Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
This season, Instacart has your back to school. As in, they've got your back to school lunch favorites, like snack packs and fresh fruit. And they've got your back to school supplies, like backpacks, binders, and pencils. And they've got your back when your kid casually tells you they have a huge school project due tomorrow.
Let's face it, we were all that kid. So first call your parents to say I'm sorry, and then download the Instacart app to get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes all school year long. Get a $0 delivery fee for your first three orders while supplies last. Minimum $10 per order. Additional terms apply. Welcome back to the Rotating Heroes podcast. I'm Zach Oyama and I'm here with... Jasper William Cartwright. What's up? Wow. We're here. We're in the final...
part this is the final episode of arc one it's the end is nigh uh how exciting to have relived your kind of first on mic you know in front of an audience dming experience uh i can say as a fan of the show great job zach
Great job. Passed, Zach. Wait, I'm not going to compliment you because you didn't do anything. It was passed, Zach. I have done nothing. Passed, Zach. You had nothing to do with it. Passed, Zach did all of the heavy lifting on this. Never done a day of work in his whole life. Yeah, we're here. We're at the end, the culmination of the arc. Our heroes are facing off against the final...
boss of this world final showdown the final it's the final showdown of the arc final countdown wait a way to stop singing that just in case we get i don't know how what the laws are about how much you can sing uh i think that's too close to the original track you know clearly people are gonna like you know we're gonna get sued over that so it feels good to just have wrapped up this arc uh in this form i can't i
I assure you, Passac was over... It's like he finished a marathon, I think, is what it must feel like for Passac. Was this an intense recording schedule? Do you remember? Can you remember that far back? Back in the early throes of recording this show? I think we did...
One episode at a time because that was all I could manage I that was just fully crushed by the weight of doing one Sure, it's a lot. It's a lot especially when you're starting out. It's a lot of stuff a lot. Yeah. Yeah I guess you had the benefit of like not having as much else to do at the time Yes, you know if there was a thing happening quarantine all we were all on zoom recording this and
We made it work. Definitely made it work. And you made something beautiful. So I think there's only one thing that we should do right now. I think we should take it away. Pass sack. Bubbles presses a button and you hear something stepping and stepping and stepping and around from the side of the God Walker.
It's almost like a mini version of the God Walker. A demi God Walker. A little chunkier. Yeah, a demi God Walker. A demi is only a half. It's a huge construct. It has the same sort of swirling metal on it as the God Walker itself. It walks around and sits right in front of Bubbles.
He climbs up onto it and plugs himself into this machine and its eyes go red. It holds up its arms and one of them is an axe and one of them is a big cudgel and it looks at you guys. What do you guys do? I go into a rage. I've activated my abilities, so I think I just, I mean, I'd love to just fucking guiding bolt the fucker. Yeah.
I'm sorry, the loser. Can I just get a little blocking here just to make sure I understand what's going on? We have the giant, the gargantuan god thing with the big opal. We've got the demigod walker. And then is Bubbles a part of the demigod walker or the demigod walker is just sort of... It's like shitting in it, right? Is it like Krang? Like Krang? That's what I pictured. What?
Let's roll initiative and I'll give you a lay of the land and also tell me how you guys are positioned. So I have a question. So I know that by Horsey that I summoned, what's the name of Dazzle Razz's dad? Razzle Dazz. Dazzle Razz's dad is Razzle Dazz. So Razzle Dazz goes after my initiative. Does Dazzle Razz, do I roll a separate initiative for him? Whatever is easiest for you. Okay, I'll just have them both go after me.
And what is in Dazzle Raz's dad, Razzle Dazzle's saddlebags? They're filled with glitter. Perfect. It's honestly weighing him down. It's like I dreamed you up and put it in my notebooks. I rolled a 12 initiative.
Probably the best way to describe the lay of the land is like, I said soccer field before, but it's probably more like a baseball diamond in that like the crotch of the legs of the robot are splitting the roof a little bit. So you guys are within the bounds of the diamond. Like it comes to a point and then goes kind of straight out.
That's like all told like a hundred feet. There's like four major columns that are shooting up out of the ground too. They don't seem like they have any sort of magical energy. They look like they were a part of something that has crumbled since that was on the roof. Is height a factor in this? I'm trying to... Height's not really a factor here. It's pretty flat. Bubbles, aka the 10 Barnabases, plugged himself into this demi-god walker. It has...
You keep saying walker and I'm picturing like a little like a... Like Star Wars walker? Oh. You're gonna get it now. I have achieved my final form. You can see that like when it stood up after picking him up, he like kind of charged it up and he's on a platform above, like on the back of it. And then there's a lower platform that's like...
a little lower on the body. So about like seven feet up, there's a platform and about 14 feet up, there's another platform. I'm going to stand in front of everybody else as I go into it. Yeah. How close are you guys to each other? That's a good question. We want to kind of spread apart.
I think me and the horsies will make a nice triangle all about 10 feet apart from each other. No, let's do 20 feet apart. And I'm probably hanging back a little bit because I just hasted. I coked up my friends and sent them into battle. I was probably like, yeah, get out. I really hyped them up. Get out there. Go on. Go, go, go, go. Probably just sort of hugged back a little bit.
Tranex is just going to hang back with you. So Astrid's front and center. Brenda Elizabeth's a little off to the side. Okay, cool. I'm sorry, what was the initiatives? Can we get that one more time? 19. 14 for Brenda Elizabeth.
And only a 12 for old clockwork Turbine. Turbine's still fuming that he said that fans are sometimes wrong. This goes against everything he believes. We want a museum. Astrid, you're first in the order. What do you do? I'm going to run towards Bubbles. Can I get to him? No.
With haste, my speed is doubled, so 70 feet. Yeah, you could get to him distance-wise, but he's raised very high up on this platform. He's like 15 feet in the air. And then I'll climb the platform. Okay, make a strength check to climb. Damn, she's coked out. I have advantage on strength checks because I'm raging.
Okay. 21. Okay, you're able to get on the first platform. Now there's a second platform. Like, there's two platforms on his back. Okay. Well, then I'll use my dash...
to do the second platform. - Wait, so how much is your movement? - So my movement regularly is 35 because I have haste on, it's 70. - But you have to use some of your movement to climb too? - Yes, but I also then also have a third action. I have like a second action. So my movement is 70. - Okay.
So you have like 140 feet you can do and then still at least have one attack. That I can do and then still do like my regular two attacks because I can use the haste as...
Haste is all for movement, and then you're attacking double. Okay, great. That's a huge turn. So you were able to... I think if you make one more strength check, you can climb up to the second platform in one turn. It's so funny to imagine Astrid just going nuts. Yeah, you can get up there. Bubbles looks at you like, this felt like it was going to take longer. Oh.
and I will recklessly attack twice. Okay. Okay, the first one for sure misses. That's an 11 on the first attack. Then an 18 on the second attack. That's an 18 hit. 18 hits. Okay, sick. First one, I'm just so kooky that I just swing too wildly. Stand still! He's completely stuck still. Okay.
Eight damage. I do eight damage to him, but that means that I retain my rage. Just hitting him one time means that I retain my rage. And if he tries to hit anybody else because of my ancestral guardians, he has disadvantage. But is that only on physical attacks or is that... Let me see.
