remember. But he turns around with such vigor and he's vexed. Yeah. Shaking in the hospital bed. That would be me. If I had this virus thing, this syndrome thing. You're a prick. A new man came to see me. And then you could only see the side of the face that worked. I'm looking up. Wait, wait, wait. I'm looking up.

I'm looking straight up and you man come and see me. I don't look at you. You come in the door from the right. Yeah. And you're like, James, I heard you got a virus. And I'm like, yeah, I have still. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, you look normal still. You look calm. Do I? Yeah, bro. Like, what do they say is wrong with you? What do you think is wrong with me, man? I'll do that and all you'd see is the blink. I'll turn around like, what do you think is wrong with me? And you'll think, I don't see anything wrong. I'll do that sticky blink. My eye just... The blink, that bing bing? Yeah, yeah.

And you're like, oh shit. I'll take two steps back. I'm not gonna lie. If you turn your head, shake it, and you did like a blink blink, I will take two steps back. I'll whisper nurse. Nurse. He needs help. He needs help. Fam, I'll be vexed. No, I said I'll be so bitter.

i'll be angry that's hilarious oh they couldn't tell me we don't know how long it's going to be like this yo tell me if i'm an international superstar tell me figure it the out he's so oh he's lucky i got caught banging brazilian prostitutes and live my life to the epitome yeah and now i've been living by god's word for years

For years, I've settled down. True. I'm doing pro bono videos for Drake. Like, what more can I do? What literally more can I do? And you're just fucking with my face. Nah, fuck you. Fix it. I've got all the money in the world. Fix it. Literally, take the virus out of my ear. You're chatting. You're just saying stuff. I'm Justin Bieber. Yeah. Fix it.

Fuck's sake. I'm going to tell you, if I was just, I'll be going back to the Brazilian Bieber. Bring back Brazilian Bieber is what I say. The four Bs. Bring back Brazilian Bieber. Because this, this holy trail, it's not, it's not working for you. Because you're being punished. Paralyzed, you know. Oh, but anyway, let's do IG questions. Right guys, as you know, every week we ask you a question and this week we asked you,

What lengths have you gone to to sleep with someone? And as per usual, guys, juicy ass responses. Oh, there it is. Let me just compose myself. Yeah, yeah.

What's it called again? What lengths have you gone to sleep with someone? Oh, Jesus. All right. I'm ready. Cool. Walked two kilometers at 3 a.m. drunk as fuck just to go to a party he was at all for the one short round. Of course it was going to be a short round. Who are we kidding? At a party? He's going to nut and kill it. He's going to bang you in the toilet and just carry on with his boys. That's it. That's it. It's your fault.

paid 50 pounds for for a taxi to his had to wait for him to arrive he gave me chlamydia dreads dread i'm surprised that these that's two women i'm surprised about that bro they they came hot and fast but the woman came pretended to be her gay best friend in front of her husband i even dyed my hair pink nah fam

How long is this play? Fam? How long is this play? Fam. Oh, wow. Drove 112 miles for him to say his own name during sex. Wow. Do you know how far 112 miles is? It's a few hours. It's a few fucking hours. That's all I know. Yes, it is. That's like two and a half hours, three hours. To say his own name during the deed. Nah, that's long. Okay.

In order to infiltrate the friendship group, I had to binge watch Gossip Girl and Vampire Diaries. That always reminds me of Jacob. Yeah, Jacob's story about, what was it called? Gilmore Girls. He got two seasons deep into Gilmore Girls before he realized he was watching the wrong thing. I would throw my laptop. Have you seen Gilmore Girls? No way. It's the worst show. That's how I know he's a true fucking friend. It's the worst show. There isn't a worse show than that.

It's like Little House on the Prairie, but like with a single mom. Oh my goodness. It's awful. Fuck it up. All right. Joined a Christian fellowship attending weekly Bible readings. Turned out he was gay. Ooh, that's a plot twist. It's a plot twist and a half. Flown halfway across the world at my expense. I thought we were engaged. He was also engaged too. Wow. Convinced a girl I was balling because I saved up.

