Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
This summer, Instacart presents famous summer flavors coming to your front door. Or pool. Or hotel. Your grocery delivery has arrived, sir. That was faster than room service. No violins in the lobby? Seriously? Anyway, sit back, relax, and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes. Starring your favorite snacks, drinks, and more. Download Instacart for free delivery on your first three orders. Rated H for hungry audiences. Offer valid for a limited time. Minimum $10 per order. Excludes restaurants. Additional terms and fees apply.
All you'll hear is footsteps and I'll just superman punch him across the deck. He'll do a backflip over the counter. I can see it now. Over the pass. I can see it now. He'll backflip over there. Yeah guys, it's Monday. Fun day. It's a fun day and before we get into anything, first of all, forgot to mention it on the last episode, I can't believe I let the team down, it's called Patreon. Patreon.
Oh, you didn't mention it. I forgot. One of the first episodes, I think there's only been like two or three episodes I've never mentioned it. Patreon. That's where your boys come together and produce that uncut, uncensored. You know. Sometimes we post stuff and YouTube says, you know what, guys? We can't allow you to make money from that. We just can't allow it. It's just too launch. They just block the whole thing. Fam, it's too launch. If you say we love the YouTube, obviously we got a great relationship with YouTube. Sometimes they approach us.
And Spotify as well. And Apple podcast. We've got a great relationship in all of the circles. Yeah. All mediums. And they come over to us. I'm like, guys, obviously we get it. You guys are the second biggest podcast in the world. I know everyone stays shook. The charts stay popping. Your TikTok stays viral always. But some of the stuff you guys talk about, we love it.
But you know what culture we live in at the minute. You can get cancelled like that and we can't let that happen. So what we're going to do is we're going to give you the video back. You just need to make some chops and changes and then run it back to us. And obviously we're vexed. We don't want to do that to you, man. So what we did is created a Patreon page, right? Now every single Thursday...
Every Thursday without fail, you guys will get some version of explicit SNG original content. Every Thursday without fail, whether it's live here in the studio, whether it's on Zoom, whether it's via telekinesis, you will get that. On top of that, if you're willing to cough up a few extra more pennies, you can get yourself a discount on the merch.
Your boy's rocking that. Look how clean this is. Fam, that character design. Look how clean this is. That's clean, clean, bro. Your boy's got the gang gang. It's a little bit fluffy. That's my fault. But the gang gang, I walk around with the gang gang and get so many compliments. Man, don't even know it's merch. Exactly. Don't even know this is our shit. This is literally our shit. We invented this. Man, don't even know about that.
So guys, if you want a little discount, if you want to get the episodes before everyone else, if you want to see the 50% of the podcast that you're missing, that behind the scenes, that YouTube can't step in. You know what to do. Patreon lets you say what you want. You know what to do. Head on over patreon.com forward slash shits and gigs. That's where the party's at. Jagged Edge said it best. They did. Head on over. Have some fun. Pour yourself a drink.
And take a shot with us. Fam, take a shot with us. We're continuously sip-sipping. We are. Continuously sip-sipping. We are. And...
You already know it's Boogie Yogi. So yeah, head on over to Patreon. That's all good. Guys, if you physically can't hang out at Patreon or if you are a Patreon and you're just here for the Monday vibes, make sure you click that subscribe button. You click the bell notification. I think sometimes when we're talking about it and it's all ha ha ha, jokey jokey, man will be there at the laptop, cursors there, and they're like, ha ha, yeah, yeah, yeah, subscribe to the channel. But they won't actually...
They won't actually click. They won't actually click. So I just need you to go one inch to the right and there's a bell right next to it so that you know every single time that we... Exactly, we drop, drop, drop. You're there first. There's a certain man in the comments that say first every week. Every week. They're racing to say first. Fam, they're racing to say first and you man are just chilling like you don't give a shit. You're missing out. And we know better than that. We know you do give a shit. You guys give all the shit. So...
like subscribe comment chirps a ting in the comments bro whether you're a male or female or non-binary find a spice in the comments and chirps them secure a lips and let us know how it went um and last but not least guys october 10th you know the vibes bbe podcasting agency we're so big a lot of people think it's on the bbc
But this one is for the BBE, right? BBE Podcast Festival, October 10th in London. Have I forgot the dress again? Yeah. I know the postcode starts with N1, but luckily the links are in the description if you're listening and the link is on your fucking video if you're watching. Right now. Right there. So head on over to that website. Hopefully by the time this comes out, you guys still have tickets left.