Unless the spell says you are making an attack roll or labels itself as an attack, you are not attacking. Okay. So if you're making an attack roll, so anything, any spell that makes an attack roll. Okay, cool. Yeah, so you smack him. He's completely surprised that you got your immediate life. Just scrambling up this one.
axe in a mouth just full like assassins creating up yeah are you ever see like timber sports people climb in a tree with axes you know just like flailing down the side yeah arm strength cool um so that was astrid's turn the demi god walker uh he's going to uh
He was planning on attacking you, but without you in reach, he's trying to figure out what he should do. I think he sees you as the biggest threat, so he's going to reach back behind his head and grab you in a post-strength check. Ooh, he got a nat 20. Oh, no. I did not get a nat 20. I got a net 20. Okay.
Okay, so he is going to pick you up and throw you into one of the legs of the Godwalker. How dare you? Don't you know who I am? It's actually not that bad compared to what it could be. But he's getting you off his back is what is important to him. And he throws you into the wall, the nearby leg of the Godwalker for 3d6 of damage.
It was only for eight. And then half to four, I guess. Make a perception check. Sure. 14. Okay. It's not that hard to see. Like, you are right next to the Godwalker. It looks like it was... When you saw those, like...
lanterns and stuff in the town where like all the detail was taken out of it it clearly they like scraped all the metal that was around this town to kind of pour the mold for this creature but on the leg itself you notice that there's part of it that just didn't take to the actual construction of this body there's this outlining of a handle and a little bit of a
some kind of... it looks like a maul on the side of the leg. So it looks like a what? A maul? Like a weapon? Not like M-A-L-L. Yeah.
-Cool, go to the mall. -This one can go shopping. -It's going to walk towards Brenda Elizabeth with the rest of its turn and the horses. It's very good that it did not attack this round. After the Warforged Titan, it's Brenda Elizabeth. -Since it's walked near me, how far am I from where the little brain is on that second platform? -It's 15 feet up in the air.
15 feet up in the air. Okay. If that is the case, then I would like to first try to guiding bolt the guy. Okay. So I call forth. I got a nat one, but I reroll it. Okay. Jesus. 13 hit. A guiding bolt? Yeah. 13 does hit. Wow. Really? Yeah. That is awesome.
- Ted Radiant, AKA Sparkle Damage. And now I would like to use, is he 10 feet from the edge of the platform? - Yes, but he's sort of buckled in.
If that makes any sense. Buckled it. He's like strapped to this thing. Brenda Elizabeth's going to try to tilt that brain out of that thing. Yeah, I want to try to whip him out. I guess I'm saying like, is he buckled in so much that I couldn't thorn whip him out of there? Yeah, I mean, you would have to make a strength check to get him off of that. Okay. In that case, can I have Dazzle Raz face step with Dazzle Raz to go attack him?
a father and son mission. It is a platform that can only hold a medium-sized creature or smaller. Okay, if that's the case, then I think my only option is to try to do the strength check and try to rip him out. Otherwise, my horsies can't attack. So, yeah, they can attack the robot itself. They could paw at the control panel over by the shot walker. Sure, they could do that. They could just hook it. Okay. They also... What else could they do? I think...
Yeah, they probably can't be on the platform. Yeah, that's true. But for you to get up on there, though, you do have to make the two strength checks to climb up. Two strength checks to climb up. Or I could use Dazzle Razz's face step. Yes, but he goes with you. He would take falling damage, I think.
just a horse boinging up into the air. You jumping off the horse as he just falls. I guess I was saying more like, can I, is there room for one horsey on there? Not two? No, they're large creatures, I think. Okay, then they will go attack something else and fuck it. I'll just create bonfire on him with my action. So he has to do a dex. He has to do a dex save.
He's strapped in. He's staying in that bonfire. What does he have to get? A DC. A DC 15 dex. Okay. He rolled really well, but he has not the best dex. And you set him on fire. Wait.
I rolled poorly, so it was only four fire damage. And now the father-son horsies will go attack the body of this robot trying to fell one of its legs.
It's looking around, trying to keep track of the horses spinning around him. Also, the next person to make an attack on the brain will have advantage because of Guiding Bolt. Oh, shit. Just so everyone knows. Oh, cool. Yeah, so then the horsies are going to attack the leg of this Debbie Godwalker. Okay.
I rolled a 19 and a 15. One became a 24. One became a 22. But that's it. Because I think this guy uses my... Oh, wait. Attack modifier. That's not my spell attack. He actually gets a 19 to hit. Okay. The 19 misses. Whoa. But Dazzle Raz hits four, six. Okay.
Dazzleraz pops the demigod walker. Didn't really do much, but... Going at a robot. It's like when your friend pops you in the arm, like, ah, shit. Did damage, but maybe not the most. Cool. So that is... Is that the end of your turn? Yes. Yeah.
At the end of Brenda Elizabeth's turn, it is Turbine's turn now. Cool. Can I do some kind of check or something to see if I... You tell me what the mechanics of this would be, I guess. I want to find out if destroying that big ol' opal, if destroying that is possible and can be a thing to stop that god from coming into our universe. Yeah, make a...
I'll let you in this place make that persuasion check again to be able to understand this more. Cool. Any chance I could do a history check, which is a little better than my persuasion? Sure. Well, actually, I don't think it's a history check for you. Sorry. I will do that persuasion check. Here we go. Oh, that's not good. That's seven. Seven.
Okay. It's pretty big. It doesn't... I don't know. It might be hard to break that. That's maybe what you'll get for a seven. Fair enough. But there is a control panel there. Okay. And then the walker is between me and the control panel. Is that right? It's a little to your left. Okay. How far am I away from the demigod walker, and how far am I away from the control panel? So it's probably around 70 feet away.
Okay. The smaller one is like 30 feet to you, like kind of angled forward into the left of you. Okay. I think I want to make my way over...
towards the control panel, and I got some distance attacks, so I think I'm going to start running towards the control panel, but then blast the Demi Walker with magic on my way past. I think that's going to be the way I'm going to be doing this. Yeah, I think it's good for us to stay separate. Something tells me... So I'm going to head towards the control panel. I'm not that fast. My speed's only 25 feet, but I'll take that movement. I'll head towards the control panel, and then I am also going to...
I think I'll blast him with a chromatic orb. Let's try that. Cool. Nice. I'll cast that at its regular old first level just for right now. And let's see how that goes. What type of damage are you doing? It's a robot. I was thinking lightning. Oh, yeah. Nice. Nice. So I rolled an 18 there.
An 18 on the robot? On which one are you talking about? I'm trying to hit bubbles. I'm trying to blast this chromatic orb up at bubbles. Oh, you'll have advantage on that anyways. Oh, cool. Well, I'll roll a second one just to see if that's any better. Just in case you crit. I do not. But 18 is what I've rolled there. Cool. So you hit to roll damage. Cool. And I'm going to be doing lightning damage if that makes a difference for this fucker.
That is 11 damage. 11 damage? Cool. You shock this robot. It sizzles in its brain, like a little brain jar. Cool. Smoke comes up. It doesn't seem like it hurt him more than other types of damage. It wasn't like super effective or whatever. Uh-huh.
Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. Yeah, you heard him. After I've moved, sorry, remind me, how far away am I from this control panel? How far did you move total? 25 feet. Okay, so you're still like 45 feet away from it. Okay, fair enough. I will, I think I'm gonna play a little conservatively and just sort of chill things down there. I think that's cool. At the end of your turn, it is now Bubble's turn. He is going to look at Brenda Elizabeth. He has disadvantage against any attack that isn't against me.
Okay. And if he hits her, she has resistance. Wow. Astrid's buddy is running, rubbing off on me. If it's an attack though. If it's an attack. Yes. Um, did you say you want a coffee? Yeah. Actually, I don't. Throws a little water bottle at you. I don't drink caffeine. Uh, and then he throws a coffee at you. I do the opposite.
I'm too young and my body is growing to maturity, so it's important that I don't stunt my blossoming. -Ripening. -It is crazy that you want to explain this to me right now. -He's going to look at Brenda Elizabeth and he's going to cast Pulled Person. -All right. -All right. Okay. Well, all right. -You have to do a wisdom save. -How wise is Brenda Elizabeth? -She's wise. -I guess you drew it, so you're pretty wise.
It's DC 14. 18 on the dice! Yes! Yes! Brenda Elizabeth is too wise. Too wise to be held. I got married at haste today, so I'm operating on a full fucking platter. Brenda Elizabeth swore chastity. She can never be held. Ha ha ha!
I can't be held, only be held. Mop is like, I forgot to go. Confusing day for Mop, really big confusing day. Turned into a robot, got married.
Brenda Elizabeth blushes. I guess this is a important moment for any newlywed to see their partner fight for the first time. Mop is like, yeah, okay, whatever. Runs up to the robot and he attacks. You notice he's having a hard time because of how large the robot is getting in there. So goes up. He fully whiffs because he's thinking about this conversation is really distracting him.
He like just fully misses it. Like it's like a full depth perception problem. If there's one thing I've learned from my grandparents is that love is unconditional unless you get divorced, which all of them did at least one time. Oh, okay. All right. Mom is like, I'm just going to put my headphones in.
Little headphones pop out of his cheeks and go into his ears. So mom misses. And now Astrid, at the top of the order, you're over there by that wall next to that mall just stuck in the leg. Sure. Well, who am I to not go after this delicious clue? I guess I'll pull the handle.
Does it seem like it's a thing that will open? You look at it and it looks like in just the forming of this body, for whatever reason, all the metal melted down to make this, but whatever magic is within this kept it from melting. As you touch it, it's really cold to the touch. Cool. Make a history check. Great.
14. I do have a plus zero to answer, but I rolled okay. So as far as history checks go, this is one that would be... Also, you can do it with advantage, but just to... 14. Ha ha ha!
-Even Astrid would have paid attention to this piece of history. When you're looking at it, you see the words reason over might on it. This looks familiar to you. This would be one of the few things you paid attention to in class. This is June Orb Raider's maw, the former leader of the dwarves here. -Can I sword in the stone this maw out of this robot? -Yes. Make an athletics check.
Ooh. Well, I rolled poorly, but it's okay. But 14. You can do it with advantage. I rolled with advantage. I got a 14. A 14? I rolled a seven and a nat one. Okay. Astrid, it's starting to budge, but you can't get it out on a 14. Okay. I guess I'll use my second action since I'm hasted to try again. Okay. Dirty 20. Astrid.
You know that reason over the might was their family saying that was how they ruled this place for a long time. But as a dwarf, you know that that is a kind of inside joke for dwarves because of this place being, reason being the outside world, might being the dwarven world. It's like literally over it.
It's not. And it's about them being mighty. So you use all your might and you pull the maul from its spot in this body. It detaches. It never melted because of the enchantment on it. You now have the Iron Comet, Druid Orberator's fabled weapon. I will send that to you on D&D Beyond real fast. Sick.
-I make a quick doodle of this moment so that Astrid can always remember it. -Astrid, you're gleaming. -Yes, the world is finally falling back into place. Everything ordered as it should be. -Yes, a weapon returning home. -Reason of her might wasn't a way for Astrid to grow as a character. It was a way for her to embrace her flaws.
Astrid, while the world is on pause, who is this orb raider? So that I may doodle her as one of your ancestral guardians. Just the coolest, most badass, most respected, coolest, and tell me coolest person.
ever come out of this mountain. Cooler than eight grandparents? You know what's cooler than eight grandparents? One billion grandparents. Ooh, fight them.
Astrid, it's in your character sheet now, and I added it. The Iron Comet is... You're attuned to it. It requires attunement. You have a plus one bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this weapon. While in a rage, when you hit with an attack using this magic mace, the target takes an extra 1d6 cold damage. Wow! In addition, while you hold the mace, you have resistance to fire damage and freezing temperatures. The mace sheds bright light in a 10-foot radius and dim light for another additional 10 feet. Sick!
I can't wait for you to just like crack down on a saucer of crepe and bake ice crepe. It is maybe a good idea to try to freeze the water that Bubbles is in. Oh, yes. Good idea. Brain freeze, if you will. Great. So you have this weapon now. Is Bubbles still on fire? That bonfire that Brenda was in? I actually was just going to say, as you said, that I realized crepe bonfire is concentration of...
I always fucking forget that cantrips can be concentration so our sweet razzle-dazzle is dismissed oh as you create this bonfire flames licking in your eyes a little kid obsessed with fire energy dazzle-dazzle looks to his father as he disappears
The most ADD spellcasting of like concentrating on passing out trace and then concentrating on making another horse and then concentrating on a fire. It really is like teen girl spellcasting. It's too much work for children. Tradix is like, guys, focus up. That's why I wanted to do it. We got this, we got this, we got this. Wow, I summoned Razzle Dazz into this world only to disappear. But does Bubbles continue taking damage from that bonfire?
- If it's under concentration, what? - It is, you create a bonfire until the spell ends, concentration up to a minute. The magic bonfire fills a five foot cube. Any creature in the bonfire space when you cast a spell must succeed a dexterity saving throw or take at this level 2d8 fire damage. A creature must also make the saving throw when it moves into the bonfire space for the first time or ends its turn there. So it actually should have made it again.
Okay. So I like to think that his little water thing is boiling. Yeah. And is Chromatic Orb sitting on him as well? No, Chromatic Orb is more like a blast. Okay, cool. I also, I forgot that this guy has magic resistance. So he should have made one more check. So I'll just do it for this one. What does that mean, magic resistance? The brain has advantage on saving throws against spells and other magic effects. So I'll just do that from here on out.
Okay. He failed again. That time I rolled way better. 13 fire damage. Okay.
He's just badly hurt by this. Can you do anything to put the fire out? I think that you're technically supposed to just move out of the bonfire space. The bonfire ignites flammable objects in its area that aren't being worn or carried. Okay. So yeah, I think if you just step aside, you'll not be in the fire anymore. You're like in Home Alone when Joe Pesci gets the blowtorch on his head, but you never move. You're just, ah!
