(Bonus Episode) HALLOWEEN SPECIAL! | ShxtsNGigs Podcast
01:01:54 Share

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. It broke all the time. Were you silenced or silenced? Did it break or were we broke? Fuck!

- Guys. - Girls. - Welcome back in for the Shits and Gigs Halloween extravaganza. - Let's go. Let's go. - Your boys are cosplayed up, so let's run through and see who we got. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So myself, obviously I've been diving into the Star Wars world. Originally your boy wanted to go as the Mandalorian, but we settled for the Jedi. Got dressed in the all black. I got the saber.

- Yeah man, and I think it's clean. - I think it's clean. - The whole ensemble is clean. - The whole ensemble is clean. - Jedi in a do-rag is insane. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. Jedi in a do-rag is absolutely insane. - Jedi Fu. - Yeah. - Let's not play games now. - Fu Guan Jin. - Fu Guan Jin, let's not play games now. I'm a strike. - Say less, say less. - Come on, we're here. - All right, cool. - We're here. Turn this bitch off. - Yeah, turn the fuck off. - Yeah, it's making noise. - It's obnoxious. - Obnoxious. - Yeah. - Cool, so I've come as,

- If you were bad, you would have worn the clunks as well. - Right. - The wooden clunks. - I thought it came as a thing. I thought it came as the ensemble, but it's calm. Let's not shit on each other. You look fantastic.

- You look fantastic too bro. - No, I'm just saying like, you said you wanted to go as Mallory and settle. You're saying if I was bad, I would have gone with this. Let's pretend we're at 100%. - Fair, fair, fair. - We're already starting off with negatives. Let's pretend we're at 100%. - We're at 100%. - Jesus Christ. So yeah, I've come as my boy Tandro. People think he's a simp, but I think he's cool. - Nah, he's not a simp. - This is appropriating. What's that racist holiday in the Netherlands called?

- I don't know what it's called, but I know exactly what you're talking about. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I know exactly what you're talking about. - What's it called? There's some Christmas thing. It's called like black Jack or some shit like that. - Oh, okay. - Asvita Jack or some shit like that. What's it called? - Netherlands. - What's it called? - Festival? I don't know. - Bro, I don't even know. Yeah, yeah. It will come up, man. Black Pete. - Black Pete.

- Zvata Pete. - Zvata Pete, yeah, crazy. - Ellis is coming as Zvata Pete. - Fuck's sake. - No, that's dread. - Wow. - No, bro, that is- - Fuck that, man. - Yeah, fuck that for real. - What's that about, bro? - Wow. - Jesus Christ. - Sorry, Ellis, you've come as Dennis the Menace, no? - Dennis the Menace, yeah, yeah, yeah. Supposed to be, supposed to be. - Zvata Pete. - Fuck, man. - Fuck, man. - That's crazy.

- To be fair, we were saying earlier, black hair suits you bro, I'm not gonna lie to you. - I don't think it does, but fair. - It fucking does. - Yeah, fair. - Yeah, if you went- - I'm not going all emo though. - All emo? - Yeah, man. With my hair- - You could wear the fuck out of emo though, bro. - I was a little bit in school. I just didn't have the black hair. If I had black hair, full on emo. - Oh, there. Did you do your nails?

- Nah, I wasn't that. - Oh, he wasn't die hard? - Yeah. - He wasn't that Rem? - I had like rings and everything. - Rings? - Yeah, yeah. - Wow. - I had like a few rings.

- Absolutely. - Cut to your younger self, man. Jesus Christ. - Oh, man. - That's hilarious. - Fair play. Rem de la Creme. What we got? - Yeah, man. I've come as Toby today. Well, not really. Toby, just an Akatsuki member. And yeah, got my pick as well in front. And yeah, man, Akatsuki to the world, fam. - Let's go. - Come on now. Akatsuki till we die. - Yeah, man. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. - Fair play. Right.

Normal viewership? Normal viewership, man. As you guys know, we start this with the question of the week. And the question of the week this week was, what's the worst way you spent your paycheck? Right. I'm gonna hit it off. What's the worst way you spent your paycheck? I put two grand on red. Yeah. Fam? Doubling down on that. Yeah. Stuck it all on black. Now I've got no hot water. Man.

- Never got no hot water. - No hot water. - No hot water. - Yeah, that's a gamble. - Is that even legal? I've had no hot water a couple of times. It shouldn't be legal. - It shouldn't, but yeah. - That's not a condition people should be allowed to live in, bro. - I agree, bro. We shouldn't be paying for water. - When I was a kid, our boiler used to break all the fucking time. - Same. - Yeah. - Conspiracy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. It used to break all the time. Yeah, now I'm thinking about it, like, did it break? Did it actually break? I would be broke.

- That's facts though, because it broke all the time, bro. It broke all the time. - Were you silenced or silenced? - Did it break or were we broke? Fuck. Bro, it was always broken, man. And I would scream. I would scream. - So was it like a bucket bath ting or did you just cold water it? - Yeah, it would end up being- - Kettle ting? - Oh no, 'cause that took all day. I've got school.

- It's fair. - Yeah, yeah. - It's fair. - It's not a Saturday. - Yeah. - Broken boiler on a Saturday is harangue. Like that's not even funny. Nah, it would have to be, I remember I would always go in, turn the shower on, I'd turn the fucking shower on, piss, and then you know when you can just feel it's getting colder and hotter in here. And I'd be like, no, no, no, no, no. And I'd touch the water, I'd be freezing, I'd be like, "Mom!"

"Mom, it's fucking broken again." And she'd be like, "Oh, okay, cool." And then it would just be flannel in the sink, cold water. Batty out. Just horrible, horrible, horrible hours. - I'd fucking kettle it all the time. I'm not gonna lie to you. Even if I was late, kettle it. I would do just quick once over. - I was terrified to be late for school. - Why? - Because the teachers just used to make a deal out of it. - Fair play. - One of the teachers, we had a teacher called Mr. Body, he would close the gates. - Mr. Body? - Yeah, he was a beast.

You close the school gates and they let you stand out there. And then you have to press the buzzer in it. And then they let someone take the long walk to open the gate for you. It's just embarrassing. - That is embarrassing, fair play. Mr. Buddy knew what he was doing. - Yeah, bastard. - What's the worst way you spent your paycheck? - I spent my paycheck on my ex to eat seafood boil and a concert. She disappeared afterwards. - Fam, again, two twos now.

back in 2023 i gave her every single coin i had to pay for her rent fast forward to december she tells me she doesn't feel the connection anymore she doesn't feel the connection anymore oh it's heartbreaking it's heartbreaking all right this girl said i spent it on a clit sucker that i then tried out in a kfc bathroom jesus yeah what fam you tried out a clit sucker in the kfc bathroom she couldn't wait

- No, I'm not gonna let you put that voice on. I'm not gonna let you put sexy voice on for that. That's fucking disgusting. - It's disgusting. - It's not sexy. Stop. Don't do sexy voice. - She could've wait. - Nah, I'm not doing that. KFC toilet. - Yeah, that's bogus, bro. - That's disgusting. - It is, it is, it is. - Right. Worst way you spent your paycheck? Me to a T. Paying off a loan so I can get another loan. - Oh, wow. Yeah. - Credit cards?