So she let me smash and then she caught me on the bus. Imagine. Imagine. I've saved up. I'm doing so much. I'm balling, buying this, buying that, just to impress her. She caught me on the bus. She's let me nut the night before. On the bus. I wouldn't be able to break eye contact. Wait, if you were the girl. No, if I'm on the bus and I'm the bread. Yeah. And I'm sitting there just chilling and I see a walk on the bus. Once I've looked up and seen her.

And I've seen her see me. I wouldn't be able to like stop looking at her. I'll be frozen if you had. Fuck. Oh, that's peak. Gone Uber to the club to pick him up and bring him back to mine and to make sure he didn't go home. Oh, that's desperate. That is very desperate. That's desperate. Wow. I'm surprised about those. You know what? Yeah, this is good. That the women are. We needed this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because these women are chatting the most.

The most, like, oh, he did this, all this. Oh, he did this for me. I made him do this for me. He was doing corset for me. I didn't even let him smash. He was doing all this for me, the fucking idiot. He was driving me here, picking me up from work. He was dropping me there, cooking me food. Bro, all these men are moving stupid. Stupid. Turns out he was engaged too. Yeah. Gang, gang. Went to her church for five months, even became an usher, met her family. I was focused.

Wow. That's a lot. I'm not doing any of that. I'm not doing any of that. There's certain stories that we've read on this show before where I'm like, I don't think I enjoy sex that much. Do you know what I mean? Is there something wrong with me? Because I love it. I wouldn't dream of any of these things. I was focused. Five months, did he say? Shit.

Where's the end goal? After you nut, what happens then? What happens then? Are you just not going to church anymore? Are you not going to be an usher anymore? They know who you are, brother. You're part of the community now. Fuck me, man. Some people take it too far. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Told him we could date. He still sends me paragraphs at 4am. Oh, fucking hell. Oh, dear. Fucking hell. Decorated my friend's house like a restaurant. Made menus and signs. I got my pal to dress up as a waiter.

I promise you now, James. Listen to me. I promise you now. I can't walk into a girl's yard and have her whole thing done up like a restaurant. Tables, chairs, the works, candles, music, whatever. And then her bread drink is our waiter. And she's all like, she's got the apron on everything. Can I take your order? Or here's our menu. Would you like some bread?

Big man? And he has to stare at me in my face. I'll flip the table. How much money have you wasted on this? Where do your priorities lie? I said I'm coming over to just have some food. And this is what you're doing? Yeah. So sad.

She's got everything backwards. Where the fuck do your priorities lie? Bum, order a Chinese and put a TV on. Because you're chatting shit. I will drape the bunting from the fucking doorway. You're chatting... This is all... Tell her to go. Your friend? Fuck off. Tell your friend to fuck off. What is this? Foolish. How dare you? Like, what is this? What is this? This is so embarrassing. Like, I'm not...

I'm less likely to fuck you now. Oh rags. Hope you know rags. Thank you for wasting both our time. That's what I'll say to her. Fuck me. Drove 30 minutes to his work for sex while he was on his break. That's that's on some raunchy shit. She must have sent him a nude at like midday. Get here now. Get my fucking lunch breaks out one. Get here now cheeks ready. Clapped and he went straight back.

Just a Lucas A to hydrate and finish this four hour shift. Got some electrolytes and just carried on. Just powered through the rest of the day. Oh, that's fantastic. That's when you know you're having sex. They're in a honeymoon thing. Yeah, honeymoon thing. That's a honeymoon thing. They're having sex. I missed the last train home after a date and didn't want to pay for the cab. So we ended up staying. Family read this one and felt her pain. Go on, go on, go on.

Reposted his SoundCloud tracks with the fire emojis. No! That's the most... No. No, that... That's the length... Oh, that's... Wow. Just to get some dick. SoundCloud tracks with the fire emojis. That's humiliating. I felt her pain. I promise you now, you could not be chatting to a ting who's a SoundCloud artist... Yeah.

And you're telling me you're caught in this, yeah? Yeah. And I see you post her shit. I'm saying, fam, you either block her or I'm blocking you. I don't think I'm courting this, yeah. I don't want to see that behavior. Bro, SoundCloud. That's humiliating.