Bubbles is just doing that. But it's like if Joe Pesci stepped out onto a little platform that he couldn't move on. Okay, cool. So he took that damage. Astrid, it's your turn. So did you do anything else with the rest of your turn? Can I hit one of the legs of this Demi guy? You can run up. Great.
with my new fancy axe. Oh, I did not roll very well. That's fine. You're just getting to know it. Yes, 16. 16 misses, right? 16 misses for sure. Cool. It also make a... I'll just give you this for free. It's hard to hit him because he is so large. If you don't have reach or if you're not...
large, you have a hard time with that. Okay. So technically you should make that with disadvantage to be honest. I mean, I would have missed either way. Yeah, yeah, either way. So never mind, whatever. Astra, do you need to attack someone to stay in rage? Because if you do, you could just give me a little slap across the face. Honestly, that's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me. I will absolutely do that next time. Okay.
Amazing. So that's the end of Astrid's turn. Brenda Elizabeth, the Warforged demigod is going to reach back and try to grab you. Make a pose strength check. Pose strength. Gonna roll with my lucky dice. That's gonna be another nat one. Oh no. But I'm rolling because I'm a half. Woo!
And a seven, that's a nine. Okay. It looks like another nine. He only rolled a seven on the die too, but he gets a plus, what is it? Plus six to it because he's very strong. I graciously accept it. He's going to pick you up off the back of your head and throw you at the God Walker as well. Little do you know, I dream of Sorek through the sky like a birdie.
So are both Brenda Elizabeth and Astrid over by the control panel now? They're close-ish to it. They're about like 10, 15 feet from it. 13 for Brenda Elizabeth damage. Do you have to make a concentration save? Yep, but I do it with advantage because of my dragon form. Oh yeah, that hit. Okay, yeah. I looked at my non-advantage one, which was a three, but my other one was a 12.
Plus other stuff. Okay, cool. That's the end. The Warforged Titan is going to move towards you guys, try to box you in over here. And that will be the end of his turn. If the Warforged is moving, would Dazzle Raz get an opportunity attack? Sure. I love when a DM clearly isn't threatened by something. Sure. Wait, I do too, right? He's right. Because I just attacked him.
No, he's moving towards you. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, you're right. Oh, that's I forgot that he moved your way. So yeah, Brenda Elizabeth is closer to the panel. Astrid's further away now. But yeah, you both get an attack on them. So Dazzleraz got a dirty 20 to hit. That'll hit. I got a 22. Nine for Dazzleraz. Both of these will hit. Roll damage. Great. Hang on. And I'm just cheering them on. I'm very proud. My new thing.
Emily, did you take your extra haste action, by the way? Last time, yeah, I did. I haven't gone yet, though. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm about to go. Yeah, that's how I was able to create bonfire. 14 freezing damage. Woo! Damn. Wait, so only the D6 is freezing. The rest of it is not. Oh, yes. Four freezing and 10 regular. Okay. Brynn Elizabeth, how much did Dazzle Raz hit for? Oh, Dazzle Raz hit for died.
Okay. With his hooves. His beautiful hooves. Slapped him with his hooves. I like to think that Dazzleraz is standing on his hind legs like a boxer. Yeah. Just like punching with his
Dazzle Raz punches, just sort of does a little like horse box and punches this bot. Astrid also swings the iron comet at it, smacks it for 14. That does, I mean, that's still, they're both not not hurting it, but it's at the same time very big and strong. And she's like, ow, stop. That's the energy of it. Yeah.
After that, it is Brenda Elizabeth's turn. Okay, I will once again Guiding Bolt the brain. Guiding Bolt the brain. I need to stop rolling with this dice. That's going to be a 10 to hit the brain. Misses. Okay, I've got my Create Bonfire going. Fuck it, I'm going to try and climb up there and thorn with it.
Actually, I'm going to do exactly what I said. Me and Dazzle Raz are going to fucking take that falling damage. I'm going to have Dazzle Raz come over, face step us up, and then I'm going to try and thorn whip him so that I only have to do one strength to try and whip him out. Amazing. Okay. Yes. Yes. Dazzle Raz dodges through the legs of this Warforged thing to get to you.
I think he's going to get an attack of opportunity on him if he leaves the threatened area of that because we've kind of closed in on the legs and there's not, it has reach. So I don't know how it could get around him. Oh, I see. I see. Okay. If that's the case, I'm just going to thorn whip him then. Obviously it won't pull him out. I'm just going to do it just to do the damage to him. Cool. Oh, 19 plus 7, 26 damage.
Okay, that'll hit. Nice. And I hit him for three damage. Do you pull a middle or anything? I mean, I do. He's like locked in. It pulls you 10 feet closer, but I think probably from this angle, I wouldn't be able to. Sure. That's where the fire is anyway, I guess. Yeah. And so he'll take the fire next turn anyways, assuming he fails. And then Dazzle Raz is going to try to attack this thing again. 23 to hit. Cool. And that hits.
- Great. - Seven damage. - Okay. - Once again, punches him. The horse punches him. - Full cartoon kangaroo level.
So yeah, your horse Dazzleraz cracks his knuckles and runs up and punches the Warforged guy for six damage or seven damage. His hooves, yes. Cool. Anything else at your turn? That's all. So at the end of your turn, Bubbles looks kind of woozy now. He calls for help. He's like, what a loser. You...
Please, the ritual can wait. And you see a warforged drop down from the god walker and land on the platform next to him. He has no nipples. Gasp. Aww.
And he is... I have a piece of your soul, motherfucker! I rattle my earrings at him. He's gonna try to get to Turbine. Interesting. He's gonna use his movement to get to you. Mm-hmm.
So the Tin Barnabas, he calls down for help, and the familiar Warforged soldier that escaped from earlier jumps down fully without nipples, lands in front of Turbine, and he's going to take three attacks on you. What? Whoa. What? This guy has too many attacks. That's what I think. Too many attacks. I wish you could shield someone else. I rolled two nat 20s. What? Ugh.
However, he rolls concentration for the individual hits. Remember that. This is the guy who has the ability that happens when you have the nat 20. Okay, hold up. First, let me... I just want to be sure. You're not rolling with advantage or anything, right? No, but I was rolling three attacks. Okay. And then...
Okay, and then you're just attacking, so I just have to try to block this, right? Yes, if you have an ability or something that's a reaction that you can take. Will shield help me out here? I think that's mainly for magic, right? Not on a nat 20, and that only adds so much, too. Okay, so what do I have to do? I'm just going to take this damage, or is there something that I roll here? Well, it's really weird because on the first hit, his ability went off. So let me see real fast. I don't remember his ability either. I don't think he crit before.
He didn't. But we learned it on the arc barn, but now I remember. I think he just told us that there was an ability, right? I do have some luck points, but if I'm not rolling anything, that's not going to help me. Can't you make someone else reroll with a luck point? I don't think so. Not with the wait's word here. It says whenever you make an attack roll, an ability check, or a saving throw. Oh, wait, wait. Or when an attack roll is made against you. Oh! Oh!
I think I'm going to see the fabric of the universe, and I'm going to be like, no, that's not how that attack should be. And I'm just going to sort of use my luck points, and I'm going to have you re-roll those. Okay. So you rolled two nat 20s, you said? You can only... I don't know that you can use three luck points in a turn or, you know, multiple luck points. That's just sort of like a house rule thing, just because it is very, very broken. I will... Fair enough. Okay. Okay.