- Credit cards? - Yeah, it was a journey. - Bro, let's take a second to talk about debt. - Okay, let's. - Let's take a second to talk about debt. I'm not scot-free, I don't think. I don't know where my debts lie. - Okay, you don't look at it? - No, I don't. - Okay, cool. - My experience is, sorry. - Do you know where it is? - The number? What's it out of, 500? - No, 999. - 999? - Yeah.

- Let's just say it bodes that I said out of 500. - Okay, okay. - Nah, I think last time I checked my experience. Shit's dog water, bro. It's like one point I got it to like 800 something. That's the best it's ever been. Last time I checked and I thought I was calm. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. Last time I checked, it said like,

maybe three to four something. Okay. But what I didn't know is these motherfuckers, if you spend more than like 70% of your credit card, it's bad for your credit.

They want you to use your credit card, but never get anywhere near to your limit. - Okay, and then just keep topping up or like- - Yeah, obviously I pay off my credit card, like direct debit every month. It's calm. But like, I didn't know, I've been stretching that drone for like years. I use the whole thing and then pay it off. And to me, I'm like, that doesn't mean nothing. And they said, nah bro.

Use a little bit. Like who gives a fuck? - Okay, okay. - So yeah, that is in debt. That is credit card score is, or credit score is absolutely abysmal. But actually to talk about debt,

I used to be in a serious credit card hole and I know you did as well. - Oh yeah, rags. When I moved to Manu, bankrupt me. It legitimately bankrupt me. - Yeah, scary. - Yeah, I think I increased my limit from maybe two bags to five bags.

Someone I knew at the time was working in HSBC, so she just paid it for me. And I honestly I needed it because I had to buy so much stuff when I moved to Manny, like I moved into my own space for the first time and your shit just needed to get bought. And I was living off that, especially for Ubers and stuff.

my salary wasn't that high. I think I was on maybe 21 bags. And so I think a month that's what 14, maybe 1500. My rent was like six bills and I was paying obviously utilities. So it was probably like best part of nine bills.

So I was coming home with like six a month. - 600 pounds for the whole month. - Yeah, so it's like the CC have to get used. - Yeah. - Yeah, man. Oh, I rinsed that credit card in that first year boy. And it was a journey trying to pay that bitch back. I didn't pay back for years. - Oh bro, I didn't pay my credit card off for years. I was paying the minimum, the legal minimum. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - That wasn't even covering the interest.

That wasn't covering the interest So every month I was more and more and more in debt I was paying that minimum bro Same Yeah and I just let it sit there Until they would hound me in the app Okay Yeah they'd send me red alerts in the app And then I'd pay Like £28.50 or something Whatever it was That minimum Yeah the minimum was Was crazy And that took me a minute To pay it off And you paid that off like

A year and a bit ago, two years ago? - I paid my amount off two years ago. I remember, I think I remember texting you saying I was debt free. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I can't remember, that was probably best part of two years ago though. Yeah, so it took a while. - Ellis, you got a credit card? - Never had one, you know, I'm scared of them. - Don't do it. - Yeah. - Yeah, should be bro, be scared. - 'Cause I know people go like, "Oh, get one, it boosts your credit score," and all that stuff. And I get that, but it's like,

- Something about it, like it just terrifies me, bro. 'Cause it's not, I don't see it as my money. So I'm a bit like- - It's not your money. - It's a scam, Ellis, don't do it. - I'm not doing it, man. Even like financing stuff I get scared of. - Yeah, bro. - I don't like it. - It's tough, man. I stole from Monzo when they gave me a car. I stole from them.

- What you mean? - They gave me a card with 1500 pound overdraft. I didn't ask for it. - Oh, fair. - I spent that. I didn't give them any money. I didn't put any, I didn't like submit anything into the account. - Okay. - I just rinsed that 1500 and dashed the card away. I was starving you, man. I was starving. I remember I was on a,

I was on a, like a call to them like this year sometime, trying to sort this whole mess out. 'Cause they said,

Big man, you're like, you're ops. Like you can't, I was trying to open a new account. - Yeah. - And they were like, what's, like what is all this? And I'm like, brother, please man, like. - That's the past. - Yeah, let's just sort this out between men. - Yeah. - Come on man. - Let's bring the higher ups in. Let's talk through this. - Let's sort this out, man. Like I've got pee for you now. - Yeah. - Let's pattern it. And they're like, bro, you left us hanging for a year.

Two years. Bro, you don't know what it's like. Facts. Yeah, you don't know what it's like for me out there, man. Yeah, I stole from them. Jeez, that's hilarious. I think I spunked it all on like takeout as well. It wasn't even anything substantial. It wasn't even paying bills. That doesn't surprise me. That doesn't surprise me, to be fair. Yeah, your delivery game was different. Was, is. Fair. Fair. Fair. Anyway, what did these lot spunk their money on?

What's the worst way you spent your paycheck? Someone's dusty ass son. He cheated. I spent my rent money on that bitch too. I ended up homeless. I ended up homeless. No. Okay. Stop now. Yeah. Jesus. Right.

Worst way you spent your paycheck, yeah? I bought a standing desk for better productivity. Now I just procrastinate standing up. Pro facts. I just procrastinate standing up. Oh, I remember when I had an office job, when I sat down all day and yawning,

I begged these men for a standing desk because one of them there's a Donnie across the way called Ben he was standing up taking calls sending emails and I was like it must be something to do with the blood flow because he's active when he stands up brother they caught once they finally gave me the desk I promise you a week and a half they caught me juggling

- Juggling. - I was juggling. I was juggling bro, I wasn't productive at all. - You were just standing. - I was standing up. Procrastinating standing up. - They caught you juggling. - Juggling, yeah. They caught me from me in. I was juggling stuff bro. I was fucking bored. - Yeah, you had no respect for them. You had no respect for the people you worked for. - Yeah, I actually didn't. - That's crazy. - Yeah, I didn't bro. I was juggling and I hated it in there. Fuck, I thought the standing desk was the saving grace.

Fuck. Alright, what else have you spent your paycheck? Went to the strip club and fell in love. Had to tell my wife there was an IT glitch and I would get double next month. Damn, spent the whole paycheck. I spent my whole paycheck in a strip club one time. You were there.