If I say, who's this chick? If I ever saw you do that, you best send me Rosa Acosta. Yeah. You best send me Rosa Acosta. Because if I see anyone that's not penga or that level. Yeah. I've lost my mind. I've lost my mind. That's it. I've lost my mind. That's the only answer. Oh, fucking hell. Sat on his bed while he played the guitar and sang. It was awkward as fuck. Oh,

Oh my God. Do you remember that on Too Hot to Handle when Patrick did that to someone? What did he do? The Australian. The banging Australian. Tiggs. Tiggs and I. I can't remember her name for the life of me. The Margot Robbie act. Yes. Oh, she was. She was tidy. She was fantastic. Yeah, she was not feeling that whatsoever. He just made that song up on the spot. On the cuff. He was just saying stuff. Yeah, he was. He was. He was just looking. He was saying like shit that's just in front of his face. Oh, flowers in your hair. Blah, blah, blah. Flowers in your hair. Wearing sandals. I love your blue eyes. Yeah.

i love your blue eyes promised her a free nutritional diet plan i wasn't even a nutritionist googled i'm pretending like i was oh bro i know a bear man i've done that i know a bear man i've done that there was a prayer at the gym i used to work at he was notorious for just saying he was a pt he was he was any gym if you saw a thing that he liked

He just... The man said it as if he had a wanted post-start, bro. On every gym. Notorious. He got banned. He got banned from there. He was notorious for it, bro. If you saw cheeks that he liked, he'd just randomly rock up to you while she's doing this thing. Yeah, the abductors, abductors thing. Yeah, and just say, do you want some personal training? And she'd be like, you don't wear the uniform or anything. He's like, yeah, yeah, I'm a freelance.

do you want some personal training yes or no he's in a chest just a personal training or not notorious wow do you want personal training or not that's hilarious fam the amount of chicks that came up to me like does he work here and i'm like no she's like he keeps asking if i want personal training he's fucking harassing me bro it was too funny but yeah he he had to go

Wow. Oh, God. Gave my mum sleeping pills so I could sneak him in. She was very light sleeper. I had to. Fucking hell. Jesus Christ. Sleeping pills. That's too much, man. Played the gay best friend that was interested in testing my sexuality. Oh, wow. I wonder how many... These...

This day and age, like, that's defined as rape. Bro, that is rape. That has to be rape. That has to be rape. It is. Because there's no... Shilla, that is wild to me. Yeah, bro, it is. Wild to me. I've said it. I'll say it again. I don't think I like sex enough. Yeah, because these men are on stuff. They're on stuff. They're not seeing logic. Yeah.

Told my boyfriend at the time, in brackets, current husband now, that I was doing overtime, but I was really fucking. She married this man. She married this man. That she was just cheating on. Haphazardly cheating on. Wow. Answered the door butt-ass naked when they came to pick me up for the first date.

That was a girl that said that. I know it is. Because if it was a guy, it's never going to pan out. It's never going to make it to this list. Yeah. It's never going to work. And I know for a fact it worked for her. And it's so frustrating. Obviously, I would be gassed if it happened to me. But it's just so frustrating that it would just work. I think I'll be gassed overall, yes. But I think if she opened or I opened or whatever, and first day I'm coming to pick her up and she's just naked, I wouldn't know what to expect. I don't think I'd know what to do.

because i wouldn't be expecting it yeah i know i know what to do oh don't get me wrong i would know what to do but it's like i think i'd freeze for a second yeah it will be so far left so far i've got reservations do you know i mean i've got reservations i've come to pick you up at three like you said we've got reservations love i just filled up my tank literally it's teeth like i'm dressed

And your hair's stuck. Obviously, don't get me wrong, you're stuck because you look banging. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You look banging. Yeah, but like, this is the dread thing, right? This is, listen, listen. It sucks because in a girl's mind, she might be thinking, right, he's going to come here. I'm going to open the door butt naked. He's going to come in. He's going to fuck the shit out of me. Then we can go on our date. No, no, no, no, no, sweetheart. I'm not doing anything. After I knock, I'm fucking you and I'm going home. Going home. This is our first date now. So,

So whatever you had in your head, love, it's done. It's literally done. It's done. For a guy, like I said, once it gets from here to here, it's done. It's done. It's done. I'm banging and I'm going home. And I'll be like, oh, that was cool. That was a very nice first day. But then, yeah, I'm vexed I wasted the reservations, especially if I had to pay a deposit.