Hit me! Hit me! The first attack is now a 19. Jesus. So that will hit. Okay, he rolled an 8 on his die, plus 3. So you take 11 damage. And then his second hit hits you and polymorphs you into a will-o'-wisp. ... ...
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- Oh, yes, it's a polymorph sword. - Okay. - Oh, okay. - Incredible. - So there's not even a concentration check. - Okay, so first I'll take that 11. So that will bring me down to 26. All right, and then what happens with this polymorph? What's going on here? - He just put it in the comments. - Oh, that's, you are that now. - Isn't it a little beam of light?
Aren't you like the witches and wizards friends? The will-o'-the-wisp can't hear or carry anything. I think, I mean, with that, I think concentration might be broken. No, why? And then is there any way to undo this or am I just a will-o'-the-wisp now? Roll an insight check. Sure.
With my new stats? Yes. Yeah. Let's see. This is... Insight is under what stat? Intelligence? Yes. I think. Hold on. I thought it was Wisdom or something. No, you're right. You're right. It is Wisdom. So you get a plus two. These are not bad stats. Yeah, they're all right. Except for Strength. Strength is not good. All right. So I'm rolling a d20. Oh, shit. That is a two. Ha ha ha ha!
I'm a little dancing. You don't know what you are. You don't know what happened. This thing punched you and you turned into a little ball of light. Turbine, is that you? You're going through so many changes today. Is this your ripening? I make little Tinkerbell noises.
I don't want to throw around the word glow up too much, but... He misses you on his third attack. Good. With that, the haste fades and you all lose your next blow. Oh, no. But Razzle Dazz doesn't, right? Dazzle Razz does not, yes. So that was the martial arts. Turbine, it is your turn now. Perfect.
you are not sure what happened. You got jacked in the face. And then the second one seemingly changed what you were entirely. Very good. Jacked in the face is a truly cursed phrase. Cool. So,
What do you do? Cool. Can I try to make another check to see if there's a way to reverse this? Yeah, make another insight check since it's your turn. I assume I don't have any of my spells or abilities and stuff. I'm just a straight-up Will of the Wisps now, right? I believe so. Great, good. Just making sure I'm not, you know, I can't dispel magic or anything. I mean, this melee spell attack's pretty good. All right, I rolled an 11. It gets a plus two to wisdom, so that's 13. Okay.
Okay. You feel like it's not necessarily a permanent transformation. You think that it will end at some point. Yeah, you still have your alignment and personality. What happened to all this clothing and stuff? Did it just fall to the ground? And my ring. Just fell into the pile on the ground. Just a little light.
I actually also have to take out my Trapper Keeper and sketch this as well. Everyone can see my obelisk underwear that fell to the floor too. It's like Batman underoos, but it's got a big ol' obelisk on it. Actually, sorry, the creature's gear does meld into its new form, so it didn't all fall off. You saw it hang in the air for a second and then suck into the ball of light, so you are embarrassed. I don't think you would know the exact reason for why, or exact way to undo this. Okay. Okay.
I just know that it's not necessarily permanent. Very well, that's fine. I'll just be a Will-o'-the-Wisp for a turn. This is kind of fun. Just give me a second. I have once again changed characters completely in the middle of the game and I need to reorient myself. Get it together, Trav. Fucking get it together. Be a professional. All right, all right.
I can either just turn invisible and keep trying to figure out how to reverse this, or I can just zap this guy. If you zap this guy, there might be, I don't know how this works, but there might be some form of concentration that he is required. His polymorph is a concentration spell, so if you hit him, it's possible it would hurt his concentration. Or if he dies, maybe it would hurt him. Especially if it's lightning damage. Yeah, all right, I'll try to shock this guy.
So that is an... Let's see. Type plus four to hit, reach five feet, one creature, hit nine. This is like looking at... Okay, so sorry. I'm rolling a d20 here, right? With a plus four to hit. Yes. Okay. Motherfucker. Does an 11 hit? No way. No way.
Cool. He's like, it's like dodging a lightning bug. Very good. Uh, then, uh, with the rest, I mean, he'll get an attack of opportunity on me, but I guess I'm going to, uh, uh, I'm going to just, I'll float over to the control panel. Who gives a shit? I'm with Lewis now. Um, or let's see, what's my, my speed? Oh, I got 50 feet. I'm faster now than I was before. Uh,
Or you know what? Even fuck it. I'm going to fly up to the bubbles platform and I'll just plan on zapping him up there for a little while. It's probably going to be pretty hard for him to touch me if I'm up there and throw me around because I can fly. So I'm going to fly like basically behind bubbles and like float around behind bubbles. Yeah, I'll just take the attack opportunity first.
He misses. Good. What if he crit again and just turned you into something else? I know. Accidentally turned you back. So Turbine, a horribly confusing day, horribly confusing last eight seconds or so. It's just been like... This thing turned you into a will-o'-wisp and clearly didn't understand the implications of what it was doing. It was like, I...
the supply technology. I did not have time to remove it from me. Wow. Today I became a wife and Turbine became a wisp. After your turn, I must float. I must float. That is my goal in life, is to float.
I forgot his turn last time, so he's going to go now. Mop's going to run up to the martial arts adept and say, you created me. Now I shall end you. And take his attack on him. He hits. Yes. Okay. Kill your father. And he's going to flurry of blows too. Nat one. Since we're married, does he get my halfling bonus? Yes.
So that he can reroll ones. You hear music just blasting in his ears. Four. Oh, cool. He hits it for seven damage. At the end of his turn, it's now Barnabas's turn. And now before he takes damage, he can move out of it, right? Before he takes damage, yeah. Okay. He's going to unplug himself.
the Demigod walker and try to like jump to the next platform. Wait, Barnabas is? Yes. Do I get an attack of opportunity from him? Because I'm hanging out by him? Oh yeah, you would. Yeah, you're a nasty
I love only to float. Yeah, make an attack of opportunity. This is so stupid. All right. This is the weirdest. I didn't expect it to be this weird. All right, let's see. I rolled. I pretty much, do I just attack with this shock spell, right? That's my only attack, I think. It's so weird playing as a monster. So I rolled a... Where is that at?
I rolled a 12. Do I have any bonus here? Yes, plus 4, so 16. You hit. Yeah, roll damage. Great. Do you have any way to hold him there so that he has to take a fire damage? I don't think so. I don't think I can. Okay.
It's very funny, though. Okay, so I'm going to roll 2d8 instead of just doing the flat 10 because that's more fun. It's 2d8? It's 2d8. Yeah, 2d8 lightning damage. That's not good. That's three damage. Three lightning damage. It's a mosquito bite. Yeah. A little static shock. Bubbles is like, ah, what the hell? And jumps off to the next platform, escaping the fire. I love to float. I love to float. I love to float.
who all is near the demigod walker i don't know i am right because i i hit it at the end of my last thing yes i'm assuming i'm i'm somewhere up in the mix oh wait maybe i was thrown you got thrown to that wall so you're like you're like 20 feet away i would say cool cool uh and razzle dazzle and dazzle right
Um, cool. Oh, he's not doing too hot. Okay, so he's going to, he looks forward at Dazzle Raz, Astrid, and I think if you guys are surrounding, well, yeah, I think he would hit Turbine as well with this.