- I know exactly where we were as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a night. We got there, left and then came back. That same spot, right? Exactly where you're talking about. - You man, one stripper swindled me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And the bredrin, was it a sister or the bredrin? - I don't know. - Yeah, I just wanna cheat her.

- Yeah, I remember. - Bro, this thing swindled, man. I think I had like 250 quid in my account. That's all I had, that's every penny I had, you man. We were in the strippy, I was just, I wasn't getting dances, I was sipping Malibu and Coke.

Just vibes. And one stripper was chatting, chatting. And you know, I'm not very good at talking. So I was just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was like, oh, this is my opportunity. Like I've not had much interaction with a stripper before. Let me ask like typical stripper questions. And then she said,

I said like, oh, have you ever like, I'm pretty sure I asked her like every basic bitch question a guy would ever ask a stripper. Like, oh, have you ever liked a customer? And she was like, I didn't know that, 'cause I was asking out of general curiosity. I wasn't asking so me and her could do the same. I was just interested. I didn't know she's doing up Jedi mind tricks.

In the dance Yeah yeah yeah yeah So she was like Yeah I have And I was like Oh cool man Like that's crazy Like well gone for it She said I really liked This guy one time And then he gave me the ick And I was like How did he give you the ick She said his card got declined And I was like I just remembered now Yeah I was like mad That's mad still That's mad And I was like Anyway It's getting late And she was like Oh you're not gonna get a dance Before you go And I was like Ah And she was like Come on man Like you've been here for time You should get a dance kind of thing

And then I was like, how much is it? And then she was like, I think she said like, it's like 30 quid. And I was like, bet, that's okay. We can spend 30 quid. She took me to the desk. She said, he wants a private ting. Oh no, he wants a VIP. And I was like, how much is that? And she was like, 250. And I was like, you man, you weren't allowed your phone in there. And I say, I opened my Barclays app. And I saw literally like 257 pounds on that. And I was like,

it's a long walk back to Fuhad. - Yeah. - It's a long walk back. And I was like, oh, I thought you said like 30 quid. And she was like, oh no, but I just assumed you wanted the VIP. Like she was giving me my wings like it's better, it's better. And I was like, oh God. - And then I take 10% on the top as well. - Yeah fam.

needless to say i got the vip dance and i didn't eat for the rest of the month i remember exactly where we were that's um and all i kept thinking was like she literally said broke boys on my biggest ick and i didn't even care about her but still i was like i can't yeah i can't be like babe i can't afford that i can't afford that yeah and then walk all the way back to where you were no never sorry my manhood just wouldn't happen i didn't have i had seven pounds my name for the rest of the month

- Yeah. - And the VIP was dead. There's no different. - Yeah. Just longer songs. - Just longer songs. - That's it. That's literally it. - Just longer songs, bro. And more conversation. - Yeah. - It didn't change. We just moved location. And I can't eat for the rest of the month. - Yeah, swindled, bro. - Yeah, hell. - You've been there, man. - Yeah, hell on earth. - Have you ever slept with a stripper? - No. - Nah, bro. - Oh, fair. Just wondering. I don't know if you ever have. - That's a good question. - They are the untouchables, bro.

They are the untouchables They will sell you The perfect dream that you want to hear But when it comes to crunch time When they finish their shift You don't exist She'll leave you there sat on the curb Waiting Security will put her in an Uber and dip Security will put her in an Uber But you'll be sat there with a bouquet of flowers Waiting for that Tom It's not coming That's where you spent your paycheck

Child support without a DNA test. Yeah. Without a DNA test. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, son. Worst way you spent your paycheck. Sent it to some Nigerian scammer to double it. To double it. How can you be so naive? How? To double it. To double it. What does that even mean? Exactly what it says. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To double it, bro. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn. Right. Damn.

Where's where you've spent your paycheck? She said her brother liked gaming. So I sent her money to buy him a console. Months later, I find out he's legally blind. Months later, I find out he's legally blind. What? She snatched that money, bro. She snatched that money. I promise you that's not one thing I'm saying. That can't run. I bought Donnie a PS5.

- I thought I bought him a PS5 to find out he's blind. - Yeah. - Where's my money? - Fuck. - Yeah, where's my money? - What are you doing here? - Where's my money? - What games is it that you like to play? 'Cause I'm confused. - Yeah, you're playing my games. - Yeah, that's the only games you like to play. All right, I got a couple more. What's the worst way you spent your paycheck? VIP Chris Brown tickets, flights and accommodation only to be friend zoned. - By Chris Brown?

- Oh, by the brash you went with. - No, by the brash you went with. Oh, yeah, he went with, sorry. - 'Cause I know that his VIP is a bit. - Yeah, touchy feely. - Touchy feely, yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, okay, cool. Last one for me. Worst way you spent your paycheck? Buying pussy. Buying pussy. - That's it. - That's it. - That's it. - That's it. - Fuck. - Yeah, buying pussy. - Fuck. - Yeah, scary. Sorry, bro. - Yeah. - Don't buy pussy. - Don't. Do you know anyone that's bought pussy? - Good question. No.

- Define buying pussy, bro. - I mean, not going to a strip club. - No, I'm not talking about a strip club. I was talking about like a date. - No, not necessarily a date. - Yeah, I know, Fiyad. It was a joke. - What are we doing here? - What are we doing here? - What are we doing here? - You get what I'm saying. I'm saying like taking a girl on a date is buying pussy. That's like a joke. - So you know exactly what I'm trying to say. - I know you're on about prostitution. Yeah, I know. And I was trying to make a side joke.

and it didn't land. And now you're making me look like an idiot in front of my friends. - Oh, God. - In front of all my friends. Fuck sake, man. - No, I don't think I know anyone who's bought a prostitute. At least no one's free that information to me. At least no one's free that information to me. I don't know anyone.

- Oh my God. Oh my God. - All right, last one for me. The worst way you spent your paycheck. - My friend bailed her man out of jail only to find out he was there because of his side chick. - Fuck sake. - Yeah, man. That's, he was in the right place. He should have stayed there. Because now he's in for some trouble. He should have stayed there, man. - Yeah, bro. He's going straight back. - He's definitely is going straight back. - And now he's got a side chick to deal with and his main. And money needs to be owed. - Yeah, man, long.

Right guys Welcome Welcome back Welcome back Thank you for being here Yeah man I hope you guys are in For a special Special Halloween Yeah man And Halloween's a vibe man It's the first time I've had to Not had to But the first time I've Willingly like dressed up As anything I think the last time

I dressed up was like second year of uni. We did Funky Fresh or whatever. Do you remember? We wore like braces and Funky Fresh dressed to impress ready to party and like checkered shirts and something. I can't remember what it was but I was like maybe second year or third year. Damn. That's the only time I did anything remote. Me and Rem went out on a Halloween night out, innit?