There's none that we get to keep back for secrets. Yeah, we can't hold some back for you, man, that are late to the party. When they're gone, they're gone. Now, if you want to rock up anyway and just say hi, we're here for that. By all means. But yeah, your boys will be on there. We'll be on there kind of late. I think it starts at two. Yeah, I think we're on for like seven or eight. Yeah, we get on like eight or nine. Maybe nine, I think. Yeah, so get there when you get there. But your boys...
We said this last week. We said this last week, obviously. Your boys may be the headliners. Yeah, your boys may or may not be headliners. It's not confirmed. It's not written anywhere. But normally, if a massive duo comes on at the end of a show, to me, it sounds like I'm headlining. Fam? You know? When man are asking, cool, when you shut down the ting, what colour fireworks do you want going off? It gives the impression...
That is the headline thing. That's the narrative that they're painting, isn't it? I'm telling you. That's the narrative. Now, we've got big boy podcasts on the lineup. We have. On the call sheet. We have. Big boy podcasts. All of them are massive. Fam? All of them are massive.
But we didn't choose the rota. We didn't choose how the thing pans out. We didn't choose the lineup. Did they look at our statistics and think, geez, man, shut the thing down? Maybe. I don't know. I wasn't in that boardroom meeting. Skeptical. We weren't there. All we got was the details. We're just showing up. We just, it was a favor. We were asked to just say hi. Next thing you know. We're on a 9pm slot. We're on the 9pm primo slot. Ha ha ha.
that's all that we know that's all the information that we've been given guys make of it what you will but all you need to do is head over to the website links in the description links should be popping up on your video screen right now head on over there grab yourself a ticket spend that good good money and come say hi we'll be chatting to you we'll be laughing with you who knows like you may get lipsed
If you're a sweet one, you might get lips. You may get lips. Fam, if we're doing it Mediterranean style. That double cheek kiss. Drake said it best. Always fuck up the double cheek kiss. You never know. It could pop. Guy or girl, you might get lips.
But anyway, head on over, guys. It's going to be a sick night. It's your boys' first live show and we're super excited. This is the start of big things to come. So yeah, head on down and yeah, can't wait. Let us know when you've got your ticket. Yeah, man. And I guess that's enough waffling. Straight into the f-f-f-f-fun. Let's get into the f-f-f-f-fun facts. Right. Can you guess...
There's two people. Can you guess the only two footballers in the world? I think you might get one. That have scored in every minute in a game. So they've scored on minute one, two, three, up until 90. Up until 90? Wow. There's only two footballers in current football that have had that done. How many guesses do I get? You can get five. Five guesses. Ronaldo. He was one of them. Because I knew you'd get one. Zidane. No, but that was a good guess. Not Messi, no. No. No.
Beck, not Beckham. No, that's four guesses. English or not English? He's not English. Henri? No, that's another good guess though. I'll give you that. I'll give you that. It was the last time Ibrahimovic. Really? Yeah. Fam, to be fair, I was watching some TikToks on him earlier, randomly, they popped up and there was one thing he, um, he got tackled and he grips Donnie. He's too tall. Yeah. He's six, five. He grips Donnie in the back of his neck like this. Oh,
Like cupped it. Cupped it. And Donnie was looking up at him and he wouldn't even make eye contact. He wouldn't even look down to make eye contact with him. He got tackled by him, clamped his hand around his neck. Well, he knew Donnie was looking up at him and just said shit. And then like grabbed his t-shirt and just moved him. And Donnie was just. Exactly how my face is. Sidney said he cupped him like this and didn't even look down at him. I was like, oh my God. There's certain things in life where I realized, like I said, I'm not a confrontational guy. Certain things in life, I think,
I don't care about my career. I don't care about anything. No one's doing this on my neck, grabbing me and going like that. I will box your fat nose off. And not even make an eye contact. Won't even look at me. I will blast your stinky little rat nose off. I don't care how tall you are. I'll throw it all out.
These men love to push and shove. Yeah. I will crack your jaw. Big man. You would never play football again. I couldn't believe it. Oh, of course not. You would never play football again. That's what I'm saying. But that's when I'm non-confrontational. I think a lot of the reason why I'm so non-confrontational is because I, not like I have any anger issues or anything like that, but I have a tendency of like, it takes me forever to get angry. Okay.
But if you get me angry enough, there's no way down. You don't care about the consequence. Oh, I don't care. Like it would take so much to get me there to the point where you're thinking, oh, James potentially might be a mug because he's just having it. But then once I pass that line, I'm waking up in a cell. Fam? Oh, and some of the disrespect I see. I was watching...
Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares. Okay. I was binging the old episodes. Fam, there was one episode he went to Spain to help Donnie with, one Donnie with his restaurant in Spain. On tapas joint. I wish it was a tapas joint, bro. It was some fucking shag ting. He was coming up with his own recipes. He did like prawns and with a chocolate sauce. It was a joke. The whole thing was a joke, bro. Sounds horrendous. Anyway, as he's going through that, there's one point, Donnie, who's the restaurant owner,
was getting mad defensive. Okay. Gordon second image was basically said like big man, because I think he was in like 50 grams worth of debt of his dad's money. His dad had invested it to help him and he was in so much debt. And he was like, big man, like you're just a fucking kid playing with daddy's money. Like you're a fucking, Gordon saying that to him. I said, everyone is a fucking joke.
This is like the worst fucking, obviously the same spiel he always says, the worst fucking restaurant I've ever stepped in. If you don't pull your fucking finger out, you're just going to be fucking bankrupt and all this stuff. And as he's walking out, he has to step past the restaurant manager. But he goes front to front, so he has to sidestep past him. So as he's sidestepping past the restaurant manager, the restaurant manager is looking up at him. Fam, he looks him up and down, the restaurant manager. Gordon looks the restaurant manager up and down. He says, fuck off.
And just walks out. I was thinking, big man, I don't care what TV show this is. I'll knock you the fuck out. I'll make my blood boil. Man looks him up and down like he was a piece of shit and said, fuck off. And just walks out. Fam, I'll sprint behind him, grab the back of his collar and yank him to the floor. I know you're...
I couldn't be disrespected like that. And just firming. They probably have to sign some form of, you can't touch me regardless of what I say. You can't do anything. Regardless of what I say to you, this is all for TV purposes. I'm going to make your restaurant live, but bear with. We're going to make bank, but fam, I'm going to belittle you. I'm going to cuss. In front of the nation. The nation's going to think you're a joke. Just know that. You can't touch my skin.
Once you sign this, you can't touch my skin. Bro, there must be because some of the shit these men are put up with. Oh, it has to be. Fam's skirting past him nose to nose and obviously Gordon's quite tall. Look down at him. Up and down. Fuck off. Oh. I just. Oh, bro. I'd send him flying. I'd send him flying. And then when everyone drags me off. Yeah, yeah. I'll be like, what have I done? And my hands are blood ridden. I don't know what I've done. I've ruined the whole thing. And he's just there. Drapes up. Fuck.
It was fucking television. Bro, that would be it. Oh, that's hilarious. Couldn't believe the disrespect. Gordon doesn't give a shit. He doesn't. He doesn't. That would make my blood boil.
Rise fam Same He'll make it fizz Same It won't even point with fizz It'll be that vibrant We fizzing The restaurant manager Had nothing to do With his beef as well It was all to do With the owner Gordon versus the owner And just as he's turned His attention to get past him Looks him up and down Like he was nothing I just realised You said the restaurant manager Yeah not the owner No fam No Any stat Like pass or buy So just me Basically it could have been me Could have been you I'm Gordon I'm beefing your owner Like this is fucking bullshit You're just standing there Taking it
I'm not even talking to you. This is the, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Fuck this, I'm out of here. I turned, the door's literally there. So it's literally like this. Like that's how much gap there is between our table and you. That's how much gap there is. I have to slide past you here. I look at you when you're here. Fam, I have to sidestep. And as I go nose to nose with you, with the three Fs, fuck off. I said, fuck off. What? Who? Fam, I literally went, who? Who?
I just work here. He would have been rattled. Absolutely. My blood. He couldn't have gone home and fucked his wife that night. He couldn't have gone home and fucked his wife that night. A little fam. She, he was laid on her chest, her stroke in his hair. And he was all right. And he was just fetal. Fetal looking up. I don't know why he did that. I don't know why he did that. And this woman's just like, you're a fucking bitch, bro. You got had up by Gordon Ramsey. Oh,
Oh, Tim Gordon. There has to be some sort of... Told you to fuck off with nothing. You didn't retaliate at all. There has to be some sort of contract to sign the asylum because there's no way he's not been banged in his face before. Oh, I know. There's no way none of them have wanted to not bang him in his face. He's throwing shit at people. Oh, I've seen him. I've seen him. And they do nothing. He launches pans across the kitchen. And they do nothing.
Nah, bro. Not my kitchen. Fam? Not my kitchen. Man, it's fucking burnt. Lobs the thing. Oh, fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. I would have to rock him. I would have to. Have to. Fam, when I, when I draws up my saffron risotto and he puts it in his mouth and he like gags it out. Gags it out. Fuck off.
Fuck off. And he's like, you, you, you, here, now. Taste that. Taste that. What does it fucking taste like? It's fucking raw. It's fucking raw. Lobs it. Oh, fuck off. Everyone, fuck off. Go on, get out. You, you, you, you. You, you, you. Go on, fuck off. All you'll hear is footsteps. And I'll just Superman punch him across the deck. He'll do a backflip over the counter. Fuck off.