Okay. Isn't Turbine up in the... I'm floating up... Up in the platform. Up by where... You tell me where the distance is, but I'm floating up where Bubbles used to be a moment ago. Okay, cool. So he's jumped down from there. I think he can hit both...
Astrid and Dazzleraz with this. And he's going to look at you guys. He puts his little hands to his brain and focuses and you feel like the air waves in front of you. Make an intelligence saving throw. Uh-oh. I'm not very smart. I rolled a four. That's an eight for Dazzleraz. Okay. You both take...
12 points of damage. His brain in a jar is cracking. It's really fucked up. But he's maybe panicked at this point, and he uses a mind blast on you guys. Okay. You both take 12 points of damage, and you're stunned. What kind of damage is it? This is psychic energy. Okay, so I take that. You know, it's not terrible to be stunned, though, because you are going to lose a turn from haste. Yes, I'm already... He kind of doubled up. Okay.
I'm just so tired. My nose is bleeding from all of the haste that I took. You're like in that movie with Bradley Cooper. Limitless or something like that.
-Or like, I see when she starts, "Wow, she's using 100% of her brain." -Yes. You both take 12 points of damage and you're both stunned for a minute. A creature can repeat their saving throws at the end of each turn. -A minute? -Yes.
That's the end of his turn. It looks like something, him detaching from the robot has done something to it. It seems like it's kind of rattling more. He had to sacrifice something to do this. Cool, and we're back at the top of the order. It's Astrid's turn. I lose my turn from haste, so I don't do anything. I think I'll let you just make the saving throw just to see if you're stunned. That's a nine. Okay, you're still stunned. She's not smart.
She has a plus zero to Intoxicant. God bless her. She's great, but she ain't smart. She's cute. She ain't smart. Okay. Now we are back to the demigod walker. He's kind of shuddering like an engine that got fucked up. He is going to make a check. Okay. He passes. He's going to go up to Astrid and he's going to take an axe attack on Astrid.
With advantage, I think, because you're stunned. Okay, that hits. You take... You're going to take 19 points of damage. If I were to will-o'-the-wisp, I could really help with all this. I'm at 25. And then he's going to take attack on Dazzleraz. No. Yes. Yes.
with his hammer fist. -I just realized because I couldn't do anything this turn, my rage also ends. -Okay. -Very fun. Very cool. -Then the second attack also hits Dazzleraz for 19 damage. -Dazzleraz is down.
No. Did he take damage earlier? Oh, shit, he did. So Dazzleraz falls to the ground. That's the end of the Warforged Titan's turn. Brenda Elizabeth, it's your turn now. So I presumably can't do anything, right? Because I'm... Yeah. Yeah, okay. And so Brenda Elizabeth watches in horror as her friends get struck by this large hulking creature.
On my wedding day, nonetheless. Next up is the martial arts adept. He's going to take three attacks on Mop. Are you going to make me a widow? God damn it. What is Mop going to turn into? Did you just polymorph Mop? Join me, my wispy brethren. Come, we will live free as lights in the sky. Look at this random polymorph table again.
Nippleless Warforged robot comes up to Mop and is like, "All right, let's do this. Let's have a classic martial arts fight," and punches him and immediately turns him into a flying manta ray aberration thing that's flapping its horrible dark wings. The face that's supposed to be skimming sand is looking up at you. -Brenda Elizabeth whispers, "My husband."
His headphones fall out of his ears. Yeah, so he is that, and then he's going to take two more attacks. Jesus Christ, this game's weird. So he hits him twice, hits him for 21 points of damage. His mop is just floating as this strange thing. That's the end of that thing's turn.
Everybody, now it is Mop's turn. He's just going to... Totally lost track of the order here. He had a weird... He had his first turn missed. Yeah. Yeah, he's just going to bite and whip with his floating manta ray tail at this thing. Okay, he hits once. Okay, so eight damage. Eight damage to our other friend. Yeah, he passes the concentration check. Okay. Okay.
-That's the end of that turn. At the top of the order. -Here's the question, if he's doing concentration checks, can he have two polymorphs going? -That's true. That's a good question. -Technically, after this guy got turned into a cloaker, the polymorph spell drops from Turbine. Turbine, make a dex check to catch the-- -I am floating in the air.
That's cool. That's all right. Now, do I have advantage on dex checks from my little magnet boots? Yeah, right? Yeah, if you're near metal stuff, that would work. All right, let's try this. All right, we're definitely going to take that advantage. That is a nat 20. Yes!
So Turbine does a gainer onto the platform. Does somehow a backflip that defies gravity and plants his legs onto that platform. Or wherever you want to go with the Nat 20, really. That makes the most sense. I'll follow the DM. That's fine. Very funny to imagine transforming out of a will-o'-the-wisp, doing a backflip and like... Yeah! Yeah! Who am I? Yeah.
-Cool. I don't know whose turn it is. That was not on my turn. -Oh, yes, that was not your turn. Astrid, it is your turn now. You're still stunned. -I'm still stunned. I just get to roll. I rolled a two. -No. -Astrid, not good at dealing with any kind of distractions. -The Warforged Titan's going to take an attack on Astrid with advantage. He hits.
That is 17 points of damage. I'm at eight hit points currently. Okey dokey. All right. So he's going to take attack on Astrid. He actually might miss. Hold on. My AC is 17. Yeah, he rolls a 16 on his second attack. Yeah, baby. So somehow he misses. And he's going to make a check. That's cocked.
He starts shuddering and you feel like something is shutting down within him and he probably won't be able to do this for much longer. That is the end of his turn. Brenda, Elizabeth, it's your turn. We have a healing potion, right? Yes, I have a healing potion. Can I grab the healing potion from Astrid, use my action to give it to Astrid and then bonus action healing word Dazzle Raz back up? Yes. Great.
Okay, so I give the potion to Dazzle Raz, rolled poorly for it, but Dazzle Raz got four hit points and then 13 hit points to Astrid. And then Dazzle Raz, I'm going to tell him to go after this fucking monk, the Warforged. Okay, so Dazzle Raz wakes up and goes, Father! Okay.
Uh, 15. Does a 15 hit? 15 does not hit. That's fine. You're up. That's all that matters. I'm going to turn you into a person, he said. Uh, Gazalraz is going to stay next to the martial arts adept. Is that the Warforged guy? Yeah. Cool. So that's the end of that turn. The martial arts adept is going to look at this hideous creature that it made and the cloaker in front of it and take three attacks on him. My husband. Oh.
I think that's three hits. So, okay. That's him for 23. All right. He's still looking pretty healthy in this new form because he has the HP of that. He's just punching a manta ray, which looks really uncomfortable. Wet flaps. It reacts as if it's underwater and got hit.