In a That's a long time Up north somewhere Yeah Is that where you dressed Again anime Probably anime Anime yeah Yeah that's where you had The contact lenses innit Yeah yeah yeah You did Hulk once One year as well no Yeah that was That was for a charity Spin class While I was a PT Okay And I came in As the Hulk Sweated that bitch off Yeah I'm not surprised bro Sweated that paint off bro That was hell on earth Yeah I'm not surprised I had a body on me then as well

Fuck, I had a body on me. Nevermind. Nevermind. Anyway, guys, if you want to see some more body oddy, head on over to patreon.com forward slash shits and gigs. Contribute a young three pound a month. 10p a day. Run the P. To S&G. And your daddies will take it from there. We shall. There's extra episodes on there. There are. There's a bonus show called The Lock Cabin over there. There is. And there's vibes and there's a big community over there. Always. And we're just DTF, bro. Always.

Fuck. Always is right. Always. Yeah. We're DTF over there. It's just cheeks. Yeah. And good vibes. Yeah, man. Over on Patreon. So please join the cult and then your daddies will look after you forever and ever and ever and ever. Right, guys. I want to talk about something real quick. Okay. So raise your hand. I don't know why I sweetened me. Go on. You shouldn't be laughing. Oh, God. Raise your hand if you've used the £400 methylation test that we bought.

Go on, raise your hand. Raise your hand if you took the methylation test that we all sat here in front of our audience and in front of God and spent a lot of money on so that you, you and you could become better humans. Quick raise of hands. Three, two, one and no? No, I didn't think so. Shame. Shame. Shame on you. Shame.

- She'll be embarrassed. - Yeah, I fucking am. - Fuck, call that live on the show. - Fucking hell. - For Christ's sake. Right, so I'm gonna need you man to lock in. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I actually am gonna do it tomorrow. - Yeah? - I actually am. - Why not today?

- I'll do it today. - I mean, I could do it, but I can't send it off. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, bet, bet, bet, bet. Yeah, I'm gonna need every man to make it a priority. Cool, let's take our health seriously, guys. - We shall. - Yeah? - Yeah. - On that note. On that note, I am putting my wig back on today. - Nice.

I lost the charger for it and I found the charger for it the other day. Ironically, it was in my wash bag. That doesn't make any sense. - Okay. - But I haven't had my whoop on for like a couple months. And I remember I took it off whilst we were in America because I was like, I just can't live with myself seeing red sleep, red sleep, red sleep for six weeks straight. It's just gonna be bad for my mental health. So I took it off and then I lost the charger. I never put it back on. But I heard that they've just added a step counter on that bitch.

- Ooh, nice. - Okay, so you just have to update on your- - Update on my phone. And then I'm gonna do all the normal shit. Plus we've got a set count on there, which again, I think is a good thing. I think that's sick. - Yeah, 'cause when I do anything, my phone is not in my pocket more time anyway, so it's never gonna count my steps. So yeah, it makes sense. - Cool, right. I have a new thing for us to do. - Okay.

- This is sexy. - Okay. - If we're gonna become the ultimate human beings, this is sexy. - Okay. - Also, when's this 23andMe coming back? - Yeah, I know. - It did say four weeks. - I didn't even have- - How long has it been? - I haven't even had an email to say they've received mine yet. - Two weeks maybe? - Oh, don't say that. - Valid. - You did. - No, I'm saying valid. I'm agreeing with you. - Oh yeah. - I'm agreeing with you, yeah. - So it says the steps were, you obviously send it off and then they send you an email to say, "We have received." I haven't got that yet.

- Oh, bro. I don't think I've got that much spit in me to do it again. That was a lot of spit. It was dirty, innit? - Yeah, yeah. I felt dirty. - Yeah! - I felt fucking dirty, man. - Bro, I hear you. That was in there, lad. - Blowing bubbles. - Yeah. - That's gross. - Yeah, it was nasty, bro. - Yeah. - A man double handed that bitch. - Yeah, it was getting heavy. - It was getting heavy. - It was .

- Yeah bro, I just need to get the spit out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So anyway. - You're playing into that bird's eye view, say less. You played into that bird's eye view. Must be nice. - Right, so. I have a new thing, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So there is, I think it's called, there's a company, I think it's called Ultra Human, right? - Okay. - They've, you know those, you know those like little patches that diabetes donkeys wear? - Yes.

- What's funny? - Diabetes donies just made me laugh. - The T1 and yeah. - Yeah, the diabetes donies, they wear that thing on their arm and it monitors their like insulin and glucose and that thing there. This company, Ultra Human has created one called Ultra Human Cyborg, right? And it's basically a patch with a micro needle on that you put it on your arm. That one in the middle right there, that patch thing right there. This nigga's blind. That one right there.

- You put that on your arm, right? - Yeah. - And then what it does is it monitors everything you eat and gives you a score based on what it does to your glucose. It gives you a score out of 10 about how effective that food source is to you. So you wear it for two weeks straight and then it's gonna tell you everything that you're eating. So you could be eating things that like I could be eating something and it's obviously individualized 'cause it's based on your blood glucose.

I could eat something and it would give me a 10. And we'll be like, this is a healthy thing to eat. I could eat some chicken and rice and it'd be like 10 out of 10, bro. You're good to go. Like you can go work out and you're gonna get the best out of your workout. You're gonna be this, this, this. This is the best thing that you should be eating. And you could eat chicken and rice and it'd be like three out of 10. Like bad vibes for you. So you can spend those two weeks monitoring what things are good for you. And you can just, you can get the ultimate diet plan for you. - So you can cut whatever you want out. - So you can just cut out all the bullshit.

And then you can monitor it. And then bro, we could be eating shit that we eat every day. And it'd be like one out of 10, one out of 10, one out of 10, one out of 10. And we realized we're just dying. We're just killing ourselves. - Okay. - And we'd be chasing these tens bro. Fuck the ring thing. The ring is bullshit. - Oh, okay. - It's just the patch. - I have seen that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't mean to say it's bullshit. I have no idea if it's good or not. This thing right here. Yeah, the M1 Live, bro.

You put that bitch in your arm and it stays on your arm for two weeks. - Stays on your arm for two weeks, I think. And then yeah, bro, it's gonna tell you all the shit you need to know about your food choices. - Wow. - I'm down if you man are down. - Oh, 100%. - I'm down. - Yeah, I'm down. - So it monitors your sugar levels and stuff like that. - Yeah, your blood sugar. - Blood sugar. - Okay. - Glucose monitoring and metabolic score, okay.