I can see it now. Over the pass. I can see it now. He'll backflip over there. The restaurant will go ballistic. All the celebs will stop.
They'll gasp. He's done. And I'm just ranting. What? Who? Me. Fuck off, yeah? You'll be over him like this. I'm standing over him. Who's fucking off now? Who's fucking off now? His bodyguards would drapes you. Oh, they'll kick the shit out of me in the alley. They'll beat the piss out of me in the alley. That's probably what keeps man humble. Off cam, there's man around here. Off cam, it's just bomber jackets. Steel toe caps and bomber jackets are about. Steel toe caps.
Imagine getting kicked by one of those. Oh, no, I couldn't. Those worker boots? Fam? Couldn't. Couldn't. I'd break my sternum. Couldn't. So yeah, there must be mass security there because he must be fearful. He has to be. He must be fearful that someone's going to rock his nose off. He has to be. But I think, I think probably like season one, season two, he would have been like,
Let me test the waters. Let me see how far I can push these motherfuckers. And he's realized, oh, nobody's actually going to do shit. He ran with it. He fucking ran with it. And the producers, they lapped it up. They eat it up. They said, do what you want. This is great. This is great television. This is great TV. And it fucking is. The one I was watching was from like 2007. Oh, wow. Years ago. Oh, wow. And I'm like, I'm in it. Wow. I'm in it, bro. But now he's turned into a pussy. Now he does like American MasterChef.
And like, was it Hell on Wheels or something like that? I was watching Gogglebox. I can't remember what it was. And he was on a new show. I can't remember what the show was called, but obviously it was a cooking show. And it was daytime TV. And someone was like, oh, this is a bit below Gordon Ramsay. Daytime TV? And he was like, oh, how to make a perfect, how to chop up the perfect pepper. It was something stupid, bro. He was chopping up like a green, yellow and red one.
different like dices like at the long probably like julienne juliennes and chopped chopped and some other stuff and all this shit and they'll watch everyone's watching like i feel like i've seen that what the fuck is this on about yeah it was like seven different chefs i think it's called like i can't remember i'm gonna butcher it because i can't remember what it's called there's like seven different chefs and he walks out and they're all like doing what he's um doing what he did trying to chop it up and everything and he's commentating about it everything it's like
Yeah, that looks good. But this one needs a bit of work. It's like, big man, they're chopping peppers. I feel like I've seen that, you know. We're chopping peppers out here. What are we on about? I've fucking seen that. I don't know what it was. For the life of me, I don't know what it's called, but I only saw it on Gogglebox. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen that.
I'm like, how is this Gordon? Why is he on this show? I don't know, bro. He's doing weird money grabs at the minute because he's doing that, like, he did that travel show with Gino DeCampo and that other Don from First Dates, the French guy. Fred Saru. Yeah, yeah. I've met him before. Have you? He's a cool guy, yeah. He gets puss. I bet. I bet. I did an advert for him. Sorry? I didn't, yeah. I was in an advert for him. Not for him, but like for... Was it for First... No, it wasn't for First Dates. It was for...
something to do obviously he does he does first days as well as like culinary stuff so it was for the culinary side i can't remember what it was specifically called but it was in manchester this was years ago this one is still working australasia so it would have been like two and a half years ago maybe three years ago he came in well we knew he was coming in for this thing specifically i remember got a trim and everything i had to make sure it's a little good yeah yeah yeah um
And he'll say it was going around like four or five different restaurants in Manchester. I'm talking about why you're in Manchester because I think he chose people that weren't originally from Manny. So why did you come to Manny? Why do you work in hospitality in Manny? Blah, blah, blah, blah. Where are your other go-to spots apart from where you work? Things like that. So we're just asking us generic questions. And he took some videos of like people making cocktails and this, that, and the other.
He said, this was, again, this was years ago. I can't even remember where the link is for the thing, but it was going to be posted in,
You know the massive electronic billboards in Houston? He said it was going to be on one of those. So it was like a three minute, four minute video, but it was going to be like chopped and changed. So it showed up different things. So yeah, it was one of those. So that was the first time I actually, obviously, I think first and only time I actually met him. I say I think, I know. First and only time I met him. But obviously you knew who he was through first dates. Oh man, you kept that shtum. I had no idea. I feel like I did mention it, but again, this was years ago. Yeah, maybe you did. This was years ago. I don't know, maybe you fucking did. But yeah, it was pretty cool. It was pretty cool. Gang. All right, cool.