I can't imagine. Because a guy orchestrates all this stuff to try and impress you to hope he can not. So when he's built all this infrastructure and realized as soon as you open the door, he see T.E., T.E., Pom, he's like,

i just wasted all my time i've literally wasted all my time she could have told me to just come home over and like i made plans yeah but obviously i'm gonna go in there and clap the other of course of course of course but yeah it would it's it'll be like a yeah that's what i said at first i'll freeze but obviously afterwards i think telling him i was a virgin them boys in christ love that wow that's a devil girl that's a little devil girl hell

That's naughty. Family, jail time. Stalked her for ages. She was so shocked we had so much in common. Oh my God. On a Uting. Nah. Oh my goodness. Man didn't do that. Oh, of course they didn't. I've met man that do that. I swear. Yeah. I'll tell you off camera who. Oh, swear. Okay, say less. I know people that do that. Oh man, say less. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't see anything wrong with it. Ah!

Wow, they were so shocked to have so much in common. That's manipulation. That's, Maz has stalked her for ages. What's ages? He didn't give me time reference. I didn't want to ask. Wow. I went three years without him going down on me. This is the most she did for sex. She's a fool. Apparently. She's a fool. Yeah, she is definitely a fool. Changed religion for a month.

drove 30 minutes only to give a handjob then after he told me he wanted to be friends there can't be anything worse than being a girl and just giving a guy a handjob what else are you doing do you know i mean if you're just giving a handy j what what there's nothing to do romance the guy's just had a

I fucking won't be. I know you hate it. I fucking hate it. I'll be looking at it like you finished. There can't be anything worse than just giving a handjob and not getting banged. Yeah, bro. It's yeah. Fuck that. Anyway, dude came to Brazil from the UK for two weeks and he didn't get any. I warned him.

I warned him. I warned him. Don't get on this flight if you think you're clapping cheeks. Because I promise you, you're not. He said, I am. Two weeks? Bitch, I am. I'm coming from the Americas to you. And I'm not fucking. I promise you, I am. Man said, I warned him. He thought it was all foreplay. He thought it was this whole, I'm not that kind of girl chat.

But if man's getting on a flight, an 18 hour flight, oh, it's happening. I'm touching cheeks. She said, I warned him. Fuck. I'd be so angry. I wouldn't even know what to do. You can't be angry at anyone but yourself. Yeah, facts, facts, facts, facts. You didn't heed the warnings. For two weeks. That's too long. Two weeks? If I've spent every day with you for two weeks, I don't care what warnings you gave me. What's going on? Are you interested in me or not? What's going on?

Because I can get a return flight home tomorrow. Yeah, right. If this is what we're doing. Right. I'm not waiting the whole two weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He fucked up. Oh my God. Took her to a hotel. Said I could do anything as long as I let her pee on me then sit on my face. Ugh. Would you, would you, would you let go, not the sit on the face thing, would you let her go piss on you if she said you could do anything? It depends on, because I was thinking about that after I read this. It depends on like a, what's my positioning? Like,

Am I laying down on a bed and she's pissing on me? Most likely. Am I? I don't know. Am I kneeling down? I don't know, because I feel like with if it's role reverse, if I'm the guy pissing on a girl, it's somewhat sexy because she's near my dick anyway. If she's giving me head, I see it as a more sexual act. Obviously. Yeah. Because I'm the one doing it as opposed to receiving it.

Okay, what if she is... What if she plays it off like it's a squirting thing? So you're laying on the bed. Not plays it off, but you know she's going to piss on you, but it's very sexual is what I'm saying. So you're laying down, arse naked. She's just above your waist. So she's like...

Let's say she's sat up. So she's sat up on your thighs, knees like this, palm here, your toes just here. And then she's flicking B. As she nuts, she just pisses on you. Okay, two questions. Well, one question, one statement. Nut is piss anyway. Oh, the squirt? Yeah, I know. So it's same, same. I know. Well, not same, same, but same, same. Yeah, I know. Second, an actual question. Is this happening...