- Fueling score, food score. - Oh yeah, so there's a food score and a fueling score. So the food score is obviously how good it is for you. And the fueling score is how optimally fueled you are for your workout and performance.

So you could eat something that's technically good for you, but it's not fueling your body enough to give you an effective workout. So you get that 10 out of 10 optimal fuel. - Yeah, yo. - It's easier. - One more. - One more rep. - Yeah. - Say less. - Yeah, bro. - Okay. - I'm getting that. - Okay, okay, okay, okay. - I am getting that. - Okay, performance coaches seeking real time convo, one app mini integration. Say less, okay. That's exciting.

What's the difference between that and the ring? Because I've seen the ring one before. So this is, the ring is just like a whoop ting. Less effective. It's shit version of whoop. Apple's coming out with one. Is it? Apple ring. Apple ring? Yeah. Same thing with health and stuff like that. Yeah, Apple. Apple are doing it. Damn. That'll be cool.

- I heard the ring, actually to be fair, I don't know. I heard the ring thing is just not as good. - I've heard it's more accurate. Something about where it's placed it can read better. - I heard it's far less. - Really? - Yeah. I don't know though. It's all speculative. - Oh yeah. - It's just whoever's sending us the money. You know what I mean?

- Yeah. - Am I wrong? - No. - He's dropping the bags, bro. If Apple are dropping some racks, then their ring is the one, innit? One ring to rule them all, bro. And let the darkness bite them.

Come on now. Drop some racks, bro. I want to see you can talk about this apple ring. Facts, man. Fucking facts. That's hilarious. A black one can run though. Yeah. Asta black. I didn't know that was a colour. Asta. Asta. Say less. Say less. But yeah, I'm excited about this glucose thing. Yeah. I think that's...

- Fantastic. I can see it's getting to a point bro where like this is all people do. They just got bare patches and rings and shit on. And then they're- - The optimum being. - They're just optimal bro. And there's gonna be a time where like, I genuinely believe in the two weeks of wearing this thing. You can also get an upgraded one that after you do the two weeks, I think you can pay to upgrade it and you can wear it for a month after that. So that's like six weeks total that you've got this thing. Bro, in that six weeks,

You can like, you can find out every single thing that's good for you. You individually, and you can curate your whole diet around it. And then after that, you'll also know what's really bad for you. And so even after you take the patch off, bro, that galaxy bar, you're like, I know that's a one. That Malam? Yeah. Oh my God. That's a 0.5. That's a 0.5. I remember what the screen used to tell me when I used to eat these pastas. Yeah.

- Yeah, I don't think I won't be able to live with myself. - Bro, you just get pings on your phone every time, every popcorn you eat. - Yeah. - Ping, ping, ping, stop. - Stop, ping, yeah. - You're killing yourself. - Yeah. - You pair that with the methylation test. - Bro, you pair that with the methylation, you get the right supplements in you. Bro, we'll be running through walls, man. - All right, say less. - We'll be fucking like stallions. - Yeah, okay, okay.

- Okay, man, say less. - Exciting. - I like it, I like it, I like it. Methylation first. - All right, yeah. - Bet. - I'll get that sent off. - Cool, right. Rem apparently has a Reddit story for us today. Exciting hours. - I do. Okay, so instead of trash news, just decided to go with a scary story that I found. - Oh! - Yeah. - A scary story? - It's a scary story. Horror story, yeah. - Exciting, okay, go on. - Yeah, found it on Reddit. Okay, so my dog won't stop barking at the attic.

- Oh, stop right there. Stop right there. Stop right there. - Okay, I'm locked in. - Lock in, lock in. - I'm locked in. - My dog won't stop barking at the attic. I live alone in a house that I inherited from my grandmother. It's an old place, a bit run down, but it's been in the family for generations. When I moved in a few months ago, I thought it would just need some updating. A fresh coat of paint, new furniture. I didn't expect anything strange. I have a dog.

I bought a collie named Michelle. She's usually calm, smart and well behaved. But lately, she's been acting weird. At first I thought she was just adjusting to the new place, but then it started happening every night. Michelle would sit in the hallway, staring at the attic door, barking like crazy. I brushed it off at first. Dogs bark at all sorts of things, right? Maybe she heard something outside or smelled a stray cat. But her barking, it's different.

- It's desperate. - It's what? - It's desperate. - Desperate? - Her barking is desperate. It's like she's scared. - I don't know what that sounds like. - I don't know what a desperate bark actually sounds like. You're right. I don't know what that sounds like. You're right. - Fuck! - Lock in, lock in, lock in. - No one knows what that sounds like. - Sounds like panic. - Yeah, serious panic. - No one's heard that bark. I lived to tell the tale.

- What are them ones? - Like she's scared or trying. - I'm not even. - I took my breath away. - Fuck I nearly drooled. - I took my breath away James. - Oh, I'm crying bro. Fuck sake.

Sorry Rem It's not funny Michelle desperate bark Michelle's desperate bark But her barking it's different It's desperate Like she's scared or trying to warn me about something A few weeks ago I decided to check the attic myself I figured there might be squirrels Or raccoons nesting up there Making noise at night I grabbed a flashlight

Pulled down the attic ladder and climbed up. The air was thick with dust and the wooden beams creaked under my weight. There were a few old boxes, some furniture covered in sheets and cobwebs everywhere. Nothing out of the ordinary. I did a quick sweep with the flashlight. Didn't find anything unusual. No signs of animals, no noise, nothing. Satisfied that it was just Michelle being paranoid. I climbed back down and closed the attic, but that didn't stop her from barking.

Every night, like clockwork, she'd sit there, growling and barking at the attic door. She'd refuse to leave, no matter how much I tried to pull her away. Her eyes would stay fixed on the door, ears flat, body tense. Then about a week ago, something changed. It was around 2am and Michelle was at it again, barking like her life depended on it. I was exhausted. So I grabbed her leash and figured I'd take her outside for a walk, hoping it would calm her down.

But as I got closer to the attic door, I noticed something strange. There was a faint scratching sound. It was so soft that I almost didn't hear it over Michelle's barking. But it was there. I froze, and my hand, halfway to the leash, the scratching came again, this time a little louder, like something was scraping against the wood. I backed away slowly, my heart racing, and I took Michelle outside. The fresh air helped me clear my head, but I couldn't shake the sound from my mind.

When we got back inside, Michelle was calmer, but she kept glancing at the attic door. That night, I didn't sleep. The scratching became a regular thing. Every night, around 2am, it would start softly, just a faint scraping noise, but over time, it got louder. It didn't sound like an animal anymore. It sounded like something trying to get out. Two nights ago, I decided to record it.