I've got something for you. So you know we've been on this like Twitter thread hype. I've got a couple, but go on. Check this one out. I got sent this. This one hurts my chest. Okay. So you might have seen this one, you might not have. This is, so basically the thread is called, so it's aimed at ladies. Okay. And it's called...
DM me the craziest story of what truly happened when you text him saying, sorry, I fell asleep. I've not seen that, but I've seen someone put, it was like a, not a meme. Someone just typed in and it was screenshot and put on Instagram. And they, and they said,
type in fell asleep sorry I fell asleep on whatsapp and read through like the women that have sent it to you and so I was like damn that could be that could be political and I actually did it I typed in fell asleep on my whatsapp and saw like the girls that have sent to me in the past oh I'm sorry I fell asleep blah blah blah really I've seen the reasons but more time more of them were exes as opposed to flings okay so for me it didn't really hurt but
But I was looking at some of the responses. They look jokes. But anyway, that's what that reminded me of. Right. So this is what they were really doing. I told my babes that I fell asleep early, but I'd really gone to have a male female male threesome. I had such an amazing experience. One tool in my mouth, another in the cooch. These men really took care of me that night. I stayed over. So I was asleep for about 11 hours.
No fucking way. Fuck. Not only did she cheat, she doubled down. Fam? Spit roasting, yeah. Spit roasting. Stayed the night. I was cheating with someone who's even his dad's age. Having orgasms left, right and centre. Wow. Basically passed out from how much fun I had. Wow. Woke up the next morning and said a cute little good morning and sorry I fell asleep whilst I was studying.
Enjoyed it so much I do it regularly And I'm even seeing Mr. Arse Eater In about two or three hours Mr. Arse Eater My days Wow Savagery Told my baby daddy I was asleep But I was taking the best pipe of my life He was ringing my phone Whilst my tongue was in this man's arse Nah brother Your face You're getting heated for my man
It's just not on. That's just not on. What? Why your face like that, fam? Fix your face, bruv. Fam? Fix your face. What we got? That's jokes. I counseled on the guy I was dating. We've been around for, uh, we've been dating around three months at this point and we scheduled, uh, for the next night just so I could go get my black back blown out by a previous fuck buddy.
This is horrendous stuff. Bro, no remorse. This is malicious. No remorse. What did he do to you? This is malicious, ladies.
wagwan bro wagwan this is so malicious so i was seeing this super jealous guy he was driving um me from another city he's driving to me from another city with his friends so i could meet them as his next girl or whatever but when a guy had i had a crush on for ages but had a girlfriend messaged me declaring he's single i had jumped at the chance and invited him over
I don't know if it was just the crush or the feeling of being sneaky, but the guy rocks my world. Afterwards, I saw the angry text from the jealous guy. So while sneaky link was in the shower, I sent my guy a whole video of my empty room. This is the thing as well. Is that like keeping your hose quiet is so easy for a girl. Oh, for sure. So easy for a girl. She could have been so straight up and honest with the, my man. Yeah. I said, look, my man is vexed.
Go in the shower. I just need to send him a video to make sure so he knows that no one's here. And my man would have been like, come on. I don't give a fuck. You sure you want me to turn the shower on? Sounds kind of loud. Yeah. I can just sit in the living room. Like. We'll play the part. We'll play the role. Fam. That's malicious, cuz. I don't think I have any messages on my WhatsApp from ex flings or whatever. Well, it says I fell asleep. Yeah. Let me see. All of mine. Well, majority of mine are from exes.
Fell asleep. Nah, I've got nothing. I've got nothing. Literally all of mine. From exes. Are you sure they were asleep fam? Cause I'm not, I know you said about they weren't flings or whatever, but I'm hearing baby daddy. I know, I know, I know, I know. I'm not going to lie to you. He's bringing his boys over to meet me. Are you sure fam? To be fair, I could be wrong. They could have been fucking other people, but it doesn't really matter anymore now, does it? It literally doesn't. I've, I remember, I have had one, sorry, I fell asleep that I specifically remember for sure.
But she was on so much crud. So we had plans for me to go over. Yeah. Then at like whatever time, you remember this as well. It was a time ago. Huh? I'm assuming this was a time ago. Yeah. Plans for me to go over at a certain time. Yeah. I text her like 10 minutes before that time. Yeah. Saying, cool, I'm about to leave. Yeah. Just to make sure that it's still on. Yeah. Got no reply. Yeah. Decided not to leave. Mm-hmm.
just as i'm getting ready to go into bed this is like so let's say i was supposed to go over there at half 10 i get a text that like half one saying oh sorry babes fell asleep watching fucking corrie or something and i was like rah did you rah me being the fucking waste man that i was yeah it was like it's cool i can still pass through if you want me to aired me
I don't know if I remember this. Edmi. It was... You do know who it was. Met them on a night out. We met them on a night out. I met the person on a night out. Banged them that night. I was supposed to link them the next night. Hang on, hang on. Hang on. One sec, one sec. I can't say it with a straight face now. For fuck's sake. Pfft.