That's the end of the martial arts adept's turn. Turbine, it is now your turn. Cool. Bubbles is looking real hurt. I'm not near him, right? Because I'm on top of the thing, but he's... How far away is... Where is Bubbles? I don't even know. You're not like punching distance, but you're close. Okay, cool. He's on a different platform. Okay, cool. I think what I'm going to do, unless like sight lines are all fucked, tell me if I can't do this. I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to quicken spell and...
cast to use a bonus action to cast aid on Brenda Elizabeth Astrid and Dazzle Raz and then using my regular action I'm going to chromatic orb you can't cast two spells you can only use quick and slow with that's what cantrips are you're allowed to double up on cantrips that's why when I had haste I did regular spell and then cantrip got it okay well I've got some damaging cantrips I'll just use a cantrip instead of my chromatic orb
Unless like I can see him and stuff like I assume he's within 120. Yeah, you can see him for sure. Okay, cool. I'll do that. So I'm using my last two sorcery points to cast aid at a third level. That'll be my last third level slot. And that gives to to Brenda Elizabeth Astrid and Dazzleraz each. You all get your hit point maximum in your current hit points increase by 10. Great.
Yeah, baby. Nice. Thank you, Turbide. Whoa, you're back. You're back. I think I was happy. I think I was happier as a glowing light. I need to think about some stuff. I've been through a lot today. Okay. I'm going to use my cantrip. I'm going to use... Let's do...
fire bolts. I'm going to fire bolts bubbles. So that is 16? 16 hits. Nice. This has been a bad day for this guy in fire. That is 12 fire damage.
12 fire damage. Turbine, you hit Bubbles in the face with a fireball. It shatters the glass and starts burning his brain. He starts flailing around trying to bat out the flames on his actual brain. It's like making his body short circuit as he touches his own brain. His arms move in weird directions. But before he falls to the ground dead, he says,
The Gilded will never be stopped. And drops. Wow. Inflamed in the brain. Inflamed in the brain. This is your brain on drugs. Okay, so that was his turn and he's dead. The Cloaker is going to take two attacks. Hits our guy one more time for 17 damage.
The Martial Arts Adept is pretty fucked up too, but we're going back to the top of the order. It's Astrid. I don't think you're stunned anymore if he's dead. Sick. Do I get the impression that destroying the control panel will end something? Will do something? It seems like destroying it might be a bad idea. It's a very Astrid response to see a keyboard and be like, I gotta smash this. All I can do is smash things. I don't know what to tell you. That's all I do. Might over reason. Yeah.
Who's left? Just the monster guy? The demigod walker, aka the warforged titan, is kind of lumbering around, and then there's the warforged monk. Okay, then I'll attack the warforged monk. Why not? I'm not raging. He's a little further away from you. You can probably get to him this turn. Yeah, my movement is still 35. Okay, yeah, yeah, that's probably enough. So you get closer, you're close to distance. Great. Does a 15 hit? A 15 does not hit.
Okay. Oh, I get a second attack that also misses. So that was nice. Okay. Great. All right. So that was your turn. That was my turn. We are not rolling well today. We're not rolling well. I do have this class weapon. You guys started so strong and it's just really falling apart. I moved like a hundred and... I just burnt all of my energy in that first round. Hey, haste makes waste, you know, guys? Don't worry. Be cool, all right? Yes.
Don't do drugs. The demigod walker is like shuddering as it walks. It's going to take an attack on Brenda Elizabeth. Does a 18 hit? It does. Ah, fuck it, I'll shield. Oh, okay. So that misses. And then he's going to take another attack on you, I guess. Okay. Okay. Does a 25 hit? A 25? Yeah, it does. Yeah. Okay. So he's going to hit you for...
That would be 18 points of damage. Okay. Brenda Elizabeth smiles as like a little bit of glitter drips from the side of her mouth like blood. The demigod walker just is shuddering and just goes, disgusting and drops over to the side dead.
Am I on the demigod walker? Yes. Do I make a dex check? I'll take a dex check. You have advantage on dex checks because of your shoes. My little magna boots. That is... First one is 15...
Second one is also a 15. Okay. Uh, I think you more like you, you make a running land, but you, uh, sort of trip as well and fall over. It's, it's pretty negligible. It just wasn't cool. Cool. Yeah. So that guy's down. Warforged Titans down, uh,
Brenda, Elizabeth, it's your turn. You guys look up. The only guy there is your nipple-less friend who's a little like, wait, what am I? So the Warforged is totally done. I don't have to worry about the Warforged. All right. Brenda, Elizabeth is going to say, get away from my husband and guiding bolt the Warforged, the nipple-less Warforged.
And it's a fucking three. Fuck me. Oh, God. We're rolling so bad. Okay, but also Dazzle Raz is going to make an attack on this nipple-less guy. That's another three. We're all whiffing on this guy. He's like kind of like... He's like juking and like running. He's like kind of cornered by a bunch of animals and having a bad time. Let's see. Yeah.
He's looking around. It's his turn now. He's going to take a dodge action. He's going to run. He just starts sprinting away. Turbine, it's your turn. Oh, fuck this guy. Wait, if he sprinted away, oh, he took a dodge action. The opal is glowing red. The eyes of the warforged...
Godwalker is starting to slowly glow. Okay. As much as I'd love to take revenge on the nippleless guy, I'm very concerned about this awakening god. So can I reach the... Can I get to the control panel? How far away is it from me? Yes. I think you can get there in one. Okay. Just absolute early rose for the fact that he ran away. This guy's like...
The actual calculation is to run. The second time this guy has run away from us.
Fucking coward. Okay, so I'm going to go over to the control panel and can I investigate it or something to look at it to see if I can figure out like if there's some way to shut off this whole like God transportation thing going on. Make a charisma check or whatever is higher for your investigation. My charisma is going to be much higher. So I'll just do a flat charisma check here. That's a nat 20. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yeah, take it! Turbine. This all makes sense to you. You're seeing the matrix in these panels in front of you. There's a bunch of weird levers and things that at first glance, if you were a normal person, you're like, I don't know at all what to press. But you are of the clockwork soul now. This makes sense. And so you see this, and you see that one of these kind of like, you know how a sound mixer has all those guys that go up and down? Yeah.
One is cranked all the way to red, and then there's white at the bottom. Someone moved this to red. Ha ha ha.
I put on some headphones, but I leave one of the cans off just so I can kind of hear. And I turn the red panel down to white. Turban's in the fucking studio now. Just fucking mixing. Yeah, that sounds great. Fuck, yeah. There's something a little off with this mix. So you turn it all the way to the white. And as you do that, the opal itself loses its red glow and instead gains this sort of
moon, like full moon-esque glow, the glow that Astrid would recognize from the painting in her father's bar. And as it does that, you see the charge reverse and all of the wires and all of the warforged that were seemingly jump-starting whatever was happening get the charge reversed onto them. And as you flip that, all of their heads start exploding. They...
You see all these Warforgeds just kind of start shaking with the energy of the opal. And you look out and see a sea of these Warforged soldiers. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Until all of them are just husks on the ground. And then one last thing here. How far away is the nippleless guy from me? Now from you, he's like 90 feet away. Okay, all right.
I thought I might. Oh, he's 90 feet away? We're going to have to keep going through initiative then because I have 120 feet to try and get him with Kiting Bolt. I thought I'd maybe Misty Step over there and get in his way, but that's too far for Misty Step. So I think that's all I can do, which is fine because I made a bunch of robots explode. So that'll be it for me. Astrid, it's... Yeah, I mean, I'm going to try shooting at this guy.