I set up my phone in the hallway and hit record, then went back to bed, hoping to catch the sound. When I checked the footage the next morning, my heart dropped. Michelle was sitting in front of the attic door, like usual, barking and growling. But as the scratching started, something else happened. The attic door began to shake, just slightly at first, then more violently. It was subtle, like someone was gently pushing against it from the other side. And then just as quickly as it started, it stopped.

Michelle backed away, her barking turned into whines, her tail was between her legs and she was staring at the door, trembling. But what really got to me, what made my blood run cold, was the last few seconds of the video. Just as Michelle turned to run, something moved. It was hard to see at first, just a dark shape near the top of the door, but as I kept watching, I saw it more clearly. A hand, pale,

Too long and Rong slipped through the crack in the attic door. It wasn't human. It was just there for a moment, reached out as if it tested the air, then slid back through the crack and disappeared. I sat there, staring at the screen, trying to make sense of what I'd just seen. I haven't been able to bring myself to look at the footage again. I don't know what that thing was or what it wants. I don't even know if I'm going to stay in this house much longer.

Michelle still won't stop barking at the attic. And tonight, the scratching is louder than ever. Yeah, yeah. Donnie's clocked that. You clocked him. Yeah, it's long, man. You have to leave the yard. I would have waited longer before that, man. You have to leave the yard. That's insane. Video evidence now. Of a hand just... Yeah. Now the scratching's louder. The scratching's louder than ever. Listen to your dog, man. Facts, bro. This is why we get dogs. Listen to your dog. Yeah. It's a shame. It's peak because...

- There's literally no way they can communicate. Obviously there is, they communicate in the way they can, but it's like they sense and see stuff that we will never be able to sense or see like straight away, you know? - Yeah, yeah. - And yeah, that's fucked. - That's the worst thing I can possibly imagine. - That's fucked. - Jesus Christ. - I'd have to move. - I'm charged, bro. This is an old house that was like, she inherited some shit. - Inherited the house. - Fuck off. - You gotta leave. - I'm shot in that yard, bro. - You gotta leave. - I forgot about all of that. - Yeah. - That's the bullshit. Right, I've got a recommendation.

I've got a recommendation. - Okay. - Sweet Bobby. - Oh my God. - Sweet Bobby. - Okay. - Yeah. - Right. - I'm glad you watched it. - You didn't hear anything about this thing? - We spoke about it yesterday, but I don't remember. - We spoke about it, yeah. - Yeah, no spoilers for Shad.

- That's impossible. - I'm spoiling it. - Yeah, that's impossible. - I don't care. - Yeah, I'm spoiling it. - You can't speak about it. - I'm spoiling it. To be fair, the whole thing is spoiled in the trailer. - Okay. - But it's just like, you understand, actually no, obviously there's a massive twist. That's not in the trailer. Basically- - It's okay, spoiler.

- I'm gonna watch it, so give me a synopsis. Don't give me the main spoiler. - It's difficult. - It's too juicy. - You can't. - Just let me ruin it. - Yeah. Honestly, you won't feel that. - No, okay, okay, okay, okay. I won't ruin the thing. I'm gonna tell you all about it, but I won't ruin the thing. - Okay. - So. - Okay. - Fuck. So it's literally one episode, one documentary hour, something long. - Oh, okay, cool, cool, cool. - Yeah, it's on episodic ting. So it's about

- A lady, it's so juicy bro. A lady who basically in a rough relationship of her own meets a guy called Bobby. Who's like from similar family, like basically he's like friend of a friend, family of family kind of thing where like she's never met him before but his brother used to go out with her cousin and they've kind of got like mutuals on Facebook and all this kind of thing.

She's living her life. She gets a friend request from Bobby and she sees the connections and the mutuals and was kind of ting and she's like, okay, cool. Doesn't think anything of it. She's got a man. He's got a girl. So she kind of just sees his life through Facebook. He sees her life through Facebook. Everything's calm. Then one time he just drops her a quick DM. Just like, well, go on. Yeah, that's what I'll go on. What are you saying? She's like, cool, cool, cool. Well, go on. Everything blessed. Everything pure.

And then they just become like kind of friendly. Nothing crazy, nothing sexual, nothing. Just a little light friendship. So moving on, moving on now. They're talking, he's going through a divorce. So it's getting a bit butters. He's going through a divorce. She's trying to be there for him. Again, everything's kosher. She feels bad for him. He's going through a divorce, yada, yada.

Next thing, she's supposed to be getting married. She breaks up with her man. She confides in Bobby. I'm going through this. I'm going through that. She gets a little bit closer with Bobby and he starts introducing her to...

his cousin and his other cousin all through Facebook. So she's kind of talking to a couple of his cousins. They've also got mutual friends all through Facebook, yada, yada. She's chatting to Bobby every now and again. And he'll pop up like every three weeks, every four weeks, just checking in. Then he hits her up. I'm engaged again. I've met this new thing. Everything's amazing. I'm getting married, blah, blah, blah. She's like, cool, I'm happy for you. Move on, move on, move on. Everything's blessed.

So now they're close. They're not crazy close, but they're close. - They're closer than before. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of a sudden she gets a message from his cousin. - Bobby's cousin. - No, no, no, no, no, no. From his wife. She gets a message from Bobby's wife saying, "Doddy's just been shot six times. He's in the hospital." She's like, "What the fuck?" So she's messaging the cousins, she's messaging the wife, she's messaging everyone, everyone, everyone. "He's been shot six times. We don't know if he's gonna make it." So she's like, "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God."

He's been shot He survives He starts messaging her again Saying And he lives in Kenya Okay So he's basically been like I've been moved from Kenya To New York On a witness protection thing He's man out to kill me She's like holy shit So They're messaging her He's in New York He's in a hospital bed He's He got shot in Kenya He got shot in Kenya Okay They shipped him over to New York Yeah Now he's staying in New York In witness protection Yeah He's messaging her From some burner account Yeah And They're kind of Picking stuff up

So as he's going through his healing process Healing process He's like Ah This whole Endeavor's put a strain on my marriage We're breaking up So she's like Fuck this guy can't catch a break So bloody bloody bloody blah She's there for him She's there for him She's there for him And all of a sudden He's popping up like I'm not gonna lie to you I fucking love you

- Yeah, that was standard. - Yeah, facts. I fucking love you. Like through all of this. This has been like four years now, by the way. - Oh, right. - Yeah, they've been going back and forth for like years. - Okay. - So. - Go on, go on, go on. - I was gonna say, why is the wife messaging? Why did the wife message her? - So basically, I skipped a part. You know when I said they introduced her to the cousins and all this kind of stuff? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Whilst he got engaged to the new ting, he's said, "Oh, I want you to meet my wife."

but they all live in Kenya. So he's been like, her name's Sanj. Sanj, this is, Kirat is the girl. Sanj is the current kid. This is Sanj. - Okay. - Bro, bro, bro, brethrens. So now she's brethrens with Bobby. She's brethrens with the wife. She's brethrens with two of his cousins. They're all chit-chatting, chit-chatting over Facebook currently. - I see, I see. - So now,

Yeah, he's been shot straight into the marriage. They're getting broke. They're broken up. He's in New York. I love you. You're the only one who's there for me. So she starts messaging his cousin saying, bro, Donnie's saying he loves me. What the fuck is going on? And the cousin's like, he does, bro. He talks about you all the time. You've been there for him. Like, it is what it is. So she's like, bah. All of a sudden, Donnie has a stroke. So the cousin's messaging her saying...