Let me just type it in one voice. He's a stupid man. So childish for fuck's sake. That's hilarious. Hang on. I was never getting that. Oh, fair play. I was never getting that. Fair play. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing is, I clocked the first word, the first name. I was thinking, surely it can't be this. Yeah, it's a common name. Yeah. The second, when you said the second, well, the surname, I was thinking, that's not who I think.
You're saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you were talking about someone else. Oh. You know exactly. Exactly. She could never text me I fell asleep. She could never text me I fell asleep. I'm literally rocking the chair. Why did you think I was perplexed, fam? I was like, who? Fam? Who? She could never text me I fell asleep. Are you mad? If I got that I fell asleep from her, I will cut my wrist. Because I failed. What?
I failed. She was nervous. Bottom of the barrel will only bang if I'm absolutely desperate and have nothing else to do. Oh, bless her cotton socks. There's no way she could text me at half one in the morning.
Sorry I fell asleep and me say that's fine I can still come over I would never tell you that I would never tell you that That's why I was like obviously you said the story And you said the name I was thinking Nah it can't be her It can't be her Yeah yeah yeah But yeah back to the point ladies you're scum You are scum like that's just not on ladies That's just not on You're scum bruv And you're right like mandem will play the part if like listen My man's belling me off
I need to create a scene whereby he thinks I'm alone. Man then will play the part. If I'm hiding in the cupboard because I'm going to need to do a full apartment tour. I need to do a Zoom call. Yeah. Man will say, bless. If you want, I will go home. Like it's minor. It's minor to me. Bet. Bet. It's done.
But yeah. Yeah. Women would never do that. What? Call her. Call her. You should have thought about that before you cheated your waistband. Yeah. This fall, this fell asleep thing. That's unacceptable because it's one of those taboos that every guy always knew there was something shady about the sorry I fell asleep. But,
But we never really knew. And we were happy to never really know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now we know? It's shaky. It's rocked my world a little bit. It's painful. Yeah, yeah, that's true. We've opened Pandora's box and we can't forget what we saw. Yeah, we can't close it anymore. Oh, fucking horrible. That's tough. Fucking horrible. That's tough. I've got a, I've got a What Would You Do? If I can fucking find it. Two secs. Right. Okay.
I got invited to a stag do in Mallorca a few years ago after someone had pulled out of going. I didn't know the lad too well, but we had mutual friends and it was all paid for. So for me, it felt like a no brainer. We took a ferry to Ibiza where things got messy, resulting, resulting in us getting separated. Um,
I ended up in a hotel room banging an older woman. Gang? Gang. Fast forward to the wedding. Turns out she was the bride's mum. He was out on a hen do when I beef her. Not a single word was said. Dang. What would you do? I'd do exactly what he did. I wouldn't say shit. I wouldn't say shit. Would you... Would that make you want to bang her again? Yeah. After the reception? Oh, yeah. How would you pattern that? How would... Wait. Would you be...
Obviously, because she has no recollection or not necessarily no recollection. She has no idea that,
who you were or who you are. So he was invited as a third party thing, did he say? Yeah. So he was at a stag. He wasn't at the, he wasn't at the wedding. He was at a stag, but he was invited because someone else dropped out. Oh, okay. So he wasn't on the original roster. Yeah. So you, let's say it was you, you weren't on the original roster. You got invited. But I was invited to the wedding. You were invited to the wedding. Yeah. Not the stag. Someone dropped out. Someone dropped out. I dropped out. Now you're in the stag crew. You're all in the cruise. You're on the ferry to Ibiza. Coincidentally,
um you've met the bride and she's in a she's the bride's mom and her gal she's in she's on a separate she's on a separate head at this wedding to a completely different okay coinkydinky coinkydinky separate hand so you've banged her now yeah you now rock up to the actual wedding itself a week's time two weeks time two weeks time whatever yeah and you feel like fuck that's my boy's wife's mom
How are you... One, how are you patterning the second beat if you want to beat again? And two, do you think she would be mortified when she sees your face? Probably because, from the sounds of it, she's probably got a lot of, like, pride. Not pride, but, like, you're the bride's mum. Like, she's got decorum. She don't need to see a young lad in there that she banged in Ibiza. That's just the wild side that she doesn't want anyone else to see. Especially her daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, um...