Is she pissing on me and then I can do whatever I want? Or can I do what I want, then she pisses on me? Because that's... It's important. She has to piss on you first. Oh, fuck. No, because if you... I'm doing this for your benefit. Because if you've already done whatever you want, I promise you, you're not going to let her piss on you. I'd fight her.

I'd fucking fight her you'll be sitting there soft as a sponge soft as a wet sponge and she's just doing the most you'll be thinking what on earth is happening to me but said I'm doing it for your own benefit trust me I'm doing this for your benefit she has to piss on you first and then you go have a shower as soon as you get out of the shower she's ready she says do what you want to me alright fair bet but yeah I would I would fuck it I would rag fuck it fuck it fuck it

I convinced her I was I convinced her I was my own twin to sleep with her again new tattoos and shit and it worked that makes no sense he got new tattoos to say he was his twin brother that's the most he's done apparently to sleep with someone wow was she that repulsed by you that she didn't want to fuck you again that you had to lie about your identity did she not clock that you had exactly the same tattoos on top of new tattoos that's dumb that's dumb

Bought him a car during the pandemic when he was working as a delivery guy because he didn't want to increase the mileage on his BMW that I had paid for, that I had paid for the deposit when he got the finance. The same BMW he crashed on his way home from cheating on me. Oh my God. This one is cracked. Okay. This one is cracked. Go, go, go, go, go, go. Followed and put a notification bell on Insta accounts I know that he loves so I can like the posts first.

wow man what are we doing that's intuitive just to just so he can see that she's like oh yeah we like the same shit fucking hell man this is basically she basically yeah she's doing a stalking thing but on a on a that's level on a legit thing yeah yeah on a legit thing yeah on a legal way exactly yeah planted drugs on an ex to get him deported no listen to me james

What's that got to do with getting sex, by the way? They just said that. They just wanted a confession. Is there a part two? So then once he was deported, I could carry on my life? My assumption is he's obviously liked this chick that has always got a man. So now that he's deported, he's the ex. So he's now doing a thing with her. Oh, you think a guy did that? No, no, no, no, no. Say that again. What did you just say your synopsis is? My synopsis is...

So let's say I'm the guy that got deported, right? Yeah. And you're the new thing. You're the new brother with a chick. Yeah. So you planted drugs on me. So me and this girl were together. You planted drugs on me. But because I'm deported, obviously now the exes are not together anymore. So you can bang her. So it was a guy that wrote that to you?

Yes. A guy wrote planted drugs on her ex. I didn't even hear that properly. I thought it was the girl saying planted drugs on my ex to get him deported. Like say, I just hate this guy. That's why I was like, what's that got to do with sex? You're just deporting people. On her ex, yeah. He, he planted drugs on her boyfriend to get him out of this country and out of the picture. Yeah.

Basically, yeah. Wow! Yeah, bro. Bro. Yeah.

That's probably top three. That's along with the yacht that tried to murder her boyfriend. Oh, with the vomiting? Yeah. Oh my, that was a confession. The bleach and vomiting. That was a confession. Oh my word. Wow, wow, wow. Right, give me one or two more. Cool. Let me try and find, because I've got a few. Wanted to make her MMA fighting ex jealous. MMA fighting. Wanted to make her MMA fighter ex jealous. I agreed. Thank God he didn't care. Yeah.

Fucking hell. I convinced the guy that both my friend and I liked that she was mentally unstable. What's wrong with people, bro? I've never gone to anywhere near these kind of lengths for anything. How do these people sleep at night, bro? How does that deportation bread sleep at night? He nuts and kips, bro. Yeah, he nuts and he sleeps on silk sheets. Entwined toes and shit. Yeah, just rubbing her back.

silk sheets fucking hell right but yeah guys that was the um that was the ig question that was crazy i really enjoyed this episode by the way this is a long one but yeah i really fucking enjoyed it um as we said at the beginning guys make sure you grab your tickets come and see us live in september of course catch us on thursday on patreon uh we're having a whale of a time and always guys love love love bless

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