He's on his way out. Yeah. Like these wounds have got the best of him. Yeah. He's on his way out. Yeah. He's having a stroke. So if you want to send him a voice note, I wouldn't listen to it. Now's the time. So she crying her eyes out. She's like, Bobby, I love you so fucking much. Fucking hell. I've never met anyone like you. I love you, Bobby. They're playing the voice notes in the ting, by the way, which is peak. So I love you, Bobby. Please don't leave me. I love you. Love you. Love you. He makes it through the stroke. Stop. Stop.

- Oh my God, yeah. - Bobby survives the stroke. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But he's lost his vocal cords somehow. - Oh my God. - Oh yeah, yeah. - You can't catch a break. - He's lost all his vocal cords. - What is this? - The stroke took his voice. - Yeah. - What life is this? - Yeah, bro. But he's awake and he's like, "I fucking love you." - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And she's like, "I fucking love you." - Yeah, okay. - And he's like, "I wanna be with you." - Yeah. - She's like, "Fuck, I wanna be with you as well."

And he's like, I do, but I'm still in witness protection. Let's not fuck around. They won't let me just jump on a plane. Where is this chick is in Kenya? She's in London. She's in London. And he's now in New York. She's always been in London. He was in Kenya. He's in New York. She's still in London. So she's now telling her mom, her dad, her cousins, her aunties, everything like, bro, me and Bobby is a ting. And yeah, we're going to make it work. Mom's he's like,

All right. He's like, no offense. He's on the ropes. He's on the ropes. I know you want kids. No offense. Yeah. So she's like, no, no, it's fine. It's true love. I don't care. I actually don't care. And they're like, come on, whatever, whatever. Yeah. So she's now cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Everything blessed. Like they're on Skype calls to each other and his voice is much. So he's there like, get out, get out.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm hurt, I'm hurt. - Okay. - But she's like, "Yes, come. I'll just do all the talking." 24/7, 24/7 they're talking. And she's like, "You have to come or let me come to New York. Like this is love." And he's like, "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. The witness protection won't let it pattern." All of a sudden, plot twist. He was like, "So, do you remember Sanj?" She's like, "Yeah. Two twos, she's pregnant. And I think it's mine." She's like, "How is that possible?" He's like,

That's a bit dread still, but I clotted it like nine months ago. Clotted it. She's like, Bobby, how? Like, I don't understand. He's like, shush, shush, shush. - Forget this, Amanda. - You're focusing too much on the fine details. Long story short, I banged her and she's pregnant and it's mine. And then we're having a son. Deal with it or don't.

So she's like, fuck it. I love you and I want you. I'll deal with it. But I don't want Sanj in our business. He's like, fuck Sanj. It's me and you, babe.

and it's me and you and my son. - Okay. - So pick out some gums that you like and I'm gonna buy them for my son. So she's picked out these gums and she can see, he's sending her pictures of the boy wearing the gums. It's like, oh my God, oh my God. Like, I truly feel that this is my stepson. This is everything like gang, gang, gang. And he's like, gang, gang, gang. She's like, let's get back to business when you come in. He's like, sure, sure, sure.

Yeah It's all too much pressure Slow down baby Yeah yeah yeah I just had a child Yeah in fact Yeah yeah I just had a child Slow down Yeah So Hop skip jump now Bear in mind I'm talking like this is Over the course of a few days We're moving years forward now All in all

It gets to the point now Where his Witness protection Like period Is expired Okay And now he can Return to society She's like No excuses We're gonna be together now And up before this point He was also starting To turn crazy And make her life hell So when he's on Skype now He's getting paranoid She can go toilet And he'll be like Where the fuck were you Okay He'll be bedding her 24-7 Okay

When she's at work, she works for a radio station. When she's at work, she has to have the Facebook chat open so she can reply to him whenever. He's losing his mind over there. Damn. So...

She is like, okay, okay. She has to send him a selfie like 20 times a day. And all these selfies you can see on the Ting, she's losing more and more weight. She's losing sleep. She's looking murked, murked, murked, murked, murked. The family like, we're losing her. Like this Bobby Ting is sending her mad. And she's like, I just need to see you, please. Please, please, please. And you'll know everything's okay. The Ting's expired, come to London. And he's like, I bet I'm coming to London. She's like, thank God, fuck. Like we can actually finally be together. So he says, cool. I've pulled up in London. I'm at this hotel.

Don't pull up on me Let me settle in Okay Let me see my family Let me settle in Two weeks go by And she's like I'm coming to the hotel Yeah you settled Yeah And he's like No no no no no She's like Fuck you I'm coming to the hotel She goes to reception They're like There's no one here by that name

So she's like, "Big man, you're a liar." And he's like, "No, no, no, shush, shush, shush. I'm not lying. I told reception, don't tell anyone I'm here because I'm trying to be low key." She's like, "Shut the fuck up." So he's now told her, "All right, I've moved out of the hotel. I'm at my yard in Kensington." So she's like, "I'm pulling up." And he's like, "No, no, no, no, no, no." She's like, "I'm fucking pulling up." So she's in the street like, "Where is it? Where's the house?" In the crossroads, "Where's the house?" And he's like, "It's the one on the left." And she's like, "Which one?" And he's like, "The one on the right."

which one is it bobby he's like i can see you i'm looking at my window but go home i'm not ready to see you so she's like where are you where are you so he she did a family treating for him a few years back finding all this all that all that so she found out that sanj has parents who own a yard in london so she's like i'm pulling up in that yard yeah so she pulls up and she sees sand walk out the house with the child and she's like

Fuck. So she's like, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, welcome, welcome, welcome. I just seen Sandra with your son, did this and that. He's like, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush. You're moving mad. Like, chill out. I'm going to see you soon and we're going to be together forever. She's like, I'm losing weight. Yeah, yeah. I need to see you. I might not make it. Big man, ask me how long it's been now. Since they first started talking until now. How long? Nine years. And have not seen each other. She's seen him. Coincidentally, I miss out a vital puzzle piece. Okay.