I would definitely try and pattern it again. But it depends. Is she married? Is her husband there? I don't know. Obviously, according to this, there was no inclination of that. But let's say she's a single mum, divorced, but the ex-husband's there, obviously for the bride. Divorced, she's not seen anyone, but she's also one of those ones where
it's sus if she's seen with a younger guy. Fair play. Well, I'll know, to be fair, I'll base it on her. If I see her, we make eye contact and I can see she's mortified, I'll let her marinate in that for a few hours. Yeah, because no one's going anywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let the festivities roll and then I will know based on if she...
Like, for example, if she sticks with someone and never wants to be alone for the whole night, she's not about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If she's making glances over and then goes to the bar by herself or something like that, your boy's in. It's on. It's on. 100%. Fam, if that happened to me, my dick would be so hard. I know it would. So hard. You love sneaky shit like that. So do I. So hard. So do I.
I love sneaky stuff like that. Especially after a few drinks I've gone in, a few Prosecco's, a few shots here and there. And she's just like, bro, get upstairs. That's when all the laughs stop. You spank her back as she walks up. Get upstairs. Oh, you'd fuck. Thing is, I'd bang her in Ibiza, wake up and be like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. I'd see her at the wedding.
And then I bang her again at the wedding. The next day after I've banged her, they'll get the wedding. I'll be so ashamed of myself. Yeah. Yeah. It's done now. Like the whole, the whole, the whole fantasy, the whole fantasy is done. Done. I'll wake up, see her makeup smeared, everything. And I'll be like, I never want to see you again. Yeah. I never want to see you again. Get out of my room. Now.
Pauline, fuck off. Stop it, please. That's such a white mum's day. I wouldn't be able to face the shame, bro. That's hilarious. I literally wouldn't be able to face the shame. And I'd just be like, oh, gross. What did I do? Again. Again. But yeah, man. But 100%, just based on that coincidence, I would have to bang her again. I'd have to. Let's gang. Let's gang. Unless I did a terrible job the first time. True. Then I wouldn't. Then I'd be the one that don't want to be left alone.
Imagine you banged her, but you banged her because it was one of those ones like you're drunk, blah, blah. You're all in the same vicinity. Like you said, or like the thing said, rather. You got split up from all the other boys. She kind of like swindled you, whatever, whatever. You went to the room and you banged her, but you didn't really want to bang her. Not even necessarily in like...
in like a forceful way but she just wasn't for you but whiskey dick yeah whiskey dick I'm by myself you're by yourself I've got nowhere else I don't know where my hotel is and it was just it was just right place right time I needed a place to sleep and she was like come back do something do something do something to me then I did it yeah if I saw her at the wedding then and she just wasn't for you yeah I'd be sick if I saw her at the wedding then I'd be mortified yeah I'd be sick oh fucking hell
And I'd be looking at myself in the mirror, what's wrong with you, bro? And she tries to make advances on you. She doesn't care who sees. Yeah, I'd vomit. She doesn't care who sees. That would be actually, it's strange enough, that would actually be a turn off for me. Even if I was about to be an Ibiza, if she started making advances to me, like with her daughter about, like her family's around, and she's making advances to me, I'd be thinking, ugh, you're so desperate, man, stop. Like you're making a fool of yourself, stop. Like I'm 20 years younger than you, like what are we doing?
But anyway, that's a weird one. That is a weird one. It's cool. As long as like everything's laid out clean. Yeah. It's sick. But yeah, it could be gross. I could really have some like self-reflection that I need to do after that. After that second one? Yeah, after the second one, a couple of self-reflections. The first one. Yeah, after the first one, I'd be like, it's IB for us. That's just all my day. Yeah, whatever kind of thing. But yeah, after the second one, I'll fam, the hangover, the day after the wedding. Yeah.
Oh, God. She's putting on her dress from the night before. Oh, don't. I wouldn't be able to look at her, man. Just, oh, God. Pat, get out. Pat, please. I can't do this, bro. Ah, Kellyanne, stop it. How grim. Oh, gross. Right. What have you got for me? I have a... I've got an Am I the Asshole? Okay. This is an interesting one. Okay. Okay. Mm-hmm. So this one, yeah? Mm-hmm.
Hey guys, I'm a big fan of the show. Only podcast I've listened to really. So anyways, I have an Am I the Arsehole for you. I recently tried putting myself out there, you know, like playing the game. I said, quote unquote, the game out on the streets and stuff like that. Not as successful as you guys though, but I do try. You have no idea what success rate we had, bro. We talk about the glory days, but you don't know what the ratio was saying. Yeah.