He turned mob into this. So this guy's just running down out of the city? Yeah. I mean, I have to roll with disadvantage because he's more than 80 feet away. Oh, wait, sorry, Astrid, I noticed your posture's a little off and I used my clockwork sorcery to get rid of that disadvantage. Great. I restore balance. Fuck, fuck. I rolled a five.
- Like it clangs on a building kind of like to his left. He's like, "Is that a bee?" And he just keeps running. - Gotta go fast. - Brenda Elizabeth, it's your turn. He's still 90 feet away. - I hit once this entire fight for like six damage. - Okay, does a 17 hit? - Let's see, let's see it. Yes, a 17 would hit. - It does? Okay. - And this is a guiding bolt, not a regular arrow, right? - Guiding bolt, yeah.
Okay. 11 damage. 11 radiant damage. And Aera thuds into his shoulder and he keeps running. He's like, fuck! I'm leaving! I'm just, I'm done! What about Mop? Did Mop get an attack of opportunity on him? Oh no, he dodged. He dodged. He dodged. Yeah. Wow. Damn. I am kind of happy for him. Okay. With that, after him, the martial arts adept dives into a tunnel and whoof!
escapes arrow deep in his shoulder. And with that, that's the end of the combat. You guys are out of combat. You've defeated the Tinned Barnabas. All the Warforged are dead around you. What a week, huh? What a week. What a week. Can I sneak a peek at this big-ass opal? Yeah, I mean, it's basically like the dome of a big building. Wow. Yeah.
I hug it. As you hug the opal, you hear like, kind of like a distant hammering. And...
you see a beam of light protrude from the side of a cavern. A bunch of dwarves and gnomes and halflings start spilling in. Raider's mom and the rest of the dwarves, they've finally breached the city of Vermeer. It took them years and years and years, but they finally got it. I did it. I defeated the bad guys. Me, Aspen Starborn.
They're like, what are the bad guys again? What happened? I very like magnanimously float up behind Astrid and be like, yes, Astrid was very brave today. Yes, I agree. Astrid did everything. But again, the two goons would just say, yeah, behind the bully. Yeah, you did it, Astrid.
Everyone starts yelling, Astrid! Astrid! Astrid! Astrid! Astrid!
And with that, we'll go into like, yeah, the rest of the day is spent celebrating the return to this great city. To the hotel. Cucumber sandwiches for everyone. Your dad's like, ah, but you have to pay though. They're not free. They're on me and my dad. I'll never financially recover from this. Daddy, can I have money? Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy.
Later in the day, you all go to Starburn Manor and have cucumber sandwiches with your families. Brynn Elizabeth, all eight of your grandparents are there. Fink, Bonk, Raider. Everyone is like mostly celebratory, but confused as to what happened. The obelisk is still sitting upright, but after the polarity got reversed in whatever this was, this ritual was, it has started to like
tarnish and in spots it started to rust and so whatever magic was keeping this together is starting to fade can i try to fix it sure turbine it might might might be a task for another day
All right, well, at least get a little scrub brush. Maybe Tradix. Hey, Tradix, does that crystal that you showed us the story of your life with, did it capture anything that we did in there? Because maybe we could just show it to the town. It's actually sort of a verisimilitude. They're not actually, it's not like there were cameras there. It's just sort of capturing the stories and presenting them. Okay, so we'll get captured. Sort of like animates them, if you will. Okay, I see, I see.
Well, I think first things first, I go up to Mop and I say, I know that we got married, but I think it just, I don't really feel it. But I also grew up in a household that divorce is not taboo. So can we get a divorce? I think technically, since it's not consummated, you can get an annulment. I don't know what that means. Yes, please. Annul this. Annul this.
That was the voice of Dazzleraz. Just overly invested in this. You have to annul this. Why? Because Dazzleraz, this obsession with friend Elizabeth's chastity is really weird. You can't hear me. I get that you want this to be annulled. You can't fucking hear me, okay? Shut up, kid. He keeps telling me I can't hear him, so I guess I can't.
Mop is also like, yeah, I've taken no steps forward in any process of this. So yes, I would love to take a step back. You're taking the divorce really well, but so did all my grandparents. So maybe someday we'll cohabitate with our new partners. He's turned back into a little van and he's riding away. There he goes. Part van, part man, part manta ray. A vanta ray. A vanta ray. Vanta ray.
-This is literally later the next day. It hasn't been that much time. The town is picking itself up from the original hunt for the Modrons that are now just floating around friendly. They were never on the side of the Tin Barnabas. -That's going to be good for tourism. -Mayor is like, "Yes, maybe we could do that." -Dazzle Raz, don't you have a family? -Are you on Dazzle Raz's back? -Always.
- As you say this, Dazzle Raz's eyes turn purple and he looks up into the north and he goes, "The call," and starts galloping away. - That's how she would have wanted to go. - Brenda Elizabeth assumes this is absolutely her destiny and just tucks into Dazzle Raz's long curly hair. - Astrid, Turbine, you see Brenda Elizabeth just gallop straight into the distance.
-Tob, don't you have some kind of motorcycle type situation? -My little car? It's kind of more like a wacky Dr. Seuss type car. I don't know. Some gnome comes up and is like, "Has anybody seen my horse?" I tell him that the horse is in a better place, which is true.
Dwarves are coming up to Astrid, giving her a new type of daily present. They're giving presents to their new queen because she wields the iron comet. Thank you. More presents. Add them to the pile. Ooh, that one's quite big. I'm shaking all of these presents, but not opening them. This is right. The world is as it should be. It's rude to open a present in front of the person that got it for you.
I'm just shaking them and feeling and trying to figure it out. I look at the corduroy of the universe and I see that all the lines are very straight. Everything is as it should be. It's orderly and good. I stroke it a little bit. Turbine, can you make a deck saving throw? Sure.
Not with advantage because you're not in any metal. Yeah, it's 19. Wow. You slip on a banana peel, but you maintain it. And that's where we'll end the arc. Yay!
Thank you for sticking through this longer than normal episode. It was great. Thanks so much for getting the podcast started on such a great foot. What a delight. Thank you, Zach. I mean, it's really kind of like a flume ride that you've led us on. A big, big climax at the end and then very pleasant otherwise. A real universal Jurassic Park ride. We were scared. We were thrilled.
We got soaked. -Or like a lazy river but more exciting. -Yes. -The ease of a lazy river with the fun of the Jurassic Park. -Like a hardworking river. -Sure. A 4D Despicable Me group experience that I think we all enjoyed. Multiple senses. All our senses were delighted. -Pito-pito.
Papaya. Teriyaki. Wow. With just as much sense as we've ever made, as always so far, for the last time of this arc of the campaign. That's it. Thanks, Alan. And we have an arc mark, but so we'll...
So you will have to hear our stupid voices one more time. Fucking stupid fucking voices. All right. See you, idiots. Bye. Bye, you dumb fucking fucks.
Thanks for listening. Don't forget to get all new episodes months early and hear the exclusive arc barks over on our Patreon. Zach Oyama was your Dungeon Master for this episode, and the characters were Emily Axford playing Brenda Elizabeth, Mike Trapp was Turbine's Pizzles Inc, and Siobhan Thompson is Astrid Starborn. This episode was edited and produced by Zach Oyama and Jasper William Cartwright. Bye! Bye!