Okay Okay She met him Yeah She did meet him In Brighton Nine years ago When they But they'd been talking For four months She was in a club in Brighton And he was there So he pulled up on her And was like It's me It's me It's me It's me And he was like

- She pulled up on him and said it's me. - In the club and said like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's me Kira. Like we've been talking on Facebook and he was like, oh yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. - And she left it as that. - She left it as that. But this is like, they barely spoke. They don't know each other, they barely spoke. - Also a few years ago, her cousin went to New York and she asked him, can you please give her something of yours so that I have something of yours to hold. And her cousin brings back a t-shirt from New York

And it's like sprayed with his cologne and stuff. So she has that office like through her cousin. Okay. Okay. So yeah, it's been nine years. Yeah. And she's had enough. She's on the edge. Clearly. Yeah. So then she has a private investigator and she's like, I know this motherfucker's in London. Here's his full name. Here's his date of birth. I want his full address. Finds the full address. Crazy that he can do that, you know. Isn't it just crazy that he can do that?

Finds the full address. It's in Brighton. She bops down to Brighton. She's like, fuck this. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. He opens the door. She's like, Bobby. Bobby, what the fuck? And he's like, who are you? He says, sorry, who are you? And she's like, don't fucking play with me. And then Sanj comes with the ute.

She's like, Bobby, who is this? And he's like, babe, I don't know. And she's like, oh, you don't know. You don't know me. After eight years, you don't know me. You've been telling me you love me for eight years. You don't know me now. Sanj is like, Bobby? And he's like, babe, babe, babe, I don't know this bitch. I'm going to yard with you on our child. She's like, you don't know me. Your name's Sanj. That's my stepson.

- Yeah, Sam's grubs are you. - That's my stepson. - Yeah, that's my stepson. Bobby says, I'm calling the police. - Fuck. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - She's ruined the whole bag. - Yeah, yeah. Sam just like rawr. - That's my stepson, he's crazy. - That's my stepson. And they're like, rawr. Bobby, is that what you're on? And he's like, babe, I swear down. I don't know this woman. Stop. He's like, please, please, please stop. All of a sudden,

Her phone starts ringing Whose phone? Kirat's phone starts ringing It's Bobby While she's at Bobby's doorstep Her phone is ringing It's Bobby

So Bobby's talking and she answered the phone like yada, yada, yada. She's crazy. She's not understanding what's going on. Bobby, basically the real Bobby grabs her and was like, you need to go home. I'm calling the fucking police. I don't know who you are or what you're doing. You need to step back from my yard. She's like, how could you do this to me? And he's like, get the fuck off my fucking yard. Then as she gets home, she gets a message from Bobby and he's like, yo, sorry, bro. Like, I'm sorry you had to see that. But it is what it is.

I'm sorry. You now know the truth, but it is what it is. I love my wife and I want to be with my wife. And she's like, how could you do this to me? You piece of shit. You fucking liar. How could you do this? And he's like, game's the game. Don't pull up in my yard again. Fuck. I'm going to leave that there. How? Fuck. Yeah, bro. I'm going to leave it there. It's on Netflix. Drop the grandma, the grandma detail. I can't. It's out of order.

Yeah Actually Fair Yeah You know what Fair You'll learn about the grandma For yourself You need to see the grandma Detail from yourself Also before He flew to London He had asked her To marry him And he was like Making like wedding Pinterest boards And all this stuff And basically he was coming Like they were going To get married then So that's like another Damn bro It's rough bro Nine years You just won't believe Yeah bro You won't believe Yeah bro Say less Yes It's

Juicy Alright I'm gonna watch it I'm gonna watch it It's juicy Alright alright Sweet Bobby Alright Netflix Netflix One and done Alright I like that It's juice bro I like that Okay Right you've got something for us as well Yeah I've got a Reddit drawing Hold on So I have this thing right Called

two sentence horror from Reddit. This got recommended to me by someone DMing me, "Oh, you should do this on the show." I was like, "Cool, makes sense, fit in. I'll do it for the Halloween episode." So what it is is there is a title, which is a bit confusing, and the second sentence is a spin. It will make sense once I start reading. - Okay. - Yeah? So it's called "Two Sentence Horror." "I almost succeeded in convincing the frightened little girl into my van with some sweets." Second sentence.

Sadly, I was interrupted and I had to speed off watching the zombie horde surrounding her in my rear view mirror. - Okay. - We're gathering what this is now, yeah? - Yeah. - Cool. - Yeah. Yeah. I think you're treading on thin ice. - Yeah. - Keto jokes. That's what we're doing. All right, say less. Cool. - Next one. "I'm a bit nervous. It's my first time," she said. His excitement vanished.

as her teeth began to grow longer. That's thinking. - No. - No? - Mm-mm. - Vampire. - She's a vampire? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, okay. - About to give them top. - Oh, oh! - Oh! - Okay. - It's my first time. - Fair. - Yeah. - Okay. - Cool. My cat likes to sniff my hair or nibble on my toes when I go to bed. As I lay there in the dark, I don't know which one is her, but I can feel both. - Stop. No, that's not funny. That's actually not funny. That's not funny.

Can you imagine that? No, I couldn't. Feeling the nibble on your thing, on your toe. And you're like, it's a fucking cat. And then at the same time, your other foot's getting nibbled on as well. I've only got one cat. Yeah, that's the scariest thing. That's the scariest thing. In the dark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the scariest thing. That is the scariest thing. I walked in on my parents when, sorry, I walked in on my parents having sex when I was a teenager. It was the most awkward 47 minutes of my life. Rawr.

Madness. That's disgusting. That's got some rounds in it. 47 minutes. 47 minutes. Yeah. His stamina's up. Up. Yeah. 47. Yeah. That's a long time. That's a round. Yeah. The air was stink. Oh, musty. Yeah. The air was stink in there. Son, crack a window, man. If you're here, crack a window. Fuck. If you're going to stay here, do something. Do something about the must. Get productive. Stinks in it. Fuck.

- Fuck. - Right guys, that is the Halloween episode. - It is. - Thank you very, very much. - Factual. - Come and join us on Patreon on Thursday. - Yes sir. - Patreon.com/itsandgigs. - Obviously. - Love of love. - Gang gang gang.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the Name Your Price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.

This podcast is brought to you by Aura. 2024 has seen a surge in high-profile data breaches, raising serious concerns about the security of personal information. This past summer, national public data reported a breach potentially affecting every American. That's why we're thrilled to partner with Aura. Aura is a complete...

online safety toolkit, which includes a variety of other features to keep you safe online, including a VPN for secure browsing, data broker opt-out to stop companies from selling your personal information, a password manager to help you create and store strong passwords, and

and more. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14-day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online, all for free when you visit aura.com slash safety. That's aura.com slash safety to sign up for a 14-day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's A-U-R-A dot com slash safety. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.