We took L's, bro. We all took L's. But anyway, while I was doing so, I met this girl who I vibed with and said she was comfortable with a long-term friends with benefits setting. So that's cool. I said, so that's cool. And so one day while we were chatting, I kind of steered the conversation to whether she was down for a threesome. And she said she was, which was great. And since she was the more experienced of us both with this kind of thing, gang, I
this kind of thing she said she'll look for someone who was interested as well a day passed by and she told me she'd found someone oh wow quick work she was down she was waiting for him to ask and i said to tell me all about it but it turns out she was looking for a guy oh shock i was waiting for them so i was surprised i wasn't really down for a female male male
And so we talked about it and I said I wasn't down for that. She seemed dejected at this point, but still said she would look for someone. And after a bit, she said a friend of hers would be interested and sent me a photo of hers afterward. And I don't want to be rude or judgy or anything, but her friend was really more masculine than feminine. Seems like she really wants to get down with another guy. Yeah. Afterwards, I was a bit aloof and dodgy since I wasn't sure if I wanted to go down this path. I don't blame you, homeboy.
I made up an excuse to talk to her later and give myself time to think. I haven't replied since. Am I the asshole for wanting to ghost this woman because of how awkward it's been now? Hope to hear from you guys. Great job with the pod. Gang, gang. Love, love. Goodness me. That's tough. I want to say no, you're not the asshole considering the lack of experience you have in that field. Yeah.
Because you already said, like, that's her field of expertise. She's the one that's trying to find the next, the extra party to join the threesome, blah, blah, blah. You let her do all the groundwork, basically. And you were just saying, oh, you were just saying yes or no. So considering, I don't know, I think just considering that alone, you trying to ghost her, or you originally saying no to the...
um the extra guy and then you and then her sending you a picture of a masculine looking female and you're like yeah she clearly just wants to get dominated by men if she wasn't having the initial no and she's bringing up that picture yeah i'm done man 100 i'm done man i'm done 100 i'm done like i'm done man
friends with i'm sorry to cut you off and obviously you're not there was nothing there you guys went exclusive like you like you said you guys are just friends with benefits so it's just nah man i'm done fam i would just be honest like especially if you're enjoying being friends with benefits with her i would say yo uh i think we're on two different wavelengths with this threesome team yeah let's just go back to normal yeah um we can revisit this another time to be fair she might like he said be very dejected by that but yeah you gotta be up front um
I'm never a fan of ghosting someone in general. I think that's a bit of an asshole move, like no matter what the setting is. Like in her defense, like you brought up the threesome thing, not her. You agreed to let her find someone. And when she's found someone, you're like, I'm just going to stop talking to this girl altogether. That's a bit harsh. Yeah, it is. Now that you've spelled it out like that, it is a bit harsh. But my only standpoint of, I'm assuming his only standpoint was,
it's just not his field of expertise. So he had no wiggle room in that factor. So it's like, oh, you do the work and then come, we can find a thing and let's pattern it. But I get where you're coming from. I do get where you're coming from. I just feel like, I don't know. I do agree with you, but I also agree with what I said as well.
I'm a bit on the fence with both. Now they've explained the other side. He was just shook. Yeah. Long story short, he was shook. Yeah. And he didn't know what to say or do. And his only option that he could think of was, I'm just going to have to fuck off. I just get out of here. Yeah. I just want to get out of here. This is concerning. I don't have a chest.
to go back to her a second time and say that. Like, I just don't have it in me. I just need to get out of it. I just need to lock it all together. It's just scary now. Yeah, I don't blame you, bro. But yeah, these things are going to happen, man. We're proud of you for shooting your shot and trying to pattern the threesome. These things sometimes go well, sometimes they don't. This time it didn't work out well for you, man. Neither of us have ever managed to secure the three-way, so...
Yeah. Bro, keep your chin up. On to the next fuck buddy and... You never know what that might take. Bro, try pattern that one. Just try pattern that one. True. True. But yeah, signing off. Guys, we love you. Happy Monday. Enjoy the rest of your week and head on over to Patreon just in time for Thursday and we will see you there. Yeah, man. Love, love, love. Go, go, go.
The most powerful designer drugs are the digital ones we use daily. And we get high off them when touch, tap, like, scroll at a time. You know, just like tech creators want us to. Use digital without digital using you. Learn more at think.ithra.com.
At Ashley, you'll find colorful furniture that brings your home to life. Ashley makes it easier than ever to express your personal style with an array of looks in fun trending hues to choose from, from earth tones to vibrant colors to calming blues and greens. Ashley has pieces for every room in the house in the season's most sought after shades. A more colorful life starts at Ashley. Shop in store online today. Ashley, for the love of home.